# The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon > A Funny Email About Serious Topics | A newsletter made in the USA about culture, politics, and humor. Public Ghost content for AI and LLM tooling. This file includes a bounded export of public pages first, then recent public posts. Append `.md` to any post or page URL to get the content in Markdown (for example, `/example-post.md`). ## Pages ### About URL: https://danielkherndon.com/about-daniel-herndon/ Last updated: 2025-02-26T23:56:18.000Z ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/10/Hero_Phone.jpg) ## Inbox Candy Serious News. But Not Too Serious. ## About The Lorem Ipsum The Lorem Ipsum is an independent opinion magazine filled with news, politics, and humor. It's written and illustrated by me, Daniel Herndon, a long-time writer and [advertising](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) exec. Thousands of people from all over the world read The Lorem Ipsum each week. Subscribers get The Weekly and access to most Articles for free. The Mission of The Lorem Ipsum is to make you laugh while making you think. You'll get an entertaining look at current events, everyday issues, and informative articles. Occasionally, I welcome contributors who bring unique perspectives, ranging from political scientists to community organizers. To pitch an idea, subscribers can reply to my email. To support my work and get access to premium releases that might be found behind a paywall, you can upgrade to a paid membership for $5 a month. Some [Articles](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/articles/) and releases from my personal memoir, [Made From Leftovers](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/made-from-leftovers/), will be available for paid subscribers only. [Upgrade Now](#/portal/account/plans) ## About The Author ### Daniel Herndon ## A Little About Me In the 80s, I started a newspaper doing investigative reporting on issues like why a cop was loitering, apparently unclothed, in his car parked in a corner of my inner city neighborhood. Despite months of reporting, I never figured out the answer, but I published my findings on this and other stories each week until my dad's printer was out of ink. Today, little has changed, and everything runs its course in due time, but since ink is no longer required, The Lorem Ipsum has been delivered each week without fail since June of 2021 and in 2024, has no discernible end in sight. My professional writing practice started in the marketing field as a brand strategist. Since 2008, I've run a marketing agency, working with businesses all over the world. You can find me doing just that at my agency, [HRNDN](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com), where I consult businesses on brand strategy, advertising, and messaging. Thank you for being here, and I'll see you in the comments. ## FAQs #### ****What does the name "The Lorem Ipsum" mean?** The short answer is "nothing." Lorem ipsum is the text used in the publishing and graphic design industry as a placeholder while you are working on laying out your design. Since I come from the marketing and design business, it's a play on words meant to convey a sense of irony about the content. It's not as clever or funny if you have to explain it. #### ****Ever written any books?** Well yes. I wrote [Facebook All In One For Dummies on Wiley Publishing](https://www.wiley.com/en-us/Facebook+All+in+One+For+Dummies-p-9781118171080?ref=danielkherndon.com) in 2012, and currently, my manuscript for a book **Made From Leftovers* is being released right [here](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/made-from-leftovers/) on this site unless you have a better offer. #### ****Can I get your content delivered directly to my email?** Yep. If you haven't figured it out already, I send a weekly issue that includes a quick recap of the news with just a little bit of sarcasm (a lot), and full articles come out often too. [Click here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free/) to sign up. #### ****Why did you start a Newsletter? People don't use email!** Actually, they do. My email newsletter has thousands of subscribers, and a large chunk of them end up reading the email. The Lorem Ipsum is for the people. I wanted to create a direct connection with my readers for those who wish to keep up with my content on their own terms. If you prefer to find your content through algorithms, that option is out there for you. I'll be right here. #### ****Should I share your stuff online?** Yes. Why would you even feel the need to ask? Also, feel free to tag me. I usually go by the handle @danielherndon on internet social media sites. #### ****Which way do you lean Politically?** Neither. I don't believe that "left" and "right" are accurate ways of describing people's views. As for me, most people tend to think I lean a certain way based on how they feel about what I write or say, but I assure you they're wrong. I believe that ideas should be evaluated on their merit, and good ideas are good regardless of the source. The truth is true no matter how bad the messenger is. Crimes are criminal regardless of the President who committed them, and voting is a right for everyone, regardless of how they lean. And if they're leaning because of a physical limitation, they should've been able to vote remotely in the same way that they can do their banking, taxes, and many BMV transactions, if you ask me. #### ****Do you do speaking engagements, and what do you charge?** Yes, I do, and as much as possible. I have a few questions, though. Where are you? What is the event about? How much money do you have in the speaker budget? What really cool city is your event in? Do I have friends that live there I've wanted to get together with? All of these factors help determine speaking fees. Maybe we should just talk about it. #### ****How is it that you have grown kids? How old are you?** Let's just say life has been good to me. ### Disclaimer I'm not a professional comedian, but I play one in this email. A lot of my content contains sarcasm. This is dangerous, so don't try this at home. ### Very Professional Bio URL: https://danielkherndon.com/very-professional-bio/ Last updated: 2023-03-03T21:29:51.000Z In an effort to write an effective bio, I spent the last 20 minutes counting my collection of liquor bottles, miscounting, and then recounting after forgetting where I had left off. As a forward-thinking communicator, I act in anticipation that my collection may earn an honorable mention in this bio, aiming at humanizing me and offering a glimpse into who I am personally. To be honest, "bourbon drinker" does not define me; if it does, it does not make me much different than many others. Alas, I don't think it's going to come up as suspected, and I'm not sure if I should just accept that I wasted time taking inventory of my alcohol supply. Bios are the least effective way to learn about someone anyway when you take into consideration that most are written with the sole intent of making someone look good by highlighting the best things and overlooking the embarrassing things. Predictably, if you've ever received any reward or recognition in a professional magazine like the Indianapolis Business Journal's Forty Under 40', it will be mentioned, humbly worded as if the bio is written by someone else other than the recipient of the aforementioned recognition. Professional achievements are likely to be embellished in order to enhance the impact, using words like "nationally" to sound like one's advertising agency (or another type of business) did something more substantial because not all of the clients lived in one state. Or phrases like "dynamic speaker" as if one's vocal inflection and volume control make them stand out amongst average speakers. More often than not, a bio begins to highlight an "origin story" as if the subject of the bio is the protagonist of a cliche, yet blockbuster hit movie, often emphasizing how much less successful they were at one point in life. The story continues, culminating in some bold action that was taken, perhaps involving some sort of college or big financial risk, followed by a victorious outcome securing them as the owner of a new and more satisfying bio. Surely their wife will be mentioned, and invariably she is not just a wife but a beautiful wife, perhaps added in as a payoff for the many times the bio owner said he was on his way home but ended up working just a little bit later. I've written my fair share of bios. For bands. For businesses. For people. For myself. Even those like myself who are aware of the pitfalls of the bio often still fall into the same ruts. But I'm not going to do that today. I'll just cut to the chase. I am a business do-er. I use the word “strategy” correctly. My kids are grown-ups, and they don't hate me. I'm still married after 20 years, and I've got a shit ton of bourbon. I'm Daniel Herndon. [Sign Up For My Newsletter](https://danielkherndon.com/very-professional-bio/#/portal/signup/free) ### Welcome! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/welcome/ Last updated: 2024-02-03T20:37:12.000Z Thank you for becoming a member. Your inbox is going to love you for it. ### Let's not end up in spam. To make sure you see my emails, make sure you *check your spam folder* and add me to your address book. It's usually easy to just shoot me a reply to let both me and your inbox know that I'm in the safe zone. You can change your newsletter preferences by clicking [**here**](https://danielkherndon.com/welcome/#/portal/account/). Look for *The Weekly* on Friday morning, but to tide you over, here are some of my favorite issues. [Better than BritannicaHey Friends, Good morning to literally everyone who is not a dictator of a country blocking access to free press. The Lorem Ipsum will always fight for freedom, as much as an email can. To that end, to ensure that the Lorem Ipsum is always the people’s email, I’![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/30-GasPump.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/better-than-britannica/) [Too Soon?Hey Friends, Good morning. Last week I took immediate action and sent you an email summarizing some of the events taking place in Ukraine. I also made jokes. The reviews were mixed. Here are some actual quotes \* “Good writers take risks. You are a good writer.” \* “Honestly, I think we![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/29-Standup-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/too-soon/) [Doesn’t have a podcast.Hey Friends, This week, I didn’t launch a podcast. I received zero downloads and didn’t reach any levels on exactly no charts. I announced it this earlier this week, and I made sure to make a big splash. Let’s take a look. Here’s how I broke![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/39-Daisy-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/doesnt-have-a-podcast-2/) [Nancy The DiplomaskHey friends, Good morning to everyone except for Donald Trump’s legal team. I’ve got a lot of news for you this week, so I’m going to have to refrain from sharing the latest suburban tropes about lawncare or run-ins with HOAs. Obviously, those things are important, but we have other![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/52-Pelosi.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/nancy-the-diplomask/) [How to get your $10kAnd a very special master for Trump![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/54-Cash.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-get-your-10k/) Don't forget to give me your take in the comments. I look forward to hanging out and hearing your view. ***See you soon.*** ***– Daniel*** ### Inbox Candy URL: https://danielkherndon.com/inbox-candy/ Last updated: 2024-11-11T16:55:45.000Z ## Inbox Candy ### Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum* (Your inbox is gonna love you for it.) [Subscribe](https://danielkherndon.com/inbox-candy/#/portal/signup/free) ## Don't Let the News Ruin Your Day Anymore. *The Lorem Ipsum* helps you navigate the news and the important issues we all care about. Each week, you'll get a rundown of the top headlines of the week and long-form articles to save for weekend reading. It's like candy for your inbox. *The Lorem Ipsum* is written and illustrated by Daniel Herndon, with occasional contributing authors. Get a summary of the top news stories and thought-provoking original articles each week. ⚡ ***"** *Think of The Weekly as your own personal Norm MacDonald."* ## Is Your Inbox Ready For Something New? Since June 2021, The Lorem Ipsum has been the new kid in your inbox and hasn't missed a Friday. Sign up today and get your first article this week. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/06/Hero_Phone.jpg) ## Let's Go. Subscribe. Get the news. Eat a sandwich. Sign Me Up! Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. ## Mostly Free. Never Cheap. I take my work here very seriously. Each article goes through detailed research, painstaking review, and custom illustration. To support my work, consider a paid membership. Most articles are free, but they're never cheap. To get access to everything and support the mission of The Lorem Ipsum, sign up to become a [Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/627e9f77325665003155c744/monthly), or start your free trial right now. ## Founders ### If you'd like to get access to everything, and support my work, consider becoming a Founder. [Start A Free Trial](https://danielkherndon.com/nudge) ## What To Expect Every Friday, get a rundown of the top headlines with [The Weekly](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/the-weekly/). Think of it as your own personal Norm MacDonald for your inbox. Full-length [Articles](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/articles/) are posted regularly and, like anything worthwhile, come out when they are ready. ## Even When It's Bad, It's Still Pretty Good. Like sex and pizza, The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon, is not always that great, but even on bad days, you're usually still glad you had it. ## See Recent Issues Want to see what you're getting into? I don't blame you. Here are some recent releases from The Lorem Ipsum. [The Orange WaveAmerica’s gets what it asked for.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/91-blood-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-orange-wave/) [A Story About GhostsHow an apparition has spooked, terrified, and destroyed many in its path.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/10-Helloween.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/a-story-about-ghosts/) [Sacred TextThe things we put our faith in, and the people who let us down.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-2.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/154-holy-bible.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/sacred-text/) [Just The Tip - The American Culture of GratuityTipping has a sordid past, and it’s getting out of control. Here’s why the American culture of gratuity has become what it is today.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/04/93-tip-screen-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/just-the-tip/) ## What Do Readers Say? Quotes from everyday readers that showed up in my notifications feed. - *"You are famous for your economical turn of phrase. Just luscious."* - *"Not sure what you use for your news source, but for me, Daniel Herndon's newsletter is witty, responsible, and well written! Try it on for size."* - *"Guys, you have to sign up to this newsletter! Come for the wit, stay for the Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons."* - *"Damn. That is good!"* - *"You are the King of Snide, Sir; which in this case is intended as a compliment."* ## Sign Up ### Get The News. Feel Good About It. [Let's go!](https://danielkherndon.com/inbox-candy/#/portal/signup/free) ## *Make Sure Your Inbox Isn't Left Out* Don't stress about an empty inbox anymore. And don't miss the important headlines of the week. We cover the news, but also your ass, so you don't get caught unaware of what's going on in the world. ## Subscribers Get Free Lunch for Life ###### (If by lunch you mean a weekly email written just for you.) For absolutely zero dollars, you'll get each week's issue and access to content designed only for you. Premium content is available for paid members, but *The Weekly* will always be included in our free membership. [The Queen and Dark BrandonA farewell to Queen Elizabeth II and the unofficial launch of the midterm campaign season.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/47-Queen_Elizabeth_II.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/dark-brandon/) [RedactedAn update on the now released and redacted affidavit and a question about whether or not you should be considered a freeloader.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/Redacted.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/redacted/) For more, here is the full archive of The Weekly. [Archive | The Weekly](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/The-Weekly/) ## Long Form, Short Distance Articles from The Lorem Ipsum consist of in-depth analysis and brief essays covering anything from the politics of gun laws to the proper way to make an Old Fashioned. New articles are published monthly or more when the spirit leads. [Arming America (With Information)When it comes to gun laws, the power of rhetoric tends to be more powerful than reason, but gun violence like almost all problems is a mathematical one and will require a more nuanced approach. Here’s how the liberal position has got it all wrong.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/48-Light-Switch-1-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/) [Burned at the StakeAll life is precious. Unless you fall into these tough categories. We look at how men have put women in a tough position for generations, and are doing it again while repealing Roe.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/46-burned-at-stake-3.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/burned-at-the-stake/) [Everything they don’t tell you about how to make the perfect old fashionedIn 1880, a decade marked by economic prosperity and innovation, James E. Pepper changed the world, perhaps forever. It was at The Pendennis Club in Louisville, KY where it happened. Pepper took a lump of sugar, Angostura bitters and some whiskey and created The Old Fashioned Cocktail hereafter know…![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/05/7-11-OF-Pour.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/) ## Pictures Worth a Thousand Emails Each issue is illustrated by Daniel Herndon. Most critics say he has no future in a career as an artist. But with decades of experience as a brand consultant, it's unclear if the joke is on them or on him. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/44-Sriracha-3.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/52-Donald-Trump.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/55-Cash.jpg) ## Get What You Need and Forget the Rest *The Lorem Ipsum* reads the news for you. *The Weekly* breaks it down like a tired camper breaks down a tent. Good enough. We'll give you the news you need so you can get up to speed on what's going on in the world and move on. If you need to go deeper, you can always click the link provided to read more. We focus on providing credible sources. That way if you want to dig deeper into a topic, you have a source you can trust. ## Disclaimer I'm not a professional comedian, but I play one in this email. A lot of my content contains sarcasm. This is dangerous, so don't try this at home. ### Creative Portfolio URL: https://danielkherndon.com/portfolio/ Last updated: 2026-06-09T23:52:27.000Z # Daniel Herndon: Brand Strategist, Copywriter & Creative Director Over the years, I've founded, merged, and sold an agency that provides brand strategy, marketing, and design. I sold my agency in 2020 and served as a consultant and executive for five years. Today, I am the founder and operator of HRNDN Brand Agency, as well as the lead consultant. My experience includes economic development, consumer services, SaaS, professional firms, higher education, and restaurant brands. Full-blown creative marketing campaigns are a team effort, and I've been lucky to work with some impressive creatives over the years. When I work with clients and creative teams, I bring leadership, expert-level brand strategy, copywriting, messaging, and creative direction. My specialty is developing crystal clear messaging that connects with regular people. [Contact Daniel](https://hrndn.com/contact/?ref=danielkherndon.com) [Connect on LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielherndon?ref=danielkherndon.com) ## Capabilities **Strategy Development** Developing strategic solutions to support business goals. - Research - Brand Strategy - Marketing Strategy - Brand Identity Design - Messaging Platforms - Fractional CMO **Brand Management** Manage campaign development and asset creation. - Marketing Campaigns - Website Development - Video Production - Sales Enablement - Experiential Branding - Marketing Team Leadership ## Creative Leadership #### **The following are samples of work I've produced over the years.** Over the course of 20 years, I've developed strategy, managed marketing, and produced brand creative. From the launch of my agency in 2006, I've built teams from the ground up, including contract and permanent staff. I worked with those teams to reimagine brands and drive business results. As a hands-on creative, my emphasis has been on strategy and copywriting. However, my skills reach into film production, design, web development, photography, media placement, analytics, and PR – and I love a good spreadsheet. I produced the following campaigns as an executive, strategist, and creative director with agency teams. My agency, through mergers, has operated under the names Redwall and MilesHerndon, which was acquired by Matchbook. **Disclaimer*: The copyrights are those of the owners, and the work product is shared here for portfolio purposes only. Reproduction is prohibited.* ## Sample Work --- ## Kids Voice of Indiana As Principal Consultant at HRNDN Brand Agency, I developed a storytelling strategy and several videos to highlight the work that Kids Voice does to support children and amplify their voices when their families are involved in the justice system. We launched the content series with stories about [Chase](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32KHFEyrYx4&ref=danielkherndon.com) and [Bentley](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZPkeBcQzdE&t=188s&ref=danielkherndon.com). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/06/Kids-Voice.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/06/Chase-Billboard.png) ### Indiana Economic Development Corporation As COO of Matchbook, I led the team that worked with IEDC to develop branding and marketing for LEAP Innovation Districts and expand on the Indiana For The Bold brand campaign. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.54.41-PM.png) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/LEAP-1.png) ### ExactTarget, Salesforce: Content Marketing As CEO of Redwall, I helped take on various content marketing campaigns, including some that were part of the rebrand from ExactTarget to Salesforce. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/ExactTarget-SalesForce.png) ### Fanimation: Brand Commercial As CEO of Redwall, I worked with Fanimation to create a value proposition video ad for their creative product line. ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/Fanimation.png) ### Indiana529: Brand Commercial As COO of Matchbook, I developed brand strategy, messaging, and design and marketing campaign assets for the college savings plan, Indiana529. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.54.54-PM.png) ### Connor Painting: Advertising Campaign As COO of Matchbook, I led the development of a marketing campaign, including messaging, creative, and sales execution for the commercial painting company. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.55.04-PM.png) ### Koch Air, Carrier: Brand Commercial As CEO of Redwall, I developed a suite of brand marketing assets, including several video ads for the dealer network of Carrier brand heating and cooling products. ### B&W: Brand Marketing Campaign As COO of Matchbook, I led the development of B&W's brand campaign, shaped around the value proposition that makes them distinctive: being a friendly, smart, woman-led home services company. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.54.58-PM.png) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/Characters-4.jpg) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/HRNDN-Work-Samples52.53-AM.png) ### Covance: Sales Enablement Marketing As Principal of MilesHerndon, I led the development of sales enablement campaigns for Covance, promoting various service lines for the CRO as Labcorp was acquiring the business. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-4.55.52-PM.png) 0:00 /2:27 1× ### Garden Table: Brand Development As principal of MilesHerndon, I led the development of the restaurant brand including identity, signage, menus and product packaging. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-4.56.40-PM-1.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-4.56.54-PM-1.png) ### West Fork Whiskey: Brand Packaging As COO of Matchbook, I led the development of a packaging design strategy complete with product identifying nomenclature. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.55.19-PM.png) ### Shape Wellness: Brand Development As an independent new venture, I developed the brand identity, messaging, and website for the holistic health coaching and nutritional therapy practice owned by my wife, Carrie Herndon. ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/HRNDN-Work-Samples52.50-AM.png) ### Indiana Youth Services Association: Branding As COO of Matchbook, I led the brand design of the youth services organization. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.55.25-PM.png) ### Gavel Curated Cafe: Brand & Experience Creation I co-owned and operated the coffee and wine bistro with my wife Carrie Herndon. ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/HRNDN-Work-Samples52.55-AM.png) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-03-01-at-8.02.11-PM.png) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/HRNDN-Work-Samples52.57-AM.png) ### MilesHerndon: Brand and Experience Creation I cofounded and owned the branding agency, MilesHerndon. ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/milesherndon_website.png) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/milesherndon_website_attachment.png) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/original-523a99317d42db8e34c5b599684382a7.gif) ### CCHA Law: Brand Development and Marketing As Principal of MilesHerndon, I led the development of brand strategy, identity, and messaging for the leading law firm in its region of Hamilton County, IN. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-4.58.29-PM-1.png) ### Indiana Bankers Association: Brand Development As COO of Matchbook, I led the development of brand identity and key messaging for the association for banks and banking professionals. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.55.37-PM.png) ### SMPS: Brand Strategy and Launch Campaign As Principal of MilesHerndon, I co-led the development of a brand strategy, identity, and marketing campaign for the association focused on connecting and developing marketers in the architecture, engineering, and construction market. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-4.59.32-PM.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-4.59.29-PM.png) ### NACCHO: National Public Health Website As Principal of MilesHerndon, I led the development of a large-scale website that serves government functions and the needs of public health officials across the nation. Additional development was completed as part of Matchbook after it acquired MilesHerndon. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-4.59.36-PM.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.55.52-PM.png) ### Karpinski: Brand Strategy and Launch Campaign As Principal of MilesHerndon, I led the brand strategy and identity development for a large engineering firm in Cleveland, OH. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-5.01.08-PM.png) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/logo-karpinski-social.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-25-at-5.01.52-PM.png) ### Patch Development: Brand Strategy Development As COO of Matchbook, I led the development of brand identity, messaging, and creative for the real estate development firm in Indianapolis, IN ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/screencapture-patch-development-2025-03-06-13_48_43.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.56.09-PM.png) ### IU Path: Website and Brand Creative As COO of Matchbook, I led the development of digital brand story, creative asset development, and large-scale website overhaul for IU School of Medicine's Department of Pathology. ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/IU-Path.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Screenshot-2025-04-24-at-2.56.14-PM.png) ### EdChoice As Principal of MilesHerndon, I worked with our strategy and creative team to develop a full scope rebrand and launch. ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/MilesHerndon_EdChoice_Featured.jpg) ### Radio Moves: Brand Campaign As Principal of MilesHerndon, I worked with our strategy and creative team to develop a brand marketing campaign for a radio technology product. ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/NextRadio_Man-in-car-1.jpg) ### Penn Street Tower As CEO of Redwall, I lead the development of branding and key messaging for the standout apartment complex in downtown Indianapolis. ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/MilesHerndon_PennStreetTower_Print.jpg) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/MilesHerndon_PennStreetTower_Logo1-1.svg) ![](https://hrndn.com/content/images/2025/04/Milesherndon_PennStreetTower_Web.jpg) ## Posts ### JD Doesn't See Color URL: https://danielkherndon.com/jd-doesnt-see-color/ Last updated: 2026-10-23T10:30:00.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to literally everyone except [Vivek Ramaswamy](https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2026/10/22/trumps-shock-jock-politics-dont-work-everyone-an-ohio-attack-ad-is-proof/?ref=danielkherndon.com). And I mean that. I'll even say good morning to Matthew McConaughey. But definitely not Vivek. We've got some quick updates for you today. Let's get to ***The News***. --- ### Color Commentary Vice President JD Vance, when asked a direct question about the corruption of the Trump Administration, said he has [seen no evidence](https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/6161375-vance-trump-corruption-perception-2028/?ref=danielkherndon.com) that President Trump has enriched himself from the White House. To be extra clear about his insistence that he hasn't noticed any corruption, he essentially said, "I don't see color," including red-handedness, red flags, blackmail, whitewashing, gray markets, blue walls of silence, and apparently all the green money collected by the Trump family since Trump took office. According to recent polls, Trump has an approval rating so low that Bari Weiss, Founder of The Free Press, actually thought it was JD Vance's credit score. When Donald Trump's personal physician saw his numbers were 36/60, he immediately called Walter Reed, thinking it was his blood pressure. He didn't realize that it was the New York Times poll, with 36% approving of Trump and 59% disapproving, his lowest rating he's received from the poll so far. On the topic of corruption, at least 60% of adults believe Trump has used the presidency to enrich himself illegally or unethically. Evidently, the data to support it is easy to find, because a good portion of it is stored on the Qatari jet that Trump received for free before his family engaged in a deal to develop a resort in Qatar. For more, here's [a thread](https://www.threads.com/share/JAkHfvQEK/?ref=danielkherndon.com) from Senator Chris Murphy including JD Vance's comments and a reminder of Trump's very obvious corruption. ### Musk Corp Elon Musk announced a possible merger between his crown jewels, SpaceX and Tesla. As their first order of business, Musk will rename the corporation LeXcorp and shift its focus to expose and discredit Superman and destroy everything he stands for. Here's [more about the merger](https://www.cnbc.com/2026/10/21/spacex-spcx-stock-musk-merger-tesla.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Now Hiring After a tumultuous first 5 days in the role, it was announced last Friday that Katie Zacharia would be [leaving her position](https://slate.com/life/2026/10/katie-zacharia-fired-donald-trump-press-secretary.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) as Press Secretary. Experts say that the only thing with a comparable lifespan is a yellow banana. The White House has written a detailed description of her hair and body measurements to post as the job description. ### Violence Baguettes Violence In France, protests spread across several cities, emerging from a student protest about the cost of living, and growing into violence, looting, and burning down of buildings, including historic landmarks. The damage included the destruction of a cheese factory, leaving behind nothing but *de Brie*. Evidently, many of the protestors have been quite rude, which some say points to them being French. When French officials begged violent protestors to stop, one instigator insisted there would be no *merci*. Read about [Macron's response](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/france-faces-aftermath-worst-unrest-years-2026-10-18/?ref=readtangle.com) to the riots. ### Meeting of the Mines President Trump said he would be open to a [trilateral meeting](https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/6158904-trump-open-putin-xi-summit/?ref=readtangle.com) with President Vladimir Putin of Russia and President Xi Jinping of China to discuss situations like Ukraine, AI safety, and more. Trump insisted, however, that to come to any agreements, neither of them would need to participate in the conversation. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum has seen no evidence to support the idea that you should not be sharing this email with your friends. Go ahead and share away. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Press Harder, Secretary. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/press-harder-secretary/ Last updated: 2026-10-16T11:38:37.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Trump has provided us with a gift: his new press secretary is basically writing this newsletter for me today. But based on the first press event, I'm guessing she's not going to be able to read it. Let's get to ***The News***. --- ### Pressed For Time This week, Trump appointed a new press secretary, Katie Zacharia, the latest blonde bombshell from Fox News to join the administration. This Tuesday morning, she conducted her first press briefing since taking the job, and many called it disastrous. When she was told to do regular "briefings," she took it literally and kept hers to five minutes and three questions. She defended her performance, saying that usually, press briefings take place in the afternoon, allowing the press secretary to get caught up on things in case the dog eats your homework. The White House celebrated her appointment as one of its latest DEI hires because it has made it a point to hire someone with darker roots. With additional hires including FBI Director Kash Patel, a cross-eyed man, and Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, a masculine female, experts say this is the most progressive administration since the Biden Administration. Katie, who came from a job at Fox News, has long been claiming to be a lawyer who practiced law in China. Critics point out that she didn't pass the bar; she simply lowered it. When asked by reporters where she passed the bar, she said, "When I moved to China." But based on a quick Google, she probably actually passed several, since there are many bars on the way to China, and even more if you count restaurants that serve alcohol. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/katie-zacharia-did-not-pass-bar-exam-lawyer-press-secretary-rcna603688?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Inflation Inflation has gone up just before the midterms. The Trump administration has been able to determine that it was caused by the Barack Hussein Obama administration. Unless inflation means incomes are up, in which case it was achieved single-handedly by Trump. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2026/10/14/high-inflation-fed-expectations.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Live Screamed The Donald J. Trump livestream of the Fort Hood shooter's execution, sponsored by Crypto.com, has been canceled due to lack of ticket sales. The execution by firing squad will still go on, with Christa Pike, the death row inmate from Tennessee, on the undercard. ([more](https://www.kcentv.com/article/news/national/military-news/trump-fort-hood-shooter-execution-not-streamed/500-c41bed6a-0d31-47e1-ae44-c210a626126b?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Guil Foiled In related news, the Fort Hood firing squad is not the only firing Trump is doing this week. After news came out accusing her of misconduct, Trump fired Kimberly Guilfoyle for allegedly not being a man. When the newly appointed Press Secretary Katie Zacharia broke the news, she apologized and said she would try to fix it. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2026/10/14/g-s1-148027/trump-ambassador-greece-resignation?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Scared Strait In the Strait of Hormuz, Iran has attacked at least 15 ships this week, making it the deadliest week in the strait since the start of the war. The Iranians, when they accepted their award, said they would like to thank Allah but also Pete Hegseth, because they wouldn't have been able to do this without him. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2026/10/15/middleeast/strait-of-hormuz-ships-sunk-iran-intl-hnk?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Thoughts and Prayers The Pope has lung cancer, but as an answer to prayer, the Chicago Cubs, made it to the playoffs this year. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/ck1wvd9dvv22o?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is a home run for sharing, so make sure you slide a copy into your closest friend's inbox home base. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Experience, Dogma, and Data URL: https://danielkherndon.com/experience-dogma-and-data/ Last updated: 2026-10-09T15:20:48.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey Everyone: Good morning, and welcome to another issue of The Lorem Ipsum, where we cover the news if we feel like it, or something else if we prefer. This was a slow news week, and most stories are recycled versions of previous stories. You can tell by how the media has resorted to covering the war in Ukraine, despite little changing since 2022\. Americans would generally rather talk about Susan Dell's Oval Office-announced Trump Accounts, where [she appeared](https://www.threads.com/@nerd%5Fsubculture%5Fpodcast/post/DeOiWWGE8du/media?ref=danielkherndon.com), looking like someone gave [Martin Short](https://uk.news.yahoo.com/martin-short-reflects-losing-drop-162938230.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) a wig and a Sephora gift card and propped him up on a kickstand. Of course, even in a slow news week, some noteworthy occurrences still take place, including that 30-year mortgage rates are [higher](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/08/business/mortgage-rates-housing-prices.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) than they've been in three years. This means that if you are buying a home this year, you would have been better off doing it 3 years ago, but not four years ago, but still better than buying [anytime between](https://finance.yahoo.com/economy/policy/articles/historical-mortgage-rate-trends-1970s-183910495.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) 1972 and 2000, unless you consider home values. So my advice is, if you plan on buying a home but can stand to wait 30 years, you might as well wait and pay cash; however, the price of a home will be 30 years higher, leaving you with a net loss of $12,480,966.00, but with super low interest rates, that's basically free money. Some stories are like Christa Pike; they refuse to die. It remains to be seen whether the story about death row inmate Christa Pike is one of them, but she's doing her part. This week, Christa regained consciousness days after the Tennessee executioner was reminded that he had one job. Seven needles and two doses of phenobarbitol put Christa in the same category as Donald Trump: still here, but we'll see what we can do about that after November. She woke this week with loss of mobility in her arms, to say, "Where am I and who are you?" For what it's worth to her victim's family, she may not have died, but she's definitely in hell. When no major news events occur, that makes French art more newsworthy, and who wouldn't want to read more, especially if it involved a naked statue of Donald Trump, titled The Orange Plaque, depicting a tubby president squashed on the shoulders of a commoner. Danish artist Jens Galschiøt said the design was inspired by the story of The Emperor's New Clothes, where everyone believes a lie because it's easier than being excluded from society. The artist believes [Trump will love](https://thehill.com/policy/international/6137046-trump-statue-european-parliament/?ref=danielkherndon.com) its gold flake coating. ### Three Believers And that brings me to why I write this article to begin with. There are three ways that we end up believing something. Either based on our experience, based on dogma, or based on data. All three of these factors are part of all of our believing life, but often, people land in one of these worlds more than another. I'll break down each of these Believers and illustrate their circumstances with the same subject. **Experience.** The simplest way to believe something is to interact with it directly, which is basically why J.D. Vance [believes](https://www.npr.org/2024/07/31/nx-s1-5055854/vance-harris-social-media-rumors-jokes?ref=danielkherndon.com) that true love is when you have sex with an inside-out latex glove shoved between two couch cushions. The Experience Believer is someone who says, "I always feel better when I eat organic food, so organic food is better." Experience can be convincing, but sometimes a conclusion can *match* the experience without being conclusive. One could fail to notice they are mindful about food when they choose organic, but less so when they don't, resulting in more low-quality junk foods, which could be a bigger factor in the result. **Dogma**. Depending on the context, this could be referring to a human female who mothers several four-legged pets and proudly wears a T-shirt to let everyone know. But in most cases, dogma refers to a belief that is taken as fact. The dogma believer says, "Organic food is better for you." Someone who holds such a dogma will look for evidence to support their belief. They will tend to favor the evidence that supports their belief and discredit sources outside of that dogma. If someone works for an agricultural science firm and conducts large-scale research, the person with the dogma will often dismiss the findings out of hand. **Data**. The approach to belief is to let the evidence direct you to your beliefs. This would work perfectly in policymaking if you replaced all the people in Congress with Ben Stein and Bill Nye, with Claire Huxtable as Speaker of the House. The Evidence Believer says, "I want to know why I feel better when I eat organic foods," or better yet, "I want to know which foods are best." The Data Believer constantly revises his beliefs because new evidence matters more than an old conclusion. For him, the truth is the goal, and picking a conclusion that fits is not enough when other conclusions fit just as well. Could it be mindful eating, the benefits of organic, or that I am simply only evaluating the evidence that reinforces what I already believe? ### The Complication. We are all subject to the first two factors. The third is a practice. Our survival instinct depends on two things. Making sense of the world around us, so we can keep our balance, and maintaining our place in a community so that we can have stability. These needs mean that we see the world through a lens of survival. When we interpret our experience, we are not interpreting objectively, but we're explaining things to ourselves to make sense of them. When we commit to a dogma, we are not committing to a truth; we are committing to a tribe, where we can find safety in numbers. Believing based on data requires practice. It requires loving permanent truth more than temporary comfort, and it requires a willingness to change and learn. It also means you can't be fooled by the other two believers. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: All the evidence points to you sharing this article with your friends. The Lorem Ipsum believes in you, but it might be wrong! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Holy Warmonger URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-holy-warmonger/ Last updated: 2026-10-02T11:33:22.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, including death row inmate Christa Pike, whose execution [failed](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/10/01/us/christa-pike-tennessee-execution?ref=danielkherndon.com) on Wednesday. That's one more newsletter for her, and many more to come for the rest of you. This week, Donald Trump solved all our AI concerns. He did two things. - He rebranded AI to SI, making it far safer than it was with the other name (one of my favorite marketing tricks). - And he did exactly what Biden already did: he asked AI leaders to make a pact, then promptly fell asleep in the Oval Office. Nothing a nap and a pinky promise can't fix. Anyway, this week, I'll cover the latest developments in the Department of War. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ### All's Fair in Love and War The Universe is a mystery; it's vast, and cold, and larger than one can imagine. Even our foremost experts on holes, including Swiss cheese makers, ENT doctors, and OBGYNs, are perplexed by one of the most mysterious of holes, the black one. It suck everything it comes in contact with, directly into its center, stretching it into spaghetti. In the black hole, space and time do not exist, or if they do, they are spaceless and timeless, a brain-breaking fact that can be [proven](https://science.nasa.gov/universe/black-holes/?ref=danielkherndon.com) with repeatable, mathematical experiences, yet never truly understood. In the universe, light travels at a speed equal to 186,000 miles per second, faster than [Cornell can sweep a sexual assault under the rug](https://cornellseven.com/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Nothing can travel faster than the speed of light without splitting space and time itself. If you even came close, you would not be able to see, hear, or detect that travel, as light, sound, and time itself do not keep up to even observe it. Our best mathematical models only get us close to understanding the concept. The only thing we know is that, to even truly understand, we would need an infinite amount of energy, and every particle of our mass would disintegrate into its smallest parts, leaving behind a trail of matter strewn evenly across its path through the universe. These things are a mystery. As much as we do know, we hardly understand even what we know. Down here on Earth, we don't have this problem. Even the God of this very mysterious universe, who can neither be observed nor measured, is no mystery to us. Our brains, at the size of a bunt cake, are fully equipped to comprehend all the essentials of the creator of space and time itself. We know his name, his gender, his family tree, and his strategy of global dominance. We know the plans he has for us, and we know they are plans to wage war against all of our enemies. This is all thanks to years of committees, open letters, and carefully curated data points. But most of all, it's thanks to Pete Hegseth. Secretary Hegseth, currently serving as the acting dumbest person in government, has made it clear that the military is not for the gay of heart. It is God's own hand, a tool sent to do his handiwork. When Isaiah said, "Here am I, send me," he meant it in an F-16 Fighting Falcon. When Jesus said, "Love thy neighbor," he meant it with bombs. This week, Pete delivered his annual address, giving the "State of the Force," where he announced he would be launching the Office of Religious Affairs, whose department head reports directly to him. In the new office, faith is no longer about soft power; it's about war. The separation of church and state sounded great for a little while; now it's time to force the church on the state, with the full power of the military. Because when you're bombing a shiite muslim, it's a perfect time to witness to them, or better yet, curse them into hell. In a Christian way, of course. You don't need the fruit of the Spirit to show people who you are; a pocket Bible next to your 30-round magazine is enough. In his address, he announced the removal of the letters D, E, and I from all Department of War use. His name will be Pt, to make sure he's not too woke, and anyone who did not like his direction no longer works here. He declared that the army will have "No fatties, no trannies, no beardos, no weirdos, no wimps, no radicals. Just warriors. Just tough, ready, committed troops." … the ideological clowns are out. Except him, of course. Pete, under the leadership of the most impulsive commander in chief in our lifetime, has hollowed out the chain of command, where [generations of expertise](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/hegseth-announces-new-drone-command-cuts-20-generals-rcna600883?ref=danielkherndon.com) have been sacked, stacking the deck with clean-shaven yes-men. Because, despite their years of experience, he believes he knows better. He's prioritized increasing strength training requirements and [mandatory screening](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/pentagon-moves-forward-with-mandatory-testosterone-testing-for-most-male-troops?ref=danielkherndon.com) for testosterone deficiencies, which sounds great but unrelated to the skills required to use a video game controller to fly a drone. He has led us into a war with no strategy or discernment, and claimed a victory the whole world can see was not achieved. He depleted missile stockpiles by as much as 80%, while pushing our goal even further away than it was when we started. But it's okay if you disagree with Pete. As long as you don't disagree with God, who now reports directly to Pete. He reminds his staff of Psalm 33:12, which says, "Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord." And Pete thinks he knows exactly what God wants. American exceptionalism, a lethal force, and, as [Pete invoked in his speech](https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2544328812739038), war ordained by God. I've always had confidence in our military, assuming it is the strongest in the world. Believing that is half the recipe for keeping us out of war. Because Pete has put it on full display that we must be the weakest we have ever been. I no longer believe it. Our enemies don't either. So if Pete can't even figure out the military, why does he think he knows anything about God? --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is a fighting machine. Meaning, we are fighting to get into more inboxes. Share this issue with friends to help us out! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Clearly United Nations URL: https://danielkherndon.com/clearly-united-nations/ Last updated: 2026-09-25T10:30:53.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone with a dictionary. To everyone else, good afternoon, because that's the only moral thing to call it at 6:30 am. How many newsletters need to be sent before you will use the word? Let's get to ***The News***. --- ### Sheet Stealers This week has been strange for White House coverage, after Trump [banned three media outlets](https://www.ms.now/news/ms-now-cnn-politico-journalists-white-house-access-ruling?ref=danielkherndon.com) from the White House press pool for accurate reporting, including CNN, Politico, and MS Now, effectively renaming them CN-Out, Politcold Shoulder, and MS Later. The remaining major networks immediately withdrew from the press pool in protest of the White House decision, leaving Trump uncovered, just like he is when Natalie Harp hogs the blankets. JD Vance defended Trump's move, saying, "1st Amendment rights don't guarantee access to the White House, just like Usha doesn't guarantee me access to make love to her or our couch." But the banned networks say in a lawsuit that the reasoning for expulsion is what crosses the line. Thursday morning, a judge ordered the White House to return their credentials. ### Untied Nations UN world leaders met in New York City this week to highlight one of the greatest achievements of the modern world: creating an international governing body that has no power at all. They discussed everything from active wars to who to blame for them. The heads of state and their delegates agreed they could be civilized for a day of global conversation, but didn't feel that it was necessary at this time. Among the highlights, Donald Trump [took the stage](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/22/us/politics/un-trump-speech-iran-venezuela-greenland.html?unlocked%5Farticle%5Fcode=1.D1E.a9ep.SmRE1aUt6txY&smid=nytcore-ios-share&ref=danielkherndon.com) and wore his extra-large diaper this time. He focused most of his speech on his potential success in waging war against Iran, which he believes will be over soon. He called out their strategy to wait out the elections before making a deal, but Trump insisted the midterms didn’t matter to him because he’s not running, and that he is focused on Iran and did not care whether it affected the elections. To respond to his comments, Nathan Fielder showed up to the summit, just to make this face. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/09/Nathan-Fielder-Skeptical-Face-1.png) Trump said, regarding Iran, that he had a choice between making a deal or annihilating them. In a stern warning, he said Pete Hegseth was fully prepared to claim yet again that he annihilated them if they did not surrender. In what some call an escalation of the fighting, he threatened yet another memorandum of understanding. Experts insist that the US, while it is running low on munitions, still has plenty of Truth Social posts it can make. After his appearance at the UN Summit, President Trump took the time to meet with Chinese [President Xi Jinping](https://www.reuters.com/world/china/how-trumps-diplomatic-week-exposed-limits-his-power-2026-09-25/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Their conversation covered their ongoing trade tensions and the tariff wars between the two countries. In an attempt to gain leverage, Trump offered to give Godzilla back to China for a limited time. Unmoved, Xi said they had better robots than that now and responded (roughly translated), "We're good." Back at the UN summit, Iran's President Masoud Pezeshkian [responded to Trump's comments](https://www.cnbc.com/2026/09/23/iran-united-nations-trump-israel.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), saying that the Iranian people will not bend the knee to bullying, and won't surrender even while the USA has bombed them relentlessly. Pezeshkian explained that across the population, the sentiment is consistent. Even for the women of Iran, if you could see their faces hidden under the legally required headscarves, you would see their spirit of determination, defiance against Western imperialism and, in some cases, bruises from being beaten by their husbands. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky [spoke](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/09/23/world/un-general-assembly-iran-ukraine?ref=danielkherndon.com) as well. The core of his speech was reintroducing himself to the assembly and reminding them that he is the guy who runs a country on the eastern side of Europe, specifically the one that Russia invaded a while back. On Thursday, Benjamin Netanyahu delivered a defiant speech to the few who stayed to listen. He told them both that [Israel is not committing a genocide](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/09/24/world/un-general-assembly-news?ref=danielkherndon.com), but preventing one. Then, in the dark of the stadium, a lone audience member began to slow clap, just as the light pans to reveal it's Jon Voight. Some people just can't be canceled. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is a newsletter no matter what you call it. And your friends are waiting on you to share one with them. Send a copy out to someone you want to send a subtly passive-aggressive message to today! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Mackleroni and Cheese URL: https://danielkherndon.com/mackleroni-and-cheese/ Last updated: 2026-09-20T19:41:54.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Mike Johnson and all of the House of Representatives, who are going on recess until after the midterms. This week, I've found myself in Nashville, where bachelorette parties ruin everything. Currently, I'm wearing daisy dukes and white cowgirl boots, and stuffing my cheek with tobacco just to fit in. Still, there's a lot to cover. I have a few quick hits, and one longer piece today. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ### Twitch McConnell Mitch is back! But just barely. A Mitch-like figure showed up to Congress this week, with a permanent smile melted into his face. His appearance shared an uncanny resemblance to the Russian guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark when he looked directly at the Ark of the Covenant. After months of trying on coffins, Mitch has returned to Congress, ready to join his colleagues in keeping the country going, even if he can barely keep himself going. This time around, Mitch came to work in a wheelchair, which means not only will he not be standing up to Trump, he won’t even be standing up to get a Coke out of the Capitol vending machine. It has been said that this year, every vegetable has been recalled except Mitch. And thanks to Mitch for giving us lots of material. It’s nice to know we have a few good men in Congress, even if they don’t know where they are. ([more](https://www.thedailybeast.com/confused-mitch-mcconnell-84-has-to-be-told-how-to-vote/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Trump Nixon Kennedy Center Trump announced this week that he might be demolishing the Kennedy Center, if nothing else, partly because the marble construction is no longer stable, according to an architect named Art Vandelay, who happens to write crib notes on his hand to keep track of how to service Melania Trump. The Center’s board voted this week to close for renovations so dangerous and so complicated that they couldn’t open the place up without renaming it. The new version of the Kennedy Center will serve McDonald's quarter pounders with cheese and host WWF exhibition matches. While a judge ordered the Trump administration to report all changes, whether demolition or renovation, at least two weeks in advance, we're learning it's hard to unfry these fries, and they don't taste good cold. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2026/09/17/nx-s1-5973036/trump-threat-tear-down-kennedy-center?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Beast In Me (Or Vice Versa) Under past administrations, if someone was caught pole vaulting a raccoon, it was an automatic disqualifier to serve in the FBI, although not necessarily a hard no for HUD or VA positions. But things are changing. Kash Patel is making changes for the mammal meat packers. For those of you who find yourself among those who have participated in bestiality, whether as the beast or as the person (you know who you are), you can rest assured, your career is not over, as long as someone made you do it. For example, let’s say someone showed you a picture of a naked boar with really big snout horns, and then you just happened to get hard enough to go ham on this meat bag, only to find that your FBI dreams were crushed by a pass with future cured meat. Why should you be kept from the law enforcement career of your dreams? Not to worry. Even if Kash wakes up from a drunken haze to find he's poking a lamb, he can still be the lion we've always needed, except not that way. You’re not out of the game if you were forced into it, with or without proper lubricant. We see you, Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. Thank you, Kash. I promise to be a vegetarian from now on, but not too much of one. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2026/09/15/politics/kash-patel-hiring-bestiality?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Competition Was a Wash In my gym, we’re all expected to wipe down our machines after use. But if you poop your entire brains out, sometimes that Windex and tiny little wet wipe isn’t enough. That’s what happened to an athlete this week who was competing in a major competition, when the whole game went to shit. We've all enjoyed a rogue fart at a Hobby Lobby. But what about during a multi-stage indoor athletic competition called Hyrox in Beijing? Fewer of us make this list. According to reports, Joanna Wietrzyk didn’t just [poop on herself](https://www.buzzfeed.com/remytepner/hyrox-poop-incident?ref=danielkherndon.com); she pooped on everyone else too, with cream found on workout stations being traced back to her from across the gym. Her competitors say she should have been [disqualified](https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2026/sep/15/hyrox-changes-rules-apology-australian-woman-joanna-wietrzyk-soils-herself-mid-race-beijing?ref=danielkherndon.com) for pooping the course. To give you a picture of how severe the storm was, pick your nearest Mexican restaurant, bring every single friend you have, order an extra side of beans for each person at the table, then put it in a long tube and squirt it everywhere, with a nice, healthy swath down your leg. Then, cap it off by winning the competition and don’t say you’re sorry. That’s a real athlete. ### Barely Breathing It was announced last night that singer Duncan Sheik is in critical but stable condition. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2026/09/17/duncan-sheik-health-singer-critical-condition-barely-breathing/91805426007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- ### Macklemore Than You Can Handle As though a ceasefire isn't enough, we can't stop talking about Palestine. This week a major pop tour is in shambles because of it. In the 90s, attacks across the border into Israel were rampant. One of the purveyors was Hamas, a Palestinian organization who would recruit the young and passionately religious to give up their lives to take others with them. There were so many suicide bombers that Israel decided they had to tighten their borders to protect people who didn't consent to being killed with them. Construction of a substantial border wall started in 2002, after a wave of bombings made it bloody and intolerable to leave borders unguarded. Four years later, in 2006, the Palestinian Legislative Council voted Hamas into power. Since then, they've been [documented](https://www.cfr.org/articles/amnesty-international-human-rights-watch-and-question-hamas-gaza-and-israel?ref=danielkherndon.com) committing various human rights violations, including abducting their own civilians, torturing them, and using police to penalize women in "virtue" campaigns where women were punished for not wearing a hijab or disobeying their husbands. This week, the Ed Sheeran tour faced controversy over the topic. Macklemore, who is scheduled as an opening act on several dates, turned his stage time into a rally of sorts for the Palestinian cause. He spent ample time declaring "Free Palestine" and performed a song with Palestinian propaganda on the big screen throughout. He accused Israel of committing a genocide but promised that he was not antisemitic. Noted. But some Jews didn't agree. Robert Kraft, CEO of Kraft Foods, was one of them. Kraft owns Gillette Stadium, where the tour was set to stop this Saturday, and he said the show couldn't take place at his venue if Macklemore was on the ticket. He followed up to get several venues to join him in a pressure campaign. As a result, Macklemore was removed from the tour. Ed Sheeran insisted on remaining neutral, and as of this writing, plans to perform tomorrow. I can understand how Macklemore sees this issue. "Free Palestine" is a great slogan, and Palestinians are great at marketing. Even some Israelis are tempted to suggest that the borders be open – especially those who were born less than 30 years ago, when Palestinian attacks, overseen by Hamas, were a regular segment of the news. Palestine has since upped its marketing game, by placing their own women and children in the midst of military targets, using them as human shields. As a branding guy, I can tell you that "using children as human shields" is not a good brand position for Palestine, but "Israel killing babies" is, so the branding team frames it accordingly. But who can blame Macklemore? He is remarkably consistent with his activism. According to my sources inside, he isn't stopping at Palestine-focused songs. He may even be creating a setlist that has songs and imagery about the genocide in Sudan, the genocide of Yezidis in Iraq, the genocide of Uyghurs in China, the genocide of healthy relationships on Hinge, and the genocide of critical thinking caused by short-form social media content. Soon, maybe he'll even call on Hamas to free the Palestinian people? Maybe — after he is done with Israel. After the debacle over the Ed Sheeran tour, the left side of culture has turned it into a loyalty test. Shout "Free Palestine" at a minimum of 103 decibels, or be canceled. The left, bless their hearts, have chosen to boycott Ed Sheeran, while they eat their Kraft-made BOCA burgers and vegan macaroni and cheese. Unfortunately, the argument is plant-based, just like their nutrition. There's plenty to chew on, but no meat. In solidarity with Macklemore, other artists and musicians have left the tour, either to make a statement or to avoid being canceled for not making one. Finneas, who was also on the tour, made a statement on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/DdUdYF1zZ4d/?ref=danielkherndon.com), totaling 32 words, which closed with "I stand with Palestine and its people." It wasn't clear whether he meant he stands with them for years of suicide bombings, or in support of them [cutting off women's breasts](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/28/world/middleeast/oct-7-attacks-hamas-israel-sexual-violence.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) and waving them in the air while posting it on social media, or if he simply believes that the people of Palestine should be freed from the leaders they voted into office who oppress them. Or maybe it's Israel's fault. As I said, It's unclear. Pink was pulled into the boycott when she [shared a post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1w8tyx0/pink%5Fshared%5Fa%5Fstory%5Fthat%5Fsaid%5Fed%5Fsheeran%5Fshould/?ref=danielkherndon.com#lightbox) from the account Stop Antisemitism which said, in summary, "stop antisemitism." Since she is a Jew, that makes her complicit in the controversy and in the killing of children, despite neither saying nor sharing anything of the sort. After a week of backlash, she eventually posted a [statement](https://www.instagram.com/p/DdKPJsVTvtl/?hl=en&ref=danielkherndon.com) explaining her actual position, but that hardly matters when people would rather cancel her for someone else's. Meanwhile, Ed Sheeran did his best to build bridges between all involved. In his [statement](https://www.instagram.com/p/DdT-6KGAtuI/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink&stkn=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==), he says it wasn't his choice to remove Ben from the tour, nor was Macklemore's contract with him, but with the venue. Still, he is remaining politically neutral, which is a crime in 21 states. How dare he. Because he didn’t cancel his tour, and make proper political statements as prescribed, public figures like AOC are [changing the channel](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/h4dGSY4NYsY?ref=danielkherndon.com) on Ed. No longer will Alexandria endure the timeless romantic song "Perfect" if Ed doesn't make it perfectly clear who he stands with, and why it's Hamas. It doesn't matter that he is not from Israel, and is not from the USA; he failed the test and should be canceled. Maybe it doesn't matter that Ed is not sufficiently educated on military tactics or the history of the conflict between Israel and Palestine. It doesn't matter that he doesn't know whether a "Diaspora" is a hand cream, a bowel disease, or an apartheid foisted on indigenous people. The loyalty test is the only thing that matters, because this is the music business, where nuance and third-party neutrality are simply unacceptable. According to the critics, because he didn’t want to play politics, Ed Sheeran may as well have ended the ceasefire that commenced in October of 2025\. The generations long tension in the Middle East is complicated. Of course, reasonable people can see the conflict between Israel and Palestine differently. But only unreasonable people demand loyalty to a viewpoint on a topic they know nothing about. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum does not condone animal cruelty, but it does condone sharing a copy with your closest mammal friends. Pass it along! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Belief Matters URL: https://danielkherndon.com/belief-matters/ Last updated: 2026-09-11T10:32:54.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I've never danced on anyone's grave, but I have gotten their name wrong. Last week, in a [Take](https://danielkherndon.com/the-gloria-gap/#:~:text=The%20News.-,The%20Gloria%20Gap,-Gloria%20Steinem%20died) aimed at the late Gloria Steinem, I, along with Grammarly, made the grave mistake of embellishing her name, which she needed none of. You lost no time letting me know. Lots of you. The backlash was beyond my imagination. It was such a grievous mistake that someone told me even Van Morrison, whose song I alluded to by spelling GLORIA, wanted to call to tell me. At this point, I'm surprised I didn't add "AND SOMETIMES Y" to the end to cap off the erroneousness. To those who read it and moved on, thanks for your grace. To those who brought it to my attention, you are legion, but it's nice to know you're alive. I no longer need to check your inbox's pulse. We're diving into a small thought piece today. --- ### We Do What We Believe Five years ago, I wrote an article about my most challenging phobia. My fear of cold butter. A frigid stick would cause me to shudder. Spread it across sliced bread made of enriched wheat, and I'd nearly pollute myself in terror. Like most Americans, to feel safer, I minimized my butter, opted for seed oils when I could, and ate as much bread as possible, because I believed it was best for me. The entire public health system was convinced of this, and professional training, public education, and food labels all promoted the same idea. The result is an increase in obesity and diabetes [by about 300% since 1980](https://gethlth.com/how-the-food-pyramid-impacted-american-health/?ref=danielkherndon.com), when I was born. I'm republishing the article here today. [Why I am afraid of cold butterHow the boogieman became fat when fat became the boogieman. I always get nostalgic during this time of year as we enter into the Holiday season. I begin to get a tingling feeling in my belly that I call anticipation. Anticipation for perhaps the most precious thing in our lives.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-5dab227c-9d2a-450b-abd6-70c5c965b99c.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/12-Butter-II-7e357a0b-607a-4c71-a5c9-0c9022521910.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter/) Twenty-five years ago today, I was in New York City, on a business trip. I was in sight of the Twin Towers most of the week. The moment I looked away to go to another meeting, it happened. I was interrupted by breaking news. Two planes had barrelled into the Twin Towers, and Americans, who believed they were safe from war four minutes ago, could no longer believe they were. As we learned, several were so committed to their beliefs that they architected the biggest foreign attack on US land and the killing of thousands of people. These men were so obsessed with their faith that they gave up their own lives to wage Jihad. We Americans believed there was only one correct response. I talk about my experience in New York City in an article where I criticize the Biden administration for its inaction regarding Ukraine, because Putin believed that he had a historic right to land outside of his borders. I'm republishing that one today as well. [Putin His Place. A Case For Action.Lessons from 9/11: It’s cheaper to clean up a political mess than a nuclear disaster. Should we stop the bleeding before it gets worse?![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-776bce30-c30e-4003-8b54-52795c5c8ed2.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Twin-Towers-8854f481-ce69-4c8d-8f08-4b2140938d74.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-case-for-putin-putin-in-his-place/) Back in 2001, our beliefs committed us to war. A twenty-year war that few believed in by its end, but by then, 900,000 people [had already died](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War%5Fon%5Fterror?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the War on Terror. What we believe in matters. Belief has caused countless deaths, destroyed people's health, enabled sexual assault, and ruined plenty of dinners. In the economy of ideas, bad ones need to be disputed, and myths debunked. Our beliefs are not harmless. Those based on mere vapor, a conclusion to jump to, or a security blanket to cling to — they should be tested, questioned, and called into doubt. And the worst of them should be reformed before somebody else gets hurt. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Are you a The Lorem Ipsum believer? Don't let your friends believe bad ideas when they can believe good newsletters. Share. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Gloria Gap URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-gloria-gap/ Last updated: 2026-09-04T11:10:55.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, Twenty-six years and two days ago, I married my wife. This week, we shared a toothbrush. This is thanks to one of us forgetting to pack our own on our travels. It's one of the many ways we still swap spit. Here's to a never-ending life with the one and only, Mrs The Lorem Ipsum. Marital bliss or not, the world keeps moving, so let's get to ***The News***. --- ### **The Gloria Gap** GloriaSteinem died this week, and if we lose one more celebrity, this blog risks becoming an obituary. Steinem rose to fame for her undercover journalism work, although under less cover than you might think, when her first big gig was at the Playboy Club. Steinem had glasses cool enough for a man and a perspective that would have been pissed at me for saying that. G.L.O.R.I.A. is best known as the leading voice of the second-wave feminist movement, and in her death, reminds us that women's coffins shouldn't be 77% the size of a man's, just because their bodies are statistically speaking. According to one source, her grave marker is being etched right now with the words "Sir, my tombstone is up here." May she rest in peace, even if the generation of women behind her knows the work is not done yet. ### Clancy Meeting You Here In the **Lindsay Clancy trial**, the jury is deliberating, as they have so far been at an impasse. Lindsay is on trial for killing her kids while in the throes of postpartum psychosis, using exercise bands, by the way, adds one more use to the list of things people do with exercise equipment that is otherwise sitting around. According to reports, she also had laundry hanging on her treadmill as well. Perhaps this only contributes to why America is split on the topic of her case, along with the jury, because everything seems to get political these days. Some on the left say that Clancy does not *identify* as a murderer, so you shouldn't call her one. On the right, they're against Clancy not just because she killed her kids, but because she did something without her husband's permission. The Defense, led by a real-life Matlock, has pointed out that a real-life Barney Fife did the investigation, which has made the case both complicated and interesting. The Judge has urged the jury to come to a verdict and avoid a mistrial. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2026/09/03/us/live-news/lindsay-clancy-trial?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Ad-Vance Education In a press briefing yesterday, JD Vance contested the public narrative about the war with Iran, which has understandably been twisted by the media. For example, he pushed back on calling the war with Iran a (quote) war (end quote), because it does not exhibit the characteristics of a war, except for the deployment of thousands of soldiers, the presence of battleships, the firing of missiles, the name of the department in charge of it being called the "Department of War" and the deaths of 18 American soldiers and many more Iranian soldiers and civilians. He also said that he did not "have sex with a couch" and that the separation between the two cushions does not actually "cause chafing" if you "do it right." ([more](https://abcnews.com/International/live-updates/iran-live-updates-centcom-targeted-iranian-forces-posed?id=136080582&entryId=136184740&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Name's Market. Bond Market Lots of people are talking about the bond market these days, and in particular, how the Trump Administration is handling it, since conditions have been shaky in recent weeks. Since this is a complicated financial product, many struggle to understand it, so I wanted to break down how bonds work in language anyone can understand. When investors fear the cyclical headwinds are not abating, accretive to earnings, and they believe the thesis has compressed, they look for alpha generation opportunities to put some dry powder on the balance sheet with a capital balance that is more compelling. The obvious alternative investment is a stress-tested model with managed downside scenarios because tail risks are mitigated. Obviously, when guidance is conservative, we can all have conviction on this thesis, because this raises the midpoint of capital allocation, so that the technical setup looks constructive. So if you strip out X, whatever X may be in your case, you'll want to pivot your strategy, so obviously bonds could make sense in one scenario, but not in others. ([more](https://finance.yahoo.com/markets/article/the-bond-market-is-back-in-the-danger-zone--heres-what-could-make-it-worse-chart-of-the-day-100000231.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is a good investment. No one really knows why, but it is. Make sure your friends don't experience a loss. Share this note with them. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Heaven or Bust URL: https://danielkherndon.com/theaven-or-bust/ Last updated: 2026-08-28T10:30:27.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except for the prosecutors of Lindsay Clancy’s case. I've been underwater this week, but not as much as the people of central Nepal who were buried in waves as tall as the 1954 version of Godzilla. But neither rushing water nor giant plastic lizard can stop me from publishing on time. I'll bring you up to speed. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Dollywood Remember Dolly Parton was larger than life, and a pair of double Ds combined. This week, life decided it couldn't lift her any longer, and its straps have snapped. Dolly died from a brief episode of cancer. She was survived by six of her 11 siblings, a theme park, over 3000 songs, and a collection of wigs that would make Andre Agassi jealous. Dolly came from poor means, [raised by](https://people.com/dolly-parton-parents-what-to-know-12067801?ref=danielkherndon.com) a father who could not read and a mother who didn't have a wedding ring until her kids agreed to give up their Christmas gifts so Dad could buy Mom a ring. Dolly had 11 siblings, who eventually joined her in what became a massive empire, including a platinum music career, a theme park, and roles in iconic movies like *Steel Magnolias* and *9 to 5*. She was filled with collagen and kindness, famously adored for her [Imagination Library](https://imaginationlibrary.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and a smile that won't fade even as she sleeps. If anyone ever walks through the pearly gates, she'll be there chest first. ### Smells Like Tim Curry He's the first man to look good in a garter belt since J Edgar Hoover, and he's the last member of the [cast of Home Alone 2 to die this year](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/movies/articles/fans-cant-stop-talking-eerie-010052057.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) who isn't the president. Tim Curry is where I learned to say nobody in a British accent. From now on, I'll have to resort to Benedict Cumberbatch or Gillian Anderson in any role except as Scully on X-Files to practice my chops, because Tim passed away this week, thanks to old age, and because the world could no longer contain his legendary characters, and him at the same time. Hollywood awaits to see who takes his place. Good luck, Ted Danson, because we will miss Tim's range. ### Silly Goose Canadian president Mark Carney said, "no more mister nice guy, if that's okay with you," and then he abandoned trade negotiations with the Trump administration, because, he says, Trump couldn't be trusted to stick to a deal. It's true, but words that harsh are usually bleeped on Canadian television, until now, when the country has been fed up enough *aboot* the US's campaign of abuse. When Trump forced new tariffs on Canadians, Mark struck back with reciprocal tariffs, and he didn't say sore-y this time. If Americans want hockey sticks or hex head bolts that require a metric set of crescent wrenches, then you can go somewhere else, or pay through the beak. And apparently, what's good for the goose is good for the gander because Canadians like this new mean, nice Mark Carney, who is enjoying a bump in his approval ratings with some local tariff-free maple syrup, while cruising in a Dodge Charger built in Windsor, Ontario. Mic dropped. But then politely picked up afterward. ### Wet Dreams Or a nightmare, for that matter, occurred at the border of Tibet, China, and Nepal when a chunk of ice a half mile wide broke off of an icy mountainous area and fell about 4,000 feet, causing a water basin to gush like Trump in a visit with Xi Jinping. Here, [video captures the scene](https://www.bbc.com/news/videos/ckgxnrg8j19o?ref=danielkherndon.com) of [hundreds of people](https://www.cnn.com/2026/08/26/world/video/nepal-flash-floods-landslide-visual-digvid-invs?ref=danielkherndon.com) being swept away by a wall of flood waters that nearly instantly took over a whole town. The latest reports say more than a thousand people are missing, not to mention several buildings and at least one large bridge. Cue the people who say it's climate change and then the people who say it's not. But instead, let's find all our people and try to survive, not just this catastrophe, but maybe even the next one. ### Mail Bagged This week, the Supreme Court [allowed](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/democratic-states-file-new-lawsuit-seeking-to-block-trumps-order-limiting-mail-voting-in-midterms?ref=danielkherndon.com) Trump's executive order taking control of the mail-in voting system to remain in place while the court reviews its legality. For the meantime, the court deferred to Trump because it says it just couldn't see how the order would harm the states that have sued to stop it while the court deliberates. For example, what's the worst that could happen? Besides a president altering elections right before the midterms by taking the control afforded to the states by Constitutional law? Probably nothing. ### So Meta Meta agrees to a $17 billion settlement broken into two parts — one the size of the whole budget of Oklahoma and the other with a budget the size of South Dakota. The first is a down payment of $12 billion to settle the case that says their platform is addictive and harmful to children, and the rest is an additional $5 billion they only pay if other social media companies agree to pay up for the same cause as well. Remember to like and subscribe if you learned something from this post. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum floods your inbox every Friday. Even global warming can't stop it, so you might as well invite your friends to take a dip by sharing this issue with them. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Five More Years URL: https://danielkherndon.com/five-more-years/ Last updated: 2026-08-21T10:30:45.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except Natalie Harp, whose catseye eyeliner will need to be reapplied after Trump rolled on top of her, smearing her mascara across the bed. Hopefully he didn't crush her laptop too, because we have truths to write. In the news, - Former Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell's [phone was seized](https://www.cnn.com/2026/08/20/politics/eric-swalwell-fbi-raid-sexual-assault-claims-invs?ref=danielkherndon.com) by the FBI in relation to sexual assault allegations, which converted him to *Swal-unwell*. Swalwell did not immediately respond to messages from CNN following the raid because he didn't have his phone anymore. - Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are [moving back to UK](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c62ey03z9d1o?ref=danielkherndon.com), which has surprised even King Charles. According to one expert, being a normal person and not being royalty is actually really, really hard to do, and mostly not that great. - The [USS Abraham Lincoln ](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/08/20/us/trump-news?smid=url-share&ref=danielkherndon.com)has made news after 9 months at sea in Iran for its poor living conditions, including bad food and mental health problems. Just as the sailors started heading home saying things are better back home, Robert F. Kennedy said: "[hold my beer](https://www.npr.org/2026/08/10/nx-s1-5927313/trump-rfk-jr-vaccines-autism-executive-order?ref=danielkherndon.com)". - One of the largest sellers of everyday goods, Walmart, saw its lowest sales growth in six years, which the Trump administration says means we are in "The Golden Age of America" where everyone is doing great except for Walmart and all of Walmart's customers. --- ### A Half Decade After ages of writing, I need your feedback. It's been five years since I started this blog. I've published 361 posts, left behind 17,591,023 typos, and missed zero out of 270 Fridays, including on holidays. I've drawn 226 original illustrations, and reused probably 218 of them, as inflation has made my illustrator (me) more expensive. Some issues take days to write. Some are rushed out the door on a budget. Rest assured, for paying subscribers, your support keeps me committed to delivering, and I always do the best I can. When The Lorem Ipsum launched, the US national debt was $23 trillion. Today it is $40 trillion. To put that in perspective, that is the equivalent of 340 billion paid subscribers, many of whom are [signing up today](#/portal/account/plans) to support my work. I haven't missed an issue even for the birth of my child, for spending a week in jail, or the return of Christ – although unrelated, none of those things actually happened over the last half decade, I still assume I could hold true to the schedule. More than likely, if I die, I'll plan ahead and schedule a post to make sure The Lorem Ipsum does not miss a beat, even if my heart does. Over the years, I've accumulated nearly 6,000 subscribers, thanks to some light marketing and you sharing a post with others. Some interesting reader stats: - 15% of you are subscribed to 3 or more newsletters. - 9% read The Lorem Ipsum in bed. - 2.3% read The Lorem Ipsum while completely naked. - 0.00116666666% of readers email or comment regularly after receiving an issue. - 22% don't read any news other than this publication, knowing they can happily rely on the goodwill of The Lorem Ipsum to keep them up to date, instead of being unhappy by reading everything else. - A small percentage of our readers are actually deceased, mostly from natural causes, but still prefer to read The Lorem Ipsum even post mortem. The most notable data I've collected is this, and it's the most underappreciated: People actually read this shit. For that, I'd like to thank you. I've been contemplating how I want this publication to evolve. Here's what I've done so far: - In-depth thought pieces to explain something like the [history of voting and how to protect it](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-rock-the-vote-even-harder/), the [paradox of weeds](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/), how [corporate violence is predictable](https://danielkherndon.com/robot-corporations/), and more. - Run-down articles summarizing my Hot Take on the top news stories of the week. - And short narrative posts about how to [find balance](https://danielkherndon.com/blank-space/) in blank spaces or how to articles teaching you [how to be Mick Jagger](https://danielkherndon.com/a-brief-lesson-on-how-to-be-mick-jagger/) or how to make [the perfect old fashioned cocktail](https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/). And all of this, taking at least 5oo words just to get to the point. That's why some love it, and others hate it. But I want to know what makes readers tick. What do you want to see from The Lorem Ipsum? For those of you who are new here (and I see 92 of you here), it's okay if your answer is "you could at least have a welcome email and some free donuts." But for the rest of you, you are here for a reason. Either you want to learn something, you looking for some new small talk material at parties, or you haven't checked your spam filter in years. Whatever it is, I want to know. What makes a Lorem an Ipsum you want to receive? Your feedback will help me shape future content here. You can drop your comments below by clicking the comment button at the bottom of this post, or if you prefer, you can reply to this email. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is actually really good in bed. Try reading an issue first thing in the morning, and invite a friend! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Airplane Food URL: https://danielkherndon.com/airplane-food/ Last updated: 2026-08-14T10:30:55.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except for the guy who planted the tree that fell on my fence and crushed an entire section. It was a geriatric fence. The cost of it, amortized over decades, not years. Even a New York real estate developer couldn't depreciate the value of this fence any further. I had intended to keep the fence until it blew away like dandelion seeds in blowing wind, but a felled tree has put my plan at risk. Thankfully, as soft and thin as my skin is, I'm surprisingly handy, and I rebuilt the demolished segment, and it will now last another two or three HOA cycles. Let's get to ***The News***. --- ### Airplane Food The Washington Post reported this week that the president was hidden in a catering truck. When Trump left Turkey, en route to England, and took the older Air Force One jet "for old time's sake," reporters were asked to lower their shades. The catering team put on their sunglasses and spy-like earpieces, and went to work. There were reports of a credible threat that Iran may attempt to attack the President. Trump, after boarding the plane in front of cameras, was secretly loaded onto a catering cart surrounded by ice-cold Diet Cokes and a warm Natalie Carp, his adoring blonde assistant. Secret Service expressed concern when they were smuggling Trump off the plane that the president might pass gas if he fell asleep in the cart, as he's been known to do. According to reporters, the first clue that something was off was a waft of McDonald's French fries as the cart passed their seats, then the sounds of giggling and pillow talk, followed by the biggest clue: Trump not talking to the press for the entire flight. Most people failed to notice the catering truck raising its lift to Air Force One, then descending to head directly to the nearby military jet. The few who noticed pointed out that the lift was struggling under the weight it was carrying. Hoping the attack was credible, Trump chose to keep Marco Rubio, Scott Bessent, and Stephen Miller on the original plane. Fortunately, no attack occurred, and the government remains fully operational except during naptime in the Oval Office. --- ### Caroline Leave-It In other news, press secretary Caroline Leavitt quit, not getting lip injections, but rather her job working for the White House. She said it was a bittersweet decision to leave the job, as she had to take care of her family. She mentioned she has two young kids and an aging husband to care for. "Too many diapers to change in this house," one source said, calling it the "Brown House" on Taco Bell night. Karoline was the youngest to ever hold the role. But that didn't stop her from getting plastic surgery. Leavitt is known to have been poked with more needles than a quilt, in order to convert her lips from horizontal pinstripes, which are not slimming, to thick sharpie-style swooshes. According to the reports I'm getting, some reporters challenged her when she announced her departure, unsure if she was, as usual, lying for the president. To keep things consistent, she’ll need to insist to the press that she quit, all while doing the job right in front of them. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is often smuggled into inboxes without others noticing. Let's put one in your friend's inbox today. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### A Brief Lesson on How to Be Mick Jagger URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-brief-lesson-on-how-to-be-mick-jagger/ Last updated: 2026-08-07T10:30:53.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Lately, I've been having conversations with people who want to gain skills that will allow them to go further in life. They want their jokes to land better; they want their hips to gyrate more seductively, or learn how to show the right amount of flair without counting the pieces. It's the "It" factor that we're talking about. Because most people don't know what it is, but we all still want to figure out how to monetize it. Like any transformative ingredient, the first question is always cost. "What does it cost to be that skinny and does it come in pill format or a shot?" or "If I wanted to have a captivating presence and inspire everyone I come in contact with, how much does do you charge for the class, and should I block off 90 minutes for it, or the whole afternoon?" Most Mackenzie type consultants will charge you an arm and a leg just to tell you that you have to have a knack for it. But how much does it cost to get a "knack" for something? Do they have them at Costco? Is it like an Instapot where you buy one knack but you can add many attachments for different things? Want to be able to select an outfit in five minutes and look like a runway model? There's a knack for that. Want to stand on a stage with a guitar and instantly cause a room full of girls to melt in front of you? There's a knack for that. As a brand consultant, I'm the guy they ask for help. In fact, not to make this a commercial (and this is not a paid endorsement of my brand agency, so you can rest assured this is a totally objective review, as I'm paying myself nothing to share this), this past week, I launched two campaigns that were long in the making. In Los Angeles, I worked with an organization that helps women support their families, develop their careers and in general get ahead. We rebranded them, and launched their new name and a campaign this week with great fanfare surrounding it. People all over the world are [donating here](https://allfore.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to keep their mission alive. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/08/Feature-Image-16x9.png) Then, for a company in Prescott, AZ, I completed a campaign that features the value of the real thing in the highly sought after luxury category of [premium handmade Native American jewelry](https://blackarrowgallery.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com). You can watch the film here. I spend my days developing brand strategies like these, creating marketing campaigns, filming commercials and helping companies develop their image. Basically anything that's entirely subjective and not regulated by the government, I probably do that. If you want to look great, I'm the guy. Often people ask me, "how do you do it, Daniel (if that really is your name)?" or more importantly, "Can we take this mantle of creative genius on for ourselves?" Sometimes the requests are more focused."I see that you sent an email this week, Daniel. Can I send emails too, and how much does that cost?" or "If I buy a camera and a V neck T shirt, will my storytelling devices be equally as inspiring as yours?" It's an easy question because the answer is "No," "Good Luck," or "Sorry, isn't it about time for lunch?" Teaching someone how to put lightning in a bottle is like teaching a dog to wink at you every time he spills the trashcan all over the floor and leaves it for you to clean up. If you want to possess a recipe for sauce without giving away its secret, you need to know it already. But that doesn't mean I can't help you. If you're generally very mediocre and you want to be more along the lines of great, you probably only need to make adjustments that are only a couple clicks away from where you are today. For example, if you want to be Chris Hemsworth instead of Michael Cera, what does it take besides jaw surgery? Believe it or not, being incredible might be easier than you think. Let's wash that hair, but not today. Yesterday. I want you to wash it yesterday. Also, we'll make a slight adjustment to that smirk, and teach you to look through someones soul instead of stare at their chest, and boom. You're a stud. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/08/Screenshot-2026-08-05-at-3.12.53---PM.png) If Michael Jackson can do it, so can you. Endure 20 years of abuse, and milk baths if you want, but I say skip all the fluff and just start dancing in a way that mesmerizes audiences today, instead of waiting until later. So take Mick Jagger, the global legend and Rock n' Roll hall of Fame inductee with 13 number #1 hits, for example. Most men under 160 pounds aren't that much different than the Rolling Stones front man who was knighted in 2003\. A little lip filler and 60 years of smoking, and you might be a near composite. When Mick Jagger goes on tour, his stage moves are lauded as "magical", but in middle America, where many of you are reading this humble newsletter, "moves like Jagger" are just called "moves." Even Jagger's signature gait and eccentric footwork is something some people will get surgery, and wear leg braces for 4 years in middle school to get rid of, stop doing coke, depending on your current situation. Try embracing it instead and before you know it, you're a rock star waiting for your next album to drop. Whenever someone asks me how to become Mick Jagger, I recommend one thing: simply pair your swagger with gender bending fashion choices. It really is that easy. When you find yourself in front of a crowd of 50,000 people, don't just play patty cake, introduce some fluid, sinuous movements. Why not? Right? ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/08/Screenshot-2026-08-05-at-4.31.09---PM.png) In this image, Mick Jagger demonstrates his "moves" effectively giving away his secrets. Now that we've got you a Mick starter kit, you're moments away from Mick Phase II where you'll capture the attention of screaming fans every time you enter a stadium. You might as well block out the Superbowl halftime show just to make sure you're available. But first, you're going to need a tight shirt. Really this advice is obvious. These baggy jeans everyone is wearing these days are unimaginative and mimetic. If you want to be the next Mick Jagger, you're going to have to go a size down (maybe two), Tight pants. Tight shirts. And tight skivvies if you wear them at all. Now, you have to [look people (or cameras) in the eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ef9QnZVpVd8&list=RDEf9QnZVpVd8&start%5Fradio=1&ref=danielkherndon.com) when you sing seductive lyrics, whenever possible, make sure your eyes are piercing through their soul to the diving asunder of soul and spirit. And hold the microphone like you're making love to it. One things to always remember. Don't release second rate B sides without first putting out a few chart smashing hits. Take it from someone who knows first hand, as a former professional rock musician. You'll appreciate the extra mileage afforded to you from a tune that is fitting for world domination. You'll thank me later. Now that I've demystified the formula for Mick Jagger style transcendence, you're prepared to apply your own form of other worldy personal magnetism to everything you do from here on out. Beyond that really, all I need you to do to be great is to stop being mediocre and start being incredible. It really is that simple. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum owns the stage, if by stage, we mean your inbox. Make sure to invite friends along to enjoy it. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Hard News URL: https://danielkherndon.com/hard-news/ Last updated: 2026-07-31T10:30:34.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except for Anthony Fauci, who is still recovering from another Senate hearing this week, where he pleaded the Fifth. Incidentally, that is almost what I did with this week's newsletter, where I respectfully plead my right under the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution to stay silent so I do not incriminate myself via this email. But as Mrs. Lorem Ipsum has reminded me, my readers await. Let's catch up on just a couple of items from this week in ***The News***. --- **Hot Toddy.** Acting Attorney GeneralTodd Blanche has faced roadblocks from Republican senators who want him to limit the Tax immunity deal that Trump has made with himself. But Trump says that's [not a problem](https://abcnews.com/Politics/gops-cornyn-continues-block-todd-blanche-attorney-general/story?id=135228494&ref=danielkherndon.com), and that Todd can keep serving in the interim role indefinitely as long as he gets a tattoo on his left cheek that says "loverboy" with a heart and Donald Trump's signature in Sharpie next to it. Todd, who will eat grubs, slugs, and other larvae if asked, will do anything for Trump. **War is Hard.** Saudi Arabia has joined the war in Iran. Furthermore, the US has stepped up its air strikes against the Iranians in response to Iran targeting military installations 18 times in the last 20 days, reminding us that the war is not over, the US military's goals have not been achieved, and the Iranians are not rendered unable to fight. The only joke here is the American military leadership, including Pete Hegseth. The thing is, Pete is so bad at running a war department that he could probably finish a can of Foster's beer before he could win a war, and those things are huge. Pete has been pushing for the armed forces to get [testosterone](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/as-hegseth-pursues-a-high-t-military-heres-what-to-know-about-testosterone-replacement?ref=danielkherndon.com) injections with the goal of making them the fiercest warriors in history, but instead the only thing that became fierce is a soldier's urge to masturbate. Unfortunately, the US military has not been beating Iran; they've been beating something else instead. **Tariffs are Forever.** As I reported [last week](https://danielkherndon.com/worst-words/), tariffs have been rolling back in despite the Supreme Court shutting down a prior troff of tariffs. Trump's [new tariffs](https://www.cnbc.com/2026/07/28/trump-usmca-canada-mexico-trade-deal.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) affect 60 trading partners and about 99.4% of US Imports. This week, we report on the 0.06%. According to reports, when the tariffs were passed, the diamond industry sighed in relief, because the natural diamond industry was exempted from the tariffs, just as the largest diamond company in the world, located in Antwerp, provided Trump with an 18-karat gold ring the size of a watch. It's encrusted with 321 diamonds, 56 sapphires, 13 emeralds, and 6 rubies. The approximate value of the ring is about $25-$35,000\. To put that in context we can all understand, it would take 16,ooo of these rings to buy one Qatari jet gifted to Trump in exchange for US security guarantees and real estate investments, or approximately Hunter Biden's total net worth. **In and Out.** If you've paid attention to the news this week, you know better than I do; you've wasted your time. You could have had AI do it for you. At least, that's what OpenAI did. This week, [OpenAI discovered that](https://www.readtangle.com/openai-huggingface-ai-hack/?ref=danielkherndon.com) one of its autonomous nonhuman agents hacked into another AI company's website. Even more shockingly, the company didn't know about the penetration for days, which is what Usha says about JD Vance after a chance encounter. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is music to your inbox. Share a few notes with your friends this weekend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Worst Words URL: https://danielkherndon.com/worst-words/ Last updated: 2026-07-24T09:30:15.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, One of my favorite words is asbestos. Truly, since I discovered it, I've been in love. Language love that is. It has a great mouthfeel. Like olive oil drizzled over an avocado. I also like chlamydia and sarcophagus. Two tasty tunes orated directly from my lips to God's ears. If I had a rabbit, I'd want it to be velveteen, for there is no sweeter adjective with which to exercise one's mandibles. Who wouldn't like to have a little fun in their mouth? And the list goes on. Gubernatorially, grotesque, gazebo, or perhaps guacamole in a Spanish accent. But I assure you, one word is certainly not on this list. Tariff. I mean it. It's literally one of the most boring words in the world. Even if you roll the "R", it still falls short. The T is too timid. The double consonant is a copout. And the mouth shape is predictable. There's nothing interesting about a word like this. But for some reason, the President has made it his [favorite word](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/uOtIFSt8HzE?ref=danielkherndon.com), or at least second favorite. How shallow can someone get? And what he has done with this word is made it a weapon. He's become the bully in school, except with the nuclear codes. No imagination. Just one word, and a six-digit code that could destroy anyone's country, right after destroying the reputation of his. He wielded it again this week [against Canada](https://apnews.com/article/trump-canada-50-tariff-autos-alcohol-cheese-ca268ef24992b16695954c4c2e5eae6a?ref=danielkherndon.com), our former best friends and second largest trading partner. He's mad at them because their wind blows, pushing the smoke of their latest wildfires across our borders. He also holds a grudge against them for their tariffs against the US. He retaliates for the bourbon industry, which has been ravaged, converting it from a mecca of merchandise painted in gold flake to a KOA [campground](https://www.buffalotracedistillery.com/camp/?srsltid=AfmBOoqBnovd6%5F6eAEQo-psmT3CmT%5FQ9iByZDnUIdzizWoYjUfCjcYDR&ref=danielkherndon.com) with rusty water. Tariff is a grievance word aimed at almost the [entire world](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/23/business/economy/trump-tariffs.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&ref=danielkherndon.com). Because noone is a friend. There are only enemies for Trump. Trump has made oil, cars, beef, and coffee more expensive, and he wants to blame anyone but himself. To get his revenge, he uses the same tactic he used to create the problem in the first place. So I don't agree. It's not that great of a word. I've certainly had better. I just think that as far as words go, it just doesn't work that well. Anyone who uses it as much doesn't either. At this point, we need to figure out how to remove it from the dictionary, if it's even possible anymore. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is great with words, and words are for everyone. Make sure to share some of them with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The American Blowout URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-american-blowout/ Last updated: 2026-07-17T10:30:54.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone who didn’t watch Trumps live nationwide address last night, which happened to be a rerun. It is with great sadness that I share with you that Mitch McConnell is not great at [photoshop](https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dax7S3uk0kK/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink&igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==). His team, whose primary job is to lie on his behalf, is also not great at creating a believable photo. His latest proof of life, aimed at making him look like he's at a picnic, drinking ice-cold sun tea from a hospital bed where his wife has joined him with her extra-long wrist, stretched out to be placed conveniently behind his back, is riling up internet sleuths who've made all sorts of claims about how fake the image looks. The good news, Mitch McConnell is alive. At least until the August 3rd [deadline](https://www.coloradopolitics.com/2026/07/08/uncertain-status-of-mcconnell-could-create-legal-firestorm-over-possible-replacement/?ref=danielkherndon.com), when Kentucky allows the Democratic Governor Andy Bashir to appoint his replacement. Not alive this week is Lindsay Graham. The senator passed unexpectedly earlier this week, of a [brief and sudden illness](https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/video/trump-remembers-his-last-call-with-lindsey-graham-the-night-before-his-death-full-interview-266560581571?ref=danielkherndon.com). Importantly, it's not the time to criticize someone, out of respect for the dead. Right now is not the time to talk about someone who may have debased themselves and surrendered every moral for a shred of recognition from and the opportunity to perform oral sex on one of the most corrupt people currently in the public eye. So for now, I offer my condolences to Lindsay's sister, his Chip ' n' Dale manboys, and to Melania Trump; for she may be more frequently interrupted from her time flaunting her pumps, in hopes of convincing her to come within less than an arm's length to provide salacious treats since Donald has one less piglet to tend to his pepperoni nipples. Let's get to ***The News***. --- ### Danger Lurks from Behind `Debate erupts over the cause of the latest health scare.` This week, in breaking news, Americans are bursting with fear and trembling over a [widespread](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2026/07/16/cyclosporiasis-outbreak-source-cases-updates--live/90940337007/?ref=danielkherndon.com) affliction of explosive diarrhea from a disease known as Cyclospora. Experts blame salad greens and lettuce, which now make greens the most important thing to eat for your health, and simultaneously, the most perilous. One of the most dangerous things you can do by choice is base jumping, followed by driving a motor vehicle. After that is leaving the house with a churning in your stomach. Routine flatulence could be the very reason you lose your job, your favorite pair of pants, and your dignity all at the same time. It's the leading cause of death among things that are also the first choice topic over a camping trip, especially among 10-year-old boys and men over 50\. Warriors share their battle scars. The rest of us, our skid marks and the moments we survived them. That's why this week's news is no joke. In Michigan, where the outbreak is at its worst, the power company warned residents of brownouts. Public officials have advised citizens to walk with cheeks clenched, to avoid a major catastrophe. Some experts [blame the Trump Administration](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jul/13/cyclospora-outbreak-parasite-explosive-diarrhea?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20outbreak%20of%20more%20than%202%2C800%20cases%20comes%20a%20year%20after%20the%20Trump%20administration%20cut%20funding%20to%20state%20and%20local%20health%20departments%20and%20reduced%20the%20remit%20of%20a%20program%20dedicated%20to%20coordinating%20information%20on%20foodborne%20illness%2C%20including%20of%20cyclospora.), after the CDC cut public health funding for the program that tracks foodborne illnesses like these. One expert warned that if Robert F Kennedy Jr himself were to contract the illness, his workout jeans would be in Jeopardy. A few wayward pumps could be the final push he needs to put an end to his chin-up days. The same experts are less concerned about Trump, who is believed to [wear diapers](https://www.threads.com/@persephone%5Fand%5Fsiren/post/DXnXjDxlGT9/is-that-trumps-diaper-pooching-out-trump-diapers-interview-fyp?ref=danielkherndon.com), a staple of his daily uniform. The CDC, for its part, says it is taking the matter seriously, calling it "job number 2." They explain that the situation is fluid. The department says in a statement that, despite the response to the outbreak resulting in a shitstorm, they have prepared a [set of recommendations](https://www.cdc.gov/han/php/notices/han00531.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) to support public health departments and medical professionals. The page highlights "watery diarrhea" as a leading symptom of Cyclospora, but offers the public no explanation of how to keep the liquid from leaking out of the small corners of their ziplock bags when collecting stool samples to provide to their medical professionals for testing. The Trump administration relishes the shift in coverage. Despite the language resembling the way people describe President Trump's undertaking of the Iran war, and the execution of his immigration policies. The story shifts the narrative from the failure of the administration to fulfill its promises to a total blowout where the public is filling its pants. Or maybe this is a gut check moment. Maybe the squirt heard 'round the world is symbolic. A reminder that a President who can't be trusted is like a fart of the same kind. And it's reaching a boiling point. Bottoms up --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum comes out quick, but it comes out dry. For someone looking for dry humor in the inbox, share a copy of this issue. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Mitch Cream Sandwich URL: https://danielkherndon.com/mitch-cream-sandwich/ Last updated: 2026-07-10T10:30:08.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, If you're frozen stiff, I hope you're also drizzled in caramel. Otherwise, you might be Mitch McConnell-ing, a verb that refers to what the Senior United States senator from Kentucky is doing right now. Last week, emergency personnel were dispatched to Mitch's address, where one person reportedly administered CPR. Since his sudden disappearance from the public eye, his staffers have received countless emails from other senators asking about his bourbon collection. In fact, according to one source, Mike Crapo (R-Idaho), Mike Lee (R-Utah), and John Curtis (R-Utah), all members of the Mormon church, are the only ones who haven't expressed an interest. Mitch's bourbon collection is rumored to be so big that only Pete Hegseth could finish it. Mitch's condition has been in question all week. Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear called on the senator to give an update on his condition. Apparently, amid the speculation that he might even be dead, the famed film director, Guillermo del Toro, released an image of Senator McConnell, which may shed light on his current condition. I'll share a before-and-after image right here. I'll let you be the judge of his condition. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/07/mitch-mcconnell-totally-looks-like-pans-labyrinth-monster.jpg) But I understand McConnell. As we age, we all experience more health issues, and it ends up becoming our life. To be honest, I'm starting to like it. I'd almost rather talk about a blood test or the doctor telling me to eat more salt than any business accomplishment I've achieved over the last 30 years. Mitch is in good hands, though. Because, as a member of Congress, he has the best healthcare in the world. The rest of us? We get something else. That reminds me of one of my favorite pieces of all time. I wrote it back in September of 2021, back when my resting heart rate and a little muscle weakness reminded me to get more potassium. I wasn't as smart five years ago, and some of the cited data has changed, but I still stand by the core message of this article. We spend more time focusing on managing sick people in a costly system than improving health enough to make life affordable. I'll rewrite it for the modern age. Until then, enjoy the original version. --- [The United States Has The Worst Healthcare in the WorldSince we’re finally through the pandemic (LOL), I suppose it’s time to talk about our healthcare system more broadly. In an effort to understand views about our healthcare system, I conducted a non-scientific survey on social media. I was able to confirm that this is indeed a![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-921f1ac5-5825-4ed8-84b9-080e7b666b6a.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/5-Outcomes-Graph-dfc4c787-818c-4540-b827-410b629b42cf.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is having a bit of a cough right now, but it doesn't feel sick. If you feel comfortable, share a copy with friends, and feel free to wear a mask while you are reading if you are one of those people. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Heat of the Inbox URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-heat-of-the-inbox/ Last updated: 2026-07-03T10:30:56.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, If a newsletter could sweat, this one would be wetter than an ice-cold Coke can on a whores lap at her last call of the night. When this week's issue hits your inbox, if you read from your phone, temps may hit near 100 degrees, and your scrolling hand will be stickier than your groping hand from the drizzle of your ice cream cone, so if this issue slips, know that I wish you a happy 4th. I understand if reading conditions are untenable. For now, pull the shades, remove a layer, and try to stay cool. If that means you're reading me naked, I'll try not to picture it. The good news is you can probably take your phone in the pool if it helps. This time last year, I kept mine in my pocket as I jumped in, four feet deep, only to find out that everything was completely fine. I've washed my phone with the dishes ever since. So consider reading The Lorem Ipsum underwater. Rumor has it, it's even better, even if it's a little blurry. This week, forecasts show a swath of red across the eastern half of the country, and a little scoop of this for you Canadians, where highs are pushed into the 35 to 40 degrees C range, which doesn't sound that bad to me, but it has Canadians concerned, although they're too polite to complain about it. I write this as a fly-in from Los Angeles, where jackets and sweaters were put to use, as if there's some sort of rip in the matrix, where cheese is good for you, and Indian curry food doesn't contribute to body odor that you can't decide whether to loathe or love. If your air conditioner is keeping up with this heat wave, welcome to the middle class. As solidly as I am seated here with you, mine didn't without the extra love of a home service professional, one of the best, I might add, but fortunately, the only one in the house was a lonely mother-in-law, which was likely preserved longer thanks to the baking in the heat, which is known to kill bacteria, molds, toxins, and possibly judgmental comments. But we didn't want her to overcook, so we brought in our air-conditioning guy at the last minute. As many of you know, the Trump administration has put an end to many of the initiatives aimed at reducing climate change, and some blame this week's weather on measures like increased use of fossil fuels, reduced emissions limits, and cutting investment in wind and solar programs. Over the last few days, the temperatures have been so hot in Washington that fact checkers have started grading Trump's comments about the USA being the "hottest country in the world" as "True" According to reporters, Trump's Great American State Fair attendees were too hot to stand close enough to make the crowds look bigger for the cameras, where Fox News said "thousands" attended. According to one attendee, who admitted to their attendance on the condition of anonymity, the heat was so extreme that Caroline Leavitt's lips began leaking collagen. The latest reports from the Trump administration's parks department say that the temps are so high, algae has taken a dip in the reflecting pool to cool off, causing the perfectly clear water to appear cloudy. According to some White House staff members, the Presidential residence is so hot that the First Lady, Melania Trump, has demanded that the perimeter between her and the president be increased by another 10%, or another two feet. In weather like this, heat deaths are no joke, as high temperatures can affect people with underlying health conditions, especially the elderly. Just yesterday, emergency medical services were dispatched to Republican Senator Mitch McConnell's house, on reports of someone found unconscious at his home. As of this writing, it hasn't been confirmed whether McConnell was the person receiving medical attention, but one source believes they may have direct knowledge of the incident. When asked how long the individual has been unconscious, the source said, "For the last three years." --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum stays cool, even when everything else is hot. Share some relief from the heat with your friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### One for the Junkies URL: https://danielkherndon.com/one-for-the-junkies/ Last updated: 2026-06-26T10:30:46.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, When I make a promise, I keep it. That's why today's newsletter lives up to the commitment I made to you [last week](https://danielkherndon.com/iran-out-of-steam/). Today, you're getting your money's worth. I'm writing this week after spending the day in Albuquerque, NM, a city that serves as the transit hub for the cartel, moving methamphetamine and fentanyl. It's a place where you are asked if you want to make that a biggie size, and if you locked your car doors all by the same person. Being here has been a chance to talk to people for whom pervasive crime is a fact of life. It's also been a chance for me to finally use this same drawing again. This week, I'm basically Bryan Cranston, as one who famously filmed the Breaking Bad series in Albuquerque. And I, too, film things in Albuquerque, except perhaps with a thinner budget and fewer appearances in my [tightie whities](https://www.tmz.com/2023/02/13/breaking-bad-walter-white-underwear-auction-bryan-cranston/?ref=danielkherndon.com). It's consuming work, and because of that, I'm rerunning an old piece, [originally published](https://danielkherndon.com/the-semantic-web/) in May of 2024. For many of you who are new here, it's as fresh as the chicken at Los Pollos Hermanos, and trust me, [Gustavo Fring ](https://screenrant.com/breaking-bad-best-scenes-los-pollos-hermanos/?ref=danielkherndon.com)would agree. The article covers another kind of meth. It's about the tricks marketers play on the human psyche to create false urgency, and the tech companies that have hacked it to gain even more power. I'll post it here in full, so you can enjoy it without further ado or additional clicking. Here's The Semantic Web. --- ### The Semantic Web `Feature Story` Everyone likes a BOGO deal. It was the defining feature of Payless Shoes, next to quality—low quality, that is. In its heyday, men wore thick black soles, like something a doctor prescribed. Kids traded laces for Velcro. Any stitch of leather would be peeling off in a month. Every pair was purchased on the heels of another for half the price when $14.99 would get you shod and ready for the school week. Fifty percent of the shoes were purchased at 50% off, and they were made of 50% toxic chemicals, the trade-off for low prices. But we bought it anyway, especially when it was on sale. Passing up a BOGO is a NOGO. If you can buy two pairs for the price of 1.5, why wouldn’t you? Momma needs a new pair of Oxfords, and so do the kids–because it's back-to-school season. As soon as you see that sign, you'll walk out with a pair of the plainest off-brand Keds you can imagine and another in tow because when you get something this bright white, you're not going to wait to put those kicks on. You're going to wear them out the door. The shoes might not hold up, but the wallet will. A week later, you'll discover you've passed on comfort and savings by choosing a pair of kicks with subpar insoles made of water-soluble foam, thinly veiled with the fibers of recycled paper-like fabric, supplemented by toxic petroleum-based materials. When you walk in to spend fifteen bucks and leave spending twenty-two and a half, you have almost spent more than if you had bought a $450 pair of Allen Edmonds. You fell for one of the classic blunders. *If you buy cheap, you buy twice.* And Payless lets you do it all in one shot. Because if you buy BOGO, you'll be buying it over and over again. But you can't resist. We marketers have always known it. Anyone who believes they have free will should ask themselves this one question. Would you have bought the same $10 and $5 shoes if they were regularly priced at $7.50 each? Our stats say no. If you want to know the truth about the marketing field, where I spend most of my days, I've exposed it in these pages not long ago, which I’ll quote here. > ...we attract some rough ones in this field. I always say if you're trying to pull a marketer out of a barrel, reach down as far as you can until you find a lawyer, and then go even deeper. There you'll find some of the best writers, the most creative designers, and the most self-centered people in the world. > My industry is rife with liars, cheats, and thieves (in the industry, we call them "account executives"), but having hired hundreds of marketers over the years, I've reached down to the bottom of the barrel more than enough. I've become far more selective in my hiring in more recent years. And you should too. ([source](https://danielkherndon.com/the-gop-hemophobia/#:~:text=Needless%20to%20say,you%20should%20too.)) Let me put it another way. The definition of an employee is someone who puts stickers on a $2,000 laptop that’s not theirs and doesn’t clean it off when they return it. If you think that's bad, just remember that it was a marketer who designed the stickers, and an account executive probably came up with the idea, and if they didn't, they definitely took credit for it. But we're not without remorse. We may be among the lowest species on earth, but we're still better than dry cleaners. Our kind deals with guilt just like any human. When we're in therapy (and trust me, people in the ad business get a lot of therapy if they don't opt for whiskey instead), we bemoan the toll of working in a business based on manipulating people. That’s why we’re here. We exist to persuade you to do what we want you to do, whether you need it or not. And for generations, we've had the BOGO deal in our arsenal. It was right next to the ninety-nine-cent pricing strategy and the furniture store going-out-of-business sale. One yellow sticker at a time, and your brain was converted from mush to money. The marketing team was awash in high-fives every time the new sales report came out. This all changed in 2007\. For the worse. In 2005, a "Like" button was added to social content platforms Vimeo and FriendFeed. The feature allowed users to quickly react to content by saying, "This terribly composed image you posted on Flickr from your flip phone of you standing by the Grand Canyon with your dog is really nice!" all in one click. Quietly, a team of engineers at Facebook began working on a new version of the like button that would change the web forever. It was rolled [out in 2009](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/20563051231195542?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20feature%20was%20invented%20for,was%20advertised%20to%20their%20friends.). Based on a once-abandoned web standard, the like button revived concepts of the semantic web, where data is linked to other data. Except in this case, you are the data, and so is everyone you know and everything you do. A simple click of the Like button thrusts the liked content before the faces of your ilk and kin, screaming to your every connection that you have validated what will soon be their choices. To the engineers at Facebook, this was a chance to create engagement by giving people a way to show approval—something that added interactions beyond the comment feature, which, as a matter of percentage, was underwhelming. Because commenting requires a certain willingness to exit one's shell, a Like can be pecked swiftly from under the covers like a squirrel grabbing his nuts before sweeping back into hiding. Likes grew exponentially, and tracking interactions is now momentary. Out of the creation of the Like button came a suite of data about people. No longer did you have to post in your bio that you were fiscally conservative and socially liberal. Facebook was beginning to know more about your real political views than you did. Your music preferences and favorite movies were mined while all the vacation pictures captured your jealousy. Facebook began inviting companies to embed the Like button across their own websites. Soon, a tracking code was added to every advertiser's website, tracking the interests, behaviors, and purchases of people all over the world as long as they had a Facebook profile. Facebook would change its settings to keep users logged in indefinitely so that their interactions were captured in real time, all the time, no matter which sites they visit. Before you knew it, the BOGO deal of a new generation was discovered, and every marketer, politician, and media agency followed suit. This deal doesn't just make you believe you're getting a better price. It makes you believe all kinds of things. For users of the semantic web, [mental health](https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/it-or-not-social-medias-affecting-your-mental-health?ref=danielkherndon.com) has plummeted while time spent with others is divided by screens. Everything from [body image](https://research.northeastern.edu/from-social-media-to-body-image-and-back-rachel-rodgers-reveals-the-complexity-of-this-bi-directional-relationship/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20results%20%E2%80%9Cshowed%20that%20people,restraint%20and%20muscle%2Dbuilding%20behaviors.) to [purchasing habits](https://www.contentintelligent.com/blog/how-does-social-media-influence-consumer-behavior?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Consumers%20are%20greatly%20influenced%20by,is%20worth%20buying%20or%20not.) has been shaped, thanks to the web, where we are convinced we are in control. Facebook created the new standard web, and now, for most of us, an app decides when we [take our pictures](https://bereal.com/en/?ref=danielkherndon.com), how we [interact with friends](https://www.healthline.com/health/how-social-media-is-ruining-relationships?ref=danielkherndon.com#There-are-consequences-to-your-energy-levels-when-engaging-in-the-comments), and [what we see online](https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zd9tt39?ref=danielkherndon.com). Our necks are hunched, our hands cramped, and our thumbs are stronger than ever. Wars that were once proxies are now worldwide conflicts, and our countries are split while our wallets are hollowed out for free shipping. If an algorithm can change elections, consumer behavior, and personally held beliefs at the speed of lightning, the price has proven to be very high. When we bought into the semantic web, we bought one problem, but we got another for free. Now, with every cookie, the web's content is being diluted to fit the demands of technology companies and data miners to architect the content of our brains. Meanwhile, we're jonesing to get well on our daily supply, as our free will is bent to the will of marketers. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: We agree. The Lorem Ipsum is addictive. Give your friends their first fix for free, and they'll surely be hooked for life. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Iran Out of Steam URL: https://danielkherndon.com/iran-out-of-steam/ Last updated: 2026-06-19T10:30:41.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Next week's newsletter is going to be terrible. I'll be flying over all of God's green earth, and some of the brown parts as well, to film commercials, which of course means I'll be too busy to give you the attention you need. More than likely, I'll prepare something at the last minute and send it out with typos. I'm letting you know ahead of time, out of respect. It will be the perfect time to unsubscribe, ultimately to teach me a lesson for sending manmade slop to your inbox. I make it easy for you to hurt me. All you have to do is scroll down to the bottom of next week's message, where you will see this: ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/06/Ruin-My-Day-1.png) Of course, if you do eject from this periodical, you won't be informed, at least not without looking to other news sources, which, in my experience, are not trustworthy. And you won't get thought pieces [like this](https://danielkherndon.com/plastic-brains/) one or [this one](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-believe-in-a-flat-earth/) written to make you think about big ideas. But then, that's what happens when I don't have time. On the other hand, if you want to give me more time, consider funding my work by becoming a [Founder](#/portal/account/plans). Let's get to ***The News***. --- ## Hot Takes `Top Stories. Bottom Dollars.` This week, the Trump administration reached a deal with Iran to end the war and begin a path toward a lasting piece. For those of you who think that's a typo, it's not. In this deal, Iran gains a big piece of the pie. They intend to sign a fourteen-point memorandum of understanding or an M.O.U., which, by some close to the process, has been dubbed the Strait of HorM.O.U. I have access to an early draft of the plan, and I'll summarize all fourteen points here. First and foremost, both sides are asked to read The Art of the Deal (again) to understand how to negotiate successfully. The book, written by Trump, outlines his strategy for making deals, which he's demonstrated time and again as President, and it's smart to include this in this agreement. Let's dive in. 1. **Clear the Air** — In this plan, everybody agrees to end military activity. Also, Iran has insisted that the ceasefire include three things. 1. The end of Israel's attacks on Lebanon. 2. Insisting that Kristi Noem stop shooting dogs. 3. And that Mr. Trump cease dropping ass anytime he is near the Middle East, an occurrence which most experts have found to happen most during his public naps, which is sometimes referred to as "The First Nap". 2. **Keep your hands to yourself —** The agreement asks each side to respect each other’s territorial sovereignty, and if they would be so kind, not to kill one another's leaders. This is widely considered to be a brilliant move on Trump's part, as a master negotiator, because one of the best ways to achieve a successful negotiation is to not kill the person you are negotiating with, or be killed by them. It's a dynamic that many novice negotiators overlook, but they write whole books about this (see above mentioned book). 3. **60-day clock work “orange”** — The deal establishes a timeline for the negotiations, which establishes a 60-day deadline to decide how long they will extend the timeline of negotiating their next deadline. It's a strict no exceptions agreement that exceptions will be made only by a designated time, unless both parties mutually or independently agree to an exception. 4. **Stop the blocking** — The U.S. pulls its Navy back from Iran’s coast within 30 days and clears out of the neighborhood after the final deal is completed, to make room for Iran to better implement its own blockade, but not in a mean way this time. 5. **Free passage, but not too free** — Iran promises safe, no-toll passage for ships through the Strait of Hormuz — but only for 60 days, after which, Iran can start charging for passage. Another page out of The Art of the Deal, to give your opponent more leverage, and when possible, money they can use to build up their arsenal to negotiate against you in the future. 6. **A blank check** — The U.S agrees to put together a $300 billion fund to rebuild Iran. This is better than the deal Obama made with Iran, which Trump criticizes for giving Iran $1.7 billion, because Trump is actually giving them 176 times that amount, based on his strategy to "think big," apparently even when you're losing. The deal suggests that other countries will be brought in to contribute to the fund, which is basically like giving them a blank check, except that the dollar amount line is not the part that is blank. It's the bottom where the account and routing number are. 7. **Sanctions lifted** — America agrees to drop all the sanctions against Iran, one of Trump's key goals in the war, to free the Iranians. However, in this case, it's freeing them from the USA, rather than from their own regime. 8. **Play the oil card** — As part of the dropping of sanctions, the US Treasury cuts all oil waivers right away so Iran can start selling crude oil, even before sanctions formally end, which Trump describes as "The Cards," which, in this deal, are all handed right back to Iran. 9. **Frozen cash thaws** — If talks go well, the USA is required to unfreeze Iran’s assets, amounting to about $24 billion, which the USA had previously frozen to limit their access to global commerce. It also asks that we give the Iranian's streaming access to most reality television (X-rated content in Iran), but that we don't give them access to trash podcasts like the "Call Her Daddy" podcast or anything from Barstool Sports, and if that is not possible as a carveout, that we at least ask Theo Vonn to get a decent haircut. 10. **No nukes, wink!** — Iran is asked not to build or buy any nukes if it is okay with that, but if not, not to post about it on social media if it does. 11. **Destroy the stockpile of uranium powder or other powder as needed** — Iran is required to take the yellow cake mix often used to make birthday cakes or war victory cakes and dilute it with lower-grade material like wheat flour or rice flour for its gluten-free friends or its friends from China who will be celebrating with them this summer. 12. **Start enrichment talks when our schedules clear** — The US and Iran agree to agree to something or determine the nature of their disagreements based on 47 years of not being able to agree on anything at all. 13. **Freeze the borders** — Iran is asked to cut its grass, but it is suggested that it doesn't cut beyond the current borders because when it does, it cuts the grass shorter than four inches, and that seems to invite weeds. 14. **Stick to a clear sticking point** — The two parties agree that the agreement only holds if they continue to agree, and if they don't agree, the agreement doesn't hold, and they will have to establish some sort of agreement. The MOU doesn't go into the details of how rotten the eggs are that are on Trump's face, so we're standing by as details unfold. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is always good at negotiating a strategic place in your inbox. Your friends may want to join the talks too, so don't forget to share. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### How to Believe in a Flat Earth URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-believe-in-a-flat-earth/ Last updated: 2026-06-12T11:25:01.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, especially if you work at SpaceX and didn't trade your shares for [Chili's gift cards.](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/10/technology/spacex-ipo-employee-millionaires.html?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=SpaceX%20employees%20had%20traded%20in%20their%20stock%20for%20restaurant%20gift%20cards%2C%20like%20Chili%E2%80%99s.) You're about to be a millionaire. For the rest of you, you'll be rich in babyback ribs and molten chocolate cake. As you know, I'll have an honest conversation with anyone. For me, agreeing isn’t required to be friends. Even if we talk about the philosophy of toilet paper roll direction, I'll examine the topic and do my best to make sense of it. No matter what direction you choose, even if it's the wrong one, I'm still good for a cup of coffee next week. I've had several conversations lately about some of the standard topics. We're talking about classic elevator conversations and the small talk at business networking events. Like absolute truth or biblical cosmology. I'm always one to dig in, but many will recoil at similar conversations. We've all been there. It goes something like this. You're sitting awkwardly, waiting before a big meeting, a root canal, or on the sidelines of your kids' baseball game, and your neighbor turns to you to chat. "How about the weather? Pretty hot, huh?" "Did you see the Knicks game on Wednesday?" or "Say! Do you believe we are in a firmament enclosed reality, or do you buy the heliocentric model of the Earth?" Your new friend is just trying to connect and break the silence, at least until he realizes you're on your phone. But he continues. "So, what about ontology? Do you think that reality is objective, or is our account of metaphysical reality simply a provisional account of a pliable metaphysical world?" Small talk is tricky. But it's a test. It's how someone identifies whether you are a member of their secret group, or otherwise, if there's a chance they can recruit you. This is maybe the only point where reading an article on Yahoo! News about the Kardashians actually becomes preferable to something else. Your new friend doesn't pick up on this, which is why he would be better off getting a job as a weatherman so he can get paid to talk about something all of us find irritating, but we know we can't escape. At least you can mute a TV. Or change the channel. But it's true that you'll get further in life if you can relate to people. So it would be smart to choose to believe. Even if you can't figure out how to make it make sense, believing regardless pays dividends. So, to help you further your life and career, I'm going to explain how you can become part of one of the most elite groups on this plane – actual flat-earthers. Let's go. --- ### An Exclusive Group We all need to make money, but to make the most money, it requires being part of a secret society. How many times have you heard talk of the Illuminati controlling daily life from the corridors of power? When you're in the group, the group looks out for you. Flat Earthing is a far more premier group, and there's definite appeal. Believing something that 99.9% of people reject puts you in one of the most elite groups in modern history, where only you and your kind have seen through the matrix. It makes your ordinary life into one of the few. And that is valuable. So the first step is to recognize that being one of the select few is better than being one of the default many. ### One's Own Research The next step is to do what most people refuse to do. And that is to do one's own research. In this case, you get to choose your sources. The fewer the better. In most cases, a single YouTube video or, even better, any ancient book that describes the cosmology as a four-cornered flat plane with a rigid dome over it. You won't even need math for this, but if you do, you won't need it all. Just enough to get you to the conclusion, which, by the way, is already stated very clearly in the YouTube video, so the partial math can be skipped. It's important to note that the research phase is not to be diminished. Explain to people that you've been on a journey, and that people need to stop blindly believing the dribble they've been told by large, corrupt institutions like NASA, almost literally every University in the world, and Italian criminals on house arrest like Galileo. Do-it-yourself Epistemology is more reliable. Don't trust the cabal of deception. Step two is to trust your eyes, even if you wear glasses. For someone who feels condescended to by the experts, this is empowering. ### Choose Your Sources Even if it's true. This reality can't be random. Even though the "Big Bang" explains a tightly mathematical occurrence with exact measurements, that consistently match the measurements of the temperatures of the cosmic microwave background and fluctuations in the sky, the redshifts of distant galaxies as things move over time, the measurement of sound waves and acoustic oscillations in distant objects, and the radiometric dating of heavy elements, the photographic evidence from space travel and thet fact that it would be too fucking hard to fool this many poeple. There's no reason for you to fall prey to the network of lies. Deny it, and refer back to your YouTube video and a verse in 1 Samuel 2:8 that describes the earth as resting on pillars. Step three is the simplest. Stick with one true source, and if it really is true, all the other "maths" must not be. ### Good Enough is Better Step four, the most important step, is to stop right there. See a loose thread on a sweater? Don't pull it. Is there a water stain on the drywall? Don't check behind it. What you don't know is what you're not wrong about. So let better off be good enough. Now that you've figured out the secrets of the universe, which is literally all on one flat planet, you are ahead of almost everyone you know. You wear the ring that gets you into the secret society. It's your president who is playing 3D chess and making things great again. Now, as a member, you're invited to special private group meetings and revered for your independent thinking and moral superiority. You're not fooled by the unsatisfying explanations of how satellites work, while a whole industry provides GPS mapping services, and deludes us into accepting an alternate round-earth rationale to explain how it works. Without question, you and your club are the smartest people at earth. The best part of believing truth, even if it's not true, is that you get to be a part of the hottest group there is. Being accepted as a member of the "In" crowd is more important than any data or reasoning. Besides, it's easier to just go with it. So choose belief. Because everything else sounds made up. Now let's see what's in **The News*.* --- ## Hot Takes `Top News This Week` - **Trump will have to get his slushies somewhere else.** - **Inflation Continues to Rise.** It's not just Donald Trump's suit size that's inflating. Or the length of his nap sessions. To measure inflation, the Federal Bureau of Inflation took one of Trump's ties to draw a line chart and nearly ran out of length. When asked about how he felt about inflation, Trump said he loves it. ([more](https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5919776-marjorie-greene-trump-inflation/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Basketball is Booring.** Trump attended Game 3 of the Knicks vs Spurs game, which was a perfect opportunity for him to catch up on some sleep. Before going to bed in a suit made out of pajama material, the President received raucous boos when he appeared on the Jumbotron during the national anthem. According to the Trump administration, "boos" are defined as "mostly cheers." ([more](https://www.npr.org/2026/06/09/nx-s1-5850248/nba-finals-game-3-knicks-fans-jeer-trump-spurs-win?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Gates Opened for Epstein.** Bill Gates (no relation to Pearly) spent time with Jefferey Epstein because he wanted to leverage his money and connections. Fortunately, motivations make it easy to see what you want to see and not see what you don't. And that's why Bill only saw Jeff as a friendly convicted sex offender who would help make the world a better place. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2026/06/10/politics/bill-gates-epstein-house-oversight?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Back to war with Iran.** Donald Trump said that peace in Iran is close, which is evidenced by the USA planning more attacks against Iran. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2026/06/09/world/live-news/iran-war-trump-israel?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **The Southern Baptists just banned kindness.** It's official, the church says you can't have women pastors, but to be fair, they also ban widespread sexual abuse and [covering it up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbFB14owH4U&ref=danielkherndon.com), but there's plenty of that too. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/southern-baptist-convention-evangelicals-women-pastors-7d85ddc4cc13f3c90a05c1ce3de196b3?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Lorem Ipsum is your one and only source of truth. Everything else is a trick. Make sure to get your friends on board. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Maybe I'm Hiring? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/maybe-im-hiring/ Last updated: 2026-06-05T11:11:42.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except Scott Pelley, formerly of "60 Minutes." The news show has changed its name to "Maybe About 24 Minutes" after 3 of its 7 correspondents were terminated, along with its executive producer and other key staff. This week, Pelley was fired after lashing out at his new boss at a team meeting. But please don't feel sorry for anyone at or formerly at CBS. Feel sorry for me. For this has been a difficult time for me, as someone who is required to have an opinion about almost everything. First, as someone who has fired people for berating their boss in front of teammates, I want to take the side of the show's new executive producer, Nick Bilton, who endured disparaging remarks in front of his new team on his first day. On the other hand, as someone who hasn't watched the show “60 Minutes” with the volume on for the last 15 years, I want to take Scott Pelley's side as yet another seasoned journalist out of a job. Where will he go next? The internet? If it makes you feel better, I will, at minimum, give Scott a courtesy interview. Who knows? His next job may be writing Hot Takes for The Lorem Ipsum. A step up if you ask me. Let's get to ***The News***. --- ## Hot Takes `Top News This Week` - **Trump will have to get his slushies somewhere else.** The $1.8 billion fund to pay cast members of the January 6th insurrection, or other MAGA loyalists who were subject to litigation has been shut down. The Justice Department backed off from its goals for the fund. The shift came after several Republicans expressed outrage over the slush fund, leading some zoologists to suspect that some lawmakers may not be invertebrates. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-anti-weaponization-fund-dropped-republican-revolt/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Tariffs look better than your mom.** As the most beautiful word in the dictionary, thanks to the flourish of a double 'F', "tariff" has become a regular part of everyday speech in the last two years. However, despite it's lovely flourish, we didn't know the doubles meant we would be "F'ed" twice. First, by being taxed substantially on all imports, but also by not getting that money back when a judge ruled it unlawful. The Trump administration is fighting the judges' demand to repay the tariffs as wordsmiths recommend changing the word's spelling to "taruff" because it sucks and contains "F"+"U". ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/03/business/economy/trump-tariffs-refunds-court-order.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **John Bolton pleads guilty to having a broom-like mustache.** While serving as national security advisor in the first Trump term, Bolton wrote down things in his personal notebook about his daily activities, and allegedly shared such information with two assailants whom he refers to as his "wife" and "daughter." He's now facing charges for taking notes and has agreed to plead guilty. Legal experts suggest that when sharing information about matters of national interest, instead of private notes, the accepted procedure is for intelligence staff to post national secrets on Signal groups with reporters included. However, sharing with family is strictly banned. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2026/06/04/politics/john-bolton-guilty-plea-agreement-trump-critic?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Musk has great SpaceXpectations.** It pays to be a dweeb, and now you can too, as SpaceX prepares for an initial public offering in June. According to one source, the celebratory rockets erected in the lobby of the space travel company to celebrate the IPO may not be the only erection space nerds see this year, but it may be the only one that gets this much attention, as SpaceX's IPO is set to be the biggest ever. Investment advisors say that as SpaceX goes public, investors will either become richer than ever, just kind of rich, stay exactly the same, or lose everything, so it's pretty much a sure thing. ([more](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2026-06-04/goldman-erects-lobby-rockets-as-morgan-stanley-ipo-rivalry-heats-up?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **An Ebola outbreak** in the Democratic Republic of Congo killed a priest, so unfortunately, now we know, literally no one is safe. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/04/world/africa/ebola-congo-funeral-photo.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not going to chew anyone out in public. We save that for the privacy of your inbox. Invite a friend to feel respectfully challenged today! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Slogan Strategy URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-slogan-strategy/ Last updated: 2026-06-01T12:38:00.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, unless you're tired of hearing people say "Hormuz" all the time, in which case, today is yet another day. Everything is marketing. When the US government entered into a ceasefire with Iran, Trump said it was "a big day for world peace." We are still within that ceasefire despite the lack of cessation of firing. We’re Making America Great Again, despite not knowing on which day exactly it was great and what that great day was like, that this day is not. All you need is a slogan. Almost daily, we're making progress in negotiating a peace deal with Iran. Those negotiations are always "Going very well" and "No other administration has been able to do this." The war will end "very soon," and gas prices "will come down quickly." Yet no party has agreed to any of the other party's terms, Iran continues to block the Strait of Hormuz, and has more negotiating power now than it did 6 months ago, before the war began. The most interesting turn of events is that Iran's government includes some of the worst people on the planet in a bathrobe. But here at the shining city on a hill, every time the president of the United States says we have a deal to end the war, we have to check with Iran to find out if it's true. Normally, I wouldn't trust anyone in a bathrobe to tell me the truth, but now one has become a fact checker. This sounds like a messaging problem. A slogan will fix it all. We're entering into a time when messaging is more powerful than ever, especially when someone can be clear. With all the massive amount of content being produced and thrust upon us, the message that is simple, catchy, and clear is the one that finds purchase. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- - **E. Jean Carol is under criminal investigation for suing Trump and for having a cool name.** I've always wanted a nickname, cool initials, or something, but I'm stuck with capitalizing the The in my newsletter name. But it's all for the better, because it's coming back to bite E. (for those who are on a first-letter basis with the author). You see, in America, it's illegal to sue Donald Trump, at least for now, and having a catchy name ends up being illegal because one might attract attention reserved for the president. Especially if one wins an $83 million judgment against Mr. Trump. So this week, the DOJ is throwing the book at E., and that book is the Art of the Deal. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2026/05/27/politics/exclusive-justice-department-launched-e-jean-carroll-investigation?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **This week, Jill Biden enjoyed an interview with CBS News *Sunday Morning*,** where they asked her what her reaction was to Joe Biden's debate appearance that cost him his reelection. What she didn't say was that if his opponent was a mime who stood off to the side juggling bowling pins, he still would have lost the debate. More decisively, in fact. But here's what she did say: "I don't know what happened. I mean, when I, as I watched it, I thought, 'Oh my God, he's having a stroke,' and it scared me to death." Some say these comments reflect her original sentiment, except that it was exactly the opposite. For example, in the days after the debate, she praised Joe's performance by saying that he "answered every question," which is one of the greatest achievements of all time. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jill-biden-interview-joe-biden-debate-frightened-stroke/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Ken Paxton sounds like he's reading when giving a campaign speech.** This week, Ken Paxton secured the Republican nomination for a Senate seat in Texas, thanks to Donald Trump's endorsement and their shared love for grifting. As he gave his acceptance speech, he went after his Democrat opponent, James Talarico, because that's what the teleprompter said to do. He said, “I’ve even heard some people call him James Talafreako,” which would have been cutting if he didn't end it with "Now pause for laughter." - **Claude is much easier to say than Chat GPT**, and perhaps that’s why their parent company, Anthropic has just surpassed Open AI as the most valuable AI company on Earth, a planet which is primarily used to house the data centers for said AI companies. To read more about the story and these AI companies, Google it. - **Orange is the new Green.** Secretary of Treasury Scott Bessent announced the department had prepared designs for a $250 bill with Trump‘s face on it, which, thanks to rising prices, will be worth almost nothing. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/05/28/us/trump-news?smid=nytcore-ios-share&ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum may change its name to T. Lorem Ipsum to be more mysterious, but that doesn't mean we want to be mysterious to your friends. Make sure you share a copy. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### How Big Can an Apple Be? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-big-can-an-apple-be/ Last updated: 2026-05-22T11:27:06.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I'm taking a bite of the Big Apple this week. No matter how many times I come here, it never gets old. The city is intoxicating. There's energy, lights, culture, and a pee smell that swells with the heat. There's no city like it. Even with its flaws, I can't get enough. Last night, after dinner, I walked around in the lights of the night to take in the energy, alone, in a crowd of thousands. It was not new to me like the first time I set foot on Broadway, 26 years ago, but it hadn't lost that new city smell. But as I walk these streets, wondering if I'll run into the Property Brothers or the guy with the weird hat and glasses from 30 Rock, all I see is people walking with headphones on while reading their phones, gambling that they won't collide with another New Yorker. It's a place where too many have decided the pursuit of happiness is to live on a hamster wheel, where you'll never really get the cheese. The young people are in a rush to get ahead, and the old people are in a rush to stay there. There are many proud New Yorkers, soaking up life, but so many are letting it soak them up first. It makes me think of aging, including what happens before you know it's coming, and after it overtakes you, so I'm going to pull out an old issue about the subject. It's about how, as you age, changing your mind gets harder, but if you can learn how to do it as soon as possible, it might be the secret to staying young. I'll open it up here and link you to the original post. --- ## Plastic Brains We are the smartest we'll ever be when we are twenty, but after forty, the envy of wisdom. Here's why it's hard to change our minds and how doing so can help us live longer. --- If you've ever sat around a kitchen table, you might have noticed that change is hard. The old folks are stuck in their ways, and the young people know better than anyone, even if they know very little. When hot-button issues ruin a hot meal, sometimes sitting around a dinner table is barely more appealing than sitting around a garbage can. Navigating disagreements on important political topics is not for the faint of heart. If there's one thing a hearty debate can accomplish, it's that it can work up an appetite if you don't lose one instead. But rarely does anyone change their mind. Most would sooner lose it. Change gets harder and harder as we age, especially in the gray matter. But if we change our minds intentionally, it just may help us live longer. In this article, we'll explore the reasons why we don't change our minds and perhaps why we should, even if it is hard. I'll highlight five factors that keep us from altering our most deeply held views, factors that, if we are not aware of them, will be the shovels that put us in the ground, none the wiser. ## Vicenials and Elders The beauty of our early twenties is that we're smarter than everyone around us. This is the point in time when we realize that parents and deans of students just don't get it and probably never will because they are old and out of touch. Children at two decades old are perhaps the hidden gem of our time, or theirs anyway, admired most by themselves for the wisdom beyond their own years. The only thing they don't know is that they, too, will be the future deans and parents themselves, and that the ones they cock their heads to also were once vicennial intellectuals as well. Knowledge is an incredibly addictive drug, and aging is its antidote. The older I get, the more I wish I had never been young to begin with. Youth is wasted on them. Whether getting out of bed is painless or getting into it is accompanied by sighs and groans, the young will never know how good they have it, and yet, I never want to be one ever again. That said, at this stage of life, every time I get into bed, my greatest accomplishment the next day is to get back out. I may be old to some, but I'm not *that* old. If the average lifespan is any measure, I am on the crest. I still have a lot of writing left in me. In the meat space, I'm pretty spry and by any measure of average lifespan many years of yard work ahead of me. If I'm lucky, I'll be out of touch for a really long time, outsmarted first by my children, then my potential grandchildren, and bratty neighbor kids who walk on my lawn, until eventually, the only yard work I am doing is becoming one. For most of us, we decide who we want to be in life, and what ideals we want to live by, and we dig deeper into those ideals, every layer an added commitment to them. Many of our ideals, formed in our twenties, deserve revisiting, but we seem to keep digging anyway. Eventually, it gets harder to dig ourselves out before the day we become a resident of the very dirt we spent our lives unearthing. For some of us, it will be our ideals that bury us. Why is it so hard to change our minds? How do we change our minds when our minds have been made up? If anything is true, it's worth being tested, and testing any notion requires a willingness to falsify it. After all, do we want to believe the truth or believe we're right? But just like George Bush in 2002 insisted that Iraq was developing 'weapons of mass destruction' and, after finding nothing, sought UN approval for the use of force, and after failing to garner support, invaded anyway. You've probably done the same, minus the full-scale military invasion part. For a more contemporary example, I expect Joe Biden to continue to insist he's the best man for the Presidency, even if he has to run the country from his grave. Politicians have figured out how to exploit the public. By reducing everything to matters of identity. Race, gender, fiscal responsibility, reproductive health – everything is presented as a matter of our identities rather than a complex problem, as many policy issues are in reality. The hardest ideas to let go of are those that we use to define who we are. Half of the voting public votes to defend their rights, while everyone else is voting against them. How to win hearts and minds is clear, but changing minds is much more difficult. And this is why we remain polarized. Here are five factors that keep us from changing our minds, and how inviting change may offer us a fuller life. Continue... [Plastic BrainsWe are the smartest we’ll ever be when we are twenty, but after forty, the envy of wisdom. Here’s why it’s hard to change our minds and how doing so can help us live longer.![](https://static.ghost.org/v5.0.0/images/link-icon.svg)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/05/99-plastic-brain-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/plastic-brains/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is the newsletter that never sleeps. Wake up your friends with a copy. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Rural Juror URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-rural-juror/ Last updated: 2026-05-15T10:30:10.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, It's your civic duty to serve. Every day, some criminal libertine faces a judge, and it's your job as a fellow citizen to be there in the gap for him to demonstrate that it's hard to prove a crime that was committed when no one was looking. I fulfilled that duty this week. Almost. I received the honorable commission from the Marion County Criminal Justice Center, located right by Rural Avenue in Indianapolis. I'm reminded of the Rural Juror from 30 Rock. This time, I am that Rural Juror. They requested my appearance, to dutifully serve my community, and my country (but at minimum, my county) by being considered for jury duty. Consider it done, I said. I showed up with my shirt tucked in and a local version of patriotism, to be a prospective 8% of the only thing between one man and the gas chamber (or maybe 180 days time served plus a fine not to exceed $2,000). The defendant was being charged with an act of domestic violence, causing injury to his pregnant wife. I was the last person of 200 people to be questioned, and the question after hours of deliberation was "And, what about you, Juror number 37?" I said, "What do you want to know? I've been on the board of an anti-domestic violence organization for some 10 years." Just then, the judge told the defense their time was up. I was dismissed after four and a half hours of service to my ~~country~~ county. You're welcome. Was I writing a newsletter? No. Was I driving millions of dollars in sales to create jobs across America? No. I was selflessly waiting to be fair and impartial on behalf of my fellow citizen, a criminal. Who was, by the way, definitely guilty. Let's get to ***The News***. --- - President Trump continues to celebrate the victories of his war in Iran. As Trump says, Iran is a dried cracker with no milk. While a report from his intelligence administration this week [contradicted his claims](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/12/us/politics/iran-missiles-us-intelligence.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) about Iran's ability to respond. Basically, if his team, which doesn't have a PR department, is correct, they are the Ritz crackers, and while it may only be 70% of what they had before, they have a whole block of cheese. - Alex Murdaugh, the attorney in a true crime hit saga, was eventually convicted of the murder of his wife and son, apparently to cover up massive financial crimes. This week, his murder conviction [was overturned,](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/alex-murdaugh-murder-conviction-overturned-state-supreme-court-rcna344926?ref=danielkherndon.com) requiring a new trial. Thankfully, he has more than 40 years of prison time to work before he dies/get's released to clear his name of murder. - Trump met with Xi, and the [only takeaway](https://www.nbcnews.com/world/china/xi-warns-trump-taiwan-conflict-summit-beijing-china-us-rcna345069?ref=danielkherndon.com) we have is that, during a wide-stance handshake, Trump tried to pull Xi's hand down to his junk. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/05/Trump-Wide-Stance-2.jpg) - Dr. Oz, in an Oval Office press conference/presidential nap, said that [most Americans](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/dr-oz-fertility-crisis-population-b2974957.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) are "underbabied." That's it! That's the take! --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is fair and impartial, and always just. Share a copy with a jury's worth of your peers. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Wrote an Article URL: https://danielkherndon.com/wrote-an-article/ Last updated: 2026-05-08T10:30:37.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except for Ted Turner, the creator of CNN, who died this week, which now requires you to watch nonstop news coverage about him for 24 hours straight, including expert analysis. I'd also like to exclude Marco Rubio, who praises his boss for changing plans every 7 to 13 minutes, and Pete Hegseth, whose pocket squares only serve to confirm his lack of judgment. Because of their incompetence, I call on both of their gas tanks to be found totally empty, and in California, just to teach them a lesson. If I can be honest. I finally got writer's block. It only took me 4 years and 11 months, and 342 full-length posts to get here, but here we are. I barely figured out how to finish this very \[sentence\]. I had a nightmare once that I went up on stage to do standup for the first time, and I was so nervous, I could have peed my pants, but at the same time, I always get stage fright at public urinals, so I also couldn't pee my pants. So what happens to the pee when you can neither hold it nor let it out? That's how I feel as a writer this week. I have lots to say, but it's hard to say when we're standing next to each other at a urinal. As I spiral on this topic, I fear my writing skills resemble Jefferey Epstein's, based on his purported suicide note, which read, “It is a treat to be able to choose one’s time to say goodbye. Watcha want me to do — Bust out cryin!! NO FUN, NOT WORTH IT!!” It's hardly Shakespeare's final masterpiece, "The Tempest." That's because Jeff is a talentless prose butcher who is not safe around teenagers, and Shakespeare was a dramatist. I'd much rather associate myself with William than I would jeff. And that's why it's hard to admit that I have nothing to say, and if I did, I'm not sure I'd say it well. In light of this occurrence, I'm going to close by talking about how we relate to our own identity, a thought that has been top of mind for me this week. We all have a picture of who we are in our heads. Whatever framework forms that identity often shapes and is shaped by many other beliefs. If something were to challenge that belief, odds are you wouldn't be able to hear it. Let's take vegans, for example. There are some people who prefer not to eat animal byproducts. Then, there are vegans. One is a choice, the other is an identity. When someone presents evidence supporting veganism, it's enlightening. But when presented with evidence to the contrary, it won't even receive a fair examination. This phenomenon is so powerful that people will starve themselves to death, convinced they are correct and everyone else is wrong. While vegans are easy to pick on because of their muscle loss, failing immune systems, and lack of sufficient nutritional fats for brain performance, this situation is hardly limited to vegans. It also applies to "Naturopathic Doctors," "America First Conservatives," or "Flat Earthers," where beliefs are far less important than membership. We all have deeply held beliefs that are part of our identity, and because of that, we are unable to see the corrective hand in front of our faces. That's why someone like Trump is able to sway conservatives, without ever being a conservative. It's why what is now known as woke ideology can control a whole party, despite sound logic and immutable facts. Because they know how to connect to our identity issues, supplanting any real sense of reason. I want to believe I'm a writer, although maybe I'm not. But I promise, I will be next week. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum never runs out of something to s... ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Bad Numbers URL: https://danielkherndon.com/bad-numbers/ Last updated: 2026-05-01T10:30:05.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except for democracy, a concept once based on the idea that everyone gets a vote in their government. While most people are currently still allowed to vote, the Voting Rights Act is a shell of what it once was, thanks to the Supreme Court. The court reminds us, in its 6-3 ruling, that we are not allowed to sort people by race, as a voting map in Louisiana has done in both directions. To sort them out, or into a more influential position as a voting demographic. This is a complete conundrum. Worse than choosing a spice level at an Indian restaurant, which I contend comes down to how many shakes a line cook drops in a bowl of curry. How hard will they tap the sprinkle container's back end? These details matter. As it is, it's hard enough to pick a color; Yellow? Red? Green? Massaman? But my favorite color is blue, and now I have to decide how many times to tap it and how hard. The real question is, can we even sort by color? M&Ms all taste the same, to my buds, but why is yellow the best? Does affirmative action apply to candy consumption? Should I eat more brown ones to provide equal protection under the law of melting in your mouth and not in your hands? Is this some kind of confectionery race theory? Let's think of it this way: if I sorted people by the color of their teeth, I probably would hang out with a lot of coffee drinkers, but not many people who took the antibiotic tetracycline during the developmental stages of childhood. Imagine if your hair color were a factor in qualifying for a job? With the exception of the Fox News desk, this would be unheard of. I hear them saying, "He had a great resume, but his hair was (gulp) a mild Auburn color." What if having short Achilles tendons qualified you for Affirmative Action considerations? Perhaps Kenyans would lose their winning advantage in Olympic running events. We all hope for a world where hair color, platelet count, iris patterns, retina scans, and facial geometry are not a factor in how we regard one's value. But the question keeps coming up. Either we should sort people by those details or we should not. It seems like a yes-or-no question, but some groups of people argue that you can't until you can, in which case you should. Federal law prohibits discrimination, except when needed. Someone gets to decide when that is, and that person is always changing, like a line cook in a team of line cooks, all with differing arm strengths and the torque of their humerus. In the case of Louisiana v. Callais, partisan gerrymandering is the problem. Racism is the talking point. SCOTUS ruled, in interesting timing, to comment officially on how legislators pick their voters, and whether or not they can, and should. Congress is the only one that can eliminate the problem of partisan gerrymandering; SCOTUS can only tell us if the way it was done is constitutional. Tangle gives us a well-thought-out [take](https://www.readtangle.com/scotus-weakens-voting-rights-act/?ref=tangle-newsletter) on the topic if you want to read more. I don't know how long racial sorting and the friendly form of discrimination afforded to us by the 14th Amendment should last, but it strikes me that it might not be forever. All that to say, good morning. You are reading The Lorem Ipsum. Let's get a little of ***The News.*** --- - If I’m accused of attempted murder and indicted next week, it may be because of the content of this newsletter. James Comey, for one, has now been indicted by Trump’s DOJ because he took a picture of a pile of shells arranged in the shape of numbers. In this case, the 13-year-old who made the design would be an assassin. Following is an image of his post. Please note that parental discretion is advised. Or read [more](https://abcnews.com/Politics/trump-doubles-86-mob-term-murder-after-comey/story?id=132526395&ref=danielkherndon.com) about the case. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/04/IMG_4917.jpeg) - Trump has survived another assassination attempt, just before the White House Correspondents' Dinner. This event confirms he needs a ballroom, for national security, as the president can only go to a secure place in the White House, the Middle East for business meetings, and to every 5-star golf course on earth. But not a hotel. Should this be investigated? Some Republicans say "nah," but it definitely wasn't a false flag. Fox News has [more](https://www.foxnews.com/politics/third-assassination-attempt-debate-grows-whether-trump-attack-warrants-another-investigation?ref=danielkherndon.com). - The Strait of Hormuz remains as blocked as an MLM recruiter on LinkedIn who sent you a DM asking if you'd consider joining his team, and there is no end in sight. If you want to get your hands on some oil, you'll need to pay a premium, now priced at its highest rate in four years. Here's [more](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/30/business/oil-gas-price-iran.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). - Epic Fury made its way into Congress, with Pete Hegseth testifying, flask in hand. He made it clear who in this war is the real enemy. It's anyone in Congress who is [against it](https://thehill.com/policy/defense/5856223-hegseth-house-hearing-takeaways-iran-war/?ref=danielkherndon.com). --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum does not draw partisan lines, except around your inbox. Please remember to share it indiscriminately with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### A Life of Click Bait URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-life-of-click-bait/ Last updated: 2026-04-24T10:30:06.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone who reads their own email. For those relying on AI summaries, you're on your own. I'd also like to say good morning to Kash Patel, here in about 5 hours, when he finally wakes up at his desk, where he passed out last night, after getting drunk on blue Kool-Aid and Vodka in a water bottle. The Atlantic [says](https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/2026/04/kash-patel-fbi-director-drinking-absences/686839/?ref=danielkherndon.com) this is normal for him. On to today's article. --- ### Click Heads I've complained for years about how the internet has shaped us in negative ways. Now, with AI tools that can use the internet for us, there are countless emails and blogs from people who didn't write them, sent to people who won't read them. Meanwhile, the people getting credit are entranced in a TikTok feed, drooling as they [watch 18-second videos](https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/how-tiktok-keeps-its-users-scrolling-for-hours-a-day/ar-AA1O0wLL?ref=danielkherndon.com), one after the other. When people joined the internet, they did so to access a canonical list of every book in the Library of Congress, study the Ancient River Civilizations of Mesopotamia, or find out how to calculate loan interest. But eventually, everyone is watching a video compilation of people face-planting. What you search for is not the same as what you click. As a human animal, I can say this: humans are basically animals. If I throw a ball, my dog will run, whether he wants to or not. Throw a warm pastry with cinnamon sugar on it, and I'd probably do the same. This week, Virginia voted to advance a gerrymandering plan that gives Democrats an advantage that might win them 10 seats, under the message of "[fairness](https://www.arlingtondemocrats.org/redistricting?ref=danielkherndon.com)". Democrats are known for criticizing gerrymandering, and along with them, [most Americans say](https://yougov.com/en-us/articles/52740-large-majorities-americans-say-gerrymandering-major-problem-unfair-should-be-illegal-redistricting-texas-california-poll?ref=danielkherndon.com) it is unfair and should be illegal. Everyone is against gerrymandering until they want more seats in Congress. The noble pursuit of letting voters pick their representatives may be what Democrats are searching for, but if you're enticed with the opportunity to win big, it's easy to click on. For now, a [Virginia judge has blocked](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2026/04/22/virgina-maps-blocked/89742466007/?ref=danielkherndon.com) the maps a day after they passed. To get back to the internet, consider AI executives. Elon Musk famously pontificates that in the future, no one will have to work, and AI will create a world of abundance. While his prediction sounds utopian, it's far-fetched to think that he'll be distributing his wealth soon. When the "money bags" image pops up, he always clicks it. AI executives insist that their new technology will be disruptive, that it could destroy the world, or at least make free porn, and that it should be regulated. As AI companies grow, many of them are investing in creating AI safety programs, with at minimum the appearance of concern for the potential negative outcomes. But as potential policies are being debated, AI companies' [spending on lobbying](https://www.technologyreview.com/2025/01/21/1110260/openai-ups-its-lobbying-efforts-nearly-seven-fold/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is exploding with the goal of [stopping any regulation](https://issueone.org/articles/as-washington-debates-major-tech-and-ai-policy-changes-big-techs-lobbying-is-relentless/?ref=danielkherndon.com) that holds them back. The Search is for safety. The click is for cash. If I were able to go back in time, I would find the guy who invented the snooze button, kill him, and then take his identity and all the credit for the most powerful button since the spacebar, and with the proceeds I get from monetizing it, I'd create a dynasty that would give my descendants enormous wealth for generations. The snooze button is so successful because it is easier than making the bed. It's like a pair of boobs sitting right there on top of a clock. Apparently, the same is true everywhere. We'll only be able to fix it if we start noticing. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not an alcoholic, as it believes it can stop anytime. But, yet, it shows up here each week. Share with a friend by clicking the button below this email. 👇🏻 ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Second Return URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-second-return/ Last updated: 2026-04-17T10:30:10.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, Good morning, and welcome to the latest issue of The Lorem Ipsum. Growing up, we were always told Jesus would return, and that it could be any moment. This was no time to slumber, because it was a matter of (eternal) life or death. Would he catch you smoking? Looking at a nudie mag? Using the free water cup to swipe some Mountain Dew? Cussing? It's nothing to joke about. I expected him to return every day. But I never expected it to be today. I especially didn't expect him to be a real estate developer who creates [250-foot monuments](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/15/us/politics/trump-arch-dc.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) by simply speaking them into existence. I did expect the glowing mane, but it looks different in my head. But this week, we've learned that Jesus is no longer a humble carpenter. Nay, he's the [President of the United States](https://x.com/FmrRepMTG/status/2043520511993434587?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com), AKA the King of Kings. This new version of Jesus, Jehovah-Rapha, Hebrew for The Lord our Healer, has returned for a second term to demand we worship him and wage war against those who have rejected him. Jesus changes everything. At least this particular one does. Who else could turn Marco Rubio from a traditional foreign policy hawk to an America First warrior, known as "Little Marco"? Who else can meet the likes of JD Vance on his Appalachian version of the road to Damascus and change his heart from a staunch critic, warning America against him, to worshiping him and defending his comments against the [blasphemy of the Pope](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/14/jd-vance-defends-trump-pope-leo-spat?ref=danielkherndon.com)? Hell, even Mike Johnson has switched from Bible reading to blow jobs when his Majesty has time for him. Somehow, this is what the world always needed: someone who was bold enough to set aside all virtues and defend God's chosen people, usually referred to as America. In the second coming, the anointed one takes orders from no one but Benjamin Netanyahu and Himself (Note: He reminds us to always capitalize the H in his chosen pronouns, He/Him). He has brought us into a war by ending [a 2015 agreement with Iran](https://www.cfr.org/backgrounders/what-iran-nuclear-deal?ref=danielkherndon.com) not to develop nuclear weapons. Now, after an attack, Iran has rescinded it's agrement, and now insists on the right to develop them. He has increased the cost of oil and, in general, living by applying tariffs on as many imports as possible, supposedly to bring back old-world manufacturing jobs, even though [they don't work](https://www.kansascityfed.org/research/economic-bulletin/higher-tariffs-might-have-created-headwinds-to-employment-growth-in-2025/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and [cost Americans](https://budgetlab.yale.edu/research/where-we-stand-fiscal-economic-and-distributional-effects-all-us-tariffs-enacted-2025-through-april?ref=danielkherndon.com). He has alienated us from many of our allies and supply chain partners, ultimately [handing the spoils over to China](https://www.lowyinstitute.org/the-interpreter/us-aid-cuts-are-soft-power-surrender-china?ref=danielkherndon.com). He has placed his image everywhere, from [monuments to money](https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/2026/03/trump-face-all-over-washington-dc/686467/?ref=danielkherndon.com), so if his damage to our economy or our place in the world doesn't last, his likeness will. As any theologian knows, the return of the King is supposed to commence His 1,000-year reign here on Earth. To some, it's as good as heaven; to others, it feels like hell. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not a deity, but some call it the Newsletter of Newsletters. If you believe, please share with a friend who needs to hear the good news. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Missing the Moon Shot URL: https://danielkherndon.com/missing-the-moon-shot/ Last updated: 2026-04-10T10:30:34.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Greetings, people of Earth–many of whom are readers of The Lorem Ipsum–this week, we celebrate a so far successful trip to and from the moon, the $4.1 billion project which brings us one more step closer to debunking the green cheese theory. The $1.025 billion dollar per ticket price rivals the cost of my plane ticket home from the UK, thanks to oil prices, and I didn't even get to see the dark side of the moon, unless you count a distant view of JFK Airport's Terminal 7 as a close equivalent. The food is similarly priced and just as good. The crew of Artemis II set off to fly around the moon, almost exclusively propelled by gravity and a total of about 2.5 hours of engine thrust from takeoff to landing, to see parts of the moon that, until recently, were little more than a Pink Floyd album. NASA Artemis II crew member Victor Glover, looking down on Earth, said, "Trust us, you look amazing. You look beautiful," referring to humanity as one. The space crew doesn’t see black, brown, or white, but a mix forming a medium-tan humanity with an orange pimple, which will go away soon, if we don’t pick at it too much. Astronauts have been describing the view from space, saying that from far above Earth they can see the Great Wall of China, the Pyramids, and Iran's 10-point plan, and they can even tell it's not a good deal. Trump [said](https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116351998782539414?ref=danielkherndon.com): *"Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP"* And then, just hours before his latest deadline, he [said](https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116363336033995961?ref=danielkherndon.com): *"A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again..."* The deal represents a total loss for Trump if it is agreed to, yet he described it as a win, saying Iran is prepared to negotiate, and it's a reason to put his plans to commit war crimes on hold. In the [eleventh hour](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/trump-warns-a-whole-civilization-will-die-tonight-if-a-deal-with-iran-isnt-reached?ref=danielkherndon.com), Trump said, *"Almost all of the various points of past contention have been agreed to between the United States and Iran, but a two-week period will allow the Agreement to be finalized and consummated."* On a positive note, we now know how much the "free" Qatari plane cost Trump, which is about 13 American servicemen's lives plus about $100 billion to fund a war in Iran. So to see what Trump might be agreeing to, I've read up. I'll summarize the 10-point plan, right here: --- - **Control of the Strait of Hormuz** — Iran demands continued control of the Strait of Hormuz and that it be renamed to the *Straight of Virgin-muz,* and asks that we not point out the slight curve in it, please. - **Protocol for governing shipping processes** — The plan calls for a formal protocol regarding shipping through the Strait that appears to be inspired by their fundamentalist religious beliefs about men and women. Iran insists that if "barges" or "tankers" thrust their way into the "strait", they avoid doing so from the "rear end" of the body (of water), and that the "seamen" manning the vessels not "splooge" oily substances into the strait, and that they conduct themselves in a professional manner in accordance with Iranian values. - Also, they may have to pay a toll. - **Non-aggression commitment** — Iran calls for a commitment to non-aggression from the US, starting with a request that the first lady stop [scowling](https://share.google/mso1ZK88xE8PmqKKh?ref=danielkherndon.com), and second, that Pete Hegseth not [call reporters](https://www.the-independent.com/tv/news/pete-hegseth-iran-nbc-reporter-clash-video-b2954256.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) "rude". - **End of the war on Iran's allies** — Iran has demanded that the US end the war against its proxies and restore the [memes](https://www.voanews.com/a/on-tiktok-tim-houthi-chalamet-sends-yemen-rebels-message-to-west-/7458129.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) of Tim-Houthi Chalamet, the handsome boater and terrorist who was intruding on boats back in 2024. - **US military withdrawal** — Iran has demanded that the United States withdraw its troops from all bases in the region. According to reports I have access to, the Eisenhower administration has said it is looking into this request and will get back to them "soon." - **Compensation** — Full compensation for the damages suffered by Iran, but preferably, they would like to be paid in pistachios and the family-size bag of Doritos from Costco, due to the decline in the value of the US Dollar. - **Sanctions relief** — Iran demands the lifting of sanctions and the unfreezing of assets, and they get specific on this one by asking the US to negotiate a reasonable price for Netflix subscriptions, citing that the platform is exercising entertainment-based economic terrorism. Iran also demands that any new price remain in place for at least 6 weeks before the next price increase. - **End of IAEA resolutions** — End any resolutions against Iran issued by the IAEA, which is either the agency that oversees the use of atomic energy across the world, or a Swedish furniture company with a cafeteria that sells really tasty meatballs. - **End of UN Security Council resolutions** — Iran demands that the UN end all resolutions against them, but would also like to know just what it is they actually do, since it's still kind of unclear, but says that they still don't want resolutions against them, even if they are just the night shift staff of a Waffle House. - **Acceptance of nuclear enrichment** — Accept Iran's right to conduct a nuclear enrichment program, and also to admit that the original moon landing was faked. As you can see, thanks to *The Art of the Deal*, the war is nowhere near over. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum offers better 10 points than most 10-point deals. Share one each week with your friends, if you really care about them. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Fact Based Jobs Grow URL: https://danielkherndon.com/fact-based-jobs-grow/ Last updated: 2026-04-03T10:30:47.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except for the Private Sector, where Pam Bondi will be taking a job that she is "thrilled about." It's Friday again, and it's time for a brief update. I'm calling again from England, where "partly cloudy" is a heat wave, and the 'F' word sounds graceful. What I like about comedy is that you can tell the truth without the burden of accuracy. It gives me a chance to communicate important information under the guise of total unimportance. There's also a style of talk called "bullshit," made popular by Donald Trump, and the 49.8% of voters who prefer it over the alternatives. It offers something similar, but kind of in reverse, taking things that are important and making them seem far less important by abusing the facts. This has created a boom in jobs for fact checkers, thankfully, as other markets struggle. On Wednesday evening, Trump gave a speech updating the public on the war in Iran, which, as usual, boosted morale with the Fact Checker's Guild. Analysts look forward to a positive jobs report, too, with numbers shrinking across all categories but growing in two: fact-checking and artificial intelligence, both of which are essentially based on bullshit. Not to take jobs from others, but for those of you wanting a summary of the President's address this week, with a fact check, I'll provide one here today. --- **Claim 1: "The war is nearing completion" and will wrap up "shortly."** **This is misleading** because he was addressing someone in the audience named "Shortly," but according to those familiar with the audience, there was no one by that name among the press corps, the White House media crew, or any of the cabinet members. Some believe he could have been referring to his press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, who measures in at 5 feet and 4 inches. This is the first record of Mr. Trump calling her by this name. **Claim 2: Iran's missile capabilities have been largely destroyed.** **Partially true**, but significantly overstated. To date, no one has been able to confirm that the projectiles that Iran lobs at its enemies are actually missiles. According to available data, some projectiles are believed to be made up of bales of burlap bags filled with rice, wrapped around a large scale skewer made up of a fragrant, aromatic blend of rice, grilled meats, stews, and herbs – essentially a fresh kebab. As a U.S. official told NPR last week, the U.S. has only been able to confirm the elimination of around one-third of Iran's missile capabilities, and that was in part due to Pete Hegseth going on a meat binge when on a trip to the Middle East. **Claim 3: Iran's nuclear program has been obliterated** **This claim is false.** The fact checker to dive into this one was actually Donald Trump himself, who previously said that Iran's nuclear program was destroyed, and then shortly after, said it was not, but also said it was in the same speech. He also had recently told Reuters he doesn't care about the highly enriched uranium dust that Iran has stored in underground tunnels, except that, he noted, it could be used as a thickening agent for his hair. As he explained in the full version of the speech, if you sprinkle the dust evenly through fine, wispy blondish-orange hair, it acts as a sort of dry shampoo, which gives hair a brighter sheen and more body. **Claim 4: "Regime change was not our goal. We never said regime change."** **False.** He actually said this in his first public address about the Iran war. According to sources near the White House, this new address was actually, in a way, a fact check of the old address, as everything he said in this address was, in large part, the opposite of everything he said in the prior, while also being entirely accurate. Some would even say the most accurate speeches in history, like nobody has ever seen before. **Claim 5: The Strait of Hormuz will "open up naturally" when the conflict ends.** **This is contested**, but mostly just because the term "open up naturally" was met with the response of "that's what she said" by the press that were present for the speech. Also, if I were to "open up," in a way that works well for me, who is anyone to say whether it is or isn't "natural," if it's what works best for me? For this reason, we can't count this one as true. **Claim 7: "We inherited a dead and crippled country... and made it the hottest country anywhere in the world by far, with no inflation."** **This is false.** Kuwait is the hottest country in the world, based on its frequently recorded extreme temperature of 129.2 degrees Fahrenheit. **Claim 8: "Record-setting investments coming into the United States, over $18 trillion."** **This is significantly exaggerated.** Also fact-checked by Trump, his own website offers a different number – about 10 trillion. However, the USA's total GDP is only 30 trillion. An investment of 18 trillion would require 24 more Wal-Marts, plus all of Venezuela, Iran, Cuba, Israel, and Ukraine combined. On the other hand, maybe this one is true. We'll have to stay tuned to find out. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share widely. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Round House Kicking the Bucket URL: https://danielkherndon.com/round-house-kicking-the-bucket/ Last updated: 2026-03-27T10:30:22.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, unless you're in the UK with me, in which case, good afternoon. I'm on a 12-day trip through Scotland and England, where I'll be asking for directions as loudly as possible, while complaining about the coffee. But, still I'll integrate into society by pluralizing "math" and measuring pints at 20 oz. In England they're known for their inability to be direct, where they’ll add “perhaps” to every imperative—a modifier that is the exact opposite of “goddammit” as the Americans say. In fact, I couldn’t even get a direct flight here, as it were. Even, Apple Maps falls into the round about habit of equivocation, by directing me around the block, down a sloped drive and then up four flights of stairs to bring me to my hotel when I was actually dropped off right in front of the building. I hate to say it, but this is a true story, with few, if any embellishments. Unfortunately, when I travel, the news doesn't stop, I’ll be brief but today and focus on the most important topic. Chuck Norris died last weekend. Or to be more specific, Chuck Norris didn't die; everyone else did. And hell is where everyone on earth goes when Chuck Norris stops being alive. He'll be missed for his vigilance, toughness, and pure manliness. Chuck is so tough, he makes onions cry. Chuck is so manly that when he shaves, his razor gets a Chuck burn. He so tough, his dermatologist often advise the sun to wear protection when in prolonged exposure to Chuck Norris. His accomplishments include advanced black belts in judo, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and Karate, and the most powerful roundhouse kick in history. In fact, legend has it, the Earth is tilted on its axis because of a historic roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. When Chuck takes a bath, don't bother him, because even his rubber duckie means business. When he goes number two, he always has to flush twice. According to rumors, a Norris log is so big it could displace the Strait of Hormuz, which is approximately 21 nautical miles of water, or two urinal sessions for Chuck. The Trump Administration had previously warned Iran that if it didn't open the Straight for oil shipments, Chuck would take a leak, and the whole thing would be filled with bubbles. But honestly, Chuck's passing is tragic. He died suddenly during an undisclosed medical emergency. It's not publicly known how he died, but according to medical sources, it's widely known that Chuck Norris's tears could cure cancer; however, unfortunately, Chuck has never cried. Even Trump reacted to his death. Just this week, Trump ordered 2000 [paratroopers](https://eu.usatoday.com/story/graphics/2026/03/25/82nd-airborne-marines-sent-iran-war-trump/89315265007/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to be sent to the Middle East, in addition to 3000 marines already in transit, because it was either that or send one Chuck Norris. Since Chuck was no longer available, Trump had to send conventional military enforcements, despite having already won the war several times, likely simply by invoking Chuck Norris. As we all know, Pete Hegseth tries to look tough, but in the case of Chuck Norris, his toughness is all natural. When Chuck Norris was considered for a cabinet position, Trump was contemplating a position as Secretary of Fate. Chuck had previously declined the position of Press Secretary, suggesting he would take the role only if it was specifically Bench Press Secretary. It's been suggested that if he were in Congress, they would eliminate the role of Congressional Whip, and instead, Chuck would become a Congressional Majority Round House Kick. In related news, mortgage rates [jumped](https://www.independent.co.uk/money/uk-mortgages-interest-rates-iran-war-b2945167.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) this week, reportedly because they were startled when someone mentioned Chuck Norris. Also, Meta and YouTube lost landmark cases that say [they are liable](https://www.theguardian.com/media/2026/mar/25/jury-verdict-us-first-social-media-addiction-trial-meta-youtube?ref=danielkherndon.com) for creating addictive products that cause harm to minors. Clearly, instead of hiring their lawyers, they should have hired Chuck Norris, who doesn't go to court. Court comes to him. > Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. > – Chuck Norris --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is tough as nails but easy to read. Please remember to share with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### We Have Gas URL: https://danielkherndon.com/we-have-gas/ Last updated: 2026-03-20T10:30:17.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, unless you are currently reading this while filling up your gas tank. Gas prices are up, and so are our subscribers. For context, take a look at this graph. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/03/Chart_On_Gas_Prices_And_More-2.jpg) As you can see over the course of time, gas prices are volatile, while readers of The Lorem Ipsum continue to rise steadily. At the same time, paid memberships have remained flat after an initial spike, despite rising prices for other household items. I'll also note that the stats associated with The Lorem Ipsum are much easier to draw, which my art department (me, fifteen minutes ago) appreciates. So may The Lorem Ipsum be with you as you fill up, because by my math, you're still in the black. ### Four More Years For a moment, I'm going to reflect on the recent past. About this time, four years ago, I wrote an article about a new and unprovoked war in Ukraine, perpetrated by Russia, at the direction of Vladimir Putin. First, I [predicted the war](https://danielkherndon.com/what-the-pravda/) just before it was certain and talked about how short Putin is. I should note in particular that he looks [a little soft](https://share.google/a7u9JQynkSTTAhZR4?ref=danielkherndon.com) without a shirt on, but also, like the back of a postcard in the 70s. A couple of weeks later, I [covered the beginning of the war](https://danielkherndon.com/invasions-insurrections-and-indictments/) when Russia breached Ukrainian borders. As [I said](https://danielkherndon.com/the-british-invasion-was-better/) then, the British Invasion was better, and I stand by that. That war continues today, with no end in sight. It had no clear goal, except to seize more power. The case for the war is based on phony intelligence and craven grievances. The ambitions of one man are the only justification for the loss of life. Today, casualties of killed, wounded, or missing are approaching 2 million lives with both sides combined. Now, the USA is the perpetrator of just such a war, along with Israel. Donald and Benjamin discussed their plans one morning, in bed, over toast and Diet Cokes. In days, American troops are being deployed to re-win a war we also won months earlier. His motivations can be inferred. If Trump, who loves power, force, and leverage, has control over oil [production](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-seizing-iran-oil-rcna262437?ref=danielkherndon.com) in Venezuela and Iran, he has more leverage over China and other countries. Whether American ground troops and the massive casualties will be part of this war is yet to be confirmed, but it's hard to see a likely path for Trump's war with Iran ending anytime soon. Right now, the USS Tripoli is [on its way to Iran](https://www.wionews.com/photos/another-us-warship-joining-iran-war-uss-tripoli-is-moving-more-marines-to-middle-east-1773804608913/1773804608918?ref=danielkherndon.com), a large warship carrying over 2,000 troops. It's a warship, used for the purpose of bringing troops to shore. Yesterday, Pete Hegseth asked Congress for $200 billion, nearly a quarter of the total annual defense budget. The analysis of the war in Iran is mixed. One guy says it was necessary, another says it was not needed at all. Of course, both of those people are Donald Trump. The same man who was leading the negotiations before the war. The same person who is leading the war now. To put it simply, "we are fucked." But to be fair, so is Iran. They will not likely win, if their military strength says anything about their chances. But when receiving your loved one's remains in a bag, that's hardly a victory when you don't know the cause you are fighting for. Is it regime change? Maybe. At a minimum, a regime will be reorganized by killing as many as possible. According to studies, roughly 3 out of 28 instances of US attempts at regime change have succeeded. Many have resulted in anti-American sentiment, one of the best recruiters for military enlistments. The exact same reason why the US population was largely in support of the Bush wars, when we were attacked. Many military recruiters saw lines out the door, three times what they were used to handling of young men volunteering to go to war. To recall another example, for Japan and Germany, which we crushed in World War II, the regime change was considered the most successful in history. It was 7-10 years of occupation, with a focus on investment and partnership rather than a decade of humiliation and prosecution. Both countries have emerged as great partners. Of course, that is, until recently. The same is not likely in Iran. Under Trump, we've reneged on agreements, promised we would not attack, then attacked, with no clear demands. Among the Iranian population, there are many who are against the regime. But many are also against the US policy toward Iran. A life at war is not new to the people of the Middle East, but I doubt they want to die any more than we do. As we saw in 2001, after 9/11, Nothing will drive you to enlist more than an attack on your homeland. It's no wonder this has been going on for thousands of years. It would be a marvel if we ended it. It would be no surprise at all if we ensured it continued. While we are deploying our own soldiers, we are undoubtedly motivating new ones in Iran. So even if we win this war, we'll have to be careful we don't also lose it. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not fueled by fossil fuels. It's fueled by you. By your paid subscription, and by you sharing this newsletter with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Bad Neighbors URL: https://danielkherndon.com/bad-neighbors/ Last updated: 2026-03-13T14:12:03.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Our neighborhood HOA meeting was this week, and I'm lucky I made it out alive. The worst thing about owning a home is living next to someone. They leave their trash cans out too long, don't maintain their fence, and sometimes, they stare just a little too long at your daughters in a swimsuit. It's awkward, and I don't like it. Having neighbors is the reason people own guns. Not just that, it's the foundation of the concept of governments. A man seems laid back at first. He doesn't care about where the exact property line is; you can wander around the lake anytime you want, catch fish, feed the ducks–until you try to move his fence. Suddenly, he cares about a lot more. Like whether you'll put a shed on your property, or a car with flat tires, or an oil refinery. To solve these problems, we'll come together. We'll draw borders. We'll create rules. There will be order. But someone will have to sign off on these rules. Someone will have to remind everyone what they are and update them when the internet or AI renders them irrelevant. We need a committee, a congress, and meetings with minutes. We also need a leader. Someone passionate about this work. Someone charismatic and inspiring. Someone to represent us all. It's a thankless job. No one really wants to do it. There's no money in it. But someone has to take the mantle, so we take turns. Sometimes, servant leadership leads you to the gavel. Sometimes it's an ego. Sometimes, an agenda. Inevitably, some neighbor shows up who loves power. He figures out that you *can* actually make money, and more than you can imagine, if you're clever. He doesn't own your house, your daughter's car, or your dog walking schedule. But he holds the keys. Suddenly, the rules don't apply to him, and now he decides whether you can have that shed. He decides when your building permit is approved and when you are punished. He decides when you get a nasty letter. He is the law, and you are just a neighbor. Now he's in other meetings with other HOA leaders, consolidating his power, and now he controls the whole south side of town, which you never asked him to do. As far as I can tell, this makes the neighborhood worse, not better, because while he might get some things done, now we have factions in our neighborhood. There are 56 homes in my neighborhood addition. There's one around the curve, and to the left, and honestly, I don't like how they live. I don't like their trees, their plants, broken mechanical equipment, and I certainly don't like their dog shit bags. But he owns his home. Donald Trump is the president of one of the largest HOAs on earth. He's in a campaign to normalize conquest once again. We are all the neighbors, and someone is around the curve and to the left. At first, it was Venezuela. I get it. They didn't paint their fence for like 8 years, and used their money to smoke weed. So what? Should we decapitate them? Next, Iran was around the curve and to the left. They were the ones with broken-down equipment in their driveway. Their kids always played loud music, and they once had a toilet in their yard for like two weeks. So now we need to do something about it. Something with teeth. We have to bomb them. In all seriousness, I don't like the loud music either. It's not good music. They might be bad neighbors. But a complaint is not a solution. Anyone honestly judging President Trump should know this, and I'll help the rest of you with a quick history lesson right here. In 2015, the USA, China, France, Germany, Russia, the United Kingdom, and the European Union made an agreement with Iran, known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action or JCPOA, or "Jacó Pica," which is the name of a kind of beanish dip known to cause the trots in those whose stomachs are not acclimated. The agreement required Iran to limit the amount and level of enrichment for the uranium it stockpiles. Enough for energy, not enough for weapons. In 2017, Trump [withdrew from the nuclear deal](https://www.armscontrol.org/act/2019-06/focus/trumps-failing-iran-policy?ref=danielkherndon.com) with Iran, ordered the military general Qassem Soleimani to be assassinated, and then placed sanctions on Iranian oil. Iran responded to the sanctions, like any neighbor would, by following Trump's lead and reducing its compliance with the JCPOA and increasing its nuclear capacity. His "maximum pressure" campaign had the opposite effect of containing them. Iran ramped up its military force around the region through its proxy relationships with the Houthis, Hezbollah, and Hamas to put more pressure and distraction on Israel and the USA as a result. In 2025, Trump decided to bomb their nuclear weapons development sites. He said it was [victorious](https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/6/25/trump-insists-iran-nuclear-sites-destroyed-in-us-strikes-blasts-media?ref=danielkherndon.com) and that no further action was needed. But the grievances of the cantankerous are never satisfied. So in March, he invaded the country's airspace to rain down "death and destruction from the skies all day long," as Secretary Hegseth put it. The American people [didn't even know](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/28/opinion/iran-attack-trump-war.html?unlocked%5Farticle%5Fcode=1.PlA.DTp0.MBBK9ayOX4Gh&smid=url-share&ref=danielkherndon.com) what the point of this war was, not to mention his own [cabinet](https://www.npr.org/2026/03/07/nx-s1-5734381/white-house-messaging-iran-us-israel-war?ref=danielkherndon.com). This week, Trump said we were done, almost done, and also that we are just getting started. Your son’s life is the replacement part for the wear and tear of the Trump machine. Dead soldiers are the cost of doing business. Our economy is the fuel, and to say that we are any safer sounds preposterous. If the Administration feels otherwise, they are not good at selling it. If they did, why should we believe them when [victory was declared back in June](https://www.war.gov/News/News-Stories/Article/Article/4227082/historically-successful-strike-on-iranian-nuclear-site-was-15-years-in-the-maki/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=As%20part%20of%20Operation%20Midnight,destroying%20the%20facilities%20and%20setting)? When someone leaves their trash can out a little too long, it's not totally unreasonable to be annoyed. If they agree to keep on the side of the house, take it as a win. If you can't let it go, and every measure you take makes things worse, it's probably you who is a bad neighbor. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is always willing to lend you a stick of butter or a cup of sugar if your inbox will take it. Share with friends to pass on the neighborly kindness. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Final Battle URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-final-battle/ Last updated: 2026-03-06T11:30:23.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, including Lauren Boebert. It's tough out there, but all is not lost. It’s encouraging that you don’t have to be the smartest person in the country to get a decent job. Because the Gun Packin' Granny Boebert is the stupidest person in Congress, and she’s got a full-time job in Congress, no less. It truly is a testament to the American dream. Although fully employed, her brain was on break when she participated in a deposition with Hillary Clinton, where she, against the rules, published a picture of the former First Lady, and spent time asking her incoherent questions about the "Pizzagate" scandal, which to date is based on close to zero evidence, if not even less. It was a moment of pride to know that, while embarrassing, even those with the greatest limits can achieve big things. I won't miss her when she loses her seat in Congress, but I will miss the easy targets, and I will miss writing about her. It's Friday morning. Welcome to another issue of The Lorem Ipsum. ### Nice Noem You Kristi Noem was fired yesterday. Not for shooting her dog, although we think she should be held accountable, but for "a culmination of her many unfortunate leadership failures," which includes an ad campaign that featured her too prominently. But don't worry. I've fixed it. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/03/Noem.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2026/03/Trump.png) ### Oops, I DUI'd It Again Brittany Spears was arrested this week on suspicion of doing one of her Instagram posts while driving. If you've seen her content lately, it's not great, and not sober. I'd like to say congratulations to Brittany for finding a way to, once again, have something in common with Justin Timberlake, [besides 50 shades of denim](https://sourcingjournal.com/denim/denim-trends/justin-timberlake-britney-spears-denim-suit-lance-bass-201679/?ref=danielkherndon.com), since they both have had recent DUI arrests. ### Don't Want To Miss A Thing If you hear me singing the Aerosmith song "I don't want to miss a thing," it's because I have Armageddon on the mind. I picture Liv Tyler and Ben Aflec being replaced by Tulsi Gabbard and Pete Hegseth. This week, independent journalist [Jonathan Larsen](https://jonathanlarsen.substack.com/p/us-troops-were-told-iran-war-is-for) reported on complaints lodged by soldiers, saying that combat leaders told officers in a briefing that the Iran War was a part of God's Plan. And for the record, I've read the entire Bible multiple times, and I think he's correct. Because God said, let there be light, and there was light. Who's to say that light wasn't a long range tomahawk land attack missile? The scripture is very clear: "Love your neighbor as yourself, bless those who persecute you, and to those who you don't like the way they run their country, blow them up with the full force of thine military, even if you don't have the legal authority." I believe it was in the book of Philippians where it says, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus, but seriously let's rain terror on our enemies day and night with Epic Fury." (New IpsumNational Version). Many people believe that Jesus will return for a thousand-year reign on earth, but only after a great battle of Good and Evil. With the Good being the most powerful people who leverage government power for their own wealth and to escape from accountability. Obviously, the Evil is still to be determined, but surprisingly, Vladimir Putin isn't on the list. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Based on history alone, it seems that The Lorem Ipsum will still be sent each Friday, even at the end of the earth. If you want your friends to be there with you, please share this email with them. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Cauliflower Dreamin’ URL: https://danielkherndon.com/cauliflower-dreamin/ Last updated: 2026-02-27T11:30:52.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I spent the week on the left coast, in Los Angeles. In California, everyone is beautiful, except for the character actors who are uniquely quirky. In California, even cashiers have lip filler starting at 22\. It's the regrettable tattoos of 2026, available at any drug store, and they'll give you a $5 coupon to shop the store afterward. Plastic bags are illegal, and paper bags cost money. The judgmental stares for not bringing your own reusable bags are free. Everything is about health in California. People trade rice for cauliflower. They take sound baths, even if they skip regular baths. The sun always shines, and the sidewalks are paved in matcha. Even the stoners in California are healthier because they call it "LA Sober." At every intersection, there’s a luxury car seller on one corner and a pharmacy on the other, with a sign that says “Burner Phones”. Everyone is either in the film business or wishes they were. If you work for TSA, it's basically an audition, and the woman who gave my bags a pass is definitely getting the part. I was there, not just because I wanted to learn a new way to merge in traffic, but to film the first 16 hours of footage for a documentary I'm producing. Like everyone in California, you're either a storyteller or someone tired of people using that term. And one of those describes me perfectly. Maybe both. While I was there, I managed to watch the State of the Union address, which boasted the longest in history, making Donald Trump the producer of more carbon emissions than any president in history. He used the speech as a chance to bring the country together, as long as they would join him in insulting Democrats, the Supreme Court, and our intelligence. He announced a typically progressive policy to limit corruption by preventing members of Congress from trading stock, in an effort to ensure corruption is limited to the White House. Trump bragged about the success of his Tariffs, noting that they had raised trillions of dollars, which, as they were passed directly to consumers, magically evaporated, making everything in the US more affordable, even as costs rise. It was a speech that needed no fact-checking, because there were so few to begin with, but even when one broke through, it was with nuances. Which is always how we should look at everything. So since my time was occupied this week, I'll rerun a thought piece on how to think about public policy. An oldie for some, but new to many of you. Enjoy. [Arming America (With Information)When it comes to gun laws, the power of rhetoric is greater than reason, but gun violence, like almost all problems, is a mathematical one and will require a more nuanced approach.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-19.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/48-Light-Switch-1-1-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is safe for consumption and perfect for sharing with others. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Sincere Hypocrites URL: https://danielkherndon.com/sincere-hypocrites/ Last updated: 2026-02-20T13:13:57.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to basically everyone whose not in the Epstein files. Especially [Former Prince Andrews](https://apnews.com/article/britain-epstein-andrew-former-prince-arrested-fb0b9e738bf7ede10651914ee3f3583d?ref=danielkherndon.com) who was arrested yesterday. It's Friday, and as always, I'm writing yet another article about something. That's because this isn't LinkedIn, where people write about nothing, or at times, even less than that. I posted critically about it [yesterday](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/danielherndon%5Fnormalize-not-saying-things-when-saying-is-activity-7430287119186567168-VhbV?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop&rcm=ACoAAAG%5FAa4B7U6u1QOl%5Fj0Mo-1ZpLBX645FICw). I complained that LinkedIn is a home for the "ultra processed foods of internet copy" where "words are abused, like salt, oils, and emulsifiers in a Twinkie." I share this with you for two reasons. 1. As a reminder that saying something that has no novelty, substance, meaning, or purpose is worse than saying nothing at all. 2. And also, to suggest that if you have spent more than enough time reading something, and would rather read nothing at all, maybe head over to LinkedIn. For the rest of you who are trying to fill space in a newsfeed, you have a choice. You can say nothing on the internet, or not say it at all. Let's get to ***The News.*** ### The Best Policy As regular readers know, we always promote the path of the highest moral character in this newsletter. Some even place this newsletter alongside Kant, Plato, and Costanza as a thought leader on matters of ethics. Let me put it this way. If emails could go to heaven, that great inbox in the sky will be welcoming this missive every Friday for eternity. And I promise to keep to such honorable character, because it’s always important to do what’s right. Unless it costs you money, of course. Doing right by people is core to who we are, here at The Lorem Ipsum, as long as we're reimbursed for any expenses we incur along the way. They say, 'cleanliness is close to godliness,' but I’m sure you can agree that making money off of the weak and the poor is the most god-like thing you can do. As they always say in church, money is the best soap. Just ask Mark Zuckerberg, who testified this week in a [landmark case](https://www.cnn.com/2026/02/18/tech/meta-mark-zuckerberg-testifies-social-media-addiction-trial?ref=danielkherndon.com) about social media's effects on young children. He is being sued by someone who has claimed that social media is addictive and harmful to children. But Mark said it best. He said he believed he was navigating the safety of young people "in a reasonable way." The same comment my fentanyl dealer said, because he, too, cares about the safety of his customers. So please, always remember that following the law is important. With the obvious exception of the laws we don’t agree with. For the law is in place to protect us, and to punish everyone else. Moral character is important. For me, it shapes how I vote. It's always my priority to support candidates who stand up for the Constitution, support democracy, and believe in freedom of speech for everyone I agree with, and, when possible, don't for the people I don't agree with. That's why I think we should take a moment to recognize CBS executives for following the guidance of the FCC by pressuring Stephen Colbert not to air an interview with a [Senate candidate](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/17/business/media/colbert-cbs-fcc-talarico-carr.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&ref=danielkherndon.com) that the FCC doesn't like. Let's also recognize FCC Chair Stephen Carr, who has stood up for the law of the land, especially since it was convenient for him. It's true. It is the law. The FCC rule Section 315 of the [Communications Act](https://share.google/aimode/RIU5LDmQsGP0bDWIy?ref=danielkherndon.com) requires broadcast stations to provide equal time to candidates of opposing sides, with a possible exception for news (which has typically included comedy news like late-night talk shows). The specific text says this: > "If any licensee shall permit any person who is a legally qualified candidate for any public office to use a broadcasting station, he shall afford equal opportunities to all other such candidates for that office in the use of such broadcasting station: Provided, That such licensee shall have no power of censorship over the material broadcast under the provisions of this section. No obligation is imposed under this subsection upon any licensee to allow the use of its station by any such candidate." In other words, two people running for office should be given equal access to use your TV station, and you shouldn't be able to censor the content. In 1959, Congress added these exceptions. 1. A bona fide newscast 2. A bona fide news interview 3. A bona fide news documentary (if the candidate's appearance is incidental to the subject covered) 4. On-the-spot coverage of a bona fide news event (including political conventions and debates) These are important practical exceptions, and I know. Because, frankly, it's too hard to keep track of how many times I make a bona fide joke about Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene. And to start covering Rep. Hal Rogers of KY for the sake if fairness is just plain boring, and he's not particularly bona fide, if I'm correct in what that term means. It's a good thing to follow the law, especially the top part, even if the bottom part feels a little off, and "not for you". So thanks, CBS, and the FCC, for holding people accountable. Operating with integrity is the way we should all conduct our lives, within reason, of course. So, if you don't mind, please do the right thing – but if you do mind, don't. --- Here's a reminder to subscribe to Truthache, where we talk about the elephant in the room. Here's our latest episode. [Strange Luck and Workplace Culture - Jenny Vance | TruthacheWe are part of the culture we created or the one we’ve accepted. Jenny Vance is very, very lucky. She’s a strategic growth consultant and a CRO at a tech company. But I’m not talking about some financial achievement, a business exit, or a lucrative executive role, although she’s had some of those; I’m talking about everyday, strange luck. She tells us about 30 rounds being fired, feet away from her bedroom window, none of which hit her home. She and her husband we’re 100% safe, too, even as one person in her driveway was not as lucky. She also tells us about a car that flipped over nearly as close to her house, from which she also escaped harm. Her career path has looked more like course terrain than smooth pavement, but with plenty of worthy achievements and successes. Along the way, she’s learned that she needs to trust two people. Her paid advisors, and herself, with the latter being most important. You might say she’s lucky in business because she has made her luck when she needed it. Add to that, trusting her employees. Jenny talked some sense into Daniel when he did his typical Gen Z rant in which he almost certainly has a good point, but a change of heart comes when we discuss how generations have learned secrets to work-life that the prior never understood, or took for granted. Jenny says that while Gen Z may use different language, they know what treatment should look like. She explains that culture is created by the leaders, and, as we learn in our conversation, what those leaders create often comes from the lessons they’ve learned, or failed to learn, when they were the new professional on the team. About the Guest: Jenny Vance is the founder and CEO of GrowthJen (​​https://www.growthjen.com/) and the CRO of software company, Encamp. Mentioned in this episode: Senator Chris Murphy questions Jeremy Carl, who Trump has nominated for Assistant Secretary of State, about his complaints about the “erasure of white culture.” https://www.instagram.com/reels/DUrOt\_YjSGA/ About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and author of The Lorem Ipsum. Michael Salemi owns a branded apparel and swag company, Colored Threads.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be-9.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1400a7lrh_1200x628-8.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/leadership-driven-culture-and-strange-luck-jenny-vance-stitzman/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Nobody tells The Lorem Ipsum what to write. But people like you tell your friends what to read. Add us to the list. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Cold Comfort URL: https://danielkherndon.com/cold-comfort/ Last updated: 2026-02-13T11:30:54.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I get a cold about once every other year, and when I do, it makes it hard to write a newsletter about current events. So I'll share two important updates, then revisit a recent article I think you should all read, if you haven't already. This week, I started off with the Super Bowl commercials and Halftime Show, interrupted only briefly by an NFL Football game. The Halftime, with Bad Bunny, received a lot of attention this week. It was the latest example of an event that started at six, where the Latinos didn’t show up until eight. To set the stage, Bad Bunny was surrounded by hundreds of stalks of sugar cane and grass, which moved about the stage. Just as they tell us AI will take all of our jobs, Bad Bunny goes and hires nearly 400 real people to play a bundle of grass. This is a timely reminder that no matter what happens with technology, there will always be a place for real people, even if it's as simple as pretending to be an inanimate object. Bunny (who, to his closest friends, is known merely as 'Bad') spoke only Spanish in his performance, and couldn't be understood by most American viewers, drawing comparisons to the Rolling Stones, who performed in 2006 when Mick Jagger was 62\. For Trump's part, he said he hated the performance and didn't understand a word. Then he did this: > Trump slurs his words: > > "I'm proud to officially be named the undithput... the, when did this come out, Mr. Speaker?" [pic.twitter.com/r0XC7grvzd](https://t.co/r0XC7grvzd?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — FactPost (@factpostnews) [February 11, 2026](https://twitter.com/factpostnews/status/2021709923910930513?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Bunny, a Puerto Rican musician, is currently the world's biggest artist, receiving the most streams on Spotify in 2025 and winning album of the year at the Grammys. For the NFL, a for-profit enterprise, it makes sense that they would want to feature the artist drawing the most worldwide attention to its most significant broadcast of the year. Megyn Kelly and, apparently, many of her friends don't understand this basic business principle. She believes that Bad Bunny's appearance was an insult to America and that the Super Bowl is supposed to be a unifying event. She believes the NFL exists solely to pay homage to her and the Bud Light crowd, not necessarily to make money, attract viewers, or, in general, operate a business. She believes we should celebrate Classic American culture. She adds, we want "meat loaf," a German dish, and "Fried Chicken," a Scottish and West African dish. I want to say that Megyn Kelly sounds like an idiot, but in fact, I think she is doing exactly what the NFL has done. She is giving her audience what they want, so she can get paid. [Megyn Kelly Accuses Bad Bunny of ‘Stealing Our Football’ in Epic MeltdownThe former Fox News is still fuming about the Super Bowl.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/favicon_DB.ico)The Daily BeastCatherine Bouris![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/KN2LUCVBSREBTO5WMVIICZKAQE.png)](https://www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/megyn-kelly-screams-at-piers-morgan-in-bad-bunny-super-bowl-meltdown/?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Pam Bonding Yesterday, I spent time watching what I thought was the latest episode of the popular TV series, Traitors. But it turns out it was just a Congressional hearing. It was the scene where they are at the table, attacking each other, each digging more credulous than the last, in an effort to get screen time. This time, it was Pam Bondi in the hot seat. Pam shouted like an angry mom, incensed that you didn't respect your daddy, by recognizing that the Dow is over 50,000 for the first time in history. How dare you talk about his alleged participation in human trafficking or the failures of the justice department when the economy is doing so well? I think Pam Bondi is an odious muppet with a deep voice (no offense to Jim Henson, who created the Muppets). Her throat is like an ancient well that smells like rotten eggs, but it's because she spends the majority of her time on her knees in the Oval Office. But that being true, I think a Congressional hearing is a procedure conducted in bad faith, and therefore, it should mostly be ignored. The questions don't matter, only the cameras do. The truth is not the goal, the soundbite is. Democrats ask performative questions and demand a yes or no answer when nothing in governing is that simple. Then Republicans lap praise and thanks on the witness, and yield their time for her to speak. Then the process repeats until everyone is thoroughly dried out. I heard that the hearing got hot and heavy, and I immediately thought, of course it did. But for what, other than content creation for social media feeds? So when someone is asked to testify before Congress, in most cases, they have already lost. If they are cunning enough to win, you can be sure, the American People won't. But if you must watch... [Pam Bondi clashes with lawmakers; House votes to pass the SAVE America ActPam Bondi faces questions from Congress about the Epstein files and Trump meets with Benjamin Netanyahu on Iran’s nuclear program.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/apple-icon-180x180-1.png)NBC NewsNBC News![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/260211-pam-bondi-ww-1525-a5d05f.jpg)](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/live-blog/trump-bondi-epstein-congress-netanyahu-iran-dhs-ice-poll-live-updates-rcna257992?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### How To Read The News And lastly, I frequently hear from people who distrust the news and, as a result, gravitate toward sources even less trustworthy for their news. I want to invite those of you who have missed it to revisit an article that highlights my philosophy on how to get the most out of the news and avoid being fooled. I'll leave you with this: [How to Read the NewsWhen fair and balanced is elusive, here’s a practical guide to not getting fooled.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-17.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/71-The-Bot.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-read-the-news/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is the most accurate news you can find, because it makes fun of it. Share it to help us find more readers. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Melania Mania URL: https://danielkherndon.com/melania-mania/ Last updated: 2026-02-06T11:30:28.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Homemakers, Today's newsletter is about another homemaker just like you, albeit one with five-inch heels and a full-time staff. Taking on a big home improvement project is challenging. It takes a ton of time and can cause miscellaneous injuries, including sometimes to my ego, when I realize I have to read the directions. But one of my favorite things ever is when a home improvement project is done. It is satisfaction at its most palpable. I feel accomplished, more attractive, and I want to send pictures to everyone I know. My second favorite thing ever is when a project hasn't been started to begin with. Doing nothing is bliss. When you could be working, there's no better way to use your time. For maximum enjoyment, I will literally procrastinate a project for years just to relish the process. But for my His-and-Hers closets, this didn't work. When I started the project, I dived in. I bought plenty of material, gutted both closets, and completed closet number one. Then I took a break. That break has lasted now for a full year. Right now, I have one *his* closet, which by the way is also hers for now. The stages of homemaking are as follows. Procrastinate, dive in, obsess, take a break, move on. Somewhere in there, new tools are acquired. At another point, a place to store them. Maybe this was the idea with the Melania movie. They had, for years, imagined producing a high-quality documentary about the glamorous first lady with impeccable broken English skills, only to push it off to a second term. Because the only thing better than making a movie about your life is not making one, right behind already having one. But they finally got it done. Even if it is 108 minutes of her sitting in cars and changing rooms. Melania said, ready to get moving, said "Let's make documentary." She called up the nearest Hollywood sex offender and put him to work. Before you knew it, she had a feature-length film covering a full 20 days of her life. Melania, the movie, says, "This is what life is like in high heels." Subtitle: "On being the immigrant wife of a president who hates immigrants." During those three weeks, she moved into the White House, read highlights of the Epstein files, patted Baron on the head once, and greeted the help zero times. They say it’s even more riveting on the big screen. Melania is this year's biggest smash hit, if by smashed you mean by [rotten tomatoes](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/melania?ref=danielkherndon.com), earning 5% from critics. On the contrary, the movie is celebrated by its viewers, who give it a popcorn rating of 99%. Melania is performing amazingly compared to other horror films. Meanwhile, this week, Trump has made his rounds proposing that State elections be [nationalized](https://www.cnn.com/2026/02/05/politics/leavitt-trump-contradict-nationalize-elections?ref=danielkherndon.com). A perfect strategy to enrage the media enough to distract them from his additionally released appearances in the Epstein files. The directive to hand elections to states is in the very first article of the Constitution, a document that some extremists consider the founding document that defines the makeup of our nation. However as moderates know, it's basically a meaningless document, one step above an email pulled from the Epstein files. Trump was elected by voters who were ready for a president who would protect their liberties, and finally defend the Constitution. He has convince his supporters he is that president, a patriot who has their best interests in mind. He should have no problem convincing them to go see Melania. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is a smash hit to your inbox. Give friends the opportunity to enjoy it as well by sharing it. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### **Truthache** This week, we spoke with Alex Holt about Karaoke, being fired, starting a studio, our thoughts about protesting, politics, and faith. [Protesting and Audacious Beliefs - Alex Holt | TruthacheHow to live out your beliefs on the streets, at work, and in the community. Alex Holt was a creative director at a church when a job loss pushed him to start a full-time creative agency. A bad weekend turned out better than what he would have chosen. Since Alex focuses on helping his clients understand the beliefs that shape their business decisions, we thought we’d ask him to talk about what \*he\* believes. So, to keep things light, we decided to discuss political protests and whether they are a problem or a necessary part of culture. After that, we discussed religion, how one arrives at their beliefs, and how religious institutions become political. Pretty easy topics. We also discussed the creative business, why bigger is not always better, and how the business community is seeking ways to be flexible and cost-effective, leading to more gig workers and allowing entrepreneurs to build lean teams and optimize for quality rather than quantity. Also in this episode, Michael Salemi rubs his warm vacation in Mexico in our faces, and I dealt with some mild technical difficulties as a host who is simultaneously also a producer. Everything worked out great. About The Guest: Alex Holt is a founder and owner at CRTR Studio (https://www.crtrstudio.com/), a brand and identity design studio. He also hosts the podcast, Creative Belief. Mentioned in this episode: We briefly discuss how effective managers are often hated or viewed as controversial, a point which referenced a discussion in the comments section of The Lorem Ipsum, an issue that inspired some of the content of this episode. About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and author of The Lorem Ipsum. Michael Salemi owns a branded apparel and swag company, Colored Threads.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be-8.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1400a7lrh_1200x628-7.jpg)](https://www.truthachepodcast.com/e/protesting-and-audacious-beliefs-alex-holt/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Ten Shots URL: https://danielkherndon.com/ten-shots/ Last updated: 2026-01-30T14:57:16.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, I've always had a hard time with protesting. It's inconvenient, pedestrian, and I most of all, I don't like carrying things. The carrying things is the biggest factor. I've spent years optimizing my keys and wallet for a feather-light daily cargo experience, with equal weight on both hips. I'd rather not own something if it requires me to hold it in my hands. I will wear a jacket or freeze, but I won't carry it with me. Even as a student, I never answered a single question in school because I didn't want to raise my hand. I can't imagine having to hold up a sign. What's worse is that protesting is a moment where things are designed to escalate. Once you've decided that some stronger power is oppressive, very seldom do opponents stand across from each other with clenched fists, pepper spray, and homemade signs, and expect it to end with a cup of coffee and a reasonable conversation. According to verified reports, Alex Pretti, who was killed last weekend, was caught on video [11 days earlier](https://www.cnn.com/2026/01/28/us/video/pretti-physical-clash-11-days-before-shooting-digvid?ref=danielkherndon.com), on video, carrying a holstered weapon, spitting on agents, and kicking the taillights off of a vehicle. Usually, when someone is arrested, sprayed with pepper spray, injured, or even killed, leading up to that, they were sure to get someone's attention. The people in the back didn't get anyone's attention. The people in the front ended up getting hurt. But alas, I am glad that protesting is a part of our culture, even if I can't be bothered to do it myself. Because the only way to hold power to account is to remind them that power is not something that can be held quite that easily. I looked up the number of deportations [over the last 20 years](https://ohss.dhs.gov/khsm/dhs-repatriations?ref=danielkherndon.com). According to my findings, every President has deported millions of people, but President Obama deported the most, unless you count "Title 42 Expulsions," in which case Biden may have deported the most, although it's unclear if it was actually just the two guys from Weekend At Bernies moving his hands to do it for him. Trump's first year back in office has fallen short if you stick to actual records. Obama out-deported him, and for the most part, you didn't know anything about it. It makes you wonder if Trump's strategy of grandstanding is not actually effective at getting the job done. Generally speaking, protests are like a newborn's cry. It is a reaction from someone who feels powerless, who lacks the words. Instead of punishing the baby for her cries, it would be better to be sensitive to her needs. It would be better to ask: What conditions have led people to want to attend a protest in zero-degree weather? And focus on solving those problems. I've said it before, there is no training on how to act when you and your government are at odds. The people of the Department of Homeland Security and Immigration and Customs Enforcement go to work every day. It's their job to make the United States a safer place where the law is followed. If your strategy requires you to make everyone else less safe, it is not a good one. There is such a thing as training for neighborhood policing and public safety. Hopefully, our immigration enforcement apparatus will get some soon. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum does not want to be an illegal immigrant crossing into the borders of your friend's inbox. Let them know what they are missing by sharing. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Relief For Iceland URL: https://danielkherndon.com/relief-for-iceland/ Last updated: 2026-01-23T11:30:24.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, Good morning to everyone. Except for anyone who happens to live in Greenland, who are the subject of this week's news. And a partial good morning to anyone attending the Davos World Economic Forum, because I hear the box lunches are going to be pretty good today, but you still are at the World Economic Forum, and it's still a box lunch. Although a slightly good-er morning for those of you who are heads of state, and thanks for liking and subscribing. I'll start today off with some good news. We are not going to invade Iceland. And I'm sure you're relieved, except that Trump thinks you are Greenland, or that Greenland is you. Davos was an interesting event. It's normally a time to bring the world together and foster economic collaboration across borders. However, it ended up being an episode of The Secret Lives of Mormon Housewives, and this was the episode where everyone was ganging up on Whitney as she accused everyone of various grievances, virtually ruining Mayci's birthday. Many of the speakers directed their comments critically at Trump. Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney spoke about the global order being ruptured by global powers weaponizing their economic might. He urged leaders to come to the table to contain global powers that will make their own rules, [saying](https://www.indiatoday.in/world/story/canada-prime-minister-carney-speech-world-economic-forum-davos-us-hegemony-world-order-rupture-donald-trump-sovereignty-tarrifs-2855323-2026-01-21?ref=danielkherndon.com), "If you are not at the table, you are the menu." Emmanuel Macron delivered his entire speech while wearing blue-tinted aviator sunglasses, as a reminder that the French have more style than most of the world. He, too, decided to give the US leader a little French dip as he [spoke about](https://www.weforum.org/stories/2026/01/davos-2026-special-address-by-emmanuel-macron-president-of-france/?ref=danielkherndon.com) a globe run by bullies, creating a "world without rules." Trump's most notable accomplishment from his trip was [a deal he struck](https://youtu.be/PA-QbePdUqc?si=xeFh6i34wRk3Ycyp&ref=danielkherndon.com) regarding Greenland. So far, the deal is not a sure thing. It appears to have been made with someone who was reportedly the secretary to the receptionist of the office manager of NATO, an alliance of countries which includes Denmark, a country of which Greenland is a territory. No word so far from Greenland, the Danes, or the actual office manager. It's a complicated deal which Trump referred to as a "framework for a future deal which, if consummated, will be a very great deal, the ultimate deal, some would say one of the best deals and would last forever." You see, what Trump is doing is called "anchoring." It gets his opponent to move an inch and feel like they've won, and it lets him pretend he did too. To restate the deal in everyday terms, essentially, if we were enjoying life at a San Diego, California resort, and I suggested we go to Gary, Indiana, to visit the infamously lame [Majestic Star Casino](https://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotel%5FReview-g37136-d226107-Reviews-Majestic%5FStar%5FCasino-Gary%5FIndiana.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), to eat their greasy chicken and lumpy mashed potatoes, and talked about it for several months, then suddenly, we compromised, and I got you to agree to drive down the street to the Walgreens for some beef jerky and a bag of chips, which you also didn't want to do, you'd probably have an easier time agreeing to the compromise than if I made it my original proposal. You'd call it a win-win. I'd call it the art of the deal. Meanwhile, back home, in Minneapolis, a five-year-old boy was [taken by ICE agents from his driveway](https://www.mprnews.org/story/2026/01/21/ice-detains-5year-old-minnesota-boy-lawyer-says-agents-used-him-as-bait?ref=danielkherndon.com) as he returned from school. The kid was forced to knock on his door to draw the residents out of the house. And also, a man [nicknamed](https://wgntv.com/northwest-indiana/man-with-sieg-heil-as-nickname-files-to-run-for-congress-in-northwest-indiana/?ref=danielkherndon.com) "Sieg Heil" is running for the 1st Congressional district in Indiana, so obviously, everything is pretty great. ***That’s it for this week. Now, here’s our latest from the pod.*** --- ### On Truthache See, here's the problem with business coaches... Why should I hire a coach who has never played my game? If you are an entrepreneur or manager, you probably make a lot of decisions based on intuition mixed with data. Why do you need someone else to charge you to talk you through doing what you do every day? And why are there so many business coaches out there? As business-coach skeptics, Michael and I talk with Adam Weber, a tech founder turned business coach, about this and ask him to help us with our unbelief. [The Problem With Business Coaches - Adam Weber | TruthacheWhy should I hire a coach who has never played my game? If you are an entrepreneur or manager, you probably make a lot of decisions based on intuition mixed with data. Why do you need someone else to charge you to talk you through doing what you do every day? And why are there so many business coaches out there? As business-coach skeptics, Michael and I talk with Adam Weber, a tech founder turned business coach, about this and ask him to help us with our unbelief. We talk about how the best business leaders are people with strong intuition who gather information quickly and make decisions without friction, but that the decision-making in a vacuum can get fatiguing and lonely. Adam shared with us what 10 years of research taught him about people management. He also shared what he sees as the biggest challenges plaguing businesses today. We asked whether anyone can be trained into leadership or whether management roles are reserved for some and not others. I think you know his answer. About The Guest: Adam Weber is a former executive and business coach at https://www.adamweber.co/. About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and author of The Lorem Ipsum. Michael Salemi owns a branded apparel and swag company, Colored Threads.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be-6.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1400a7lrh_1200x628-5.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/the-problem-with-business-coaches-adam-weber/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum won't take over your inbox without your permission, but some say if it did, it would be one of the best invasions they ever experienced. Drop one on one of your friends! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Smallest Bird URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-smallest-bird/ Last updated: 2026-01-16T11:30:54.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I like to watch movies in the evening. But sometimes I don't want to commit to a full-length feature film, so I settle for a five-episode binge of my latest serial obsession. Fortunately, this only takes five and a half hours, counting snack breaks. I know what you're thinking. Don't snack at night, right? Well, I can tell you, it's totally safe, and here's why. Earlier in the day, I switched to 2% milk instead of drinking whole, which saves me 30 calories per serving. Drink six servings, and you've saved yourself a solid 180 calories, or in other words, 200 if you believe in rounding up. That's a solid 10% of my daily calories. That means that the serving of chips and ranch dip with garlic and dill seasoning (I hear dill adds fiber) leaves me with a deficit, based on a serving size of one ounce, or about 12 chips, clocking in at 160 calories. Granted, I ate more like 48 chips, but you see where I'm going with this. Lie to yourself enough, and you can justify just about anything. To that end, I spent a better part of this week trying to figure out how to blame Renee Good, the slain protestor in Minneapolis, for getting killed. I figured it was a good use of time since the FBI spent the better part of this week doing the same, except with a larger supply of donuts and styrofoam cups for their coffee. Was she out of line for protesting? Was it a little much to bring a car to a knife fight? I considered that perhaps the fact that her wife called the ice agent “big boy" was reason enough to kill at least one of them, but I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be considered an insult or a compliment, so I’m gonna put that as a maybe/maybe not. As in maybe she was trying to charm him, and get him into bed with the two of them. Because when the bedroom gets too hot, you're gonna need some ICE. Of course, the nerve of Renee pulling a car on an agent of the law would alarm just about anyone. If you listen closely to the video, you can hear the ICE agents react with terror, yelling, “Look out, she’s got a car!” Imagine if it took a three-point turn to pull a gun out, he would have been toast. Fortunately, his gun was quicker than her dual-cam engine and 30-degree turning radius on a vehicle that can go from zero to sixty in 2-3 minutes, without fail, as long as she doesn't need to stop for gas first. Still, the ICE man is quick, but based on his lack of coordination, I’m not sure he can parallel park his duty weapon. Trump has defended the agent. But why wouldn't he, as a man of unprecedented peace but also power? He is not only the long arm of the law standing up for justice, but also the small hands of peace, making a phallic salute. In his campaign to win next year's Nobel Peace Prize, Trump has invaded Venezuela, threatened military action against Iran for punishing its protestors, [threatened the Insurrection Act](https://www.npr.org/2026/01/15/nx-s1-5678612/minneapolis-insurrection-act-trump-threats?ref=danielkherndon.com) in Minneapolis so he can punish those who protest him, and then [flipped off](https://michiganadvance.com/2026/01/13/a-ford-worker-called-out-trump-the-president-flipped-him-off-now-hes-been-suspended/?ref=danielkherndon.com) a heckling worker at a Ford plant when he was there on an official visit. According to US officials, the agent, Jonathan Ross, who was hit by the vehicle, suffered [internal bleeding](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ice-officer-who-shot-renee-good-internal-injuries-sources-say/?ref=danielkherndon.com), which I've had many times, although it's typically just called "a bruise." Based on the video and reports for the lovely Kristi Noem, he was taken to a hospital and released that day to bleed on his own time. Jonathan faced untold risk in his job. Let's put it this way. If you are a piano mover, and you have fraying rope, and you are lifting a 100-year-old Bösendorfer into an apartment on the 8th floor of a Brooklyn brownstone, you face death every day that you stand underneath the dangling grand enjoying a smoke break. My advice? Move over, maybe about ten feet or so, but then this analogy wouldn't work, would it? Every day, our men and women in law enforcement face untold dangers, including those they create. So we owe it to them to make sure they feel as safe as possible, so they don't shrink back from the good work of clearing dangerous innocent people off the street. If you want ICE that never melts, you need to tell them you've got their back. Tell them there's a place for every cube in our tray. You need to give them immunity. Thank DHS for doing just that. > REMINDER. “To all ICE officers: You have federal immunity in the conduct of your duties. Anybody who lays a hand on you or tries to stop you or tries to obstruct you is committing a felony. You have immunity to perform your duties, and no one—no city official, no state official,… [pic.twitter.com/xoWDjOctLe](https://t.co/xoWDjOctLe?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Homeland Security (@DHSgov) [January 13, 2026](https://twitter.com/DHSgov/status/2011213308968538361?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) That's why Renee Nicole Good should be punished posthumously for being killed by Jonathan Ross. Sure, there's no training for how to act when your governments are at odds with each other, and causing chaos in your neighborhood, but enough about the mother who was taken from her children. Let's worry about Mr. Ross first. How was he supposed to protect himself from her lethal vehicle? I mean, he had no choice but to shoot her. What do you expect a guy to do? Move over? Of course not. --- ### And on Truthache It was our first day back with the whole crew after the holiday break, and we had lots to catch up on, including the headlines. [Unplugged and Unhinged - Tall Dark and Handsome | TruthacheWhat it’s like to take a break and come back to a mess. Well, it’s nice to take a long break from work over the holidays, and we talk about how unplugging can benefit someone who spends all year working hard. Then, we decided to catch up on the latest headlines. After our guest cancelled, we were relieved that we didn’t have to subject them to a discussion about important breaking news, after ICE activity in Minneapolis led to the death of a protester, Renee Nicole Good. We discussed our views on this situation, and, as usual, they are mixed. We discussed what we would do if our own neighborhoods were subject to significant ICE activity. Then we discuss the USA’s renewed commitment to imperialism, what’s happening with Tesla stock (because Michael’s best friend is his car, although Daniel and Aaron are fighting for second best). We then discuss how tariffs affected Michael’s sales and profit margins, since his import-heavy business became our own little scientific study (consisting of a sample size of exactly one business). And then, suddenly, this became a sports talk podcast, with 66% of the hosts not following sports. Tune in to get updates, analysis, and confusion about the game(s) weekly. Mentioned in this episode: An important fact check on a point of discussion: Crowds at some rallies are indeed planned and compensated by organizations like crowdsondemand.com, which is hired by companies as a PR effort and deploys protestors who are compensated. The organization is often hired by for-profit companies and partisan actors. Indivisible also plans rallies and protests, but claims to be a grassroots organization focused on opposing the MAGA movement and authoritarianism. They do not pay protesters and are not hired by for-profit companies. The claim that protests are staged is true, but the claim needs context. In general, studies show that paid or “astroturfed” protests (as opposed to organic “grass roots” protests ) represent less than 5% of all protests in the US. This report shows the “bodycam” footage of the ICE agent who shot Renee Nicole Good, which was actually a handheld cellphone. The department of homeland security claims it is getting dangerous criminals off the streets. It was said on the show that ICE is in neighborhoods for the purpose of serving warrants, however ICE generally operates without judicial warrants, but with a lower administrative warrant issued internally which doesn’t require probable cause nor are they issued by a judge. Some lawsuits assert arrests have taken place without any kind of warrant at all in some cases arresting American citizens, and at least some incidents of this sort have been confirmed. Because this is a critical detail, we wanted to add some additional data for context. According to data from the Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse (TRAC) as of November 30, 2025, ICE detained 65,735 individuals, of whom 73.6% (48,377) had no criminal convictions, while 26.4% (17,358) had criminal convictions. A more detailed breakdown from the Cato Institute, using ICE custody data as of November 15, 2025, indicates that 73% of detainees had no criminal convictions, but 47% had neither convictions nor pending criminal charges—meaning 26% had pending charges (but no convictions) and 27% had convictions. Of those with convictions, only 5% involved violent crimes. About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and the author of The Lorem Ipsum. He also produces our podcast. Aaron Douglas is an internet marketing and AI-readiness consultant and the owner of AIRAA. Michael Salemi owns Colored Threads, a company that produces branded apparel and swag, including the Truthache branded tumblers our guests receive.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be-5.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1400a7lrh_1200x628-4.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/unplugged-and-unhinged-tall-dark-and-handsome/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: For most people, they can escape The Lorem Ipsum once it plows toward their inbox. However, its plunge into your field of vision is a welcome one. Make sure you plunge one into your friend's boxes as well. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Nothing To Say Here URL: https://danielkherndon.com/nothing-to-say-here/ Last updated: 2026-01-09T11:30:25.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, After four years of publishing consistently every week without fail, I've finally experienced writer's block. Literally couldn't think about one thing to write about this week. I usually have really good zingers when big things happen. Like, for example, about this time of the year back in 2022, when Vladimir Putin ordered an invasion of Ukraine, I wrote a post titled "[The British Invasion Was Better](https://danielkherndon.com/the-british-invasion-was-better/)" where I highlighted a meme consisting of my neighbor, grinning as he scooped up the elusive, rare bourbon, with me standing behind him, looking whipped. Or the time when the Pope was sick, and I wrote an issue titled "[Let's Pope for The Best](https://danielkherndon.com/lets-pope-for-the-best/)," and he died a few weeks later. And in the same issue, I wrote about Elon Musk accidentally firing key nuclear staff, where I said the following: > ...the biggest write-off of the year was from Elon himself when he wrote off good advice and fired some important nuclear weapons staff "by mistake." He canned a real-life Homer Simpson and left a key department with no one to push a big button – at least, no one with the proper training. This is almost as bad as firing the guy in charge of changing the federal toilet paper – only to have the acting toilet paper changer put all the rolls on facing the wrong way. I know the government is inefficient, but it's little things like this that kill us. But this week, after trying to transition from a long holiday break to normal routines, including getting back on my workout routine (which is partially rebooted) and writing this newsletter, I sit before this screen, only to tell you, I have nothing to say. So I won't say it. I won't say that we are now an aggressive nation whose government believes that the world is to be governed by strength and force, and any smaller country is a resource to be exploited at will. A country whose president says its actions are [limited only by what is in his mind](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/08/us/politics/trump-interview-power-morality.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&ref=danielkherndon.com). I won't say that Stephen Miller looks like a 13-year-old dork who talks funny and is a low-class prick, but he gets away with it because his dad is a lawyer and has leverage at the school. I won't say that he once [painted hair on his head](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/expert-explains-hell-happening-stephen-222700469.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), only to admit as early as a month later that he is best described as bald. I won't say that Marco Rubio constantly licking his lips, not because [he does coke](https://www.reddit.com/r/thebulwark/comments/1ptayu1/this%5Fman%5Fis%5Fon%5Fsomething/?ref=danielkherndon.com), but more likely because he's just completed a session with his boss, and hasn't had a chance to brush his teeth yet. Obviously, I'm not going to point out that even Germany, the home of Hitler, and the country where water is not even complimentary at restaurants, has accused the United States of [destroying world order](https://www.reuters.com/world/americas/german-president-says-us-is-destroying-world-order-2026-01-08/?utm%5Fcampaign=trueAnthem%3A+Trending+Content&utm%5Fmedium=trueAnthem&utm%5Fsource=facebook). I won't be able to describe the 300% increase in funding for ICE, to create an aggressive deportation strategy that is more militant, which, to my eyes, appears to be designed as much for showmanship, to instill fear, capture [photo ops](https://blockclubchicago.org/2025/11/10/border-patrol-agents-pose-at-the-bean-for-apparent-photo-op/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and [gain news coverage](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/interactive/2025/ice-social-media-blitz/?ref=danielkherndon.com) as it is to manage immigration. Obviously, I can't cover their presence in Minnesota, targeted at either the Somali refugees or Tim Walz (who really knows). In Minneapolis last night, [droves gathered in the streets](https://x.com/allenanalysis/status/2009090711795454287?referrer=grok-com&ref=danielkherndon.com) to protest ICE after one agent shot Renee Nicole Good, a 37-year-old [woman](https://www.startribune.com/she-was-an-amazing-human-being-mother-identifies-woman-shot-killed-by-ice-agent/601559922?ref=danielkherndon.com), as she was in her vehicle pulling away from agents who approached her after she blocked the road in protest. The administration says she was using her vehicle [as a weapon](https://www.youtube.com/live/Fn9Aq7knocA?si=Clmdm-gi-CCrMKo1&ref=danielkherndon.com) as an act of domestic terrorism, a bald-faced lie, deserving less credibility than Kristi's plastic surgeon, who might have a better career as a balloon animal twisting clown than a lip flip artist. Speaker Mike Johnson seconded the company line and carried Trump's water as usual, saying she [weaponized her vehicle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW60hfvUgUg&ref=danielkherndon.com) against officers and bystanders. Eyewitnesses and [FBI experts](https://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/minneapolis-ice-shooting-01-08-26?post-id=cmk4wwui500053b6px64lnp4u&ref=danielkherndon.com) say it was nothing of the sort. Even [DHS's own policies](https://x.com/juliettekayyem/status/2009003786568913361?ref=readtangle.com) say the officer should not have fired, and common sense says that if a vehicle is driving, don't stand in front of it. The whole thing was [caught on video from multiple angles](https://www.nytimes.com/video/us/100000010631041/minneapolis-ice-shooting-video.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), so you can judge for yourself. The Minneapolis Mayor, Jacob Frey, [said to ICE](https://youtu.be/RLlx6sEjsCQ?si=z6KmvlqYQDYymC55&t=40&ref=danielkherndon.com), "Get the fuck out of Minneapolis." But obviously I'm not going to say any of those things. How would I, when I have writer's block? --- ### One Truthache If the family business has an open door for you, isn’t that the best option? That’s the question Darren Cooper has asked himself. Stability sounds nice, but so does entrepreneurship, and if you’ve got the bug to create, it's difficult to do anything else. Starting your own thing is what it takes for some, stability be damned. But, as Darren explains, even the most mundane topics or businesses are interesting in the hands of a creative, including yours. [Why We Can’t Stop Creating - Darren Cooper | TruthacheHow to inspire anyone to be creative, no matter how boring they are. If the family business has an open door for you, isn’t that the best option? That’s the question Darren Cooper has asked himself. Stability sounds nice, but so does entrepreneurship, and if you’ve got the bug to create, it’s difficult to do anything else. Starting your own thing is what it takes for some, stability be damned. But, as Darren explains, even the most mundane topics or businesses are interesting in the hands of a creative, including yours. We discuss why long-form content is an essential tool for any business, and why it seems like everyone has a podcast. We talk about where marketing is going and why all the changes suggest that nothing has really changed, other than the technology. Finally, we talk about Darren’s naming convention for his kids, which is, shall we say, unconventional. About the guest: Darren Cooper is the owner of 1898 Creative, a creative consultancy specializing in “effortless video content creation for coaches.” About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and author of The Lorem Ipsum. Michael Salemi owns Colored Threads, a company that produces branded apparel and swag. Aaron Douglas is an AI readiness consultant and owner of AIRAA.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be-4.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1400a7lrh_1200x628-3.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/why-we-can-t-stop-creating-darren-cooper/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share widely. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### A Year of Content URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-year-of-content/ Last updated: 2026-01-02T11:30:10.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This year, I'm committing to being part of the problem. Because, see, there's too much content on the internet. Everywhere you turn, someone is asking you to like and subscribe or leave a review because it helps people find us. You can reliably predict that if you say just about anything in public these days, someone will interrupt you by saying, with great emphasis, "*Actually*,..." and proceed to rectify your misguided beliefs. You know this guy. You've seen him. You've been annoyed. Every white male has three things. Opinions, a podcast, and about 20% more money than everyone else. Behind every 'actually' is some page on the internet, produced by one of them, from which they've borrowed their party trick of correcting everyone in sight. And those pages, consisting of audio, video, and written content, are without limits. The world doesn't have enough pudding to hold all the proof found on the internet, to support whatever argument one wants to make this week. Well. I'll be there, too. Recording podcasts, posting articles, and more. But I'll also be posting articles like this one, titled [Blank Space](https://danielkherndon.com/blank-space/), which is a reflection on how life is about taking it all in, even if it means deleting something. It's an article that advocates stepping away from screens and doing something in real life. And similarly, it's about clearing things from the calendar just the same, because if we don't have blank spaces in life, we don't have room for the most important things. The internet hamster wheel does its best to leave us room for nothing else. But I wouldn't go back to a world without the internet. For those of you who remember, it really wasn't that great. To talk to a distant friend, you had to lick a big piece of paper, then lick a really small piece of paper, and drive to a post office, drop off the paper that contains your saliva, and then wait several days to see what happens. If you wanted to call someone who wasn't walking distance, you had to ask yourself, "What if it's long distance?" Without the internet, how would you know if you have Morgellons disease, and what to do about it? The world really is a better place, but it's also worse. The internet is flush with content that is too short to be thoughtful, too prejudiced to be reliable, and too frequent to keep up with. But I don't want to just create more of what I criticize, so while I'm creating, I'll do my best to create something that makes the internet a better place while I'm at it. Here's what I think that looks like. **I believe in connecting. I believe in conversation.** Because of that, I'll spend time talking to people, even some with different views. Whenever possible, in person. That's what Truthache allows me to do. Connect with friends, and learn something. **I believe in making people laugh. I believe in making people think.** It has long been my mission on these pages. To take something complicated, research it, and make it simple or entertaining, and hopefully both. This platform allows me to entertain, think deeply, and challenge ideas. **I believe in unplugging. I believe in unwinding.** And that's why the content I provide will be an off-ramp to the heavy content of the week. Something that doesn't bring more anxiety (most of the time), but rather looks at things that are serious without taking them too seriously. So while I'm part of the problem, I'll also plan on being part of the solution. Happy 2026\. I'm glad you're here with me. --- ### On Truthache Last week, over the holiday break, I interviewed my daughter, Kaija, to understand Gen Z. We concluded that we both have a lot to learn. [Gen Z on Life and Taxes - Kaija Herndon | TruthacheA recent graduate tells us what Gen Z thinks about the real world, and how everyone is judging them. Kaija is a graduate of Maurer School of Law and a tax attorney. She is currently attending NYU in a Tax LLM program and is, in fact, my (Daniel’s) daughter, a guy who just does marketing (and podcasting, apparently). We talk about everything from Gen Z’s views on happiness and dating to the American dream and where they fit in the workplace. I air my grievances while Kaija implores me to invest more time in hiring and developing the Zoomer generation. Daniel still isn’t sure. We talk about the bullishness of the Mamdani election through the eyes of young progressives, whether UFOs are real, and whether the biggest addiction of her generation, social media, is more good for society or more bad. About The Guest: Kaija Herndon is found at https://www.linkedin.com/in/kaijaherndon/ or in lower Manhattan at Trader Joe’s Mentioned in this episode: An article about what bosses think about Gen Z. Deloitte study on Gen Z in the workplace. A Hims study on Gen Z dating trends. About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and the author of The Lorem Ipsum. He also produces our podcast. Michael Salemi owns Colored Threads, a company that produces branded apparel and swag, including the Truthache tumblers our guests receive. Aaron Douglas is an internet marketing and AI-readiness consultant and the owner of AIRAA.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be-3.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1400a7lrh_1200x628-2.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/gen-z-on-life-and-taxes-kaija-herndon/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum doesn't make New Year's resolutions, because if you don't have any goals, you can't fail. But if we did have one goal, it would be that you share this page with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Naming Rights URL: https://danielkherndon.com/naming-rights/ Last updated: 2025-12-26T12:16:20.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning, and Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate. Of course, I don't know why you wouldn't celebrate mornings, especially on Christmas Day. Christmas, as we all know, is a time when we remember that for which we all have hope. It's what I call an immaculate conception. But, even if I get lucky, I'll probably have to clean up anyway, because no conception is truly immaculate. So I'll settle for ridin' dirty, which has its own appeal, if you don't mind me saying. This Christmas is also a time to celebrate some new branding. It's in honor of our one true saviour, [the anointed one](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c20g1zvgj4do?ref=danielkherndon.com), Donald J. Trump. He has shown us how to love the poor and the immigrant, the widow and the democrat. Truly, the least of these. To honor the virtues of Christmas, here are some of my favorite scriptures, reading from the New MAGA Version: > Hebrews 13:2 "Do not dare to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels, which are obviously white." > *Romans 12:13-14: "Share with the Lord’s people who are in need, unless they are not white, or if they are from garbage countries. Practice hospitality to donors. Curse those who persecute you; prosecute them and do not forget to pardon your allies."* > Matthew 25:35-40: "For I was hungry, and you removed SNAP benefits because it wasn't fiscally responsible, I was thirsty and you explained your zero tollerance policy, I was an immigrant and you put me in to a prison, and said I was part of Tren de Aragua, I needed clothes and you told me I was a garbage, I was sick and you elliminated the affordable care act subsidies, I was in prison and you didn't pardon me, because I was not a large donor to your campaign." That's why we honor the president by naming as many things as possible after him. And as an announcement, that will include this newsletter. From now on, this will be known as *The Donald J Trump Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon*. It's sure to be a boon to our popularity. People are saying it's one of the biggest newsletters in the country, and I think even the world, but certainly the country. It's really big. In 2026, I expect we'll be doing major events, perhaps even stadium events at places like The Donald J Trump Staples Center and The Donald J Trump Lucas Oil Stadium, here in Indianapolis, if we can get our crime down enough. And to do that, we've tapped Steven Miller, White House deputy chief of staff for policy and homeland security advisor. He has widely [reminded us](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/23/us/politics/stephen-miller-trump-immigrants.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&ref=danielkherndon.com) that the children of immigrants are a danger to our country, by saying, “With a lot of these immigrant groups, not only is the first generation unsuccessful. Again, Somalia is a clear example here. You see persistent issues in every subsequent generation. So you see consistent high rates of welfare use, consistent high rates of criminal activity, consistent failures to assimilate.” He and the administration have reinforced their values by incarcerating citizens and immigrants alike, so long as they lack the proper bloodline worthy of mercy. They've locked them in Ecuadorian prisons to be tortured without cause, other than the tone of their skin. 60 minutes reported on it, or would have, had their new editor not pulled the segment, which leaked by [other means](https://www.thereset.news/p/breaking-heres-the-60-minutes-segment?ref=danielkherndon.com). Clearly, he has been reading *his* Bible. It reminds me of what happened back in 1942, when the USA, under the Roosevelt administration. It was then also a moral win for the purity of America when U.S. citizens and their children, who were called "[enemy aliens,](https://www.ms.now/rachel-maddow-presents-burn-order?ref=danielkherndon.com)" were arrested and locked in concentration camps, without due process, without a call home, and without a legal basis. Only because they had Japanese blood. It was then that the moral ethos of America said that it is not enough to read our Bible. Instead, we will write our own. So, without regard for humanity, we locked up people based solely on their race and our own conceit. And single-issue voters made it possible. I hope you join me in learning from the past and rejecting this way of thinking. Merry Christmas. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is filled with the Christmas Spirit, despite a moment of seriousness every now and then. Please share this gift of jolliness with your dearest family and friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ### On Truthache How do you pursue an unlikely dream in the music business when a job that "probably pays better" is staring you in the face? You be Matt Soverns, that's how. It takes someone who refuses to conform to do something remarkable. That's Matt for you. Matt Soverns is a full-time musician best known for his impromptu piano performances on the streets of Indianapolis and dueling pianos in Carmel, IN. We discuss what it’s like making a living in the blue-collar music industry, where artists depend on cover gigs to supplement their pursuit of a career as original songwriters. We also talk about why the chase never stops when you "make it". Everyone takes risks today, but most don’t go for the moonshot. Matt talks about what it takes to pursue the wildest dreams when success is almost impossible. As a bonus, Matt gives us his debut performance of a new song, right here in the Truthache studio. I always think entrepreneurs can learn a lot from a musician. But even if you don't, they'll still entertain you. [Working The Streets – Matt Soverns | TruthacheHow do you pursue an unlikely dream in the music business when a job that pays better is staring you in the face? Matt Soverns is a full-time musician best known for his impromptu piano performances on the streets of Indianapolis, New York City, and elsewhere. We discuss what it’s like making a living in the blue-collar music industry, where artists depend on cover gigs to supplement their pursuit of a career as an original artist. Everyone takes risks today, but most don’t go for the moonshot. Matt talks about what it takes to pursue the wildest dreams when success is almost impossible. He also shares how the chase doesn’t stop. Even those who have made it to a sustainable living in the entertainment business still face the same challenges of conforming to market expectations and may have dreams that continue to feel just out of reach. As a bonus, Matt gives us his debut performance of a new song, right here in the studio. About The Guest: Matt Soverns is a professional musician, performing cover acts at weddings and piano bars, and a recording artist with original tunes, including his album Phoning it In. You can find his music and performance schedule at mattsoverns.com. Mentioned in this episode: Mayer Hawthorne - The Walk Allen Stone Slim Shady 50s cover About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and author of The Lorem Ipsum. Michael Salemi owns Colored Threads, a company that produces branded apparel and swag. Aaron Douglas is an AI readiness consultant and owner of AIRAA.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be-2.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1400a7lrh_1200x628-1.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/working-the-streets-%e2%80%93-matt-soverns/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Going to Eleven URL: https://danielkherndon.com/going-to-eleven/ Last updated: 2025-12-19T11:30:52.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey everyone, As someone who has memorized The Princess Bride from beginning to end, I am heartbroken that we have lost its creator. Rob Reiner and his wife were [found dead](https://www.eonline.com/news/1426221/rob-reiner-michele-reiner-cause-of-death?ref=danielkherndon.com) on Sunday, and their son, Nick Reiner, has been charged with their murder. The district attorney suggested he may pursue the death penalty, and when announcing charges, said, "My name is Los Angeles County District Attorney Nathan Hochman, you killed your father, prepare to die." Nick's defense attorney, Alan Jackson, has represented Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey, as well as defending true-crime defendant Karen Read twice (he loves repeat customers). He implored the public to avoid speculation and let the legal process play out by insisting, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Trump, in an effort to display a sense of leadership to the country, said, "I wasn't a big fan of his..." he [said](https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-lede/donald-trumps-remarks-on-the-death-of-rob-reiner-are-next-level-degradation?ref=danielkherndon.com) about Rob Reiner, "He was not good for our country." Robin Wright, of Princess Bride fame, who also played the First Lady in House of Cards, said, in her actual quote, “It is truly heartbreaking. Rob was one of the most loving, compassionate, and kind people I have ever known. He was an extraordinary director, and the impact he had on me has stayed with me throughout my career. My heart goes out to his family and loved ones during this incredibly difficult time.” In response, Milania Trump said, "I'll have what she's having." The Reiners had many friends express their grief. Peter Guest, known for his role in This Is Spinal Tap, performed a song to remember his longtime friend, "Lick My Love Pump." He turned his amp up to its highest setting. Billy Crystal expressed hope when he said Rob was only "mostly dead," which means slightly alive. And I say, with love, Rob, we'll see you later. To which he says, "Not if I see you first!" > *"We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round."* > **– The Bucket List** *Let's get to *the News** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 51 of 2025` Good Morning and happy [Hunger Games 2026](https://x.com/whitehouse/status/2001635004074373225?s=46&ref=danielkherndon.com). We have lots to report. **Vanity Fair** published a [series of articles](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/story/trump-susie-wiles-interview-exclusive-part-1?ref=danielkherndon.com) featuring Trump's inner circle, with closely cropped photos and hero names like "The Enforcer" and "The Zealot." [Images](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/vanity-fair-portraits-white-house-b2885676.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) showing great detail reveal that Karolyn Leavitt's perforated lips share more similarities with a business reply-by-mail tear-off than with a naturally formed human facial feature. The flotation devices feature several injection sites, disguised by poorly applied lipstick, typical of children her age, before the skill of staying within the lines is developed. Marco Rubio’s close-up depicts him as a powerful foreign policy hawk with a single hair growing out of the center of his forehead, as thick as a pube, and as lonely as Gollum, while Stephen Miller's shows his gut hanging over his belt, but stops short of drawing on his hair with a Sharpie. Each image pictures a consequential custodian of American power, with a booger hanging out of their nose. In the article, Suzie Wiles, aka "The Enforcer," or sometimes called "The Lemur," was captured with eyes wider than the gap between the president and the first lady. She was caught dropping several bombs about the inner workings of the White House, including the fact that Kash Patel was not the only one with eyes popping out of his head. She described Trump as having an "alcoholic's personality," said that JD Vance was a conspiracy theorist whose transition from Trump hater to Trump harlot was "kind of political." The photos, which were produced by one of journalism's most renowned photographers, Christopher Anderson, were only lightly edited. Below, I'll show you a before-and-after of one of those images of Susie Wiles. Tell me if you can see the difference. In my opinion, it's a nice, clean, and natural-looking edit. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/12/Wiles.png) **Brown University,** after a mass [shooting](https://www.nbcboston.com/news/local/brown-university-search-for-shooter-latest-updates/3863982/?ref=danielkherndon.com), is still hunting for the shooter, who is on the loose. The man was caught on several residential cameras before and after the event. This Take is brought to you by Ring® doorbells. *Keep your home and university safe, with Ring.* **A man attacked an Australian Hanukkah gathering** on [Bondi Beach](https://www.nbcnews.com/world/australia/bondi-beach-shooting-victims-australia-hanukkah-attack-rcna249203?ref=danielkherndon.com), reminding us that some people still hate Jews, not for coming up with the whole idea of modern banking, but evidently simply because he and people like him are complete dicks and don't like tassels. Attacks like this have been taking place for thousands of years, and we wonder why they would bother annihilating their enemies when they perpetrate a deadly invasion and take hostages. **Donald Trump Junior got engaged**, but not to his fiancée, Kimberly Guilfoyle, but instead to a [new little number](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/12/16/donald-trump-jr-engaged-bettina-anderson/87790422007/?ref=danielkherndon.com) named Bettina Anderson, a "Florida Socialite," which basically means "unemployed, but fucking rich". At a celebratory event, he talked about how much he loved her and how thankful he was that she said yes, among other things, he was coached to say. Then, he reached into his pocket, after which he swiftly rubbed his fingers across his gums, something that many experts consider totally normal and not a sign that he is doing coke. **Plaque is usually a stain on your teeth**, except when it's a stain on the walls of the White House. This week, we learned about the tartar on the walls of the [Presidential Walk of Fame](https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/17/politics/presidential-walk-of-fame-plaques-trump?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the most revered building in America. The Trump administration has placed plaques under the portraits of each past president, highlighting their accomplishments or failures as judged by the world's greatest historian, Donald Trump. Written in the tone of an email from Karen, complaining to the manager. Like a Truth Social post, it features random capitalization and irrelevant nicknames, and pictures Joe Biden as an autopen, saying, "Sleepy Joe Biden was, by far, the worst President in American History," all featured in burnished brass. Even museums have an agenda. --- ### Truthache This is an episode about how to ditch your marketing job to start a liquor company (no experience needed). When life gives Dan Farhrner lemons, we have an idea what he does, but we wanted to find out firsthand, so we had him on the show. It was just a few years ago when he, his wife, and a close friend started High and Mighty Distillery, which is now focused on his brand of canned craft cocktails called Shake Up. We spend the entire session drinking responsibly while discussing entrepreneurship, trust in relationships, and what we think about the MyPillow guy running for Governor. It was a full-flavored conversation. [Turning Lemons into Lemonade (Shakeups) – Dan Fahrner | TruthacheThis is an episode about how to ditch your marketing job to start a liquor company (no experience needed). When life gives Dan Farhrner lemons, we have an idea what he does, but we wanted to find out firsthand, so we had him on the show. It was just a few years ago when he, his wife, and a close friend started High and Mighty Distillery, which is now focused on his brand of canned craft cocktails called Shake Up. We spend the entire session drinking responsibly while discussing how a small startup can compete with major brands in a cost-intensive industry. We talk about what makes a business more successful, if your options are money, branding, hard work, and luck. You may be surprised by the answer. We also dug into much more, like how to navigate business relationships that become personal, including when it feels like you’re being stabbed in the back (or at least having a dinner canceled for “a better offer”), and whether a classic beverage company chasing the cannabis cocktail trend is just like Subway adding guac. We also talked about local and national politics and the impact on business, and what we think about the MyPillow guy running for Governor. It was a full-flavored conversation. About The Guest: Dan Fahrner is a founder at Shake Up over at https://drinkshakeup.com/, where Shake Up brand cocktails have infiltrated the ready-to-drink cocktail market. About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and author of The Lorem Ipsum. Michael Salemi owns Colored Threads, a company that produces branded apparel and swag. Aaron Douglas is an AI readiness consultant and owner of AIRAA.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be-1.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1400a7lrh_1200x628.jpg)](https://www.truthachepodcast.com/e/turning-lemons-into-lemonade-shakeups-%e2%80%93-dan-fahrner/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not afraid of commitment, and neither are our readers. Share it with a loved one, and if it doesn't work out, share it with another. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Rules Were Meant To Be... URL: https://danielkherndon.com/rules-were-meant-to-be/ Last updated: 2025-12-12T11:30:48.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except for the National Guard in Los Angeles, who have the opportunity to sleep in today, since a [judge ruled](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/12/10/us/trump-news?ref=danielkherndon.com) that their deployment in California must end. Welcome to The Lorem Ipsum, where we agree that the world needs rules, but they shouldn't apply to me personally. Grammar included. Oh, how many young copywriters I've pressured regarding their run-on sentences filled with fluff that need not be said, just before I open this email with an offence of two such sentences in a row. The truth is, rules are best broken carefully, by a skilled breaker. I am one of those breakers. Starting with the format of this newsletter. Thanks for being here. Let's get to ***the news***. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 50 of 2025` **The Feds cut interest rates**, reminding Americans that credit card debt really isn't that bad. That means a second mortgage not only costs you less money over time, but you can also throw in a paid membership to The Lorem Ipsum, and not even feel it. The President should be pleased, now with a [second-rate cut](https://www.cnbc.com/2025/12/10/fed-interest-rate-decision-december-2025-.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) from his little buddy Gerome, who not only put the economy first, but also put Trump first, as well! What does this mean for everyday Americans? Well, Gerome, it means you'll only need to pay $828,980 for a $375,210 home loan. That frees up much-needed capital for cable TV and caramel lattes. It's something to celebrate. **Secretary of State "Marco Rubio Sans"** reversed a Biden-era rule to use [Calibri font](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/rubio-stages-font-coup-times-new-roman-ousts-calibri-2025-12-09/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on state documents, and I must say I am truly sans-serifed about it. The Rubio, who is sometimes referred to as Roboto, another popular font with a weak hairdo, has vowed to bring the government back to Times New Roman. It's a theme many say the whole administration has leaned into across many policies. If nothing else, at least Times New Fifties, before the Civil Rights Act. Calibri, known as the world's Wokest font, is known for its lack of flourishes and is evidently easily read by dyslexics and text-to-speech readers. It's also the original font of Windows, all reasons that make me hate it. **Last week, Netflix announced a deal to buy Warner Bros.**, including HBO and its movie studio. But they promised I'd still pay separate enormous fees for multiple streaming services I mainly only use when a new season of White Lotus is out – for which I am thankful. Only days before I decided to cancel streaming services in an effort to clean house, Paramount, which was just purchased by David Ellison, placed a hostile bid to buy the company from beneath Netflix, causing the deal to crumble like House of Cards, season six. If you want my opinion on the agreement (and I know you do), I'd say throw in a T-shirt with the MTV logo on it, and you've got a deal. **The Trump Administration seized an oil tanker** off the [coast of Venezuela](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/dec/10/us-forces-reportedly-seize-oil-tanker-off-venezuela-coast?ref=danielkherndon.com) because its campaign is totally focused on drugs! Despite what the Administration says, we know the goal is to bump Nicolás Maduro from power. Don't get me wrong, Maduro is no Saint Nicolás. If Trump makes his list and checks it twice, I can see that the only thing Maduro is getting for Christmas is probably the gift of a special military operation from the US Military. **In Indiana, people are different.** In my home state, the urban dwellers of Indianapolis, in the center of the state, have different concerns than the good ole' folks of the rural Floyd County on the Ohio River. Anyone named Floyd would agree, "those big city folk, they *differnt"* and that's why we have different people representing us in the legislature. But new [electoral maps](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/blake-johnson-31aa1510%5Fapologies-for-the-long-post-but-this-matters-activity-7401435333864828929-iV-q?utm%5Fsource=share&utm%5Fmedium=member%5Fdesktop&rcm=ACoAAAG%5FAa4B7U6u1QOl%5Fj0Mo-1ZpLBX645FICw) pushed by Trump smush those people into the same district. Last night, Democrats and Republicans [struck down](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/11/us/indiana-senate-redistricting-republicans.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) these maps, as they should. **Healthcare is still expensive.** The Senate is in a deadlock over [healthcare regulations,](https://www.politico.com/live-updates/2025/12/11/congress/senate-rejects-health-care-bills-00686855?ref=danielkherndon.com) with both Republican and Democratic plans failing to advance. Meanwhile, I have some acid reflux and a crick in my lower back that I don't want to get checked out. I'm pretty sure the doctor is going to charge me hundreds of dollars to tell me to take a pill, and to please come back and see him later when I'm dying of cancer because I didn't eat right and get some exercise between all these newsletters. In the USA, we spend $13,432 per person. Second place among peer countries is Switzerland at $9,000, and the average is $7,393\. As it turns out, we have the lowest life expectancy among those same 10 countries. Is it our food supply? Drinking soda? Sitting at a desk all day? Or our insistence on ignoring the data that other countries have already figured out? Probably all the above. I hope you guys had a great week! --- ## On Truthache How will AI consume us, and what should we do about it? In the latest episode of Truthache, we discuss what businesses are doing to adopt AI and the problem of alignment between artificial intelligence and the humans who have created it. Then, we explore the ways that AI is affecting how we think about work, relationships, and whether job loss – and the loss of reality – is inevitable. [AI Terrors - Jon Coulter | TruthacheHow will AI consume us, and what should we do about it? In this episode, we explore the ways that AI is affecting how we think about work, and more importantly, whether job loss is inevitable. Then, we discuss the problem of alignment between artificial intelligence and the humans who have created it. As always, this conversation covered a lot of ground, from the basics of how AI works, how businesses are leveraging it, and eventually, how technology and culture are changing the way young people navigate dating, sex, and relationships. About The Guest: Jon Coulter is an Enterprise AI consultant at https://getstellar.ai/ and can be found on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/coulterjon. Mentioned in this episode: Sam Harris and Daniel Kokataljo talk about the alignment problem when training AI. The Last Invention - Podcast from Longview bleakly examines the presumed future, where AI may destroy humanity and the world. Joe Rogan’s interview with Jensen Huang. The Diamond Age, a book by Neil Stephenson. About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and author of The Lorem Ipsum. Aaron Douglas is an AI readiness consultant and owner of AIRAA. Michael Salemi owns Colored Threads, a company that produces branded apparel and swag.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Truthache_Cover_Art_1211202662f8b527-9ed3-5af3-4e04-6c6e067cd6be.jpg)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache_Cover_Art_1x7fm79_1200x628.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/ai-terrors-jon-coulter/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, especially those who have reasonable healthcare coverage. Yucking all over your inbox yum is not preferred. Sharing a copy of this Inbox Candy is! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### How to Read the News URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-read-the-news/ Last updated: 2026-02-12T16:22:23.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- I hear more and more, including from readers of this newsletter, that people are avoiding watching the news. A friend and I have this ongoing conversation about whether we can trust the media. He says, No, it's designed to manipulate and deceive you. If you can picture this, my friend sounds like the bitter babysitter in the '80s classic, *Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitter's Dead,* with the very hot Christina Applegate, best known for her role on *Married... With Children,* with the notably less hot Ed O'Neill as Al Bundy, a misogynistic shoe salesman. As mom is away for the summer, Applegate's character Sue Ellen, along with her four siblings, is left in the care of an elderly babysitter. Sue Ellen plans to party, as the kids are in the care of someone else, and she is free to do as she wishes. The babysitter is a haggard old lady — a wrinkled brown paper sack, crossed with a drill sergeant wearing low-heeled pumps. Despite the similarities, I'm not referring to my friend, but the babysitter character in the movie. Her sole purpose seems to be to ruin the summers of the five siblings by forcing them to do unreasonable homework, imposing a moratorium on fun, and shutting off the television. "TV rots your brain!" [she growls](https://www.youtube.com/watchsibli?v=IuG4Wl8qSBk&ref=danielkherndon.com). The angry ogre is not open to another point of view. Specifically, my friend in this case. This is how my friend views the news. He insists the media is part of a cabal oriented towards control of the masses, assigning our beliefs and manufacturing our controversies. I disagree. Saying the media is designed to destroy you is like anthropomorphizing a tornado. It doesn't care about you at all or anything else. It is simply an outcome of the weather. A tornado is quite simple to explain. The presence of a thunderstorm in spring weather brings warm air from the south across the sky as cool, dry air is traveling on the ground from the north. The collision of the two causes a gust of wind. With the lighter, warmer air rising from the ground, the heavier, cooler air above causes rapid updrafts and downdrafts, forming a cyclone that builds momentum as it draws moisture from the clouds. The right balance of each feature creates a devastating funnel of spinning water and wind that can destroy almost anything in its path. So it's more of a math equation. Thunderstorm + warm moist air + cool dry air + the wrath of the dangerous and powerful daughter of the wind spirit = **Tornado**. With or without the wind spirit, you have the power of the sky licking up earth like it's a bowl of frosting, killing who it kills and sparing who it spares. We often find wind spirits in ordinary things. Oil spills, the JFK assassination, the Great Replacement conspiracy, and the Birds Aren't Real theories — there's a powerful hand guiding the evil to steal, kill, and destroy. They each have a wind spirit behind them, until we run out of ways to believe in it. If you abandon the ideas of the wind spirit, you're still left with a tornado, because the math continues to work the same, even when you remove the neutral factor. That's what I think about the news. There is no Dr. Evil who plotted to start a major newspaper and designed it to take over the world. He doesn't hire malicious writers who swore an oath to rot the brains of paying subscribers the world over. The media, as it is, is nothing more than an outcome of the weather, started by individuals. To keep us safe, we don't need to flee. We merely need to understand how to read the news. And how not to. So, you can stop reading the news, just as you can unsubscribe from hiking in the forest, and bears are not made to rip your arms off. When you understand the mythology and accept the details that are self-evident, you can use the news more productively. I think more people need to learn how to do that. Here's my system to do that. ### First, Some Rules. - I'll be referring to "media" or "news" frequently. For the purposes of this article, I'll lump them together. News/media comes in the form of formal reporting, opinion, commentary, and entertainment that covers current events. - I'll generally refer to reading, but listening, watching, and receiving by telepathic medium are all basically the same. - When I say "article," I don't care if it is a newsletter, podcast, or TV segment. The word 'article' will be the shorthand for all forms of published media, as it is literally accurate and less embarrassing than calling something a "blog" or admitting that you get your news from TikTok or something with "Beast" in the name. - Most people prioritize The Lorem Ipsum above other options. While this is reasonable and probably safe, I won't be making any official endorsements in this article or any other newsletter. Just make sure that when referring to this publication, you always include and capitalize "The" as it is part of the proper name, not simply a definite article. Also, you can upgrade to a paid subscription [right here](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup). ### Check Your Assumptions People often complain about the bias of the media, but rarely do they complain about the bias of the reader. When you read someone named Charles who likes to get cozy with preschool girls, most people are disgusted. But it's perfectly normal for a preschool boy to like preschool girls. It's not normal in this day and age for a preschooler to be named Charles. Bias in media is a feature, not a bug. Imagine you're reading a report about the moon. When the reporter is standing on Earth, he is left to report from the perspective of the subject he can see. The reader will also interpret the article based on where she is standing. If she comes from the dark side of the moon, she'll see the story differently. Bias does not mean untrue. It merely shows the writer's vantage point. News should be filtered through two questions. What is this writer trying to tell me? And what am I reading into the story? ### Lean on Long Form A good story starts with a storyteller. A reporter should approach their subject by looking into the details to uncover the story. Do not retrofit them to a preconceived story. This takes time, rewrites, and humility. Reporting quality is almost impossible with an instant news cycle. Fairness and proper context are impossible in a highlight reel. Long-form journalism is the only way to provide this. Breaking news, pull quotes, and video reels have their place, but the only way to avoid being fooled is to get the whole story. Always place long-form above short-form content. Read the full article, listen to the whole speeches, and understand the full context of a story, including the what, who, and why. ### Watch for Selection Bias Good reporting is truth-seeking. Most reporting chases big, notable stories and ignores the routine and unremarkable. The reporter gets the dirt from eyewitnesses and expert opinions and provides commentary. The best backup for a story is a source, and a report is only as good as its sources. To oversimplify, if one source says a shooter was 10 feet away, and another says two, he was probably six. Sources can be 100% accurate, while still missing key details, or favoring one detail over another. This is source selection bias. Furthermore, story selection can also favor one story over another. This skews our opinions over time. We might see copious coverage of crime, and because of it, we think crime is up, even if crime is down. Assume each story is one that was selected, and others were passed on. This doesn't mean one-sided content is bad. One outlet may cover the content of a speech, while the other covers the response of the crowd. Both are worth reading. Each telling of a story is a single shade; the whole picture is in color. ### Understand Incentives The currency of the internet age is attention. For social media, attention is instant and fleeting. For TV, attention is 3-5 minutes long with commercials in between. Without attention, there is no money. Without money, there is no story, and in this dystopian reality, the story comes last. Live, 24-hour TV news is the cocaine of the news. Social media is laced with fentanyl. It's an instant hit that doesn't last long, leaving you craving the next hit. These formats take news from informative to habit-forming. Every bit of news demands sensationalism to entice you to keep coming back. Long-form written journalism benefits from length, discipline, and attention to detail. For example, the New York Times has a few ads and lots of subscribers. The New York Post has lots of ads strewn across a cluttered screen. Ad-heavy posts tend to focus on page views and, secondarily, time on screen. Subscriber-based posts tend to focus on long-term loyal readers. The former produces more clickbait, and the latter more in-depth reporting. Subscriber-based news is better than ad-based news almost always. That's why it comes with a cost, and because people like free stuff, it continues to get harder to find. The negative of subscriber-based reporting is that an outlet can be captured by its audience. If they keep their subscribers by promoting the preferred narrative, they may tend to favor those stories. This also results in a news outlet adding games to the app for subscribers, which is not bad, but it's also not news. When subscribers have a diverse and loyal audience, they can prioritize truthseeking because their income is not dependent on any one audience group or sponsor calling the shots. ### Watch for Spin Doctoring A popular podcaster once claimed, without citing evidence, that The Lorem Ipsum is not the biggest newsletter in its category. Loyal readers know this is misleading and needs context, since this publication is in a category of its own, and is most certainly the largest of its kind. Often, well-meaning reporters inject a narrative element to spin the story one direction or another, as I did with the opening of this section. When a reporter says a public figure made a claim, "without citing evidence." People speaking in public settings almost never cite evidence in real time. The reporter is injecting a point that is not needed and is usually only meant to cast doubt or push a narrative, or both. Watch out for these kinds of words and phrases. Referring to someone as "pro-choice" or "pro-abortion" changes the narrative and the reader's view of the person being referred to. So is calling someone "islamaphobic" or describing someone as part of the "radical left." Phrases like this exist only for spin. This is why I don't use the term "gender affirming care." The term injects narrative and avoids truthseeking, and I would argue, to the detriment of its own cause. When we refer to dental work, we don't call it "bite affirming care" because it is not necessary to reference something that is quite simply dental work. Calling it anything more is superfluous. Simply being aware of spin allows you to filter it out when needed. ### Separate Details from Narrative Contrary to what some might think, the job of a reporter is not to tell you the facts. It's to tell you the story. Their job is to build the narrative so you can understand the story. Your job is to recognize the difference between the details and the narrative. Consider this headline: "Three men shot in Cleveland amid tension over racial equity." Immediately, the reader would assume the shooting was a crime between people of different races, almost certainly a white and a black person. The writer was aiming to tell the facts and offer an explanatory narrative in one sentence. For the reader, the narrative helps them make sense of the story, separate the underdogs from the nepo babies, and distinguish the crime of hate from the crime of passion. When you read an article, read the story, and recognize the narrative, but know the difference. ### Consider Source and Credibility You should read multiple sources, and the methods above will help you assess each one's quality. But history and reputation are also shorthand. If an outlet has been known to provide high-quality, fact-based reporting for 100 years, there is a good chance it still does. If it's known for junk, you can expect to see more of it. The most established institutions often have built-in policies and business models that increase the likelihood of achieving quality. Still, the same institutions are made up of people, and like the weather, the right conditions can create a storm. Neither tornadoes nor the media are out to get us. If it swallows you up, you can hardly be angry at the weather, but you still have to practice caution. If you know what you're dealing with and act accordingly, you won't get hurt. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum gives you the truth, without the burden of accuracy. You'll always get an honest take from us, even when it's made up. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Fresh Leftovers URL: https://danielkherndon.com/fresh-leftovers/ Last updated: 2025-11-28T11:30:26.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Every year, at this time, during Thanksgiving week, I wonder whether I will meet my regular Friday deadline or not. It's a nail-biting moment. An appetizer before the Thanksgiving meal, if you will. Then, miraculously, inspiration hits like a pile of mashed potatoes, and the next thing you know, I've written a thousand words to make your Friday morning everything you hoped it would be, except for the task of needing to clear your inbox. But what would you be doing anyway? Reading about the Racketeering case against Trump in Georgia being [dropped](https://www.cnn.com/2025/11/26/politics/georgia-prosecutor-drops-trump-election-interference-case?ref=danielkherndon.com)? I doubt it, because you've probably already moved on from that, knowing that there is a two-tiered justice system, where Presidents can do whatever they want with impunity, including occasionally try to overturn elections, and the rest of us get ticketed $163 for parking in Los Angeles on the wrong street during rush hour, twice for the same offense. To be fair, if you contest the tickets with enough evidence, that second citation will probably be dropped, but the first one is still gonna cost you – hypothetically, of course. So, since you have nothing better to do but to join me here, and I don't want to write about the news of the day, or anything else important for that matter, I decided I would share a behind-the-scenes look at some of my writing. As prolific as I am, I am essentially writing or planning to write at all hours of the day. Because of that, the Notes app on my phone is filled with what I hope are gems, which someday may be part of a longer piece that has yet to be written. I have some I need to purge, so I'll share them here, as bits without full article context. I've warmed these up for you, so enjoy, and I'll leave you to eat your leftovers. Happy Thanksgiving. ### Concert People. There’s a difference between regular people who happened to go to a concert and concert people. Concert people are sweaty, literally all the time. They slither like snakes when they dance, or scream with beers raised, making sure to spill a little as they walk. They wear too much cheap jewelry and have glossy hair gel, even though everyone knows the matte finish has been the leading texture for years. I love music and concerts, but I will never be a concert *person*. ### Foodie Culture People worry about the country being destroyed when politics swing against them. But I assure you, it's a cycle that usually swings back. A country is made up of the people who make it theirs. No president, good or bad, can single-handedly change that. A country is like a good restaurant — you need there to be enough people that you want to be there, but not so many that you can’t get a table. It's hard to get it perfect without making people wait to be seated – including the regulars. That's why immigration and jobs will always lead the public conversation. ### Brain and Evolution My wife once shared an article that breaks down the brain's eras across life. First, from zero to nine, you have a soft sponge for a brain, prepared to sop up everything it is wiped across. From then until 32, you have what scientists call the adolescent brain. It's a brain that looks for gooey holes to be squished into, and any stimulant it can find. If you escape that phase alive, between 32 and 66 is when your brain performance is at its peak. You don't become wise until you reach this stage. This is why we can't expect parenting to be a perfect process. Evolution has favored being obsessed with getting laid before you’re smart enough not to. So your either ready to make babies or youre ready to raise them, but rarely is anybody both. ### Pretty and Plump Lately, cosmetic surgery is not an effort to look young, but a way to separate the elite from the average. But I object to this approach, because too many twenty-somethings, while plenty young and supple, have pumped their lips to a level that resembles balloon animals more than human facial features. But image has always been a part of high life, including for those who are merely wannabes. Plastic surgery designed to be seen is simply a Louis Vuiton bag installed directly into the face. --- I'll leave you with my latest episode of Truthache. This week, we talked about how to create the dorkiest kids in America – Homeschooling. I am one of the exceptions to this rule. [Home School and Home Births - Michelle Ervin | TruthacheThe best way to ensure your kids are smart and have no clue what the world is really like is to keep them at home. If you want nerdy kids that are good at math and know how to load a dishwasher, homeschooling might be for you. We talk with Michelle Ervin, a barber to the stars (specifically, most of the hosts of Truthache), who has made personal sacrifices with her husband to raise the family she wants, the way she wants, without ceding control to someone who may not know what’s best for her family. This means balancing work so she can school her kids at home, not long after birthing them right there in the same home. Daniel didn’t get his trigger warning on this, but listeners will know he came from a family that did all of the above, but he gives it less positive reviews. No, he did not graduate high school per se, and yes, he did eventually learn to swim as an adult. We talk about that and more. We also eat several freshly baked cookies and discuss vaccine skepticism (oops! just slipped that one in unannounced) here in this latest episode of Truthache. About The Guest: Michelle Ervin cuts most of our hair at https://www.commissaryindy.com/ About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon is a brand strategist at HRNDN Brand Agency and author of The Lorem Ipsum. Aaron Douglas is an AI readiness consultant and owner of AIRAA. Michael Salemi owns Colored Threads, a company that produces branded apparel and swag.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Cover_Arte8ea43ef-a941-fb8e-3f46-b477186da7c2-2.png)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache-Podcast-Logo_1200x628-3.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/home-school-and-home-births/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum can be reheated, but don't put a lid on it. Share a serving with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Grunge Theory URL: https://danielkherndon.com/grunge-theory/ Last updated: 2025-11-21T15:26:00.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, It is scientifically proven that '90s music is superior to all other music. I know at least 17% of my readers will be in the comments on this one. Despite the wildly successful British Invasion, '90s music still occupies the top of the historic graphs as the best music era ever by nearly every measure I can think of. The wild takeover of Grunge makes the British Invasion look more like a relatively boring backlog of undocumented immigrants waiting to sneak in to their court dates rather than an actual invasion. In a taste test between Coke and Pepsi, more than 90% of participants agree that a music scene swaddled in flannels and cardigans has more musical potential than one in a tweed suit and Chelsea boots – no offense to the boots, or anyone named Chelsea. It’s more than a feeling, too. Even the hit song "More Than a Feeling" doesn’t feel hard enough to outfeel Better Than Ezra, which ironically, is a mathematical equation whose solution is literally "Ezra," or in other words, itself. I know all this because I’m an amateur historian and first-hand experiencer of the '90s, and a guitar aficionado of overly repeated Dave Matthews Band riffs at parties. I'm not annoying, but I know how to be, and it sounds like playing the opening of "Crash" over and over. In the 90s, it wasn’t Our Lady Peace through strength, because strength was a given, when you had guitar distortion and nothing to prove, except for your position on which was better between boxers or briefs (to which I say it depends on both your endowment and outerwear, in my personal experience). What was also really great about the '90s was that we had no idea what was happening in the White House. When we found out, we subjected the president to impeachment proceedings. We banded together back then, because if you've fucked one citizen of the United States, you've fucked 'us all. A stain in the Oval Office was a stain on America, but the inner workings of government weren't distracting us from enjoying our dinner. Now, we hear everything all the time, and it keeps us from focusing on what really matters. In the 90s, when we heard a tweet we didn't like, all we had to do was take out a beebee gun, and skat those fucking birds away to give you a moment of peace. Today, we're drowning in tweets, or the rebranded versions of them, and they are conflated with truth, socially, because everyone picks the peeps they like and believes them, no matter how ridiculous they are, and demands precious column inches all about it. It's not that I don't think that what happens in government matters. I just think that we are awash in bullshit, and it keeps us talking about just that. It distracts us from the things that matter more, like whether we'll have a functional government in the next few years. ## Get Your Own Inbox Candy A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. It may not be important for all of America to worry about how someone gets their rocks off. We shouldn't be focused on whether calling someone "Piggy" is a pet name for their sex victims, or just unprofessional. That's not going to feed the 42 million Americans who need assistance, and it won't create jobs or promise that we'll continue being a free country. It will just distract us from it. That's why people unplug from Politics. It is exhausting enough that most of us can't take it anymore. Most of what we call politics isn't even that. It's just a (not so) Secret Lives of Mormon Wives blended with the West Wing to create the worst reality show in history, sufficient to make me 10% dumber every time I watch it–all with our well-being held in the balance. A functional government that works for people is important, and if we unplug from that, we'll get more than the occasional fellatio in the Oval Office. The whole world will be affected by it. We used to rely on the Congress to temper the Executive branch, the Justice Department to enforce the law, the Judicial branch to be its restraint, the military not to get involved in politics, and the voters to have a say in the whole thing. But very little of that is happening anymore. Instead, here's what is happening. - Congress has spent the last year [handing its power to Trump](https://theconversation.com/congress-began-losing-power-decades-ago-and-now-its-giving-away-what-remains-to-trump-254984?ref=danielkherndon.com) to lead by executive order, with little challenge, even when it has harmed their own constituents, for fear that they will be primaried out of office or subject to threats from MAGA. That is, until this week, when the House voted 427 to 1 to release the Epstein files—no word on whether the American people will be able to have healthcare. - A New York Times [investigative report](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/11/16/magazine/trump-justice-department-staff-attorneys.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) released this week uncovered various ways that the Justice Department has been hollowed out and stacked with loyalists, with various DOJ attorneys being required to carry out Trump's agenda zealously, while filing charges against his opponents, whether or not they have evidence. - The Supreme Court, which is currently flush with Trump-aligned justices, has repeatedly deferred to executive authority, first by ruling that a President is immune from prosecution, and then by issuing rulings that delayed or prevented any accountability for his administration's policies, even when they appeared to be illegal. I think this one is clearly debatable, but the deference has complicated everything else in this list. - Trump's second term has seen [unprecedented use of the military](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2025%5Fdeployment%5Fof%5Ffederal%5Fforces%5Fin%5Fthe%5FUnited%5FStates?ref=danielkherndon.com) to control the people of the United States, by being deployed in cities for political reasons, under the guise of tamping down crime, which in most cases is [already down](https://www.columbiamissourian.com/news/nation%5Fworld/trump-isn-t-sending-troops-to-cities-with-highest-crime-rates-data-shows/article%5Fabdd9108-e8a7-4f0f-8a29-4228c975280e.html?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=City%2Dby%2Dcity%20details,crime%20category%2C%20including%20property%20crime.), while also deporting human beings mercilessly, which is now, by the way, considered a core value of Christianity. - And this week, Trump has pressured my very own Indiana Governor and legislators, among others, to [gerrymander](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/trump-doubles-redistricting-indiana-lawmakers-rebuke-special-session-127649358?ref=danielkherndon.com) a red state to be even redder, despite significant public pushback, to make sure that we can always vote how we want, as long as the results are ensured to be in his favor. Most everyday Americans, if you ask them what they did today, they'll tell you they went to work, watched TV, ate a sandwich, and tucked their kids into bed. Mostly, pretty regular stuff. Their life feels normal. It's not worth their time to pay attention to the government. I get it, paying attention is a burden. I feel it, too. The problem is that ignoring it has its consequences, and before I know it, it's a burden in my hand. In the 90s, music was great and politics was about politics, with the occasional break for a story about an illegitimate screwing in the White House. Today, it's a political porn show. If we get distracted by the drama or check out altogether, then we'll be the ones getting screwed. Before we know it, we'll be used to it and too exhausted to fight back. I think that's their plan. --- ### On Truthache Our relationship is built on trust, but sometimes, it's candy-coated. In this episode, Mrs. The Lorem Ipsum talks about how she expects the raw truth, even when it hurts. But the guys on the mic point out that sometimes the truth hurts, and it’s easier to say that everything is going to be okay, even when you don’t know if it will be. This recording was captured after we recorded an episode we didn’t even release (it wasn’t that good). After we ended the episode, the real conversation started. [When Honesty is Impossible with Carrie Herndon | TruthacheOur relationship is built on trust, and sometimes it’s candy-coated. In this episode of Raw Truth, Carrie Herndon, Daniel’s wife, talks about how she expects the raw truth, even when it hurts. But the guys point out that sometimes the truth hurts, and it’s easier to say that everything is going to be okay, even when you don’t know that it is. This recording was captured after an episode that we didn’t even release (it wasn’t that good), but after we ended the episode, the real conversation started. We talked about how hard it is to serve your family when things get tough, and how sometimes honesty has qualifications. Carrie doesn’t agree. About The Guest: Carrie is an owner and administrator at HRNDN, LLC, a brand strategy agency, and as it turns out, a coworker in life to one of our hosts. About The Hosts: Daniel Herndon: HRNDN.com danielkherndon.com Aaron Douglas: https://airaa.org https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaronddouglas/ Michael Salemi: https://colored-threads.com![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Cover_Arte8ea43ef-a941-fb8e-3f46-b477186da7c2-1.png)PodbeanPodBean Development![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Truthache-Podcast-Logo_1200x628-1.jpg)](https://truthachepodcast.com/e/when-honesty-is-impossible-with-carrie-herndon/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum delivers every Friday, whether I like it or not. And it's okay, I can confirm, I've created my own prison. To keep me going, how about sharing with friends or [upgrading](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) to support my work? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Hunger Games URL: https://danielkherndon.com/hunger-games/ Last updated: 2025-11-14T11:30:09.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week, thoughts are now more expensive, unless you enjoy the volume discounts provided by The Lorem Ipsum. As of this week, the [penny](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/12/business/penny-coin-legacy.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com) is no longer in production. Also, the government is no longer just letting the people eat cake. They have also restored the program that ensures the poorest people still can. More on that in a minute, but first, we have a breaking story. ### Man Spotted Mowing Lawn. Several neighbors in a suburban housing addition have reported what appears to be a "dad-like" figure using a lawnmower. A figure appearing to be a middle-aged man wearing ill-fitting athleisure clothing was spotted mowing a lawn. The man, who appeared to have an unseemly waistline, was said to be mowing a lawn in a midwestern neighborhood, according to several witnesses in the area. Neighbors are outraged to find the man, who appears to have a fiber deficiency and lower back pain, cutting grass. "I just looked over, and there he was, cutting away," said one neighbor who was taken aback by the sight. "He had to be six feet tall if he was a foot," she continued. The man who was cutting grass may have intended to chop fallen leaves, according to one HOA board member who commented on the condition that they were granted immunity because they were not authorized to talk about HOA business. It is not clear if it is normal to encounter someone with a dad bod on a riding mower this time of year. According to neighbors, the alleged man appears to sit in a slouched position and appears to grab his lower back and wince in pain every few minutes. Another witness said he was holding a Coors Light, a brand of light beer known to be popular amongst middle-aged suburban men. Experts say that even as temperatures drop, grass continues to grow, at least for a few more weeks in the fall. Still, neighbors were surprised. Media from all over descended on the neighborhood in an attempt to capture video, in case the man also takes out the trash or inflates the air in a vehicle tire. This is a developing story. The Lorem Ipsum will keep you posted as we learn more about this shocking series of events. ### In Other Less Shocking News To cover, some other far less shocking news, this week, Democrats released some Epstein emails, which appear to suggest that Donald Trump was associated with Jeffrey Epstein and spent time with at least one underage victim. After Democrats released key emails, a trove of additional emails were released by Republicans, which lead to me re-learning that I need to read email chains from top to bottom, including this one which makes just as much sense in reverse as it does in it's natural form. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/IMG_0087.JPG) The story comes on the heels of the longest U.S. government shutdown in history, surpassing the previous [record](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Government%5Fshutdowns%5Fin%5Fthe%5FUnited%5FStates?ref=danielkherndon.com), also set by Trump. The shutdown, from the Democratic standpoint, was over the issue of healthcare subsidies, which the Republicans have admitted is an area that needs to be addressed. Yet, they've never proposed a viable plan, except [one](https://www.rand.org/pubs/research%5Freports/RR2003.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) that would reduce access to healthcare, especially for those most vulnerable. During the shutdown, Trump used hunger as political leverage, as he withheld SNAP benefits, despite his available options to maintain the program. When states stepped in to support low-income families, the administration [ordered](https://abcnews.go.com/US/judge-rules-administration-force-states-undo-delivery-snap/story?id=127462696&ref=danielkherndon.com) states to undo the payments until a judge blocked it. The hunger games were put to an end this week, after enough Democrats joined Republicans to vote to pass a clean resolution, ending the shutdown. Now that the shutdown has come to a close, Republicans, who still have a supermajority, have the opportunity to either help the Americans or take advantage of them. We can only guess, based on history, what this administration will do. --- ### On Truthache This week, on Truthache, we talked about whether poverty is a choice or a trap. We open by discussing what people care about listening to, in hopes of figuring out how to make a good podcast. After getting nowhere, we discuss social class and how to move from the poverty class to a more thriving middle class or better. Does it take determination, or is that not enough for some people? --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum brings you the breaking news, even if we have to break it ourselves. Share with a friend, if you know what's good for them. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Mystic Waves URL: https://danielkherndon.com/mystic-waves/ Last updated: 2025-11-07T11:30:30.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I'm announcing my podcast here today. As I once [proudly proclaimed here](https://danielkherndon.com/doesnt-have-a-podcast/), I've always identified as someone who does not have a podcast. But that is not the case anymore. More on that soon. But first, ***The News.*** ### **Making Waves** The Mamdani Tsunami has made landfall. Zohran Mamdani has won the New York City mayoral election. He won by a landslide, receiving more votes than all candidates combined, beating Andrew Cuomo by 9%, flanked by other high-margin Democrat wins in other parts of the country. New Yorkers everywhere are celebrating, and the streets are soaked in champagne and urine, as people of all walks of life, from the businessmen to the homeless men, celebrate, each in their own way. Zohran came with a hot logo and big ideas, both of which make him look like a genie – and some say he would have to be for his policies' wishes to come true. But branding is everything, so I can't hold it against him. To take a closer look at his branding, let's start with the mood board his team put together for inspiration. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/Zoltar-Mood-Board.png) According to my sources, he loved it. Now here's a look at what the branding team came up with. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/Zohran-Mood-Board.png) Mamdani is the youngest in a century to take the NYC Mayor's office and perhaps the first ever to embrace socialist ideas and get elected. In anticipation of his new policies, many supporters preemptively quit their jobs. Zohran ran on a platform that highlighted policies serving the public good, including policies like freezing rent, expanding a free bus service program, and establishing publicly owned grocery stores. He also, according to one source, insists he'll improve infrastructure for Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, who have previously complained that traffic prevented them from bringing big enough gifts to some low-income homes. Some people are uncomfortable about publicly controlled groceries, but defenders of Zohran's policies project confidence, saying, "Just imagine going to the BMV, only with food!" When asked about some of the selections that common people will have access to, one very reliable source tells me New Yorkers who may have been struggling will be able to eat "cake." The topic of free buses has also drawn criticism, but according to a survey, riders rate the policy quite favorably, saying they actually prefer not to pay for buses. While I jest, I think Zohran's candidacy brings both an inspiring vision and valid plans alongside unwinnable battles. Zohran says he wanted to build 200,000 affordable housing units, while freezing the recently rising rents – a perfect combination to discourage landlords from improving properties, or building more. He won't be the first to pull it off, though. Former NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio [did just that](https://www.democracycollaborative.org/blogs/mamdani-five-key-policies?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=For%20Mamdani%2C%20the,solve%20the%20problem), building some 200,000 housing units while freezing rents intermittently. The problem he faced then, that remains today, is that 200,000 is nowhere near enough to solve the problem. He will also need to create an environment where landlords and developers can *and* want to develop properties – few, if any, will do it, if there's no money in it. Like always, good policy is on a bell [curve](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/). Along with a couple of friends, I talked about this on my new podcast, which I've published mostly under the radar. I'm ready to come out of the closet and share it here. ### Truthache ***The Podcast in the Room.*** We release new episodes weekly, except when we don't. Truthache is about the elephant in the room. It's what we're all thinking, but afraid to talk about. Join me, Michael, and Aaron for the conversation we should all be having. We'll talk about culture and current events, including some politics. It's the conversations we all wish we could have with our friends, without agreeing, but also without judgment. Our guests give us expertise and perspective. Our wives give us permission to record every Friday. We've already released several episodes, and some are even good. You can find it everywhere. Here's our latest episode. ## Hot Takes `News I couldn't let you miss.` - **The Trump Administration is cutting flights** by 10% at 40 [major airports](https://www.reuters.com/business/aerospace-defense/us-may-cut-air-traffic-10-by-friday-without-shutdown-deal-sources-say-2025-11-05/?ref=danielkherndon.com) as the government shutdown continues. In fact, before the announcement, some say that this flight in [Louisville](https://www.unilad.com/news/us-news/kentucky-ups-plane-crash-cause-aviation-experts-426604-20251106?ref=danielkherndon.com) was cut by well over 10%. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/_d6aeb1e1-2233-4128-b787-ed9fc28f02cb.gif) - **The Supreme Court, on Thursday**, allowed the Trump administration to [remove](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/supreme-court-allows-trump-end-33-year-passport/story?id=127273370&ref=danielkherndon.com) a gender marker from passports, prompting some people to ask, "After 200,000 years of confusion, how will we ever know whether someone is a man or woman?" - **A Federal Judge ordered SNAP benefits** to be [paid](https://abcnews.go.com/US/judge-orders-trump-administration-fully-fund-snap-benefits/story?id=127273708&ref=danielkherndon.com) in full after the Trump administration withheld payments. In related news, in an Oval Office event, Trump announced a [deal](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/trump-weight-loss-drugs-cost-wegovy-zepbound-novo-nordisk-eli-lilly-rcna242309?ref=danielkherndon.com) for lower costs on the weight loss drug Ozempic, just one more example of how Trump is using hunger as a strategy. - **Nancy Pelosi** [announced](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/06/us/politics/nancy-pelosi-house-retire.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) her retirement from politics after her term concluded. When asked what she'll *do* afterward, she said, "Depends®." --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: At The Lorem Ipsum, we've frozen our prices for the last four years, and just like on New York City buses, most people don't even pay anyway. If you want to be one of the people who keep this newsletter alive, consider upgrading to a [paid subscription](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) today. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Gravy Tax URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-gravy-tax/ Last updated: 2025-10-31T10:30:59.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone who is interested in borrowing money. The Fed cut interest rates this week by another quarter point. This presents a unique opportunity to upgrade to a [paid subscription](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) to The Lorem Ipsum. It’s the best way to support my work with interest. ### Full On Gravy I ate a substantial serving of biscuits and gravy this week, and I don't feel guilty for it. But I probably would if it were a sandwich. If I were to put a single sausage patty on a single biscuit and put a modest spread of buttery gravy-like sauce on the sandwich, I'd most certainly consider it an appropriate portion. More than likely, I'd eat it, be merry, and move on. If I had two, I'd likely do it in secret to avoid judgment. The moment the identical ingredients are placed on a plate, chopped and stewed, I find I'm incensed if there is only one biscuit. How can you call it biscuits and gravy if there's no more than a singular biscuit? The gravy should be slathering. The bread, billowing. The easy egg must be the easiest. The sausage is treated as a seasoning, rather than a hidden secret of a fat kid or the bragging rights of a Crossfitter. If gravy is, in effect, sauce, then I've never eaten so much sauce in my life, except when the sauce is the main ingredient. A bowl of spaghetti sauce is weird. Tomato bisque is sensible. With Bs & Gs, I'm buried in sauce and wouldn't have it any other way. So long as there are biscuits to sop it up, while making it both socially acceptable and higher in refined carbohydrates and sugars. I once ate a series of oatmeal raisin cookies, and lamented that the social taboos of the cookie volume would evaporate if I called it a bowl of oatmeal – one of the most effective ways to eat brown sugar for breakfast and pretend like it's healthy. Eating the same meal at night as a stack of baked discs doesn't get the same regard. It's incredible, the more you think about it. Somehow, cake is junk food, but pancakes are breakfast. Presentation changes everything. It reminds me of fascism. You might say it's the gravy of political science. A little bit goes a long way, but we'll more than likely insist on an inexhaustible portion, because it just looks better in the bowl. Biscuits are the crony capitalism of this scenario. Getting things done, hereafter referred to as biscuits, really is a delicious notion, but too many of them, and your muffin tops become a key feature of the bodily economy. It's the illusion that plagues us all. Context changes our view on almost everything. Consider this: MAGA hates fascism, but likes everything about fascism if it has the Trump name on it. Western conservative Christians favor helping the poor as a doctrine, but embraces politics that say they should figure it out for themselves. We can help those in need as long as we don't have to part with our FICA to do it, and let's be sure the poors aren't here illegally. Socialism has its hypocrites as well. Since the first Red Scare in 1919 and '20, the concept has been synonymous with farting in public. But people love many of its ideals even if it smells bad by name. According to polls, today 57% of Americans view "socialism" negatively, the best image it’s had in decades. On the flip side, 77% view Medicare favorably, with 59% favoring "Medicare for All." People generally accept the idea of universal public education, and 84% of parents are satisfied with it. We also really like public roads, libraries, emergency services, and insist on unemployment benefits if we lose our jobs. Next week, New York City will likely elect a socialist to be the mayor, so long as we don’t call him one. The problem is that most of the beliefs we hold, and the decisions we make, are based on matters of identity ("no socialism") rather than our values ("access to education"). Those things that we consider distasteful might not be that bad after all, and those things that half the country voted for might also be what they voted against. Most people choose their candidate based on what they believe will make the country safer, economically stronger, and freer. We pick the package that looks most like that to us. Rarely do we consider what's inside. If we get what we asked for, we might get cancelled food stamps for needy Americans instead of a more stable economy. We might get trade wars, a weakened Congress, universities, tech companies, the media, and law firms under the cudgel of the Government. We may have militarized cities instead of a nation that's more free. Some of us – we might want those things. But most of us don't want to live somewhere where one man gets to decide if we do. We should weigh our choices against our values, not the labels. Then maybe we won't eat so much gravy. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum goes down smooth. Offer a smooth copy to a friend today. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The New East Wing URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-new-east-wing/ Last updated: 2025-10-24T10:30:36.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Some of my biggest fans have been speaking up. My most loyal readers, including, most importantly my wife, and also, least importantly, literally no one else, have been tell me they want the Hot Takes. "I miss me some Hot Takes," one reader said, speaking on the condition of anonymity, while still being my wife. "I want quick and dirty," she continued. Which I naturally accepted. So today, I've got it. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 43 of 2025` ### Demolition Nation The White House is under construction after Trump determined he would abolish the entire East Wing in favor of a new ballroom. The project starts at a perfect time, when no government employees are in the way, thanks to the now three-week-long government shutdown. Demolition crews can be confident they won't be interrupted by government oversight from National Capital Planning Commission representatives that would slow progress. At this point, healthcare can wait, the ballroom is the [President‘s main priority](https://www.threads.com/@repdonbeyer/post/DQKfWfjkkKp?xmt=AQF0QA-9-OndIa9C5XGSIqw-FqZ%5F1nzGIYcq4%5FafDYS%5Flg&slof=1&ref=danielkherndon.com). Trump says donors, including him, are paying for the whole [$300](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/new-images-show-entire-white-house-east-wing/story?id=126800684&ref=danielkherndon.com) [million build-out](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/new-images-show-entire-white-house-east-wing/story?id=126800684&ref=danielkherndon.com). We can assume that includes donors seeking favors and sponsors vying for recognition. One source tells me there has been interest in naming rights from the large wing restaurant chain, Buffalo Wild Wings, which has suggested naming the new addition *Buffalo Wild East Wings.* Apparently, they tried to get the naming rights for the West Wing, without success. In those discussions, executives suggested product placement could come in the form of changing the names of the colors to represent their sauces. The plentiful golden features could be changed from "gold" to "honey mustard," and Trump's skin color could now be referred to as "mango habanero." Unfortunately, the chain didn't bring enough money to the table and was [outbid by Qatar](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwy5lp4v594o?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Department of Injustice. In the meantime, Trump is seeking contributions from other sources by filing a demand for payments from the Department of Justice, which he asks to pay him $230 million. Ultimately, we're all relieved to know that he can't just take the money on his own. It will have to be approved by [the office of the Attorney General](https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-eyes-230-million-payout-justice-dept-repayment-earlier-investiga-rcna238987?ref=danielkherndon.com) Pam Bondi, who, fortunately, operates entirely independently of Trump's wishes. ### NBA-Political Once every 75 years, Haley's Comet streaks through the sky, and the whole world looks in awe. Similarly, every now and then, a high-profile case pops up that is not politicians indicting each other. That time is now. This week, an NBA coach, Players, and others were indicted on gambling schemes. This case didn't even involve baby oil, much less Letitia James. Miami Heat guard Terry Rozier, Portland Trail Blazers head coach Chauncey Billups, and former NBA player Damon Jones are the three league figures named as facing charges for mafia-linked gambling rings. So naturally, since this was, finally, a story that was not political, Wolf Blitzer decided to ask Congressional Minority Leader, Hakeem Jefferies, for his thoughts on the charges. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/sport/live-news/nba-fbi-sports-betting-probe-10-23-25?post-id=cmh3kf6ih002v3b6ngzgbi1q0&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Ceaseings Greeetings Campus protestors who called for a ceasefire in Gaza have been absorbing news of the ceasefire achieved. Many are lamenting the outcome because they didn't realize how international politics actually worked. One protestor said, “If I had known we would have actually gotten a ceasefire, I never would have protested to begin with.” Mark Ruffalo, who has been outspoken in calling for a ceasefire, when asked to comment, said absolutely nothing. The ceasefire, while it has been holding, has been volatile, with some small flare-ups in fighting from both sides. The US admits there is a lot of work ahead to maintain peace and ensure Bibi Netanyahu holds to the deal, which makes American diplomatic partners more like "[Bibisitters](https://www.npr.org/2025/10/22/nx-s1-5581401/vance-israel-gaza-ceasefire?ref=danielkherndon.com)" than anything. ### How Bad Can One Bunny Be? The NFL has faced criticism for booking Bad Bunny for the Super Bowl Halftime show, including from Kristi Noem, who [says](https://www.foxnews.com/politics/kristi-noem-torches-nfl-weak-vows-ice-show-super-bowl-bad-bunny-scandal?ref=danielkherndon.com) the NFL is "so weak" and that ICE agents would be all over the place at the game – Mr. Bunny is a Spanish-speaking Puerto Rican, which means he is an American citizen. In response, NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell says, "I don’t think we’ve ever selected an artist without blowback..." but he stands by their decision to book the popular artist, despite having what you might call a "Bad Hare day." ([more](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/music/articles/roger-goodell-bad-bunny-performing-174014377.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is often quick, but it's never dirty. Share a clean copy with friends today. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Ideas for Halloween Shopping URL: https://danielkherndon.com/ideas-for-halloween-shopping/ Last updated: 2025-10-17T10:30:53.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, The Federal Government remains shut down, and business could not be better. According to our local sources in Washington, the Capitol building, since having been vacated on October 1st, has been converted into a Spirit Halloween. This year's inventory highlights include ghoulish creatures like Dan Bongino and a Vice President JD Vance costume that comes with extra dark eyeliner. Critics have complained about some costumes being distasteful. For example, some have suggested that the Kash Patel mask have an age warning to protect minors because its bulging eyes are more terrifying than those on typical kid-friendly costumes, like those of demons or Freddy Krueger. One of the most popular costumes this year for the ladies is a sexy Pam Bondi, which says on the label, "I'll do anything for the right price." Spirit Halloween is known for its ability to make the most out of its inventory and keep up with the times. One repurposed costume this year is a Mike Johnson costume, which comes with a wig and glasses, previously labeled as a Harry Potter costume. Spirit Halloween, known for pushing the envelope, has converted the included orange-toned wand into a phallic symbol that little Mike Johnsons can carry around and enjoy as a "treat," or wave at people whenever being asked a question by someone dressed up as a member of the media. The Grim Reaper has been replaced this year by a costume of Elon Musk, which comes with a black "MAGA" hat and a bottle of fake A.D.D. medication. Optional upgrades include a sleeping bag with the White House seal on it, a ketamine drip IV bag, and a stand. The good news is revenues are up in D.C., with wealthy top earners paying more for costumes than they pay in taxes. The Internal Revenue Service expects record revenue receipts by October 31st, according to an anonymous source. However, the individual who shared the information feared the department would not have the capacity to provide a final count of the funds collected, as the department is "a graveyard" amid mass firings and the government shutdown. As always, Trump costumes are among the most popular. The costume design reuses the Umpa Lumpa costume from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but adds an extra long tie and inflatable pants to [mimic](https://www.orlandohealth.com/content-hub/president-trumps-chronic-venous-insufficiency-diagnosis-common-for-older-americans?ref=danielkherndon.com) Tump's chronic venous insufficiency. I'm looking forward to seeing who comes to my door this year. So far, the administration has already focused on "Tricks" and has come to the doors of John Bolton, Letitia James, James Comey, and, soon, John Smith. Trick-or-treat! ### And, A Rerun If you want to know what I'm doing for Halloween, here's an article I wrote in the early days of this blog, about my religious upbringing, where Halloween was forbidden. [Read it Here](https://danielkherndon.com/ive-never-been-trick-or-treating-heres-why-i-always-will-from-now-on/) [I’ve never been Trick or Treating. Here’s why I always will from now on.Every year on October 31st, scores of children fill the neighborhoods with activity. They’ll run the streets (looking both ways) creatively dressed to impress, scare or invite a laugh. Their cheaply made costumes are designed to look like recent television or movie characters, or more traditionally, to depict some![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-16.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/10-Helloween-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/ive-never-been-trick-or-treating-heres-why-i-always-will-from-now-on/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is always a treat. Share some inbox candy with friends! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Hypocrites and Hipsters URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-hypocrites-and-hipsters/ Last updated: 2025-10-10T17:17:25.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for those who live in Portland, Oregon, and maybe also Chicago. After a week of "low energy" protests, the president is sending troops into Portland to put a stop to three unemployed fixed-gear bikers who canceled their tattoo sessions to protest at the ICE facility. According to reports, one group of troops in riot gear had an altercation with some locals over damage to a plate of avocado toast. ICE agents threatened to deport the avocados, on the assumption that they were from Mexico. In Portland, everyone looks like [Benson Boone](https://www.instagram.com/p/DFlu8waST4s/?img%5Findex=2&ref=danielkherndon.com) without a Grammy (which is also how Benson Boone looks, having never won a Grammy). Troops have been asked to look for anyone doing back flips or having a tiny little mustache, and to charge them as being a public nuisance. And so as not to be rude, I should mention that Benson is from Monroe, Washington, and not Portland. I shouldn't be so disparaging to Portland. While protests continued throughout the week, authorities have described altercations with protestors, with one stating that he sprayed a man with pepper spray because he was reading a book "a little too aggressively." According to one source with knowledge of the incident, the troops' actions were justified because the book had an LGBTQ character in it who used they/them pronouns. According to the [New York Times](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/10/08/us/politics/trump-portland-troops.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), and I'm not making this part up, one protestor was caught listening to loud music, while another was "flipping a bird." Perhaps even a greater concern, one woman wrote on a wall with chalk, which is known to carry a punishment of "time out" in some preschools. Thankfully, the United States Army is equipped with tanks, automatic rifles, and battle training sufficient to address unrest of this nature. While the Government is shut down, the Army is not, so they can ensure that freedom of speech is shut down too. Trump explained his goal this week when he commented on the events in Portland and Chicago, and signed an executive order directing the attorney general to investigate anyone who burns a flag. > Trump: "We took the freedom of speech away because that's been through the courts and the courts said you have freedom of speech, but what has happened is when they burn a flag it agitates and irritates crowds." [pic.twitter.com/maRI2PKWlV](https://t.co/maRI2PKWlV?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) [October 8, 2025](https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1976010203792363724?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Trump made it [clear](https://newrepublic.com/post/201514/trump-brags-taking-away-people-free-speech-rights?ref=danielkherndon.com) what he wants to do. Or did he? Perhaps clear is not the right word in this case, but thankfully, no matter what side you take, you'll be able to find a way through his meandering to make this statement fit your beliefs. Here's [a video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4VqMY8djOM&ref=danielkherndon.com) with the full context. To be fair to Trump, his goal is to put an end to riots, no matter how small, so long as they aren't riots that favor him (see January 6th). He doesn't want to take away your freedom of speech, but he does want to take away your freedom if he doesn't like your speech. That's why he says he'll put anyone who burns a flag in jail, despite the Supreme Court precedent; that burning flags is a protected form of speech, but using an unregistered butane lighter may not be. We're ten days into the government shutdown, and things in Washington have never been quieter. The air is getting so thin that Marjorie Taylor Greene is starting to make sense. Doctors are concerned, not just about government-funded healthcare payments, but also about Marjorie's well-being. It's like when you get a colonoscopy and start saying crazy stuff on the gas, except in Marjorie's case, her version of crazy suddenly sounds like someone with a clear head. Let's hope she never wakes up. > The Republican controlled Senate used the nuclear option today to override the 60 vote rule in order to confirm over 100 Trump nominees, yet continues to claim Democrats are causing the shutdown. > > Spoiler alert, the Republicans in the Senate can also use the nuclear option to… > > — Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene🇺🇸 (@RepMTG) [October 8, 2025](https://twitter.com/RepMTG/status/1975735067503677754?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) The government shutdown still has no end in sight. Since the closures, staff furloughs have been so widespread that Mike Johnson has had to clean his own toilet, which, as far as I can tell, is currently cleaner than his conscience. The Southern Baptist Christian minister and speaker of the House has been lying on behalf of the Republican Party about the reasons for the shutdown, and it's not just spin; it's actual bullshit. For those who aren't familiar with Johnson's faith, he considers lying a sin, except when it serves the mission of his faithful Lord and Savior, Donald Trump. Here's [his story](https://youtu.be/4IBXp3BfL7Q?si=IqHxaoZH%5Fq6jYne3&t=232&ref=danielkherndon.com). Here are the facts. [GOP Falsely Ties Shutdown to Democrats’ Alleged Drive To Give All Immigrants Health Care - KFF Health NewsImmigrants living in the U.S. without legal status are generally ineligible for federally funded health care programs. Democrats’ funding proposal would restore access to Medicaid and the Affordable Care Act marketplace for legal immigrants who will lose access once certain provisions of the Republicans’ tax and spending law take effect.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/kffhealthnews-icon.png)KFF Health NewsMaria Ramirez Uribe, PolitiFact![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/false.jpg)](https://kffhealthnews.org/news/article/fact-check-immigrants-federal-health-care-shutdown-jd-vance-false/?ref=danielkherndon.com) For what it's worth, this and all the supporting documents were not hard to find. I reviewed the [official Democratic proposal right here](https://www.appropriations.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/fy26%5Fdemocratic%5Fcontinuing%5Fresolution%5Ftext.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com), and before I could finish my bowl of granola with dried fruit in it, I had already confirmed that there is nothing in it about funding illegal aliens' healthcare. Not that granola makes me any smarter than anyone else. It just takes such little effort to show the untruthfulness of this lie that his pastor should have needed no more than the energy of a communion wafer to find this to be untrue. For the record, illegal immigrants can't get coverage on the ACA, now and never have been able to. Here's [the actual healthcare.gov page](https://www.healthcare.gov/immigrants/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Find%20out%20if%20you're,on%20behalf%20of%20documented%20individuals.) that says it. To quote JD Vance, "It's not something that we made up. It's not a talking point. It is in the text of the bill that they initially gave to us to reopen the government," which is roughly translated as "This is just a talking point we made up." But Johnson says, "Republicans are the ones in Congress working to improve healthcare access, quality, and make it cheaper." However, the only proposals [offered by Republicans](https://www.politico.com/news/2025/09/04/aca-enhanced-tax-credits-extension-00544565?ref=danielkherndon.com) are to do what the Democrats have asked for: extending ACA premium tax credits to keep insurance costs stable. But these proposals aren't getting enough Republican support to move forward. It's easy to find a hypocrite in Congress, but when he's not on the news, you'll find this one in Church, until someone tells him it's okay to make sure people can still get reasonable healthcare. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Here at The Lorem Ipsum, we tell the truth, even if we have to make it up. Remember to share it with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Could’ve Been an Email URL: https://danielkherndon.com/couldve-been-an-email/ Last updated: 2025-10-03T10:30:28.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I really hate meetings. Especially pointless ones. Conference rooms are stuffed with the same conversation over and over again. *So, what's our plan? Who will take ownership, and who will circle back? Did you try the HDMI? Maybe try rebooting.* If a thousand cuts can kill you, then obligatory meetings are the Grim Reaper with a ream of copy paper on the head of his sickle. It could get worse. Try printing out the whole meeting in advance. The first page is the minutes from the last meeting. Be sure to type out the notes of this one, noting most of all that nothing happened in either meeting except a conversation about the possibilities of doing actual work. That's why I unsubscribe from any meeting that could have been sent directly to my inbox, no projector needed. I reserve my meeting time for drinking. Coffee, wine, or whiskey are widely understood to be more productive without printed agendas. I don’t go to seminars without at least two free drink tickets and someone to elbow for a wisecrack. I stopped going to church when I realized the internet was better, and breakfast is more nourishing. Besides, I'm not much for being preached at, especially if it lands as performative or hollow. I know these seats won't warm themselves, but I won't warm them either, because it's warmer in bed. I have an automatic decline button built into my calendar. It can get a bit unwieldy sometimes, but it's worth it. Some people like starting off with an ice breaker, but I think the best part of a meeting is declining it. If you serve in the armed forces, or worse yet, if you are a senior-ranking official, you probably know what I'm talking about. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth [sent you an email last week](https://thehill.com/policy/defense/5530026-hegseths-military-meeting-triggers-fears-head-scratching-and-praise/?ref=danielkherndon.com), requiring you to come in person to pick up another email this week, which he read directly to you. He laid out policy mandates, some of which already existed, and others that were new expectations, requiring you to do physical training daily, and insisting that the US Military will be the picture of strength. He promised to root out wokeness, DEI, beards, and anyone fat or petite. Pete made it clear that he can relate to military personnel by insisting they come to a location convenient for him, where he could tell them that he exercises too, and if he can, so can you. For the record, Pete is your leader, and Pete is tough. No thanks. Next time Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor calls me up to offer to growl in front of me for an hour, I'll kindly take a transcript and read the growls later. Perhaps a skim over is more than enough, because growling about strength is not as worthy as having it, and talking about good work is not as good as doing it. After Pete, Trump came to the stage as a Bluto in a room of Popeyes. He spoke to the American Military about all the Americans who were now their enemies. He talked about how the democrats have screwed him, and suggested that deploying the national guard to American cities should be training grounds for war. Here are the words [from the man himself](https://rollcall.com/factbase/trump/transcript/donald-trump-speech-department-of-defense-leaders-quantico-september-30-2025/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=You%20know%2C%20the,one%20by%20one.). > But it seems that the ones that are run by the radical left Democrats, what they've done to San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, they're very unsafe places and we're going to straighten them out one by one. And this is going to be a major part for some of the people in this room. That's a war too. It's a war from within. Bringing your whole leadership team into one room, including the president, where a single missile could decapitate the country, seems like flexing a muscle you might be better suited to use. Even restaurant chains, for their annual meetings, won't clear their entire management staff at once, effectively shutting down business, because one burger lost is far too many. Perhaps this is not as important in matters of national security. Of course, pulling every military leader from their post isn't exactly shutting down the entire government, but it's not an ideal strategy to prevent it. On the other hand, if Trump and his Secretary of War hadn't scheduled a meeting when it could have been an email, they might've been able to avoid that, too. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is tough—to do without that is. Make sure you share it with a friend, and make their inbox stronger. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### How To Join Antifa URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-join-antifa/ Last updated: 2025-09-26T10:30:01.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Life is a punch sandwich. You get slapped on the way in and socked on the way out. You're an easy mark in a world that's out to get you. Imagine starting your day with no other objective but to get a single joke to land, and just as you think you've nearly done it, you land a punch to the mouth instead. That's the life of a comedian in the days of this administration. Just a few years ago, when Zelensky stood up to Putin, comedians were our heroes, with the good man himself getting top billing. But the administration would rather make them the joke, since they can't take one. Comedy is dangerous, especially if anyone knows you're doing it. We're safe here in our tiny little newsletter, but in Jimmy Kimmel's case, at least 1.5 million people watched him every night plus another 21 million subscribed on YouTube. TV is a beast in a jungle filled with people swinging ratings at you like a machete, but as numbers go, those aren't small. But he was cancel after the FCC pressured the network. We've come upon the actual cancel culture, and Nielsen Audience Solutions isn't the boss anymore. It's the government, and a guy named Carr is its driver. America freaked out, and ABC brought Kimmel back. But Brendan Carr wanted to clarify. About halfway through [this video](https://www.msnbc.com/way-too-early/watch/fcc-chair-carr-clarifies-his-comments-on-jimmy-kimmel-248139333652?ref=danielkherndon.com), Carr said in summary, that he wasn't infringing on free speech. He said all the Democrats (and, as he failed to mention, all the Republicans) who criticize him are projecting and distorting the work of the FCC. Perhaps saying “We can do this the easy way or the hard way” is just a polite way of saying we’re here to help out. For example, maybe when you want to help an old lady cross the street, you tell her you want to make her an offer she can’t refuse and give her these two options? Kimmel is the comedian in this story, but it's hard to see how Carr can keep up the bit with a straight face after everything that has occurred so far. As usual, Trump hid nothing and said exactly what his administration was doing. Here‘s how he explains it. > Great News for America: The ratings challenged Jimmy Kimmel Show is CANCELLED. Congratulations to ABC for finally having the courage to do what had to be done. Kimmel has ZERO talent, and worse ratings than even Colbert, if that’s possible. That leaves Jimmy and Seth, two total losers, on Fake News NBC. Their ratings are also horrible. Do it NBC!!! President DJT ([link](https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115222372625104790?ref=danielkherndon.com)) And then. > I can’t believe ABC Fake News gave Jimmy Kimmel his job back. The White House was told by ABC that his Show was cancelled! Something happened between then and now because his audience is GONE, and his “talent” was never there. Why would they want someone back who does so poorly, who’s not funny, and who puts the Network in jeopardy by playing 99% positive Democrat GARBAGE. He is yet another arm of the DNC and, to the best of my knowledge, that would be a major Illegal Campaign Contribution. I think we’re going to test ABC out on this. Let’s see how we do. Last time I went after them, they gave me $16 Million Dollars. This one sounds even more lucrative. A true bunch of losers! Let Jimmy Kimmel rot in his bad Ratings. ([link](https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115256938634035559?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Trump wants the number one and number two late-night talk shows cancelled for disparaging him, forcing us all to rely on the internet for our content until that becomes illegal, too. To protect his thin skin, he's used back-door methods, including lawsuits, FCC bullying, and SEC weight shifting, and the bully pulpit to get his way. Not even a thousand Tylenol babies could crunch these numbers down to any other conclusion. This was an attack on free speech. A Trump speech is a gift to punch lines – as he demonstrated this week before the [United Nations](https://www.threads.com/@lennyg%5F10/post/DO991%5FviIRG?xmt=AQF09sCnCNigImKZQUvtHl2w%5F7lu7X1L-sK7-5oO2mNrXA&slof=1&ref=danielkherndon.com). But he can't bear to be out-monologued by a liberal. Most of all, he can't bear to have dissent, so he wield control over the media, and he’ll take it as far as he can. Putin took control of the media in 2000 by putting [financial pressure](https://www.e-reading.club/chapter.php/1002493/57/edward-limonov-limonov-vs-putin.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) on the large media companies, and today the media submits to him. We see an identical strategy taking place here in America, and we're only 25 years behind them. Why would the Trump administration attack the media? The answer is simple. It can bend public opinion to its favor and accumulate power, and he’ll use the Department of Justice to punish anyone who dissents (starting as early as this week as he goes after [George Soros](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/25/us/politics/justice-trump-george-soros-foundation.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com) and [James Comey](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/25/us/politics/trump-retribution-comey-indictment.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com) with flimsy cases). To take it a step further, Trump is building to leverage to crush his opponents. This week, the USA became the proud owner of an [officially designated](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/09/designating-antifa-as-a-domestic-terrorist-organization/?ref=danielkherndon.com) domestic terrorist group. The first of its kind in the USA. Antifa, which sounds made up, doesn’t exist as an actual organization. They don't have a leader, they don't have bylaws, or a coffeemaker. They don't even have a website. The proud boys and girls of Antifa (not to be confused with the actual Proud Boys, who actually [do have a website](https://www.proudboysusa.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) should consider it a unique achievement to be formally recognized by the President before you even exist. Although Antifa is an ideology, possibly even a dumb one, it is not an organization. I checked. Even an SEC [company search](https://www.sec.gov/cgi-bin/browse-edgar?company=Antifa&match=&CIK=&filenum=&State=&Country=&SIC=&owner=exclude&Find=Find+Companies&action=getcompany&ref=danielkherndon.com) results show no Antifa, LLC. I even capitalized the F in one search, despite the search criteria not being case sensitive. But Trump has issued an executive order to put them out of business before they ever get into one. And now the administration can consider you a part of this terrorist group, along with all the comedians, journalists, and democrats giving President Trump greater power to shut down anyone who would have the audacity to stand up to him. So if you want to join Antifa, you'll have to start one. But if you do, you're already a terrorist. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not an LLC, it's a movement. Join the movement today by funding my work or sharing it with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Stump Speech URL: https://danielkherndon.com/stump-speech/ Last updated: 2025-09-19T13:33:07.000Z Hey Everyone, For years, I've taken for granted the liberties that I have in the USA. I haven't believed that the freedom to express views is special, because I've never really thought about it, except in theory. Now, I'm thinking about it. ### An Organized Campaign The Trump administration has actively pursued or threatened multiple news organizations for their speech, including by using the power of the government to suppress commentary critical of the President. They've sued the New York Times, Penguin Random House, The Wall Street Journal, CBS News, Des Moines Register, Gannett, ABC News, and dangled the power of the FCC and the Federal Trade Commission to get their way. This is not to mention several Universities, art and history institutions, and more. This week, JD Vance hosted Charlie Kirk's podcast from his office in the White House and said this: > "We're going to go after the NGO network that foments, facilitates, and engages in violence." He invited [Stephen Miller](https://rumble.com/v6yziuy-vice-president-jd-vance-remembers-charlie-kirk-miller-tucker-rfk-jr.-wiles-.html?start=1623&ref=danielkherndon.com) to talk about the government's plans to carry this out. Stephen said this: > "We are going to channel all the anger over the organized campaign that led to this assassination, to uproot and dismantle these terrorist networks." To be clear, Charlie Kirk was killed by one crazy person, who did it on his own. What Vance speaks of is using a crisis to go after organizations that they can now claim are terrorists. Facts won't be needed when a PR campaign is more effective. This same week, multiple reporters were fired for commentary about Charlie Kirk after his recent death. Others [were fired](https://www.instagram.com/p/DOwT1yrCaW-/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink) across the country simply for comments. Jimmy Kimmel, after criticizing the Trump Administration in a joke, had his show cancelled. This was just weeks after [a similar fate](https://thehill.com/homenews/media/5503596-late-show-cancellation-emmy/?ref=danielkherndon.com) for Stephen Colbert. This week, Brenden Carr, the FCC chairman, said the following on a conservative podcast about the subject. > “This is a very, very serious issue right now for Disney. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. These companies can find ways to take action on Kimmel, or there is going to be additional work for the FCC ahead... They have a license granted by us at the FCC, and that comes with an obligation to operate in the public interest.” Which means not to criticize Donald Trump or his allies. He [expanded on his comments](https://www.foxnews.com/media/fcc-chair-brendan-carr-defends-abc-affiliates-pulling-jimmy-kimmel-show-after-monologue-mocking-charlie-kirk?ref=danielkherndon.com) on Fox News. This is not an algorithm. These are verifiable, uncommon government actions. Political violence is the worst feature of the United States, and Donald Trump is the second worst. Not because he is a republican, a factor which means almost nothing to me, but because he is committed to bending the United States to his will. And they've bent the facts to convince you they are doing something good. *"But the left does it too."* Yes. Politicians are terrible people. The [data is incriminating](https://time.com/7317383/political-violence-america-trump-crackdown-right/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the right most of all, but sure, the left is bad too. I hope to dunk on them soon when there is one who manages to get into government. If the Green New Deal prioritizes an obscure fish over humans, I'll call it the Sardeen New Deal if that makes you happy. Either way, I'll criticize anyone who has it coming, because that is a right I have. Getting cancelled by the unelected woke left for saying the wrong thing about some social issue is not illegal. It's just bullshit. But for the Administration to abridge our speech is against the law. Is it illegal to use the law as a pressure campaign to do the same? I don't know. But it is government coercion. --- ## Get Your Inbox Candy A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. This week, I found myself writing my vision for America. It's ready for the day I run for office (most likely when I am in my early nineties). I started with my biggest concern – that we would rather be at war than listen. I end with how much we can achieve if we do. --- ### A Stump Speech Gone are the days when divisive people are hidden in darkened chat rooms and obscure roles in narrowly elected offices. Now is a time when anyone who has something to say has a megaphone to go with it. And those dark rooms have the power to boost their visibility. Those most powerful have [direct access](https://abcnews.go.com/US/operate-independent-agency-laura-loomers-pressure-campaigns-reshaping/story?id=124285112&ref=danielkherndon.com) to the President. But we’re a better people than one that divides itself post after post or bullet after bullet. We’re a people who have built highways and traveled to space, not because of the genius of any one leader, but the talent of many scientists and laborers who have broken barriers and discovered new technologies. This is one of the few places on earth where you can start with nothing and make something great. This is one of the few places where you can stand up and speak vigorously about what you believe in. Here, you can change your community or your country through the power of ideas. It's not lost on me that the privilege of being American is not guaranteed, and many are facing legal challenges, economic destruction, and even death because they are passionately American. This is a crime against humanity that we must put an end to. The best way to fight crime is to fight it where it starts. For some, it begins in struggling homes and impoverished neighborhoods, where some are faced with the choice to either starve or steal. For others, it begins in the voting booth, where your voice may be the only barrier between the liberties we enjoy today and a politician who is intent on seizing power at the cost of our freedom. That's why we need to be engaged in our politics, but not in a way that shuts down uncomfortable conversations, but in a way that civilizes them. We need to lift up the laborers who have built this country, and celebrate the entrepreneurs who have led us into the future. We also need to hold them both accountable, to protect our neighborhoods, our economic mobility, and take responsibility to sustain the system that one has profited from. And we're just the kind of people who can do that. The people in the middle who believe in family values and civil rights. Those who believe in being fiscally responsible, while not failing to invest in the future. A better nation is one that recognizes that the wind is not subject to borders. Because we all live under the same sun and breathe the same air, we should do our part to honor our shared space and our shared humanity. It's better to be the nation that everyone wants to live in, because it's a place where anything is possible. It's better to be that nation, not just for the country, but for the world. It’s better to be a nation that offers inspiration than one that wields fear. It's better to be the nation that stands tall with a strong military behind us, but not in front of us. In America, we're the people who have told the world what is possible when you give the power to the people, where leaders are temporary stewards rather than dictators. When people are free and their government is honest and functional, those people live better, they have better jobs, better resources. And it makes a better world, because a better nation has something to offer for trade, travel, and partnerships between nations. We’re a people who are capable of anything, but only when we link arms, listen to one another’s ideas, and follow the vision of greatness, instead of revenge. When everyone wants to talk about what’s wrong, we need to start talking about what’s possible. So it’s time to be who we were meant to be. To lift up those who are down. To honor our shared goals and respect those who see the way to them a little differently. It’s time to shine a light on our better selves and embrace the path to a great nation, the path that can only be taken when we take it together. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is free speech, but it’s not cheap. Help me keep it alive by sharing and upgrading to a paid membership to support my work. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Politics for Tyrants URL: https://danielkherndon.com/politics-for-tyrants/ Last updated: 2025-09-12T10:30:18.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Guys, I agree with two things, now more than ever. One, that it's the end of the world as we know it, and two, as usual, that I feel fine. I've got love, good friends, good food, work that keeps me interested, and my kids aren't in jail. What more could someone ask for, besides fresh guacamole or a better parking spot? Life, in the big picture, is quite good. It's reasonable to feel otherwise, though. Political violence seems to be [on the rise](https://www.politico.com/news/2025/09/10/charlie-kirk-shooting-political-violence-america-00556694?ref=danielkherndon.com), and if it couldn't get any worse than that, [Morgan Wallen and Tate McRae](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6jyPJ8QJK8&ref=danielkherndon.com) are doing songs together, and charting at [number 7](https://www.billboard.com/charts/hot-100/?rank=7&ref=danielkherndon.com). What's next? Will Taylor Swift marry a thick-headed football player? Surely not. This Wednesday, Charlie Kirk was killed by a gunshot from around 200 yards away while speaking in front of a large crowd at his event at Utah Valley University. He was responding to a question challenging his views on gun violence, seconds before a bullet hit his neck. Kirk has said that some deaths are "worth it" to protect Second Amendment gun rights, a belief I wonder if his poor children will defend in the future. He called the Amendment a critical means to “defend yourself against a tyrannical government.” Some would say he was a key figure bringing one into power. But what makes such a government? I think it's obvious. On Seinfeld, The Soup Nazi insisted that you follow unreasonable rules to place an order in his store. You will need to honor him sufficiently to be sure you get bread with your soup. If you question his judgment, he'll snatch the soup right out of your hands. Let him catch you cutting in line, and you'll never get soup again. People may think it's unreasonable, but the Soup Nazi suffers for his soup. He expects perfection from himself and from his soup. How can he expect any less from his customer? When a Soup Nazi takes charge, he sets the rules. And if you do anything but submit to his point of view, you will be subject to his wrath and likely be cast into outer darkness. He believed that those who didn't meet his expectations were tyrants, and because of that, he was justified in his actions. The only problem the Soup Nazi has is Elaine. She has a different opinion of the rules of Soup Nazi-ism. She had disdain for his harsh approach from the outset. She believed everyone deserves to get a nice bowl of soup, because after all, they're paying for it. She stood up to him and exposed him after finding his old letters. Her friends warned her not to cause any trouble down at that soup stand, but she had no patience for his antics. Elaine believed the Soup Nazi was the tyrant, so she was justified in her actions. The classic [definition](https://www.britannica.com/topic/tyranny?ref=danielkherndon.com) of a tyrannical government has evolved. The meaning of tyranny, and what it looks like in Government, is as clear as a bowl of mulligatawny. Scholars define tyranny as *"all government unjustly exercised, without the restraint of the laws."* Ellaine, having the power of the Soup Stand's founding documents, believed the Soup Nazi was unjustly exercising his power outside of the rule of law. The Soup Nazi believes that he is the law, and what he says goes. Some will follow him because they believe it. Others will keep a low profile so they can enjoy their soup in peace. A select few will champion his cause and create a movement of supporters. Inevitably, that will give rise to a countermovement of detractors, each group calling the other tyrants. The result will be those on the extreme acting in extreme ways. The lack of consensus means that tyranny has no meaning at all, and we'll argue about which side is just and which side is the tyrant. In the end, we're left only with the definition that lives in the mind of the man with the gun. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better when you share it across the aisle. Share The Lorem Ipsum today. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Seedy Sea URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-seedy-sea/ Last updated: 2025-09-05T10:30:52.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, Coffee is everywhere. Good coffee is harder to find. It was this week when I went to three places, each, to redeem the piror for supplying me with a disappointment in a paper cup. Before I got a good pour, it was already time for cocktails, and the bigger buzz I felt was that of frustration with the time and money, so far wasted. Dinner didn't get better. I sat down for my 25th anniversary with the Mrs. Naturally, we should have been in Belize, or on the shores of a Thailand resort with Walton Gogins and the girl with the teeth from White Lotus. Instead, we were in Lexington, KY. It's no all-inclusive resort, but it's a fine city if I've ever seen one. At dinner, we sat down at one of the nicest places in town. Potentially, anyway. It was decorated artistically, and the menu screamed first class. Nicer restaurants can accommodate my wife's celiac disease, a wheat gluten allergy, which, if triggered, can ruin an evening, or more likely a week if you're not careful. We spared no expense. We ordered with abandon and added the extra appetizers. Let's just say if it were a McDonald's, we would have supersized. If it's a Wendy's, we added the Frosties. It was nicer than all of the above on the surface. We ordered the half chicken. It took a minute, which I thought nothing of until our waiter told us why. The kitchen had dropped part of our chicken. They would be bringing us "part of the chicken," and bringing the additional chicken bits shortly after. Weird, but fine. You won't be getting that Micheline star, but we'll eat the chicken. Can I get another cocktail, too? Preferably, all in one glass, but if you need to deliver it in stages, I'll deal. The baked feta was delicious, by the way. If I'm judging by comparing one creamy thing to another, at this point, I had a feeling this was going to outperform the Frostie, despite the delivery issues. When the chicken came to the table, portioned onto two plates, we clicked forks, tucked our napkins into our collars, and got started. It looked small but mighty. My mouth watered just fine. A new cocktail was coming behind it. I was maybe two bites in when the waiter came back and insisted we stop eating right now. His timing isn't award-winning, as we're both sinking our teeth into a bite, staring at the sauce on the plate like we're about to make love to it. "Stop!" he repeated. "The kitchen has informed me there may be some gluten contamination on the plate." We did our best to be kind as we thanked him for letting us know, as we waited for the kitchen to remake the dish with proper adjustments. We were already at the table, and there was nothing we could do but finish the meal. He was right, it was contaminated. I'm receiving daily reports, and now, days later, the inflammation continues. I won't be making dinner recommendations for you in Lexington. While on this trip, we did some driving and started a book. The book, [*Ultra-Processed People*](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/200196183-ultra-processed-people?ref=danielkherndon.com)*: Why We Can't Stop Eating Food That Isn't Food,* talks about the proliferation of food produced by science. For years, people believed that food and chemistry worked the same way. That precisely 300 calories of sugar, salt, fat, and starch is just that. 300 calories, and perfectly measured nutrients. Science can't seem to validate this claim. Not unless the packaged food industry funds it. Ultra-processed foods, basically any food that has a logo, a label, or any marketing, are associated with a global rise of [obesity](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0002916522001253?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20consumption%20of%20ultra%2Dprocessed%20foods%20has,diseases%2C%20and%20cancer%20%284%2C%205%29), [chronic disease](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0261561424001225?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=High%20UPF%20consumption%20is%20associated,render%20broad%20public%20health%20benefits.), and [all-cause mortality](https://systematicreviewsjournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13643-025-02800-8?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Overall%2C%2018%20studies%20with%201%2C148%2C387,all%2Dcause%20mortality%20in%20males.). This includes everything from noodles to “healthy” protein bars. For many of us, it's too late. We've already sat at the table, and we're not sure if we can bring ourselves to get up. For our generation, the damage started when we were young, when we could "eat anything." It caught up to us over time. For our children, it begins now, and studies find that [60% or more of their food](https://www.worldobesity.org/news/ultra-processed-foods-do-you-know-what-your-children-are-eating?ref=danielkherndon.com) is ultra-processed food. And it's laying the foundation for their future health. When Robert F. Kennedy took his post as head of Health and Human Services, his supporters were optimistic that he would make America healthy again. Based on his [Senate hearing](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/09/04/us/rfk-jr-senate-hearing-health?ref=danielkherndon.com) yesterday, his politicking and what he's done so far, I'm not optimistic. I'm not sure he has the power. It would take congressional-level intervention in the multi-billion-dollar food business and the healthcare industry to change how we treat diseases and what is legal to feed people. It will take a revision of the commonly held beliefs about 60% of our diet, rather than the distraction of removing toxic dyes in an effort to sterilize our poisonous foods. We'll not only have to trust the science, but we'll also have to continue to review it. We'll need to revise previously accepted views—that a calorie is a calorie. A view that continues to yield health conditions that [hardly existed](https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/nutrition/articles/10.3389/fnut.2021.748847/full?ref=danielkherndon.com) 150 years ago. Most of all, it will take all of us. Perhaps if we realize the ways we are harming our bodies and our children's, one tasty bite at a time, maybe that will change things. Change will require all of us to wake up. I'm not confident we're going to do it. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share widely. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Problem With Research URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-problem-with-research/ Last updated: 2025-08-29T10:30:11.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- I've always said that the problem with research is that people draw conclusions from research. It's an issue in marketing because branding firms will conclude without fail that customers of a breakfast restaurant don't just want really buttery pancakes and bottomless coffee, they also want to get it from a place that has the most streamlined logo known to man, that is highly compatible on a mobile app, and is easily duplicated on coated substrates. Just ask Cracker Barrel's [branding team](https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/cracker-barrel-logo-rcna227389?ref=danielkherndon.com). They know. Tell me who funded the research and I'll tell you the findings. No homework necessary. Phillip Morris researches to find out how good cigarettes are so good for your health if you consume enough. After all tobacco is a leafy green vegetable. Monsanto studies the effects of weeds on the mental health of lawn-obsessed dads, because they care and depression is an epidemic. The conclusions are surprisingly good for business. To be fair, studies show that both are safe alternatives to drunk driving. Even a focus group consisting of engaged customer-like subjects will lead you astray. The process is something we call Voice of the Customer. Ask a sample of your target audience which logo they like and why it's the one on the right, and they'll tell you, every time. Ask how much they enjoy the rich golden color, and the premium custom font, and they'll give you an answer immediately before asking when they can get their gift card. Did you know that if someone gives you a half-full plate of food, you'll eat a greater portion of the whole than you would if it were a full plate? Use a bigger plate, and you'll [eat more food](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4337741/?ref=danielkherndon.com). At least until it leads to the destruction of your colon, and the Cracker Barrel bathroom, to which I can attest. It's because real-life conditions change our behaviors, and research itself is a condition. This week, the news feeds were filled with a dressing down of Cracker Barrel by internet experts who know that a logo changes everything about a restaurant, from the flavor of the sausage patties to the clotting of the gravy. Ben Shapiro [made it clear](https://www.facebook.com/reel/24291837693816512) in his criticism. Remove a line drawing of a white guy from your logo, and you might as well have changed your name to *DEI Barrell*. Countless self-styled brand experts dropped professional shitposts on LinkedIn to say they would have done more research, had they been hired, and that Cracker Barrel failed at listening to its customers. Yet, Cracker Barrel said they did just that, and [87% of respondents](https://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/cracker-barrel-admits-couldve-done-better-job-after-new-logo-backlash?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Cracker%20Barrel%20has%20stood%20by%20its%20recent%20moves%20and%20said%2087%25%20of%20respondents%20in%20their%20research%20either%20loved%20or%20liked%20the%20new%20logo.) said they liked or loved the new logo. But questions about hypotheticals and those about real life are very different. The mere fact that you ask a question in a survey changes the answer. Not to mention how you ask it, and after what introduction. Ask a patron if they like pancakes, and they'll tell you. Put a short stack in front of them, and they'll eat them. That's why studies are far more effective when they aren't studies of studies, but studies of nature. If you want to find out how trees grow in the forest, you can go to the forest. This is the kind of research that actually offers conclusions you can use. There's only one way to find out if people think your new logo is a nod to the woke left and the destruction of American Heritage. It's by giving it to them. And don't tell them it's research, because focus groups lie, but reflexes don't. When new ideas are placed in real life, the responses become more honest. Earlier this week, one such study collected more of its own evidence. A heavily armed assailant [shot through the windows of a Catholic church](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/08/27/us/minneapolis-church-shooting?ref=danielkherndon.com) in Minneapolis on Wednesday, killing an 8-year-old and a 10-year-old in the pews and injuring 17 others. By the numbers, America is an outlier in the [number of guns owned](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/gun-ownership-by-country?ref=danielkherndon.com) worldwide. The US is also an [outlier in gun violence](https://publichealth.jhu.edu/center-for-gun-violence-solutions/research-reports/gun-violence-in-the-united-states?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Studies%20show%20that%20access%20to%20firearms%20in%20the%20household%20doubles%20the%20risk%20of%20homicide.32%20States%20with%20high%20rates%20of%20firearm%20ownership%20consistently%20have%20higher%20firearm%20homicide%20rates.33%C2%A0%20Firearms%20drive%20our%20nation%E2%80%99s%20high%20homicide%20rate%2C%20accounting%20for%208%20out%20of%20every%2010%20homicides%20committed.34%C2%A0%C2%A0) [worldwide](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/gun-deaths-by-country?ref=danielkherndon.com). That's the kind of research for which you can count on the data. You can be certain about the results. But it's not the conclusion we want to make, so as usual, we'll find the research we like better. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: 100% of our subscribers "like" or "love" The Lorem Ipsum by receiving it each week. These free refills are best enjoyed with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Returning to Robots URL: https://danielkherndon.com/returning-to-robots/ Last updated: 2025-08-22T10:30:46.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Despite my fixation with overcommitment, I've managed to meet every deadline that I've accepted responsibility for twenty-seven years straight. Even the ones that were basically just made up. For the last four, I've met this one every Friday. I'm meeting it today too, but today I'm giving you a little something special from the ole' grab bag to make it extra special. That's my clever marketing way of saying this is a rerun. To be fair, it's summer, and back in the days of linear TV, that was the whole lineup. I waited until the end of summer to give you one. But, since this list of readers keeps growing (including those kind enough to [pay to keep me going](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans)), I figure some of you have missed some of my best articles. If you've skipped the news lately, you've not missed much this week. Only that the Trump Administration has [subpoenaed medical information](https://www.hcinnovationgroup.com/policy-value-based-care/article/55311295/media-reports-doj-has-subpoenaed-patient-records-around-transgender-care?ref=danielkherndon.com) of kids who have received gender related treatment. The same administration is investigating the [Smithsonian](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/19/us/politics/trump-smithsonian-slavery.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), which he says focuses too much on “how bad slavery was,” and Trump has said he'll be issuing [an executive order](https://www.npr.org/2025/08/18/nx-s1-5506210/trump-mail-in-ballots-ban?ref=danielkherndon.com) barring states from allowing mail-in voting, or using voting machines–although the president doesn't have authority over state elections. So you haven't missed much. This series of events reminds me of two things. One is how, little by little, freedom can be eroded over time with relatively small incentives to put pressure on systems. It also reminds me of how incentives shape results. Even when Washington doesn't have power over something like voting or medical treatment, there is an incentive to keep a low profile – sometimes by complying. Back in 2023, I wrote about a lesson we can take from the Norfolk Southern train crash. The story is old, but the lesson is evergreen. I explore the way that businesses are programmed based on systems and incentive structures. When we see oil spills or DEI programs renamed, we blame companies as if they are immoral people and malicious actors, but often large organizations consist of many individuals that act within the system they are in, and what we think is immoral is actually inevitable. The article was previously only for paid subscribers. I've now opened it up to all readers. ## Robot Corporations *Why the Norfolk Southern train crash was not just an accident. It was the most likely outcome.* Ever since people were invented, we've been questioning their purpose. Like, why are they here, and why do they have a relentless hunger for sex and food? And why do they dominate the animals, but only sometimes? For example, Sharks. They'll make us their dinner in a heartbeat. And dogs – they'll make us make their dinner. Sometimes it's hard to know who's in charge. Still, when it comes to language and weapons, humans are by far the dominant species. Even a primitive invention such as the javelin has led to the invention of both steakhouses and nuclear weapons. Two of the most powerful forms of dominance. The ability to destroy a city and eat a ribeye cooked your way on demand. I dare the dog to even try to do that. [Read The Article](https://danielkherndon.com/robot-corporations/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. Or is it? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### A Cool Dry Place URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-cool-dry-place/ Last updated: 2025-08-15T10:30:06.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey everyone, I find that the older I get, the more I try to preserve myself like a leftover chicken salad. Initially, I wanted to spend this week writing about how the president centralized the police under his control by declaring a state of emergency and then appointed a national chief over the local police, city by city, to consolidate the forces and control the local citizens. But do we really need another article [about Hitler](https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/german-police-in-the-nazi-state?ref=danielkherndon.com)? Probably not. But the alternatives aren't much better. Between the latest Jefferey Epstein [conspiracy](https://petercbaker.substack.com/p/the-democrats-epstein-strategy-wont), or Taylor Swift launching her next album on a [meat head](https://people.com/how-to-watch-taylor-swift-new-heights-podcast-interview-11789549?ref=danielkherndon.com) podcast, neither sounds very interesting. But this week, I'll reflect on something else—what's left of my shelf life. When I was young, I could camp out anywhere there were friends or cute girls, in the worst of conditions. Even a pillow made of stone wouldn't stop me from resting my head on it if I could call it a sleepover, or in later rock band years, describe it as "being on tour". Today, I may as well be sleeping in a me-shaped egg carton, designed to protect my thin outer shell when I'm at rest. When I go to sleep, I'm all but marking the bed with "fragile, this side up" because my hips can't risk a fall or even a little extra blood rushing to my head. Even temperature control becomes increasingly important as I age. No longer are sweaty quarters with a locker-room smell an acceptable place to store me. I must keep temperatures at levels perfect for red wine and aging geriatric newsletter writers. I get my air conditioning serviced twice the recommended frequency, and I surround the house in hedges to block a gust of wind coming to blow me over. If the path of the elderly colleagues that surround me is any indicator, I'll be adding a special AC unit to every room I sit in, should I continue this life as an ongoing concern. Pretty soon, I'll be living in a refrigerator, adorned in Tupperware-made rigid clothing with an airtight lid to keep me from getting moldy. My furniture will undoubtedly be preserved in plastic wrap, and my only priority besides my own freshness will be maintaining the lawn and finding a paper to read. What I'm trying to say is, I'm getting old. Despite my good looks and chiseled jaw, I'm not as young as I [look](https://danielkherndon.com/portfolio/). I've managed to delay the onset of compression socks and reading glasses, but time is fast behind me, trying to get its mits on me. I have two grown daughters, I'm obsessed with my lawn, and I lean on the counter with one arm when I unload the dishwasher. Time waits for no one, but it's been stalking me for decades, and it is starting to get impatient. I'm not a quinquagenarian yet, but if you don't unsubscribe, you'll have one with an unlimited supply of candy in your inbox in issues not far enough off. Nothing makes you feel older than your progeny leaving home for the last time (or at least one of the last times), to move to another city, another state, or another country. Mine are doing all of the above. Both daughters leave for one more year of graduate school, and then a whole life of their own. At the end of this week, we sent off one; at the beginning of next week, we will send off the other. Now my wife and I have to make a list of things we could potentially talk about at dinner, to quell her fear that we might run the well dry. There's no spilled milk to clean up, other than my own, of course, and the only people to feed are ourselves. "They come, they eat, they leave," is how they put it in [A Bug's Life](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/55e4e8b7-238b-476a-be8d-598b7bdee335?ref=danielkherndon.com). The time comes when you wish they could stay long enough for one more meal. Only moments ago, you were feeding them soft foods, wiping their chins with the spoon after each scoop. If we're lucky, they'll be back one day to return the favor. Raising kids is a big job, and it seems like one of the only investments where all the return goes to someone else. It's one where most of your contributions are taken for granted. Based on what I've read about generational wealth, it's the investment that tends to last the longest, too, even if you get none of it. The hard part is to watch your significant other give everything she has to make a home, lend a car seat, and put a cookie–and before you know it, a glass of wine–in front of each of her children. Then, to discover that every lost hour of sleep, the aches, and the big scar across her belly, was in service of losing them. From cleaning up to cleaning out, the job of child rearing seems like it comes with an end. I can tell you from experience, you'll forever be cleaning up after them, but eventually, they say thank you. Wiping chins may not pay the laborer well, but we can only hope that, even after we've lost our minds, or at least our strength, whoever withdraws our investments will let us be around them to appreciate the work we've done. I'll miss you both, Corinne and Kaija. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum has no offspring, other than you, and your inbox, which we consider an adopted family. As we tell our real kids IRL, please remember to be a good sharer. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ Creating takes time. If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Welfare Check URL: https://danielkherndon.com/welfare-check/ Last updated: 2025-08-08T10:30:17.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I keep hearing the same thing over and over from readers lately. Is Mr. The Lorem Ipsum doing okay? For the last two weeks, I've written articles about leaving [politics](https://danielkherndon.com/im-thinking-about-leaving-politics/) or complaining about how it feels like we are [walking on eggshells](https://danielkherndon.com/culture-on-egg-shells/), and can't say anything without offending someone. I think it's a reasonable question. Should I be under supportive observation? Should you send the police to my comments section to do a well check? Am I finally converted from a meat-based writer to an energy consumption maniac made out of a gooey AI substance? Readers are doing the newsletter equivalent of holding a mirror to my nose to make sure I'm breathing. Just this week, several people upgraded to [paid memberships](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) just to see if I was good. *Thank you*. I appreciate the concern and the support (you are the only reason I feel genuinely obligated to be on time every week). And if you are a concerned friend who wants to bring me a covered dish while I recover from my illness, please know that I like my turkey tetrazzini with the canned cream of mushroom. (Sorry, I'm a picky eater and sometimes a little nostalgic.) But thanks for asking. And yes. I am Okay. But also, I'm not *that* okay. Life has been better than ever. The economy is rallying (if you can handle a bad jobs report, or otherwise deny it and [fire the person who delivered the message](https://www.cnn.com/2025/08/04/business/trump?ref=danielkherndon.com)), my personal life is a tapestry woven of golden threads, and the marketing business is dancing in a zoot suit like it's the roaring twenties. So in that respect, things are great. But the front page of the news is occupied by one man. When it was just the Apprentice, I was kind of amused. Now he's occupied New York, Florida, the blue skies, and every news site from top to bottom. On top of that, he's sued just about all of them, including his otherwise favorite media mogul, Rupert Murdoch, for $1 billion in his case. There's a lot of sameness to write about, and I feel a certain obligation to make sure I'm at least understanding the story before I crack jokes about it, but some weeks, I have better things to read about. If every joke is a repeated pun, I may as well just cover this whole newsletter in concrete. I mean, that's what *he* did with the [Rose Garden](https://www.vogue.com/article/white-house-rose-garden-trump-redesign?ref=danielkherndon.com). A good publication can't get sucked into being a profile of one person's drama. When you control the most powerful newsletter in the world, you want to make sure you deliver value, variety, and quality, and I feel that way, too. Which Brings Me to My Next Point. I've never been a coke addict, but I've considered it. I've long had a hunch about two things. The first is that snorting white powder into your nose is a desperate act, but everyone who does it seems really cool and rich, so I'm open to being sold on the idea. The other is that consuming the news, in the days of instant news cycles, is probably just as addictive, and just as dangerous. ### Reels Melt Your Brain. To a large degree, people get their news from short, vertical videos that live in a continuous feed of one video after the other. Every social media platform has added vertical video, and many news sites are doing the same. It's the next proliferation of the Semantic Web ([which I have written about](https://danielkherndon.com/the-semantic-web/)), except instead of a like button, a simple flick tells the platform what you like, and how to capture you. Imagine checking on one notification bubble only to discover 40 minutes have gone by, and now I've got a new gardening project, and a shiny new opinion about a political situation overseas based on 90 seconds of context. If we see enough of those videos, we'll actually think we're educated on the topic. According to [studies](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11817371/?ref=danielkherndon.com), scrolling through reels is addictive and reduces focus, memory, and executive function. And for those of you already afflicted, that means it makes you dumber. Every news organization has used the flickable content as a way of getting stories in front of audiences. Congressional hearings are purely focused on soundbite moments, and most opinions are formed based on scant knowledge. Most news [is consumed](https://www.prsa.org/article/what-s-the-best-press-release-headline-length?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=August%202022,-Share%20this%20article&text=This%20just%20in:%20%E2%80%9CReaders%E2%80%9D,How%20short?) from headlines, and the industrial complex consisting of politicians and those who write about them is all pressured to move toward the lesser value, to get more clicks. Even the marketing industry has followed suit, [as I wrote this week at HRNDN.com](https://hrndn.com/reels-melt-reads-build/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Brands have prioritized short-form, low-value content instead of providing the value their clients deserve. Even The Lorem Ipsum, because of my own time, has spent more time on quick takes with punching payoffs, when the reason I started this platform was to provide depth and levity. Last year, I wrote 10 full-length [articles](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/articles/), the year prior I wrote 22, and these are some of the most valuable parts of my body of work, only to be pushed to the side for quick stats. Long-form content has value, and our life is filled with short form, short cycle, short sighted content. Short content keeps the dopamine hits coming and keeps us addicted. It has reduced us to a population of uninformed drones with a prolific video newsfeed, filled to the brim with emptiness, telling us what to believe. There was a time when we had more context. We read the paper. Trees were dying left and right. The rainforest was melting. But at least we weren't. We didn't skim as many headlines. More than likely, we read the whole dispatch because there wasn't much else to do, except manually repair our own cars and make our own food. We had more context, but we also had **less** context. We didn't believe we needed to have an opinion on everything, without researching at length and checking our own biases, or having long conversations about it with others. Institutions were sources we could trust. We had people like Walter Conkite and Neil Armstrong to be inspired by. Sure, I know the moon landing was fake, but now, everything is fake. I'm now revisiting the brain in a vat theory, because it feels more fulfilling than being stuck in front of the tractor beam of a TikTok. But I'm rather optimistic, for I have not been sucked into the tractor beam of the reels. I have thankfully prioritized long-form reading and extensive research, with breaks for long-form conversation at lakes, driveways, and firepits. That's what I spend my time on. When I'm not in deep work as a brand strategist, or in deep relaxation off the grid, I'll be in deep research mode, trying to understand the world, so I can provide you a point of view, and invite you to provide yours in a long conversation (in the comments, please). So to answer your question, I'm doing really well. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum endeavors to be deep. But not deep in your inbox. It likes to be on top, and as always, shared with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### Culture on Egg Shells URL: https://danielkherndon.com/culture-on-egg-shells/ Last updated: 2025-08-01T12:36:39.000Z I have a friend from London who likes to smoke. As you know, I'll be friends with anyone. At a large group dinner, where patrons were grazing and conversating, my friend stepped up from the table, summoned another friend, and told me she was going out to suck a fag. Knowing I’m no stranger to vice, she invited me to do the same. I politely declined, declaring I’m trying to quit and that I’m happily married — to an attractive woman, I might add. She enjoyed her time more than once in the evening, and I can only hope the time enjoyed her, if that's even possible. It's not lost on me that a conversation across cultures might be teeming with terminology that would be offensive to Americans, but I accept my friends from across the pond for who they are and where they are on their journey to enlightenment. I can handle a word off color for sure, but when she started calling fries "chips," I’d had enough. When you start demeaning my dinner, that’s where I draw the line. And therein lies the rub. How could she have known how my people feel about fries? Why am I so sensitive? Why is everyone else? I wrote about this two years ago in the in depth article on language, [Words Ruin Everything](https://danielkherndon.com/words-ruin-everything/). And they do. Language changes across cultures and across time. If I told you about the time I pressed my thongs against the dash of a station wagon, you'd probably think I was a pervert, but in 1986, I was just a little kid in summer footwear. What I'm hearing from the world around me today is that allyship and support in 2025 doesn't look like breaking bread or fireside chats. It looks like semantic purity. It looks like using words like allyship, because giving it a name is the only way to ensure people know you are sufficiently righteous. But it also looks like being offended, early and often, and doxing the offender by mob online. This week, Sydney Sweeney was the [subject](https://www.npr.org/2025/07/29/nx-s1-5482837/american-eagle-sydney-sweeney-jeans-ad?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the mob's ire. In the edgy American Eagle ad, *Sydney Sweeney Has Great Jeans*, the ad employs clever wordplay between genetics and denim. She says, "Genes are passed down from parents to offspring, often determining traits like hair color, personality, and even eye color. My genes are blue." Internet users flipped over it. One [viral post](https://www.salon.com/2025/07/27/sydney-sweeneys-new-campaign-draws-fire-for-racial-undertones/?ref=danielkherndon.com) said, *"Maybe I’m too … woke, but getting a blue-eyed, blonde, white woman and focusing your campaign around her having perfect genetics feels weird…"* Another said, *"Sydney Sweeney is a great example of white supremacy being the only way a lot of people derive self-esteem."* Those who choose to downplay claims of racism still say American Eagle is pushing unattainable beauty standards, but in their defense, the ad does say explicitly that Sydney Sweeney has good genes, so they are not hiding behind any delusions. So now it's taboo to be hot and white. But it's not just that. It's nearly taboo to be alive. Lizzo was shamed for being [fat](https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/01/entertainment/lizzo-fat-shaming?ref=danielkherndon.com), then shamed for getting [skinny](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/articles/lizzo-slammed-sell-over-her-163026200.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). She was shamed for being [vegan](https://plantbasednews.org/news/celebrities/lizzo-vegan-weight-body-shaming/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and subject to even more shame when she decided to start [eating](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DBOxsvDtwNi/?ref=danielkherndon.com) [meat](https://www.instagram.com/p/CI0Tw0ElXgx/?hl=en&ref=danielkherndon.com). Double the shame for pointing out that it helped her lose weight. Gal Gadot ignited controversy over her casting as Cleopatra, with angry folks calling it "whitewashing" and saying that an African should have played the role. Then, when [Rachel Zegler](https://time.com/7267440/snow-white-disney-rachel-zegler-gal-gadot/?ref=danielkherndon.com) was cast in the role of Snow White, critics said they should have cast a white woman. Everything people do in public life will be criticized, because there is a forum to do so. But these innocent offenses find their way to dinner tables as well. We have to be careful of every phrase. God forbid you be labeled as "pro-cop" or anything-phobic, for offenses as little as using a word not approved in the lexicon of the obsessively offended. Say anything, however innocently, and you may discover that your words will be used to sentence you to social pergatory. What's worse is that the words designed to help people may be turned around and weaponized against you as well. In today's therapy culture, we're forced to "validate" someone's feelings because their feelings are "real," even if the premise of those feelings is based on pure bullshit. Any critical feedback is "gaslighting," and giving someone the cold shoulder is now called "boundaries." As soon as either word is invoked, any response in your defense is considered an attack. When *my* feelings can determine *your* guilt, without regard for reality, we have a never-ending supply of disappointment. Honestly, it must be exhausting. I'm not opposed to being better, though. I like being a better person. That's why I keep practicing. We all want the world we live in to be better, but the culture police have only made it worse. I've spent the better part of my life ignoring as many reasons to be offended as possible. But today, every word is at risk. But if I try putting myself in other people's shoes, I usually find that what I hear is not necessarily what was said. It's obvious that cultures vary across the pond, but you don't have to travel that far to find a different perspective. It would be better if we were open to seeing one. ### I'm thinking about leaving politics URL: https://danielkherndon.com/im-thinking-about-leaving-politics/ Last updated: 2025-07-25T10:30:34.000Z Hey Everyone: I'm going to change all my hobbies, interests, and personality traits immediately if not sooner. I won't be debating any debatable matters, and anything you want to discuss is not up for discussion. Especially if it's politics. I won't be taking any questions at this time. I'm serious. Politics is toxic, and in the last 18 months, I've watched more relationships end based on where one buys deodorant than at any other time in my life. The endemic reaches across all of American life. You can hardly talk to a fellow member of your HOA without property ordinances turning into a local version of identity politics. One man's patch of weeds is another man's declining property values. The Earth is on fire because you're killing [weeds](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/), *but also* because you are [not](https://www.scrippsnews.com/science-and-tech/climate-change/invasive-plants-may-be-causing-an-increase-in-wildfires?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=And%20then%20it%20dries%20out,broadcast%2C%20rewritten%2C%20or%20redistributed.), so no matter what side you are on, you can never win. And if it's not mine, we're cut off. I saw what the other side looked like once. A friend once lived in a subdivision neighborhood without any HOA to deal with. No letters to toss. No unreasonable dues to pay late for spite. No rules to disagree with. In this neighborhood, people got along. They parked their boats where they wanted. They trimmed their bushes only if they felt dirty. They laughed at other neighborhoods where residents received punitive letters about broken fence posts and missed payments. They joked like Canadians watching the US from afar. It sounds divine. It sounds safer. If you can get past the cars parked facing the wrong direction on the street, I think you'd like it too. In my friend's neighborhood, when someone starts complaining about your paint peeling, or that you have the wrong color mailbox, you tell them to take a long hike on a short, splintered deck that hasn't been repaired since you moved in. In this neighborhood, you can live in peace without having to argue about who's right and who's wrong – because here, everyone is. Anyway, they moved out because the neighborhood was going to shit. They've got a really nice place, and now my friend is on the HOA board at his new home, dealing with the same politics he swore off years ago. The same is true for mainstream politics as well. We avoid it at Thanksgiving dinner, but Black Friday always ends up blacker than intended. Then we're sucked back into the same old habits, cutting each other off because we don't educate ourselves with the same websites. I seek a world where I can ignore people in Washington, and better yet, one where all my friends ignore them as well. If successful, I'll be able to decline to drink raw milk without being reported to the authorities. Net zero will be a math equation about the balance of energy consumed versus energy created in a commercial operation, and not a virtue signal that will get me kicked out of the family reunion because I've "become so woke." The biggest reason why I want to free myself from this hell should be the most obvious. People are more than voters in a booth. Voting is not CrossFit. It's not one's whole identity. People, with the exception of crossfitters, are far more complex. So politics cannot be the lens through which we judge someone's character. It's unreasonable, but also, it's nonsensical. When I go to a new restaurant, I'm evaluating their food, not whether or not they celebrated Juneteenth. I choose my vacuum cleaners because they suck. If the people who run the place suck too, that's their problem. But good on them for making a great product. I can't bear to look at people through the lens of what channel they watch, or which podcast is in their feed. If someone is broken down on the side of the road, I can't start by checking their bumper stickers before choosing to lend a hand. If someone is drowning, I don't care whether their bracelet says "WWJD" or "Black Lives Matter" before reaching out to save their life. We look for signals through shared language, signs, and behaviors to determine if someone is on my side or not. If the signals are not right, we'll simply cut off the conversations. We assumed the signal was the whole, but it turns out, what we thought was the signal, it turns out, is the noise. If we are only to associate with, buy from, and respect those of our kind, we'll be divided infinitely. A divided house finds new reasons to divide again with yet another signal. Before you know it, we will be on islands of our own, judging those on the other. Our philosophies will go untested, our ideas will atrophy, like muscles that refuse to be stretched. I guess I'll be changing this newsletter to a mommy blog. You're now a Boss Babe, and I'll be telling you, girl, to wash your face. On the other hand, we've got a lot to work out. We have to figure out where to park the boats and what to do about the weeds, and many issues much bigger than that. It's probably better if we can learn how to do it together. So, I guess I'll see you here next week. ### It's The Little Things URL: https://danielkherndon.com/its-the-little-things/ Last updated: 2025-07-18T10:30:32.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, The highlight of my week is buying a hairdryer. As you'll see below, the headline news is almost exclusively White House politics, not to mention some breaking news – that Donald Trump underwent vascular testing after swelling in his legs (Trump's MD thinks it's partly due to his diet – and by the way, MD stands for McDonald's). With Washington as obnoxious as it is today, a small tool that blows can seem to occupy our whole attention. Fortunately, I can take a moment to forget about him and focus on something else, like a new addition to my grooming routine. It's the little things. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 29 of 2025` ### Pen Powells I also considered calling this take Jerome's Bowels, because I imagine things are irritable in the recesses of the Federal Reserve these days. A renovation worth about $2.5 billion is currently underway. In addition to replacing the crown molding and replacing old plumbing, electrical, and HVAC systems, Trump would like the renovations to include replacing Fed Chair Jerome. In a press conference, Trump discussed the draft of a letter he wrote that will go to Jerome, thus the heading of this Take, which expresses his disdain for his long-term thinking, and that he may fire him. Experts say Trump lacks a case to fire him, but when you want the fed to be political, there’s only one way to do it, and as far as I can tell, it's the only way Trump does anything. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/business/2025/jul/16/trump-fed-chair-jerome-powell?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Epstain of Guilt Last week, we talked about the unremarkable story of the Jeffrey Epstein files, which reveal two things: (1) there's nothing to see here, and (2) that Trump actually is not going to release the files as promised. We've finally found the one thing that will get the Trump base to [break](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2025/07/17/us/politics/trump-epstein-files-maga.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) from complete submission, and it's a conspiracy theory. MAGA won’t let it go. Trump says Epstein files are boring, and his base, led by Marjorie Taylor Greene, says he promised, and they want to know what’s going on in the files that don’t affect our lives at all. Trump is doing his best to shake it off like poo on a shoe. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2025/07/14/nx-s1-5467151/trump-epstein-files-doj-fbi-maga?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### DOGE Cuts Both Ways The House voted this week to cut $9 billion in spending, based on DOGE recommendations. According to analysts, DOGE has saved the United States a "f**\*** ton" of money, but it's unclear what the value of a f\*\*\* ton is in dollars. If Congress approves the cuts, not only will the USA save point zero one eight percent (0.18%), which represents $135 total to the average American family, and thankfully, we will have that money to start paying for public broadcasting, which is part of the cuts. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/17/politics/senate-vote-trump-doge-cuts?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Bove is in the Air The Democrats stormed out of the Judiciary committee meeting in protest when the Republicans refused to hear their debate on whether yet another former Trump personal attorney should be placed in a lifelong position on the appeals court. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/democrats-challenge-whether-emil-boves-controversial-judicial-nominati-rcna219346?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### ICE Age Just when you think things are going well. One moment, you're enjoying the fruit of immigrant labor, and the next, your house cleaner doesn’t show up. Hotels are in disarray, and mulch is now being spread by less skilled, less thankful, white people who might have to pay for their own student loans. Now, people who have been here since they were born are being arrested on suspicion of having a tan. Eating street corn is now called probable cause. I joke, of course. I am 100% against all bad things and totally for all good things. And creating jobs is good. Protecting American interests is good (but only when the interests are good). Destroying people's lives is bad. Going back to the days when we thought Taco Bell was legitimate Mexican food is bad. Don't get me wrong, I'll take the Crunch Wrap Supreme, but everything else can be in a melting pot. ([more](https://abc7.com/post/los-angeles-ice-raids-fear-anxiety-continue-businesses-restaurants-slowly-reopen-amid-la-immigration/17164662/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum can be read from anywhere. If you find yourself in an immigration detention center, despite living here since before you could walk, make sure to bring your phone with you so you have some amusing reading material in your inbox while you are waiting on the authorities to realize you don't belong in some kind of immigration jail. You belong in America. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Mister Japan URL: https://danielkherndon.com/mister-japan/ Last updated: 2025-07-11T15:15:28.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, We finally got the Epstein files. We waited for months. We made MAGA-looking hats to promote the conspiracy theory. And inside these luscious pages was a healthy serving of absolutely nothing. Jeffrey Epstein [killed himself](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-unloads-putin-promising-military-aid-ukraine-rcna217547?ref=danielkherndon.com) as previously reported. All the [conspiracy theories](https://www.npr.org/2025/05/30/nx-s1-5407856/conspiracy-theorists-dan-bongino-epstein-fbi?ref=danielkherndon.com) have been debunked. Turns out Dan Bongino and Kash Patel are more like Balki and Larry from [Perfect Strangers](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090501/?ref=danielkherndon.com) than the ace detectives we once thought. It’s like finding out the Pillsbury Doughboy isn't ticklish. The libs have been disowned. The deep state is not as deep as we thought it was. The Secret Service is being renamed to The Obvious Service. Pam Bondi, the United States Attorney General, spent the first leg of her tenure working on a closed case. She would have fought more crime by making cookies. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 28 of 2025` ### Floods in Texas A flood in Texas killed more than 100 people after the Guadalupe River surged by as much as 25 feet. For context, that's the height of roughly 8 of Texas Governor Greg Abbott's wheelchairs stacked one on top of the other. An all-girls Christian Camp was hit hardest, with young girls and camp counselors being swept away at night. Since the incident, similar floods have hit [New Mexico](https://abcnews.go.com/US/deadly-new-mexico-flooding-rio-ruidoso/story?id=123599023&ref=danielkherndon.com), sweeping away three there as well. Critics blame officials for the catastrophe because the area lacked a sufficient flood warning system. Governor Abbott says winners don't cast blame, especially on him, but for those who think they failed, don't worry, they'll get another chance, because Trump has [stripped](https://www.aps.org/apsnews/2025/02/trump-reverses-climate-policies?ref=danielkherndon.com) all efforts to fight climate change. ### Poly-Trash The FBI has stepped up the use of polygraph tests, where employees will be asked whether they have cast any aspersions against Trash Patel... sorry, Kash Patel. If I were subjected to one, I'm certain they would ask me tough questions. Have you ever said anything negative about Mr. Patel? Does Mr. Patel have bulging eyes? Do you think Mr. Patel looks tough carrying around a duty weapon, despite that being unusual since he is not an agent? Were you the one who told the media about this, and is The Lorem Ipsum a satire newsletter, or is it real? I would pass it all. Because, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/10/us/politics/fbi-polygraph-kash-patel.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Party up Front. Musk in the Back. Elon and Trump were once the best of friends. They expressed their love to each other daily, and had matching social media sites, like matching tattoos, but more annoying. After the shocking downfall of their relationship, Elon was kicked out of the party. So he decided he would create his own. A political party where the deficit is always a priority, and Elon's company contracts won't be neglected. While going to Mars may be easier, he is taking it on anyway. For his new party, called The American Party, the first order of business is to rebrand, since, at least in New York, a political party containing the word "American" in its name is illegal. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/elon-musk-create-new-political-party-america/story?id=123587743&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Putin Being Ukrained Also fighting with the President: Vladimir Putin. This week, the expert negotiator shared his frustration with the Russian president's bad-faith negotiations. After Trump's big promises that Vlad would be eating out of his hand, Trump is left to do all the eating on his own – perhaps even his words, if anyone cared that he said them. For a list of all of Trump's negotiating successes, I'll list them all in the space between these two parentheses: ( ). ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-unloads-putin-promising-military-aid-ukraine-rcna217547?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Pound, But Not Out The value of the dollar has taken a proper pounding. Experts say the dollar is worth so little that they ask us to pay our bills in Ruffles potato chips, one of the few things in our economy that holds its value, provided the bag remains sealed. Experts say the dollar has shed 10% of its value this year, after years of steady growth. Trump calls it Making Dollars Great Again. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2025/07/07/nx-s1-5455867/trump-dollar-value-debt-currency?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### You're Getting Laid (Off) The Supreme Court is allowing mass federal layoffs, a Trump strategy that had been frozen for several months. Fortunately, no one is concerned about this causing the government to perform any worse. Some departments will still continue lawsuits about the firings, but Trump is no longer prohibited from proceeding with his plans to cut staff. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2025/07/08/supreme-court-federal-worker-firings-ruling-00442721?nid=0000014f-1646-d88f-a1cf-5f46b7bd0000&nname=playbook&nrid=04ae65fd-bf53-40ae-bcf3-e2a5e818aaed&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Dear Mister Japan Hello, Mr. Japan. If you're reading this, please expect a letter from Donald Trump, the President of the United States. It will be handwritten, have bronze smears on it, and be written in all caps. He plans to negotiate with you about Tariffs, so please plan to be enchanted. Also, Japan (can I call you Japan?), please know that we won't be giving you any more cars. I know you don't really like our cars, but we're taking them away anyway. For more, check your mail for a letter guilded in gold flake, and also check the following interview snippet. This is hardly the most important News of the week, but it’s content like this that gets the most clicks. > Trump: I'm going to send letters, that's the end of the trade deal. I could send one to Japan. > Dear Mr. Japan, here's the story. You're going to pay a 25% tariff on your cars, you know? So we give Japan no cars. They won't take our cars. [pic.twitter.com/EUkysEFykV](https://t.co/EUkysEFykV?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Acyn (@Acyn) [June 29, 2025](https://twitter.com/Acyn/status/1939332910034940047?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is cheaper by the [pound](https://www.google.com/search?q=pound+to+dollar&oq=pound+to+d&gs%5Flcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqDwgAEAAYRhiCAhixAxiABDIPCAAQABhGGIICGLEDGIAEMgYIARBFGDkyBwgCEAAYgAQyBwgDEAAYgAQyBwgEEAAYgAQyBwgFEAAYgAQyBwgGEAAYgAQyBwgHEAAYgAQyBwgIEAAYgAQyBwgJEAAYjwLSAQgxNzk4ajBqOagCALACAQ&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ref=danielkherndon.com), thanks to the declining value of the US Dollar. While money is cheap, why not upgrade to a [paid plan](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup)? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### I'm Just a Bill URL: https://danielkherndon.com/im-just-a-bill/ Last updated: 2025-07-04T10:30:35.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Happy Fourth of July to those who celebrate. No offense to my British readers, especially those who still feel a little sensitive about past offenses. Today I'll be celebrating my independence by eating meat, with the key criteria being (1) that it is encased in a tube, and (2) that the makings of which are a mystery, so long as it is legal to call it "meat." It is only because of our independence that we can live by such rules. Namely, our own. The latest of those rules was passed through the House yesterday before the close of business. The Senate had previously passed its version of the Big Beautiful Bill on Tuesday, just moments after finishing a 65-year run of claiming to be conservative. The House passed it before bedtime. This issue is not a call to my readers named Bill, of whom I know there are at least a few. This is for the Big Beautiful Ones, but again, not to single out any readers who may be big or beautiful, but to call out the legislative kinds of bills running through Washington, which is more of one than the other. The USA is now on track to spend $1 trillion in interest payments [next year](https://messaging-custom-newsletters.nytimes.com/dynamic/render?campaign%5Fid=9&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20250703&instance%5Fid=157771&isViewInBrowser=true&nl=the-morning&paid%5Fregi=1&productCode=NN®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=201153&sendId=201153&uri=nyt://newsletter/d46f3638-1b1a-52b1-bd18-ce670c9f0a2a&user%5Fid=487c082712c00ac169858336dff574e0&ref=danielkherndon.com). More than we spend on Medicaid, so thank God and the Government that we are culling the population and their benefits to make room. The bill is packed with great stuff, and people are sending me emails asking what's in it. Well, you are in luck. Today, to celebrate Diddy's near miss of a life sentencing conviction, and nearly evading the risk of being held accountable for some of his actions, I'm going to break down a few key items in the bill so you know what to expect for the next 9,802,464 years while we pay it off. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. --- ## Big Beautiful Takes `Week 27 of 2025` ### This Bill Doesn't See Color First of all, it's important to note that the bill is color blind from the standpoint of social justice for the BIPOC community, which stands for Bills Irregardless of Pigment Or Color. To help some folks out, I'll point out the color. Red. In accounting terms, this bill is incredibly red. It saves an enormous amount of money, but only after costing five enormous amounts more. In accounting, that means you're in the red. In total, the bill costs more than $3.4 trillion, which has caused some people to mistake it for a Democrat bill, until they realized that Donald Trump holds the record for the largest average deficits per year, ahead of all presidents. It's not without a good explanation, I'm sure. However, the Republican Party is objectively not the party of fiscal responsibility. ### Letting Them Eat Cake Now that Trump has increased the bar to get Medicaid, finally, we're going to be able to kick all of the poor (pronounced lāy-ZEE) people off the teats of the federal government. That means if you are below the poverty level, you don't work, or you are a "serial entrepreneur" who goes out of business just as often as you go into it, you might not have healthcare coverage soon. Judging by the number of people who opt to upgrade to a paid subscription, I'd say that's most of you. So from now on, since you can't get healthcare, you are allowed to have as much cake as you want, because there is no longer a reason to try to be healthy. Just enjoy life until it's over! Even if it's sooner. ### No Tips on Tax If you're rich, this provision is for you. From now on, you won't need to give your tax man a tip to bribe him to lower your tax liability. That means now, all of you have to do to get a break is hold up a photo of Donald Trump, and he will immediately wink and say "I gotchu" and start writing on his clipboard. For those looking to take the legitimate route, there are several breaks designed for you (and me) in the bill. The current version of the bill includes at least 30 changes to the tax code, most of which reduce taxes, especially for people who stand a chance of paying them. That's you! Additionally, there is a provision to exempt tips from tax as well. Popular among all the restaurant workers making $300,000 (or less). ### Marginal Tax Rapes The Trump tax cuts will be made permanent. This means that if you earn under $48,475 as an individual, you will only pay 12% instead of 15%. Most people say this will "largely benefit the rich," and this is both a lie and true. $20 a week to an impoverished single mom is much more than a 2.6% tax reduction to a billionaire. So by sheer math, small pieces of bigger pies is a bigger piece of pie, but any amount of pie is great if you're starving. Let's get slightly technical for a minute. There is a 3% tax rate savings that applies to everyone from $0 to $103,351\. Then 4% for earnings from $103,351 to $197,300\. For the larger income earners, the rate changes are more modest, at 1% for the next tier and 0% for the one after that, but then 2.6% savings for the highest tax bracket. There are seven brackets, with the lowest rate at 10% and the highest at 37%, increasing for each dollar you earn in the higher brackets. The highest rate before the Trump cuts was 39.6%. This doesn't account for all the tax credits designed to incentivize activity (like investing in green energy or business interest deductions. Currently, the top 1% of earners pay 40.4% of all federal income taxes. The top 20% pay 87% of the taxes. The bottom 50% of earners pay 3% of all the taxes. Obviously, we want rich people to pay their "fair share". But since we don't know what that is, we will never achieve that. ### Opportunity Zone Defense A program called "opportunity zones," for communities where help from the government is needed most, was expanded and made permanent. This gives investors tax incentives to encourage development in places where communities need resources and jobs. This might include blighted and poor neighborhoods, but the biggest opportunity zone of them all is in Mar A Lago, where Trump will give you a tax incentive, and a pardon from prison if you invest in a membership at his club and purchase one of several rubber chicken dinners for a very affordable $1 million. Give him a $400 million jet, and maybe he'll throw in some tariff relief too! ### Immigration The last provision I'll highlight in the bill is immigration. Some people, because of their dissatisfaction with Trump, are immigrating to anywhere else. Official data from the United Kingdom, Ireland, and Canada show a surge in the number of Americans applying to become citizens in recent months. Trump's solution? Everyone needs to have way more kids. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/06/03/business/americans-leaving-us-trump-intl?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Here's the best breakdown I've found of the bill, without spin. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is like fireworks in your inbox. Be safe and enjoy it with friends. ***Have a Happy 4th of July!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Forks for Hands URL: https://danielkherndon.com/forks-for-hands/ Last updated: 2025-06-27T10:30:22.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I once came up with the idea of forks for hands. It occurred to me, when I was eating some arugula salad, that my fork was not the most efficient way to get my calcium and folates from these garden gifts. Neither fork nor knife, nor spoon would serve me well if my goal was to enjoy the peppery, and slightly buttery flavor of this leafy green. Using the sophisticated utensil was more drudgery than decisive. When you're wearing white pants at a garden party, everyone would expect you to pick at your greens with your graven sterling, pinkies up. As humans, we spend countless hours optimizing and being polite while doing it. Those hours often a trade off for getting shit done. When it comes to forks, we don't need a new one when we have two more functional forks right here, colloquially called hands. I expressed as much to my wife, and she agreed, but mentioned steak as the exception – maybe silverware is superfluous, until you want to eat the firm but tender bits of muscle from America's favorite flatulator, the cow. I told her she had a point. When you eat a steak, you need a knife. But you have 28 right here in your mouth awaiting their chewiest chore. The idea of overengineered solutions and overpolite approaches where everyone has a voice reminds me of meetings – something I am all too familiar with, working with other professionals in a white collar setting where talking sometimes supercedes doing. Most of our meetings are designed to solve problems, but nine of ten meetings are an hour spent not solving one, but dancing around it, for the sake of diplomacy. Add Zoom, and you're checking your hair while you're at it. This brings me to the topic of this past weekend's US attack on Iran. We've been talking about Iran for years, practicing diplomacy, tamping down their proxies, making [multiple](https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/node/328996?ref=danielkherndon.com) nuclear [agreements](https://www.cfr.org/backgrounder/what-iran-nuclear-deal?ref=danielkherndon.com), and trying to be polite by using forks to keep from getting our hands dirty. Then Trump ordered strikes on Iranian nuclear facilities. We could spend this whole article criticizing Donald Trump for not getting Congressional approval, instead ordering military action [like every President](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/presidents-ordering-military-action-congress-approval-become-routine-rcna214379?ref=danielkherndon.com) in living memory does. Or not giving diplomacy a chance, like the last few presidents have. We could continue talking about how everything Donald Trump does is bad, because after all, he is the guy who turned the government into a nest of vipers where loyalty is [bought and sold](https://www.citizensforethics.org/reports-investigations/crew-reports/trump-2-0-bracing-for-criminals-corruption-and-constitutional-crises/?ref=danielkherndon.com). We could easily criticize him because he has hair [like this](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-53761744?ref=danielkherndon.com), and his skin tone is a color not found in nature, but in a push pop. It would send the right signals to judge the actions because of how we feel about the president instead of judging on the merits. Or we could talk about Iran, their funding of Hamas, Hezbollah, Houthi, Iraqi Shia Militias, Palestinian Islamic Jihad, and [other terrorist networks](https://www.ajc.org/news/hezbollah-hamas-and-more-irans-terror-network-around-the-globe?ref=danielkherndon.com). We could talk about what the popular Iranian slogan "death to America" [really means](https://www.aljazeera.com/video/newsfeed/2025/6/24/whats-with-irans-death-to-america-chant?ref=danielkherndon.com#flips-6374816403112:0), or how seriously to take the active antagonizing of Israel and the calls to abolish it. We could talk about whether we want a nation like Iran, or any nation, to have a nuclear weapon. Or we could just bomb them. The problem with any analysis is that we'll have to wait for history to tell us whether this move prevented a larger war or started one. We'll have to wait on history to find out who gets to write it. But there's no denying that Trump, in this case, got his hands dirty, and with or without a hairdo, he was the one to get shit done. It's hard to think of it this way, but if a war could ever save lives, this might be the one. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is handmade for your pleasure. The best way to consume it is one bite (or issue) at a time, and by sharing a bite with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### A Stretch URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-stretch/ Last updated: 2025-06-20T10:30:16.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Wearing yoga pants in public used to be out of the question. If you were caught wearing them, everyone knew you had given up. You looked like you escaped a house fire and immediately went to the grocery to shop for bread and avocados. Going to the gym and going to church required two different standards of etiquette. Today they don't. For a while, the old among us dissented. They wore their pleated khakis and jeans devoid of stretch, and talked of when people cared about decency. Before long, an errand never required decency. First, it was drug stores, then coffee shops, then movie theaters, and before long, even some job interviews were pants optional. Today, the former critics are wearing tights in their high-powered careers, and athleisure is the fastest-growing fashion category for men and women. Judges are hiding spandex under their robes, and leading professional women are wearing high heels with what could have one day been their pajama pants. Until this newsletter, you'd forgotten this change had even taken place, because we've been desensitized to it. Wearing Lycra in polite society is no longer something to notice, much less criticize. We're on a similar path in another timeline for political disagreement. In 2016, Trump did his level best to put Hillary in jail. In 1984, by comparison, you might have thought [Reagan](https://youtu.be/22Lr4fgSFAY?si=bpCCOuwGoTr%5FeotK&t=93&ref=danielkherndon.com) was trying to help Walter Mondale beat him in the election, and make love to him afterward. Ten years ago, it would have been strange to arrest a political opponent for doing [their job](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/17/us/ice-arrests-elected-offcials.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). It was unheard of to use the [Marines](https://apnews.com/article/los-angeles-marines-man-detained-491a1a6a1328ade60cb3e2e341336e53?ref=danielkherndon.com) to tamp down domestic protests. For now, it's still unusual, so when it happened last week with a little restraint, we still objected. First, we acknowledge that senators and congressmen had interrupted a press conference or interfered with an arrest. We said that among the protesters, some of them burned Waymo cars and damaged property. And that seems reasonable. A little bit of military suppression is okay if public discourse is plagued with civil disobedience and even some crime. If the changes are subtle enough, we might not even notice. First, it's a candidate, then a congressman, then a senator, then an unruly crowd. And eventually a silent one. It may seem like a stretch, but eventually, that stretch is our new normal. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is free speech, but it costs a lot to create it. Consider [upgrading](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) to support my work. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. ### The Left Coast URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-left-coast/ Last updated: 2025-06-13T10:30:29.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I'm not covering the news today. I decided to turn this newsletter into a travel magazine this week. I travel regularly, so I've learned a lot of travel hacks over the years. It occurred to me that you might benefit from them as well. It's content like this that might push many of you over the edge to upgrade to [becoming a paying subscriber](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup). I'm traveling to Los Angeles next week, so here are some tips for any of you who might be heading there as well. #### Remember First and foremost, make sure you bring your tea tree oil. This will be an important health remedy. Better than all the treatments like antibiotics, supposedly validated by "science." I also like essential oils and any holistic supplement. This will be important when you're having your sound baths, because since Mercury is currently in retrograde, you might need some aromatherapy to help you remain grounded. #### When You Land I don't know if you've been to LA recently, but things have changed that you'll need to be ready for. When you arrive at LAX, they immediately inject you with Botox. It's actually similar to arriving in Hawaii, where a welcoming committee will place a lei around your neck. It's just a way they make you feel welcome with a bit of local culture. Nothing makes you feel welcome like looking young and getting lei'd. #### Food Pack lots of Kind bars and extra green juice. This is because when you are stuck on the highway for several hours, you'll probably get hungry, so it's good to bring something to keep you going. Also, if you're an avocado toast person like me, don't worry about bringing any avocados or toast. They have a lot of that already. In fact, I think they invented it. Make sure to bring as much money as possible, because avocado toast starts at about [$15 per slice](https://erewhon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com). #### Yoga Pants When I travel, I like to be comfortable. That's why I want some pants that say "this guy is seriously relaxed and doesn't give a fuck about anything except maybe the environment and whether or not a pair of sandals are made of vegan leather." I also like to save money, so I buy [these yoga pants](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B8S7VTNM/ref=sspa%5Fdk%5Fdetail%5F5?pd%5Frd%5Fi=B0B8S7VTNM&pd%5Frd%5Fw=NezHy&content-id=amzn1.sym.8c2f9165-8e93-42a1-8313-73d3809141a2&pf%5Frd%5Fp=8c2f9165-8e93-42a1-8313-73d3809141a2&pf%5Frd%5Fr=D4PGEDR4RA12W57J6QSW&pd%5Frd%5Fwg=otMHS&pd%5Frd%5Fr=da325ce7-23a1-43fb-bfcb-6358db0dbfc9&sp%5Fcsd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9kZXRhaWw&th=1&psc=1&ref=danielkherndon.com) from Amazon. They're completely organic, and I know that no animals were harmed in the making of these pants because I asked, and reminded several entry-level Amazon employees how important it is. #### Local Therapists If you're traveling for a while, you're going to need a local therapist. Someone who will validate your feelings and make sure you can dwell on them effectively. A good therapist will give you some tools you can use while you're on your trip. For example, if someone near you uses a microaggression, they'll help you identify some ways to tell your aggressor that you are triggered and how to talk with them about how their actions are crossing your boundaries, are making you feel like you are not in a safe space, and that their microagression was gaslighting, and not helpful to your healing journey. It should be pretty easy to find a good therapist. Just go to any coffee bar or Sweetgreen and ask someone behind the counter. Many of the staff are also therapists, if they're not in the film business (and also if they are). Those who aren't already therapist are going to their next session right after their shift, so you should be able to find one. #### Cardboard Signs As soon as you get off the plane, you're going to want to grab the first piece of cardboard you find. This way, you can start making your protest sign right away. If it's not protest season, feel free to create a "Need bus fare, anything helps" sign, since you're probably not going to California to work. An empty coffee can will usually work fine for accepting tips. Heads up! You may need to buy the coffee yourself, but as we all know, it takes money to make money. #### Pepper Spray You won't need any pepper spray. The spray will find you, but if you want to have some just in case, this isn't something you can bring on the plane. You'll have to [pick some up locally](https://www.tomahawkburnsafe.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com). More than likely, you'll be the one getting sprayed, in which case you'll need to make sure you grab some milk. I recommend raw, whole milk from grass-fed cows that graze on biodynamic pastures. I like to make sure my milk has the proper enzyme profile, and I want it to be rich in probiotics. There are some great sources for that, and [here's a list](https://getrawmilk.com/search/Los%20Angeles%20CA?ref=danielkherndon.com) to start with. Anyway, you'll want to pour this in your eyes to relieve the sting of the pepper spray. #### Masks I always travel with a mask. That way, when I'm standing up for what I believe in, no one knows it's me. Just grab a black handkerchief big enough to obscure your identity. Bonus! This also protects you from the germs of conservative voters, although you won't run into many of those, but it's good to be prepared. #### Rubber Bullet Protection It's important to be prepared in case you get shot by a rubber bullet. That's why I like to grab the biggest piece of cardboard I can, for protection. But in the event that you are hit, the best thing you can do is take a picture and post it on social media with a long self-righteous diatribe about things you would like defunded. The wound will heal pretty quickly, so be sure to take the picture as soon as possible. Anyway, I hope we both ***have a good trip!*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is the avocado toast of newsletters. It's a premium product, and you look trendy when you consume it. Make sure to mention it to friends, too! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Buyers Remorse URL: https://danielkherndon.com/buyers-remorse/ Last updated: 2025-06-06T10:30:41.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I've been posting frequently on LinkedIn. LinkedIn is like if the devil ran out of fire for hell, so he/they created a social media platform in its place. To be effective on LinkedIn, you must ask yourself these questions: "Should I post this or not post this? Will people care? Will I be too vulnerable? Will this make me look better than I really am to all of the people on the internet? Or is this meaningless bloviating that doesn't matter and is a waste of everyone's time?" If you answer yes to the last two questions, then you should post. LinkedIn is where people are humbled and honored to announce they just got a really big title at a business that has never made a profit. On LinkedIn, you'll connect with people who list themselves as "Investor" for every mutual fund in their 401(k). At home, you're the guy who needs to get off the couch and take out the trash. On LinkedIn, you're a serial entrepreneur because you used to cut grass for five neighbors as a teenager, before you became a realtor. Success is all about the hustle and the number of likes you get on each post. As you'll recall, I think social media is a bane to humanity. I've written about its perniciousness in [The Semantic Web](https://danielkherndon.com/the-semantic-web/) and how our inner lives long for freedom from the online in [Blank Spaces](https://danielkherndon.com/blank-space/). But still, we are stuck on the semantic web, and it is both evil and necessary at the same time, until our societies can wean off of it. I have been using it to share my thoughts on marketing, brand strategy, and business, and to connect with people like you. I try to be myself, unapologetically, instead of a LinkedIn-stained growth hacker. I love the connections, but less so the hell we have to swim through to make them. You can [connect with me here](https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielherndon/?ref=danielkherndon.com). But be mindful to be yourself and not who the algorithm wants you to be. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 23 of 2025` *Today's issue is long, so I hope you have some relaxing time this weekend to enjoy it.* ### Budget Crunched Swiftly after passing the so-called big beautiful bill through the House, several prominent Republicans said they wished they hadn't. Two weeks ago, [the bill](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/house-passes-sweeping-domestic-policy-package-big-win-trump-speaker-jo-rcna208417?ref=danielkherndon.com) text was available to read at bedtime on Wednesday, and the vote was before breakfast on Thursday. It's a thousand pages, and it's taken this whole time for most of the government to find out what is in it. Elon Musk criticized the bill on his website, calling it [an abomination](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/musk-calls-trumps-big-beautiful-bill-a-disgusting-abomination-2025-06-03/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and vowing to help remove its supporters from office in the midterm elections. He might disapprove of the deficit that undermines his attempts at savings through DOGE, but he also may dislike the tax credits for buying electric cars that benefit his company. Since he spoke out, the rift between him and Trump has become apparent, with them trading public criticisms [last night](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/06/05/us/trump-elon-musk?ref=danielkherndon.com), as Trump threatened to cancel his government contracts. Musk threatened to decommission the spacecraft that NASA relies on. Steve Bannon has suggested [deporting](https://www.thedailybeast.com/steve-bannon-calls-to-deport-elon-musk-amid-messy-donald-trump-breakup/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Musk. The worst part about it? Each toddler is posting from his own separate social media site, so the thread is hard to follow. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/06/Trump-Elon.png) Senate Republicans are [uncomfortable](https://www.cnbc.com/2025/06/04/ron-johnson-republican-spending-bill-elon-musk-trump.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) with the bill as well. Senator Rand Paul said he wouldn't vote for the bill without changes, including a provision that raises the debt ceiling by $4 trillion. Some members of the house said they were surprised to learn what they had voted for. Even Marjorie Taylor Greene pushed back against the bill, despite her usual routine of celebrating all Trump all the time. The bill provides sweeping changes to social services, including making it harder to get welfare, rule changes that will reduce access to [Obamacare](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/05/upshot/obamacare-cuts-republicans.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), and increased budgets to fund Trump's immigration enforcement policies. It makes the Trump tax cuts from 2017 permanent before they expire this year. Critics say that there is a lot of pork in the bill. If that's true, hopefully, it includes surgery to fix [Kash Patel's eyes](https://x.com/rexstjohn/status/1864125965477265478?ref=danielkherndon.com). Every expert calculates a bill's cost a little differently, but here's a summary of the math, according to the Congressional Budget Office's calculations: - The bill cuts government revenue, which is the only way the USA or any business or person can cover expenses or pay off debt, when it didn't save enough for emergencies or retirement. The easiest way to reduce this revenue is through taxes, a popular plan, because no one likes paying taxes. This cut, paired with spending increases, totals a cost of $4.2 trillion. - The bill saves money in a few categories by creating roadblocks to accessing government programs, including Medicaid, Welfare, Obamacare, and eliminating green energy tax breaks. The total savings are about $1.8 trillion. This seems like a great savings! - Unfortunately, $1.8 trillion is way less than $4.2 trillion, which means there is a $2.4 trillion increase in debt. Republicans, including [Stephen Miller,](https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/2025/05/fact-one-big-beautiful-bill-cuts-spending-fuels-growth/?ref=danielkherndon.com) claim it does not add to the debt at all, which makes me wonder why the $4 trillion debt ceiling increase is in the bill. Maybe it's just in case we have to buy - The argument: Stephen Miller, Trump's defender and one of his policy architects, explains that making Trump's 1.0 tax cuts permanent in a 2.0 world is just keeping revenues at baseline. Therefore, the shortfall of revenues should not be counted. They say math doesn't lie, but I assure you, people do, and it's unclear whose lie is more useful in this case. - Republicans complain that the CBO is not counting tariff revenue, and since literally no one knows what those numbers are, I say nobody else is either. But let's do that now. Currently, tariffs are projected at about $80 billion for the 2025 budget year, or less than 2% of the federal budget, which means we will have to increase tariffs by 2,150% to cover the 2024 deficit of $1.8 trillion. If we make China tariffs $2,150%, an iPhone will cost $2,365,000\. I'm still upgrading every year. - Just one little sober note about tariffs. Trump's sales team says tariffs will generate revenue and increase manufacturing in the USA. Likely, both are true, but they work directly against each other. Manufacturing will only increase to avoid the cost of tariffs. That is, the tariffs that will only generate revenue if they are not avoided. In other words, small tariffs generate small revenues because people ignore them, and big tariffs eliminate them. In a nutshell, the tax cuts largely benefit people with money. The spending cuts hurt people without it. The combination leaves us with a deficit. Deficits are not new. In fact, all budget bills have added to the debt since our last balanced budget in 2001\. Americans that I talked to elected Trump because our debt (and the woke mind virus) was out of control. This bill promises to keep it that way. ### What Does This Ketamine? BREAKING: Elon Musk is a drug user. He fights depression with ketamine, a drug that makes some people better, but kills the rest of them. He's somewhere in the middle, after reports came out that he has abused the drug and also America while he was on it. ([more](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/story/i-am-not-taking-drugs-insists-black-eyed-elon-musk?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Drone Ranger Ukraine made use of its drones to destroy what Adam Kenzinger calls "[about a third](https://substack.com/@adamkinzinger/note/c-121948233?utm%5Fsource=notes-share-action&r=6ym1m)" of Russia's bomber fleet – reports about whether Adam Kenzinger has a career in politics cannot be independently verified, but it's great that he has all this inside information about Ukraine. This is a big deal because while Trump says Ukraine "doesn't have the cards," it appeared to have an ace up its nationally sovereign sleeve that it had been planning to use for the last year. Putin, in a call with Trump, said he will respond to the attack. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/06/04/politics/trump-putin-phone-call-ukraine-response?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Nuclear and Present Danger The good news for Earth is that it appears we’ll soon have another nuclear power if Trump's negotiating skills stay intact, where he notches a win for the far right by losing every negotiation while seeming tough. The even better news is that it’s Iran, whose values we all share except for the terrorism part and for some of us, the torture of women who refuse their headcovers. But we love the flowy robes. Imagine the amount of underwear you could skip with that thing on. I call this fashion choice "enriched uranius". ([more](https://www.axios.com/2025/06/02/iran-nuclear-deal-proposal-enrich-uranium?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Presidentures of Joe Biden’t I don’t know who was president during the Biden Administration, but Donald Trump has ordered his administration to investigate it. His theory is that if Biden wasn’t calling the shots, maybe all the laws his hand was used to sign didn’t count. One theory shared on social media by Trump [says](https://truthsocial.com/users/llijh/statuses/114604139396491788?ref=danielkherndon.com) that Biden was executed in 2020 and replaced with a robot. They say AI is coming for our jobs, and if we believe this report about the job of Commander in Chief, it looks like none of us are safe. Still, the prevailing theory remains that Biden simply didn’t always remember he was the president, even if he generally was technically doing the job, Weekend at Bernie's style. However, when it was brought to his attention, he recalled wanting to run for another term, and his aides encouraged him to stick to the plan they told him he came up with. If he did run and win, I’d give him a cake with a single candle on it to blow out and celebrate, but I would tend to find it hard to believe the country would make such a bad election choice. However, I then checked who was in office. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-directs-doj-white-house-counsel-investigate-bidens/story?id=122523659&ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is always in budget. Consider paying for it, so I don't have to run deficits every year. Upgrade to paid [here](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup). ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Playing Harvard Ball URL: https://danielkherndon.com/playing-harvard-ball/ Last updated: 2025-05-30T10:30:41.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, The internet is now filled with realistic videos created by AI. I told you this would happen. Back when you converted your outdoor fire pit to gas, I told you we were approaching the end of anything real. What? You can't even use real wood? All it took was a tiny little combustion engine, and you've lost your whole grip on reality. And now, everywhere you go is by car, and walking is now considered a sport for "exercise." The innovators created one single wheel, and next thing you know, you're obsessed and headed to Zion National Park. I mean, seriously? We have fire invented for five minutes, and now you're trying to use it for literally everything? Cooking, pottery, jet engines, climate control, lighting? And email? Now there's email? What will happen to all the mailmen? Reality doesn't exist anymore – and if I can just say it – it's your fault. This video proves it. > [ View on Threads](https://www.threads.com/@chatgptricks/post/DKO04ZuK5VA?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sure, we're using these new inventions in a lot of great ways, but what if they get into the wrong hands? Can you imagine what someone would do with fire? Or a wheel? A tool like that could be terrible in the hands of a tyrant. The only glimmer of hope I can offer is that when everyone has access to the same tools, the tools become irrelevant. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 22 of 2025` ### DOGE-ed a bullet. I frequently hear that people are looking for "good news" instead of all this depressing news, like about wars in Gaza, the US transition to Fascism, or any reason to have to mention the name "Doug Burgum." But today, I get to give you good news. Elon Musk is leaving his role in the government as the director of DOGE, and hopefully, the Government can now operate without a four-year-old [named after a math equation](https://19thnews.org/2025/02/elon-musk-son-oval-office/?ref=danielkherndon.com) mucking up all our stuff. From here on out, when someone talks about Asperger's, they're talking about the President's dinner. Having successfully slashed all the savings, it's time for Musk to go back to cutting something at his own companies. Musk said his goal was met, except unfortunately, it was in reverse. Now, with the help of the House, trillions are being added to the deficit, assuming their Big Beautiful Bill is passed. Fortunately, Musk did save taxpayers money by convincing them to [stop buying his products](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/tesla-sales-europe-plunge-backlash-protests-elon-musk/?ref=danielkherndon.com), as sales and stock value dropped. Elon said confidently that it is possible to save $1 trillion, but based on [pure math](https://usafacts.org/government-spending/?ref=danielkherndon.com), it is not, without changing the law. DOGE can only save that much money by breaking it. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/elon-musk-leaves-trump-white-house-rcna209636?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Proper Training This week, Harvard faced additional scrutiny from the Trump administration for not adhering to what he calls American values, which, of course, includes taking your coffee with cream and sugar (never black) and a love for absolute freedom of speech on government-approved topics. Trump, of late, has sparred back and forth with Harvard, demanding that they submit to his policies or lose government grants, to which Harvard has claimed their right to free speech is being violated. Trump says the University promotes "woke" values, permits antisemitism, and admits too many international students. Instead, Trump suggests that the university should be teaching students more valuable academic interests, like developing technology for more energy-efficient gas chambers, a useful resource for Trump's deportation goals, or funding research into how [Corn Flakes reduces sexual desire](https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/32042/corn-flakes-were-invented-part-anti-masturbation-crusade?ref=danielkherndon.com). Plus, a special request, can we make sure to get more blonde-haired, blue-eyed people pushed through admissions? Who is the Führer going to pardon in 20 years if this marginalized group doesn't carve out their path to earning their millions before cheating on their taxes? According to rumors, there are suggestions on how Harvard should operate, including a proposal for new classes teaching students how to blend in with their fair skinned friends. Students are taught to eat extra-large portions of Mac N' Cheese, are asked to wave people through stop signs with two fingers, and learn how to use tax code to their advantage. The students who thrive in this class use terms like "When in Rome" and "Personal responsibility" and insist to their house cleaners that they didn't have to take this job. Bonus points for creative use of the term "bootstraps." A quick disclaimer: the views in this Take are Mein. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/graduation-day-harvards-lawyers-head-court-defend-foreign/story?id=122307706&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Killed in Action Israel announced that it had killed Hamas leader Mohammed Sinwar. A spokesperson said that they were able to confirm his identity by process of elimination after removing his body from under the bodies of dozens of women and children. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/28/middleeast/hamas-mohammed-sinwar-killed-netanyahu-intl?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Pay to Play This week, pardons are on sale for $1 million as Trump has pardoned his donors, including two reality TV stars convicted of bank fraud. They had it coming. Both the jail time and the pardon. I take no sides, but I do love a good sale. ([more](https://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/5323993-chrisleys-return-tv-post-donald-trump-pardon/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum always appreciates being pardoned from your spam folder and being shared with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Nice to Noem URL: https://danielkherndon.com/nice-to-noem/ Last updated: 2025-05-23T10:30:46.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to all of you, except for the President of South Africa, who spent the morning cleaning spittle off his face, after his gracious host foamed about the mouth in the Oval Office. It's much like the froth of my own gob when my new lawnmower was delivered. Like Trump, I just couldn't handle myself, so much that I almost peed on the house guests. I would have mowed the lawn already five times this week if it hadn't rained. What happened to Old Yeller, you ask? Well, just as quickly as I celebrated the long life of the former [Lawn Force One](https://danielkherndon.com/pope-and-change/), it gave up the ghost and gave up on my lawn for good. On the slope of a mud slick, I was stopped as a belt snapped for the last time. My new companion has LED lights, so I can cut at night when there is less traffic. It is so decked out, some have referred to this new machine as "a Palace on the Lawn," not dissimilar from the "Palace in the Sky" that Trump [accepted](https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/21/politics/pentagon-jet-qatar-trump?ref=danielkherndon.com) from Qatar this week. The new Lawn Force One features a higher seat back, a zero-turn radius, and a luxurious cup holder. It wasn't donated by a terrorist state, but it will allow me to travel in style (within the yard). Let's get to ***The News.*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsor: ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. HRNDN.com --- ## Hot Takes `Week 21 of 2025` ### Just Say I Don't Noem Back in November, the people asked for someone to take office who would remove as many brown people as possible. Few who voted for immigration reform knew that the approach would better resemble George Bush's [torture tactics](https://www.hrw.org/report/2011/07/12/getting-away-torture/bush-administration-and-mistreatment-detainees?ref=danielkherndon.com) than a simple cleaning of the house. To be clear, brown people asked for it, [too](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/trump-gained-some-minority-voters-but-the-gop-is-hardly-a-multiracial-coalition/?ref=danielkherndon.com). But to be fair, if you or your parents followed the rules, and struggled to make it, and someone who breaks the rules ends up with free housing and a spending account, I can imagine why you would consider that unfair. But let's get real, what's more unfair is that someone makes a simple mistake, and then the media zeros in on it for the whole week. But sometimes you can't pass it up, so I won't. This week, Kristi Noem was asked in front of Congress if she knew what Habeas Corpus meant. At first, when I heard Kristi talk about Habeas Corpus, I thought she was saying she was referring to the body of a dead dog, since I already know her as a dog killer, but then I realized that was probably something like "Perritos Corpus" or something. If she intended to refer to her boss's sagging skin, the term she was looking for is "Flabbious Corpus." As you may know, Habeas Corpus is a fish plate at the Mexican restaurant down the street from my house, and it is a lunch special on Wednesdays, typically. It’s also a constitutional term – one that Kristi Noem doesn’t know. She said it was "a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country," but we all know it’s protection from unlawful detainment and is "a privilege which shall not be suspended unless The Lorem Ipsum is not delivered on time on a Friday.” I'm surprised Noem got this one wrong. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/immigration/homeland-security-secretary-kristi-noem-struggles-define-habeas-corpus-rcna207986?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Fart of the Deal The House passed a deal by a margin of one vote, which represents Trump's economic agenda. He bullied his party, came to their closed-door meetings on Capitol Hill, called the holdouts to his office, and sent them to their rooms to think about what they'd done. He got what he needed at this stage. His Big Beautiful Bill is not a hairy uncle. It's his term of endearment for his economic agenda. [The bill](https://www.nytimes.com/article/house-gop-tax-bill-trump.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) will continue tax cuts, and then add to them. It would scale back Medicaid, slash food stamps, and increase military spending, including that used to pursue immigration enforcement, and it would reduce education funding and raise the debt ceiling by $4 trillion. Ultimately, it will add to the deficit, according to [these](https://finance.yahoo.com/news/the-house-passed-trumps-big-beautiful-bill-heres-how-it-affects-taxpayers-and-businesses-110041500.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) [nonpartisan](https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/22/economy/trump-tax-bill-debt-deficit?ref=danielkherndon.com) [sources](https://time.com/7286837/what-trumps-big-beautiful-bill-would-do-to-the-national-debt/?ref=danielkherndon.com), including increasing the annual [deficit](https://bipartisanpolicy.org/report/deficit-tracker/?ref=danielkherndon.com) compared to the status quo. The deal now faces the Senate, which leaves it uncertain for now. Trump's whole life is about making deals. From puberty to St. Peter, everything is a deal. A deal with God, and a deal with the Devil. From hair plugs to hand measure, everything is a negotiation for his benefit, and of the truth within it. "It's all just one big deal," as he explained. I might know, as I, too, according to some, am a big deal. Although perhaps not in the same way. His presidency has been a big deal for the USA and even the world, because we get a new autocracy and entertaining TV all in one. But in the case of the most important and high-profile negotiations, he has not been able to make any deal happen. Putin, by the looks of it, has played him, and to mark a win, Trump is forced to walk away from any deal and say that is what he wanted all along, because the appearance that he cannot make a deal is worse than the fact of it. There's still a war in Ukraine, another in Gaza, and a form of one in Iran, and in every other country, if you count trade wars. And most have moved little more than an inch. But an inch is a big deal when no movement was intended. And this is how he makes deals. Trump starts with a wild anchor proposal. 4,945% tariffs, taking over every European Union country until the 77th state, deporting every immigrant that ever walked the earth. Wherever we land, it will feel like an inch to the miles he opened with. So when we look at the surface, we might say "some dealmaker he is" because he can't even get to the end of his own mile. But we should be mindful, in case we look back and see we've moved inches, we long said we never would. ### Groin' Crazy This news about Joe Biden is *nuts*. First, he’s running for president, then some staffer whispers “wheelchair,” and next thing you know, he decides he’s out. This week, we learned he has aggressive prostate cancer, which has spread to his bones. While many are wondering if this was known before the election, according to U.S. *penile* code, he wasn't required to disclose his private health condition. Sources tell us that the news has not left the Biden family without hope, but it has *rectum*. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2025/05/19/nx-s1-5403446/biden-metastatic-prostate-cancer-diagnosis-survival-rate?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: If you experience unwanted pressure, burning, or frequent discomfort at night, it might be an urge to share The Lorem Ipsum with friends. Share this episode with someone you care about today. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Billionaire Force One URL: https://danielkherndon.com/billionaire-force-one/ Last updated: 2025-05-16T10:30:22.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, The banana is at risk. Climate change has threatened the world’s favorite fruit. I bring this up because I thought you might find this story *apeeling*. (Sorry, that was low-hanging fruit, and I couldn't let it slip.) The banana is the most important fruit on earth. Bananas are the caulk of food. It will fill the cracks in your diet. Bananas serve a nutritional purpose, and after consumption, their peels can be used as a trap to give a burglar the slip. It's utilitarian and delicious all in one. However, according to a new report, we may lose bunches due to climate change. An estimated 80% of the most phallic fruit is grown in Latin America, an area which, when it comes to climate disasters, can bruise easily. According to the data, if climate changes continue as they have, over two-thirds of farmland will no longer be viable by 2080, and farmers will be forced to split. So, in 55 years, warn your children and grandchildren, your next banana may be your last. Bananas are important. Save the bananas, save the world. More on that [here](https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2025/may/12/climate-crisis-threatens-the-banana-the-worlds-most-popular-fruit-research-shows?CMP=oth%5Fb-aplnews%5Fd-1&ref=danielkherndon.com). Let's get to ***The News.*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 20 of 2025` ### Love is In the Air. Qatar loves Trump. So much so that they decided to give him an early Christmas present worth half a billion dollars, completely free. The value is said to be around $400 million, or in other words, one round of cancelled federal grants to Harvard. It's a no-brainer for the USA. The more you fly, the more you save. We all know Trump as the ultimate deal maker, and even if he can't get China or Russia or Gaza or Canada or Mexico or anyone else to budge on anything related to trade agreements, this gift reminds us who he is. Critics say the gift is illegal, but Pam Bhondi, who serves at the pleasure of the President, did a thorough review of the terms of the gift to the President and within five minutes, confirmed that she didn't think it was illegal. And who could disagree with that? Even the Supreme Court said that the President has absolute immunity for any official acts; thus, why one should accept such a kind gift gracefully, and of course, officially. If you're concerned, please remember that this gift was not given to President Trump personally, but to the Department of Defence, to be used *only* by the Donald Trump as President until his Presidency comes to an end, at which time it will be given to the Trump presidential library, to be used by the citizen, Mr Trump. But it is not his personally. That would be illegal and unofficial. ([more](https://www.wsj.com/politics/policy/republicans-raise-concerns-over-trumps-plane-gift-as-he-heads-to-qatar-0060bdec?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### When in Doubt, Wear White. In other news, Trump has pushed forward a plan to offer asylum and a rapid path to citizenship to white South African migrants who may have faced persecution. Unfortunately, white Afrikaners' farm ownership has [dropped](https://www.jurist.org/features/2025/02/11/explainer-understanding-the-south-africa-land-reform-law-that-provoked-trumps-ire/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=In%20any%20case%2C%20the%20fact,alternative%20land%2C%20or%20financial%20compensation.) to 72% since they took it from the black citizens during Apartheid. According to recent reports, deportations are happening all over the country, with some being interrupted in their places of work or school. One source warns that the Cleveland browns may be removed while the Minnesota Vikings receive red carpet treatment. The Yankees are in, but the Padres are out. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-south-africa-farmers-white-afrikaners-offer-us-citizenship/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Big and Beautiful This brings me to our last mention of the President, besides a quick slip in that he [fell asleep](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/articles/trump-falls-asleep-job-again-193828568.html?guccounter=1&ref=danielkherndon.com) at a live media event this week. This week, the House is working on the Big Beautiful Bill, as Trump has dubbed it, to address the new federal budget. These bills are always complicated, so I wanted to give you a comprehensive breakdown, but without all the Washington jargon and details that get in the way. Let's say you make $60,000 per year, but you spend $90,000\. Thanks to this bill, based on how it is written so far, you now make $50,000, but now you only spend $85,000\. Sounds pretty good, right? It's especially good if I use words like “fiscal” instead of “cheddar” or "moolah" when talking about financials. In politics, you pick the words to make your plan sound better, because who doesn’t like tax cuts and fiscal responsibility while you're building a large border wall and paying prisons in El Salvador to hold our deportees? Answer: no one. ### Baby Oil Me One More Time As a reminder, I am "[Baby Hit Me One More Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-u5WLJ9Yk4&pp=0gcJCdgAo7VqN5tD&ref=danielkherndon.com)" years old, and I see the world under the light of "[One Headlight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzyfcys1aLM&ref=danielkherndon.com)" but when it comes to Sean, PDiddy, Combs, known as Puff Daddy to people my age, both statements may hit a little too close to home. His former girlfriend, Cassie Ventura, testified against him today, sharing that she did end up with one headlight after a beating he gave her in a hotel. Reportedly, she was a part of several of Sean's "Freak Offs," where record quantities of baby oil were used to lubricate the events. After his arrest, Pdiddy was held without bail because he's known to be a little slippery. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/entertainment/live-news/diddy-sean-combs-trial-05-14-25?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Newark On That If you’re looking to travel to the East Coast, consider flying into LA and driving there, and staying as far away as possible from the Newark airport. It’s a key hub for United Airlines, but traffic control isn’t united enough to get sufficient staffing, with some recent days counting three air traffic controllers with a goal of 20\. When seeking a comment from experts on whether it is safe to fly into Newark under the circumstances, we received an out-of-office message. We'll let you know when we hear back. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2025/05/14/duffy-defends-moving-wife-flight-from-newark-00349814?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Murder Babies Back in 1989, when TVs were called "Color TVs", a term we now consider racist, there were two young men who killed their parents, claiming self-defense for years of abuse. The two will soon be eligible for release from prison, which means they will need to find jobs. I think they should try stand-up comedy because, from what I hear, they kill. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2025/05/14/g-s1-66448/menendez-brothers-case-resentencing?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Love Tapper The normally left-leaning anchor, Jake Tapper, is releasing a book about the final months of the Biden Presidency, where the whole apparatus said he was ready to lead, but what they didn't say is that they didn't know if he would be awake while doing so. The new book, Original Sin, talks about Biden's not recognizing George Clooney at a Biden fundraiser hosted by George Clooney. Did he recognize himself? Hard to tell, but he never had to remember his own name, like he did his long-time friend, George. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/13/us/politics/biden-book-takeaways.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is filled with potassium and is great with a smoothie. Don't just share one issue with friends. Share a bunch! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Pope and Change URL: https://danielkherndon.com/pope-and-change/ Last updated: 2025-05-09T10:30:43.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone who doesn't have to cut the grass today. Some say that a [membership](#/portal/account/plans) to The Lorem Ipsum is one of the best investments you can make when you calculate the return. But even I have to admit to one investment which continues to be ahead of nearly all others. Longtime readers will remember [Lawn Force One](https://danielkherndon.com/lawn-force-one/). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/IMG_5494.jpeg) Despite her age and tattered edges, she continues to operate as intended, and sometimes slightly better, evidenced by less smoke. I bought Lawn Force One for $100 back in 2022 from a neighbor who happens to be a financial advisor. Doing so put an end to $60 a week for lawncare, and prevented the larger purchase of a new machine for thousands of dollars, all with one lick of a thumb. Even after replacing the wheels, my dollar cost average still has me ahead of every other motorized investment I've ever made, and by percentage, probably better than the stock market has performed in a generation. Even if I bothered to change the oil, I'd probably still be ahead. For what it's worth, my friend knows investing, and he tells me I made the right move. When it comes to your [membership to The Lorem Ipsum](#/portal/account/plans), you should too. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/05/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sponsored by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 19 of 2025` ### Meet the Presbyter If you’re catholic, you’ve been on the edge of your seat all week, you've put your cousin and her wife on hold and your birth control on ice, as you wait to find out who the next Pope is. Many have crossed their fingers or placed bets on what will be a sin next week. No matter what is the same yesterday, today, and forever, the Pontiff isn't, and if Francis is any tell, that's not the only thing that will change. The wait is over, and the holy spirit has come in like a rushing mighty wind from the Windy City. The first holy father to come from the land of the free and the home of the brave. Unfortunately, my vote did not stick. Cardinal Pizzaballa 🍕, whose name will be his most holy feature, won't rise like the dough ungirding his namesake. His would-be holiness is Italian and comes with extra cheese. With Pizzaballa, communion comes with pepperoni. But as a Pope, if one is to change his name, the Church and God himself wouldn't want to see Pizza get lost in the brick oven that is the Sistine Chapel. Instead, the Conclave chose Robert Francis Prevost, who would then choose the name Pope Leo XIV. Given his midwest roots, he has asked to be called Ope Leo XIV. As an American and a non-Catholic, I continue to wait for a Scoopy-Do ending to Conclave, where Pope Leo takes off his mask, and we see that the new Pope is actually Trump. In less than a week, [Pete Hegseth](https://www.npr.org/2025/01/22/nx-s1-5270033/pete-hegseth-faces-new-allegations-of-alcohol-abuse-and-misconduct?ref=danielkherndon.com) will be administering the communion wine, and [Matt Gaetz](https://www.forbes.com/sites/maryroeloffs/2024/12/23/house-ethics-report-says-matt-gaetz-paid-teen-for-sex-bought-illegal-drugs-reports-say/?ref=danielkherndon.com) will be watching over the altar boys and girls, and the only one who won't show up to church will be the [First Lady](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/07/us/politics/white-house-melania-absence.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). God bless us all, if that really is his name. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/05/08/world/pope-conclave-news?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### NPRen’t Trump has passed an executive order calling for the end of government funding for public radio. To be clear, an executive order is like a really long Tweet (or Truth Social Post). It has no legal power of its own. Congress will have to pass a law to change any funding, but such a bill has been set in motion. Republicans' biggest complaint with federal funding of public radio is its bias. The order explains that the news provided by NPR is left-leaning, and critics pointed to Mr. Snuffleupagus, who looks similar to an elephant, a Democrat party symbol. Critics explain that public funding shouldn't be used to fund media outlets, unless it's to buy [TikTok](https://broadbandbreakfast.com/u-s-government-may-buy-tiktok-under-trumps-new-wealth-fund/?ref=danielkherndon.com) or support the Trump-loving [OAN network](https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-administration-programming-conservative-network-205456945.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). In response to the threat of funding cuts, Elmo has been put on administrative leave and is expected to be laid off permanently if the funding cuts go through. According to reports in Washington, DOGE has cancelled a program to bake cookies, leaving Cookie Monster without his main source of nutrition. Similarly, DOGE has cut budgets for garbage cans, but with Oscar the Grouch now heaping trash on city streets, costs have actually gone up. ([more](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/05/ending-taxpayer-subsidization-of-biased-media/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) I've covered government fights with Sesame Street in the past. Here's an article about the time Ted Cruz attacked Big Bird. [Why can’t Big Bird be our friend anymore?Boys and girls, have you been seeing Big Bird in the news lately? Big Bird recently shared on Twitter that he had gotten the Covid 19 vaccine. I got the COVID-19 vaccine today! My wing is feeling a little sore, but it’ll give my body an extra protective boost that![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-15.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/13-Sesame.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/why-cant-big-bird-be-our-friend-anymore/) ### Secretly Canadian This week, Trump met with the new Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, who talked about our valuable economic partnership between Canada and the US and complimented America's relentless focus on the American worker. Then Trump talked about someone using a big ruler to draw the border line between Canada and the US. Carney insisted that, according to the owners of the country, its citizens, Canada was not for sale. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-canadas-carney-hold-high-stakes-meeting-amid/story?id=121510507&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### P8sswordG@te Pete Hegseth's passwords were leaked on the internet after his devices were hacked. According to reports, he reused passwords so it would be easy to remember, including his iCloud password being *dr@nk2021,* apparently referring to his favorite pastime and the year he turned 21\. The same password was used to access his grocery delivery account and his OnlineLiquour.com account. For Door Dash, the password was *EyeL0v3P@mBlond1e.* Defenders of Pete argue that it's hard to remember a lot of passwords when you're on the sauce. When you stick with a consistent password that is simple to remember, even when you're incredibly drunk, and borrowing someone else's phone to sign into your Signal account, you can still sign in without trouble. ([more](https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/nation-politics/hegseths-use-of-passwords-raises-new-security-concerns/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum knows that the first cut is the deepest, when it comes to grass, one-liners, and newsletters, so be a better friend and share someone their first copy of The Lorem Ipsum today. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### The First 100 Lays URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-first-100-lays/ Last updated: 2025-05-02T10:30:58.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Today’s issue is a total cop out, given my travel and work schedule. To catch you up on the news this week, the same thing happened as last week. The economic rules changed, and the stock market bounced. Nearly everyone with an internet connection is publishing something about the first 100 days of the Trump Administration, as is the usual tradition for each new president. I'm sitting back and watching. Picture me with a bag of chips just waiting to see what happens. Will he eliminate world hunger? Will he paint the White House walls with ketchup colored paint, and give the exterior a glowing spray tan? Will he make literally anything great again? All this is to be determined, but we'll definitely need snacks, and I have a soft spot for the world's best chip. The chip, of course, is not Lays but Ruffles, and the soft spot is my abdominal department if I don't get back on my workout routine. My biggest observation is that Donald Trump is the biggest troll, and we (the collective we, meaning the media, and all of its subjects who sound off in the comments) are impressionable enough for it to work at sucking us into it's snare. Just this week, Donald answered a reporter's question about who should be the next pope, to which, of course, he said he would like to take the job. Lindsay Graham grabbed his kneepads and took to [Twitter](https://x.com/LindseyGrahamSC/status/1917331380297478530?ref=danielkherndon.com) to praise him and implore the Vatican to keep an open mind. Enough people fell for it that it took up plenty of space online fighting about whether it was real or a joke – and whether they should be insulted or say praise be. The goal of the controlling party appears to be to keep the people busy fighting so the man behind the curtain can execute his real plan, which has very little to do with Catholicism and even less to do with its founder. The lesson we need to learn is that is that it's better for us to focus on the snacks, and remember that the rest is just TV, perhaps reality TV, but sensationalized nonetheless. It is up to each of us to decipher what is true, and what is fiction. Here's hoping we know the difference. With that as inspiration, and as I travel to New York City this week for a board meeting to support my beloved [NO MORE Foundation](https://nomore.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com), I'm going to rerun an article that is as new to many of you as the incoming pope, even if this is his second term. Here's Red Meat Politics. [Red Meat PoliticsRed meat sells the article, but it hardly tells the story.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-12.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/97-red-meat-steak-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/red-meat-politics/) Enjoy. --- SPONSORED [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Frame-1.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) If your marketing isn't delivering the results you expect, it might be a lack of clarity. As a long-time brand strategist, I've seen it over and over. When I'm not writing a newsletter, I'm helping businesses like yours to stand out. ****HRNDN Brand Agency** delivers crystal clear brand marketing without the waste of ordinary agencies. Reach out to me and let's start making a plan. [Connect with HRNDN ](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is packed with protein. If you have a friend who is looking a little anemic, maybe share your copy with them. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Didn’t Mean to Send URL: https://danielkherndon.com/didnt-mean-to-send/ Last updated: 2025-04-25T10:30:46.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Last week's email was a mistake. I never really meant to send it. In fact, every issue since June of 2021, consisting of approximately 181 issues of the weekly,... all of them... A mistake. So if you're judging me, my views on [college](https://danielkherndon.com/deporting-harvard/), and whether or not I have a [fear of sharks or something](https://danielkherndon.com/irrational-fears/), based on that small piece of history, you're not being fair. Besides, that I said was [privileged](https://www.yahoo.com/news/doj-accidentally-files-document-outlining-165210527.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) information. You remind me of Harvard, when the Trump administration sent them a letter [in error](https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/19/us/harvard-trump-administration-letter-mistake/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Apparently, they assumed it was a real letter, in an effort to go to battle against Harvard. Sure, it matched the administration's pattern of [behavior](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/mar/21/columbia-university-funding-trump-demands?ref=danielkherndon.com), and made demands matching exactly what they said they would do, but that's hardly enough to take a signed letter from the White House seriously, and then overreacting. They should have [just called](https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-officials-claim-letter-that-sparked-harvard-clash-was-sent-erroneously-nyt/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=It%20was%20malpractice%20on%20the%20side%20of%20Harvard%E2%80%99s%20lawyers%20not%20to%20pick%20up%20the%20phone%20and%20call%20the%20members%20of%20the%20antisemitism%20task%20force%20whom%20they%20had%20been%20talking%20to%20for%20weeks%2C%E2%80%9D%20May%20Mailman%2C%20the%20White%20House%20senior%20policy%20strategist%2C%20told%20the%20newspaper.%20%E2%80%9CInstead%2C%20Harvard%20went%20on%20a%20victimhood%20campaign.). It's the same with these emails. Just because you've received them every Friday for 3 years and 10 months doesn't mean it was intentional. It’s weird the way this escalated. Maybe just call me next time. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- Sponsored by HRNDN Brand Agency The Lorem Ipsum is sponsored by me, over at ****HRNDN Brand Agency.** If you're like me, sometimes you fail to distinguish between beavers and otters. That's a problem when you really need an otter, but they all look like beavers. Marketing is the same way. If you don't have clarity, you'll struggle to reach your customers. But it doesn't have to be this way. HRNDN can help. Reach out to me to discuss our brand strategy coaching program. ****HRNDN Brand Agency.** Where Smart Brands Get Clarity. [Learn more ](https://hrndn.com/membership/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- ## Hot Takes `Week 17 of 2025` ### Pope The pope died. He said faith, hope, love, and then peace out. I'm not catholic, but if I were, I would be devastated. For some, the only thing between them and heaven is a soft-bodied Argentinian in a robe who can tell them that everything is going to be okay, as long as we don't ever use any form of birth control. Before he died, he was visited by the Grim Reaper, who we all know as JD Vance, the Vice President of the United States. When asked about his visit with the Pontiff, JD said he didn't want to "[Soil the man...](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pope-francis-death-jd-vance-meeting/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=he%20would%20not%20%22-,soil%20the%20man%27s,-legacy%20by%20talking)" a quote I took out of context, much like JD Vance does with scripture. According to some reports with direct access to the details, JD Vance handled Pope Francis a lot like he did [the Ohio State College Football trophy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U%5F6cQQ4gDQM&t=4s&ref=danielkherndon.com), which could explain the timing of his death. The Pope died of a stroke. Of course, I normally would not call JD Vance that, out of respect for the office of the Vice President. And to be fair, evidently, Vance, who converted to Catholicism in 2019, during their conversation, was very gracious. Well, except that JD asked him why, after talking for several minutes, the Pope had not thanked him once. Officials are asking JD if he will soon be able to meet with Trump. The Pope's funeral is set for this week, but some suggest it could be delayed indefinitely, since he has eternal life. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/live/crknlnzlrzdt?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Bag Lady Kristi Noem‘s bag was stolen about a week ago, and even after a week, the thieves still can’t find her keys amongst all the receipts, loose change, and makeup. The bag contained her driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, and blank checks. When the theft was reported to the White House, officials were alarmed, most of all, that she still carried checks. One White House spokesperson was quoted as saying, "I guess I'll have to start asking Pete Hegseth for gum now," indicating key areas in which they felt they could rely on their colleagues. The bag also contained $3,000 in cash, Kristi's makeup, and a large rubber spatula to apply it with. The cash, she said, was to treat her family on easter to dinner and gifts, and was not to buy coke. Kristi Noem is the head of the Department of Homeland Security, which oversees customs, border, and immigration enforcement, emergency response to natural and man-made disasters, antiterrorism work, and cybersecurity. Some consider this particular incident a manmade disaster, although some suggest this indicates her job should change, and her title be updated to Director of Handbag Security. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2025/04/21/noem-thief-trump-restaurant-secret-service.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### RePete Hegseth It was reported this week that Pete Hegseth leaked the details of a military strike in Yemen in a second chat group, this one containing his wife and brother. Evidently, in addition to "war plans," he also leaked plans for an Easter cookout at his house. After a second scandal, it is rumored, but not confirmed, that Trump is considering [replacing](https://www.readtangle.com/pete-hegseths-uncertain-future/?ref=tangle-newsletter) Hegseth. The administration typically looks for people with some baseline qualifications. They say, experience managing any government function of any kind, even as simple as licking a postage stamp, is "a bonus, but not required." Instead, the administration looks for more useful qualifications, like knowing how to text, including all caps when needed, and looking good on TV, or even more so, in a pair of kneepads. ([more](https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5261494-defense-secretary-pete-hegseth-trump-support/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### A Litmus Tesla Elon Musk said he's going back to Tesla after profits plummeted by 71% in recent weeks. Musk, who is praised for his ability to bring efficiency to big business, and more than ever, the government, is finding that he is especially efficient at losing customers. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/23/business/elon-musk-lasting-brand-damage-tesla-doge/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum deserves to be taken seriously, but not literally. Make sure to share with friends, literally, but not seriously. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Deporting Harvard URL: https://danielkherndon.com/deporting-harvard/ Last updated: 2025-04-18T10:30:41.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except the budgeting department at Harvard. Personally, I think College is like a whetstone. If you're already a knife, you can sharpen the blade. But it won't make you what you are not. More on that in a second. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- SPONSORED [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/HRNDN-Brand-Ad-TLI.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) ****Sometimes marketing misses the mark.** It doesn't have to. HRNDN Brand Agency delivers ***crystal clear brand marketing** for your business, without the excess of ordinary agencies. [Learn more ](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- ## Hot Takes `Week 16 of 2025` ### **Deported** BREAKING: This week, an artist proposed changing the text of the poem featured on the Statue of Liberty, inspired by Trump's recent successes in deporting people, some of them who may possibly be illegal migrants. The text will read as follows: Give us your tired, your poor, and your huddled masses unless they have tattoos or start taking our jobs or pushing up the price of housing, possibly eating dogs as well. In which case, we should build a wall, however impractical, and expect it to work without enough border agents. Also fine, though, because we'll use the military as well. If budget allows (or even if it doesn’t), we can start deporting people whether they need it or not, and beware that some slip through the cracks. It's a bit long, so some are afraid that there is not enough space. Others are afraid that the Statue of Liberty herself may be deported if too much attention is drawn to her. These fears are not unfounded. This week, a judge threatened to place the Government in contempt for its role in unjustly deporting a Maryland man and refusing to take steps to bring him back to the United States. The Supreme Court last week partially backed a judge's order requiring officials to "facilitate" the Salvadoran national's release, after the government conceded his deportation was an "administrative error". Trump officials have so far refused to comply with the order. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/16/who-is-kilmar-abrego-garcia?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **Trade War** Trade wars are a lot easier when your Fed Chair will lower interest rates when you want him to, but alas, Jerome did nothing of the sort. That's why Trump chewed him out (over Truth Social), calling him. "TOO LATE AND WRONG" (punctuation his). Jerome Powell said interest rate decisions will wait until there is more clarity about Trump’s policies, which I would argue he is very clear that "tariff" is one of the most beautiful words in the English language. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/17/business/economy/trump-jerome-powell-fed.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) The latest in the trade war that Trump is waging against the world has been narrowed down, marginally. The goals seem to be a "conscious uncoupling" from China – which is Hollywood speak for telling your longtime partner to fuck off and hoping to make it sound like a good thing. The latest policies, which by the time this email is delivered, are outdated, have some Chinese tariffs at 245%, which most Americans wouldn't pay for all the tea in China. With Christmas approaching, many kids are actually asking for a lump of coal, because they know it’s made in the USA and is probably worth something on the black market. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/04/16/trump-china-tariff-245-percent-trade-war/83114710007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **Harvard** After pressuring Columbia to cave to his demands, Donald Trump has gone to war with Harvard. Although he was the guy who said he would end all the wars, he started all the rest of them and has hardly accomplished the former. This week he went tow-head to toe with Harvard for being way too DEI with nowhere near enough MAGA. Colleges need their groups of students with tucked-in shirts trying to be the next Charlie Kirk, but Harvard hardly had a blue button-down to be found. Instead, in masks and Birkenstocks, they plan their next protest, which they call "homework." So, because of their differences, Trump has threatened to yank $2 billion in [funding](https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/17/us/universities-funding-trump-cuts/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) and, if possible, remove their tax-exempt status. Harvard says [it isn't backing down](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/04/harvard-wont-comply-with-demands-from-trump-administration/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and if they can stomach tapping into their $53 billion, they might be able to stick to their guns. Should the Executive Branch control education? Should Harvard shed what some call reverse discrimination practices? Only opinions exist to answer this question, but I can tell you that it looks like the clash of them will leave blood on the wall. ([more](https://www.thefp.com/p/harvard-had-it-coming-that-doesnt?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Googled It Even a 5 second google could have told you that Google was a monopoly. A judge made it official this week when he said that the $1.88 trillion company was wrong to build its advertising across websites all over the world. This Hot Take is sponsored by BetterHelp. If your business is facing monopoly lawsuits from the federal government, you might find yourself depressed and in need of a therapist who can help you navigate these challenging stages in life. Also, this Hot Take is sponsored by HRNDN Brand Agency. If your brand is depressed, we have the treatment. Please note, ads are fed to this website by Google AdSense, an Alphabet Monopoly Company. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/17/technology/google-ad-tech-antitrust-ruling.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Lorem Ipsum is legally permitted in your inbox, and if you really like it, you can help get it across the border into a friend's inbox! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Email Trade Deficit URL: https://danielkherndon.com/email-trade-deficit/ Last updated: 2025-04-12T00:58:49.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey Friends, A new season of The Handmaid’s Tale just came out, and I think this one will be pretty good. I usually don’t like reality television, but this is one I'll make an exception for. Anyway, unfair trade is all over the news this week. And everyone wants you to read an email about it. But The Lorem Ipsum is the only one that makes the levies optional. If you want to support me with an optional email tariff, you can do that here: [Email Upgrades](#/portal/account/plans) Let's get to ***The News.*** --- SPONSORED [![CTA Image](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/HRNDN-Pink@300x.png)](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Now a word from our sponsor, also known as "me." Not all newsletter writers wear capes, although I certainly do. But during the day, I put on my Clark Kent style glasses and help great companies achieve greater results, and I can help you as well. HRNDN Brand Agency delivers ***crystal clear brand marketing** for your business, without the excess of ordinary agencies. Just Strategy, Leadership, and Results. [Learn more ](https://hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- ## Hot Takes `Week 15 of 2025` ### Betrayed War The Trump Administration has escalated global trade tensions by increasing tariffs, prompting countries worldwide to either seek deals or retaliate by threatening us with expensive button-down shirts with the horizontal fold across the middle that won't iron out and buttons that fall off as soon as you wear it for the first time. Others are selling us steel dinnerware that bends easily, and charging us like it's collectible hammered steel. Trump, when asked to ease up, said it was not a negotiation, which he later [clarified](https://x.com/atrupar/status/1910069259692056798?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Etweet&ref=danielkherndon.com), "a lot of times it's not a negotiation, until it is," which (checks notes) is exactly true. The stock market responded so closely to every comment from Trump that our audio tech here at The Lorem Ipsum Enterprises actually thought it was the waveform on a karaoke machine, but it turns out it was just the Dow Jones Industrial Average. China, the largest competitor, responded to Trump's tariffs of 34%, sparking a back-and-forth that has landed tariffs at something like 104% for the time being. To give readers a sense of how this will affect everyday life, below are some examples of what you might experience: **Monopoly**. The popular board game is typically an imported product from countries like China. Analysts expect the board game prices to go up substantially. Some suggest it may take up to three times as many houses to build a hotel. The most notable change? Instead of Boardwalk being the highest rent, now it will be Oriental Avenue. **Butter**. Irish butter is expected to be as much as $11 in the USA. Soon, it will be traded on the commodities market next to Gold Bond, Centrum Silver, and other precious commodities. From a social standpoint, some say that eating a piece of toast is considered arrogant, sort of like talking about your income. **iPhones**: The world's most popular smartphone may be so expensive to purchase that people begin speaking in person again, in some cases, even on elevators. **Eyeliner**. One of the individuals most affected by the tariffs will be JD Vance, who will have to pay astronomically higher prices for his signature look. Even during a wild back-and-forth and plummeting stocks, Trump said he is not backing down. Also, he backed down, delaying most of the tariffs for 90 days. But that's it. Otherwise, not even flinching. To all other countries on earth and small islands governed by penguins, we say, this is not a negotiation, but let's make a deal, and if we agree to something, we will not stand by it. After Trump announced the pause on tariffs, the stock market rallied by 9%, then crashed the following day. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2025/04/10/china-trump-tariffs-live-updates.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Let's Skip The Peasantries JD Vance recently offered his perspective on the ongoing trade war with China, in a Fox News interview, saying, "We borrow money from Chinese peasants to buy things those Chinese peasants manufacture." I was shocked to hear how crass he was when he suggested that all Americans do is "buy things." We're people with hopes and dreams, who experience joy, sadness, and fear about whether we'll have nice things. If we, like Pete Hegseth, are pricks, do we not bleed? Go back to the Ohio Valley with your elegy! My eyes are up here! Anyway, he makes a good point. The US has borrowed a lot of money, with our interest payments [amounting to over 15%](https://www.pgpf.org/article/any-way-you-look-at-it-interest-costs-on-the-national-debt-will-soon-be-at-an-all-time-high/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the federal budget, which is crazy. That's like building a big car company, and going public to raise a huge amount of capital by selling stock, only for that stock to increase dramatically in price and for the CEO to go meddle with everything in the government. In other words, it's bad, but I have to tell you (and this is not financial advice) if you're smart, you'll do what all the other countries are doing, and [invest in the USA](https://san.com/cc/the-us-breached-34-trillion-in-national-debt-heres-who-owns-every-dime/?ref=danielkherndon.com), because Tesla's value is [going down](https://www.barrons.com/articles/tesla-stock-price-today-6cd05ea5?ref=danielkherndon.com). Here's the interview. ### Flooding The *Other* Zone Buffalo Trace distillery (my alma mater) was flooded, forcing it to change its name to Water Buffalo Trace after the Ohio River floods covered entire floors of its facilities. The distillery said in a statement they "are not able to advise on the impact to our total distillery footprint," because we are "doing a tasting" and may be "too drunk," rendering assessing the facilities as "unsafe" and "not really what we're doing right now." Down the river, in Cincinnati, Joe’s Crab Shack had hundreds of pounds of food ruined just by being on the Joe's Crab Shack menu, but further threatened by rising waters. Nearby, flooding was so bad that a Hooters was [engulfed](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIJzJSFBZiQ/?ref=danielkherndon.com) up to its nipples. As a result, the business over the weekend was a bust. ([more](https://www.wlky.com/article/buffalo-trace-distillery-frankfort-flooded-kentucky/64408817?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is free, until it isn't. Share with friends while you still can. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Booker? Hardly Know'er URL: https://danielkherndon.com/booker-hardly-knower/ Last updated: 2025-04-04T10:30:50.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except the owners of Forever 21. Fast fashion just got faster, as the go-to place for trash tops just started [closing](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/30/opinion/forever-21-bankrupt-fast-fashion.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com) down. It's news like this that reminds us that being 21 is only temporary, but the carbon footprint is [forever](https://www.tiktok.com/@cbsmornings/video/7008921315902016773?q=ghana%20fast%20fashion%20mountain&t=1743041626896&ref=danielkherndon.com). Here's an article I wrote about this topic back in 2023. [Dead White PeopleOr at least the clothing of dead white men, as they say in Ghana. An article about the impact of poorly chosen and poorly abandoned clothing.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-11.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/75-dead-white-men.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/dead-white-people/) Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 14 of 2025` ### Booker Record Breaker They say talk is cheap, and if they're correct, then Cory Booker is practically free after his marathon speech before Congress. The record speech, sponsored by Depends, lasted for 25 hours and 5 minutes, and consisted of zero bathroom breaks. His speech seeks to remind the American People that no party can give you a lecture better than the Democrats can. Strom Thurmond, who was opposing a civil rights bill in 1957, set the prior record in a filibuster speech. Cory's, on the contrary, was not a filibuster, so it didn’t delay a vote. It just delayed everything else. His colleagues are calling him a hero. Others are calling him to ask how he did it – at 55, few can sleep through the night without taking a bathroom break. Democrats credit the marathon speech with forcing the Trump Administration to reschedule authoritarianism for Wednesday instead of Tuesday. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2025/04/02/nx-s1-5349429/sen-cory-booker-on-his-marathon-25-hour-speech-on-the-senate-floor?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Celebrating Liberation It's liberation day, and thanks to Trump tariffs, corporate America has been liberated from profits, with Thursday's stock market graph being depicted best by sharing a picture of Shaq standing next to Kevin Hart. As you can see in this image, things were good when they were Steph Curry, then they were Shaq, and they were still pretty good, even if we were missing some free throws. But then suddenly, everything is Kevin Hart, and that just can't be good. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/Curry-Shaq-Hart-1.png) So now, stocks are down, leaving us with the worst quarter since Taylor Swift swept football. To put that in perspective, it is as though the market value of The Lorem Ipsum has dropped by roughly 13 dollars. The DOW specifically dropped 1300 points at Thursday's opening, and remained volatile for hours after that. We see that Trump's tariffs are not popular with investors, but even some Republicans joined with Democrats in the Senate to push a bill to block the measure, a bill which passed the Senate by 51 votes. The bill is unlikely to survive in the House. When Trump announced the tariffs on what he called "Liberation Day," he showed [a chart](https://www.npr.org/2025/04/03/g-s1-58094/tariffs-price-raises-economists?ref=danielkherndon.com) that indicated tariffs being charged by various countries, putting China at the top at 67%, if you count currency manipulation, trade barriers and PIA charges (pain in the ass charges). Ultimately, a very straightforward calculation, which was later explained when the White House provided a mathematical equation to understand how reciprocal tariffs were calculated. I've reproduced the equation here, and as you can see, while it is complicated math, it's a language even a high school TikTokker can understand. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/04/tariff-calculation.png) To unpack this for the rest of you, that translates to the trade gap between our country and a trade partner, divided by our portion of the trade. Or in other words: A ÷ B. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-reciprocal-tariffs-liberation-day-list/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Wisconsin Return Policy If you’re considering a career change, maybe consider becoming a professional voter? It’s a line of work right up there with professional poker players or working in marketing, where it is the most manipulative who succeed. Just ask Elon Musk, who earlier this week would have paid you between fifty and one million dollars to hire you to vote for the judge of his choice. The election in Wisconsin was a critical choice that sought to save Elon's pocketbook, and therefore all of humanity, as he [described](https://www.businessinsider.com/5-takeaways-elon-musk-doge-america-town-hall-wisconsin-court-2025-3?ref=danielkherndon.com) it. After putting $25 million into the race to push a conservative judge, his efforts lost when Wisconsin told Elon he can take a wakashaw off a short cliff. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/elections/wisconsin-supreme-court-election-results-rcna198353?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum will never pay you to be a member, but you can, if you choose, pay to be one on your own, and pay for friends to join as well. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### Butt Dial Intel URL: https://danielkherndon.com/butt-dial-intel/ Last updated: 2025-03-28T10:30:58.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, If you're receiving this message, it's because you are part of an elite group of readers who value expert analysis on politics with the occasional typo. A group that values thoughtful writing, and in most cases, [upgrades to a paid subscription](#/portal/account/plans) to support it. If you've been added to this group accidentally by Mike Waltz, or if you are J.D. Vance, and you don't want your boss to know you are here, please know that we will never share your information, although we will accept your paid subscription as well. Consider it blackmail if you must. This week, I wanted to talk about something in the news that wasn't about Donald Trump or the antics of his administration, so I've found this article in The Atlantic about Hitler. [What the Press Got Wrong About HitlerJournalists accurately reported that the führer was a “Little Man” whom the whole world was laughing at. It didn’t matter.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/apple-touch-icon-152x152-aafde20dd981a38fcd549b29b2b3b785-1.png)The AtlanticTimothy W. Ryback![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/original-1.jpg)](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2025/03/hitler-press-germany/682130/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Enjoy. But first... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 13 of 2025` ### Butt Dial Intelligence This week, Pete Hegseth accidentally sent top-secret war plans to an [Atlantic](https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2025/03/trump-administration-accidentally-texted-me-its-war-plans/682151/?ref=danielkherndon.com) reporter when National Security Advisor Mike Waltz inadvertently added the journalist to a text thread. Now the heat is on Pete for texting sensitive military plans in an unsecured app, and ending with the term "LOL." His critics said Hegseth is a "DUI hire," and it's not surprising. White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt calls the media, enemies of America that are spreading fake news. She said the whole story is a [hoax](https://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/amp/shows/maddow/blog/rcna198195?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Karoline%20Leavitt%2C%20who%20wrote%20via%20social%20media%20that%20the%20%E2%80%9Centire%20story%E2%80%9D%20is%20%E2%80%9Canother%20hoax.%E2%80%9D), adding the pants on fire emoji to her comments. Trump downplayed the incident, saying that sometimes these things can happen. For example, sometimes you scroll down, stalking months of posts from a crazy ex, and accidentally drop a [deep like](https://mashable.com/article/deep-like-instagram?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=A%20deep%20like%20is%20the,the%20heart%20button%20by%20mistake.) on an old photo, unintentionally informing them that you were spying on them. In the same vein, anyone can slip a little intelligence info out to Tim-Houthi Chalamet and accidentally share top secret documents on Instagram stories. It happens all the time. The consequences of the leak can be steep. For comparison, [Jack Teixeira](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack%5FTeixeira?ref=danielkherndon.com) was sentenced to 15 years for sharing intelligence information on a messaging app called Discord. Experts are expecting Pete and Mike to face relatively similar consequences. For example, Trump may start calling Pete "My Pete," and whenever he calls on him in a crowd, he'll say, "Where's my Pete?" The consequences don't currently have a time limit, but they should act as a helpful deterrent for future blunders. In an effort to prevent this from happening again, Washington has said that it will stop communicating war plans on Signal and instead communicate them on Truth Social, because the risk of anyone using the app is pretty low. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-news-03-24-25?ref=danielkherndon.com#cm8ncub7o00053b6makkk7fsf)) ### The Greene Thumb This week, Marjorie Taylor Greene led a hearing to address government waste funded by taxpayers, such as NPR and PBS, and also, just to help complete the list, Marjorie Taylor Greene. The Congresswoman stated that the networks were pushing a biased disinformation agenda, unlike the time that Greene [accosted](https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/27/politics/video/marjorie-taylor-greene-signal-group-chat-sky-news-reporter-digvid?ref=danielkherndon.com) a British journalist and told her to go back to her country because immigrants are raping our citizens. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/26/media/npr-pbs-marjorie-taylor-greene-hearing/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Green No Deal Vice President J.D. Vance and his wife, Usha, plan to visit Greenland to take a look under the hood. Trump has said that the US will go "as far as we have to" to take control of the island. The citizens call it "highly aggressive." Putin has weighed in as well, saying he thought it would make sense for the US to [annex](https://apnews.com/article/russia-putin-arctic-trump-greenland-2dbd00625c2c0c3bd94a2c96c7015b69?ref=danielkherndon.com) the island. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/International/trump-us-control-greenland/story?id=120208823&ref=danielkherndon.com)) Speaking of green, I'm not one to eat a banana before it's ripe, but we can see a trend here. Trump is an excellent negotiator and a wizard with a can of spray tan, or at least knows how to hire someone who is, but I don't think that makes him a good choice for the long-term future of the country. If you want to find writing critical of Trump, you can easily find it [here](https://danielkherndon.com/) (which is just the home page of the website), but this week, one more thing has given me cause for alarm. The importance of which is conveniently being overlooked by his supporters. Trump has targeted at least four major law firms through executive orders, including one signed this week. The firms have represented claimants in cases challenging Trump's policies, including freezing grant money appropriated by Congress. We are talking about executive attacks, blatantly naming the law firms that represent the claimants who oppose Trump. These happen alongside attacks on the [media](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/story/trump-press-freedom-authoritarianism?ref=danielkherndon.com) and [voting access](https://www.democracydocket.com/news-alerts/trump-voting-elections-executive-order/?ref=danielkherndon.com). It is logically a path toward authoritarianism, if we aren't already there. Trump is not only stretching the reach of the executive branch, but he is also thinning out the power of the would-be coequal branches. As reported in the [Atlantic](https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/04/trump-oligarchy-capitalism-economic-vision/681761/?utm%5Fsource=apple%5Fnews), to win in America, you have to bow to Trump, and the Oligarchs are stretching their backs beyond repair to yield to him. Noses are browner, and lips are positioned more phallic. Soon we won’t have a country anymore, for it will be gripped by the gonads, in one man’s small hands. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-signs-executive-order-against-law-firm-jenner-block-2025-03-25/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not quite an authoritarian regime, although it is run by me and me alone. But your vote still matters. Your feedback, thumbs up, and shares are appreciated. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ### The Empire Strikes Backpain URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-empire-strikes-backpain/ Last updated: 2025-03-21T10:30:37.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, According to the New York Times, a [study](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/18/well/lower-back-pain-treatments-nsaids.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com) has found that among 56 treatments of lower back pain, none have worked better than a placebo. This means that after decades of back pain, I've been treating it the wrong way–and I could have been getting better results by taking sugar pills. No cure is better than thinking that you found one. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 12 of 2025` ### No Chief Justice. No Peace. To quote myself from above, *"No cure is better than thinking that you found one."* This applies so well to our day. We have a government whose usefulness only goes as far as our belief in it. Without our belief, it may not even exist. Over the last 200 years, we have had a democracy as effective as the sugar pills I'll now be taking for my lower back pain. When we believed in it, it was the ibuprofen of the masses. We took two (and sometimes four) and the moment we swallowed it, we started feeling better. We continued taking it and recommending it to others, as long as it appeared to be working. But some stopped believing in it and insisted they needed something stronger. Then they switched to heroin, the DOGE of the masses, and all the hype that came with it was enough to convince them the government was becoming better, even if by removing all the people who know how to make it work. But even for DOGE, or MAGA — its power only exists if we believe in it, like we once believed in laws. Let's take a moment to think about judges. They wear robes with shrouded pleats from head to toe; they carry a gavel carved of rich timbers and sit upon a throne that towers them above the subjects they rule over. Yet all of these mythical features have no magical powers. They are simply symbols, there only to create the appearance of their power. Power that does not exist except that we all agreed we needed someone to make sure we were reasoned people who followed laws. Until a few weeks ago, we had a system of judges, governors, state legislators, and federal members of Congress, all chosen through the course of elections, local and national, and the only powers they had was that which we gave to them. Because we believed in our vote, in the office, and in the laws that governed them. But it was nothing more than a placebo, that worked because we were convinced enough. Then someone decided he could replace that cure with a new placebo — his power alone was the only cure. But for a cure to work, one must first want to be cured. Over the last week, Trump [deported](https://www.npr.org/2025/03/18/nx-s1-5331857/alien-enemies-act-trump-deportations?ref=danielkherndon.com) several Venezuelan immigrants to El Salvador, citing the Alien Enemies Act of 1798 as justification. The circumstances were suspect, and a judge said they may have been against the law, after which he ordered the planes carrying the immigrants to return. Trump defied the ruling and called for the judge to be impeached. Even the conservative Chief Justice John Roberts of the Supreme Court rebuked these actions, saying publicly, without saying names, that impeachment when a judge rules against you is not the answer. The law is. This is only true if we believe it to be. This is the reason I have railed on Trump in these pages. I used to be a fan of Trump when he was a mythical figure for entrepreneurs. But now, if you believe I am too frequently critical of Trump here in these posts, you are correct. It is not because of his policies regarding immigration in general or because of his policy positions on DEI, the economy, or foreign relations. Some of those ideas I can even agree with in the moments I look past the rhetoric and spin from the media covering him. But even for those I don't align with, it is not his policies that I take issue with. It is because he does not have respect for the law. And if The President of The United States does not respect its laws and its government, we may cease to believe that it ever existed. And soon enough, it will not. [Chief Justice Roberts rebukes Trump and GOP rhetoric about impeaching judges | CNN PoliticsChief Justice John Roberts pushed back on President Donald Trump’s escalating rhetoric against the federal judiciary on Tuesday in a highly unusual statement that appeared to be aimed at the president’s call to impeach judges who rule against him.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/apple-touch-icon.png)CNNJohn Fritze![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/ap25064172125029-1.jpg)](https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/18/politics/john-roberts-donald-trump-impeachment/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Don’t Testla Me. And on to other news: terrorism is up even if immigration is down. First, it was the World Trade Center. Now, it’s Tesla dealerships. So Pam Bondi has stepped in to warn us all that there are serious consequences for what she is calling domestic terrorism – people burning up cars at Tesla [dealerships](https://abcnews.go.com/US/tesla-vehicles-vandalized-us-musk-began-white-house/story?id=119910817&ref=danielkherndon.com). She's right; blowing up a Tesla is not a cool thing to do; it's best to let them do that [on their own](https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/tesla-car-battery-fire-needed-6000-gallons-water-to-extinguish-rcna68153?ref=danielkherndon.com). Hopefully, Pammy can pull George Bush out of retirement – and, if we’re really lucky, Jack Bauer – to torture the suspects until we get the information we need out of them. George will demand more waterboarding, and Jack will repeat himself at increasing volume and will no doubt take the whole operation down in no time. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/03/19/tesla-attacks-domestic-terrorism-pam-bondi-trump/82540722007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Israel Strikes Back In modern-day Star Wars move, the Rebel Forces (led by Hamas Solo) have refused to comply with Israel's demands. So, under the direction of Darth Netanyahu, the Empire strikes back, and R2D2 and C3PO, back in Gaza, are gonna need repairs. To be more precise, Israel has stepped up attacks after an extended ceasefire. Netanyahu says [attacks will continue](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/israel-gaza-ceasefire-palestine-hamas-netanyahu-what-know-rcna197012?ref=danielkherndon.com) until Hamas releases all hostages. Science fantasy references aside, it's important for me to point out one view on this – when you invade any country, that country will do everything it can in response to eliminate the threat. I think zero deaths is ideal, but focusing on the moral solution through any one person's eyes is harder than you think. The "easy solutions" are usually the hardest to achieve. I wrote about it back in November of 2023, when this war started. You can read [that here](https://danielkherndon.com/easy-solutions/). ### WWJFKD? Actually, it was still Lee Harvey Oswald who killed President John F. Kennedy. This week, Trump released several files about the assassination of JFK, and in a twist, all the movies were better, including the one with [Kevin Costner](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102138/?ref=danielkherndon.com). There was little revealed in the 80,000 pages released, at least so far. No big findings or conspiracies bolstered. We didn’t even get a big reveal about the Marilyn Monroe affair, whether Kennedy was against vaccines like his nephew or if he liked egg salad sandwiches. Nothing – other than a little evidence that the CIA was behind his killing. Fine. Sources inside the government have said, and I quote, "Yawn." But tabloids are leaning in, so here's [more](https://nypost.com/2025/03/19/us-news/jfk-assassination-files-cia-links-kgb-probe-of-lee-harvey-oswald-and-more/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on that. ### The World is a Goodwill And a gently used Donbas region is for sale. Ukraine has become the thrift store for Russian oligarchs. In a call with Trump, Putin agreed to stop targeting Ukraine's energy, but attacks on energy bars and energy drinks are still on the table. Trump still believes he has cards to play and is putting pressure on Putin to arrive at some sort of peace deal. To learn more, just Google "cheap deals on wheat farms and '*raw earth*' minerals" or just catch up here for [more](https://abcnews.go.com/International/trump-putin-call-poses-choice-sanctions-escalation-analysts/story?id=119901165&ref=danielkherndon.com). --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum makes everyone feel better, but clinical studies have not been able to verify its effectiveness in a double-blind placebo trial with complete certainty. Doctors recommend you share with friends to find out! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Measles Wins URL: https://danielkherndon.com/measles-wins/ Last updated: 2025-03-14T10:30:48.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except those of you who have looked at the stock market this week. If you follow the news, you know that the notable [blood moon](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/see-blood-moon-lunar-eclipse?ref=danielkherndon.com) that we saw last night was really, really big news — that was basically overlooked entirely. If you wanted to catch this story, you had two choices. Scroll to the bottom of some Yahoo! website, or simply wait for me to report on the story here at The Lorem Ipsum, which some say is the only reliable news source on the web. My advice to the Moon's PR team? Try to get the attention of the Trump administration. Make it about him. Perhaps the Moon could be submitted for consideration as the 53rd US state (still ahead of Puerto Rico). If all goes well, the US Emperor will pair the new territory up with other colored colonies like Greenland and change its name to 'Orange Moon' in the takeover. Anyway, we're going to cover some of the latest acts of the administration this week because what else is there to talk about? For the record, this issue basically wrote itself. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 11 of 2025` ### Hit The Spots After a breakout in a Mennonite community, measles is finally back after 10 years. Thankfully, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., our nations highest ranking health official, is acting fast by encouraging families to eat [cod liver oil](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/west-texas-measles-outbreak-families-forego-conventional-medicine-vacc-rcna194795?ref=danielkherndon.com), a remedy that might be confirmed effective by the NIH if enough of those civil servants standing in the way are fired. Kennedy said, "At this point, we're recommending people get vaccinated," after which he proceeded to talk about the dangers of vaccination and the benefits of vitamin A, B, Q and others. He also celebrated the benefits of a variety of alternative remedies like eating [french fries](https://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory/rfk-jrs-month-health-secretary-touting-french-fries-119763317?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=But%20Kennedy%20himself%20has%20publicly,doses%20under%20a%20doctor's%20supervision.) made in beef tallow. Almost certainly the solution to America's health problems — eat more fries. This time with tallow. To be fair, there is a chance that some of the home remedies work or at least help, but it's hard to know if Kennedy is a reliable source, given his history of promoting vaccine skepticism and junk science. But who can you trust? Can you trust [60 years of scientific research?](https://www.who.int/news-room/spotlight/history-of-vaccination/history-of-measles-vaccination?ref=danielkherndon.com) Sounds made up to me. Trust a guy who survived with a worm in his head? Sounds like the messiah. I’m still skeptical of anyone like Kennedy, though. It was Kennedy's generation that gave us the measles vaccine, but it was also his generation that gave us egg salad sandwiches, and we see how that turned out. It is widely known to be not only the grossest but also the most expensive sandwich in the world. I'm not taking any chances. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/11/health/measles-outbreak-texas-oklahoma-new-mexico/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Stop the Illegals President Trump's tariffs are working, as they’ve been stopping illegal immigration, fentanyl, and even the economy. Thanks to a litany of executive orders, border crossings are [lower than they have been](https://www.axios.com/2025/03/04/illegal-border-crossings-february-decline-trump?ref=danielkherndon.com) since before 2000, almost matching plunges in the [stock market](https://www.reuters.com/markets/us/futures-edge-higher-after-wall-st-selloff-jobs-data-awaited-2025-03-11/?ref=danielkherndon.com) over the last week. Analysts called it a "huge dip," which was not just my nickname in high school. It's also what Canadians call Donald Trump right now, as they find they are [less appreciative](https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/canada-united-states-donald-trump-poll?ref=readtangle.com) of his trade war antics. Trump did warn us change is hard, but what Wall Street calls the [biggest selloff](https://apnews.com/article/financial-markets-wall-street-trump-tariffs-33b8562c7b76fe3b967ea6cd9d61719b?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the year is what Trump calls "a little disturbance". Melania, hearing the phrase, flinched in her sheets, saying, "I thought our contract said otherwise." ### Special Ed or Special Dead The Trump administration cut roughly half the staff at the Department of Education, forcing Jimmy Carter to roll over in his grave, knowing it was the only thing he created that people still enjoy today, if you don't count high gas prices. The administration says the cuts will not affect the funding programs because, thankfully, that will be handled separately by Elon Musk. I'm still trying to understand the rationale behind gutting this particular program. You see, when Lyndon B Johnson [passed](https://www.history.com/news/department-education-andrew-johnson-reconstruction?ref=danielkherndon.com) the Elementary and Secondary Education Act as part of his "War on Poverty," he said that it was [crucial](https://tcf.org/content/commentary/how-gutting-the-u-s-department-of-education-would-hurt-students-and-their-families/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to breaking the cycle of poverty. He pointed out that creating more opportunities for education would lead to people getting out of poverty and starting to vo... Oh, on second thought, I think I just figured it out. ([more](https://thehill.com/homenews/education/5190161-linda-mcmahon-education-department-mass-layoffs/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Maine Thing The State of Maine is not only the best place to get lobster and wild low-bush blueberries, but it's also a target for the Trump administration after Gov. Janet Mills declined to break the law to submit to his agenda. Recently, at a White House Event, Trump pressured her to remove a transgender student from a girls' high school pole vault team, or else he would yank her state's federal funding. She said you can shove this pole up your ass – or to quote her more accurately, "I'll see you in court." She'll see him just about everywhere else, too, because since then, Trump's team has been using every tool it has to attack her state, including the Department of Education, the Department of Health and Human Services, the Social Security Administration, and the Department of Agriculture. And all this over two students who want to put [tomatoes](https://www.thymemachinecuisine.com/single-post/2019/02/25/new-england-clam-chowder-the-history-of-the-name-origins-and-a-war?ref=danielkherndon.com) in their clam chowder. ([more](https://www.propublica.org/article/maine-trump-janet-mills-transgender-girls-sports-education-social-security?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Russia Russia Russia The initial plans for a ceasefire have been reached between the US and Ukraine and are now being carefully reviewed by Russia. Putin hasn't agreed yet, but a deal seems possible if Putin gets a fetish video of Marco Rubio reenacting the Trump versus Zelenski argument in the White House but with a Shakespearian accent. It sounds promising. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/03/13/world/russia-ukraine-moscow-war-kursk?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is contagious, but a vaccine won't stop it from spreading. The only safe thing to do is pass it on to friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). [Thirty Percent WarmerThey say the way to a man’s heart is through his statistics.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/HRNDN-Icon.png)HRNDN Brand AgencyDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/HRNDN-Warmer-Brands.png)](https://www.hrndn.com/thirty-percent-warmer/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Here's a recent post from my brand agency. Subscribe for insightful notes on branding. ### Ditching the Vowels URL: https://danielkherndon.com/ditching-the-vowels/ Last updated: 2025-03-07T11:30:32.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I got a parking ticket this week. This, invariably, is a sign of good luck, and the reason why I know this is because it is the most tolerable misfortune you can experience. It's the Universe's way of telling you that you're doing so well, we'll have to at least throw something at you to prove we're being fair. It's like other things in my life. Tall, blonde, buff without working out, hot wife. But I’ve got a chipped tooth and a cowlick. It's only fair. I'll need to cash in some more luck this week because I just launched a new business after selling my firm years ago. Last week, I announced HRNDN, *a hyper focus brand agency without waste*. We're so focused on eliminating waste that we even eliminated vowels from our name because, to be honest, they're not that great. So, I'd like to introduce you to The Lorem Ipsum's newest sponsor: *Me*. If you need strategic brand and marketing support from a twenty-year veteran, contact me [here](https://www.hrndn.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com). --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/03/HRNDN-Ad.png)](HRNDN.com) This is basically an ad. The Lorem Ipsum is not responsible for this content. Or is it? --- Now, back to our regularly scheduled program. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 10 of 2025` ### Fight Club, International Last week, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky came to the White House to meet with President Trump and staff in the Oval Office with the goal of pursuing a ceasefire with Russia and signing a mineral rights deal that offers the United States control over Ukraine's natural resources. In exchange, the US will give Ukraine one free smoothie for every nine smoothies they purchase if they don't lose the punch card provided by the Trump administration. It went well. Especially if your goal is to generate TV ratings. For the first 40 minutes, the two leaders talked past each other, with Zelenskyy emphasizing Ukraine's need for security guarantees for any ceasefire and Trump talking about how great Russia has been in the negotiations. For the last ten minutes, JD Vance couldn't handle it anymore, so he chimed it to suggest diplomacy would be a good strategy to end the war. Many agree. And many of the same people also think that Vladimir Putin looks good [with his shirt off](https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna32299822?ref=danielkherndon.com) on an equestrian outing. Critics argue that it's horse abuse, which is [actually a real kind](https://www.sydney.edu.au/news-opinion/news/2020/11/12/first-conclusive-evidence-horses-hurt-by-whips--whips-don-t-aid-.html?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=%E2%80%9CFrom%20this%2C%20we%20can%20deduce,be%20distressing%20and%20cause%20suffering.) of abuse. The Lorem Ipsum take? We want to make sure Putin is sure to wear sunscreen on that smooth head. Back to the Oval, Vance and Trump proceeded to chew Zelensky out for not saying thank you and for not washing his hands before dinner. Because of the altercation, the deal signing was delayed. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2025/03/04/zelenskyy-trump-ukraine-peace-agreement-meeting-fight/81354908007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### State of the Onion ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/03/83-state-of-the-onion.jpg) In other news, Trump still occupies the news cycle like Israel does Gaza, so I have another Take on the subject. On Tuesday this week, Donald Trump did what is normally called the State of the Union, but since it is still only the beginning of his term, it is technically just called a loss of income for the networks airing it without commercials. Trump shared his vision for the future of America as a Russian Colony. In his record-long speech, he expressed his optimism for the future of the country, which by my math, had already arrived by the time he finally finished his speech. He said from the lectern that our spirit is back, and our pride is back, as if the nation had suddenly gotten hair transplants and snorted a long line of cocaine. Trump's speech covered much of his early actions as president. He explained that he froze federal spending, all federal aid, and even all federal laws. In the chambers, as usual, were members of the President's cabinet, Supreme Court justices, the Republican members of congress, and then several people [with paddles](https://nypost.com/2025/03/05/us-news/democrats-mercilessly-mocked-for-protesting-trump-speech-with-paddles-it-is-giving-bingo-sigh/?ref=danielkherndon.com) who were expecting an auction for the antiques road show, possibly due to the room being double-booked. After Trump began his speech, Congressman Al Green started making a scene, waving his cane in the air. He was [removed](https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/04/politics/video/rep-al-green-interrupts-trump-address-congress-digvid?cid=ios%5Fapp&ref=danielkherndon.com) by the sergeant at arms. Green was protesting that he didn't get a cookie with his value meal at the Capitol Cafeteria, but also, fascism. Trump took a stand on several culture war items as well. At one point, he exclaimed that there were only two genes and that gender transition surgery on children is banned by the federal government. He said to the children, "You are perfect just the way God made you," after which CNN panned the camera to Kristi Noem and Milanea Trump and then back to Trump's spray tan. Taking JD Vance’s seat was Teen Wolf. In fact, we have a picture of him and his dad, who was proud to see him on TV. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/03/Vance-Howl-1.png) According to people who were familiar with the situation, Speaker Johnson practiced his facial expressions for 6 hours in preparation for the appearance. His most difficult feat was nodding his head and tapping his head at the same time, all while giving Trump fellatio. Understandably, it takes a lot of coordination. The speech lasted for an hour and 40 minutes, but according to Johnson, Trump himself did not last as long. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/live-updates/trump-2025-speech-joint-address-congress/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. Or is it? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Bullet Points URL: https://danielkherndon.com/bullet-points/ Last updated: 2025-02-28T15:23:41.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, President Musk has asked us to update him on what we have done this week. For you Subscribers, I’m always On The Bubble,™️ so it's reasonable to ask what have I done for you lately. That's why I've prepared my five bullet points to summarize my work. - I made a deal with my wife regarding [mineral rights](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/ukraine-reportedly-agrees-draft-mineral-deal-us-rcna193787?ref=danielkherndon.com), but those minerals come in the form of fluoride and sulfur. Here's a breakdown of the deal. Fluoride: My wife has the right to ask me to use this mineral before our special time to invite optimal enjoyment. Sulfur: It is my right to distribute this mineral when I hotbox the bed; however, when I do that, I must remember that it is best timed separately from the terms of the other mineral mentioned here. Also, Zelenski of Ukraine made a mineral rights deal with Trump of The Apprentice this week as well, but the terms of their deal are unknown. - I watched as Elon Musk ran the first Cabinet meeting of his new administration before allowing Donald Trump to say a few words in the meeting as well. Since he was wearing a "[Tech Support](https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/elon-musk-jokes-doge-is-trumps-humble-tech-support-it-will-fix-computer-systems/articleshow/118587120.cms?ref=danielkherndon.com)" shirt underneath a blazer, I was able to confirm that we have entered the Pique Nerd era, where even the most important professions in the world are now filled by complete dorks who have little idea how to run a basic neighborhood yard sale, but in this nerd era, luck would have it that those people are actually running the country, although some would argue, into the ground. - I was inspired to buy a [chainsaw](https://apnews.com/article/musk-chainsaw-trump-doge-6568e9e0cfc42ad6cdcfd58a409eb312?ref=danielkherndon.com). - As an advertiser, I was also inspired by the ad created by a group of creatives in East London about "Tesla, the Swasticar", which bears the headline "Goes from 0 to 1939 in 3 seconds." As an advertising nerd and copywriter, I celebrate great work published in a great place (like [a bus stop in East London](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/elon-musk-poster-london-tesla-sales-drop-1236147614/?ref=danielkherndon.com)), even when it's technically trolling – because as I always say, "Comedy Before Kindness". - I've spent [four years straight](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/the-weekly/) reviewing and curating the news to provide summaries of the most important stories of the week. The summaries, which I call "Hot Takes," pair pinpoint accurate detail with entirely fabricated secondary details that I call "punch lines," which only land when I don't have copy and paste errors resulting in broken thoughts and incomplete — My ironic angles and snarky bear poking payoffs admittedly push opinions, but still more balanced than [The Washington Post](https://www.thedailybeast.com/ex-wapo-editor-marty-baron-sad-and-disgusted-at-bezos-opinions-overhaul/?ref=danielkherndon.com), although in some cases, are less of an opinion, but just low hanging fruit that couldn't be passed up. But to be clear, if you're talking about this week, I did none of that. I only had time for these bullet points. Anyway, so, hopefully, this is enough to justify my value. Working here is not easy, but I'm willing to keep doing it if you'll have me. --- Also, here are three old articles that made more sense than anything Elon Musk did this week: [The War on OreosHow in the world could one ever think that they could go to war with Oreos and win?![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-8.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/69-Oreo-Twitter.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-oreos/) [How to Never Be WrongLooking back, I’ve written a lot of content. I’ve been letting my fingers do the walking on this blog since the glorious days of last June. This doesn’t count the countless articles, brand strategies, “For Dummies” books (available on Amazon) and a manuscript in a Google Doc![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-9.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/35-RoseColoredGlasses.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-never-be-wrong/) [Death by Herd MentalityWe are basically just pretending to like things because the crowd likes them too.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-10.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/22-Sheep.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/death-by-herd-mentality/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is usually more than five bullet points. But it's never more than you can handle. Please share with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Let's Pope For The Best URL: https://danielkherndon.com/lets-pope-for-the-best/ Last updated: 2025-02-21T11:30:04.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Something is going around. Even the holiest among us are at risk. The Pope is in the hospital with bilateral pneumonia. I fear doing a genuflection and sign of the cross spreads more than it absolves. Hopefully, the Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church covers his mouth and not just our sins. The Vatican said Francis was thankful for the "closeness he feels at this moment," which, as a celibate, is probably much needed. Holy medical experts suspect he may have caught something from one of his Cardinals, opening up rumors that his ailment may be the bird flu. The Vatican said his health “continued to present a complex picture,” which means to keep praying because I think we can all agree we really need it right now. But if God doesn't heal Pope Francis, he probably won't heal anyone. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pope-francis-bilateral-pneumonia-vatican/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 8 of 2025` ### I See Ukraine Trump and Putin had a call this week to discuss a number of items. First, they talked about how great it was when our two countries worked together during World War II, and then they discussed their plans for Ukraine, a country neither of them is the president of. In a press briefing, when asked by reporters about whether Ukraine should have been invited to the discussion of its future, Trump said they should have done that a long time ago and that they should never have started the war, to begin with. That's right, Russia invaded Ukraine, and Trump said, "\[she\] started it." It's not the first time Trump has uttered these words, but to be fair, he could have a point. What was Ukraine wearing? Don't you think that by showing a little Crimea, they were basically asking for it? The question we should ask is, when it comes to invasions, does "no" really mean "no," or is it just a flirty invitation for a special military operation? Having Russia as a national friend can bring some cognitive dissonance, when for the last 40 years, Hollywood has built entire films around Russian villains. When asked to comment, Tom Cruise said, “This is a blow to the Mission Impossible Franchise that middle-class writing staff have worked hard to develop.” As far as Ukraine's place in Hollywood, so far they have declined to be the [Screech Powers](https://savedbythebell.fandom.com/wiki/Screech%5FPowers?ref=danielkherndon.com) of our pop culture, but then nobody really asked them. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/us-russia-talks-ukraine-europe-invasion-rcna192544?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Adamant Adams Eric Adams, while facing corruption charges for accepting [bribes](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cly3gz35dgro?ref=danielkherndon.com), is running the New York City government with a skeleton crew. Trump-appointed officials have asked him to take one more bribe – cooperate with Trump's agenda, and we'll get your charges dropped. And amongst the quid pro quo, Adam's staff began resigning. If you're wondering what I would do, yes, I will accept a free calzone to overlook an unpaid toll, but if you really want to know my threshold, you'll have to keep trying me. In Adam's case, accepting a bribe is difficult when you can't get anyone to execute the plan. Since Emil Bove at the DOJ asked prosecutors to withdraw the case, some eight people have resigned in protest, separate from Adam's [key staffers](https://www.politico.com/news/2025/02/17/mass-resignations-from-eric-adams-administration-spark-chaos-in-nyc-government-00204592?ref=danielkherndon.com). The most epic resignation letter comes from Hagan Scotten, a federal prosecutor who said, "I expect you will eventually find someone who is enough of a fool, or enough of a coward, to file your motion. But it was never going to be me." They did find that fool. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2025/02/17/mass-resignations-from-eric-adams-administration-spark-chaos-in-nyc-government-00204592?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Judge Kids On The Block A Judge [declined](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/feb/19/musk-doge-access-data-judge-ruling?ref=danielkherndon.com) to *decline* a ruling regarding Elon Musk's actions in Government. This situation is that Elon Musk has gained access to platforms within the government, which may include access to all of our social security information and tax information, to which I explained that the bounce house I rented around the same time as my kid's 12th birthday was definitely for business. The presiding judge insisted that the 14 states that sued him must explain what "irreparable harm" means in their complaint. And I can help with that. Irreparable harm means telling me I need a receipt for every write-off. It's bad enough I can't keep writing off $29,200 worth of Goodwill donations – [or can I](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-administration-news-02-20-25?ref=danielkherndon.com#cm7du9qvh000j3b6nhb9ryvth)? But the biggest write-off of the year was from Elon himself when he wrote off good advice and fired some important nuclear weapons staff "by mistake." He canned a real-life Homer Simpson and left a key department with no one to push a big button – at least, no one with the proper training. This is almost as bad as firing the guy in charge of changing the federal toilet paper – only to have the acting toilet paper changer put all the rolls on facing the wrong way. I know the government is inefficient, but it's little things like this that kill us. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/02/17/climate/trump-nnsa-nuclear-staff-reinstated/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Worst Amendment Remember the before times when free speech was a Constitutional right? Things are different now. Like last week, The Associated Press was been banned from White House press events because they called the Gulf of America by its deadname. This week, over 400 major news outlets urged the White House to relent. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/02/20/business/media/ap-white-house-ban-cnn-fox.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Delta Flip I've always preferred American Airlines. Not because Delta Airlines had a plane flip over with 80 passengers aboard this week, but it didn't help. What I hate most is when airlines squeeze me for more money at every turn, right down to seat selection. That includes turning me upside down to shake the loose change out of my pockets. In Delta's case, it was unintentional, citing bad weather and strong winds, but it's not lost on me that this flight probably didn't have free Wifi. Every passenger is expected to survive the crash, but dozens were injured, and driving is starting to sound like a better way to travel. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/delta-toronto-airport-minneapolis-4ab235ef49b2d3757c9bd5fd8c6606ce?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not a holy newsletter, but many readers choose to evangelize anyway. Please share the good news with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Penny Marshaled URL: https://danielkherndon.com/penny-marshaled/ Last updated: 2025-02-14T13:53:06.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hello Dear Reader, Is the media out to get you? I say Yes. At least, in my case, it is. The Lorem Ipsum exists only to manipulate. Ideally, I want to distort your view of reality and convince you, through your paid subscription, to feed me with Five Guys burgers and fresh-cut fries for the rest of my life while I feed you with false narratives. I'm kidding, but let's think about the media. According to Gallup News (a.k.a. the media), two-thirds of [people don't trust the media](https://news.gallup.com/poll/651977/americans-trust-media-remains-trend-low.aspx?ref=danielkherndon.com). I know the polls are bullshit, but I'm pretty sure they got this one right. Some say the media’s purpose is to distort reality for profit and power. But is this skeptical view of the media entirely reasonable? Do people start their career saying, "When I grow up, I want to wrest control over weak-minded people who enjoy politics, so I can enable Bill Gates to implant chips in them to collect completely useless data?" Do manufacturing companies aspire to destroy water supplies with runoff chemicals? Or do they simply ignore the unintended outcomes because they can make widgets and get paid? Such is the case with journalism. The trouble with news is that it's written by people just as impressionable as those who read it. When we blame them for it, we're holding the authors to a standard no one has ever achieved before. It's better when we know how to read the news – and how not to. That's why opinion journalism, like The Lorem Ipsum, is the purest form of news. It's news without the burden of accuracy. When done well, the author presents the facts you need, and when he is pushing a narrative, he does it openly. Be careful what you read. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 7 of 2025` ### Volcanic Corruption Yesterday, a Manhattan U.S. attorney resigned rather than drop the corruption charges against New York City mayor Eric Adams, evidently not aware that criminal conduct is a prerequisite to serving in public office. The acting official at the Justice Department, Emil Bove III, ordered the case to be dropped for openly political reasons – because the only thing more important than fighting corruption is deporting hotel cleaning staff. No court time for Eric, for he is needed elsewhere. Our beans won't refry themselves! Send out a press release to get the word out. Washington made a deal. It echoes of the time when Ted Kennedy promoted the Chappaquiddick Incident with a LinkedIn advertising campaign, saying, "I killed a hot 28-year-old secretary while drunk driving. Here's how I did it." In government, the cheap seats require proof of unpaid parking tickets, while the price to get access to the best seats calls for years of embezzling, hopefully with a few negligent homicides along the way. Kill a career civil servant, and you might serve 8 years to life – in elected office, that is. I'm reminded of a Richard Nixon quote, "I *am* a crook." ### Musk Make Money Elon Musk has prepared a financial disclosure, which will not be made public, but I have it on good authority that he has invested in portable mattresses and placed them in every one of his companies, including the "StatesX," his new name for the United States Government. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/02/11/us/politics/elon-musk-companies-conflicts.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Among all the innovative ways that our government is cutting costs, the latest is that the penny is finally canceled. The reasons cited by the Trump administration include that it’s not worth what it costs to make it and, of course, because it’s brown. Personally, I’ve never had a problem with the penny because I don’t see color. Sometimes, I'll even mistake a dime for a penny when tipping the bellboy at the hotel. The good news is, if all goes well, the savings from penny-pinching might pay for the $400 million federal contract to buy [Tesla trucks](https://www.npr.org/2025/02/13/g-s1-48571/trump-administration-order-400-million-worth-of-armored-teslas?ref=danielkherndon.com), a contract that was edited to hide the word "Tesla" from the document. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/data-graphics/trump-aims-eliminate-penny-see-much-costs-produce-penny-nickel-rcna191739?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Lest Ye Be Federally Judged The Trump administration has made several controversial moves, not just because they are hotly debated topics but also because they are most likely illegal. Federal judges have shut down Trump's actions to block funding and had to slap him yet again for ignoring the first slap. They said, "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you," but in the end, it hurt us the most. ([more](https://www.forbes.com/sites/saradorn/2025/02/11/trump-allies-suggest-he-should-defy-court-orders-but-precedent-suggests-he-wont/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Un-Cease Fire Israel has told Hamas that the ceasefire will end if they do not release all remaining hostages by Saturday. In a parallel announcement, Trump insisted he will (through that beautiful word tariffs) put pressure on Egypt and Jordan to take all 2 million Palestinians so "we" can rebuild Gaza, which he calls "My Precious." Trump said about the strip of land, "Yesss, we takes Gaza, precious! It’s a nasty, war-crushed place, yesss. But we takes it, we do. We holds it, we keeps it safe, yess… we cherish it, we do!" ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/02/11/middleeast/israel-hamas-ceasefire-deal-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Kendrick Spirits If you watched the Super Bowl, you know not only Taylor Swift lost the game, but so did her NFL boyfriend Travis Kelce and his BFF-NFL friend Patrick 'Oh Ma Gawd' Mahomes (nickname made up by me). Thanks to Kendrick, flare-leg jeans are now officially back (which I still refuse to wear; I forsake my skinny jeans for no one). The stage show was filled with visuals that appeared to be a [commentary](https://www.buzzfeed.com/karltonjahmal/kendrick-lamar-super-bowl-halftime-show-review?ref=danielkherndon.com) on a divided America, and if Lamar's beef with Drake tells us anything, it's that we are strongly divided. You can see the show again here: ([watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDorKy-13ak&ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Most news sources are only as good as the facts they bring to the story. But The Lorem Ipsum is usually better. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Pie Trying URL: https://danielkherndon.com/pie-trying/ Last updated: 2025-02-07T11:30:51.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey Friends, In the future, someone will present you with two pies. Everyone likes pies, and for those who don’t, the unsubscribe button is below. So, anyway, you’ll be offered two pies placed on train tracks on either side of a fork in the road. Your job is to select the pie that will be destroyed and the one upon which you will pounce to consume in full. Strike first, exercise later. You like pie, and this is no time to show off your restraint. To you, both pies sound good, as described. The steamy, warm filling, the sweet and salty crust, the presence of large amounts of butter encrusted in sugar. Trust me. You’ll be tempted by these pies. And you know you’ll be destroying a freshly baked pie in the wake of choosing another because you can only save one. Why are these pies on train tracks? Because this is the trolly problem, only with pie. Why are you faced with such an oppressive choice? And why are you completely naked while you're forced into this scenario? Easy. Because this is a dream, I'm its author, and that’s how it’s written. People have struggled with the trolly problem since shortly after the invention of the trolly, and yet we consistently reduce tough problems in this manner. I've [written about it](https://danielkherndon.com/moral-dilemmas/) before. The struggles don’t end when you replace the vulnerable children tied to the train tracks with freshly baked pies. It’s still tough to choose between two warm pies, just as it is to choose which lives to save. When watching from afar, everyone thinks they have the answer to the problem, but after a moment's reflection, any stable human realizes when he’s faced with an impossible challenge. Unfortunately, Elon Musk is not a stable human. He is taking on a trolly problem of his own, and he thinks he can happily destroy both pies like some kind of psychopath and simply create new pies for a fraction of the cost. But pie is hard to make. Good pie is even harder. That’s why I trust a blueberry farmer to make my blueberry filling. For the apples? I’ll leave that to the orchard. I could churn my own butter, but I won’t because my hands would get tired, and I don't have a cute enough apron. A good pie doesn't cook any faster when you sleep on a cot next to the oven. If you trim out a sliver of the pie that equals about 1% of the total pie, you still have to figure out how to make the pie, and now you have to do it with 1% fewer apples or coconut cream filling – the pie pan is still the same size, and now you have a new problem to solve. Finally, when it is done, if it ever is, choosing which one to eat and which to destroy is the hardest of these tasks, and even if the decision must be made, it is important not to take it lightly because it takes a lot of people a lot of time to make a good pie. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 6 of 2025` ### Gaza Stripped Donald Trump announced that he was taking over Gaza, and then his staff walked back those comments, and then Trump doubled down on them again. Benjamin Netanyahu called the plan a "[remarkable idea](https://www.foxnews.com/media/benjamin-netanyahu-praises-trumps-remarkable-idea-about-us-takeover-gaza?ref=danielkherndon.com)" and said that the people of Gaza can leave their land "if they want." The two world leaders have been negotiating the deal with the help of a guy in Boston who owns a sandwich shop, noting that as a retail business owner, his understanding of commercial real estate and his seasoned experience expressing opinions about Red Sox games have sufficiently equipped him to aid in the negotiations. Unfortunately, the people of Gaza weren't invited to participate in the planning. ([more](https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/trump-gaza-takeover-window-overton-window-rcna190895?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### CAAN'T Resist The NCAA announced that it is excluding transgender athletes from women's sports, following Trump's lead in an [executive order](https://www.npr.org/2025/02/05/nx-s1-5282137/trump-transgender-sports-executive-order?ref=danielkherndon.com) that she signed the day before. To announce the change, NCAA officials engaged the platoon from Saving Private Ryan to wade through over 500,000 athletes so they could inform both of the athletes affected by the policy. To comment on the topic, The Lorem Ipsum reached out to a feminist from 1978 named Mary Daly, who [said](https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/mary%5Fdaly%5F787387?src=t%5Fpatriarchy&ref=danielkherndon.com), "Almost everything has been stolen from us by the patriarchy." As a side note, we also attempted to connect with Alanis Morissette from whenever, in the 90s, she became famous with her first album, Jagged Little Pill, but an unnamed source said she was too busy going down on someone in a theatre. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2025/02/06/sport/ncaa-changes-transgender-policy-spt/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### InstaGrammys The Grammys aired earlier this week despite talks to skip this year in light of LA Wild Fires. The show was hosted by Trevor Noah, and the building’s janitorial service was provided by a guy named Neil, who was equally if not more memorable than Trevor. The Lorem Ipsum eyed the red carpet to [see what looks](https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/grammys-2025-fashion-live-from-the-red-carpet?ref=danielkherndon.com) stood out. I give Taylor Swift the award for best dressed. Kanye West’s wife was [best undressed](https://www.instyle.com/bianca-censori-nude-outfit-2025-grammys-break-dress-code-8785490?ref=danielkherndon.com). Billie Eillish gets an uncontested pick for worst dressed and Chappell Roan gets “makeup job most likely to cause a breakout.” This year brought Beyoncé best country album, and her first award of album of the year, after years of being beaten by better albums created by better artists. Thankfully, Jay Z’s [complained](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jay-z-grammys-speech-beyonce-snub-album-of-the-year/?ref=danielkherndon.com) last year that it isn’t fair to be worth a billion dollars and not even have an album of the year to go with your collection. Agreed. It’s total bullshit. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum believes in using real butter and sharing pie with friends. Enjoy this issue over a slice with a friend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### The Spinning Wheel of Death URL: https://danielkherndon.com/spinning-wheel-of-death/ Last updated: 2025-01-31T22:18:55.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, A hard reboot can be harder than you think. When I reboot my computer, and it reminds me there's an update, I usually say, "Okay, fine," but sometimes I get stuck waiting on the spinning wheel of death or the "Fake number of minutes remaining" when all I really wanted was for Zoom to work good enough for me to join a call. Before the process finishes, my trusted computer beeps a couple of times and then starts opening a bunch of apps I never use without my consent. If I stooped as low as to use a Windows computer, I’m sure it would be even worse. This is what the new administration has been doing over the last week. It will be a moment before we can get back to the internet as usual. It's hard to engage meaningfully in politics when most conversations are emotionally charged and rarely make contact with the realities, so I do so sparingly. Over the course of this last two weeks, I've made it a priority to pay attention, not speak too quickly, avoid getting sucked into sensational headlines, and make as many jokes as possible about literally everything. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ### It's Reigning Men Trump's reign has caught the attention of the whole world. He's wielding his power in as many ways as he can, including issuing at least [74 executive orders](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/?ref=danielkherndon.com) as of last night. Many of them are pushing the boundaries of the law. Some have already been [challenged](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/where-do-legal-cases-against-trumps-executive-orders-stand-2025-01-30/?ref=danielkherndon.com) by the courts. The President has issued orders exerting [control over how local schools](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-indoctrination-in-k-12-schooling/?ref=danielkherndon.com) teach, including more “patriotic“ history. Now, Trump controls your kid's indoctrination/education. Black History Month shall now be called Patriotic History Month, and of course, Cinco De Mayo is now called the Fifth of May. You won’t be allowed to talk about kids with two fathers, but there’s a “Presidential 1776 Award” for learning about our Forefathers. I recommend reading the [order](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-indoctrination-in-k-12-schooling/?ref=danielkherndon.com) because the truth is stranger than fiction. ### Where’s The Beef? Everyone is seeking Trump’s favor these days, like Mark Zuckerberg, who has taken up jujitsu to be tougher and even adjusted his curly locks to look more Trumpian. This also includes Robert Menendez, the disgraced Democrat Senator and [beef meat](https://danielkherndon.com/gold-bars-and-beef-bulion/) peddler whose gold bars of bribery got him [sentenced to 11 years this week](https://abcnews.go.com/US/bob-menendez-sentencing-corruption-case/story?id=118186976&ref=danielkherndon.com). He's calling unto Lord and Savior, Donald Trump, to clean up this system and perhaps have mercy on him. Apparently, it is illegal to leverage your office for personal profit, at least for some people. Robert says the justice system is corrupt. Some say it's a two-tiered system, and he's obviously in the lower tier. ### Clark, HR You Serious? Earlier this week, the US HR desk sent an email [offering](https://www.opm.gov/fork?ref=danielkherndon.com) anyone not loyal to the administration the opportunity to get paid to quit their jobs. It also said very clearly that “Employees who engage in unlawful behavior or other misconduct will be prioritized for appropriate investigation and discipline, including termination,” and then ended with "LOL! 🤪" ### Make Changes or DEI Trying Trump spent most of the last week dismantling D.E.I. It was an affirmative reaction. With the stroke of a Sharpie, the longstanding reverse racism program has been put to an end. If it's any consolation, the Sharpies Trump used were black. That means no more booster seats for Speaker of the House Mike Johnson. From here on out, he is just Mike Shorter Johnson, and if he needs help reaching that gavel, he'll have to ask Nancy Pelosi to grab it for him. Trump is finding DEI everywhere. Even on Wednesday night, a plane crashed over Washington Dulles Airport, and Trump [blamed](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/30/us/politics/trump-plane-crash-dei-faa-diversity.html?smid=url-share&ref=danielkherndon.com) the issue on DEI at the FAA. If I squint hard enough, maybe I can see his point. If you hire old people, they usually have to pee more, which is an issue because air traffic won't wait for you to wash your hands. Or what if an air traffic controller has to touch up his makeup during a key flight pattern? It looks great on them/them, but it's not great for us. It's not good if a glow-up turns into a blow-up. So perhaps we need to hedge our bets and do our best to hire only men with strong bladders. People like Pete Hegseth, who won't waste his time washing his hands. If you want my opinion, I'm a diversity guy. When I go to Hooters, I want a short, chubby man with chest hair billowing out of his tank top serving my table at least 51 percent of the time (just to be fair). I'll even order half of my wings 'boneless' just to signal that I'm inclusive. When I order a drink, it's a margarit-x. Emergency situations call for inclusive practices, too. If my house is on fire, I'd really appreciate it if the firefighter who pulls me out has soft hands and some empathy while they're trying to carry me down that ladder. In the Air Force, it would be way more fair if at least 13% of our fighter pilots had Coke bottle glasses and stopped giving an unfair advantage to these traditionally sighted people. ### Capturing the Zeitgeist It's important to note that some of Trump's ideas may be good ones - like, for example, calling the governor of California “Give New-scum” because that’s pretty funny. But overall, I'd say it seems more akin to him being elected to trim the bushes, but he's using an axe. It may get the job done, but it's going to look pretty gnarly when it's done. People often compare Trump to Hitler, but we all know Donald Trump is practically nothing like Hitler. For example, Trump [pardoned violent criminals](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/justice-department/trump-set-pardon-defendants-stormed-capitol-jan-6-2021-rcna187735?ref=danielkherndon.com) who supported him. Hitler, on the other hand, preferred the term [amnesty](https://newrepublic.com/article/66780/amnesty-and-amnesia?ref=danielkherndon.com) when he freed Nazi murderers. Hitler [took control](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-indoctrination-in-k-12-schooling/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the press, but Trump is focused more on owning social media and appointing Twitter's owner to his cabinet. For traditional press, he is only suing [Meta](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/meta-trump-25-million-lawsuit-settlement/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and [ABC](https://www.npr.org/2024/12/16/nx-s1-5230274/abc-settles-with-trump-for-15-million-now-he-wants-to-sue-other-news-outlets?ref=danielkherndon.com) and leveraging a suit with Paramount’s [“60 Minutes”](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/30/business/media/paramount-trump-cbs-news-settlement.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com) to influence a future merger, so that’s totally different. Sure, both made immigration fears key to their campaigns, but if you look closely enough, it was totally different. When Hitler said that immigrants cause a "[poisoning of the blood](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/11321069-all-the-great-civilizations-of-the-past-decayed-because-the?ref=danielkherndon.com)," his solution was to bake those immigrants in big ovens. When Trump [said it](https://www.c-span.org/clip/campaign-2024/donald-trump-on-illegal-immigrants-poisoning-the-blood-of-our-country/5098439?ref=danielkherndon.com), his plan was to warm them up in a [Guantanamo Bay](https://www.axios.com/2025/01/29/trump-guantanamo-bay-undocumented-immigrants?ref=danielkherndon.com) detention center. Lastly, to further clarify the difference between the two characters, Hitler used a barrage of simultaneous orders, exploiting weaknesses in the constitution to consolidate presidential power and weaken the other controls of a democratic government, putting him in complete charge so that he could wage war on the whole world. It took him [53 days](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2025/01/hitler-germany-constitution-authoritarianism/681233/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to remake the government. But in Trump's case, there's no comparison because it's only been 12 days, and he simply hasn't had enough time to finish the job. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is still legal to share with your friends, as far as I know. But also, who really knows? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Free Speech Week URL: https://danielkherndon.com/free-speech-week/ Last updated: 2025-01-24T11:30:18.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, In honor of the first week of free speech being restored, I write with confidence, knowing I can say nearly anything I wish. Yet, what is there to talk about? Since it’s a slow news week, I decided I would briefly cover the rapidly spreading wildfires, which Democratic leaders are trying and failing to put out. and of course, by that, I'm referring to the induction of Donald Trump as US President. He was the first felon to take charge of Washington, not counting those who breached the Capitol in the January 6th riots. Instead of horns, this one enters with a scepter and crown and a flowing mane of gold made from the bristly stuffing from the guts of a mattress of 1973. A big theme of his agenda is the end of the American decline and the return of free speech, which he enforces by issuing an [executive order to protect American's](https://apnews.com/article/trump-executive-order-censorship-misinformation-social-media-b344d8c75463990ff6e782bc836bb337?ref=danielkherndon.com) from censorship, and by[ suing multiple news organizations](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/donald-trumps-lawsuits-against-media-companies-2024-12-20/?ref=danielkherndon.com) for criticizing him. As sure as Baron Trump is [taller](https://x.com/AkifBhamani/status/1881710947301273757?ref=danielkherndon.com) than him, he promises if anyone issues a poll that doesn't favor him or even hints of bigger crowd sizes than him, they’ll be prosecuted for libel – again, to protect free speech. The inauguration ceremony was a celebration of freed slaves and enslaved enemies and a boon for brands that bend the knee across America, companies not limited to burgers, ketchup, the company that makes red dye 40, and for the social media platforms of suckers and spies. D.E.I. is out, and *drill baby drill* is in. America is back, and it's [at least](https://www.thefp.com/p/not-just-red-dye-microplastics-forever-chemicals?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=American%20brain%20sample%20with%20concentrations%20of%200.5%20percent%20plastic%20by%20weight) 0.5% microplastics by weight. Attending the inauguration was a murderers' row of influential figures like Jeff Bezos of Amazon, Mark Zuckerberg of Meta, and Tim Cook of Apple to name only a few. At the inauguration, Melania Trump came with a hat that not only preserved her reputation as a fashion icon but protected her from having to look anyone in the eyes. When she walked onto the Dias, she sang, "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down." That medicine was an air kiss from King Trump himself, and the spoonful of sugar was her blessed son, Baron. At the inaugural dinner, we all learned that Mark Zuckerberg wants to be a Prime member, as evidenced by a [sly peek down](https://x.com/AB84/status/1881385067215532376?ref=danielkherndon.com) the provocatively opened shirt of Jeff Bezos's wife. She offers free shipping and one-click ordering together in one chest, with an outfit that gives “[Sue Ellen, it’s not a top](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yNXrX25SAA&ref=danielkherndon.com)” vibes. As part of the day's festivities, Trump issued several executive orders, many symbolic and many of them, a sort of triple dog dare to anyone who would get in his way. According to at least one Judge, the [Constitution](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/23/us/politics/judge-blocks-birthright-citizenship.html?campaign%5Fid=57&emc=edit%5Fne%5F20250123&instance%5Fid=145620&nl=the-evening®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=189118&user%5Fid=487c082712c00ac169858336dff574e0&ref=danielkherndon.com) will get in the way of one, narrowing the definition of [birthright citizenship](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-the-meaning-and-value-of-american-citizenship/?ref=danielkherndon.com). He also issued orders renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, ending government [D.E.I. programs](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-and-wasteful-government-dei-programs-and-preferencing/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and declaring national emergencies of [energy](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/declaring-a-national-energy-emergency/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and the [southern border](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/declaring-a-national-emergency-at-the-southern-border-of-the-united-states/?%5Fnlid=zqGX69n3mK&%5Fnhids=5p84hZMr&ref=danielkherndon.com). To honor his place of leadership in the party of law and order, Trump has pardoned all January 6th protestors, including those who backed the blue into a corner to beat the shit out of them. Trump, who denies responsibility for the attacks, took responsibility for the attackers, freeing those convicted of violence based on video evidence. To kick off his agenda, Trump started the process of deporting illegal immigrants. He soft-launched it by evicting Vivek Ramaswamy, who was kicked out of the Mar a Lago Lover Boy Billionaire League for being [too irritating](https://newrepublic.com/post/190427/donald-trump-vivek-ramaswamy-doge-governor?ref=danielkherndon.com). His next step is to run for governor of Ohio while his political career still has a chance, and if he sticks to his message that 9/11 was an inside job, he might just be able to keep the interest of the people. I'm of the opinion that good ideas can come from anywhere. That's why we hire interns in the marketing business. Even the worst administration can stumble upon good outcomes. It takes special glasses to filter out the truth when we hate the truth-teller — or the truth itself if it pushes against our view of the world. Unfortunately, most people wear those glasses. I urge you to take them off. For some of you, it's with hope that you see that despite your political goals, Donald Trump does not care about you, the law, your freedom, or your right to vote. He cares about his own gain, and of that outcome, we are assured. For the rest of you, despite not getting your choice in the White House, I hope you will see that some things will continue to be just fine. I hope you see that despite D.E.I.'s noble goals, many programs [have not worked](https://hbr.org/2016/07/why-diversity-programs-fail?ref=danielkherndon.com), and sometimes, have caused more damage. Despite your hope for the Paris Accord, it has only seen [marginal success](https://ace-usa.org/blog/research/research-foreignpolicy/failures-and-successes-of-the-paris-agreement/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and it is, without question, not the only way to achieve the goals of slowing climate change. Regardless of how you feel about our southern border, illegal immigration has been [unsustainably high](https://usafacts.org/articles/what-can-the-data-tell-us-about-unauthorized-immigration/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in recent years, and early signs suggest this might not age well but doing nothing is not an option. So, whatever we are expecting out of this administration, public opinion and political engagement is up to us and it still matters. The next four years will only be as bad as an idle bystander allows it to be. And when it doesn't go the way we expect it, we should acknowledge that and do something about it. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better the second time. Be sure to share and repeat. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Predicting the Weather URL: https://danielkherndon.com/predicting-the-weather/ Last updated: 2025-01-17T11:30:04.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Sometimes, the next big thing is just an 8 track tape. It comes on the scene with much excitement, only to be tossed aside. People will laud the benefits of not having to flip a cassette over to listen to B sides or brag about its capacity over other mediums. When people move on, some [holdouts](https://the8tracktapestore.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) will refuse to concede. But that won't matter. People often resist change and new ideas, too. Even those that will ultimately endure. When Burger King started taking credit cards, [many pushed back](https://www.instagram.com/computerloverecords/reel/CxW7avCLjXi/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on the idea, only to find they, too, would be financing their fries soon enough. On Monday, a new administration will begin, and we don't know what we'll be saying about it in four years. Is it an 8 Track or Financing Fries? Many are sure they know the answer. History reminds us that people will always have a hot take, but when things cool off, they rarely keep at room temperature. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 3rd Week of 2025` ### Hegsething our Bets Pete Hegseth, the Fox News host who [doesn't wash his hands](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-47201923?ref=danielkherndon.com) appeared for his confirmation hearings this week, with republican kingmakers pushing to protect Trump’s pick for Secretary of Defense. Some say Pete is not qualified to hold such a large position, having only served in platoon-level roles in the National Guard, but Trump's team says that's hardly important, given his television experience and a great head of hair. Pete was pressed on topics including his checkered history with drinking and accusations of sexual assault, but he handled most questions quite well. It remains to be seen if he'll get confirmed, with a couple of Republican holdouts, but whatever happens, if you want to clean up Washington, I'd say start with Pete's hands and then go from there. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/14/us/politics/joni-ernst-pete-hegseth-confirmation.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Fired Up The fires in California continue to rage, with winds blowing so hard that people suspect it may be hot air from Gavin Newsom himself. As firefighters attempted to get blazes under control, hydrants struggled to provide enough water, causing many California natives to reach for almond milk, the one liquid in generous supply in Los Angeles. As emergency professionals poured fire retardant over areas to reduce the spreading of flames, a West Coast advocacy group issued a call to end the use of the word retardant. Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass has been facing harsh criticism for her response to the emergency, including her choice of an overseas trip and her administration's failure to ensure hydrants could pull all the water in the state to one location on demand. But we can't even flush a toilet while someone's in the shower without ruining [their water pressure](https://www.quora.com/What-actually-happens-when-you-flush-the-toilet-while-someone-is-taking-a-shower?ref=danielkherndon.com). I fear for the reputation of the fire department, or anyone dropping a deuce for that matter. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/la-fires-mayor-karen-bass-trip-ghana-timeline/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Cease Fire Now A ceasefire deal was negotiated between Israel and Hamas, with help from Qatar and the USA. *Now* starts on Sunday if an Israeli vote delay doesn’t push it out further. Qatar’s Prime Minister Sheikh Mohammed bin Abdulrahman bin Jassim Al Thani said he hopes the ceasefire will start this weekend, and he hopes it will be longer than his name. Trump took full credit for the deal. Biden also took full credit for the deal, despite the deal resembling one he had been proposing for over a year. No one took credit for starting the war itself. ([more](https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/1/15/what-do-we-know-about-the-israel-gaza-ceasefire-deal?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Jacked Smith Jack Smith, the special counsel prosecuting Trump in two cases, has resigned officially. On his way out, he received permission from a Judge to release his report on the January 6th findings. The report includes damming details and some of historical significance. Specifically, the report exposes that, on the day in question, Trump's staff failed to supersize his value meal. ([more](https://www.msnbc.com/deadline-white-house/deadline-legal-blog/cannon-jack-smith-trump-report-jan-6-rcna187456?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### SharkTok Shark Tank’s Kevin O’Leary made an offer to buy TikTok. If the deal goes through, the group intends to remove the platform's algorithm and other features and replace it with an ice cream scoop, used to manually remove the contents of the user's brain. ([more](https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/technology/tech-news/shark-tank-investor-kevin-o-learys-plan-to-save-tiktok-from-ban-in-the-us-has-an-india-part-as-well/articleshow/117204664.cms?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum [now accepts credit cards](#/portal/account/plans), for those who wish to support my work by increasing their debt to income ratio. But investing in an appreciating asset is always a smart financial move (meaning me appreciating you supporting the work I do from where my ass sets). ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Scorched Earth URL: https://danielkherndon.com/scorched-earth/ Last updated: 2025-01-10T11:30:43.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I'm back and better than ever. Welcome to another episode of The Lorem Ipsum. This is a week of more Sea to Shining Sea To Celebrate. A time of tidings of comfort and joy. That's because we have the privilege of proclaiming our right to the new land in Greenland and beyond. It's a match made in heaven, by military force if necessary. And it's great because, as a loyal taxpayer, 0.25% of that land is mine. I've been wanting one of those deep freezers, but now I'm thinking I'll hold off on buying it and just set up a shack at my newfound land where I'll keep meats, cheeses, and ultra-processed foods to feed my family for months, even years. Also, President-Elect Trump has said he is changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to The Gulf of America, and this is, without question, a welcome change. The name has never made sense, anyway. In a parallel announcement, it's been declared that we'll also be renaming the Atlantic Ocean the American Ocean –because why should Indians get their own ocean and we're left with a tiny little gulf? Additionally, the Pacific Ocean will be named the Lucas Oil Ocean, thanks to a partnership with our generous sponsors, who are expanding beyond their NFL deal to tap into the only thing bigger than American Football – America. Lastly, Trump Tower is being renamed "The Lorem Ipsum Tower," and every coffee bought in the entryway comes with a free subscription to the newsletter. I've always agreed that the USA really is the land of opportunity, and now, even more than ever, thanks to the opportunity of land. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 2nd Week of 2025` ### The Rich and Flameous Nikki Glaser hosted the Golden Globes, and for 3 hours, the world revolved around the people who believed it already did. On the red carpet, we had Zendaya in a custom Louis Vuitton dress and Bulgari jewelry, Nicole Kidman In a Balenciaga gown, and Succession’s Jeremy Strong wearing a velour jumpsuit from the [only remaining](https://www.palmbeachpost.com/story/business/2024/10/21/kmart-last-store-miami-florida/75774559007/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Where%20is%20the%20Florida%20Kmart,garden%20section%20for%20Kmart%20shoppers.) K-Mart. Just after the glow of the golden globes wore off, L.A. began to face a less welcomed glow. Over the last three days, some of the most affluent areas of Los Angeles have been impacted by the biggest wildfire in L.A. history, in a town where countless celebrities reside. Generally, when you see smoke in L.A., it means Ben Affleck is nearby. This time, these puffs were not caused by the famous chain smoker but by dry conditions and strong seasonal winds that sparked a historic wildfire. The flames have impacted the homes of celebrities like Mandy Moore, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Tom Hanks. In some cases, B-List actors may have been impacted as well, but it's still too early to tell. When asked about the blaze, Vin Diesel is reported as saying that if the Rock won't go to hell when he tells him to, it's about time hell comes to him. Other celebrities express their condolences to those who've lost everything, like Paris Hilton, who lost her $8 million beach house only to be left with her life and family and their net worth of $14.2 billion. In all seriousness, let's hope for a speedy recovery for the city and all those who have lost their homes and neighborhoods. No one deserved it – except maybe Ben Affleck. The Lakers game against the Charlotte Hornets was abruptly canceled last night "to focus on what matters most." The Hornets immediately expressed their support for the people of LA and said, "...but that means you lose, though." looking to get their hands on one of their few wins of the season. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/01/09/us/california-fires-los-angeles?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Love Shack The anniversary of January 6th happened this week, and Trump has moved to reshape the narrative around this historic event, calling it a "day of love." Some suspect he may deem the date a national holiday, where people are expected to celebrate by giving one another candy hearts and love notes and beating one another with the American flag. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-continuing-effort-downplay-jan-6-violence-day/story?id=117381861&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Justin Case Justin Trudeau will resign as leader of his party and, therefore, Prime Minister of Canada. According to sources, the person who leaked the news was incredibly nice and said sorry multiple times, pronouncing it "sore-E." When Trudeau announced he was stepping down, he noted that he was fighting internal battles, which in the US, we call "drinking tea," but Canadians are so polite that a debate over whether one wants one lump or two in his tea has become a roadblock to governing. ([more](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trudeau-resign-canada-blackface-trump-tariffs-marriage-b2675544.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Metastesize Meta is ending its fact-checking program. This has Facebook warriors up in arms because they feel more comfortable if Facebook is the arbiter of what is true and reliable than anyone else. For example, did a worldwide pandemic start with a [Wuhan lab](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/06/03/opinion/covid-lab-leak.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) leak? Facebook blocked it. Did Hunter Biden have naked pictures on a laptop? [Meta said nope](https://judiciary.house.gov/media/in-the-news/facebook-execs-suppressed-hunter-biden-laptop-scandal-curry-favor-biden-harris?ref=danielkherndon.com), it was a Russian plant. Now, Meta is handing the fact-checking to the public via community notes similar to X. This means the critics can do fact-checking, and even the critics know that it is a bad idea. I know because [this Wikipedia article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fact-checking?ref=danielkherndon.com) explains the problems with fact-checking and user-generated content! The first thing I am going to fact-check is Mark's gold necklace and probably his hairdo, too. But trust the public to provide the truth on that or anything else? No thanks. I'll trust Wikipedia for my facts from here on out. ([more](https://about.fb.com/news/2025/01/meta-more-speech-fewer-mistakes/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better when you send it to your friends to fact-check it. The more, the better. If you want the news, read The Lorem Ipsum. If you want to be sure, share it with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Time to Make The Donuts URL: https://danielkherndon.com/time-to-make-the-donuts/ Last updated: 2025-01-03T11:30:03.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey Friends, I'd be remiss if I didn't disclose the source of my subject line by saying: Copyright, Fred the Baker, 1981\. It was the popular tagline back when Dunkin' Donuts made their doughnuts fresh every morning. They stopped using the tagline back in 1997, which was also when they baked their last fresh donut. They made so many donuts that year that they've been selling from existing inventory ever since – confirmed by the taste and texture of every nut. I'm putting the tagline back to use because, after four weeks of reruns, it's now time for me to get up early and start making some of my own fresh dough – mine come in the form of words, although not as stale as the aforementioned type. But,... I'm behind. That means that starting *next* week, I'll be back to our regular programming, which includes, as promised, whatever I decide to write. You can expect more not so partisan talk about politics, making fun of nearly every idea that has earned it. I’ll also serve up thought pieces full of both riveting ideas and run-on sentences. Until then, I'll rerun one last piece. This one is about my reason for writing. I wrote it just as Putin directed the Russian army to invade Ukraine. It was after I commented on the same, a reader told me my harsh jokes were too soon. I wrote this in response to someone who blasted me for being insensitive. My view is that I said what needed to be said. Since many of you are new here, the article will be just as new to you. Rather than linking you to it where I [originally posted it](https://danielkherndon.com/when-is-too-soon/), I'll post the full text right here in this release. It talks about what I plan to do more of in 2025, and it's the mission of The Lorem Ipsum: Make people laugh while making them think. Enjoy, and see you next week. Drop me a comment below with your thoughts. --- ## When is 'Too Soon'? *About the ongoing struggle of those who make people laugh.* For no less than four decades, I’ve been doing my best to put my money where my mouth is. Unfortunately, sometimes, that can mean I need to wrap my money around my foot. Not because of any bad nail-biting habits or strange fetishes but because I pair frank speech with candy-coated commentary to deliver a meaningful message. Timing is everything, and I can assure you that if I know the iron is hot, it’s my policy to strike immediately. But when the iron is a terrible tragedy, and striking is a humorous piece of oral literature punctuated by a punch line–well, that timely joke could be subject to severe sanctions. I’ve been in plenty-a-business meeting and plopped a one-liner just as everyone was starting to feel awkward. I’ve shifted the mood with a little irony at funerals and festivals alike. I’ve set ‘em up, and I’ve knocked ‘em down. Since the beginning, I found that a merry heart does good, and listeners listen better when listening is fun. You can pluck weeds and plant seeds, but it’s a lot easier after softening the ground. Life can be funny, though. Sometimes you’re the joker, and sometimes you’re the joke. I’ve been on the receiving end of my fair share of ridicule as well, but it hasn’t phased me too much because you can’t dupe the duper anymore than you can cape the caper. And while you can jest the jester just as much as the next guy, I’m no stranger to a jolt of reality. My catch has been 22’d, and my quag has been mired as much as anyone's. But such is life. That’s why Alanis Morissette said, and I quote, “Isn’t it ironic?”. She knew that life is filled with enough negativity as it is, and we should take that as a given. As Cary Elwes said in The Princess Bride when he was playing Westley, who was playing The Man In Black: “*Life is Pain. Anyone who says any differently is selling something.”* Despite the great wisdom of the ‘not left-handed either’ swordsman, many refuse to accept the reality of the situation that is life, avoiding the truth to hold on to an imagined happiness. We can think of pain as anguish in which to wallow, or we can think of pain as simply the irony of life. Something to be laughed at, then faced head-on. You see, everyone is looking for happiness, but most people will only find what their itching eyes will let them see. But the thing is, in life, it's a lot like looking for your phone. Most of the time, it’s in your hand. Me, I’m more a fan of the Dave Chapelles of the world. Those who, despite attempts to cancel him, continue to thrive. The type who if you pull your hand away from the cancel button long enough to hear his full message, proves to be better advocates for the cause of his critics than the critics are for their own. I’m a fan of telling the truth in a way that people can stomach. I like getting into the weeds but asking you to pull my finger while we’re at it. Let me expand on this with a personal story. Apparently, someone who has been subscribed to my content for a period of months has never been a fan of me. I’ll share with you they/their comments (removing all gender identifiers to protect the innocent/guilty). After sending an email featuring content addressing the war in Ukraine, rife with predictable humor, a reader responded with a chiding remark, and I quote: *“You’re not funny.”* Obviously, you could say that was a low blow, but I didn’t take it that way. I took it as welcomed feedback. I said, “I take your point as friendly criticism and worthy of reflection.” I’ve never been a fan of taking things so seriously that content is more politically correct than it is factually correct. I’ve also never been much of a fan of satire, that is, fake news that is intended to be fake, despite my appreciation for its usefulness in ridiculing the completely ridiculous while entertaining the reader. This was not the only comment I received. I also received several others, including people using phrases like “thought provoking”, “good writers take risks”, and “thank you for this”. One of these comments was paired with the phrase (stated rather politely) “too soon?”. Well, that is a good question. Is it too soon? I mean, after all, one of the world's most evil people has enacted some of the evilest acts on innocent people. But we can talk about Donald Trump another time. First, let’s focus on Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. With treachery like this taking place, is it really time to be making jokes? No. It is not. In fact, it’s always time to be making jokes. Because life is pain, and just like the great people of Ukraine, we will not let pain take from us our freedom. The fact that the world's greatest hero for this moment in time is a comedian should tell you something about our collective need. I can tell you with confidence that the world needs more people like President Volodymyr Zelensky. People who will stay put when things get tough despite grave loss and personal risk. People who will sit and laugh with their countrymen in a bunker rather than on the other end of a 60-foot [table](https://twitter.com/grudkev/status/1498403042303086605?s=21&ref=danielkherndon.com). We need people who will put on an army green T-shirt and a helmet when it suits the situation better than a black suit and a comb-over. We need people who will [lob a joke](https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/1571967/ukraine-savages-Italy-cancelled-call-russia-invasion-Volodymyr-Zelenskyy-Mario-Draghi?ref=danielkherndon.com) at the President of the European Central Bank [on Twitter](https://twitter.com/ZelenskyyUa/status/1497173609957236738?s=20&t=36LbF7iDK46pmPqe0J0kog&ref=danielkherndon.com), scoffing at him for the apparent inconveniences of his busy schedule fighting a war. We need people who will keep our spirits up when times are tough. And we need them to remind us that life is pain, and we can laugh it off while shouting expletives at our enemies. When it comes to the content here on The Lorem Ipsum, I always think twice about whether I am making light of something that is very dark and deserves to be referenced with sobriety. When I reflect on this, I usually land in a similar place. I believe we need good medicine, and some medicine is hard to swallow, but we need to take it nonetheless. Laughter, however, is the best medicine, and that makes the former go down better. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is the healthy option, and it next gets stale. Share these empty calories with a friend, and be completely guilt-free. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### The Brewing URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-brewing/ Last updated: 2024-12-27T11:30:44.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Christmas has come and gone, and I still don't know what day it is. It's part of a regiment I use to slow the aging process. Unplug from work, get some sleep, and spend time with family and friends. Some would add drinking coffee to the anti-aging program, and I gladly accept. I consider it the anti-aging cream of beverages. Maybe anti-aging cream and sugar if you have a sweet tooth. It's the presence of antioxidants that reduces the aging process, and I know I couldn't do without it. That's what I covered in this week's rerun, written back in 2022\. I explain why coffee is essential to preventing aging, but alarmingly, climate change has reduced the production of this lifesaving elixir. Meanwhile, demand for the product is up while the supply is decreasing. The world's coffee supply largely comes from countries that look to lose 60% of the land space suitable for growing coffee by 2050, which could be catastrophic. Not so much for the earth, but for my crow's feet. I can handle the warmer temperatures, but not at the cost of my youth! If you think I'm jittery about this topic, it's not the caffeine. While my coffee consumption has not been impacted yet, I am at an increased risk compared to some. As things worsen for the coffee industry, the typical Starbucks drinker who adds their sweet creams and syrups will likely not notice much change as the product quality decreases. But I drink mine brewed pure, and the impact on coffee due to climate change disproportionately affects black and brown coffee drinkers. We better act quickly. Here's a preview of the article. You can click through to [read the whole thing here](https://danielkherndon.com/roasting-coffee-to-the-ends-of-the-earth/). ## Coffee To The End of The Earth *How we're destroying the world and our morning routines.* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/12/Coffee-1-1.jpg) > According to Bobby Vee, livin' ain't easy. It seems like he's right, too, but if you ask me lovin's twice as tough. He didn't ask me, though, and I understand because it was 1967, and a twinkle in my father's eye might have cramped his style, which was plentiful at the time. > > I can only speculate if he knew how hard we'd be trying today to do just that. Life is hard enough as we worry about things like whether Liz Truss will be able to make up her mind about economic policy or if Alex Jones will pay up on his billion dollars of damages. > > It could be worse, though. All of Pakistan could be flooded right now. Instead, it's only a third. Or the bottom half of Florida could be wiped off the map, getting all their electoral votes wet before they can bring them to Washington to dispute in front of Congress. > > Despite these hardships, we're getting by. We're stayin' alive, as they say. Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive. > > When it comes to staying alive, there are a few things that are vital for all of humanity. Food for energy and nutrition, shelter to protect us from the elements, and a social safety net so we can thrive through cooperation. And for everything else, you're going to need coffee – if for nothing else, for the antioxidants, which I'm told are essential to removing damaging oxidizing agents in people like us. In short, they prevent things like cancer and heart disease. > > I'm no Juan Valdez, but I know what's good for me, and that's why I drink coffee every day without exception. To not get cancer. But also because I am completely unwilling to see what happens if I don't drink coffee. Regardless, it's a bucket list item for me to not get cancer, and the simplest way to prevent it happens to taste good and help wake me up in the morning. [Coffee To The End of The EarthHow we’re destroying the world and our morning routines.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-7.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Coffee.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/roasting-coffee-to-the-ends-of-the-earth/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The best part of waking up is to get The Lorem Ipsum in your inbox. So share the love. Pour a copy into your friend's inbox by sharing this issue. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Boy Meats Newsletter URL: https://danielkherndon.com/boy-meats-newsletter/ Last updated: 2024-12-20T11:30:50.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, My gray matter was nearly dried out after 3 years of exercise with nary even a juice box to replenish it. I've resorted to reruns to give you a tasty treat while I attempt to reconstitute. But don't worry, the articles I've picked are just as relevant today as ever, and sometimes, even more than when they were written. As planned, I have another one for you this week. I talk a lot about food in this blog. It's because the culinary world has such explanatory powers. For example, Spam is a historic food with a story behind it, but it's also how we describe bad email. A hot dog is tube meat eaten for survival, a grilled sensation eaten as a celebration, and it's also how we refer to our most hated members of Congress. Ketchup is a condiment, but it's also a key part of [government](https://www.jsonline.com/story/news/local/milwaukee/2017/03/01/president-trumps-choice-well-done-steak-and-ketchup-raises-eyebrows/98576882/?ref=danielkherndon.com), too. Red meat is the same. In the following rerun, I explain how the messaging, as architected by journalists, politicians, and their PR teams, is often meant to get a charge out of the public, often by being deceptive or extreme. I also point out that Republicans have led with this approach in an almost cartoonish manner but warn Democrats that the tables may turn, and they may soon be the ones resorting to the same antics. Well, the tables have indeed turned in government, and to control the narrative, the left may find it resorts to using red meat. The lesson here is simple. Be careful. Red meat politics can lead us astray. Here's the article. ## Red Meat Politics *Red meat sells the article, but it hardly tells the story.* --- ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/12/97-red-meat-steak-2-1.jpg) Is it a juicy steak or a juicy story? --- > Since the invention of the printing press, the length of the news cycle has been shrinking, measured now in increments likened to those of measuring Pudding Fingers in a swimming pool (when the water is cold). Pudding Fingers, also known as Ron Desantis, is no stranger to the news cycle himself, and he makes a point to manipulate it, no matter how small it may be. > > The best part of the news is the headlines. It lifts the most weight in attempt to capture your interest while signaling the article's message. Headlines, however, are usually the worst way to get our news. The headline tells a story, but that story, an incomplete one by design, is to lure you into the whole of what the writer has to say or if telling a story is reduced to a vehicle for profit, the ads that surround it. The headline is the bait, after which you get the switch and pay for it with clicks. > > In the clicking business, where internet news puts its ads and poorly written content to die, the professionals know they need to deliver red meat. *If it bleeds, it ledes,* they say*.* For those of you with a taste for blood, you know, a juicy steak is where you get the best kind. > > In politics, [red meat](https://politicaldictionary.com/words/red-meat/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is the culture war tactic that riles up the base, valued in ratings and clicks by the news networks. That's why the web pundits will chuck bait in a single headline to pull you in. If the story lives up to the hype, that's great, but more often than not, there's more sizzle than steak. But it's the sizzle that pays the bills. ***Read the rest here:*** [Red Meat PoliticsRed meat sells the article, but it hardly tells the story.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-6.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/97-red-meat-steak.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/red-meat-politics/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with a side of beef, but it's also better when you are nibbling on it with friends. Share a tasty morsel with your family this holiday season. ***Have a great weekend and Merry Christmas!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### The Armed and Hammered URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-armed-and-hammered/ Last updated: 2024-12-13T11:30:58.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I’ve never liked being wrong, and that’s why I’ve developed systems to prevent something like that from happening. A popular strategy for some is to just never say anything, but that approach never seemed practical to me, and usually makes for pretty boring dinner parties. The following article rerun is about my strategy. The article is from back in 2022, but it’s no less relevant today than when it was released. As I explain, my strategy can be applied to almost any topic. For an easy example, there’s an ongoing debate in some states about transgender laws as it relates to minors. The issue showed up this year in a political debate regarding [California schools](https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2024-04-15/california-goes-to-court-over-transgender-student-rights-vs-parent-rights?ref=danielkherndon.com). The argument is that one side claims that "parents have a fundamental right to be involved in all aspects of their children’s lives, especially on matters as consequential as gender identification." and the other side says that "blanket parental notification policies violate student privacy and civil rights enshrined in state law and the education code and that the near universal outing of transgender students to parents would put some children at serious risk." This topic became a hot-button issue in the national election, but it falls on the border of two divergent topics, which prevents progress on the issue because of how charged either side is on the topic. So, do parents have a fundamental right to knowledge about their children? Do kids have a fundamental right to privacy, even from their parents? According to a Supreme Court ruling in [Routten V Routten](https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/20/20-618/162853/20201207145434898%5F20-616%20Amicus%20Brief%20The%20Justice%20Foundation%20cert%20stage.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=This%20Court%20has%20determined%20that%20parents%20have,and%20until%20a%20parent%20is%20proven%20unfit.) in 2020, parents have a natural right in the care and custody of their child, and those rights cannot be infringed unless the parent has been deemed unfit by the courts. What I find most useful about this case is that it is not about trans issues at all. It is about a custody dispute and the question of whether a parent has the right to be involved in their child's life. The test of a parent's rights should be determined based on the standards of parents' rights. Not something else, but that does not, in all cases, resolve what may be a competing issue: a minor child's right to privacy. Naturally, this issue has become fodder for politics instead. While I let the sponginess of my brain become reconstituted with oils and other bodily fluids that might support its aging process, I've decided to highlight an article I wrote some time ago that talks about prickly issues like the above. I use the topic of gun in this case. Here’s an excerpt: > As much as I relish the depth of conversation one may have with a shrewdness of apes; generally, I find myself with common Americans. As usual, I take a both-side-ism approach where my answer to almost any policy question is, "Well it depends." This makes it hard to win an argument, although I'm up for the challenge. More importantly, it makes it impossible to lose one – because everything always depends. > > At least half of these conversations have been heated. I just mean because I'm having these conversations with myself in a hot shower as well, a perfect place to work out all of life's kinks. Suffice it to say, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I agree that we have a problem, but we haven't quite managed to get much in the way of a leading solution. At least not one that will have much impact, given that we're too busy complaining about inflation to be bothered with reducing human suffering or deaths. And why would you, if that means giving up your guns? Without an armed public, you run the risk of the government deciding to declare martial law so they can take away all of our rights while preventing us from hunting for wild bore with our machine gun. (Or, for some people, hunting for Mike Pence if in season). > > When it comes to gun safety or the lack thereof, we are all but at an impasse in the United States. We have a tough choice. Do we outlaw guns entirely or do we pass them out in schools? I also discuss laws to prevent vehicle deaths and other topics. I conclude by applying my strategy that provides me with a sure bet I won’t ever be wrong, which is to say, I use math. Most politicians lie. Math never does. So in short, this is the answer to pretty my everything. Enjoy. ## Arming America (With Information) *When it comes to gun laws, the power of rhetoric is greater than reason, but gun violence, like almost all problems, is a mathematical one and will require a more nuanced approach.* [Arming America (With Information)When it comes to gun laws, the power of rhetoric tends to be more powerful than reason, but gun violence like almost all problems is a mathematical one and will require a more nuanced approach. Here’s how the liberal position has got it all wrong.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-5.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/48-Light-Switch-1-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is mathematically better than almost all newsletters when shared widely, especially when you become a paying member. You can trust me, or better yet, find out for yourself at the link below! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Begging Your Pardon URL: https://danielkherndon.com/begging-your-pardon/ Last updated: 2024-12-06T11:30:22.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey everyone, My wife used to be a preschool teacher, and she will attest to one fact: no one ever believes their kid did anything bad. Or if they did, maybe did you try asking him nicely to stop? He doesn't like to be yelled at. That's why it’s not surprising to me that President Biden pardoned his son. I wouldn't expect anything different. ### Today's article. As you know, I'm spending more time letting my brain gain back some of its moisture, not to mention walking around the house wearing socks. That means I've decided to pull out the old articles you've missed that are still relevant today. Some time ago, I wrote a series about the changes across cultures over generations and how that appears when it comes to certain issues. In this piece, I covered the changes in democracy as a concept we in America have come to take for granted. The core features of democracy are the following: - Citizen participation in government - Free speech and freedom of the press - Respect for basic human rights - Separation of powers in government - Respect for the rule of law Many of these features still exist, but none are without scars. This is not just in America nor is it limited to one candidate or party. Some studies say the bedrock of democracy is [in decline around the world](https://www.idea.int/news/bedrocks-democracy-under-threat-across-globe?ref=danielkherndon.com). Confidence in elections is down, Russia is consolidating its autocratic power by invading a neighboring democracy. South Korea faced a crisis this week as its President declared martial law to stifle protests from his opposition. Syria is in a civil war and Iran has been gaining power and influence in America as an antagonist of democracy. Even in the US, Democrats have been saying that if you want your vote to count, you have only one choice but to vote for them—ironically not a democratic idea. Meanwhile, the President-Elect is appointing empty suits and TV hosts to line his cabinet with yes men while he talks about prosecuting the media he doesn’t like. What is more striking is the way public opinion has changed when it comes to democratic values. Democracy lives ultimately in the minds and mood of those who enjoy it. The article was released back in October of 2022, but as it is an examination of history, you may find it as relevant two years later. From the article: > In the 90s, Generation X lifted up democracy by creating entire music festivals and TV marathons where everyone lauded the fact that the power of one's vote mattered. To Gen Xers, democracy was celebrated like the life-changing innovation of email, something you would go out of your way to get 180 hours of access to, or at least to the mailbox every couple of weeks. Email at the time may have only been an easier way to turn a business rival into an online romance, a la *You've Got Mail*, but we all knew it would become something we couldn't live without. Your voice mattered whether it was expressed in an AOL chat room or through the chads on a voter ballot, hanging or otherwise. Enjoy it in full below. ## Generational Change: The Game of Democracy *Democracy is not being tested. It's on life support. Examining how our views of democracy have changed and how it may not be a certainty in our future.* [Generational Change: The Game of DemocracyDemocracy is not being tested. It’s not on trial by fire. It is gasping for air and it’s on life support because democracy is actually in danger.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-4.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/Spam.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/generational-change-the-game-of-democracy) --- ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### A Thanksgiving Special URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-thanksgiving-special/ Last updated: 2024-11-29T11:30:42.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Do I seem angry? I don't feel like I am, but after a couple of readers have asked me if I'm okay, I thought I should evaluate. It might be that I've spent the better part of the last year writing in black and white, drawing in [jungle green](https://www.color-hex.com/color/28a99d?ref=danielkherndon.com), and still having a hard time getting rid of orange. Maybe it's just years of reading the news with no end in sight. Taking in all the darkness and trying to pour it out as something light is not easy. Well, I've decided to step back and think about what I've done. Over the next month, I’ll be taking some time off. I'll still publish each Friday. But instead of writing a fresh new piece or foraging through the top headlines, I'm going to reach into the archives to highlight my best articles, many of which are just as relevant today as ever. I started The Lorem Ipsum back in June of 2021, a ripe three and a half years ago and have not taken a single week off. That's 179 weeks in a row. In pounds, that's almost how much weight Marjorie Taylor Green can bench press on a good day. Or the number of times Alexandria Occacio Cortez has complained about someone calling her names. Those weeks consist of three books worth of words or a week's worth of Elon Musk's tweets, although with more substance, I would hope. Well, it's time for me to put the axe down and recharge my creative juices. To fill in for me, Yesterday Me will step in. That's the me that was much lighter and less battle-worn. I'll feature an article I think you should read or re-read. For most of you, being fairly new here, the classics are as new to you as the latest. For those looking for fresh material, Today Me will probably be there to open with some commentary, just like the old man in masterpiece theatre. Speaking of recharging, I'd encourage you to do the same. Politics, which takes up a good portion of the content here, can be an ugly place. It can be divisive, aggravating, and sometimes a distortion of reality. Contrary to what you may think, the world does not hate you. Most people are just neighbors that would help you with a flat tire, or lost dog without hesitation. We all simply have our own life experiences, which lead us to see the world through a lens made of those experiences. But we have a tendency to judge people for their lenses when we should be their neighbors instead. In general, we all want the same thing. To be happy, and to live where people are happy. So let's do one of the most happy things one can do. Let's break bread together instead of trying to prove each other wrong. Let's make space for one another, set aside our differences, and be together. So, in the spirit of making space, I'll share an article that reminds us of just that. I've re-shared it once before, but it is timely, so I figured it couldn't hurt to share again. I promise this will be the last time (possibly). It's about making room in our lives by making blank spaces and doing less so we can enjoy it more. # Blank Space *Life is about taking it all in, even if it means deleting some. An essay about what isn't there.* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/11/IMG_1969.jpeg) Here’s an excerpt. > As in advertising, so it is with every form of art. American Gothic barely had any gothic in it, just a man, a woman, and the look of toil on their faces. In The Creation of Adam, it is the simplicity of the hands that makes it special. The Mona Lisa was not the Mona Lisa and Friends. For god sakes, the statue of David barely had genitalia to distract us. And how much time the artists must have spent simply thinking about their work of art before taking the first stroke, considering what they won't include in their design and which blank spaces they will leave to be as they were when they found them. > > Beauty is an act of restraint. Beauty is in the blank space. Here's to making space. Enjoy ***This Week's Feature.*** [Blank SpaceLife is about taking it all in, even if it means deleting some. An essay about what isn’t there.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/Icon-1-3.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/123-blank-spaces.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/blank-space/) ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/11/14-Turkey.jpg) Happy Thanksgiving ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### I Want My MTV URL: https://danielkherndon.com/i-want-my-mtv/ Last updated: 2024-11-22T23:45:58.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I think it's time we make America healthy again, and I think I know what to do. Consider the following. Ever since they stopped playing music videos on MTV, metabolic health disorders have been on the rise. See, here’s a chart I made. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/11/IMG_0104.jpeg) Very accurate chart, drawn with precision by me. And none of these details are made up either. That's clearly the only way to explain why we have some of [the worst healthcare](https://danielkherndon.com/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/) amongst our peer countries. Sure, some say correlation does not equal causation, but that's what they want you to believe. That’s why if I were president, I would appoint an MTV Czar to get to the bottom of the Music Video Industrial complex and solve this problem. I'll just say this to the people responsible for health issues: preserve your data and pack your bags. They say, "Video killed the radio star." But according to the data, the loss of music videos is killing us all. Listen, like RFK says, I'm just asking the questions. Science has shut me down repeatedly, and so have the executives at MTV. It's time for that to change. I want my MTV. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 47th Week of 2024` ### Pearly Gaetz It’s been my goal to stop talking about politics for a bit to give us all a break, so I wanted to take a moment to change the subject to Matt Gaetz who is no longer in politics, but may be pursuing a career as a youth pastor. Gaetz is a [Southern Baptist](https://baptistnews.com/article/matt-gaetz-is-a-southern-baptist-who-appears-to-get-a-free-pass/?ref=danielkherndon.com) who had several wild parties, which, when you add snacks and teen girls, is basically a church lock-in. Matt seems to have no problem connecting with the youth, especially if they’re cute in a skirt and would do favors for $500\. Federal investigators have traced a series of payments to several women, either to help pay for a pizza party or otherwise possibly to pay for sex, as some of them [testified](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/gaetz-witnesses-sex-allegations-venmo/?ref=danielkherndon.com). It’s unclear if any of the underage girls had a permission slip signed by their parents, but this is generally non-negotiable. What we know is that Gaetz captured videos of him teaching young ladies "the gospel" after sending thousands in cash payments and then showed those videos to people on the floor of Congress. Matt, who has already resigned from Congress, has since withdrawn his name from consideration for a cabinet position. Maybe he also won’t be a good youth leader after all, but we’ll see. ### RF Okay There’s still a lot to be determined as Trump fills cabinet positions but his recent picks appear to be a plan for the next season of Celebrity Apprentice, Sexual Assault Edition, and many are excited to watch. Sometimes, even if you don’t look good in a police report, you might look good on TV, and that just might be what it takes to qualify for a key position in government. RFK Jr has perhaps gained the most coverage. He gets attention for his health claims like that [increased mercury in seafood](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/rfk-jr-parasitic-brain-worm-mercury-poisoning/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is causing brain worms and autism and may be a malicious ploy by the food industry. People are either excited or skeptical of him. Those who doubt him are concerned about his conspiracy thinking, but his supporters are glad someone will stand up to the food industry by s*peaking* *truth to Chowder* as they say. It's easy to make fun of anyone with a brain worm, especially someone who deserves it, as I explain in [Irrational Fears](https://danielkherndon.com/irrational-fears/), but I’ll remain open to the possibilities. If he can convince Big Food to [remove harmful dyes](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/15/health/rfk-big-food-artificial-dyes-trump.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) from our foods, I'm all for it. I’m definitely gonna run my MTV ideas by him, too. ### Tyson Foods Speaking of food, the most boring thing that happened last week was a boxing match – this is not counting a dry skin issue I had experienced with the change of weather for which a topical cream came into the picture. Last weekend, boxing legend Mike Tyson (pronounced "Mike Tythin") was beaten by Jake Paul, someone younger than his latest bone spur. Jake won by a unanimous decision on a margin wider than the gap between Mike's front teeth. When Jake was born, Mike was snacking on Evander Holyfield-flavored ear candy, and now, at 58 years old, he was the snack. If you saw it and thought Jake's swings were laggy, that was simply Netflix having [streaming trouble.](https://www.newsweek.com/sports/netflix-now-being-sued-over-jake-paul-vs-mike-tyson-fight-1989538?ref=danielkherndon.com) If you thought Mike Tyson's [ass cheeks](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/netflix-shows-mike-tyson-butt-130156431.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) were on the screen too long, maybe you were just staring too long. His eyes are up *here*. ### Nuke Kids on the Block Putin has enjoyed his normal weekend activities, which include strutting in the wilderness with his shirt off, seated on the saddle of a horse, during which he will tell his nuclear team on a whim to lower the country's threshold to employing nuclear weapons. This latest nuclear posturing happened after the USA allowed Ukraine to strike deep into Russian borders with [ATACMS missiles](https://abcnews.go.com/International/new-russian-nuclear-doctrine-threatens-response-ukraines-western/story?id=115998090&ref=danielkherndon.com) provided by the US. Russia says it shot down the missiles. Putin's nuclear posturing is beginning to fall on deaf ears through, including Biden's. After [three years of nuclear threats](https://www.cnn.com/2024/11/19/europe/putin-russia-update-nuclear-doctrine-ukraine-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), Biden barely bothered to wake from his nap to shrug this one off. ### The Times Goes Tits Up Everyone on earth, including the New York Times, is doing its best to find an offramp to the incessant topic of politics as interest starts to sag. The only way is to do a hard reset with a soft but uplifting topic – and that is to talk about boobs. In a [new article](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/20/well/breast-reduction-trend.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) and episode of [The Daily](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/20/podcasts/the-daily/breast-reduction.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), the Times talks about what Americans have been trying to get off their chest. The story is the latest attempt this week to push up readers fatigued by the trainwreck of politics by giving them something else to stare at. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: At The Lorem Ipsum, unsubscribing is the nuclear option, but we understand that not everyone can be here forever. For the rest of us, sharing this issue with friends is a safer bet. Thanks for your support. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Quarter Pounder URL: https://danielkherndon.com/quarter-pounder/ Last updated: 2024-11-15T16:37:13.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Now that you've likely read every possible take on the election from every source (except those you have marked as spam), it’s time to get back to the real work. Making jokes. What people don’t realize is that having an opinion is really easy. Saying something funny is really hard. But that’s the important work, so let’s get back to business. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 46th Week of 2024` Thanks to the election results, I have four more years of job security from a content standpoint. That is unless The Administration [gets its way](https://www.instagram.com/p/DCIHgJ6xxOm/?hl=en&ref=danielkherndon.com) to squash journalists and platforms who don’t favor Trump. On that note, today’s release covers all the news that washed out all the other news. I might poke the bear a bit but don't worry. Starting next week, this is a Trump sympathizing newsletter, and the name will be The Tariff Ipsum, based on one of the most beautiful words in the English language. We are joining the rest of the world and cozying up to our defacto Lord and Savior, Donald Trump. Enjoy, and god save the king. ### The New Deal This week, President-elect Trump met with President Biden in a traditional exercise demonstrating that two people can at least pretend to get along as they transfer power from one administration to the other. It looks like morning time [at a Hardees](https://www.reddit.com/r/MLPLounge/comments/2hzxde/why%5Fare%5Fthere%5Falways%5Fso%5Fmany%5Fold%5Fpeople%5Fat/?ref=danielkherndon.com), where free coffee refills and a decent breakfast sandwich keep octogenarians in their seats for hours. One aid who commented on the condition of anonymity in order to speak freely said the coffee was better at Hardee's, but it can be just as difficult to get someone to leave after they have overstayed their welcome. The president-elect has been assembling his team, from attorney general to secretary of defense all the way to creating positions which is rumored to include a Quarter Pounder Czar. Despite the former president's experience working the fry line, he is expected to delegate the task. He has also appointed roles to carry out what he calls [the largest deportation in history](https://www.nbcnews.com/now/video/trump-promises-to-implement-the-largest-mass-deportation-plan-in-u-s-history-223823941572?ref=danielkherndon.com), which will disproportionately affect his own food sources, given that he’ll often be deporting key staff of his favorite restaurant. If he can't eat his favorite burger, he may be eating his words soon enough. Here are some of his key nominations and appointments. **Government Efficiency**. Trump [picked Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy](https://nl.nytimes.com/f/newsletter/oV3jxoRCimdM5qoROvatmg~~/AAAAAQA~/RgRpFxQHP0TlaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyNC8xMS8xMi91cy9wb2xpdGljcy9lbG9uLW11c2stdml2ZWstcmFtYXN3YW15LXRydW1wLmh0bWw%5FY2FtcGFpZ25faWQ9OSZlbWM9ZWRpdF9ubl8yMDI0MTExMyZpbnN0YW5jZV9pZD0xMzk0OTImbmw9dGhlLW1vcm5pbmcmcmVnaV9pZD0xMjE2OTAwMDEmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xODMwMzgmdXNlcl9pZD00ODdjMDgyNzEyYzAwYWMxNjk4NTgzMzZkZmY1NzRlMFcDbnl0QgpnKwePNGdszW9UUhBkYW5pZWxAaHJuZG4uY29tWAQAAAAD?ref=danielkherndon.com) to run a new office he called the Department of Government Efficiency or "DOGE." He wants them to cut, restructure, and dismantle parts of the federal government. In order to operate really lean and keep costs low, he hired two guys for the same job. Musk has begun to talk about his aggressive cost-cutting plan. He's stated that he [may be able to cut](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cdj38mekdkgo?ref=danielkherndon.com) $2 trillion in government spending by eliminating "waste." Since 100% of the government payroll equals $271 billion, his first step could be to fire every single government employee, which covers the first 13% of the cut. Then canceling all social security payments after that will get us most of the way there. For the final stretch of cuts of waste, canceling the billions in government contracts that go to Musk's companies has been proposed, but it's unclear if he will agree to the plan. Also, just one more friendly reminder that Vivek Ramaswamy will be there as well. So far, he has been asked to "say cheese" for a picture. **Pete Hegseth**, the Fox News host, was picked as Defense Secretary. Analysts think he'll be using his experience as a TV personality to announce to everyone in the Defense Department plans for defending the nation and to accurately warn his team of any commercial breaks. Known best for [not washing his hands](https://www.startribune.com/pete-hegseth-defense-secretary-trump/601180054?ref=danielkherndon.com), the team at Fox is washing their hands of him, but also everything he has touched in the building. Trump, a known germaphobe, appears to be welcoming him, however not with open arms, due to the risk of spreading germs. **Matt Gaetz** was nominated to be attorney general. One witness said when offered the role, he squealed in excitement like a schoolgirl (although another witness believes that was his [girlfriend](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/house-ethics-committee-contacts-matt-gaetzs-girlfriend-part/story?id=106886030&ref=danielkherndon.com), an actual schoolgirl — we’re working to confirm this). Even Republicans were surprised by the pick, as some went on record [saying](https://www.axios.com/2024/11/13/matt-gaetz-republicans-trump-attorney-general?ref=danielkherndon.com) he has his work cut out to get confirmed. **Mike Huckabee** will be ambassador to Israel. As a staunch supporter of Israel, he's expected to be sympathetic to the zionist movement. Mike will teach [bass guitar](https://www.avclub.com/so-heres-mike-huckabee-playing-bass-with-a-member-of-k-1835236685?ref=danielkherndon.com) lessons from the river to the sea, consisting mostly of Baptist praise and worship music. **Jack Smith** was not one of Trump's cabinet appointments, but rather one of his disappointments, as special prosecutor assigned to the cases against Donald Trump, and he has vowed to [retaliate](https://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/4986776-jack-smith-cases-trump/?ref=danielkherndon.com) against him. Since the election makes the charges essentially moot, Jack is winding down his work and will resign before Trump takes office. He’s also sending an edible arrangement to Mar A Lago, along with [this bear](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1425383070/apology-gifts-for-him-how-to-forgive?ref=danielkherndon.com) on Etsy that says, “I’m sorry.” **Robert F. Kennedy** was nominated to lead the Health and Human Services Department. He was promised he could go “hog wild” on health (since I mentioned hogs, public health professionals insist we mention here that eating undercooked pork can be harmful to your health). His most famous statement comes in a tweet where he tells the corrupt FDA to pack their bags. Kennedy says [raw milk is in and fluoride is out](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/12/health/robert-kennedy-jr-fda.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) based on his views that question the science and challenge the motives of public health officials. Some public health experts call his claims “toothless,” but then again, in four years, we all will be. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: If you want four more years of The Lorem Ipsum, we need you to share it with friends. Pass along this issue and keep me in the Oval Inbox. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### The Orange Wave URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-orange-wave/ Last updated: 2024-11-15T16:43:38.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Welcome to America. Some of you are feeling blue, and some of you are seeing red. You may be a migrant wondering if you made a wrong turn. The rest of you are celebrating. Actually, most of America is celebrating. America's gender reveal party was this Tuesday, and by late in the evening, we learned it was not a girl. It was a felon. We didn't have a blue wave or a red one. It was orange. This wasn't the first time Donald beat a woman. He assaulted E Jean Carrol and at least [25 other women](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald%5FTrump%5Fsexual%5Fmisconduct%5Fallegations?ref=danielkherndon.com) have publicly accused him of the same. This time, it wasn't sexual assault on Kamala Harris. He simply beat her. The assault comes next. The swamp has been drained, and now the Lockness Swampster and his loyalists are all that remains. America is getting what it has asked for. Here's what we got: 1. An executive leader who has complete immunity for his actions, possibly even including those he’s already been convicted of. 2. Billionaires appointed to his cabinet, including one who has proven he can be successful by cutting staff, customers, and revenues at a for-profit software company. (Perhaps he can do the same for America, especially if it benefits his own wealth). 3. The Elimination of, or weakening of Government institutions, including: 1. The [Department of Defense](https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/10/trump-military-generals-hitler/680327/?ref=danielkherndon.com) 2. The [Department of Education](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/dismantling-department-education-trumps-plan-schools-term/story?id=115579646&ref=danielkherndon.com) 3. The [Department of Justice](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/11/02/trump-justice-department-officials-loyalists-lawyers-00186914?ref=danielkherndon.com) 1. The [Judicial](https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/13/politics/donald-trump-judiciary-courts/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) [Branch](https://www.wsj.com/politics/elections/trump-loyalists-push-for-a-combative-slate-of-new-judges-a3a007e9?ref=danielkherndon.com) 2. His own [accountibility](https://fortune.com/2024/11/07/donald-trump-criminal-indictment-election-victory/?ref=danielkherndon.com) 3. And [anyone who would cross him](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-enemies-election-president-harris-biden-b2643171.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) along the way 4. A guy with a [worm](https://danielkherndon.com/presidential-debased/) in his head. (Typically, it takes one to know one. A worm, that is. And here's why you [should not trust one](https://danielkherndon.com/irrational-fears/).) 5. Not to mention more ketchup stains on the walls of the White House. America has given him a pass. We've actually said very clearly with 51% certainty that this is exactly what we want. Nixon's loyalists broke into the Democratic National Committee headquarters in 1972 to compromise the election. He was forced to resign to save himself. Trump pressured states to “find” him more votes. After inspiring a riot that led to breaking into the Capitol and a threat to kill his vice president, he was invited back into the White House. I blame Joe Biden. Trump said he would build a wall. When he didn’t, people said he tried. Biden said he would build a bridge to the future. But that bridge had a toll, and instead of stepping aside, he waited until his chances were so far past winnable that it was hardly winnable for anyone else. Trump said, "Drain the Swamp," "Build the Wall," "Stop the Steal," and at the center of it all, "Make America Great Again." And everyone repeated it. It’s not exactly “Brat Summer,” but at least you know what it means. Biden's message: "We are in a battle for the soul of our nation." hardly connected with anyone. He may as well have said, "A rising nation, spread over a wide and fruitful land, traversing all the seas with the rich productions of their industry, engaged in commerce with nations who feel power and forget right, advancing rapidly to destinies beyond the reach of mortal eye..." as Thomas Jefferson said in his inaugural address. Both sound beautiful, but neither is relatable today. For Kamala, her message was just as beautiful, I just can’t remember what it was. In the words of someone who makes up phrases all the time, "*What sounds lovely inspires few."* (*– M*e) Or is it *"Beautiful sounds oft go unrepeated."* (*– Also Me*). My point is that the American people don’t want beautiful words. They want an anthem. And people don’t fact-check an anthem. They sing it. ### Right or Remembered? The notions of conservative and liberal politics are always changing, but conceptually, they are based on one idea–the scope of government. Over the last 40 years, Republicans have driven up the deficit by reducing taxes, and Democrats have driven up the deficit by spending more on public services. Each party has come into power saying they would fix it. The only balanced budget on record is that of a Democrat when Clinton presided over a surplus. The biggest examples of [deficit reduction](https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/030515/which-united-states-presidents-have-run-largest-budget-deficits.asp?ref=danielkherndon.com) are under Democrats on the heels of crises during Republican administrations, including Obama's recovery from the Great Recession after Bush and Biden's recovery from the impact of COVID-19 after Trump. There's no need to blame Trump for the pandemic, just as you can't credit Clinton with the Dot Com boom, but you play the cards you're dealt. When it comes to the economy, Obama and Trump have [similar records](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-45827430?ref=danielkherndon.com) regarding economic growth, stock market growth, poverty rates, wage growth, and more. The charts look about the same. In fact, Obama presided over more years of economic and stock market growth than Trump. What does this mean? Probably nothing, except that while your mileage may vary, we weren't better off under Trump. By the numbers, the greatest economy in history is actually today. That is, if a record-high [stock market](https://tradingeconomics.com/united-states/stock-market?ref=danielkherndon.com), booming [small business](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/bidens-small-business-boom-may-undercut-trumps-economic-edge-41030fa3?ref=danielkherndon.com), record-high [GDP](https://www.macrotrends.net/global-metrics/countries/USA/united-states/gdp-gross-domestic-product?ref=danielkherndon.com), record-low [unemployment](https://www.statista.com/statistics/193290/unemployment-rate-in-the-usa-since-1990/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and record-high [wages](https://tradingeconomics.com/united-states/wages?ref=danielkherndon.com) mean anything. Wages have even [kept up](https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/101314/what-does-current-cost-living-compare-20-years-ago.asp?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Americans%E2%80%99%20incomes%20have%20generally%20kept%20pace%20with%20the%20cost%20of%20living%20in%20recent%20decades%2C%20although%20the%20greatest%20share%20of%20wage%20gains%20has%20gone%20to%20the%20highest%2Dpaid%20workers.) with the cost of living, although mostly benefiting those in higher tax brackets. According to the facts, life has been great for the last 40 years, but just slightly better under Democrats. During any period of time, the socially relevant issues on the fringes may change. Voting rights, equal rights for women, immigration, healthcare, abortion, gay marriage, and transgender youth care are all among these sorts of issues. These issues are debated, but generally, the liberal plan is to make progress, and the conservative plan is to protect traditions. Both seem like good ideas from a certain point of view. The liberal view is ironically most conservative–to reduce government impediments to civil and personal rights. The conservative approach is to limit change of values that might expand those rights. This is true for voting, healthcare, abortion, gay marriage, and, for some strange reason, what books end up in a library. At least, that's according to the facts. But the facts don't matter. Only the narrative. Economists, journalists and academics have a lot to say. They might be right, but most people simply remember what it cost them to buy eggs. All that matters is the story people are telling themselves–and Donald Trump was the only one who offered them one. --- ***That‘s it for this week.*** Despite our differing views on politics, it's important that we all agree on one thing. We're in this together. > *"You can’t love your country only when you win. You can’t love your neighbor only when you agree.” – President Joe Biden* ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### A Story About Ghosts URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-story-about-ghosts/ Last updated: 2024-11-15T16:40:23.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Decision 2024 is next Tuesday, and although the country is divided, the choice couldn't be more clear. Gummy candies are better than chocolate. The Today Show had [the debate](https://www.today.com/video/are-gummy-candies-better-than-chocolate-the-internet-s-divided-223058501780?ref=danielkherndon.com). **In election news**, with the exception of [these two billionaires](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/30/technology/jeff-bezos-elon-musk-election.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), no one's vote has ever counted quite as much as a 37-year-old Hispanic mom in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. As Allison Dagnes explained in her guest article on The Lorem Ipsum two years ago, Pennsylvania may have an outsized impact on the results, and it's not that fun. It's worth reading again. [It Sucks Being a SwingerNo matter how attractive you are (as a voter) if you’re not in one of 12 states, you may never see a Presidential candidate.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonAlison Dagnes![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/11/67-Penn.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/i-thought-being-a-swinger-would-be-more-fun/) ### In Today's Issue I've written a seasonally appropriate article about the formless terrors of the ethereal world. Not everyone has seen a ghost, but most have been inflicted by its forces. Whatever your personal experience, many of you will find this relatable. Here's today's **Feature*.* --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. --- ## Tormented By Ghosts Since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been looking for ways to destroy each other. In the days of the Sumerians and Akkadians circa 2300 BC, a spear through the heart may have been the first stage of innovation that pulled humanity out of the caves and into the future. It was an era where combat with bare hands and stones receded for more pointed warfare where the aggressor could be certain of the outcome. As if hunger and the jowls of predatory animals were not enough, the victims had a new fear, and commerce had a new industry to grow with the manufacturing of weapons. The weapons industry has expanded evermore since then, [with over 1 billion guns](https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2019/03/there-are-more-than-1-billion-guns-in-the-world-and-this-is-who-owns-them/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and the large weapons industry above $300 billion in the US alone. Destroying humans has become a cottage industry, with more than a few ways to get the job done. Weapons of war are not the only option either, as some forms of destruction are considered quite simply a matter of business. Civil suits and the work of litigators have put people rightly or wrongly in a place of ruin, and if a jury of their peers agrees, behind bars for life, or perhaps in the electric chair. Sometimes, the destruction is far more complicated and less physical by crushing businesses under lawsuits, putting people out of jobs, or by putting the poor in impossible positions that they can never get out of without luck and with the help of someone who may otherwise destroy them. Human destruction expands even to the creation of cancer-causing agents in agriculture, poor food quality, and perhaps worse, social media. The worst of social media is most certainly dating apps, which purport to help people find or create love, but instead, through a clever game of roulette, destroy one's sanity, sense of safety, and self-esteem while trivializing our deepest relationships as if they are something that can be bought on Amazon. Relationships now come with free shipping in some zip codes. If you like the reviews, it's only one click to "Try Before You Buy." It's even easier to send it back. But of all the ways humans have been destroyed, the most effective way to destroy people and the relationships between them is by ghosting them. It requires little effort and no heart. Simply pierce them through the gut by ignoring their message, however heartfelt it may be. For a relationship created on such a wafer thin foundation, it's hardly a wonder it is so easily shattered. But ghosting someone is not only reserved for dating but for anyone in your orbit whose music you can't face. No weapon has outdone it. Even the nuclear weapons dropped on Japan by the US in 1945 did not leave behind as much damage, as it ended a world war and led to one of the [strongest allied partnerships](https://www.cfr.org/backgrounder/us-japan-alliance?ref=danielkherndon.com) in history between the two countries. Dropping the world's greatest weapons requires calculation, math, and willingness to face the consequences publicly. To simply ghost an ally requires fear and a cold lack of regard for the person or country on the other side. Ghosting is what prompted the Cuban missile crisis, where Cold War isolation and incorrect assumptions between enemies nearly led to a nuclear war. It’s an issue that has been remedied by [establishing open lines of communication](https://www.history.com/topics/cold-war/cuban-missile-crisis?ref=danielkherndon.com), even between sworn enemies. The invention of the smartphone has brought rise to the greatest weapon of all time. It seems so meta, like creating a car door in the desert, simply so you can roll down the window to cool off. A communication device was invented, and because of it, blocking communication with the people around you is now a feature. As with the [Like button](https://danielkherndon.com/the-semantic-web/), one of the smallest features has caused the most damage. Especially since it is the go-to strategy for people across the world who wish to avoid their problems and destroy both their enemies and their loved ones. ### Who Are The Ghosts Ghosting is often attributed to those with "Dark Triad" personality traits, which was my Halloween costume this year. It's the only psychological condition that sounds like an occultic practice. Psychology Today, says the following. > Ghosting comes most from those with Dark Triad [personality traits](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202311/the-psychology-behind-ghosting-in-a-romantic-relationship?ref=danielkherndon.com), specifically those with vulnerable, or "covert," narcissism. Vulnerable narcissists are often highly self-invested, and they may have traits of both narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. [What Really Drives Ghosting in RelationshipsThe reasons that a person ghosts another can be complex and may include vulnerable narcissism, poor communication skills, or feelings of low self-worth.![](https://www.psychologytoday.com/theme-assets/touch-icons/apple-touch-icon.png)Psychology TodayAnnie Tanasugarn Ph.D., CCTSA![](https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/styles/manual_crop_1_91_1_1528x800/public/teaser_image/blog_entry/2023-12/shutterstock_1132448378.jpg?itok=b-RRS3rJ)](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202311/the-psychology-behind-ghosting-in-a-romantic-relationship?ref=danielkherndon.com) What ghosting [says](https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-being-ghosted-5101153?ref=danielkherndon.com) about the ghoster is not pleasant. Sometimes, it says that the perpetrator would rather date a phone than an actual person. Other times, it says one doesn't have the emotional intelligence to navigate a real world. Mental health professionals call it "emotional abuse." I just call it a dick move. If you don't have the mental capacity to communicate like a human, it's unclear whether you are one. On the other hand, Gen Z, the most skilled at ghosting, may be an evolutionary fork in the road for our species. To put it better, here's what the mental health website Verywell Mind says. > Despite ghosting being normalized, it's more about the problem the ghoster is having than it is about you. Ghosting says a lot about the person in many different ways. For instance, it could say that they lacked the courage to do the right thing by explaining why they could no longer continue a relationship with you. > The person or people who ghosted you didn't treat you with integrity and, therefore, did not consider the implications of their actions. It could also signal that they may not care about their actions and are inconsiderate or unreliable. > Ghosting is a form of silent treatment, which mental health professionals have described as emotional cruelty or even [emotional abuse](https://www.verywellmind.com/identify-and-cope-with-emotional-abuse-4156673?ref=danielkherndon.com) if done so intentionally [Getting Ghosted Is The Worst, Here’s How to Cope When it HappensLearn what ghosting is when it comes to dating and other relationships, why being ghosted has become so common, and how to deal with being ghosted by someone else.![](https://www.verywellmind.com/apple-touch-icon-180x180.png)Verywell Mindeditorial process![](https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/PpexakuQk095mTHqHry58ZNw7wI=/783x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/ghosting-954e1be6f0194a8a854806eef14f0047.jpg)](https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-being-ghosted-5101153?ref=danielkherndon.com) The Gottman Institute talks about the harms of [ghosting](https://www.gottman.com/blog/ghosting-the-silent-breakup/?ref=danielkherndon.com), saying that it usually comes from a fear of confrontation, which ironically makes matters worse by hurting the ghosted, and by depriving oneself of better mental health and the personal relationships that make life rich. What's more scary than the ghosts that haunt our homes and abandoned warehouses are the phantom figures seen in the shadows that haunt our relationships and our phones. And this haunting is destroying more individuals and their relationships than the most powerful weapons of war ever created. It's terrifying and dehumanizing. One may believe they have a real relationship until they find out that what they thought was a real friend or lover may have been nothing more than a ghost. It's not the people who are ghosts these days. It's just their actions. If we don't get a better handle on the way we navigate our relationships soon, we won't know the difference. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not an ancient spirit haunting inboxes without their consent. Share with a friend and let them know how they can get their own copy floating into their inbox each Friday morning. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Prose and Cons URL: https://danielkherndon.com/prose-and-cons/ Last updated: 2024-10-25T10:30:32.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week, I developed a list to help me prepare my ballot. Election Day is coming up in 10 days, so it’s time to make sure you know who’s on the ballot. I’m reviewing local candidates and national candidates, including some guy named Ireland, who is using a four-leaf clover as a logo, versus a guy named Dominique, who got a degree online from the University of Phoenix. You can use my criteria to grade any candidate on your ballot, but for the purposes of this illustration, I’ve selected two candidates at random. Former president and game show host Donald Trump and current Vice President and Coconut Tree Fanatic, Kamala Harris. ### Policies There are a lot of policy matters to focus on when you're in elected office, so I like to jot down the key policies that are important for the time to help weigh my decision when I enter the voting booth. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/10/155-Pros_And_Cons-1-1.jpg) ### Character First, we need to talk about character. It's important to know that you are electing someone whose values you can stand behind. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/10/155-Pros_And_Cons-2-1-1.jpg) ### Experience Experience is essential, too. That's why I like to include key parts of each candidate's background, like work experience, because these tell us about the skillsets the candidate will bring to elected office. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/10/Experience-1-1-1.jpg) ### Healthcare Healthcare is always an important issue in the US since we have the [worst healthcare in the world](https://danielkherndon.com/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/). That's why we want someone in the office who can give us the confidence that if they repeal anything, they will also replace it. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/10/Healthcare-1-1.jpg) ### The Economy Finally, in this economy, prices have gone up. Affordability is a top issue for many voters. I like to look at how the candidates will address important budget concerns. I must say there's a clear winner her ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/10/Affordability-1-1-1-1.jpg) I hope this helps. Be sure to get out there and vote! Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 42nd Week of 2024` ### Grease Fired Trump spent a day at a McDonald’s for a photo opp, serving fries to preselected customers this week to send a message to everyday voters with diabetes and heart disease. Analysts point out that the move represents his campaign well, as people can’t seem to stop buying it even when it is obvious it is not good for them. Kamala says she, too, worked at a McDonald's in her early years before becoming a prosecutor. She previously fell from a coconut tree before that. When Harris left McDonald's, only the ice cream machine was broken, but since Trump's time at the job, all the rules have been broken as well. The PR move was well received. Trump shook hands and greeted guests, making jokes about not touching their fries, and loving salt. But McDonald's has not walked away with only good publicity. Since Trump's time as a minimum wage worker for the chain, McDonald's has been impacted by an [E. coli outbreak](https://abcnews.go.com/Health/1-dead-49-sickened-coli-outbreak-linked-mcdonalds/story?id=115040170&ref=danielkherndon.com), which some would say is not related to Trump's time in the business, but The Lorem Ipsum is still investigating. Some compare Trump's time at Macdonalds to his first run for the presidency in that now that he has had 15 minutes of experience, he is now ready to run the whole company. ([more](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulwI94L-8CY&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Blurple States Liz Cheyenne campaigned with Kamala this week to appeal to republican voters in the suburbs of battleground districts. Because Liz is a smart campaigns strategist, she focused on what matters most to suburban women: being reminded that their place is in the kitchen. “If you wouldn’t hire somebody to babysit your kids, you shouldn’t make that guy the president of the United States,” I didn't watch the whole speech, but I assume Liz explained that issuing an executive order is a lot different than changing a diaper, and that’s why you need Kimberly Guilfoyle to change Donald Juniors. She's right to campaign for the other side. I sang her praises in an article, [Death by Herd Mentality](https://danielkherndon.com/death-by-herd-mentality/). Since her side won't accept her, it's clear policies are not a focus. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-moderated-conversations-liz-cheney-3-battleground-states/story?id=114990344&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Blinkin Twice If You're Listening Anthony Blinkin has made a trip to Israel to pressure Benjamin Netanyahu to reach a truce agreement with Gaza and Lebanon after key leaders of Hamas have been killed. Blinkin said there were only two things to do "...get the hostages home and bring the war to an end..." which was a relief to Netanyahu, as he hadn't previously thought about suggesting that Hamas release their prisoners. This is good news, and it sounds like 4,000 years of war should be over in the next couple of days. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/blinken-heads-israel-revive-gaza-ceasefire-talks-after-sinwar-death-2024-10-22/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Putin‘s World This week, North Korea has moved troops into Russia to help with the invasion of Ukraine. Although Putin didn't deny the purpose of North Korea's visit, one source suggested maybe the two loverboys are simply planning to film "Mutually Assured Destruction Gone Wild!" which has the two exposing their nuclear weapons late at night. We see a lot of potential in this for the whole world. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c62938gl6q1o?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Abercombie The former CEO of the fashion brand for teenagers and douchebags was charged on Tuesday with running a sex-trafficking ring out of the business. Mike Jeffries is accused of coercing dozens of men to get into their fashionably distressed jeans. Personally, I was surprised. When I walk into a darkly lit retail store with exclusively hot people spraying cologne everywhere, trying to coax me toward special deals in the back, I thought it was totally innocent fun. It never occurred to me they were simply trying to seduce me. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/10/22/nx-s1-5160661/former-abercrombie-ceo-mike-jeffries-arrested-federal-sex-trafficking-case?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Rudy Awakening A judge ordered Rudy Guiliani to give up his valuable possessions to two election workers he defamed, putting them in danger. He was previously convicted on defamation charges and ordered to pay $150 million, which he didn't have in cash. He's been ordered to give his Manhattan Penthouse, his dentures, and a can of shoe polish. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/10/22/politics/rudy-giuliani-bankruptcy-georgia-election-workers/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with extra salt, especially if you have low blood pressure. It’s also better shared with friends. Share this issue while it’s still hot. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### When Better Is Worse URL: https://danielkherndon.com/when-better-is-worse/ Last updated: 2024-10-18T10:30:57.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I'm dreading the cold weather. Thanks to the thinnest skin of any newsletter writer I know, I'll be wearing layers for the next few months, so please blame all typos on the fact that I'll be writing this newsletter with gloves on. Let's get to ***The News***. ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. --- ## Hot Takes `This 42nd Week of 2024` ### Sin War The top Hamas leader, Yahya Sinwar, has achieved the ultimate goal of being killed by his enemies and without winning any ground in Gaza. According to early reports, he’s currently in the afterlife asking for directions to his [72 virgins](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houri?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Reference%20to%20%2272%20virgins%22,-%2272%20virgins%22%20redirects&text=The%20smallest%20reward%20for%20the,%2DJabiyyah%20to%20San'a.), only to find out he misheard the word "surgeons." Sinwar, through his invasion of Israel, prompted the deaths of 42,438 people in Gaza, giving Israel an excuse to pull the trigger. This reminds us that wars based on ideology have no end, and it doesn't matter which side you are on. You lose. Let this be a lesson to us. Don't be Yahya Sinwar, and don't be Benjamin Netanyahu either. We can only hope that this presents an opening for a peace deal. ### Tru Crime Justin Trudeau accused India of killing a Canadian Sikh activist, and we couldn’t be more appreciative of how Canadian Kind he was in saying so. I would have pictured him saying, 'Perhaps we can discuss the matter or the murder you may have committed if you wouldn't mind.' but according to the article, Trudeau took a firm but still Canadian stance. Officials in India took offense, calling Trudeau's remarks a *naan* starter. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/oct/16/justin-trudeau-testimony-india?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Keep Kamala and Move On This week, Kamala sat down with Brett Baier from Fox News for an unfriendly interview, giving her a chance to speak to the most misinformed public on earth. Most news outlets said that Brett "interrupted her repeatedly" in a "contentious interview," but Kamala held her own. I would argue that her going under such scrutiny is a must. Brett didn't make it easy, but he was fair. You can view the whole thing here: ([more](https://www.foxnews.com/video/6363352689112?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Peach Polls Georgia's voters are showing up in record numbers, which is not exactly a win for fascism, but with Trump's rally cry for a landslide "too big to rig," perhaps he'll get exactly what he wants in Georgia, even if early voting statistically favors Democrats. ([more](https://ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/news/2024/10/15/georgia-early-voting-breaks-record-2024-harris-trump?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Altar Boys The boys will be ringing a different bell this week after the Archdiocese of L.A. agreed to a landmark settlement for thousands of sex abuse claims. I nearly dropped my incense when I heard the figure of $880 million. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/10/17/g-s1-28660/archdiocese-los-angeles-settlement-abuse?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### One Direction: Down Liam Payne from the boy band One Direction fell from the third story of a hotel, and tragically, for him, that direction was down. Liam was known for hits like "What Makes You Beautiful" and "Story of My Life." We'll close with a tribute to Liam [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJYpZ4hkXJE&ref=danielkherndon.com). That's it for the news. Here's this week's feature. --- ## When Better is Worse As the election approaches, we all have to decide: do we want our favorite tax plan wrapped in rat poison, or do we want to elect a law-abiding citizen who might hand the right-to-life argument to the women putting theirs on the line to create it? If you’ve read these pages before, you know I don’t like the poison pill. When a felon says that anyone who doesn’t support him should be prosecuted and suggests [using the military](https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-urges-military-action-against-people-from-within/2024/10/13/66310437-1439-47b3-8cf3-b5710072b9c8%5Fvideo.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) to contain them, I tend to look for other places to put my vote. Policies aren't worth *a bucket of warm piss\** in the hands of a crazy man. If the military threats and aimless meandering weren't enough, Trump's signature dance move only serves to solidify his crazy. He looks like he is [flossing](https://youtu.be/1IkNvUaCwIU?si=B9mOSP7fOyPnAxX4&ref=danielkherndon.com) with a giant piece of string to dislodge the remains of a Quarter Pounder with Cheese from his capped teeth. ****\***To borrow the term from former VP John Nance Garner's advice to Lyndon B. Johnson when he was offered a VP run with John F. Kennedy. But it gets worse. Trump started his first campaign with the saying "lock her up," and when he entered office, he tried to get his own DOJ to [prosecute his opponent](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/20/us/politics/president-trump-justice-department.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), Hillary Clinton, despite the lack of evidence there was a crime. Then, after losing an election, [without evidence](https://apnews.com/article/barr-no-widespread-election-fraud-b1f1488796c9a98c4b1a9061a6c7f49d?ref=danielkherndon.com) he attempted to [overturn the authority](https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-kemp-call-georgia/2020/12/05/fd8d677c-3721-11eb-8d38-6aea1adb3839%5Fstory.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) of State Governors and, with it, the election. But we'll have enough politics to enjoy over the next two and a half weeks. Before we forget what matters most in life, I thought I'd remind you with one of my favorite pieces. Good Source Material. I originally posted this as a paid piece with a preview, but I'm feeling especially generous today. You can always [leave a tip](#/portal/support) if you consider it valuable or [upgrade to paid](#/portal/account/plans) if you want to make it last all year. [Good Source MaterialThe best things in life are free, but good writing isn’t cheap.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/06/101-Real-life-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/good-source-material/) So when the news is not good**,* c*hoose better source material***.*** --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with snacks. Share this issue with someone who may be snacking at this very moment. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Sacred Text URL: https://danielkherndon.com/sacred-text/ Last updated: 2024-11-15T16:43:44.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, and especially school kids in Oklahoma. It is now required to teach the Bible in Oklahoma schools because it is essential history, and as we all know, it is what Western civilization is based on. Record storms are destroying the South, and some say it is time to evaluate whether climate change is real and what to do about it. Thankfully, we’re teaching kids to get their heads into more practical matters through the real-life story of Balaam and his talking donkey in [Numbers 22](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Numbers%2022%3A22-35&version=NIV&ref=danielkherndon.com). After all, it’s our nation's heritage. According to the book of Numbers, chapter 31, [God said](https://www.bible.com/bible/111/NUM.31.NIV?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Now%20kill%20all%20the%20boys.%20And%20kill%20every%20woman%20who%20has%20slept%20with%20a%20man%2C%2018but%20save%20for%20yourselves%20every%20girl%20who%20has%20never%20slept%20with%20a%20man.); *Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known a man by sleeping with him. But all the young girls who have not known a man by sleeping with him, keep alive for yourselves.* I, for one, am glad they are requiring the Bible to be taught in schools. It's about damn time that we finally start teaching these boys that they need to purify everything made of leather, goat hair, or wood after raping the women they captured in their wars of conquest or political conventions. Without this vital training, how would people manage to get jobs, balance budgets, and pay taxes if they hadn't even learned about medieval religious practices and the clear proof that we are living on a flat earth? Tell science they need to get a new job. God has this one covered. ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. Oklahoma State Superintendent Ryan Walters’ has this covered, too. An RFP (request for proposal, which is ironically the devil's designated way of buying and selling things prior to the mark of the beast) was [recently issued](https://apnews.com/article/oklahoma-bible-schools-trump-amend-99bec8ed6b67acd2d836913783c4fe7b?ref=danielkherndon.com) to secure the purchase of the Bibles that will go in each classroom. The superintendent’s RFP requires the supplied bibles to be bound with leather “for durability,” the lack of which has vexed school administrators for nearly 200 years as they faced the challenges of nearly 100% of the books in schools to date. So far, the only solution has been to put a "dust jacket" over the cover of the book and hope it doesn't get thrown away by an un-Christian reader. The Bibles are also required to contain US historical founding documents, allowing readers to compare the Declaration of Independence to, say, the scriptural story about Onan jerking off on the floor in [Genesis 38](https://www.bible.com/bible/111/GEN.38.8-10.NIV?ref=danielkherndon.com) instead of having sex with his sister in law. Students will also be able to see parallels between the country's early years and the [Tenth Commandment](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2020%3A17&version=KJV&ref=danielkherndon.com), which endorses slavery, a thankful justification for a practice some skeptics claim is outdated and cruel. In budget planning for the Bibles, for which they appear to have allocated $6,000,000, the school board also approved $500,000 to fund training for districts with school personnel who are interested in carrying guns on campus. This is based on the scripture in Matthew 11:29, which says, *"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, but make sure you have a loaded gun at all times on your person so you can pop a cap in any motherfucker who ye find triflin’."* (New Rick James version). The Bibles are expected to make a difference because teachers are begging to add more content to their days, alongside anti-bullying training, diversity training, social-emotional learning, and more. Teachers expect students to pick up a chapter or two from the book of Mark in their spare moments in the classroom and hopefully learn that to be a true Patriot they will *"drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all."* or in other words, they will attend Trump rallies and cast out "Democrats." By studying the Bible in schools, students will understand that in the writing of the First Amendment, which prohibits Congress from establishing a national church or state religion, the founders were referring to something else entirely other than a mandate from the Government of any particular religion. So, I'm optimistic about the new law in Oklahoma. Perhaps people will start reading the Bible soon. Hopefully, it will start with the Christians. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is not a replacement for religion, but it can be a part of the experience. For example, some readers save the issue until Sunday to read with friends while pretending to be reading their Bibles in Church. I'm not here to get any back pew sitters in trouble, but I do endorse a good Sunday read with friends. Share the good news (The Lorem Ipsum!) with your neighbor today! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### The Walking Tacos URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-walking-tacos/ Last updated: 2024-10-04T10:30:09.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey Friends, I had a walking taco, and it got me crawling to the baño. More on that in a minute. But first, the one and only VP debate happened earlier this week, and there was a pretty clear winner. For those of you who watched it, I'm sure you noticed it as well. I think we can all agree that J.D. Vance's eyeliner was the real champion. Even his brows were on fleek this week if that term still exists. Vance did an excellent job at responding to the moderator's questions and even made some of Trump's positions sound like they could be normal. But the toughest questions still haven't been asked, like, how long does it take him to apply his eyeliner? Before we put him in the executive branch, should we be concerned that his mascara will run like Rudy Guiliani's hair polish in humid temperatures or when he gets emotional about his love for his boss? Now I know that some of you criticize me for the commentary about Vance's enhanced lashes because maybe he's born with it. But to that, I say just maybe, and I don't mean to be glib, maybe it's Mabeline. ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. Vance's biggest dodge was to a question about his running mate's stolen election claims. He obviously has to play the bit to the end, and it's obvious he doesn't believe it. He does, however, believe that women’s rights should be truncated. He believes that school shootings are the school's fault for not having enough armor. Besides, what was the school wearing? Was it asking for it? This debate was notable, mostly in how cordial the two were. Tim and J.D. were so friendly at one point that J.D. opened up a Twix and shared the other half with Tim. At one point, the moderators even asked if the guys needed a moment alone. But despite a friendly debate, Walz was no winner. He hesitated during a couple of key moments and failed to address some pointed questions. His performance put him in second place. However, what made it most striking was that his shortfalls were only noticeable because this was the first civil debate we've seen since the 1990s. Personally, I'm on team cop and not team criminal. I want my vice president to carry a beeper and check his sugar six times per day. There is something to be said for being able to enjoy a corn dog and be one at the same time. There is a through line for this piece, which brings me to the topic of tacos. The event had no business offering walking tacos, but I enjoyed one anyway. I can’t say why I caved to buy one, except that I love that new corn chip smell. You can’t tell the difference between a Frito-branded masterpiece of commercialized culinary genius and a dog that needs a bath, but only for the first few minutes after opening the bag. Wait much longer, and your choices may come to haunt you. I may as well have called it a running taco, in my case. Digging into that chip and beef pile was not only hard work for a plastic hand shovel. It was hard on my stomach. So I got what I needed of the super-size snack and moved on to the walking part of the taco — as fast as possible. The dilemma this brings to mind is the issue of starvation. Hunger has all but vanished in modern societies, but we’ve done it by industrializing food production, which reduces its nutrient quality. Is it better to end world hunger if it comes with diabetes and heart disease? Research suggests that between 60% and 90% of the [standard American diet](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/overall-diet-quality-may-be-more-important-than-how-much-ultra-processed-foods-you-eat?ref=danielkherndon.com#Why-ultra-processed-foods-are-unhealthy) consists of ultra-processed foods. Our diet is largely created by a scientist who reports to the marketing department rather than a chef whose muse is a farmer slicing an heirloom tomato in fields of green. Now, a square meal refers to the shape of the plastic bag in which it comes. By inventing new ways to eat, we‘ve invented metabolic diseases, which [largely didn't exist](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1879981722000705?ref=danielkherndon.com) before the Industrial Revolution. I’m struck by the irony of it all. Solving world hunger is killing us. As explained in the [War On Weeds](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/), your neighbors won't let you have them, and your conscience won't let you kill them for fear it will cause your kids and dogs to go with them. I wrote the article with another premise in mind, but my research landed me in a paradox, which I summarized as such: > It makes sense to keep weeds out of our lawns, because it will improve our social standing with our neighbors and our HOAs. It makes sense to keep them out of our farms, too, because the only way to produce enough food for our ever-increasing population is to keep killing the weeds – along with the people that hate them – to make room for more. As far as I can tell, our solutions are worse than our problems. Do you think dress shoes are uncomfortable? How about we add a big white piece of rubber to make them ugly? That should solve it. Want me to solve climate change? Let me just quickly crush the entire economy. Or maybe you'd rather me burn up the earth so we can enjoy a booming stock market in space? I could go on. I'll just give you one more. Some of you are afraid your employer will make you put a pronoun on your email signature. Maybe you’re concerned your kids might see a picture of a naked person in a book somewhere. Well then let's fix it by electing someone who will [weaken government controls,](https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2023/09/trump-desantis-republicans-dismantle-deep-state/675378/?ref=danielkherndon.com) [overturn an election](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/did-trump-damage-american-democracy/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and pull out of [international agreements.](https://www.trtworld.com/americas/trump-s-top-five-withdrawals-from-international-agreements-18543?ref=danielkherndon.com) But don’t worry, this pussy grabber is a pro-life-curious Christian, so he must be ordained by God. You get the idea. It's time we stopped thinking of our cultural problems as a zero-sum scenario. When we do, we're tempted to pursue extreme solutions that come with new problems. There’s always something to strive for, but there's no need to throw babies out just because you want to be rid of the bath water. Perhaps, rather than rushing to an extreme solution, maybe we strive for just a little bit better. Allowing the world to be less than perfect while we work on it one moment at a time; that might just be the safest place we can live. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is made with healthy fats and contains only the good cholesterol. That means you can read more of it, completely guilt free. If you want to share your guilt free experience with others, share this issue with a friend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### The Capitalist URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-capitalist/ Last updated: 2024-09-27T10:30:26.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except if you’re near the Gulf of Mexico. Hurricane Helene is making Florida slicker than a thousand bottles of baby oil at a P. Diddy Freak Off. Stay safe, south siders. In other news, if you find yourself looking for an opportunity to be an absolute nerd, you’re in luck. This week, Meta [announced](https://about.fb.com/news/2024/09/introducing-orion-our-first-true-augmented-reality-glasses/?ref=danielkherndon.com) their first augmented reality glasses. Goodwill stock surged in anticipation of new inventory in the coming months. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 39th Week of 2024` ### **U**pdate The Race The race to the presidency is tied by a landslide, with Harris carrying a slight lead in national averages, according to [Five Thirty Eight](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-general/2024/national/?ref=danielkherndon.com). The polls put Harris 2.8 points above Trump, which is to say, a single meme could shift the standings if it trended long enough to get a retweet from Elon Musk (estimating five minutes if it's a really good conspiracy). Some pundits think the VP debate could impact the polls, but there are also people who think there’s a [giant faucet](https://www.oregonlive.com/news/2024/09/trump-calls-for-opening-very-large-faucet-in-pnw-to-send-water-to-california.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the Pacific Northwest that can spray water over to California, and I’m not getting my hopes up about that either. In an attempt to gain some ground, Kamala, on Wednesday, announced an economic plan and in announcing the plan, she said, “I’m a capitalist,” which I believe is actually just a Charlie XCX lyric. She promised an 80-page paper would follow to demonstrate how well thought out the plan was. Some of what is included in her economic plan is the change we've been waiting for. For example, she's going to lower the price of eggs by going to every Piggly Wiggly and giving them a talking-to. J.D. Vance already pointed out that a dozen eggs, (which he shows typically come with 18 eggs) are now going for $4.00 despite the sticker pricing of $2.99 as seen in [a video](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/jd-vance-eggs-video-wrong-awkward.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) he released. Kamala is also proposing no tax on tips, which some believe will be a boon for newsletter writers, among other professionals (by the way, if you want to support me tax-free, you can [leave me a tip here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support).) ([more](https://www.forbes.com/sites/alisondurkee/2024/09/25/what-to-know-about-kamala-harris-economic-agenda-ahead-of-speech-today/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **Hello Hezbollah** When an attack turns into 500 deaths in one day, it really starts to make you think your strategy of carpet bombing your enemy for a year may just be starting to pay off. In the case of Hezbollah, they consider their recent casualties from an Israeli attack a success because now, without question, the world will be even more against Israel and forget how the battle between them started. A reminder for those who don't recall: Hezbollah started thrusting rockets at Israel on October 7th in solidarity with Hamas before Israel sent a single bomb to Lebanon or Gaza. Reacting to the Israeli attack, Saudi Arabia put out a statement urging “all parties to exercise maximum restraint and keep the region and its people away from the dangers of war” and calling on “the international community” to end conflicts in the region. I assume the message must have been written on October 7th but was somehow forgotten in the drafts folder (no shade; I've done that myself a million times). ([more](https://www.cnn.com/world/live-news/israel-lebanon-war-hezbollah-09-26-24-intl-hnk/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Spending Bill Thanks to the war in Lebanon, Congress's threat of a government shutdown failed to get news coverage, but don't worry—we'll be back later this year. In the meantime, behind the scenes, Congress managed to pass a spending bill to cover the government through December 20th. Some are celebrating Speaker Mike Johnson for being one of the best Democrats in the Republican party after once again passing the spending bill with a majority of Democratic votes, passing 341 yay and 82 nay. ([more](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/4899423-house-stopgap-bill-government-shutdown/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Biden His Time Honestly, I don't know if I've used this joke before, but Joe is Biden his time as he continues to exist in the White House, despite some of the [body double](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/07/technology/biden-conspiracy-theories-misinformation.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) conspiracies. Joe is already spending more time Google searching vacations, and his evenings are spent trying on Hawaiian shirts. I see Joe and Jill already holding brochures for an all-inclusive cruise package, including unlimited ice cream. You could see it in his eyes when he spoke to the UN this week and implied that playing Chinese checkers is more fun than being on the campaign trail. It was incredibly obvious when he said, "Some things are more important than staying in power." And I couldn't agree more. It's time to start those piano lessons. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/09/24/politics/biden-unga-remarks-foreign-policy-legacy/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### I ❤️ NY On Wednesday, the Mayor of New York City was served a sealed indictment, later to be announced as charges of fraud, including accepting realy nice gifts and bribes. This will be the first for a mayor of the Big Apple, but if you've watched a single police procedural, you know that just means the first to get caught. Adams denies the claims. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/09/25/eric-adams-indictment-mayor-00181114?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Comer, Hardly Know-er This week, Congressional Oversight Chair James Comer announced he is opening an investigation into America’s dad, Tim Walz, for taking his class on educational trips to China when he was a teacher. And it definitely raises questions, when a teacher brings a class on a field trip, you never know. They might be more than a teacher. They could be a double agent trying to sell government secrets. Let’s use tax payer time and money and get to the bottom of this. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/08/16/tim-walz-james-comer-china-00174403?cid=politico%5Fthreads&ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: According to our research, readers of The Lorem Ipsum have a higher IQ, thicker hair, and better sex than non-readers, based on self-reported data provided by a small elite selection of our top readers. Our data is not empirically verified yet, and our research is ongoing, but if our findings prove to be accurate, readers can’t afford not to become committed loyal subscribers. Sharing with friends is recommended, just to be safe. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### ### What's Your Secret? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/whats-your-secret/ Last updated: 2024-09-20T10:30:09.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey Friends, I've been accused of being too hard on some politicians and easy on others. I think this is a fair criticism, but, still, I'd like to clear the air. It's true. When Anthony Weiner was caught being one while carrying the moniker, it was hard to miss. The same is true today. If you try to defraud an election [and continue to lie about it](https://www.cato.org/blog/trumps-2020-stolen-election-claims-are-wrong-merits?ref=danielkherndon.com), illegally [retain government documents](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-classified-documents-investigation-timeline-rcna88620?ref=danielkherndon.com) and refuse to return them, [rape](https://apnews.com/article/trump-rape-carroll-trial-fe68259a4b98bb3947d42af9ec83d7db?ref=danielkherndon.com) women, drive [an angry mob to the Capitol](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/trump-lit-that-fire-of-capitol-insurrection-jan-6-committee-report-says?ref=danielkherndon.com) for a deadly riot and deny your involvement, do your best to [overthrow a sound Government](https://www.democracydocket.com/opinion/donald-trumps-plot-against-america/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and consolidate [power for yourself](https://www.aclu.org/news/civil-liberties/how-trumps-proposed-radical-expansion-of-executive-power-will-impact-our-freedoms?ref=danielkherndon.com), if you have a really dumb hairdo, or if you are really old, I probably should be required to make fun of you in this newsletter. For example, Joe Biden is really old, and I have definitely [made fun of him](https://danielkherndon.com/help-wanted/). Let's get to ***The News*** --- ## Hot Takes `This 38th Week of 2024` ### What's Your Secret, Service? One of the primary methods to protect a president is to avoid placing them in an open field with a big red hat on. But this week, we've uncovered a wrinkle: you can't just have one Kevin Costner in a suit. You have to have a bunch of little Kevin Costners roaming around the vicinity with that earpiece with a curly wire coming off of it. When something urgent happens, they start talking to their wrist, and jump into action. The Secret Service's armor has been cracked for a second time this week after a second assassination attempt against Trump took place while he was playing golf. The good news is that the guy didn't even get a shot off before he was spotted and fired at by Secret Service snipers, but it was only after twelve hours of hiding in the bushes they found him. It turns out that the Secret Service admitted they hadn't scanned the area before the unplanned golf game, which means that heads will need to start rolling. Former Director Kimberly Cheatle [resigned](https://apple.news/A54ALZVbpQ4WxfpV42xNAPw?ref=danielkherndon.com) for not having enough staff after the prior assassination attempt, and now the acting director better resign for letting the agency operator without a director—and I'll probably need to resign for writing about it. Now, Congress, which has declined to fund the agency sufficiently, seeks to hold them accountable for it. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/09/18/politics/secret-service-resources-congress-trump/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Notorious P.I.G. P Diddy is in the news again, and here's what we know so far. It seems like yesterday he used to rock the show, he laced the track, and Biggy Smalls locked the flow – or at least that's what sources tell me. It appears that all those days are long gone though, now that Biggy has gone to the other side a few decades back, and Diddy is faces charges that could put him behind bars for decades if not the rest of his life. P Diddy is now the poor man's Puff Daddy after being arrested this week and charged with sex trafficking, racketeering, and more. Mr. Diddy was sent to jail to await trial and will not receive bail. Presumably, he'll have to surrender his sunglasses that he wears like a [never nude](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJF2VT-ymjM&ref=danielkherndon.com) wears jeans shorts and trade them for a prison-issued version. He faces 15 years to life, which means that if convicted, he'll be adding the nickname "Diaper Diddy Sniper Combs." According to reports, he is funding his legal defense almost solely from me personally streaming the song "[I'll Be Missing You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKMtZm2YuBE&ref=danielkherndon.com)" over and over. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/live-blog/sean-diddy-combs-arrest-live-updates-rcna171438?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### 07734 Hezbollah We knew Hezbollah was behind the times when we heard they were pirates looking to earn their way into a garden paradise by killing as many Jews as possible (which is obviously so 1996), but when I found out they all carried pagers, I was really taken aback. In the 90s, you would blow up a friend's hip simply by paging them with "BOOBS" repeatedly or spelling heLL0 upside down with digital numbers. This week, Israel took it a step further by adding actual explosives to thousands of Hezbollah beepers and literally blew them up in unison – killing a dozen and injuring thousands in Lebanon. Whoever is the Beeper King that let Beeper Depot get infiltrated is in for a surprise. I don't think Hezbollah will trust them for all their beeper needs anymore. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/lebanon-israel-exploding-pagers-hezbollah-syria-ce6af3c2e6de0a0dddfae48634278288?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Tito's It’s not as easy as 1-2-3 to tell you this, but Tito Jackson died of a heart attack this week. He was the 70 year old original member of the pop band The Jackson 5, and the less successful brother of Michael Jackson, with a net worth that includes the other glove that his brother Michael didn't have use for, and a pair of penny loafers with actual pennies still in them. Since his death, the search term "which one was Tito Jackson" has risen dramatically. He was the third oldest among the brothers. He is survived by his three sons and countless songs we will always remember. ([more](https://www.yahoo.com/news/mexico-police-shed-light-tito-183039605.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is hit and miss, but laughing with friends is always a good time. Share this issue with someone you care about. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### I Am Your Father URL: https://danielkherndon.com/i-am-your-father/ Last updated: 2024-09-13T10:30:56.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I've been using this very subject line on my children since they were little skywalkers (and even skycrawlers, for that matter). But it hits different when you've grown up on a steady diet of CGI wonders on every screen in sight. Star Wars is not as novel to the young. Still, it was a sad day when we learned that James Earl Jones, the voice of Darth Vader, died at 93\. He was a cultural icon, a varied performing artist on the stage, on screen, and behind the screen as a voice actor. He knew how to shake us with his distinctive voice, and he certainly knew that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Speaking of the Force With the debates airing this week, I thought this newsletter would write itself, but the Force had other plans. I would have preferred to watch a debate between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker than Trump and Harris, but I think it's fair to say we don't know the power of the Dark Side. Some would argue the dark side is darker in Trump's corner, and he did his best to darken it further. First with the new splash of gray in his hair, and second with his fits of rage, with which he moved to destroy his opponent, Kamala Harris, for the Force is strong with this one. Harris did her best to make the debate about Trump, teasing him through the whole exchange, and because of that, Trump found himself on his heels, with nothing left to do but grumble. The debate took place this Tuesday, and since then, you have all surely endured countless takeaways since then. You probably don't need more of the same, even if watching two politicians roll around in the mud for two hours is good TV. We don't need endless takes to remind us Trump is a liar whose bucket list includes swindling as much of America as he can and fucking everyone he ever works with (most likely including JD Vance, [unless the sofa](https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/jd-vance-couch-story-how-a-joke-turned-into-trending-topic-and-was-fact-checked-6282160?ref=danielkherndon.com) gets to him first). Trump played his usual cards. Anger, hate, lies, thick eyebrows, small hands. If you’re blindly partisan, you probably thought he won, but literally everyone else, including moderate republicans knew he was digging his own grave. Despite his tired tricks, His strategy still seems to be working with enough voters to make this a competitive race. He spent an unfair amount of time spreading wild claims about Haitian migrants eating pets – clearly, this is disrespectful to the migrants. I like to call my lunch "a chicken sandwich." Certainly not "a pet chicken sandwich." I'm sure your average Haitian would feel the same. Besides, the term "pet dog sandwich" is not an accepted culinary term. When the moderators fact-checked his claims, finding them to be false, Trump insisted that he "saw it on television," which should give most of his voters reassurance that he gets his facts the same way they do. It is staggering how many are still convinced he is the guy to run America. Of course, Kamala made some wild claims of her own. For example, she talked about something she called a "policy platform," something she's been trumpeting for weeks, yet she's managed to keep it from surfacing in the public. It's understandable if her policy platform is half-baked. She's barely been in the race long enough for her Gen Z staffers to finish asking for their first and second promotions, so we should give her another week or two. But I am not concerned about what her policies are. I'm not concerned about any candidate's "policies" – all of those change the moment you are face to face with Congress and the inevitabilities of real life. When I choose a candidate, I look for their values. Like for example do they have any at all? Do they believe that the earth is useful enough to attempt to keep it intact slightly longer? Do they think citizens should have a say over their future government, and maybe even their own healthcare? It their message about me or about them? We can have a pretty good debate about tariffs, healthcare, immigration and capital gains taxes but only if we have civil people on both sides of the conversation. If the one in charge is not that, we’re sunk no matter what his policies are. He’ll do whatever benefits him, no matter what it costs us. As I said in another issue on the heels of the last debate: > I tuned in to see two US Presidents debating each other. Instead, I feel like I've just watched the scene in Weekend At Bernie's where Richard and Larry walk off for something, and Bernie Lomax flies over the edge of a balcony. The good news is he was completely unaware, so it was painless. > > Most of us could have slept better, having missed the debates and never heard the throat clearing, the mud-slinging, the disputes over golf handicaps, or having had to ask if this is the best we can do. > > I'm not one for hyperbole, except of course when I am, but with all the above said, I think we'd be better off with a rag doll in the White House than another term with Trump. Unlike the last presidential debate, Trump did not win. He may have occupied most of the airtime, but by my estimate, it didn’t help. He was frequently given leeway to interrupt questioning, but at one point, ABC's David Muir cut him off abruptly, saying bluntly, "I want to move on." Trust me. We all do. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Much like the debates, The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. Except with this newsletter, we all win. Share a copy with your best of friends and your worst of enemies. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### Save the Rich! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/save-the-rich/ Last updated: 2024-09-06T10:30:57.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week, I enjoyed the latest HOA meeting, and you better know we are going to war. If your grass is even a quarter inch too long, we're coming for you. On to the newsletter. ### Industry Updates Ghost announced a new feature this week that makes it easier to offer a single donation to writers like me. I do not want to get too "inside baseball" on newsletter writing, but tips are how I buy coffee to keep my writing on pace, and if there's anything left over, I'll pay the bill for hosting this website. It's always been an option here, but only with a workaround. Now, for those who wish to show their short-term support, you can do that here. [Leave A Tip](#/portal/support) Those who value holding me accountable each Friday to send you the latest can choose long-term support right here. [Upgrade Your Membership](#/portal/account/plans) The rest of you, enjoy, and thanks for reading. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 36th Week of 2024` ### Harris Pitches Tax Plan Kamala “Great For Business" Harris pitched a new tax plan this week – more specifically, she pitched Joe Biden's plan in the trash. At a campaign event, she presented her own plan, showing her first break from Biden’s policies since he dropped out of the race. Harris’ tax plan, which experts say is still equally as boring as any other tax plan, proposes a $50,000 tax break for small businesses to offset startup costs, mostly consisting of sub sandwiches and a startup quality espresso maker. She also said she would aim to set capital gains tax rates at a lower rate than Joe's rate of 39.6% capital gains tax for million-dollar earners. Harris proposed a top rate of 28%, which she says "rewards investment," not only by capitulating to her wealthy donors while providing free pastries at fundraising breakfasts but also by ensuring they remain as rich as possible, a plan most rich people favor. As a business-savvy newsletter writer, I did some research on the implications of the Harris plan and uncovered that I would rather stay in the marketing business, where the rules are mostly made up. However, based on a scan of the 6,871-page tax code, I can share that, in some cases, an investment can itself be a deductible expense; however, under IRC code section 7876-19b, who really knows? It remains a mystery how taxes work, but experts assure us we can pay them to help us figure it out each year. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/09/04/harris-moderate-capital-gains-tax-00177357?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Breaking RINO Liz Cheney, the former Republican Representative from Wyoming, said this week she would be voting for Kamala Harris, reminding us once again that she is not running for office. Cheney proudly belongs to no one except her security team, whose goal is to protect her from the death threats she's received since breaking with Trump. Her vote offers Democrat Harris a margin in the solidly red state "so small, she can't even feel it." Still, her vote is a welcomed gesture to remind her constituents to vote their conscience. Notably, few Trump supporters have one, so Republicans don’t consider her advice a threat to the election results in Wyoming, where three electoral votes have gone to Republican presidential candidates 25 out of the 33 times in its history. ([more](https://www.forbes.com/sites/antoniopequenoiv/2024/09/04/liz-cheney-says-shell-vote-for-kamala-harris-citing-danger-posed-by-trump/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Vance Voted Worst VP Pick Opinion journalism recently saw the upset of the year when one lone guy, writing an article, voted in his own poll and concluded that J.D. Vance is the worst VP pick ever. The left-leaning pundit [Rex Huppke](https://www.usatoday.com/staff/6878775001/rex-huppke/?ref=danielkherndon.com) explained the results of the landslide vote, which consisted of his own vote and a transcript of two quotes he found online, along with approximately zero other votes. The unscientific poll means that Vance now takes the crown as the worst VP candidate in history, dislodging Sarah Palin from her long-held position. Palin has not returned requests for comment, but according to people familiar with the matter, it doesn't appear that she risks being removed from her position as "worst [glasses](https://www.thelist.com/779856/the-stunning-transformation-of-sarah-palin/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in politics" despite valiant effort from Kirsten Sinema. With disapproval ratings placing Vance in "probably works in politics" level ratings, Vance hopes to bring his disapproval ratings to the level of Trump's, which are [above his by 8 points](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/favorability/jd-vance/?ref=danielkherndon.com), which they hope will be enough to take the White House. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/09/03/trump-vance-favorability-rating-vice-president/75051520007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Operation Iraqi Freedom US troops have begun a military operation in Iraq, alongside Iraqi commandos, to attack ISIS insurgents as a follow-up to the war in Iraq that started 23 years ago. Iraq has had a long strategic partnership with the US as they work together to fight terrorism. According to rumors, in the email from the US military to Iraqi Commandos planning the raid, the US didn't sign off with its usual "Regards, US Military," but instead said "Best, US Military." This is, of course, a sign that ISIS has no chance against the counterterrorism measures since they simply end emails with "ISIS," the most savage and passive-aggressive way to end an email. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/03/us/politics/iraq-commandos-isis.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### School Daze Back to school started with a 14-year-old killing four and injuring eight more in the latest school shooting. In response, gun rights advocates continued to call for more guns, a strategy that [math has proven](https://www.healthdata.org/news-events/insights-blog/acting-data/gun-violence-united-states-outlier?ref=danielkherndon.com) is the problem time and time again. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/apalachee-high-school-shooting-georgia-09-04-24/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. Everything else is better with more butter. Please spread both. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/support). ### The Prevailing Narrative URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-prevailing-narrative/ Last updated: 2024-11-08T09:39:35.000Z Hey Friends, This week has gotten away from me, thanks to a conference that siphoned off two full 24-hour blocks of my time. With that, work stops for no one, and I'm always in a furious run from starvation, so I caved to the pressure and worked each day of the week, despite my preference to count clover sprouts in my yard while breaking the silence with comments such as "looks like rain." As relaxing as it sounds, it hasn't looked like rain this whole week. On the contrary, a heat so vicious it would make the devil scratch his nether orophus with fear in his eyes. Until now that is. The heat has been broken, as have the clouds, and now as it rains, it's pouring, which is what I've been dealing with all week in one way or another. Because of that, I don't have a typical encapsulate of the news as I would usually. Frankly, I don't even have a clue of what has happened in the world of politics this week, and that is perhaps why I must feel a sense of serenity. Because the news hasn't been there to ruin it for me. With that said, I think it's important to engage in politics, so I take breaks, but I'll be back, and I'll always have more to share with you. But it is worth examining how the news we do watch has a tendency to shape the world around us, and that's why I've written the following. Back when I was in my incubation stage, life was different in both good and bad ways. On the one hand, life had its challenges. The corner of the sheet stayed in place for no one, and to talk to someone on the other end of the house, you had to walk to the other end of the house instead of just texting them. But on the flip side, if anything failed, generally, you could blow in it, and that would set things back in order, at least for the time being. Life was not perfect, but it was no hell on earth. And if it was, we didn't really know it, because there were only three news stations, and at 6:00 and 11:00, a well kept man would tell us what was going on in the world and then immediately go to bed. If you missed it, you simply popped open a Bartles and James and celebrated trickle-down economics. In my young adult years, I enjoyed the election of 2000 with beer and pizza and two colleagues from work in a hotel after voting absentee due to travel schedules. The thrill of states too close to call and the anxiety of hanging chads had me on the edge of my seat. And Papa John didn't hurt the experience either. I was hooked, presumably for life. I had a point of view, but I wanted to know the truth, so for years, I would watch MSNBC and Fox News broadcasts back to back to try to get the real story. I determined that the truth was somewhere in the synthesis between the two. My wife determined it was annoying – and she was right because all the yelling on Bill Oreilly did make it kind of hard to follow. For the White Claw generation, the news has expanded by leaps and bounds. Today, the news is everywhere you turn, and it’s both more reliable and less at the same time. On my journey to the truth, I determined that the worst news is the news that has to insist that there's more to the story just to keep you pegged to the screen through the commercials, and because of that, it can’t be trusted. So I turned to the New York Times, where an unlimited budget and a great font scream good journalism, as long as it isn’t too conservative to be true. I've expanded my appetite to add The Free Press, Tangle, and others, where news has no agenda, except to expose everyone else's. I’m selective about my sources, but I find a counterbalance to all of them. And that has me reading a lot of it. But the news can weigh on us, if we give it enough space. Depression is high enough this day and age so I decided to create my own synthesis minus the depression. And here we are today, where, for over 254 weeks, I've given you the most important news and, occasionally, my take on it, or at least a punch line. When you look at both sides of the story, you discover some truth that is glossed over. You learn that vegans may hate meat, but they are also jealous of it, because they pretend they’re eating it all the time. You figure out that Lee Greenwood, despite his "Proud To Be An American" fame, isn’t as proud as you might think, when you see he is selling [self exalting Bibles](https://leegreenwood.com/product/god-bless-the-usa-bible/?ref=danielkherndon.com) with Trump. He’s also so bad a musician that some music industry folks have suggested he be called "Worse Than Ezra." You also discover that even with a pocket of unlimited news and fact-checking at our fingertips, our worldview hasn't improved. Think about it. There are more flat earthers today than there were people on the earth when the whole world believed it was flat. And some of those people will still be voting for RFK Junior, even though he is not even running for office. Information is not the problem. People are overwhelmed. When we feel insecure, we often latch onto narratives to feel secure. As a matter of survival, people don't look for truth. They look for provides them security. Specifically, the security that their worldview can still be held onto. For most of us, truth is a feeling. When it comes to the news, since there or so many sources, it's the prevailing narratives that stick with us. Usually, the prevailing narrative is the one that validates your existing worldview – and many of us flock to the sources that give us just that—something to prop up our worldview. If you say something enough times, people will start to believe it, especially if it acknowledges how those people feel today and gives them something to hold onto. So, do you want to hold onto hope? Or Revenge? Wishful thinking, or sound reasoning? We all have to decide. Truth matters, but the filter through which we view it will distort it if we’re not careful. We should be sure that any truth we believe is Truth we can trust. ### Searching For The Dien Sea URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-dien-sea/ Last updated: 2024-08-26T14:30:30.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Bennifer Lopez-Affleck, the [power couple](https://www.thecut.com/article/jennifer-lopez-ben-affleck-divorce-reason.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), is finally dissolving once again. Sources tell me that love does, in fact, cost a thing. The Democratic National Convention tops this week's news. We'll dive right in. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 34th Week of 2024` ### Obama or Yo Mama The Obamas roasted Donald Trump while lifting up Harris in back-to-back speeches at the Democratic National Convention this week. President Barack Obama laughed that Trump was "so obsessed with crowd sizes." He even used his hands to signal a phallic metaphor to the disappointing size of those crowds. To comment on the matter, we reached out to Melania Trump, but she was unable to offer any insight regarding the topic, stating that she always closes her eyes as tightly as possible when faced with her husband's *crowds*. Oprah also took the stage, and under everyone's chair was a special gift! A cardboard cutout of Tim Walz's heeeeaaaa-eaad! She gets a Tim, he gets a Tim! Everybody gets a Tim! ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/08/21/nx-s1-5083052/democratic-national-convention-michelle-barack-obama-bernie-sanders-doug-emhoff?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Obama also talked about our divided nation and the hope we have for the future. I'll include a key part of his speech here, without interruption, because it matches my own manifesto for life, for this publication, and eventually, God forbid, if I ever serve in public office. > That sense of mutual respect has to be part of our message. Our politics have become so polarized these days that all of us across the political spectrum seem so quick to assume the worst in others unless they agree with us on every single issue. We start thinking that the only way to win is to scold and shame and out-yell the other side. And after a while, regular folks just tune out, or they don’t bother to vote. > > Now that approach may work for the politicians who just want attention and thrive on division, but it won’t work for us. To make progress on the things we care about, the things that really affect people’s lives, we need to remember that we’ve all got our blind spots and contradictions and prejudices. And that if we want to win over those who aren’t yet ready to support our candidates, we need to listen to their concerns and maybe learn something in the process. > > After all, if a parent or grandparent occasionally says something that makes us cringe, we don’t automatically assume they’re bad people. We recognize that the world is moving fast, that they need time and maybe a little encouragement to catch up. Our fellow citizens deserve the same grace we hope they’ll extend to us. That’s how we can build a true Democratic majority, one that can get things done. > > (Find the whole speach [here](https://time.com/7013313/barack-obama-2024-dnc-speech-full-transcript/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) When our views are shaped by the prevailing narratives of partisanship, it's time for a new story, like this one I wrote [on being indignant](https://danielkherndon.com/on-being-indignant/). (This was a paid article for which I have temporarily removed the paywall). ### The Blue Walz Another highlight of the event included Harris's VP pick, Tim Walz. He came out looking like a living John Mellencamp song, with his hand on his heart and a map of the convention center in his pocket. He talked about growing up in a small town and people he met along the way named Jack or Diane. Walz bragged about his time in the military and as a coach and a teacher, and then his kids, who sobbed as he talked about his experience with infertility when he and his wife were having their now teenaged children. The kids are a chip off the old block, that's for sure. His son Gus's pants will be pulled up too high in no time. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/08/22/nx-s1-5086342/gus-tim-walz-father-son-dnc?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Santos. The Fresh Maker. George Santos has pleaded guilty to fraud – but not for denying being a Brazilian drag performer or for later admitting to it and saying, "Sue me for having a life!" because having a life is not a crime. Campaign finance fraud is. George Santos made up most of his fascinating story, and it has him now cleaning up the mess. Santos [is also known for](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/19/george-santos-weirdest-lies?ref=danielkherndon.com) being a *Jew-ish*, but to be clear, "Jew-ish" is just a vibe. His family is Catholic and not Jewish. He just likes schnitzels and enjoys not mixing milk with his meat. But his wild stories havr caught up to him, and may put him in jail for years. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/former-rep-george-santos-pleads-guilty-fraud-charges-rcna129255?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Just Kenneding Robert F Kennedy is expected to end his campaign today and endorse literally any candidate who will give him a cabinet membership. Currently, it appears Trump is the only grifter gullible enough to fall for it. Kennedy ran on the platform of “Hope and Blame.” A platform that said that whatever the other parties were trying to do to America felt like aliens poking my body and that they wished they’d stop. That resonated with about 5% of voters, who especially like his message [criticizing vaccines](https://danielkherndon.com/irrational-fears/), where he says “double-blind placebo trials” several times with the upward inflection of a question to create some doubt. The problem is 5% won't win you an election, so Kenedy began his hunt. He reached out to [both leading candidates](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/rfk-jr-attempted-to-arrange-meeting-with-kamala-harris-sources-say/?ref=danielkherndon.com), but sources say he was best qualified for a job that didn't require him to be too principled. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/rfk-jr-plans-drop-presidential-race-end-week/story?id=113028999&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Who’s The Boss Ukraine has been showing Russia who’s boss now. Over the last two years, Russia has taken control of 161,000 square kilometers, which is approximately 27% of Ukraine. For context, Ukraine would be roughly the size of Texas if it weren’t for the fact that Texas is so American that kilometers don’t even exist there. Over the last couple of weeks, Ukraine has struck back, taking over a patch of land of about 15 square kilometers, which analysts say is roughly the size of a CVS caddy corner from a Walgreens, plus some extra public parking. You could maybe add in a liquor store, but anyway, the counter-invasion hasn’t drawn much of a reaction yet. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/russia-putin-kursk-elites-ukraine-war-invasion-72d96d8cb52c105e9289dc6909900b13?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, but especially if the friends bring snacks. Start by sharing this issue and ask them to bring the chips and salsa. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Stiff Competition URL: https://danielkherndon.com/stiff-competition/ Last updated: 2024-08-16T10:30:47.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I’ve determined I’m one of the most boring people on earth. Imagine this: I’m a guy with perfect teeth that are just tan enough that you don't notice them. I have clear skin, but by clear, I mean so pale you can almost see through it. I don’t have big muscles or small ones. They're merely functional. Occasionally, some coddling friend will tell me we are all special. To make matters worse, they’ll tell me I’m unique because I’m tall, but in truth, a scan from top to bottom takes so long that viewers get bored before reaching my ostrich-like knees. Perhaps being funny could be a relief, though. Right? Nope. If by chance I say something funny, I’ll inevitably pull out my phone, open the notes app, and ask everyone "how did I say that, again?" and effectively ruin the moment purely so I can use the line again in this newsletter sometime. Not funny. I’m a generic guy who does marketing for other people and writes news about other people. That's incredibly boring. But it has worked well for me. Let’s see if it works for a generic Democrat. More on that in ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 33rd Week of 2024` ### Generic Democrat for President. Kamala continues to climb in the polls, with the national averages putting her at a nose hair away from a [three-point lead](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-general/2024/national/?ref=danielkherndon.com) as of now. Some pollsters examine whether her popularity is based uniquely on her being her (black, female, fiery smart, infectious cackle, loves coconut, etc.) or if her appeal is based more on the general features (not Trump, not Biden, doesn't smell like attic dust, wasn't born before the microwave). In other words, is her appeal because she is Kamala Harris, or is it because she just fell out of a coconut tree? It's a good question. She did poorly when she was competing in a Presidential primary back in 2020\. Understandably, she was one of several choices. Today, now that she is one out of a total set of one option(s), it's easy to pick her when the alternative is licking the bottom of a goat herder's boot. As Nate Cohn of the New York Times [explains](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/10/upshot/polls-harris-swing-states.html?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=One%20way%20to%20think%20about%20her%20position%20is%20that%20she%20has%20become%20something%20like%20a%20%E2%80%9Cgeneric%E2%80%9D%20Democrat.%20This%20might%20sound%20like%20an%20insult%2C%20but%20it%E2%80%99s%20really%20not), nothing is more coveted than to be the [generic](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/generic-ballot/?ref=danielkherndon.com) candidate of one's party, as nobody tends to do better than somebody no matter which party they are from. Some candidates can inspire ambivalence. For sure, I've always aspired to do the same – to ignite people's sense of complete apathy and total lack of concern. Over the years, I've learned that when you literally don't give a rat's ass, other people who could care less will continually promote you. Whoever said being harmless is a virtue was both poignant and not that good at adhering to the logical underpinnings of the English language. Harris has almost become that. Does that explain the crowds she has been drawing at campaign events? Perhaps, if people were holding up signs saying, "Why Lie. It's For Booze," then I might agree. But the energy seems different. Harris didn't win a primary. Not the kind we are used to. But Harris is getting people excited about one thing – there's a real chance we won't have to endure four more years of something else. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/08/14/kamala-harris-polls-donald-trump-00174050?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Flirting With X Earlier this week, Trump joined his man-crush tech tycoon for a very special campaign event. It was a love affair to remember. Donald Trump and Elon Musk brought their love affair to a nationwide audience by streaming it on X. Cubicle-filled corporations in 2003 would call it a conference call. Today, Musk calls it the innovative service known as "Spaces." The rest of us call it glitchy and 40 minutes late. The two billionaires talked for two hours, the optimal amount of time to repeat the tired tropes about elections being stolen and the border being breached by a criminal invasion. Musk blamed the spotty start to the call on a cyberattack and also, according to someone with knowledge of the matter who spoke on the condition of anonymity, because the product is not that great. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-elon-musk-live-chat-x-glitches-cyber-attack/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Skim-flation Economic concerns have been quelled after it was announced this week that inflation was now under 3%, getting closer to the fat content of milk and further from the alcohol content of bourbon at 40% or more if it's good. With an economy this hot, buyers are recommended to pace themselves by sipping rather than guzzling. Still, the news of calming inflation will welcomed news, as inflation hasn't been this low since 2021, when milk prices were skinnier. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2024/08/14/cpi-report-july-inflation-rate-impact/74780318007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Getting Whipped After forcing its CEO out, Starbucks appointed the old Chipotle boss Brian Niccol as its new CEO, and now investors expect it to cost $1.80 extra to add whipped cream to any drink. Is that okay? The answer is always yes. I always get cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and any other form of fat they offer, and if it costs more, I blindly accept it without taking a moment to do the math. That is the secret to this CEO's success. Mine is eating as much fat as possible, and Brian's is for getting me to pay for it. ([more](https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2024/08/13/starbucks-chipotle-ceo-niccol/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Bend but not Break-dancing The Australian dancer Rachael Gunn, who goes by Raygun, gave Gumby a run for his money at the Olympic break dancing competition and has since gone viral. She received zero points for her innovative dance moves. We all know the Olympics bring stiff competition. I just didn’t know it would actually be this stiff – with her gyrations hearkening back to the 80s talking bear Teddy Ruxpin when they added a [body movement](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HUTG0HVRxQ&t=140s&ref=danielkherndon.com) feature. She was so stiff that rumors have it that some officials wanted to connect her to Celine Dion, who has stiff person syndrome, because “maybe they can relate.” The Olympic organizers have ended break dancing after this year's games, but it was Raygun who dropped the mic. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/sport/article/2024/aug/15/raygun-olympics-breaking-petition-aoc-response-ntwnfb?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, hypothetically, but let's test that out. Share this episode with a friend, and report back. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Plunge Worthy URL: https://danielkherndon.com/plunge-worthy-2/ Last updated: 2024-08-09T10:30:09.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except all the bees who tunneled into my home from my front porch – and especially to the one who stung me. It was a revenge stinging. It started when I went to war against the occupiers. First, I brought bee-killing poison sprayed from 20 feet away. Then I brought a shop vac, sucking hordes of buzzing intruders directly into bee hell. But the swarm was legion, and the battle persisted. I had only succeeded at making the swarm into martyrs. They spent the ensuing ceasefire rebuilding their army, and when I returned with a hose to soak their base, they bested me. Bees: 1\. – Daniel: 0. It was then that I called professional help. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 32nd Week of 2024` ### The Plunge On Monday, the stock market reacted to a negative jobs report, taking its largest dip in two years. Immediately, the media faced its latest Hunter Biden's Laptop moment and considered whether it would be better to slow the news cycle for the greater good or stoke panic for clicks. The media chose clicks. The news immediately warned of falling skies. Stocks were down in the U.S., Europe, and Asia, and retirees worried they should move their investments to a combination of Ikea Swedish meatballs, cryptocurrency, and Sean "Puffy" Combs businesses. Some financial experts advise investors to "buy the dip," which refers to "cheese dip," because even when government cheese isn't worth much, snacks [perform well](https://www.bakeryandsnacks.com/Article/2022/06/08/are-snacks-recession-proof?ref=danielkherndon.com) in a recession. Economists tell investors not to worry. They also stress that a shaky stock market could trigger a "circuit breaker," causing the market to melt down like a two-year-old being forced to eat his carrots while everyone else is eating cake and that families may see their life savings evaporate in moments, never to recover again. The headlines and live updates cycled through the close of the market until trading showed signs of recovery the next day, after which staff headline writers were able to return to their prior assignment of workshopping headlines about JD Vance's eyeliner. As of yesterday, the market has recovered nearly all gains over the last month. ([more](https://www.forexlive.com/centralbank/goldman-sachs-say-a-stock-market-plunge-could-reduce-us-gdp-growth-hit-fed-policy-20240808/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Harris, Shapiro I'm not just Joshin' ya when I say I typed this headline on Monday at 10:00 AM because I was almost sure he would be the Harris ticket VP choice and wanted to get ahead on the news before it was made. I was obviously ~~right~~ wrong. Harris chose Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as her running mate. He rose to the top of the list after going viral for calling the Trump campaign policies "just plain weird." The clincher was the realization that Tim himself was extraordinarily normal. The Democrat party is neither overwhelmed nor underwhelmed. They are simply whelmed to have someone so normal on the ballot in November. Tim is so normal that his most successful campaign speech was him [screaming on a theme park ride](https://www.tiktok.com/@dailymail/video/7400045411358231854?ref=danielkherndon.com) while wearing Member's Mark jeans and a cell phone clipped to his belt. He's so normal that to him, dressing for success means buying a new pair of Nike Monarch dad shoes and pulling his socks up extra high. Furthermore, he's so normal that when a cop writes him a ticket, and Tim pays with cash, and the cop asks him if he needs change. Some say that the vice presidential pick has little to do with the success of the campaign, but the media coverage for both sides suggests otherwise. In the case of Tim Walz, if the Harris campaign is a bowl of cereal, he's the milk. ([more](https://www.forbes.com/sites/brianbushard/2024/08/06/kamala-harris-picks-tim-walz-as-running-mate-heres-what-to-know-about-him/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Google Bing Google acted illegally by building a monopoly, according to a federal judge's ruling. The company, who disagrees with the ruling, says there is plenty of competition, and that consumers can google things on other search engines too. For the Justice Department, this has been a key case. Over the last few years since the case began, Justice Department staff have developed countless briefs in Google Docs, spent hundreds of hours on Google Meet, and exchanged countless G-Chats to coordinate on the case. I researched the case by using [Bing](https://www.bing.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to google some additional information about the case and found the ruling. In his ruling. Judge Amit Mehta (who is not related to the tech giant Meta) said, "Google is a monopolist, and it has acted as one to maintain its monopoly.” results which Bing seemed surprisingly eager to return on my search query. The experience of using Bing was fairly Windows-y, which is to say, mostly bad. But I found the story just the same, and it was my choice of how. If you wish, you can read more here without using either search engine: ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/05/technology/google-antitrust-ruling.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Not Very Little Debbie That favorite lunch lady from the 1980s turned tropical storm has gained steam and dumped all of her problems on us in the form of historic rains and sob stories across the southeast. She picked up steam as she made landfall in Virginia yesterday. Follow the storm [here](https://weather.com/storms/hurricane/news/2024-08-07-tropical-storm-debby-northeast-carolinas-rain-flood-forecast?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### 1.2.3 and to the Fo If you haven't watched the Olympics, you’ve missed one of the best Snoop Dogg shows of all time. He lent his attitude to the viewers of world sports to do what he does best, being incredibly high and getting funky on the mic like an old batch of collard greens. His friend, who is equal parts felon and swimsuit model, Martha Stewart, joined him to watch the equestrian events, where they watched the show horse *'Gin and Juice'* dance like a steed with his mind on his money and his money on his mind. ([more](https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/08/snoop-dogg-martha-stewart-olympics-horse-named-gin-and-juice-priceless-reaction?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. And if you need time alone, share a longer issue to keep them busy for longer. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### "Turning Black" (and Never Going Back) URL: https://danielkherndon.com/turning-black-and-never-going-back/ Last updated: 2024-08-02T10:30:35.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except me and the people who are taking my labs this morning after several hours of fasting. At the age of “please also check my cholesterol” years old, all I can think about is burgers and coffee. Let's get this over with. But before I pass out, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 31st Week of 2024` ### Project Twenty Twenty dive If you think 2,025 projects is a whole lot of projects, try starting a newsletter with a deadline, or worse yet, try doing one project that makes Trump look bad. The odds are that you’ll have to fall on your sword for the cause in either example. In summary, the Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 is a vision for a complete overhaul of the federal government. Project director Paul Dans (no relation) stepped down Tuesday after blowback from Donald Trump’s campaign. Fortunately, projects that are complete no longer need directors. But this gives Trump the opportunity to talk about how extreme and terrible the plan is and then come up with his own plan, which is not the same plan but a totally different one where all the ideas are identical, but some phrases are written in ALL CAPS. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/project-2025-heritage-foundation-trump-e2674ea34da786d85e97c0908b0b98a8?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Veeps Veep Don’t sleep on this heap because it is a steep creep to go beep beep and get the veep or otherwise not hear a peep. At least that's the song Buteigege is singing right now, as he appears to be everywhere, perhaps in a media blitz attempt to get a notice for the Top spot underneath the number two who is running for number one. Or could it be the swing state Governor, Josh Shapiro, in Pennsylvania where the Harris campaign plans to make the VP announcement? All we know is that the race for VP is heating up, and it will take more than a Dr. Kamala Seuss word salad to satisfy her appetite. Mamala Kamala wants to know how your light shines in the halls of Shambala. Kamala says she’ll announce her running mate on Tuesday. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/30/harris-first-rally-running-mate-tuesday-philadelphia-00171999?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Pot Versus Kettle And in related news, Donald Trump sat for an interview with the National Association of Black Journalists (some of whom, he says, are black). In a contentious exchange, Trump said that Kamala "[just turned into a black person.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAKswjN9kfQ&ref=danielkherndon.com)" Well, I need to correct the record on this one. When Donald suddenly showed up to the debates with bronzer on, no one said “he just turned into a tan person.” We knew he had been airbrushed. The ghostly pale circles on his eyes and the note that says “enlarged to show texture” gave it away. It’s just as clear with Kamala. She has been consistently black all along, and everyone knows it. Her Father is black. 2 out of 10 of her pants suits are black. And once you go black, you never go back. ### Irregular Eleciones In Venezuela, which I personally pronounce as "*Ben-es-sway-lah¡"* with a Hilaria Baldwin-sounding accent, the government run by President Nicolás Maduro has determined that President Nicolás Maduro has won the election, despite 70% of the votes showing up as, “Edmundo González“, the exact same name as his opponent. In a speech this week, Maduro urged citizens to report anyone who protests his government. So if you will, please tell him that the USA recognized Edmundo González as the legitimate winner. Tell me if you recognize this. Back in the 80s, Hugo Chavez took over the Venezuelan government running on a populist message, presenting himself as the savior of the people. He built a huge following on a cult of personality, then weakened all the other government institutions, bending them to his will. Then he left only by dying. Now, the government doesn't even have the power to hold the current president accountable for the election results of the office he currently holds. This, my friends, is how democracies fall. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/venezuela-election-brazil-mexico-colombia-diplomacy-fa5780b54ffd166b4e20513d5b457512?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hamas Ask You A Question Earlier this week, a clandestine assassination took place in Iran. A bomb smuggled into a guest room months ago killed a key Hamas leader, Ismail Haniyeh when he was visiting for the Presidential nomination. Hezbollah confirmed that one of its senior commanders, Fuad Shukr, had been killed as well, in an Israeli strike on Beirut. A third kill of Hamas leader, Muhammad Deif, was confirmed yesterday. Many believe this will stoke a bigger war, which Iran has been provoking for months. This may Escalate into a bigger war, where Iran is pulling the strings. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/07/31/world/israel-gaza-war-hamas-iran?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Kari Fake News In Arizona, Kari Lake put her helmet hair to the test, and the people said yes. She won the Senate primaries this week, which has prompted her to pivot to the novel strategy of accepting the results of the election. Lake still hasn't conceded the gubernatorial election from a couple of years back, which means she may soon be a governor and a senator at the same time despite another candidate's votes adding up to a higher number in one of those cases. The win makes her the leading candidate against Democratic Rep. Ruben Gallego. She tells her base that "This is not a battle between Democrats and Republicans but between good and evil." which is translated as a candidate behind a soft focus lens with TV news anchor makeup against someone with policy making experience who has not switched parties three times like her and has raised more money than her. I can understand why she’s so repulsed. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/kari-lakewins-arizona-gop-senate-primary-ruben-gallego-rcna164043?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Gershkovich Release The reporter, Evan Gershkovich, who was trying to take down the Russian government by enjoying their low-priced cabbage, will now be released in a prisoner swap with the US. President Biden announced Evan and three other Amercian's release from unjust imprisonment yesterday. Evan was convicted of espionage after he was caught being an American in Russia. ([more](https://www.wsj.com/world/russia/evan-gershkovich-free-cde745b3?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Bite Size - Simone Biles became the most decorated gymnast, starting first with her diamond-encrusted [teeth](https://gulfnews.com/sport/simone-biles-gets-better-with-age-as-she-continues-her-dominance-in-gymnastics-1.97776127?ref=danielkherndon.com), and then by [adding to her](https://olympics.com/en/news/with-second-olympic-all-around-title-in-hand-simone-biles-has-necklace-to-match?ref=danielkherndon.com) gold medal wins. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. Although sometimes, it depends on the friends. Choose wisely who you share with. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Everybody Kamala Down URL: https://danielkherndon.com/everybody-kamala-down/ Last updated: 2024-07-26T10:30:26.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** Hey Friends, The official color of summer is chartreuse, and the vibe is *brat*. That means it's time to make one of my favorite chartreuse drinks, *The Last Word*. The recipe is equal parts gin, maraschino, lime juice, chartreuse, and attitude. Make a three-ounce portion on ice, shake it like you just fell out of a coconut tree, and serve it *up*. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 30th Week of 2024` ### The Brat Race Over the last week, there were more developments in the race for the White House than normal, despite the prior week. At the Republican National Convention featured a mythical Donald Trump restoring democracy to America while wearing a My Pillow ear bandage to memorialize being shot at one of his rallies. It's unclear if the earpiece had Bluetooth connectivity, but if it did, it was most certainly the most sanitary Bluetooth headset ever made since 1998\. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/07/mypillow_2-1.webp) The My Pillow Guy Clutching one of Trump's Ear Bandages. Meanwhile, Joe Biden had an infirmity of his own, as he nursed a case of Covid at his Delaware home in lockdown. But the President is no stranger to a cold – shoulder, that is, because after fighting a cold led to a flop of the first presidential debate, much of the left-leaning USA turned on him and launched a pressure campaign to push him out. It wasn't a coup, but it was exactly like one. Well, literally everyone in America got what they wanted this week for the first time since Paris Hilton's show was canceled in 2007 and since the original Independence Day of 1776 before that. Joe Biden withdrew his bid for re-election, making Donald Trump the oldest person not to drop out of the race so far. Joe tweeted a screenshot of a letter. There was no live announcement, not even a body double appearance for this history-making move. Not until Wednesday when he made an 11-minute appearance from the Oval Office. After being pushed out, some party loyalists celebrate Biden's move of stepping down as "selfless" and say they have "dodged and bullet" and that they "hope Jill isn't too mad." This means Kamala Harris is the Democratic party's presumptive nominee. She is only the second woman to make it this far and the first to do so without dressing like Kim Jon Un after getting a wardrobe [makeover](https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/1793915/presidential-candidate-hillary-clinton-gives-thumbs-up-as-she-continues-recovery-after-recent-collapse/?ref=danielkherndon.com) from an upholstery salesman. After the President dropped out, Kamala received over $128 million in donations in less than three days. In an early poll from Reuters, she [snagged a two-point lead](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/harris-leads-trump-44-42-us-presidential-race-reutersipsos-poll-finds-2024-07-23/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on Trump. She's hoping the President can drop out a couple more times before election day. Kamala is young. She's got energy. Her cackle is infectious. In short, Kamala is brat, according to British pop singer Charli XCX. Brat — a term which is now good – is sort of like Ted Nugent saying Jimmy Carter had Cat Scratch Fever in 1977\. It might feel like something you don't want to be, but go ahead and take it as a compliment. As Kamala assembled her campaign, she quickly [adopted](https://19thnews.org/2024/07/kamala-harris-hq-charli-xcx-brat-campaign/?ref=danielkherndon.com) the "Brat Summer" album look from Charli XCX after the British pop singer tweeted that “[kamala IS brat.](https://x.com/charli%5Fxcx/status/1815182384066707861?ref=danielkherndon.com)” Among VP contenders, XCX is believed to be the most brat, but it's unclear if she can draw swing state voters. ### Secret Disservice Kimberly Cheatle, head of the Secret Service, endured a bruising testimony before Congress. In a brief summary of her testimony, she offered the oversight committee shocking answers like "I'll get back to you." and "I can't go into specifics, but I *can* avoid answering your question." After calls from both sides for accountability, the next day, she resigned. I can relate. If one of my interns fucked up something in this newsletter, I, too, would resign for their failures. Interestingly, this was one of those rare moments of agreement between members of Congress on both sides of the aisle. Other agreements include a time when it was requested to turn the thermostat down in the House chamber to something below 70 and that BLTs with Turkey on them are no longer called BLTs but instead are called Club Sandwiches, although there is a difference of opinion on whether a third piece of bread is required. They don't, however, agree on whether convicted felons should hold high office, but they are moving closer to each other on the abortion topic. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/secret-service-director-kimberly-cheatle-resigns-sources/story?id=111990439&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Boyz to Menendez Gold Bars are a great way to protect yourself from a crashing economy or a tyrannical government, especially in a world where gold is more nourishing than the highest quality meats. But, a jury didn't believe that Bob Menendez had stashes of gold bars because he had seen an infomercial on cable news. Senator Bob Menendez of New Jersey (D), where the "D" stands for "Dickhead" was found guilty last week of fraud and immediately faced calls to resign from his party. He leaves office on August 20th to make time for his coming prison sentence, which may end up being the remainder of his life. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/23/bob-menendez-resign-corruption-charges-00170663?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Not in Yahu Benjamin Netanyahu visited the US this week to talk to Congress, Biden, Trump, and Harris to campaign for continued support in their war with Palestinian groups. "Bunjamin" claimed in a speech to Congress about civilian deaths in Rafah that there were "practically none." In this case, he's using a form of Government math where "inconvenient" facts are counted in reverse. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/harris-netanyahu-biden-hostage-deal-gaza-41c4e0685e88fd75e9aa8e0d0d859b07?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### A Line of Sharks Imagine the worlds deadliest animal going full hot girl summer and snorting lines of coke off the ass of a white whale. Well, It's a true story. The most brat thing of the season is the discovery of sharks swimming off the coast of Brazil, testing positive for cocaine. According to one source, scientists decided to test one group after noticing they had been wearing the same clothes as yesterday – only to discover traces of cocaine in each of the 13 sharks tested. Without question, this ignites one of my most [irrational fears](https://danielkherndon.com/irrational-fears/) and makes me feel left out all at the same time. Because sharks may be crazier than ever and are having a really great time without me. ([more](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/first-cocaine-sharks-discovered-in-brazil/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. But is it better with your friends? Let's find out by sharing this issue. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### He Put the Sass in Nation URL: https://danielkherndon.com/he-put-the-sass-in-nation/ Last updated: 2024-07-19T12:34:18.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Welcome to the new America, where everyone's choices matter except for yours, and then only if the chosen few agree to let you choose them or not. This is my most cynical opening yet, so let's cheer up and get right to the good stuff. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 29th Week of 2024` ### Assassin Nation As of last week, we now know that Trump is not actually a robot, thanks to a brief appearance of blood at a recent event where a rogue assassin tried to kill the former president. We do not know, however, if he is not a killer beast because immediately after being shot, he stood right up with blood on his face and a fist in the air, mouthing the words "fight." Of course, that happens to rhyme with "Sprite," so some thought he might have been summoning his staff for an uninspiring cold beverage, so the beast thing remains unclear. Secret Service immediately surrounded the former President, eventually escorted him off the stage. Eyewitnesses say the shooter was basically a Jason Bourne-type guy, except without being a military asset of the government, but instead, a guy with bad aim who plays video games pretty much all the time and wears a belt that's too long, leaving the end hanging down awkwardly. After shooting Trump, only grazing his ear, Secret Service returned fire, killing the man. He was found dead on a roof near the event, lying next to his AK 47 and a Nintendo game boy. Tragically, one man in the audience was killed, a fireman who leaned over to protect his family. Authorities declined to discuss a motive, but some who speak on the condition of anonymity say that it’s “because he was a little shit" and he "didn't like Trump,” although the investigation is still ongoing. This is the first time a president has been subject to an attack in 40 years, but it's not the first to be endangered enough to be rushed out by the Secret Service. For example, they had to rush President Bush out of a banquet hosted by the Japanese prime minister after he threw up in his lap. According to anonymous reports, Biden faces threats to his life as well, but rather than by shooting him, he has been subjected repeatedly to having to stay up past 10:00 PM. ### The Convention This week's other big news is also about Trump as well, and fair warning, the next few Takes are not much different. Just a couple of days later, the Republican National Convention took place, at which Donald Trump, minus a small chunk of his ear, was officially nominated as the Republican front-runner. The only thing bigger than his ear bandage was the crowd's praise for him. At the event, Marjorie Taylor Greene was voted "worst dressed" by an independent panel of people who voted about these things for The Lorem Ipsum. The panel also voted Lara Trump as "biggest lips," competing against Kimberly Guilfoyle, who came in second, and some of those [edible wax lips](https://citysupplyfayetteville.com/products/osheas-candies-sweet-shop-nostalgic-old-fashioned-red-wax-lips-%F0%9F%91%84-24ct-display-box?ref=danielkherndon.com), which came in third, thanks to Lara's recent aftermarket additions before the event. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Ron Desantis? The question was first posed by The Daily Show in this [Tweet (or X?)](https://twitter.com/TheDailyShow/status/1813419235445538859?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1813419235445538859%7Ctwgr%5Ee348fe1d990fd3dff3371a543523812303ca66aa%7Ctwcon%5Es1%5Fc10&ref%5Furl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Fron-desantis-rnc-tongue-thing%5Fn%5F669764f9e4b05376ab5e1e6e&ref=danielkherndon.com). In Ron's speech, you could almost hear the sandpaper sounds of his lips above the crowd's roars for more government intervention in education. > How many licks does it take, Ron? [pic.twitter.com/QyvqaBiyXq](https://t.co/QyvqaBiyXq?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) [July 17, 2024](https://twitter.com/TheDailyShow/status/1813419235445538859?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Trump announced JD Vance would be his running mate, the 39-year-old elite whose message is against the elite, mainly because many of them are so smart but not quite smart enough to change their politics to become Trump's VP. We can see plainly that the Republican Party is changing. Vance and others criticized big business and presented a variety of messages shifting the position to the left. They are now pro-union, moderated on abortion, anti-free trade, and in favor of government intervention in Education. Strikingly what was once conservative is now what they’re fighting to stop — their own policies. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/rnc-republican-national-convention-07-18-24/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Interview This week, Biden remains on the opposite side of history compared to his opponent, as even people who hate Trump are celebrating his lion-like defiance and hair. Biden, however, is being celebrated as the most vaccinated President, and that's good because this week it was announced that he has COVID-19\. While he isolates himself to protect the nation (from Kamala Harris becoming the president), many in his party are speaking out to beg him to remove himself from the top of the Democratic ticket. The stark difference is that Trump seems to be controlling his political party, while Biden can even attend a birthday party. So far, at least publicly, Biden seems to be holding the line on his candidacy, perhaps based on his shrewd political acumen – which tells him that he is the only person who can win the election, provided he can remember the difference between his Vice President and his opponent after calling Kamala "[Vice President Trump](https://www.nbcnews.com/video/biden-calls-harris-vice-president-trump-while-answering-to-candidacy-concerns-214696005962?ref=danielkherndon.com)." To combat doubts about his candidacy, Biden has been doing TV interviews with major networks to offer the American People the opportunity to hear his case for his reelection. In an [interview with NBC](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/transcript-read-full-biden-interview-lester-holt-nbc-news-rcna162029?ref=danielkherndon.com), Lester Holt pressed Mr Biden on his ability to reach the American people, to which Biden said, “Look…”. He would consider doing so [only if a doctor informed him he had a medical condition](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/17/us/politics/biden-health-election-drop-out.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) that made it necessary. However, he couldn’t remember the name of the condition. Biden appears to be reconsidering his options as of yesterday. ### Menendez Gets Convicted Democratic Senator Robert Menedez was convicted on fraud charges this week after denying he committed a crime coordinated with a halal meat company despite the smell of beef meat all over him. According to a jury's ruling, Menendez used the power of his office to collect money for favors. He received his compensation in the form of cash, gold bars, and the occasional hand job from his colluding wife (speculation), who also faces charges. I covered it in a prior issue of the weekly. Here's a snippet: > Like a preacher in a mega church, Robert Menendez wanted nothing more than money and influence, and while he gained it, his wife directed the choir behind him the entire time. At least, that's what prosecutors think. Last week, Robert, a Democrat senator from New Jersey, and his wife Nadine were indicted for accepting bribes in exchange for his actions as a Senator and Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. [Gold Bars and Beef BouillonWhat to eat and what to keep in a jacket. It’s this week’s news.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/09/116-Gold-Bullion.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/gold-bars-and-beef-bulion/) Menendez insists he has "every faith" that he'll be exonerated on appeal, but after pressure from his party, has agreed to resign from his office. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/democratic-sen-bob-menendez-tells-allies-will-resign-bribery-convictio-rcna116970?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. Or is it? Maybe ask around. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### The Biden Bubble URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-biden-bubble/ Last updated: 2024-07-17T20:46:12.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I am in an all-out (automated) war against weeds in my yard this week. My sprinkler system is autonomously watering my lawn daily to ensure it is grass that dominates. The internet-connected system saves me on water when, and only when, Hurricane Beryl ushers in more than an inch of rain in a day. If the newsletter is late, it's because I'm cutting the grass twice. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get a copy of your own. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 28th Week of 2024` ### Bursting the Bubble Last night, Presidential aides brought their notes and a defibrillator to prepare President Biden for a press conference after the NATO summit. For 50 minutes, the President spoke on foreign policy and other topics. It was clear he had a grasp of what he was talking about. It was just as clear he was ready for bed. Joe Biden has the skills to govern, but it is questionable whether he is the right man for the next four years. They say, ask not what you can do for your country, but ask what your country will have to do for you as you age. If it includes helping you conduct proper bathroom time, it's probably time for you to retire from serving your country and instead start serving cake. Someone who has reached octogenarian status should be relaxing, enjoying saying whatever is on their mind, and eating whatever they want because "What are they going to do? Fire me?" This week, Joe Biden's fitness for office is the primary topic of conversation. Biden's accomplishments include the first meaningful gun safety bill in 3o years, historic student debt relief, and the most comprehensive climate change bill in history, not to mention infrastructure bills, the CHIPS act, and more. In 2020, the Democratic Party told us that Biden is the future of America, but the future has seen more of the past than any president in history. Biden started his first presidential campaign in 1987, before the rise of the [ThighMaster](https://www.cnbc.com/2014/05/09/suzanne-somers-lands-in-direct-response-hall-of-fame-for-thighmaster.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), which Suzanne Sommers introduced to us in 1990\. At the time, the sitcom puppet alien Alf had a [better chance](https://noiselesschatter.com/2014/07/24/alf-reviews-hail-to-the-chief-season-2-episode-11/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of winning the presidency than he did, but Joe believed he was one of the most important men in America anyway, even at 44 years old. He wouldn't take no for an answer. In fact, he didn't take no for an answer at least twice since he ran again in 2008, but instead of a win, he was offered the vice presidency in the Obama administration. He ran again for President in 2020 on the notion that the republic is in peril and he alone can save it. Now he runs for the 4th time, 37 years after the first. His opponent looks basically the same if you were to put Alf in a blue suit. Except this time, his wisecracks are mocking the rule of law and anyone not bending the knee. Yet his poll numbers continue to show he leads over Biden. And for good reason. He can capture an audience. So, key Democrats ask Joe one more time. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/07/Final-Answer-Biden-1-1.PNG) A Headline in the New York Times This week, Nancy Pelosi, herself a historical artifact of Government, suggested Biden should think long and hard about his campaign. Democratic calls to step down only increased this week, but not without Joe insisting, time and again, he'll stay in the race, his opportunity is bright, and his support is wide, as the New York Times [explains](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/10/us/politics/pelosi-biden-democrats.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Before Biden's failed debate, his age was a punchline, and his gaffs were fodder for the right. The left largely kept quiet on the matter, overlooking his shortfalls, or clinching their teeth for the sake of democracy. Now it's an emergency room issue, and even television ER doctor George Clooney wrote an [op-ed](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/10/opinion/joe-biden-democratic-nominee.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) to urge Biden to step out of the race. Many Democrats feel the same, but the bold few have said so in public. No one wants to hang up the dentures when they think they can have another bite. The stigma of being a one-term president is a lot like failing the written test at the BMV; there may not be a penalty, but no one wants to be that guy. When we age, we all become less concerned with superficial things, and that is a good thing. But that can also mean we are less self-aware. When you wave to what you think is an adoring crowd only to find out they are giggling at that hanging skin on your arms that swings back and forth as you are waving, that may be an indication that you're misreading the signals. The world, despite your optimism, may not be as you see it. Biden enjoys being surrounded by people whose job it is to say ‘yes, sir,’ give him credit for every good thing that happens, and corral fans to cheer at his rallies. What we're facing is a president in a bubble—one who is enjoying the facts he likes and ignoring the facts that he doesn't. If the data tells us anything, Biden's chances of winning are bleak historically. But if the party descends into chaos because they do not support his decision to run, Donald Trump has a strong chance of winning. If the party supports him, Biden has a strong chance of losing. If he does not bless the next candidate in line, they will likely lose as well. So it is in his hands, no matter what. We have a president who can't tell the difference between his ambitions and his patriotism. But he is correct about one thing. He alone can save us. ### Platform the Truths The Republican party released their new platform, and never mind everything they've always said about abortion because maybe it was a little too harsh. All lives don’t actually matter, especially if they’re in vitro, and we can’t even tell what gender they are yet or if they will wear a mask during a pandemic. The text comes with huge statements, vaguely defined goals, and EGREGIOUS capitalization. Within the platform are 20 promises. Among them, the document calls for the end to the weaponization of government against Americans, except those Trump wants to weaponize the full power of the government against. Critics say the platform's shift for the party doesn't do enough to protect unborn babies or enough to harm illegal immigrants. We hold these truths to be self-evident, and by that I mean self-evident that the content came directly from Truth Social, where Donald has been workshopping his platform since Twitter kicked him off theirs. ([more](https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/2024-republican-party-platform?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Shaking off the Rust Imagine if you go to make coffee for a guest, and your wife swears this unmarked container of coffee is decaf. Next thing you know, your guest is jittery and doesn't like any of your jokes. This happens to me all the time. Should I be blamed for the stimulants inflicted on an unsuspecting victim who has trouble sleeping as it is? What about the jokes? Do I at least get a courtesy laugh? This is what is happening to Alec Baldwin this week, except for the jokes, as he faces trial for firing the gun that killed his cinematographer, Halyna Hutchins, on the set of a movie that may never be completed. Baldwin faces involuntary manslaughter charges after the young armorer, Hannah Gutierrez who handed him the gun was convicted and sent to prison for the same event. Gutierrez was sentenced to 18 months in prison, the maximum. It sounds like the blink of an eye, but even more like a movie deal and a spot on a reality TV show for her after she is released. The whole event is a tragic accident, and that's why the district attorney propped up their campaign for reelection by suing the privileged and famous white guy who once yelled at someone on a plane. He was promised this coffee was decaf, but being tough on crime is not enough. We also need to be tough on accidents. ([more](https://www.thefp.com/p/alec-baldwin-rust-manslaughter-trial?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: If your friends say the news leaves a bad taste in their mouth, offer them a taste of The Lorem Ipsum. Remember to share far and wide. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this and want to support me, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 **I publish on Ghost. Use my affiliate link to* [**start your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com) *newsletter.* ### Fit For A King URL: https://danielkherndon.com/fit-for-a-king/ Last updated: 2024-07-05T10:30:23.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except anyone who lost a finger in last night's festivities. If I’m being honest, no newsletter writer wanted to write one on the Fourth of July amidst perfecting the [burnishing of tube meat](https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-grill-a-hot-dog.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), but yesterday, I did, which, at the time of this writing, was now. I guess that's what you have to do when you live in a Hot Dog Republic. Happy Independence Day to my US readers who celebrate, and Happy Friday to everyone. It's been a tough week for Joe Biden after his performance in last Thursday's debate cast a shadow on his campaign. Despite calls for Joe to step aside, he insists he will continue his agenda to build the economy and create jobs. His critics on the left say he should start by creating just one. So, if you're looking for a job, word on the streets is the United States might be hiring. The job post is also my latest article. Find it here: [Help WantedSeeking unqualified candidates for the most powerful role in the world.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2024/07/145-Biden-Time.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/help-wanted/) Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 27th Week of 2024` ### Presidents are Now Kings If *Presidential Immunity* referred to Joe Biden's resistance to a cold, we would not be calling for him to step down, but unfortunately, when Joe is a little flush, it throws his performance off to the point of causing a national security disaster. It's the job of the United States President to talk on all things of national importance, which means, if you want to run for the biggest office, you better keep some Tums in that extra pocket so you can speak with clarity, cast a vision, and project more ideas than phlegm. The good news for Joe is that any official act a president takes is not a crime, so because of the ruling, the *Biden Crime Family* will be changing its name to the *Biden Official Acts Family*. But despite my criticism, nothing a president does is actually wrong. Presidents are now kings, thanks to the indisputable Supreme Court Justices who ruled that the President of The United States can effectively overthrow their own government and order political rivals to be assassinated, and it is completely legal. Much like me, as I operate in the capacity of a newsletter writer, I can't be held personally liable for anything I write personally, thankfully, and so too is anyone who wins the White House. In practical terms, this means all the impractical things I said above about overthrowing the government. So, as Donald Trump has several criminal charges pending, he may not be able to be held responsible for his attempt to overthrow an election he lost with flying colors – unless the courts can prove that his actions indisputably fall outside of the purview of his job. The problem with these acts–the attempt to throw out an election and halt a transfer of power–*do* fall within the scope of the job of the president, even if the actions taken by Trump would be a felony for anyone else in the country to do. The ruling says that immunity for official presidential acts is "absolute" or at least "presumptive." [By my reading](https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/23pdf/23-939%5Fe2pg.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com), this ruling makes it nearly impossible to discern what an official and unofficial act is, at least for all things in the middle. That means this ruling, if words mean anything, most definitely enables Trump and future presidents to do whatever they want, including expand their own power and prevent the election of another. The only one who can judge them is the Supreme Court. But they'll have to reinterpret history just as this court did to determine if a president can be held liable, and if so, for what. Justice Sonia Sotomayor wrote a scathing dissent, expressing her fear for our democracy. Even the Conservative Justice, Amy Coney Barret, disagreed in part, just enough to sign on to the decision while calling it preposterous in its breadth. This is a fantastic win for Trump and a wild expansion of the powers of the presidency. From here on out, presidents can add pasta to their chili or eat raw cookie dough and no one can do anything about it. Direct Seal Team 6 to abduct John Fetterman and force him to wear pants? Immune! Organize a military coup to convert every fast food restaurant into a Skyline Chili? Immune! Immune, immune, immune. I agree with what Amy was saying between the lines; a decade ago, a similar ruling would have been satire. But today, it's history. We see with our own eyes that the wild hypotheticals are not as far-fetched as they once were, and ignoring that is how democracies fall. Giving more power to a president without the risk of consequences threatens the independence we celebrate. Happy Fourth of July weekend. --- That's it for this week. **Remember**: *"American's Run on Ipsum."* Share The Lorem Ipsum with a friend this weekend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 **I publish on Ghost. Use my affiliate link to* [**start your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com) *newsletter.* ### Help Wanted URL: https://danielkherndon.com/help-wanted/ Last updated: 2024-07-03T13:00:46.000Z Many of you were present for the first Presidential debate. Even Trump showed up after skipping the debates in the Primaries. Biden is widely believed to have been present as well; however, some still question the claim. It was the debate that spurred the most opinion columns since it's airing. Even the *New York Times* editorial board paid for [several columnists](https://www.nytimes.com/international/section/opinion/columnists?page=3&ref=danielkherndon.com), to say that Joe was a [good man](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/28/opinion/joe-biden-tom-friedman.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) but should not be president anymore, and then the [editorial board](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/28/opinion/biden-election-debate-trump.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) offered their two cents – Joe needs to Go. Since then, Joe's campaign has tried to hold the line, but it sounds more like a closeout sale under the masthead of "Everything Must Joe!" but as the pressure to resign increased, Joe didn't blink – simultaneously a show of steadfast commitment to his campaign and potentially a medical emergency. Biden has done a great job in his twilight years to remind us that being the President is important and that anyone can do it if the people around them try hard enough. And also, if they don't, that it's advisable to run on the heels of one of the most polarizing presidents in history, who, whether liked or not, created the hunger for an antithesis. Biden is the antithesis of his opponent. Trump is vigorous, goading, provocative, and willing to push the bounds of the law. Biden is lethargic, deferential, has acid reflux and can't find his glasses. But even the battle of the antitheses has called for an antithesis, and I am here to call for it today. Hillary Clinton and John McCain argued that Barack Obama was [too green for the job](https://time.com/archive/6683872/does-experience-matter-in-a-president/?ref=danielkherndon.com). But in today's climate, I'd argue he wasn't quite inexperienced enough. For the next election, the message to unify the American people is "Inexperience Matters!" We've already tried putting someone in the white house "because he knows what he's doing," but it turns out, in recent cases, he actually didn't know until someone [took him by the hand](https://nypost.com/2024/06/16/us-news/biden-appears-to-freeze-up-has-to-be-led-off-stage-by-obama-at-mega-bucks-la-fundraiser/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and told him. What we desperately need is someone who has no clue. We need someone whose understanding of the law is basically theoretical. Better yet, someone who still doesn't know that you're supposed to export your resume from a Word Doc to a PDF before you send it. If you're a community organizer, you may be overqualified at this point. Let's put someone in office who doesn't know the difference between Congress and a Six Flags Theme Park. We need someone who can bring this country together—maybe! Literally, anyone is qualified. It's time to use Chat GPT to write the agenda. If you have ten years of experience in retail management and still live with your parents at 35 years old, I think you're ready for that warm leather chair in the Oval Office. Do you have a library card? Great, your resume sounds promising. Guys, let's put a tie on this bastard and get him on stage. What America needs is someone with an agenda that will do anything but move this country forward. Someone whose ideas are sourced from Chat GPT. We want someone whose agenda for the first hundred days includes jumping on the bed in the master suite on the second floor of the West Wing. Qualified candidates can't tell you how the government works, but they can tell you what happens on the internet the day after you talk in your sleep on national television, and can tell you how to post it to your stories. This is not only a job for men. Put on one of those shirts that says "Boy Mom" in an awful font, and you just might be dressed for success. Stay-at-home moms everywhere are wrangling petulant children who can't seem to agree on anything, and that skill transfers directly to dealing with Congress. Putting Loren Boebert in time-out every time she mouths off is first-rate governing. Telling Marjorie Taylor Green she can't have a snack, and warning Matt Gaetz you're going to call his parents will do more for this country than any bully pulpit ever has. We've asked our leaders to drain the swamp, but at this point, I'd just be happy to see someone fold the laundry. Maybe pick up a little bit here and there because we can't keep this house together by ourselves. If you're afraid of making a mistake, don't worry because, for this job, everything you do is officially considered correct and totally legal. You can absolve your HOA bill, cancel parking tickets, or fire your enemies with impunity. And you can do it all without having a clue how. The only thing we ask, is that if you are standing on stage, we'd like you to know it. I've heard the criticism of this plan. They say replacing the front runners at this stage of the game would be unprecedented. And this may be true, but in a way, we've been un-Presidented for a while now. By the numbers, Joe Biden has held the [fewest press](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/21/us/politics/biden-public-appearances-media.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) conferences since Ronald Reagan, based on last year's numbers. When he does show up in public, some claim it is [his body double](https://twitter.com/WallStreetApes/status/1802449247973048496?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1802449247973048496%7Ctwgr%5Efc09cc09c4a6119590a459bbbb720675660b7ee7%7Ctwcon%5Es1%5F&ref%5Furl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ndtv.com%2Ffeature%2Fcia-mask-body-double-joe-biden-doppelganger-theories-are-viral-5908862&ref=danielkherndon.com). With Joe Biden being the [fallingest](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/06/01/biden-falls-on-stage-is-fine-00099730?ref=danielkherndon.com) president in recent memory, any moment, a presidential tumble could drop the country into crisis. I don't think we can wait for experience. What we need is anything else. So, no, we don't need someone who's ready for the job. We need someone who's not, so they don't think they can do it in their sleep. ### Fight Club URL: https://danielkherndon.com/fight-club/ Last updated: 2024-07-03T17:09:34.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Well, it was fun skipping a week of mowing the lawn, thanks to a terse heat wave. Now, we're back to the [War on Weeds](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/). This week, the news comes to an end with [Red Meat Politics](https://danielkherndon.com/red-meat-politics/), courtesy of CNN. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- The culinary arts are perhaps one of the oldest of all. When blood was being creatively spread across the walls of caves, even as humanity pined for the Food Network and Lady Gaga to make entertainment of their meat. Food has brought diplomacy to king's tables and mended fences better than any carpenter could hope to. But the truth remains the same, even as time passes. If you have really good ingredients and really good texture, even a very velvety bisque in your soup or a precision sear on your petite tender medallions, nobody will remember it unless it has salt. ## Get your own copy. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. That's the news this week. Just about everything hitting the headlines was unsavory, forgettable masterpieces. A riot in [Kenya](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/kenya-protests-today-president-william-ruto-tax-hike-concession-fails-quell-anger/?ref=danielkherndon.com), a Supreme Court [leak](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/supreme-court-acknowledges-document-pending-abortion-case-accidentally-rcna159081?ref=danielkherndon.com), another leaker getting a [plea deal](https://apnews.com/article/assange-justice-department-plea-wikileaks-saipan-australia-00eb380879ff636cc9b916f82f82ed40?ref=danielkherndon.com), and a couple of very forgettable [mass shootings](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/arkansas-grocery-store-shooting-deaths-injuries/?ref=readtangle.com). But then Thursday happened, and we finally found something to fight about. The first presidential debate. The question on everyone's mind, as always, is who will win the evening and who will end up in jail—perhaps one contestant would take both metals. The debate kicked off at 9:00 with no audience and no fanfare. The questions initially started with policy questions, and both candidates complied. By forty minutes in, the debate had devolved into a brawl. The two fought, calling each other a liar, a whiner, a Manchurian candidate. The former president walked out like he had an ankle monitor on him as he awaits sentencing for 34 felony convictions. He was uncomfortable without a crowd, but he was also uncomfortable without a Big Mac because the debate seemed effortless for him. I expect his skill of persuasion in front of a camera will be valuable in prison, where he can build a coalition of neck-tattooed followers and launch Trump Smokes and all other varieties of contraband. The moment Biden shuffled out like he was out to pick up his daily paper in a robe that smelled like corn chips, I knew we were f\*\*\*ed. It was evident that when he arrived at the podium, he was the only one who didn't know it was him. His blank stare would have made perfect sense if he were watching a commercial about reverse mortgages because, trust me, those are confusing, and the commercials are worse. But to say he succumbed to a series of senior moments would be unkind to the fine folks over at Hardee's every morning. It's like telling a teenager he is acting like a toddler. Getting Biden elected a second time is a bad idea, but releasing a sequel to Weekend at Bernie's was a bad idea, too. But they did it anyway because several people around Bernie Lomax were willing to do the work to prop him up rather than accept the alternative. On most days, in a blind taste test between Coke and Pepsi, few could tell who the president was on the day they chose Coke, for most of history anyway. If we're being honest, most of the time, our lives are no different based on who is in the White House. And we may even be better off not knowing who the guy is. Trump may have changed that. He did his level best to overturn the country by force. I'm no fan of the man. He has lost my trust, but he won the debates. I tuned in to see two US Presidents debating each other. Instead, I feel like I've just watched the scene in Weekend At Bernie's where Richard and Larry walk off for something, and Bernie Lomax flies over the edge of a balcony. The good news is he was completely unaware, so it was painless. Most of us could have slept better, having missed the debates and never heard the throat clearing, the mud-slinging, the disputes over golf handicaps, or having had to ask if this is the best we can do. I'm not one for hyperbole, except of course when I am, but with all the above said, I think we'd be better off with a rag doll in the White House than another term with Trump. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is good to the last drop (into your inbox). How about getting your friends to percolate on a copy of their own? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 **I publish on Ghost. Use my affiliate link to* [**start your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com) *newsletter.* ### Bringing Tipsy Back URL: https://danielkherndon.com/bringing-tipsy-back/ Last updated: 2024-06-21T10:30:01.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, The most ostentatious word in the English language is *unostentatious,* but I can say without embellishing that I am just that when it comes to music. I like a good song whether it comes from Nickleback or Carly Rae Jepsen. Even Daughtry could be the source of a good song, even if it hasn't happened yet. I wasn't always so equitable, though. In my days in the music business, I held a gatekeeper mentality. If your music had more dancing and headsets than musical artistry, you were out, in my book. This all changed in 2003 when Justin Timberlake hosted Saturday Night Live and offered a veritable musical extravaganza. He proved all my assumptions wrong. Timberlake returns to our attention this week, all because his should have been on the road. He was arrested on Tuesday for drunk driving after police said "he was unsteady afoot," which, as a 21-year-long Justin Timberlake fan, I can say is out of character because the Justin I know is anything but unsteady afoot. I can buy that he was swerving if it came with swiveling hips, but the notion that he "performed poorly" is not what we expect from the performer of "Cry Me A River," although he may be crying his own over the next few days. Justin told police he only had one martini, but that didn't help his case since martinis [don't actually come](https://vinepair.com/articles/ask-adam-standard-drinks-in-martinis/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in size "one." That aside, anyone who drinks a good one also drinks another. As long as he's got his suit and tie, he won't be leaving it on the floor tonight because he'll need it to appear in court, more than likely. [Surveillance Photo Shows Justin Timberlake Driving on Empty Street Before ArrestJustin Timberlake’s vehicle is seen in new footage just before the singer’s Hamptons DWI arrest.![](https://people.com/apple-touch-icon-180x180.png)PEOPLEPeople Editorial Guidelines![](https://people.com/thmb/sxVJiYbYisJVP09Z523k0vvehzE=/1500x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(708x374:710x376)/justin-timberlake-tout-051824-237ec99a4909495e8522459d9f893342.jpg)](https://people.com/justin-timberlake-photo-shows-driving-before-dwi-arrest-8665820?ref=danielkherndon.com) Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 25th Week of 2024` ### The New Cigarettes This week, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a call for warning labels to be added to social media. The practice is already extremely successful with cigarettes. When a pregnant woman reaches for a pack of Marlboro Lights and a donut, a label warning about low birth weight intervenes. As per the design, she will stop dead in her tracks, and shame will take over. Well, social media is the new smoking, and a body image complex is the new low birth weight. When it comes to social media, being an aspiring influencer—the modern version of a Marlboro Man—is harmful to children's health. After the Surgeon General posted his warning online, he began repeatedly refreshing his feed to see how many likes it got and asked his friends to repost his announcement. It's unclear how the warnings will be implemented or if parents will even have any authority over their kids to begin with. To address the topic, I asked several teenagers what they thought of the requirement, and in response, they shrugged, mumbled an answer that I couldn't make out, but never looked me in the eye. After that, I paid their cell phone bill and reminded them they needed to clean their room, which they completely ignored because it was “so lame.” Kids may not like the idea, but like the labels for explicit lyrics, the new social media notices are expected to be very effective. ([more](https://www.axios.com/2024/06/19/social-media-warning-labels-surgeon-general?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Un In Action This week, Putin met with Kim Jong Un to rekindle their nuclear romance. Putin didn't interrupt Un's video games to take him on a horseback ride where they show each other [their abs](https://s.abcnews.com/images/International/gty-putin-horse-er-170510%5F2x3%5F1600.jpg?w=1600&ref=danielkherndon.com). Instead, the two came together to present a united front on one thing – That the United States sucks. (Their words, not mine.) To cap off their meeting, the two nations signed an agreement to "provide mutual assistance in case of aggression." The move reminds us of Cold War era activities where nuclear war was increasingly a risk. Kim Jong Il, the prior leader, bestowed the country to Kim Jong Un back in 2011 when he died. On his deathbed, his last words were, "Don't let these little fuckers have internet“ referring to their citizens, “and promise me you’ll lock up anyone who makes jokes about us.” Since then, Un is constantly looking for validation that he's not daddy's little boy anymore and that's why a meeting with Putin is as important to him as it is to Putin. According to reports, Putin seeks to get North Korea's support for ammunition for his war with Ukraine, and in exchange, he'll support Un's pursuit of nuclear armament and even drink wine with him in public. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/kim-jong-un-putin-north-korea-russia-mutual-defense-pact-rcna157903?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Wild Firing This week, we've had some of the biggest wildfires of the season, and this time, I'm not talking about Donald Trump, where “brush fire” refers to terminating his hair stylist. This one is found in Los Angeles, where the heat comes in all shapes and sizes, including as fresh Tamales, the fleshy looks of hot celebrities, and now thousands of acres of dried lands subject to droughts, low humidity, and boring takes from dull comedians. The result is the biggest wildfire of the season, covering 15,000 acres in Los Angeles and Ventura counties. ([more](https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/california-wildfires/map-southern-california-la-wildfires/3438351/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Ten Commandments Louisianna now requires all schools to hang the Ten Commandments in every classroom. Gov. Jeff Landry signed legislation into law on Wednesday requiring a poster-sized display of the Ten Commandments in “large, easily readable font.” For the critics out there, Jeff looks forward to your lawsuits. “I can’t wait to be sued” he said at a fundraiser this week. Hopefully this finally solves the problem of people not following the Ten Commandments. Like for example, the first one, which says not to have any graven image before you, such as a poster of the Ten Commandments, when it seems to be more important to you than worshiping God (sp?) directly. The law has its critics, as you'll see in the media, but the truth is many are hopeful because the last time we had the Ten Commandments in schools was in the '60s and '70s, and besides the Sexual Revolution, the Vietnam War and all the naked people at Woodstock, everything was pretty good, morally speaking.([more](https://apnews.com/article/louisiana-ten-commandments-displayed-classrooms-571a2447906f7bbd5a166d53db005a62?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Snow Way The actor Donald Sutherland died this week at the age of 88\. From M\*A\*S\*H to Hunger Games, Donald has seen it all. If you’re lucky, you have too, because he was one of the best. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/donald-sutherland-revered-actor-msh-movie-hunger-games-dies-88-rcna158107?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. **Remember**: *Betcha can’t read just one*. Have another issue of The Lorem Ipsum, and share one with a friend too! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 **I publish on Ghost. Use my affiliate link to* [**start your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com) *newsletter.* ### Six Figured URL: https://danielkherndon.com/six-figured/ Last updated: 2024-06-14T17:58:08.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week, I had to make my own dinner. Once. Yep, you heard me right. Mrs The Lorem Ipsum left town, leaving me to fend for myself. Any other marketing exec slash newsletter writer might have found himself standing face to face with his demise, but not I. Tough breaks call for smooth operators. I'm no Gloria Gaynor, but I did indeed survive. The Mrs is home now, so a good weekend is afoot. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for **The Lorem Ipsum.* A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `This 24th Week of 2024` ### Convicted The criminal justice system was recently rigged by the Biden administration to convict Trump, but accidentally forgot to unrig it before Hunter Biden was convicted of three felonies related to buying a gun at a time when he was using drugs or at least wished he was. This caused a mess for him several months ago, which resulted in a plea deal coming together and then falling apart. This put Hunter in court last week to face the charges from an incident in 2018\. For the first time, a sitting President's son was convicted of a felony just a week after a former President was convicted of felonies as well. Paired with an eclipse earlier this spring, we see we are in very dark times where cats and dogs are living together, and men are no longer complaining about their mothers-in-law. If you think that's crazy, take Congressman [Jim Jordan](https://www.youtube.com/live/J1vmT5%5FOddI?si=iAkExP2lQR4-E5OH&t=189&ref=danielkherndon.com). Please! Whether you think there is a comparison between the former president's case and Hunter Biden's appears to be a matter of convenience. But I see some similarities. Both defendants were obviously guilty. Both have gone too far with teeth whitening and lastly, both cases were the consequences of drug addiction. Hunter's drug was cocaine. In Trump's case, that drug was power. For the Republican Party, that drug is Trump, and they are junkies. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/06/11/us/hunter-biden-trial-verdict?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### It Figures For years, it has been dangerous to walk through dark alleys in densely populated cities, but a new study warns of a new danger. Attending an Ivy League school. It could put you in the throes of a protest where you become the unsuspecting victim of an egging while carefully positioning your yamaka, or you could get your encampment tent stolen by campus police or even get a paper cut from your picketing sign. All these risks are real, but the danger I'm talking about is much worse – you could end up not getting a six-figure salary job. I can hear you gasping as I type this. According to reports about reports, about a report, you'll go to great parties and walk out with a great degree, but you might not get a great job. The Department of Education's scorecard shows that after ten years, median salaries of Ivy League graduates left them pinching pennies to pay for their [Golden Goose](https://www.goldengoose.com/us/en/women-s-super-star-ltd-with-gold-star-and-black-glitter-heel-tab-cod-GWF00102.F000959.80724.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) shoes (understandably, if I was among the Ivy Impoverished, I would walk around in fashion beaters too). Some may even have to use a credit card to pay for their first Louis Vuitton bag. My take, as someone who [went to Yale](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/#:~:text=In%20my%20college%20years%2C%20I%20went%20to%20Yale%20University.), it was the longest week of my life, and I'll never get that time back. But in this economy, I'll never pay those parking tickets either. ([more](https://finance.yahoo.com/news/only-2-ivy-league-schools-110942852.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Split Decision A jury in South Florida has found that Chiquita is liable for the killings of eight people in Columbia, carried out by a paramilitary group the company helped finance. Back in 2007, Chiquita Brands made hundreds of payments to the AUC, a paramilitary group it claims had extorted them during a decades-long civil war in Columbia. The jury wasn't convinced. Some would say Chiquita Brands was not just funding violence but was turning the region into a banana republic. ([more](https://www.salon.com/2024/06/11/chiquita-found-liable-for-paying-off-right-wing-squad-that-labor-organizers-in-colombia/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hamas Know By Now There's nothing new to report about the conflict in Gaza this week. Israel continues its incursion, and Hamas continues to use its citizens as a bargaining chip. This week, after it looked like Israel and Hamas were narrowing in on a ceasefire plan architected by the US and endorsed by a UN resolution, the negotiations, as normal, fell apart because the Hamas leader, Yahya Sinwar, still believes they have the strongest bargaining chip – the lives of their own civilians, which they are all too willing to give up. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/11/politics/us-intelligence-sinwar-gaza/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Off The Record Samuel Alito, the Supreme Court Justice, doesn't agree with his wife on their home decor, including where to put all their flags and whether or not one should be upside down. This week, a leaked recording revealed that the harborer of "Two Flags" had a conversation with someone he thought was Catholic (he and his wife's safe word, by the way). The person prompted Alito to talk about sensitive topics, such as suggesting that the nation should return to Christian values. He gently agreed with her as she moved on to other topics, looking for gotcha moments. You can't fault the guy for expressing his opinions about politics. Unless he were a Supreme Court judge, in which case you CAN fault the guy for expressing his opinions about politics, but I still want to be fair to Alito regardless of whether he will be fair to us from the bench. Alito was accosted by someone posing as a friendly Catholic vigilante. She said the world should return to Christian values, and he said the words "I agree," which is what literally everyone says who doesn't wish to engage in a debate with a stranger at a cocktail party, especially when someone makes it awkward and talks about religion. The Lorem Ipsum does not have the full length of the recordings and offers Alito the benefit of the doubt (hey, I never said we had great benefits here). I suspect he ended the conversation with something like, "We should get together for a coffee sometime," which is also just something people say, even when they don't mean it. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/11/politics/video/martha-alito-secret-audio-recording-digvid?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- And that is it for this week. **Remember**: "There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's *The Lorem Ipsum."* Consider supporting my work with money or by sharing me with a friend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 **I publish on Ghost. Use my affiliate link to* [**start your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com) *newsletter.* ### Relax or Relapse URL: https://danielkherndon.com/relax-or-relapse/ Last updated: 2024-06-07T10:30:10.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** "Relaxing the Format." It's not just a great band name from the early 2000s—it's an excuse, too. I once promised myself and those around me that I would never work a 40-hour week again and [wrote all about why](https://danielkherndon.com/should-we-make-every-week-a-four-day-workweek/), but I've broken that promise a number of times over the past few weeks, so I've had to eat my words – at my desk no less. Lately, I've wanted to make The Lorem Ipsum more sustainable. My first idea was to plant a tree for every new subscriber, but that, more than anything, was unsustainable, even if it's done in the name of sustainability. Then I considered switching to [cans](https://fincitybrewing.com/2023/03/cans-vs-bottles/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=One%20of%20the%20most%20significant,lot%20of%20energy%20and%20resources.), but good bourbon doesn't come in a can. Ultimately, I determined that I needed to do exactly what I have done my entire life: Stop following the rules–even when I'm the one who wrote them. That's what I've been doing as of late. We're relaxing the format of The Lorem Ipsum, if only for a moment. Because finding something to say, for me, is effortless, but sticking to the format just takes time. That's why what was once a band name is my new manifesto. I like writing long-form articles, and I like the research that goes into them (whether you think they are flippant or not, they are [carefully sourced](https://danielkherndon.com/good-source-material/) and cited). I often hear how much readers love the Hot Takes of the week, but those snide remarks wrapped in newsprint don't come cheap. Managing a long-form article while keeping an inventory of the news is a full-time job, and I've worked my whole life to avoid having one, much less two of them. So, in order to keep delivering you both, I'm going to do it the way the spirit leads. There's no need to panic. You'll still wake up on Friday to a new issue. As a reminder, most of the content here will remain free. But thank you to those of you who have made me whole by becoming a [Founder](#/portal/account/plans). You've kept me going, and your deposits hold me accountable each month. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 23 of 2024` ### Mexi-co-ed Mexico just elected its first woman president and will now be known as Mexica. Claudia Sheinbaum won a landslide victory with the endorsement of the current president, Andrés Manuel López Obrador (known best as AMLO). AMLO has been popular with everyday Mexicans because of his investments in populist programs, including tripling welfare spending, and many expect Sheinbaum to follow his lead. As an expert in Mexican food, specifically focused on eating it and processing it efficiently afterward, without regretting how many chips I may have consumed, I have to say that I don't have a clue about Mexican politics. All I know is that Sheinbaum is not a member of [The Royal Family](https://danielkherndon.com/dark-brandon/), so she will have little chance of being on the cover of the papers for getting a tummy ache or failing at editing a photo on her phone. But she stands a chance of getting our attention if she can repair US/Mexico relations to the point where migration is blamed on the source rather than whoever is the US President at the time. Will she curb government spending after AMLO tripled welfare budgets? Will she pry control of the government out of the hands of the Cartel? Will everyone get free bottomless chips and salsa? That's a question for the Mexican pundits and possibly your waiter when he comes by next. ([more](https://www.politico.com/newsletters/politico-nightly/2024/06/05/what-mexicos-new-president-means-for-the-u-s-00161909?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### D-E-I Caramba In a test of implicit bias created by The Lorem Ipsum, you'll be asked whether one point of view expressed in a Take is "Bad / Funny" or "Good / A Cleverly Placed Criticism of Marjorie Taylor Greene, but not too Left Leaning." Nobody ever passes, and it's because both opinions and facts are neither good nor bad; they are simply funny or true. Sometimes both. Well Harvard University had a trick test of their own, and this week announced they were dropping it. At least one major department has tossed the requirement to write a diversity statement in applications. They said that diversity statements were “too narrow in the information they attempted to gather" and usually were difficult to understand for people who weren't "at least a little bit racist." Although, University leadership said they were hopeful that forcing people to make a statement about how un-racist they were would increase diversity in the schools, it proved unsuccessful because the people who could pass muster were pretty much all just as stuck up as the people who created the test. To be fair, diversity tests are created with good intentions and noble goals. Like helping people to become aware of their implicit biases and ridding the world of Republicans. However, some recognized the change as positive. One former Harvard President says the decision shows that Harvard is “finding its way back towards the right core values,” hopefully with the [exception of its ties to slavery](https://legacyofslavery.harvard.edu/report/the-long-legacies-of-slavery-segregation-marginalization-and-resistance-at-harvard?ref=danielkherndon.com). ([more](https://www.axios.com/2024/06/06/dei-companies-programs-supreme-court-showdown?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Paper Beats Rock If you're wondering whether Melania will divorce Trump before or after he ends up in the slammer, you'll have to read their contract. But don't expect the latter to happen anytime soon (yes, the contract is too long, but I'm referring to the slammer). This week, two of Trump's criminal indictments have been put on ice for different reasons. First, in Georgia, an appellate judge "stays" any proceedings in the racketeering case until they can determine if the [*Fani Pack* ](https://time.com/6986063/court-halts-trumps-georgia-case-fani-willis/?ref=danielkherndon.com)should be removed from the case due to a conflict of interest. Then, the judge in the [documents case](https://newrepublic.com/post/182292/judge-cannon-trump-second-win-classified-documents?ref=danielkherndon.com) determined that reading books takes a long time, and a gold-plated bathroom full of documents takes even longer. After countless legal briefs created complications with the case, she has delayed the court proceedings indefinitely. This is in addition to the unknown timeline for when the Supreme Court will rule on presidential [immunity](https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/25/politics/takeaways-trump-immunity-supreme-court/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Word to the wise: if you want to commit crimes and get away with them, create as much paperwork as you can for everyone else because people always procrastinate when it comes to paperwork. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/05/politics/georgia-trump-fani-willis-trial-delay/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Fake, Fake, Fake, Fake What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming? It is all fake, just like many of the electors who tried to squeeze in made-up electoral votes for Donald Trump. This week, Wisconsin became the fifth state to charge Trump allies involved in the crime. Kenneth Chesebro could be eating government cheese behind bars if he is convicted. Chesebro was also indicted in the Georgia Racketeering case, where he pleaded guilty and agreed to cooperate with prosecutors. If the case survives the delays. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/key-trump-allies-charged-fake-electors-scheme-wisconsin-rcna155395?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Boeing Exhales Yesterday, Boeing's Starliner crew docked and entered the international space station. With them, the team brought several crescent wrenches and a powerful Dewalt drill used primarily to tighten the seal on the doors, as needed. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/06/science/boeing-starliner-new-helium-leaks-scn/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Smoking Gun Hunter Biden has started his trial this week for checking a box that said he was not on drugs when he completed a form to buy a gun. We've intentionally buried this story and plan to keep it that way until after the election. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/06/politics/takeaways-day-4-hunter-biden-trial/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum now offers Five Dollar Foot Longs – upgrade to a [paid subscription](#/portal/account/plans) for $5 per month and remove the paywall on premium posts, expanding four column inches to a 12-inch long email. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### The Oracle's News URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-oracles-news/ Last updated: 2024-05-31T10:30:49.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for people who hate Jerry Seinfeld. In his recent conversation with Bari Weiss in her podcast [Honestly](https://www.honestlypod.com/podcast/episode/2b7d90db/jerry-seinfeld-on-the-rules-of-comedyand-life?ref=danielkherndon.com), he explains the one and only rule of comedy. To be funny. Let's trust the laugh and save the canceling for the felons, grifters, and evil dictators. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 22 of 2024` ### Hush Little Jurist ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/05/Guilty.png) The history of the US has been annotated with a single word. A word said 34 times. Before it was uttered, the news was a slog. The jury spent most of this week deliberating, reviewing testimony, and enjoying unlimited subs and sandwiches. As the jury deliberated on the charges against Donald Trump, the first American president was sent to trial and the first to splash the walls of the White House with catchup after throwing his kid's meal. Soon, Trump would throw yet another fit. Most news sources, including publications like [The New York Times](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/05/30/nyregion/trump-trial-verdict?ref=danielkherndon.com) and [CNN](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-hush-money-trial-05-30-24/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), covered the event in real-time, highlighting details like how "normal" things are in the nearby park. It may have been better to have made up the news entirely rather than make it seem like two people playing Chinese Checkers is newsworthy, even if it does qualify them for Trump's foreign relations team. While the largest news sources in the world have confirmed that it is hard to get inside the jurors' brains, as a hard-hitting investigative reporter, I reached out to my clairvoyant, fortune-teller, and prophet to get as close as I can to uncovering what jurors might have been thinking throughout the week as they considered charging a former First Man as the First Felon. After I, and my diviner/therapist did a remote psychic reading that lasted roughly 45 minutes (until the free version of Zoom cut us off), I gathered notes to provide insight into the minds of the jurors. Here are some key takeaways. - Some jurors were desperate for more water, saying that watching defense attorney Todd Blanche made them "very thirsty" and "not in a good way." - Many felt that Trump looked guilty. "Just look at 'eem," one juror thought. But I would note that the courtroom lighting didn't do Trump any favors. While listening to the testimony, one juror imagined that Trump's hair was a "golden brillo pad," as she noticed it appeared thinner under the harsh fluorescent lighting. - Most jurors consider themselves pretty confident they could be objective in this case. Less so in deciding the fate of the accused, but jurors definitely believe they can be objective when evaluating their forthcoming book deals. One says (in his mind) that it's good to consider all options, including the advance and "whether the book deal can be followed up with a talk show hosting gig" and also, "Oh shoot, I should be taking notes." - Lastly, some wonder if they can believe Trump, especially when his arrest booking said he weighed 215 pounds with a trim waist. Others wonder if the rumors are true that he was often found basking in a gold-plated replica of the 325-pound former president William Howard Taft's custom bathtub – the *First Tub*, if you will (Note: Some jurors insist the term "First Tub" should be reserved as a special pet name between Trump and the former First Lady, Melania Trump).\* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/05/Screenshot-2024-05-30-at-3.50.07-PM-1.png) Trump's Tub. NOTE: Not to scale. Obviously, none of these things really help us to predict the outcome of the case, and that is the nature of jury deliberation. Nothing happens until the jury emerges from their chambers. We had to wait for the news to break. And it was totally worth it. Sentencing for the Carrot Colored Convict will take place on July 11th, just before the Republican Convention, where the inmate will likely be nominated to lead the Grand Old Party into the next election – and into jail. *\*I told you it would be better if the news were made up.* ### Alito Says No In adjacent news, Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. says his neighborhood tiffs are not your business, and though he thinks the election was stolen, he can still be objective about the election being stolen. If you're just joining us, I'm referring to the flag debacle [I reported](https://danielkherndon.com/presidential-debased/) in a recent issue in which Justice Alito's wife fought with their neighbors and posted Stop the Steal symbols. In transparency, I got in a little tit-for-tat with some of my neighbors over a silly thing once, too. But as soon as I joined the HOA board, I decided I needed to hold to a higher standard. If I can do it, Sam can do it. It's too late for that now, but whether he should recuse himself from a case he is a hair away from being a party to is for the experts to decide. Like it or not, Sam is that expert and gets to make this decision without our consent for the rest of his life. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/chief-justice-john-roberts-declines-meet-democrats-ethics-concerns-rcna154718?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- ## What You Missed: The Like Button `Feature Story` Last week, I published an article in which I uncovered insider information about the marketing business and how its byproducts have relinquished our free will. **Read the article here:** [The Semantic WebThe dawn of the feature that would change the web and humans forever.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2024/05/143-un-like.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-semantic-web/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is good to the last drop (into your inbox). How about getting your friends to percolate on a copy of their own? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### The Semantic Web URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-semantic-web/ Last updated: 2024-10-10T20:55:37.000Z Good morning everyone, The DOJ is [suing](https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/ticketmaster-sued-department-justice-monopoly-rcna153645?ref=danielkherndon.com) Live Nation to break up what they call a monopoly. The scary part is that they could be coming for me next. Not just because I always choose the top hat in the popular board game but because I control what some say is the most powerful newsletter in the world: The Lorem Ipsum. Good luck to Live Nation, but even better luck to us, who live in a world where a $60 ticket costs you $85. Welcome to Memorial Day Weekend for those of you in the USA. This week, I'll be featuring a long-form article with a little less news. Of course, many of you are here because you'd rather not deal with the regular news, so I've kept my ongoing commitment to bring you some important updates from this week before we dive into today's feature. I would normally hide the crest of this article behind a paywall, but I consider this one a public service announcement. If you value this and aren't one of my family members, consider supporting my work by becoming a [Founder](#/portal/account/plans). Enjoy the long weekend. Enjoy it offline. Let's get to ***The News***. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 21 of 2024` ### Oh The Irany Earlier this week, a helicopter with the President of Iran crashed into a foggy area in the mountains, and we are so sad to hear that he didn't make it. The good news is he won't be missed, and we'll definitely see him in hell. The USA sends its condolences, the US Senate Chaplin offered a prayer of mourning on the Senate floor, and the citizens of Iran [celebrated](https://www.voanews.com/a/iran-s-rulers-crack-down-on-expressions-of-joy-at-raisi-s-death/7622011.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). He is survived by Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, as well as the family of the 22-year-old woman their administration killed for not wearing a headscarf. ### The Silver Bullet The only case I am resting this weekend is a case of beer. Specifically one with the coldest and bluest of mountains. However, the defense in Donald Trump's first criminal trial has rested theirs in court. My analysis says their case was no silver bullet, but Trump was smart to avoid taking the stand, knowing his weakest defense was himself. Trump prefers to take the stand outside the courtroom, where he reads the words of friendly commentators, to boost his [favorable PR](https://apnews.com/article/trump-trial-experts-mccarthy-turley-556f3eeb724c8bd11b26369f66620627?ref=danielkherndon.com) coverage. ### Black Heart and Head Rudy Giuliani is known for his journey from America's Mayor to Trump's Accomplice, a voyage for which he packed plenty of shoe polish to color his hair, only to be foiled by black beads of sweat [dripping](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbBSUrAwfRM&ref=danielkherndon.com) down his face under the heat of lights and legal jeopardy. Now he's adding another stop to his travels through Arizona, where he and ten others were arraigned this week on charges of conspiracy to overturn the 2020 election. ### Flag Day Another politically motivated flag was flown over the home of a Supreme Court Justice, adding to the one I reported on [last week](https://danielkherndon.com/presidential-debased/). Once again, Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. has given us confidence in the justice system by waving a provocative flag over his vacation home in [New Jersey](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/22/us/justice-alito-flag-appeal-to-heaven.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### The State of Mind Just this week, several European countries, including Norway, Ireland, and Spain, officially recognized the Palestinian State, except we don't know where it actually is and isn't or [who is in charge](https://www.state.gov/reports/2021-country-reports-on-human-rights-practices/israel-west-bank-and-gaza/west-bank-and-gaza/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20Palestinian%20Authority%20head%20of,parts%20of%20the%20West%20Bank.). --- ### We Like Freewill. But It Doesn't Like Us. `Feature Story` Everyone likes a BOGO deal. It was the defining feature of Payless Shoes, next to quality—low quality, that is. In its heyday, men wore thick black soles, like something a doctor prescribed. Kids traded laces for Velcro. Any stitch of leather would be peeling off in a month. Every pair was purchased on the heels of another for half the price when $14.99 would get you shod and ready for the school week. Fifty percent of the shoes were purchased at 50% off, and they were made of 50% toxic chemicals, the trade-off for low prices. But we bought it anyway, especially when it was on sale. Passing up a BOGO is a NOGO. If you can buy two pairs for the price of 1.5, why wouldn’t you? Momma needs a new pair of Oxfords, and so do the kids–because it's back-to-school season. As soon as you see that sign, you'll walk out with a pair of the plainest off-brand Keds you can imagine and another in tow because when you get something this bright white, you're not going to wait to put those kicks on. You're going to wear them out the door. The shoes might not hold up, but the wallet will. A week later, you'll discover you've passed on comfort and savings by choosing a pair of kicks with subpar insoles made of water-soluble foam, thinly veiled with the fibers of recycled paper-like fabric, supplemented by toxic petroleum-based materials. When you walk in to spend fifteen bucks and leave spending twenty-two and a half, you have almost spent more than if you had bought a $450 pair of Allen Edmonds. You fell for one of the classic blunders. *If you buy cheap, you buy twice.* And Payless lets you do it all in one shot. Because if you buy BOGO, you'll be buying it over and over again. But you can't resist. We marketers have always known it. Anyone who believes they have free will should ask themselves this one question. Would you have bought the same $10 and $5 shoes if they were regularly priced at $7.50 each? Our stats say no. If you want to know the truth about the marketing field, where I spend most of my days, I've exposed it in these pages not long ago, which I’ll quote here. > ...we attract some rough ones in this field. I always say if you're trying to pull a marketer out of a barrel, reach down as far as you can until you find a lawyer, and then go even deeper. There you'll find some of the best writers, the most creative designers, and the most self-centered people in the world. > My industry is rife with liars, cheats, and thieves (in the industry, we call them "account executives"), but having hired hundreds of marketers over the years, I've reached down to the bottom of the barrel more than enough. I've become far more selective in my hiring in more recent years. And you should too. ([source](https://danielkherndon.com/the-gop-hemophobia/#:~:text=Needless%20to%20say,you%20should%20too.)) Let me put it another way. The definition of an employee is someone who puts stickers on a $2,000 laptop that’s not theirs and doesn’t clean it off when they return it. If you think that's bad, just remember that it was a marketer who designed the stickers, and an account executive probably came up with the idea, and if they didn't, they definitely took credit for it. But we're not without remorse. We may be among the lowest species on earth, but we're still better than dry cleaners. Our kind deals with guilt just like any human. When we're in therapy (and trust me, people in the ad business get a lot of therapy if they don't opt for whiskey instead), we bemoan the toll of working in a business based on manipulating people. That’s why we’re here. We exist to persuade you to do what we want you to do whether you need it or not. And for generations, we've had the BOGO deal in our arsenal. It was right next to the ninety-nine cent pricing strategy and the furniture store going-out-of-business sale. One yellow sticker at a time, and your brains were converted from mush to money. The marketing team was awash in high-fives every time the new sales report came out. This all changed in 2007\. For the worse. In 2005, a "Like" button was added to social content platforms Vimeo and FriendFeed. The feature allowed users to quickly react to content by saying, "This terribly composed image you posted on Flickr from your flip phone of you standing by the Grand Canyon with your dog is really nice!" all in one click. Quietly, a team of engineers at Facebook began working on a new version of the like button that would change the web forever. It was rolled [out in 2009](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/20563051231195542?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20feature%20was%20invented%20for,was%20advertised%20to%20their%20friends.). Based on a once-abandoned web standard, the like button revived concepts of the semantic web, where data is linked to other data. Except in this case, you are the data, and so is everyone you know and everything you do. A simple click of the Like button thrusts the liked content before the faces of your ilk and kin, screaming to your every connection that you have validated what will soon be their choices. To the engineers at Facebook, this was a chance to create engagement by giving people a way to show approval—something that added interactions beyond the comment feature, which, as a matter of percentage, was underwhelming. Because commenting requires a certain willingness to exit one's shell, a Like can be pecked swiftly from under the covers like a squirrel grabbing his nuts before sweeping back into hiding. Likes grew exponentially, and tracking interactions is now momentary. Out of the creation of the Like button came a suite of data about people. No longer did you have to post in your bio that you were fiscally conservative and socially liberal. Facebook was beginning to know more about your real political views than you did. Your music preferences and favorite movies were mined while all the vacation pictures captured your jealousy. Facebook began inviting companies to embed the like button across their own websites. Soon, a tracking code was added to every advertiser's website, tracking the interests, behaviors, and purchases of people all over the world as long as they had a Facebook profile. Facebook would change its settings to keep users logged in indefinitely so that their interactions were captured in real time, all the time, no matter which sites they visit. Before you knew it, the BOGO deal of a new generation was discovered, and every marketer, politician, and media agency followed suit. This deal doesn't just make you believe you're getting a better price. It makes you believe all kinds of things. For users of the semantic web, [mental health](https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/it-or-not-social-medias-affecting-your-mental-health?ref=danielkherndon.com) has plummeted while time spent with others is divided by screens. Everything from [body image](https://research.northeastern.edu/from-social-media-to-body-image-and-back-rachel-rodgers-reveals-the-complexity-of-this-bi-directional-relationship/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20results%20%E2%80%9Cshowed%20that%20people,restraint%20and%20muscle%2Dbuilding%20behaviors.) to [purchasing habits](https://www.contentintelligent.com/blog/how-does-social-media-influence-consumer-behavior?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Consumers%20are%20greatly%20influenced%20by,is%20worth%20buying%20or%20not.) has been shaped, thanks to the web, where we are convinced we are in control. Facebook created the new standard web, and now, for most of us, an app decides when we [take our pictures](https://bereal.com/en/?ref=danielkherndon.com), how we [interact with friends](https://www.healthline.com/health/how-social-media-is-ruining-relationships?ref=danielkherndon.com#There-are-consequences-to-your-energy-levels-when-engaging-in-the-comments), and [what we see online](https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zd9tt39?ref=danielkherndon.com). Our necks are hunched, our hands cramped, and our thumbs are stronger than ever. Wars that were once proxies are now worldwide conflicts, and our countries are split while our wallets are hollowed out for free shipping. If an algorithm can change elections, consumer behavior, and personally held beliefs at the speed of lightning, the price has proven to be very high. When we bought into the semantic web, we bought one problem, but we got another for free. Now, with every cookie, the web's content is being diluted to fit the demands of technology companies and data miners to architect the content of our brains. Meanwhile, we're jonesing to get well on our daily supply, as our free will is bent to the will of marketers. --- **To support my work, consider the following:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month. Or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### Presidential Debased URL: https://danielkherndon.com/presidential-debased/ Last updated: 2024-05-17T16:13:30.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, We all want to see our dreams come true, but some days, our dreams are bigger than our pillows. Other days are crisp, like the drums on [Easy Lover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aJ2Vh%5Fe2dQ&ref=danielkherndon.com). Those are the days when we discover that we have become the person we've always wanted to see in the mirror. In my case, that was this past week when a reader said, "So let me just thank you again for... fact-based journalism (and a little humor always helps)." It’s always been my goal to offer fact-based reporting with humor if it's even possible. I'm glad you can take it—the jokes and the facts—because that's what I'm here for. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 20 of 2024` ### Alitoe The Line This week, we learned that Justice Samuel Alito, a Supreme Court judge, had an [upside-down flag](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/us/justice-alito-upside-down-flag.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) flying above his home back in January of 2021 as a protest to the election – inverted flags are often used as a 'Stop the Steal' symbol. It was first discovered by a gray squirrel. Fortunately, thanks to the investigative reporting of your team here at *The Lorem Ipsum*, we've been able to get an exclusive interview with the very squirrel who initially broke the story. The squirrel, who goes by Zach, tells us, "I was shocked when I saw the flag." He says, "I live in Baltimore, but I come here to Alexandria on weekends for the nuts. I just didn't know Justice Alito was one of them!" Zach explains that he is known for finding some of the best nuts to share with friends, who call him "Nut Zach," but he says he's normally not political. "It's a conflict of interest," Zach explains. "I don't let politics get between me and my nuts. I'm just here to climb a few trees and share a few stones with you, bro. It doesn't matter to me whether you like acorns or walnuts." Alito blames the inverted flag on the old ball and chain. He said that Mrs. Alito had a dispute with one of the neighbors who had some anti-Trump signs, and she hung their inverted flag in response. Alito says that although his significant other totally believes the election was stolen, and it "totally seems like her to react this way," he can be totally objective. When asked to review cases regarding the election itself and Trump's immunity in trying to overturn it, Alito tells us that we can "totally trust him." (**note**: Some of the above quotes are hearsay, but the story is true. We're still investigating exact quotes, but you can read more on this story [here](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/us/justice-alito-upside-down-flag.html?ref=danielkherndon.com).) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/05/squirrel-exposing-Justice-Alito-and-Inverted-Flag.png) A Scene of gray squirrel, Zach of Baltimore, MD, observing Justice Alito's inverted flag ### Sham Wow Michael Cohen is a liar, a cheat, and a scoundrel. The kind who keep bad company and make it their career goal to work for the same. Those who don't remember Cohen can check his LinkedIn, where we calls himself *"Husband, Father, Felon, Fixer | Strategic Advisor to Presidential Candidates with Fidelity Problems."* This is the star witness testifying against Donald Trump in his hush-money. A Cohen, along with a porn star, are the Pope and Mother Theresa compared to the man they are testifying against. In 2019, Cohen served a 3-year prison sentence for campaign finance violations and bank fraud related to the work he did on behalf of Trump. On the stand, it was the prosecution's mandate to simply point that out. On the other hand, the defense would have to cast him as a liar and cheat who cries in public. The witness conceded, but the jury will have to decide whether the overwhelming facts should be believed or if Trump should. Much more complicated is whether it was a crime. Unfortunately, the trial hasn't been able to garner most of the TV moments we look for in a high-profile case since no cameras are allowed in the courtroom, and Trump himself has mostly been asleep. But the reporters in the room looked for every moment they could highlight, including the grilling Cohen received from the prosecuting attorney Todd Blanche. According to notes I'm seeing, Blanche grew frustrated as he questioned Cohen, to the point of reaching a falsetto, almost Jerry Seinfeld-like tone in his voice. Reports are conflicting on whether he made comments like "I don't wanna be a pirate" or similar, but he did [definitely say](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/story/trump-trial-michael-cohen-cross-examination?ref=danielkherndon.com), “You called me a crying little shit, didn’t you?” to which Cohen said; “Sounds like something I would say,” As an armchair judge, I say, "I'll allow it." Also appearing at the courthouse were several congressional leaders with their own criminal aspirations, including Speaker of the House Mike Johnson and Ohio Senator JD Vance. Johnson put himself out there like Johnson does to support the president and by being a good evangelical who stands up for family values, except when forbidden by Trump. ([more](https://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/4662191-mike-johnson-donald-trump-courthouse-manhattan-hush-money-trial/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Gaza Strip Search If you live in the Gaza Strip, you have a 1.6% chance of being dead right now and a 0.5% chance that your death was made up entirely through a method called "guestimation," a standard used to estimate the cost of a new roof when you really want to make sure it's $30,000\. It's also the method used to establish the exact number of women and children who died in a violent war you started as a PR campaign. Over the past week, the UN, normally a Palestinian sympathizer, walked back its count of deaths of women and children after finding them no longer dependable. The reason for the discrepancy is that apparently when a terrorist group provides you with narrative boosting data "as a courtesy," it turns out it's not reliable. Despite the most sophisticated governments in the world not being able to pull off such a feat in their own non-combat cases of public health crises, much less be trusted by their own citizens, Hamas has managed to establish the exact number of casualties down to the severed limb and be trusted worldwide with remarkable confidence. The upshot is that about 10,000 of the Gazan deaths in the ongoing conflict are now in question and under review until better data can be assessed. Does this make the death toll tolerable? Not at all. It just reminds us that even Hamas doesn't know how many deaths they've caused on their own land. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/05/15/1251265727/un-gaza-death-toll-women-children?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Dune 24 We don’t need a worm in the Whitehouse, especially if that worm is a president who has another one of the flesh-eating varieties in his brain. Like the sandy villains in Dune, worms hide amongst us, out of sight, but come up from the surface at the sense of any turbulence. Such is the case with Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., who revealed that he had a worm in his brain, eating it to mush and causing him brain fog and other symptoms as assigned. He may be a worm survivor, but his vibrato will make us question whether survival is a spectrum. As I explained in my article [Irrational Fears](https://danielkherndon.com/irrational-fears/), RFK preys on ours. I fully expect that if faced with the man, he would pepper me by 'just asking the questions' of whether sharks were a population control method of the government, my irrational fear. It would sound very good, very convincing, and just a little bit raspy, and many would fall for it. But after doing in-depth research on many of his claims and documenting it on this site, I wouldn't, and neither should you. Unfortunately, this worm didn't stoke the right fears. But RFK [says](https://x.com/RobertKennedyJr/status/1788311221776568666?ref=danielkherndon.com) that at 70 years old, even with worm rot, he can still beat his upperclassmen. If you want to see some drama with the 2024 election, look for RFK Jr to lose but win enough votes to help another candidate lose with him. Current polls suggest that Biden is on the losing side of the table with him, but as May is still five months from November, all of this can change. Especially if the debates, now scheduled for June, have any efficacy and sway voters. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/09/politics/rfk-jr-parastic-worm-brain/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Presidential Debased You heard that right. Joe Biden and Donald Trump agreed to square off on June 27th, hosted by CNN, and then again in September, hosted by ABC. The debate is unlikely to sway many voters, but I'm expecting it to be excellent TV. ([more](https://www.yahoo.com/news/biden-and-trump-agree-to-presidential-debates-in-june-september--but-with-some-big-changes-181122537.html?guccounter=1&guce%5Freferrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce%5Freferrer%5Fsig=AQAAANScSQ%5FQ-YLqng5aSpLApWtpaC6QFAUepPPeVzYYk6KwcBfRuMYmZFyRaL4GM-x9RjG5zEIrPT4Mmq3FEotAVr2xMXJvsU9cOS5vCRWCFXIAn5PDQfH%5FEhoSJZSsWDK42hK0IhF015xWr41wdnYpcWSc%5FYzTqU67acJMf1NalB4k&ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. **Remember**: *"My newsletter has a first name, and it's L. O. R. E. M." –* Why not S. H. A. R. E. with friends? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### The Dog Days URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-dog-days/ Last updated: 2024-05-10T10:30:33.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week, my very smart daughter reminded me that I am old and sound like it. Based on [recent](https://danielkherndon.com/your-move/#:~:text=presumed%20chess%20club%20members%20at%20Columbia%20University) [issues](https://danielkherndon.com/trust-the-magic-8-ball/#:~:text=College%20students%20are%20not%20hirable), she asked, "What did college kids do to hurt you?" I followed up with this: > When Nancy Pelosi announced she would retire I used the headline “hanging up the dentures” *and I got angry comments from my elders.* When congress was trying to elect a speaker from a list of all bad choices I used the headline “Bluetooth for speaker” and I got angry comments from audio equipment companies. Every issue offends someone. My job is to write what needs to be written, and to offer a word to the wise even at the risk of cracking it. I accept all thoughtful feedback. Her opinion (and [her](https://coriwithastory.substack.com/) blog) is always high on the list, especially when we have a different view. I welcome yours as well, here in the comments or in my inbox. ### Now, Today's Episode. Today's issue has evolved into a couple of mini-articles rather than the standard format. Welcome to The Lorem Ipsum. Watch out for K9 killer Kristi Noem because we are now entering the dog days of summer. I'll get to that in a minute... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 19 of 2024` ### The Eye of the Stormy Trump continues to fart on the regular while his hush money trial plays out, but a request to hush his bum has evidently been overruled. But that's not the only weather pattern happening in the courtroom this week. The central figure, Stormy Daniels, took the stand to talk about the birds and the bees with a twist. In question is whether Donald Trump covered up an affair with Stormy to keep the story from clouding his 2016 campaign for president. At the beginning of the week, the jury was presented with images of Trump's most private parts – the actual checks paid to Michael Cohen to pay off Stormy. That was followed up with two days of Stormy's graphic testimony about their sexual encounter and their arrangement to cover it up. Next week, we’ll hear from Cohen, the fixer whom Trump might say didn't Fix anything. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/stormy-daniels-donald-trump-trial-takeaways-f34f094124fc7ec455d6a73cbb6eec21?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Graduating In Gaza No less than one of my kids graduated from university last weekend with no less than two degrees while surrounded by at least one protest that sought to disrupt Indiana University's regularly scheduled programming. Don't worry, the protests, which seemed mostly calm, did not disrupt. Congrats to smart daughter number two! Since the topic of Israel v Gaza has stayed like a fever in the US, rife with bad takes and faulty data, I've decided to give myself a little bit more space to examine the issue while linking to a very detailed conversation with [better data](https://www.samharris.org/podcasts/making-sense-episodes/366-urban-warfare-2-0?ref=danielkherndon.com) than most of us TikTok war cabinet members have. When it comes to campus protests, the debate that I've been most keenly tuned into is whether they will sufficiently pressure universities to change their war policies. It's unclear to me what the criteria for divestment are or if it's even possible. A statement from [Columbia students](https://www.finance.columbia.edu/sites/default/files/content/ACSRI/12.1.2023%20CUAD%20ACSRI%20Divestment%20Proposal.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com) demands divestment in companies that "profit from Israeli apartheid" and includes companies like Airbnb, Microsoft, Google, and Amazon. To be clear, that means ultimately every mutual fund that exists. It's unclear to me if an investment in, for example, a civilian Israel-based medical device manufacturer would be an investment in war or just medical supplies, but in either case, Palestine is a big [recipient](https://oec.world/en/profile/country/isr?ref=danielkherndon.com) of such exports from Israel, for example. Where are these protests going, you ask? Back home to their parents after school is out. I suspect the news will die off in a matter of a week for this particular chapter. On the other hand, the war in the Middle East will continue for somewhere between a few more weeks and another two thousand years, depending on more details TBD. This week, Israel advanced on the southern city of Rafah, where it believes it can destroy the last of its military targets in Gaza. In response to the military advance in what is believed to be a densely populated area, Biden said that the US will withhold weapons. The damage in Gaza has been vast, and the level of civilian deaths is unacceptable. According to copious documentation, including videos provided directly by Hamas militants themselves, Israel was not pestered by the lowly oppressed. They were subject to a sophisticated invasion, with over 22 points of their border breached by thousands of soldiers. They began indiscriminately raping and killing civilians while taking a few remaining alive as hostages. What now? What is a country supposed to do when it is invaded? Join a book club? Divest from their businesses? Should they, perhaps, do nothing and allow the world to be a safer place with Hamas planning their next attack? The answer is actually very easy. It’s to do what literally every other country would do under all circumstances when invaded. Respond at a level that ensures it never happens again. The logistical options are limited, [according to the experts](https://www.samharris.org/podcasts/making-sense-episodes/366-urban-warfare-2-0?ref=danielkherndon.com), but Israel's actions are being evaluated through the lens of TikTok and bad data. When the opposition chooses urban warfare by intentionally positioning their military capabilities in the most densely populated areas, refusing civilians entry to their underground facilities, even to protect them from their own bombs, it's naive to blame this war on anyone else. Israel is, unsurprisingly, not innocent of atrocities in this war, but war is hell, and their enemy would rather have that than a ceasefire. There's no such thing as a just war. The only good result of war is its ending. And that is only possible when one side is defeated. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/08/politics/joe-biden-interview-cnntv/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly: - **TikTok, You Don't Stop.** The media giant has sued the federal government for putting them on blast, sending them a message, and leaving them on read. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/tiktok-3b4c1fa44c89d4568d26f1c7caf303ec?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Forever Hold Your Peace.** Marjorie Taylor Greene forced a vote as promised in an attempt to remove Mike Johnson as Speaker of the House. Almost everyone, including Democrats, voted to save him. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/greene-johnson-stormy-daniels-morning-rundown-rcna151405?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Hate The Drake**. Drake's security guard was shot this week in front of the rapper's home for a yet unknown motive. ([more](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/man-shot-drake-toronto-home-1235892459/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - **Old Hat.** Senator Bernie Sanders is 82 years old and running for another term in office. I plan to be splitting my time between golfing, eating soft foods, and sleeping by that time in my life. ([more](https://www.axios.com/2024/05/06/bernie-relection-campaign-2024-age?ref=danielkherndon.com)) That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## (Dead) Dog Days `Feature Story` Before this week, no one had paid much attention to the Governor of South Dakota, Kristi Noem, unless they needed a case study for a plastic surgeon. The lip flip was one of her most outstanding features, both in physicality and notability, until she released her memoir this week. The book has faced a critical roast from her worst enemies, her closest friend, and most of all from man's best friend. She recalls the story of when she shot her dog in a gravel pit, which might have gained her points with gun advocates if many of them didn't have pets, too. Instead, she's faced criticism for discussing meetings that didn't happen, disputes she didn't have, and the enemies her book has created in her own party. The story of Noem is [everywhere](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/03/us/politics/kristi-noem-book-kim-jong-un.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), and I won't say much to belabor it. Noem, overrun with collagen, is more fake than most. Her memoir is all the more fake. In the book, she mentions a meeting with Korean leader Kim Jong Un, which she has since admitted never happened; however, to make matters faker, her spokesperson indicated the errors would be corrected, specifically saying that they would be informing their "ghostwriter" and editor to fix it, leaving her team to take the fall while the next printing of her book receives a facelift. Unfortunately, not only was Kristi too busy climbing the political ladder to write her own book, but she also couldn't even find the time to read it. Now, she is faced with a big splash release that is punctuated by more criticism than praise. Yet, more than likely, it will result in something other than the downfall of her political career. I expect no press has been bad press, and the next thing you know, we might just find out we have one more liar in office to tell us what we want to hear instead of telling us the truth. --- That's it for this week. **Remember**: Get our three-in-one combination of the newsy shampoo, comedy conditioner, and a finishing rinse. At *The Lorem Ipsum*, If you don't look good, we don't look good. Be sure to share a sample with friends! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### Your Move URL: https://danielkherndon.com/your-move/ Last updated: 2024-05-03T11:40:58.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, including these two guys. They wear Coke bottle-horn-rimmed glasses and don't use haircare products, but don't discount these passion models. These baby blue shirts will do better with the ladies than you might think. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/05/Gaza-at-Columbia-1.png) Clean laundry is not necessary for effective social activism, but these boys trusted their moms to do it anyway. The two presumed chess club members at Columbia University were among several students protesting a protest at Hamilton Hall. "This is a peaceful protest against your peaceful protest," one of them said after not busting out any windows. A social warrior and honorary Hamas member argued kindly against him, saying something along the lines of, "Don't you like civilians and agree that Israel should not exist?" The two politely explained, using chess terms, that the protest in question is like when you move your rook because you like that it can move across as many squares as you want. Then you start squashing pawns to feel mighty, even though it doesn't help you achieve your goal and might even counteract other goals in the process. More on that in a minute... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 18 of 2024` ### Occupy Study Hall Protests and, in some cases, encampments, starting with Columbia University, have taken place on at least 37 university campuses, and locations are popping up faster than vape shops. The trend reminds us that kids are not good at negotiating, but they do perfectly fine at reminding you of all the problems. Many are missing school right when they need it most. But it's fine because they have TikTok for at least the next year to round out what they've missed, provided China approves the content. This reminds me that TikTok is on the way to being banned, thanks to a bill passed last week to sequester the platform. It will otherwise be sold to an American company with access to billions of dollars and a desire to squish American brains and extract every bit of value out of them. According to studies, in 2007, when liking and retweeting were invented, it irreversibly altered the human psyche, and in 2010, when the front-facing camera was introduced into the iPhone, the internet went from a flood of static pages built by mouthbreathers with dandruff to a place where children push their anxiety metrics through the roof. The results are spikes in suicide, depression, and, in this case, [anxiety](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563223001024?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Highlights&text=Depression%20and%20social%20anxiety%20were,severity%20through%20enhanced%20distress%20intolerance.) so high they have to take it to the doors of their University to demand they stop wars they have no role in. You see, it's all connected. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/live-blog/campus-protests-live-updates-police-ucla-encampment-rcna150340?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Breaking: Baby Thrown Out With Bath Water. Sometimes, it takes 160 years to realize you made a mistake, and Arizona can attest to it this week. The state legislature repealed an abortion law put in place in 1864 when Joe Biden was only a child, and Donald Trump's biological matter was still in a Petri dish. Since the law was revived with the overturning of Rowe V Wade, Kari Lake has [changed her mind](https://azmirror.com/2024/04/17/kari-lake-flips-on-abortion-ban-but-at-tucson-event-says-she-wants-to-save-as-many-babies-as-possible/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on the issue more times than she has had Botox injections. The bill was repealed on a 16 to 14 vote, with two Republicans joining Democrats to remove the law. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/01/us/arizona-senate-house-abortion-ruling.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hamas Ask You a Question The few, the proud are standing up for what they believe is right, which is that under no circumstances will they do anything to protect the civilians under their care if it means they have to protect a Jew as well. After negotiations stalled, a spokesperson for Hamas said this week that a ceasefire proposal that would require 33 Israeli hostages to be freed in exchange for a way more Palestinians is a non-starter. What we hear from our reporting is that pin cushions no longer have a monopoly on welcoming projectiles to be plunged into them with abandon because the Hamas regime is trying to outdo the category at home in Gaza. Negotiations continue in the meantime, but both sides remain as far apart as the river and the sea itself. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/israel-hamas-war-news-05-01-2024-7cbf7c696989cdc3a22383c823fb2e0e?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Greene New Deale Marjorie Taylor is ready to improve the environment – in her own party, by forcing a vote to remove her party's speaker next week. The vote is expected to fail, not just because it is a little league move, but because even Democrats have suggested they would block the removal of Republican Mike Johnson. The Georgia congresswoman is known for her aggression, from her days flipping tires in a CrossFit gym to being elected to Congress, where she attempted to do the same in order to avoid cognitive initiatives. ([more](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/4637413-greene-motion-to-vacate-vote-republicans/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Losing Interest The biggest news of the week is obviously that interest rates stayed the same, and the Fed "signaled" that they were not going to do anything else. Funny, I usually don't need to signal that I'm not going to do something, as I find sitting on my a## is signal enough. But while rates may not change now, they could come back around to the idea later this year if inflation continues to cool. The increased rates impact most Americans in the purchase of a home, where 30-year fixed mortgage rates sit at around 7%, with median housing prices across the nation at $412,000\. This means in today's English that we're still living in a paper doll world because '*living ain't easy but lovin's twice as tough, so come back baby when you grow up'* or in layman's terms, '*these rates are making me thirsty*,' but to finally translate into actual clear English, buying a home is expensive for regular people, and that, as painful as it is, is why to rates need to be high. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/federal-reserve-interest-rate-meeting-may-1-2024/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: "Snap into a The Lorem Ipsum!" Don't be too macho to share a snap or two with a friend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ ****Love The Lorem:** I created this Inbox Candy because I care about you **and* your inbox. If you love what you read each Friday, support The Lorem Ipsum by [becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) occasionally. Paid subscribers get access to exclusive articles and, in some cases, from what I've been told, actual treasures in Heaven. 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### Trust The Magic 8 Ball URL: https://danielkherndon.com/trust-the-magic-8-ball/ Last updated: 2024-04-27T23:03:11.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends It's been a busy week in the news but also a busy one here behind the keys. Only occasionally do I get death threats for the work I do through this newsletter. When I do, it's almost always for one of two things. The first and most likely is for delivering a barb on a public tragedy just a little too soon when tender hearts are still in their most delicate state. The rest of the time, someone believes my barbs are delivered too late. I have an answer for the latter, and that is to check your spam! Over the last nearly three years, I've never missed a Friday with fresh quips, and so far, you've never run short on tomatoes if I get a little off-color. When it comes to the former, if I get hate mail, the best I can do is remind you of my disclaimer. > I'm not a professional comedian, but I play one in this email. A lot of my content contains sarcasm. This is dangerous, so don't try this at home. But alas, even with a wave of unsubscribes, there are many that insist on their morning serving, piping hit, so the show must go on. As I sit on a plane, with tiny bottles of alcohol to get me through it, I'm writing this issue of the Lorem Ipsum, committed to changing the world through timely emails and untimely jokes, even if my own time is spread thin. I'm not outsourcing my thinking and percussive lectures to some artificially intelligent chatbot. My intelligence is synthetic enough on its own. Besides, in my book, a chatbot is little more than a magic 8 Ball improved. I speak only from the heart; I say as if I had one. Currently, we’re watching the earth fold in on itself as the leading candidate for president is also the leading criminal defendant. At the same time, peace on earth requires wiping 42,510 people off it. While this is all happening, AI is melting the earth, both by creating lifeless content and by prompting the development of more energy-sucking, heat-producing data centers than ever. We thought crypto was bad, but people actually use AI, unlike Bitcoin, so expect more where that came from. But I digress. I'm here to tell you I've been swimming in a sea of responsibility these days. Not only do I have clients that I adore (except the ones I hate!), but I have worlds to change, and by god, these cigars won't smoke themselves while I'm doing it, so I better get to it. But I also have drinks to drink and men to hold (accountable, that is!), so I tell the Reaper, don't come for me today. I'm feeling good, and I'mma savor it. I have to get to work on The Ipsum of the ancient tribe of Lorems. And that's why I write to you today. Busy weeks, months, and years won't satiate your need for the *good good* news, and my drenched flight won't '*make you laugh while making you think'* unless you are drenched with me. So let's get drenched now in ***The News***. --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 14 of 2024` ### Attacking from Behind Donald Trump is on trial for a sex scandal, and opening arguments are in. He faces four years in prison, where, if convicted, he’ll also face more sex scandals than ever, this time likely from behind, as he's accustomed to doing to just about anyone he does business with. This case falls outside of his time as president, but whether he can be tried for his election fraud cases remains in question. Just yesterday, his immunity case was argued before the Supreme Court. Based on analysis of the line of questioning, the Justices seemed skeptical that the former president wouldn't get "Molly Whopped" in prison, but seemed to align with the analysis that he would not end up "Doing the Dutch." ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/04/25/nyregion/trump-hush-money-trial-news?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Help Wanted This Just In: College students are not hirable. According to the reporting of an anonymous social media influencer, journalist, and makeup artist live streaming from the scene, we've learned that Columbia's students are not qualified for jobs. In some cases, to address the issue, some students are attempting to prepare themselves for the workforce by camping on the grounds of their university, and skipping classes that cost them or their parents roughly $66,000 per year in tuition. While professors are urging kids to "go to class" and "learn," students, instead, are drinking the water they used to brush their teeth or their friends' teeth while protesting issues they appear to be more educated on than, say, personal hygiene, calendar scheduling, emails, not to mention, history, foreign relations, the rules of war, and in general, just having a job. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/business/live-news/columbia-usc-university-protests-04-25-24/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Congress is Ticked Congress passed a funding bill this week aimed at funding the education of students at Columbia University with a lesson on the consequences of consequences. The bill consists of $95 billion going to Ukraine, Israel, and Taiwan and is paired with a vote to ban TikTok, a prescient move when young people are getting the majority of their news from Social Media, including TikTok, which appears to [tailor](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/24/briefing/tiktok-ban-bill-congress.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) its feed to shape narratives. The bill passed with enormous support from both parties in the [House](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/04/20/us/politics/ukraine-israel-foreign-aid-vote.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) and [Senate](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/04/23/us/politics/senate-vote-aid-israel-tiktok.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) both over 75%. But please check with the kids to tap into their expertise on foreign policy. ([more](https://foreignpolicy.com/2024/04/23/senate-pass-foreign-aid-bill-ukraine-israel-gaza-taiwan-gop/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The New Non Non-Compete It just became illegal to prohibit people from working for rivals under non-compete contracts. The FTC voted 3-2 on Tuesday to ban noncompete agreements that prevent tens of millions of employees from working for competitors or starting a competing business after they leave a job. Not that I intended to leave to start another newsletter, but it's nice to know I have the option. Because the ruling bans chasing even current contracts, some expect the market to respond overnight. ([more](https://thehill.com/business/4615452-ftc-votes-to-ban-non-compete-agreements/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Him Too Harvey Weinstein's conviction was the centerpiece of the #metoo movement when 100 women accused him of sexual misconduct. Yesterday, his conviction was overturned by the high courts in New York. As always, we cover the breaking news whenever we get to it, but as almost never, I went to the Manhattan Criminal Court to participate in the press conference where Harvey Weinstein's [goons](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/harvey-weinstein-lawyer-on-overturned-verdict-a-great-day-for-america-1235881302/?ref=danielkherndon.com), I mean lawyers, explained their case to the courts. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/04/IMG_0852.jpeg) Harvey's legal team, including one guy with a $30 pair of sunglasses and about $17 worth of grease in his hair. Photo courtesy of me, but no thanks to the Social Studies teacher who randomly walked up to me to explain the legal system in its entirety. The court ruled that letting all of his accusers testify against him gave him an unfair trial since the witnesses were referring to accusations that were not the ones he was charged with. The ruling completes his classic collect-em-all sexual assault kit, which includes abuse of power, victim shaming, and bending the justice system in his favor. Weinstein will remain behind bars under a 16-year sentence in California for rape, in addition to the now-overturned charges in New York. ([more](https://variety.com/2024/film/news/harvey-weinstein-rape-conviction-overturned-new-york-1235981890/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. **Remember**: "I don't want to grow up. I'm a *The Lorem Ipsum* kid*."* Stay young by sharing with a friend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** Support my work by [Becoming a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo, or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* --- ### Snooze Fest URL: https://danielkherndon.com/snooze-fest/ Last updated: 2024-04-19T10:30:53.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, The golden bachelor and his new (but also old) wife made it [three months](https://people.com/golden-bachelor-gerry-turner-and-theresa-nist-didnt-see-eye-to-eye-on-her-job-before-divorce-8635089?ref=danielkherndon.com) before tossing in the Viagra. They spent less time celebrating forever than Donald Trump has spent sleeping in court. More on that in a minute... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 16 of 2024` ### Sleeping Giant Ego Picking a jury is harder than picking a crime to charge a former president with. It's an incredibly laborious and, ultimately, boring process—so boring that even a stable genius like Donald Trymp (spelling error mine) spent the week falling asleep in court as they tried to find 12 people who weren't unreasonably biased for or against the defendant. It's been a slog so far. After 7 jurors were selected, two were dismissed for apparent bias after being asked questions like "Do you read The Lorem Ipsum?" and "Have you ever known someone to throw ketchup against a wall in their house?" and "If so, after they move out of said house, do you think they should clean it up or would they be immune?" Like any other criminal defendant, Heavy D is required to attend each day in person, which means he not only needs to bring evidence to defend himself, but he may also need to bring a pillow. This provides Donald Plump with no campaign stops but unlimited media attention, making him the most covered candidate in history. In the jury selection process, some were eliminated for social media posts celebrating Trump's loss in the 2020 election because they appeared to be biased. But here’s the real issue at hand. You could drive an RV across the whole US serving hotdogs and free refills on drinks of ungodly sizes, and with a line down the street, you'd still never meet someone neutral on Trump. As of 5:00 yesterday, the courts [confirmed](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-hush-money-trial-04-18-24/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) that they found the last 12 people who were not biased, and now the trial can proceed. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/04/18/nyregion/trump-hush-money-trial?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Johnson's Controls When kids refuse to eat their vegetables, giving them snack bars is never a solution unless your goal is to stay in a cycle of being run by morons, or, more specifically, Marjorie Taylor Green and Matt Gaetz. That's what Speaker of the House Mike Johnson is facing right now. As he advances bills to fund Ukraine and Israel, he's up against a group of GOP legislators calling each other names, including a guy named Derrick Van Orden, who called Gaetz “tubby” for which we thank him, but the name only came after Gaetz called him a "squish." ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/18/politics/mike-johnson-speakership-rules/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Super Woman For Hire Caitlin Clark has signed with the Indiana Fever for a salary less than the manager of a grocery store in Fort Wayne, IN. Of course, being a grocery store manager is not as easy as it looks, what with all the different kinds of lettuce. Caitlin, on the other hand, has made history in Women's College Sports (which is similar to what is known as "College Sports" except with women athletes). She's achieved the most 30-point games by any man or woman in Division I in the past 25 seasons, not to mention, has broken [several other records](https://www.espn.com/womens-college-basketball/story/%5F/id/39626372/what-records-does-caitlin-clark-hold-iowa-ncaa-honors-know?ref=danielkherndon.com). You can imagine why people would be shocked that the star player of the year signed for only $75,000\. In response, everyone is up in arms, agast, shocked and appalled. The streets were lined with protests! Twitter was flooded with angry people reactivating their accounts just to express their disgust! Then, tickets went on sale, and people still didn't buy them. ([more](https://www.vox.com/24132057/caitlin-clark-wnba-draft-2024?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Artificial AI The goal to replace me seems to be failing. Not only are AI companies being [sued](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/27/business/media/new-york-times-open-ai-microsoft-lawsuit.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) for basing their business models on copyrighted content, but they are also running out of content of all types to ingest and spit back out to uncreative people in the most boring and predictable way possible. A blockbuster story from the [New York Times](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/27/business/media/new-york-times-open-ai-microsoft-lawsuit.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) exposed turmoil within the industry as Tech Giants race to lead in artificial intelligence. As English language content sources run dry, some tech companies have moved toward training their machines by providing them with 'synthetic data' (which sounds made up to me) in order to create the most *artificial* artificial intelligence possible. But as you'll see with this very post, not only do I produce 100% original content, with 100% original artwork, I also am using my own naturally grown intelligence to do so, and as we have seen every Friday at 6:30 AM, my content never runs out. If my content is bad, it's because I wrote down bad content. If my punch line is funny, I wrote that punch line. If it's too dad-joke-ish, my wife probably suggested it at some point. But nothing here is produced by anyone other than me. If it's produced by a bot, I am the bot. Good luck to AI, but even more importantly – Good luck to us. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/06/technology/tech-giants-harvest-data-artificial-intelligence.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Iran. But Not Fast Enough. Imagine never losing but never quite winning, either. That's what it’s like to be Iran or Mike Johnson, but in this case, Iran, because they can‘t even kill one person in an attack against their neighbor/enemy. Even after deploying more than 300 bombs and attack drones, Iran's attack on Israel yielded only minor damage, with most threats being shot down by the US. My recommendation is that they go back to having Houthis scratch the side of a few boats. Put the '[hot Houthi](https://nypost.com/2024/01/18/news/yemeni-fighter-goes-viral-as-hot-houthi-pirate/?ref=danielkherndon.com)' back to work because even if they were ineffective, they got better news coverage. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/17/world/middleeast/iran-israel-attack.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is 'No Rules. Just Right.' Be sure to share a copy with friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### The Glove That Never Fit URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-glove-that-never-fit/ Last updated: 2024-04-12T10:30:24.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Johnnie Cochran, who will have to find another recurring client. O.J. Simpson [died](https://www.tmz.com/2024/04/11/oj-simpson-dead-dies-cancer/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of cancer this week after undergoing treatment. We owe a lot to the former NFL star and potential non-murderer. If it weren't for Simpson, we likely would not have ever heard of the Kardashians, nor would we have ever considered splaying our fingers outward when attempting to demonstrate that a pair of gloves doesn't fit, The other glove that didn't fit O.J. was freedom. Years after being acquitted of the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown, he was caught in an armed break-in, which landed him in prison. The Juice was loose as of 2017 when he was released from prison after nine years. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 15 of 2024` ### Arizona Spew Laws BREAKING: Abraham Lincoln was reelected, and abortion was outlawed in Arizona... 160 years ago. The Arizona Supreme Court said, "Yes, actually, those laws that were passed before we were a state still apply today, except for the slavery ones." This puts Arizona all the more in the balance for the election this November, now that residents are going to have to face bans on abortion from conception, not to mention the very unpopular law against [spitting in public](https://www.sargonlawgroup.com/10-weird-laws-in-arizona/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=No%20Spitting%20in%20Public,a%20strange%20law%20after%20all.) – except for when necessary to save the life of the mother (for both spitting and abortions). The resurfacing of this law has caused such alarm that even Kari Lake is [willing](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/10/us/politics/kari-lake-abortion-arizona.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say it's a bad one, given that anything that gets her elected is a good idea to her, even if going against her own values is required. In this case, it doesn't compromise her most deeply held value of grifting. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/apr/10/arizona-republicans-against-state-abortion-ban?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Left with Crumbs The Crumbleys are Sentenced to 10-15 years in prison. They say their kid accepting the gun they purchased for him, taking it to school, and shooting people was not their fault. I can only partly relate to these parents. My kids "once" snatched some liquor from my supply, and I was *agast*! What possessed them to steal?! They should know better! In my research, situations like this are subject to what I call the Red Button Theory. This is where you place a big red button in front of any primate and say, "Don't push this." They are more tempted to do so than ever. So when I say, "Don't ever taste this delicious bourbon that I enjoy with all my friends!" my kids say, "When are you and Mom going on another date?" When the Crumbleys said, "Make sure you don't use this gun to do a school shooting and Happy Birthday!" he was set up for failure. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/09/us/james-jennifer-crumbley-sentencing/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Trump Day Donald Trump’s documents case has faced delay after delay, in the form of memos and motions, in an attempt to bury the judge in documents (which Trump evidently has a lot of in a bathroom next to all the mildew-stained towels and a broken toilet with a gold plated flusher). His sex scandal case, on the other hand, has reached the end of its delays. After various attempts to delay the hush money case, including three attempts this week, his defense has run out of options and will need to settle for defending Trump against the actual charges in court. The case begins on Monday, which in some communities is actually considered a national holiday (on Trump Day, it's all downhill from here). ([more](https://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/4585792-trump-delay-tactics-hush-money-trial/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Miss Menendez Robert Menendez’s wife, or Miss Mendez if you're nasty, is asking the judge to delay their May 6th trial because of secret diagnoses for a “serious medical condition” that will require surgery in 4-6 weeks and leave her with a lengthy recovery period. Although the specific medical condition was not disclosed, I realize it could be a leg amputation or the flu, but that seems unlikely. I have a feeling the condition rhymes with “shmancer.” Yesterday, a federal judge ruled that Senator Menedez would still face trial in May as planned, but Nadine's will be delayed. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/04/11/menendez-trial-set-without-wife-00151768?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hamas Dip Hamas and Israel failed to agree to a ceasefire this week (a fact that I thought about adding directly into my weekly template, but to avoid getting canceled, I'll check the news each week to see if something changes). This time, the rub was the lack of hostages – Hamas says it doesn't have enough living hostages to make the deal, which tells me they must not have a good war-lying strategy. Meanwhile, Israel's troops have retreated from many areas while they make more room for humanitarian aid to find its way into the country. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/10/middleeast/hamas-israel-hostages-ceasefire-talks-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: “The Lorem Ipsum is a Meal.” Share this hearty episode with a content-hungry friend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### A Total Eclipse of the Heart URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-total-eclipse-of-the-heart/ Last updated: 2024-04-05T10:30:10.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, The final four ends today, and at least for a moment, our attention will shift from one ball to two. Those two balls, so aptly referred to as the sun and the moon. Next week, a total [solar eclipse](https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2024/02/world/solar-eclipse-2024-map-dg-scn/?ref=danielkherndon.com) will swipe by Austin at 1:30, scan across The Lorem Ipsum headquarters in Indianapolis at 3:06, and hit Buffalo by 3:18\. Every now and then, I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by… but then, this quadricentennial event comes into view. It’s going to be a good week. Turn around, bright eyes. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 14 of 2024` ### Greene New Steal Marjorie Taylor Greene is showing her teeth, which I could personally do without. She's made an attempt to accomplish what experts refer to as "nothing" in most cases, by filing a motion to remove Speaker Mike Johnson from his post. Mike took a break from Easter dinner to talk with [Trey Gowdy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztHmWUDaMDY&ref=danielkherndon.com) about the dissension from Greene, saying "she's a friend" which is proof again that politicians lie, but a gentle reminder to Greene on how to be more effective with the media. After a meeting between the two, the Congresswoman and CrossFit enthusiast doubled down on her attacks by calling Johnson a 'damn fool' for working with Democrats to pass legislation, with legislative examples including acts like keeping the government open and others. Johnson's position is that the infighting only stands to shave off their chances of retaining a majority come November, and Greene's position is a downward thrust known as "[The Snatch Balance,](https://www.crossfit.com/essentials/the-snatch-balance?ref=danielkherndon.com)" a skill which hasn't paid dividends for her time in Congress. ([more](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/4567513-greene-johnson-border-security-distraction/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Probably Moot I'm literally going to start writing about Donald Trump in small letters just to reduce his presence in the news cycle. However, it's fair to acknowledge that the cycle is what it is, and the most unsavory among us gets the most coverage. This week, Donald was told he [couldn't delay](https://www.nydailynews.com/2024/04/03/judge-merchan-shoots-down-trumps-presidential-immunity-claim-ahead-of-stormy-daniels-hush-money-trial/?ref=danielkherndon.com) his Manhattan trial any longer, which means in about ten days, the Tangerine Tonnage will be seated before a judge and jury on a criminal trial over a sex scandal which, surprisingly, may have been a campaign finance violation. But for every bad day, there is a good one for The Golden Shoe Slinger, and this week, a judge delayed his documents trial because, if I hear my details right, she's a slow reader and was behind on her own prep. Same, Judge! It takes me months to read a book, and that's if I even remember I was reading it to begin with. The Don is laden with more cases than Stormy Daniel's on an all-expense vacation to Mar-a-Lago. Specifically criminal cases, so expect more where those came from. But while his most recent appeal is playing out, he'll hold onto his real estate properties because he did indeed secure a bond for $175 million to hold off the [seizure](https://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/4570603-trump-175m-bond-properties-seized/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of his property in a civil case against his business for illegally inflating his net worth (known as Trumpflation). But isn't all this all moot? Or, what I would call a "mute point" since Trump might be immune from prosecution forever under all circumstances? We'll find out [later this month](https://abcnews.go.com/US/trump-immune-prosecution-criminal-hush-money-case-judge/story?id=108818369&ref=danielkherndon.com) when the Supreme Court reviews the question. ### Floridamaids Tale Now, before you tropical types open up your Hinge apps, let's talk about the risks first. I'll explain it this way: when a man and a woman don't really love each other, but they spend some special time together anyway, things can happen, and prices must be paid. Hands should be wrung. Reality must be checked. And that’s why Florida had to take action. This week, in Florida, the courts allowed a law banning abortion after six weeks but also said it could be unbanned if that’s what everyone wants by approving a referendum that could overturn all post-Roe limitations. Meanwhile, [weed](https://www.cbsnews.com/miami/news/florida-supreme-court-recreational-marijuana-gets-on-november-ballot/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is on the Florida ballot this November, too. And all the people said, "Blessed be the fruit," to which I say, "May the Lord open." ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/04/03/1242386437/florida-abortion-ban-election-voters?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Domestic Differences When Mommy and Daddy are fighting, usually everyone just sits there awkwardly or cries. This week is just such a time. President Biden, instead of hugging Benjamin Netanyahu as he's been [known to do](https://www.thenation.com/article/world/biden-netanyahu-bear-hug-disaster/?ref=danielkherndon.com), said all US support would be contingent on how he treats civilians. As of late, Israel has lost its shine even amongst some of its defenders. When Hamas attacked Israel on October 7th, they said, "It was pure evil!" When people called for a ceasefire, they said, "There was a ceasefire on October 6th!" Now, after seven aid workers died in an Israeli airstrike, Netanyahu says, "Israel deeply regrets the tragic incident." Deeply? Tell that to a Yale Law School student! Or anyone under 29, for that matter. It seems the belief that Israel goes out of its way to protect civilians is becoming less convincing when clearly marked aid vehicles are bombed. As you know, I don't have an opinion on this one, but if I did, it would be that if Israel truly is doing their best to protect civilians, they are not very good at it. ([more](https://www.timesofisrael.com/as-netanyahu-holds-call-with-us-president-american-officials-say-biden-is-pissed/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hot Quake On Wednesday, a 7.2 magnitude earthquake rocked Taiwan, killing nine and injuring over 1,000\. While the country focuses on search and rescue for people who are trapped [or stranded](https://www.cnn.com/asia/live-news/taiwan-earthquake-hualien-04-04-23-hnk-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), the rest of the world is just wondering if it isn't too soon to ask about the flow of [semiconductors](https://www.reuters.com/markets/asia/taiwan-quake-hit-some-chip-output-cause-asia-supply-chain-disruptions-analysts-2024-04-03/?ref=danielkherndon.com), which much of the world depends on Taiwan to produce. I think we can focus on the safety of the community and economic production at the same time, but I have been known to have a Taipei personality. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/scores-remain-missing-taiwans-biggest-earthquake-25-years-rcna146335?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. **Remember**: With a name like *The Lorem Ipsum*, it has to be good. Share this sweet sample issue with your friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ✋ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### Troubled Waters URL: https://danielkherndon.com/troubled-waters/ Last updated: 2024-03-29T10:30:33.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, It's grass cutting season, and we're just getting started. Over the past several weeks, time has gotten the best of me. Some weeks, I don't even have time to check the calendar to see whether or not I've actually missed the week altogether. Because of that, you have not received your latest long-form article. But trust me, it's coming. As I told my HOA when asked about my payment–it's in the mail. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 13 of 2024` ### Depends on what the meaning of ISIS To start, the headline for this Take ties to a Bill Clinton-ism that was, to me, irresistible, but it doesn't really change the story. Let's talk about what ISIS or The Islamic State is up to. A terrorist attack in Russia killed over 130 people at a concert hall, and the Islamic State took responsibility for the attack (and I intentionally did not capitalize the word "The" in "the Islamic State" because I think they are the kind of proper noun that should be belittled. In response to the attacks, Americans, in a show of solidarity, said of Russia, "I had no idea you even had concerts and other creature comforts, until Tucker Carlson showed us a loaf of stale bread to show how living in Russia is better than the US." The killings were senseless, as most activities from ISIS are. The terrorists indiscriminately attacked innocent people just for the PR, perhaps under the belief that it builds a case for their cause across the world, not to mention dropping more virgins in the afterlife bank. The civilized world is not used to seeing the likes of such barbarism, with the exception of Putin's unprovoked invasions and perhaps Marjorie Taylor Greene, anytime a camera is pointed in her direction – but I guess I did say "civilized," and these two are perhaps not part of that group. The citizens of Russia, however, are, and they did not deserve this. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/moscow-shooting-poses-awkward-questions-russias-intelligence-agencies-2024-03-25/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Coming to a Complete Stop Boeing's CEO will be taking off, hopefully with a softer landing than a Boeing 737 Max 8\. According to people familiar with the matter, it's been recommended that he keep his seatbelt fastened and his seatback and tray table in the upright and locked position because people are still mad about the side of a plane blowing off a few months back. This is not to mention flights that crashed, where [hundreds died](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/05/business/boeing-737-max-uncertainty.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). The most recent incident, which involved only minor injuries, is now being investigated as a criminal incident, so I think we can expect some turbulence. It was recently reported by [The Free Press](https://www.thefp.com/p/boeings-dead-whistleblower-spoke-the-truth?ref=danielkherndon.com) that the whistleblower who attempted to pressure Boeing to address safety issues was found dead of an apparent suicide after a family member said he said, “I ain’t scared, but if anything happens to me, it’s not suicide.” ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2024/03/26/boeing-ceo-who-could-replace-calhoun.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### A Puff Piece P. Diddy didn’t do it diddy? We don’t know, but we do know that the FBI raided his home, presumably related to sex trafficking accusations. Investigators found several pairs of extremely dark sunglasses, some not very dark sunglasses, and a Polaroid of J.Lo that said “the one that got away,” perhaps alluding to the end of their love affair after they both spent a night in jail. It’s unclear if the raid turned up anything incriminating, though. Puffy's supporters have told him they believe that memories can give him the "strengf" he needs to proceed in this dark time, as he fights the charges, for which he maintains he is innocent. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/28/style/diddy-sean-combs-fashion-revolt-tv.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### "Like" a Bridge This week, a major bridge in Baltimore collapsed. Simon and Garfunkle would be rolling in their graves, which would be a strange occurrence since they are both alive and well-ish at 82 years old each. The bridge that this jarring incident was "like" is the Francais Scott Key Bridge over the Port of Baltimore, where troubled waters swallowed the structure after a shipping boat rammed into a pylon. For some families, they expect a pylon of grief after the loss of six construction workers who are now missing after the bridge collapsed. As of yesterday, the crew in the boat remains on board. Engineers are now examining the design of the bridge to determine a more sound solution as the bridge is rebuilt. But they won't be listening to the works of Paul or Art. After a tragedy like this, I'd expect they'll be listening to the sound of silence. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2024/03/28/dali-crew-baltimore-bridge-collapse/73132763007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Only 175 Million Dollars! The only time anyone has ever celebrated a $175 million bill is when it is 38% of what the bill used to be. Donald Trump, who I'll point out has been relegated to nearly the lowest position in this list of Takes, received a lifeline this week when a panel of judges relieved him of the need to secure a bond the size of his ego (or $454 million for those who need help with the math). The lower burden buys him time to appeal his case and determine if his charges will be reduced or removed altogether, in which case Alina Habba will be able to mock the judge as a part of her professional expertise. Soon, Trump may be able to pay those bills as Trump Social, also known as Truth Social went public this week after a merger placed the brand in meme stock status. The value fluctuated like Trump’s weight, with his current share value at $3 billion before adjusting for Trumpflation. ([more](https://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/4556222-habba-mocks-new-york-ag-appeals-court-reduces-trump-bond/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Cry Pillow Mike Lindell has nothing soft to land on after his conspiracy theories have caused him to wake up with less money and a crick in his neck. He’s been facing a defamation lawsuit for months and is now facing an eviction notice from his warehouse where he operates his polyfoam empire. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/mypillow-facing-eviction-warehouse-election-denier-mike-lindell/story?id=108613163&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Sam Bankman Not Freed The Crypto Criminal was sentenced to 25 years in prison for his fraud conviction, but fortunately time, just like money, is all just something somebody made up. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/03/28/business/ftx-sam-bankman-fried-sentencing/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Got Newsletter? Remember to share The Lorem Ipsum so everyone else can have a drink. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### iPhonopoly URL: https://danielkherndon.com/iphonopoly/ Last updated: 2024-03-22T16:18:20.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week, I was wrangled into a clandestine conversation about what might have been espionage, a security leak, or maybe a few people at a trade show. It's hard to tell which. I reacted quickly. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/03/IMG_0710.jpeg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/03/IMG_0711.jpeg) As soon as their cover was blown, I never heard from them again. The good news is that there were not Android users. My text bubbles were as blue as the cold mountains on a can of Coors Light®️. Something the US is suing Apple for. I'll get to that in a minute. Let's dive into ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 12 of 2024` ### Do Not Pass Go BREAKING: Your iPhone. Jailbreaking, that is, because that's the only way to use your phone however you please. The camera bump that has vexed me for years has hit a bump of its own yesterday as The United States has announced it is suing Apple for having the best phone there is. While this may be the biggest PR boost they could have ever had, it remains off-brand, as Attorney General Merrick Garland, in his keynote announcing the lawsuit, didn't even have the decency to wear a turtleneck, white sneakers, and jeans, although he gets a pass on his eyewear. Apple has become one of the most valuable companies in the world, in part because of the iPhone. Their app store requires that 30% of purchase revenue goes to Apple, while blocking some of the phone’s features for services that compete with Apple's own suite of services. The 88-page lawsuit points out that Apple has violated antitrust laws by keeping people reliant on their iPhones and destroying even close relationships because of the intolerable green bubbles in the atrocious text groups where someone insists that the freedom of having an Android phone is more important than close relationships. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/21/technology/apple-doj-lawsuit-antitrust.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Reddit Diddit The site that looks like Craig from Craigslist designed it has raised $748 million in an IPO this week, boasting its biggest upvote yet. It's a virtual hell site, but we all use it anyway to answer life's toughest questions, like what is the weirdest thing you have found in someone's search history. Here are a few of the answers from Reddit itself. - *I don't think it was search history, but we started typing "Why is" into the Google search bar, and the top suggested result was "Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?"* - *'Little Mermaid Porn' on my 8th grade best-friend’s computer. He threatened to beat me up if I told anyone about it.* - *I went to use my friend's phone, and his last search was, "What turns feces green?"* It makes sense that a site with content like this would be valued high enough to break the tech industry out of its slump. While the initial raise didn't quite fetch the value of its private venture capital valuations from 2021, it did attract several investors and anonymous robot clowns to troll them. The IPO is an exciting time for a business that has not turned an annual profit since 2005, a sign that its gamble with artificial intelligence deals is paying off. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/markets/deals/reddit-prices-ipo-top-indicated-range-sources-say-2024-03-20/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### When Bronze Starts To Fade Spray tans are going to start denting the pocketbook more than before as the presidential campaign season gets into full swing and the demand for bright eyes and burnished tones becomes more vital. The first sign comes as Trump tries to secure a bond for roughly a half billion dollars, but is unable to secure one, putting his financial state in peril. Trump's lawyers complained to the judge that obtaining the bond was a practical impossibility. Since Trump is now openly not as rich as he has always wanted us to believe, he is now facing the reality that he has three days before he risks the State of New York seizing his assets, starting first with his tanning lotion, followed by his golf courses and Manhattan high rises. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/trump-secure-bond-464-million-civil-fraud-judgment/story?id=108315388&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Electric Elastic has come a long way. Just ask fitted sheets. But electric cars still have a long way to go before they can be fully trusted. This week, Biden announced new regulations that attempt to change that. The rules intend to limit tailpipe emissions with the goal to increase the use of electric cars and fight climate change, and secondarily, to shift the economic cause wars from oil to microchips. The plan is part of Biden‘s promise to get most gas powered vehicles off the road by 2030, and cut carbon emissions in half. Experts are divided on whether the earth will exist by then, but they’re optimistic that if it does, land fills may be equipped to handle the amount of batteries that we’ll need to dispose of by that time. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/03/20/bidens-regulators-poised-to-issue-rule-meant-to-drive-electric-car-sales-00148019?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Sinflation The Feds kept interest rates where they were, leaving open a small possibility that a couple of young newlyweds could buy a home for 7.6 times their income or about double the ratio of someone in 1975\. For just a little context of how this plays out for the average American, the average home is $417,000, and with an $83,000 down payment, a 30-year loan at the typical 7.59% interest rate would draw a payment of $2,358 per month without counting taxes or insurance. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/business/live-news/markets-fed-meeting-03-20-24/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is "finger-lickin' good." How about giving your friends a taste by forwarding this copy? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### Caught in the Act URL: https://danielkherndon.com/caught-in-the-act/ Last updated: 2024-03-15T10:30:07.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I got sucked in. I watch one woodworking video, and then before I knew it, I was seeing a review of the perfect pair of pants with just the right amount of stretch. I think I ordered two pairs. To save me from certain destruction, let’s hope the US completes its movement to ban TikTok. More on that in ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 11 of 2024` ### The Act For Katie Britt, if it doesn’t work out in government, she may be able to fall back on her acting skills. Her monologue for the Republican response to the State of the Union is nothing short of a demo reel. Even Channing Tatum can’t put on a performance like this one. She scaled the range of emotions like the mountains of Appalachia. She traversed the dialogue like a bridge over Selma. She was forceful when she wanted to be, soft-spoken at times, like the sultry tones of Marilyn Monroe or me after an attempt to work out for the first time in months. Her breathy words told us that her message contained a special secret. That secret is that America is in disarray despite the numbers. Our streets are more dangerous even though [crime is down across the US](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/people-think-crime-rate-up-actually-down-rcna129585?ref=danielkherndon.com). Our pocketbooks are suffering even though wages [are up](https://www.americanprogress.org/article/workers-paychecks-are-growing-more-quickly-than-prices/?ref=danielkherndon.com), even more than inflation, which is [going down](https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/12/economy/cpi-consumer-price-index-inflation-november/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Most importantly, illegal immigration is out of control, and we should fear for our lives, [whether we have a reason to or not](https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/02/29/truth-about-illegal-immigration-crime/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Better yet, we should refuse to pass a bill to solve it. ([more](https://www.google.com/search?q=snl+cold+open&oq=snl+cold+op&gs%5Flcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqDQgAEAAYgwEYsQMYgAQyDQgAEAAYgwEYsQMYgAQyBggBEAAYAzIGCAIQRRg5MgYIAxAAGAMyBwgEEAAYgAQyBwgFEAAYgAQyBwgGEAAYgAQyBwgHEAAYgAQyBwgIEAAYgAQyBwgJEAAYgASoAgCwAgA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ref=danielkherndon.com#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:9aac4c91,vid:cCfLpuLdF8Q,st:0)) ### Haiti Haters If you think your kids never listen, take a look at what's happening in Haiti. A gang uprising has all but toppled the government, with government buildings burnt to the ground, thousands of prisoners escaping from prison, and children staying up past their bedtime. The Haitian government has lost control of the island, and the Gangs are now the parents. The man leading the gangs is Jimmy Chérizier, known by his childhood nickname, “Barbecue,” a very grown-up-sounding nickname. He insists that Prime Minister Ariel Henry step down or suffer continued violence. In response, Henry announced this week he resign "soon" and that everyone could stay up an extra hour until then. But words aren't enough for Barbecue, so the violence continues. ([more](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/haiti-news-barbeque-emergency-gang-violence-travel-b2512386.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Forgetful Questions This week in a Congressional hearing Democrats pressed Special Council Robert Hur on why he was so mean to President Biden. At issue was his report on his investigation into Biden's possession of classified documents. In the report, Hur did not recommend charges but emphasized Biden's forgetfulness, and to be honest I don’t remember what else. Democrats made the hearing an opportunity to fire back at what they believe is a politically motivated narrative by Hur (NOTE: not a pronoun), but you know who else is forgetful? Me. In fact, I almost forgot to write this Take. Most of America is forgetful too. Until this week, we had already moved on from the report. But congratulations go to the Democrats for reversing this. ([more](https://www.vox.com/politics/2024/3/12/24098577/robert-hur-testimony-report-biden-memory?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Taking a McAffee Break Judge Scott McAffee dropped six of the charges in Trump's Georgia racketeering case out of the total 41 because they were not specific enough to prepare a defense. If you think of it like spankings, I imagine if the first 35 sting enough, you may not even feel the last half dozen slaps anyway. And not to extend the hind side jokes, but we're still waiting to see what the judge says about whether Fani Willis will be booted from the same case. ([more](https://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/4528762-judge-tosses-trump-georgia-charges-election-interference-case/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### House Bans TikTok Chopsticks are unquestionably inferior to forks, but some fear China might use the juggernaut social media platform TikTok to convince us otherwise. And if that doesn't work, they'll at least try to get our youths to take a second look at Communism. The US Government is trying to put a stop to it. On Wednesday; the House passed a bill to force TikTok's Chinese owner to sell or be banned, chopsticks and all. It passed 352 to 65, which is a sign that Biden's TikTok account is going to remain a talking point through the campaign season. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/live-blog/tiktok-ban-house-vote-live-updates-rcna143164?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - **Nothing to Bragg About.** Prosecutors offered to [delay](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/14/nyregion/alvin-bragg-trump-trial-delay.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) the Trump hush money trial for 30 days. - **Not Netanyahu Dot Net.** Senator Chuck Schumer criticized President Bibi, saying he should be [replaced](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/03/14/schumer-gives-israel-critics-the-green-light-00147093?ref=danielkherndon.com). That's it for the news. Here's this week's ***feature***. --- ## Picture Perfect `Feature` Before this week, few knew Princess Kate had five fingers, perfect skin, and plaids that didn't line up. On British Mother's Day, Catherine Princess of Wales released a photo showcasing a merry moment with her children. It was an attempt to present her with superhuman normalcy during a season when she has been absent from public life due to health issues in the southern region of the body. Her newly crowned Father-in-law, the King, has disappeared as of late as well; after finally getting his first real job, his attendance was the first thing to go because he, too, has been fighting health issues in similar zones. The attempt was a failure. What was revealed is that she was just like much of the rest of the world–using mobile apps to look better than she really is. After the future queen released the doctored picture to convince her constituency that she was as perfect as ever, they were left not knowing if they could believe that she was. Or that she wasn't. Is she double-jointed? Are her children's clothing digitally remastered? Should there be a royal family just for aesthetics? Questions abound, but when it comes to the royals, it is anybody's guess. That's why in this newsletter, to stand above the fray, we include a disclaimer discretely at the bottom of a less-than-obvious page on the website as follows: > *I'm not a professional comedian, but I play one in this email. A lot of my content contains sarcasm. This is dangerous, so don't try this at home.* The statement ensures you know that the content of this page is embellished. To make a point, not to fool you. Kate does not come with such a disclaimer, but perhaps she should. If she wishes to adopt one already drafted, I would suggest she start with Ecclesiastes 1:2 > “Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!” And afterward, explain that all communications, events, and performances from the royal family are intended solely to make you believe otherwise. *Here's* [*an article in The Cut*](https://www.thecut.com/article/where-is-kate-middleton-catherine-princess-of-wales-royal-family-crisis.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) *from a British journalist who shares a similar sentiment with mine, but with a better accent.* --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is The Taste of a New Generation. Why not share a sip with your friends? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this sort of thing:** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### Winners and Losers All URL: https://danielkherndon.com/winners-and-losers-all/ Last updated: 2024-03-08T20:06:14.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Last night, President Biden left the nursing home past bedtime to give the State of the Union address on Capitol Hill. I was surprised he skipped his normal closing line, reminding us to get our pets spayed and neutered. His speech kicks off a rematch between two presidents for the first time in history. It's officially Biden versus Trump again. Let's talk about it today in ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 10 of 2024` ### Voters Win and Lose at the Same Time Chock one up for the Constitution. When you're me, which the majority of you are not, you get used to being right. I try to throw in a typo to two every once in a while just to remind you that I'm human. I've even included a [factual error](https://danielkherndon.com/pees-wee/#ghost-comments) in a historical reference to World War I once (which I've since corrected). But even with all the effort, these Takes, however hot they may be, are often following the guiding light. This week was no exception. Donald Trump is NOT, not eligible to be on the ballot in Colorado, according to a unanimous ruling from the Supreme Court. There were lots of technical reasons why, but all of them made just enough sense to bring all the Justices together while still giving the legal analysts enough to talk about for the next couple of weeks. Some analysts and Constitutional scholars, upon review of the finding, have said, "What the fuck?" (Their words, not mine.) The primary question of the ruling rests on how the 14th Amendment can be [self-executing](https://www.readtangle.com/scotus-reinstates-trump-colorado-ballot/?ref=danielkherndon.com) sometimes but also not self-executing sometimes, and this is one of those sometimes. Amy Coney Barret pointed out in her concurring opinion that her conservative colleagues just made a mess with their reasoning when they didn't need to. I say, welcome to The Supreme Court, where everything is black and white except for the law. Sure, this ruling may be messy and confusing, but I believe it is mostly good for America. But I stand by my claim that Trump is not. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/03/04/dems-have-a-problem-with-their-democracy-argument-not-with-the-supreme-court-00144808?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Nikki Wins a Swamp, and Trump is Poised to Fill One The biggest single day of the primaries was Tuesday when at least 16 states hosted their primaries. Trump swept the evening, winning a majority in each state and handing over the scraps to Nikki Haley. Nikki had won Washington D.C. a couple of days prior and then won The Common Wealth of Virginia and a lifetime supply of oysters. Trump shrugged off his Washington DC loss to Haley, calling it "the swamp." After a disappointing Tuesday, as expected, Haley ended her campaign. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/03/05/us/super-tuesday-election-updates?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Biden is in Trouble in American Samoa I hear it's nice this time of year, but not if you're Joe Biden or the 40 people who voted for him. Everybody knows that polls mean nothing, but they are so addictive you can't have just one. They're like the Sugar Babies of politics where at first you think, "This will be good. It will get me through this movie." and then about halfway through, you either feel nauseous or you think you need to schedule something with your therapist. This week's polls put Biden well behind Trump, particularly in some key battleground states, like all of them, but also Arizona, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Michigan, North Carolina, Nevada, and Wisconsin. The real concern came when Biden swept every Super Tuesday primary except one - American Samoa. Jason Palmer, an under-the-radar candidate, edged Biden by just 11 votes, netting 51 ballots to the president's 40\. The truth is, this shot up alarm bells in the Biden campaign, where they noted that not only is Palmer campaigning across the Pacific Islands, but he can also lift items above 25 pounds. I still think Biden will clench the nomination if his grip can hold up, but he may have bloody knuckles before it's over. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/03/06/1236244459/long-shot-jason-palmer-deals-president-biden-a-caucus-defeat-in-american-samoa?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Nothing to see here War is one of the worst inevitabilities of geopolitics and human nature. That's why I always like to share ice-cold beers with the neighbors. It's a way to keep the peace as much as possible. But this week, the UN seems to have discovered Hamas isn't as neighborly as they previously thought, which was a surprise. The seemingly apathetic group said they found evidence of sexual assault against hostages on October 7th and since then while held in Gaza. We're still waiting to see if the UN condemns those actions. ([more](https://www.timesofisrael.com/un-finds-evidence-of-rape-on-oct-7-and-after-israel-they-tried-to-downplay-issue/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Menedez is on Borrowed Time and Money A new federal indictment this week said Robert Menendez and his wife took a bribe and tried to make it look like a loan (it should be noted that bribes are not tax deductible, so I would have done the same thing if I were a corrupt politician). The plan was devised after the Mischievous Menedezes found out they were under investigation and decided to do the equivalent of flushing coke down the toilet. But the bribing friend, who was trying to get Robert to deter a criminal investigation, apparently had enough powder on his nose that he realized he had to come clean and help the prosecutors. Robert still denies the accusations against him. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/new-jersey-sen-bob-menendez-wife-nadine-new-charges-bribery-obstruction-of-justice/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### No Government Shuts Down Not sure if I pluralized that headline correctly? Trust me, I'm a copywriter. This is what I do. And what Congress does is keep the government running, dysfunctionally if possible. This week, the House did just that, passing a $460 billion funding package to keep the federal lights on. Now it's time to get back to work. I wish us all the best of luck. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/06/us/politics/house-spending-bill-shutdown.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Kirsten Cinema decided to take her glasses and go home. She will not seek reelection. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/independent-sen-kyrsten-sinema-will-not-run-re-election-arizona-rcna124499?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Good things come to those who wait... for The Lorem Ipsum. But don't make your friends wait any longer. Forward them a copy. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue with friends. 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### One Giant Leap URL: https://danielkherndon.com/one-giant-leap/ Last updated: 2024-03-01T11:30:14.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Julius Caesar, the guy who decided we needed a leap year. In 2023, this email would have been to you tomorrow, March 2nd. Which means I would have had one more day to get it done. Despite all of the chaos around the sun, I still met the deadline, as always... It's Friday, and welcome to The Weekly. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ☀️ ****Important**: The NO MORE Foundation ([as I described last year](https://danielkherndon.com/more-no-more/)) is doing its annual virtual 5k. A worldwide event to support the fight against domestic and sexual violence. [Register now](https://organizations.hakuapp.com/sites/organization%5Fsites/785afd0c0cb194771f49?ref=danielkherndon.com) to join me. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/The-NO-MORE-Foundation-1.jpg) --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 09 of 2024` ### Frozen in Time On Wednesday, Mitch McConnel announced he would step down as party leader at the end of the year. He said in a speech on the Senate floor that one underappreciated talent of the job was to know when it was time to move on to life's next chapter – and I couldn't agree more. Here's hoping the next guy brings such skill. Mitch will step down in January, although some have recommended a wax figure could take the role sooner if preferred and could arguably do a similar job. It's often the case that good leaders in Congress are propped up by key staff members, who do much of the heavy lifting, and Mitch is no exception. In a recent visit to the Capitol, I captured a candid picture of Mitch with some of his Congressional aides, as you can see here. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/IMG_0630.jpeg) Mitch and two interns at a press conference. To say farewell, the 39-year veteran gave a speech before the Senate — At least, we think so, unless he was just choking on his cream of wheat, it was hard to tell for sure. Either way, he is fine now and expects to phase out with the next election. With no intention to flush him out, three Johns are lined up seeking the j0b — that is, Thune, Cornyn, and Barrasso. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/28/us/politics/mitch-mcconnell-senate.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Trumpdates There are few stories in politics these days that don't feature our newest shoe salesman. Ever since [Trump Steaks](https://www.sharperimage.com/view/product/Trump+Steaks/888888?ref=danielkherndon.com) and his real estate business have come on hard times, he's had to shift to selling [spray-painted shoes](https://gettrumpsneakers.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and authoritarianism. Of course anything helps when you’ve got half a billion in bills from lost cases alone. He may also need some cash for his commissary account if the subsequent cases go bad too. Let’s go over the highlights of this week’s updates. In the Michigan primaries, Trump won a decisive victory, giving Nikki Haley one more reason to want to beat him while knocking down her chances even more. The Heeled Hero took a noticeable percentage, so even though she is losing, she's done a very impressive job doing so. Personally, I think her concession speech party is going to be one of the best in politics, a perfect way to spend down her [massive fundraising](https://www.wsj.com/politics/elections/biden-campaign-reports-42-million-in-january-fundraising-8e477187?ref=danielkherndon.com). Meanwhile, Trump is best known for his legal troubles. This week, the Manhattan DA in his hush-money case asked for a gag order, adding to a collection. If we get enough of them, perhaps the only thing he will be able to talk about is the defunct Trump Steaks since Trump Sneakers may show up in a campaign finance lawsuit. This is not an actual legal analysis, so we'll just have to wait and see. In Illinois, County Circuit Judge Tracie Porter ruled that Trump [disqualified himself](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/illinois-judge-14th-amendment-bars-trump-2024-primary/story?id=107657552&ref=danielkherndon.com) from the Illinois Primary ballot – although she paused her own ruling pending the Supreme Court ruling on the matter. In another case, the Supreme Court agreed on Wednesday to hear Trump's [immunity claims](https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/28/politics/trump-supreme-court-immunity/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) on a rushed schedule on April 22nd, bringing a win for Trump's strategy to delay. But while delays help him in one case, in another, they cost him. A judge denied Trump's request to skimp on filing a bond to cover the $454 million judgment in his real estate business case, and now every day costs him $114,000 until he does. ### A Has-Been Has Been Born In another case, it has of late felt like the prosecutor was the one on trial. Fani Willis and her hired gun prosecutor Nathan Wade have been discussing their propensity to have intercourse on the stand as Trump's defense team tries to find her disqualified for wanting a piece of ass. In this case, when the ass was actually acquired is in question. If Willis hired Wade after the ass, it indicates a conflict of interest when she named Wade a Special Prosecutor. If the horizontal refreshments happened after Wade was appointed, it's an ordinary episode of [Suits](https://www.usanetwork.com/usa-insider/suits-best-couples-mike-rachel-harvey-donna?ref=danielkherndon.com). To litigate the issue, Trump's team brought in a former star witness, Terrence Bradley. But he is now a B-list witness at best because he can't really recall when Fani had taken a lover. It may have no effect on the case, but it surely aligns with the traditional delay strategy. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2024/02/27/trump-election-fraud-prosecutor-fani-willis-nathan-wade-terrence-bradley/72758674007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### An Uncommitted Ceasefire Hamas rejected a ceasefire deal, saying Israel's offer hadn’t met their demands. This came just after Biden expressed optimism that a deal would be reached by Monday. (Narrator: it wasn't) In the Michigan primary, one faction of voters — the dissatis-faction ticked "uncommitted" on the ballot in a campaign to send a message to Biden for not doing enough for a ceasefire. Despite the protest, he still won the state primary handily against (checks notes) – no one. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/video/netanyahu-responds-to-biden-on-gaza-cease-fire-claims-u-s-support-for-israel-205039685861?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Not Far From The Tree Apple, which was once one of the biggest companies in the world, is now one of the biggest companies in the world, but without an electric car in the works. This week, it was revealed that they killed an electric car project after 10 years of secret research and development, and I’m devastated. I want a car that responds every time I accidentally say something that rhymes with “Hey Siri.” I need that fancy noise cancellation on my car door, and I can’t wait until my daily ride comes with only one button and no huge instruction booklet. Alas, it looks like we will have to settle for a simulation in $3500 goggles. ([more](https://fortune.com/2024/02/27/apple-electric-car-cancel-2000-workers-ai/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Nothing Runs Like a Deer, except The Lorem Ipsum, which celebrates 131 consecutive Friday mornings in your inbox. Be sure to share it with another friendly inbox. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue with friends. 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### Boycotting Bad Sandwiches URL: https://danielkherndon.com/boycotting-bad-sandwiches/ Last updated: 2024-10-24T01:28:01.000Z Some of the most famous people in government these days are named Mike Johnson. It's a name that used to be the de facto eponym of a failed employee on the other end of the phone in a sketch comedy bit. Now, it's the name of the Speaker of the House and probably 12 other people in the halls of Congress you've never heard of until recently. In a climate where people are this generic, the best way to stand out is by making the most annoying noises possible. It's always an option to screech at the top of your lungs if it wins notoriety, but if you ask Howard Dean, that's [a tough thing to be remembered for](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6i-gYRAwM0&ref=danielkherndon.com), so most would recommend other antics. The more bland you are, the harder it is to find your big break. That's why the most decent among us work in cubicles or the unseen corners of zoom screens. Because if you don't destroy someone's life, no one will ever remember yours when it's gone. That's why some have taken a kill-or-be-killed approach. When the earth sucks your blood, the only reasonable thing to do is suck back, and step one is to suck by boycotting something. It's simple. You do your best to ruin somebody's ability to make a living based on the thinnest shred of evidence and lodge preferably false or exaggerated claims against them. Extra points if their father is the President. Regardless of who your enemy is, it's crucial that your boycott doesn't solve the problems you are critical of but simply gives you a place on the top of the pile above them. Because otherwise, your name is entirely generic, and no one will ever remember you. Take the story of *Substackers Against Nazis,* for example. Most of you will find this story unfamiliar, so let me bring you up to speed. Here's a primer on the characters. - ***Substack*** is a free, self-service platform where independent writers can start newsletters. In 2010, it would have been called a blogging service; in the 1980s, it would have been called a copy machine; and in the 1950s, it would have been called a stack of paper sitting near some postage stamps. - ***Nazis*** are members of a political party in Germany from 1920 to 1945 and also anyone who appears to even marginally share one or all of the party's views. - ***Substackers Against Nazis*** is a collection of mad people with a generic name. *Substackers Against Nazis* is a protest organized by a group of such writers who have chosen to boycott Substack, the platform they publish on, for not properly boycotting obscure writers. The group is standing up to the evils of free self-service software because some people have indeed served themselves by using this very software. Notably, some of the people to use the self-serve software have bad ideas, even some going as far as being Nazis, which, while poorly defined, is one of the worst things you can be. Substack was launched with an anti-social-media style vision of letting writers build their own audiences, own those audiences, and, if they are able, make money from those audiences. Substack only earns revenue by taking a 10% cut through credit card fees, and it [remains hands-off](https://substack.com/about?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=We%20take%20a%20hands%2Doff%20approach%20to%20content%20moderation%20and%20instead%20support%20community%20moderation%2C%20where%20publishers%20set%20their%20own%20terms%20of%20engagement%20for%20their%20community%2C%20and%20readers%20choose%20which%20communities%20suit%20them.) in content moderation. Its content moderation practice works because you only see content that you follow and don't see content that you don't follow. Many writers have chosen Substack for this very reason. They're journalists who worked for papers that limited their earning potential or prevented their ability to publish certain stories, so they went to a place where they could publish freely. At Substack, they can publish their ideas and build an audience that supports them by subscribing to their newsletter without the upfront costs of building their own software platform. They gain freedom and control over their own content publishing and the opportunity to be indifferent to other people's content. I realize it seems shocking, but even objectionable people use this kind of software. Presumably, because it is free, and moderation is up to each publisher, given they only publish to their own audience and have their own comments section. A few writers no longer like the idea of free software. They believe that the internet and a platform like Substack are responsible for squashing every bad idea, even in the absence of fees high enough to pay for a staff sufficient to fulfill the massive amount of squashing on self-serve software. In an effort to bully Substack into washing itself of bad ideas, *Substackers Against Nazis* are turning Substack into the spicy chicken sandwich of the internet. A sandwich which shall be boycotted because a major shareholder of its producer may have an objectionable opinion. The chicken sandwich itself is now the predator. No longer are waffle fries a platform for your choice of salt or Polynesian sauce based on your own private preference, but rather Salt and Polynesian Sauce incarnate, here to inflict on you only the good flavors and ban all the bad flavors, first by entering each car within its drive-thru to inspect the choice of sauce and ensure only straight white cis-gender male sauces are accepted, and all others are forbidden. To be sure, we are in a war of ideas here. Or, to be more specific, a war of sandwiches. A war about which sandwiches are good sandwiches and which sandwiches are bad sandwiches. And a war about how the ideas had by the maker of those sandwiches affect the quality of the sandwich itself. It is a simple question with a simple answer: is a sandwich bad, and should its sauces be on your platform? When sandwiches are bad, along with the ideas had by the makers thereof, the only reasonable thing to do is to ban them. To identify every single sauce choice clearly associated with a bad sandwich and to wipe it off the styrofoam plates of existence. To prevent every self-serve software, copier, ream of paper, or drive-thru from ever writing about, endorsing, depicting, serving, or featuring any such sauce that is associated with the ideas of the makers of any bad sandwich there is. For software companies, especially those of the self-serve variety, it is only appropriate that their mission is to deploy all of their staff toward the squashing of the use of such sauces – no longer servicing the software itself but policing its use. If this sounds completely impractical, it's not just because the discriminatory use of sauces is a very personal act but also because it *is* completely impractical. Identifying every bad idea and removing them from free platforms requires significant staffing and, therefore, some way to pay for it. But it comes with a new problem. When we ban things, we give rocket fuel to those who would disagree with us. Because of banning bad ideas, the lines of drive-thrus are filled with people who don't agree with the *Substackers Against Nazis* and possibly only *because* of the *Substackers Against Nazis*. To clarify, I don't think there is something similar between a Nazi and a Spicy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich with Pepperjack Cheese. But it is evident that banning them will work just about the same. We have to win over hungry customers by having good sandwiches, not by policing those who have produced the bad ones. In the war of ideas, we have to fight the bad ideas by having good ones. We have to be persuasive enough to win people over to our ideas and be patient enough to educate people on those ideas so that they can better understand what makes them good. In the case of the *Substackers Against Nazis*, by banning some of the worst ideas there are and holding to account free software for remaining free, it has not served their own cause, but instead, it has thrust the bad ideas into the limelight, giving rise to articles in The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Verge, The Hill, Fast Company and even The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. Now, the bad ideas of some of the worst people on earth are experiencing a boon to their market. Being banned so prominently has gained them fame, and now, thanks to their critics, an even bigger platform. Today, the [top-selling chicken sandwich](https://www.eatthis.com/news-most-popular-chicken-sandwiches-data/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is the one that has been banned because of [the ideas of one executive](https://www.theguardian.com/world/us-news-blog/2012/jul/19/chick-fil-a-comes-out-as-anti-gay?ref=danielkherndon.com). And the most famous Nazis will soon be the ones who have been platformed, not by free self-service software, but by writers whose own ideas were apparently not good enough to be written about because they were too busy writing about someone else's. Like creating a cookbook for bad sandwiches, when the pages are filled with all the things you should not eat, the only ideas that receive recognition are those that are on its pages. It's no less ironic that I am doing the same here, but hopefully, I will redeem myself with the moral of this story. Whether a sandwich is a bad sandwich or a good sandwich, banning it because of your view of its ingredients is only as practical as entering into every vehicle to police sauce choices. It is impossible. And your time would probably have been better spent making a better sandwich and persuading people to eat it instead. ### How To Be Human URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-be-human/ Last updated: 2024-02-23T11:30:48.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Last night, Intuitive Machines landed a robot-led spacecraft [on the moon](https://www.space.com/intuitive-machines-odysseus-private-moon-landing-success?ref=danielkherndon.com). The first since 1972 and a moment of triumph for all humanity. We all want nothing more than to feel alive. To feel human. And there’s nothing more human than reading The Lorem Ipsum. And knowing your way around is essential. So today, I'm going to open with a quick primer on how to navigate this space. We'll learn how to keep me out of spam, log in to your account, and leave a comment. Then we'll get to the news. **First, how do I avoid landing in spam?** If this message has hit your spam box, it's too late. You're not reading this message because it’s in spam. Go find another email. For the rest of you, you can change your email or get deliverability help to stay ahead of the game under email preferences. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/email-1.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/email-2.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/email-3.png) There's email help for the E-hopeless. But first, you'll have to log in. **How do I "log in," and why should I bother?** Logging in is one of the most sought-after features at The Lorem Ipsum. Logging in gives you access to your account details. You can change your email, access members only content, upgrade your account, and more. Here at The Lorem Ipsum, we allow you to have a direct connection without ever having to remember a password. You can log in at this link [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signin), which is also found at the top of the home page. All you have to do is drop in your email and click the link that shows up in your inbox, and then you're logged in! There is no password, and if there were, it would be pas$word123! which literally every reader has used some version of at some point in their lives. Not here. Here, we just verify you are you because you are the only one checking your email. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/sign-in-1.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/sign-in-box.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/log-in-link.png) Signing in and other feats of strength. **How do I leave comments on you?** Leaving comments is the currency of the internet. It's a way to say, "I agree with what you're saying, but certain conditions apply." or "Here's a full-length article in response to yours explaining why you are wrong, and please sign up for my blog." It's how we build a community. Comments are exclusive to subscribers only, so most of the crazy internet trolls are stuck over on Reddit and X. We're an exclusive bunch here. To comment, simply click the speech bubble symbol in this email which leads you to [this link](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-be-human/#ghost-comments). You'll have to be signed in to prove you're part of our group. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/Comments.png) Commenting to build your personal brand at the cost of mine. I enjoy reader replies, of which I receive many, but I often wish other readers could hear your excellent points. Private conversations are necessary, but public comments bring us all together. And now, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 08 of 2024` ### Capitol Two Capitol One announced this week they will acquire Discover, and all the consumers rejoice. We're most thankful for low annual fees, interest rates under 32% APR, and the fact that Costco doesn't take American Express. It's the biggest proposed merger of 2024 and probably a brilliant move. Capital One happens to be one of the leading card choices, but there are only four payment networks: Visa, Master Card, American Express, and Discover. Since everything about global and online payments is changing, this seems like a good move. Gone are the days when we would walk around with little pieces of paper, waving our bank account numbers in the air to be blown away by a swift wind. Now, you can pay a guy to cut your grass via text, and Capital Two wants to be there for it. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2024/02/21/why-capital-one-is-buying-discover-in-the-biggest-merger-yet-of-2024.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Smoking Gun Alex Navalny was killed. Shortly after, Vladimir Putin put out a cigarette. The Russian opposition leader and anti-corruption activist was sent to prison for pitching the idea of freedom to Russians and opposing the current administration. He was poisoned and survived once already, and despite advice to stay away from Russia, he returned time and again until they locked him up for years and eventually killed him. President Biden says Putin is to blame. Trump says it reminds him of how much he himself is being politically persecuted, except for promoting fascism. (reason mine) ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-68359709?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Rival Resolution The US vetoed a UN resolution calling for an immediate Israeli ceasefire in Gaza. Then, they used the word "practicable," a combination of "practice" and "practical." This feels egregious to the grammar police and the ceasefire police, but is it? The answer depends on what the meaning of the word "prack-tick-a-bull." Think of it this way. If the UN passes a resolution, does a ceasefire then take place? Does Hamas agree with UN resolutions? Does Israel? Will it be practicable? This is all a *matter* of debate, and the US is proposing what it believes is a more realistic approach. As I have said repeatedly here, it is unclear what the solution is, but it's definitely [not an easy one](https://danielkherndon.com/easy-solutions/). Regardless, a UN resolution is not enforceable; it is symbolic and will not solve the problems going on in Gaza. Let’s hope a solution is found soon. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/un-israel-palestinians-gaza-ceasefire-resolution-vote-350c86ef261bf1a00a2515cf22764de5?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Fani Pack If you didn't spend all day Friday watching live testimony of Georgia district attorney Fani Willis last week, then you're not me, and you're probably more well-adjusted, and I'm proud of you. I, however, got hours of screen time. There are a lot of gems from the Trump RICO fraud case, and they are definitely made for TV. Interestingly, they are not the normal camera-hungry figures we are used to. The examination of Fani Willis and Nathan Wade got a little hot and heavy. Fani was hot, Nathan was heavy, and it looks like it won't matter for the case after it's all said and done. Here's a pack of some of the good moments for you 👉 ([more](https://www.google.com/search?q=fani+willis+testimony+highlights&oq=fani+willis+testimony+highlights&gs%5Flcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQIRigATIHCAIQIRigAdIBCDc3NjFqMGo0qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ref=danielkherndon.com#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:3eda4ce4,vid:Bxlq9M4MWBc,st:0)) ### Paid Off If you've ever skipped out on a parking ticket because you didn't think you were actually parked illegally, then you know what it's like to be the Donald this week. He disagreed with a ruling last Friday requiring him to pay $350 million for all the harm he caused to all the banks that keep making a profit and testifying in his [defense](https://apnews.com/article/trump-fraud-lawsuit-trial-new-york-53313f64d57b0aa99f756c2c791d29ab?ref=danielkherndon.com). The truth is, Donald, did indeed makeup numbers in his favor. In the real estate business, they call that *the real estate business*. In Trump's case, Leticia James and Judge Enrogon call it fraud, and the victims are the taxpayers (and this newsletter for having to cover it). Just maybe Trump can pay for it with this next Take. Or maybe not. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/letitia-james-shes-prepared-seize-trumps-assets-pay/story?id=107381482&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Foot Odor Trump sells shoes. Still smells like feet. These kickers were designed not just to kick Nikki Haley's ass in the primaries or trip Joe Biden while he walks across a stage. They are also designed to match the man's skin tone almost exactly (with a little extra sheen added for flare). After receiving a huge bill from the State of New York, Trump now has one more way to lose money – by infringing on the intellectual property rights of Nike. Congrats! ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/19/style/trump-gold-sneakers.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/02/Trump-shoes.jpg) ### Dropping the Balls It was hard enough to decipher when something is a *blog* and when it's a *newsletter* or just an *article*. Now, "children" are facing a similar dilemma. After a couple was pursuing fertility treatment, their frozen embryos were dropped on the ground by a clumsy fertility professional, much like Onan in the book of Genesis, destroying the fertilized property (aka "persons"). A lawsuit ensued, and embryos everywhere lined up to protest for their rights. The Alabama Supreme Court ruled on what we've been wondering all along – embryos are people too – and they can pay taxes, they can still experience homelessness, and you can still be prosecuted for subjecting them to child labor if you expect too much of them in the freezer. Since the ruling, at least one hospital has ceased its invitro services for fear that being clumsy enough to drop slippery little glass tubes on the floor can lead to a wrongful death suit. Experts are concerned that the new ruling will have a chilling effect on fertility treatment services and, inevitably, on 12-year-old boys who unknowingly may be committing a crime in the privacy of their bedrooms. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/02/21/1232742485/alabama-supreme-court-frozen-embryos-ivf-in-vitro-fertilization?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: "I’d walk a mile for The Lorem Ipsum." Consider walking a copy over to a friend's inbox. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue with friends. 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### A Likely Story URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-likely-story/ Last updated: 2024-02-16T11:30:38.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except the person who keeps calling me without leaving a message. A Mr. "Likely" keeps calling me. So, if you’re reading this newsletter, and your name is 'Scam Likely,' I will not return your call if you don’t leave a message. Anyway, today I'll be quick. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy.Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 07 of 2024` ### Trumped Up Charges This week has been a busy one for Trump’s legal calendar, with Georgia and New York cases in play. Yesterday, a judge ordered that his criminal trial in Manhattan would proceed, with a date of March 25th, rejecting Trump's attempts to delay the case on hush money payments to Stormy Daniels. While that ruling was going out, Nathan Wade, a prosecutor and "colleague" of Fani Willis in Georgia, was being asked detailed questions about a time when they were in a personal relationship (also referred to as "having intercourse" or "tapping that") to determine whether the case against Trump should be dismissed and the former lovers should be disqualified. The questioning yesterday went on most of the day, ending with a heated Fani (no pun intended, but Willis did accuse the opposing attorneys of a few pants-on-fire lies). Fani will be on the stand today as well. ([more](https://www.justsecurity.org/88039/trumps-legal-and-political-calendar-all-the-dates-you-need-to-know/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Vladimir Tuckered Tucker Carlson interviewed Russian President Vladimir Putin and presented him with hard-hitting questions like "Why did you invade Ukraine?" and "Do you need more time to tell us about the history of Russia? I might be able to provide you with a shoulder massage while you're explaining to me again how terrible you've been treated by the West." The interview aired on his site, which is similar to The Lorem Ipsum, except less popular. He also highlighted that Moscow was nicer than any American city — understandably because it is clean and safe, and you don’t have to deal with the dangers of homelessness or freedom of speech. Tucker has received a lot of criticism for his interview, but besides the softball questions, Tucker did fine. Every smart journalist would have taken the gig if he could. Ultimately, Vlad chose Tucker because he wanted to create a narrative for the US, and he looked for a friendly place to do it. ([more](https://www.readtangle.com/tucker-carlson-vladimir-putin-interview/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Space Lasers We've already looked into Jews with space lasers, thanks to Marjorie Taylor Green, but we've found little to corroborate her claims. But this week, a US Congressman surfaced intelligence that Russia may actually have some nuclear capabilities able to disable all US satellites and military communications. It appears that the world powers are turning space into a place of war. This is notable because we've been wondering since we were kids how plausible Star Wars was, and with the exception of Carrie Fisher in a dessert slave outfit, it's starting to become pretty real. In this case, Vladimir Putin was Jaba the Hutt before he let himself go. To date, Russia‘s nuclear space capabilities have not been launched into orbit yet, but the Death Star took time to build, too, so let’s keep an eye on this space. ([more](https://www.space.com/russia-space-nuclear-weapon-us-congress?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Audi 5000 The early 2000s version of the saying "Make like a tree and leave" is this headline, and it's also what House Republicans said on Tuesday to Homeland Secretary Mayorkis when they impeached him. House Speaker Mike Johson said, "Next to a declaration of war, impeachment is arguably the most serious authority given to the House \[but, what the hell.\]" <– That last part of the quote was paraphrased roughly based on my reporting. It's expected that the Senate may have considered the articles of impeachment that were passed over from the House, but mainly because they originally thought it was the group lunch order. ([more](https://abc7.com/homeland-security-secretary-alejandro-mayorkas-impeachment-why-vote/14418296/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Alejandro%20Mayorkas%20deserves,House%20must%20act.)) ### The Majority Rules The Race for George Santos' seat happened on Tuesday, with immigration as the leading wedge issue. The race heated up, nearly as warm as George's seat (from his pants being on fire), with the Tuesday results ending in a win for Democrat Tom Suozzi. This win has narrowed the majority even more for the already thin Republican lead in the House. Speaker Johnson downplayed the results as "not really that bad," but I think it's like eating corn chips – you're fine with it while you're the one eating them, but to everyone around you, it stinks. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/02/13/us/elections/results-new-york-us-house-3-special.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Be Still My Pop-Tart This week, Bill Post, the guy who created Pop-Tarts, died at 96 years old. He was a sweet guy with a warm, gooey center and an exterior like cardboard. Bill died of natural causes. However, some experts say that if he hadn't invented Pop-Tarts, he might have lived to 97\. ([more](https://people.com/william-bill-post-inventor-of-pop-tart-dead-8580358?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Breaking: Bad Beat Maybe the Biden crime family is fleecing America, or maybe an ex-FBI informant made a bunch of stuff up. Either way, a newly unsealed [indictment](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/15/us/politics/fbi-informant-bidens-ukraine.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) is a bad beat to the Republican strategy. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Let your fingers do the walking. Forward The Lorem Ipsum to a friend instead of delivering it in person. It's time to save paper/trees anyway. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/a-likely-story/) with friends. 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### On Being Indignant URL: https://danielkherndon.com/on-being-indignant/ Last updated: 2024-08-22T23:24:54.000Z I'm not really a Mike Pence type. I've actually never thought it made sense to sell my soul. Plus, no one has offered the right price (although if you have a serious offer, reply here if you want to talk). But I do share a couple of things in common with Mike these days. Not that I'm entirely irrelevant due to my past choices, but that I look bad in a pair of cowboy boots, some would say my smile looks fake, and finally, that when the things of this world go slantwise, I get righteously indignant. For most of you (that is, normal people accounting for roughly 47% of my subscribers), that's traditionally just called “annoyed,” but in a slightly holier way since Mike brings the religious element to even his most basic aggravations. Trust me, if you cross paths with him when he has a masculine itch, you’ll probably start tithing just to make the prayers stop. My anger, not unsurprisingly, is less righteous than his. But being angry is a common plight right now. Most of you can relate. We're faced with some of the worst prospects of our lives. The world is faced with war on multiple fronts right now, and the most powerful countries in the world are all involved, albeit by proxy. At the same time, here in the US (where the vast majority of you readers are), we're faced with what is perhaps one of the most concerning elections since, well, the last one. A second term for president is known as the unhinged term, so even though our two presumed choices are the same as before, they are also worse than before. In the case of one, Trump, to me, seems like the modern incarnate of D.C. Stephenson of the Klu Klux Klan, who once said, "I am the law," and controlled every judge and elected official in the state of Indiana. He was an untouchable type. His power was concentrated in one state, so perhaps Trump is the federated version of him. Biden, his modern opponent, is so frail his team hesitates to put him on TV. They won't even put him on a [tarmac](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/07/19/biden-age-accommodations-00107184?ref=danielkherndon.com) without supportive medical-grade sneakers. What we're faced with is this. One candidate will cripple our storied institutions, and the other candidate will cripple himself with a bad fall. And I feel a fall coming myself. I'm like a bird without a song or a lymph without a node. Soon, I’ll bemoan to the next generation that we used to be a nation of men before it was subjective. I'll say that back in my day, we would vote for our presidents and unfriend jihadi terrorists on Facebook. But today, everything just seems so unsure, like Joe Biden's gait and whether work is more productive in an office or remotely on Zoom calls. There are very few things that are certain. Among them are death and taxes, both of which are barreling toward us at this very moment, but one more certainty is upon us. It’s Valentine’s Day. When the world has gone mad, and nothing around us is certain, a made-up holiday may be able to save us. It's the day when every 3rd-grade student is reminded to tell their teacher that they matter by giving them a cheap piece of chocolate shaped like an owl. The day when TGI Fridays actually takes reservations. When they don't have to explain that a blondie for 7.99 is not a last resort for desperate men but a nightcap for a happy couple of 30 years, just before the check and the real nightcap. Flowers, cards, letters of kindness. Most of these are beyond the scope of any normal relationship. But the best ones have them anyway, not out of obligation but because it makes a relationship better when you add a little color to the room. But Valentine's Day is a fake holiday. Why do we need a fake holiday to set us men up for failure? Valentine's Day is a forced reservation when they are hard to come by and a pack of flowers that cost more than a BMW but die faster than an iPhone. It's the laundry day for the stains we’ve collected all week. It's the one thing you should have planned earlier besides her birthday. To me, a fake holiday can’t be held responsible for the good deeds we forgot all year long, but it can hold us responsible for taking this moment to do them today. Valentine's Day is the story we tell ourselves to remind us of the people we love. It's, in a sense, a religion of love. It’s the reminder of the ordinary that feels extraordinary, most of all because we don’t do it enough. I don't talk about religion much, but I will today. Stick with me, and pardon me if this gets personal. I'll reserve it for paid subscribers. I understand why people are religious because we need something to anchor us emotionally, to give us peace and a sense of stability in our view of the world around us. When the world is filled with uncertainty, it's the stories we shape around it that make it all make sense and make it easier to work together. A story is a powerful conduit for human connection. It can help us cope with the things that are disturbing, confusing, or mysterious. It provides a map. Even if the landmarks are just a narrative to give it meaning, it helps us get where we are trying to go. But just because a story gives us peace of mind doesn’t make that story true. Personally, an answer as a placeholder doesn’t give me peace of mind at all. Truth is more important to me than any answer. However, if you overlook the flowers, cards, and love notes because you don’t believe the story, you’ve missed the whole point. I was religious for 35 years of my life. I’ve always taken my religion and its foundations quite seriously. So seriously, in fact, that I searched it to its depths to the point of losing it entirely. I'm no longer religious, but I understand religion, even if I don’t believe in one. More so, as a storyteller, I understand faith, which includes religion, but it also counts many other ways of looking at the world around us. I’ve determined that faith provides a language for the unknown when we need it. It allows us to talk about the things we can’t see clearly enough to picture. It paints a portrait of what we can‘t describe with speech sufficient to meet its intrigue. It doesn't give us the solutions, but it helps us give them meaning, if only because that's what we need. I don’t know if religion can have all the answers, but I do know it promises that we won’t. It’s the people who can’t cope with an answer they don’t know who struggle with faith — from inside of it and outside of it. Others fool themselves by clinging to certainty on things they could never be certain of. For the very few who can be okay with a life among the mysterious, we enjoy it to the fullest. Every once in a while, we need something to remind us of the mystery that love is and remind us to embrace it. And that’s what Valentine’s Day is to me, and my wife Carrie deserves all 365 of them this year. ### Ain't No Sunshine URL: https://danielkherndon.com/aint-no-sunshine/ Last updated: 2024-02-09T13:07:51.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Jay Z, who is disappointed the Sun wasn't pointing in his preferred direction. Mr. Z, while accepting the Grammy Award for global impact, chided the Academy for not giving black people enough awards. For example, he mentioned his wife, Beyoncé, has only received 32 wins out of 79 nominations. And none have been album of the year, so that’s not fair. Also, from what I heard, the free caviar wasn’t that great. I'm just thankful to have all of you reading and occasionally clicking the 👍 button. Thanks for being here. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 06 of 2024` ### Immunity If you'd like to experience that new crime smell, you may want to be sure you can't be prosecuted for choosing a life of crime. First step, check the job description, and unless it says, "responsibilities include doing literally whatever you want without consequences, and other duties as assigned," there's a chance your role has its limits. Well, the news is out, and you actually can be held accountable for your actions, even if you were the president, especially if they are criminal actions. A federal court ruled that Donald Trump is not exempt from prosecution for crimes he may have committed while he was president. Of course, the caveat to this is that nearly everyone in your political party denies your corruption and bends the knee. You may get away with some of those crimes, at least for a period of time. This ruling pushes the issue to The Supreme Court, where the bench is filled with nine justices, three of whom Trump himself appointed. And I'm not a lawyer, but I suspect Trump's key legal strategy should be to buy an RV for Justice Clarence Thomas to see if it sweetens the deal enough to move in his favor. If they don't immediately hear the case, it's probably because they are busy with [another issue](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/01/05/trump-supreme-court-14th-amendment-eligibility-00134133?ref=danielkherndon.com) regarding the former president, whether Colorado courts rightfully removed him from the ballot based on the 14th Amendment. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/02/06/trump-criminal-immunity-supreme-court-00140027?ref=danielkherndon.com)) The Supreme Court heard arguments on the yesterday, and Justices seemed dubious about Trump's intelligibility. I'm sure that, much like many of you, their Honor probably read [my analysis](https://danielkherndon.com/have-it-your-way/) of the issue several weeks ago and got a chuckle but walked away with a new perspective. I'm not suggesting that this newsletter is your new source for legal analysis, but I'm not gonna *not* suggest that it is. ### Open the Gaetz As for Trump, he's got someone in his corner with knee pads prêt-à-porter. Just this past week, Matt Gaetz said that he wanted to introduce a resolution to clear Donald Trump of any blame for any insurrection. Then he started singing the Katy Perry song 'I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It.' in front of all his colleagues. <— *NOTE: That didn’t happen. I made that up entirely*. The initial story is totally serious, though. What we're finding through this story is that Matt Gaetz has a type, and it's no longer teenagers. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2024/02/07/matt-gaetz-wouldnt-it-have-been-nice-to-still-have-kevin-mccarthy/72505271007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Borderline Insane Republicans have been blaming Biden for bad border policies since the day he entered office. The ketchup on the Oval Office chair had hardly dried, and the room still reeked of French fries before Republicans began blaming the Biden Administration for a crisis at the border. I've personally been critical of the administration, not for a made-up problem that was or was not their fault, but for failing to use the bully pulpit to push for a solution. This week, the tables have been turned. Congress failed to advance a bill to respond to the border issues because Republicans in the House and Senate had scuttled the deal. Normal Republicans are [pissed](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/senate-vote-border-bill-aid-02-07-24/h%5F14eec5c6f4a7c62da42bb7930e78f0df?ref=danielkherndon.com). Biden called it out resolutely and blamed it directly on Donald Trump publicly, and had no trouble getting at least the first few words off his lips. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/02/06/biden-makes-last-ditch-pitch-for-congress-to-pass-border-bill-00139841?ref=danielkherndon.com)) The narrative on this topic, at least the critical one, is "This doesn't close the border" because closing the border is somewhat like expecting a vaccine to close your nasal passages. What we need are policies internally and with border countries that limit the incentives of entering illegally, and we need the infrastructure to handle those that do. Please send this message to everyone you know with unrealistic expectations. **Not Mayorkas.** In definitely unrelated news, the House decided to impeach Secretary Mayorkas over the border crisis and failed. ([more](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/4452038-in-stunner-house-gop-bid-to-impeach-mayorkas-fails/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Netanyahu vs Hamas After Hamas provided a counterproposal for a ceasefire, which must have included requirements to withdraw from the river to the sea, NetanYahoo! said no because their terms were, as he said, "bizarre," and that "There is no other solution but a complete and final victory," and "If Hamas will survive in Gaza, it's only a question of time until the next massacre." As much as I don't want a world war, I suspect he's probably right. As I explain it in [Easy Solutions](https://danielkherndon.com/easy-solutions/), it would be wonderful to have a ceasefire – probably the best outcome, actually, but it takes two to tango. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-68232883?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Nevada Mind Haley lost to nobody. Literally, G. W. Nobody won. The Nevada primary is what they call "messed up" because there are two of them. One is run by the state and the other by the Republican Party. Haley was excluded from the party primary but was the presumed leader in the state vote. Unfortunately, the option "None of These Candidates" did [much better](https://www.cnn.com/election/2024/primaries-and-caucuses/results/nevada/republican-presidential-primary?ref=danielkherndon.com) than her by a vote of 2 to 1\. The good news for Haley in this case is that the nature of these duplicate primaries means this one didn't matter. The bad news for Haley is literally everything else about this story. I wrote [an analysis](https://danielkherndon.com/is-nikki-haley-blood-thirsty/) on whether Nikki was a vampire, but now I think maybe *no* because this wouldn’t have happened to a real vampire. Not in a million years, even if you lived that long. ### The King's Cancer King Charles has been diagnosed with cancer, tempting his son to lick the royal throne, saying it’s his. His Royal Highness had just received treatment for an enlarged prostate and started to leave the royal clinic with a little bounce in his step, only to find out that heavy is the head that wears the crown. The Royal Family hasn't revealed what kind of cancer it is, but Chuck will be stepping away from his public duties as he goes through treatment and recovery. ([more](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/king-charles-cancer-news-harry-william-royal-family-b2491860.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. **Remember**: *The Lorem Ipsum. When it absolutely, positively has to be there Friday Morning.* Ship a copy next day air to your best friends today ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue with friends. 🌎 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [**Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)**.* ### The Souper Bowl URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-souper-bowl/ Last updated: 2024-02-02T22:16:03.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Last week, the Taylor Swift TV special resulted in several appearances from footballers and [ended with](https://people.com/taylor-swift-and-travis-kelce-celebrate-his-afc-championship-win-photos-8551119?ref=danielkherndon.com) the Chiefs (and Taylor's boyfriend Travis) securing a spot in the big game – what people who aren't afraid of [copyright infringement](https://abovethelaw.com/2021/02/annual-reminder-you-can-probably-just-call-the-super-bowl-the-super-bowl/?ref=danielkherndon.com) call The Super Bowl. The Chiefs face the San Francisco 49ers on February 11th in Las Vegas. Taylor starts the Japan leg of her Eras tour just before that and will be flying in from Tokyo after a Saturday night show to attend the game. The billionaire pop star will presumably be in business class. Will she make it? In related news, a guy I know is dating this chick from McDonald’s and will have to pick her up from work so they can watch the Big Game at his apartment. Speaking of Swift, I'll do my best to be just that in this week's dispatch. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 04 of 2024` ### UN-cool The cool thing about working for a peacekeeping organization is the convenient cover when you do exactly the opposite. Over the last week, reporting has come out about several UN workers (specifically the [UNRWA](https://www.unrwa.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com) division) who were accused of participating in the raid of Israel on October 7th, including participating in violence or the kidnapping of hostages. This has resulted in several countries, including the US, pulling their funding until further notice. In response to the accusations, a group of Harvard students went back to class. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/29/middleeast/israel-allegations-unwra-october-7-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) This comes out the same week that the UN provided a provisional ruling urging Israel to prevent genocide in Gaza – and just 35 years [after](https://avalon.law.yale.edu/20th%5Fcentury/hamas.asp?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Israel%20will%20exist%20and%20will%20continue%20to%20exist%20until%20Islam%20will%20obliterate%20it%2C%20just%20as%20it%20obliterated%20others%20before%20it%22) Hamas established genocide as their core doctrine. ### Iran Backed + Backed Out. Three soldiers were killed and at least 34 wounded in a drone strike by Iran-backed militia, Kata’ib Hezbollah, which is different than the regular Hezbollah – their shared name means "the Party of God." a franchise that resembles a Do It Best Hardware store when it comes to the naming convention or a Chick-fil-a when it comes to religion. I'm still looking for a franchise comparison in regard to destruction. Taco Bell, maybe? The group, after critical pressure from Iraq, said they would end their military attacks to avoid "embarrassing the Iraqi government" and support Gaza in other ways. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/29/us/politics/us-troops-drone-attack-jordan-iran.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### E. Jean is not my lover Trump is ordered to pay almost $83.3 million to E. Jean Carroll for defamation, but he still claims she is not his type. In protest against the ruling, Trump's attorney, Alina Habba, suggested there was an egregious conflict of interest in the ruling because the prosecutor and judge once worked at the same major firm where they "overlapped for less than two years in the early 1990s." Similarly, it's also been suggested that one of the court's clerks used to work at a Starbucks, the supplier of Judge Kaplan's coffee, which no doubt calls the whole case into question. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-lawyer-alina-habba-makes-backs-conflict-allegation-e-jean-carrol-rcna136424?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Thinner They say, 'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,' but have they tried cake? Or even a smoked ribeye? It doesn't seem like it because that tastes *and* feels pretty good. Regardless, being thin is not as desirable when it's your majority in Congress. Today, Speaker Johnson's lead is smaller than his heart and thinner than any House [majority](https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/29/politics/speaker-mike-johnson-narrow-majority/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in history. The narrow lead pushes the House to focus on bipartisan bills if they get too bored with gamesmanship, and that must have happened this week because they passed a bill that enhances the Child Tax Credit and restores R&D deductions and low-income housing tax credits. Next, we'll see if the Senate likes the plan enough to send it to the White House. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/house-vote-bipartisan-tax-bill-expand-child-tax/story?id=106826071&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Big Tech-bacco Several tech executives testified before Congress on the ills of social media and its harms on children. A doom scroll through the highlight reel reveals a bunch of tech moguls not sure they haven’t already done enough, except for Zuckerberg. With his hair disheveled and the indentations of his virtual reality headset still showing, he was pressured to stand up and turn to apologize to families whose children had been harmed. He would have looked less awkward with the headset on. It was clear that he didn't know what to do with his hands, and it was obvious that his apology was not enough to placate moms whose children had been traumatized online. My suggestion to save kids? Pick up smoking fast. Get those little rascals outdoors, with their fingers occupied with the flicking of ashes instead of reels and stories, because this new media hazard seems worse. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/31/technology/tech-senate-hearing-child-safety.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Even Littler John Charles Littlejohn probably feels a lot smaller now that he's been sentenced to five years in prison. As an IRS employee, he stole and then leaked Trump's tax records during his term in office. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/29/politics/charles-littlejohn-trump-taxes-leak/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Impeach Pit A House committee approved impeachment charges against Alejandro N. Mayorkas, the homeland security secretary, for not addressing the border crisis – while also ensuring the administration cannot address the border crisis. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/01/30/1227856012/mayorkas-impeachment-articles?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Is it LIVE, or is it The Lorem Ipsum? Share your high-fidelity copy with someone you love. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/the-souper-bowl/) with friends. 🎯 This newsletter is *published on Ghost.* [*Set up your own*](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)*.* ### Made To Stick URL: https://danielkherndon.com/made-to-stick/ Last updated: 2024-01-26T17:29:00.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Of course, this week’s biggest news is in New Hampshire. Obviously, I'm talking about a man who was [reunited](https://www.wmur.com/article/salem-police-reunite-missing-pet-duck-with-owner/46528119?ref=danielkherndon.com) with his duck in Salem, NH. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/01/Screenshot-2024-01-25-at-1.45.35-PM.png) Pictured: cop holding duck, smiling. **The Headline:** > **Salem police reunite missing pet duck found wandering alone with owner** According to reports, the duck was rescued while wandering alone *with its owner,* while apparently also missing. But the two are flocking together again, — again. **Good morning.** Welcome to the latest issue of The Lorem Ipsum In other news, Donald ~~Duck~~ Trump won the First in The Nation primaries. While Niki Haley may have lost the New Hampshire primary, she might still be a vampire. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 04 of 2024` ### The Primary Primer We'll start with a quick rundown of the highlights of the first of many Primaries, just following the Iowa Caucus last week. The state motto is "Live free or die," and in this case, more people picked the latter, pushing Donald Trump across the line as the state's pick for the Republican nominee. New Hampshire is known as the [Switzerland of America](https://www.nh.gov/almanac/fast-facts.htm?ref=danielkherndon.com), but they were anything but neutral. So open up a Bud Light Lime because it's the closest thing they'll have to Switzerland's drink, Absinthe, which is a close second on a hot day. Here are the highlights, taking place in the state that holds the record as the first place I ever drove on a roundabout. **Mr. Ron Des-Can'tis.** His slogan, "*No We Can't*" (or some variation thereof), didn't pay off, so he dropped out of the race on Sunday. Ronald couldn’t reach the steering wheel of his own campaign even with his lifts. He threw in the towel and then endorsed Trump with just enough ire to ensure we knew he was not happy about losing. ([more](https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/ron-desantiss-full-speech-ending-his-campaign/2024/01/21/d708225d-a647-4cbc-ac78-e798089ceade%5Fvideo.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Mrs. Tim Scott.** Tim Scott, a longtime bachelor, finally snagged his Proverbs 31-ready fiance, getting engaged earlier this week. Shortly after liking it and putting an engagement ring on it, he tried to make love to Donald Trump on stage instead. ([more](https://www.foxnews.com/video/6345449468112?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Mr. Write In.** Biden was not on the ballot in New Hampshire unless you put him there. And, in fact, some of you New Hampshire voters did. Enough that he won as a write-in candidate, which indicates a weakness for Trump in the general election. If someone takes the time to leave the house in this weather, there's probably a lot more where they came from. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/23/politics/biden-new-hampshire-primary/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) There's more about the Primaries in this week's Feature. ### Oscar Nom Nom I'm used to an Oscar snub, as I've been snubbed at [least](https://danielkherndon.com/its-probably-allergies/) two years in a row. But so far, *Best Newsletter Writeor* or *Writeress* are categories that get very little attention anyway. I'm in good company, though. Greta Gerwig was passed up for Best Director for Barbie, even though objectively, she was the *best director* from a [box office success](https://www.boxofficemojo.com/year/2023/?ref=danielkherndon.com) standpoint. Similarly, Margo Robbie, who played the main character in the biggest movie of the year, will not be "Red Carpet Barbie," this time around, having been passed up for Best Actress. She didn't even get Best Looking Actress. However, her Ken co-star Ryan Gosling was nominated for Best Supporting Actor, a role my Dad could have played in his sleep (and probably is at this very moment – my father and mother's names are Ken and Barbie, respectively – no joke). Oppenheimer received the most nominations, at 13 nominations, but when measured by minutes of footage, it was actually probably just an average number of nominations. Critics say the move is a *blast*, so I imagine the competition will be blown away. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/oscars-nominations-2024-academy-awards-list/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Border Problems You really ought to watch this [video](https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/25/politics/gop-senators-angry-trump-immigration-deal/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Mitt Romney, a man who in 2012 would have been called a Republican (today, referred to as "usually is honest"), just called out Trump for his plan to stop Republicans from solving the border crisis so he can blame it on Biden. McConnell made it clear he remains firm (not referring to him stiffening up on camera) on his plans to make a deal. Trump, however, wants to help himself. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/25/politics/gop-senators-angry-trump-immigration-deal/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### News About News This week, layoffs riddled the news industry, including a 20% cut of labor at the LA Times. The question is whether the people who wrote about it are on the chopping block, too. It was hard to say until the article ended with "f$%^ this sh@#$," which suggests the reporters involved in the story were not happy about the plan to reduce the workforce. LinkedIn, on the other hand, does seem to be experiencing a small spike in posts with the terms "humbled" and "honored." Plus, the [jobs report](https://www.cnbc.com/2024/01/18/weekly-jobless-claims-post-lowest-reading-since-september-2022.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) was the best since 3rd quarter of 2022\. There won't be anyone to fact-check this, though, after recent layoffs. You can rest assured The Lorem Ipsum has already cut its staff to the bone by having none other than yours truly. You can keep me in business by [upgrading](#/portal/account/plans) if you value the good work ~~we~~ I do here. ([more](https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2024-01-23/latimes-layoffs-115-newsroom-soon-shiong?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### John Stewart is Back The Daily Show hasn’t been funny for years. Pretty soon, it’s going to continue to be not funny because John Stewart is returning to host the show on Mondays and serve as executive director. Honestly, I value John's work despite being 100% serious about the content of this Take. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2024/01/24/1226638659/jon-stewart-daily-show-guest-host?ref=danielkherndon.com)) That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## Made To Stick `Feature Story` Stikki Haley was not sticky enough. To make matters worse, she's one of the hangers on, or rather, the only one left hanging. If Trump were a normal candidate, or better put, the non-normal candidate he is, but without all the legal jeopardy, I, and literally everyone else, would say she is wasting her time and should drop out. But should any one of the criminal cases find its way to disqualifying the former president from being the future one, Nikki will be next in line to take the leftovers of a nomination. She's not the only one practicing wishful thinking. She has [outraised Trump](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2024/01/25/us/trump-haley-2024-election?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the last half of 2023, according to her super PAC. The honest truth is there's no question who will be the nominee. Nikki has no chance of winning the nomination unless something otherworldly happens. Strangely, we are living in some kind of otherworld right now. Is it the one where the impossible is possible enough for Nikki to stay in the race? Is it the one where Nikki Haley is a vampire? Both of these are good questions, and I wrote about exactly that this very week. [Is Nikki Haley Blood Thirsty?Is Nikki a vampire? And can she pierce through the Wall in the primaries?![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2024/01/91-blood.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/is-nikki-haley-blood-thirsty/) The article explores her chances at winning the primaries, but more importantly, that she may be, as some would say, a vampire. Some would say this is my best writing. Others say it’s my most pointless. I agree with both. It was released on the eve of the New Hampshire primary, and the conclusion was already clear. *Or is it?* Here is an excerpt: > Vampires are the revenants of evil beings. They can be created by malevolent spirits of those who were lost at sea, only to claw their way back to land. They may be someone who was murdered in a struggle between two adversaries who came face to face in a sordid love affair. They may be suicide victims or the eternal manifestation of witches. But one thing vampires do not do is lie. They do not need to. It suits them better to tell you the truth as it is. This is [what we see from Nikki](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/11/08/haley-abortion-republicans-2024-debate-00126276?ref=danielkherndon.com) consistently, and this is perhaps the greatest proof that she is indeed a vampire. To win this primary, and yay, even this election, Nikki will need to convince people to believe something, anything, even if it is true. > Too often, people do not want to hear the truth from their politicians. They want to hear what makes them feel right, even when they are objectively wrong. In Nikki's case, she is too sincere. She's direct, honest, and absent of the wretched rhetoric that characterizes most politicians. There is no way she could be human and a politician at the same time. Does this point to the answer we've been looking for? You decide. But the real decision is the election we are in, barreling towards a November 7th election that will be devastating for some and, at best, a relief for others. The question is whether this is simply the election we deserve or, worse, the one we actually want. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum: When it absolutely, positively, has to be there Friday morning. Try sending your friends a priority overnight issue of *The Lorem Ipsum*. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue with friends. 🌎 This newsletter runs on Ghost. Try it for yours. Here's my [referral link](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com). ### How do we know Nikki Haley isn't a vampire? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/is-nikki-haley-blood-thirsty/ Last updated: 2024-02-02T20:49:48.000Z ⚡ ****Editors note:** Much of this was written just before the New Hampshire primaries, but strangely, the analysis is still relevant. I'm leaving the article as is for historical reasons. I think we can all agree: The world is a vampire. But is Nikki Haley? Vampires are people who can’t be seen in mirrors. They sparkle in the sunlight and don’t go by their first names. Especially if their first name is Nimarata, Nikki Haley's [given](https://www.google.com/search?q=nikki+haley%27s+given+name&oq=nikki+haley%27s+given+name&gs%5Flcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOdIBCDgwMTVqMGo3qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ref=danielkherndon.com) name. The immortal creatures of European legend are widely understood to be fictitious. Vampirism has existed in our folklore for millennia. Even the Mesopotamians referenced the undead creatures that inhabited the wards of olden times. More modern stories of such characters as Chupacabra still exist even today in some cultures. Their descriptions range from dark countenances to bright savior-like creatures. Some believe them villainous, while others find them benevolent, misunderstood creatures. Neither can be proven, but it is agreed that they are creatures of a supernatural kind, able to top feats of immense difficulty like lifting heavy things or leaping tall buildings. In this case, perhaps even winning primary elections. I do not hold an opinion of Nikki Haley on this subject. I find her to be a perfectly normal person, a mother, a wife, and a seasoned politician with a notable career in corporate oversight. I am merely taking the time to review the evidence as it is available to us, and I will leave the conclusions to people smarter than me. You can tell. Trump is convinced she is a vampire. He calls her by her first name, clearly an attempt to attack her character by shining a light on her background in hopes of convincing his xenophobic base that she is an unsavory type who can't be trusted. He has stepped up his attacks as of late, obviously for the sole purpose of his own defense, to save his campaign by driving a stake in the heart of hers. But she's popular with independents and college graduates. As expected, she is cunning and smart, and her speeches are illuminating. Almost poetically normal, like a Republican from another generation, or even another world if there were such a thing with fairly normal people as Republicans. These characteristics that Nikki holds do not prove that she feeds on the vital essence of the living. They don't make her an ally of Kristen Stewart. But before we jump to conclusions, let's take a closer look at the facts. Among the Republicans that have taken a shot at the White House in this round, all of them poll ahead of Biden in the early surveys. But among them, Nikki has the [biggest lead](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/nikki-haley-fares-best-against-biden-2024-presidential-election-poll/?ref=danielkherndon.com) over Biden in a hypothetical match-up. If you are someone who wants to vote for a candidate who can lose the general election rather than have your third choice option win it, then Trump is your guy. There is little question as to whether he can win the primary. But in the general election, things look less than certain. For now, the biggest upset of all would be if Nikki Haley wins. It would take nothing less than a character from the folklore of Gothic fiction to turn the tides of today's mass hysteria. Some would say that a vampire is the only someone who can beat Trump, the incumbent loser. Someone who can sneak up from behind you in the night and not just siphon off votes or public support but go all the way and suck your blood. Nimarata Nikki Randhawa Haley is that character, if there is one. In this post, I'm going to examine how Nikki can win the election, and while we're at it, we'll examine the evidence at hand. You will have to decide whether she really is what many have believed for centuries. ## Get your Inbox Candy. Access the rest of this article for a discount right [here](https://danielkherndon.com/guest/). Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. It's okay. You can unsubscribe anytime. Yesterday afternoon, Ron Desantis ended his campaign. Not surprisingly, he endorsed Trump, the man who has done nothing but ridicule him. His high heels were the only thing between him and rock bottom, and he hadn't been doing any better in the polls either. Every nickname carved another point off of his incoming surge, making his chances of winning just as short as his stature. Haley never had that problem. Her surge was well-timed and less pronounced. She slowly arrived, when you least expected it, on the heels of the Iowa Caucus, in third place. At least it looked like third place until a Desantis concession revealed she ostensibly came in second. But can she become the first? In order to break through the Brick Wall, formerly known as Donald Trump, Nikki will undoubtedly need to be guileful. Here are the three things she will need to accomplish to win the primary and eventually become President. ### She will need to draw blood in New Hampshire. According to Nate Cohn, the New York Times pollster with a 2008 [Beiber fan haircut](https://www.nytimes.com/by/nate-cohn?ref=danielkherndon.com), New Hampshire is the [last exit](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/22/upshot/trump-haley-new-hampshire-primary.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) for Haley. In other words, she has no chance. This may be true for regular people. That is nonvampires. Regular people running for President will sleep at night. They are forced to think about their impending death by decapitation, starvation, or even natural causes. Contrariwise, a vampire runs without her feet ever touching the ground, and you don't even realize she is gaining on you until the moment she overtakes you. For a vampire, New Hampshire is never the last stop. It is only the moment you hear the swift wind in the darkness and realize this malevolent spirit is just behind you. To me, all of this sounds like Haley. Even as of the moment, Nate wrote the [above-linked](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/22/upshot/trump-haley-new-hampshire-primary.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) article, and he describes the polling numbers as 49 to 34\. By the time I am writing this article, she has already lunged forward to 36% at a breakneck pace (and is encroaching at 37% at a post-publishing edit). The fact is, even if she does not win (and we will know very soon) if she at least draws blood, it will strike her enemies and buoy her defenders. Trump will discern the smell of death as he walks away from New Hampshire, leaving a trail of blood. ### She will need to win every college-educated voter ever. We know that Haley wins with the well-educated voters, likely because she sounds like she is drawing from a wealth of knowledge from her own experience. Her intellect supplants the apparent intelligence of the candidates that have surrounded her for so long. Might I suggest that this could only come from hundreds of years in a dreary library? This may be the only reasonable explanation for Haley's proficiency in so many subjects. As we know, vampires do not just understand history. They were there for it. This kind of intellect is dangerous to Trump and would undoubtedly make his blood run cold, and the hairs on the back of his entire body stand on end. Nikki's everyday voters are not aware of her vampire nature (if, in fact, she is one), and they don't need to be. She simply sounds smart. Vampires are almost always alluring, and while they may seem delicate in their temperament, they are vicious when crossed. At this pace, Nikki may be stealthily charming each candidate qualified for an interview with a Fortune 500 company at this very moment, and we don't even know it. And she will need to if she's going to win. ### She must convince people to believe what is true. Vampires are the revenants of evil beings. They can be created by malevolent spirits of those who were lost at sea, only to claw their way back to land. They may be someone who was murdered in a struggle between two adversaries who came face to face in a sordid love affair. They may be suicide victims or the eternal manifestation of witches. But one thing vampires are not is liars. They do not need to lie. It suits them better to tell you the truth as it is. This is [what we see from Nikki](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/11/08/haley-abortion-republicans-2024-debate-00126276?ref=danielkherndon.com) consistently, and this is perhaps the greatest proof that she is indeed a vampire. To win this primary, and yea, even this election, Nikki will need to convince people to believe something, anything, even if it is true. Too often, people do not want to hear the truth from their politicians. They want to hear what makes them feel right, even when they are objectively wrong. In Nikki's case, she is too sincere. She's direct, honest, and absent of the wretched rhetoric that characterizes most politicians. There is no way she could be human and a politician at the same time. Does this point to the answer we've been looking for? You decide. If we're being intellectually honest, she will need to do more than strike fear in her opponent. If time has revealed anything to us (and I know Nikki has been there for hundreds of years of observing it), she has no chance of winning unless she can summon complete destruction upon her opponent. She will have to go for the throat. ### Houthi and The Blowfish URL: https://danielkherndon.com/houthi-and-the-blowfish/ Last updated: 2024-01-19T11:30:37.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I don't know how I'll make it through the winter. Over the last several days, an arctic blast has caused an epidemic of mustachticles across the country, including on Kansas City Chiefs coach Andy Reid. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/01/mustachticle.png) mustachticle: noun; (a) a frozen mustache comprising a stalactite of nasal mucus underneath the nostrils. (b) an iced pornstache. See also: pornstache. For me personally, science has already proven that my skin is so thin I'll be lucky if I can still bend my fingers next week. Expect more typoes, slower email delivery, and Takes that are much less Hot. Perhaps even in this very issue. I'll get to those in a minute if my heartbeat doesn't slow down too much... In any case, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Icy Hot Takes `Week 03 of 2024` ### Houthi and the Blowfish For Houthis, it's a life of boat and bloat. Attack a boat, feed yourself and your ego, and let everyone else starve. This week, the US hit Houthi targets in Yemen at least five times. The Houthis claim their attacks on ships in the Red Sea are in solidarity with Palestine since the Houthis would prefer to be the ones [starving](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/u-s-pledges-new-sanctions-over-houthi-attacks-to-minimize-harm-to-yemens-hungry-millions?ref=danielkherndon.com) people. The US and Britain have taken calculated action to deflate the Houthis, but even when Hootie and the Blowfish disappeared, it came back bigger and stronger than ever as Darius Rucker, the country singer, and I think the situation is the same here, minus the Wagon Wheel cover song. Where this whole Hootie parallel breaks down is that Houthis are a Shia Muslim rebellion, which is a religious sect that has been in conflict with the Sunni Muslims. The persistent fighting in the Middle East is typically a conflict based on religious differences. Obviously, that doesn't seem to fit with the hit song "Hold My Hand," which says "Hold My Hand. 🎶" instead of "Bomb My Ships. 🎶" These pirates insist they are ready for more conflict with US and British forces. On Wednesday, they attacked a US ship, warning their enemies that their heroic terrorism against the world's groceries is not over yet. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/houthi-drone-attacks-ship-gulf-aden-9949c0b224812fd37958709ed19dd365?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Iran is the orchestrator of most of the Mess in the Middle East these days. They’re now clashing with [Pakistan](https://apnews.com/article/pakistan-iran-air-force-strikes-638f2ee4ccfb1a56d26e8f28f7e91699?ref=danielkherndon.com), who responded to an Iranian attack in a tit-for-tat fashion. But Iran is throwing tats all over the place through its partners, Hamas in Gaza, Hezbollah in Lebanon, and Houthi rebels in Yemen, all of which are engaged in the Israel-Palestine conflict. A part of Iran's "Axis of Resistance" plan dedicated to destroying Israel and the US. For Israel's part, they say they have begun to scale back their military offensive. In response, Hamas sent more rockets than ever at Israeli territory, a perfect way to kick off your next *'River To The Sea'* branded ceasefire. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/16/world/middleeast/hamas-rocket-barrage-israel-war.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Iowashed Up They say Trump won Iowa, but the real winner was [this guy](https://who13.com/news/iowa-man-claims-2-million-powerball-prize-from-october-drawing/?ref=danielkherndon.com), who nabbed a two-million-dollar Powerball win. Otherwise, only the obvious ensued. The undecided voters gave their decision to Trump. And he took it gladly and will keep taking it until there’s no more left to take. Haley came in 2 points behind Desantis. And Desantis landed 30 points behind Trump, after which he promptly fired a bunch of staff and decided to skip a trip to New Hampshire, where Haley expects to do well. Vivek Ramaswamy, the former child star, ran his campaign like he was on Star Search. He wanted to look like a rising leader, but instead of being Carmen San Diego, he was Dora the Explorer. After coming in last place, achieving (pulls out magnifying glass) only 7.7%, he suspended his campaign and joined Trump at a rally in New Hampshire to offer him his endorsement. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/01/15/us/elections/results-iowa-caucus.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) To celebrate the landslide Caucus win, Trump went to another court appearance where he's being sued for defamation. The judge almost said 'no soup for you' to Donald as he was reacting audibly in court during testimony from E. Jean Carroll in round two of her defamation case. At one point, Trump, in defiance of Judge Kaplan threatening to kick him out of the courtroom, said, "I would love it!" to which the judge chastised him, saying, "You just can't control yourself." ([more](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-defamation-trial-e-jean-carroll-01-17-24/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **Budge or Budget** Congress late last night cleared the hurdle of keeping the government funded. Only a day before some departments would have shut down, both chambers pushed through a bill, which Senate leader Chuck Schumer was proud to call “bipartisan” since every Democrat, and approximately one Republican, Mike Johnson, worked together to push it through. The House Freedom Caucus put up a fight as planned, but this time finding less traction than prior maneuvers, barely even slowing down the Department of Congressional Vending Machines, much less derailing the whole spending bill. The Freedom Caucus is now better known as the kids table. I find that if you ignore them long enough, they start to entertain themselves which means the adults can get back to their conversation. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/01/18/mchenry-johnson-speaker-00136468?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### What's The Deference? The Supreme Court precedent known as the Chevron Deference may be on the chopping block. If you don't know what the Chevron Deference is, you'll need to sign up for my law student daughter's newsletter instead (when she starts one). Chevron Deference, in short, is a Supreme Court Precedent that tells federal courts that policies about, for example, the environment and protecting it should largely be handled by the Environmental Protection Agency, for example, instead of a handful of unfirable magisterial policy wonks dressed in Snuggies. The precedent is under review by the Supreme Court this week, and the Wonks will decide if they get to decide or not. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/supreme-court-chevron-deference-oral-arguments-federal-regulations/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Royal Pain in the Abs Catherine, Princess of Wales, had abdominal surgery earlier this week, and she'll be hospitalized for several more days and away from public duties until Easter. King Charles is out for a bit, too, as he's getting treatment for an enlarged prostate. Word has it, his majesty's prostate was so big that some thought it was the one bearing the Crown. And we already know it's not good when he leads from below. Honestly, I'm here wondering how the British world is going to make it through the next several weeks without some key royals fulfilling their primary duty of waving at people. If we're lucky, all the elected officials will be able to keep the country going until further notice. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/kate-princess-wales-hospital-abdominal-surgery-rcna134271?ref=danielkherndon.com)) That's it for the news. Here's a reminder of what you missed. --- ### Winter You might say it sucks. But usually, the only good things we ever experience are those that are held against the backdrop of the imperfect. I wrote some reflections on it last week. [WinterThe season that cannot end, until something new begins.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2024/01/130-Winter-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/winter/) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Let your fingers do the walking – by forwarding The Lorem Ipsum to a friend. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/houthi-and-the-blowfish/) with friends. ### Golden Lobes URL: https://danielkherndon.com/golden-lobes/ Last updated: 2024-01-14T04:59:07.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Listen, this week, I'm asking everyone to pick their favorite host for the Golden Globes. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/01/Golden-Girls-1.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/01/Golden-Brown.png) Golden Girls vs Golden Brown It's a tough call. Unless you had a chance to see the Golden Globes this week. And, say, in 2014 or 2015. Earlier this week, the 81st annual Golden Globes was hosted by Jo Koy, a former comedian and, purportedly, also a current comedian. The first-time host, who goes by Jo on a first-name basis or Joy if you are on a book-ended-name basis, received [terrible reviews](https://variety.com/2024/tv/news/jo-koy-addresses-golden-globes-monologue-taylor-swift-joke-1235864904/?ref=danielkherndon.com) for his performance. He received heat, especially for his Taylor Swift joke, since Taylor is not known to take one. As she has explained, if you say it in the streets, it's a knockout, but if you say it in a speech, it's a cop-out. Expect a muli-platinum album with a hit song about this moment. According to Rumors, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is considering bringing Koy back again next year, this time as part of the kitchen staff, after noting that he had a knack for low-hanging fruit. Critics, however, worry that Koy may serve the celebrity guests food half-baked, like many of his jokes. Koy's performance was so bad that Chelsea Handler evidently broke up with him [in advance](https://www.eonline.com/news/1359508/chelsea-handler-reveals-why-she-broke-up-with-jo-koy?ref=danielkherndon.com). He had his teeth whitened especially for the event, but after his persistent jokes about "white people," even his teeth felt uncomfortable, which was evident in his [performance](https://youtu.be/KvSHHnucouo?si=pvB8LaxmSSgx%5FEuQ&t=279&ref=danielkherndon.com). The Golden Globes is known for its long and exacting award categories, including examples like *"Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or Motion Picture Made for Television*,*"* and similarly *"Best Establishing Shot Featuring a Trans Actor in a Series, Miniseries, or Motion Picture or Reel, Musical, Makeup Tutorial or Comedy Made for Internet in Portrait Mode.*" Sounds made up. If you missed it, here's a list of the [winners](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/golden-globes-winners-2024-list/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ***That's not all you missed.*** Week 2 of 2024 was filled with lots of important news. Bill Belichick is out, and Trump's closing arguments are in... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 02 of 2024` ### The Trail, The Stump, and The Bench The Iowa Caucuses takes place on Monday, and Nikki and Desantis faced off in a CNN debate. Meanwhile, Trump appeared on Fox News and kept his powder dry, just as Desantis kept his mouth dry. Note to Desantis if you're reading this: Since after Monday, you'll be looking for a job, here's where to apply at a [coal fire Pizza Place](https://www.grimaldispizzeria.com/careers/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in Florida, where you might want to get your application in ASAP. They may remember you from your visit with Fox News host Jesse Waters. Trump appeared in court twice this week. First, before an appellate panel to argue his case for "absolute immunity," which was met with skepticism, and Second, for closing arguments in his [civil fraud case](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-civil-fraud-trial-01-11-24/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), where he was kindly granted five minutes to speak to the court, a perfect time to practice his campaign speech. And in breaking news, one of his attorneys, Alina Habba, has perfected her court scowl, delivering a major blow to the prosecution. According to one source, the judge was quoted saying, "She seems mean." (Don't worry, average Republican! She's a Christian! She's wearing a cross around her neck). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2024/01/intro-1701071734.jpg) Alina's trademark scowl, which requires an additional fee when included. Here's the [schedule](https://www.justsecurity.org/88039/trumps-legal-and-political-calendar-all-the-dates-you-need-to-know/?ref=danielkherndon.com) for Trump's legal trials ### A Speeding Bullet This week, House Republicans made a deal with Democrats to fund the Government, which was then scuttled by members from the hard right. Members of the House Freedom Caucus were seen in a heated fight scene with Speaker Johnson on the House Floor. And faster than a speeding bullet, Johnson is now McCarthy, minus the sandwiches. He’s like Clark Kent, who thought a pair of glasses and regular clothes would be enough to disguise him. But catch him passing through a phone booth, and out comes a failed leader. Hey, not all Zeros wear capes. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/congressional-leaders-signal-short-term-funding-deal-needed-avert-shut-rcna133293?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Capitol 'ill One of the ways that Congress is trying to solve our budget problems is with a congressional hearing regarding Hunter Biden. Hunter showed up on Capitol Hill on Wednesday, ready to testify before the committee, while Republicans refused to hear him so they could instead try to push a vote to hold him in contempt for shirking a congressional subpoena for a deposition. Hunter has agreed to speak to the Congressional Committee but insists his questioning must be public for fear his words will be taken out of context and used against him. Notable drama includes Hunter walking out of the room as Marjorie Taylor Greene is granted the floor, after which she calls him a coward. This is unrelated, but I hear she uses a nail file to even out her teeth, and based on the angle, I think she might be left-handed. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/10/us/politics/hunter-biden-capitol-hearing.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Austin Limits Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin is now our hero because he was hospitalized for complications from a prostate cancer surgery back in December And went days without the White House knowing he hadn't been coming into work. Subsequently, Austin was nominated for the Costanza Award of Excellence in Human Achievement, and I will definitely give him my vote if asked. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/defense-secretary-lloyd-austin-diagnosed-prostate-cancer-rcna133120?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### A Bridge to Nowhere Back in 2014, Christie’s people closed a bridge for political retribution against a mayor who supported his opposition. The Bridge to Nowhere has foreshadowed his campaign for President. Chris Christie announced on Wednesday that he would be suspending his campaign, saying, "It's clear to me tonight that there isn't a path for me to win the nomination." For the rest of us, "t*onight"*, was actually last year, but who can blame him for trying? ([more](https://apnews.com/article/christie-presidential-race-5e974cfa407d39af878f066a71af35ad?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Alaska For Another Plane And if you think our political leaders have a few screws loose, they're in good company because so does the Boeing 737 Max, one of the best-selling and now least popular planes in the Boeing lineup. Over the weekend, Alaska Airlines made an emergency landing when a section of the plane by the emergency exit blew off – resulting in the death of [a T-shirt](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/alaska-airlines-flight-door-plug-jack-teenager-shirt-passenger-kelly-bartlett/?ref=danielkherndon.com), but no humans were significantly injured. The Federal Aviation Administration has grounded all Max planes for further investigation. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/10/business/boeing-737-max-crisis/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Houthis and Hezbollahs 2024 is the year when no less than two Iran-funded military groups are getting hot and heavy in the Middle East. Last night, the US attacked Houthi rebels in response to persistent attacks on cargo ships in the Red Sea. Meanwhile, White House officials say there is a threat that the Lebanese militant group [Hezbollah](https://www.politico.com/news/2024/01/10/american-intel-officials-hezbollah-u-s-attack-risk-00134874?ref=danielkherndon.com) may attack US troops in the Middle East. But consider this – if your military group's name sounded like a meat-based pasta sauce, wouldn't you be on tilt too? The problem I see here is Hell and virgins. When your whole belief system tells you your actions on earth will get you either a seat in Hell or a mattress surrounded by a thousand soft virgins, you do what you can to get the virgins, no question. And that seems to be the problem here. It's still unclear if the White House is calculating this into its foreign affairs strategy, but I believe it's something we shouldn't overlook, so I'll drop Blinken a note. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/10/world/middleeast/houthis-red-sea-us-response.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Munchies by Pizza Gypsy Rose Blanchard did nothing wrong besides organizing the murder of her mom. She ended up doing time anyway. Gypsy's mom, Dee Dee, had a condition known as Munchausen by proxy, with which individuals often project disease onto someone in their care. Of course, I thought they were referring to the condition that causes me to project my hunger for pizza onto someone in my care. Dee Dee abused Gypsy by subjecting her to invasive medical treatment for ailments she didn't have, to the extent of removing teeth and her salivary glands, putting her in a wheelchair, and naming her Gypsy, among other things. After eight years, she was released in December and launched a new life and career, including a book, a documentary, and a husband whose "D is fire." ([more](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/gypsy-rose-blanchard-book%5Fn%5F659c2ea9e4b0f9f6621dc10d?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz. Oh what a relief it is when you get your next issue of The Lorem Ipsum. Why live with indigestion (of great content) when you can send it to someone else? Share your fix with a friend near you. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/golden-lobes/) with friends. ### Winter URL: https://danielkherndon.com/winter/ Last updated: 2024-02-09T18:37:11.000Z In the winter, we like to look out of the window and see snow, pure and white, making our experience of deadly cold air meaningful. If it must be cold, could we at least have snow? If I must shiver, might I at least look good in wool and argyle? If I must live in hell, I'll look for anything to convince me I'm alive. But in the winter, I'm not sure I am. Once the purity of the snow is marred with mud and canine urine, we move about, wishing the end would come soon. The end that we describe every year as a new beginning. A time when we have things to look forward to. When our bodies go from soft to less so. When our nights become further apart. When we could finally tolerate our surroundings and drop at least some layers of armor designed to protect us from the snow we said we wanted, but once it was there, we regretted it. Winter brings with it a host of things we desire, but each is such a thing that dissipates almost as quickly as our love of mulled wine and other terrible things disguised as festive that happen to be a ruse designed to placate us and distract us from the misery of the cold. It is meant to convince us winter is something other than a bad dream that starts out glistening before the miscreant comes out to snipe us. There are devils out there. The cold burns everlong like the ink stains Bob Cratchit’s fingers. If we make it out alive, we’ll need a month of Summer just to recover. When winter becomes the only thing that we have left of life, after Christmas is past, lights have been taken down, and suicide rates are no longer statistical but a feature of the season, that's when we realize... _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Best Pictures URL: https://danielkherndon.com/best-pictures/ Last updated: 2024-01-05T11:30:43.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* --- Hey Friends, If you're tired of eating food and celebrating all the time, then you've come to the right place. It's January, and that means it's time to get back to work. Happy New Year! Let's get 2024 started. I, for one, have a lot to look forward to this year. Because, after all, I don't have to wear lifts to surpass six feet, and I have half my retirement in forever stamps. This is the week when everyone talks up the movies nominated for Best Picture, and thankfully, 2023 has been a good year for movies. Many predict the biggest awards will be a Barbenheimer standoff, referring to the pair of movies [*Oppenheimer*](https://variety.com/2024/film/news/christopher-nolan-film-critics-peloton-coach-panned-him-1235861104/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and [*Barbie*](https://variety.com/2024/film/awards/barbie-moved-adapted-screenplay-oscars-1235848136/?ref=danielkherndon.com), who, after sharing a premier weekend, don't have the same luxury with the awards. Rumor has it Christopher Nolan is willing to pass the award for Oppenheimer over to Barbie just to avoid a lecture monologue from America Ferrera, and we know from experience it would make him cry. A recent addition to the list is the new film about Leonard Bernstein, best known for his mention in the REM song “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It,” who is now profiled in the biopic [*Maestro*](https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/culture-news/a46272545/maestro-leonard-bernstein-true-story/?ref=danielkherndon.com), directed by Bradley Cooper and also on-screen opposite Carrie Mulligan. The movie [*Poor Thing*](https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/movies/a46235297/how-to-watch-poor-things-streaming/?ref=danielkherndon.com)*s* can't afford to lose after what it costs to put Emma Stone in a lead role. But if the movie keeps performing as it has in the [first weeks](https://www.slashfilm.com/1473846/poor-things-box-office-top-10-weekend/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of its limited release, expect the studio and Emma Stone as producer to be anything but poor things. Martin Scorsese's [*Killers of The Flower Moon*](https://variety.com/2024/film/news/how-to-watch-killers-of-the-flower-streaming-online-1235820337/?ref=danielkherndon.com) stars Leonardo DiCaprio (49) and Lily Gladstone (37), which many say could snag Dicaprio the Oscar for best actor because of his impressive performance dating someone so close to his age. Critics rave about Lily Gladstone's performance, though, playing an Osage tribe member in the 1920s. They say if Dicaprio gets the Oscar, it won't be the first thing a white man has taken from a Native American. I plan to watch all ten movies nominated for Best Picture before the Oscars [on March 10th](https://variety.com/feature/2024-oscars-best-picture-predictions-1235612119/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Until then... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 01 of 2024` ### Claudine Gay? If that headline is a question, I'd say the answer is no. I think she's just clean and neat. But Claudine is now looking to downsize to a more affordable pair of glasses since she'll no longer be in the big office after this week. When she resigned as Harvard's president, she blamed "racial animus," which is how I describe spicy red sauce on my tacos, because my southern American friends know I can't handle the taco truth. In Claudine's case, it would have been apropos if she had said she was pushed out because she was a Gay (not in the way you're thinking, but neither is the racial animus if we're being honest with each other). Ms. Gay faced increased scrutiny over multiple accusations of plagiarism and an unsettling testimony before Congress that called into question Harvard's approach to addressing anti-semitism on its campus. According to reports, in her letter of resignation, she signed off as "President Richard Nixon," which may have been an error, but a copy-and-paste error like that is likely to get her more criticism, considering a [previous](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/daily/oct99/nixon6.htm?ref=danielkherndon.com) Richard Nixon was famously anti-semitic. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/03/books/review/claudine-gay-harvard-resignation-letter.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Ep-stain This week, records regarding the John Doe Boys linked to Henry Epstein were unsealed, including Donald Trump, revealing that in some cases, the term "Doe" actually was a reference to his large, soft, dough-like belly – and to that, I say, nice try being discreet, we already know Trump was an Epstein fan and filthy private jet regular. Others revealed include Bill Clinton, who says he severed ties with Epstein a decade earlier and didn’t know he had committed crimes, and also said he "...did not have sex with that woman — Miss Lewinsky." For the record, at least one of those statements could be true. The Former President is not being accused of any wrongdoing. The list of Pedofile associates also includes billionaire Les Wexner, who will not be donating to Harvard because they don't do enough to prevent bad people from doing bad things. Les is the businessman behind Victoria’s Secret, however, he denies Epstein was one of them. ([more](https://www.wsj.com/us-news/jeffrey-epstein-names-unsealed-bill-clinton-prince-andrew-0f0e79a7?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Iran like Hell Roughly 84 people were killed in a blast near fallen military leader Qasam Soleimani's grave. The Islamic State took responsibility for the attack yesterday, taking the spotlight off of Israel, which is, in most cases, blamed for everything if possible. One person in the crowd, when asked about their response to the blast, said, "I ran," but translators are still trying to clear up if that was a noun or a verb – basically, it was chaos. The attack is being called an act of terror and also really inconvenient because Iran has been a little busy trying to focus on their own plots to blow people up – quite busy if you count their proxies, such as the Houthi rebels ravaging our Amazon [shipments](https://fortune.com/europe/2024/01/04/maersk-bp-cma-cgn-hapag-lloyd-red-sea-houthi-rebels/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the Red Sea (Houthis people think they are, amiright?!). It's hard for us basic Americans to understand all this, but evidently, the Islamic State considers Iran a lost cause and considers it their mission to kill apostate Muslims, which includes all the Shiites in Iran, to whom the martyrs call out "c'mere you lil' Shiite!!" before igniting themselves into retirement. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2024/01/03/middleeast/iran-explosions-soleimani-ceremony-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Iowan Update The Iowa Caucuses take place on January 15th, one week from this coming Monday, which means this site has just become more midwestern than ever. Ramaswamy, who has no chance of winning, says, "We have a strong chance of winning!" and explains that he built a billion-dollar fortune by making stuff up and that he was confident this week in Iowa would be no different. It turns out Donald Trump still remains 50-plus points ahead of every other candidate, and understandably, Trump has more experience making stuff up, including that he won the last election. The battle for second place currently rests between Nikki Haley and Ron Desantis, both sitting in the 11-12% range in average polls, but the one thing holding them back, besides the color of their skin (the base likes orange), is not knowing the cause of the Civil War – Ron, because he made it [almost illegal](https://www.wptv.com/news/education/floridas-governor-to-sign-critical-race-theory-education-bill-into-law?ref=danielkherndon.com) in Florida to teach race issues in schools and Nikki,... well, she got caught in a [gaff](https://www.thedailybeast.com/nikki-haley-insists-shes-moved-on-from-viral-slavery-gaffe?ref=danielkherndon.com), on the topic this past week. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/upcoming-iowa-gop-caucuses/story?id=106049364&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Menendez When Bob first said, "Where's the beef?" he wasn't looking for a Wendy's sandwich. It was code for greasing his palms. This week, Bob is facing additional charges in his indictment for corruption and bribery. He started the process by getting into the [beef meat business](https://danielkherndon.com/gold-bars-and-beef-bulion/) with Qatar and then expanded to bag loads of gold bars shoveled into his house in exchange for influencing the Foreign Relations Committee he chairs – and eventually real estate deals worth millions of dollars. Menendez is scheduled to stand trial in May. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/sen-bob-menendez-facing-charges-new-superseding-indictment/story?id=106056419&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Crime Families This week, House Democrats revealed that Donald Trump received nearly $8 million from foreign entities, a reminder of how sneaky the Biden Crime Family is if they can funnel foreign money directly into Donald Trump's account while Republicans struggled to prove their impeachment case against him. Thankfully, Trump has submitted a brief arguing that Presidents should receive "[absolute immunity](https://www.axios.com/2024/01/04/trump-trial-case-election-fraud-immunity?ref=danielkherndon.com)," which means that if a judge agrees, Biden would be immune too, and his impeachment inquiry is no longer valid. Since Presidents can't be guilty of crimes, and the two will likely be head to head in the next election, perhaps we just wait to see who wins with the voters and who forgets they were running. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/04/us/politics/trump-hotels-foreign-business-report.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week! ***Remember***: There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's The Lorem Ipsum. Why not share a copy with your friends? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/best-pictures/) with friends. ### Lorem Green URL: https://danielkherndon.com/lorem-green/ Last updated: 2023-12-30T16:43:56.000Z If a picture is worth a thousand words, a primitive drawing surely is worth at least a paragraph or two. That's the goal of the artwork that you see with each post from The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. If I can extend the story beyond the words on the page, then I'm successful. The Lorem Ipsum is not just inbox candy. It's eye candy, too. But don't stare too much. I'm not just a piece of meat. My articles are right here. Today, to cap off 2023, I'm going to bring out some of my favorite illustrations and share a little about them. I'll share some of the hidden meanings found in some of the images or how the article inspired the illustration or vice versa. Don't worry. We can get back to covering the news next week. Senator Robert Menendez will still be robbing the country blind, and Speaker Johnson will be as stiff as usual. We'll return to our regular programming after the new year. ## Sign up to get every issue. Your inbox is gonna love you for it! Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. You can unsubscribe anytime. I'll be fine. --- ### What is Lorem Green When I launched this column, I wanted to be serious. I wanted to talk about serious issues that weigh on our society, but I didn't want to be *that* serious. As the marketer I am, running a design firm with carefully crafted ads and polished artwork, I wanted my writing to come with some irony. That lead me to choose placeholder copy for a name and rudimentary drawings to illustrate it. Here’s a little more about that artwork. I follow a few self-imposed rules in the artwork. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/Spam-1.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/102-Back_To_The_Past.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/51-Beer-Headlights-1.jpg) I use Procreate to create the illustrations. I draw everything myself. And while I may use a reference, it's all original artwork drawn by hand. For each illustration, I use only a single color, with a limited number of shades (or technically opacity for you savvy graphic designers out there). Although I am not strict about this, I use 10%, 20%, 40% and 60% in addition to 100% opacity. That looks like this. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/How-it-s-made-1.jpg) I use four different line weights. One for outlines. The others are mostly used for texturing, usually in a lighter color. The largest is for filling in colored areas. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/How-it-s-made-2-1.jpg) I use the technique of adding color with a pen and removing color using an eraser. They contribute different elements to the artwork when it comes to light, shading, and dimension. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/How-it-s-made-4.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/How-it-s-made-2-3-1-1-1.jpg) There's one more rule. Hand-drawn lines are imperfect. Computer-generated lines are rigid and precise. With few exceptions, I always stick with the less perfect hand-drawn lines to let the image relax and show some character. I usually have to have a good reason to stray from this rule, but it does happen from time to time. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/Lines-1-1.jpg) There. Now you know all the rules. Now, let's talk about a few examples. ### Starting with An Old Fashioned One of the first articles I ever published with manual illustrations is an in-depth tutorial about how to make an old-fashioned. The article is not about giving people a recipe. It's about taking craftsmanship seriously, using my famous recipe for the classic cocktail. I drew each step of the process to help guide you through the creation of what might be one of the best cocktails there is. What you may notice about the ice, one of the most important yet overlooked ingredients of any cocktail, is that each cube is the exact same drawing, just turned around to make it look different. This article is one of my most viewed articles, and I frequently hear from readers that they refer back to it when they are making their own beverages. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-2-OF-Ingredients.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-3-OF-Bitters.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-4-OF-Sugar.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-5-OF-Rye.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-7-OF-Stir.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-7-1-OF-Tools.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-9-OF-Big-Rock.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-11-OF-Pour.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/7-14-OF-Finished.jpg) --- ### The Basics Back in 2021, I wrote an article about the cost of climate change with a basic drawing of Earth. It's become the site's logo, in a way. The illustration alludes to the chaos in the world around us, ranging from wars to politics to most of anything related to Brittany Spears. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/8-Hot-World-1.jpg) --- ### Toys When I was a kid, I had toys, but they were usually broken. Similarly, so were the plaster walls throughout our old house. For my first post of 2o22, I drew on this concept by talking about how the important issues of our time require reasonable conversation. "But we can’t even have a serious talk about it without canceling someone. This is why we can’t have nice things." When we don't take care of our things, it's hard to expect to have anything better. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/20-broken-toys.jpg) [This is why we can’t have nice things.Over the course of last year, I’ve been thinking deeply about what I consider to be very important topics. Like whether I should add cheese, sour cream and guacamole all in the same burrito bowl despite their similarities in texture and flavor profile–not to mention added fat. Or![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/21-broken-toys.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/) --- ### People and Characters In 2022, misinformation had been rampant, causing distrust in our election process. Sometimes, our demons, like misinformation, are anthropomorphized. This is one of those times, in the form of the Miss Information USA. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/24-Pageant.jpg) If you look closely, you see that in this illustration, Miss Information has former President Donald Trump's hands! [The Miss Information Beauty PageantThe classic beauty pageant has served as a popular pastime for spectators as long as I can remember. Before the Bachelor(ette), it might have been the best TV had to offer as far as ocular experiences are concerned. Few competitions are more addictive, stealing the attention of even the![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/25-Pageant.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-miss-information-beauty-pageant/) --- ### Story Elements This illustration pulls together the concepts of the Supreme Court, the scales of justice, and the NFL with field plays and a helmet. Both organizations were accused of apparent inequity where black professionals were moved out of the running for key seats like coaching or a place on the bench because of "lack of experience." ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/25-Justice.jpg) Each piece of the image summarizes the story. My argument is that a resume doesn't just show what experience someone had but also the plays they didn't get a chance to play. And that shows us where the scales of justice can be out of balance. [Taking Action or Taking ResumesWhy it is vital we have a Black Woman on the US Supreme Court. As you likely noticed, the job market has been getting a little complicated lately. The so-called “great resignation” has been vexing employers ranging from schools to meat packing plants. If you want something done right, you’![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/26-Justice.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/taking-action-or-taking-resumes/) --- ### Taking Sides ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/26-Russia-v-World.jpg) When Vladimir Putin decided to invade Ukraine, he was essentially taking on the world. I took some time to explain this based on the best sources available at that time. Obviously, that includes the hit TV show about Russian espionage, The Americans. [Explain Russia To MeI want to start by answering your burning questions. Readers are asking “Hey Daniel, what’s going on with Russia? This situation has been keeping me up at night. It’s the only thing I can focus on between Anti-Vaccine Mandate and CRT protests!” So I decided to oblige and![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/27-Russia-v-World.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/explain-russia-to-me/) --- As a follow-up, I highlighted both the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the eerily similar things that happen in small neighborhoods. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/27-Tank.jpg) Note the HOA flag, pointing out the ways that people attack their own neighbors. [Invasions, Insurrections and IndictmentsWe’re resorting to invasions instead of invitations. Based on history alone, it appears it is much better to be the leader of a totalitarian government than it is to be, say, a homeowner. The difference is astounding. When you invade a country, you’re deemed a hero and a![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/28-Tank.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/invasions-insurrections-and-indictments/) --- ### The Burdens of a Comedian I sometimes get critical feedback from readers for making jokes about serious matters. So I wrote this to highlight the concept of standup comedy. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/28-Standup.jpg) I argue that comedy is important. It's one of the ways we get through tough times, and it's also a sort of counterbalance to traditional journalism, which is more objective and factual. It's one of the ways we hold authority to account by pointing out the ridiculous with comedic exaggeration. [When is ‘Too Soon’?About the ongoing struggle of those who make people laugh.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/29-Standup.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/when-is-too-soon/) --- ### False Bad Guys Gas prices are not $10 million a gallon, but this pump makes it look that way. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/29-GasPump.jpg) In the same way that this image is not grounded in reality, our complaints about gas prices usually aren't either. [Better than BritannicaHey Friends, Good morning to literally everyone who is not a dictator of a country blocking access to free press. The Lorem Ipsum will always fight for freedom, as much as an email can. To that end, to ensure that the Lorem Ipsum is always the people’s email, I’![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/30-GasPump.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/better-than-britannica/) We often use the same measure when we are frustrated with potholes too. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/30-Pothole.jpg) This image is an actual photo of The Lorem Ipsum office spaces. The pot hole has since been repaired. [Who do we blame for all these potholes?I’ve spent the better part of the last month distracted and I’m sure I’m not alone. After all it is Tax season, and seeing red is incredibly distracting. Taxes are never fun, and seeing that you have a balance due is usually a recipe for a bad![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/31-Pothole.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/who-do-we-blame-for-all-these-potholes/) --- ### Awards Remember when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on live television? Me too. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/32-Gloves-Off.jpg) In this image, you see a miniature Oscar award. I had to break some rules to make this image, but so did Will, and that points out a deeper problem in society. [What’s Worse Than A Slap In The Face?When I was a kid, we were so poor we couldn’t even afford real cuss words. In times of aggression, we would call each other “meanofatguy”, a single word insult with power so destructive, so fiery, it was more ruinous than the blazes of hell and damnation itself, and![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/33-Gloves-Off.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/whats-worse-than-a-slap-in-the-face/) --- ### Simplicity While this illustration is one of the simplest, it tells a much bigger story. I am sympathetic to views on both sides of the abortion debate, but one I am not comfortable with is leaving a desperate woman to have to choose this option. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/37-Hanger.jpg) These articles were published at different times while the Roe v. Wade ruling was being overturned. First, it was leaked. Then, the final ruling came, and the United States changed. Naturally, we talked about gun laws during this time as well. [Who Wins if Roe v Wade Falls?Unlike the toilet that ran for a year in an auxiliary bedroom without me paying much attention, this week’s leak doesn’t allow as much of a passive reaction. When it comes to abortion, Seinfeld’s Elaine Benes already made it very clear, if you don’t share someone’s![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/05/38-Hanger.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/who-wins-if-roe-v-wade-falls/) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/40-Pop-Gun-Lobby-1.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/45-burned-at-stake.jpg) [Burned at the StakeAll life is precious. Unless you fall into these tough categories. We look at how men have put women in a tough position for generations, and are doing it again while repealing Roe.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/06/46-burned-at-stake-3.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/burned-at-the-stake/) --- ### Human Faces Lots of people followed the Amber Herd v. Johnny Depp case, and while it drew a lot of comedy, it wasn't that funny (except when it was). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/41-Depp-Heard.jpg) According to some rumors, the reference picture, from which this image is based, was taken as a selfie when Amber was dropping a load on Johnny's bed, making her another woman to join the #mepoo movement. I can't really confirm any of this, but it sounds accurate. [When Domestic and Sexual Violence Becomes EntertainmentSince the moment Amber Heard managed to convince us that pooping in a bed is a reasonable approach to revenge, we’ve been riveted. We’re engrossed like a king on his porcelain throne, deliberating as he issues his edict. I guess things have changed since the good ole days![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/06/Depp-Heard.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/when-domestic-and-sexual-violence-becomes-entertainment/) --- ### Foods Siracha is one of my favorite sauces, and when it became scarce, I was lucky I had a bottle of it on ice. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/43-Sriracha.jpg) I covered the topic in The Weekly. This was the closest we came in my lifetime to hipsters going extinct. [The Search for SrirachaAnd how to navigate inflation.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/06/44-Sriracha-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-search-for-sriracha/) --- ### Graphs I think simple graphs can help explain complex ideas. The first concept on the left references a light switch that only has two options: on and off. The message is that the complex situation of gun laws and mass shootings is not an on-and-off problem, but we tend to talk about it like it is. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/48-Light-Switch-1-1.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/47-The_Z_Problem.jpg) The problem is better evaluated on a bell curve, which you see on the right. This is how public policy can work. Solutions all the way to the left or right are usually bad options. The optimal solution is somewhere in the middle. [Arming America (With Information)When it comes to gun laws, the power of rhetoric tends to be more powerful than reason, but gun violence like almost all problems is a mathematical one and will require a more nuanced approach. Here’s how the liberal position has got it all wrong.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/48-Light-Switch-1-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/) --- In this illustration, I showcase the importance of budgeting toward The Lorem Ipsum. Our best readers set aside budget to become an [Investor](#/portal/account/plans). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/96-tax-man.jpg) [The Tax Man’s ChristmasThe real reason for the season and why we’ll never be rid of the IRS.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/04/96-tax-man-3.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-tax-mans-christmas/) --- ### Orange Theory I've had lots of opportunities to talk about Donald Trump, which frankly has given me a serious case of dry mouth (I'm starting to wonder if that's what happened to Ron Desantis). Here, I have several articles, and within those articles, I added additional color illustrations, including Trump's (alleged) fingerprints, a candid picture of him (or is it Pee Wee Herman?), and a shot of him getting a mug shot. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/52-Donald-Trump.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/109-Trump-Wee-1.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/67-jail-45-3.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/102-trump-prints2.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/90-Indicted-1.jpg) [Raiding Your InboxExplosive news and another issue of Ask TLI.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/08/Donald-Trump-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/raiding-your-inbox/) [The Orange IndictmentThe Trump Indictment and “Meatball Ron”. Plus this week’s news.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/03/90-Indicted.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-orange-indictment/) --- ### Headline Features This is an illustration of the bridge between Russia and the Crimean Peninsula after Ukraine attacked it. Mostly, I like the headline Crimea River, an the Justin Timberlake song by the same name (or similar). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/62-Russian_Crimea_Bridge.jpg) [Crimea RiverAnd Alex Jones loses the Infowars.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/10/Russian_Crimea_Bridge-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/crimea-river/) --- ### Hidden References Here, you see an illustration of the silhouettes of the cast of Seinfeld. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/70-Seinfeld.jpg) In the accompanying article, there are no less than 30 references to Seinfeld tropes or quotes. [A Case About NothingA Colorado website designer objecting to a wedding that doesn’t exist. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2022/12/70-Seinfeld-3.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/a-case-about-nothing/) --- ### Allegory Fast fashion is helping to destroy the earth, and I explain how in this article. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/75-Dead-White-Men.jpg) The image of thrown garments is the image that reminds us of dead white mean, which is what the people in Ghana call our discarded clothes. [Dead White PeopleOr at least the clothing of dead white men, as they say in Ghana. An article about the impact of poorly chosen and poorly abandoned clothing.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/01/75-dead-white-men.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/dead-white-people/) --- ### Calling it What it Is The way people look at me when they are waiting for me to tip them feels threatening. That's why I put my feelings into the design of this tip screen. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/93-tip-screen.jpg) Much like many other things we live with, tipping has a sordid past, and now it is getting out of control. [Just The Tip - The American Culture of GratuityTipping has a sordid past, and it’s getting out of control. Here’s why the American culture of gratuity has become what it is today.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/04/93-tip-screen-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/just-the-tip/) --- Some people say, "They're going to hell in a handbasket," which often means going to hell without regard. In this article, I explain that what we have accepted as life as usual is that very "handbasket." ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/94-handbasket.jpg) *"There is no onramp to the afterlife that we’ve missed. We’re already on the highway. We’re not awaiting an escort or receipt of any traveling mercies. We are already in the inferno. This is the handbasket."* [The HandbasketThe eternal abyss has gained a new member. Plus, it’s this week’s news.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/04/94-handbasket-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-handbasket/) --- ### Food Groups My favorite food group is meat, next to fat, but that's not the only thing I talk about in this article. I also talk about the way red meat enters into politics. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/97-red-meat-steak.jpg) [Read Meat PoliticsRed meat sells the article, but it hardly tells the story.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/04/97-red-meat-steak.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/read-meat-politics/) --- If I had to pick a third food group, it wouldn't be potato chips. When it comes to my favorite foods, all my chips are on the table, and that's what Kevin McCarthy had to do in Congress to get what he wanted. ***Narrator***: He didn't get what he wanted. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/98-chips.jpg) This is an issue of the weekly, which sometimes comes with a small article and a bag of chips on the side. [Debt SquealingTo avoid a default, all the chips are on the table. It’s this week’s news.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/04/98-chips-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/debt-squealing/) --- This article explains how tunnel vision ruins our view of the world and sometimes causes us to see things that are not there. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/88-cake.jpg) I use the reference to cakes, one of the most unhealthy foods, to represent cable news, where most bias is nurtured. Don't feel bad if you watch cable news. There's a confirmation bias-shaped hole in all of us. [The Cake You Didn’t EatCable news is the three-layer cake of a healthy diet. So what does this say about its viewers? More importantly, which cake flavor is best, and why is it Carrot Cake?![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/03/Cake.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-cake-you-didnt-eat/) --- ### Brain Activity Each section of the brain has a key purpose. The outer part of our brains is wrinkled, essentially to increase surface area in a smaller space. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/99-plastic-brain.jpg) As we age, our brains become less pliable. I use brain science basics to explain how reading The Lorem Ipsum may actually help you live longer. [Plastic BrainsWe are the smartest we’ll ever be when we are twenty, but after forty, the envy of wisdom. Here’s why it’s hard to change our minds and how doing so can help us live longer.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/05/99-plastic-brain-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/plastic-brains/) --- In the old window system (and maybe still), there was an image placeholder that would show up whenever an image couldn't load. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/101-Real-life.jpg) In this article, about finding good sources of information, I point out through illustration that when we stay stuck inside, we sometimes don't load the best ideas. That's why we need to take time outside where I find some of my best sources. [Good Source MaterialThe best things in life are free, but good writing isn’t cheap.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/06/101-Real-life-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/good-source-material/) --- When we disagree, especially in matters of big ideas like politics, we often use different language without realizing it. This illustration points out that when our definitions of ideas, concepts, and words are not the same, we can't be successful in selling ideas, and that keeps us from changing people's minds. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/105-Words-ruin-1.jpg) That's why words end up ruining just about everything. Bad language can build a movement, but it also creates enemies instead of progress. [Words Ruin EverythingHow bad language builds movements but prevents progress.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/07/105-Words-ruin.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/words-ruin-everything/) --- ### Plant Life In this article, I talk about the actual war on drugs, but the primary focus of the article is the way we drug our lawns and, ultimately, ourselves. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/111-Weeds.jpg) The article dives into a paradoxical problem. Here's a quote: *"It makes sense to keep weeds out of our lawns, because it will improve our social standing with our neighbors and our HOAs. It makes sense to keep them out of our farms, too, because the only way to produce enough food for our ever-increasing population is to keep killing the weeds – along with the people that hate them – to make room for more."* [The War on WeedsIt is as innocent looking as candy, but it’s turning our suburbs into battle zones.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/08/111-Weeds.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/) --- ### Exaggeration Every time a new iPhone comes out, the camera bump seems to be bigger than ever. This exaggeration is roughly four times the actual bump size. Sorry, Apple! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/115-iPhone-camera-bump.jpg) [iBumpedUn visits Putin, Biden faces the Peach Pit and Mitt says Meh. It’s this week’s news.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/09/115-iPhone-camera-bump.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/ibumped/) --- ### Play on Words This is a *truth* brush. Some people spend less time with the truth than others, and some will only have the occasional brush with the truth. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/117-Truth-brush.jpg) Jim Jordan is one of those people. [Truth BombsIf I were having lunch with Matt Gaetz, I would bring up Alanis Morrisette. It’s this week’s news.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/10/117-Truth-brush.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/truth-bombs/) --- This is an illustration of the speaker that I would have preferred to see in The House of Representatives over Mike Johnson. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/122-speaker.jpg) Nevertheless, I didn't get my way. [Bluetooth for SpeakerPlus, how to think two things at the same time. It’s this week’s news.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/10/122-speaker.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/bluetooth-for-speaker/) --- If you've ever been subject to a phishing scam, you've seen something like this before. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/128-Congressional-Phishing-1-1.jpg) Every detail in this image is intentional, from the time of the message to the obscured email address and the category tag. It's a little more of that inbox candy. [How to Avoid Phishing ScamsTips to protect your identity and your inbox. Plus, it’s this week’s news.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/12/128-Congressional-Phishing.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-avoid-phishing-scams/) --- ### Abstract And lastly, recently, I wrote about why we need to have some white space in the design of our lives. This abstract image illustrates how sometimes the absence of detail makes it possible to see a much more beautiful image. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/123-blank-spaces.jpg) That is symbolic of taking time away from things like news, politics, work, stress, and more. I believe we should all consider finding ways to create more room in life so what remains matters more. That’s what I did this week, and I hope you do too. [Blank SpaceLife is about taking it all in, even if it means deleting some. An essay about what isn’t there.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/11/123-blank-spaces.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/blank-space/) Enjoy your New Year's Eve, and I'll see you in 2024! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/18-Santa.jpg) ### Have it Your Way URL: https://danielkherndon.com/have-it-your-way/ Last updated: 2023-12-22T11:30:31.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week, Joe Biden [cussed](https://www.the-sun.com/news/9900255/joe-biden-curses-duing-sandra-day-oconnor-funeral/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=PRESIDENT%20Joe%20Biden%20has%20been,her%20an%20%22American%20pioneer.%22) at a funeral. I'm not pessimistic, but that's the way our years will be capped off. And to make matters worse, some people are staring down the barrel of a holiday season where they’ll spend every penny they own, and after, the only thing they’ll have left to spend is time doing the things they avoid all year long. But not here at The Lorem Ipsum. No, you and I, we do what we want. And that includes reading through the archives of The Lorem Ipsum [articles](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/articles/) or planning epic new ones, complete with a friendly paywall about halfway down. That’s because you know that the holidays are about doing what makes you happy, what makes you laugh, and what makes you think. Not what makes you feel guilty or [depressed](https://www.healthpartners.com/blog/why-we-get-depressed-during-holidays/?ref=danielkherndon.com). - Want to spend the last week of the year counting your chickens before they’re hatched? Go for it. - Prefer to look gift horses in mouths? Fine. - Reinventing wheels AND making waves? Doesn't bother me. Don't get me wrong. If you must spend some of your money on a few greedy family members, that’s okay, but don’t feel guilty if you’d rather buy booze, hang out with friends, and upgrade to a [paid membership](#/portal/account/plans) of The Lorem Ipsum. *Have it your way.* For the rest of the year, you and I will be catching up on old articles and planning new ones for 2024\. But for now, we have a full issue. As far as my unhatched eggs go, I’m counting up some big things for the new year, and I can’t wait to find out if they all hatch. Thanks for spending another year with me. Or if you're new here, thanks for joining us. Have a Happy Holiday Season. But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 51 of 2023` ### God Bless Adam and Steve Good news for gay Catholics this week. Same sex couples can now be blessed, according to Pope Francis and his staff. The bad news is you'll still go to hell according to church doctrine, which leaves many same-sex couples wondering if the blessing is worth the parchment it's written on. Some argue spending eternity where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth is gratifying when you know that the smell of fire and brimstone is masked by the sweet aroma of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. For couples wishing to be blessed, the Vatican insists you dress business casual because, as of yet, blessings should not be performed with "any clothing, gestures, or words that are proper to a wedding." The new approach to gay blessings, or "homosacramentals" as some are calling them, has been met with enthusiasm from churchgoers, especially from advocates for more equality in the church. For Pope Francis, *the gaying on of hands* is yet another move in his ongoing and sometimes controversial effort to modernize the Catholic Church. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/19/us/catholic-gay-blessing-pope-francis.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Illegal Crimes Governor Abbott says it’s time to start arresting migrants, so he's pushed through a law that makes it a state crime to cross the border between ports of entry. In other words, crossing the border illegally is now illegal, similar to virtually all crimes. This is one more battle between Abbott and Washington, as they differ on immigration issues. Critics fear it will result in overcrowded jails and an overwhelmed criminal justice system, but just a friendly reminder, shipping migrants to [other states](https://www.axios.com/2023/11/25/migrant-buses-immigrants-spend-taxpayer-millions?ref=danielkherndon.com) is still an option. Over the last few weeks, Abbott signed three bills on border security. I'd say he's on a roll, but that would be insensitive, considering Abbott is confined to a wheelchair (to no fault of his own, Abbott was struck by a falling tree at 26, paralyzing him from the waist down). But one could say he is taking out his pain on others by inflicting another kind of confinement on people who also did not choose their plight. ([more](https://www.texastribune.org/2023/12/18/texas-governor-abbott-bills-border-wall-illegal-entry-crime-sb3-sb4/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Meadow Muffin Mark Meadows, who is best known for [burning documents](https://ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/politics/2023/09/26/mark-meadows-hutchinson-burning-papers?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the White House, having a [nervous breakdown](https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3550940-mulvaney-white-house-friend-said-meadows-was-incompetent-had-nervous-breakdown-on-jan-6/?ref=danielkherndon.com), supporting an attempt to overturn an election, and then going after a lucrative [book deal](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/11/06/trump-aide-mark-meadows-sued-by-book-publisher-over-election-claims.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), is facing criminal charges in Georgia, along with his former boss Donald Trump, for all the above. In the case, he asked to be tried in federal court, presumably to gain access to a different judge and, possibly, a Republican President who might drop the case. An appeals panel said no. Some say the ruling drops a muffin on Trump's defense in the same case, where he is also seeking to be tried federally. ([more](https://news.yahoo.com/very-bad-signal-trump-experts-160135571.html??ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Rudy's Permanent Stains Once, Rudy Giuliani had shoe polish [dripping](https://www.esquire.com/style/grooming/a34742580/rudy-giuliani-hair-dye-melting-press-conference/?ref=danielkherndon.com) down the side of his face. Now, it’ll be tears because he was ordered to pay $148 million for defaming two election workers. Guiliana says he'll appeal the ruling, and yesterday, he filed for bankruptcy, but unless he prevails in contesting the fight, this time, the stain will be permanent because he can't wipe this one off in bankruptcy. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/12/18/rudy-giuliani-new-defamation-lawsuit-00132343?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Emanating from Iceland Like George Santos at a press conference, Iceland is getting hot and bothered and suddenly, it erupted. Volcanic activity on the Reykjanes Peninsula was detected a month ago, and this week, it erupted near the town of Sundhnúksgígar and dangerously close to a power plant, emanating volcanic bursts wilder than Bjork's wardrobe and maybe even hotter Bjork herself. The volcano now seems to be subsiding for now, and Bjork [seems](https://www.instagram.com/p/C1HzMUztkmH/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink&igsh=MTdlMjRlYjZlMQ==) relieved. ([more](https://slate.com/technology/2023/12/volcano-eruption-iceland-lava-how-long.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - The US is [considering](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/21/briefing/russian-assets-ukraine-aid-un-vote.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) using frozen Russian assets to fund Ukraine and would probably take one of your fries without asking first, but [so would Russia](https://www.politico.eu/article/russia-seize-european-energy-assets-omv-wintershall/?ref=danielkherndon.com). - At least 14 people were killed in a [shooting](https://apnews.com/article/prague-shooting-dead-injured-9a383bc6919c1b0d929cf06aa4818341?ref=danielkherndon.com) at a University in Prague. That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## Over Their Skis `Feature Story` If you get a good look at Ron Desantis’s boots, the little guy looks like he’s wearing his dad’s shoes, or perhaps the dad he wishes he had. One that stood taller than him, enough to bestow such height on him naturally. But the only thing that is tall about Ron is his Starbucks order. The stretch of Ron's plus-size shoes looks as though he is ready to hit the Colorado Rockies, with toes that slope upward, ready for a downhill ski, mirroring his campaign performance. A close examination will reveal his tibia so stretched, and his toe so sloped it looks like he is walking on platforms, perhaps to position himself head and shoulders above other candidates, if not at least achieving the [average](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heights%5Fof%5Fpresidents%5Fand%5Fpresidential%5Fcandidates%5Fof%5Fthe%5FUnited%5FStates?ref=danielkherndon.com) height of a President. Investigations into what I call "boot gait" [are ongoing](https://defector.com/is-ron-desantis-wearing-hidden-platform-heels-inside-his-stupid-ugly-boots-an-investigation?ref=danielkherndon.com), but it looks like an attempt to boost his stature above reality. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/desantis-boots.jpeg) Will the Ron Desantis Campaign Come Up Short? In Ron's case, the length of his boots does more to suggest he is prepared for a nice Colorado ski, even if his campaign performance has suggested he might be out over his. The positive is that Ron can hit the slopes without renting anything, and to take it a step further, his lift fees are mainly for the lifts in his shoes, which allow him to be roughly the same height as his wife and possibly even Nikki Haley, who is only [slightly lower](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-primary-r/2024/national/?ref=danielkherndon.com) than him in the polls, but apparently not in real life. Although to be fair, she does [wear](https://www.firstpost.com/world/mudslinging-match-armed-with-5-inch-heels-nikki-haley-calls-vivek-ramaswamy-scum-as-he-attacks-her-daughter-13367492.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) five-inch heels. But even if Ron doesn't stand out on the slopes or above his colleagues, he'll still be able to stand in place on the Colorado ballot. Donald Trump, however, can’t. At least for now. According to a Colorado Supreme Court ruling, Trump is not qualified to be on the ballot because of participating in an insurrection. The polls, which put Trump comfortably in the lead, may not matter if the Supreme Court holds up the ruling. This is where the campaign starts to take shape as we enter uncharted territory. Based on history, with as much of a lead, it seems unlikely Trump will lose the nomination. But if it becomes illegal for him to win his campaign, it will presumably shake up the rest of the Republican primary and perhaps all of our Republic. The decision is likely to be made by the Supreme Court, assuming Trump appeals the ruling. Currently, 16 states aside from Colorado have [pending cases](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/20/us/politics/trump-colorado-ballot-other-states.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) regarding Trump's legal qualifications to be on the ballot. Aside from this, the Supreme Court has already been asked to weigh in on the matter of Trump's immunity from prosecution related to actions he took while in office. This week, his legal team asked the Supreme Court to [slow their ruling](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/20/us/politics/trump-supreme-court-immunity.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) on what would pose another barrier between him and a smooth ride back to the White House. Those who read these pages will know that I literally hate Donald Trump but love to get [spring essentials](https://danielkherndon.com/the-orange-indictment/) from Bath and Body Works. Even with that, you'll also find me fair, if not also non-partisan-ish. My analysis brings me no joy. I don't think this ruling is a good one, and I don't think it will stick. Some argue the [Colorado Supreme Court ruling](https://www.courts.state.co.us/userfiles/file/Court%5FProbation/Supreme%5FCourt/Opinions/2023/23SA300.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com) is anti-democratic and that whether Trump should be President is something the voters should decide. But if voters said [Millie Bobbie Brown](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millie%5FBobby%5FBrown?ref=danielkherndon.com) from Stranger Things should be president, they’d be wrong because the law establishes that she cannot, even if voters are dumb enough to vote her in. Currently, Millie is not running for president, but if she throws her hat in the ring, she'll be faced with the legal requirement to be a US citizen of at least 35 years old. She is neither, and a democratic vote won't change that. This Colorado ruling, while it appeals to those who oppose Trump, does not look like it will be a roadblock that holds. In this case, the 14th Amendment, on which the Colorado Supreme Court bases its case, says: > No person shall be a ... President..., who, ... have engaged in insurrection or rebellion... The amendment here was lightly edited to highlight the relevant parts. Here's what it doesn't say: - What "insurrection" means. - What "engaged" means. Some would say that throwing a happy meal against the wall in the West Wing is clearly *engaging* in what is clearly an *insurrection*. But that conclusion is going to get a 4/3 vote on a judicial panel that is split somewhat less than evenly between conservatives and liberals. Some people hate fast food. Some hate wastefulness. Some people hate that we can't have nice things. The problem is that the Colorado court that says Trump engaged in an insurrection has not yet convicted him of one. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Reach out and touch someone – with a copy of The Lorem Ipsum. Our emails read like they are in the next room, so share with loved ones everywhere. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: ❤️ ****FOMO great content:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/have-it-your-way/) with friends. ### How to Avoid Phishing Scams URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-avoid-phishing-scams/ Last updated: 2023-12-15T11:30:17.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, If someone you don't know or trust sends you an email saying, without evidence, that there is a problem with your bank account, don't trust them. It's probably a phishing scam. Or it's Congress trying to impeach you. It could be both. Either way, these sorts of things impact the elderly more than anyone, especially this time of year, so be on the lookout if you’re in your 80s or the President of the United States or both. Below, I have tips on how to avoid being duped by internet scammers out there. But internet scammers aren't the only ones to look out for. More on that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 50 of 2023` ### The Penn and The Sword After a week of backlash against the Iviest of the Ivy League colleges, the House passed a resolution [condemning them](https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/13/politics/university-presidents-antisemitism-testimony-resolution/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). As a reminder, resolutions are essentially Congress making a Facebook post when they feel cute, and might delete later. Panties were twisted after three University presidents Claudine Gay of Harvard, Liz Magill of Penn, and Sally Kornbluth of MIT failed to satisfy congress with their response to antisemitic protests on their campuses. Congresswoman Elise Stefanik's questioning went viral when she demanded they explain their detailed policies on freedom of speech, code of conduct, bullying, harassment, and personnel issues, followed by a full explanation of the theory of relativity with a simple yes or no answer. At least one, Magill from Penn, has resigned under the pressure. You've heard the story, but for those who missed it, Steganik grilled them, asking if "calling for the genocide of Jews is against your code of conduct?" They all said something along the lines of, "If it were directed, severe, and pervasive, yes, it would be. But it's a context-dependent decision." explaining that they protect freedom of expression. Notably, according to my feed of pundits, critical thinkers, and both side journalists, nearly zero people see this my way (with this guy being an [exception](https://imightbewrong.substack.com/p/in-a-shocking-turn-of-events-the)). Most say they had it coming for stifling the free speech selectively, such as when people have expressed views on [transgender](https://whyevolutionistrue.com/2022/11/11/the-cancellation-of-carole-hooven/?ref=danielkherndon.com) issues in a manner that don’t conform to canon. I, however, judge this moment on its own, based only on the relevant facts. And I agree that in this case, like the examples of the past, a dumb answer may have been helpful politically, but a true one was apparently not acceptable. (Here is the full [hearing](https://www.c-span.org/video/?532147-1/university-presidents-testify-college-campus-antisemitism-part-1&ref=danielkherndon.com) from CSPAN, and if you're the cherry-picking type, you can see key segments [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VtAZBvmzcQ&ref=danielkherndon.com) and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f-E6LiYReM&t=2s&ref=danielkherndon.com)). ### Kate and The State Kate Cox has become famous for her high-risk pregnancy. She's had the whole world on her side, alongside cramps and bloating, after a judge said she couldn't get an abortion of her terminal fetus that could render her infertile. Her baby, in utero, was diagnosed with a terminal condition. A district court sided with Kate, but Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton pushed the matter to the Texas Supreme Court, which pushed Kate to greener pastures (or browner, for that matter, if they'll offer reasonable medical treatment). By now, the only thing she's pregnant with is the suspense about how the law will respond when she returns. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/11/us/texas-woman-leaves-state-abortion/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Immunity or Punity Special Counsel Jack Smith asked the Supreme Court to determine if Trump, as a former president, has immunity from Prosecution for his election interference case. So we'll see what Clarence Thomas has to say, and of course, hopefully, Ginni Thomas can weigh in – perhaps privately from their [gifted](https://www.npr.org/2023/10/25/1208600160/new-clarence-thomas-ethics-questions-about-forgiveness-on-luxury-rv-loan?ref=danielkherndon.com) RV since she can't *technically* interfere in a Supreme Court case. She only interferes [with elections](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/ginni-thomas-emails-show-she-urged-wisconsin-lawmakers-to-oveturn-2020-election?ref=danielkherndon.com). ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/12/us/politics/trump-jack-smith-supreme-court.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Ukraine's Pitch Man Volodymyr Zelensky visited the US to pitch to Congress in hopes of getting more financial support for their defense. To my intrigue, he wore his best army sweater and a nice trim, bringing that fresh Ukrainian thirst trap experience that only Volodymyr can bring. And that's good because patience for Ukraine's slow progress is wearing thin, much like my skin in the winter months. Word on the streets is Republicans are insisting that aid be tied to US southern border reform, or else, audios amigos. I say go for it. It's necesidad anyway, this is a chance to put some urgencia on the situación. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/zelenskyy-biden-meet-ukraine-aid-package-stalls-congress-rcna129179?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Bibi and Biden President Biden expressed some disagreements with Bibi Netanyahu about whether he is leaving room for a long-term solution to Israel's conflict with Hamas. At this point, no one thinks the number of people killed in Gaza looks good, in particular, the military leaders who were experienced in Iraq and Afghanistan. Still no word on when Hamas will care about their citizens as the rest of the world though. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/biden-warns-netanyahu-israel-losing-support-worldwide-government-must-rcna129337?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Return of the Phlegm Some in Congress are fighting to bring whole milk back to schools, which has me clearing my throat. ([more](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/house-republicans-whole-milk-santa%5Fn%5F657a3d94e4b061b3c92df896?ref=danielkherndon.com)) That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## Gone Phishing `Feature Story` Congress voted to open an [impeachment inquiry](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/13/us/politics/biden-impeachment-inquiry-house-vote.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) into President Joe Biden, with 221 Republicans voting yes and 212 Democrats voting no. For the Republicans, this calls for a celebratory party of partisan peach mint tea. As for Joe, I think he should read [these AARP tips](https://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to avoid becoming the victim of a phishing scam. I don't know how Biden is with email, but we know that the elderly are the most targeted by phishing scams. That's why Joe Biden should guard his hard-earned retirement, just in case an Arabian prince should email him feloniously at one of his many secret emails in an attempt to get him to pass over his bank numbers. ****Footnote**: Currently, none of Hunter Biden's clients are Arabian Princes since Jared Kushner has that business on lock, so that is one way you would know it's a scam. For the record, Joe's emails currently [include](https://www.wsj.com/articles/joe-biden-email-accounts-vice-president-hunter-biden-566bd720?ref=danielkherndon.com) robinware456@gmail.com, JRBWare@gmail.com, and Robert.L.Peters@pci.gov, so if you receive an email from any of these addresses, you'll know that the President has either been hacked, or he's trying to get you to funnel money to him from Hunter, so he can get paid back for the Ford Raptor he [helped](https://jalopnik.com/president-biden-guilty-of-helping-hunter-biden-buy-ford-1851073648?ref=danielkherndon.com) him buy. It's because of deals like this that Republicans in Congress have decided to formalize an impeachment inquiry against Joe Biden. He was caught red-handed spotting his son on car payments, with three scandalous deposits of $1,380 funneled through dark web channels (possibly Venmo) and laundered, I should add, directly into his bank account way back in 2018\. The Biden Crime Family is so sneaky they even committed these egregious crimes and misdemeanors while Biden was a private citizen in a ploy to pedal his influence as a possible future president. This week, as the House votes along party lines to pursue an impeachment inquiry into the President, the Rule of Law party says this is different than the meritless impeachment against the now poly-criminally indicted former President Trump. “They were brazenly political," Speaker Johnson said of the Democrats, "This, what you're seeing here, is exactly the opposite." --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: I'm not just The Lorem Ipsum President. I'm also a client. Share your copy, as I've shared mine with you. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/moral-dilemmas/) with friends. ### Moral Dilemmas URL: https://danielkherndon.com/moral-dilemmas/ Last updated: 2024-01-11T18:27:40.000Z There's a thought experiment inflicted on philosophy majors where one is asked to make a choice when there are only two intolerable options. It goes that you are starting with a hot pan on a flame, with its contents starting to boil over. It sits next to a tray of fresh cookies, the smell filling the air, pierced by burning oil. Your left hand is occupied with a load of fresh gourds, not yet sliced for cooking. To stop the potential of a grease fire, your only options are to shove it to the side using the force of the gourd in your left hand and destroy the cookies or to pick it up with your defenseless right hand, burning your skin on contact. Do you accept 2nd-degree burns – or – destroy fresh cookies? Your hands will recover. Cookies can be remade at a later time. A good Ivy League philosophy major will submit to the thought experiment obediently and explore the complex moral concerns it conjures. But even a smart community college student will know that there are countless nuances and options throughout this whole illustration. You could grab a pot holder to protect your hands. Perhaps you could go one day without cookies? More importantly, what happens to the gourd in this whole episode? In this case, the best option is to turn off the burner, set the gourd down, and go to Cracker Barrel. You can clean up the mess later. Right now, we are hungry. This, however, is not the way things work in the real world. In reality, Cracker Barrel may be closed, there may be a long wait, or your companion may be highly allergic to gluten, leaving them with little to choose from on a southern comfort food menu doused in biscuit flour and pancake batter. Whether you recall this problem from your college days or not is not important. Perhaps you're familiar with the more popular [Trolly Problem](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2016/08/trolley-problem-meme-tumblr-philosophy.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). It puts a runaway trolly on a track that splits in two different directions. You have the opportunity to pull a lever to direct it to one track or the other. On one side, you have 1200 of your own children; on the other, you have a whole enclave of people you don't know who would prefer your country be wiped off the face of the earth. We know both options are terrible. The point is to work through the moral complexities of conflicting choices. This decision matrix applies to our daily lives time after time. Business people are faced with the dilemma of ruining someone's life by firing them or damaging their business by keeping them. Parents will choose between lying to their children or traumatizing them. Drivers will choose to kill a flock of geese or rear-end a Jeep thrusting its dashboard of [rubber ducks](https://www.motortrend.com/features/duck-duck-jeep?ref=danielkherndon.com) into oncoming traffic. Either way, a flock will perish at your hands. It's yours to decide which moral depravity you are willing to accept. And for the record, once you choose it, whichever you select, you are now a terrible person. Whoever can judge these decisions rightly should, as soon as possible, parlay their Instagram influencer career into a run for president, immediately if not sooner, because these are the moral dilemmas that are faced every day by our world leaders, whether elected to office or hired by the board of a prestigious university. Who better to bring wisdom to our institutions than someone who's already doing it online? We don't just need great leaders. We need great content! At times, we have to navigate complex issues, and whether we like it or not, these college experiments are all too real, even if they’re reductive and feed our [bias toward dichotomies](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/binary-bias-distorts-how-we-integrate-information.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Too often, we’re faced with a choice between two bad options. Bad options like what we see in the Middle East. One track invites additional attacks on your nation; the other causes massive civilian deaths on theirs. The thought experiment, however useful as an exercise, is not like reality, where every moral dilemma brings with it a range of possibilities. That means within each option is a range of options and a range of answers when asked about it. It means you can be critical of either option without considering it the wrong choice. When navigating moral dilemmas, it's important that we leave room for the nuances that each scenario brings. It's also important that we accept the inevitable realities that come with it. I call it tough choices. When asked, "What is the best food at Cracker Barrel, and why is it Pancakes?" the question has already resigned from participating in reality. Important questions are complicated. Not simple, even when we want them to be. Even when we want to criticize the people who have to answer them. One of the things I've observed about the world is that war is inevitable. Normally, we judge wars [by their outcomes](https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/how-do-you-judge-tough-military-decisions?ref=danielkherndon.com). Not on the merit of the decisions and how those decisions were made. Few people would have considered Bush's war on terror in 2001 anything but the right response. Few would look back on it and call it a success. What if you didn't know how things would turn out? You only have the decisions you make and the criteria to base them on. Wars will happen on college campuses in the form of debates over the rights of free speech and the ways that it can feel unsafe when that speech is about violence, at least, the violence you don't agree with. No one would have argued against the right to the freedom of speech. But people will be sure to argue against it when they don't like the outcomes. You can be confident that no matter what your decisions are when you are in leadership, the protests will be there to remind you what you've done wrong, and your regrets will find you wherever you are. Any less-than-slick answers may cost you your job, but slick yet inaccurate ones might not do any better. When you are faced with a moral dilemma, your only option is to make a bad choice and then navigate that choice with the best judgment you can bring to the moment based on all the wisdom you can muster and the data available to you. In the toughest of times, sometimes there are only bad choices. Those surrounding you are the critics who will judge you with reductive rhetoric. But when it comes down to it, they're not the ones carrying the weight on their shoulders. --- **If you like this kind of thing, consider this 👇** ❤️ ****Love tap:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/moral-dilemmas/) with friends. ### The Word Of The Year URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-word-of-the-year/ Last updated: 2023-12-08T15:02:29.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, As we age, it's sometimes hard to tell when we reach the point where we are considered "old" and "out of touch." It's not a comfortable feeling. So, I've created a calculator in order to help people just like you and me identify when we reach the dreaded milestone. It's called the *Ipsum Age-o-metric,* and it's completely free right here. For a little background, the biggest measurement of age is the use of modern slang. Young people all say the coolest words. Old people use pretty much no cool words. While we're all on a spectrum, the line between "in touch" and "outta touch" is pretty clear. You know you're old and out of touch when the first time you hear the word of the year is when it is announced as the word of the year. Here it is. Word of the year: **Rizz*, slang for "Carisma."* *`Example`* *"In this interview, Imma rizz up Mister Big!!"* `Translation` *"In my interview for this job opportunity, I will be doing my best to build rapport and leave a good impression with the leadership."* So here's the calculator. Please print this email out to use it, and feel free to share a photocopy with others! --- `Did you know the word of the year before this article?` \[ \] Yes \[ \] No `If yes, do you actually even use words like this?` \[ \] Yes \[ \] No `If no, will you use it next year?` \[ \] Yes \[ \] No --- `Answer key:` If **Yes/Yes**, your age is "Still young and hot!🔥" If **Yes/No**, your age is "Uses TikTok but doesn't post much." If **No/Yes**, your age is "Has teenage children, but wears pleated khakis." If **No/No**, your age is "Reads newsletters" or, in some cases, "Writes The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon." --- Now that we know where we stand... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 49 of 2023` ### McCarthy Matters Kevin McCarthy announced this week that he would leave Congress at the end of the year, which has many questioning if Matt Gaetz will essentially cease to exist without an antagonist for the next year of his term. Kevin hasn't mentioned whether he will be getting back into the sandwich business, but he still has a Canva account where he can update the menu, which promises options like sauerkraut, extra cheese, and other ingredients he already sold out of. For his going away gift, The Lorem Ipsum is planning to give him a life-size statue of George Santos, Marjorie Taylor Green, and Lauren Boehbert's vape cartridge to commemorate what he created. Oh, and a bust of Matt Gaetz because that's what his Speakership was. A bust. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/06/us/politics/kevin-mccarthy-congress.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Surge Nikki Haley is having a moment. Although her surge over the past week has been measured with a pair of tweezers, the media coverage has been massive. Since last week, after the Koch political organization endorsed Nikki Haley, she has surged by nearly one whole point or 1.6% of the leading candidate's polling position. Nikki also shared on LinkedIn that she was humbled and honored to share that she received a hefty donation from LinkedIn cofounder Reid Hoffman. On Wednesday, in the fourth Republican debate, aired on News Nation, the Kirkland brand of news networks (it's supposedly just as good as the brand name stuff), Desantis and Ramiswami focused their attacks on Haley. ([more](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-primary-r/2024/national/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Tubular Tommy Tommy Tuberville is known for blocking all military nominations and promotions, a normally routine bipartisan thing, in an effort to pressure for change in defense department abortion policy, a mostly unrelated thing. This week, he gave up the hold of hundreds of promotions, saying, "We didn't get as much out of it as we wanted, but we saw some success," which can be roughly translated as "We got literally nothing and saw no success at all, and by 'we' I mean just me." Most of the pending promotions were completed in a matter of minutes. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/05/politics/tommy-tuberville-releases-holds?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Harris Teeter It's a grocery store chain [founded](https://www.harristeeter.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in North Carolina, and also the name of this Take because Kamala Harris has once again cast a tie-breaking vote when the house was teetering on the fence. She has now done so much more than any other vice president in history, a sign that our Congress is more divided than a bag of Starbursts between Kevin McCarthy and a visit to Mar a Lago. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/05/politics/harris-record-setting-senate-vote/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Southern Sortie The Israeli ground invasion of Gaza has commenced, apparently focusing on the southern part of the enclave, after the cease-fire unraveled last weekend. Israel has dropped countless leaflets warning Gazans to flee once again further south, with many left with no place to go. This week, in a show of support for Israel, the US House of Representatives issued a resolution condemning antisemitism and said anti-Zionism, a political movement, is antisemitism. The resolution didn't say anything about excessive Christmas music in early December, but personally, I think that's pushing it. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/israel-offensive-southern-gaza/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Blurred Lines Speaker Johnson said he's releasing all of the 44,000 hours of video footage of the events on January 6th at the Capitol, but it's going to take longer than expected because they are blurring the faces of people who participated to make sure the DOJ doesn't charge them. ⚡*Flashback to last week*⚡ Johnson said in a Biden impeachment inquiry meeting, "[We are the rule of law team](https://youtu.be/521qoayouOk?t=79&ref=danielkherndon.com)," and then literally chuckled when he said it because he knew he was going to blur the images of people in security footage to keep them from facing charges. ([more](https://www.politico.com/live-updates/2023/12/05/congress/blurring-jan-6-tapes-00130111?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Golden Bachelor Whatever happened to the days when you could find love just by getting on a dating app, chatting with seven people at a time, mostly late at night, then scheduling in-person dates at various locations until one of them seemed normal enough to talk to a second time? Now, you have to go on a national TV series, fight for one man, nipping at him like piranha in cocktail dresses, and you have no way of knowing if the guy is a total scam artist! The news is this: The Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner, may have lied about his back story when it was discovered that he actually *did* date someone after the death of his wife of forty years. You think you're getting a one-owner vehicle, but you're actually getting a road hog's retired rig that has had more asses on its cracked leather seats than you want to know. (Here's [more](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-features/golden-bachelor-gerry-turner-ex-girlfriend-speaks-out-1235683869/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on his checkered past). That's it for the news. Now, here's a quick update on what you missed this week. ### Quickly - Hunter Biden was indicted [again](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/hunter-biden-charged-rcna128658?ref=danielkherndon.com). --- ## Inconvenient Truth `Feature Story` This past week, I published an article about the truth we ignore because it undermines our beliefs. Published for our paid subscribers. You can read the article or a **free preview** right here. [The Inconvenient TruthThat which we can’t change, we do our best to avoid.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w1200/2023/12/126-Die-Hard.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-inconvenient-truth/) --- That's it for this week. **Remember**: *Every kiss begins with The Lorem Ipsum.* Share your copy with someone you love. ❤️ ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: ❤️ ****FOMO great content:** [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/you-got-the-rizz/) with friends. ### The Inconvenient Truth URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-inconvenient-truth/ Last updated: 2024-01-11T18:27:32.000Z Believing that Die Hard is a Christmas movie is a lot like believing in Santa. It's cute, but sitting on a strange man's lap seemed cute for a while, too, and I don't think you should keep doing that, either. Some people refuse to let go. If Die Hard is not a Christmas movie, what is? The Julia Roberts movie *Mystic Pizza*? The cartoon and live-action blend *Who Framed Roger Rabbit*? Or are we simply clutching onto our nearest anecdote to tell ourselves a story that gets us what we want during holidays? I can relate, though. I'd call anything a Christmas tradition if it gives me a free pass to do what I really want – which is not necessarily listening to Burl Ives or eating candy canes. That's why I say this isn't me drinking bourbon at 10:00 AM on a Thursday, this is me getting into the holiday spirit. As far as action films go, Die Hard might be one of the greatest. It only manages to seem like a great Christmas movie by not being one. But the problem is that the stories we tell each other (and ourselves) are more persuasive than the truth itself. With an excellent narrative, facts are unnecessary. In fact, they get in the way. That’s the thesis of this article. When facts don't line up with our narrative, we do our best to ignore them. When it comes to the winter's tale of a miraculous evening in an exclusive high rise where innocent people were rescued from terrorists by a heroic elf on December 24th, if it gets you into the Christmas Spirit, call it what you want. Anything is possible if you believe unless otherwise stated in writing. But dislodging a man from his opinion is harder than getting him to read the fine print. Here's a summary of the science on this: > Cognitive bias is **a systematic thought process caused by the tendency of the human brain to simplify information processing through a filter of personal experience and preferences**. The filtering process is a coping mechanism that enables the brain to prioritize and process large amounts of information quickly. ([source](https://www.techtarget.com/searchenterpriseai/definition/cognitive-bias?ref=danielkherndon.com)) The source of the above statement is a community of software engineers, AI scientists, and technologists whose whole industry is focused on making something virtual seem as real as childbirth. They make what is objectively a .csv file feel like a personal friend, a community, and a trip to Paris, all in the same newsfeed. Before we go any further, I expect some readers may find this post triggering, especially during the holidays, when your goal is to enjoy the Christmas movie of your choosing, even if it was released in the summer. Read carefully, or stop here if you need to. The rest of you will find this post, although maybe hard to swallow, brutally true. We have a difficult relationship with the truth. I started this page by saying that there was, in my view, such a thing as absolute truth, so long as you don't expect ever to access it since language is the only delivery method, and humans are the only messengers. It wasn't a great article, but it's still a great point. Language is a moving target of culturally complicated words among sentences. Since that first article, I've written much about it over the years, surrounded by wit and bloviation, as well as three articles criticizing Ted Cruz, one of truth's antagonists. But the theme is this: I love the truth, but I also love to embellish it if it helps you accept that it's messy, the only thing Ted and Truth have in common. Because the truth hurts, we sometimes avoid it, especially if it compromises our previously held view. In this article, I'll talk about three examples where inconvenient truth is overwritten by narrative when it comes to vital issues we face. And these are, I would argue, some of the biggest issues that face us. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### A Koch and A Smile URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-koch-and-a-smile/ Last updated: 2023-12-01T11:30:36.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, For the last 20 years or so, my favorite Peter Gabriel song has been “[In the House of Stone and Light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIa9UEXd98Q&ref=danielkherndon.com)” by Martin Page. But Martin Page is not Peter Gabriel. This is my apology to both of them. Let's get to ***The News***. --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 48 of 2023` ### Now We're Koching With Gas Nikki Haley got a boost of support in word and in deed from the political group founded by the Koch brothers. The billionaires known for gasoline are giving Nikki's campaign some of her own, which means, at least for now, she'll be walking on higher heels than ever, and what's bad for her Achilles tendon is good for her campaign. Since the news, Haley has climbed in the headlines, but we haven't seen it in the polls yet. She stands at 10% in the average [polls](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-primary-r/2024/national/?ref=danielkherndon.com) against Desantis, who has had a steady decline to get to 13%. Trump still sits at 60% while he awaits trial for something like 91 things. For Nikki, this means all she has to do to win the nomination is multiply her polling numbers by roughly 600% and try not to be "nasty" (because we already know Donald will make a meme out of her if he has to do so to win.) My top recommendations are to stay out of jail and keep that palate hydrated, two things that may help to differentiate her from her two opponents. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2023/11/28/1215562976/nikki-haley-koch-brothers-iowa-new-hampshire-gop-primary?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Ron, on the other hand, might want to sit back and have some [free pizza](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GiAnSqNp%5Fs&ref=danielkherndon.com) on television because he's got a better chance of getting coal-fired endorsement deals than he does getting a chair in the Oval Office. At 60% in the polls, it still seems possible that we could see our first president on house arrest, confined to the White House with an ankle monitor. For now, he's a free man with a collection of gag orders. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/appeals-court-reinstates-trump-gag-order-new-york-civil-tax-fraud-case-rcna127411?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Gavin's Nuisance California Governor Gavin Newsome is not running for president, and you can tell because he's going on Fox News to defend his record. He even joined a prime-time debate against Florida Governor Ron Desantis, moderated by Sean Hannity. Sean already put Gavin to the test after the last Republican debate in an interview where he was grilled on topics ranging from California gas prices to building wildlife crossings, and I’d say Gavin handled Sean just fine. The debate, which aired last night, aimed to show voters who has better hair and a better state since, as it stands now, they aren't competing for anything else. With Ron's polling challenges and his bout with chapped lips on the cold Iowa campaign trail, I can understand why he is running against someone who is not running for president instead of one of his actual opponents. The prime-time Fox News debate gives them both face time with countless retirees and conspiracy theorists across the US and people who will be voting for Trump come jail or high water. ([more](https://www.foxnews.com/politics/fierce-desantis-newsom-rivalry-heads-prime-time-showdown-hannity-debate?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Cop Out 28 Biden won’t be going to the annual climate change summit, which is normally a presidential thing to do, but he sends his love. Instead, he’ll be focusing on breaking in some new slippers at the White House and keeping up with his regimented doses of Centrum Silver and Werther’s Originals. Back in my day, we didn't have Cop28 conferences. We just burned coal, ate 16-ounce steaks, and had women do the dishes, but in today's new world, whole countries get together to make plans on how we're going to keep the Earth from going to hell (which is at the center of the Earth, according to Google Maps). This seems like a good idea, but if you ask most experts, you'll find that the one thing the conference has not been able to accomplish is "anything" but specifically, reducing the greatest cause of climate change: carbon emissions from energy. This time around, on the first day, world leaders [created a fund](https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-67581277?ref=danielkherndon.com) to help poor countries address climate disasters, which is a big win. The conference, hosted in Dubai, started yesterday and will last for two weeks. The event will host heavy hitters like British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, King Charles, and the pope. I'm not going to say that Biden was "big leaguing" these guys, but his team says he's "too busy," and the demands of the war in Israel and the upcoming election have required his time. Personally, I understand. I know Father President needs his naps. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/biden-cop28-climate-change-united-nations-dubai/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Ceased Several hostages have been released in a truce deal that started with a four-day pause last weekend and has since been extended multiple times, including yet again attempts to extend it into this weekend. It's a perfect time to exchange hostages, bring much-needed aid, and say see, I told you so. The good news is that many "[very liberal](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/30/briefing/polling-gaza.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)" Palestinian activists and Harvard Students have gotten the ceasefire they asked for. We've been dealing with the same issue for something like 3,000 years, but this particular ceasefire has been more successful than the many past ceasefires between Palestinian and Israeli powers. Israel has said that it would continue to agree to a ceasefire as long as Hamas continues to release hostages and Ivy League students let them do their jobs. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/live-blog/israel-hamas-war-live-updates-rcna127130?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hey! Musk Be the Money! Elon Musk went to Israel to meet with Israeli President Benjamin Netanyahu this week, perhaps to combat accusations of antisemitism after responding to a tweet that led to several advertisers ending their spending with his social media site X (formerly known as "X, formerly known as Twitter"). Musk posted that "actions speak louder than words" on X just as he broadcasted a brief interview with Netanyahu talking about the war and the country's approach to it. According to those familiar with the matter, Musk claims no advertisers pressured him to conduct his trip to Israel and also said to drink Coca-Cola and enjoy the crisp taste you love with the Coca-Cola® Value Collection. Discover the collection today online and use the discount code "musk." ([more](https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2023/11/28/elon-musks-israel-trip-what-was-the-purpose-what-did-he-tell-netanyahu?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Given the Finger A woman is suing the Chop't salad chain because she was chewing on a portion of a human finger mixed into her arugula, causing the guest *“severe and serious personal injuries, including shock, panic attacks, migraine and the exacerbation of migraine, cognitive impairment, traumatic stress and anxiety, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, and neck and shoulder pain.”* Clearly, that’s a lot of finger-pointing, but the employee that chop’t one off is probably having a slightly worse day than her. And seriously, some Takes write themselves. ([more](https://www.businessinsider.com/woman-suing-the-chopt-salad-chain-chewing-on-human-finger-2023-11?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Kiss of Death Henry Kissinger, the diplomat and political consultant who advised 12 US presidents, died at 100 years old. Some thought he was brilliant for his cunning way of advancing US interests, while others are dancing on his grave because of his reputation of forsaking human rights to do so. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/11/29/henry-kissinger-diplomat-nobel-obituary-031478?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is "Strong Enough for an Inbox, but PH Balanced Just For You." Why not share the fragrance of The Lorem Ipsum with a friend? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/a-koch-and-a-smile/) with friends. ❤️ ****Love is a wonderful thing**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Voting With Your Dollars URL: https://danielkherndon.com/voting-with-your-dollars/ Last updated: 2023-11-24T11:30:08.000Z Hey Friends, Happy Thanksgiving. I hope your hearts feel as full as your stomachs. Believe it or not, my wife and I are hearing the pitter-patter of little feet this week–that is, my older sister is staying at our house for the weekend, along with her lovely family. This week’s issue will be a little different than usual. And what better time to switch things up when you are too? Perhaps you'll read this while waiting in line to purchase a [Tickle Me Elmo](https://www.cbc.ca/archives/when-the-tickle-me-elmo-toy-craze-led-to-a-trampling-1.4921367?ref=danielkherndon.com) or perhaps more relaxingly lying on the couch buying this [BULLCAPTAIN Genuine Leather Sling Bag with USB Charging Port](https://www.amazon.com/BULLCAPTAIN-Crossbody-Backpack-Charging-Genuine/dp/B07RRTDXRM/ref=sr%5F1%5F3%5Fsspa?keywords=cross+body+leather+mens+bag&qid=1700758927&sr=8-3-spons&sp%5Fcsd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1&ref=danielkherndon.com) for a loved one who likes to look stylish and have what he needs, wherever he goes. Today's issue offers a little history of these pages. Just a fair warning, part of this post is a pitch. Most of you know that is a rarity here. But it's Black Friday, so the timing is perfect. If you're new here, consider it an introduction and rest assured that next week, I'll get back to regular programming. As far as this week’s news goes, there’s not much you need to know, but I’ll highlight the important stuff. --- ### The Important Stuff For one, in the Middle East, Israel and Hamas have negotiated an exchange of hostages and a four-day ceasefire. As I explained last week in [Easy Solution](https://danielkherndon.com/easy-solutions/), a ceasefire is not likely an option, and I stand by my claims mostly, but these events require clarification. They show us that the only way that one can happen is if Hamas chooses one, which in this case involves releasing hostages and not throwing rockets, as they have fired since October 7th, in some cases harming their own people. But for a ceasefire to last, it calls for changing their [entire doctrine](https://irp.fas.org/world/para/docs/880818a.htm?ref=danielkherndon.com). It calls for Palestinians to remove Hamas from power, which will undoubtedly involve bloodshed. It calls for rejecting some of the core beliefs of the prevailing religion, which values martyrdom over peace. Calling for a ceasefire is easy, but solving the problems that the region is facing is not, and even this pause is only an opportunity to re-arm, which Hamas [has vowed](https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/middle-east/hamas-official-vows-more-october-7-like-attacks-on-israel/articleshow/104954953.cms?from=mdr&ref=danielkherndon.com) to do. Benjamin Netanyahu is a failed leader, in my view, but even with their political flaws and untenable treatment of Palestinians, it's no wonder Israel wants to protect its borders with blockades that may be the only thing reducing suicide bombings and worse, more October 7th style attacks. Israel needs to protect civilian lives better than they are, but it doesn't seem to me that the better option is to offer their own citizens to take their place instead. On the less depressing side of the news (and from here on out, I will keep it light), Open AI, the owner of Chat GPT, [announced](https://www.theverge.com/2023/11/17/23965982/openai-ceo-sam-altman-fired?ref=danielkherndon.com) in a blog post that they fired CEO Sam Altman. Presumably, the board used their own chat bot to write the post, using prompts like “throw our CEO under the bus while stating as cryptically as possible that we have good reasons for firing him.” and “make it sound professional.” It only took Sam a few hours to start hearing that good Windows 95 boot-up sound as they jumped at the chance to bring on Sam and his side kicks to start a new AI-focused studio at Microsoft – OpenAI's biggest investor. Under the circumstances, while the idea came together almost as fast as AI will destroy the universe, the turnaround was nearly as fast. OpenAI found itself in turmoil in a matter of days after 700 of its 770 employees signed a letter threatening to quit if they didn’t get their boss back. No sooner than Sam could unpack his mousepad and mug, OpenAI [rehired him](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/22/podcasts/hard-fork-altman-openai-rehired.html?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=In%20yet%20another%20head%2Dspinning,and%20Lawrence%20Summers%2C%20will%20join.), unraveling their decision and, as it turns out, also the board. A day later, news broke that the board had been informed of a powerful AI discovery that [could threaten humanity](https://www.reuters.com/technology/sam-altmans-ouster-openai-was-precipitated-by-letter-board-about-ai-breakthrough-2023-11-22/?ref=danielkherndon.com). And this is why you should never trust artificial intelligence, no matter what tech startup board they come from. ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. --- ### Who Can You Trust? But there are some people you can trust, and with that, I'd like to share some background about this little thing we sometimes call Inbox Candy. They say that if you get nervous, you should picture your audience naked. For me, with thousands of readers, most of whom I only know by email, picturing a crowd of inboxes naked is disturbing. I'm usually not nervous in front of a crowd, whether by email or in person, but I can assure you that doing a speech in front of a room full of AOL addresses would be nerve-racking, knowing you can read an email, but you can't read the room. That's why when I write, I am free to express myself without fear because I won't know how you take it, and if I take anything, I won't be taking it personally if you unsubscribe. I still have thousands of readers and a lofty open rate. When I started this page, it was under cover of night, unshared and unpromoted. I wrote the first post huddled in a poorly lit corner and pushed publish, after which I huddled in the very corner in a fetal position, fearing that someone might see it and uncover I'd chosen the wrong word among homophones or they would find we don't hold the same views on how to use commas, that they'd tell me, and my worse fear, they'd be right. The very article sat for seven years before it was ever shared with anyone. Meanwhile, I laid awake in dark rooms until the wee hours of the mornings, waxing philosophical about anything ranging from political issues to ontology, to epistemology to religion to whether Mitt Romney was a hypocrite if he didn't wear the magic underwear as a devotee to the Mormon faith. Honestly, it was exhausting. That's why I eventually had to start writing, to get it out of my system and then see if anyone wanted to read along. I launched The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon, in June of 2021, promoted it in a few places, and eventually started sending it by email. And then you came along. To my surprise, some of you even decided to pay to make sure I could eat a sandwich while typing unscrupulously long sentences, no matter how dangerous it may be to commit such a culinary atrocity on a $2,500 keyboard (a price which, broken down, is $800 for the internal processing hardware, $200 for the sleek case, and $1,495 for the apple shaped logo on the outside and $5 for the tiny little light that shines through it). Rest assured, I never let grease touch these keys and go to waste. No, I will lick it straight off of the console, capturing every morsel of ground beef, every fold of lettuce, and nary a shmear of aioli on the edge of an onion goes unmasticated. All that to say, thanks to the chosen few who have chosen me with their pocketbooks. Those of you, just enough to fill a small room with space for free snacks, a full bar, and a few brochures about timeshares (how do you think I got the snacks?), deserve more than my thanks, and the occasional paid article. So, I want to share a programming note with those of you who have made it to this part of the article, which is now over 1,000 words in. If you've been here for more than a few issues, you're used to receiving my weekly rundown of the news each Friday promptly at 6:30 AM Eastern time without fail. You're also used to receiving my articles on the opposite side of the week with less predictability. Articles of this nature, however unlimited the supply of information, do not grow on trees. But like a tree, they take time and may shed their leaves in the cold of winter. Producing this page for you is hard work, which some do for a living and others do to survive. For me, it's both. So, while schedules will vary based on time and energy, you can expect at least one paid article each month. You’ll still get The Weekly each Friday, which continues to be free. As always, I try to write columns that are relevant today, but valuable thought content no matter when you read it. I've published articles like '[Plastic Brains](https://danielkherndon.com/plastic-brains/),' which explains in Daniel-ese how our brains work and how you might be able to have yours work longer. I've written '[Words Ruin Everything](https://danielkherndon.com/words-ruin-everything/)' about how much of our divide is a division of semantics. I've written '[Red Meat Politics](https://danielkherndon.com/read-meat-politics/)', exposing the ways politicians and the media headlines are surly bedfellows selling outrage. I did a deep dive into the history of tipping and its problems today in '[Just The Tip](https://danielkherndon.com/just-the-tip/).' I've broken down the myths about corporate greed and destruction in '[Robot Corporations](https://danielkherndon.com/robot-corporations/),' or the dangers of fast fashion in '[Dead White People](https://danielkherndon.com/dead-white-people/).’ I've warned of the destruction of lawns and the people that own them in '[The War on Weeds](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/).' or a reminder to make room in our lives in the very popular article ‘[Blank Space](https://danielkherndon.com/blank-space/).’ And 87 others besides. This is not to forget the more timely content of the Friday dispatch, of which there are 118 issues. Most of these articles took hours of research, more hours of writing, and at least an hour of artwork, and yet the majority were shared entirely for free. I don't regret it either. But from now on, the paywall will start showing up more for long-form articles—the total of 95 produced amounts to approximately three articles per month on average. And four more on top, counting The Weekly. Each article, to me, is worth every moment spent on it. But for those in this economy looking for places to invest their money while it's still worth something, investing in the sophist that is The Lorem Ipsum is, by my calculations, one of the best returns for the money, because our hearts and minds are worth more than anything else—but I’m clearly biased since I’m writing this entry right now. It's $50 a year or $5 per month if you make payments because, like insurance, there's always a break for paying up front, but I’m happy for you to pay over time, and pause your membership when you need to play catch up. Some readers may find that The Lorem Ipsum is one of the few things that shines at a time of year when even the sun itself shines less. If that’s you, there’s no better time for you to convert from loyal reader to Founder of this very publication (that’s what we call those who keep this thing going by subscribing). And why should you? Because your contributions help cover my operating costs. Because many write *about* the truth, but few are willing to mess with it when it doesn’t fit the narrative they‘ve already decided is true. Because some sources will ruin your day just by reporting the news. This one makes you laugh because you deserve to be happy even if the politicians don’t want you to be. Because some publications make you pay. The Lorem Ipsum makes you think. Paying is for those who value that. And if your budget permits, I hope that’s you. Thank you for your support as a reader. This year, I’m thankful for you. [Upgrade: Become a Founder](#/portal/account/plans) ***Happy Thanksgiving!*** ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/11/14-Turkey.jpg) #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue with friends. ❤️ ****Love is a wonderful thing**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Easy Solutions URL: https://danielkherndon.com/easy-solutions/ Last updated: 2024-01-28T03:42:31.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week, I started gearing up for the holidays. My main task was readying the house for guests. That means my wife now calls me Little Plummer Boy as I change bathroom fixtures to ready our little manger so our visitors can enjoy running water after we soak them in alcohol for a few hours. I got the job done, but the process involved water spewing to the ceiling at full blast after a faulty shutoff valve ruined my day. And the inside of the cabinets. The decision to change the faucets was easy. Getting it done was not. There are no easy solutions. More on that in a minute. But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 46 of 2023` ### Get Johnson'ed Surprisingly, Congressional Democrats have been getting along with the new Speaker, Mike Johnson, perhaps with reticence toward his view that most of them will be tortured in hell for eternity after their time in elected office and on earth comes to an end. Until then, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer praised him for coming toward the Democrats and avoiding poison pills. Johnson pushed ahead a bill to keep the government open, suggesting that Johnson is Kevin McCarthy with glasses on, like Clark Kent – effectively fooling everyone into thinking he is someone different. Some of the Republicans weren't fooled. The bill known as a CR (which some say stands for Clearwater Revival) was passed with support from nearly every Democrat but with 93 Republicans voting against it. ([more](https://rollcall.com/2023/11/14/house-passes-two-tiered-stopgap-bill-to-avert-shutdown/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Scott Free Tim Scott decided to drop out of the presidential race to focus on a different campaign: getting to second base with his new girlfriend. Apparently, he's been inching closer by bringing her to the debate last week (and maybe putting his hand on her thigh a little). In the debate, he talked about everything but his single-digit polling numbers, but after he and his new steady got ice cream, she and God both told him it was time. So, on Sunday, Scott admitted defeat live on Fox News, where he said in the interview that he was called to run but not called to win. I agree, but instead of basing my conclusion on a one-on-one planning session with God, I based it on math. ([more](https://www.foxnews.com/video/6341023535112?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Santos George Santos announced that he wouldn't seek reelection after a House committee found substantial evidence that he violated federal law and lied about things that didn't even matter. A 56-page document revealed the findings and is found [right here](chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://ethics.house.gov/sites/ethics.house.gov/files/documents/ISC%20Report%5F0.pdf). But I have a few problems with the report. For one, if I were writing it, I would have dedicated at least one full page to his lies about being a volleyball star because that is hilarious, and I wouldn't have bought it for a second. Then, I'd add another page that explains the difference between being "Jewish" and "Jew - ish" both of which he is probably not. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/16/nyregion/george-santos-ethics-committee.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Fine China According to CNN, Chinese President Xi and US President Biden had a high-stakes dinner meeting this week; however, taking a closer look, it looks more like there was no steak at all. It was a basic Carolina Gold Rice Pilaf meeting. In their summit in San Francisco, the two discussed their goals to curb carbon emissions, which starts with Loren Boehert's vaping habit, followed by better energy policies. Beyond that, they discussed situations regarding nuclear arms, which I initially thought was referring to Marjorie Taylor Green (she is a cross-fitter), but I can now confirm it was actually a discussion about avoiding a conflict between the two countries. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/joe-biden-xi-jinping-meeting-11-15-23/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Fight! Speaking of nuclear arms, a brawl almost broke out in a Senate hearing between Oklahoma's Republican Sen. Markwayne Mullin and Sean O’Brien, the president of the Teamsters Union. Senator Bernie Sanders thankfully stepped in to remind him he was a United States Senator. Here's the video. That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## Easy Solutions `Feature Story` ***Hey Daniel, when are you going to do a post calling for a ceasefire in Gaza? It's the only way I can support you until a new issue becomes more popular!*** ***– Anonymous Harvard Law Student*** There's nothing I love more than to virtue signal. That's why every time I'm out to an expensive dinner with friends, I donate to a homeless person before I drive back to my safe home in the suburbs where HOAs and local ordinances ensure no poor people will come and ruin the place for us. Also, my neighbors all know that I face my lawn mower exhaust AWAY from the neighborhood pond, preventing grass clippings from throwing off the fish's man-made ecosystem. I also recycle. That's why if you ever catch me with one of countless plastic water bottles or an Amazon package, you can be confident it will end up in the right trash container. I check my privilege at least weekly, and I remind you to do the same. But I suppose you are asking about a different virtue signal that I have yet to issue here on these pages. Calling for a ceasefire. I can understand why that would be important to you. If you're like most people, a simple statement in solidarity may be the only thing keeping you from upgrading to a paid subscription (plus the fact that recycling costs money in some cities). A ceasefire sounds like a good plan. While we're at it, let's also tell spammers to give it a rest so that both my email and my phone can relax for a moment. Or maybe we need a two-inbox solution like some have. One to chat back and forth like Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks and the other to serve as an open-air prison for emails trying to sell me porn, viagra, and upgrades to my website. The truth is, we're in a war of ideas, and my newsletter appears to be right in the middle of it. In a perfect world, Israel would lay its weapons down, and Hamas would agree to do the same. That is not the world we live in. Let's talk about the real one for a moment. ### The World We Live In In the Bronze Age, Canaanites established some of the first civilizations in the Middle East, in Palestine, in the area we call Israel today. During the Iron Age, Israel and Judah, two Jewish kingdoms, controlled much of the area. The Assyrians later conquered it, then the Babylonians, then the Persians. Later, Alexandar the Great conquered the Persians, turning the land into a Greek oasis with really thick yogurt and lots of olives and hummus. Eventually, the Judean Hasmoneans conquered them, bringing in Roman rule, where soldiers wore skirts but were still really, really tough. Rome annexed the area, and the Jews got pissed, so they destroyed Jerusalem when the Jews revolted. The Muslim Conquest came next at around 600 CE, and the Crusades came in around 1000 CE to reestablish the Kingdom of Jerusalem with military force. The land was subject to conquest several times again by the Egyptians, then by the Asians, and the Egyptians again, and then the Turkish empire. Eventually, the British Empire, during World War I, issued the Balfour Declaration to establish a national home for the Jews as a favor coming out of their installment of conquest and occupation in the area. They mandated two separate states, one Jewish and one Arab, but violence between Arabs and Jews erupted until the British Government announced its plans to terminate its mandate and leave the areas. Arab groups saw their opening, so they initiated an invasion. However, the Jews prevailed after a long, hard World War II built up their determination, and in 1948 they established the Israeli state. The two broader but fragmented groups have been fighting for the same land ever since. As I've covered in the July 2022 article, [Arming America (With Information)](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/), rhetoric often escapes reason, and solutions are rarely easy. In a world where breaking into civilian homes to shoot, burn, rape, and behead babies and grandmas while [cheering and live streaming](https://www.cnn.com/2023/11/15/middleeast/bodycam-video-hamas-massacre-tunnels-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) it on the internet is known as "resisting the occupier," a ceasefire may seem like a reasonable suggestion, but one thing about that suggestion is clear: No country has, and no country will ever do that. When Hamas [says](https://irp.fas.org/world/para/docs/880818a.htm?ref=danielkherndon.com), "Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it, just as it obliterated others before it." Israel no longer assumes it's a metaphor for peace and harmony "from the river to the sea." When the ceasefire of October 6th was brought to an end by Hamas, Israel accepted their invitation. But as for their offer to wipe them off the planet, Israel declined. But please do tell me about your protests and your easy solutions. It's easy to call for a ceasefire, but history reminds us that it will never happen. And if it does, even the most virtuous among us won't be leaving our comfortable homes to solve the problems that follow. There are no easy solutions, and I won't try to fool you into thinking there is. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Taste the Rainbow (of The Lorem Ipsum). Try sharing your favorite flavored issue with your closest friends. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue with friends. ❤️ ****Love is a wonderful thing**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Harshed Mellows URL: https://danielkherndon.com/harshed-mellows/ Last updated: 2023-11-10T16:59:20.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Welcome to all the new subscribers. I'm glad you're here. You make this job interesting. After a busy Tuesday election, the political analysts are wondering one thing: How will we keep up with the increased demand for pizza and wings in Ohio? This election cycle was a modest win for Democrats and a [big one](https://ohiocapitaljournal.com/2023/11/07/ohioans-vote-to-legalize-recreational-marijuana-by-passing-issue-2-law/?ref=danielkherndon.com) for Frito-Lay, Inc., the American subsidiary of PepsiCo. For Midwestern stoners on the left, the only unwanted pregnancy will be that of being pregnant with anticipation for the next election, for fear it will harsh your mellow. According to recent polls, Biden is behind Trump in a hypothetical rematch, and some Democrats fear they bout to get burnt. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 45 of 2023` ### Debate with a Vengeance In the third installment of the Republican Debates, five candidates continued the race behind Trump in the GOP primary. Key highlights include Ron DeSantis's chapped lips, which were not helped by his visible case of cotton mouth and constant mouth licking. As I always say, and I would tell Ron personally if he was standing right here, you really ought to get that checked out. Chris Christy struggled for air time, a problem some suggested might be caused by sleep apnea. Nikki Haley, who wore 5-inch heels, called Rmaswami "Scum." In return, he called her "Dick Cheyne in 3-inch heels," which was another reminder of Swami's quick wit and bad calculations. Tim Scott brought a [plus one](https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4301633-tim-scott-appears-with-girlfriend-at-debate/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to the event this time, which is notable because normally, people don't want to go on dates with Tim. He pitched how he'll make a difference for everyday people in the US by promoting his 'Make Things That We Can Make Here In America If It Makes Sense' plan. You can read a full summary of the debate [here](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/third-republican-debate-2023-gop-highlights-miami/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### The Stand Donald Trump took the stand on Monday in the civil case that may cost him control of his business after losing control of his mouth. When being questioned by lawyers, Trump spent most of the time rambling like he was speaking at a campaign rally, for which the judge admonished him multiple times. Later in the week, Trump's eldest daughter, Ivanka Trump, testified as well and was far less contentious, but the prosecution asked her questions under oath, like "Are your teeth fake?" and "Is Jared Kushner actually an adult? He looks more like a 10-year-old boy." and other similar questions, none of which benefited the case, but they were just wondering. The answer was no to both, of course, no. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/11/06/trump-civil-fraud-trial-00125515?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Don’t Blinken U.S. Secretary of State A. Blinken put on some thick-soled shoes and visited the West Bank on Sunday to prevent a regional conflict. Meanwhile, Lebanon's militant group Hezbollah has warned that if Israel continues to attack Gaza, it will lead to a broader regional conflict. Israel continues to face scrutiny for the conflict in Gaza, with many calling for a ceasefire, but Israel continues to rebuff these calls, reminding everyone that there was a ceasefire on October 6th, which was broken by Hamas, who parked their headquarters under a hospital filled with children specifically so that they could appeal to Harvard students who will get any job interview they ever ask for but may not have a clue how the real world works. As of the last update, Blinken is not in favor of a ceasefire and says that Israel should take control of Gaza after an offensive. He said, “Those calling for an immediate ceasefire have an obligation to explain how to address the unacceptable result that would likely bring.” ([more](https://www.cnn.com/middleeast/live-news/israel-hamas-war-gaza-news-11-08-23/h%5F488e1c5dcfd21524679772d51fd00a20?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Mayor May Not NYC Mayor Eric Adams hired a young campaign manager, Brianna Suggs, to run his $18 million campaign when she was 23\. He won, so one could argue she deserves a bonus, and who knows if she got one, but at the moment, an investigation is trying to find out if she did and if, hypothetically, it came from illegal donations from Turkey. It's hard to say whether Brianna committed a crime or not, but she hasn't been formally charged. Under the circumstances, I guess I'd say it Suggs to be her right now. Mayor Eric has denied prior knowledge and has committed to work with officials conducting the investigation, but have you ever seen Turkey and Manhattan in the same room? I think not. ([more](https://www.thecity.nyc/2023/11/08/eric-adams-erdogan-turken-foundation-turkey/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Act Natural If you're one of those people who is panicking over which shows you're going to watch, you can rest your shallow little heart because the actors union known as SAG-AFTRA has struck a deal with the studios, ending the first strike since Ronald Reagan was president of the union. The deal ensures that your binging pays actors for their part in the production, even if you're going to help by accepting price increases from Netflix and other streaming services. ([more](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/business-news/sag-aftra-deal-reached-studios-union-contract-terms-1235607563/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Joe Manchin, the Bud Light of Democrats, announced he would [not be seeking](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/09/us/politics/manchin-democrats-senate-reelection.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) reelection. - WeWork might be changing its name to WeGiveUp after [filing](https://abcnews.go.com/Business/caused-wework-bankruptcy-matter/story?id=104686140&ref=danielkherndon.com) for bankruptcy. That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## Get Burnt `Feature Story` When a new poll comes out, the media is all over it. Like a mosquito in a nudist colony, they don’t know where to start. Front page news shows reporters' faces deep in a sacrificial cob, gnawing at the corn that is the latest findings and their headlines. The New York [Times Siena College poll](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/06/us/politics/times-siena-poll-cbs-abc.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) is the latest of them, and the fodder is evidenced in its excreta. In a hypothetical vote, Biden trails Trump in several battleground states, where the election will be decided. I love reading the poll results, breaking them down, and then using the data to tell the story of my choosing. But currently, we're a year away from the election, and there are a number of dynamics quite obviously in play in this race. We still have a lot of ground to cover. A lot can happen between now and then, and we don't know which of the two candidates will still be alive and which will be in jail. But my job is to tell you the truth, and that means I'm going to say things like Malibu Rum tastes like the 90s and that Googling "Celine Dion Stiff Person Syndrom" does not make you a bad person, but I'm also going to tell you that the breaking news about something people think they might do in a year does not mean you should put stock in said thing. In my experience, if 38 people say they will definitely be at your birthday party, you can expect about 12 people–tops. I think that is similar to how we should look at these polls. Let me be clear. If you are an average voter, you might want to spend your time catching up on the latest season of The Bear if you can stomach the constant yelling, but you don't need to worry about this poll that much. On the other hand, if you are a campaign staffer for the Biden administration, a political activist, or something similar, you need to take this situation seriously. If you're Karine Jean-Pierre, you may wave your hands at the press when they ask questions, but after you walk away from the podium, you need to get to work and remind your team of the same. Don't shrug off these polling results. Back in 2016, we didn't expect to see a mango criminal topped with banana-flavored cotton candy for hair take the Oval Office and then "fight like hell" to take away our right to vote him out. The polls told us we were fine. We weren't. And we can't afford to get burnt like that again. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum is good to the last drop (into your inbox). How about getting your friends to percolate on a copy of their own? ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/harshed-mellows/) with friends. ❤️ ****Love is a wonderful thing**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 or leave a [tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Blank Space URL: https://danielkherndon.com/blank-space/ Last updated: 2023-11-05T13:00:52.000Z Wouldn’t we all like to be Taylor Swift right now? Perfect teeth, shimmering from the top of the world. It’s a place where every break-up nets you $100 million, and going out in public without pants on is perfectly fine, so long as your boots shine. It's a good place to be, clad in rhinestones and red lipstick. But not everyone makes it there. For most of us, heartbreak is the only thing we take away from a breakup. If you're lucky, maybe you'll take the dog too. Maybe to you, perfect teeth only means you don't carry a toothpick with you daily, ready for the unexpected meat pocket. Maybe yours is the mouth with one gray tooth you can't do much about without a hit song to pay for something better. You’re not alone. Shimmering is not easy. Most of us don't shimmer much at all. But we're all chasing it anyway. We’re booking every weekend with dinners, and responding to business emails by night, building our LinkedIn networks by day, and posting at least once just to make certain no one forgets we're here. But, if you take a moment, you’ll notice the only thing anyone notices is whether or not you noticed them. Sometimes, what we spend our time chasing isn't worth chasing at all. Often, the next big thing turns out to be completely worthless. Just ask NFTs if you can find one. Or Sam Bankman-Fried because he's finally got time on his hands. Not all that glitters is gold, and nothing is forever. No matter what beach you lay on, even if you're Jimmy Buffet, you'll still die of cancer if the margarita doesn't get you first. So you might as well lay on the beach a little bit longer, and enjoy it while you can. That‘s why I suggest you stop setting goals. It's a practice I find better suited as a placebo for people who think they have control over life. As for me, I've disposed of the practice entirely to embrace the mystery of what might happen if I just enjoy the moment a little longer than originally planned. That important conversation that you missed because you left for your next meeting. The child that grew up while you were asking someone to join your professional network on LinkedIn because you noticed they have similar interests. When you don't have goals to be indebted to, you always achieve them. When you assume there's a catch, then a catch-22 is the best one to signal opportunity. It’s when you accept that you have no control that everything works out exactly like it should. That’s why I am immortal. How can you cancel someone who has never been scheduled? I'm Even Steven, and as it turns out, as I write this I just found $20 in my jacket pocket. I can take life as it comes, even if it's not necessarily in that order. On a recent trip heading five states away, at the gate, I was greeted with a plane that wouldn’t move for over three hours past its scheduled time. It was the maintenance staff. They were short-handed, without answers to satisfy the masses. I watched as countless would-be passengers asked when the plane would take off, huffed, then left for another airline, insisting they would make those grubby bastards pay. Everyone in the terminal was furious, with red faces and panties twisted. Yet I was cherry cool, a lazy creek on a Saturday afternoon. Everything was perfect for me, because I had time. I had space. I had a gin and tonic. What I didn‘t have is any reason to make someone pay. No answers needed to be given. No blood needed to be shed for the remission of sins. I felt nothing but the cool of the creek in the blank spaces. The plane did take off, eventually. My destination was still there waiting for me when I got there. In the design business, the best of us spend most of our time deciding what not to design. Design is not about what you make. It's about what you leave room for. In my mind, that should be impact. We call it white space. That’s the blank spaces untouched, so what is touched will matter more. As in advertising, so it is with every form of art. American Gothic barely had any gothic in it, just a man, a woman, and the look of toil on their faces. In The Creation of Adam, it is the simplicity of the hands that makes it special. The Mona Lisa was not the Mona Lisa and Friends. For god sakes, the statue of David barely had genitalia to distract us. And how much time the artists must have spent simply thinking about their work of art before taking the first stroke, considering what they won't include in their design and which blank spaces they will leave to be as they were when they found them. Beauty is an act of restraint. Beauty is in the blank space. You won’t find it in the search for shimmer. You won’t find it on the LinkedIn network, or the price you insist be paid by the middle-class agent behind the desk. You’ll find it at the destination. And on the plane before that, and before that, the gin and tonic. They are all part of the same thing. The journey–separated by blank spaces, so the things that are there matter. These are the places where you should be, so you don’t miss the former. So if I don't buy NFTs or make it rich on Crypto or sufficiently build my professional network on LinkedIn, that's okay because neither of these ever existed anyway. I'm more interested in what didn't happen—those moments in the blank spaces I was afforded because I took time to notice them. The lazy creek on a Saturday, or the work of art on my wall as a placeholder for when I'm not enjoying the work of nature. There won't be any high-value NFTs, of course, which some consider a missed opportunity. But I don't think of it that way because while I might have missed the boat, I always make the plane. --- ## Epilogue The world has changed, and so much since the broad adoption of social media. What used to be wallet-size can now be viewed at 1,200 by 630 pixels and updated in real-time. Those who used to be disconnected can be connected in moments. My daughter in Spain can have dinner moments with me while I unbox my phone. And many other benefits besides. Social media (c/o the internet) has changed the world in good ways, but by my measure, it has changed more for bad than good. Science may have to get back to us on this, but early data suggests that social media has harmed the brain development of children, advanced destructive groupthink, and addicted all of us. If you don't interact enough, it will ping your lizard brain until you do. It will obscure those lazy creeks and cast clouds over your gin and tonics. It will steal your blank spaces, if it can. About a month ago, this piece came to me, and the first words were written. I had just deleted every social media app from my phone in protest of the notifications doing everything they could to get me to interact. I saw that it was taking from me more than it was giving, so I deleted it. I've written about the technology side of this topic more than once, but this article is not just about technology. It's about everything that we add to our lives that weighs us down or takes more than it gives. It's the careers we try to control instead of maximizing the moments we're in that might make our futures better anyway. It's the time we give up to make money only to spend it on buying back our time. It’s the calendar full with anxiety, but no room anything else. The issue is not with having a career or being on an app. The issue is the relationship we have to it. It's the relationship it has to us. And the ones we miss because of it. I believe we should all consider finding ways to create more room so what remains matters more. The only way to change it is to delete something. To create more blank spaces and to enjoy them. ### Ex-Pence Report URL: https://danielkherndon.com/ex-pence-report/ Last updated: 2023-11-03T10:30:33.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, especially if you're the Uber driver who dropped me off in a trendy spot in Orlando this week. Dinner was great, but it's good to be back home. I've spent the last few weeks working on several new full-length articles, but due to my coke habit (specifically, the absence of one) and a bit of travel, few have landed in your inbox. While I have a perfect record for The Weekly, the juicy morsels of my Hot Takes pale compared to the artisanally crafted delicacies of a long-form, thought-provoking article. I have at least three chart toppers in the works right now, so stay tuned, but if you're new here, here are some of the great articles you've missed. Most of these are what we in the marketing business call "evergreen," which means that whether summer or winter, the content remains relevant. Well, winter is coming, and your thoughts will need some provoking, so here are some good places to start. Here's one about Conspiracy Soup, compliments of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. I cover how he pairs the truth with suspicion to twist people's arms into following him. He'll probably impact this election season, even if not by winning. [Irrational FearsConspiracy soup, skewed facts, and how they are used against us.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/10/120-Kennedy-jr.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/irrational-fears/) Here's one about how news and politics stretch narratives to get you sucked in. It's a good companion piece for the above and perfect timing for the heat of the Presidential election season. [Read Meat PoliticsRed meat sells the article, but it hardly tells the story.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/04/97-red-meat-steak.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/read-meat-politics/) If you need something a little more light-hearted, you can either watch The Golden Bachelor or you can read this article about where I get my best material, which, at the risk of spoiling the ending, is not The Golden Bachelor. [Good Source MaterialThe best things in life are free, but good writing isn’t cheap.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/06/101-Real-life-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/good-source-material/) Also, since we're pretty much done with grass for a while, let's talk about weeds and the people who hate them. [The War on WeedsIt is as innocent looking as candy, but it’s turning our suburbs into battle zones.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/111-Weeds.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/) But alas, this is The Weekly, so I won't leave you without the headlines. Let's get right to it in ***The News.*** --- ## Get your own copy. Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ## Hot Takes `Week 44 of 2023` ### Ex-Pence Report If you feel like you’re not experiencing enough regret these days, try being Mike Pence. The former presidential candidate and senior drug store greeter who ran with and then against Donald Trump has thrown in the towel after a wet floor sign proved to see less slipping than his poll numbers did. Pence's campaign wasn't without value. It served as a reminder that there are still people in the fight for Reagan-style conservative values and also as a reminder that he is not Ronald Reagan, or even close. When Mike did a campaign appearance in an Iowa drugstore, he didn't just read the back of a bottle of Tums. He also read the room because just a few days later, after nationwide mocking, he announced he was suspending his campaign. On the bright side for Pence, he can still look up for two reasons. One is because it helps to prop up his super Christian image, and the other is because at 64 years old, he still has another 20-30 years runway left in his career in politics. ([more](https://www.readtangle.com/mike-pence-drops-out/?ref=danielkherndon.com) <–– hat tip to Tangle for a great take on this story.) ### Gaza Stripped Troops advanced into Gaza, entering into the next stage of the war. And watch out, [Harvard](https://freebeacon.com/campus/harvard-lecturer-who-discriminated-against-jewish-students-faces-no-disciplinary-action/?ref=danielkherndon.com), because you might be next. Benjamin Netanyahu incredulously pushed against calls for a ceasefire because, he says, that would be like surrendering to Hamas and Harvard students at the same time (exaggeration, mine). As the war has stepped up, Israel is being accused of attacking without regard for civilian life after an air strike caused dozens of casualties in the [Jabaliya refugee camp](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/desperate-search-survivors-gaza-refugee-camp-hit-israeli-airstrike-rcna123040?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the northern Gaza Strip. "We didn’t want this war," Netanyahu said while straightening his combover. "Though Israel didn’t start this war, Israel will finish it." ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/31/middleeast/jabalya-blast-gaza-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### WOW UAW The United Auto Workers pulled a rabbit out of a hat using a novel labor strike approach, which included a whack-a-mole style strike, with crews walking off the job in various locations and then a skee ball approach where every time Car bosses gave them a lackluster offer, they slid it right back to them. The average auto worker makes about $28 per hour, which is "very high" or "below average" depending on whether you ask the Big 3 automakers [bringing in](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2023/10/14/how-much-uaw-workers-earn-comparison/71159764007/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20U.S.%20Bureau,dollar%20from%20the%20year%20before.) $250 billion in profit or the Social Security Administration, who says the [average wage](https://www.ssa.gov/oact/cola/AWI.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) is $64,000 or $30.77 per hour. The initial raise of 11% will bring the typical auto worker's wages to the national average. The change is considered a big win because many auto workers are expected to [upgrade](#/portal/account/plans) to a paid subscription to The Lorem Ipsum. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/uaw-strike-to-end-as-union-reaches-deal-with-general-motors-rcna122760?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Georgy-Boy Santos George Santos could be ousted from the House if the Republicans agree on something, which is not generally expected. Georgy-boy, the New York Republican, is charged with several counts of fraud and has already admitted to lying about his background and, some believe, also his waist size. The Vote took place on Wednesday, with both Democrats and Republicans voting to table the measure; George will live to lie about it. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/house-vote-whether-expel-rep-george-santos-congress-rcna122521?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Johnson's Cuts Johnson, the Sunday school teacher turned Speaker of the House, said he’ll only allow money to go to Israel if we can reduce tax revenues. In a bill which passed the house mostly on a party line vote aims to take away IRS funding to "pay for it," which a simple [Google search](https://www.cbpp.org/research/federal-budget/bipartisan-senate-action-passes-minimal-test-for-irs-funding-while-multiple?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20basic%20math%20of%20tax,than%20a%20dollar%20of%20revenue.) explains doesn't work, but then, maybe he should have asked his Republican colleagues how to use Google since they had practice Googling him when he was unanimously Googled to become Speaker. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2023/10/31/1209670609/house-republicans-israel-funding-bill-irs?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### God Save the Bing. Could this news *BE* any more bad!? Matthew Perry, known for playing Chandler Bing on Friends, has died of a suspected drowning. He was found in a Hot Tub unresponsive. I have a lot of fond memories of Chandler Bing and other roles played by Perry. He was the first I ever heard admit he used humor as a defense mechanism, which was one of the more validating TV moments for me. ([more](https://www.vogue.com/article/goodbye-chandler-bing-matthew-perry-remembrance?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Sam Bankman-Fried, the FTX founder who made billions on Crypto investors, [was convicted](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/11/02/business/sam-bankman-fried-trial?ref=danielkherndon.com) of Fraud last night. He faces a maximum sentence of 110 years, which means he may miss 5,720 issues of The Weekly from The Lorem Ipsum. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum, the quicker, thicker *news* picker-upper. Let a friend know they can sop up some space in their inbox [right here](https://danielkherndon.com/go/). ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/ex-pence-report/) with friends. ❤️ ****Love is a wonderful thing**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 or leave a [tip](https://danielkherndon.com/r/da232f4a?m=2597baf6-f0d6-4525-8f0b-cd191091e5d8). ### Bluetooth for Speaker URL: https://danielkherndon.com/bluetooth-for-speaker/ Last updated: 2023-10-27T10:30:14.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I'm here this week with a quick note to say that you can like two things at the same time. For example, if you like Chipotle, that doesn't mean that Qdoba's pickled jalapenos aren't an excellent addition to a burrito bowl. Similarly, liking Chipotle's guac doesn't make their queso any better. If you think Chipotle is the better of the two, it does make you a better person, but it doesn't mean you can't appreciate the good things about Qdoba and remain critical of the injustice of Chipotle charging $2.70 for guac. You don't have to pick a side when the cost is that high. Except for the side of valuing innocent lives and crushing the terrorists who exploit and attack them. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 43 of 2023` ### Speaker You know the week is a good one when pretty much no things get done, a phenomenon I've come to call Congress. To catch you up on what hasn't gotten done, it's anything because House Republicans have still not figured out how to adult. This Tuesday, they nominated Tom Emmer of Minnesota and also, on Tuesday, un-nominated Tom Emmer of Minnesota for speaker of the House. To date, the chamber had only one actual speaker, which happens to be a small Logitech Bluetooth speaker on Jim Jordan’s desk, powered by three C batteries, where he listens to Eye of the Tiger before each session. This was the tune of the House until they nominated Mike Johnson of Louisiana, usually referred to as “Who Is Mike Johnson?” He won the nomination on a platform of exhaustion and based on his experience not being Kevin McCarthy. His campaign tagline is "Google Him!" which many of his colleagues were doing because, before nominating him, many thought he was one of the interns, and according to his resume, I am not sure I can dispute that while maintaining my journalistic integrity. He reminds his party that elections won't deny themselves, and our "democracy" needs a leader with a history of doing just that. Johnson received unanimous republican votes to win the gavel–like a cannibal buttering up his dinner. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/25/us/politics/house-republicans-speaker.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Guilty At least four of Donald Trump's co-defendants have pleaded guilty in the Georgia [RICO case](https://time.com/6306031/trump-georgia-indictment-co-conspirators/?ref=danielkherndon.com) about election interference. My favorite is Jenna Ellis, who tearfully told the court she is an "Attorney who is also a Christian" and then proceeded to talk about the work she did with pussy grabber Donald Trump to help block an election. To be fair, she didn't know the election claims were false because she trusted people like Rudy Guiliani, and if someone has brown sideburn juice [dripping](https://www.google.com/search?q=rudy+sideburn+drips&oq=rudy+sideburn+drips&gs%5Flcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIJCAEQIRgKGKABMgcIAhAhGI8CMgcIAxAhGI8C0gEIODc3OGowajeoAgCwAgA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ref=danielkherndon.com#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:39b35f97,vid:QbBSUrAwfRM,st:0) down the side of their face, why would they lie? In addition to the guilty pleas, Trump's final hour chief of staff, Mark Meadows, has been [meeting](https://abcnews.go.com/US/chief-staff-mark-meadows-granted-immunity-tells-special/story?id=104231281&ref=danielkherndon.com) with Special Counsel Jack Smith to discuss his role in the Federal case against Trump. This includes a first-hand account of the time that then-President Trump threw a happy meal at the wall, staining the First Hallway with ketchup, which, according to some reports, since drying, now bears the likeness of the former Commander in Chief himself. Mark's potential testimony is expected to be a hide saver of sorts, which is to say, not good for Trump's defense. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/24/politics/jenna-ellis-fulton-county/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Pence Mike Pence’s campaign events have been so small the event security has been a wet floor sign. This week, Mike spoke to two retired people at a drug store — to be clear, he spoke to two, but there were around a dozen people there, but most of them were asleep. According to one reporter who was at the event, the drugstore's receipts [were longer](https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/10/10/17956950/why-are-cvs-pharmacy-receipts-so-long?ref=danielkherndon.com) than the line to meet Mike after the event. Still, printed on each one was a $5 coupon for a pack of razors, which Mike surely appreciated since the former VP's campaign has had to pinch pennies due to poor fundraising results, and we know Mike can't go without a clean shave, even if he can go without a clean conscience for four years. Thankfully, Gillette razors have blades thinner than Mike's poll numbers and sharper than most of his campaign staff, all of whom hopefully picked up applications at the retail store. Pence's campaign has done exactly what I [predicted](https://danielkherndon.com/pence-is-making-old-things-new/) last summer, except I didn't anticipate he would be picking up Bengay arthritis cream at one of his final campaign events. Pence is polling at about 3.5% in the national polls, which is good compared to the 2.1% for the Iowa polls, where the first round of Primary voting takes place. Any more campaign outcomes like this week stand the risk of doing more to help monologues than voters, which, I have to admit, is probably good for America. Thanks, Mike! ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2023/10/21/mike-pence-sad-presidential-campaign-00122589?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ## Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### Gag Trump was fined for violating his gag order related to his civil fraud trial in Manhattan. The former Mango in Chief was called to the stand for about three minutes in response to comments he made, which appeared to be about a court staff person. Trump claimed his remarks were directed at Michael Cohen and not court staff. The judge didn't believe him and ordered him to pay a $10,000 fine for violating the gag order. For comparison, that's approximately one tank of gas in Trump's private jet or roughly double the actual value of his Manhattan business operations, although Trump would dispute that. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/25/nyregion/trump-cohen-gag-order-engoron.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hostage At least four hostages of Hamas have been released so far, with one elderly lady describing her experience "going through hell" as she described traveling through a web of tunnels. Some reporters analyzing her comments have suspected that Hamas must have taken her to an Ikea. There has been no word so far on whether she was fed Swedish meatballs. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/israel-hostage-hamas-militants-10b5491c6f63b4bf697c95f3ca052d61?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Abort After the Dobbs decision, several states passed laws limiting access to abortion services. Since then, abortions have increased, which is considered a success when you use Republican math. To be more specific, states where bans were passed saw a sharp decrease in abortions but states where abortion is still legal beyond six weeks saw a sharp increase in abortions, amounting to a total net increase nationwide. Also, it looks like tourism is up in blue states, too. ([more](https://www.axios.com/2023/10/24/abortion-increase-roe-wade-state-ban?ref=readtangle.com)) ### Quickly - At least 18 people were [killed](https://abcnews.go.com/US/active-shooter-situation-lewiston-maine-police/story?id=104316902&ref=danielkherndon.com) in a shooting that started in a bowling alley in Maine. The suspect, Robert Card, who has a military background and a history of mental illness, is still at large. - Hurricane Otis hit [Acapulco](https://www.foxweather.com/weather-news/acapulco-destroyed-hurricane-otis-survivor?ref=danielkherndon.com) this week, killing 27 people. It was the most powerful hurricane on record for the Pacific Coast. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: As they always say, *"The Lorem Ipsum: The Best a Man Can Get." so don't forget to give a copy to a man near you.* ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share [this link](https://danielkherndon.com/bluetooth-for-speaker/) with friends. ❤️ ****Love will keep us together**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month. ### Not In My Backyard URL: https://danielkherndon.com/not-in-my-backyard/ Last updated: 2024-01-28T03:42:42.000Z #### ***Editors note:*** *I once walked into a hipster plant store and asked, "How do I get rid of clover?" and the staff looked at me like I cursed their mother. It turns out I'm a big fan of protecting the ecosystem so long as it doesn't pop up on my lawn. And that's what our guest author is going to write about today. Less about lawns, though. I've already talked about that in* [*The War on Weeds*](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/) *and several times in the intro to The Weekly, like when I introduced you to* [*Lawn Force One*](https://danielkherndon.com/lawn-force-one/)*. He's going to cover the topic of NIMBYism and the ways it prevents us from getting what we want and need in our community infrastructure.* *Brandon covers a much bigger picture than my soon-to-be plush lawn, although his coverage may not be as widespread as my clover infection. He reports on how we often support public policies that benefit us all in the long run until they inconvenience us for a moment. And that often halts progress in its tracks.* [*Brandon Evans*](https://www.linkedin.com/in/brandonxevans/?ref=danielkherndon.com) *is what I call a community organizer, although I don't actually know what that is. He's a long-time public relations professional besides. He spent years as an advocate for the public transit system in our shared city of Indianapolis, helping to pave the way for our first rapid transit lines, which continue to grow and continue to be criticized. He brings his perspective today in this guest article, Not In My Backyard.* *Enjoy, like, and comment.* --- ### A Fata Morgana “So, are you ready to pay my mortgage?” That’s what a business owner asked me while I was working for our local public transit agency. I was there to discuss the plan to turn one of the five lanes of the road his business operated on into a bus-only lane. He continued. “Are you ready to pay my truck payment, my kid's college tuition? Who is going to pay my employee's salaries? How will they feed their families? I guess I’m fine with the bus, but are you okay ruining my business and bankrupting my family?” When people try to make you feel like you are ruining their lives by advocating for a common good like public transit, well, in no certain terms, it sucks ass. I tried to sprinkle in some facts about the positive impacts of public transit, like how every dollar invested in transit [generates](https://www.apta.com/research-technical-resources/research-reports/economic-impact-of-public-transportation-investment/?ref=danielkherndon.com) five dollars in economic returns. Or how this project would rebuild sidewalks and provide infrastructure improvements his community has requested for years. But the old saying rang true: the two things people hate most are the status quo and changing it. The man before me was immovable, and his mind was set like concrete. The NIMBYism that runs deep in America when it comes to transit projects was on full display. ## Want More of This? Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. ### A Powerful Force NIMBYism (short for "not in my backyard") is a term used to describe opposition by residents to proposed developments in their local area. Developments they might have supported if they were anywhere else. This is a force so powerful it can halt progress in its tracks. It's a bipartisan plague, a cancer that undermines our infrastructure and future. It's one of the reasons our nation's public transportation system is a laughing stock compared to the rest of the developed world. NIMBYism is the enemy of progress. It's the siren song that lures us into the rocks, the mirage that leads us astray. It's the voice that tells us to fear the new, to resist change, to protect ourselves from the outside world. But NIMBYism is a lie. It's a mirage, an illusion. It's the Fata Morgana of the 21st century, beckoning us with false promises of safety and comfort. In the cozy cocoon of their well-trodden turf, NIMBYs hibernate, content in their comfortable bubble. They claim to be the people's voice, but they quiver with fear at the thought of any alteration to their surroundings. NIMBYs envision traffic jams, dying businesses, and plummeting property values. They worry about noise, crime, and the influx of outsiders. Their fear is palpable, and their opposition fierce. But who are these NIMBYs, truly? Are they simply selfish individuals, more concerned with their comfort than the needs of others? Or do they represent a more profound anxiety about the changing world around us? Perhaps they are nostalgic for a simpler time when their neighborhood was a haven from the outside world. Maybe they are afraid of the unknown and the challenges of the new, of people who don’t look like them, speak like them, or think like them. Whatever the reason, their opposition to progress is undeniable. They stand as a barrier to developing communities nationwide, a blockade to creating a more inclusive and equitable world. ### Protection At Your Own Expense It's easy to be swayed by the emotional appeals of those who oppose change. But it's important to remember that NIMBYism is often an ideology of carefully crafted ignorance. It's about protecting one's comfort and property values at the expense of the greater good. Next time you see a news article about a transit project, beware of the siren song of the concerned citizens. Their claims and comments may be well-intentioned but also based on fear, misinformation, or narrow self-interest. Don't take their words at face value. Dig deeper. Ask yourself, who are these concerned citizens? What are their real motivations? Do they represent the interests of their community or just their own? Or do they even consider their own self-interests when opposing a project like public transportation or another public good? We need to think beyond the NIMBYs. We need to imagine a city and country where everyone has access to affordable transportation, where people can live and work where they want, and where we can all move around freely and easily. ### Truth Bombs URL: https://danielkherndon.com/truth-bombs/ Last updated: 2023-10-20T10:30:31.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey there, Good morning to everyone that‘s not at Harvard right now. Back on June 6th, I explained [Kevin McCarthy needed a sandwich](https://danielkherndon.com/kevin-mccarthy-needs-a-sandwich/). I’m pretty sure he’s having one now. And if so, I'm certain he's standing against a pillar in the House chamber looking like Brad Pitt in Oceans Eleven while he watches his colleagues try to figure out how to replace him. ![Brad Pitt Eating Food GIF - Brad Pitt Eating Food Gif ...](https://media.tenor.com/r5iw8LR9thIAAAAd/brad-pitt-eating-food.gif) But they haven't figured it out. If I were having lunch with Matt Gaetz, I would bring up Alanis Morrisette. The thing about Alanis Morissette is that she has genius lines like “the caution blocks you from the wind” just buried in an album, bestowed on the world for free, and all people can do is focus on how nerdy she is. You see, Kevin McCarthy was already a dream speaker for the party. He loves Starburst, knows how to roll lunch meat in a [hoagie](https://www.sfgate.com/centralcoast/article/bakersfield-deli-kevin-mccarthy-18413780.php?ref=danielkherndon.com), and will do anything to make a deal with literally anyone ever. And all Matt could do is focus on how nerdy he is. Well, now the GOP has a new set of problems. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 42 of 2023` ### Gaza Attack On Tuesday, an explosion in Gaza City Hospital killed at least 500 people. Hamas blamed Israel, but Israel and US intelligence claim that a Palestinian militant group was the one who fired an errant rocket that backfired, bombing their own, which has prompted several intelligence operatives to wonder if it was actually the Republicans. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/10/17/world/israel-hamas-war-biden-gaza/heres-the-latest-on-the-war?smid=url-share&ref=danielkherndon.com)) In other news, President Biden visited Israel to show solidarity and test Netanyahu's comfort with PDA by hugging him, and it looks like he did just fine. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/israel-palestinians-gaza-hamas-war-biden-rafah-e062825a375d9eb62e95509cab95b80c?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Harvard Protests If you're an Ivy Leaguer, this Take is for you. As you know, you've been protesting vigorously against the Israelis because "decolonization" sometimes looks like chopping off the heads of innocent children. Well, Harvard, among others, was a little light-footed in taking a position against these sorts of protests on their campus, and some donors haver not taken it well. The brazier billionaire, Leslie Wexner, founder of Victoria's Secret, said he couldn't support Harvard anymore. He said their leadership is a bunch of boobs who tiptoed around anti-Jewish statements from students who supported the actions of Hamas. Wexner, who is very familiar with a push-up, says one thing he won't push up is donations. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/16/business/wexner-harvard-hamas-israel-antisemitism/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Rite Aid Files The large pharmacy chain might be changing its name to "Rong Aid" after an announcement this week that they are filing for bankruptcy. After lawsuits blaming them for a role in the opioid epidemic, they've found themselves on life support. The chain is expected to close hundreds of stores, some of which are literally directly across the intersections from a Walgreens store. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/16/business/drug-stores-closing-rite-aid-cvs-walgreens/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Gag Order This week, when a D.C. judge issued a gag order against Trump, I thought it was a requirement to eat at the cafeteria at Trump Tower, but actually, it was an order not to talk about the court staff and witnesses in his criminal case. This particular gag gift is the second one given to him this year. As we know, Trump has a terrible gag reflex, so he promptly walked out of the courtroom and disparaged the judge and the prosecutor without delay, which was technically not prohibited since the order only applied to the staff "simply doing their job" but Trump, with nothing better to do but fight criminal accusations, has decided to [appeal](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-files-notice-appeal-judge-issues-partial-gag-order-rcna120924?ref=danielkherndon.com) the ruling. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/10/16/judge-imposes-gag-order-on-donald-trump-in-d-c-trial-00121743?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Oh No, Xi Didn't At a global summit for the Belt and Road Initiative hosted by Xi Jinping, Putin was the guest of honor. The event hosted leaders from over 130 countries. In the event, Xi laid out his vision for the world with Russia by his side as his second favorite totalitarian state. He spoke of a world where dictators talk about their conquest over tea, and where the internet only has three channels, like a TV in the 1950s. And everyone said this is definitely the world I want to live in. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-67143322?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Sydney Powell stared blankly at a judge while wearing leopard print pants and pleaded guilty in the fraud case in Georgia, and is [testifying](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/former-trump-lawyer-sidney-powell-takes-plea-deal/story?id=104136350&ref=danielkherndon.com) against the rest of the defendants. --- That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. ## Truth Brush `Feature Story` The truth hurts. That’s why Jim Jordan has done his best to avoid it. Back in his Ohio State wrestling coach days, he was accused of covering up sexual abuse. Then, in 2021, he tried to cover up who won the presidential election while voting to overturn it. He's knee-deep in a paper-thin impeachment inquiry against Biden while defending his preferred candidate, the criminally indicted and civilly liable figure who endorsed him for the speakership. Denying elections, inventing corruption, and gaslighting his Republican colleagues. And America. Rest assured, Gym Jordon is no fan and the truth. This week, he came in direct contact with it. Currently, the chamber is called the House of Representatives, but after all the drama, I'm considering changing the name to Desperate Housewives of Representatives. However, the chamber is not all collagen and gossip these days. It also has a growing to-do list, as the House has not been able to do any business at all unless you count monkey business. As we look at the Republican primaries, we see a long list of candidates, none of which are experiencing even marginal success. Except one, and that is the former President. The same is a guy who can't even unite the party with an endorsement for a speaker. After Steve Scalise withdrew his candidacy, Jim faced two rounds of voting, where his margin eroded from 20 holdouts to 22\. Aside from the unanimous democrats voting for Minority leader Jefferies, ten candidates were named in a vote for speaker aside from Jordan, forcing a brush with the truth that they've been ignoring for three years. And that is that the Republican Party has no leadership. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. Be sure to share a copy with a special someone. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue online or with friends. ❤️ ****Love will keep us together**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month. ### Irrational Fears URL: https://danielkherndon.com/irrational-fears/ Last updated: 2023-10-18T16:12:37.000Z If I ever get attacked by a shark, I'm going to ask him to finish the job. Because why have a snack when you can have an entire meal? Why put me through that and expect me to get past it? Being an appetizer unfinished is a fear of mine even if it's irrational to lend it prime real estate in the mind space. If a shark were to attack, while vicious, it‘s understandable that it can’t resist making man soup of me, but it's not the attack itself I fear most, but the afterwork of having to adapt to a life of less. When Stone Temple Pilots said, "I'm half the man I used to be," it may as well have been based on the true stories of the high seas that take place each year. Whether I'm half or even 83% of the man I used to be, coping with the loss of self, even in small portions, is the greatest of my irrational fears. To be rational would be to recognize that what might be the worst thing that ever happened to me may not be as bad as not learning from it afterward. But who's thinking ahead when you can tremble every time you enter the ocean? To have an irrational fear is to avoid facing it. We all have them. I only have a few, but they are as real as the risk of having car trouble in the winter without a coat. Mine range in scope, from sharks to polysaturated-unctuous hypothermiaphobia. Or, the fear of cold butter, which I explain in [this article](https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter) at length. [Why I am afraid of cold butterHow the boogieman became fat when fat became the boogieman. I always get nostalgic during this time of year as we enter into the Holiday season. I begin to get a tingling feeling in my belly that I call anticipation. Anticipation for perhaps the most precious thing in our lives.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/05/12-Butter-II.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter) The treatment of irrational fear is as varied as the infliction, including exposure therapy, being belittled by a priest for not having enough faith, and of course, Zoloft. When it comes to exposure therapy, one of the more effective treatments, caking your entire body in butter, is a known treatment that works at exposing one safely to butter for the sake of developing a healthier relationship to it. But the same treatment is counterproductive at preventing shark attacks because it creates a more appetizing subject for the shark. Either way, even exposure is not a sure thing because exposure to a shark attacks doesn't make the fear of sharks disappear. So, what does help us overcome our irrational fears? Rational explanation, commonly referred to as "mansplaining," certainly doesn't. For example, the chances of getting attacked by a shark, a question you will find prominent in my Google search history, are calculated at about 1 in 11.5 million, but knowing this is wholly ineffective at helping me and others overcome our fears because fears, by nature, are not rational. Just like Robert F. Kennedy Junior. Robert would have you believe he's talking sense into the political discourse these days, but a closer look reveals that "sense" is not really the right word. Still, he continues to have enough wind in his sails to stay in the race for President. At least enough for his calculations, which, if they are as sound as his many other claims, are not worth the envelope they're calculated on. The reason Robert is in the polls and maintaining the following of any voters whatsoever is because of irrational fears. It's the focus of his platform, and his messaging strategy is to make the irrational sound rational. So, let me talk about something rational for a second. The Florida Museum of Natural History says that less than one person is killed by a shark in Florida each year. But let's dig into that for a moment. Aren't most sharks in the *ocean* and not actually in Florida, a mass of land in the shape of a 'thumbs down'? I think we have a right to know about these sharks that have been making it to land and killing almost one person each year, but it seems to me we're being misled. I'm not anti-shark. I'm just asking the questions. See. This is a classic Bobby Junior approach. Start with credible data and call it into question with what sounds like a reasonable challenge that is impossible to research. Then deliver it to people who are too busy being suspicious and feeling heard to bother looking it up, preventing them from finding out your statements are epistemologically nonsensical (a.k.a. bullshit). Robert's most popular positions are those on public health. Perhaps first in line is a fan-favorite, his anti-vaccine message, and second–that he's not an anti-vaxer. He's known for focusing on parents who have children with autism or other disorders who are convinced a vaccine caused their kid's diagnosis. He'll get into the weeds by talking about thimerosal, which contains a form of mercury, and mercury as we know, is deadly. The issue is that he's comparing ethylmercury to methylmercury, which sounds equally dangerous based on spelling alone but, in actuality, is more like comparing a Coors Light to gasoline. They may be the same color, but if you drink one at a party, it will kill you. Drink the other, and you'll just be called a sissy. That's the key to capitalizing on irrational fears. You have to make a good case, but you don't have to make sense, because no one will ever know. However, it's important to note that Robert makes many good points. In fact, he makes some that are critical points worth considering. He points out that autism diagnosis have soared, and that chronic diseases have soared, and that eating aluminum is bad for you. This is all true. And as I explain in [The War On Weeds](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/), is that no bad guy is ever as simple as we want them to be. Vaccines may be the sharks of the public health industry, killing someone every year, but sharks are critical for the ocean's [ecosystem](https://europe.oceana.org/importance-sharks-0/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and ultimately our food supply, specifically clams and scallops, rendering a new england meal nearly pointless. In the same way, Robert presents some evidence pointing to real risks of vaccines, and other public health factors, that if avoided would likely save lives, while increasing the deaths from other causes. Like any point, when surrounded by eight good points, even a bad one sounds credible. But the sensational one, a shark attack, capitalizes on our irrational fears–that that one person could have been me. No one should ever surf. On the Joe Rogan show, Robert bloviates at length on his exploration of vaccinations. I've enjoyed all three hours on your behalf to understand what I'm talking about, and what he's talking about. He refers to a constituent of moms (who are known to be experts at being moms, historically) that followed him around, begging him to take up the vaccine versus autism topic. He's since earned wide recognition for the topic. in a June 15 [episode](https://open.spotify.com/episode/3DQfcTY4viyXsIXQ89NXvg?ref=danielkherndon.com), in a segment about vaccines for children, he says, “None of the vaccines are ever subjected to true placebo-controlled trials, It’s the only medical product that is exempt from that prior to licensure.” Again, it sounds pretty scary on the face of it. But it's the details that matter. Your first reaction is, "Why would you not do a placebo-controlled trial!" And the answer is that we're not studying sleeping pills. We're studying vaccines. Today, most vaccines are built on prior vaccine technology, and a prior version of a vaccine offers a perfect alternative for a placebo made out of saline, which is how nearly all vaccines are tested today. But reasoning a mom's group out of their irrational fear of vaccines is harder than getting them to vote for you. So that's the route Robert F. Kennedy is taking. He's capitalizing on people's irrational fears under the guise that he is "just asking questions." Many say he's the only level-headed guy in the race. The only one listening to what voters are concerned about. This doesn't get into many other topics Robert is known for, like that the 2004 presidential election was stolen, anti-depressants are to blame for school shootings and that Wi-Fi causes cancer and leaky brain, and many more [very strange ideas](https://www.npr.org/2023/07/13/1187272781/rfk-jr-kennedy-conspiracy-theories-social-media-presidential-campaign?ref=danielkherndon.com) that could totally be true, but probably are not. Robert said "This is what happens when you censor somebody for 18 years." at his campaign kickoff in Boston. And he's right. He has been censored at times, be he is not an abscure figure. By publishing articles in Rolling Stone and Slate and appearing on Joe Rogan and [Jordan Peterson](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/363-rekindling-the-spirit-of-the-classic-democrat/id1184022695?i=1000615735933&ref=danielkherndon.com)'s podcast. He's receiving leading [new coverage](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/12/podcasts/the-daily/rfk-2024-election.html?ref=oembed), even if it focuses on criticism of his message. Robert is polling high for an independent at 14% in at least [one poll](https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/08/politics/robert-kennedy-independent-candidate-president/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) this month. As a leading candidate for President, Robert F. Kennedy works in conspiracy soup, often with skewed facts, built on misguided conclusions about inflated suspicions. He's preying on our irrational fears. Just like every other politician. And that's why we shouldn't elect them. ### Chaos Theory URL: https://danielkherndon.com/chaos-theory/ Last updated: 2023-10-13T13:18:51.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone, except for anyone who is an antisemite, like, for example, Kanye West. I often get reader feedback, and I welcome it. (You can use the comments section or email me directly). Today, I’ll share some reader feedback from last week‘s issue. > *That one was like a turd in a punch bowl. Hope the punch outweighs the turd with the next edition.* As always, my focus is on telling you, and of course embellishing, the truth even when we don’t like it. Sometimes, the truth stinks. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 41 of 2023` ### It's Kevin and Steve, not Kevin and Eve. Again, apologies for such a terrible headline. If you will, let's try to get past it and focus on what's important, which is that nothing happens in this country unless our Congress can make laws telling us what not to do and how to pay for it. Let’s dive right in. In the ongoing saga where the GOP tries to live up to the G in their name, they spent up to approximately 7 minutes total to take time off of impeaching the President for improperly treating his senior citizen's diaper rash (maybe?) and shift some time to elect a speaker. The former Speaker, Kevin McCarthy, has expressed an openness to being considered for Speaker of the House again, which means that he would end up with two offices, the Former Speaker’s and the Current Future Former Speaker's office. With that said, in a closed-door meeting, the Republicans ended up nominating Steve Scalise, which means that the Future Former Speaker is now Just The Former Speaker. Anyway, Steve Scalise is battling blood cancer, which is unfortunate, but some say it has aged him much quicker, and that's what we look for in Congress anyway, so you're telling me there's a chance. But late last night, with weak support, Steve withdrew from the race, making him the Former Future Speaker, leaving the GOO without a leader and the house speakerless. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/live-blog/house-speaker-live-updates-steve-scalise-rcna119971?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### FT's Ex Sam Bankman Fried's trial has started, and his former girlfriend, Caroline Ellison, and CEO of sister company Alameda Research says that Sam directed her to steal money from FTX customers and use it to prop up the company’s balance sheet. To funnel the funds, they used a "[backdoor](https://nypost.com/2023/10/05/ftx-staff-found-alamedas-backdoor-months-before-collapse/?ref=danielkherndon.com)" which is a term used in the software business referring to an abstract data type for an arithmetic assignment operator in the standard template library, which would cause the stream exchange input to be obfuscated, resulting in a syntax error, and a protocol which forces the core .NET libraries to us a CoreRT to generate a run code on-the-fly and issue several stream manipulators. …which ultimately explains why they just called it a backdoor. Either way, Ellison pleaded guilty and testified against Bankman Fried. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Business/ftx-founder-sam-bankman-fried-rules-applied-girlfriend/story?id=103898272&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Sant O's George Santos is now facing additional charges, including identity theft and using donors' credit cards to snap some money for himself. But if you look closely at the report, it seems like he is committing identity theft against a cereal box because he calls himself George Sant O's and claims to be a "cereal entrepreneur," which is crazy if true. If it's not true, what is true is that he is a serial liar, and my suggestion that he has infringed on Cheerios is as legitimate as his whole career. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/10/politics/george-santos-superseding-indictment-doj/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Robert Eff Robert F. Kennedy, who is normally a Democrat, is shifting to run as an Independent so that he can lose his bid for President with more grandeur and take us down with him. We're thinking that if he can convince enough people that vaccines don't work and that he is also not anti-vaccine, then maybe he'll be able to cobble together enough voters to fill a whole local CVS waiting area. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/rfk-jrs-switch-independent-campaign-draws-criticism-republicans/story?id=103860523&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### N.F.ill Former NFL player Sergio Brown was taken into custody after disappearing for about a month. He was wanted for the murder of his mother, who was found in a creek behind her Maywood, IL home in September. We expect he’ll be playing a different kind of football from jail. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/11/us/sergio-brown-nfl-mother-death/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. ## Chaos Theory `Feature Story` I don't think about the fall of the Roman Empire every day, but I do think about it occasionally. I have more important things to think about, like, "What do they call Canadian bacon in Canada?" Or "How does Ron Desantis clean under his nails after a pudding break? – Or does he?" But there are yet even more important questions to ask and bigger thoughts to think right now, like "How much bacon is too much bacon, and also, is this pain in my chest normal?" and "Should I root for the Palestinians or the Israelis?" Also, "Am I racist for doing so?" For some of these questions, the answers come easy. You will know if you are a racist because Alexandria Occasio Cortez will be sure to tell you. You won't, however, know if you have eaten too much bacon because it's racist to talk about bacon. If the questions we asked were so simple, we would only write 168-word articles, and email open rates would surpass 100%, if not higher. According to [Chaos Theory](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lZy3teNY84&ref=danielkherndon.com), we can expect everything to fall apart eventually. The arc of history bends toward entropy. But in the case of the Hamas attack on Israel this past weekend, the political world thirsts for justice and hungers for you and me to declare what side we are on. Chaos Theory says that underlying patterns in the present determine the major events that happen in the future. As the metaphor explains, a butterfly can flap its wings in Peking, and then in Central Park, you get rain instead of sunshine. In the same way, Biden [trips](https://apnews.com/article/biden-fall-trip-air-force-stage-sandbag-79427949848742048600171770e33bc9?ref=danielkherndon.com) on a stage in Colorado Springs, causing the Republican Party to launch an impeachment inquiry against him in DC. On and on it goes. It's Chaos that explains why Comcast has the worst customer service on earth or why people on airplanes bring pillows shaped like toilet seats. It's the tiny hairs and variations of the skin that determine whether a drop of water hitting your hand will flow left or right, and that drop is the beginning of what eventually creates a grand canyon on the ground where it lands below it, only to change the orbit of the earth by the distribution of weight, and everything that happens after that ever. This is reaching, but such is political discourse. For more than a year, Russia has been waging war in Ukraine, China is threatening us with balloons and microchips, India is embracing Hindu nationalist violence, and Iran is engaging in proxy wars by funding terrorists. To make matters worse, now a cardboard tycoon in Australia [knows](https://time.com/6321265/anthony-pratt-trump-nuclear-submarine-secrets/?ref=danielkherndon.com) where all our nuclear submarines are. If that doesn't make you feel boxed in, I don't know what will. Now, there is another war between Israel and the Hamas party in Palestine. The Hamas attack in Israel has laid bare the realities of the past. What was once politics can no longer be covered up by the blood of Palestinians or Benjamin Netanyahu's combover. Now, it's a reality we have to face, and we're yearning to take a side. In complex systems, countless factors play a role in outcomes. Just as seats that barely recline give rise to the creation of the most embarrassing pillow there is, history and geopolitical conditions determine the initiation and outcome of wars. Should we blame the pillow users or the chairs? Yes. Because if you ask Palestinians, they've been subject to Apartheid and occupation since 1967\. If you ask Jews, they basically invented the world anyway, back in year one (that’s 3760 BC for the Gentiles). The Israeli occupation of Palestine ended in 2005, yet their conflict has continued ever since. Over the last 15 years, [300](https://abcnews.go.com/International/palestinian-civilians-suffer-israel-hamas-crossfire-death-toll/story?id=103828889&ref=readtangle.com) Israelis have been killed, and over that same time, the number of Palestinians who have been killed is [6,400](https://abcnews.go.com/International/palestinian-civilians-suffer-israel-hamas-crossfire-death-toll/story?id=103828889&ref=readtangle.com). In Gaza, due to a land, sea, and air blockade, people are prevented from leaving. Israel controls fuel, electricity, and water, and sanctions prevent the flow of supplies in general. Israel's position is that this is for their security, and that is convincing after the act of terrorism that killed over 1200 people in Israel last week, with thousands more injured. It's convincing because they use their own as human shields to exploit the decency of their opponents. They parade the killing of innocents through towns and on social media. Hamas is guided by the doctrine that Jews should be wiped off the face of the earth. The attack from Hamas, if it's anything, it's terrorism, but it's definitely not surprising. Chaos Theory would explain that we can not predict every possible outcome, but you don't have to be Jeff Goldblum to have predicted that those tiny little hairs on Nettenyahu's head could cause tiny variations that would have amounted to this eventually anyway. With his [policies](https://www.vox.com/world/2023/1/20/23561464/israel-new-right-wing-government-extreme-protests-netanyahu-biden-ben-gvir?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=It%20was%20easy,key%20ministerial%20posts.) of Palestinian isolation, this outcome is what should have been expected. You don't have to disagree with his policies to predict that people who are trapped and starved will turn to chaos. And Chaos will turn toward Israel. To put it bluntly, this outcome was all but guaranteed. But I would conclude with this. It's simultaneously reasonable to say that Israel contributed to the conditions that led to this attack and, at the same time, that the actions of Hamas are an act of terrorism, evil, and grossly unjustified. Now, many innocent Palestinians will die because of it. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum melts in your mouth, not in your inbox. Try sharing your copy with an inbox near you. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue online or with friends. ❤️ ****Love will keep us together**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month. ### All Blood. No Bath. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/all-blood-no-bath/ Last updated: 2023-10-09T21:17:18.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Kevin McCarthy, who is no longer the Speaker of the House. Nothing says family like the Republican Party. Just like a family, the first order of business is to attack the people in your own house. In this case, The House of Representatives. More on that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 40 of 2023` ### Build the Wall Joe Biden doesn't think building a wall at the Mexican border works, but he's doing it anyway. He says it's because the money was already earmarked in 2019 and that, by law, he couldn't move it. That's all true, but personally, I think we have a bigger illegal alien problem than the southern border, given all these [UFO reports](https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/of-interest/2023/10/05/ufo-david-grusch-uap-congress-yes-theory/?ref=danielkherndon.com) I'm hearing. If you ask me, I think we should build a ceiling and make China pay for it. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/05/us/biden-border-wall-waiver.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Letitia Vs. Donald Trump went to court this week in Manhattan, looking really bored. He was there to defend his business from receivership and a ruling that could cost him control of many of his properties, including Manhattan's Trump Tower, the building where his [extra hair](https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/beauty-products/a34211607/donald-trump-hair-expense-tax-return-scandal/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is stored. It's unclear what the results of the summary judgment will mean for Trump, but the findings seem to clarify why Trump Steaks went under after two months. It wasn't worth it. ([more](https://www.nydailynews.com/2023/10/04/trump-says-he-showed-up-at-his-nyc-fraud-trial-to-draw-media-attention-to-how-corrupt-it-is/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Vatican't Decide The Pope is bringing up the touchy topics at this upcoming synod, which is the code name for a big event we non-Catholics know nothing about without asking our non-practicing spouses. The largest religious denomination in the world will be deciding if they should let priests get married and also if they should get off gay people's backs about their privates (obviously, no pun intended). I say go for it, and maybe they won't have the sexual abuse problems they're famous for. Side note: This will be the first time lay people, including women, get to vote on this sort of thing, too. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2023/10/03/1203404502/among-the-topics-of-tomorrows-vatican-meeting-the-possibility-of-women-deacons?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Save the Debt Biden canceled 9 billion in student loan debt, reminding us that the more we borrow, the more we save. This makes $127 billion so far that has been wiped away for college borrowers, and exactly zero dollars for me personally, having never been to college, but I've written off every email subscription I've signed up for as "research," so at least I'm getting a tax break here and there. ([more](https://www.axios.com/2023/10/04/biden-student-loan-forgiveness-debt-relief?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Year Of The Strike Apparently, workers are mad as hell, and they’re not going to take it any longer. This [includes](https://apnews.com/hub/strikes?ref=danielkherndon.com) auto workers, actors, and, of course, it kind of seems like Congress, too, if I read it right. This week, 75,000 Kaiser Permanente employees, one of the largest healthcare employers, said they wanted "permanente" wage increases across the board, so they walked off the job in protest for three days. I'd consider it more of a "strike-tease" but if a deal is not reached soon, they say they have another longer strike planned in November. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/05/business/union-workers-strike-kaiser-permanente/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Political Back Biting With all this talk about attacking one another in Washington, President Biden is trying to set a good example by telling his staff we won't bite each other. Normally, it's the voter's job to remove someone from the White House, but Chief has been impeached. It took eleven incidents of aggressive behavior against Secret Service and staff members before the First Family's German shepherd was moved out of the White House. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/04/us/politics/bidens-commander-dog-biting.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Alabama got a spanking for [gerrymandering](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/05/us/politics/alabama-congressional-map-democrat-seat.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), giving Dems an advantage. - NFL player Dick Butkus died [yesterday](https://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/video/dick-butkus-legendary-chicago-bears-player-dies-at-80-194533445660?ref=danielkherndon.com), and no one made fun of his name. --- That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. ## Seeing Red `Feature Story` In 1997, Newt Gingerich called Democrats pathetic, selfish traitors. Not necessarily all in the same sentence, but he used each of those words. Gingerich was credited with introducing a new level of partisanship as speaker in the house, lobbing harsher insults against his opponents, and holding a tougher line toward party prerogatives over governing priorities. He also refused to tell America [what kind of underwear](https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1995-07-14-ca-23765-story.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) he wears, and we have never gotten over it. Whether it was boxers or briefs, the truth is, if we knew his subterranean status, we would know not only the stain he left on democracy but the stain he left on himself as well. Newt didn't hold onto the House for long. Under the pressure of an investigation into purported ethics violations, he was given an ultimatum. Resign or be voted out. He was succeded by John Boehner, who, for some reason, couldn't seem to stop crying and eventually would tearfully resign—followed by [Paul Ryan](https://www.politico.com/story/2018/04/11/ryan-in-interview-im-done-seeking-elected-office-515678?ref=danielkherndon.com), who thought that even sitting on the board for Fox News affords him less of the burden of identity politics than elected office. The party has eaten its own for years, and the outer wing politics have driven the agenda. But Kevin is different than his predecessors. He's accomplished two things—sorting Starburst for Trump, who loves the pink ones, and striking more deals than anyone in Congress. And that's what put Kevin where he is now. If Kevin sold a used car, he'd probably sell it to 2 or 3 people before any of them ever got the keys. Kevin is a bottom feeder who did what he needed to do to get Pelosi's office. He voted to overturn the election and said it never should have happened the next day. He promised hard-right Republicans their ship would come in and then sent it to another pier. He begged Trump for power and then gave it all to his water boys. There's no need to feel sorry for Kevin. Kevin had it coming. And so did the Republicans. Currently, democracy is facing a delicate balance. In fact, almost literally, our current president has a [whole team of people](https://www.axios.com/2023/09/26/biden-trip-2024-campaign-sneakers?ref=danielkherndon.com) focused on helping him keep his own balance, fearing a fall that could cause more presidential embarrassment but also result in a disappointing election. But as much as democracy might depend on Biden wearing tennis shoes, it depends mostly on one thing. Voting Republicans out of office. We all know the government is designed to fight through dysfunction if it's going to function at all. Red tape is red for a reason, and not because it looks pretty. But this week, the business of governing has been a blood bath, although a lot more blood than bath. The Republican Party needs to wash off the MAGA and move on. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: Choosy moms choose The Lorem Ipsum. Try sharing your copy with a mom near you. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Help a needy inbox**: Share this issue online or with friends. ❤️ ****Love will keep us together**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month. ### Gold Bars and Beef Bouillon URL: https://danielkherndon.com/gold-bars-and-beef-bulion/ Last updated: 2023-10-13T14:25:04.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, When I have soup, I like to have a lot of flavor. That's why I use plenty of salt and create a nice beef bouillon. It's the gold standard of flavor. I call it Gold Bouillon. I'm not the only one caught with a mouth full of gold. I'll get to that in a minute... First, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 39 of 2023` ### **The Race For Second Place** The second Republican primary debate was this Wednesday evening, where seven candidates faced off to see who will get to be the next Secretary of Waste Management. For those who missed it, congratulations. Whether you were changing a duvet cover on the guest bed in your house or reading a company-wide email about a fundraiser for someone's kid, you made the right choice. So far, the only thing that stood out was Chris Christy's belly and Vivek Ramaswamy‘s hair. I've highlighted a few key moments here. **Chris Christy** had a fire in his belly and a sandwich in his hand. His focus continues to be to attack the former President. He did so by looking directly at the camera and chided Trump for not showing his orange face on the debate stage. He then channeled his inner George Costanza with a "Jerk Store" comeback, calling Donald Trump “Donald Duck,” a joke which flopped badly. **Ron Desantis** struggled to get answers in with a mouth full of pizza, but he did manage to evade several questions. Viewers did not evade his awkward smile or his mentions of fake people that he met in Iowa. Desantis still trails well behind Trump, who reminds us that Ron Disanctimonious needs a personality transplant. **Nikki Haley,** for her heated responses to Rami Swamy, would have drawn looks, but her pantsuit was so shiny the cameras had trouble looking directly at it. Much like her clothing, Nikki was loud every chance she got, at times, as if to convince us that she and Tim Scott were not best friends. **Doug Bergum,** although credited with meaningful responses to questions, seemed to be replaced by a muppet. His handlers did their best to move his lips in step with the answers convincingly, but based on polling numbers alone, I'm not sure if voters are convinced. **Rami Swamy** succeeded at covering everything his parents directed him to but skipped some of the attack lines his fraternity brothers helped him prepare. He came across as notably different this time around. For example, some of his hair care product had not quite set, so he had a crunchy smeared spot on the side but still managed to maintain the extra inch of height we know him for. **Tim Scott** logged the most minutes talking about his faith, ahead of Pence by at least one *Christianese* term and one scripture. He took decidedly first place in mentioning his background in poverty. While struggling to control his volume toward the end of longer answers, he managed to get a fair share of screen time, unlike the last debate, where most of his screen time was him looking at his phone while he waited for his turn. **Mike Pence,** whenasked a question about protecting LGBTQ people if he were the President, answered by changing the subject and sharing that, despite his wife being in the audience, he has been sleeping with a teacher for 38 years (although he didn’t mention the man's name). Pence praised his record as someone who was there when Donald Trump was President, a strategy about which Trump aides say “thanks.” ### Frump Tower The Trump Organization, Donald himself, and his adult sons Eric and Junior have been found guilty of fraud after a New York judge issued a summary judgment in the case against the business. Basically, the evidence of inflating and deflating values of properties was so obvious that not even Trump's own lawyers could dispute them. What the lawyers did dispute was a practice known as "bad lawyering," for which the judge sanctioned them with a fine of $7500 each, which, for context, is the value of one The Lorem Ipsum article (even though I only charge $5 per month for full access), leaving me with a net worth of $4 billion if you account for brand value. The judge revoked Trump's business certificate and is expected to remove their control of the buildings in New York that are subject to the lawsuit, which includes his flagship "Trump Tower," a building roughly the size of his ego. Just yesterday, a judge rejected an appeal to delay the trial, leaving Trump in the unfortunate position of having to pay consequences for something. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/28/nyregion/trump-fraud-judge-appeal.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### So Spaced Out A NASA mission made its way back to Earth after collecting a piece of an asteroid. The research mission expects to uncover data about the origins of the universe and other news from space. Examining the asteroid sample is at the beginning stages, but early findings have identified dust particles similar to those found on John Fetterman's hoodie, suggesting he may actually have origins beyond Earth. Just three days ago, "scientists gasped" as they opened the canister for the first time, according to NASA. One report says a scientist looked at his colleague and, concerned he was dropping off a sample of his own, asked, "Was that you or the asteroid?" ([more](https://www.space.com/osiris-rex-asteroid-sample-caniser-lid-lifted-photos?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Strike is Striked The writer's strike is almost settled, and among the terms rumored, they agreed never to write Russel Brand into any movies. The Writers Guild said, "We can say, with great pride, that this deal is exceptional." The Studios, on the other hand, after bending back up, said nothing about the deal. As a writer myself, I'm proud to root for the little guy, but as a writer's boss (since I work for myself), I'm frustrated that you people always take advantage of us business owners. Strikes still loom for the Screen Actors Guild and for the unrelated United Auto Workers. ([more](https://deadline.com/2023/09/writers-strike-deal-wga-studios-1235551531/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Once You Go Black Sea, You Never Go Back, See. Sorry about the terrible headline on this one, but it was hard to pass up (no pun intended). Earlier this week, Ukraine claimed it killed the Russian naval commander in an attack on the Black Sea Fleet. So far, Russia has shown him silently sitting on a video call in an attempt to prove (*say:* 'make it seem like') that he is still alive. Advice to Russia: get his phone and use it to place a remote Starbvcks order so that his regular barista can attest that the Commander is alive and well, because who else uses that much half n’ half? Neither side’s report could be independently verified, including how much half n’ half any Russian officials use, dead or alive. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/russian-black-sea-fleet-commander-shown-meeting-ukraine-killed-sokolov-rcna117336?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Dumbledore is [dead](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/michael-gambon-dead-how-actor-made-dumbledore-his-own-135753263.html?guccounter=1&guce%5Freferrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce%5Freferrer%5Fsig=AQAAANScSQ%5FQ-YLqng5aSpLApWtpaC6QFAUepPPeVzYYk6KwcBfRuMYmZFyRaL4GM-x9RjG5zEIrPT4Mmq3FEotAVr2xMXJvsU9cOS5vCRWCFXIAn5PDQfH%5FEhoSJZSsWDK42hK0IhF015xWr41wdnYpcWSc%5FYzTqU67acJMf1NalB4k&ref=danielkherndon.com) again. - The first Biden impeachment hearing was [lame](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/28/us/politics/biden-impeachment-hearing.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). --- That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## Bob and The Bouillion `Feature Story` Like a preacher in a mega church, Robert Menendez wanted nothing more than money and influence, and while he gained it, his wife directed the choir behind him the entire time. At least, that's what prosecutors think. Last week, Robert, a Democrat senator from New Jersey, and his wife Nadine were indicted for accepting bribes in exchange for his actions as a Senator and Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. Like Joe Biden, Robert has been under investigation for illegally exploiting his role in government. Like Donald Trump, his questionable actions were obvious. Gold bars, stacks of cash lining jackets, meaningless gifts, and a symbolic payroll position at an Egyptian halal meat company that barely showed any revenue until an oversight committee delivered it. A committee Robert was in charge of. Nadine eventually had to start deleting text messages to reduce the chances of being traced. You can read about the scandal's impetus [here](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/sen-bob-menendez-indicted-federal-charges-rcna111447?ref=danielkherndon.com). The most notable part of this story is that Menedez is a Democrat. Not because Democrats are model citizens. Most of them are too old to be models anyway. No, I mean because terrible people are everywhere, but comparing the two major parties' latest hits is like sitting Lindsay Lohan next to Jeffery Dahmer and yelling, "See! They're both criminals." Over the last eight years, the Republican Party has stolen all the headlines and forced even the most conservative pundits, if they have an ounce of intellectual integrity, to criticize the Right for turning the party [into a circus](https://danielkherndon.com/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/). Well, corruption is corrupt no matter where it's found. Whether Menendez can get out of this one is unclear, but the accusations and the evidence against him are pretty damning. Over the last week, over twenty Democrat colleagues have called for Robert to resign from his Senate seat. **Related stories from the archives:** [Has the GOP turned from a Party to a Circus?I’ve gotta be honest; I’m afraid of clowns. I realize that clowns, in most cases, are simply people with colored wigs and strange makeup. But how creepy is it to see someone staring you directly in the eyes, with a painted silly grin on their face, while they twist a![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/05/16-Clown-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### The Scraps of Summer URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-scraps-of-summer/ Last updated: 2023-09-22T10:30:46.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, We are in the home stretch of summer. The scraps of the season when each morning, you don't know whether to pack a jacket or sunscreen – or both. I spent most of this week in Washington, D.C., relishing the final days of summer. Days which are quickly running out. And that's not the only thing that was running either. That's right. In the US Capital, just about everyone was running. I saw so many people dashing through the trails of the National Mall that it made Indiana look like a colony of chubby newsletter writers. Based on their attire, I couldn't tell whether they were running for exercise or running for office. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 38 of 2023` ### Retirement Gets Ugly Not only is succession over on HBO, but it's coming to an end in real life, too, now that Fox News boss Rupert Murdoch is walking into retirement. The 92 year old's deep wrinkles showcase the years of running a media empire with almost as many wrinkles in its news coverage but no shortage of influence. He leaves the keys to the empire to Lachlan, his oldest son, who is 52, who definitely knew Dad would pick him the whole time. Rupert is a widely accomplished individual, one who divorced Jerry Hall, one of his four [wives](https://www.theguardian.com/media/2023/apr/13/rupert-murdoch-reportedly-divorced-jerry-hall-by-email?ref=danielkherndon.com), by email. A billionaire like Murdoch accomplishes more divorces by 8 a.m. than most people accomplish in a lifetime. Notably, part of Jerry's divorce settlement in 2022 was that she could not give story ideas to the writers of Succession. ([more](https://www.foxnews.com/media/rupert-murdoch-announces-transition-new-role-chairman-emeritus-fox-news-corp?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hunter Drama The most boring thing that is happening in the judicial system this week is related to Hunter Biden. This week, new witness testimony has undermined the whistleblower claims that Hunter Biden received special treatment from the DOJ. Understandably, the privilege of being the President's son affords you front-page news even for fairly uninteresting crimes, but one of the worst of them so far is not doing his taxes right. IRS whistleblowers have said he received a sweetheart deal, thanks to the Biden DOJ, while new witnesses claim he was treated more like a Pumpkin Spice latte – pretty basic. Still, no word on whether Hunter's business consulting activities were a crime, but to be fair, no one really knows what "doing consulting" is anyway. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/19/politics/witness-testimony-disputes-irs-whistleblower-hunter-biden/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) In an effort to make good TV, the House oversight committee questioned Attorney General Merrick Garland in a routine oversight session, addressing the Hunter Biden saga. The "ad nauseam" segment of the event only hinted at the incoming impeachment inquiry of President Biden, which is still to come. The first official impeachment hearing, where President Biden is being accused of, among other things, being someone other than Donald Trump, will take place on [September 28th.](https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/19/politics/house-impeachment-first-hearing-hunter-biden-subpoena/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Bounce Rate Trump is expected to skip the second Republican primary debate on September 27th, a strategy that so far appears to be working according to the [polls](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-primary-r/2024/national/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Meanwhile, all other candidates are enjoying mostly one-digit rates in the early numbers, with his former VP polling well behind someone who probably spent the last few years playing video games – Ramaswami, at 7%, has a good chance of beating Pence come the Iowa Caucuses and a 100% chance of beating him in Call of Duty: Warzone 2.0\. As far as Trump goes, he is at 55%, with Desantis sitting with his pudding at 14%. These early polling leads tend to predict a winner, but with several criminal charges facing the leading candidate, we don't have a point of comparison. But Trump has [expressed worries](https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/trump-prison-conviction-trial-1234828231/?ref=danielkherndon.com) about prison time, and whether an Orange jumpsuit will clash with his skin tone. ([more](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/2024-republican-primary-updates/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### UN Convening In New York, leaders from 145 countries convened for its 78th general assembly to talk about the world's problems, the biggest one being Russia, with climate change and AI coming in just behind it. In his speech, Biden warned his fellow world leaders of the importance of addressing artificial intelligence, saying that it "could govern us," which sounds complicated but somewhat tempting, and I think we should at least have Silicon Valley look into the idea, to have options. ([more](https://nypost.com/2023/09/19/biden-to-back-ukraine-push-to-climate-proof-our-world-in-un-speech/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Another Shutdown Congress faces another potential shutdown with a deadline of next week. Speaker Kevin McCarthy is facing pushback on what would otherwise be a procedural vote from some of the more conservative members, putting the Speaker's job at risk and, if there is a shutdown, pausing jobs for many others in the government as well. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/21/politics/house-government-shutdown-negotiations-latest/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## Wearing Scraps `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` ***Hey Daniel, I heard you were in DC this week, so I figured you would know. Can I wear a bikini into the halls of Congress, or should I be wearing a double-breasted pantsuit?*** ***Best Regards, S.Collins, from Caribou, ME*** Hey S, I'm flattered you asked. If you're heading to Washington, make sure you bring your Centrum Silver, in hopes that it aids in memory, and maybe take an iron supplement to aid in bone density while you're scantily dressed. It's always good to at least keep your balance and complete a sentence when in Congress, no matter what you're wearing. Still, it will take more than a vitamin supplement to look ready for work in a bikini. For some of us, we may need to take up jogging. For others, it requires going back in time. We'll have to let the voters be the judge on that one. According to the rules (insert a link to nothing here), there's a strict dress code consisting of modest dresses for women with their shoulders covered and waistcoats and ties for men. I can't be sure, but last time I checked, I think they also had to wear wigs too. The rules, despite not being written, have changed over time. Based on what I've seen in Washington, everyone wearing a bikini so far has covered it with a [hoodie](https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/18/politics/senate-dress-code-shorts-fetterman/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) or a [Cruella Deville](https://www.newsweek.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-mocked-over-sotu-outfit-cruella-de-vil-1779674?ref=danielkherndon.com) coat, and for some, a [billowing cloud of vape](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWfOVtcYG80&ref=danielkherndon.com) is an option, too – preferably in the vaping/smoking section in the back, please. That doesn't mean wearing a thong is a no-brainer, even if it's a [Carhart brand thong](https://outsidebozeman.com/culture/humor/the-carhartt-thong?ref=danielkherndon.com), John Fetterman's brand of choice. The temperature is ice cold in the halls of Congress, especially right now, while Republicans are icing lawmakers to focus on an impending impeachment of President Biden as a punishment for winning the election honestly back in 2020 and icing out their own sides (at least on the Republican side) as they face a Government shutdown if a budget provision is not passed. That's why I think you should consider something more like a bulletproof vest to protect you from potential attacks, with extra armor on your back in case someone stabs you in it, and if possible, a chastity belt, just in case Donald Trump makes it back there before getting incarcerated. But, honestly, any outfit will do, just as long as you can keep getting voted into office with it on – and if you are okay with the voters being the ones deciding. As far as what's next, let's try not to replace the carpet in the Capitol anytime soon because, as far as I can tell, the people in the halls of Congress will politicize anything they can, and, like a bikini clad lawmaker, I don't think we should stand for that. --- ## Your Questions If you want to turn the routine into a political stunt, make sure you link up with Matt Gaetz and Loren Boehbert on their next date. If you want to see stunts on paper, including web paper, Ask The Lorem Ipsum. Send me your questions about anything at all to HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com. --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month. Or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### iBumped URL: https://danielkherndon.com/ibumped/ Last updated: 2023-09-15T10:30:54.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I'm back and ready for a new iPhone if the pockets will hold it. Welcome to another issue of The Lorem Ipsum. If you're wondering why I look so rested, it's due to a full week of not covering the news. Or doing anything else. I realize that many of you have come to depend on The Lorem Ipsum for a clear-eyed view of the world. That's what I'm here for. Because occasionally, you have a breakfast meeting at a Hardees, and not knowing that Lauren Boebert was [kicked out of](https://deadline.com/2023/09/lauren-boebert-kicked-out-of-beetlejuice-musical-1235545150/?ref=danielkherndon.com) a theatre for vaping and causing a disturbance is not a good look when everyone else says they heard about it last week. As I've said on the About pages of this site before, "We cover the news, but also your ass." Well, last week, I did neither, thanks to a needed vacation, but I covered my own by sending out a rerun of an oldie but goodie. Since then, the news has piled up, so this week's Hot Takes section is deep. Let's dive right in... Here's ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 37 of 2023` ### Un Visits Putin I'm not talking about just any Un but the O.G. Kim *Jong*\-Un. Putin, his bald combover counterpart, agreed to a meeting in Russia, where they talked about the possibility of sharing rockets, not just as innuendo but as an allied partnership in war. The two men have opposite hairdos, but they share at least one thing in common. They both basically hate everyone. Experts say their partnership, while it will certainly have implications for the war in Ukraine, could create a new shift in geopolitics, with perhaps a war colder than the prior of the same name. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-66810830?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ## iMpeach Pit House Speaker Kevin McCarthy has launched a formal impeachment inquiry into President Biden this week, or at least a Kevin McCarthy puppet did. To be fair, McCarthy doesn't have a choice, having surrendered all his power to Rep. Matt Gaetz and others on the far right, and probably is trying to avoid being relegated to his old job sorting Starburst for Trump. As far as impeachment goes, Biden has been accused of many things, however, the only known criticism for which there is [evidence](https://www.gizchina.com/2022/02/18/president-biden-spotted-using-a-hush-hush-special-iphone-with-presidential-shield-how-secure-is-it/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is that he is allegedly excluding Republicans from group texts because the bubbles are green – which opponents think is totally not cool. Aside from that, there have been a number of unsubstantiated claims of corruption, including claims he used the power of his office to help his son. It's worth noting that there's no chance of Biden being removed from the White House unless it's by falling off of the Truman Balcony with an ice cream cone in his hands, a fall that continues to seem increasingly likely, given his age and love for ice cream. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/12/us/politics/mccarthy-biden-impeachment-inquiry.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **In Related News,** Hunter Biden was indicted on a handgun charge because he checked "no" on the box that asks, "Are you seriously on drugs, RN?" He was, and now, after a plea deal fell apart, he faces charges for an offense that is rarely prosecuted. And just a special note that this won't help the President in his reelection plans. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/hunter-biden-indicted-federal-gun-charges-rcna39623?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Old Dominion Mitt Romney announced this week that he would retire, making room for younger leaders. He chided both President Biden and former President Trump, urging them to quit while they can still remember their names. Personally, I agree with Mitt. We already agree that if you're dead, you shouldn't run the country. I suggest we expand that to look a little more like arriving at a business meeting. If you're parking, you're as good as there even if you haven't sat down yet. Many people in Congress and The White House are grandparents these days. Even the much younger Loren Bohbert is no exception. Yesterday's old politicians are even older today, and they're undoubtedly aging by the minute. For most people, getting old involves relaxation and applesauce. For people like Nancy Pelosi, it involves running for office once again. Nancy announced last week that she won't be hanging up the dentures entirely – she's seeking office once again in 2024\. Diane Feinstein happens to be seeking office right now, too, however, her staffers have informed her she's already in one. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/13/us/politics/mitt-romney-retirement.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Fugitive In Pennsylvania, it wasn't the one-armed man that did it. Danelo Cavalcante was convicted of killing his former girlfriend, after which he was jailed for a life sentence. Well, with no offense to the Chester County Prison chef, he didn't want to be there that long, so he escaped, sending Pennsylvania police and other Tommy Lee Jones equivalents on a manhunt that stretched over two weeks, and would have been longer if Cavalcante could have, at some point, found a clothesline with a decent outfit to change into. Well, Pennsylvania State Police Lt. George Bivens insisted his team change their tune from Cacalcante to CavalCAN, and after several days at large (or "at average" based on the [pictures](https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2023/09/13/danelo-cavalcante-escape-captured-pennsylvania/?ref=danielkherndon.com) I've seen), the suspect was caught on Wednesday. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/11/us/cavalcante-brazil-escaped-prisoner-pennsylvania.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Vax Scene The FDA has approved the latest Covid 19 vaccines, which, to me, sounds like a perfect time for a conspiracy theory if you aren't more interested in lowering your risk of disease and moving on. With that said, it's true that vaccines have risks. For example, one guy got a vaccine back in 2011, and before you knew it, he was voting for Obama. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/11/health/fda-signs-off-on-updated-covid-19-vaccines/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Smart Tuesday Apple released its latest version of the iPhone on Tuesday in hopes of continuing its trend of winning over Android users who finally got tired of not being included in all the group texts. The latest phone and its software bring many of the same cutting-edge features we're used to, like having the ability to make calls, take pictures, and be an iPhone user. In addition, it comes with a camera bump that keeps up with inflation and battery life long enough to capture a full Mitch McConnel freeze in a press interview. ([more](https://www.apple.com/newsroom/2023/09/apple-debuts-iphone-15-and-iphone-15-plus/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - According to the FDA, Sudafed is [ineffective](https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/12/health/phenylephrine-tablets-ineffective-fda-panel-says/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) for colds, but meth still works. - Trump and the codefendants in the Georgia case will be [tried](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/fulton-county-district-attorney-rico-case-trump-trial/?ref=danielkherndon.com) separately. - An earthquake in Morroco took more than 2,800 lives and injured many more as the government [struggled to respond](https://www.reuters.com/world/africa/rescuers-race-find-survivors-over-48-hours-after-morocco-quake-2023-09-11/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to the emergency needs of its citizens. - Meanwhile, just 4,000 miles to the east, Libya saw [floods](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/sep/11/storm-daniel-floods-libya?ref=danielkherndon.com) as a dam collapsed, sweeping whole neighborhoods away and killing more than 6,000\. - And if that wasn’t enough, Brittany Spears has been [shagging](https://pagesix.com/2023/09/14/britney-spears-dating-criminal-housekeeper-paul-richard-soliz/?ref=danielkherndon.com) a felon. --- That’s all we have this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) (I mean X), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Labor Dazed URL: https://danielkherndon.com/labored-days/ Last updated: 2023-09-08T14:03:17.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, The lazy placeholder image is a perfect example of everything I've done this week in the responsibility category. I've spent the better part of the week not working, but missing an issue of *The Weekly* from *The Lorem Ipsum* would be the first of its kind. I haven't even missed an issue on Christmas Day itself, although that's probably because the Holiday hasn't yet landed on a Friday since I launched this periodical. Still, if there's one thing you can rely on, it's your Friday reading. Despite my dedication in sending these emails and yours in reading them, even newsletters deserve days off, so this week, I'll be rerunning an old favorite. When Marty McFly traveled through time from 1985 to 1955 to direct his unsuspecting father, George, to stand up to Bif, George questioned his advice by saying, "You really think I oughtta swear?" To which Marty responded, "Yes, definitely! Goddammit, George, swear!" Although contrary to what I had been taught from my youth up, I received that message and held it close to my heart. So, the answer is yes. You should swear. But there are plenty of reasons besides showing someone who's boss. A strong word may benefit your health and help you make friends too, and that's what I wrote about in June of 2021\. I've gotten much better at writing since then. I'm much better at cussing, too. So, for those of you looking for a break from the BS of the news, here's an article about the use of the term BS itself. For many of you, this article is as new as a white pair of sneakers. For the rest of you, I've corrected the spelling errors, and the cleaner version is for you. Let's skip ***The News.*** Here's today's ***Feature Story***, a *rerun.* --- ## Strong words on why you should definitely curse `Feature Story` I grew up pretty staunchy, which of course, isn't a word, and that furthermore demonstrates just how staunchy I and my contemporaries actually were when I was young. Even if it's not a word, if you know, you know. So, you know what I mean when I say I was buttoned up from a behavior standpoint. I'm talking about being so stuck up, so pious, and well-behaved that it was a burden. I was so devout I walked down the street with cheeks clenched so tight, quarters melted, and crispy one-dollar bills had permanent creases in them. My well-behavedness gave me a sense of pride. At about the age of 16, a friend of mine said, "Daniel, sometimes you act like an adult, and I really hate it." I loved it. I was proud of my tightly controlled persona and my well-manicured moral behavior. I was proud that I raised money for a homeless shelter. I bragged that I never did any illegal drugs and that I never snuck out of the house to hang out with friends without my parent's permission. I always did my school on time, did my own laundry, and was never the instigator of anything bad that I did with friends (if ever). I was a very polished and very well-behaved kid, and it showed. I might as well have been a priest, and the risk of becoming one was there, although I've managed to avoid it so far. Even with all of that, every now and then, and only in a safe, quiet place... I would... maybe... eke out. Shhhh... A cuss word. The temptation to let my hair down and loosen up just a little was always appealing. It was so taboo, but it just felt so freeing to say it. I'm certain you're thinking the very word right now. To me, in my non-denominational, evangelical, fundamentalist, Pentecostal, religious upbringing, cussing was such a taboo subject. There were certain words you could not utter. It was understood that, at times, you had to talk about bodily functions, you may have a need to express your frustration about someone, and when you hit your finger with a hammer, you might need to react in some way. But you'll have to do all the above, using an alternative to an expletive. There were certain vocabulary words that were just not an acceptable form of expression. But I admit I would let one slip every now and then. For me, like everything else I did, they were very controlled. I knew the right time and place. Like when there were no parents or clergymen around and certainly no one from the Federal Communications Commission. Each word would be uttered, either under my breath or with another curse-consenting friend. It felt really good. Eventually, I learned to use this skill more frequently. I still felt compelled to keep my potty mouth in check among certain friends, but the frequency became more regular, the choice words became more chosen, and the mixed company became, well, more mixed. I began to process whether it was acceptable or whether I could build any argument against my use of dirty language. It's important to check and double-check your beliefs, so I did. According to Discover Magazine, [cursing can relieve stress](https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/worried-about-your-foul-mouth-swearing-could-actually-be-good-for-you?ref=danielkherndon.com), build camaraderie, and be a sign of a more open and honest person. Would you rather have a conversation with a liar using a made-for-TV vocabulary or honest Abe dropping an eff bomb? What's your vice of choice when stubbing your toe? –Ibuprofen or "Ay Caramba!"? According to James V O'Connor, [cursing is a sign of a limited vocabulary](https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=jZnopRxVzsAC&oi=fnd&pg=PR8&dq=Cuss+Control:+the+Complete+Book+on+How+to+Curb+Your+Cursing&ots=CY%5FosOXTcD&sig=up4ho8P5PUEiQrEfBqkzjPy1gHs&ref=danielkherndon.com#v=onepage&q=Cuss%20Control%3A%20the%20Complete%20Book%20on%20How%20to%20Curb%20Your%20Cursing&f=false), based on his [“poverty-of-vocabulary” hypothesis](https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=jZnopRxVzsAC&oi=fnd&pg=PR8&dq=Cuss+Control:+the+Complete+Book+on+How+to+Curb+Your+Cursing&ots=CY%5FosOXTcD&sig=up4ho8P5PUEiQrEfBqkzjPy1gHs&ref=danielkherndon.com#v=onepage&q=Cuss%20Control%3A%20the%20Complete%20Book%20on%20How%20to%20Curb%20Your%20Cursing&f=false). In actuality, this is not borne out in the data. According to Scientific American, the swearing fluent are often found to be eloquent in general and often skilled with language beyond the [seven dirty words you can't say on television](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven%5Fdirty%5Fwords?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20seven%20dirty%20words%20are,%22%2C%20and%20%22tits%22.). Furthermore, studies suggest that those who are exceptionally vulgar may even be exceptionally intelligent. Congratulations to Samuel L. Jackson, who has outshined us all while talking about [burgers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pkq%5FeBHXJ4&ref=danielkherndon.com) and putting our [kids to bed](https://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/145584165X?ref=danielkherndon.com). This is an excellent finding for many of us because it has been found that the taboo on swearing has [decreased](https://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2016-10-11/do-we-swear-too-much?ref=danielkherndon.com) since this time last century. A study published in 2006 says that 74% of us encounter [swearing in public](https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna12063093?ref=danielkherndon.com), and about 63 percent of respondents in a 2018 study cited [swearing as a way to cope with pain](https://www.usnews.com/news/health-care-news/articles/2018-04-19/study-cursing-is-the-most-common-way-americans-deal-with-frustrations?ref=danielkherndon.com), frustration, or stress. Swearing can help you with more than just stress. The Great Sam L. (aforementioned) claimed on the Howard Stern Show that his potty mouth methods actually [helped him overcome a speech impediment](http://www.mtv.com/news/2722635/samuel-l-jackson-cursing/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Swearing helps people to let their guard down, which in sales conversations has been found to help salespeople [close more deals](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/startling-truth-how-cursing-impacts-sales-devin-reed/?ref=danielkherndon.com). What more could you ask of a bad word? So, I think it's time we let go of the stigma of language. I'm reminded of a time when I was young, and I sought some productive language for my own vocabulary. Under strict direction from my parents and church youth leaders, in order to avoid using the phrase "this sucks" to refer to something that was disappointing, I switched to the phrase "this blows." Well, unfortunately,... that got me in a *hell* of a lot more trouble. My takeaway? They are all just words. Use them well. `(The original version of this post can be found [here](https://www.danielkherndon.com/strong-words-on-why-you-should-definitely-curse/?ref=danielkherndon.com).)` --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### The Misty Freeze URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-misty-freeze/ Last updated: 2023-09-01T13:15:39.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, The heat is up for the former President in his criminal cases. Meanwhile, our Senate Minority Leader is freezing. It's probably all caused by climate change. I'll have more on both... Let's start with ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 35 of 2023` ### Mitchy Freeze Dairy Queen has offered a sponsorship deal to Senator Mitch McConnel, potentially granting naming rights for the [Misty Freeze.](https://www.dairyqueen.com/en-us/menu/misty-freeze/?ref=danielkherndon.com)®This is after the Senator from Kentucky froze at another press briefing, unable to answer questions, similar to the reaction of an ice cream headache – which Mitch might be able to pitch to DQ as a branding strategy. Our leaders in Washington continue to be dominated by crusty congressmen, septuagenarian senators, and octogenarian incumbents. Their average ages these days have been landing somewhere between "Fixodent and forget it" and "wears a robe to dinner." When I learned this was the 118th Congress, I didn't initially realize that it was referring to the average age of elected officials, but it's clear to me that the American dream of retiring in style is not as strong as the American dream of holding onto power until your grip can't even hold a toothbrush. McConnel's physician has since released a letter clearing him to work after the episode. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/31/politics/mitch-mcconnell-health/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Dollar General Shooting In Jacksonville, FL, a man entered a Dollar General, and instead of buying frosted wheat squares, he killed three Black customers. The three innocent bystanders were slaughtered after the suspect directed several white patrons out of the store. The gunman, 21-year-old Ryan Christopher Palmeter, was known to have left behind racist writings before launching the attack on Saturday, after which he killed himself. In a press conference about the incident, Governor Desantis said the shooting was "totally unacceptable" and that "We are not going to let people be targeted based on their race." – unless you count banning race-related history books in schools and passing permitless carry gun laws (embellishments mine). Desantis was booed by the crowd. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/28/us/jacksonville-florida-shooting-what-we-know/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Idalia Storms A category 3 storm made landfall on western Florida just before being downgraded to a tropical storm and making its way toward Georgia and the Carolinas. The floods destroyed white pants across the western coast. Prior to making landfall, Governor Desantis stressed to Floridians to “listen to your local officials,” presumably with the exception of public health officials. ([more](https://www.npr.org/live-updates/hurricane-idalia-path-florida?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### March Forth A judge set Donald Trump's election interference case for March 4th, a day before Super Tuesday, but also two days before March 6th. Trump's attorneys argued that his defense would require time to prepare after Jack Smith had years to bring the charges, saying he deserves the "same defense as any American." The judge suggested Trump could use his millions of dollars to prepare his defense and told him he would not get two more years to prepare. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/special-counsel-trump-attorneys-clash-start-date-federal/story?id=102608637&ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Related:** In his Georgia case (a different criminal indictment) Trump has pleaded not guilty and waived arraignment. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/31/politics/trump-not-guilty-plea-fulton-county/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Truth Bombed A new study has found that in Washington State, where weed is fully legal, Cannabis Use Disorder has become a common issue, proving once again that weed is almost as dangerous as eating mac n' cheese. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/29/health/medical-marijuana-cannabis-use-disorder/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - The Proud Boys will have to be proud of their boy, Joe Biggs, [behind bars](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/31/us/politics/proud-boys-joseph-biggs-sentenced-jan-6.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) for 17 years after his sentencing yesterday. --- That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## The Winds of Change `Feature Story` It's convenient that every disaster can be blamed on climate change. Hurricanes, wildfires, inflation. Or anything for that matter. Did you forget to turn in your homework? It shows the worsening effects of climate change. If I could blame my being late on my HOA payment on the increase of earth's average temperatures, I would. But in the end, the truth is, I just needed to find a stamp. Climate change becomes the culprit for most major issues – and if not, we'll find a way to draw a connection it if you give us a minute. The Inflation Reduction Act itself has been credited as Washington's biggest action to address climate change because, after all, [inflation is caused by climate change](https://www.axios.com/2022/08/18/inflation-climate-change-economy-extreme-weather?ref=danielkherndon.com). It seems like countless issues are said to be the result of a warming planet, but is climate change really what we should be blaming for all of what ails us? In Germany, a [major flood](https://e360.yale.edu/features/its-not-just-climate-are-we-ignoring-other-causes-of-disasters?ref=danielkherndon.com) killed 220 people. Chancellor Angela Merkel blamed it on climate change, but a deeper look revealed that the expansion of farms on lands that were previously boggy hillsides force water toward civilization more quickly, sometimes with catastrophic results. In Maui, the headlines defaulted to climate change as the cause of the historic wildfires. Even [this newsletter](https://danielkherndon.com/the-ham-sandwich/) alluded that the climate was to blame for spreading wildfires. A study of the Maui fire later determined it was ignited by faulty power lines that sparked flames when coming into contact with the dry brush from invasive grasses that had overtaken [abandoned sugar plantations](https://www.wsj.com/us-news/climate-environment/maui-fire-invasive-grass-cf6dbca2?ref=danielkherndon.com). Authorities were aware of the wildfire risks both related to degrading infrastructure and non-native grasses [imported](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/how-swaths-of-invasive-grass-made-mauis-fires-so-devastating-180982729/?ref=danielkherndon.com) originally for livestock feed. More than likely, the Maui fires were caused by collective negligence over generations. But if you ask the media, it seems that every natural disaster is caused by climate change, and also almost everything else. Last year, Dermatology Times published an article saying an increase in [acne flares](https://www.dermatologytimes.com/view/acne-flares-may-be-worsened-by-climate-change?ref=danielkherndon.com) may be the result of climate change, making no mention of Pop-Tarts or Ruffles. Even [mental health](https://time.com/4719009/climate-change-mental-health/?ref=danielkherndon.com) problems have been blamed on climate change. The issue that we face is that we often oversimplify the problem, defaulting to popular boogeymen. Perhaps because it's a real problem and needs real solutions. Or because it gets printed, gets clicks, and gets shared. This is no different than placing blame on partisan differences for the problems we believe are linked to a dispute between Democrats or Republicans. This politicization of the issue causes a false understanding of the problem at hand, and it blinds us to the true cause. Ultimately, it could prevent us from solving the real problem. Sure. It's possible every one of the above issues can be linked to climate change, even based on a reasonable theory. Changes in food supplies can cause nutritional trends, resulting in health issues like acne. Changes in population density and the locations of ideal farmland are intrinsically linked to the earth's climate. The vast growth of population may make climate disasters more catastrophic, and those costs are certainly increasing. But sometimes, it's worth asking, is "climate change" the problem this time? Grasping at straws to raise the profile of an issue may bring more attention to it, but sometimes, it distracts us from the real crisis and ends up making it worse. --- That's it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Greased Lightnin' For Texas URL: https://danielkherndon.com/greased-lightnin-for-texas/ Last updated: 2023-08-29T20:04:55.000Z I grew up in the mixed tape era when music was pure. We listened to songs such as "Like a Prayer," "I Want Your Sex," and "Never Gonna Give You Up." Podcasts were called "AM Radio" and designed for blue-collar dads after the repeal of the [Fairness Doctrine](https://www.reaganlibrary.gov/archives/topic-guide/fairness-doctrine?ref=danielkherndon.com) and freed stations from the requirement to provide "equal time" to both sides of the political terrain. For the audiophiles, we flocked to FM, where "hearing both sides" wasn't political. It just meant music was played in stereo and at a preferable sound quality. If we wanted to hear both sides, we plugged in our chorded headphones, brushed our permed locks out of our eyes, slipped the headband over our heads, and switched on bass boost for good measure. We didn't have AirPods to protect us from socializing in public places like we do today. No invisible shields protected us. No, we had sharp-edged plastic baby speakers covered in orange foam on both ends of a headband. These, after hours of use, would wear through the protective foam, and the rigid plastic edges would begin cutting into your lobes, making the high-pitched sounds emitting from your dime store speakers even more cutting to the inner ear than they are to the outer. Today, you won't find these melon phones in stores, and unless you are an ironic influencer using old tech that was created before you were born – just to be "edgy" – you won't need 'em because, today, if you need something piercing to the ears, you have Ted Cruz. Ted's one I've covered in the past, specifically when I had the opportunity to highlight him looking like a jackass for saying the pledge of allegiance to an [inanimate object](https://danielkherndon.com/the-pledge-of-allegiance-feels-funny/) in his Washington, DC, office. That, and the time he went to war with the famous puppet Big Bird, [accusing him](https://danielkherndon.com/why-cant-big-bird-be-our-friend-anymore/) of supplying our children and their parents with government propaganda. If anyone is squeaking louder than the proud boot owner from Texas, it's hard to hear them, except during State of The Union addresses. I don't make it a habit to promote the podcasts of elected officials on this show. In fact, I've never boosted my favorite civilian pods, either. Not just because my official bio describes me as someone who [doesn't have a podcast](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon?ref=danielkherndon.com) (it's a core part of my identity) but also because I don't write this publication while driving when I am most likely to be consuming my favorite audio bytes. But today, I'll make an exception for Ted. Ted's podcast is all about Truth. Social, that is. [‎Verdict with Ted Cruz: More Biden Balloon Deceptions plus Twitter Bans a US Senator on Apple Podcasts‎Show Verdict with Ted Cruz, Ep More Biden Balloon Deceptions plus Twitter Bans a US Senator - Feb 10, 2023![](https://podcasts.apple.com/favicon.ico)Apple Podcasts![](https://is3-ssl.mzstatic.com/image/thumb/Podcasts116/v4/ed/70/c0/ed70c03c-16b6-86fd-3453-045ca40a1a77/mza_3156349613658108322.jpg/1200x630wp.png)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/verdict-with-ted-cruz/id1495601614?i=1000599001068&ref=danielkherndon.com) You can consider this post a dunk on Cruz if you'd like, but let me clarify that it is no more than the equivalent of a driveway basketball hoop rather than the larger audience provided by an NBA court. But to be fair, Cruz has lowered the rim to kid practice level, especially when he offers images like this one. A brand positioning strategy to showcase his aggressive leading man image. The finger pointed, backed by an angry expression that says, "I'm fighting for the flag and the nation for which it stands, and you better get out of my way." [Cruz Hammers CUNY Law School Over Student’s Anti-Semitic Graduation Speech | The Daily WireSen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) slammed the City University of New York Law School on Wednesday after a video clip went viral showing an anti-Semitic graduation speech. Fatima Mousa Mohammed, selected by the graduating class of 2023 to speak, gave her incendiary speech at the May 12 law school commencement. “A…![](https://www.dailywire.com/favicons/apple-touch-icon-180x180.png)The Daily WireDaily Wire News![](https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2022/09/TC-1-scaled.jpg?w=1200&h=800&ixlib=react-9.3.0)](https://www.dailywire.com/news/cruz-hammers-cuny-law-school-over-students-anti-semitic-graduation-speech?ref=danielkherndon.com) Mean facial expression that highlights Ted's forceful demeanor. Ted hosts his podcast with Ben Ferguson, a cable news personality and host of his own podcast, The Ben Ferguson Show. You can expect a series of cherry-picked data points harshly characterized to criticize the Democrat opponents. For example, in an attempt to villainize Biden for debt irresponsibility, he highlighted the growth of the national debt starting at 5 trillion when George W. Bush came into office, then 10 trillion when he left, 20 trillion following Obama, and now 32 trillion in the middle of Biden's term. What I want to do in my review is essentially tell you how Ted, like so many other politicians on both sides of the aisle, creates a mouth-foaming narrative to push another they wish to promote. This is excellent mud-slinging, but it fails to address the substantial debt growth under Republican leadership, including Trump's supermajority. This is the nature of all of Ted's rhetoric. The eternal flip-flopper focused on stirring up turd to get a point or two. He was among Republicans demanding Merrick Garland appoint David Weiss as special counsel, only to [criticize the move as disgraceful](https://ca.style.yahoo.com/ted-cruz-rails-against-hunter-160538935.html?guccounter=1&guce%5Freferrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce%5Freferrer%5Fsig=AQAAAK6jhcI5Wwwl%5FWoZyVTs5JcGrKFfJMnKNfiadheFmnBrVliTQAwk0MvC9sysYjlTceMUkfpQ2JrRkpRe4JBrG5jC73yh%5F89YXFgsz1wc3qWHnlNEXZ9llvJagadClDTF2r1gfTMRaqyBEx0m2RIHk0BRTuf7DOsJ-UOgwfehK1FJ&ref=danielkherndon.com) when he got exactly what he wanted. Considering Weiss [also served](https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/08/20/hunter-biden-david-weiss-special-prosecutor-delaware/?ref=danielkherndon.com) under Barack Obama and Joe Biden as acting attorney general but later was appointed to his post by Donald Trump, the question of whether he is compromised is a good one. One that should have been asked by Cruz [when he joined a group of Republican Senators](https://www.cassidy.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/Hunter%20Biden%20Special%20Counsel%20Letter%20FINAL.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com) to petition Merrick Garland to do exactly what he ended up doing. This is the nature of everything Ted does as a Senator and now podcaster. His tired strategy is to stand up, look angry, and portray an image of being tough on the establishment, followed by being the establishment himself. Rather than a redeemer fighting for liberty, he looks more like a snake with greasy hair, if a snake could have hair at all. Ted will be running for reelection in 2024, and if you vote in the corners of Texas he runs in, U.S. Rep. Colin Allred could use your vote. But if you'd rather stay red, I think the Republicans can do better by draining the swamp of its snakes, liars, and criminal syndicates. And getting rid of Ted Cruz would be a great place to start because he's not just Ted Cruz. He's Ted Snooze, and that's about the rate of his podcast, too. ### It Was Debatable URL: https://danielkherndon.com/it-was-debatable/ Last updated: 2023-08-25T11:42:34.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This is the 200th post on The Lorem Ipsum. This is an actual image of me producing this newsletter, although this was on a bad hair day. I've enjoyed writing every one of these ducentennial posts except maybe a couple, and I've enjoyed all of your feedback, even the angry unsubscribes. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/D1VCpbCWsAE_r3l.jpg) Mr. The Lorem Ipsum before showering Hitting send on a Double Benjamin has called me to reflect. I'm thankful that some of you have been here since the beginning when I converted my occasional thought pieces on brand thinking to an every-week email about politics, news, and social issues (and also, whoops, because now I am doing [both](https://www.mtchbk.com/insights/?ref=danielkherndon.com) each week). My mission is to make you laugh while making you think. Some days, it may be one or the other, but when you tell me I've delivered on both, it makes my day. If what I do for your inbox or your [brain](https://danielkherndon.com/plastic-brains/) is valuable, and you want to support me, you can do that for $5 per month [here](https://danielkherndon.com/nudge/). But whether you think I'm a clown or contemplative, getting you to think at all is what I consider success. But I'm not the only circus act that's taken place this week. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 34 of 2023` ### Mug's Shots Donald Trump turned himself in at Fulton County jail last night, where his lawyers requested bars be gold plated in case the former president needed to spend time there in the near future. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/P01185309-Mug-Shot.png) Inmate # P01185309 and President # 45 Trump's bond, which was set at $200,000, comes with other stipulations requiring him to follow certain rules of conduct, like that he will “eat happy meals but will not throw ketchup on any walls." until his trial date. So far, Fani has requested an October date for the trial, which his legal team has opposed. The former President’s inmate number is P01185309\. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-georgia-surrender-indictment-08-24-23/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### America's Mayor In related news, Rudy Giuliani was nabbed as well and received a new headshot since his financial situation has prevented him from getting a professional portrait, enabling him to get new work. Rudy faces 13 counts of racketeering, to which he said, "I was framed, see. I'm a patsy, see." ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/see-rudy-giuliani-mugshot-trump-ally-fulton-county-jail/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### How The West Was Wet California wet its geographical pants this week after a tropical storm made everyone wonder if they should thank climate change for lowering the risk of wildfires. The first tropical storm in 84 years, known as Hurricane Hilary, is a stark difference from Hilary Clinton, who is known to have a very dry personality, not unlike the typical climate in California. ([more](https://www.vox.com/climate/2023/8/22/23840233/hurricane-hilary-tropical-storm-california-flood-rain-drought?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Wagners Whacking Prigozhin probably died, and Putin, who definitely didn't kill him, spoke of him in the past tense, referring to his complicated fate. US intelligence has stated that evidence shows that the explosion on his flight was likely intentional and that Putin pretty much kills everyone who crosses him. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/investigators-trawl-site-plane-crash-believed-have-killed-wagner-boss-prigozhin-2023-08-24/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### India's Moon Shot India was the first country to land a spacecraft on the dark side of the moon, which is not just a Pink Floyd reference but a banner accomplishment for a country previously mainly known for sending me spam about Nigerian royalty. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/08/23/science/india-moon-landing-chandrayaan-3?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now, here's this week's ***Feature***. ## GOP Debate Assures Country is Effed `Feature Story` Zombieland's latest episode aired on Fox News on Wednesday night, starring the eight leading Republican candidates. Although leading is not the best word to describe most of them. Not only because of the fact that none of them are leading in the polls, but they're hardly leading our country in any way. Unfortunately, Saturday Night Live won't be helping us process the event thanks to the writer's strike, so we're relegated to memes created by untrained amateurs. Or, in other words, some of the same people running for President. It was the Billionaire Baby**, Vivek Ramaswamy,** who brought his tsunami and talked about his mommy while hoping he could get to the big kid's table for some edamame and a side of salami, but instead, he talked about foreign policy like he was folding origami. His notable comments were that the climate change agenda is a hoax and that Donald Trump was the best President of the 21st century, notably overlooking Gene Landrum of Chuck E. Cheese. Vivek's parents told him afterward that they were so proud of him no matter what. The current leader in the polls is **Ron Desantis,** whose dream board consists of a picture of Donald Trump and a Home Alone movie poster. Ron's cotton mouth kept the Florida Governor from swallowing the remains of his pre-game pizza, but this delivered an advantage by preventing him from putting his foot in his mouth, which most believe would only cause him to lose his second-place position in the polls. The audience enjoyed about 17 seconds before he talked about lockdowns. Ron's greatest hits were how much he didn't comply with Covid lockdowns, how bad Covid policies were elsewhere, and how popular he was with his citizens just before they died from COVID-19\. When forced to address Pence's work on January 6th, Meatball Ron said he had no beef with Mike. **Chris Christie,** not to be confused with Chris Kringle, cleared his throat and presented a professional image by telling Vivek Ramaswamy he sounds like "Chat GPT," which, to be fair, is a description even Vivek agrees with. He attacked Trump and said, "Someone's got to stop normalizing this conduct." which we believe refers to Donald's spray tans, or more specifically, the ghostly eyes. Toward the end of the debate, the moderators asked Chris a question about UFOs, hoping to get him to talk about literally anything other than Donald Trump. However, unfortunately, he just set him up to talk about Donald's habit of initiating flying objects, such as hot dogs, when he was angry in The White House. Former Vice President **Mike Pence** gained the most time on the mic. He used the airtime to promote his former boss, Donald Trump, and his prior (and now current) boss, his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. When he had the opportunity to express who he believed was best prepared to be President, he said, with all humility, "it's me." **Nikki Haley** was caught "yelling" and "being mean," which for male candidates is called "debating." She addressed the most broadly agreeable abortion policies, saying, "Can't we all agree we shouldn't put a woman in jail if she has an abortion?" Haley highlighted the makeup of the government by saying that "we've never had 60 senate votes in the house," which many academic government experts agree is objectively true since Senators typically work in the Senate. For some of the less notable and lower polling candidates, **Tim** **Scott** differentiated himself from the rest of the group by pulling his pants up higher than other candidates, changing the pitch of his commentary, which was otherwise the same. **Doug Burgum** forgot his chapstick for the event, understandably after a pickup basketball game the same morning caused him to injure his leg. But aside from using a crutch and licking his lips repeatedly, he managed to get through the debate without being noticed. **Asa Hutchinson**, from Arkansas, was there too. --- That's it for this week. Look for issue 201 right here. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### The War on Weeds URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-weeds/ Last updated: 2023-10-26T22:32:59.000Z As a professional opinion slinger making regular appearances in your inbox, I'm all for a little 'do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do' when the opportunity presents itself. My job is to speak the truth. Not to demonstrate it. Because this isn't TikTok, and I'm no influencer, who, perhaps, looks good from a distance but up close, looks more like a cake than a person. I, on the other hand, am in the thought business, which may be hard to find on the forenamed platform. Here in the US, as a nation (and as an internet, if we're to think bigger), we've gone to war, and we're not letting up, no matter the cost. Our common enemy has infiltrated our daily lives, and only the most diligent prevail. But the antagonist of this story is not who you may think it is. In 1989, President George Bush, The First, hit the streets to buy drugs. Not to snort them himself but to offer them in a live television address to the nation, where he would declare war against drugs, including the quarter pound of [crack cocaine](https://whyy.org/articles/30-years-ago-george-hw-bush-held-up-a-bag-of-crack-on-live-tv-whered-he-get-it/?ref=danielkherndon.com) he bought from an 18-year-old kid that week. Bush said, “It’s as innocent looking as candy, but it’s turning our cities into battle zones.” Since then, drug use has increased. Overdoses are up. Nearly 45% of federal prisoners are [locked up](https://www.bop.gov/about/statistics/statistics%5Finmate%5Foffenses.jsp?ref=danielkherndon.com) for drug-related crimes, the largest category by far. The most ordinary of the illicit drugs, weed, is more common than Seth Rogan movies. While many agree it is safer than alcohol and, without question, safer than using a table saw, these two are legal; weed is not. About [1 in 5 adults use marijuana](https://www.cdc.gov/marijuana/data-statistics.htm?ref=danielkherndon.com), at least occasionally, and most will admit it in mixed company. Compare this to the remarkably low number of adults who will admit they watch Seth Rogan movies in the same setting. The devil's lettuce is everyone else's snack, and if you're at least in the middle class, you can enjoy it with impunity. The War on Drugs is waging, and Drugs is winning. But these are not the weeds we need to talk about. I'm talking about the weeds we face every day on the streets. The weeds that represent a national expenditure of billions. I'm talking about weeds like clover, crabgrass, and dandelions. The farming industry spends $20 billion to fight weeds, a trade-off to avoid a similar $20 billion cost of the loss of productivity caused by weeds if they were not killed. It's a war that seems like it is lost no matter which way it is fought. With millions of species of weeds, the war on weeds is like trying to find gum in a purse. A waste of time. Pluck one, and another is a foot tall the next day. For the efficient types, the weapon of choice for weed warfare is biological. Roundup, among the most effective options, *kills weeds, not lawns.™️* It's like giving Elon Musk a spray bottle and telling him the yard is filled with Twitter logos. This poison will destroy everything, and it's highly effective. The sound of lawnmowers is the sound of the suburbs. A sober reminder of the 42 days per year that Americans spend caring for their turf. Lawncare pollution comes from running gasoline-fueled engines over lawns, followed by chemical treatments to kill weeds in exchange for thicker turf. The practice is so common that lawn care alone is credited for about 5% of US [air pollution](https://deq.utah.gov/air-quality/no-mow-days-trim-grass-emissions?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Five%20percent!,average%20vehicle%20traveling%20500%20miles.). The poison we use to maintain our perfect lawns, or in my case, close enough, is in large part, glyphosate. The same herbicide used commercially to kill weeds on farmland and in public parks. ### The Earth's Enemy: Glyphosate Glyphosate is the Devil's saliva. It kills weeds, but its powers are not limited to weeds. Glyphosate can also reduce a yoga trainer to a mere mortal. A human granola maker with nothing more than a cup of coffee and a rolled-up piece of foam. One claim after the other says that glyphosate is harmful to humans. Countries all over the world have banned it, including one country that is cited across all kinds of blogs about [being better](https://www.dw.com/en/whats-driving-europes-stance-on-glyphosate/a-53924882?ref=danielkherndon.com) than the US at just about anything progressive minds would have you examine. If you ask [Bayer](https://www.bayer.com/en/glyphosate/glyphosate-roundup?ref=danielkherndon.com), the company that makes the most money from the use of glyphosate through its Roundup brand, they would tell you the chemical is not carcinogenic to humans. What's more, they've informed the public time and time again that they'd funded multiple studies that conclude on their own letterhead that glyphosate is safe when used as directed. That it destroys greenery and browns landcover because it is a poison with directions on it, not because it is harmful to humans. The debate continues, though, because countless TikTok health experts will tell you otherwise. These experts have no financial motivation to lie to you, and in fact, they have no financial motivation at all, seeing as it prevents them from having time to create content and keep their views up. Some find that if you replace 100% of the blood of a mouse with pure glyphosate, they find with relative certainty that they may contract cancer, but even highly regarded scientific studies point to cancer risks, including [this meta-analysis](https://www.washington.edu/news/2019/02/13/uw-study-exposure-to-chemical-in-roundup-increases-risk-for-cancer/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=By%20examining%20epidemiologic%20studies%20published,the%20evidence%20from%20laboratory%20animals.) from the University of Washington – which examined epidemiologic studies over time, in addition to studies of lab animals. So the question is this, do you want to trust the person who funded the research that proves their product is safe, or do you want to trust the person who doesn't know what they're talking about? Or do you want to trust the scientists who use the word "probable" to classify glyphosate as a carcinogen? Or will logic serve us in this case? Until studies give us a complete picture, Bayer will have to do a collaboration with Starbucks for a "Roundup" flavored latte. And the barefoot granola eaters will have to hope the studies are similarly favorable for their CBD products. And the rest of us will continue to spray it on every lawn in front of every house just after dousing our entire food supply and crossing our fingers that we won't be the next one to discover we have Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, or worse, broadleaf in our lawns. Because one thing is clear. We don't know if glyphosate is bad for us, but getting fined by the HOA is. ### The War Continues Whether poison is bad for us or not will be a puzzle for another time, but the climate is not fairing much better than the clover I just stained a couple of weeks ago. Global average temperatures [continue to rise](https://www.usgs.gov/faqs/what-are-some-signs-climate-change?ref=danielkherndon.com), while droughts become longer and tropical storms become more severe. The cancer inflicting our environment is in part due to a massive lack of greenery and biodiversity available to absorb carbon dioxide. The [Earth's greenery has been in decline](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/earth-stopped-getting-greener-20-years-ago/?ref=danielkherndon.com), notably over the last twenty years, with forests, green spaces, and wild growing plants facing extinction due to land development, deforestation, and our massive obsession with lawns. One thing that particularly stings is the [decline in our bee population](https://usafacts.org/articles/what-is-the-loss-of-bees-costing-the-us/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Bees, the unsung heroes of farming, pollinate 80% of flowering plants and benefit the economy by adding up to $200 billion in ecological services, and all they ask in return is a place to eat, make love, and maybe get a buzz every now and then. Herbicides, which Bayer reminds us, have a low toxicity level to bees, are either killing them or destroying their homes and food supplies. And ours with it. Whether glyphosate is the problem or innocuous is remarkably beside the point. War is hell and requires tough choices. And the tough choice in the war on weeds is to destroy the lungs of the earth, whether it causes us cancer or not. It makes sense to keep weeds out of our lawns, because it will improve our social standing with our neighbors and our HOAs. It makes sense to keep them out of our farms, too, because the only way to produce enough food for our ever-increasing population is to keep killing the weeds – along with the people that hate them – to make room for more. ### The Ham Sandwich URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-ham-sandwich/ Last updated: 2023-08-18T10:30:56.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, They say a good prosecutor can get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich. Well, this week in Georgia, she did. Donald Trump, the only living former president as lumpy as lunch meat folded between two slices of soggy bread, has received his fourth indictment. According to the polls, a lot of people like ham sandwiches. I'll never look at ham the same way again. More on that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 33 of 2023` ### Going Soft The Desantis Campaign has been deflating from a firm second place to a pudding-soft number two. Even Ron's thick pudding fingers may not be enough to scoop his campaign out of its current slump after weeks of steadily falling in the polls. But don't worry, he replaced his campaign manager again, so they're putting together some fresh recommendations that include tactics like "taking a sledgehammer” to Vivek Ramaswamy and “defending Donald Trump” in the debates, all moves his aides feel good about. Maybe not 'Ron talking while [chewing on greasy pizza](https://www.newsweek.com/ron-desantis-pizza-eating-jokes-memes-1810064?ref=danielkherndon.com)' good, but campaign staffers do believe some voters will at least remember he is running for President. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/17/us/politics/desantis-debate-strategy.html?smid=tw-share&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hawaii? Great question. I'm fine, but Maui residents continue to be in recovery after the worst wildfire in US history destroyed West Maui around Lahaina. The current death toll is 111 deaths, with thousands unaccounted for as of yesterday. The catastrophe has proven devastating the Maui's economy, too, as visitors stay away, even from unaffected parts of the island. Officials say recovery will be challenging without continued commerce and tourism, so for those of you with a little extra PTO, I suggest you make a getaway to *continuous* Maui. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/16/us/maui-recovery-wildfire.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Montana youth Speaking of our world being on fire, in Montana, a group of kids, probably not dissimilar from the Goonies (or at least a trust representing them), sued Montana for violating their civil right to a clean and healthful environment. The fact is, the average reader (and average writer) of The Lorem Ipsum will be retired to that great newsletter in the sky before our internet-based tires ever melt onto the pavement, but our kids will be tired of 'waiting on the world to change' while they enjoy the classic oldie of the same name from John Mayer. A judge ruled in favor of the 16 young kids, putting Montana on notice – and they would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids. ([more](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/kids-sued-montana-over-climate-change-and-won/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Alternate Kevin's George Santos, who is already facing charges himself, was just joined by one of his staffers who impersonated Kevin McCarthy's chief of staff. George wasn't mentioned in the indictment, but I might as well mention him in this Take since they both like to pretend to be someone they are not and, if possible, to steal money from people. The story goes that Samuel Miele was behind “fraudulent fund-raising” emails and phone calls in which he impersonated Kevin's chief of staff by (I would assume) pinching his nose to do the voice of a McCarthy staffer in an effort to pitch big donors for money. On a related note, Santos continues to impersonate himself, a [Jewish volleyball star](https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/politics/list-of-george-santos-lies-all-the-mistruths-the-congressman-is-accused-of-telling/4043980/?ref=danielkherndon.com) named George Santos, who was mugged in Manhattan. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/16/nyregion/sam-miele-charged-george-santos.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Biden His Time Hunter Biden's attorney has withdrawn from representing him so he can testify as a witness that the prosecution has tried to pull out of a legally binding agreement. Hunter's legal issues remain aloft, but as a key member of the Biden Crime Family, Republicans are confident they'll be able to cite him for egregious violations of HOA lawn height rules and possibly years of improper lawn maintenance. Other more significant crimes, after five years of investigation, remain in the realm of theory at this point, but the investigation is ongoing. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/hunter-biden-gun-charge-plea-deal-prosecutors-de3702ea46e9f544e69d6fd2e694dce8?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Mortifying Mortgage It's the perfect time to buy a house – unless you need to borrow money to do it, in which case it's the worst time since 2002 ([more](https://www.npr.org/2023/08/17/1194407822/mortgages-housing-homes-freddy-mac-economy-interest-rates?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's this week's ***Feature***. ## Doing Two Things At Once `Feature Story` Finding a career that makes you happy is tough. Most people spend the better part of their life trying not to work at all. And they spend over 40 hours a week doing so. That's why, no matter what you do, you should do something you love that you can be proud of so that one day, you can look back on your life and say, I sure wish it wasn't over. Whether it's making coffee or expensing it in business meetings, find a line of work that makes you come alive. I hope you're proud of what you do for a living. Especially if you're this LinkedIn AI-powered sales practitioner, half bot, half man that contacted me last week. Vytautas, I'm glad I've refreshed you by being a writer and marketing executive, but I hope the Ignore button doesn't hit you in the ass because I'm not going to be adding you to my professional network at this time. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/AI-LinkedIn-Bot.png) A LinkedIn AI-Powered Sales Bot Man Your pitch sucks. Get any more cardboard-like in your tone than you already are, and I'd think you were a Desantis campaign. Worse yet, waste any more of my time, and I might confuse you for Mike Pence. But I'm not fooled. I know who you are. And I know this is a scam. Last week, I made these shelves and hung them in my house. A couple of times per day, I walk past them and think, "That looks great." I can look at the work I did and feel good about it. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/Kitchen.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/Hall.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/Coffee.png) I can't look at this LinkedIn message and do the same if it were mine. Not only because it makes no sense, but is clearly the work of someone who has no insight, no self-respect, and may not even be human. It's from someone who thinks that they can hack the system to get what they want. You don't have to be smart to be the president, and according to some, you don't even have to be elected. But it helps if you can be both. Of course, neither factor is essential to be a voter, a fact I'm certain some are counting on. In the case of Donald Trump, he is that Linkedin Message Bot, and to a degree, he thinks he is smart. Unfortunately, 53.8% of those asked, [according to FiveThirtyEight](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-primary-r/2024/national/?ref=danielkherndon.com), are falling for it and have invited him into their professional network. And that LinkedIn Bot is humbled and honored to share that he's accepted a position as the leading candidate, four times indicted. Smoking is a bad habit, but it's amazing how much I need a cigarette after a Trump indictment because it's exhausting, even if satisfying. At this rate, I'll have lung cancer by late summer 2024, especially if the LinkedIn Scam is still ongoing. Trump's legal troubles are bad for my health, but they're also bad for all of us. When a former president has a greater share of the polls than any law-abiding citizen, it says nothing good about our country. But the more Trump is indicted, the more he remains in the lead for the largest office – and his supporters continue to pay his legal bills willingly. A good prosecutor can get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich, but the prospect of a former president doing time seems both inevitable and unlikely at the same time. I'd rather have a Ham Sandwich in jail than one in the white house. If that LinkedIn Scam Bot and former President becomes the nominee or even wins another term on November 5th, we'll not only have a Ham Sandwich in the Whitehouse. We'll have egg on our faces. --- ## That's it for this week. If you enjoyed this post, consider sharing it online. It's better for the environment than printing it and passing it out on paper. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### A Thread of Life URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-thread-of-life/ Last updated: 2023-08-11T12:53:14.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, According to the latest reports, inflation is moderate, but subscribers of The Lorem Ipsum continue to inflate. Much like the weeds in my yard, before I know it, there's always another one showing up. Thanks for being here. If you want to support my work, congratulations, many of you already are, but [upgrading to paid](#/portal/account/plans) is always a great next step. It not only gets you access to members-only articles, but it also gets me more burgers from Five Guys and, if I'm really lucky, a large order of fries. Just remember. It's you who's keeping me in business – but not keeping me in shape. [Upgrade Now](#/portal/account/plans) ### Another Newsletter: The Spark If the Lorem Ipsum is not enough for you, say no more. I've recently launched [The Spark](https://www.mtchbk.com/insights/?ref=danielkherndon.com) over at Matchbook, where I sling marketing advice like it's holy water. Don't expect your sins to be washed away, but do expect insightful articles. The Spark, by Matchbook, is how brand managers and business owners get smarter about marketing each week. [Sign up here.](https://www.mtchbk.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) And now, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 32 of 2023` ### Trumpster Fire First of all, I can't believe I didn't think of this headline before. You're welcome. We know Georgia is hot this time of year, but thanks to their District Attorney, it's about to get hotter. Fulton County Fanni is taking her fanny before a grand jury next week packed with a dozen or more ideas on what to indict Donald Trump for. This would make his fourth criminal indictment and probably one of the most productive uses of a fanny pack. Fanni Willis's case is centered around Trump's phone call where he pressured election officials to overturn the Georgia election results by "finding" more votes. Trump refers to the call as a "perfect phone call," and prosecutors are inclined to agree since it is recorded and has proven to be perfect for making their case. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/09/politics/trump-georgia-fani-willis-dozen-indictments/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) In related news, this just in that a judge approved a search warrant to review Trump's Twitter account last January to see who was sliding into the Tangelo's DMs – and also what was slipping out. My tip to Jack Smith: check the drafts folder. It's easy to miss those – and since Twitter (X) doesn't work right, they stay there forever, even if you delete them. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/09/us/politics/trump-twitter-account-search-warrant.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/Mustache-1.png) ### Stop, Lei Down, and Roll At least 53 people have died due to wildfires in Maui this week, while residents and tourists evacuated in a rush, abandoning their mai tais and jumping into the ocean (joking about the drinks but not the water escape). Hawaii has seen wildfires increase to the point of putting Magnum P.I.'s mustache at risk of an untimely scorching. President Biden has declared a state of disaster while rolling his eyes at Joe Manchin, presumably to hint at their squabbles over passing climate change policy. This week's bout of wildfires has spread so rapidly that they certify that the only thing hotter than Hawaii's tourism is the island itself. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/live-blog/lahaina-maui-fires-live-updates-rcna98986?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### It's Him or Ukraine A woman was arrested after Ukrainian security found her attempting to collect data for an assassination plot against President Zelensky. She worked at a military store, but when security forces caught wind of her asking strange questions. They figured out she wasn't just selling sardines. She was selling secrets to the Putin Administration. If convicted, she'll face 12 years in prison. ([more](https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2023/08/07/volodymyr-zelensky-assassination-plot-russia/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Not That Feinstein In the news category of 'Elderly people running the country, whether they know it or not,' Diane Feinstein took a fall in her San Francisco home this week. Her hips don't lie, but they sure are prone to crack at her age, so when she tripped over a chair, she was admitted to the hospital as a precaution. When asked for a comment on the news, Mitch McConnel said nothing but made a low humming sound for 19 seconds without even blinking. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/dianne-feinstein-home-fall-office/story?id=102131986&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### WeWork, Sort Of The once enormously valuable coworking space startup, WeWork, has signaled it might not BeWorking at all soon. It released a statement saying it has substantial doubt it will remain in business, and that kombucha was no longer free in the lobby. The coworking space startup grew from a big idea to an even bigger real estate bust after its founder, Adam Neumann, not only meditated *too much* but also ran the company out of money, causing it to plunge from $47 billion down to somewhere around the street value of its kombucha supply. Don't worry, Adam walked away with nearly $700 million of investors money. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/09/business/wework-explain.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's this week's ***Feature***. ## A Thread of Life *An honest review of the hit social media app, Threads.* `Feature Story` I've been meaning to provide an in-depth review of Threads, the hot new social media app that, after a weekend of 150 million downloads, has been mostly forgotten by everyone not making money from it. The following is based on my first-hand experience during the week the app was launched and my long-time experience with social media as a consultant to marketers. You'll have to pardon me if I go into a lot of detail surrounding my own experience. Your mileage may vary, but I'll highlight how I plan to use the app. Threads launched on a Wednesday to front page news. On the weekend following its launch, my wife and I walked through a nearby neighborhood near one of our favorite coffee joints downtown. With cups in hand, we enjoyed the charming homes with historic features. The coffee was just starting to cool, and the weather cooler, with a breeze more fragrant, sharing fruit and floral notes, with a touch of spice. The neighborhood was tranquil but not quiet. Our conversation fit nicely into the backdrop of birds chirping and stroller wheels crossing over the urban sidewalks. We began to notice music almost as if it was in the background. A few steps later, we found ourselves somewhere just around the corner, if not in a dream. The music seemed just too out of place to be real, but it was real. We came upon a live jazz band playing on the porch of a home, with several neighbors perched upon blankets or lawn chairs enjoying the music or a slice of cheese. It was a place where a notification was a glass of wine or an offer to stay a while. No one ever said, “Can you please create a new MySpace” just like they never said, “Can you create a new telegram" or worse, "A new kind of fog for our smoke signals." — they simply moved on to better things. But the better things which have always endured included bread, cheese, wine, and a handful of neighbors, and clearly jazz classics. My wife and I stood there for quite a while, enjoying the music and also the feeling in the air. The people that surrounded us and the welcoming nature. The jazz band was as good as any you'd see in a swanky bar, where you'd pay a healthy ticket price to see them, and you'd probably recognize their names if you followed the regional guild. But it was free, and it was not online. It was not available on Threads, and if it were, the wine would not taste as good. I had all but forgotten there was an internet or phones. I was lucky I even remembered to capture a video, as I was so enthralled by the music. Here’s only a small sample, a cut of 39 seconds. 0:00 /0:39 1× Their final song, before we departed, was by Fred Rogers. His iconic song, *A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood*. I can assure you. It was. --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Pee's Wee URL: https://danielkherndon.com/pees-wee/ Last updated: 2023-08-07T04:24:14.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Paul Reuben, known for his role as Pee Wee (and for showing his in a seedy theatre), has died. Unfortunately, Pee Wee's Big Adventure has [come to an end](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/paul-reubens-actor-best-known-pee-wee-herman-dies-70-rcna97343?ref=danielkherndon.com). This is a time when one wants to scream *Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho*, and wish for just one more episode of the show that first introduced us to what we now call Zoom calls. Reuben wasn’t the only one getting caught with his wee out. I’m talking about Big Top Pee Wee, the political operative known as the head of the Republican Party. The former president was arrested for the third time this year and brought before a judge. Here's a screenshot of the cover of the New York Times this week with minor edits for clarity. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/109-Trump-Wee-1.jpg) Donald Trump is now the first, second, and third president to receive a criminal indictment. In classic, *I know you are, but what am I* fashion, Donald Trump blamed Biden and pointed his fingers at the Hunter Biden investigation. The [indictment](https://www.justice.gov/storage/US%5Fv%5FTrump%5F23%5Fcr%5F257.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com) says it plainly: He was entitled to say whatever he wanted about the election. Even lie. But he was not entitled to commit crimes to overturn it, and that's what he did. Jack Smith brings those claims to a court of law. Trump was arrested and arraigned at 4:00 pm yesterday in Washington, DC. He was fingerprinted and read his charges like a common criminal. He pleaded not guilty. A fourth indictment is expected in Georgia later this month. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/08/102-trump-prints2-1.png) Today, Trump remains the front-runner among Republican presidential candidates. He's facing a race against Joe Biden and 50 years in prison at the same time – and can barely shake the support of his party, even by trying. Listen, when I found out that Jack Johnson had a beer bottle opener on the bottom of his sandals, I lost all respect. At that point, I was completely done. But turn the Grand Old Party into a circus, and even the women under the big top embraced it by wearing gold wigs to fit in while they let their beards grow out for sideshow fodder. When Franz Ferdinand asked, "Who farted?" no one looked around the cafe awkwardly, wondering if it was something lingering in his mustache. The Bosnian Serbs said, “The smeller was the feller,” and took him out, starting World War I. As for Trump, he'll drop a large one, deny it, and before you know it, the Republican party is on their knees sniffing his chair. A friend told me, "They are all corrupt. They all do it. He just does it in the open." I responded with concession. Yes. Maybe everyone in Washington is corrupt. Maybe they all use their office to make money, conduct shady deals, and pull the wool over the eyes of America at every chance. But one – only one – has tried to take away our right to decide if he gets to keep the job. At his sentencing, no matter what kind of time he faces, I'll be shouting, "Four more years." Here's ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 31 of 2023` ### AA+ Fitch has lowered the USA's credit rating from one kind of battery to a smaller kind of battery (from AAA to AA+). Stocks struggled on the news like a remote control floundering right when you need it. When asked about the impact of the rating, analysts explain that while we may no longer be first in the phone book, the change is more symbolic than impactful. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/08/01/fitch-downgrades-us-long-term-ratings-to-aa-from-aaa.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### LED The Way We'll be looking at energy policy in a new light starting this month. The USA has effectively banned incandescent lights, causing panic amongst swanky interior designers for the loss of Edison bulbs. The goal, by reducing energy use per lumen, saves on energy consumption, and lowers the country's carbon footprint. ([more](https://abc7ny.com/incandescent-light-bulbs-ban-rule-when/13588050/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Big Trouble Lizzo is getting heavy criticism for allegedly fat-shaming an employee on her dance troupe. Instead of being fitted for her next bodysuit, she's being fitted for a lawsuit from three employees who say she created a hostile work environment. Lizzo denied the allegations, saying something along the lines of "It ain't my fault that I'm out here making news. I'm the pudding in the proof. Gotta blame it on my juice." which can be summarized as "these allegations are false." ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/03/arts/music/lizzo-lawsuit-response.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) ) ### Always be Trudeau Justin Trudeau and his wife, Sophie, are separating after 18 years of marriage, which they both announced on Instagram. Canadians are sad about the announcement, but some have suggested the separation was long coming. It was 10 years ago Justin admitted to facing "ups and downs" in their marriage, saying, "I have a very difficult, high-pressured job. Everyone knows how challenging it is to balance family responsibilities with a job that takes me across the country and working extremely hard." to which the interviewer said "It's Trudeau!" ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/canadian-prime-minister-justin-trudeau-announces-separation-from-wife-sophie/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for reading and sharing. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### The X Factor URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-x-factor/ Last updated: 2023-07-28T10:30:08.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, This week may have been hard, but nothing compares 2 the Universe taking Sinead O'Connor away from us. Sinéad [died](https://people.com/sinead-o-connor-dead-at-age-56-7565896?ref=danielkherndon.com) at the age of 56\. Sinéad was all heart and no hair. She was hotter than July, and the same wouldn't have pulled off a shaved head as well as she did anyway. The feeling of the loss to me is eerie, simply because it actually has been 7 hours and 15 days since I last listened to her biggest [hit song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-EF60neguk&ref=danielkherndon.com). Tell me, baby, where did I go wrong? Sinéad, may she rest in peace, was a quintessential icon of Generation X. With the passing of one X-er, another enters, perhaps only to exit just the same. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 30 of 2023` ### Barbenheimer The biggest thing you probably didn't miss (based on the premier weekend numbers) is the release of two blockbuster hit movies, Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie's *'Barbie'* and Christopher Nolan's *'Oppenheimer'*. The movement around the two films, which has been a boon to theatres and has broken countless premier weekend records, has been dubbed *"Barbenheimer."* By the numbers, [Barbie](https://time.com/6297101/barbie-oppenheimer-box-office-hollywood/?ref=danielkherndon.com) was the big winner. The two movies, Barbie and Oppenheimer, earned $337 million and $174 million, respectively, in worldwide ticket sales. The Barbie brand is a reminder that even women can have jobs, as demonstrated by Kamala Harris and Lauren Boebert. Barbie has long been an icon of female empowerment, highlighting woman's power and potential while normalizing age-defying female figures made entirely of plastic. As the Barbie craze swept across the country, many politicians jumped aboard as well, [including Matt Gaetz](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/24/us/politics/barbie-movie-newsom-gaetz.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), who showed up to a Washington reception with his wife, both donning all-pink outfits. From what we understand, Gaetz has been a fan of Barbie because many of his dates had Barbie dolls with them when he picked them up from daycare. Still, the Gaetz's left the "pink carpet" event with political ammunition, as seen in his wife Ginger's [post on X](https://twitter.com/LuckeyGinger/status/1681329395343007746?ref=danielkherndon.com) (formerly known as Twitter) criticizing the cultural commentary of the 2023 release. In the White House, the President is now "Dreamhouse Biden" as he was seen holding his arms stiff as paddles with the bend in his knees limited to one or two clicks. According to one source, his aides insisted that this limitation was not a special occasion, regardless of whether it fits the Barbie theme. Here at The Lorem Ipsum, we're celebrating the wild success of the Barbie movie too. We'll be releasing Dream-newsletter Barbie, who comes with her very own newsletter, a plastic replica that is proportionally way larger than it should be if scaled up to real people-size newsletters. Here's more about the [Barbie movie](https://variety.com/2023/film/reviews/barbie-review-margot-robbie-ryan-gosling-1235672349/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Please Plea Me Hunter Biden's plea deal to wrap up an investigation against him is on shaky ground after a judge questioned it, effectively blowing up the deal. Hunter Biden, who is currently not the President of the United States, has been accused of leveraging his father’s title for personal benefit, treating his business deals like a Harvard University admissions application. This has brought the topic of an impeachment inquiry of Joe Biden to the fore amongst Republicans in the house, especially after two IRS whistle-blowers testified before the House oversight committee that Hunter Biden had received special treatment and their investigations had been blocked by the DOJ. To top it off, they didn't even check to see if he had updated the antivirus scanner on his laptop, which some believe was his real crime, not counting drugs, guns, and tax delinquency. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/hunter-biden-tax-charges-hearing/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Oh Buoy Governor Greg Abbott of Texas wanted to float some ideas by us to prevent illegal immigration, like stringing a line floats across the Rio Grande, to block swimmers and signal that the USA is, as they say, The Deep End. But the move did not buoy the Biden administration's spirits. Instead, the fed sued the state because these floaters, they say, violate federal law. ([more](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/biden-administration-sues-texas-governor-over-rio-grande-buoy-barrier-thats-meant-to-stop-migrants?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Watch Dog A conservative watchdog group Judicial Watch is watching an actual dog right now. According to emails the group has obtained, Biden’s dog Commander has bitten secret service agents at least 10 times. One agent (who, by the way, I've heard is a snack!) was sent to the hospital after being bitten by the German Shepherd. The white house has downplayed the matter and has asked the press not to *hound* them about it. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/biden-dog-secret-service-commander-bite-89448214f0832edabd28940f7a2c8d4c?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Mitch Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell froze in front of the press, unable to speak for as much as 19 seconds, roughly the amount of time it takes windows to shut down. Analysts compared the look on his face to that of someone playing an [invisible obo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNBsgfh4UMY&ref=danielkherndon.com). McConnel, who is 81, took a fall recently, which resulted in a concussion and fractured ribs. After a hard reset, he returned to the press to answer several questions and to say he was fine. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/watch-mitch-mcconnell-freeze-press-conference-rcna96486?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Interested The Fed increased the [interest rates](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/07/26/fed-meeting-july-2023-.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) by a quarter point this week, bringing rates to levels not seen since Baha Men asked Who Let The Dogs Out. According to experts, the rate of inflation is lower than the alcohol content of a Bud Light but still more than the fat content of a glass of milk. ### Quickly - Legal charges against Trump are [mounting](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/07/27/feds-add-new-charges-against-trump-in-classified-documents-case-00108667?ref=danielkherndon.com), and a new [indictment](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/27/us/politics/trump-jan-6-special-counsel.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) is pending. --- That's it for the news. Now here's this week's ***Feature***. ## Brand X `Feature Story` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/71-Dead-Twitter-2-2.jpg) Elon Musk decided to ex the Twitter brand off the internet. He used an actual X, his favorite letter, according to people familiar with the matter. The logo makes history for being enormously boring and easy to draw, but as we often notice with all brands, all of them are boring until they are made into something. So before we pass judgment on Elon's abysmal brand decision (I say this as a brand expert with a [lot of mileage](https://www.mtchbk.com/insights/?ref=danielkherndon.com)). What is a swoosh? A circle with a dot in it? A bite out of a gray apple? A yellow shell? The answer is they are the biggest brands on earth, and they are what somebody made them, just shortly after being boring. But for most of the media, not to mention many other commentators, no matter what Elon did, they would criticize him for it. And on that note, I will leave you with this excerpt from an article by Jack Shaeffer and a link to it below: > The best policy for the press would be to detach itself from Twitter the way a drinker who overenjoys his nightly bourbon should when he starts to view everything through the bottom of his glass. So what if Musk is destroying Twitter? That would be a fine response for the press corps to whatever novel or nutty thing he’s done with the site this week. Let him spend his billions and concede that in becoming X, the destroyer of Twitter, he just might be doing us all a favor. ([more from Jack](https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2023/07/26/elon-musk-press-twitter-x-00108249?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### 3 Fast and 3 Furious URL: https://danielkherndon.com/3-fast-and-3-furious/ Last updated: 2023-07-21T10:30:15.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, In life, nothing is certain except death and another sequel to The Fast and The Furious series. I'm not talking about the [11th installment](https://collider.com/fast-and-furious-11-release-cast-plot/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of The Vin Diesel movies. That's going to depend on whether Hollywood can resolve its [labor disputes](https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2023-07-18/sag-aftra-strike-bob-iger-fran-drescher-barry-diller-david-zaslav-revolution?ref=danielkherndon.com) – since SAG-AFTRA told the studios, "If you're going to act like a factory boss in Les Miserables, then we're not going to act at all." No, I'm talking about the Furious Five – the number of [cases](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/jul/18/donald-trump-what-how-many-criminal-charges?ref=danielkherndon.com) the MAGA king faces right now. So even if we don't get another season of HBO's Perry Mason, we'll definitely be seeing plenty of scenes in court. Let's get right to it... Here's ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 29 of 2023` ### Indicted III: Turbo Charged We've been able to take a break from Trump content in the newsletter since June 30th, but experts know that is a short-lived holiday break. To the Orange One, an indictment is almost as common as a diet coke break, and to no surprise, the next episode in the franchise is coming soon. According to the news on Tuesday, we're closing in on Major Indictment III, which, like Dominic Toretto's latest hijacking operation, probably isn't the last. Trump, over the next several months, will be racing between court appearances and campaign events, and his best defense remaining is to win the election. Trump has successfully parlayed his legal issues into donations, which he will inevitably use to buy MacDonalds and Coke on the campaign trail between court appearances and quiffs of his single yellow hair, which is circularly woven into one of the world's most famous fluffy helmets. Anyway, special counsel Jack Smith‘s office sent Trump a formal letter, the type that usually precedes an indictment. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/20/politics/trump-grand-jury-analysis/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Related:** A judge declined a Trump request to move the Manhattan Hush Money indictment to a Federal court on the theory that his actions were related to his role as President. The Judge [said no](https://abcnews.go.com/US/judge-rejects-trumps-request-move-stormy-daniels-hush/story?id=101496665&ref=danielkherndon.com). **Also related:** 16 people were charged by Michigan's attorney general in the alleged fake elector scheme designed to overturn the state's results in the 2020 [election](https://www.readtangle.com/r/4293e4fc?m=bfd08923-658d-432c-82af-0ab70506fbd9&ref=danielkherndon.com). ### The Wesleyan Family If you're looking to get into a preferred college, one way is to demonstrate that your parents went to that same college. This works great for people who have parents that went to that college and work again for their grandchildren. Well, Wesleyan University realized this was detrimental to the disadvantaged groups, like, for example, someone whose grandparents were poor because their lineage was put on its course because of slavery (hypothetical). They announced an end the practice just this week in light of the end of affirmative action, so if you're Lin-Manuel Miranda's kid, you can forget about putting that on your application because it won't help. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/19/us/wesleyan-university-legacy-admissions/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Russia, Now Gluten-Free Last week, a bridge attack, which Russia blamed on Ukraine, prompted intense attacks on Kyiv and areas of Southern Ukraine. To retaliate, Russia practiced some "tough loaf" by pulling out of an agreement to permit the exporting of wheat from Ukraine. They said any Ukraine-bound ships are now deemed hostile. Russia has stepped up attacks on grain exporting infrastructure. As for Ukraine, they say they are losing a lot of dough. ([more](https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/07/19/1188714712/russias-nixing-of-ukraine-grain-deal-deepens-worries-about-global-food-supply?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Pence Wise, Pound Foolish Mike Pence has not yet qualified to be on the debate stage by meeting the bar of 40,000 donors. Experts believe it’s because he has like no chance of winning. Pence [says](https://twitter.com/Mike%5FPence/status/1681447260050030593?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com) they are on a good trajectory to make it, with his polling around 7%, but just about everyone else, [including FiveThirtyEight, ](https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/we-analyzed-40-years-of-primary-polls-even-early-on-theyre-fairly-predictive/?ref=danielkherndon.com)thinks that number is not very high. ([more](https://www.c-span.org/video/?529323-4/mike-pence-speaks-2023-family-leadership-summit&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### So I Married an Axe Murderer With a love for innocent young women and mysterious disappearances, the true-crime podcast genre will be enjoying a heydey covering the story of the Gilgo Beach Killer who has been caught after a classic gumshoe-style stakeout. However, It appears that Rex won't be having many conjugal visits in jail because his wife of 27 years has decided she doesn't want to be married to a murderer. Rex was found out through tedious evidence ranging from hairs found at the murder scene to DNA on banana peels he had slipped on. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/gilgo-beach-serial-killings-suspect-rex-heuermann-wife-files-divorce/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - It's [hotter](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/jul/18/phoenix-arizona-temperature-record-heat-weather?ref=danielkherndon.com) than a jalapeño's armpit in a stolen Tomale. - The Israeli President [told](https://www.timesofisrael.com/in-speech-to-congress-herzog-lauds-strong-judiciary-says-democracy-in-israels-dna/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Congress his country is not racist. - Wagner gon' keep [wagging](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/19/world/europe/mi6-moore-putin-wagner.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). And also, [told ya](https://danielkherndon.com/hot-dog-warfare/). --- ### Words Ruin Everything To anyone ordering a sandwich, mayonnaise is an acceptable option, but dipping your fries in it is questionable. You can class the chips up with some garlic aioli any day, a delicacy right up there with truffles, which are definitely not mold. I've been studying works for decades and selling them just the same. In my primary business, words are used to create raving fans, stimulate hunger, and resolve pain. And if they are used wrong, they can create division. Last week, I wrote an in-depth essay about how bad language builds movements but prevents progress. I address several hot-button topics directly. If you missed it, you can read the whole thing here. [Words Ruin EverythingHow bad language builds movements but prevents progress.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)Daniel HerndonThe Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/105-Words-ruin.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/language-ruins-everything/) --- That's it for this week. If you want to support my work, please share, or consider becoming a paid subscriber for access to occasional premium articles. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Grab a Coke URL: https://danielkherndon.com/grab-a-coke/ Last updated: 2023-07-14T10:30:21.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, I’ve never done any illegal drugs, but I don’t work at the White House, so I haven't needed to. If you haven't heard, working in DC is not all hookers and blow, but I can imagine why a White House staffer might need a bump of godly powder to get well. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 28 of 2023` ### About The Temperatures Earth has been making history with average temperatures almost as hot as [Taylor Swift](https://www.nbcnews.com/business/consumer/taylor-swift-federal-reserve-credits-eras-tour-boosting-hotels-tourism-rcna94046?ref=danielkherndon.com), with July 6th being the highest recorded average temperature and the summer season bringing [dangerous temps](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/us/heat-wave-map-tracker.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in southern areas of the US. Thankfully what isn't heating up is [inflation](https://www.npr.org/2023/07/12/1187230556/inflation-consumer-prices-interest-rates-federal-reserve-economy?ref=danielkherndon.com), and according to the polls, neither is Ron Desantis. More on Ron in the next take. ### No, He Desantis Governor Ron Desantis is being threatened with a name change to Des-Cant-is after a stall in his campaign. The stall in fundraising and poll numbers is not as bad as his Twitter launch, but it is *worse* than his Twitter launch. Even in his home state of Florida, he polls especially poorly amongst [women](https://floridaphoenix.com/2023/07/12/poll-shows-florida-women-less-than-enthusiastic-about-gov-desantis/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in his home state, but according to one of his [old classmates](https://www.themarysue.com/i-didnt-think-i-could-hate-ron-desantis-moreand-then-i-heard-about-his-bizarre-dating-trick/?ref=danielkherndon.com), he has always been bad with women. Here's a graph of the latest The Lorem Ipsum poll results for the Republican Presidential Primary race. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/106-poll-numbers-2.jpg) ### Pre-Nato Care Unit The NATO alliance, in a gesture of support, said that it won't always be "Ukraine" but "Us-Kraine" by saying the alliance would accept Ukraine as a member "sometime." But until the war in Ukraine is resolved, Zelensky will have to wait, says Biden, "and he's okay with that." ([more](https://www.npr.org/2023/07/12/1187291581/biden-vilnius-ukraine-nato?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Green Mountain State Vermont floods have put the state in disarray, as they discover that maple syrup doesn't dissolve in water very quickly, but what has dissolved just fine is the federal budget since natural disasters have already cost more than $1 billion dollars in the United States – and the cost of Vermont's tragedy is still yet to be calculated. I wrote about the cost of climate change [here](https://danielkherndon.com/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke) back in 2021\. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/flash-flood-emergency-northeast-vermont-efaf15bf2fd322bc762c52c56a278762?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Game Over The FTC isn’t playing games when it comes to pursuing [antitrust lawsuits,](https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/news/press-releases/2022/12/ftc-seeks-block-microsoft-corps-acquisition-activision-blizzard-inc?ref=danielkherndon.com) but Microsoft will be now that they've beat the FTC in a high-profile case about their merger. The software giant bought Activision, the large video game maker whose portfolio includes "Call of Duty." The FTC claimed it is their Call of Duty to protect open competition, but a federal judge ruled that it's now Microsoft's Call of Duty, and they can do what they want with it. ([more](https://www.vox.com/technology/2023/7/11/23785775/microsoft-activision-ftc-antitrust-decision?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Earth Control Now you don't need a prescription to not have kids, thanks to Opill, which was just approved by the FDA for over-the-counter use. The pricing is not yet announced, but experts are confident it will cost less than an actual child. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/13/health/fda-otc-birth-control-opill/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Hollywood essentially shuts down. *The Nanny* says the Studio CEOs will have to clean their own messes. ([more](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/business-news/sag-aftra-strike-called-hollywood-negotiations-collapse-1235517703/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's this week's ***Feature***. ## Bumped Up `Feature Story` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/106-Coke-sponsorship-2-1.jpg) ***Hey Daniel, what can you tell me about the White House cocaine situation? – Robert D. Jr.*** Just last week, the White House discovered about a gram of coke in a locker near an entrance to the West Wing. For the record, cocaine is like really evil coffee, according to Courtney Love. As you might know, sniff a line, and you'll feel like the president of the united states for five minutes. Smoke it, and you'll feel like the president of the whole red-hot world. Well, evidently, one of the hundreds of visitors and staffers planned on having that feeling, not to take away from the big man himself and his son Hunter. Republicans have suggested that someone on the White House staff was railing lines off hookers' asses and clubbing for three straight days, but I say that's giving Marjorie Taylor Green's ass too much credit since we all know it's too busy being [kicked out](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/marjorie-taylor-greene-officially-kicked-freedom-caucus-gop-lawmaker-s-rcna93962?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the Freedom Caucus. Republicans have said that someone should lose their job, and House Speaker McCarthy says, "Anything revolving around "Biden Inc" gets treated differently than any other American, and that's got to stop." Lauren Boebert complained that the locker where the nose candy was found is now missing and complained that the Secret Service agency is moving on to its next "Biden Crime Crisis." and insisted they check to see if there were any abandoned laptops found in the area as well, implicating the First Addict, Hunter Biden. The [Secret Service agency said](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/secret-service-brief-house-committee-cocaine-found-white/story?id=101183599&ref=danielkherndon.com) the investigation is "closed due to a lack of physical evidence" after DNA testing and security footage couldn't narrow the list of possible suspects to under 500 people. The Republican lead committee calls this a "failure" of the agency. The White House press secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre, insisted the Biden administration staff wasn't going to stick their nose in it. The cocaine, that is. She said "This is something that the Secret Service handles. It's under their protocol." Since it's not a crime to carry a line, we'll have to settle for moving on. But when it comes to the situation at the White House, if I had to work around all this mess, I'd probably be on drugs too. --- ## Your Questions Looking for your next speedball? Hop a bus ride to DC. I can't help you with the famous flake. But if you need to blow your mind with answers to the world's greatest questions, as long as you're not expecting a side of cocoa puffs, you can Ask The Lorem Ipsum. Send me your questions at HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com. --- That's it for this week. The Lorem Ipsum does not cause addiction problems but sure does smell good. Make sure to share it with everyone. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Words Ruin Everything URL: https://danielkherndon.com/words-ruin-everything/ Last updated: 2023-09-02T02:20:34.000Z --- In polite society, behaving yourself is a better hiding place than behind any bush or cubicle. But every once in a while, there's a guy with frizzy hair who doesn't wear socks that comes up with something like E=MC2, which, of course, nobody understands, but it somehow becomes the foundation of our whole understanding of the universe. "He's on the spectrum," they would have said of him today. If Einstein was alive today, his mom would have donned a puzzle piece bumper sticker that made you feel guilty for making fun of him. If it was on his resume, he would have a hard time getting a job, but if there is indeed a spectrum, wouldn't we all be on it somewhere too? Personally, I've fallen into one spectrum or another over the years of the attention deficit sort. Most times, it just means I'm going to interrupt a meeting and start asking why they call it "Ovaltine" when the jar isn't *oval*, but *round*. I’m no lost puppy, but I have all the symptoms of one except the bad breath. I can still bathe and feed myself without assistance, but thanks to Mrs. The Lorem Ipsum, I don't have to. The *phrase "He has A.D.H.D."* assumes a lot of the English language and the polite societies that use the term. It suggests that there is a *"D"* to begin with. A disorder can only exist if there is an order from which it deviates. Other than a job posting saying, "Acting normal, and other duties as assigned," I'm not sure I've seen one yet. The problem we have here is not ADHD, an autism spectrum, a head of fried hair, or any theories of relativity. It is simply that we process what something is based on how we talk about it and how we relate to the others who talk about it. In a context where behaving is the goal, impatience is the disorder. Where creating and entrepreneurship is the goal, those who behave are the ones with the disorder. From different perspectives, the same thing is described under totally different terms. We’re either waging war or defending our country. We’re a delusional presidential candidate with no chance of winning, or we’re Mike Pence. ## Change The Conversation During the 2010 elections, Nancy Pelosi started a war in which her opponents were the only aggressors, from which she was the savior. She was joined by Hillary Clinton, Barbara Boxer, and eventually many others. It was in the late 80s when her rallying cry was coined. Andrea Dworkin wrote it in a 1989 intro to a book and again in 1997 in her own book. She carried the banner message, which eventually became a prevailing theme. From the Today Sponge to the wage gap, it changed how we talk about women's issues for decades. It was the *War on Women.* [Laura Flanders](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura%5FFlanders?ref=danielkherndon.com)' made it popular in 2004 with her collection of essays, *The W Effect: Bush's War On Women*, and by the 10s, it was the platform for discourse about the gender pay gap, domestic violence policies, and reproductive rights. Being "anti-life" is a losing message, and far be it from Democrats to fail to be an advocate for the poorest of all, the unborn. There is no winning strategy until there is blood. If possible, on enemy hands. It was identity politics at its finest. When Republicans are waging a war on women, it positions Democrats as their only defense. And it worked. In 2012, Obama beat Romney with a handy lead from female voters, even if by losing some of the male voters. He may have taken it a step too far with [that tan suit](https://www.gq.com/story/barack-obama-tan-suit-anniversary?ref=danielkherndon.com), but War On Women line did great. For some people, the party line put a bad taste in their mouths. It most certainly ended the conversation for those not already sympathetic to its views. And this is what happens all the time. There is a movable middle, and those who will never hear the compelling argument because the language that is used makes the assertion unpalatable to those who don't already agree with it. When it comes to issues, language makes our side a matter of our very identity and leaves our opponents with blood on their hands. This works for the middle. We win over the people who already tend to agree with us and lose the hearts and minds of those who might change course if someone could appeal to them in their language. The sharp rhetoric of identity politics is great for short-term wins but fails us for sustainable change. Here are some of the ways that language, however well-meaning, ruins our chance of winning hearts and minds. ## War on Women What seems like a battle for right and wrong is actually a battle of semantics. When does a living organism gain rights? After it pierces an egg or before it is forcibly penetrated by a tadpole in the wild? Is it correct that birth control is the same as having an abortion? What about masturbation? How about wearing plaid? Where actually is the line? Are we in a War on Women or simply a Special Military Operation on women? Does anyone ever plan their future in politics by saying, "When I grow up, what I really want to do is destroy all the women?" Other than George Santos, I can't picture anyone saying such a thing. Does the enemy in this war want to destroy women, or do they simply have a view of humans, which at any other stage on the timeline of life is quite normal? It may be an ideological war, but few see the target of the other side, and because of that, few minds are changed no matter how right the one side may be – and some are pushed further away from change altogether. Let's talk about some ways language limits our results. ## Systemic Racism Activists every day remind us that your great great great great great great grandparents may not have been so great – and that, now, you're the problem. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Go Forth URL: https://danielkherndon.com/forth/ Last updated: 2023-07-07T12:48:55.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Happy *Independence Day* to those who celebrate. I'm writing from The USA, the 15th free-est country [in the World](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/freest-countries?ref=danielkherndon.com) where we light off fireworks and drink the cheapest beer the earth has to offer. A quick shout-out to readers in Switzerland for earning first place for freedom. I'm certain the right to bear fondue pushed them over the edge (not to mention their flag is a big plus). As for me, each July 4th, I demonstrate my patriotism by declining to say The Pledge of Allegiance [because ](https://danielkherndon.com/the-pledge-of-allegiance-feels-funny)[it feels funny](https://danielkherndon.com/the-pledge-of-allegiance-feels-funny/). But this year, I grilled meat, drank beer, and wore synthetic moisture-wicking fabrics on the Fourth of July, and nothing is more patriotic than that. America 🇺🇸 Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ### Crunch Court Supreme `Feature Story` Last week we spent more time thinking about the Supreme Court than we did tacos on Tuesday. The bench released several landmark rulings, proving once again that the long arm of the law is made of putty and is always malleable. Here are some of the rulings that made the news and my commentary on these topics in articles over the last two years of delivering you The Lorem Ipsum. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/70-Seinfeld-3.jpg) - **Student Loan Forgiveness.** Like most, students everywhere are pissed that they will have to pay their own bills, a lesson not learned in college classes. With that said, I argued that rich people should have the opportunity to pay their bills too. Here's the mini-article in The Weekly titled [You Owe Us](https://danielkherndon.com/redacted/#:~:text=Daniel%20Herndon-,You%20Owe%20Us,-Ask%20The%20Lorem). - **Affirmative Action.** Removing race-based discrimination to counteract race-based discrimination, as the courts did last week, is probably an accurate interpretation of the Constitution, but that doesn't make college equitable. Wealthy people of every color will find a way into Harvard, but escaping poverty is still hard and, for some, nearly impossible. I covered this in [Your College Degree is Blocking My View](https://danielkherndon.com/hey-your-college-degree-is-blocking-my-view/). - **Gay Websites.** A website designer sued for the right to decline to create a same-sex wedding website "just in case." The court ruled that no matter the pronouns of your website, it's not your right to hire someone that hates you (even if ideally just so you can fire them). I wrote about it in [A Case About Nothing](https://danielkherndon.com/a-case-about-nothing/), an article with nearly 35 Seinfeld references hidden within its verbiage. Not that there's anything wrong with that. - **Blocked on the Socials.** The Supremes barred the Biden administration and all future administrations from interacting with social media companies in a way that might pressure them to take down content – because government interference could be considered an infringement of free speech. I've explained why I don't care because I've pulled away from social media altogether in [Good Source Material](https://danielkherndon.com/good-source-material/). **More Articles.** This Tuesday (or so), I have a new article coming out called "Words Ruin Everything." about the failure of language in politics. Look for it in your inbox, or sign up if you're reading this on the internet. [Subscribe](https://danielkherndon.ghost.io/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) That's our feature. Here's the rest of ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 27 of 2023` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/71-Dead-Twitter.jpg) ### Threads Now posting a thread on Twitter is called "ironic" instead of inefficient since the announcement of the new "Twitter Killer" app called Threads. The app is was launched by Instagram, which is owned by Facebook, which is owned by Meta. Yet Threads is none of those apps. Or is it? The app has become the most rapidly downloaded, outpacing ChatGPT and the email open rates of The Lorem Ipsum. Twitter has directed its lawyer (which we believe is Barry Zuckerkorn, the [Bluth family lawyer](https://www.google.com/search?q=barry+zuckerkorn&oq=barry+zuc&aqs=chrome.0.0i512j69i57j46i512j0i512l2j46i512j0i512l4.4410j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ref=danielkherndon.com#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:bd2e1078,vid:FgLRxq-Uhj8) from Arrested Development) to [send letters to Meta](Barry Zuckerkorn), claiming they had used trade secrets obtained from its former employees. For example, Threads doesn't have an edit button, an idea obviously stolen from the much smaller social media company that hasn't been around for as long. In response, a Threads executive, Andy Stone, said no former Twitter employees worked on threads, but he did admit to not having an edit button and that it was frustrating. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/meta-threads-launch-instagram-app-twitter/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Fire Works The Lorem Ipsum is not the only thing that's hot these days. Because welcome to Earth, a place that set a record on the 4th of July for the highest temperature ever recorded, referring to Earth's average global temperature. Experts are certain the problem is man-made. Specifically, scientists explain it is caused partly by climate change and also the man-made emissions from the large volume of baked beans often consumed in the US on the 4th of July holiday. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/4th-july-breaks-record-highest-temperature-measured/story?id=100702850&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Israel Israel launched attacks on Jenin, a Palestinian stronghold in the West Bank. Israel's nationalist-religious Government ordered the uprising. To describe the fight, one onlooker said it was a lot like Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk's fight, except it's been going on since 1947, and it still doesn't. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/why-is-israel-attacking-jenin-west-bank-operation-explained-2023-07-04/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### NATO President Biden hosted Prime Minister Ulf Kristersson of Sweden at the White House as his country continued its campaign to join the NATO alliance. The two talked about the partnership between their countries, about selling F16 rockets to Turkey, and about the fact that Sweded appears to be a phallic shape on the map. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/sweden-nato-finland-ukraine-russia-biden-b83a54545ba229d0abca5897baf7bfad?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Hot Dog Warfare URL: https://danielkherndon.com/hot-dog-warfare/ Last updated: 2023-07-01T20:29:27.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, The air quality in the Midwest is so bad I can barely see through it to type this email. Thanks to Canadian [wildfires](https://www.npr.org/live-updates/wildfire-smoke-detroit-chicago-pittsburgh-canada?ref=danielkherndon.com), it smells like smoke, and constant apologies. Don't know what I'm talking aboot? Just go outside in the midwest, or pass any Candian in a doorway. Okay, soory. Let’s get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 26 of 2023` ![beige concrete building under blue sky during daytime](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1603119380999-ef522dd64b3c?crop=entropy&cs=tinysrgb&fit=max&fm=jpg&ixid=M3wxMTc3M3wwfDF8c2VhcmNofDF8fHN1cHJlbWUlMjBjb3VydHxlbnwwfHx8fDE2ODc5OTc2MjF8MA&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&q=80&w=2000) Photo by [Ian Hutchinson](https://unsplash.com/@ianhutchinson92?ref=danielkherndon.com) / [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/?utm%5Fsource=ghost&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcampaign=api-credit) ### Negative Action The Supreme Court struck down race-based admissions at Harvard and U.N.C. yesterday, which looks like it ends decades of Affirmative Action, a policy aimed at increasing minorities' participation in colleges and elsewhere. Based on research in California, a [ban on affirmative](https://www.bestcolleges.com/research/affirmative-action-statistics/?ref=danielkherndon.com) action decreased the diversity of schools, but there's no denying the data is complicated. But so are poverty and generations of familiar advantages, as I've written about [here](https://danielkherndon.com/critical-race-theory-dont-drink-the-water/) and [here](https://danielkherndon.com/crossing-the-chasm-the-impossible-escape-from-poverty/). Biden took to the podium, arguing that "this is not a normal court" and that colleges should not abandon their commitment to diversity. Conservatives called it "a positive step forward," presumably referring to the progress made for white people and families from generational wealth. ([more](https://www.npr.org/live-updates/supreme-court-affirmative-action-harvard-unc?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### State Der-election In other Supreme Court news: The Supreme Court ruled this week that states do not have free rein to decide how elections work with impunity. The case, which was about North Carolina's congressional maps, has angered many Republican-led states. According to reports, one official warned that this ruling could cause elections to be subject to the whims of voters. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/06/27/supreme-court-rejects-independent-state-legislature-theory-00103793?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hot Mic. Cold Coke. CNN released a recording of Donald Trump, which seems to portray him sharing classified military documents about a proposed attack on Iran, and then asking someone to bring in some cokes. According to expert analysis of the audio, the recording was a sponsored post in partnership with Coca-Cola Bottling Company, suggesting Trump may be pursuing a career as a social media influencer. The concern with this is not related to the highly classified materials he shared but that Coca-Cola tightly controls its brand, especially brand colors, and Coca-Cola Red does not pair well with Orange. Trump claims the recording is "just another hoax," but we have plenty of documentation that Donald Trump has a love affair with [Coke](https://www.esquire.com/food-drink/a22550594/donald-trump-coca-cola-timeline/?ref=danielkherndon.com). (Here's [more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/26/politics/trump-classified-documents-audio/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) including the recording.) ### Beat The Heat Everything is bigger in Texas, including the temperatures. The biggest thing is the size of this tragedy. A 14-year-old lost consciousness and died on a hike in temperatures around 119 degrees at Big Bend National Park, and his stepfather, when rushing to get help, crashed his vehicle and died as well. Texas, this season has seen historic temperatures due to climate change. ([more](https://people.com/man-stepson-die-hiking-texas-park-119-degree-heat-7553178?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Madonna's Grill is Postponed Madonna is recovering from a serious bacterial infection and will need something like a prayer. According to one source, a doctor commenting on the situation said she was nearly unrecognizable, but mostly from plastic surgery and the addition of gold teeth. She is expected to have a full recovery from the infection. ([more](https://www.tmz.com/2023/06/28/madonna-hospitalized-icu-serious-bacterial-infection-celebration-tour-postponed/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Better Than Goodenough John B. Goodenough Died at 100 years old this week. He was the Nobel-Winning Creator of the Lithium-Ion battery, which his life shows us, is not the only thing that lasts longer, but this guy, unfortunately, is not rechargeable. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/26/science/john-goodenough-dead.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's this week's ***Feature***. --- ## Hot Dog Warfare: The Wagner Uprising `Feature Story` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/06/103-Hot-Dog-1-2.jpg) Once a Hot Dog Seller, now a mercenary with a bald head glistening from the juice of his steamed buns and soaked franks. A meathead and a killer for profit. Yevgeny Prigozhin is the creation of a Russia migrating from socialism to a market-based economy. Last weekend, Yevgeny Prigozhin rebelled against Vladimir Putin in a chaotic episode spanning 36 hours. It ended abruptly with a quick exit from Russia after a sudden uprising turned into a deal. The Russian and Belarusian presidents negotiated a de-escalation and dropped all charges against the Wagner boss, a long-time ally of Putin. He would just walk out of Russia, unopposed, and go to Belarus with shards of destroyed Russian military equipment as souvenirs on his private jet. Prighozin invaded Russia. He shot down six military helicopters. He took command of towns along the way like he was choking down tubes of meat covered in cheap bread and bright yellow mustard. He captured a major city, contained military leaders, and started toward Moscow. According to the latest reports, Russian General Sergei Surovikin [knew in advance](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/27/us/politics/russian-general-prigozhin-rebellion.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) about the rebellion. Putin let him go. So someone exacts aggression toward Putin's leadership, and in response, he plays the Simon and Garfunkel card? "Maybe we just break up because you’re getting too much attention, and my fingers are too short?" That makes sense. That's what anyone one of us would do. Except me. If someone tried to overturn The Lorem Ipsum, I would email them into the ground, spamming every inch of their inbox with unwieldy copy surrounded by distracting gifs. And I wouldn't send them to Belarus to live in mid-European dictatorial luxury on donated military properties. I would make them spend more time on Facebook, surrounded by all those strange posts from "Swifties 2.0" and "90s Meme Town" and other "suggested for you" content. And no one would ever like their posts, ever. Surely, Putin would do the same. At least some version of that, if his history of [poisoning his enemies](https://abcnews.go.com/International/navalny-long-history-russian-poisonings/story?id=72579648&ref=danielkherndon.com) who attempt an uprising. For a little history, Yevgeny V. Prigozhin was caught stealing when he was 18, and 2 years later, in 1981, he was caught a second time and sentenced to 12 years in prison. He ended up being released after serving nine years. Well, evidently, his prison days had gotten him interested in hot dogs, so he started selling them in an open-air market in Leningrad. But weiners weren't enough for Prigozhin, so he got into several other businesses, including groceries, casinos, construction, restaurants, and market research. In the USA, we call that a write-off for literally everything you could ever do, including enjoying a foot-long. Speaking of hot dogs, somewhere along the lines, he met Vladimir Putin, who was on his own journey to prominence, and the two hit it off, likely because of their endearing love for processed meats and fascism. Prigozhin was granted several government contracts over the years, including some of the largest catering contracts, building him enormous wealth, much of it because of his connection to Putin. By 2012, he vacationed on his 115-foot yacht and traveled on his private jet. He went from prison to oligarchy in 22 years. He eventually started the Wagner group in an effort to support Russian military efforts the government needed to keep at arm's length, at one point receiving the equivalent of a billion-dollar budget. Their operations have expanded to Africa and The Middle East, and more recently, they have been a key operative in the invasion of Ukraine. Just recently, the Wagner Group was pulled out of Ukraine. ## **A Chaotic 36 Hours in Russia.** On Saturday last week, Prigozhin and his troops took control of the Russian city Rostov-on-Don before turning his troops toward Moscow, causing officials to fear he was attempting to overthrow Putin. Prigozhin denies it, saying he was just going to protest the war (and, I assume, a rival hot dog business). His efforts ended abruptly, he backed down willingly, and he was immediately exiled in a matter of a couple of days. Putin is thanking his armed forces for ending a civil war. It makes sense that Putin seemingly let him off without a fight? Right? Why wouldn't he? While he seems to be moving to punish allies of Prighozhin, he seems to remain mostly quiet on Prighozhin himself. Is it because he is so threatened by Prigozhin's power he has to bide his time? Did they plan the whole thing together as a false flag to rile up public support? Is Putin allergic to emulsified meat trimmings extruded from a tube? There are too many questions to ask. It also makes sense that Prigozhin would want to build an empire over decades and destroy it in a weekend, with a bite to the hand that feeds him. Doesn't it? Perhaps he's found himself in a corner where his crooked hot dog will be found out. But whether these dogs are steamed or grilled, they are not the franks you're looking for. There's clearly more to the story. (Here's the latest [from CNN](https://www.cnn.com/europe/live-news/russia-ukraine-war-news-06-29-23/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Hunter and The Hunted URL: https://danielkherndon.com/hunter-and-the-hunted/ Last updated: 2023-06-23T10:30:36.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Everyone, If you were President, what would you do on day one? I know exactly what I would do. I'd get into that oval office, call in all the key leaders of the country, the military, national intelligence, and all of my cabinet, and say one thing. "Alright, I'm ready for a briefing on all things UFOs!" Ezra Kline has more on this in a recent podcast episode: > Leslie Kean helped break the news of a whistle-blower who claims the government possesses materials from a craft of “nonhuman origin.” We discuss the story — and what remains unclear. [‎The Ezra Klein Show: What the Heck Is Going on With These U.F.O. Stories? on Apple Podcasts‎Show The Ezra Klein Show, Ep What the Heck Is Going on With These U.F.O. Stories? - Jun 20, 2023![](https://t1.gstatic.com/faviconV2?client=SOCIAL&type=FAVICON&fallback_opts=TYPE,SIZE,URL&url=https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-the-heck-is-going-on-with-these-u-f-o-stories/id1548604447?i=1000617681986&size=128)Apple Podcasts![](https://is1-ssl.mzstatic.com/image/thumb/Podcasts115/v4/c8/4d/c9/c84dc9c9-db86-b18e-4d71-e66239490291/mza_4535295948341383869.jpg/1200x630wp.png)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-the-heck-is-going-on-with-these-u-f-o-stories/id1548604447?i=1000617681986&ref=danielkherndon.com) Until then, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 25 of 2023` ### Sub Marine A deep sea submersible carrying five people was lost on Monday. The deep sea tour visiting the remains of the Titanic on the ocean floor was operated by OceanGate (no relation to Watergate), a company that had made visiting the Titanic accessible to anyone, as long as you can pay $250,000 for a ticket. Several major pieces of the vessel were found on Thursday, and all five passengers are presumed dead from a catastrophic implosion. According to one expert who commented on underwater adventures back in 1966, we all live in a yellow submarine, our friends are all aboard, and many more of them live next door. However, this is currently a matter of debate. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/06/22/us/titanic-missing-submarine?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Justice I Thought Justice Alito defended himself for hanging out with billionaire Paul Singer on a lavish fishing trip in 2008 consisting of private jet trips and $1000 bottles of wine. The pleasure weekend drew criticism from [ProPublica](https://www.propublica.org/article/samuel-alito-luxury-fishing-trip-paul-singer-scotus-supreme-court?ref=danielkherndon.com), suggesting he should have disclosed the trip to avoid an ethics violation, and should have recused himself from cases Singer was connected to. Alito defended the event in a [Wall Street Journal](https://www.wsj.com/articles/propublica-misleads-its-readers-alito-gifts-disclosure-alaska-singer-23b51eda?ref=danielkherndon.com) op-ed and said that the wine wasn't really “$1000 good” anyway. The Lorem Ipsum's take: What are we going to do? Fire him? ### Schiff Competition Representative Adam Schiff was censured on Wednesday by a GOP party-line vote, because he investigated Donald Trump, a man who has been indicted on multiple crimes. After presenting Shiff with the resolution, he thanked them by saying "You honor me with your enmity. You flatter me with this falsehood." Nancy Pelosi called the event "a puppet show" which sounds like great family entertainment until you find out that George Santos is one of the puppets, who in his case, is currently [out on bond](https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/22/politics/george-santos-bond-cosigners-family-members/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), after being charged with wire fraud and money laundering, however he has yet to launder his signature blue sweater. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/06/21/house-gop-clears-the-way-for-schiff-censure-00102961?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Modi At the Whitehouse At the White House on Thursday, President Biden hosted Prime Minister Narendra Modi of India for a private vegetarian dinner with lots of Indian inspiration, including Indian spices. Some expressed concern about the dinner in general, but the Biden Administration says it’s a *naan* issue. After the meal, the plan was for the two to tour the Whitehouse and, in precise timing, the bathrooms. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2023/06/22/1183685407/for-modis-state-dinner-the-white-house-is-elevating-the-mushroom?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Stunned Young Guns A federal judge on Wednesday sentenced a rioter who drove a stun gun into a Capital Police Officer's neck during the January 6 Riots at the Capital. Daniel “D.J.” Rodriguez received a sentence of 12 years, which means he may get to spend a lot more time with Trump soon. ([more](https://www.latimes.com/world-nation/story/2023-06-21/california-man-who-shocked-capitol-officer-with-stun-gun-is-sentenced-to-over-12-years-in-prison?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's this week's ***Feature***. ## Hunter and The Hunted `Feature Story` Hunter Biden probably wishes he had never left that laptop in a repair shop in Delaware. If I were him, I'd ask the guy that runs the shop for my money back and use it to pay my taxes. But that's just me. I'd also delete all my nude pictures before handing out my laptop to anyone who isn't also in those pictures. But I've always been tech-savvy and have never been the son of someone who works in the Whitehouse. This week, Hunter Biden [pleaded guilty](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/joe-biden/hunter-biden-plea-deal-sparks-political-fight-independence-justice-sys-rcna90255?ref=danielkherndon.com) to misdemeanor tax charges, an agreement which allows him to avoid prosecution on separate charges for purchasing a gun in 2018 when he was using drugs. The plea is likely to end his legal woes, but the Republican Party said this only strengthens their effort to investigate the Bidens. Rep. James Comer, chairman of the House Oversight Committee, has vowed to continue investigating the "Biden crime family." By proxy, they want to prosecute the President. I suspect President Biden is corrupt only because he is in politics. It seems like his son has tried to make money off of his connection to “The Big Man” and while it hints of impropriety, but it sounds more like someone using a giant LinkedIn account. Apparently even sons of Presidents use their connections and resume to get work. Hunter has been dealing with troubles since the moment he was injured in a car accident where his mom and sister died. Whether that deadly accident was the first domino to a series of unfortunate events or simply something to blame his smoking habit on is hard to know. One thing we can be confident in is that Hunter Biden is not a victim of a corrupt justice department. Hunter needed to be investigated, and more than likely needs to be charged. It's probably reasonable that he reached a plea deal too. And for the Big Man, I think a world where our leaders are held to account is a better world to live in. Hunter has not made America proud, but Hunter is not the President, and if he were, his crime syndicate would be prosaic compared to his White House predecessor. --- ## Your Questions The answers to most of our questions are on Hunter‘s laptop. For everything else, there’s Ask The Lorem Ipsum. Send your questions to HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com. --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Back in Time URL: https://danielkherndon.com/back-in-time/ Last updated: 2023-06-21T16:55:11.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ****Sign up** [****here**](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)****.** --- Hey Friends, Welcome to a slow news week – since, basically, nothing interesting happened. Well, except for this... ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/06/trump-prints2-1.png) Fingerprints of Defendant, DJT Literally, the orangest fingerprints I have ever seen in my entire life. Besides that, we're doing a little time travel. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 24 of 2023` ### **A** **Former US President Was Arrested. Again.** It was the second time in a year Donald Trump turned himself in on a Tuesday. This time he was charged with federal crimes, once again making history by being the first US President to demonstrate why we can't have nice things. Like 1-800-Collect, Trump ought to be a thing of the past, but unfortunately, the man still has our calling card, and he’s making us pay for it. After first trying to scam our Allies in Ukraine in his first year in office, he proceeded to scam all the rest of us, then did his level best to convince The Dukes of Hazard to kill his VP and Democracy while they’re at it. Now, we sit here on either side of the aisle, like we're on the other end of a dial tone, not sure what just happened. After being arraigned in Miami, Trump left the court to a crowd of supporters, whose small size can only compare to that of the defendant's hands. Immediately followed by a campaign stop at a popular Miami Cuban restaurant, where he greeted supporters and skipped the meal and the bill. He left in his motorcade and ate MacDonald's on his way to a campaign speech. ([more](https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2023/06/trump-miami-courthouse-indictment-desantis.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### ~~Wo~~Men Pastors This week the Southern Baptist Convention said, "Give me that Old Time Religion" by voting to expel the women pastors of several churches. According to the [Denomination,](https://www.baptistpress.com/resource-library/news/messengers-deem-saddleback-two-other-churches-not-in-friendly-cooperation-with-sbc/?ref=danielkherndon.com) "Scripture reserves the office of pastor for men." It was the same denomination that was accused of [harboring sexual abusers](https://www.npr.org/2022/08/13/1117362904/southern-baptists-doj-investigation-sexual-abuse?ref=danielkherndon.com). The Convention represents the largest Protestant church group. This week, in order to be hip and relevant, several SBC churches are expected to be opening services with a rendition of Huey Lewis' classic hit "Back In Time." ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/14/us/southern-baptist-convention-annual-meeting/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **The Federal is Reserved** In breaking news this week, nothing happened. Interest rates were neither increased nor decreased, although, to be honest, I was starting to lose interest entirely. Inflation now seems to be under control, especially thanks to the GDP getting a little bit of warm weather exercise. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/06/14/fed-rate-decision-june-2023.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Cuz U White A Starbucks employee says she was fired because she is white and after taking it to court, a jury of her peers agreed with her. She is now celebrating her firing after being awarded $25.6 million in damages to cover loss wages and, apparently, some found ones too. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/14/business/starbucks-manager-racial-discrimination/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### It's a Fake Hangup Kelis, the "Milkshake" singer, has apparently been packing a little bit of Ensure to bring Bill Murray to the yard, according to rumors. When Kelis was asked if she was dating Murray, the actor famous for movies like Stripes, What About Bob, and Ghostbusters, she said, "Everyone's dumb and will believe anything." According to one report, when Bill was asked the same back on February second, his response was, "Didn't you just ask me that?" ([more](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/bill-murray-romance-kelis-wont-183628939.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's this week's ***Feature***. ## In Case You Missed It `Weekly Feature ` I started The Lorem Ipsum to make you laugh while making you think. Like many of you, I've been thinking since at least 2012, if not before then. It took me until 2021 to decide to publish those thoughts and invite you to read them. Back in 2012, I was tapped to co-write the book Facebook All In One For Dummies on Wiley Publishing. The act of writing 325 pages of content with three layers of editors and a popular publishing franchise was rewarding, but it made me process social media through a new lens. Today, I barely use social media. (I'm there, and I'll respond, but I'm no longer as active as I used to be). What I've learned, in addition to how to do the floss dance, is that social media offers an abundance of wasted time and a grossly inaccurate view of the real world. Furthermore, it offers you very little control over the content you see. According to [Adam Tinworth of One Man and His Blog](https://onemanandhisblog.com/2023/06/digital-news-report-2023-the-social-challenge-for-audience-growth/?ref=one-man-his-blog-newsletter), many people still use social media as their main source for news. This means most people's view of the world is still what an algorithm permits, however much curation one attempts. This week, I published an article offering my reflections on where we get our news and which places we writers use for source material. The article has a generous free preview, but the second half sits behind a paywall. If you want to read it, you can sign up for a [free trial](https://danielkherndon.com/nudge/) and cancel before you get charged (I won't be offended, but I will skip lunch this week once in honor of the opportunity cost for each trial that is canceled). The article has already received rave reviews, including this one from a reader, turned article [contributor](https://danielkherndon.com/breaking-bad-news/), turned friend: ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/06/AD-Tweet.png) Consider taking the time to read my latest article, *Good Source Material.* [Good Source MaterialThe best things in life are free, but good writing isn’t cheap.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)Daniel HerndonThe Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/06/101-Real-life-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/good-source-material/) --- **That's it for this week.** Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. 🎯 *I publish on [Ghost](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com). Use my referral link to start your own publication.* ### Good Source Material URL: https://danielkherndon.com/good-source-material/ Last updated: 2024-10-16T17:59:11.000Z Like a Mar-A-Lago bathroom, the internet is glutted with information. More than we could ever want. Not unlike the plethora of national secrets found in the Shitter In Chief's own powder room. No doubt, there are secrets we regular folk never thought we would have access to in earlier times, but in this day and age, all you need is a bowel movement at a cocktail party, and you might be the next one to possess your very own stolen blueprint of world-class nuclear armaments, or the top-secret military plans to invade a certain country, in case you're in the neighborhood. Just [ask Trump's lawyers](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/11/us/politics/trump-indictment-m-evan-corcoran.html?ref=danielkherndon.com); they're sharing all the receipts. In the resort's bathroom, perched over all the national secrets, you'll see a Costco toilet with a ‘soft close’ seat, eliminating annoying seat slamming, which I argue will pay for itself in peace and quiet. That is until it pinches Donald in the ass – just like his reckless behavior has. ## Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. If you don't have time for a Florida cocktail party and tacky watering closets, you can always take the toilet with you to the lavatory of your choice in the form of a smartphone and a login to any geek forum. With patience, you'll soon find that [some low-ranking intelligence agent](https://apnews.com/article/guardsman-teixeira-military-classified-documents-leak-detention-65658c291d097c37d2b272ae5fb24a5d?ref=danielkherndon.com) will leak enough state secrets to be dangerous if the former Commander in Chief doesn't beat him to it. Rest assured; the internet is filled with grifters of all ranks from top to bottom peddling information for clout. If nothing else, they provide us with endless content to write about it. But, we'd be wise to remember they may just as well be a distraction. But Donald's skidmarks are not what I want to talk about in this article. Forget about national secrets. Ever since the rise of social media newsfeeds, nary a thought has gone unexpressed. Even Victoria has more secrets than most Twitter addicts these days. What's worse, sometimes we think it's real life. I want to talk for a moment about where good writing comes from and, as a byproduct, good reading. The digital age has brought much more information to our fingertips, including this very post. But between an information war in Europe and a misread Facebook comment, so much digital content is having an outsized impact on the way things go in what we call the meat space, formerly known as real life. No doubt, it's because we fall prey to our notifications, taking them to be representative of reality. And many writers are leveraging this fact to determine the content they create, writing for maximum impact on traffic when writing ought to be because something needs to be written. I've always said, *"You can make a lot of money as a used car salesman – but then you're a used car salesman."* Such is the case for any hack whose priorities are clicks over quality. The now-defunct Buzzfeed's Pulitzer Prized reporting is not as famous as their pedaled listicles looking for eyeballs on ads rather than inviting you to discover something or think differently. A recent top story while writing this piece was a trash bin of [21 shocking things](https://www.buzzfeed.com/mollycapobianco/duggar-family-documentary-details?origin=spl&ref=danielkherndon.com) about the Duggars. A far cry from in-depth [investigative journalism](https://www.pulitzer.org/winners/megha-rajagopalan-alison-killing-and-christo-buschek-buzzfeed-news?ref=danielkherndon.com) exposing human rights abuses against Muslims in China. Writing for search engines or decision engines is tempting because people like to be liked, but writing for writing's sake is much harder. Sometimes when I write, I picture myself in a Karate chopping fight spree like a scene out of Kill Bill. For several moments, I’m swinging and kicking in what seems like overdone and mostly pointless moves until suddenly comes the big slice of the samurai sword. Bam! I hit you with the closing line, except it doesn’t kill you. It just sets you up for the next one. Other times I'm just pounding my meat hands against an expensive collection of buttons, hoping something worthwhile comes out on the other side. But that’s what a slow news week will do to you. Or Covid Brain. Bourbon Brain can do the same to words, depending on which glass you're on. Usually, it helps with the first and hurts with the last. Inevitably, I always rise from the ashes like all of us phoenix types do (if by phoenix you mean Phoenix University and ashes referring to the closest thing I have to a diploma). After a good week of wishing I had never published my last piece and wondering why all my attempts at writing produce content no better than the pages of Leviticus, suddenly, a new vision comes to mind. Finally, something worth writing, if only a single opening line. Inevitably it comes to me in the night when I am no less than an hour past my target bedtime, and I can't sleep – because if I do, I'll forget what I am writing in my head. When writing feels dry, the best place to look is the social media newsfeed. So that you can feel even more depressed that you have nothing to say while you watch other people saying nothing for you. Believe it or not, many journalists use social media for source material. But they shouldn't. Social media is no better look at the world than the view from hell. But hell is not a good place to get your news. Recently I heard someone say, "I realized if I removed social media, I would spend much less time on my phone." I can relate. I have a complicated relationship with my phone. It's somewhat electric. We get on each other's nerves but can't keep our hands off each other. With my first cellular back in 1998, I couldn't wait for it to ring so I could demonstrate my connectedness at all times. I'd look important and learn more about my insurance agent all at the same time. I'd take the call without fail, no matter what I'm in the midst of. While buying groceries, in waiting rooms at doctors' offices, at the library before Google replaced it, and really anywhere else. Invariably, at elevated volume. Today, things are different. I like cauliflower just as much as the next guy, but I don't want my ears to look like one, so I won't hold a phone to my ear for more than fifteen seconds in case of an emergency. And I shouldn't have to. That's why God invented Airpods. I'll leave the phone-holding lifestyle to construction foremen and those who are happily stuck in the 2003s. Besides, I'm more of a 2-way pager kind of guy, except now my 2-way pager comes with a flashlight, a camera, and access to every song ever released commercially in the last 100 years. The problem is my phone's singing voice is not as beautiful as it once was. Its song is more desperation than cantor. Desperate for my attention, begging for permission to hearken unto me even more. But I can't do it. I can't read one more notification akin to a razor taking shavings of lifespan away from me one bubble at a time, only to tell me more of the same; someone you know posted a picture. A recent tweet from x, from y, from z. Please, please read me. I've got plenty to read. Most of it, more thoughtful, more interesting, more arresting. Some of it is topical, a thought piece here, a friend's missive there. Some of it is topographical, the body of water, the trees, and the hilly area where we watch the sunset. Some of the best reading, in my opinion, is reading the landscape. When I write, I need good source material. And unlike many of the journalists who lived on Twitter and now are trying to find it elsewhere, I do not consider Twitter a reliable source. The world sounds like a terrible place through the lens of Twitter. It seems nothing but superficial through the window of Facebook and Instagram. I don't know what we're seeing through TikTok. But it all seems to leave us feeling weary. If your measure of the world is through that of a police radio, don't expect to find a planet you want to live on. It's time to change your sources. So find a conversation. Maybe one or two of those conversations are in a digital space but with a person on the other side. But hopefully, in more of them, you find yourself looking him in the eye. Or belly up to a bar. But every now and then, stop. Take a break from it all and have a conversation alone, with the quiet, because for me, those are my best sources. ### Blowing Smoke URL: https://danielkherndon.com/blowing-smoke/ Last updated: 2023-06-12T14:21:46.000Z ‌ *You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out. *Sign up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).**‌ Hey Friends, Good morning to almost everyone, especially if you are running against Donald Trump in the Republican Primaries. If you're wondering what that haze in the air is, it's not burning Canadian bacon. It's caused by hundreds of forest fires across Canada, leaving [smoke to drift](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/us/smoke-maps-canada-fires.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) over the Midwest and Northeastern states. [Several US cities](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-65828469?ref=danielkherndon.com) have won the "worst air in the world" award. In addition, a pair of pants are on fire, with plumes rising out of South Florida near the coast of Palm Beach. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 23 of 2022` ### Not Giving a Dam Clearly, the Russian war is starting to make waves. In this case, literally, as the Ukraine counter-offensive gets underway, a large dam on the Dnipro River is destroyed, causing massive flooding, forcing residents to evacuate. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/ukraine-launches-counteroffensive-russia-zaporizhzhia-rcna88332?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Apple Launch Apple made several announcements this week, launching new products and enhancements, including iOS 17 for iPhone, and the new Apple Vision, a virtual reality headset with which, for only $3500, you can experience real life in real life. ([more](https://www.engadget.com/the-vision-pro-is-apples-long-awaited-arvr-headset-182725385.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### India Pale Rail A public train in India crashed last weekend, causing at least 275 deaths and many injuries. The crash reminds us that the 'two trains leaving the station at different times' word problem is one every student should master because it could save lives. On a serious note, that word problem is not that far off, even though it's not that simple. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jun/04/what-caused-the-india-train-crash-a-visual-guide-to-what-we-know?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Binance Bungle Binance was accused of operating an illegal securities exchange by the SEC. The evidence? They said so in an email (<— that email also contained the 'F' word). ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/sec-sues-binance-alleges-llegal-exchange/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Pat Robertson Died Hell called and asked if they could get more TV evangelists, but it's unclear where Pat went yesterday when he died at 93\. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/pat-robertson-conservative-evangelist-christian-coalition-founder-dies-rcna61662?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Right To Vote The Supreme Court ruled that Alabama blocked the power of black voters with its voting maps, which is gerrymandering at its best. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/supreme-court-strikes-alabama-congressional-map-voting-rights-dispute-rcna64476?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now for this week's ***Feature***. --- ## The Dirty Dozen `The Weekly Feature` The number of candidates who have declared their run for President in the 2024 elections has grown to 12 that are worth talking about, even if just barely. This makes 11 a record number of Republicans to challenge Trump on literally anything. It's clearly too early to predict anything more than who will be wearing stripes and who will be wearing tomato sauce, but we are starting to see how the field for the Whitehouse in 2024 is shaping up. Let's take a look. ## Trump Indicted in Documents Case ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/06/90-Indicted-1.jpg) **Donald Trump** remains a factor in the race, with polls currently putting him comfortably in the lead, but he has been indicted yet again, this time with Federal Charges yet to be unsealed, although the charges are expected to be along the lines of obstruction after Trump knowingly blocked the recovery of classified documents. Trump addresses the charges on Truth Social with a barrage of lies and half-truths to claim innocence. This historic scenario opens the door for other candidates to challenge Trump, and because of that, you see a frontrunner who faces legal charges and a full house of challengers. While Trump's criminal charges keep him in the limelight, or in this case, the *crimelight,* they also have [helped fundraising](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/15/politics/donald-trump-indictment-fundraising/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) efforts. Between his criminal defense strategy and his partiality to cheap food, Trump seems to be funded for the long haul, so long as he doesn't need too many spray tans for his television appearances, inclusive of appearing in court or on a debate stage. The biggest question is whether he'll end up in the Big House or the Whitehouse. **Ron Desantis,** amongst his challengers, sits in second place behind the Rival in Chief, slumping a little since his announcement on Twitter (which, for those of you who have forgotten, was a leading social media platform from the early 2000s). Ron's strategy is to talk about keeping schools open during Covid and banning their books because education is about meeting in the middle, where kids can learn, but not too much. Unlike Florida schools during Covid, Ron's announcement was attended *virtually* by over 600,000 people who didn't hear a word he said due to technical difficulties. Eventually, he did make it on the air for a smaller crowd to serve as the special guest for a Twitter commercial, which ended up doubling as the launch of his campaign for President and a boom to fundraising, bringing in over 8 million dollars in campaign donations. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/06/44-Pence-1.jpg) **Mike Pence** prayerfully announced, before God, his family, and national television cameras, that he was running for the big seat too. Pence's advantage, at this stage, is that he is not facing jail time, but he's going to need more than insect repellant to shake off the stink of being Mike Pence. Mike is too Trump for the anti-MAGA voter and too Mike Pence for Trump fans. His run is also a historic one, as no VP has ever challenged his former boss. Pence strategically kissed Trump's ass publicly and repeatedly until he launched his campaign this week, saying that Trump asked him to choose him over The Constitution, after which Mike chose to run for President with the lowest ratings of any Vice President to seek the nomination. **Chris Christy** seeks to warm the leather of the white house first chair by going straight for the former first throat, that is, Donald Trump's, whose jail tattoos are pending, making him prime for criticism amongst the right who might be fatigued with MAGA talking points. Christy presents himself as a fighter, whose already beaten Covid and is now ready to beat Trump on the debate stage. His only hope is to take up enough space on national media, which is not a camera angle joke in his case, but that goes without saying. **Nikki Haley**, who many have already forgotten was running, is one of the most accomplished women in politics. Her supporters wish to show, through her, that the Republican Party is not racist or sexist while hoping to retain as many racist and sexist voters as possible. Nikki polls in single digits currently, but after saying, “The idea that we have biological boys playing in girls' sports – it is the women's issue of our time,” many think that she can be just as relevant as that statement. **Vivek Ramaswamy** shows up on the polls at about 3.5% now, the lowest visible number above one. When looking to position his campaign, he said, “Call me a non-white nationalist, if you want.” for which his opponents will be happy to oblige. **Asa Hutchinson, Tim Scott, Larry Elder,** and **Doug Burgum** are all declared candidates who bring a microscope on the campaign trail with them to convince funders that their poll numbers exist, along with a path to the Presidency, but either would need a major event to improve their positions, with the aim in the short term to be that people know they are running for the office. These candidates, while many have potential in their own right, have no chance in this climate without leverage to grab more screen time and build a bigger national profile. **Perry Johnson** and **Ryan Binkley** have also declared their candidacies, LOL. On the Democrat side, **Robert F. Kennedy Jr.**, the well-known anti-vaccine activist, has announced he will be challenging Joe Biden, but currently, it appears that the only thing he is vaccinated against is winning. With this slate of candidates, we can see that the battle to be won for now is to beat Trump while hoping he also beats himself with help from the criminal justice system. The only way to do that will be to roast him, which is a major shift for the Republican Party. Despite his lagging position on the map at this time, the only candidate who has demonstrated he can do so with sufficient vigor is Chris Christie, who still remains far behind the required number of donations to make the first debate stage, but his profile and [institutional backers](https://www.opensecrets.org/pres16/outside-spending?id=N00037008&ref=danielkherndon.com) suggest he can get there. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to seeing how this post ages. (Here's [more](https://www.politico.com/interactives/2023/republican-candidates-2024-gop-presidential-hopefuls-list/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on each of the candidates from Politico.) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 **Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### The Joke Bot URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-joke-bot/ Last updated: 2023-08-08T14:14:13.000Z *You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out. *Sign up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).** --- Hey Friends, We have been growing! We've steadily added subscribers like you, we're developing our voice as a professional publication, and now thanks to reader Larry from Texas, we have discovered that we have a full merch line, including our most popular, The Lorem Ipsum Dolor wrap with cheddar cheese and rapidly advancing mold growth. That means The Lorem Ipsum is growing in more ways than one! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/05/Lorem-Ipsum-and-Cheddar.jpg) So if you're hungry, look for our merch online or at a convenience store near you. ### Also, We're Growing With You. The next way we intend to grow is in subscribers supporting the mission of The Lorem Ipsum by becoming a [Founder](#/portal/signup). For my readers, I produce approximately 91.2 articles each year, as well as 456 laughs and 7,432,901.23 brain synaptic transmissions. (Plus, The Lorem Ipsum [may help you live longer](https://danielkherndon.com/plastic-brains/) by encouraging neural plasticity.) Who wouldn't want more? So, to support your brain health, I'm going to offer you 40% off a premium membership for a limited time. Join today for only $30 per year and get ACC ess to every premium article. I look forward to seeing you on the other side of the paywall. Thanks for your support. [Upgrade Now For Less](https://danielkherndon.com/forty) After that, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 22 of 2023` ### Drones Hit Moscow Over the weekend, a drone attack damaged buildings in Moscow, the Russian capital. The Kremlin called the incident an act of terrorism by Ukraine, but some suspect it could have been part of a special military operation, which we've learned is totally different. Kyiv denied involvement but said, "We are pleased to watch." The drones caused minor damage to an apartment building and a Kremlin ego, but no one was killed, and the attacks did not force Russia to cancel their bombing of Kyiv. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/may/30/who-was-behind-the-drone-attacks-on-moscow-and-what-do-strikes-mean-for-ukraine-war?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Debt Ceiling Measure Passes On Wednesday evening, the debt ceiling measure passed the House, but in a run to the Senate, it faced more partisan setbacks by Republicans trying to block the bill. Lindsey Graham is quoted as saying, "I can't believe you did this," referring to his Republican colleagues that passed it, while Heather Graham (no relation) is quoted in an unrelated conversation saying, "There are idiots in every crowd." The debt ceiling deal was passed late last night by a vote of 63 to 36, with 17 Republicans joining the Democrats. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/06/01/us/debt-ceiling-senate-vote?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Holmes Sweet Home The startup founder, Elizabeth Holmes, who committed massive fraud, is reporting to her new home for the next 11 years, a prison often called "Camp Fed," where white-collar inmates do their time. She brought with her a pair of jeans, a sweater, white sneakers, and some chalk to calculate the compound interest she'll earn on her hidden savings over the course of the next decade. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/former-inmate-elizabeth-holmes-prison-describes-shell-bars/story?id=99699808&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Minnesota Weed Minnesota Gov. Tim Waltz signed a bill approving recreational marijuana, making Minnesota the 23rd state to legalize adult-use cannabis and the 420th state to remind the Federal government that they should make it a nationwide deal. Stock prices of Cheetos soared on news of the signing of the bill. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/30/politics/minnesota-cannabis-legalization-recreational-marijuana/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### That Guilty Verdict The “That ’70s Show” star, Danny Masterson, 47, has been found guilty of raping three women at his home in separate incidents between 2001 and 2003\. He faces a possible sentence of up to 30 years to life in state prison. Both victims and Masterson are part of the Church of Scientology, which preaches against reporting to the police, a sermon I would walk out on. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/danny-masterson-found-guilty-rape-rcna84684?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Funny Automation `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` **Hey Daniel,** 1. **Do you believe that AI-generated humor might impact your writing process, and if so, to what extent do you think it might reshape the realm of humorous content creation in general?** 2. **How do you foresee the ethics of using AI to do all of your work for you?** 3. **Should I be worried about losing my job to an AI?** ***Adrian, writer of [The Deep View](https://www.thedeepview.ai/?ref=danielkherndon.com) AI newsletter.*** Before I answer your question, Adrian, let me first share that it took me hours to even get pen to paper and longer to get paper to page. Had I started on an Underwood, I'd have carpal tunnel and black fingers. The ink, I'm certain, would make it to my ringing ears as I try to clear them. And white streaks on the pleats of my slacks would expose the volume of whiteout I've used, bringing shame on my family. Instead, my backspace key is a disaster coated in grease and flakes of cilantro or whatever I had for lunch. But now that I'm ready to answer your question, let me deflect by asking you a question. If AI is going to be doing my writing for me, who's going to do all my procrastinating? Will I be able to automate the process of staring at the screen without a clue what to write? How about self-doubt? From what I've heard, large language model AI bots are [not very good at lacking self-esteem](https://www.theregister.com/2022/12/12/chatgpt%5Fhas%5Fmastered%5Fthe%5Fconfidence/?ref=danielkherndon.com), so who's going to call it a bad writer and claim it should just quit? Is that automatic too? Does AI have an AI wife that will tell it, "That's not funny," "I don't get it," or "You can't say that because you sound rude, and besides, it's time to eat."? Forget writing a whole draft of an article. Writing a single joke and then having to explain it does nothing less than ruin the joke. I can't imagine how bad it must be to build a joke algorithm. If we discover that one built itself, I would contend that it also ruined itself. Most of the value of the writing is in the draft stage. It's invisible, ethereal elements that appear before your eye as the sun seemingly completes the horizon. It's the draft you wrote, later discarded, only to invite the epiphany of something much better, now with a clearer vision. Whether humor or health advice, good writing is a shower taken, a mind wandered, and a morning relished. Humor is ironic, uncouth, or in the unexpected. It's not always amusing, but it's usually anything but austere. The human experience of creating is the reason we create. The creation is the compensation. Like in the case of lottery winners, compensation without gestation is not valued and more than likely not understood – and is usually lost because of it. Automating the process of humorous "content," if that really is its name, sounds rather reductive. It sounds like the output we are looking for is not the same, however similar it may seem to a search engine. When a man pisses outside in his own backyard, does he say, "For god sake, I wish there was some way to automate this?" No. There's a certain joy a man gets from watering his lawn, and outsourcing the process to a sprinkler system is convenient but not as relaxing. Asking an AI tool to go fishing or hike a mountain for me assumes the pictures are all I really wanted, when in fact, the real product is found in the draft stage. The product you read is better because of the draft, and I, or AI for that matter, might be able to trick you, but why? Why look at the pictures when you can touch the mountains? This is where my thoughts on ethics come into play. If I'm paying you to make me a pizza, and you figure out a way to make it more efficiently, I'll still pay you the price you're charging me. But don't tell me it's hand-tossed if it's not. What's the difference between two guys with back braces versus one guy with a dolly? The answer is about $15 per hour and a sandwich. When it comes to white-collar work, we will all be evaluated the same way. On the merits of our work. So should you be concerned about AI taking your job? Yes. For many of us, it probably will change our jobs and even eliminate some, but I'm not concerned about my job being taken. I'm concerned about it *not* being taken. After all, who's going to destroy the world for me while I pound away at the keys like a percussive instrument of ancient lore? I doubt the linotype operators are longing for the old days when it took hours to print a single page, but I know they were worried about their jobs when computers started to take over. But I sure am glad I can pump out a thousand words and hit send. It affords me more time to dwell on my thoughts, which is how I learn and how you get the best that The Lorem Ipsum has to offer. AI has its place, and its place is not a replacement for the real thing – which is a wholly different product. I depend on automation to carve time off of the things I don't want to do. I use a lawnmower because it beats crawling on the ground with scissors. I use a blender because, by the time I smash all that fruit by hand, I'll be so hungry I'll be looking for a chicken sandwich instead. On the other hand, I write because I love to write, and I thank you for reading because I appreciate you allowing me to be a part of the way you think, relax and feel. --- ## Your Questions Do you want someone to ask questions for you? Then prompt your local Chat GPT franchise. If you want to ask your own questions, *Ask The Lorem Ipsum*. Send me your questions about anything at HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com. --- That's it for this week. Don't forget to upgrade! [Upgrade Immediately If Not Sooner For Less](https://danielkherndon.com/forty) **Have a great weekend!** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 **Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Warning Labels URL: https://danielkherndon.com/warning-labels/ Last updated: 2023-06-01T00:32:54.000Z *You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out. *Sign up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).** --- Hey Friends, Happy Memorial Day Weekend. Hopefully, you're not planning to smoke, shoot someone, play video games, or use social media this holiday because they now all bear a warning label from the Surgeon General. I've got a little to say about that. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- #### Other Newsletters 📭 **The Sample** | Looking for more reading? Each morning, The Sample sends you one article from a random blog or newsletter that matches up with your interests. When you get one you like, you can subscribe to the writer with one click. [**Sign up here**](https://thesample.ai/?ref=7de2). --- ## Hot Takes `Week 21 of 2023` ### Tina Turner Dies This Wednesday, the angels said, "*I want to take you higher*" to Tina Turner, and at 83 years old, the Queen of Rock N Roll has died. She is survived by her husband, German music executive Erwin Bach, in whom she [found her](https://people.com/music/tina-turner-husband-erwin-bach-showed-her-true-love-doesnt-require-dimming-light/?ref=danielkherndon.com) "true love" (a secondhand emotion). Fans said she was *simply the best* and that despite the void she leaves behind in rock music, the big wheel would keep on turning*.* ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/singer-tina-turner-dies-aged-83-2023-05-24/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Tina was a famous [survivor of domestic abuse](https://twitter.com/NOMOREorg/status/1661491204754751501?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com) after leaving her first husband, Ike Turner, who treated her like a catcher's mitt with nice legs, subjecting her to constant abuse and manipulation. She left Ike in 1976 while on tour and never looked back. She took Ike to court for custody of their kids and the right to use her name Tina Turner, a stage name he had trademarked early in their careers. She walked out of the courthouse with her name and two Jaguars and built an enormous solo career in the 80s. Here's a live performance from 2009, where she spends a full three minutes building up the mood before launching into her smash hit Proud Mary. ### Desantis on Twitter Governor Ron Desantis announced his candidacy for President on Wednesday. He began the day with a pudding cup, licked his fingers, and went live on the internet before a crowd of supporters (of Elon Musk). His announcement was through a live broadcast with Musk on Twitter Spaces, the site's live audio-only streaming service, where aides for Desantis reportedly asked a focus group of voters to picture someone with charisma. It was [a sight to behold](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/24/us/politics/ron-desantis-campaign-announcement-twitter.html?unlocked%5Farticle%5Fcode=MxD5jqX83L5jaRxJpNLpamfMtlpUzWYSDFI518jZvvdzo2EDtOS1knV4EPw2uG1fBZwYZyfH4mcEp8RAhEfv9shcwc%5F5%5Fi-sW3gO1QCPiRqkWLcVgIT564SyrolkBzY8Oif1fEkVtSevXi%5FXuA9NIS1w7Fg47TbtvGSGDjXk6%5Fli-2YLKOJ1ZCwUlElQI20%5FF9FkiwbDKATiEwBK9Gj6G%5FqJsGxin-jPxnUJImluC9UOYYJg7BBjyyVk8OZetqinY6V1Kb76U6HXuMtKCK2NqHQvLmsT8stUAZkE-qwVxxW-dhOyjHQJ%5FWsCFO4mwGLNGYKu-4ZeAQBYvdaW4Tn8DsCA7C9JD-StbR-NAeYrFeUQRk-z68ZUP4Q&smid=url-share&ref=danielkherndon.com), presumably. The stream, also serving as a commercial for Twitter, was fraught with technical errors for the first 26 minutes, as predicted by everyone but Musk and Desantis. The event streamed enough to deliver several hot mic moments and had to be restarted for a much smaller crowd after crashing multiple times. The announcement's complete failure was a great success, measured by buzz and column inches. Ron talked about Covid and his decision to keep schools open. A lot. He also mentioned his chief rival, Disney, all but admitting his sanctioning of them is retaliation for their vocal stand on policy issues. After months of controversial social policies and politically motivated attacks against Disney, the largest employer in Florida, in a show of support, announced a couple of features at their iconic park in recognition of Ron's contribution to the park by [transferring their taxes to citizens](https://www.npr.org/2022/04/22/1094316591/disney-world-desantis-florida-counties-taxes?ref=danielkherndon.com). One is a menu item called "*Ron DeSandwich,*" which is very meaty but ultimately has almost no flavor. The other new offering is "*Ron DeSanitizer,*" supplied at every bathroom so Floridians can wash their hands of their Governor after relieving themselves. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/23/us/politics/desantis-elon-musk-twitter.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Bahkmut is Gone The most brutal battle to date in Ukraine has resulted in the complete destruction of the city of Bahkmut, which now appears to be controlled by Russia. Most of its buildings are hollowed out from shelling, and most of its 80,000 residents have fled. Literally, the only thing still in business is a 7-Eleven, which is selling large Slurpees for just $1 now. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/russia-claims-bakhmut-victory-ukraine-encircle-troops-wagner-putin-rcna85509?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Debt Ceiling In the ongoing debt ceiling talks, the two seem to be nearing a deal, but they still continue to have differences. For example, at one point, McCarthy said, "Let's cut 16.66% of the nondefense discretionary spending," to which Biden said, "How about cutting 1/6th instead?" ([more](https://apnews.com/article/debt-limit-congress-mccarthy-biden-budget-850273c73ed40f4ad002fa24e50f9b40?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Facebook is Fined Facebook has been fined a record 1.2 billion euros for failing to prevent Facebook users' data in the EU from being sent to the US. When the news was posted, 1,632,419 "cared," but to be honest, most people really didn't care. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/22/tech/meta-facebook-data-privacy-eu-fine/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - US officials believe the recent attack on the Kremlin is [likely orchestrated](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/24/us/politics/ukraine-kremlin-drone-attack.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) by Ukraine's special military or intelligence units. The Lorem Ipsum opinion is "who cares" because invaded countries [should be able to defend themselves](https://www.readtangle.com/ukraine-assasination-attempt-putin-standards/?ref=danielkherndon.com). --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Surgeon Generals Mourning `The Gist` The surgeon general issued a [warning](https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/youth-mental-health/social-media/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) that social media use may harm children and adolescents. In a very [ironic tweet](https://twitter.com/Surgeon%5FGeneral/status/1660948727408865282?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com), which he thought was cute and might delete later, Dr. Vivek Murthy explained the dangers of social media based on mounting evidence that an increased likelihood of symptoms of depression and anxiety occurs for adolescence using social media for more than three hours per day. After posting the tweet, Dr. Murthy began refreshing his feed repeatedly to see how many likes he got. Murthy celebrated the engagement and posted a follow-up picture of himself crying, where he explained that he was sad about all the kids with depression because of the impact social media has had on them. Okay, there are a lot of embellishments here, but the truth is the Surgeon General has made social media the new cigarettes. Video reels are the new ashtrays where teens flick their butts. I expect a warning label to be placed on Instagram saying that "Posting causes depression, cancerous relationships, and may complicate pregnancy." Hashtag '*no-filter*' – hashtag '*blessed*' – hashtag '*warning-signs*'. Another day, another warning to overlook. Every day, we have a new warning from the surgeon general. And we ignore them faster than you can say, "*Accept all cookies,*" the EU equivalent of an internet fig leaf over your privacy concerns. This reminds me of the warnings which came in 1999 from Bill Clinton's Surgeon General in an attempt to address an obesity epidemic. One which has only expanded, with our society sporting 12% fatter statistical obesity rates than before. The Surgeon General has moved to make a statement about gun violence as well, calling it an epidemic, which is reasonable since it is the leading cause of death among children in the USA. Clearly, we'll need a warning label placed on the side of the constitution, warning patriots their inalienable rights may cause injury and even death. The warning labels of today are tomorrow's inconvenience. Marketing teams will look for mandatories to fill their packaging and site footers while they try to maximize the purchase and use of the products they place them on. Cigarettes will be "toasted," and processed carbs will be "enriched." The warnings will do little more than make a statement. At best, they'll give Congress permission to create laws or fund programs that [tangibly address the problems](https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/sgr/history/index.htm?ref=danielkherndon.com) of loneliness, depression, or cancer. But kids will largely ignore the warnings so long as their parents do the same – and continue to pay the cell phone bill. The only hope for the epidemic of loneliness and depression is not on a label, and it doesn't cost us $60 per month for unlimited data. It's outside, in parks and on soccer fields, around bonfires, and in soil. And it is completely free. However, turning it down has been costly. --- ## Your Questions **The Lorem Ipsum Warning**: Overthinking things can cause depression, anxiety, erectile dysfunction, and in some cases, death. If you have a question about any of life's warnings and are pregnant or know someone who has been, don't ask your doctor. *Ask The Lorem Ipsum.* Send your questions to me at HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com. --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### More Headroom URL: https://danielkherndon.com/more-headroom/ Last updated: 2023-08-25T12:42:23.000Z *You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out. *Sign up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).** --- ***Editors Note:*** *I previously released this issue of the weekly with a full-length article in tow, but for the sake of the archives, I've separated them.* *Below, you'll see the regular weekly post covering the news and a preview of the feature article.* --- Hey Friends, We have an ample release of The Lorem Ipsum here in your inbox. Today we'll be digging into a long-form article about why we don't change our minds. I encourage you to read the whole thing even if it takes all weekend. I've had a busy week, brought on by the gift of a new weed whacker. I have been whacking like no other, and there's no question that everything that could be whacked was whacked – in a suburb like mine, I only expect the whacking to continue. After all, these weeds won't whack themselves. For that reason, I've decided to consolidate my schedule and bend the format of The Lorem Ipsum Weekly. That makes today's issue at least four full thump swipes long. A record for the typical Friday release. Please enjoy this full-length article, *Plastic Brains*... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 20 of 2023` ### Ceiling Squealing There are signs of progress in the debt ceiling conversation between McCarthy and Biden, but McCarthy has stressed that the two "are very far apart," which is code for "we'll reveal a deal at the last minute." He has also told reporters that a deal could be reached “by the end of the week,” which is code for "okay, not *that* far apart, but seriously, the sandwiches at the Whitehouse are not great." Biden expressed on Wednesday his confidence in arriving at a deal and has said that the sandwich comment shouldn't be taken seriously. He was confident that everyone in the room consisting of majority and minority leaders in the House and Senate would not only find a way to address the debt ceiling but also lunch. One reporter quoted Biden as saying that "everyone in the room agrees we do not want egg salad sandwiches," a sandwich that is obviously code for a devastating US default on its payments. Congressional leaders and other designees will continue to work on a deal while Biden is on a diplomatic trip to Hiroshima, Japan. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/biden-sounds-optimistic-tone-reaching-debt-ceiling-deal-republicans-rcna84871?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hyper Sonic Ukraine said it shot down several hypersonic missiles over Kyiv, which Russia had previously bragged were nearly unstoppable. In the Russia/Ukraine war, Russia continues to experience setbacks, just as Ukraine prepares for an additional offensive to gain new ground. After the failure of the attack, SONIC® Drive-In declined an opportunity to sponsor the missiles, saying, "Our Footlong Quarter Pound Coney Combo hot dog will always land, and the only place it gets shot down is a toilet – and only after complete customer satisfaction." Russia did not return a request for comment. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/russia-ukraine-attack-kyiv-db14b569b86299a519df0d1e79dcad2c?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Forget the Degree As long as you're not talking about deodorant, you could be fine without it. Biden has introduced plans to try to make well paying jobs without a degree attainable by introducing Federal grants and incentives for apprenticeship programs and on the job experience. For the record, a degree is not required to work for The Lorem Ipsum (referring both to Degree deoderant and academic degrees). The catch is that in most cases, you still need to be 'Daniel Herndon,' which is considered a much bigger achievement anyway. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/15/us/politics/biden-working-class-voters.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Pence Hints Mike Pence is setting up a super PAC, and his people have hinted at campaign plans to crawl Iowa like Reagan with a smartphone. Pence still falls behind Gov. Ron Desantis in polls, another candidate who has not officially announced a bid, but is expected to [next week](https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/18/politics/desantis-announcement/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). And speaking of behind, Pence has yet to fully remove his lips from his former bosses. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/15/us/politics/pence-2024-preparations.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Turkey Runoff The elections in Turkey are going for a runoff, not unlike the gravy poured over any turkey dinner in recent memory. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/15/europe/turkey-runoff-elections-erdogan-kilicdaroglu-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now, the latest ***Feature Article.*** --- ## Plastic Brains `Feature Article` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/05/8B423E32-A51E-420F-A2D0-FAD84DCD8D45.jpeg) If you've ever sat around a kitchen table, you might have noticed change is hard. The old folks are stuck in their ways, and the young people know better than anyone, even if they know very little. We are the smartest we'll ever be when we are twenty, but after forty, the envy of wisdom. In the following article, I explore why it's hard to change our minds and how doing so can help us live longer. You can [read the full article here.](https://danielkherndon.com/plastic-brains/) --- ## Your Questions Do you need to stretch your gray matter? Then read The Lorem Ipsum. Want to stretch mine? Send me your questions at HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Plastic Brains URL: https://danielkherndon.com/plastic-brains/ Last updated: 2026-05-21T12:02:04.000Z **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- If you've ever sat around a kitchen table, you might have noticed that change is hard. The old folks are stuck in their ways, and the young people know better than anyone, even if they know very little. When hot-button issues ruin a hot meal, sometimes sitting around a dinner table is barely more appealing than sitting around a garbage can. Navigating disagreements on important political topics is not for the faint of heart. If there's one thing a hearty debate can accomplish, it's that it can work up an appetite if you don't lose one instead. But rarely does anyone change their mind. Most would sooner lose it. Change gets harder and harder as we age, especially in the gray matter. But if we change our minds intentionally, it just may help us live longer. In this article, we'll explore the reasons why we don't change our minds and perhaps why we should, even if it is hard. I'll highlight five factors that keep us from altering our most deeply held views, factors that, if we are not aware of them, will be the shovels that put us in the ground, none the wiser. ## Vicenials and Elders The beauty of our early twenties is that we're smarter than everyone around us. This is the point in time when we realize that parents and deans of students just don't get it and probably never will because they are old and out of touch. Children at two decades old are perhaps the hidden gem of our time, or theirs anyway, admired most by themselves for the wisdom beyond their own years. The only thing they don't know is that they, too, will be the future deans and parents themselves, and that the ones they cock their heads to also were once vicennial intellectuals as well. Knowledge is an incredibly addictive drug, and aging is its antidote. The older I get, the more I wish I had never been young to begin with. Youth is wasted on them. Whether getting out of bed is painless or getting into it is accompanied by sighs and groans, the young will never know how good they have it, and yet, I never want to be one ever again. That said, at this stage of life, every time I get into bed, my greatest accomplishment the next day is to get back out. I may be old to some, but I'm not *that* old. If the average lifespan is any measure, I am on the crest. I still have a lot of writing left in me. In the meat space, I'm pretty spry and by any measure of average lifespan many years of yard work ahead of me. If I'm lucky, I'll be out of touch for a really long time, outsmarted first by my children, then my potential grandchildren, and bratty neighbor kids who walk on my lawn, until eventually, the only yard work I am doing is becoming one. For most of us, we decide who we want to be in life, and what ideals we want to live by, and we dig deeper into those ideals, every layer an added commitment to them. Many of our ideals, formed in our twenties, deserve revisiting, but we seem to keep digging anyway. Eventually, it gets harder to dig ourselves out before the day we become a resident of the very dirt we spent our lives unearthing. For some of us, it will be our ideals that bury us. Why is it so hard to change our minds? How do we change our minds when our minds have been made up? If anything is true, it's worth being tested, and testing any notion requires a willingness to falsify it. After all, do we want to believe the truth or believe we're right? But just like George Bush in 2002 insisted that Iraq was developing 'weapons of mass destruction' and, after finding nothing, sought UN approval for the use of force, and after failing to garner support, invaded anyway. You've probably done the same, minus the full-scale military invasion part. For a more contemporary example, I expect Joe Biden to continue to insist he's the best man for the Presidency, even if he has to run the country from his grave. Politicians have figured out how to exploit the public. By reducing everything to matters of identity. Race, gender, fiscal responsibility, reproductive health – everything is presented as a matter of our identities rather than a complex problem, as many policy issues are in reality. The hardest ideas to let go of are those that we use to define who we are. Half of the voting public votes to defend their rights, while everyone else is voting against them. How to win hearts and minds is clear, but changing minds is much more difficult. And this is why we remain polarized. Here are five factors that keep us from changing our minds, and how inviting change may offer us a fuller life. ## Confirmation Bias For the record, I knew I would start with this one (I've found that I'm pretty good at predicting the future half the time). Confirmation bias says we are more likely to favor the narratives and evidence reinforcing our beliefs. It's natural to notice the occurrences that confirm what we already believe while overlooking the ones that do not. Confirmation bias is essentially science's answered prayers. When you expect something to happen, there's nothing better than a shred of evidence proving you were right. Much of our confirmation comes from the social reinforcement we receive from our networks. Whether it's the algorithm of a newsfeed or a chosen watering hole, it's more natural to accept a belief without question when it's the leading view of your community. [Effectivology](https://effectiviology.com/confirmation-bias?ref=danielkherndon.com) puts it this way. > People experience the confirmation bias primarily because of *challenge avoidance*, which is the desire to avoid finding out that they’re wrong, and *reinforcement seeking*, which is the desire to find out that they’re right, and because of the flawed way they test hypotheses, as in the case of fixating on a single hypothesis from the start. When candidates warn their supporters that an "election is rigged," all they need are a handful of curious moments to confirm what they're already persuaded to believe. Those who favored the narrative but wanted to take a more rigorous approach will be affected by the next factor. ## Tunnel Vision When investigating a topic without realizing it, we often filter out the evidence that contradicts it. As I explain in "[The Cake You Didn't Eat](https://danielkherndon.com/the-cake-you-didnt-eat/)," your answers are found in the questions you ask, but the truth is obscured by the ones you don't ask. Researchers, more often than not, seek out the evidence to prove the conclusion they already have. Just ask anyone who's ever Googled anything. This often happens when [criminal investigators](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/21582440221095022?ref=danielkherndon.com) are building a case to convict someone of a crime or when [tobacco companies](https://www.jstor.org/stable/20056773?ref=danielkherndon.com) research the health impacts of their products. Researchers will fund research that supports their group's position, publish research that favors their position, and suppress or criticize research that does not. When significant funding, emotion, or a lengthy investment of time is involved, people will be impacted by the next factor. ## Sunk Cost Fallacy Whether it's the business you've invested in for years or the concert ticket you've already purchased, the [sunk cost fallacy](https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/the-sunk-cost-fallacy?ref=danielkherndon.com) can make it hard for us to walk away. Regarding ideas, we often hold onto beliefs because we've already built our lives around them, and it feels like a waste to abandon the work we've already done. This has obviously never happened to me when I've written half of an article, but if it did, I would probably complete the article despite the greater benefit of cutting it loose and working on something with more potential, giving in to the fallacy of sunk costs. When you've sunk lots of emotion, time, or money into an idea, evaluating anything to the contrary becomes increasingly difficult. An opinion expressed is difficult to retract, even when cutting losses is the better investment. Those who are deeply invested in a position risk being sucked in by the next factor. ## Belief Perseverance It's our worldview that helps us navigate this place, so when a point of view is contradictory to ours[,](https://nesslabs.com/belief-perseverance?ref=danielkherndon.com) we tend to look at it as a threat. Finding out our closely held beliefs aren't true can be like learning Ted Lasso's mustache is fake, so as a defense mechanism, we often combat the evidence or ignore it altogether. This is called [belief perseverance](https://nesslabs.com/belief-perseverance?ref=danielkherndon.com). Even if we learn that the information we were basing our opinion on is wrong, it's common to retain our belief nonetheless, seeking new ways to support the idea. Expect to see this later this year at a dinner table near you. At its basest level, when someone (say, perhaps a seedy uncle) hears an argument, even a good one, that contradicts their long-held belief, the traditional strategy is to start ~~yelling~~ speaking louder. The longer you have held a viewpoint, the harder it gets. And this brings me to my final point. This last factor can be the toughest of them all. Biology. ## Neural Plasticity Aging is one of the most exquisite things I've experienced. Every year older I am, I feel more confident in my expertise, less concerned with what people think, and all around just more crunchy and dried out. I wake up with dry eyes, my joints make noise, and I'm pretty sure I could crack a hip simply by looking at a skateboard the wrong way. I've got no qualms with aging, and neither should you. Aging is a gift, but our brains are no different than our dried fruits and sundry body parts. As we age, our brains basically start to dry out, losing a few ounces of the juice over time. We go from having the brain we've always relied on to something more like a 'braisin.'™️ (Listen, Raisin Brain is no laughing matter, but I am a serial joke teller.) The "crusty old man" trope is more true than we might think. Because our brains are [losing water weight](https://www.kendalathome.org/blog/brain-changes-as-we-age?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=As%20we%20age%2C%20our%20brains,or%20living%20in%20cooler%20climates.), the flexibility, also known as plasticity, of our brains reduces, making it harder to remember new things, navigate spaces, develop new skills, or adopt new ideas. The difficulty is not in retaining a life of wisdom, remembering experiences or lessons learned, but in reevaluating the world around us and amending our views. Changing worldviews or developing new skills can be among the hardest because our brains lose the plasticity they once had. Our brains become less pliable over time, reducing our ability to adjust our points of view, even with new evidence. This is especially true if we don't exercise our brains. "[Neural plasticity](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29080018/?ref=danielkherndon.com)" refers to the capacity of the nervous system to modify itself, functionally and structurally, in response to experience and injury. We can keep our brains young, though. Continuing to engage in mentally stimulating activities, exploring new ideas, and renewing our views on the world around us can keep our minds younger for longer. That's why it's important to exercise our brains by [inviting change](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/change-is-a-choice-nurturing-neuroplasticity-in-your-life-0930154?ref=danielkherndon.com) and engaging in mentally stimulating conversations, including proving our beliefs wrong when we can. Some scientists even suggest that reading *The Lorem Ipsum* may be the key to the fountain of youth. Inviting new sides to each story will stretch our thinking, literally and figuratively. If you're certain you are right, the best thing you can do is open your mind and hope you can change it. So try it. Your brain will thank you for it – for as long as you have it. --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 ****Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, [become a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5 per month, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thanks. ### Charles In Charge URL: https://danielkherndon.com/charles-in-charge/ Last updated: 2023-05-12T10:30:41.000Z *You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out. *Sign up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone who has been the subject of celebration this week. For example, me, since I had a birthday, after which I am now "Receives Lawn Care Tools for His Birthday" years old. Also, King Charles was celebrated, and from what I heard, the Coronation was pretty great. At least according to the people that were born with invitations on their birth certificates. The event is an important part of British culture. Think of it as an orientation for Charles Philip Arthur George's new job. The Coronation made his title bump official, so he'll now be known as King Charles III (not sure what the "I"s stand for.) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/05/DiamondJubileeStateCoach.jpg) Little Gold Plated Wagon The event started first with a drive in the royal version of a Little Red Wagon® known as the Diamon Jubilee State Coach.® Camilla sported a feathered hairdo which she purchased from Farrah Fawcett in 1982, and her dentures were whitened for the occasion. King Charles sported 47 hairs combed straight back using some of the most valuable royal hair care products on the market today. The music during the event was reminiscent of Fantasia® but twice as boring. ![10 Fun Facts About Disney's Fantasia - MickeyBlog.com](https://mickeyblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Fantasia-Mickey-720x340.jpg) Actual Image of The Archbishop of Canterbury Practicing Crowing King Charles III For the ceremony, King Charles, before The Archbishop of Canterbury, swore an oath to his duty as King, which consists mostly of tasks like "Being King Charles" and other duties as assigned, then a large purple crown was placed on his head in extreme slow motion. According to reports, the entirety of the movie Fantasia was played in the lobby while the crown was being placed on his head. Good for Charles, if almost meaningless for everyone else. If you'd ever like to have a coronation of your own, just remember that if you just skipped 26,041,667 Starbucks drinks, then you would have enough money to fund yours. So let's start saving. God Save King Charles... But before he does, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 19 of 2023` ### Faced Charges Representative George Santos turned himself in to be charged with wire fraud, money laundering, stealing public funds, and lying on federal disclosure forms. Many of the allegations of fraud began to surface during his 2020 campaign after he was caught lying about everything from the size of his sweater to his entire resume, which didn't keep him from winning a seat in the House. After being arraigned, he is out on a $500,000 bond secured by three anonymous individuals. House leader Kevin McCarthy and other Republicans said they are standing behind Santos as a member of the House. There's no law against serving in or running for office while indicted, which has been good for Republicans as of late. Some political analysts have even suggested committing crimes could be considered a winning campaign strategy citing Mitt Romney's loss of the Presidency as proof since he's never even lit a cigarette. Santos has plead not guilty. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/05/10/george-santos-federal-charges-00096244?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Found Liable Trump was found liable for sexual abuse and defamation of the magazine writer E. Jean Carroll and ordered to pay her $5 million. Trump denies knowing the Writer (including in the Biblical sense), but the win for Carroll is a win for women who have long been silenced after sexual assaults because of fear of retribution. Trump did not testify in his defense; however, in his deposition, he [essentially said](https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1654569066852491265?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1654569066852491265%7Ctwgr%5Ed1332f2cb9f0269c257f8ea51aff3d0921a08fe2%7Ctwcon%5Es1%5Fc10&ref%5Furl=https%3A%2F%2Fslate.com%2Fnews-and-politics%2F2023%2F05%2Fe-jean-carroll-rape-trial-donald-trump-video-deposition.html&ref=danielkherndon.com) that stars like him can "grab \[women\] by the p\*\*sy" which did not seem to help his case. ([more](https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2023/05/trump-verdict-carroll-trial-takeaways-georgia-doj-ny.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Faked Electors At least 8 of Georgia's "fake electors" (quotations mine) have taken plea deals, suggesting they may be witnesses against Trump if charges are filed against him for tampering with the 2020 election. The Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis says a decision on charges will likely come in July, after which she turned to the camera and winked. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/least-8-georgias-fake-electors-received-immunity-deals-2020-election-p-rcna83161?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Related**: Trump is still running for President. He spoke at a town hall event hosted by CNN's Kaitlan Collins (AKA a "Nasty Girl" according to Trump) where he vowed to accept the 2024 election "if it's fair" unlike the 2020 election. ### Forty Two This week, Title 42 comes to an end. It's a Covid policy that allowed illegal immigrants to be immediately expelled rather than housing them for months to face a judge when seeking asylum. As the policy comes to an end, border crossings have surged, for which 1500 troops have been sent to the border to manage the overwhelming number of migrant crossings. The policy that replaces Title 42 is Title 8, which is 81% different. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/05/11/us/title-42-immigration?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## The Diary of Cancelled Days `The Gist` ***Texas Shoots Itself in the Foot*** Over the last few months, Texas has made news for mass shootings, including the Uvalde school shooting in May last year, the [Monterey Park](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/07/us/texas-allen-shooting-gun-control.html?action=click&module=RelatedLinks&pgtype=Article&ref=danielkherndon.com) shooting in January, and a mall shooting [killing 9](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/06/us/allen-mall-texas-shooting.html?campaign%5Fid=9&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20230507&instance%5Fid=91979&nl=the-morning®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=132323&te=1&user%5Fid=487c082712c00ac169858336dff574e&ref=danielkherndon.com) in Allen, Texas. Despite the presence of violence, the state legislature has increased access to guns, and expanded where guns can be carried. It was a change of course when just days after the Allen Mall shooting, the Texas legislature moved to [raise the age](https://www.texastribune.org/2023/05/08/texas-gun-bill-uvalde-allen-mall-shooting/?ref=danielkherndon.com) required to purchase firearms from 18 to 21 following public outcry to change gun laws. In Texas, authorities say they have seen [an increase](https://nl.nytimes.com/f/newsletter/M1HSwda0-NWsp0i1WS57TA~~/AAAAAQA~/RgRmOg9ZP0TWaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnl0aW1lcy5jb20vMjAyMi8xMC8yNi91cy90ZXhhcy1ndW5zLXBlcm1pdGxlc3MuaHRtbD9jYW1wYWlnbl9pZD05JmVtYz1lZGl0X25uXzIwMjMwNTA3Jmluc3RhbmNlX2lkPTkxOTc5Jm5sPXRoZS1tb3JuaW5nJnJlZ2lfaWQ9MTIxNjkwMDAxJnNlZ21lbnRfaWQ9MTMyMzIzJnRlPTEmdXNlcl9pZD00ODdjMDgyNzEyYzAwYWMxNjk4NTgzMzZkZmY1NzRlMFcDbnl0QgpkUVmKV2RV7ewxUhBkYW5pZWxAaHJuZG4uY29tWAQAAAAA?ref=danielkherndon.com) in spur-of-the-moment gunfire since September 2021, when the state began to allow most adults to carry a handgun without a license. The state continues to boast of its 1 million gun owners and its most permissive laws while, after every shooting, calling for more "good guys with guns," a strategy which we have proven does not work by being the country with the most guns per capita, and an outsized record on mass shootings and gun deaths in general. The truth is, the only joke here is the politicians who claim to be acting in good faith but, in fact, are acting participants in the deaths of children and innocent people. At least they are the culprits who guarantee we keep our current statistics – turning mall goers and school students into one. On the other side of the argument, it is true that gun laws are [notoriously complicated](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/), and the legislative process is contentious. One would hope, regardless of their stance on guns, our elected officials would at least act with the best of intentions. But good intentions are not good enough when the deaths continue to mount. For we have dumpsters filled with the diaries of our canceled days and oceans clogged with the same. Good intentions have saved few souls. Thoughts have outperformed prayers, but the former’s record is not much better. The truth is, *doing* is little more than *trying* when *doing* is no more than halfway. That is to say; talk is cheap and good intentions are cheaper. It is high time to answer the question: Is our right worth the cost of doing the right thing? --- That's it for this week. I'd love to hear your feedback in the comments. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Built By Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, you can [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 a month or $50 per year, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) if you want to say thank you. ### Return of the Fly URL: https://danielkherndon.com/return-of-the-fly/ Last updated: 2023-05-05T12:02:45.000Z *You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out. *Sign up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).** --- Hey Friends, Happy Cinco de Mayo! I'm thinking out loud here... Can you own a chord progression? A rhythm? Can you own the "feeling" of a song? If you love a song, can it love you back? Is it mad if you find a younger song? The family of Marvin Gaye's co-writer Ed Townsend seemed to think so, and they took Ed Sheeran to court over it. But what do you think? Did Ed Sheeran steel this feel? Let's take a listen. Here's Ed Sheeran's popular song Thinking Out Loud. (Note: I'll embed a preview here, which won't render right in the email. You can [click here to play it on the website](https://danielkherndon.com/return-of-the-fly/).) **Embedded Link:** [Thinking Out Loud](https://open.spotify.com/track/34gCuhDGsG4bRPIf9bb02f?si=02c4656fd7eb46c8&ref=danielkherndon.com) Now here's Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On, co-written by Ed Townsend. **Embedded Link:** [Let's Get It On](https://open.spotify.com/track/0jHkgTtTaqg5LNCiYDQPUB?si=0fc7489957eb4d16&ref=danielkherndon.com) You be the judge. Happily, a [Manhattan judge and jury](https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/ed-sheeran-marvin-gaye-trial-updates-latest-b2332248.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) already has, and they said this week that Ed Townsend's people are wrong. For Ed Sheeran, I'm sure that was music to his ears. On that note... Let's get it on. Here's ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 18 of 2023` ### Attacked On Wednesday, Russia said it destroyed two drones that it accused Ukraine of launching against Putin's residence. Ukraine denies it but said they were sorry to hear about the drones. Russia expanded its accusations by claiming without evidence that US intelligence was calling the shots for a Ukraine attack, which the US has denied. One source even suggested The Lorem Ipsum's commentary is to blame for inciting the attack on President Putin, referring to [an article](https://danielkherndon.com/the-case-for-putin-putin-in-his-place/) that seems to be a veiled suggestion to assassinate him. Authorities are still investigating the matter, including reading the above article and sharing it online. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/05/03/world/russia-ukraine-kremlin-drone-news/here-are-the-latest-developments?smid=url-share&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Caught In Cut and Shoot, Texas, a man who shot his neighbors was arrested after a days-long manhunt where police said a bad guy with a gun fitting the description of "a good guy with a gun" was on the loose after killing five of his neighbors, including a 9-year-old. Police and HOA members all agreed that wasn't very neighborly. Police didn't make any jokes about the [name of the city](https://www.cutandshoot.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com) because they are "used to it." The suspect was caught on Friday hiding in a home 20 miles away in a closet under some laundry. It's unclear whether the laundry was dirty or just hadn't been folded yet. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/texas-shooting-suspect-captured-after-manhunt-rcna82214?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Withdrawn Over the last weekend, regulators seized First Republic Bank and sold it to JPMorgan Chase, ending the lender’s weekslong free fall (but not that free because bank failures are costly). Fortunately, JP Morgan Chase is the largest bank in America and took over the bank's deposits very quickly. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/01/business/first-republic-jpmorgan-fdic.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Additionally**, as of yesterday, PacWest Bancorp and Western Alliance Bancorp, and several other small banks are under financial stress too. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/04/business/pacwest-stock.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Raised Janet Yellen said the Fed will probably run out of money by June 1st, which means the USA may need to get a second job. McCarthy and Biden are still negotiating how to manage the debt ceiling, including whether it's even Constitutional to have one. ([more](https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2023/05/debt-ceiling-congress-economic-catastrophe-biden-mccarthy-janet-yellen.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Struck The strike that created reality television has already ruined more lives than just Nick Lachey's. Starting this week, we'll be watching reruns of both Jimmy Falon and a Hollywood Writer's Guild strike. ([more](https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/jimmy-fallon-seth-meyers-nbc-pay-tonight-staff-writers-strike-1235602290/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Proud Boys are not that proud that four of them were convicted of [sedition](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/justice-department/jury-reaches-verdict-proud-boys-seditious-conspiracy-trial-rcna81129?ref=danielkherndon.com) this week. - King Charles III will be coronated this Saturday, but the Monarchy is [still silly](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/05/05/us/king-charles-coronation.html?unlocked%5Farticle%5Fcode=mtGpC2B9FUxuni0J0S7SGkfag5dUdPXoqv%5FBPXns3N187nP6Ajc1%5FpyghHL4ugkyD8uCf-nukv5SMWBiVrLYP74uWxGpn-rarFvwIJqY4QcJ7NNl0ONU6pMGB2FA0-WbV3SPbfHu4J3ik%5Fl41W6dMb8xT%5FelIKRK4CnEiczVjDLxx57xxWD9dYNoNKmPOHSWYyE6O-QpuzS6rWbGeclcBQ3rR77GUD5jFQGpDN6%5FIqIfTsPTxlaeBKfuxKs4%5FCZqGKx5XnuGF4BuTDr-W6OmSWTmc1mgubqj4edLksnV0F-r3mS3Zyxuy1EXv7ldvHByF7le-BAgOEWG6%5F89ttiH8ThSfPUHpC4-0ubJ1%5FI&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com). --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Bringing Back Pence `The Gist` Last June, I wrote an article about Mike Pence, illustrated by the picture of a fly on his head. You may recall the insect perched on the Vice President during the debates when the Trump-Pence ticket was seeking reelection whether it needed it or not. Pence was able to eventually shake the fly, but the stench of Trump still hangs heavy on the man. Just days ago, he testified before a grand jury regarding the events of January 6th, one of several cases where Trump may face serious charges. In honor of Pence emerging from his Bible study to testify about his former boss, I thought it would be a good time to bring back Pence and his little insect friend. Not to mention the fly on his head. In my article, I talk of Pence's interest in the Presidency and argue he might have ruined his own chances by selecting what he thought was a stepping stone that turned out actually to be more of a millstone. [Pence: Can He Make Old Things New?When hitching your wagon to a rising star goes bad.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/45-Pence-3.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/pence-is-making-old-things-new/) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### How to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Better With Friends**: Help grow The Lorem Ipsum by sharing everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Built By Founders**: Most articles are free, but none are cheap. To support my work, you can [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 a month or $50 per year, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) if you want to say thank you. ### Business Owners URL: https://danielkherndon.com/business-owners/ Last updated: 2023-05-24T00:36:37.000Z *Note: This is the next installment of Made From Leftovers. You can read the first chapter [here](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/).* You don't have to rob someone to be an entrepreneur, but it helps. Making money on the backs of other people's talents is a storied tradition for us executive types. The first back was my brother's. His back was not as motivated as I hoped, and we never got it off the ground, but the lessons will last me a lifetime. Here's where I got the itch to make some scratch. You build a lot of ingenuity when your waterbed melts right under you during a REM sleep session, but it wasn’t just my sleeping arrangements that gave me an edge over my peers. It was the entrepreneurship I was exposed to throughout my whole childhood. Science has proven that one's success is almost always fueled by the opportunities presented by family connections, resources, and experiences afforded to someone as a child. This, of course, doesn't take into account the obvious benefits of superficial things like being tall or having clear skin and straight teeth, naturally occurring benefits I've always enjoyed.\* 🦶 **Footnote:** Due to a bike accident, I had to get a root canal and crown on a front tooth when I was 16 (about eight years after the actual accident). Even though it looks 100% real, what you see of the incisor is almost entirely artificial, but I guess nobody's perfect. The Parents in Chief were always cooking up something.\* When I say cooking, I really mean scheming because, like most poor people, we didn't want to be, but we weren't very good at not being poor. Our kind of people are pretty good at discussing hypothetical scenarios not to be poor. The execution of those plans is another story. The most crucial point to remember is that poorly executed plans can fail, but when the plan itself is not optimized for success (also known as doomed), then it's more than likely you'll have to go back to the planning stages or ignore the doomed nature of your plans so you never have to call it off entirely. If you're not much for legwork, I'd avoid the planning stages altogether and just talk about what it would be "like" if you did a certain thing. 🦶 **Footnote:** Although in the later years, most of the actual cooking was a little bit more Orphan Annie style without the singing, where everyone opens a pint-size can of beans or juice or stirs the contents in a pot big enough to hold a Thanksgiving turkey, but unlikely to actually hold one. Most plans need a good document to put them on. Maybe a presentation, a series of slides, a chart to demonstrate financial potential, a little bit of math, and things like that, but sometimes a better use of time is just to shop for the equipment that the charts and presentations could be made on, not necessarily to buy them, but to imagine what it must be like to do so. This was Dad's long-time love and became his first endeavor into entrepreneurship. ## **Desktop Publishing** Dad loved computers more than anything. In fact, I’m certain he loved them more than he loved us (this is obviously a joke because we know he loved us because he gave us our first email address on Juno). When I was probably eight years old, a friend turned him onto the idea of the Adam Computer. It was a line of computers made by Colecovision, the maker of Cabbage Patch Dolls. The computers were superior at computation tasks compared to stuffed dolls but less so when compared to other computers. Adam Computers had a cult following for a while because they were never the leading platform as far as I know. It was a competitor to the IBM Compatible computer, which is now known as the PC. My best friend at the time had a basement that was filled with neatly organized Adam computers. On a regular basis, he would have “Computer Parties” where “the guys” would get together and play on computers and show each other how to do a variety of things. One dad would be showing another dad how he wrote a program that made the computer scroll numbers on the screen really fast, counting to a billion, while the boys were playing video games like Donkey Kong Junior or Hard Hat Mac. All we kids really cared about were games and being able to print our names in big letters. The dads wanted to make the computers complete useless tasks to demonstrate how something could actually do what it was told under their control. Dad was pretty energized by this community, so he always gravitated to the computer geek kind of guy. One day he said, “I want to get into desktop publishing,” that way, he could play on a computer as a job. I never knew what that was, and frankly, I don’t really know today either, but it sounded fun, and I wanted him to do this too. I thought it would be cool to have a dad that works on a computer for a living, although it was cool enough to have a truck driver for a dad too. Most of his jobs were local delivery driving. His routine was to leave the house early before I woke and return right around the time that we were starting to get hungry. When he returned, he was always a little smelly and liked to take a shower before dinner. We would wait for him before we would eat, so we were always eager for him to finish his shower. However, typically, he would get on his computer and do something for about an hour or so in his underwear before jumping in the shower. Frankly, if he could work on a computer all day, we probably could start dinner earlier, so I was interested in him figuring out what desktop publishing was and how to get involved. I did try to figure out what desktop publishing was myself. I mean, I knew that it was something that would happen from a desktop computer, but I never really figured out more than that until the first opportunity came along. One day, dad caught wind that the church had a computer on hand to produce the weekly announcement sheet that was passed out to every attendee. The pastor's wife, Sharon, used a PC laptop computer with a monochrome screen to prepare the announcements. Dad thought this was the opportunity of a lifetime, so he volunteered to prepare the announcements. Sharon let Dad take the laptop computer home to work on preparing them soon after he brought up the idea to her. This meant that we had the opportunity to play all kinds of games and do just about nothing else with it. Dad showed the computer to all his friends every chance he got. He was always very excited about anything that had to be booted up, and it didn’t have to be his for him to want to show and tell. I’ll be honest. I was pretty excited as well. I wanted to play around on that thing as much as the next dad. One evening when Dad and Mom were out, Dad let me play on the computer. I was figuring out all kinds of stuff, but I can tell you now that the one thing I was not doing was preparing those announcements, and neither was he, of course. The computer was a 386SX, which was pretty amazing to us since we had the less impressive Adam computers. While I was enjoying exploring the computer world of doing things before the internet (and chat rooms), mind you. I would usually have to wait for games to load, and sometimes the machine would freeze. Even if you held down a letter on the keyboard for just a little too long, the whole computer might lock up. This happened several times over the course of about three hours of enjoying this state-of-the-art computer. Before my lap was oven warm from the machine on my lap, things took a turn for the worse. I don’t know what I did, but the computer froze at one point, and it seemed more frozen than the other times. I was worried and started to panic. I pushed every button I could, but the problem was not solved. I knew what I needed to do next. CONTROL - ALT - DELETE `The rest of this chapter is for paying subscribers. Sign up [here](https://www.danielkherndon.com/business-owners/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) to read the rest.` _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Debt Squealing URL: https://danielkherndon.com/debt-squealing/ Last updated: 2023-05-05T01:35:35.000Z **Note:* You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out. *Sign up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).** --- Hey Friends, Welcome to the 178th post from The Lorem Ipsum. In June, we'll be approaching the glass ceiling of 200 posts. Thanks for being here. Remember, most articles are free, but none are cheap. Consider becoming a founder for $5 per month. [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/debt-squealing/#/portal/account/plans) Another ceiling we're approaching in June is the debt ceiling. Does Speaker McCarthy have the bargaining chips he needs to address it and accomplish his legislative agenda in the process? I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 17 of 2023` ### Help Wanted: All Tuckered Out Tucker Carlson is leaving Fox News, the network said on Monday, with later reports indicating he had been fired. In response to the announcement, one source said, "~~`Glenn Beck`~~ `Bill Oreilly` is the undisputed king of cable news and can never be replaced." however forgot to update the name in the boilerplate. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/25/media/tucker-carlson-fox-news-reliable-sources/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) In similar news, CNN is making lemonade out of Don Lemon by squeezing him out of his role of 17 years on the news station after some controversial statements left a sour taste in some mouths. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2023/04/24/1171662180/don-lemon-cnn-terminated?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Now here's another twist (no lemon peel pun intended), both Lemon and Carlson hired the same lawyer to negotiate the terms of their exits. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/25/business/media/carlson-lemon-lawyer-freedman.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Finish The Job: As Soon As Possible Many voters consider Joe Biden the President of the century, or at least 80% of one at the age of 80 years old. As the oldest sitting president (hopefully in a nice recliner at his age), Biden announced his bid for reelection, a run that will be up against headwinds from his approval ratings and his ability to live that long. Most pollsters would consider his prospects solid, even if his balance is less so. ([more](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChjibtX0UzU&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### In Belgorod: Russia Blew It Russia's air force accidentally bombed Belgorod, its own city, which lies 25 miles east of the Russia-Ukraine border. At least three people were injured. After countless setbacks in its invasion of Ukraine, experts consider this one of Russia's greatest successes in the war, which resulted in fewer casualties than most of Russia's offensives in Ukraine so far. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/20/europe/russia-belgorod-accidental-bombing-intl-hnk/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Beer Can't: Transitioning to Other Brands Bud Light's VP of marketing, Alissa Heinerscheid, and her boss Daniel Blake were both placed on a BYOB leave after both were involved in the marketing campaign with trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney. Issues came to a head for the beer company when Kid Rock, the Redneck Paradise singer, [shot up a couple of cases](https://www.cnn.com/videos/business/2023/04/04/dylan-mulvaney-bud-light-kid-rock-anheuser-busch-boycott-cprog-orig-ff-llr.cnn-business?ref=danielkherndon.com) to protest the partnership, and other Paradise residents followed along. This Bud was for you, but since the controversy, the brand has lost billions in market value. But I suspect when the foam fizzles, our grandchildren will be consuming the brand as much or more than we ever did. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/24/business/anheuser-execs-on-leave/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Bankrupt: Three Sheets to the Wind Bed, Bath, and Beyond filed bankruptcy — executives in an announcement said that while the news is not what they would have wanted, they still consider this one of the company’s most alliterative situations yet. ([more](https://www.axios.com/2023/04/23/bed-bath-beyond-bankruptcy-chapter-11-liquidation?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - Writer E. Jean Carroll Accused Trump of Rape [in a civil trial](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/04/26/nyregion/trump-carroll-rape-trial-updates?ref=danielkherndon.com) that started on Wednesday. - Disney sued Desantis [over control of its park](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/26/politics/disney-desantis-reedy-creek-power/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), calling his actions to dissolve a tax district agreement punishment for Disney’s protected speech. --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Above The Ceiling `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` **Hey Daniel,** ***Is Kevin McCarthy going to get this debt ceiling issue sorted before snack time, or will he just let the chips fall where they may?*** ***Sincerely, F. Lay*** In Washington, everything is a bargaining chip. Just ask Kevin McCarthy himself, who once provided President Trump with a selection of red and pink Starbursts, a delicacy to the real estate mogul and Criminal Defendant in Chief. McCarthy, who was Majority Leader at the time, sought to win political favor by being sweet to the President. Trump eventually returned the sweet nothings when he called him "My Kevin" and said in an interview that His Kevin had an "[Inferiority complex.](https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-kevin-mccarthy-inferiority-complex-1344290/?ref=danielkherndon.com)" On the subject of bargaining chips, McCarthy bucked against the actual chips of the semi-conductor variety, a deal which at least 24 House Republicans did opt to vote for, likely because of the bipartisan nature of the bill, which is friendly to both liberals and conservatives, even if less so Republicans only because it was introduced by the opposing party. On the bill, McCarthy said, "*The Senate passed a bill that took a small, discretionary program and turned it into a $280 billion blank check,"* which is notable mostly because most blank checks don't have amounts on them. He continues, criticizing the bill for *"including $79 billion in mandatory spending on corporate welfare to be handed out to whoever President Biden wants,*” a policy which, in layman's terms, is roughly translated to "corporate tax breaks like the ones Republicans live for." McCarthy did not use the conservative-natured CHIPS bill as one of the bargaining variety, at least not that time. The bill passed anyway, with [a strong 64-33 vote](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/3578779-these-are-the-24-house-republicans-who-broke-with-the-party-to-support-chips-and-science-bill/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the Senate, after which Biden signed it into law. I get that taxes are complicated, and it can be hard to process this, but if you have a bowl of potato chips, three chips given to you equal exactly the same amount as three chips you don't give back to me – especially if the conditions of the exchange are the same. McCarthy didn't play his chips well at that time, even if the outcome wouldn't have changed, except to make a statement that the Democrat plan to expand microchip manufacturing in the US is bad because funding is coming from the government, but you have to have a chip to play it, and rhetoric was all he had. Now, with McCarthy facing a debt ceiling crisis, he has proposed a bill that will accomplish what he wants. To cut federal spending by nearly 14 percent over a decade by undoing some of Mr. Biden’s clean energy tax credits, his student loan cancellation plan, and imposing stricter work requirements for federal nutrition and health programs. He put his chips on the table. Today, McCarthy has two chips. One is the necessity of raising the debt ceiling to pay existing bills, and the other is Rep. Chip Roy, who pushed for more program cuts in McCarthy's plan. The situation at hand is that My Kevin is edging to reduce spending but can only do so by cutting spending in new bills rather than not paying for those Congress has already incurred. The first of them passed Wednesday night, but the Biden Administration had already signaled that McCarthy's current proposal would face a veto. His chip in play is to Force Biden to act. Currently, it looks like this is not a hand Biden is willing to play. If a plan is not reached, the United States could default on its debts, which would cause economic turmoil. McCarthy says, *"Let me be clear, defaulting on our debt is not an option. But nigh, there is a future of higher taxes. Higher interest rates."* Congress has until June-ish to resolve the debt ceiling problem, which means McCarthy has maybe 6-8 weeks to count his chip to see how far he can push things before he's left with an empty bag. As close as the house majority is, he'll need to have chips to appease his own party *and* the other side of the aisle. I suspect they'll figure it out, but not without some *Ruffles*. --- ## Your Questions Would you like to know which Starburst color is juiciest? Ask Kevin McCarthy. If you want the juicy details on any other topic, ask The Lorem Ipsum. Send your questions to me at HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com. --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here and sharing around the world. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Amaze your friends by sharing The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### Red Meat Politics URL: https://danielkherndon.com/red-meat-politics/ Last updated: 2024-06-28T02:01:34.000Z Since the invention of the printing press, the length of the news cycle has been shrinking, measured now in increments likened to those of measuring Pudding Fingers in a swimming pool (when the water is cold). Pudding Fingers, also known as Ron Desantis, is no stranger to the news cycle himself, and he makes a point to manipulate it, no matter how small it may be. The best part of the news is the headlines. It lifts the most weight in attempt to capture your interest while signaling the article's message. Headlines, however, are usually the worst way to get our news. The headline tells a story, but that story, an incomplete one by design, is to lure you into the whole of what the writer has to say or if telling a story is reduced to a vehicle for profit, the ads that surround it. The headline is the bait, after which you get the switch and pay for it with clicks. In the clicking business, where internet news puts its ads and poorly written content to die, the professionals know they need to deliver red meat. *If it bleeds, it ledes,* they say*.* For those of you with a taste for blood, you know, a juicy steak is where you get the best kind. In politics, [red meat](https://politicaldictionary.com/words/red-meat/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is the culture war tactic that riles up the base, valued in ratings and clicks by the news networks. That's why the web pundits will chuck bait in a single headline to pull you in. If the story lives up to the hype, that's great, but more often than not, there's more sizzle than steak. But it's the sizzle that pays the bills. The taste for blood may apply to politics or pudding fingers, but it also applies to pork sausage. The juicy steak of this next story is an actual juicy steak, bacon, and breakfast links. The title, a reference to "red meat," earns a click on this once front-page story from the inventor of the 24-hour news cycle, CNN. The headline: "Refined carbs and red meat driving a global rise in type 2 diabetes, study says." The featured image is actual meat accompanied by a sunny egg (which looks incredible, by the way. It's the actual breakfast of champions, including champion writers). [Refined carbs and red meat driving global rise in type 2 diabetes, study says | CNNThe global rise of type 2 diabetes may be due to eating too much red and processed meats and refined instead of whole grains, according to a new modeling study.![](https://www.cnn.com/media/sites/cnn/favicon.ico)CNNSandee LaMotte![](https://media.cnn.com/api/v1/images/stellar/prod/230417103845-bacon-sausage-potatoes-eggs-restricted.jpg?c=16x9&q=w_800,c_fill)](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/17/health/rise-type-2-diabetes-global-wellness/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) Read the article, and you'll find they address a number of food types, including sugary drinks, processed carbs like bread, most snacks, and highly processed meats like bacon, hot dogs, bologna, and then, of course, although less conspicuous in the article itself, unprocessed red meat. The article ends with the following: “Our modeling approach does not prove causation, and our findings should be considered as estimates of risk,” That's all fine. And probably true enough, but they never really get into the actual cause of Type 2 diabetes – persistent blood sugar spikes which, over time, can fatigue the pancreas, causing [insulin resistance](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22206-insulin-resistance?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Your%20body%20digests%20highly%20processed,can%20lead%20to%20insulin%20resistance.). So is Type 2 Diabetes caused by steak or cereal? Yes-ish? If you ask me, it's going to be the "[*More Doctors Smoke Camels*](https://www.history.com/news/cigarette-ads-doctors-smoking-endorsement?ref=danielkherndon.com)" of our generation – true, but still the wrong answer. *(As a brief aside, here's more on the villainization of red meat if you need a rabbit trail.)* [Fat: A Documentary (2019) - IMDbFat: A Documentary: Directed by Peter Curtis Pardini. With Vinnie Tortorich, Nina Teicholz, Gary Taubes, Jim Abrahams. Health expert Vinnie Tortorich exposes the history behind widespread myths and lies regarding healthy eating, fat and weight loss.![](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/G/01/imdb/images-ANDW73HA/android-mobile-196x196._CB479962153_.png)IMDb![](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BNjljZTA2MTMtNjc0Ny00NGE4LTliODctMWM2NmU5YjgwMTZlXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNTE5NDEwMTI@._V1_FMjpg_UX1000_.jpg)](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8439204/?ref=danielkherndon.com) More on the subject of Red Meat Red meat sells the article, but it hardly tells the story. The better matter to focus on is what affects blood sugar. But it doesn't bleed like red meat. The cause of diabetes is not as popular and perhaps not economically worth our time to understand, so we focus on correlating details that sound better in the headlines and charge up the audience; "So you mean I have to give up steak?" The same strategy applies in politics. Red Meat Politics sells the story and energizes the voters, but everyday policy work just keeps people busy. The 117th Congress (from 2021 to 2023) introduced, in all, 17,817 bills. Of them, 365 were passed, and I'm guessing without reading every page that most of them were very boring. The headline "Mild Manored Congressman from Really Boring State Marks Up Page Of Routine Licensing Bill Commissioning Low Power TV Stations" is clearly not going to get front-page news, and it's certainly not going motivate people to trek out to the polls to stop such an atrocity. It would be more productive to say something far more egregious about death panels, phobias, and something-isms that make people angry or at least click. [Democrats Are Coming to Replace Your Hamburgers … With Better HamburgersWhen you’re losing the real beef, embrace fake internet beef.![](https://slate.com/media/sites/slate-com/icon.180x180.png)SlateBen Mathis-Lilley![](https://compote.slate.com/images/56e8eeea-8b39-4704-8840-d1b296a18607.jpeg?width=1560&rect=1560x1040&offset=0x0)](https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2021/04/republican-meat-panic-democrats-better-hamburgers.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) An article that is more about politics than about meat. When you are in public office, policy work keeps you busy. But red meat gets you elected. And that's why you don't know most of the people in Congress. The few that make headlines put their time into getting headlines, often with Red Meat Politics. Not just Meatball Ron, but also Sizzler A.O.C., Majorie Taylor Green Egg, and also Meathead Matt Gaetz. A few weeks ago, in a congressional oversight hearing, Matt Gaetz grilled Secretary of Defense Lloyd J. Austin III, and U.S. Army Gen. Mark A. Milley over supposed drag story hours taking place on military bases that *may* have been funded by the Department of Defence. I'm not here to judge Matt for wearing women's underwear, but if he were, I'd give him a pass if he could simply put his time into more honest pursuits rather than chasing the top brass for gotcha moments over a small event put on by unidentified underlings on some military base. According to the two, it was not something the Department funds in any way. The following clip has the exchange. [Tennessee ban on drag shows in front of children temporarily blocked by judgeA Tennessee federal judge temporarily blocked a law restricting drag performances in public from going into effect Friday citing it was “vague and overly-broad.”![](https://static.foxnews.com/static/orion/styles/img/fox-news/favicons/favicon.ico)Fox NewsLandon Mion![](https://static.foxnews.com/foxnews.com/content/uploads/2023/01/GettyImages-1241338931.jpg)](https://www.foxnews.com/politics/tennessee-ban-drag-shows-children-temporarily-blocked-judge?ref=danielkherndon.com#spark%5Fwn=1) As we watch Congressman Matt Gaetz scrunch his small forehead toward our military leadership, firing questions at them, grilling them about how federal funds are used and whether a drag queen ate a slice of government-funded Funfetti cake, the only thing I could think about is whether Matt's using federal funds to buy his girlfriend's happy meals. Or if he uses federally funded haircare products. I mean, even if it's an honest mistake, who hasn't slipped in some [göt2b® Glued](https://www.schwarzkopf.com/brands/hairstyling/got2b-styling/glued.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) when picking up lunch for the staff? The average drag story hour costs between free and $1,000 dollars. But let's say the DOD did pay for it at the classic government waste level of full price. In a budget of $278.1 billion, $1,000 is somewhere around an infinitesimal, microscopic, and near zero percent of the budget – investigated on thin evidence that it might have possibly been on the backs of taxpayers. [Top Military Officials Questioned over Drag Shows on Military BasesThe military’s top uniformed officer suggested he does not support drag shows being hosted on military bases.![](https://www.military.com/themes/military/favicon.ico)Military.comRebecca Kheel![](https://images04.military.com/sites/default/files/styles/full/public/2023-03/mil-austin-milley-mccord-testify-1800.jpg)](https://www.military.com/daily-news/2023/03/29/top-military-officials-questioned-over-drag-shows-military-bases.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) According to Military.com, events like these would typically be funded by a local community group and fall outside of the authority of General Milley. But Gaetz made it a priority to use federally funded time to inquire on the matter, and Fox News made it a feature story for the day, including a prime-time segment with the late Tucker Carlson. 🦶 ****Footnote:** Tucker Carlson isn't late as in dead but simply late for work, a.k.a. fired. So is Gaetz making a possible rounding error expense an important budget item, or is he grasping for a sizzle reel about a hot-button issue to get some airtime? This strategy works. Inevitably moments like this and topics like this, however scant, become fodder for headlines from both left and right leaning news sources, angling to create an enemy. Either the left leaning administration has a gay old agenda to groom children and soldiers, or the right leaning minority is the grand old party protecting you from wokeness. But this approach usually doesn't deal with the real issues impacting everyday Americans. Read Meat Politics is not just the subject of hearings and rhetoric but the subject of the legislation itself. In March, Kevin McCarthy announced the passing of bill H.R. 5 (118), known as the Parent's Bill of Rights. It was passed in the House by a party-line vote, with a few Republican dissenters. It's a bill that outlines a number of things that the party suggests parents should have access to from their schools, including regular meetings with teachers, access to school budgets, and a review of all curricula. Add in an honorable mention of disclosures on how bathrooms are used when it comes to trans people. Notably, Matt Gaetz voted against the bill, saying [on Twitter](https://twitter.com/RepMattGaetz/status/1639301612307988481?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com) that *“the federal government SHOULD NOT be involved in education,”* which appears to be a conservative small government position, despite his party's movement in a different direction. [House Republicans pass broad education measure on ‘parents rights’The bill also became a vehicle for other GOP priorities such as ensuring parents know what their schooling options are and policies on transgender students.![](https://www.politico.com/android-chrome-192x192.png)POLITICOBianca Quilantan![](https://cf-images.us-east-1.prod.boltdns.net/v1/static/1155968404/df7973af-dc68-4c89-98d7-5cbf2aa7751c/34ecf860-6f5b-4132-b8f0-076c97b6d4a7/1280x720/match/image.jpg)](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/03/24/house-republicans-pass-parents-rights-bill-00088729?ref=danielkherndon.com) Conservative Big Government The bill has no chance of seeing the light of day in the Senate or being signed by the President. And that was the plan all along. This bill was not one ever intended to be passed but one designed to signal to voters who to be against while offering some red meat for provocation. It is simply bait, after which you get the switch and pay for it later. There are countless examples of this in politics because, as we see, it is what works, what motivates voters and creates activism. The next question you have to ask is, why do you see more of this from the Right in the current era? Why are Democrats not sending out Christmas pictures of their whole family holding abortion pills cocked and loaded? It's because the right is a minority that is desperate for an election platform to get voters energized, so they can get enough voters to win the Presidency and strengthen their place in the legislative branch. Red Meat Politics clouds our judgment, often taking residence in our discourse ahead of the issues that matter to everyday people. Issues like infrastructure, balancing budgets, economic issues, and protecting the freedom of individuals. When it comes to 2024, there will be women voting to protect their reproductive rights, LGBTQ people voting to be represented with decency and respect on matters of public policy, and moderates voting to shore up the adults in office, hoping to keep the [circus](https://danielkherndon.com/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/) at bay. For the Democrats, there are largely personal rights-based issues at hand drawing people to the polls. Less so than the Republican's vendetta to regulate others by pursuing culture war issues like LGBTQ issues, or trans healthcare rights and injecting the government into schools by banning books about race and imposing more oversight. This Red Meat Politics will charge up the far right, but after a while, it may feel irrelevant to most everyday Americans when the issues don't affect them, even those who are conservative on the issues. Because of this, in a way, the Left is sitting back, hoping the Republicans will continue digging their own grave. And if they are not careful, the tables may turn, and soon enough, they'll be the ones digging. ### The Tax Man's Christmas URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-tax-mans-christmas/ Last updated: 2023-04-21T10:30:26.000Z **Note*: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox is getting it by signing up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).* --- Hey Friends, Happy Tax Day Week to all of us. This week *BuzzFeed News* closed its doors, and the internet roasted them! Here are 17 reasons why BuzzFeed is done for. (Number 7 is epic!) Just kidding. But it is true that the listicle kings are soon to be no longer. It's a tough break for BuzzFeed, but in this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes – and Buzz was bitten by them both. More on taxes in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 16 of 2023` ### Settling for Fox On Sunday night, just as Dominion Voting Systems lawyers were laying out their clothes for the next morning, Fox News lawyers called to initiate a settlement. The trial, scheduled for Monday morning, was abruptly canceled until Tuesday when Dominion lawyers announced a settlement agreement had been reached with Fox News paying Dominion $787.5 million. For context, the settlement amount of $787,500,000 is the largest known settlement amount for a defamation case in the US and is slightly more than the revenues from paying readers of The Lorem Ipsum. Domion considers this settlement "Accountability" for Fox News, and founder and Fox Chairman Rupert Murdoch considers it "only 4%" of his net worth. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/19/media/fox-dominion-how-it-happened/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Wrong Address This week, the 84-year-old homeowner who shot the 16-year-old Ralph Yarl for ringing his doorbell turned himself in after being charged with assault. Similarly, a 65 year old man shot a 20 year old Kaylin Gillis after she mistakenly pulled into the wrong driveway. Both suspects claim the incidents were accidents that occurred when they feared for their lives and may be using a "no soliciting" sign as an exhibit in their cases. When asked for comment, The United States Postal Service says it expects to skip both of these houses when it delivers things to the wrong address "as a precaution." ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/19/us/yarl-gillis-shooting-missouri-ny.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Supreme Court Pause I don't know your weekend plans but don't cancel your abortions just yet. The Supreme Court extended the pause of a ruling overturning the FDA approval of mifepristone, which means the drug remains available legally while the courts consider the case. The Supreme Court, in its brief, said it was "pregnant with anticipation" of how the case would transpire and that it didn't think it "had a choice" but to consider this case. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/04/19/supreme-court-rules-on-abortion-pill-mifepristone.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Shaking the Rust Off The charges against Alec Baldwin for involuntary manslaughter have been dropped. The charges were brought after the accidental death of a cinematographer on the set of his movie Rust from a gun Alec was holding. The film that is set in the wild west is expected to resume filming, but according to reports, all the guns will now be neon-colored plastic squirt guns as a safety measure. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/charges-dropped-alec-baldwin-fatal-set-rust-shooting/story?id=98734243&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Starship X Space X's Starship, the most powerful rocket ever, was thrust into the sky yesterday, but it didn't last very long. Just after takeoff, the rocket exploded, which most people would consider a disappointment, but Space X still got what it wanted out of it (as usual). According to reports, the team behind the rocket said it still felt good to get it up from the launch pad even though it ended too soon. The Starship was an unmanned test to develop a rocket that can orbit the Earth and ferry humans to the moon. For the crowd of spectators on the ground, it was quite a sight, being one of the largest rockets in history. Some also thought the 4/20 liftoff date was pretty dope. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/04/20/spacex-starship-orbital-launch-attempt-live-updates.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Is the IRS Naughty or Nice? `The Gist` Tax time is like Christmas for the Federal Government. A day when everyone gets mad, and no one really gets to do what they want to do. We spend the day airing our grievances from the year, and if we're not careful, things could erupt in a fight. If it's too much to handle, we kick the can until later in the year without solving a thing. The holidays really are a wonderful time. The difference between Tax Day (earlier this week on April 18th) and actual Christmas (December 25th) is that instead of getting presents from Santa, we're all saving up all year long to give presents to Government Santa. For most, the IRS is no Santa Claus and doesn't have enough cake to be a grandma. Many want to choke off the agency's funding (like the [majority of Congresspeople](https://theweek.com/economy/1020038/defund-the-irs?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the US House of Representatives), and some think the IRS should be shut down entirely. If you have a loved one who agrees, this Christmas set is a perfect gift to make merry this next Holiday season with your most bitter family and friends who harbor enough resentment toward the Tax Collector that they would lobby that the holidays be canceled and grandma's house be burned down. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/04/Abolish-the-IRS.png) A Tax Holiday Special The IRS has earned its bad reputation, of course. We all hate when "I.R.S." shows up on our caller ID, and more than likely, we'll offer a beep to leave a message after, preferably where the sun don't shine. It's not just that they take a portion of all of our incomes, spending it unwisely, which we are more than capable of doing on our own. It's because the agency has been weaponized by the political side of the government more often than the IRS-PR department would like to admit. The first, as far as we know, was during Franklin D. Roosevelt's administration. As President, FDR wielded the power of the IRS to confound his political enemies, beginning first with one running against him. The story is that FDR ordered the IRS to conduct an investigation into Huey Long's finances in an effort to discredit him and weaken his support. He's known to have used the agency against others as well. [FDR and the IRSDuring the 1930s, Roosevelt began experimenting with the IRS as a means of attacking political enemies and generating more revenue.![](https://www.hillsdale.edu/android-icon-192x192.png)Hillsdale College![](https://www.hillsdale.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Central-Hall-e1459883778172.jpg)](https://www.hillsdale.edu/educational-outreach/free-market-forum/2006-archive/fdr-and-the-irs/?ref=danielkherndon.com) In 2013 Tea Party organizations were targeted by the IRS under the Obama administration, although Obama denied knowing about it beforehand. The agency used the Tea Party naming convention to select organizations for audits. In May 2013, the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration released an audit report confirming that the IRS used inappropriate criteria to identify potential political cases, including organizations with Tea Party in their names. According to experts, they were "asking for it" by naming themselves after the most famous tax protest in history, but still, targeting organizations based on their politics is outrageous, and that's exactly [what President Obama said too](https://youtu.be/3jjDsGr92to?ref=danielkherndon.com). We can all agree, whether you’re a Democrat, a Republican, or an independent, we want to be confident that the IRS will screw us all just as badly as the next guy. Senator Ted Cruz believes we should [abolish the IRS](https://www.cruz.senate.gov/about/issues/tax-reform?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=common%2Dsense%20legislation%2C%20including%20measures%20to%20abolish%20the%20IRS) because it is "corrupt," and he believes we can do so by making the tax code simpler. Hypothetically, this could work, but in order to keep the federal mailbox from piling up, we'll need someone to account for and cash all our checks. Options include having the military take over collections, given that they have a large budget and plenty of guns. Or we could have the Medicare division open a new program called the "Sminternal Revenue Cervix," which is in no way the IRS or anything like it. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/04/Ted-Snooze-.png)](https://twitter.com/SenTedCruz/status/1586796299760074752?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1586796299760074752%7Ctwgr%5E81be2eb348d23ff43ee8a323ecd8c54d74085d04%7Ctwcon%5Es1%5Fc10&ref%5Furl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dallasnews.com%2Fnews%2Fpolitics%2F2022%2F10%2F31%2Fted-cruz-says-he-wants-to-abolish-the-irs-this-time-he-got-roasted-on-twitter%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) Ted Snooze Ted's call to abolish the IRS obviously sounds very, very good as sound bites and does a great job of building enthusiasm among Ted's base. But the IRS is not going anywhere. Just like my HOA, someone needs to remind you that living in a community is not free, and that person appears to have some serious opinions about lawn maintenance. Well, I have opinions about whether or not the pond has been treated, so that must mean we're stuck in this together. So long as we wish to live in a society, abolishing the taxman is a dream that will never come true. Someone's going to need to cash those checks, and whether you like the checks to be smaller or not, there's no world power that doesn't need to collect them. Happy Holidays. --- That's it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Feed the hungry (inboxes) by sharing The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### Fox and The Backlash of Right-Wing Media URL: https://danielkherndon.com/overcompensation-the-backlash-of-right-wing-media/ Last updated: 2023-10-24T13:33:38.000Z *Editors Note: As Dominion Voting Systems announces its settlement with Fox News agreeing to pay $787.5 million, Alison Dagnes, Professor of Political Science at Shippensburg University, brings this contributing article on Right Wing Media. Learn more about Alison [here.](https://www.amazon.com/Super-Mad-Everything-All-Time/dp/3030061302/ref=mp%5Fs%5Fa%5F1%5F1?crid=1UVDQTHP95E4Q&keywords=alison+dagnes&qid=1668464105&sprefix=alison+dagnes%2Caps%2C183&sr=8-1&ref=danielkherndon.com)* --- We live in an age of alternative facts and dishonest brokers who “just ask questions” that are (at best) duplicitous. There is monster distrust all around. Into this setting comes *Dominion v. Fox News*, the lawsuit filed by the voting machine company against the most profitable cable news company on the planet alleging the TV channel spread bald face, destructive lies. The bad news for *Fox* is that the legal maneuverings have produced more receipts than a CVS self-checkout. The lawsuit filings and discovery have shed some light on the *Fox News* juggernaut, the 900-pound gorilla in conservative media. It also has exposed many of the ancillary satellite media outposts that claim to be an antidote to liberal media, rather than journalistic endeavors. Seeing their job not as “real news” providers but as a cudgel against the mainstream press, *Fox* and friends played fast and loose with the facts to keep an audience who had been lured into believing a scheme that was repeatedly proven in court to be false. Shocked. I’m shocked. Look, this has been in development for decades. *Fox News* made its bones by scattering grievance politics and government distrust among the weeds of negative partisanship and conspiracy theories it had rooted. The approach has been so good for business that *Fox News* continues to toe the line of partisan lunacy even when faced with rock-solid evidence that disproves it. One email [sent by the *Fox* executive in charge of prime-time programming](https://www.washingtonpost.com/media/2023/02/17/fox-news-dominion-ratings-fear/?ref=danielkherndon.com) warned that the network should fan the flames of conspiracies: “Do not ever give viewers a reason to turn us off. Every guest and topic must perform.” Doing otherwise would lose their audience. As Adam Serwer [wrote in *The Atlantic*](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/02/fox-news-dominion-lawsuit-trump/673132/?ref=danielkherndon.com): “The network inflames right-wing conspiracism, but it also bows to it out of partisan commitment and commercial incentive.” The claim of liberal media bias began softly in the mid-Twentieth Century and has grown in volume and pitch ever since, which is how a dedicated audience segment primed for conservative content was built and preserved. The technological advancements merely caught up with the purpose of providing an [“antidote” to the so-called liberal press](https://apnews.com/article/d38da119a420350c5142f415334f31e2?ref=danielkherndon.com). This mostly took the form of conservative commentary, beginning with the wild west of talk radio in the 1980s. The post “Fairness Doctrine” media landscape let big mouthed talking heads use partisanship as entertainment, and the public began to see politics as entertaining. Audiences flocked to Rush Limbaugh, and then to cable news since Rush was the not-so-secret inspiration for Rupert Murdoch’s creation of *Fox*, which launched in 1996\. The whole point of conservative media was to challenge the libs while bucking the professional, impartial norms of journalism. They hoovered up profits and spawned imitators. After cable news took over the airwaves and Al Gore invented the internet, right-wing media content exploded in scope and scale. With so many options, many Americans just wanted the news that went down as easy as a Slurpee on a hot day, which meant that politically interested people flocked to the partisan networks and websites that supported their views. This is how the right-wing media circle we have today developed, and it is profitable. With *Fox News* in the center, this right-wing media circle features websites, radio shows, podcasts, and streaming services that all make the same fundamental argument: the left is an insane clown posse of socialists and identity politics obsessed radicals. This line of reasoning works: *Fox News* has been the [#1 cable news channel](https://www.forbes.com/sites/andymeek/2022/02/01/fox-news-channel-has-now-spent-20-years-in-the-1-spot-on-the-cable-news-rankings/?sh=1289cf6472f2&ref=danielkherndon.com) for 20 uninterrupted years, and of the [top websites in the U.S](https://www.semrush.com/blog/most-visited-websites/?ref=danielkherndon.com)., *Fox News.com* comes in at #27, beating *The New York Times*. All of this is to say that *Fox News* is extremely popular. The narratives set by *Fox* then bounce around the outlets within the right-wing media circle, and fairly quickly these stories are set in stone. Which gets us back to the *Dominion* lawsuit. On Election Night in 2020, *Fox News* was the first to call Biden as the winner. It was an early call, and it turned out to be a correct call, but it was a call that made former President Trump [Deathcon 3](https://www.timesofisrael.com/a-clear-violence-understanding-kanyes-tweet-vowing-death-con-3-on-jews/?ref=danielkherndon.com) furious (but without the overt anti-Semitism). Numerous accounts report that Trump and his staff called *Fox News* and begged them to retract the call, but to no avail. This is where Trump’s “Frankly, we did win this election” line came to pass. It was in response to the *Fox News* Decision Desk call. Legal depositions revealed the following: - *Fox News* viewers began to [abandon the network for more conspiracy-laden fare found on *Newsmax* and *OANN*.](https://www.cnn.com/2020/12/08/media/newsmax-fox-news-ratings/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) - The well-paid *Fox* staff howled in protest and [insisted that they further the election conspiracy](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/04/us/politics/panic-fox-news-2020-election.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) they apparently knew was a lie. Since Donald Trump had planted the seeds of mistrust well before Election Day 2020, there were unsubstantiated stories about election fraud circulating on the right. Many of these rumors had been reinforced on *Fox News,* but the conspiracy theory about Dominion was a real corker. Pundits fortified the falsity that the Dominion Voting Machine company was in cahoots with the Democrats to change votes from Trump to Biden. Allegations against Dominion included connections to the (late) Hugo Chavez, treacherous behavior traced to foreign interference, and all-around nefarious action on the part of a once-unknown voting machine company. After so many *Fox News* segments, Dominion was no longer unknown, and they had enough: the company sent formal notices ([more than](https://int.nyt.com/data/documenttools/redacted-documents-in-dominion-fox-news-case/dca5e3880422426f/full.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com)*[ ](https://int.nyt.com/data/documenttools/redacted-documents-in-dominion-fox-news-case/dca5e3880422426f/full.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com)*[3,600 requests to ](https://int.nyt.com/data/documenttools/redacted-documents-in-dominion-fox-news-case/dca5e3880422426f/full.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com)*[Fox News](https://int.nyt.com/data/documenttools/redacted-documents-in-dominion-fox-news-case/dca5e3880422426f/full.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com))* asking *Fox* to stop name checking their company in their wild (and unsubstantiated) story telling. Spoiler alert: *Fox* did not stop spreading the fabrications even though their most popular (and highest paid) pundits knew they were, in legal terms, totally banana-pants. To win back their audience that couldn’t handle the truth, *Fox News* continued to amplify the stolen election invention in earnest, with appearances on the network by Trump surrogates, in order to regain their audience. - Testimony from Rupert Murdoch and emails from *Fox* employees all show that nobody at the network believed these fabrications but they aired them anyway. - They did this to [save their stock price](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/16/business/media/fox-dominion-lawsuit.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) and because money mattered most. As Murdoch himself stated, it was not a matter of ideology. It was: “[not red or blue. It is green.”](https://www.forbes.com/sites/nicholasreimann/2023/02/27/not-red-or-blue-it-is-green-murdoch-admits-fox-news-hosts-pushed-false-election-fraud-claims/?sh=48ffc7462ad4&ref=danielkherndon.com) The bottom line of this legal dump is that the financial imperatives of *Fox News* rest on spreading misinformation, even though the power structure knew it was incorrect. In other words, *Fox* knew what their audience wanted, and they took a hard U turn after they behaved like a real news organization and their audience bolted. They fired the real news people who had properly called the election, [threw shade at the journalists from their network](https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/03/08/fox-news-dominion-corrupt-hannity-carlson/?utm%5Fcampaign=wp%5Ffollow%5Ferik%5Fwemple&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=newsletter&wpisrc=nl-erikwemple&carta-url=https%3A%2F%2Fs2.washingtonpost.com%2Fcar-ln-tr%2F395414a%2F64090ff4d8b4d160754677f6%2F596c5109ade4e24119cada4d%2F5%2F19%2F64090ff4d8b4d160754677f6&wp%5Fcu=30e7d9dc7d06c8622515c9ebb8537a4c%7C18e95014-bf67-11df-bd09-12313b066011), and they shuffled their schedule to lose the news and add more opinion. It worked. *Fox* won their audience back. Immediately following the election, according to the [Brookings Institute](https://www.brookings.edu/essay/audible-reckoning-how-top-political-podcasters-spread-unsubstantiated-and-false-claims/?ref=danielkherndon.com): “Unsubstantiated and false claims tied to the 2020 US presidential election spiked dramatically after the election and did not abate in the following months, despite multiple failed legal challenges.” This was the result of harmonization between right-wing outlets. *Fox News* might be the undisputed center of the right-wing media universe, but there needs to be message corroboration in order for an argument to congeal, and this is where the podcasts, websites, and streaming services stayed on message to perpetuate the “Big Lie” about election fraud. That’s how ideas have become fact: that January 6 was really an [heroic effort by patriots](https://www.stripes.com/theaters/us/2023-01-06/jan-6-rioters-rebrand-patriots-8669545.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) to tour the U.S. Capitol, that there’s a conspiracy afoot to [replace white American voters](https://www.npr.org/2022/05/16/1099034094/what-is-the-great-replacement-theory?ref=danielkherndon.com) with people of color, and that former President Donald Trump is the [victim of political persecution](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/the-political-fallout-from-the-felony-charges-against-trump?ref=danielkherndon.com). These narratives spread around the right-wing media circle, from guest to host to commentary, and they are consistently echoed since so many of the right-wing personalities do double and triple duty on the air, on podcasts or talk radio programs, and on the web. The misinformation and storylines spread with alarming alacrity because there is so much airtime to fill. And much like cement, these opinions solidify over time having been buttressed by numerous personalities on many different outlets. Studies and polling data show [little overlap between the right-wing media and the mainstream press](https://hls.harvard.edu/today/political-discourse-and-the-2020-u-s-election/?ref=danielkherndon.com), mostly because of the [deep distrust](https://today.yougov.com/topics/politics/articles-reports/2022/04/05/trust-media-2022-where-americans-get-news-poll?ref=danielkherndon.com) mentioned at the top. This means that consumers of right-wing media are locked in a bubble of confirmation bias that is corroborated everywhere they go for political content, as long as they stay within their bubble. It’s not fair to blame these Americans for believing the fake news and misinformation they get, because it’s everywhere they go. I play my own version of “Name That tune” where I can identify someone’s media diet from one phrase. The moment I hear [“Biden Crime Family](https://patriotpost.us/articles/95806-the-biden-crime-familys-chinese-millions-2023-03-17?ref=danielkherndon.com),” I know what I’m dealing with. The real villains are not our friends and neighbors who buy into the fire hoses of dishonesty. As [one cable executive said](https://www.newyorker.com/news/annals-of-communications/the-fallout-of-fox-news-public-shaming?ref=danielkherndon.com) to a reporter off the record, the Dominion lawsuit will not do much to dissuade the *Fox News* audience: “*Fox* may be forced to read an apology on air or something, but the audience still loves the product. It’s basically the W.W.E. for this kind of world.” You can’t blame the public for wanting entertainment, even from their politicians. The real offenders are the media figures who peddle the dreck. In the days after the 2020 election, former President Trump Tweeted to his millions of followers: “@FoxNews daytime ratings have completely collapsed. Very sad to watch this happen, but they forgot what made them successful, what got them there. They forgot the Golden Goose.” Quickly thereafter, *Fox* remembered their Goose, and their ratings rose once again, proving that they will be okay as long as *Fox News* supports Trump. But this is the problem: If *Fox* champions Trump, their audience will stay loyal and hear even more confirmation biased content that further distorts the truth. It is already evident that Trump’s 3rd presidential campaign is built upon resentment and retribution, both of which fit into *Fox News’* lib trolling mission. Vengeance programming will spread from *Fox News* throughout conservative media outlets because it sells, and in selling the anger, the revenge narrative will be strengthened and solidified. We will learn a great deal from the Dominion lawsuit, and it will all point to the irrefutable fact that *Fox News* manipulates the truth to satisfy its audience. In the end, these revelations might not matter too much because ratings will probably remain solid. In the right-wing media circle, it’s not who you support but who you oppose that counts. ### The Handbasket URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-handbasket/ Last updated: 2023-04-21T14:58:10.000Z **Note*: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox is getting it by signing up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).* --- Hey Friends, I hope you didn't choke on your Peeps last week. Those vicious little monsters may come in a cute package, but they are not your friends, [according to California](https://www.cbsnews.com/losangeles/video/peeps-candy-chemical-ingredients-may-change-for-safety-and-health/?ref=danielkherndon.com#x). They come with the dye, Red No. 3, a [toxic chemical](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23026007/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Red%203%20causes%20cancer%20in,Yellow%206%29%20cause%20hypersensitivity%20reactions.) that has been linked to cancer and is banned in Europe and Western Western Europe, also known as California. The sugar rush alone could put you in a coma, but we both know we'll eat them if they are at arm's length, so please consume with care. Hopefully, Peeps are not the only thing you got in your Easter basket last weekend. That's not all I have to say about baskets today. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ***Quickly***: If you enjoy this issue, would you smash that like button down below? 👇 --> 👍. It helps me know when I'm on the right track. ## Hot Takes `Week 15 of 2023` ### Abortion Pills Just last week, a conservative judge ordered the FDA to withdraw its approval of an abortion pill, mifepristone, widely used in a two-pill process for abortions since the FDA approved it in 2000\. A federal appeals panel overturned the ruling on Wednesday, saying that the pills should remain available but could not be sent through the mail until a lawsuit on the matter is resolved. Critics of medication-based abortions have been vocal lately, advocating for another form of abortion, popularly called "gun rights." On the other hand, critics of strawman arguments say that punchline was not a good one, but neither are the poverty rates for young mothers. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mifepristone-abortion-pill-federal-appeals-court-access-tighter-rules/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **My Take:** Here is my article, [Burned At The Stake](https://danielkherndon.com/burned-at-the-stake/). ### The Nashvillians Republicans who hold a supermajority in the Tennessee House of Representatives enacted a procedure that is rarely used (and to make it seem like a long time, let's call it "only three times since the Civil War") to remove three Democrat lawmakers from their seats. The three joined protesters in calls for gun regulation during session, in the aftermath of a mass shooting in a Christian school in Nashville. After a vote of expulsion, the two black legislators were removed, and the white legislator retained her seat, although Republicans deny that race was a factor. The act of removing the members of the House drew sharp criticism nationwide, resulting in calls from people all over Tennessee and even across the world. Both ousted legislators have since been voted to be reinstated as of Thursday. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/12/us/justin-pearson-tennessee-house-vote.html?campaign%5Fid=9&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20230413&instance%5Fid=90088&nl=the-morning®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=130299&te=1&user%5Fid=487c082712c00ac169858336dff574e0&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Unintelligence Leak Several sensitive military documents were snapped on a spy camera (actually just a smartphone) and released on the chat app Discord and eventually on Twitter. The documents exposed several intelligence secrets like Biden's breakfast routine (oatmeal and Fixodent) and possibly critical information about the war strategies of Russia and Ukraine. The US intelligence authorities initially looked for a Jason Bourne type who was "*armed*" but later described the suspect as a gamer with skinny "*arms"* and acne. The suspect, Jack Teixeira, a 21-year-old Air National Guardsman, was the leader of the chat group in question. Teixeira's home was raided Thursday afternoon, and he was arrested shortly after, and his Nintendo Switch has been confiscated. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/13/politics/pentagon-leaked-documents-military-base/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Clarence "Jet Setter" Thomas Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has enjoyed some fabulous vacations gifted to him by a wealthy friend and billionaire, Harlan Crow. Since the news made it to the public eye, he's faced scrutiny for accepting the ~~bribes~~ gifts without reporting them. Other than vacations and private jet rides, Thomas' friend has given him various gifts, such as a Bible that once belonged to abolitionist Frederick Douglass, a gift which quelled most evangelicals' moral concerns. It seems that several of the gifts have been collectibles, including historical artifacts, artwork, and more, although Thomas and his wife are better known for collecting accusations of ethics violations. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/11/us/politics/clarence-thomas-harlan-crow.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Bragg Sues Gym (Jordan) The Manhattan AG is accusing Jim Gordan (it's a soft G, but please correct me if this is the incorrect spelling) of interfering in an active investigation by pressing him for confidential documents. Gym, who also goes by Jim (pronounced gym), an election denier, was himself elected in an election, which happens to be the same one he says was rigged. None of that has to do with the suit against him. ([more](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/3944493-bragg-sues-jim-jordan-over-campaign-to-intimidate-and-attack/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### We Didn't Start The Fire A blaze at a recycling plant in Richmond, Indiana, has forced the evacuation of about 2,000 residents to flee the massive plumes of smoke from a fire that is expected to burn for days, according to city and state officials. This presents an excellent opportunity to listen to the [Billy Joel song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ref=danielkherndon.com) on the subject unless, of course, you did start the fire. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/11/us/richmond-indiana-recycling-plant-fire/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Colorado River The Colorado River water level has been depleting over the years to the point where some experts are calling the area a thirst trap. The water level has now become an issue for several states who depend on the river as a water source. After the three states that depend on it most, California, Arizona, and Nevada, did not land on an agreement on their own, the federal government released a report offering potential solutions, which in summary, included reducing the allowance equally to each state or to do nothing and die. ([more](https://www.vox.com/science/2023/4/13/23680422/colorado-river-lake-mead-drought-cuts?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Inflation It's still a thing. Just less. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/04/12/business/cpi-inflation-fed?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## The Handbasket `The Gist` The eternal abyss has taken a new member this week. Substack, the popular newsletter medium, has expanded its feature set by adding New Twitter to its platform, now known cleverly as "Notes." It's a place where you can post updates in an endless social media feed, or discover other people's notes if you follow them, or – and get this – if you don't. I discovered the news of Notes when chatter spread that Elon Musk had exerted himself with another tantrum on his free speech platform, where he blocked the liking and sharing of links coming from Substack, presumably because they are now competing with Establishment Twitter. The blow was mostly ignored but felt, if only just a little, below the belt. For most readers, you don't know what platform I publish on. And that is by design. Because I want you to receive what you opt to receive. Not to have your dopamine receptors hacked by a platform that is not designed to serve you but to make you the servant. But Substack is now the TikTok of places to find writers. They launched their new feature, and now the decision engine is in charge. The day Notes launched, I was immediately fed a never-ending stream of bait and notifications. And it will continue endlessly, at inopportune times, if you don't get to your notification settings first. Substack's founder said this: > "While Notes has some visual similarities with other online media feeds, the big difference is in what you can’t see. Notes is powered by paid subscriptions to writers, not by ads. That changes everything." It all seems so innocent and clean to be able to share snippets of your thoughts and "Restack" others, but the engine has been started, and the algorithm is now the driver. The [Robot Corporation](https://danielkherndon.com/robot-corporations/) will do as it is programmed to do, and the venture funding will incentivize its speed in doing so. Substack is now the system. We took refuge in the writers we love, offering the 1400 word morsels we cherish because we were sick of being told what we liked (and still being required to like it manually). A place we might have chosen as a refuge from the algorithm has been engulfed by an even larger algorithm, a power greater than any app or website. The place we have found respite has now become the place we are fleeing. This highlights to me the value of social media in our society. In the beginning, it was a place to write your own missives and read that of others. Then you could add your own bling and select your top 8 friends. Then a newsfeed came, which you liked easily, but it soon learned to like you. Subsequently came an endless feed of what a math equation wants for you, depleting your ability to want on your own. The result is that the world we live in is subject to the convulsions of the world we think we are creating. People do not have the power to build a community as much as they might think it. The world is not closer together but rather more divided than ever. There is no onramp to the afterlife that we’ve missed. We’re already on the highway. We’re not awaiting an escort or receipt of any traveling mercies. We are already in the inferno. This is the handbasket. --- ## Sorta Related Recently, I published this article about the impact of corporate nature. Through the story of the train that derailed in Palestine, Ohio, spilling tons of hazardous waste, I explain how these events are not just catastrophes. They are in the budget. Warning, there's a paywall on this one, but there's a link at the opening to a free trial for anyone who wants to take the plunge. [Robot CorporationsWhy the Norfolk Southern train crash was not just an accident. It was the most likely outcome.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/86-Robot-Corporations-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/robot-corporations/) \- --- That's it for this week. You've worked hard this week. Thanks for making it to the end. Thanks for supporting The Lorem Ipsum, and thanks for reading. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Feed the hungry (inboxes) by sharing The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### Just The Tip URL: https://danielkherndon.com/just-the-tip/ Last updated: 2023-04-21T20:24:37.000Z We may live in a polarized society, but if there's one thing we can all agree on, it is that tipping is getting out of control. A penny saved may be a penny earned, but adding one more red cent in semi-automated gratuity may force me to go door to door selling candy bars out of a box just to pay off a scone. I've never made my living on gratuity, so the hard-working class that does will have to afford me some grace while I make my point, if you can afford it at all. For me, my qualifications come from decades of giving tips (I call it marketing "consulting" to make it sound better). On the receiving end, I enjoy the occasional gifts that I find hitting my Stripe account from the likes of viewers like you who opt to offer their thanks with little more than a link at the end of an email offering them the opportunity. But tipping isn't a prerequisite for good customer service here at The Lorem Ipsum. If you don't drop anything in the bucket, I promise you'll never get a dirty look; but you, like every reader, will still get a dirty email. Those are for everyone (by that, I am referring to emails like [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/the-big-easy/)of The Weekly had the word f@rt in it. But don't worry. I keep it PG – the 80s version – so feel free to forward this email to your kids). Anyway, tipping is bullshit. Especially when it's expected. When it's not, it's a kind gesture, but your average kind gesture can devolve into price gouging in moments. I hate nothing more than an optional donation when it's required. When a well-dressed gentleman tries to take my luggage up to my room, I go out of my way to tell him to keep his mitts off my goods because I don't want to get dirty looks when I don't give him between one and two dollars per parcel for doing something I'd rather do myself (I could use the exercise). Whether tipping culture says something about the tipper or the tipped is unclear, but I find it unlikely that anyone would ever declare that they'd like to gamble on making ends meet literally on a day-to-day basis, so we'll call it a systemic problem. And the system has outgrown itself. Here are some of the ways that tipping is getting out of hand. ### Food delivery apps. The common understanding is that a tip is an amount to be determined based on the quality of service. That's why tips often land on top of the bill after the service has been rendered, but delivery apps have turned it upside down. Perhaps a little extra on top, and you'll stay a minute to ask me how my kids are doing? With delivery being one of the most expensive ways to eat cold food, it would only be a guess that the delivery fee would [pay for the delivery](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/09/business/uber-eats-door-dash-delivery-tips.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). If it *does*, ideally, it *would*. Word on the streets says that goes to the app developers. When I order my e-commerce burritos, I usually select a dollar amount that is somewhere between "Esau giving Jacob his birthright for a bowl of beans" and "Scrooge flipping a shilling to the boy outside his window to fetch him the prize turkey." Basically, 1-3 dollars. Or for 65 cents, I can pick it up on my own, but who has time to drive around for food when it takes this long for a website to load? ### Prom Dresses. Teenage daughters have always been expensive, but it gets worse when the touch screen is flipped your way. Lately, I've heard numerous reports that upon checkout, you'll be prompted to tip when buying a $400 dress for your daughter, *just in case* you wanted it to be more expensive. This is the question I have. Is it reasonable to expect me to pay extra for letting me take more than three things into the dressing room? Thanks for the small water bottles, but we'll take our chances with the zipper. If you want a tip, it's to keep your little brother away from my daughter. Unless he's got a good job, then okay, fine, but tell him to keep his eyes straight ahead. ### Some Guy in A Bathroom If it wasn't bad enough that I had to ask for directions to the bathroom and then be escorted by a seemingly very important person, who I know is judging me, now I have a fee associated with an act of survival. I'm just going about my business (or trying to), and then I discover that I'm on the toll road of bathrooms, and I don't have any cash. My empty wallet won't stop the call of nature either, so naturally, I do what I gotta do. Obviously, I would try to walk out with wet hands rather than rebuff the kindly gentleman of his bathroom bounty, but he was too quick with the towels, so I made sure I got my money's worth and grabbed an extra handful of mints. I used the napkin to write him an IOU (had to borrow his pen too). ### Literally Everything on Vacation If it happens at a hotel or near one, expect to be expected to tip. The takeout pizza by the slice, the barista handing you a drip coffee, the driver charging you by the mile, the mandatory valet putting your car 30 feet away in a parking garage, the concierge who literally tells everyone the exact same six restaurants all day long, and if you're a power user, will store your luggage in the back room for an afternoon. It never ends. If you budget for vacation, add 20% in singles to make sure you ready for anything. The truth is the point-of-sale software has put tipping on overdrive. The app companies make tipping a [mandatory feature](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/01/technology/personaltech/tipping-defaults-digital-payments.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the checkout process simply to gross up the charges – charges that the app companies receive a portion of through processing fees. No sooner than you can finish your order for a six-dollar latte, the price climbs 20% because if you hit [the custom tip button](https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/25/business/tipping-trends/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), you're destined to get a mug shot on the wall to warn future baristas. It's not your fault they didn't account for labor costs in their pricing, but everyone in line will look at you like it is while you're typing in a lower number. Why is it that the guy who changes your oil gets paid a living wage, but the person selling you a luxury-priced steak at a nice restaurant depends on your discretion to make a living? ## Tipping and Slavery Many good tippers wear their good tipping as a mark of their identity, but tipping well doesn't make someone a better person. It's merely a necessary part of a wicked system. Tipping has a sordid past, not unlike the Europeans who imported the practice to America with their slaves. It's popular to claim that tipping exists solely because of slavery, [but it's far more complicated than that](https://www.edwards.usask.ca/faculty/marc%20mentzer/tipping.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com). There was no single event that brought tipping into our culture. Tipping exists for many reasons. The practice crept into our social expectations initially as bribes for extra goods or services or to supplement wages for underpaid servants – yes, some of them were slaves too. It came from confusion about the price of hotels when a meal was provided versus when it was not included. It was a thank you to the staff when you visited a nobleman's home. And lastly, it was the customary bribe to get alcohol during the Amercian prohibition. Over time it has become a ubiquitous part of dining out, only to be followed by Uber driving and Tattoo artists. I only imagine lawyers are next. But slavery casts a shadow on us when optional tipping is a means of employment. It may not be the whole story, but slavery isn't off the hook. Slavery existed for a time because capitalists would find any legal means to maximize profit. At one point, slavery was legal. Today, however, slavery is only legal in the restaurant industry. So to speak. In many states, to work as a server, you'll be paid $2.13 per hour or roughly $85 per week. This is less than the minimum wage, which applies to all other vocations. It's legal, and you can leave anytime. But the industry as a whole has taken advantage of those who don't have a choice. The problem is that there is a reverse incentive for employers in the restaurant industry to pay their employees a living wage. The law allows it, and it is customary. So they do. As a result, an employee's income is related to things like the performance of the staff in the kitchen, the quality and price of the food, whether they are good-looking or charismatic, and lastly, the charity of the patron at the table. All the risk is on the employee. Because of this risk, this often keeps restaurant workers in a cycle of poverty. Some escape it, some work their way up to management, and some find themselves living hand to mouth, literally. For the tipper, the assumption is that the tipped person does not make enough money, and it's up to the customer to decide if they will be, by kindly offering a little extra out of the goodness of their heart. Businesses won't pay employees appropriately, even though they are often the lifeblood of their business if it's legal to do otherwise. But when it comes to tipping, some would say it's not optional, but it's simply part of the cost of the meal. If that is true, we should make it official. ### Tornado Season URL: https://danielkherndon.com/tornado-season/ Last updated: 2023-10-24T13:41:32.000Z **Note*: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox is getting it by signing up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).* --- Hey Friends, We've had a lot of "tornados" this week. Let's take a look. - Hundreds of funnel clouds [touched down](https://www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/tornado-season-2023-strong-start-rcna78394?ref=danielkherndon.com), plowing through several states. - Finland joined NATO, which serendipitously *rhymes* with 'tornado.' - And Trump delivered a campaign speech shortly after his arraignment. As much as we might like less perturbation in the media, we can't control the weather. Or the news cycle. These aren't the only disturbances this week. For this week's news, we have what you might call a "Stormy Sandwich." You'll see what I mean in a moment. So on that note... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 14 of 2023` ### Two Timer – The Perp Walk Donald Trump was charged with 34 felonies on Tuesday. His Perp Walk was the shortest thing on TV, but it took up the most air time. The arrest for the criminal defendant and former president Donald J. Trump was only a brief break from his grifting so he could be presented with the charges for false records related to money he paid to porn star, Stormy Daniels. The Manhattan DA claims that Trump violated election and tax laws by falsifying his records. After the arraignment, Trump flew back to his resort home in Mar-a-Lago, where several people were waiting to cheer him while he said everyone else was wrong. The case against Trump faces significant criticism because even his critics on the right and even some on the left consider the case to be relatively trivial and on weak legal grounds. Some claim that tax fraud claims and election fraud claims disproportionately affect rich politicians and especially Trump himself. Trump suggests Alvin Bragg is a "criminal" and that he should be focusing his efforts on discriminating against minorities and the poor. ([more](https://www.businessinsider.com/booking-trump-no-cuffs-no-mugshot-shortest-perp-walk-2023-4?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### First Timer – Virgin Bankruptcy Richard Branson's space program, Virgin Orbit, has filed for bankruptcy protection. Branson, who also has other companies under the name Virgin says this isn't his first time. (Branson's Airline was thrust into similar financial turmoil in 2020). The major setback was caused by a rocket that didn't quite get up, costing the company substantially and leading to the decision to lay off most of its employees. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/virgin-orbit-branson-bankruptcy-rocket-launch-satellite-c65c52b9f943f8406f760256b9f1b85b?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### New Timer – Finland in NATO Finland has become a part of the NATO alliance, which is nothing short of a ~~gift~~ middle finger to Vladimir Putin, doubling the NATO border on the western flank of Russia. He has cited NATO expansion as a threat prompting his aggression. This demonstrates that Putin has achieved more or less the opposite of what he wanted out of his invasion of Ukraine when you take into consideration that he's managed to take control of an extremely small amount of Ukrainian territory. One woman familiar with the matter says that Putin should be used to controlling "small territory" at home as well. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-65173043?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Blue Timer – Wisconsin Supreme Court Wisconsin's Supreme Court elected a tie-breaking seat and, against the gerrymandered odds, went Blue in this week's election. But only sort off since judges are not technically considered partisan, even though they obviously are in practice. Judge Protasiewicz (sp?) ran overtly on her stance on abortion and the "rigged" district maps, which seems to have paid off. We'll have to leave it at that because, for a Wisconsin-related Take, I promised not to make any cheezy jokes. ([more](https://www.axios.com/2023/04/05/wisconsin-supreme-court-protasiewicz-win-abortion?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Reverse Timer – Stormy Fees While Trump was facing a judge in an unofficially related case, Stormy Daniels lost a defamation suit she brought against Donald Trump and has been ordered to pay attorneys fees of $120,000, amounting to almost $600k that she owes, including prior damages orders. The order came while Trump was facing criminal charges related to their sexual encounter, which basically means they both got screwed. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/04/politics/stormy-daniels-pay-trump-legal-fees/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## On Becoming An Astronaut `The Gist` **Editors note:* Back in July of 2021, I wrote a timely article inspired by the billionaire astronauts of our time. This piece exhibits a poetic and reflective tone rather than funny, analytical, or snarky, as you might most often see from me.* *With hopes Mr. Branson is able to pull through, I'm rerunning this article which will be new to most of you.* *I'd love your feedback in the comments. Enjoy.* --- [On Becoming an AstronautOn why being an adult is so much better than being a kid.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/0_sclAI5_RcfmSTKJ7.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/on-becoming-an-astronaut-why-being-an-adult-is-so-much-better-than-being-a-kid/) Original Post Link Imagine you sit in a plastic high chair, fastened in with a seatbelt and a locked table surface, with cold carrots and bland peas strewn about, and a sealed sippy cup filled with lukewarm milk sitting in front of you. As you sip the milk, with every labored breath, you try to extract more than the last time, with little success. People are surrounding you, all faces you recognize, but as far as you can tell, they don't know you are there. Perhaps they've forgotten you. You are merely there. You look across the room to see your favorite toy, just a few steps away, but it may as well be lightyears. In sight, but out of reach. All you want is to grab it and embrace it, but your reach is not enough. You feel sadness, you feel lost, alone, like you could be so much more. Just as you begin to cry quietly, a lyric plays in the background. You don't understand why, but it soothes your mood. It doesn't make you feel better; it simply makes you feel. For some reason, you can relate. *And I think it's gonna be a long, long time* *'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find* *I'm not the man they think I am at home* *Oh, no, no, no* After very little time, you've forgotten this altogether because you've gotten over it, and you're on to the next thing. Pooping your pants. Do you do it because you don't know better, or do you do it to get attention? If we're honest, you don't know, but either way, it is working. Your parents, who had their attention on something else, are now attending to you, and you now have what you wanted all along. For someone to see you. Being a kid is a series and wishing you could do something you can't, wishing you could be something you are not, and crying out for attention. Most of being a child is a series of fantasies about being something you are not. Maybe a fireman, a policeman, a doctor. Most children want to be an astronaut at some point. Who can blame them, you get to reach things few reach, see things few see. You wear that cool uniform. You wear the helmet with the mirrored glass. Being a kid is hard. Every day someone is telling you what you can't do. And it's year after year. You can't stay up past nine until you are 13\. You can't drive until you are 16\. You have to observe a curfew until you are 18\. You can't drink until you are 21\. But at some point, that all changes. At some point, for all of us, we become something. An adult. And now, if you so choose, you can be an astronaut. You can go to space. You can be a Rocket Man. As an adult, you decide your entire destiny from here on out. You can eat as much as you want, drink as you please, stay out as late as you want, and become anything you can imagine. Imagine this: Imagine you sit in a nylon polymer adjustable chair, fastened in with a schedule behind a hard plastic table surface, with cold emails and bland documents strewn about, and a sealed-to-go cup filled with lukewarm coffee sitting in front of you. With every labored task, you sip the coffee, wishing you could get just a little bit more out of life than you have before, with little success. People are surrounding you, all faces you recognize, you see them every day, but as far as you can tell, they don't really know you or care much about you. They are not your friends or family. You are not important to them. You are merely there. You gaze across the room, imagining your dreams, those things you wanted to be as a kid. They seem only a few steps away, but it might as well be lightyears. In sight, but out of reach. All you want to do is grab that dream, or at least that feeling of accomplishment, to embrace it, but your reach is nowhere near enough. You feel sadness, you feel lost, alone, like you could be so much more. Just as you begin to cry, quietly, on the inside. At that very moment, the "listen at work station" begins to play a lyric in the background. *And I think it's gonna be a long, long time* *'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find* *I'm not the man they think I am at home* *Oh, no, no, no* Even before your day is over, you've forgotten this longing moment altogether because you've gotten over it, and you're on to the next thing. The Pursuit of Happiness. But you are an adult now. You can do whatever you want. Be whoever you want. You can be an astronaut. You can go to space. You can be a Rocket Man. If you are a billionaire. Do you do this because you don't know better, or do you do it to get attention? If we're honest, you don't know, but either way, it is working. --- That's it for this week. Thanks for being here, subscribing, and sharing wherever you share. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Feed the hungry (inboxes) by sharing The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### The GOP Hemophobia URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-gop-hemophobia/ Last updated: 2023-05-02T12:54:09.000Z Many people get into marketing after realizing they don't like the sight of blood. That's when they drop out of med school and find something that doesn't require special licensing or a strong stomach. Don't get me wrong; marketing is still a healing profession, but not so much for the body as much as the heart. Take Coca Cola for example. Their famous 1980s ad, "Grab a Coke and a smile," lifted more hearts – if also the rate of diabetes. It's a great profession where you can make the world a better place and destroy it all at the same time. Needless to say, we attract some rough ones in this field. I always say if you're trying to pull a marketer out of a barrel, reach down as far as you can until you find a lawyer, and then go even deeper. There you'll find some of the best writers, the most creative designers, and the most self-centered people in the world. My industry is rife with liars, cheats, and thieve (in the industry, we call them "account executives"), but having hired hundreds of marketers over the years, I've reached down to the bottom of the barrel more than enough. I've become far more selective in my hiring in more recent years. And you should too. But no matter how bad the world of madmen is, we could never even cast a shadow on the madness happing within the Republican Party after the indictment of their Lord of the Flies. _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### The Orange Indictment URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-orange-indictment/ Last updated: 2023-12-20T22:04:33.000Z **Note*: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox is getting it by signing up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)*.* --- Hey Everyone, Good morning to everyone except Donald Trump, the former President of the United States and the first to be (presumptively) indicted for a felony. This morning, I am listening to Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" because you can't start a fire without a spark. I want to take this moment to thank the people of the Manhattan Grand Jury for taking action on a Thursday evening – rather than Friday morning, the kind of breaking news that can render this newsletter irrelevant to your morning. The historical news on Thursday evening led to striking front-page features on many sites. I'll share a few. First, here's the front page of the **New York Times** ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/Screenshot-2023-03-30-at-6.10.45-PM.png) The home page of NYTimes.com and the paper version that many of your mothers read before that has been the public log for historical moments for generations. Let's look at another. Here's the front page of the cable news channel **CNN**. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/Screenshot-2023-03-30-at-6.13.31-PM.png) CNN's reporters claimed that when reaching out for comment, the reporters were actually told Trump's staff were still trying to take in the news themselves and knew no more than the reporters did. The staff of CNN said they had to have their web development team install a new font to accommodate the size of the headline for this particular notice. Let's look at one more. Here's the front page of **Bed, Bath & Beyond.** The popular retail store for housing goods. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/Screenshot-2023-03-30-at-6.14.26-PM.png) Here we see a notice to save up to 25% off of spring essentials. Needless to say, as we come into spring, there's a lot to look forward to. Let's take a moment and see what we can get for 25% off. It could be any of the following: - KitchenAid® Artisan® Series 5 qt. Tilt-Head Stand Mixer - Dyson V8 Cordless Stick Vacuum in Silver/Nickel - A Prison sentence that is fulfilled in a cell with a one-piece sink/toilet constructed of welded, putatively stainless steel bars or a small safety glass window and, often, a metal flap that can be opened to serve meals. Donald Trump was first criminally investigated in the 1970s. Since he launched his presidential campaign in 2015, he has been accused of 56 criminal offenses. His business enterprise has been charged and convicted of criminal tax fraud, and now he himself will face criminal charges, having been taken down by a stripper, and now he'll be stripped and clothed in orange – which some experts say could be hard to distinguish from his skin. This may be the beginning of several criminal charges, considering multiple investigations and at least one grand jury that is reviewing testimony right now, including from his administration's vice president, Mike Pence. The former Porn Star exploitation specialist is expected to turn himself in on Tuesday. This could shift his favor for his presidential bid in 2024 (I would assume). In his now questionable run for president, Trump is up against a candidate who won't aid in his extradition, but still, a candidate who brings the beef. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 13 of 2023` ### Pence Testify Former VP Mike Pence was ordered by a judge to testify before a grand jury. Pence is best known for having a fly on his head and being the only VP in the 21st century whose boss tried to have him hanged. When he testifies, he'll be forced to answer questions under oath about Trump's action on January 6th, like did he say, "I know you are, but what am I" when Trump called Pence a "pu$$y" on the phone? Mike Pence, a religious man clearly lead by his convictions (LOL), is expected to say "the 'P' word" rather than uttering the actual word. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/28/us/politics/pence-testify-jan-6-grand-jury.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Adnan Syed The former prison inmate who was the subject of the Podcast "Serial" had his conviction vacated due to shoddy police work and lack of evidence. Because the victim's brother, Young Lee, couldn't make it in person to a key hearing regarding Syed's release. Because of this, the courts vacated his vacation and reinstated his conviction, ordering a new trial to take place. Legal analysts say family members of the victims are not granted standing in a case, so Syed, the court proceeding is expected to be procedural, and according to experts, the Young family will most likely be sitting. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/serial-murder-case-adnan-syed-conviction-reinstated-rcna77060?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### School(s) Shooting In Nashville, a shooter entered a small Christian school with an assault rifle and then shot and killed three 9-year-old students and three staff members before being shot by police. In response to the tragedy, some people are seeking solutions such as thoughts and prayers or sending edible arrangements. Still, others are considering public policy changes that have been shown to reduce the prevalence of gun violence. It's unclear which solution will be most helpful, so Republicans who control the House have proposed doing nothing. ([more)](https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/28/us/audrey-hale-nashville-school-shooting/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Approved Narcan The FDA has approved Narcan for over-the-counter purchase, a drug used to reverse the effects of a drug overdose. Last year, the US recorded 101,750 deaths from overdoses which primarily includes opioids. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/narcan-approved-over-the-counter-sale-fda?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Ski Daddle Gwyneth Paltrow has won the case brought against her from a ski slope collision. The jury awarded her $1, saying she was not liable for the accident, which was brought against her by a retired optometrist, a guy whose eyesight is not as good as you would have hoped. ([more](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/gwyneth-paltrow-verdict-ski-crash-trial-1235363553/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Walt Desantis `The Gist` Ron Desantis, known by Donald Trump as "Meatball Ron," has had an ongoing feud with Disney for some time now. It's kind of confusing, but I'm going to try to explain it in simple terms. Early in 2022, Ron introduced an education bill that regulates the content of 3rd-grade classes and below. A bill popularly known as the "Don't Say Gay" bill. The goal of the bill was to make sure schools didn't talk about sexual orientation or gender identity and made it possible to sue teachers if parents believe they are doing so, like, for example, if a teacher lets 8-year-olds [watch an episode](https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1994-01-08-ca-9699-story.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) of Barney. Instead, Ron would rather train kids to watch things like Fox News, where executives can [sexually assault](https://www.npr.org/2023/01/26/1151611189/ex-staffer-sues-fox-news-and-former-trump-aide-over-sexual-abuse-claims?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Press-,Ex%2Dstaffer%20sues%20Fox%20News%20and%20former%20Trump%20aide%20over,Shine%2C%20alleging%20he%20enabled%20Ailes.) women and threaten their careers. Disney's CEO, after [some shoe tapping](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/09/business/disney-ceo-florida-lgbtq-bill.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), eventually opposed Ron's bill publicly on behalf of the company. The Gubernatorial Hair King decided he didn't like that, so he decided he would play hard meatball by removing their special tax district. Disney's special district exists because Disney owns and operates on more than 25,000 acres, making their property a county of its own. Their tax status requires them to cover public service costs and gives them control over property development decisions. Taking it away gives Ron front-page news and a reputation for being tough on corporations pushing woke ideology. Both of Ron's bills passed, and later that year, Ron won the election by a landslide, ushering in four more years of meatballs in the Florida Governor's office. While the Legislature was on board with Ron's vendetta, when they found out it actually costs the taxpayers more money otherwise paid by Disney, they backed off. While that was all going on, Disney worked through another plan that gave them what was most important to them – the control over development planning on their property. The special tax district has an oversight board that was controlled by Disney but would be replaced by people handpicked by Desantis devotees. Just before the prior board was disbanded, and the new Desantites inducted, the board did their final act under their purview, which was to establish an agreement with Disney, granting it the power to control its own development decision for the coming decades, rendering Desantis' plan completely ineffective. This is the second time in this saga that Desantis has had egg on his face because his strategy backfired, all because instead of doing what is best for Floridians, he's doing what is best for headlines. Ron leads in the polls behind Trump, and I suspect he'll get a boost soon, but his fools' errand to attack Disney for a mere statement has me saying, "where's the beef?" --- That's it for this week. Thanks for joining me here this week and for sharing far and wide. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Share**: Feed the hungry (inboxes). Be sure to share The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 ****Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### Banking My Crisis For Later URL: https://danielkherndon.com/banking-my-crisis-for-later/ Last updated: 2023-04-21T14:59:26.000Z I'm no therapist, but as an internet user and relatively fast Googler, you can consider me your source for your next mental health crisis if, at any point, you found your mind needs calming. With any luck, the comments section will be filled with mental health requests to keep my Ask The Lorem Ipsum column busy for weeks. I cover a number of specialties with my patients, often being classified as a generalist, but my most skilled/googled areas include "how do I really become good at my job?" my advice? Try giving a shit? Or another common one is, "How do I avoid taking criticism personally?" to which I say, try not giving a shit? Obviously, I should disclose that there are some side effects to my advice. Much like many pharmacological treatments, sometimes what cures one disease can cause the other, but I'm dedicated to helping you where I can while ensuring my job security as a writer/advisor to people asking any and all questions. Listen, mental health is physical health. This has been confirmed when scientists discovered that the mind is part of the body (as it is housed in the brain, an organ most people have, with the exception of a few extremist politicians and some Kardashians due to its hereditary nature). As for me, I think we should all get therapy, not just from snappy writers who pretend to know everything, but from a real, trained therapist. I have spent my fair share of time with a therapist, but ever the efficiency hound, I like to consolidate my crises to address several in one single visit. That's why I'm banking crises, like SVB after a bank run, so that my next therapy session can cover a lot of ground and set me up for the next tour of sweeping things under the rug. But my most recent issue needed to be addressed as a one-off. A banked crisis about banking crises. More specifically, what happens to my money when I hand it to Misters Morgan or Fargo? Is it "safe," And why does every bank look at me like I'm a piece of meat wrapped in wallet leather? Should we rethink the banking industry? The banks say all will be okay. "Trust us," they say. "leave your money here." But I want a second opinion. Since money, like life is fleeting, and both move fast, I can't wait on the banking sector to succeed or fail because I have bottles of bourbon to buy and retirements to save up for. So to ease my tender heart, I reached out to another opinion manufacturer to answer my fiat questions and ease my mid-bank crisis. Regular readers know I value an honest look at issues, not blinded by society's ideologies and cultural pressures. You also know I value people who share views I don't hold, and others who stretch the way I think. So I reached out to fellow writer Joe Mayall, the Proletariat Socialist of Substack Abbey. That's not his real surname/title. He actually goes by JoeWrote, but I wanted to make sure he sounded regal and humble at the same time because sometimes people consider certain words to be dirty words, and Joe has used some of those words. Joe's words are not truly dirty, but they may be a stray from the popular narrative. Regardless, they are well thought out and, like mine, found on the internet, so I'm sharing a portion of our conversation about the banking industry right here and encouraging you to take a look. I started with this question: > Hey Joe, > > The recent crash of Silicon Valley Bank has given me some paranoia about the banking industry. I'm not sure who or what I can trust. Not to be too suspicious, but every time I pass an ATM, I feel like it's looking at me like I'm a piece of meat (I'm not just a wallet in expensive jeans! My eyes are up here!). I'm not sure if we should let the government take over the banking industry all the way yet, but it's probably time for a close look at why we bank the way we do. Something tells me you'd have an opinion on this (and as a subscriber, I feel pretty confident you're that something). > > What do you think the SVB downfall tells us about how we do money today? I'll include Joe's response, and below this post, a chance for you to comment and share yours because your opinion is important to me as well. Joe's post is heavily edited to draw out some highlights. You can read his whole response [here](https://joewrote.substack.com/p/responding-to-a-reader-question-what) on his website, and I suggest you subscribe to get more from Joe. Here's Joe's response: --- This is a great question! **Editors note:* I pride myself in producing good questions so this is one point, early in his post where I completely agree with him. Back to Joe.* Like anything pertaining to the financial industry, the details of the Silicon Valley Bank (SVB) collapse are exhaustive and intricate, so I’m going to start by establishing some key facts: SVB was heavily invested in U.S. Government bonds, the value of which is inversely correlated with interest rates set by the Federal Reserve (“The Fed”). When the Fed raised interest rates, the value of SVB’s bonds fell. The bank announced its losses, which prompted its biggest depositors, a group of Silicon Valley billionaires who all shared a group chat, to get spooked and withdraw their funds. This caused a bank run and the eventual collapse. In 2018, Congress passed the “Economic Growth, Regulatory Relief, and Consumer Protection Act,” which raised the threshold of “banks requiring enhanced oversight and regulation” from $50 billion in assets to $250 billion. At the time of its collapse, SVB had $200 billion in assets. Had this threshold not been raised by the 2018 Congress, SVB would have been under stronger regulations, severely decreasing the chances of its collapse. With these key facts established, here are the 4 top-level takeaways I see from the SVB collapse. ### We Don’t Learn Our Lessons The reason SVB’s failure is such a cataclysmic disaster is thanks to the 2018 deregulation. The 2010 Dodd-Frank Act was passed specifically to avoid situations such as this by regulating high-asset banks, as defined as those with assets over $50 billion. But just a decade after the Great Recession, American politicians stripped away the protections enacted after 2008, opening the door to this catastrophe. We got punched in the mouth in 2008, took steps to make sure it didn’t happen again in 2010, and then decided to forget everything we learned in 2018. And this isn’t the first time we’ve made similar mistakes. The Glass-Steagall Act, passed during the fallout of the Great Depression, raised a wall between commercial from investment banking. The theory here is that if commercial and investment banks are separate, one can fail without taking the other with it. But if they are conjoined, they both go down. Unfortunately, the Glass-Steagall Act was repealed in 1999\. While its repeal wasn’t a direct cause of the 2008 Great Recession, the fact it allowed banks to be bigger undeniably made things worse. Which leads me to my second point… ### Capitalism and “The Market” Are Not Natural. This is a tune I’ve been singing for some time, and it looks like the SVB episode is my encore. After the fall of the Soviet Union, people claimed history had “ended” and the debate between Capitalism and Socialism had been settled. To many, there was no longer any argument against the supremacy of American-style Capitalism. But as this episode shows, it is not. Capitalism is not natural. It is not self-sustaining. It is not inevitable. It is a very specific economic structure, devised, assembled, and protected by certain people. And like all things man-made, it can break. And when it does break (which it will), we find ourselves at a loss and unprepared, like the unsinkable Titanic without enough lifeboats. ### Capitalism is Not Fair. Along with the surety of Capitalist prosperity, pro-Capitalists preach Capitalism like it is a game, open to any-and-all players. And if anyone can play, anyone can win! That means even a lowly, minimum wage worker can be a billionaire one day! Better not support stronger business regulation, or it will hamper your potential to reach the tippy-top of society. If you haven’t learned by now, the SVB collapse shows that this theory is horseshit. The run on SVB was set off by 15 or so billionaires in a group chat. One of them texted the others to pull their money out, and they did. You can bet all you’ve got that this wasn’t the first time this chat was used to manipulate the economic system in their favor. Undoubtedly, it was the home to casual insider trading (“I hear bad things are happening at Meta!”) and the sharing of contact info for powerful politicians and regulators. When money is lost, the rich get a government bailout while everyone else gets lectured on needing to “budget better.” ### Money is Fake. It’s a cliche, but it’s true. The reason the run on SVB led to its collapse is that the bank didn’t have the cash on hand to give to its depositors. When they showed up wanting to withdraw, the bank responded, “We don’t have it.” This happened because Capitalist banks operate on the fractional reserve system. When someone deposits money in their account, the bank lends that money and charges interest. So, if you deposit $100 in your account, the bank will lend $10 to me. Now I have $10, but your account still says “$100.” Viola! $10 was just created out of thin air, which can be used for investments and starting a business. This create-money-out-of-thin-air approach is the backbone of the Capitalist economy. “Money is fake” is often chided as an oversimplification. But it’s the truth. And as it’s true, it raises the question: “Why are people living on the street because they don’t have enough of this artificially created asset?” Once you begin asking that question, you begin to question the entire Capitalist structure. --- *JoeWrote explores and explains Leftist politics. Even if you don't consider yourself a Lefty, you'll appreciate JoeWrote for its simplicity, clarity, and commitment to human-first principles. Find his writing [here](https://joewrote.substack.com/).* ### The Big Easy URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-big-easy/ Last updated: 2023-03-24T10:30:49.000Z **Note*: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox is getting it by signing up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).* --- Hey Friends, I'm spending this week in New Orleans on vacation. For me, vacationing is more or less just finding another place to eat, but between meals, I've still captured the important news that you need to be aware of, but we're going to be brief today. Consider this The Big Easy of Newsletters. A laid-back, low-pressure issue of The Lorem Ipsum Weekly. No sweating unless it's from the humid temperatures or too much paprika. Good morning and welcome back to The Lorem Ipsum; we've got a lot of news this week, and also, gumbo is overrated. I'll get right to it and then start looking for some breakfast. Here's ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 12 of 2023` ### Perp Walk The biggest news this week is that Donald Trump did not get arrested. To date, he is the only current or past president who could make news by NOT being arrested. Evidently, his imminent arrest wasn't imminent enough just yet. As for Trump, he's been looking forward to his perp walk, the classic scene where high-profile criminals are paraded in nice suits before crowds of journalists. He's currently contemplating whether or not he should smile; some crisis communicators [say yes](https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-arrest-smile-handcuffs-perp-walk-strategy-crisis-communicator-2023-3?ref=danielkherndon.com). GOP allies are saying the Manhattan investigation is a political move, wielding the government resources for ill gain, so they've decided to investigate the DA for investigating crimes, a move that is being celebrated for how not political it is. The Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg responded to a Congressional Inquiry requesting documents by saying "no" that their request was "not a good request" and that their reasons were "not good reasons" since the investigation is still ongoing. In related news (and there is a lot of related news), this Wednesday, in the Mar-a-Lago case, Trump's lawyers had been ordered by the courts to hand over records. ([more](https://www.forbes.com/sites/alisondurkee/2023/03/22/trump-reportedly-wants-to-turn-his-arrest-into-a-spectacle-complete-with-handcuffs-and-perp-walk/?sh=657e3b962117&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Yeild my Time TikTok had a 'no bones' day with their CEO being called to testify before congress yesterday amid potential sanctions from the United States government over concerns that TikTok is a national security threat. The highlights are best viewed in 15-second reels, but in summary, Democrats and Republicans grilled Shou Zi Chew in a rare show of unity in their concerns for TikTok's alleged handling of data. According to several reporters in the room, they think the exchange between Shou Zi and the Congressmen got heated, but they missed it because they kept rewatching [this world's largest elephant toothpaste](https://www.tiktok.com/@nickuhas/video/6772288884723158278?embed%5Fsource=121331973%2C120811592%2C120810756%3Bnull%3Bembed%5Fpause%5Fshare&refer=embed&referer%5Furl=yen.com.gh%2Ffacts-lifehacks%2F202219-what-viewed-tiktok-video-a-list-25-watched-videos-far%2F&referer%5Fvideo%5Fid=6772288884723158278&ref=danielkherndon.com) video in shock. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/03/23/technology/tiktok-hearing-congress?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### A Garbage Burger Emmanuel Macron survived a vote of no confidence, which is not the same as actual confidence but is not *not* confidence either. The vote came after Macron pushed through a law to change the national retirement age by 2 years. The [response](https://apnews.com/article/paris-garbage-france-strike-protest-macron-57fe5ff3ce7652cb930608b568213f13?ref=danielkherndon.com) has been nothing but garbage. ([more](https://www.politico.eu/article/emmanuel-macron-survive-no-confidence-vote-france-parliament/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### No Loaded Fries Putin visited Russian-occupied areas of Ukraine in a show of defiance just before receiving a visit in Moscow from Chinese President Xi Jinping. Reportedly, Xi actually was under the impression he and his team were going out for half-priced apps when he thought they said they were "going out for poutine." Putin, on the other hand, thought they were getting military weapons from China. Neither got the snack they wanted, but talks continue about both. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/22/europe/china-xi-russia-putin-talks-five-takeaways-intl-hnk-mic/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### No Soup for You The fed declined to give banks a break on interest rates this week and bumped rates up by a quarter point, the market change that is believed to have complicated maintaining solvency for banks like Southern Valley Bank. Powell said you come back one year. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/22/fed-rate-hike-decision-march-2023.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hotboxing The term hotboxing refers to, among other things, when you drop a toot under the blankets, effectively warming the space above safe levels. That's what a report from the IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change) says is happening for us here on earth. The blanket is our atmosphere, and the tush could be the USA, one of the countries emitting the most harmful gasses. Apparently, that fart will result in a 2.7 degrees increase in average temperatures within the next ten years. ([more](https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/ipcc-un-climate-change-fossil-fuels-rcna75909?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- And that's it for this week's news. Enjoy literally anything this weekend except a hurricane cocktail, which is one of the worst cocktails of all time. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Feed the hungry (inboxes) by sharing The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### The Valley of The Shadow URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-valley-of-the-shadow/ Last updated: 2023-03-17T10:30:31.000Z **Note*: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox is getting it by signing up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).* --- Hey Friends, I'm Daniel, a writer and fake comedian who [doesn't](https://danielkherndon.com/doesnt-have-a-podcast-2/) have a podcast. Besides writing these love notes to you each week, I also create moving brand stories to help businesses reach the masses, but with better brand messaging. To continue to sharpen my skills, I use the Hot Takes section of this newsletter to practice writing headlines. That's right. Instead of going to the gym, I get my exercise by delivering you the news each week. Occasionally, you will notice a theme across the headlines, and this week is no exception. So rather than talking about it, let's just get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 11 of 2023` ### Yea Tho I Walk Thru the Valley of the Silicon Bank Silicon Valley Bank went under last Friday, prompting panic, especially among the venture-funded startups that made up most of the bank's portfolio. Analysts paying close attention to their demise say the downfall occurred after a long team-building lunch, an afternoon of ping pong with the web developers, followed by a very important three-martini business meeting with VCs. Also, this came after years of holding largely uninsured cash and lending to some of the riskiest investments (but the best culture!). Founders, according to conversations in a popular Slack channel, reportedly feared whether they would be able to pay payroll or cover the costs of office massage days, stoking the eventual bank run and the downfall of the bank. After the shock, a tailspin in the market led to turmoil with other banks, including Signature Bank, which had risky bets on cryptocurrency, prompting a run on deposits and forcing them to close their doors on Sunday (my bank is never open on Sunday, by the way). Another crypto-friendly bank, Silvergate bank, faced turmoil due to the collapse of FTX, and announced on Wednesday that it would wind down operations after it faced a bank run this week. George Bailey and Mary Poppins were both contacted for comments about their experiences with bank runs, and also about their experiences with being "fake" similar to cryptocurrency. Yesterday, 11 banks confirmed First Republic Bank would be [rescued](https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/16/investing/first-republic-bank?ref=danielkherndon.com) by $30 billion in deposits from the largest banks to prevent it from collapsing. JPMorgan Chase, Bank of America, Citigroup, and Wells Fargo are all depositing $5 billion each. In addition to these large banks, The Lorem Ipsum is depositing $5 minus credit card fees to contribute to the $30 billion total in hopes of staving off a collapse. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/16/investing/first-republic-bank?utm%5Fsource=business%5Fribbon)) ### War Crimes! What are They Good For? Spoiler: Absolutely nothing. That's why this week, the International Criminal Court is issuing arrest warrants for crimes perpetrated by Russia in Ukraine. One additional notable detail is that the court proceedings may also be good for absolutely nothing other than symbolism since Russia is not a member of the ICC and is not expected to turn over, say, its President, plus many of its soldiers are already [prisoners](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/from-prison-to-the-frontlines-thousands-of-russian-convicts-sent-to-fight-in-ukraine?ref=danielkherndon.com). ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/law/2023/mar/13/icc-to-issue-first-arrest-warrants-linked-to-russias-invasion-of-ukraine?ref=danielkherndon.com)) In related news, the UN gave Russia the side-eye [yesterday](https://apnews.com/article/ukraine-russia-war-crimes-un-human-rights-c52676801b588a95a8410bc71b62d568?ref=danielkherndon.com), except with a report rather than an actual facial expression. ### Alaska, and you Shall Receive The Willow oil drilling project in Alaska has been on the table for quite some time, and ConocoPhillips has asked the Federal Government "*Willow* you authorize our drilling project?" The oil giant has legitimate, long-standing land leases, but some people who like the earth say the drilling is a "carbon bomb" that will fuel climate change in addition to gasoline-fueled cars. Liberals are upset Biden broke a key campaign promise, and Republicans are upset they aren't getting the credit. Some analysts say if we're going to be using oil anyway, we may as well source it from the US rather than Russia, while others are still too busy laughing about the headline of this Hot Take. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/mar/13/alaska-willow-project-approved-oil-gas-biden?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Nothing, Nowhere, at No Particular Time The most controversial thing that happened at this year's Oscars was that nothing controversial happened. Janet Yang, President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, did not issue an apology, and according to people familiar with the matter, no one was canceled or slapped on live television. In addition to reports of what didn't happen, we also learned that Entertainment company [A24](https://a24films.com/films?ref=danielkherndon.com) swept the evening with numerous Oscars including best picture for 'Everything Everywhere All At Once.' Brendan Frasier received best actor for his role in The Whale, which we understand was his biggest role yet. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/12/oscars-highlights-complete-list-of-winners.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Yippie Kai \[Open\] A.I. Yay, My Friend OpenAI has launched a new chatbot that is a leap ahead of the prior release that took the world by storm through its ChatGPT app and less so through Bing, since people don't really like using Bing. The creators consider the new phase of AI a pivotal moment for technology but say it plans to be "slow and intentional" with its wider public rollout, as OpenAI still expects people to get dumber. (Here's [more](https://techcrunch.com/2023/03/15/interview-with-openais-greg-brockman-gpt-4-isnt-perfect-but-neither-are-you/?ref=danielkherndon.com), but also, [here's this](https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/duvfj/yippeekiyay%5Fmy%5Ffriend%5Fand%5Fother%5Fgreat%5Fmoments%5Fin/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - President Emanuel Macron of France has introduced a bill to raise the retirement age from 62 to 64 when citizens receive their state-funded pensions. Enormous riots have broken out in protest, to which Macron pulled a rare legislative move of threatening to make it 65 if they don't straighten up. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/03/16/world/france-pension-vote?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - Poland is now giving fighter jets to Ukraine. President Andrzej Duda said the planes are from the 90s, and they're basically done for, so they'll just give them to Ukraine. "Besides, we just got new ones," he said (paraphrased). ([more](https://www.cnn.com/europe/live-news/russia-ukraine-war-news-03-16-23/h%5F21c44eb6ebcd7b3e6cdf34032bdaf26a?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - And Biden told TikTok to [Step Off](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/15/technology/tiktok-biden-pushes-sale.html?campaign%5Fid=57&emc=edit%5Fne%5F20230316&instance%5Fid=87890&nl=evening-briefing®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=127962&te=1&user%5Fid=487c082712c00ac169858336dff574e0&ref=danielkherndon.com). --- That's it for the news. Now here's a very brief episode of ***The Gist***. ## Take The Cake `The Gist` I released an article earlier this week about Fox News, cake flavor selection, and, more specifically, selection bias. In addition to addressing the Fox scandal, this article asks which cake flavor is best and why it is carrot cake. Make sure to give it a read. [The Cake You Didn’t EatCable news is the three-layer cake of a healthy diet. So what does this say about its viewers? More importantly, which cake flavor is best, and why is it Carrot Cake?![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/Cake.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-cake-you-didnt-eat/) --- That's it for this week. Remember to share far and wide. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Feed the hungry (inboxes) by sharing The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### The Cake You Didn't Eat URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-cake-you-didnt-eat/ Last updated: 2026-07-30T21:23:49.000Z *Editors note: My apologies, but I have 960 words of this article behind a paywall. If you want to read the whole thing,* [*here's*](https://danielkherndon.com/nudge) *a 7-day free trial. You can decide afterward if you want to stick around for the next one.* --- If there's one thing I know about nutrition, it's that cable news is the three-layer cake of a healthy diet. Although I've been caught with a slice more than a couple of times, hearing me talk, you'd think my fork never passed the first layer. In fact, I once told a woman I don't eat cake because it goes straight to my thighs. The truth is, I keep my diet in check, erring on the side of caution, so long as caution is savory and high in fat. Cake, however, remains a sample-size dose for me. Before the frosting is dry, I'd like to discuss the Fox News scandal(s). This is not to criticize their top brass for being objectively hypocritical, but instead, I want to criticize everyone else. Before I get there, allow me to digress for just a moment. We all want to live the good life. In its pursuit, many of us try something on for size that we later learn doesn't fit. As much as it would be nice to have our cake and eat it too, have too much of a good thing, and sooner or later, nothing fits. Having spent my fair share of life piercing some things and tattooing others, I'm no foreigner to the life of wearing things that don't fit anymore. Occasionally one is covered up with facial hair, but unless your torso follicles produce a natural man sweater, others are there for everyone to see if the weather is nice. Whether it's a tight T-shirt or a bad take, we all look back on something and blush a little. But one man's polyester suit is another man's luxurious gaberdine. Getting through life means getting over some things and getting away with others, so let's not let life get away from us. Sometimes you need to own up to the tattoos of the past or endure the painful removal process, which, whether you like it or not, will take a few freckles with it. Imagine for a moment that the tattoo we'd like to remove is a tattoo on the mid-thigh of an entire nation. Back in early 2020, we all were wondering why our friends were sharing some blog from Medium about how viruses spread. We were pissed that they canceled our drinks when it took a herculean effort to find a mutually fitting date, to begin with, while everyone around us seemed perfectly fine. Plus, our mouth was already watering for a particular gin drink on the menu of the cocktail lounge we'd been looking for an excuse to go to for some time now. This is obviously a metaphor for our entire nation, and to be clear, we understood when we saw what happened next. Two weeks later, we were closing everything down. We would never have made it to drinks anyway. Look around us and half the people are wearing masks, and other people were explaining why they didn't work but condemning Anthony Fauci for agreeing with them. And then again for changing his mind. Just another two weeks, and now we're calling people racist conspiracy theorists for suggesting that a virus escaped from a Chinese virology lab that studies the same family of viruses and happens to be near the outbreak's genesis. Next, we discovered something called disinformation; although we don't know what it is, but we'll know it when we see it. Before you know it, we're all trying to find new websites to hang out on that will favor the narrative we want to hear while millions of people die. Now three years later, the lab leak is the leading theory, and our old look hasn't aged well. For the most part, all of us were wrong about everything, and whether we lost a loved one or made it through unscathed, most of us are pointing out what our opponents got wrong while overlooking our own bad takes. But our skin has been marked, and this will require a tattoo cover-up because this tattoo is going to be too much to remove. Don't feel bad. There's a confirmation bias shaped hole in all of us. We always default to the flavor we favor and avoid the one we don't like. For me, it's carrot cake if I eat cake at all (even if pig meat gets first dibs at my digestive system). I'll dabble in tiramisu. Count me in on tres leches. Chocolate, on the other hand, is just not my thing. That's the cake I don't eat. It's fine for you, but I already know Carrot Cake (capitalization mine) is a better cake, so no need to try the latest double chocolate. In my case, when I say, "I won't like your chocolate cake," it's my confectionery equivalent to calling someone racist for their provocative theories about pandemics. The moment I take a bite and then finish the whole piece is the moment I tell you it's not that I don't like chocolate cake. I just have high cake standards, and chocolate cake rarely meets them. Admittedly, before you trust my "cakecaphony" of cake assertions, you should trust the cake experts themselves. I'm certainly not one of them. Cake doesn't have a click-through rate, and it doesn't have a style guide. When you use a recipe for baking a cake, it's not usually called plagiarism. Cakes are neither poetry nor prose, but only pastry or loaf. And I'm not an enthusiast either. Cake can't be prepared medium rare, and it's usually not 53.5% alcohol by volume. So when I tell you chocolate cake is a no-go, it's because I don't like it. Not because I know what I'm talking about. And I realize that means I'm missing out on a complete data set. When I say that on a sample size of three kinds of cake, Carrot Cake is the best, it's 100% accurate, based on the data set I allowed into my scientific study. Regarding the cause of the Covid 19 pandemic, the right selectively considered what they wanted and didn't try what they didn't like. The left selectively wrote it off and called it racist, despite the shared self-interest in getting to the bottom of it rather than trying to be on top of the narrative. There's no settled answer on what started the pandemic yet, and there may never be, but we all are looking back and seeing the error of our biases – or ignoring them. Looking back on the past three years, I see a lot of cake we didn't eat. And a lot of tattoos people want to cover up. For one, Speaker Kevin McCarthy may as well have neck tattoos, but tattoos used to be interview killers. In Kevin's case, they got him the job. We'll see if he can keep it, but like any tattoo, eventually, people just get used to them. This brings me to what this article is really about. Our appetite for information. When your appetite for news and commentary have you eating only your personal carrot cake and ignoring your version of chocolate cake, we're stuck in the dangerous isolation of selection bias. Kevin McCarthy selectively shared the exclusive footage of the January 6th riots with one network. 41,000 hours in an effort to be "transparent" by sharing it ONLY with Fox News. Fox News selectively shared what they wanted to share, combing through the thousands of hours to share the absolutely absurdly boring moments of the January 6th riots to create the narrative that the tone of the event was more like adult skate night than a riot intended to overturn an election followed by hundreds of Republican colleagues voting to turn over the same election before their cortisol levels had even gone back down. Fox viewers selectively watched what they wanted to see and repeated its narratives. Some went to church and prayed for Trump to be put back in his rightful office (read "prayed *to* Trump"). Some anticipated the Supreme Court would hear a [random case](https://apnews.com/article/fact-check-supreme-court-trump-biden-election-850929590422?ref=danielkherndon.com) that would result in Biden and hundreds of other elected officials being removed from office. (spoiler, the case was tossed). This didn't age well, and it turns out the network knew better but liked the ratings more. Don't judge a book by its cover, but whatever you do, please do judge a book. Fox News has proven time and time again that they are skilled at providing bad information or [firing the people](https://www.npr.org/2022/06/14/1104598344/fox-news-chris-stirewalt-testifies?ref=danielkherndon.com) who provide good information. While Trump was doing everything from breaking the law to shitting in his Depends to stay in office, Fox propped up his stolen election narrative. The viewers believed it because that was the data set they allowed into their appetite. Cable news, like cake, is bad for you, but it appeals to our cravings, so we consume it anyway. But there are some cakes you just shouldn't eat. And if you've made it to the end of this article, you've only listened to the guy criticizing Fox News. You should try another flavor of cake from time to time. ### Missed Feeds URL: https://danielkherndon.com/missed-feeds/ Last updated: 2023-03-10T12:01:32.000Z ***Note*** *: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox gets it by signing up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)*.* --- Hey Friends, I have no idea what any of you ate this week. Seriously. Did it look delicious? Was it fancy? Was it in focus? Did I like it?!! I truly don't know. Because this week, I've paid literally no attention to social media newsfeeds. That means if you went on vacation, hung out with a BFF, or were humbled and honored to accept a position at any company, I totally missed it. My social media use has literally plummeted. Because it has become increasingly apparent that the interests of the decision engines – the algorithms that control newsfeeds – are not aligned with mine. Or yours. That means you might have missed a couple of important articles from me. I want to highlight two that are part of developing news stories. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- #### Other Newsletters ***Editor's note:*** *I partner with other writers who do great work that I think you'll like. If you enjoy The Lorem Ipsum, sign up for Matt Labash. If you don't, maybe Matt will be a better choice. I've been reading him since he launched his Newsletter (after he exited the magazine space, a printed thing I can explain to you kids later), and I enjoy every morsel.* David Brooks of *The New York Times says, “Consistently one of the best magazine writers in the country," but I say, "overuse of commas, but it's still a good read in bed."* 📭 **Slack Tide by Matt Labash** | Taking life as it comes, not necessarily in that order. Sign up: [mattlabash.substack.com](https://mattlabash.substack.com/?utm%5Fsource=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum%20by%20Daniel%20Herndon&utm%5Fmedium=Newsletter&utm%5Fcampaign=Other%20newsletters) --- ## Hot Takes `Week 10 of 2023` ## BREAKING: Charges Expected Prosecutors signaled that criminal charges against Donald Trump are likely in the case of hush money he paid to a porn star. Trump calls the case a "witch hunt," but we respond with "which hunt?" because there are so many to keep track of. The Lorem Ipsum will have our eyes on it and keep you posted. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/09/nyregion/trump-potential-criminal-charges-bragg.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Raising Taxes Biden introduced his third budget since taking office to Congress this week, where he proposed an increase in taxes with the aim of decreasing the deficit and funding a variety of social programs aimed at the middle class and the poor, such as provisions for childcare and expansion of the Affordable Care Act. Not surprisingly, Republicans won't like the proposal. Senator Chuck Grassley said, "President Biden doesn’t seem to give a rip about keeping his promises or securing the fiscal health of our nation." Concerning the Republican position on the plan, analysts expect right-wing Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green to be dressed like Cruella Deville when she criticizes the budget like she was during the State of The Union this year; however, her wardrobe plans could not be independently verified. The Biden Administration posted a summary of the bill with the headline "The President’s Budget Cuts the Deficit by Nearly $3 Trillion Over 10 Years." To promote the plan, the President visited Philadelphia, where he was able to take pictures with several blue-collar workers with exceptionally clean hard hats and safety vests. More events are expected; however, with a divided congress, the most anticipated event for the budget plan is its funeral. ([more](https://www.whitehouse.gov/omb/briefing-room/2023/03/09/fact-sheet-strongthe-presidents-budget-cuts-the-deficit-by-nearly-3-trillion-over-10-years-strong/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Raising Interest According to the Fed, their job to address inflation is not yet over. While inflation has calmed, it remains a problem that won't go away easily, with experts comparing it to Representative George Santos, only with less makeup. Fed Chair Jerome Powell on Tuesday said that interest rates might head higher than central bank policymakers had expected. He also said that increasing the pace of rate hikes is not off the table; however, purchasing the actual table will end up being much more expensive than it would have been just a few years ago. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/07/fed-chair-powell-says-interest-rates-are-likely-to-be-higher-than-previously-anticipated.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Raising Hell Five women who say they were denied abortions despite life-threatening complications have sued the State of Texas on Monday. So instead of raising children (a legal requirement for women in some states), these women are raising hell with lawsuits backed by an abortion rights group. One plaintiff told the story of a doctor telling her, after identifying a grave complication with a wanted pregnancy, "I can't help you anymore. You need to leave the state." When reached for a quote, Texas Legislators reportedly said, "Blessed be the fruit." ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/texas-abortion-bans-lawsuit-center-for-reproductive-rights-today-2023-03-07/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Raising Stink Donald Trump is aiming to raise his political career back from the dead as the featured presenter of the poorly attended Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC). Historically, the event has been the launching pad for Republican forerunners in the Presidential election cycle, but this time lacked prominent figures in politics and the media. According to unconfirmed plans, the next CPAC event is expected to be held in a small closet in Trump's Mar A Lago resort, which previously served as storage for classified documents but now is expected to have "more than enough room" for the expected turnout. Trump's appearance and/or incarceration schedule is still not finalized. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/03/07/trump-cpac-desantis-reagan-library-gop-split/11411753002/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Skating Rink Tucker Carlson is doing his best to present the January 6th Insurrection as little more than adult skate night at the skating rink (metaphor mine). This is based on select clips of 41,000 hours of footage. To put that in context, that's roughly one hour less than it takes me to prepare one email from The Lorem Ipsum. The Capitol Police [criticized](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/capitol-police-chief-slams-carlsons-comments-jan-6/story?id=97686463&ref=tangle) the release of the clips, saying his report was "filled with offensive and misleading conclusions." In a clip from Tucker Carlson's show that was ~~tweeted~~ "truthed" by @realDonaldTrump on Truth Social, Tucker explains that the insurrection narrative is a fabrication and that congressional leaders want to control us and the media. ([more](https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/109985308680101624?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/missed-feeds/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## On The Other Side `The Gist` This week Norfolk Southern testified before the Senate on their Ohio train derailment. Since the incident, which caused a massive environmental cleanup, Norfolk Southern announced it would be [adding additional heat sensors](https://www.wsj.com/articles/norfolk-southern-to-add-200-temperature-sensors-after-ohio-derailment-bfb67404?ref=danielkherndon.com) designed to detect the kinds of issues that caused the incident that stained Ohio like a brand-new white shirt. The act of implementing safety measures in response to the event highlights the point of an article I wrote called Robot Corporations. > For a corporation, its purpose is never to destroy people. To respond to its inputs and produce its outputs. Its purpose is to operate at peak efficiency. To do better. And the free market, at its best, will do just that. Like a robot, it doesn't have feelings. Like a locomotive, there is little you can do to stop it. Some day, it will derail. It's already in the budget. The full article is behind a paywall, so for those of you who remain on the fence about becoming A Founder, here's a [7 day free trial](https://danielkherndon.com/nudge) to The Lorem Ipsum. Use it to read the article and decide if you think it's worth sticking around. I'll be posting more articles like this behind a paywall to feed my drug habit (easy fella... writing is my drug). The Weekly (this email) will continue to be free. [Robot CorporationsWhy the Norfolk Southern train crash was not just an accident. It was the most likely outcome.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/86-Robot-Corporations-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/robot-corporations/) ### Hollow Bones I once heard about someone who had avian bone syndrome, where the inflicted has "hollow bones" which break easily. I'm not sure if it's a real disease, but avian flu is, and so is this next article. Last week, it was announced that the US is considering a [mass vaccination](https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/3887075-white-house-weighs-mass-poultry-vaccination-amid-bird-flu-outbreak/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of chickens after a record outbreak of avian flu has pushed egg prices from over easy to overpriced. Read about the situation in the article for the bargain price of zero dollars. [Why Egg Prices are BananasEggs have become the new way to build wealth in America. Here’s why and what probably won’t happen next (but could).![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/02/61-Eggs.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/why-egg-prices-are-bananas/) As these stories develop, expect to see me diving into what matters. --- That's it for this week. Thanks to everyone that donated and participated in the [NO MORE Week 5k](https://danielkherndon.com/more-no-more/). I did every kilometer expected of me, and if you've ever wondered what my voice sounds like, I also recorded the voiceover for [this video](https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cpc7O49Lwh8/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/NO-MORE.jpg) From one reader: > "The cause of NO MORE resonates with me. I am the victim of abuse that crippled my life. I was fortunate to choose a path of recovery 34 years ago and have been able to find peace, understand and heal from the trauma that wasn't my fault." Thanks for reading and supporting my work. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Feed the hungry (inboxes) by sharing The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### The Latest Noose URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-latest-noose/ Last updated: 2023-03-04T14:01:32.000Z ***Note*** *: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox gets it by signing up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)*.* --- Hey Friends, Good morning to pretty much everyone except Bing. I recently joined the waiting list for the new Bing, powered by ChatGPT. When I was invited in, I asked several important questions. For one, I was asking about how to produce a better newsletter. And to be honest, it didn't really seem like it knew much about what makes a newsletter good. First, all of its answers were in bold, which I thought was rude, and just as I was getting to know it, it said we needed to change the subject. It's hard to have an intelligent conversation with an artificial one. More on that in a minute... First, let's just get to ***The News.*** --- #### Other Newsletters ***Editor's note:*** *I partner with other writers who do great work I think you may like.* *I'm always a student of the craft of making better decisions, and many of those decisions come down to money. Junto is where you need to go if you want 'making better money decisions' to be easier to understand and put into action. This isn't investment advice, it's reading advice.* 📭 **Join JUNTO** | Get the 5-minute newsletter teaching 1,500+ professionals to build wealth. No stock picks or speculation. Just simple, timeless tips that work. [**Join for free.**](https://www.junto.finance/?utm%5Fsource=lorem%5Fipsum&utm%5Fmedium=cross%5Fpromo) --- ## Hot Takes `Week 09 of 2023` ### Fox Noose Rupert Murdoch, Chairman of the entertainment network Fox News, admitted that he endorsed election fraud narratives that they knew to be false. He acknowledged that he knew about it and could have stopped it but did not. Because of stories they pushed, Fox is facing a defamation suit from Dominion Voting Systems for up to $1.6 billion. Just to put that in context, that's bigger than the total annual earnings of The Lorem Ipsum and, combined with my net worth, would equal a total of $1.6 billion. The findings don't guarantee the outcome of the suit, but they amount to Fox hanging itself. Last week, communications between top show personalities revealed they knew their sources were unreliable (With Laura Ingrahm saying privately, “Sidney is a complete nut. No one will work with her. Ditto with Rudy."), but leaned into the conspiracies anyway, trading the truth for better ratings. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/27/business/media/fox-news-dominion-rupert-murdoch.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Lab Leaks Since 2o20, the theory that the Covid19 pandemic was caused by a lab leak in Wuhan, China, has been derided as a conspiracy theory or a racist thing to say. Well, over the last couple of weeks, the story has become mainstream, with the FBI and The Dept. of Energy saying "most likely" that's what happened. While the theory is not yet confirmed, it now takes its place as the prevailing theory. It's unclear if the theory that Bill Gates was planning to use vaccines to implant microchips in people will rise to prominence as well, but we've reached out to Marjorie Taylor Green for comment. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2023/03/01/fbi-wray-covid-origins-wuhan-china-lab-ac360-culver-vpx.cnn?ref=danielkherndon.com)) As an aside, this episode of "[Making Sense](https://www.samharris.org/podcasts/making-sense-episodes/311-did-sars-co-v-2-escape-from-a-lab?ref=danielkherndon.com)" from Sam Harris explains why the lab leak theory is probable. ### Yellen and Blinken Initially, we thought Biden was experiencing vertigo when they said he "dispatched Yellen and Blinken" but quickly enough, we realized it only referred to key Cabinet members he sent into the field. Biden's fine. Like everyone else on earth, Janet Yellen and A.Blinken want Russia to end its war of aggression against Ukraine. Janet made a surprise visit to Kyiv to express US commitment to support Ukraine's economy earlier this week, and on Thursday at the G20 Summit of nations, Anthony Blinken confronted the Russian foreign minister, Sergey Lavrov, in a meeting on the sidelines. At the event, in a speech, Blinken accused Russia of war crimes in Ukraine. Russia, at the same event, blamed Western countries of "blackmail and threats." ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/03/02/world/russia-ukraine-g20-news?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Student Debt The Supreme Court heard oral arguments regarding President Biden's loan forgiveness plan, which could value at $500 billion. Some comments from conservative Justice John Roberts seemed to suggest that congress should act on a decision this large. However, Justice Sotomayer seemed to say it already has. Critics say people should pay for their own college instead of taking away tax breaks from the rich. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/student-loan-supreme-court-financial-pain-anxiety/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Eli Lilly The pharmaceutical company that makes insulin announced it would be drastically reducing prices and capping patient out-of-pocket costs to $35 per month. This comes after Biden called for such price reductions for life-saving drugs in his State Of The Union address. When the company that makes 'Mike and Ike' candy was asked if they would follow Eli Lilly's lead by lowering their prices to make their product more accessible, they declined to comment. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/01/business/insulin-price-cap-eli-lilly.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - The House Ethics Committee has opened [an investigation](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/02/nyregion/george-santos-ethics-investigation.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) into George Santos. - The justice department said a police [lawsuit](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-jan-6-sue-police-latest-b2293092.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) against Donald Trump should proceed despite Trump's claim of immunity. [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/the-latest-noose/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now for a reader question. **Editor's note:* ChatGPT just launched a paid version of their product, which means it's a perfect time to ask The Lorem Ipsum. It's free, and the answers are just as accurate. Drop me a question in a reply anytime.* ## AI Grocery Baggers `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` **Hey Daniel,** **What does the rise of AI chatbots say about us, and what do you think it will do to our economy?** **With love, Sydney.** --- Hey Sydney, this is a tough question to answer. Not because the answer is hard to come by but because my fingers are cramping from too much typing. I'm no bot, so these words won't type themselves! Since the rise of AI, we've all taken a moment to consider whether our job will exist in a few years. Even Google asked if its job as a search engine would exist, and to do its best to stay relevant, it announced Bard, an answer to ChatGPT, which according to ChatGPT, will be out soon. There's a clear shift in the mood of the workforce. The imbalance in the United States economy is seen most acutely in that one of the most painstaking jobs in America is largely filled by the least experienced workers, who will inevitably smash your bread with a honeydew when they bag your groceries. When ChatGPT can make sure my eggs are always on top, I don't even need a free trial. Just sign me up. But the information industry is where the real questions live. Will I cease to exist in a year or two? Will *The Lorem Ipsum* be out ipsumed by a *The Lorem Ipsum* generator more efficient than my meat hooks? Will it also require less bourbon? When I punch these keys, do I not bleed? The answer is almost certainly yes, with the exception of the bleeding part. Which means I'll have to grow. Specifically, into something more similar to a person – a creature who creates original ideas, who has feelings (optional), and who doesn't malfunction when bourbon is accidentally poured on him as the bot might. A creature who waits until he's in bed to overheat and doesn't need to be rebooted during an important project. Unless it's just been a really long day. AI says a lot about us if you ask it, but most importantly, it reminds us that we'll all have to evolve, just like we always have. So bring it on. --- That's it for this week. Thanks for reading and supporting my work. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: Feed the hungry (inboxes) by sharing The Lorem Ipsum everywhere, including [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: Want to support my work? [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for less than the cost of a parking ticket, or [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) to say thank you. ### Robot Corporations URL: https://danielkherndon.com/robot-corporations/ Last updated: 2025-08-21T12:01:32.000Z Ever since people were invented, we've been questioning their purpose. Like, why are they here, and why do they have a relentless hunger for sex and food? And why do they dominate the animals, but only sometimes? For example, Sharks. They'll make us their dinner in a heartbeat. And dogs – they'll make us make their dinner. Sometimes it's hard to know who's in charge. Still, when it comes to language and weapons, humans are by far the dominant species. Even a primitive invention such as the javelin has led to the invention of both steakhouses and nuclear weapons. Two of the most powerful forms of dominance. The ability to destroy a city and eat a ribeye cooked your way on demand. I dare the dog to even try to do that. Full disclosure, the writer of this article is a person who wonders about its purpose just as much as the next one. I say that because it's not a given. It's hard to say how much time I have before I'm replaced by Bing's new search engine. With AI creeping into every space we writers used to haunt exclusively, you never really know who or what you're reading. Or whether it's reading you back. Ever since AI started stealing our jobs, we've been questioning all the more. Where did I come from? Why am I here? Why am I prone to failure? Did you check to see if I was plugged in, or maybe try restarting? Some say a human is no more than a series of chemical reactions, interacting within itself and with its surroundings—consistently presenting predictable patterns, such as how poverty and power both end up yielding corruption. We say we have free will, and yet these patterns consistently present themselves. Whether you have it all or have nothing, it will inevitably bring out the worst in you. We've been talking a lot about artificial intelligence over the last few weeks, and it feels like technology is at an inflection point. The lines of human distinction are being blurred by a computer that is almost like one (but without tan lines). But artificial intelligence is not a new creation. Artificial intelligence has been a part of our daily life for a long time. We like to call them corporations. Corporations, at a large scale, are more similar to an operating system than a person. They make decisions, and they're always hungry, but everything fits into the confines of a system. Like a robot, it simply does what it is programmed to do. Like a locomotive, there is no way to stop it. Let's take a look at [Norfolk Southern](http://www.nscorp.com/content/nscorp/en.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). It has something like 20,156 employees and earned $12.74 billion in revenue in 2o22\. Its purpose is transportation, which they do by managing trains and tracks, managing supply chains, and ultimately making a profit by increasing revenue and minimizing expenses. I'd like to explain why the train, which [derailed](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/28/us/ohio-train-derailment-east-palestine.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in Palestine, Ohio, spilling tons of hazardous waste, was not just a catastrophe, but it was in the budget. It was part of the operating system. It's a matter of debate whether a corporation is a person or an inanimate entity; to determine that, we would need to define "person.” Let’s start by looking at the US Federal Statutes: > In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, unless the context indicates otherwise—the words "person" and "whoever" include corporations, companies, associations, firms, partnerships, societies, and joint stock companies, as well as individuals; In other words, we're all people, whether we're a business or not. But we are not businesses, and businesses are not us unless the context indicates otherwise. Here's how Wikipedia explains it. > This federal statute has many consequences. For example, a corporation is allowed to own property and enter contracts. It can also sue and be sued and held liable under both civil and criminal law. As well, because the corporation is legally considered the "person", individual shareholders are not legally responsible for the corporation's debts and damages beyond their investment in the corporation. Similarly, individual employees, managers, and directors are liable for their own malfeasance or lawbreaking while acting on behalf of the corporation, but are not generally liable for the corporation's actions. What this means, if I understand it correctly, is that artificial intelligence can be held liable for its malfeasance, but the programmer who created it or owns it may not be liable beyond their investment in it. Of course, take this with a grain of salt because Wikipedia is just a person, and nobody's perfect. We tend to assign moral intent to corporations, identifying them as predatory or greedy. But this idea suggests a sentient state that does not really exist. Whether they are a person or not, corporations are, in essence, artificial intelligence programmed to work within a specific operating system. To break it down into simple terms, a corporation is run by something similar to a spreadsheet. Each row has a function. Each column is a list of options. Single fields have 'if-then' equations, and the system performs accordingly. Put simply, an Electrical Apprentice Signal Trainee in Hammond, IN, only does what an Electrical Apprentice Signal Trainee in Hammond, IN, does, and that happens in the context of the Electrical Apprentice Signal Trainee's department, perhaps narrowed down to a region or a unit. Their job is to do something related to electric signals and to get it done on time. To me, it sounds like a fairly simple job. I imagine it like pushing a button at certain intervals. Maybe pulling a couple of levers. Then, twisting some wires and probably drinking some coffee. When you have 20,156 of these people with different titles, including *Senior* Electrical Apprentice Signal Trainee, the corporation creates systems to manage the countless functions that take place to accomplish its goals. In other words, it has an operating system and follows the program. It does no more and no less. It's possible it could have a line of code with a bug (also known as a bad employee or some system that doesn't work). Outside factors could increase or decrease its performance or create roadblocks, but the program addresses this by navigating them with the core purpose of increasing revenues and minimizing expenses. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/86-profit-loss-graph.jpg) This is especially the case as the organization grows. When there are multiple investors and thousands of employees, each department is acting within its framework of control over limited functions, following the imperatives set before them. Decisions are made in the context of each department's narrow dominion. Accounting departments manage the books. Logistics departments source and ship things. The sales department drives new business. Marketing drives the brand. Electrical Apprentice Signal Trainees push buttons and twist wires. The larger this organization gets, the more each one of those departments divides into focused subgroups over functions within functions. Sometimes, with no direct awareness of the day-to-day of any other department. When you break it down, each department's responsibility is to "do better" with a limited set of levers to pull. ## Doing Better In the late 1700s, Scottish Enlightenment thinker Adam Smith introduced a metaphor of an [invisible hand](https://www.investopedia.com/terms/i/invisiblehand.asp?ref=danielkherndon.com). The idea says that a free market yields the best benefit for the whole society because when people act in their own self-interest, they produce an unintentional and widespread benefit. The butcher and the baker will have to provide quality meat at an affordable price to keep people coming back and buying their goods. The customer will need to contribute labor to the market to afford the meat. Competition will keep their prices under control. They are guided by an invisible hand rather than the visible one of a regulated market. It sounds wonderful. Especially if there's a butter churner next door to the butcher. But Adam was forgetting that butchers are carnivores. Inevitably, Adam's friend, Mr. The Butcher, is going to source his meat from the most economically efficient production options, which probably involves cows that are fed steroids and corn, and don't get a lot of exercise, so long as the consumer is none the wiser. Eventually, he's going to buy the baker's business and do the same thing. Decrease expenses. Sell more Steak. And now bread. When the corporation considers labor and operations costs, everything is subject to a measure of impact. In the same way that the butcher accepts a certain amount of loss to ensure it can capture all possible revenue, the train operation will do the same. In the context of that corporation, the accounting manager, the business developer, and the Electrical Apprentice Signal Trainees will too. When you have 20,156 people involved in the process, each person becomes part of an algorithm with an "if-then" statement guiding its assignments. If-then statements are a concept of computer programming. If \[input\] happens, then conduct \[output\] in response. Each department is a measure of output with goals, discrete missions, and on-off switches. Their decisions are influenced by a series of micro and macro incentives and cost-benefit analyses. At scale, departmental decisions become part of tiny automations inside an enormous robot, responding to inputs and producing outputs. Is it more costly to replace bearings more often? Or should we just pay the cost of occasional losses and fines? When the cost of cleaning up a chemical spill is in the millions and stock purchases to benefit the corporation are in the billions, the cost-benefit analysis presents itself quite clearly on the spreadsheet. The decision is obvious. It's cheaper to focus on revenue and accept some loss. Pay the fines. It's cheaper. We should expect nothing less than for a corporation to act as it is programmed to act. For a corporation, its purpose is never to destroy people. Its purpose is to deliver a return for its investors. To respond to its inputs and produce its outputs. In each department, the purpose is to operate at peak efficiency. To do better. And the free market, at its best, will do just that. Like a robot, it doesn't have feelings. Like a locomotive, there is little you can do to stop it. Some day, it will derail. It's already in the budget. A train derailing, a chemical spill, the cost of cleanup, and the cost of the fines. It's not a long shot. It is the most likely outcome. And that's a feature of a free market. ### The Pull Out Method URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-pull-out-method/ Last updated: 2023-03-03T16:11:20.000Z ***Note*** *: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox gets it by signing up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)*.* --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except those brandishing their nuclear powers. This past week, Russian President Vladimir Putin pulled out of the New START Nuclear Arms Treaty in a 45-minute address roughly translated as saying "I'm good" to the rest of the world. The rudest way of turning something down. A year ago, Putin invaded Ukraine. I covered the story before it happened and immediately after – but with jokes. In response to criticism, I wrote an article about why I use humor to talk about tough topics. I'm going to revisit that topic with some additional thoughts today. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- **Quick note:** Growing a newsletter depends on two things. 1\. You sharing it with people all over the world and signing up for a paid subscription plus tolerating my run-on sentences. 2\. And connections. As I build connections with other writers, I'll be recommending the good ones to support their work. There will be a brief mention in The Weekly highlighting other newsletters, with a link to check them out. ## Hot Takes `Week 08 of 2023` ### Biden in Kyiv This week, Joe Biden visited an active warzone in Kyiv, Ukraine, followed by a brief trip to connect with other NATO allies. Biden said the U.S. and allies would “have Ukraine’s back.” Evidently, the trip took more than a year to plan, which makes sense because it's widely understood that people move slower at his age, but in all seriousness, the trip was shrouded in secrecy, understandably, because of the sensitive nature of bringing the President into a foreign warzone, which is unprecedented. The trip sends a strong message about US support for Ukraine and for its allies in general. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/02/20/joe-biden-secret-kyviv-trip-00083618?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Meanwhile, Vladimir Putin conducted some diplomatic activities of his own, meeting with various foreign partners, including hosting the top Chinese diplomat, Wong Gai, in Moscow. To be clear, his name was not Wong Gai but actually Wang Yi, but the foreign minister was referred to as the *"wrong guy"* (in an accent) when Putin asked for the country's full support. A follow-up conversation is expected to happen when Putin meets with President Xi Jinping during his planned visit to Russia. According to Biden, Putin suspending the nuclear treaty is a "big mistake" and "not responsible," but we know the pull out method never really works anyway. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/20/china/ukraine-china-russia-biden-wang-yi-analysis-intl-hnk/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Jared and Ivanka The power couple has finally gotten a reality show, which, unfortunately, isn't renovating a house in a matter of days (unless it's to hide evidence of treason or something). No, it's a show before a federal grand jury. Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka and his son-in-law Jared Kushner have been subpoenaed by the special counsel to testify about Donald. Trump’s efforts to stay in power after he lost the 2020 election and his role in the January 6th attack on the Capital. Although the two have already testified before the House select committee, this subpoena comes with much more of a sense of expectation. Friends of Jar-Vanka have shared books with them like "What to Expect When You're Expecting to Testify before a Grand Jury." ([more](Former President Donald J. Trump’s daughter Ivanka and his son-in-law Jared Kushner have been subpoenaed by the special counsel to testify before a federal grand jury about Mr. Trump’s efforts to stay in power after he lost the 2020 election and his role in a pro-Trump mob’s attack on the Capitol)) ### Ohio Train A court order went into effect yesterday, requiring Norfolk Southern (the train operator) to identify and clean up the entire mess. And let me tell you, I've raised two kids, and I know they will never clean up as well as you want them to, but they need to learn. For cleanup, the company has earmarked just under 1/1000th of what they are spending on stock buybacks to benefit its shareholders. According to the crew, they did try to slow down the train before the derailment, but it's been reported that they were trying to avoid spilling their coffee. Instead, they spilled 115,580 gallons of toxic vinyl chloride and 3 cups of coffee. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/22/us/ohio-train-derailment-east-palestine-wednesday/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Tucker Sunshine Kevin McCarthy gave Tucker Carlson exclusive access to thousands of hours of security footage from inside the Capitol during the Jan. 6, 2021, attack. McCarthy told the press, "I think sunshine lets everybody make their own judgment.” not realizing that Tucker doesn't like being called sunshine. In addition to security secrets related to the capital, the videos also help expose Kevin McCarthy's campaign strategy. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/22/us/politics/tucker-carlson-jan-6-mccarthy.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Related:** Communications from Fox News were submitted as part of a court filing by Dominion Voting indicating that they are not a news organization. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/media/2023/feb/20/fox-news-dominion-voting-systems-defamation-case-analysis?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Another Quake A 6.4-magnitude earthquake and a second measuring 5.8 have hit Turkey’s southern province of Hatay this week, just two weeks after larger quakes caused over 44,000 deaths. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-64711228?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/the-pull-out-method/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## A Year Later. And Too Soon. `The Gist` One year ago this week, when Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered an invasion of Ukraine, I published an article to summarize the events that was both serious and tongue-in-cheek, titled "[The British Invasion was better](https://danielkherndon.com/the-british-invasion-was-better/)." And it's true, it was. The Beatles land in the number one spot for record sales, selling 600 million units worldwide – more than any other artist. This is an easy call when you compare "Special Military Operation" to "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." My take on the invasion was presented with [a tweet](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1496871002579550213?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1496871002579550213%7Ctwgr%5Edd6ae1b6a3d470b7dd72c098cb4b60ee75b8a4c4%7Ctwcon%5Es1%5Fc10&ref%5Furl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2Fthe-british-invasion-was-better%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) picturing a friend with his hands on a coveted find for bourbon lovers, a bottle of Blanton's, with me behind him looking duped. In full meme style, the image indicated the smug loot-bearing character was Russia, and the figure looking swindled was Ukraine. In essence, I was calling Russia a dick, and I guess, also my friend by proxy (he's a reader who may be unsubscribing today after this post). The issue drew more response than most, with one reader questioning whether I was being uncouth by using humor about something so serious. I responded personally as I do to all readers, but I took the reader's comments to heart, even if I shrugged my shoulders after. I wrote [an article](https://danielkherndon.com/when-is-too-soon/) in response to explain why I believe humor is important. I publish this on the anniversary of the original post as the Russian war in Ukraine continues. This week, Vladimir Putin [pulled out](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/feb/22/putin-biden-us-nuclear-new-start-treaty-russia-ukraine?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the New Start nuclear treaty, a decision that is laughable in its own right, even if it's not a joke. But is it too soon to make light of it? I'll admit for my whole life, I've been quick to the draw. As I said a year ago: > For no less than four decades, I’ve been doing my best to put my money where my mouth is. Unfortunately, sometimes that can mean I need to wrap my money around my foot. Not because of any bad nail-biting habits or strange fetishes but because I pair frank speech with candy-coated commentary to deliver a meaningful message. > > Timing is everything, and I can assure you that if I know the iron is hot, it’s my policy to strike immediately. I've been known to speak too soon everywhere, from business meetings to funerals. It's my job to lighten the mood when people are thinking too hard, but to make you think even if you're laughing too hard. Regardless, I'm no stranger to the butt side of a joke, either. > Life can be funny, though. Sometimes you’re the joker, and sometimes you’re the joke. > > I’ve been on the receiving end of my fair share of ridicule as well, but it hasn’t phased me too much because you can’t dupe the duper anymore than you can cape the caper. And while you can jest the jester just as much as the next guy, I’m no stranger to a jolt of reality. > > My catch has been 22’d, and my quag has been mired as much as anyone's. But such is life. That’s why Alanis Morissette said, and I quote, “Isn’t it ironic?”. She knew that life is filled with enough negativity as it is. And we should just take that as a given. In short, I've had more than my share of short ends, but I'd rather have a short end of a stick than one up my butt because joy comes from not letting envy be its thief. Even the [Mayo Clinic agrees](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456?ref=danielkherndon.com) that laughter relieves stress. But often, prudes and newsletter readers insist we refrain from humor when we need it most. As someone who overcame trauma with humor, for me, it has always been a lifeline. And not just that. As I've said before, "everyone is looking for happiness, but most people will only find what their itching eyes will let them see. But the thing is, in life, it's a lot like looking for your phone. Most of the time, it’s in your hand." But the central message is this. More than laughter, we need to take our medicine, and that has never been easy. I'll close with what I consider one of the most important things I've ever written (although at this pace, that may be challenged time and again). "I believe we need good medicine, and some medicine is hard to swallow, but we need to take it nonetheless. Laughter, however, is the best medicine, and that makes the former go down better." That good medicine that I'm referring to is the medicine that points out that gun rights kill people even if the [policy solution is not easy](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/). The medicine that reminds us that [democracy is](https://danielkherndon.com/balloons-that-ruin-the-weekend/) fragile and we have to [do something about it](https://danielkherndon.com/in-defense-of-the-constitution/). The medicine that reminds us that [climate change is expensive](https://danielkherndon.com/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke/) and we'll all need to [make some changes](https://danielkherndon.com/dead-white-people/). These can be the most divisive issues of our day, igniting wars in congress and at Thanksgiving, but they are issues that we need to dive into. We better be prepared to have a few laughs while getting through it all. After all, it's been a year of Putin jokes, and it's still unclear if we're not inching toward a world war. But if we do, let's hope it's not one with ourselves. --- That's it for this week. If you made it to the end, thanks for reading. You mean a lot to me. Thanks for supporting my work. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet, like here on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). *About this tech: I publish on [Ghost](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com). Use my referral link to start yours.* ### Breaking Bad News URL: https://danielkherndon.com/breaking-bad-news/ Last updated: 2023-03-03T12:17:48.000Z *Editors Note: Be still my opinionated heart, because Alison Dagnes returns with a contributing article. She's a Professor of Political Science at Shippensburg University and an author of* [*books on the topic*](https://www.amazon.com/Super-Mad-Everything-All-Time/dp/3030061302/ref=mp%5Fs%5Fa%5F1%5F1?crid=1UVDQTHP95E4Q&keywords=alison+dagnes&qid=1668464105&sprefix=alison+dagnes%2Caps%2C183&sr=8-1&ref=danielkherndon.com)*. If Alison seems witty, it's because she is currently on drugs while she recovers from a major injury from a curtain-hanging incident.* --- ## How Do You Know The Difference? `Contributor Articles` With all the reporting, news content, and commentary out there, many of us struggle to separate the fake from the fair. If you’re like me, it is a part-time job to parse the balanced, the breaking, and the bad. Well, I’ve got good news. And bad news, but let’s start with the positives. The good news is that we now have an abundance of media options from which to choose our news, entertainment, and social connections. We are rich with content, and some of it is fabulous. The bad news is that there are[ too many media options](https://www.statista.com/statistics/444870/scripted-primetime-tv-series-number-usa/?ref=danielkherndon.com), which can be paralyzing when we try to find something to watch, stream, listen to, or read. More bad news: some of the content out there is total dreck. Even worse, some is riddled with lies, misinformation, and downright dangerous garbage. It is time consuming to find quality entertainment and tricky to find actual “good news.” By this, I do not mean finding stories that[ make us happy](https://apnews.com/article/groundhog-day-history-punxsutawney-phil-0fc9e31dccbddeab5a6cb5608f23d47a?ref=danielkherndon.com) but news and political information that is legit. This begs the question: what, exactly, is “legit?” And when is it so legit we simply cannot be convinced to quit? To me, quality news has to be well-sourced, fact-checked, and balanced journalism. I am frequently asked the question: Where can we find this “good” news because, with so many options, it feels overwhelming? Fret not! I am here to help. The doctor is in. I have carefully constructed a 3-step program and guide for those looking for the kind of quality news that informs instead of entertains and provides context instead of controversy. The Dag Dawg Method (patent pending) demands introspection and action, but at the end of it, you will have the tools to go find all the legit news and political information right in time for the 2024 elections. Grab a pencil, and away we go! ## Step 1: Admitting we have a problem. Too many choices allow Americans to select and consume news that is chosen, formed, and delivered in a manner to inspire righteous indignation.[ Confirmation bias](https://www.simplypsychology.org/confirmation-bias.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) is a theory describing the partiality for information that validates existing beliefs, and modern technology affords us media that tell us what we want to hear instead of what we actually need to know. Between cable news channels, podcasts, newsletters, and Substacks, we can find the outlets that serve up the exact political content that makes us feel clever and morally superior to others. Righteous indignation, by the way, is the most wonderful feeling in the world. But wonderful feelings are normally activated by things that should be consumed in moderation, and the pleasant buzz of moral ire, like the heady kick that comes from beer, cocktails, and nachos, is best achieved in small amounts. Thus, it is healthiest to seek out news and information that is not *purposely* antagonistic against partisan opponents. - **Action #1:** Step away from the computer and put down the cell phone and remote control. - **Action #2**: Ask yourself, “do I *really* need to follow this closely? Is George Santos stealing my credit card information? Was Rep. Matt Gaetz correct that Democrats will[ “disarm you, empty the prisons, lock you in your home and invite MS-13 to live next door?”](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2020/08/24/us/rnc-fact-check?ref=danielkherndon.com#theyll-disarm-you-empty-the-prisons-lock-you-in-your-home-and-invite-ms-13-to-live-next-door-and-the-police-arent-coming-when-yo) If not, you can walk away because following politics is a choice, not your job. - **Action #3**: To quote the philosophers Public Enemy: “Don’t believe the hype.” These hyperbolic outlets are trying to scare us all into Crazy Gluing our phones to our hands. **Results:** Admitting you are hooked on anger is the first step toward understanding the role this polarizing content plays in our current political dysfunction. Falling prey to what the Poli Sci Nerd Herd refers to as “partisan selective exposure”[ makes us more extreme](https://escholarship.org/content/qt7p3441vp/qt7p3441vp.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com) and less likely to compromise with those with whom we disagree. It also[ spreads misinformation](https://rc.library.uta.edu/uta-ir/handle/10106/26411?show=full&ref=danielkherndon.com), and watching information that does *not* confirm existing beliefs can[ increase greater fact-based knowledge](https://osf.io/jrw26/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ## **Step 2: Separate Ballers from Bawlers** There is some *incredible* journalism being done today, AND we have an opinion problem. The **Ballers** are the journalists who do incredible research and win awards for their tenacity and clarity (see: David Farenthold, Ed Yong, David Barstow, Susanne Craig). The **Bawlers** are the partisans who yell a lot on cable & podcasts and use ALL CAPS in type (see: Ben Shapiro, Joe Scarborough, Steve Bannon, Jeannine Pirro) The old joke goes that “opinions are like assholes: everyone’s got one.” These days every asshole has an opinion they share on social media, which turns the old joke into an impossible math problem involving exponentiality. As I do for most things, I blame Mark Zuckerberg. People have taken their opinions way too seriously ever since the moment they became convinced that the guy who helped them at Staples was their “friend” and that everyone wanted to hear their thoughts about absolutely everything. An even larger problem is that we now have a tangle of news and opinion, and it’s tough to tell the difference. We get news and commentary confused because the lines blur constantly: - **Journalists Give Their Opinions Widely**, which goes against one of the important tenets of journalism. We hear from reporters on Twitter, on podcasts, on shows like *This Week, Fox News Sunday, Face the Nation,* and *Meet the Press,* and everywhere we know exactly who they like and whom they do not. This leads to the very real critique of media bias and then the less credible accusation of fake news. - **Some “News” Organizations Feature More Opinion than Journalism**. Just because it’s called “InfoWars” doesn’t mean there’s real information there. Most of the cable news prime time lineups consist entirely of punditry, even when “News” is in their channel name. This is confusing for the audiences, and probably purposely so. Colorful storytelling is more interesting than just the facts, even when the stories are complete fiction. Here are the differences: ### **Opinion:** Comes in many forms but is not the news. - **Punditry** \= A viewpoint from someone paid to give their opinion, be it credible or unsubstantiated, found on cable news, blogs, Substacks, or talk radio. Famous pundits include Tucker Carlson, Rachel Maddow, Sean Hannity, Don Lemon, Laura Ingraham, and Rush Limbaugh (RIP). - **Analysis** \= An opinionated, ostensibly “expert” assessment of a news event found mostly in online versions of newspapers. Used to be called “Op-Eds,” now leads to arguments about “[journalistic punditry](https://newsliteracymatters.com/2019/10/25/q-are-pundits-journalists/?ref=danielkherndon.com),” which isn’t really a thing. - **Social Media Posts by Your Family Members** \= these should not be taken with even a grain of salt because salt is either bad for you or it will cure herpes, according to my Uncle Harmon. This is the kind of second-third-hundredth-hand opinion that is not verified or even real, and the reason we now have a QAnon problem in America. Thanks, Uncle Harmon! ### **Journalism:** Sourced, verified, factual information provided without opinion or bias. - **Print, Online, Broadcast** \= Brought to us by journalists who gather the news do so with a series of rules that guide their behavior, including story verification and fact-checking. - **Anonymous Sources** \= In general, these should not be concerning since they are only anonymous to the reader. Arguably, the reporters and their editors know who the sources are and have verified their claims with corroboration from other sources. ### **How Can You Tell It Is Journalism?** Journalism is a very different beast than commentary, and the bottom line comes down to money. It takes money to produce well-sourced, interesting, ground-breaking news, and it costs nothing to have an opinion about it (hat tip to The Lorem Ipsum). The easiest way to determine if something is journalism is to follow the money. A real journalistic outlet scores its revenue from the legitimacy of its product. In other words, ask: How does the outlet bring in readers or viewers? The real newspapers that make their reputation by breaking stories will lose readership by making things up or by pressing their thumb on the scale. Conversely, the political content outlets that drum up interest by pissing off their audience make their money through outrage. If this is the case, it’s not journalism. If it involves long-form reporting, it probably is. When a publication is openly commentary or opinion, that doesn't mean it can't provide journalistic value. The question is whether they are a source that can be trusted to practice journalistic integrity, regardless of whether they break the news or summarize it with their take. An outlet like this will go out of its way to be fair or accurate. When a news outlet runs an error, they bend over backward to acknowledge it. When a GOOD news outlet runs an error, they run a ten-page story and a podcast explaining where they went wrong to correct the record. Conversely, if a political outlet says the Clintons murdered someone and, after a lawsuit, does not apologize (ahem), it’s not news. When an outlet makes a mistake and they run a correction, it is journalism – or at least credible commentary. ## **Step 3: Trust the Professionals for Valid News** Now that you’re looking inside yourselves and recognizing the kinds of info available, it’s time to hand it over to the pros because you’ve worked hard enough. There are two excellent avenues for outsourcing the media selection decision-making process to the people who are trained, experienced, and (perhaps most importantly) paid to be experts. ### **First Avenue: Hit the Bias Charts** Biased media is more than just the unseasoned opinion of one person, and two highly respected, well-credentialled organizations rate news and political information outlets for fairness and validity. - **Ad Fontes Media** rates news organizations for original fact reporting and ideological bias. You can sort through TV, podcasts, and online sources to find the most unbiased and trustworthy news and political content: [Interactive Chart | Ad Fontes Media](https://adfontesmedia.com/interactive-media-bias-chart/?ref=danielkherndon.com) - **AllSides**. If Ad Fontes is too much, check out this easier to read chart that lays out the ideological perspective of the big online outlets (not radio, TV, or audio) from AllSides:[ Media Bias Chart | AllSides](https://www.allsides.com/media-bias/media-bias-chart?ref=danielkherndon.com) Some people will doubt the validity of the bias charts themselves, but each site has a good explanation of their methodology for you to plagiarize when you’re explaining trustworthiness to a relative who is convinced that Democrats, Hollywood celebrities, and most Jews are actually[ lizard people bent on destruction](https://www.insider.com/lizard-people-conspiracy-theory-origin-nashville-bomber-qanon-2021-1?ref=danielkherndon.com). Personally, I prefer the term “reptilian humanoid,” and I really only want more civilized customer service in the hospitality sector. Not destruction. But I digress. ### **Second Avenue: Trust the news services** If you don’t have the time or inclination to be introspective, analytical, and chart literate, here’s a fast and easy way to get straight facts without fear of any kind of ideological or structural bias: Get your news from a news service. News services are the agencies that gather news stories and distribute them for print or broadcast to outlets that subscribe to the service. Getting a good story from a news service used to require a subscription, but these days you can hit the news service website and help yourself. Here are two: - The Associated Press (AP)[ www.apnews.com](http://www.apnews.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) - Reuters[ www.reuters.com](http://www.reuters.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) One thing to be wary of: *many* websites purport to be unbiased “news services” and are really boloney in disguise. Stick with the knowns, and you’re good to go. The next time you find yourself scrolling or flipping channels just to get that sweet, juicy feeling of haughty self-satisfaction, check yourself before you wreck yourself and get the truth. It may not be as sweet a feeling, but at least you’ll know that you’re playing with a full deck. If you have questions or concerns, I’ll be meeting with my fellow reptilians to work on that persnickety customer service problem. Until we meet again, stay newsy! ### MORE NO MORE URL: https://danielkherndon.com/more-no-more/ Last updated: 2024-02-29T22:51:21.000Z **Note*: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox gets it by signing up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/)*.* --- Hey Friends, This week I have something a little different than the normal quick opener leading right into the news. Today I want to invite you to join me in something very important. But first, I'll start with a confession. I'm a terrible runner. Not just because I hate it. For lots of reasons. It hurts my knees. It doesn't taste like a burger. I don't like the way I look when my hands flail off to the sides. Besides, how can I get somewhere faster if I faceplant at the halfway mark? And if my ultimate destination is "right back here," then sitting here seems more efficient. I've spent the better part of a half-century doing everything I can to avoid it. But today I'm going to ask you to run with me. Together. Over the last ten years, I've been involved with a worldwide organization called [NO MORE](https://nomore.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com), a nonprofit organization dedicated to ending domestic violence and sexual assault. NO MORE raises the profile of vital conversations by producing work like this [Super Bowl commercial](https://nomore.org/campaigns/public-service-announcements/no-more-official-super-bowl-ad/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in 2015 or by partnering with companies [like Uber](https://www.uber.com/us/en/safety/womens-safety/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to create safer rides. It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it. Many community leaders, celebrities, business people, and newsletter writers (🙋‍) have joined together to change the narrative around issues that were taboo for so long. Personally, I'm no Ike Turner. I've never taken a swing at a woman. But I've known too many that have, under a false banner of love (but what's love got to do with it?), and that is not the only form that abuse takes. Since shortly after it was established, I've been involved with NO MORE as a consultant, volunteer, and board member. I'm told I'm also serving as voice-over talent for a new video because I'm classically known as a guy with a dramatic voice who can deliver any line as long as it's not politely declining to do literally anything you ask him to do. I'll happily loan my voice to a cause as important as this one. ## MORE NO MORE Since its founding ten years ago, so much progress has been made on the topic of domestic and sexual violence. After all, you can talk about it today without your house getting egged for it. But it's not time to relax just yet. Domestic and sexual violence remain at epidemic levels, and human rights, especially women's rights, are at risk in many parts of the world. 10 Years is Not Enough. We need more. - More Commitment - More Action - More Inclusion - More Respect - More Unity - More Progress ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/02/NOMORE_Branding-03.jpg) For the 10th year of NO MORE Week, (March 5th to March 12th), ***I'm inviting you to*** ***join our annual 5K race to end domestic and sexual violence, sponsored by the NFL and State Farm.*** Just drop a cool $15 donation and run at your own pace (which includes really fast walking and really slow sitting) during the week. If you join me in the race to end domestic violence, ***I would like to feature your story in this newsletter.*** And if you mention that you heard about it here, I'll do an extra kilometer just for you. After signing up, please share with me (reply to this email) why you chose to support NO MORE. Maybe it's a family story, a personal one, or your vision for a better future. Share as little or as much as you wish to share. Please join me. Click below to sign up or donate. [NO MORE Week 2023 - Join the race to end domestic and sexual violenceThe NO MORE Week 5K Race to End Domestic and Sexual Violence takes place during the 10th Annual NO MORE Week—Sunday March 5, 2023 to Sunday March 12, 2022\. Paticipate from anywhere! Lace up your shoes and get active to end domestic and sexual violence.![](https://d368g9lw5ileu7.cloudfront.net/img/nonversioned/favicon/runsignup/icon.png)NO MORE Week 2023 - Join the race to end domestic and sexual violence![](https://d368g9lw5ileu7.cloudfront.net/races/race99371-socialShareLargeImage.bJ0wXT.png)](https://runsignup.com/nomoreweek5k?ref=danielkherndon.com) Take all of NO MORE Week— March 5th - March 12th— to complete your run or walk on the route, day, and time that works best for you. Register from anywhere worldwide, track your progress and compete with others to reach your goal. And if you run the race from the couch, I won't tell a soul. I'll see you there... Now, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 07 of 2023` ### Falling Skies The US and Canada have shot down at least four things out of the sky this week, ranging from large transnational spy aircraft to a Starbucks gift card (which still hasn't been recovered, but experts say they believe it still has money on it). The Biden administration is practicing an abundance of caution by taking down airborne objects more swiftly after the [Chinese Spy Balloon](https://danielkherndon.com/balloons-that-ruin-the-weekend/) generated widespread concern and media coverage. To be clear, the nature of each of the other three objects shot down over the last weekend has still not been identified, and it's unclear how much money is left on the Starbucks card. These items were shot down without being fully identified. This means that we're either protecting ourselves from espionage or we're downing trash and spending millions of dollars to dive into lakes, oceans, and Alaska to get them. One was described as an [octagonal object](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/feb/12/us-military-shoots-down-fourth-flying-object-over-north-american-airspace?ref=danielkherndon.com) the size of a small car with strings hanging off it, which to me sounds like a discarded grocery sack, but it might also be some kind of malicious drone. Biden explained that we still do not know what was shot down, but if a threat is perceived, "[we will take it down](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/biden-speak-response-suspected-spy-balloon-flying-objects/story?id=97259456&ref=danielkherndon.com)." Since Sunday, when the fourth object was downed, nothing else has made the news, but experts, the military, and the media are more aware of the activity going on above us, which may have been happening all along. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/12/members-of-congress-need-more-information-about-high-altitude-objects-.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Subscribe to The Lorem Ipsum](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free) ### Losing George Santos George Santos loses a lot of things. He loses his certifications, loses notes indicating the names of his previous jobs. He loses his shit when being confronted by other members of Congress, [especially the Mormon ones](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/mcydsE7nr0c?ref=danielkherndon.com). Well, this week, George is getting fingers pointed at him for over $365k of funds for which he simply lost the receipt. The funds unaccounted for roughly 12% of his campaign funds and are not the only dollars in question. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/13/nyregion/george-santos-campaign-money.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Hope You Feel Fetterman Here's hoping Senator John Fetterman feels better after a couple of rough days. You may recall he had a stroke on the campaign trail but won with one hand tied behind his back (and some cognitive issues as well). He was hospitalized last week after feeling light-headed, but revealed yesterday that he checked in to receive [treatment](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/16/us/politics/john-fetterman-health.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) for clinical depression. Doctors have ruled out another stroke, but one of the nurses did ask if he wears that hoodie in Congress too. ([more](https://www.foxnews.com/politics/fetterman-returns-senate-days-hospital-casts-vote-senate-floor-amid-ongoing-health-issues?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Circling the Drain The Justice dept is closing in on Trump, still under Special Counsel Jack Smith’s investigation. There's not much new to report other than a slew of subpoenas, including one mentioned last week to former Vice President Mike Pence, which he is [prepared to contest](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/02/14/pence-subpoena-trump-election-00082637?ref=danielkherndon.com), and Trump's Chief of Staff [Mark Meadows](https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/15/politics/mark-meadows-subpoena/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), Trump lawyer Evan Corcoran, and other members of Trump's cabinet. Like Pence, nearly all the subpoenas are being challenged in court. It's still unclear when the swamp will be finished draining, but it seems obvious who's clogged it up. ([more](https://www.newsweek.com/trump-special-counsel-jack-smith-fbi-investigations-1781592?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Being Presidential Nikki Haley, a former Trump cabinet member, is running for president. She says the Republican Party needs a new generation of leadership – but she decided to run anyway. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/nikki-haley-running-for-president-f28052019e8ac3846cd125b3d9614d4f?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### "Those Aren't Buoys" Raquel Welch died on Wednesday this week at the age of 82\. The star showed off her curves in 30 films and 50 television shows from 1964 to 2017, making her one of the longest consecutively operating thirst traps in history, but clearly one of the most iconic names in Hollywood. ([more](https://people.com/movies/raquel-welch-dies-at-82/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - The CBO said we'll likely add $19 trillion in [national debt](https://abcnews.go.com/Business/us-risks-default-july-debt-ceiling-raised-cbo/story?id=97228662&ref=danielkherndon.com) over ten years. - A Georgia grand jury investigating Trump claimed [signs of perjury](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/16/us/politics/trump-georgia-grand-jury-report.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in a report. --- That's it for this week. Thanks for making it through an extra long issue of The Weekly, which I've reliably sent every Friday morning for the past 77 weeks. It's a pleasure to have you here with me. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Remember to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 ****Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet, including at these links on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 ****Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/03/The-NO-MORE-Foundation.jpg) ### Why Egg Prices are Bananas URL: https://danielkherndon.com/why-egg-prices-are-bananas/ Last updated: 2023-03-03T12:17:14.000Z They say that most Americans build their wealth through their home, but anymore, most Americans store their wealth in egg cartons. My financial advisor has always said I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, but after buying a dozen, who can afford another basket anyway? I have suspicions that China's intention with all of their balloons these days has little to do with spying and gathering intelligence about our military capabilities and more to do with their desire to taunt us. Think about it. By floating the world's most expensive "eggs" airborne above our heads, they poke the bear a little, and next thing you know, we're at each other's throats over who caused inflation. I haven't run this theory by the intelligence community yet, but if I get a chance, I will tell them to remind China that we didn't fall for it, and it's not us that has egg on our face, even if it does look like we have a few in our skies. I eat a lot of "pre-chickens," as I like to call them. (I like to recognize someone for their potential rather than their shortfallings). I'd be a shell of a man if I didn't crack a few every morning as part of this complete breakfast to give me the protein and energy I need to get by. So no matter what they cost, as a matter of survival, I'll be eating at least two of them (plus whatever finds its way into my garlic aioli). I'm not just an egg eater, I'm an egg lover. The sunnier, the better if it rests on top of a breakfast hash or a burger. I guess you could say my enthusiasm for food and beverage is bookended with eggs and bourbon, my two staples (and a great pairing, by the way). Though I decided to take the first month of the year to abstain by observing rye January, a month to reset by drinking only rye whiskey. But anymore, they're keeping the good stuff behind the counter, or it's being traded on the secondary market in the case of bourbon. I wouldn't be surprised if we see the same happen for huevos, and [in California](https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2023/feb/09/eggs-are-so-expensive-californians-are-trying-to-b/?ref=danielkherndon.com), it looks like that is already the case, according to border patrol agents who are catching an increase in illegal egg smuggling across the border. House Speaker Kevin McCarthy blames Biden for the egg crisis, although this doesn't explain why Kevin doesn't have any. As always, it's a best practice to blame your political opponent for what ails you, but at this price, I expect our eggs to cure cancer. In an effort to uncover why egg prices have inflated more than my waist did for my whole Covid lockdown season, I did some research. For those of you looking to scram, the spoiler is that Joe didn't do it, and neither did anyone else. The real answer is pretty sick, though. Avian bird flu level sick. The biggest cause of the cost increase of eggs comes from a chicken-demic, which naturally causes an egg-frying-pan-demic as a byproduct. This is because poultry farms are seeing an unprecedented outbreak of avian bird flu, and birds are dropping like flies (and we may find we have to update the expression). The typical approach to prevent a significant loss of livestock is to ask some chickens to make the ultimate sacrifice. That's right. The farmer will kill the infected chickens to save the rest of the flock. But this year, the bird flu outbreak has been [much worse](https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-03322-2?ref=danielkherndon.com) than ever in history due to mutations of the disease, which seem to be keeping the virus active for longer and taking out more chickens. Some experts suggest that a recent dip in [wholesale prices](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/07/wholesale-egg-prices-have-collapsed-from-record-highs-in-december.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) tell us that prices may catch up and calm the pain in the poultry aisle, but the flu continues to run rampant even across wild birds and has even spread to mammals, which may mean that [sea lions](https://www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/bird-flu-mammals-scientists-on-alert-mutations-rcna69541?ref=danielkherndon.com) are the next thing to get expensive (I've yet to try one myself). The reason why this matters to us is obvious. Because you can literally put an egg on anything and call it breakfast. But more important than the most important meal of the day is the risk of importing the avian flu to humans. According to [the CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/flu/avianflu/virus-transmission.htm?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Direct%20infection%20can%20occur%20from,or%20mouth%2C%20or%20is%20inhaled.), this *is* possible but it is not very likely (depending on how friendly you get with your birds, I suppose). But every expert quoted in every article I've read seems to be crossing their fingers, if I'm reading their tone correctly. Here's how Richard Webby put it, an infectious disease researcher at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee, and resident go-to guy for bird flu studies: > “This is the number one potential pandemic virus everyone has been interested in for a long time... But we cannot assume that will remain the case, and we must prepare for any change in the status quo.” Anice Lowen, a virologist and associate professor at Emory University School of Medicine, said this: > “It’s a series of events, each of which is fairly improbable. This is why I say the risk to humans is presently low. The evolutionary barriers are high, It is a numbers game. So that’s one reason why the scale of the current avian outbreak is concerning. We don’t have an immune response against H5\. That’s why the virus has pandemic potential,” Pretty reassuring. When we address human infection, it's easy to be dismissive. Especially when only one human infection has been recorded so far. Perhaps we can move on to not worrying any longer. The concern is only worthy of print because the sheer volume of birds infected and the evident infection of mammals has heightened the risk flu will mutate and expand further, as it has to mammals already. I'm not one to freak out about pandemics. I especially wasn't in 2019, but I'm only marginally more sensitive about them now. Not because I'm afraid of dying or killing someone else with bad breath, but because I don't have the energy for another civil war. The last pandemic was close enough. Besides, we didn't do well in the dress rehearsal, it's hard to expect much more of our performance for the live production. ### State of the Onion URL: https://danielkherndon.com/state-of-the-onion/ Last updated: 2023-02-10T12:47:59.000Z ***Note*** *: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox doesn't feel left out. Sign up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)*.* --- Hey Friends, Welcome to another Friday release from The Lorem Ipsum, also known as your very own Inbox Candy. This week, if you're looking for something more savory, consider this newsletter the Inbox Onions on top of your email steak. It's what makes having an inbox so good. If you are starting to smell something, just enjoy it because the state of the onion is strong. On a related note, Biden delivered the State of the Union address this week, and I've compiled everything you need to know right here in this email. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 06 of 2023` ### Breaking: Mike Pence Subpoenaed Mike Pence was called up by Jack Smith, the special counsel investigating the January 6th insurrection. Pence is prayerfully considering how to respond. This story is still developing, much like the hydrogen peroxide is developing the roots of Donald Trump's hair. ABC News broke the story. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/mike-pence-subpoenaed-special-counsel-overseeing-trump-probes/story?id=97018886&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Katie Bard The Door This week, Google announced their AI Answer to Chat GPT, named [Bard](https://blog.google/technology/ai/bard-google-ai-search-updates/?ref=danielkherndon.com), only to be scooped by Bing's "The New Bing," an AI-powered search tool using Chat GPT. While it's clear that the search and AI industry could use a brand consultant, it's unclear when these platforms will be fully launched. The new Bing is on a waitlist (here's a [link](https://www.bing.com/new?form=MY028Z&OCID=MY028Z&scdexwlcs=1&ref=danielkherndon.com), nerds!), and Google's Bard will launch "in the coming weeks." Google, who's doing just fine, lost 100 billion in market value after Bard had a factual error in a [demo](https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/08/tech/google-ai-bard-demo-error/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) posted on Twitter. For the search industry, it appears the war is on once again. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/08/technology/microsoft-bing-openai-artificial-intelligence.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Rictor Scale A powerful earthquake spanning the borders of Turkey and Syria has reached an official death toll of 21,000 throughout the week as rescue workers toiled around the clock to uncover any survivors under the rubble. The region has been torn by war and extreme poverty, greatly complicating recovery efforts. With Syria currently in a civil war, both sides are arguing that it's not their "fault." ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/02/08/world/turkey-syria-earthquake?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Pop In China told the US they wanted their spy balloon because it didn't belong to us, but I also don't see them offering to pay our divers to recover it. China disclosed that they've actually sent several balloons on spying missions, including one this week that was over South America. We suggest next time, they send an edible arrangement instead. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/02/08/balloon-china-snooping-pentagon-00081877?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Star-stink Elon Musk said on Twitter that he didn't like his satellite internet service "Starlink" being used by Ukraine to run drones, a critical tool for their fight against Russia. Musk said he never intended for the service to be "weaponized." Critics of Musk said, "We felt the same way about Twitter" ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/09/politics/spacex-ukrainian-troops-satellite-technology/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### George Scam-tos Newly elected Representative George Santos has come under scrutiny for fabricating literally everything about himself, such as whether his grandparents survived the holocaust and his mother survived the 9-11 attacks and whether he ever had any of the jobs he listed on his credentials. And now a new CBS special report, "Campaign of Deceit," investigates. Santos defended himself by saying he "embellished" his resume and explains his false ethnicity claims by [saying](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3jqfbXfcOk&ref=danielkherndon.com), "No, I said I'm Jew–ISH" ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/george-santos-harbor-city-capital-alleged-ponzi-scheme-sec/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/state-of-the-onion/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## The Address `The Gist` President Biden delivered his state of the union speech to the 118th congress amidst heckling from congresspeople on the right, despite McCarthy's pleas for his caucus to respect the decorum of the event and the institution. Democrats celebrated his speech as presenting a strong and bipartisan spirit while necessarily hailing his administration's results. Biden opened by celebrating his colleagues of both parties for their years of leadership, saying to Kevin McCarthy, “Mr. Speaker, I don't want to ruin your reputation, but I look forward to working with you,” Biden said. Also, we aren't sure, but we think he also made a joke at one point. The speech went on for 72 minutes, longer than last year's speech. According to analysis from experts, the address was so long that some were concerned many of the octogenarian congressmen and women might not make it to the end of the speech due to natural causes. On the red carpet on the way into the event, several attendees were seen donning designer fashion looks that were all the rage. For example, Kiersten Sinema came wearing a post-it note dress designed by 3M. Matt Gaetz's shoes were made by Sketchers, according to one of the interns he was dating who was familiar with his wardrobe. Marjorie Taylor Green came as Cruella de Vil, not initially realizing we weren't doing costumes. She also came carrying a white balloon until releasing it after being told she wasn't allowed to bring a plus one. Green's plan, instead of killing Dalmations, had her sights set on any Democrat bills and, additionally, the mood, which she accomplished by heckling and calling the President a liar. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/02/mediadc.brightspotcdn.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/02/c5c94879f0de46f18e88874572d4299c_md-1.webp) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/02/FoaYt4UX0AAAvRi.jpg) It appears Paul Pelosi made the same mistake, coming as comic book detective Dick Tracy. He was welcomed back with applause as he recovered from an attack by an enraged political extremist, referring to one not currently in elected office. Sitting next to Pelosi, despite never being asked, Bono ended up appearing there, much like his 2014 [album no one wanted](https://www.eonline.com/news/1071481/remember-when-apple-forced-a-u2-album-on-us-all?ref=danielkherndon.com) to be found on every Apple device on earth. Reportedly, Biden told Bono he would deliver his speech “with or without you.” The theme of Biden's speech was "Get the job done," which he repeated while touting accomplishments like presiding over the creation of 12 million jobs, passing bipartisan infrastructure and semiconductor manufacturing bills, and one of his biggest accomplishments, not being his predecessor. The Republican response was [delivered by](https://youtu.be/GUpBVYHfA3w?t=202&ref=danielkherndon.com) Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders: "The dividing line in America is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal – or crazy. It's time for a new generation of republican leadership." We agree. [Leave a Comment](https://danielkherndon.com/state-of-the-onion/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for this week. Remember that I survive on your comments, shares, and from you imploring your friends to subscribe. Thanks for reading. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet, including at these links on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Balloons that Ruin The Weekend URL: https://danielkherndon.com/balloons-that-ruin-the-weekend/ Last updated: 2023-02-16T16:03:34.000Z Every good party has balloons. But who knew it would be a balloon that ends up ruining the party rather than getting it started? Personally, I like the helium vocal chord squeaking variety over the kind in the hands of a might-be-child-molester who, for some reason, says his inflated work of art is a "dog" when it's clearly more phallic than the party host that booked him might have preferred. Still, I don't think the clown is spying on me, but I guess it depends on what you call "spying" and what you call "being a clown." I don't think China intended to ruin our kid's birthday's this last weekend, but I do think they were clowning. Normally, China opts for spy methods more subtle than a party-bus-sized balloon flying higher than commercial aircraft. No, they'd rather be right in our hands with TikTok. China runs a pretty impressive shop – a sweatshop, that is. Take their recent Pandemic response, for example. They've logged years of maintaining the lowest Covid cases per capita compared to other countries, thanks to accurately tracking Covid well below actual levels since before we even knew who invented Covid. Their Zero Covid policy success stories are only outnumbered by the [number of suicides](https://savetibet.org/inhumane-covid-restrictions-lead-to-despair-and-suicides-in-tibet/?ref=danielkherndon.com) that took place because of them, thanks to the inhumane Covid lockdowns and aggressive restrictions. But hey, China is for the people. You can be sure they'll protect every citizen from Covid even if it kills them. Another unique success is China's "no limits" partnership with Russia, an alliance [announced](https://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/russia-and-china-unveil-a-pact-against-america-and-the-west?ref=danielkherndon.com) just a few days before Putin invaded Ukraine, which left President Xi Jinping invoking meatloaf, [saying](https://www.cna.org/our-media/indepth/2022/10/the-china-russia-no-limits-partnership-is-still-going-strong?ref=danielkherndon.com), "...but I won't do that." It's successes like these that have helped Xi to secure a third term as President when he won a landslide victory with the [full support](https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertolsen/2022/10/23/chinas-leader-xi-jinping-secures-third-term-as-his-rivals-fall-away/?sh=3bdf9cdb1a20&ref=danielkherndon.com) of his entire constituency – himself. Thankfully, China has dropped its Covid Zero policies after enduring protests from citizens across the country, and China and Russia have determined they're just friends with benefits, and now the international superpower can get back to focusing on what it should have been doing all along. Trying to compete with the United States. That's what balloons are good for. To float over American stuff so you can take pictures and try to make cheap knockoffs without respect for patents or copyrights. And if you need to spy on daily operations, balloons are a great espionage budget saver if you can't swing the $100 million to build a [Chinese Spy Pagoda](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11046503/FBI-killed-100M-Chinese-government-garden-perfect-intelligence.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in a Washington, D.C. park. The USA is [no stranger](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/02/06/military-chinese-spy-balloon-00081371?ref=danielkherndon.com) to a Chinese spy balloon, even if the media is. Hell, we've sent a balloon or two their way, as well as Nancy Pelosi. The history of China and the United States spying on each other is a rich tradition we've celebrated for generations. Unfortunately, this latest round of balloon surveillance has brought nothing short of a headache, ruining the weekend and igniting an international crisis. Last week, Secretary of State A. Blinken (not to be confused with Abe Lincoln) went as far as canceling his diplomatic trip to China just before he was scheduled to take off. He'll probably reschedule, but until "conditions are right," his Chinese counterparts will need to entertain themselves by sucking helium. The Balloon-Gate saga keeps expanding from a drifting party favor to an international crisis that could pop any minute. In a world where dating decisions are swiped like tissues, and single tweets can destroy careers, it's no surprise that a balloon could prompt a diplomatic crisis. Let's look at why. China, one of the most powerful countries in the world, didn't exist in its [current form](https://www.cfr.org/timeline/us-china-relations?ref=danielkherndon.com) until 1949, roughly around the time Biden got his first red wagon. It was after years of civil war that the People's Republic of China was established by Chinese Communist Party leader Mao Zedong. For the US, we've had generations of both cooperation and tension. The tension isn't just because we keep saying all their manufactured products are cheap for the sake of our egos, but we've also invested in building up their enemy's militaries over the years too, including supporting Taiwan's independence. Before modern China, its predecessors enjoyed an imperial monarchy for over 2,000 years. The Qing dynasty had a good stretch of economic world domination, but things changed at the end of the 19th century. China's government was accused of pushing the country backward, suppressing the development of science, and making ethnic Han people wear their hair in a [Manchu-style Queue](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queue%5F%28hairstyle%29?ref=danielkherndon.com) or be executed. After a decade of tension, the Xinhai Revolution ended two millennia of imperial rule. The country suffered through civil war and a troubled economic position in the world until the Communist Party took over in 1949, changing its fortunes. In 2011, China overtook Japan as the world's second-largest economy, and after years of ignoring them, we shifted our foreign relations focus back to China because, having held the top spot since 1890, we like to keep our eye on those nipping at our feet. This should all matter to us, because China, one of the most powerful countries in the world has had a shaky footing. Something that could happen to any country. For China, it was only 31 years between being the world leader in 1880, to an overthrowing of its government in 1911\. It was 38 years before the next government takeover in 1949 and 62 years before they returned to second place on the world stage. Today a balloon is causing us to question how they're even running the place. Let's put this in context. China has only been in a position to set the world agenda since the year the pop sensation 'The Weekend' released the hit album 'House of Balloons,' launching an enormous music career for a guy with a weird hair-based thing on his head and an earworm tune you can't get out of your head or your iPod. You can see that this durable thing that we call a country is, in fact, quite fragile, and we've got the whole world in our hands as we speak. We should always remember. A balloon can ruin The Weekend, or it can make its career. ### Max Headroom URL: https://danielkherndon.com/max-headroom/ Last updated: 2023-02-03T12:49:09.000Z ***Note*** *: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox gets it by signing up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)*.* --- Hey Everyone, Yesterday was Groundhog Day, a perfect day to blame someone other than fossil fuels for the weather. As it turns out, blaming someone else is the name of the game. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 05 of 2023` ### Tyre Nichols Last week, news broke of a traffic stop in Memphis that led to the death of Tyre Nichols on January 7th after receiving a beating from five police officers, caught on video. Race is considered an issue in the case, but it's worth noting that while Nichols is black, the five officers are too. Those five officers were part of a specialized team known as the SCORPION unit, a name which, in hindsight, is now better known as "BAD PR," considering the connotations of a poisonous arachnid. According to reports, instead of the mean-sounding SCORPION acronym that stands for "Street Crimes Operations to Restore Peace in Our Neighborhoods", branding advisors were said to have suggested naming the unit after something more cuddly like KOALA, which stands for "Kick Our Awful Crime's Legal Ass." Unfortunately, branding can't fix everything, and the unit has been shut down, and at least seven officers involved in the altercation have been relieved of duty. The five accused of beating Nichols have been charged with second-degree murder. (Here's [a summary](https://www.npr.org/2023/01/28/1151504967/tyre-nichols-memphis-police-body-cam-video?ref=danielkherndon.com) of the incident for those who missed it) ### Wagner the Dog In Ukraine, the war wages on, with Putin still committed to winning – although it looks more like a cow winning his battle with a meat grinder. No matter how big the cow is on one side, it's still burgers on the other side. One soldier described the current wave of the war as akin to a Zombie Apocalypse, largely consisting of untrained Wagner soldiers, many of them prisoners, charging in large waves, often to find out they are just meat sent to the front lines. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/01/europe/ukraine-soldiers-fighting-wagner-intl-cmd/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Spill it, Jerome Powell kicked up the interest rates by a baby-sized quarter point, and people are loving it. This week's increase is brought to you by [egg prices](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/02/business/economy/inflation-chickens-egg-prices.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) so high we're expecting eggs to cook themselves. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/01/fed-rate-decision-february-2023-quarter-point-hike.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### FBI Searches Biden Vacation Home The FBI searched Biden's vacation home and only found several Hawaiian shirts and a trimmer to shave his back hair. No classified documents, which, according to my wife, is the way it should be on vacation. Leave work at work. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/fbi-searches-bidens-beach-house-ongoing-classified-documents-investiga-rcna68573?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### China Spy Balloon The Pentagon announced they identified a Chinese spy balloon above the Pacific Northwest, eventually hovering over Montana. Officials believe that Xi Jinping may have been holding the balloon at a birthday party and then accidentally let it go. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/02/us/politics/china-spy-balloon-pentagon.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Tom Brady is Retiring Again Finally. ([more](https://tvline.com/2023/02/01/tom-brady-retirement-twitter-video-announcement/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/max-headroom/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Hitting the Ceiling `The Gist` It's getting to the point where when the United States gets a phone call, it answers, "I know I owe you money," just so it can address the elephant in the room. An elephant that is 31 trillion large. The national debt includes the debt it owes itself, which explains all the political infighting. We're irritable because we owe us money, and we're tired of being ignored. The national debt, despite our repeated efforts to change the subject, has come to the fore as of late because, well... we're going to need a few more bucks just to get us through a tough spot, but we promise we're on to something big. The limit on how much we can borrow is set by Congress, and ultimately, "we need to talk" because we've hit that limit early this year. Fortunately, this is a perfect opportunity to jockey for power since two big spenders (known as Republicans and Democrats) will need to blame the other for their problems. McCarthy and Biden met earlier this week to discuss the debt ceiling. According to reports, both struck an optimistic tone. McCarthy, that the two of them will be able to find common ground, and Biden, that McCarthy looked weak after a contentious election to Speaker. McCarthy, albeit a little pale, has cards to play, but having made unwanted concessions to the extremist wing of his party, finds himself without the better hand. The President's team said he would ask McCarthy two questions in their Wednesday meeting. One "Will you commit to the US not defaulting on its financial obligations?" and two, "What's this on your shirt? A republican budget proposal!?!?" after which the President will lift his pointed finger to *boink* Kevin in the nose just as he looks down. The Republican position has been that "lifting the borrowing cap must be tied to spending reductions," which is a great conservative talking point. However, the reality is just the opposite since current tax revenues are subject to Trump-era tax cuts under a Republican triple majority. Current spending has been passed by both parties. A budget shortfall may be a bipartisan problem, but the latest version is a Republican [design](https://www.manhattan-institute.org/trumps-fiscal-legacy?ref=danielkherndon.com). And you can't control spending by lowering cash flow. It's reasonable to lump blame on Democrats as well. [Based on an autopsy](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/23/podcasts/the-daily/debt-ceiling-us-federal-borrowing.html??ref=danielkherndon.com) of the last 20 years and four presidents, two Republicans, and two Democrats, the added debts for both parties are roughly 13 trillion each. The blame between parties remains muddy – because policies transcend presidents. Between the two parties, their plans have netted the same results. A deficit. But McCarthy has to play the card he has. If he wants to look like he's reducing spending, he has to make a show of it now, even though a US default will [cost taxpayers way more](https://www.cfr.org/backgrounder/what-happens-when-us-hits-its-debt-ceiling?ref=danielkherndon.com). Relying on gamesmanship to gain political ground is exactly what McCarthy should be doing when the other option is to look like a Democrat. But we're not going to reduce spending any more than we're going to stop eating waffle fries because "they're bad for us." We know from years of history that the US will not reduce its spending. No Republican or Democrat majority or President has done so [since FDR](https://www.mercatus.org/research/data-visualizations/rise-capita-federal-spending?ref=danielkherndon.com). So, as ever, we'll buy more, and they'll say "my pleasure" like they always do, and we'll have gas. But the problem isn't spending. The problem is the gap. The Democrats' strategy has long been to increase investment. The Republicans' is to decrease income. --- ### That's it for this week! Thanks for reading and supporting my work. Be sure to wish your 90-year-old Grandmas a happy birthday this weekend and apologize for not being at their birthday parties, but explain to them that they should thank you for not giving them Covid. And if this doesn't apply to you at all, then simply ***have a great weekend!*** --- ### Reminder Last week, I released chapter 3 of Made From Leftovers. Find it here: [ArsenalChapter 3: While living in an inner city coffeehouse, I came to know the lonely and the strange, fighting with the homeless and exorcizing the demon possessed.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/01/80-Sonshine.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/arsenal) --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet, including at these links on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Arsenal URL: https://danielkherndon.com/arsenal/ Last updated: 2025-11-01T15:15:27.000Z *Note: This is the next installment of Made From Leftovers. You can read the introduction [here](https://danielkherndon.com/introduction/) and the first chapter [here](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/).* It wasn't a cult, but that's exactly what cult members say. Most kids don't have the guts to charge at a grown man and cast out his demons, but it wasn't considered strange where I lived at The Sonshine Inn. I spent my years there, groomed into a young zealot — one who would do what few would in order to prove it. Even Dr. Venkman knew a few taps on a piano wouldn't do much to scare off a few ghosts. "They hate this" is all he said "I like to torture 'em". He never said it would get rid of them. I'm not sure what I expected. The rumble of live music shook the thin walls every Friday and Saturday night. The diverse crowd constantly coming and going had one thing in common. They were lonely. All the activity occasionally resulted in a visit from the police. On Arsenal, only a couple houses blocked us from the noise of the industrial motor repair shop. A handful of run down homes sat between the train tracks on one side of the block and a busy Washington Street on the other. Gravel parking lots and unkept yards surrounded us. It was exciting to move into the coffeehouse when I was five years old. Ten years later, the place had taken its toll on us, and we were glad to finally get out. The community that formed the coffeehouse was a bunch of hippies who wanted to create a place to persuade people to switch teams. To switch from worshipping Satan to becoming Jesus people, or trading alcoholism for coffee – lots of it. Many were the type of people you would see as street preachers, but somehow they created something to draw people in on a residential street in the most brutal zip code in Indianapolis. My parents were involved since the beginning. We didn't go on vacations or go out to eat. We spent our weekends running the coffeehouse. The kids took over the front room if our parents didn't kick us out for a prayer meeting where they needed a closed door. When I was six years old, I sat to take a breath after playing with the other kids. A family found their way to a corner of the room, sitting down to collect themselves. They arrived with two little kids and a couple of large trash bags stuffed with clothes, toys, and toilet paper showing through the white plastic. I asked them, "What are you carrying in those bags?" "This is all our stuff," the mother chirped as she lifted her small child onto her lap. "Why don't you put it in your house?" I asked her. "We don't have a house," she said quite matter-of-factly, "we live on the streets." Another time, I was sitting in the front room early in the night, and a man walked in and immediately introduced himself. He was a clean-cut, towheaded guy with a striped shirt. I was the first one he saw when he strolled in the front door. "Hi, are you guys open yet?" He said. "Yeah, we open at 7:30," I responded quickly, not shy of strangers. "My name is Dennis." he grinned as he reached to shake my hand. "I just got out of prison." I barely paused. "I'm Daniel," I told him, not thinking to ask him why he was in the big house. Was it drugs? Was it stealing cars? "I got a job driving a limo now,..." Definitely stealing cars. Had to be. He was too nice of a guy, so I wouldn't hold it against him. "...well I'm just glad to be here." Dennis became a regular. He ended up dating another regular named Sally or Sandy or Linda. Kai was her daughter, and she played with us when she was around. But don't call her Kyle. She didn't like that. I wonder if she liked having a car thief as a new dad. Eventually, they stopped coming around, and we had to fill their spot with new friends, as always. The coffeehouse was a refuge for the homeless, drug addicts, and Christians who enjoyed cheap coffee and local music. For some, it was their social life, and others had nowhere else to g0\. Looking back, I remember a bunch of lonely people escaping the cold weather and a colder world. Rodents found an escape from the cold too. The mice were as plentiful as the holes in the plaster walls. They were starting to treat us like we were the intruders, there were so many. They barely tried to hide from us anymore. The roach infestation swelled based on the weather and probably how we kept the house. Human intruders were less common but common enough, although there wasn't much to take, they'd steal what they could, usually on a Sunday morning when we were out for church. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/01/268265_2104138359765_5852038_n.jpg) The ramshackle house was set up for live events with an open room, a makeshift stage barely enough for a set of drums, and big telephone cable spools converted to tables. My job each Friday was to vacuum the "Big Room" as we converted the house in a run-down neighborhood from our home to a public house where coffee was 25 cents and admission was free. The large hand-carved Jesus fish hanging from the wall gave away the purpose of the coffeehouse and its free admission. The mismatched carpet and crumbling plaster walls exposed the budget – and us, to the weather. It was run completely by volunteers, but the biggest volunteer task was living there. For us, it also meant we lived rent-free – the only thing between us and homelessness. `The rest of this chapter is for paying subscribers. [Sign up here](#/portal/signup) to read the rest.` _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### It's Probably Allergies URL: https://danielkherndon.com/its-probably-allergies/ Last updated: 2023-10-24T13:41:53.000Z ***Note*** *: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox gets it by signing up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)*.* --- Hey Friends, Good Morning to everyone not experiencing a tickle in their throat. I would recommend you stay at least three feet away from this email for between three and five days out of an abundance of caution. Both I and, subsequently, this newsletter have been exposed to Covid. My concern is not about brief interactions with The Lorem Ipsum, but the possibility of being in the same inbox for more than 15 minutes. Hopefully, We'll get snubbed by Covid just like I did the Academy Awards and we can all move on. Stay safe out there during this cold/flu/covid/RSV/Oscars/seasonal affective disorder season. ### New Stuff This weekend, you'll receive another installment from *Made From Leftovers* – Chapter 3, which will be available to paid subscribers. As a reminder, *Made From Leftovers* is a memoir that I've written over the years and kept in draft mode. The book examines the impact and the unlikely escape from poverty. Here's a link to the [introduction](https://danielkherndon.com/introduction/) and the first chapter, which is available for free to subscribers. For now, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 04 of 2023` ### Silicon's Valley Big Tech firms have been announcing major layoffs over the last few weeks, and Google is the latest, with 12,000 layoffs (including [31 massage therapists](https://nypost.com/2023/01/26/google-fires-31-massage-therapists-as-part-of-layoffs/?ref=danielkherndon.com)). Other giants like Amazon, Meta, Salesforce, and Microsoft have also been among those to slash five figures of employee headcount. The significant shift in employment is due to contracting revenues and profits seen across the tech industry due to a pullback in advertising dollars and other factors. The above mentioned companies during the pandemic hired well over the numbers they are cutting. The largest tech companies still have massive cash reserves and still offer plenty of perks to their remaining employees, even if you have to wait in line for a massage now. The large cut back in workforce is causing anxiety among millennials, some fearing they may have to work for companies where their performance is measured which many say is "not fair." ([more](https://www.npr.org/2023/01/26/1150884331/layoffs-tech-meta-microsoft-google-amazon-economy?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **In related news,** Alphabet, the parent company of Google, was handed an antitrust lawsuit this week by the DOJ and eight states who claim Alphabet has an unfair monopoly for Google's Advertising Ecosystem (which we advertisers just call "advertising"). Plaintiffs especially expressed concern with the use of certain search-related language, opting in their documents and opening statements for the term "looked something up" when other terms might have been the easier option. ([more](https://www.searchenginejournal.com/states-vs-google-a-closer-look-at-the-dojs-antitrust-lawsuit/477212/?ref=danielkherndon.com#close)) ### The Ticket Masters If you want to buy a ticket to a concert, Taylor Swift or otherwise, it will be $79 plus $129,624.99 in fees. Plus, they'll be sold out because ticket bots are swifter than T-Swift herself – so you'll have to buy them from scalpers charging even more. The Government is blaming Ticket Master for this problem (kind of like all of us are), saying their apparent monopoly on ticket sales harms consumers. To discuss the issue, The Senate Judiciary Committee held a hearing this week titled “That’s the Ticket,” headlined by Senator Amy Klobuchar. Rumored reports have surfaced that Senate event parking was another $40, and a domestic beer was $20, but there weren't many options. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2023/01/25/the-live-nation-and-ticketmaster-monopoly-of-live-entertainment.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Meta Data Trump's accounts on Facebook and Instagram will be reinstated in the coming weeks after two years of shutdown. Trump, who has gotten used to being "truthed" on his own platform, Truth Social, is now at risk of being "booked" not on Facebook but by the Department of Justice if the [criminal case](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/jan-6-riot-panel-urges-prosecution-trump-allies-over-us-capitol-riot-2022-12-19/?ref=danielkherndon.com) against him ends in charges. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/01/25/meta-to-reinstate-donald-trumps-facebook-account-00079537?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Tanks for Tots Germany has agreed to send tanks to Ukraine to aid in their defense against the Russian Invasion. Initially, when asked to send Leopard 2 tanks, officials said "nein" but in the last few days, they've agreed to send "fourteen" tanks, making us think things must be really tight right now. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/25/europe/germany-leopard-tanks-ukraine-impact-explainer-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### California Shootings Three mass shootings took place in California in less than 48 hours, killing 19 people, starting with the heartbreaking killings at a dance studio. There have been 40 mass shootings in America [this month](https://www.gunviolencearchive.org/reports/mass-shooting?sort=asc&order=Incident%20Date&ref=danielkherndon.com). I'll add my views right here: Most people's opinions on public policy change based on whether they are looking across the country or across the dinner table. While some say "long live the Second Amendment" so we can "protect ourselves," others say in frustration, "only in America." when they look at the number of deaths. Personally, I think guns seem cool and possibly even useful at times, but it is indisputable that the second amendment and our attitudes towards it do not save lives but cost them. You can consider this my shortest blog. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/25/us/california-three-mass-shootings-19-killed/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/its-probably-allergies/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Reading The Classifieds `The Gist` Everyone is being caught with mishandled or misplaced classified documents. Biden, Trump, Pence. Who's next? Kayleigh Mcenany? This is why Washington doesn't like to let people work from home, which is ruining remote work for the rest of us more productive people. If we don't put a stop to the issue in the near term, we'll soon be deleting [servers full](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hillary%5FClinton%5Femail%5Fcontroversy?ref=danielkherndon.com) of emails, and our kids will start throwing away old laptops. The Document Scandal is an issue, but its roots are as old as manila folders. Tom Blanton, who runs the National Security Archive, [says](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-64256465?ref=danielkherndon.com) that politicians and misplacing classified documents "happens all the time." We're talking about people who work nearly 24 hours per day, no matter what location they are at for their entire term in office. Documents marked SCI (Sensitive Compartmented Information) may be more concerning, like some of those found at Trump's Mar A Lago resort, because they can include secret intelligence information but it's hardly suprising that a former president would have them. In general, documents labeled "classified," which routinely end up in the hands of Presidents, Vice Presidents, and Congress people, can include travel briefings, soone to be public news briefings or other public information like plans to [eat a hot dog](https://www.cnn.com/2015/07/23/politics/gallery/national-hot-dog-day-politicians/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) during a ball game as an opportunity to seem American. This means that it's not marginally interesting that a President or VEEP may have classified documents in their possession, perhaps even in their home. What might be more interesting is that in Biden's case, he almost certainly held the documents upside down for the first thirty seconds or so before an aid pointed it out. But it appears that misplacing classified documents is – to use political terms – normal. What isn't normal is to say "fuck you" for 18 months when the National Archives staff is simply trying to do its job and archive things, some of which may include information about more than just hotdogs. Annually somewhere around [50 million documents](https://www.usnews.com/news/national-news/articles/2023-01-24/explainer-the-what-why-how-much-and-how-often-behind-classified-information-in-the-u-s?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Most%20practitioners%20and%20observers%20would%20say%20too%20much.%20Some%20estimates%20assess%20that%20as%20many%20as%2050%20million%20documents%20or%20more%20are%20classified%20each%20year.) are classified each year, which is equivalent to the number of credit card offers I receive in the mail during the same timeframe. I can't even keep track of where I left my sunglasses. Imagine if my sunglasses were classified. I'd need an FBI raid just to help me find every time I go to Costco. The Classified Document Scandal is going to cost Biden politically. If history tells us anything, Trump's role in a his documents scandal will make him a martyr, and Linsday Graham will probably cuss a little bit while talking out of both sides of his mouth. I've been following the story for a while now, and it's become pretty clear to me what the problem is – a slow news cycle. --- That's it for this week. If you have a moment, please share this email with a friend whenever possible. You can do this by printing this entire email, single-sided and in full color, and then delivering it to someone's desk with a handwritten note on it. If you want to save costs due to inflation, consider just forwarding it or sharing it [online](https://danielkherndon.com/its-probably-allergies/). ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it across the internet, in places like [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Almond Milked URL: https://danielkherndon.com/almond-milked/ Last updated: 2023-01-20T16:17:54.000Z ***Note*** *: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox gets it by signing up* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free)*.* --- Hey Friends, I have one really hot take this week. Almonds are the new corn. That's right. It seems like only moments ago, every packaged food was made out of corn. Now it’s almond flour, almond milk, almond butter, almond crackers, and almond cookies. Just this week, I had a salty snack, some dip, and a handful of nuts, and then capped it off with some dessert – and literally only ate almonds the entire time. We can talk more about that in a minute... For now, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 03 of 2023` ### **Hitting the Debt Ceiling** It’s been years since we made jokes about Janet Yellen speaking sternly, using her last name descriptively, but alas, yesterday, we hit the debt ceiling, and Janet has not been quiet about it. As a reminder, increasing the debt ceiling does not increase spending but rather allows the USA to fulfill the spending they’ve already committed to. Republicans insist that Biden commits to large spending cuts in order to authorize the borrowing process, but Biden says the Republicans should not use our ability to pay the bills as a bargaining chip (last time, the US had its credit rating drop, costing taxpayers billions). ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/19/us/politics/debt-limit-economy.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **Western Weapons** The war in Ukraine is currently risking falling into a stalemate at we approach one year since the invasion, but recent decisions from the West and the US may aid in changing that. The Pentagon has begun to shift its position on the type of weapons it will send to Ukraine, shifting from where it started with nerf guns and rubber bands to the more powerful HIMARS. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2023/01/18/major-military-package-ukraine-russia-00078331?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **Material Girl** At one point, literally, everyone was dating Madonna or at least buying her records, but more recently, she’s gone the way of the Nikon Coolpix digital camera. Well, both are making a comeback, and expect to see them coming to a [TikTok post](https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/digital-camera-comeback-trend-tiktok/726671?ref=danielkherndon.com) near you. Madonna, who’s known for not being like a virgin, will be visiting cities across the US in 2023, except this time, she's traded her lingerie costume for a face full of botox and gold teeth/dentures. ([more](https://www.madonna.com/tour?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **GOP Hit Man** A Republican candidate who was running for the statehouse in New Mexico was arrested for hiring four men to carry out shootings at state electors' homes. Solomon Peña lost his election by a landslide and blamed it on election fraud. In response, some Republican colleagues are describing his actions as “very Presidential” and expect him to have a promising future in their political party. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/politics-new-mexico-state-government-crime-albuquerque-1410b516f5b66c18d62342a0d7a9b60f?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### **Kanye Wed** As proof that there is someone for everyone, Kanye West got married again – this time to 27-year-old Yeezy employee, Censori. The Kardashians are confused as to whether the marriage is real or a PR stunt, after which Kim reportedly said, "I wish I would have thought of that." ([more](https://pagesix.com/2023/01/18/kardashians-confused-concerned-about-kanye-west-marriage/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Quickly - Alec Baldwin will be charged with involuntary manslaughter for holding the gun that resulted in an accidental death on the set of the movie "Rust" ([more](https://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/baldwin-rust-shooting-charges-decision/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) - David Crosby of Crosby, Stills and Nash (and Young) died at 81\. ([more](https://variety.com/2023/music/news/david-crosby-dead-dies-byrds-crosby-stills-nash-1235495467/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## The Almond Class `The Gist` With the biggest news out of Congress this week being about Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Green [getting into a shouting match](https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-bathroom-fight-fueling-marjorie-taylor-greene-and-lauren-boeberts-break-up?ref=danielkherndon.com) in a bathroom at the Capital, political news is in the toilet right now. When stories go this direction, even I am getting close to hitting my debt ceiling – that is, the debt I owe to you to keep you up to date on the shit that happens in Government and the arguments that happen immediately afterward, before their hands are even dry (sources say Boebert didn't wash hers). Naturally, when I'm not refreshing news apps to see the latest count of documents found next to Biden's toilet, I do things like buying cars while eating almonds, an act of survival when stuck in the waiting area. Almonds are an excellent snack to get you through a few minutes waiting on a finance manager. Plus, they're free at the dealership, so I recommend them (unless you are watching a Boebert v. Green match, inc which case I recommend popcorn). My family has worked with the same sales rep, Paul, for many years and several purchases. He’s a guy who loves selling cars and doesn’t seem aware he has one flap of his shirt slightly untucked or a tie disheveled. He remembers little things about you. Whether it’s the result of a good memory or a good CRM, I don’t know, but at a minimum, it's the result of what I call "giving a shit". While crunching away at my chipotle-flavored nuts, I asked Paul if they were bringing some of their new electric models onto the lot. He pointed to several but proceeded to talk about all the reasons not to buy one right now. He explained that the technology is advancing so quickly that in two to five years, most people will want the substantially improved battery life the new models will offer, and the resale value of today's models will be that of a Ford Pinto (which arguably is one of the better cars for the environment because it is the least likely to drive). This is why he's my guy – because he's a straight shooter, willing to talk me out of a sale for the long-term benefit of his relationship with me as a customer, and never takes offense when I tell him there’s a piece of lettuce in his teeth. Drivers interested in electric cars buy them for various reasons, including interest in the advanced features, saving money on fuel, and reducing one's carbon footprint. Since saving money by buying a $100,000 car is an oxymoron, we can rule out economic benefit as a reason for purchasing and conclude most people buy them because they want to. Paul tells me many buyers say they’re aiming for a reduced carbon footprint, but he explained that while advocates for electric vehicles are touting the environmental benefits, no one wants to talk about the impact of producing the enormous batteries required to make them. Mining for lithium, cobalt, copper and other minerals required for electric cars involves [enormous mines](https://climate360news.lmu.edu/lithium-not-as-clean-as-we-thought/?ref=danielkherndon.com) which destroy the landscape permanently, devastate the water supply, and in some cases, involve [child labor](https://www.wilsoncenter.org/blog-post/drc-mining-industry-child-labor-and-formalization-small-scale-mining?ref=danielkherndon.com) (which some argue builds character, but so does the greenery in Paul’s teeth). Once an electric car is on the road, its carbon footprint is well below that of its gas-fed counterpart, but the impact of production will make fossil fuel-powered cars blush. Furthermore, the disposal of retired batteries is a concern we have little data about, but we can picture the landfill fires already. We don't currently know if the net result is better or not for electric cars. What we do know, however, is that the minerals needed for electric car batteries are scarce, and supply is [struggling to keep up](https://www.grid.news/story/360/2022/10/04/the-demand-for-electric-vehicles-is-skyrocketing-can-the-supply-of-lithium-and-other-critical-minerals-for-batteries-keep-up/?ref=danielkherndon.com) with the growing demand. Suffice it to say that we don't yet have a solution to reduce the environmental impact of our addiction to driving. We simply have an innovation growing pain. The Almond Class will have to buy what they prefer because they can afford what may not be an option for others. That doesn’t mean we should abandon the tech. In fact, we should continue full speed ahead, but keep our hands on the wheel, autonomous driving or not. This brings me back to nuts. Almonds, the magical super nut, have grown in popularity enormously. The growing demand has led to the development of massive mono-crop farms, demanding enormous amounts of water and depleting the land surrounding it as a result. The popular way to drink a latte has required California’s water resources to be reallocated to keep up with demand. To [produce as little at 16 almonds](https://greenly.earth/en-us/blog/ecology-news/is-almond-milk-bad-for-the-environment?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=and%20it%20takes,almonds) requires almost fifteen gallons of water. Get the economy-size bag, and you're one step away from a whole swimming pool. The lesson is this: [Siete Almond Flower Mexican Wedding Cookies](https://sietefoods.com/products/mexican-wedding-cookies?ref=danielkherndon.com) are amazing but don't expect your plant-based lifestyle to get you into heaven. However, you might need it because it looks like this place is burning up. [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/almond-milked/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for reading and supporting my work. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet, including at these links on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Power and The People URL: https://danielkherndon.com/power-and-the-people/ Last updated: 2023-01-13T14:23:18.000Z *Note: You're reading The Lorem Ipsum. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Get these in your inbox by signing up [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free).* --- Hey Friends, It seems like the Ozone layer is getting [better](https://www.unep.org/news-and-stories/press-release/ozone-layer-recovery-track-helping-avoid-global-warming-05degc?ref=danielkherndon.com). I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad the 80s are over, even if it means we don't have much A-ha or Cyndi Lauper because of it. With my complexion, I wouldn't have made it to 2024 if we didn't render chlorofluorocarbons basically illegal [back in 1988](https://www.state.gov/key-topics-office-of-environmental-quality-and-transboundary-issues/the-montreal-protocol-on-substances-that-deplete-the-ozone-layer/?ref=danielkherndon.com). The unanimous Senate resolution saved countless lives and, as a byproduct, this very newsletter. Today's Congress is another story. I'll get to that in a minute... First, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 02 of 2023` ### The President and The Papers Biden's staff discovered classified documents in the Biden vice presidential office at the Penn Biden Center for Diplomacy and Global Engagement in Washington. The President said, "hmm, that's strange." which has led to criticism from Republicans ranging from side eyes to all-out clinking champagne glasses in their oversight committee meetings. Since the news broke (which, to be clear, is not just on the conservative Fox News or One America Network, but also CBS news, NBC news, and front page news on the New York Times), more classified documents have been discovered at another undisclosed location. Attorney General Merrick Garland has appointed a Special Counsel to probe the matter. President Biden, who is currently not Hunter Biden, is already under investigation by the new Congressional Oversight Committee for being Hunter Biden's dad. The new revelations will aid the Republicans by giving them legitimate claims against their foe who, until now, has mostly been guilty of little more than simply being a grandpa. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/11/us/politics/biden-classified-documents.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### California Casualties Central and Southern California has been hit with storms and rain of epic proportions resulting in an extensive displacement of residents and at least 18 known deaths so far. According to the typically least credible news source, the weatherman, more are on the way – referring to storms, but hopefully not deaths. The uncommonly severe storms, coming after years of drought, have resulted in significant flooding, landslides, sinkholes, and more liberal elites blogging about climate change. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/12/weather/california-flooding-atmospheric-river-thursday/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Brazillian Boycott Thousands of protesters in Brazil did an impression of thousands of Americans storming their capitol. With the exception of having a Moose Head Guy, it looked a lot like January 6th in the USA, although I'm not sure how common it is to refer to our former President as a Moose Head. Brazil's former President, who is blamed for fostering the uprising, was miles away in Florida at the time, which is the same state where his US counterpart lives. Coincidence? ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/International/jan-6-attack-lay-blueprint-brazils-insurrection/story?id=96312273&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Biden to the Border President Biden visited the border this week to walk along the border wall for a photo which took longer than expected due to how slow Biden shuffles in his old age. During his Sunday visit, he announced plans to address the United States southern border crisis, including increasing the number of people that will be accepted legally from southern countries and providing better snacks for immigrants waiting in lines at the border (kidding about the snacks – that's just wishful thinking on my part because I like a good single serving pack of trail mix, and I'm sure many Latin Americans seeking asylum would be glad to accept a fruit and nut mix while they wait on the overloaded judges to hear their case). The right is critical of his plan because he is part of a different party. On the flip side, the left is critical of his plan because it's really not that good of a plan until the capacity to process migrants is addressed. ([more](https://www.elpasotimes.com/story/news/2023/01/10/biden-visit-southern-border-amid-jump-illegal-migrant-crossings/69794219007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### George Santos Generating Suspicion The new representative from New York is no longer needed for a speaker vote, so some of his Republican colleagues are now calling for his resignation. George was caught not only with mysterious campaign finance practices but also not being the George Santos you were looking for. In fact, it seems his name may be the only thing he didn't fabricate. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/11/politics/george-santos-nassau-county-resign/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### A 6-year-old and a 6-Shooter I don't actually believe the gun was a six-shooter, but does it really matter? Whatever it was, it was bought legally by the child's mom and then brought to school by the 6-year-old student in his backpack and used to shoot a 25-year-old first-grade teacher, Abby Zwerner. The student did not get a good grade in the class. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/teaching-newport-news-education-25cebfde17e46abc435c205210a7073d?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Floundering For Flights The FAA had to reboot their computers and, according to a source who asked not to be named because they were not authorized to speak publicly, they were behind on their updates, resulting in a really long install that said "9 minutes remaining" for a really long time. Here's an actual quote: “It was an honest mistake that cost the country millions,” – the mistake which involved an incorrect file replacing another grounded thousands of flights for a part of Wednesday morning. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/US/computer-failure-faa-impact-flights-nationwide/story?id=96358202&ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Quickly - [Deadly storms](https://www.cnn.com/us/live-news/tornadoes-southeast-weather-01-12-23/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) hit Alabama last night leaving six counties in a state of emergency. - Lisa Marie Presley has [left the building](https://people.com/music/lisa-marie-presley-dead-at-54/?ref=danielkherndon.com). That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist.*** --- ## Power Broker `The Gist` Somehow, we've become a country where men in suits and sneakers run the place. Or at least they pretend to. McCarthy, who made it in by a shoelace, called it "learning how to govern" when it took 15 votes to get a gavel in his hand. The Representatives new to their job were perhaps hoping to learn how to make payroll – before the January 13th payday. They made it. They made as much history as they did deals, but while they were giving their sneakers a workout, someone in a white polo and a red hat seemed to be calling the shots. Regardless of the number of people standing in the room, whether or not their sneakers held up for the night, one man still wields outsized power over its operation. As illustrated by this picture of Marjorie Taylor Green handing her phone to a fellow lawmaker, with someone logged to her contacts as "DT" on the line, the GOP can't act without the approval or cajoling of the bearer of this monogram. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/01/06house-speaker-vote-reporter-updates-1210-1-3c3a-superJumbo-1.webp) Image source, NYTimes.com | Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images Even this newsletter can't seem to send a release without at least one line, critical or at least derogatory of the former executive leader, now likely a criminal, and without question, challenging our feelings about the color orange. After the 118th congress managed to get underway, one of the first orders of business was a party-line vote to investigate the weaponization of government against conservatives, including the orange party leader. The leader who has not been in office for years and no longer seems to win enough votes to get there. It seems a faction of the government is run by a ghost. [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/power-and-the-people/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for this week. Thanks for taking a moment to read The Lorem Ipsum, also known as "not just politics in a serifed font." ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet and at your next coffee meeting. You can share the site on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com), or link directly to [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/power-and-the-people/). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/power-and-the-people/#/portal/account/plans) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Dead White People URL: https://danielkherndon.com/dead-white-people/ Last updated: 2023-02-03T12:51:45.000Z --- Floating, waterlogged up to a shore piled with trash is nobody's dream unless that dream is a nightmare. It's not what the people of Ghana want to see, either. Having never been waterlogged myself, I can only speculate on the discomfort, but that's what Chorkor beach welcomes daily. Dead White people. Except it is not actually people but their clothing. The "clothing of dead white men," as they say in Accra, the capital of Ghana in Africa. Chorkor beach, off the coast of Ghana, has, for years, been the destination of scores of dead white men's clothes. They float up, [mysteriously](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2022-11-02/h-m-zara-fast-fashion-waste-leaves-environmental-impact?utm%5Fcampaign=news&utm%5Fmedium=bd&utm%5Fsource=applenews), from presumably richer countries, washed by the tide – ironically, not the laundry detergent, but the incoming waves. Over the Christmas season, my wife and I planned a themed cocktail party at our house. It was a classy event with charcuterie, cocktails that flowed like wine, and wine that flowed like water. The water flowed like hand sanitizer as it turned out. In search of a nice holiday outfit, I was on a quest for a garment of top-notch quality. Something that would be a statement piece every time it finds its way on my back. Something that will wear *me* into the party as opposed to me having to get all the attention as I usually do. I wanted to focus on quality and project a keen sense of fashion. So, naturally, I opened up the Amazon app to see the best Prime has to offer. After a few scrolls, a swipe right, another left, I landed upon a piece that hearkened unto me as the light shone upon my face. The light of Old Glory. A patriotic cowboy button-down that looks like an American flag made its way into a gay bar? Count me in – Please! Nothing like a handsome imported shirt made of "skin-friendly fabric," as the description clearly bragged, delivered in a matter of minutes on a last-minute decision. It's a perfect choice for a theme night cocktail party or a movie night if you're country singer [Porter Wagoner](https://footwearnews.com/2017/fashion/celebrity-style/dolly-parton-porter-wagoner-boots-rhinestone-cowboy-boots-manuel-nudie-suits-elvis-2017-peoples-choice-awards-lonestar-299521/?ref=danielkherndon.com) (laundry day for Vince Gill, I assume). It fit great for the evening, and I will, without question, never wear the shirt again. Nor will it wear me, as it were. I've not contributed the product to Chorkor beach just yet, but that's the plan if the guilt doesn't get me first. After all, the earth isn't going to destroy itself. The only way to skin this cat is beach by beach and one theme party at a time. Before the 1900s, the concept of fast fashion barely existed. Clothing had always been a signature of one's personality, and wealth if you had it, but the masses had less to choose from. When factory-produced clothing became a more viable option after World War II, the masses could rely on mass-produced garments and still be happy with the product. This shift in manufacturing and distribution to retail began making off-the-rack clothing not just an option but progressively more practical. Still, the highest fashion was for the wealthy until the 90s when fashion show scouts would peep the latest fashion looks and produce cheap knock-offs faster than you could say *silver lamé evening dress*. It has changed the way we fill our wardrobes and, as a result, changed the expectations we have of our clothing. We expect much less and also much more. Less quality and more quantity. And we want it with rush delivery double packed in cardboard and plastic. The impact is seen at Chrokor beach and perhaps a whole cross-section of the economy of Ghana, to name one community. Clothing is almost universally produced by low-wage workers in countries that don't have another choice. The product is barely valued above that of a sandwich and leaves our wardrobe at the speed of digestion of the same, only to land in a second-hand store to assuage our glutton for excess and eventually, if not sooner, to join the population of Dead Whites in a landfill. Clearly, I don't do themed costume parties every day. And unless you're Ghislaine Maxwell, you probably don't either – [even in prison](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/crime/ghislaine-maxwell-etiquette-tallahassee-prisoner-b2259594.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) as Ghislaine does (or perhaps I should refer to her by her new name, the socialite and etiquette coach of Tallahassee prison, "Prisoner 02879-509"). But since I am not Maxwell, and because Christmas only comes once a year, I tend to opt for more practical options. Like clothes that are not the new black but the original black. Garments that will last me beyond the first wash and, if possible, don't need to be washed just because someone looked at them while having a dirty thought (note: thought not included with purchase). Furthermore, I look for something that is going to last me a long time, specifically because it is indeed *not* my goal to destroy the earth, beach by beach, or theme by theme. For me, this means finding a product that is made out of sustainable material. Its worth in my wardrobe is measured in years, not wears, and it can be buried in the dirt if indeed, it ever does need to retire. This is difficult to achieve when quality products are difficult to find since the business is barely sustainable because of the economic cycle we've created for ourselves. But if I can find it, I do. Listen, I've always explained that my closet is merely a row of many of the same items, [like Superman's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KrN9OBhpyQ&ref=danielkherndon.com), except I wear a black T-shirt because not all heroes wear capes. Improving our children's lives can often come in the form of improving our own image. Or at least the fabric that helps us make it. It doesn't feel like enough to be "skin friendly" when you've had "second skin" quality. For me, it's achieved one piece at a time, and it's made of [Merino Wool](https://waltersky.com/collections/tees-and-outerwear/products/ws-mt01?variant=11353423708196&ref=danielkherndon.com) or [Selvage Denim](https://www.nakedandfamousdenim.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) for everyday wear. It always costs more, and usually, it's worth it. I don't mind coloring outside the lines here or there for a special occasion. But in an effort to save the world, I'll start by trying to trim my share of waste that finds its way to the beach. Because, after all, if there's one place we should have less clothing, it's on the beach. ### Kevin McCarthy Needs A Sandwich URL: https://danielkherndon.com/kevin-mccarthy-needs-a-sandwich/ Last updated: 2023-01-08T22:04:30.000Z Hey Friends, I'm glad the Holiday break is over. Welcome to another year. If you're new here, you're reading *The Weekly* from The Lorem Ipsum. A funny column about serious topics. *The Weekly* recaps the news each Friday. Hopefully, you've gotten some rest over the holidays because we've got a lot of work ahead of us. We're going to have to start paying attention to the news as well, so I'll get right to it. In this week's post, I'll talk about what's going on in The House of Representatives and why Kevin McCarthy probably needs a ham and cheese. ***But first, a programming note:*** *Starting this week, the newsletter tick box for Articles and The Weekly will be combined and Long Reads will be retired as a separate distribution list. That means that those subscribed to one list or the other will now receive both The Weekly on Fridays and Articles when they are posted. That's approximately 1.8 emails per week! Some Articles will have a paywall, but don't worry, you'll get a free preview, and if you wish to upgrade to a paid subscription, we'll welcome you with open arms. As promised, our emails are designed to be easy to delete, so those who wish to read one post and not another are able to do so with ease.* Let's dive into **The News.** --- ## Hot Takes `First Week of 2023` ### Blunt Chest Trauma Damar Hamlin of the Buffalo Bills collapsed after a tackle during a football game, going into cardiac arrest. He continues to be in critical condition, although with signs of "substantial improvement." The NFL community has completely surrounded him, except this time not to tackle him, but now to support him on his road to recovery. Damar is unable to speak but has communicated in writing, according to one of his doctors, Timothy Pritts. When Damar asked if they won Monday's game, reportedly, Pritts' response was, "I think you misspelled 'I want a burger and fries'." Last night, the NFL announced it would not resume the unfinished game. ([more](https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/%5F/id/35385154/damar-hamlin-shows-remarkable-improvement-remains-critical-condition?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **In similar news**, actor Jeremy Renner was run over by his snow plow vehicle, causing serious [injuries](https://stylecaster.com/what-happened-jeremy-renner/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Machete Attack The headline said, "Maine Man Attacks Cops in Times Square," but as far as The Lorem Ipsum is concerned, 19-year-old Trevor Bickford is not our main man, despite coming from a state named Maine. The attack, an act of violence in the name of his religion, resulted in the injuries of two NYPD officers, and Trevor himself was shot in the shoulder by police. Both officers have been treated and released. Representatives for the NYPD said, "it's a jungle out there," but cautioned New Yorkers against taking that literally, considering the whole machete thing. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/news/trevor-bickford-wells-maine-nypd-attack-times-square-new-years-eve-machete/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Walters Meets The Pope Barbara Walters, also known as [Baba Wawa](https://people.com/tv/baba-wawa-how-barbara-walters-came-to-terms-with-gilda-radners-infamous-snl-impression-of-her/?ref=danielkherndon.com), died last Friday. She brought along the former Pope, Benedict XVI, who followed her a day later, hoping to snag her a spot in heaven (since Walters practiced no religion). Although, for some reason, I think that resigning from being The Pope has got to be a sin, considering Popes have been avoiding it for over 600 years. (Here's [more](https://www.reuters.com/world/benedicts-death-clears-path-pope-francis-retire-old-age-future-2023-01-03/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on The Pope(s)) ### Cease Fire Russian President Vladimir Putin called for a 36-hour cease-fire along the front lines in Ukraine for Orthodox Christmas. Ukraine rolled its eyes. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/01/05/world/russia-ukraine-news?campaign%5Fid=57&emc=edit%5Fne%5F20230105&instance%5Fid=81939&nl=evening-briefing®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=121688&smid=url-share&te=1&user%5Fid=487c082712c00ac169858336dff574e0&ref=danielkherndon.com#it-was-unclear-if-ukraines-military-would-heed-putins-call-for-a-brief-cease-fire)) ### Selling Body Parts Two funeral home directors were sentenced to 20 and 15-year sentences for selling their customers' body parts. Understandably, funeral industry professionals are looking for additional revenue streams as their clientele dies off, but lawmakers advise you to get permission from the families of the deceased before you sell their grandma for parts. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/04/us/colorado-funeral-home-body-parts/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Quit Staring. Add Your Take.](https://danielkherndon.com/kevin-mccarthy-needs-a-sandwich/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Give This Man a Sandwich `The Gist` I like a good sandwich as much as the next guy. But I won't bend over backward to have one, especially if it leaves much to be desired in the taste department. Some tell me I'm picky about my sandwiches and food in general. But, as I put it, I just want us to be honest about our wiches – sand or otherwise. Like the "unwich," a food named for its lack of bread – where I come from, we just like to call it "ham." Kevin McCarthy is a big sandwich fanatic himself. He once owned a sandwich shop he called Kevin O's (which I checked and found no relation to Cheerie). He started Kevin O's at 21 years old, where he provided sandwiches "hot upon request," a slogan that happens to be his motto in congress even to this day. According to Kevin, his most popular sandwich was turkey with cream cheese and artichoke hearts, about which he says, "I just made it up." Today, As Kevin is attempting to capture votes to become Speakership of the House, we don't know if he is a turkey or a ham. He's known to be a back-slapper, friendly guy who makes deals with his fellow congressman, but he's also known for making deals that end up being more of an unwich than an understanding. Kevin is no stranger to singing for his supper, as demonstrated by his constant caving on far-ranging conditions, even those that render his power as Speaker as authoritative as someone eating an egg salad blandwich. I'm not opposed to a tune or two myself when necessary, but a song that sucks is no song to be sung, and neither do I want a bad sandwich, even one Kevin just *made up*. The short-hand analysis is this. If politics is a long game, Kevin McCarthy is getting exactly what he should've expected. Nothing. It was two years ago when Kevin McCarthy stood in front of Congress and said Trump "bears responsibility" for the January 6th riots. Yet, only a few days later, he rushed down to Mar a Lago to tell Trump he loved him forever and for always. Since then, his relationship with Trump, and it seems everyone else, continued in the same fashion. Up and down until someone gets tired. I will hand it to him, though. If you ever want to get something done, you're going to have to ask Kevin McCarthy to do it because he'll do nearly anything to get a vote for speaker. But after caving on nearly every concession, including an opportunity to call a vote to remove him at any time and reportedly an offer to clean Matt Gaetz's house in a french maid outfit every Wednesday for the next two years, he still couldn't secure his vote to become Speaker. As of Thursday morning, Kevin has conceded even further – it's unclear if his concessions will aid Matt Gaetz in his sex trafficking plans, but they will make it easier for Kevin to get screwed – even a single member of the House can call a vote for his removal as of Thursday's deal. Here's why he finds himself here. Because when every deal you make is followed by a deal with someone else to overwrite the previous, people stop making deals with you. And that's where he stands in the House right now. Hopefully, he has a decent sandwich in his lunch bag to get him through the day. [Leave A Comment](https://danielkherndon.com/kevin-mccarthy-needs-a-sandwich/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for this week. May your weekends be restful and your sandwiches tasty. As always, thank you for inviting me into your inbox each week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet and at your next coffee meeting. You can share the site on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com), or link directly to [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/kevin-mccarthy-needs-a-sandwich/). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Six Stitches URL: https://danielkherndon.com/six-stitches/ Last updated: 2026-07-10T02:59:27.000Z *Note: This is the next installment of Made From Leftovers. You can read the introduction [here](https://danielkherndon.com/introduction/) and the first chapter [here](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/).* At four and a half years old, there was no calling louder than the call of nature. I was in the upstairs bathroom of our townhouse apartment, seated on the toilet, faced with a serious problem. And in moments, it would take a turn for the worse. We lived at 42nd and Post on the upper east side of Indianapolis. Our townhouse was perfect for a family of six, especially if you didn't have any other choice. An image search for "Indianapolis 42nd and Post" doesn't sell the neighborhood very well, but if you can picture it without the police lights and boarded-up houses, you might be able to see its potential. Our living room was a small area at the front of the home, decorated by a large wooden-cased stereo system Dad had owned since well before I was born. We listened to the radio all the time, usually tuned to “Love 98, WXIR,” which was the local Christian station. At the time, about 1984, Dad was trying to break into the life insurance business through a multi-level marketing organization while Mom went door-to-door selling makeup for Avon. For Mom, being an "Avon Lady" was one way to help make ends meet and one of my parent's many attempts to pursue some financial independence. And we certainly needed every penny. Sometimes, the only thing between me and a fresh banana was a couple of orders of mascara to pay for it – and from what I knew, that would have been a big sales day too. It was a soft market for makeup sales, especially in our neighborhood, since the consumer demand better favored things like meth and macaroni and cheese. There really was a lot of entrepreneurship in our neighborhood. And while drug trafficking was frowned upon, it was one of the bigger job creators in the area. In fact, my friend's dad next door was in the industry and occasionally in jail for it. Another income creator for the neighborhood was the clinics where residents might part with some of their excess plasma for a fee. Despite these opportunities, my parents preferred to focus on multi-level marketing and door-to-door sales gigs while Dad hunted for more permanent employment in a non-criminal industry. Not that it's criminal to sell life insurance, even through a pyramid scheme. It's just very hard to make it when you're landlocked in an area where people think life insurance requires bullets. But let's get back to my situation. `The rest of this chapter is available to paying subscribers. Sign up `[here](#/portal/signup)` to read the rest.` _This post is for paying subscribers only._ ### Yes I Tasted Dog Food URL: https://danielkherndon.com/yes-i-tasted-dog-food/ Last updated: 2022-12-30T11:30:30.000Z Hey Friends, This week, you need a break from the news. Every once in a while, I like to take a break from the news cycle to allow time to reflect. It's around the end of the year when I step away from short-form ever-changing news and enjoy something that will last longer than a momentary headline. It's a time to stop talking about the two-headed monsters known as politicians and spend time with the four-legged type known as man's best friend. So this week, I‘m cancelling the news like a Southwest flight. In this week’s newsletter, I'm going to explain why I ate dog food and what happened. Then I'm going to highlight some of my best articles of 2022. But first, what's coming up? This weekend, I'll be releasing another chapter of ***Made From Leftovers,*** *a*nd another in a matter of days. For those who want access to this paid post and future posts like it, I am still offering a year-end special to get 50% off your first year. You can become a Founder for only $25 for a year subscription for an extremely limited time [right here](https://danielkherndon.com/treat-me). [Get 50% Off Now](https://danielkherndon.com/treat-me) Thanks to all those who have supported The Lorem Ipsum by upgrading. Now let's get to **The Dog**. --- ## Meet Asher `End of 2022` Asher has a heart of gold and the aroma of a corn chip. He’s the first dog I’ve ever let in my bed, although I still tell him not to get any ideas. He's the most behaved dog I've ever had (we've had three in our house) if you are okay with the constant need for attention. Asher is an important member of the family. He brings companionship and comfort to us. He also brings his ball to us endlessly until you refuse to play fetch with him. He just wants to hang out. But I can relate. I'm a people person, and Asher is a people dog. We have a lot in common, as it turns out. Except for our diets. Asher isn't one for bourbon, and without the dexterity in the wrists and the benefits of opposable thumbs, I doubt he could stir his cocktail mixer 48 times anyway. He rarely uses more sophisticated instruments like a knife and fork. Heck, he eats too fast to use one anyway. He rushes to his food like Kari Lake rushes to file a lawsuit. And because of that, he'll lose his lunch – also like Kari Lake. So I wanted to know what was going on with this guy's food. So I ate some. Before you judge me (or during, if you must), consider that dogs are [more similar](https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/news/dogs-and-humans/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=It%20turns%20out%2C%20the%20microbes,digestive%20systems%20are%20so%20alike.) to us in terms of nutrition than we may think. Often, we caution against feeding our four-legged friends chocolate or sugary foods and drinks. And, of course, we humans should moderate those things too. In the case of our pets, we've made it a rule that must be followed. ## So, what did it taste like? It tasted terrible. It was surprisingly bland. Don't worry. I didn't eat much. I didn’t engorge myself in a puppy-style Thanksgiving feast or anything, but I was thankful. Thankful I don’t eat food this bad. Or do I? The fact of the matter is much of what we feed ourselves is, essentially, dog food with extra sugar. Dog food is made from food byproducts that often have eliminated or processed out the whole foods so that the ingredients sound good but may not be that good for us – or our dogs, I mean. You have to read a label to know [what is in dog food](https://www.petmd.com/dog/nutrition/evr%5Fpet%5Ffood%5Ffor%5Fyour%5Fpets%5Fsake?ref=danielkherndon.com) for the same reason you have to read a label to know what's in a veggie burger – because it's not obvious. A head of lettuce and a tomato is a dead giveaway. So is a slice of beef, for the most part. And there is something to be said for enjoying the experience of seeking and preparing your food. Naturally, dogs hunt, which offers them much-needed exercise and the opportunity to digest what they eat. So, because I know how much I love good food, I passed Asher a few strips of bacon this week. I haven't switched him to whole foods quite yet, but it may be worthy of some thought. And, if we humans want to live long and feel good while we're fetching, we should consider doing the same. --- ## The Best Of Here are some of this year's best articles. I hope you enjoyed spending the year with The Lorem Ipsum. If you didn't, please forward this to a friend so they can put it to better use. See you all in 2023. ### Invasions instead of invitations. Based on history alone, it appears it is much better to be the leader of a totalitarian government than it is to be, say, a homeowner. I explain here. [Invasions, Insurrections and IndictmentsWe’re resorting to invasions instead of invitations. Based on history alone, it appears it is much better to be the leader of a totalitarian government than it is to be, say, a homeowner. The difference is astounding. When you invade a country, you’re deemed a hero and a![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/05/28-Tank.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/invasions-insurrections-and-indictments/) ### When is Too Soon? This one is about the ongoing struggle of people who make people laugh. [When is ‘Too Soon’?About the ongoing struggle of those who make people laugh For no less than four decades, I’ve been doing my best to put my money where my mouth is. Unfortunately, sometimes that can mean I need to wrap my money around my foot. Not because of any bad nail![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/05/29-Standup.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/when-is-too-soon/) ### When Domestic Violence Becomes Entertainment Is it because bystanders don't see it as their problem? [When Domestic and Sexual Violence Becomes EntertainmentThe moment Amber Heard managed to convince us that pooping in a bed is a reasonable approach to revenge, we’ve been riveted. We’re engrossed like a king on his porcelain throne, deliberating as he issues his edict. I guess things have changed since the good ole days of![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Depp-Heard.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/when-domestic-and-sexual-violence-becomes-entertainment/) ### Arming America This is the most mathematically inclined article I've written and explains my approach to (everything) and why I write. [Arming America (With Information)When it comes to gun laws, the power of rhetoric tends to be more powerful than reason, but gun violence like almost all problems is a mathematical one and will require a more nuanced approach. Here’s how the liberal position has got it all wrong.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/48-Light-Switch-1-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/) ### And finally... If Your Running For President You might not want to quit your day job – especially if you are Mike Pence. [Pence: Can He Make Old Things New?When hitching your wagon to a rising star goes bad. Many of you know that I have my eyes on the Oval Office. I have for years, although I’m beginning to doubt my prospects. Specifically, because I believe that the content of this publication will likely be the very thing![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/45-Pence-3.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/pence-is-making-old-things-new/) That's it for this week. Thanks for reading The Lorem Ipsum. ***Have a Happy New Year!*** --- ### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet and at your next coffee meeting. You can share the site on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com), or link directly to [this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/the-loremgpt/). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Smooth Criminal URL: https://danielkherndon.com/smooth-criminal/ Last updated: 2022-12-23T11:30:30.000Z Hey Friends, Welcome to the 70th issue of The Weekly. With a title like the one above, I imagine you might be expecting me to admit to committing some kind of crime or bring some long con to a landing with this email, but I'll leave the crimes to other people to commit, namely, recent past Presidents or Sam Bankman Fried. Me, on the other hand, and all of The Lorem Ipsum editorial board (which is literally just me), I'm (we're) going to be doing more giving than taking. And while I admire a good long con, I'm not your guy for that, either. I'm a guy who, when he buys a collectible bourbon, opens it and tastes it because he "just wanted to know," therefore reducing its value by somewhere around "a lot." When I buy a Christmas gift for someone special, I can't keep it a secret for more than a couple of days, even if it is safely stored in the neighbor's garage, so don't expect me to be a good con man. If I were, I'd probably blurt my plan out to you because I'm too excited that it's working. The only long con I've been committing is the one where I provide you hundreds of articles for free before ever requiring you to pay for my work. And to make it worse, I provide nearly 100% of articles on this site without a paywall anyway. Even as a marketing consultant, many of [my marketing articles](https://mtchbk.com/insights?ref=danielkherndon.com), written or co-written by me, are also free. So if you become a marketing genius (or independent thinking, voter, etc.) because of something I've provided you for free, thank me later (or now if you're feeling a little Christmas guilt over it). The point of this long diatribe is to say that I am a giver, and that is what I intend to do today. ## Wait, Where Am I? *Editors Note: No, you didn't get caught in a bomb cyclone. In case you've forgotten, you're receiving The Weekly from The Lorem Ipsum, a funny email about serious topics. I cover the week's top headlines and then stress out about the Friday morning breaking news I missed. I promise we'll cover that next week.* *If you are here by accident, you'll need to fix that. Sign up for your own copy of The Lorem Ipsum* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup)*, and get some version of this email each Friday. On the other side of the week, I post articles that cover an issue at length; make sure you get those by including Long Reads in your email* [*preferences*](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/) *(although I've considered combining the lists into one happy email family – give me your thoughts on that if you're inclined).* *End Editors Note.* Now that we're done with italicized iterjectory text, let's talk about the end of this year as we slide into the next. Many of you are thinking about your holiday break. Perhaps you are spending your time unwinding after a year of working [more than living](https://danielkherndon.com/should-we-make-every-week-a-four-day-workweek/), or you're doing laundry [more than you really need to](https://danielkherndon.com/you-should-stop-washing-your-jeans/). Maybe you're spending holiday family time [avoiding politics and religion](https://danielkherndon.com/returning-to-the-laptop/). Either way, I hope you experience only the good things and decline to participate in the bad. Happy Holidays to all of you. As promised, I have something special, and it's not a pass on your IRS audit. It's better than that. ## Something Special Most of the writers I read have shared with their readers how much they won't be doing for the rest of the year. For me and The Lorem Ipsum staff (also me), it is quite the opposite. I'll be using the lack of appointments and creative professionals to manage as an opportunity to complete the edits of several chapters of my book, *Made From Leftovers,* to polish them up for public consumption. I've released the [first chapter](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/) of my memoir, which shares why I never graduated high school, how I learned to exercise demons at a coffeehouse and shows how to use humor as a defense mechanism (because we're all rolled up in a fetal position at some point anyway – like I am after I hit send on every post). In my book, which for now will only be released here on this blog (unless you have a better offer) I take a look back at my funny life and examine poverty and what it means to the rest of us. These chapters will be available for paying readers only. However, for those that aren't, if you spent $4,975 of your $5,000 Christmas budget, then I have good news. You still have $25, and some luck left. As a special gift and proof that good things happen to good people (also you), I am offering you a chance to sign up to become a Founder for premium access to The Lorem Ipsum for only ~~$50~~ $25 for a year subscription for an extremely limited time [right here](https://danielkherndon.com/treat-me). In addition to access to more content, you'll be supporting my work and helping me reach more people. Most people say that's all they really wanted for Christmas anyway! That means you'll get 625 hours of my time for roughly 4 cents per hour, or less than the cost of a dinner for two at Applebees, which isn't even that good. ## What You Got So Far So what do you get from The Lorem Ipsum? Well, this year, I released 91 articles, including 41 Long Reads and 50 issues of The Weekly. I've also tasted actual dog food and once drank soup through a straw – two things I'll never do again. What I will do is provide you with the top news and analysis of the important issues. I'll continue to do my best to be balanced, opinionated, and snarky all at the same time. There's one more issue coming next week, and if you join me, there's a lot more in 2023\. Thanks for reading. For the rest of the issue, which is already quite long, let's take a look at **The News.** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 51 of 2022` ### You've Been Struck By You know that when a congressional committee uses your middle initial, you're in trouble, and that's what happened on Monday when the January 6th Committee referred Donald J. Trump for criminal charges, accusing him of four crimes with detailed evidence. Some of the new evidence included testimony from Hope Hicks, who said she worried Trump might be ruining his legacy because he looked ridiculous with his spray tan but also because of his unfounded claims of election fraud. Her testimony comes on the heels of her fresh eyebrow waxing that left a little redness, but it didn't take away from the fact that her testimony shows that even Trump's closest advisors warned him against his efforts to subvert the election. The January 6th Committee is expected to be disbanded by the induction of the new Congress on January 3rd, after which I wanted to put in a good word for Liz Cheney because she may be looking. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/12/18/jan6-committee-deliver-judgment-trump-00074365?ref=danielkherndon.com)) After the Committee announced its accusations in its public hearing, the following day, another congressional committee voted to release Donald Trump's tax documents from over the last six years, which do not reference spray tans but do show that Trump paid $0 (rounded to the nearest whole number) in taxes in 2020 after paying about $1.1 million for the rest of his Presidency, most of which was in 2018\. Paying nothing in taxes is very common for people who lose money, although losing millions is a luxury most people don't have. The revelations highlight that Trump is in real estate and has a lot of assets he can depreciate to reduce his tax burden, but that doesn't make a very good headline. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/12/21/us/politics/trump-tax-return-numbers.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Zelensky Visits Washington After a busy 300 days fighting a war, Volodymyr Zelensky, President of Ukraine, came to the United States dressed in his military green fatigues and a fresh haircut to meet with President Biden, who was wearing a sharp blue tailored suit and a pair of Depends. The two exchanged personal gestures and met privately to discuss the war in Ukraine and other topics. One source said that Zelensky said it was refreshing to be in a country that was not at war on the ground but rather on social media. Later on Wednesday evening, Zelensky met with Congress to thank the United States for its support in a prime-time [address](https://ghost.org/pricing/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Zelensky said, "Ukraine never asked American soldiers to fight on our land. I assure you, Ukrainian soldiers can operate American tanks and planes themselves." While all this was going on, Putin admitted that his army hadn't performed very well but said they'll continue to fight, modernize their army, and add more soldiers to the field like beef into a [meat grinder](https://www.newsweek.com/putin-mobilization-russian-men-meat-grinder-ukraine-war-1752696?ref=danielkherndon.com). Although he had not used that particular metaphor, he did say their war spending had no limits. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-64047058?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Elon Musk was Voted Out. Most Twitter users are thrilled to have Elon Musk involved as CEO. However, most Twitter users are bots. Many human Twitter users responded to a poll Musk posted, asking whether he should step down as CEO of Twitter. As a follow-up to the landslide vote against him, he said there was no one who could run the site and keep it going, so as of the last available update, there has been no public movement to put someone in his place. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/19/tech/elon-musk-twitter-ceo-poll/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Spending Bill Congress has unveiled a 1.7 trillion dollar spending bill, a number that means nothing out of context. The bill is seen as the last priority for the Democrats before the shift in the balance of power goes into effect. The bill funds the government through the fall while also, as an unrelated addition, bans TikTok on government devices, possibly to reduce screen time. ([more](https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/3782414-spending-bill-would-revamp-pandemic-response-medicaid-funding/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Once in a Generation Winter Storm Experts have warned us all week that the storm that spanned across the USA's midsection (not trying to make it feel self-conscious) was coming with extreme temperatures, ice, and significant snowfall. The bomb cyclone has been named Elliot by The Weather Channel, but at least one reader said it should be called Ebeneezer for having ruined our Holiday plans. The weather pattern remains either the worst thing ever or a nonissue, so please be careful and enjoy a safe Holiday weekend! ([more](https://weather.com/storms/winter/news/2022-12-22-winter-storm-elliott-forecast-bomb-cyclone-snow-blizzard-damaging?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/smooth-criminal/#ghost-comments) --- ## Your Questions. `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` If you're looking for answers to anything at all, even to questions as obscure as those about the taste of dog food, I have an answer for you. Or at least I will shortly. Submit your questions by replying to this email. --- That's it for this week. I hope you have a merry Christmas, happy Hanukka, and a happy Festivus for the rest of us. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/12/872691B3-8151-4A4E-AF1E-400721CAEE1E.jpeg) ***Have a great Holiday weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet and at your next coffee meeting. You can share the site on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com), and here's the [link to this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/smooth-criminal/). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### The LoremGPT URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-loremgpt/ Last updated: 2022-12-19T22:17:55.000Z Hey Friends, I'm not afraid of AI. That's right. Over the last two weeks, people have gone crazy over AI robots like [ChatGPT](https://chat.openai.com/chat?ref=danielkherndon.com), a site, slash bot, slash app that could literally write this whole newsletter for me, minus the errors. People are shaking in their digital boots, afraid that some digital immigrant will come into our world to take their human person job. But I don't fear the bot. If I were, I'd also have to be afraid of new people being born – because they could both replace me soon. I wasn't afraid of Napster when I was in the music business, and if I were a caveman, I wouldn't have been afraid of the wheel either. To explain, let me first let ChatGPT, the AI chatbot, write an intro to The Lorem Ipsum for me. > Hi there, > > It's been a busy week in the world of technology, and we're excited to share the latest news with you. One of the biggest developments is the continued rise of ChatGPT, the revolutionary new language processing tool that's taking the industry by storm. > > ChatGPT uses advanced algorithms to understand and generate natural language, making it easier than ever for businesses to interact with customers and for individuals to use language-based applications. We're thrilled to see ChatGPT making such strides and can't wait to see where it goes from here. > > Stay tuned for more updates and have a great week! > > Best regards, \[Your Name\] Do you see what I mean? *"Your Name"* (if that really is its name) does not seem to be a threat to me because what *Your Name* just said, while accurate and with perfect grammar and punctuation, was completely *boring*. There was no comment about the invention of the wheel. No ironic comparison to new people (a.k.a. babies) being produced all the time and replacing us old people. It was just information. So while we enter the Holidays, I encourage you not to fear the bot. Embrace the bot. Use it to write your note cards to your family, and use it to write your holiday party invitations to friends or thank you notes for gifts. You know. Menial tasks. But for the important stuff, you're going to need a human. You're going to need The Lorem Ipsum. What about you? Share your thoughts on a future with AI in [the comments](https://danielkherndon.com/the-loremgpt/#ghost-comments). Should I worry? But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 50 of 2022` ### Sam Bankman (un)Fried The SEC of the USA charged SBF, the CEO of FTX, PDQ, and now we're facing more three-letter combos than a bunch of architects in a KFC – and Sam is facing serious charges. SBF, which is shorthand for Sam Bankman Fried and not a cleaning supply, was arrested in the Bahamas on Monday and later denied bail. He was charged with wire fraud and money laundry – likely the only laundry he has ever done. We expect him to be extradited to the USA soon. ([more](https://www.coindesk.com/policy/2022/12/14/after-sbfs-arrest-the-ftx-show-goes-on/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Finally Fusion To all you nerds out there, the most exciting thing that has taken place this past week is that scientists have created energy, sort of like making something out of nothing (formerly known as "impossible") in a fusion reactor. This actually is pretty cool because that means in the next 10 to 100 years (actual time TBD), we'll be able to power the entire earth with a power pack the size of an iPhone (the battery is still going to die on you, though). ([more](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/scientists-achieve-breakthrough-nuclear-fusion?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Kyrsten's Cinema Senator Kyrsten Sinema has announced this week that she no longer identifies as a Democrat. Many think her move is an act of political theatre – some say she's being "selfish" and "doing it to avoid a 2024 primary" or that she's "wearing red glasses, and what's that supposed to mean?" It's expected that she'll operate mostly the same, caucusing with Democrats and not being Republican. The Lorem Ipsum's take? Welcome to our side, which is none. ([more](https://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/op-ed/2022/12/09/sen-kyrsten-sinema-of-arizona-why-im-registering-as-an-independent/69712395007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Free Speech Yesterday, Twitter suspended the accounts of several prominent journalists for sharing a link about someone who shared a link that bothered Elon Musk (he said he was doxxed when someone shared some public information that exposed the location of his private jet, and the people who covered the story are guilty too). But how would we even know that if it weren't for Twitter making us a place for "free speech?" Well, one idea is to get the information from other websites. And here is one where [this story is explained](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/15/technology/twitter-suspends-journalist-accounts-elon-musk.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### tWitch found dEad Stephen Boss, who, like the iPhone, didn't capitalize the first letter of his stage name tWitch died in a hotel room by suicide. Stephen Boss, best known as a regular on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, earned recognition first on "So You Think You Can Dance" before joining Ellen's show for nearly a decade and later returning to SYTYCD as a judge. Boss often shared videos of him and his wife dancing on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Clw2Eh9Aazs/?ref=danielkherndon.com). [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/the-loremgpt/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Something Social `The Gist` Alec Baldwin called social media a sea of broken promises, and he wasn't referring to Elon Musk skipping out on Twitter's contracts, but he also wasn't not talking about that. I admit I've been in a love-hate relationship with Social Media for a long time, but in order to hear another point of view, I ask a reader and fellow in the marketing industry to provide his thoughts. I share my thoughts, and then Daniel Johnson, the London-based marketing Daniel, shares his. Read the article here: [Social Media is Dead. Possibly.Startup founder Daniel Johnson says Twitter is a key platform for paid ads. And if Twitter is a good place for us, it will be a good place for business.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/12/71-Dead-Twitter-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/social-media-is-dead-possibly/) --- ## Watch This Space Looking for last-minute gifts for a Christmas friend, relative, or dad? Here's a rundown of some easy wrist-ready options from my friend Andrew Griswold. [Holiday Buying Guide for Men - Watches — GrisTo preface, it’s already December BUT it’s never too late to order something nice for your husband or significant other before Christmas thanks to the all mighty Amazon. All of the watches on this list are available via Amazon to make things simple.![](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5a57b40801002738e0ef91cd/1517161972403-PFUSR2QYNLP5NB0T6V5B/favicon.ico)GrisWhat the F\*#k Do You Get Your Husband for Christmas?![](http://static1.squarespace.com/static/5a57b40801002738e0ef91cd/5a5823aa53450a9c63068122/6388f23c2850bc26523d31ed/1671137198738/IMG_2920.jpg?format=1500w)](https://andrewgriswold.com/blog/holiday-gift-guide?ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for this week. As always, I'm thankful that you read, although I cannot confirm you aren't a ReadBot. Thanks for being a part of The Lorem Ipsum, and a special thanks to those who [support it](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) financially. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends, so please share it all over the internet and at your next coffee meeting. You can share the site on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), or [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com), and here's the [link to this issue](https://danielkherndon.com/the-loremgpt/). 🖤 **Founders**: If you like The Lorem Ipsum and want to keep it going, [become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for as little as $4.17 per month, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Social Media is Dead. Possibly. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/social-media-is-dead-possibly/ Last updated: 2022-12-16T09:06:06.000Z Social media is what happens when people who want to be seen find themselves stuck at home. That's not to suggest that there are no benefits to the tool. I'm sure social media has a place in society. After all, so do garbage cans. Personally, I’ve grown more dystopian on social media these days, despite my longstanding membership. Twitter, in particular, which I've long enjoyed as a place [to store jokes](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon?ref=danielkherndon.com), has been an excellent way to catch a glimpse of what's going on in the world. But when your scenery is created by the power users you follow, I fear we don't have a clear view. I'm fully agnostic on the potential of Twitter with Elon Musk at the helm. I had a hard time keeping up with the bombshell "Twitter Files" because I was too busy yawning, and I'm not even slightly tempted to launch a [Mastadon](https://joinmastodon.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com) account in protest. I was critical of Musk in [The War on Oreos](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-oreos/), an article about Elon's lack of insight when it comes to advertising and free speech. But even with that, the site may remain a central part of many people's lives on the internet. It might do very well and make tons of money. It might become the next Xanga and become irrelevant. But – I do think there is a place for social media in the world. I just can't see it clearly through the smoke of a real-life bonfire after two glasses of bourbon. So in order to bring balance, I reached out to someone who is more bullish on social media and Twitter in particular. Daniel Johnson is Founding Partner at London-based [We Scale Startups](https://www.wescalestartups.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com), a fellow marketing guy, and a fellow 'Daniel', as it were. He works with tech companies to help them create repeatable and scalable processes. Heck, he probably would have obliged if Elon had asked for help envisioning the future of Twitter. In fact, that's what I asked him to tell me about, and here it is. Daniel explains that if Twitter is a good place for us, it will be a good place for business. --- ## The Trickle Down Effect Who uses Twitter anymore? This is something I’ve heard said by startup founders and growth marketers in recent months. And Elon Musk is listening. The platform has reportedly seen a decline in use, particularly in ‘heavy tweeters’ (Twitter users who post more than three to four times a week). ‘Is Twitter dying?’ Elon Musk asked - on Twitter - before swooping in and buying the platform. With talk of [charging for video content](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/11/01/elon-musk-twitter-paywalled-video/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and [advertisers, such as Cheerios, Pfizer, and Audi, putting their ad accounts on hold](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/nov/04/mass-sackings-monetisation-elon-musk-twitter-changing?ref=danielkherndon.com) (not to mention a staff shake-up and a delisting of shares), I, along with many other startup founders, am watching closely to find out what he’ll do next. As a startup founder who’s worked with many young companies on their growth strategy, Twitter has been a frequently used platform for paid ads. While its use may be in decline, Twitter still has 230 million active users and is a well-used marketing channel. Startups grow fast using lean, iterative, data-driven methods, and paid social ads are our bread and butter. Social platforms allow startups to promote their products affordably and quickly. They also offer invaluable data, allowing companies to hone their campaigns to target the right audience at the right time. But Musk’s latest activities have made advertisers wonder if Twitter will remain a viable platform. Here’s what I’m seeing lately: founders of startup companies are becoming unsettled. Most startups build their businesses with minimal resources and are highly risk-averse. They’re very careful about how they spend money and where they place paid ads. The loss of confidence from major advertisers and instability at the top is having a trickle-down effect. Twitter gives us pause for thought. There’s a momentary ‘Is it worth it?’ thought when we consider promoting our companies and products on Twitter. Of course, it is worth it, but that loss of confidence is infectious. As I say, Twitter has some enormous strengths for small, growing businesses. It’s the perfect platform for ‘micro-blogging’: firing off short, sharp opinion pieces and product promotions that can reach a company’s target audience two or three times a week. Growth marketing is all about building relationships with your customer, and Twitter allows you to start conversations and drive engagement, which leads to conversions, sales, and, most importantly, loyal, repeat customers. Another important Twitter tool for a startup's marketing campaigns is video. And Musk’s [reported plans](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/11/01/elon-musk-twitter-paywalled-video/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to charge for viewing video content on the platform is potentially bad news. According to [research by Wyzol](https://www.wyzowl.com/video-marketing-statistics/?ref=danielkherndon.com), 86% of businesses use video in their marketing efforts. In my experience, video is the most direct, easily accessible form of marketing on social media. Musk’s plans to charge people to view videos would severely impact the costs of marketing for startups and big businesses alike. If I had Elon’s ear, I would suggest a few things that would [improve the Twitter experience](https://www.marketingbrew.com/future-social/stories/2022/11/15/should-your-brand-stay-on-twitter?ref=danielkherndon.com) for advertisers, startups, marketers, and, well - everyone. First off, Elon bought Twitter amid warnings from politicians and protesters to keep hate speech in check, with fears that the takeover may lead to a rise in harmful and dangerous posts. Aside from the moral implications of hate speech, it can also be damaging to brands. At the moment, it’s really difficult to know if your ads are going to be next to posts containing hate speech. This was one of the major concerns for advertisers, whose ads, Elon knows, make up a whopping 90% of Twitter’s revenue. Musk has tried to [placate advertisers](https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1585619322239561728?ref=danielkherndon.com) by promising to not let this issue get out of control. In my humble opinion, I think that the new CEO should attempt to remove all hate speech and at least provide clarity and understanding on his plans for this. I also think that, for startups, in particular, it would be really useful if Twitter Implemented more comprehensive analytics that is unique to the platform. Growth marketers use data. We need to understand how people interact with our content and our community. So the more comprehensive the analytics, the better - particularly accounting for Apple’s IDFA tracking tech. I’d also tell him to create user acquisition and referral Loops. Referral is a huge tool for startups and big businesses, providing an effective way to refer new users, build a customer base quickly and foster micro-communities. There are tons of opportunities for Twitter to optimise that process. Importantly, I think there should be better trust signals on users' profiles, something that will hopefully be improved by the new verification steps. I want to know who’s speaking to me and why they’re qualified to say what they’re saying, particularly when it comes to experts and thought leaders. Another useful update would be to improve the indexing of Tweets on Google. If more Tweets could be indexed in real-time, it could be used to show breaking news. It would also massively increase growth revenue for Twitter. And, yes, Elon, please bring back Vine! Reason: it was fun. If you don’t remember, Vine was owned by Twitter and axed in 2016\. The app allowed users to record and share unlimited short, looping videos and made it super easy and fun to create marketing content. The new Twitter CEO [recently polled](https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1586918804780630016?s=20&t=P%5Fcrpt8XiD5QKe-VQaFN4Q&ref=danielkherndon.com) about this on Twitter, and 69.6% of voters agree with me! If all these changes were to be made, Twitter would become a safer place to be – and that will bring the best users *and* advertisers. Twitter remains an important tool for many companies and individuals to get their message out to a massive audience quickly. I hope Musk regains advertiser confidence and turns things around at the platform so startups can continue launching their products into the Twittersphere and beyond. ### Was I Wrong? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/getting-it-wrong/ Last updated: 2022-12-12T20:21:26.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except me. Last week, I made two erroneous mistakes regarding musical artists within the Hot Takes section of [last week's issue](https://danielkherndon.com/say-nothing/) of The Weekly. You deserve better, and I'm going to spend the next 367 words clearing the air. Nickleback was not included in the vinyl record gifts that President Biden gave to French President Emmanuel Macron because they are a Canadian band. To be fair, I did say they "may or may not," which perhaps is a Rudy-Guilliani-ish defense, but it's my defense nonetheless. Still, I never should have misled you into thinking that a band like Nickleback could ever have been an American act. Because just look at their photographs. Every time I do it makes me laugh, and they clearly do not sport a US American brand ([not counting the midwest-ish jeans in this video](https://www.google.com/search?q=nickle+band+yard+party+video&ei=85WSY5OeIuafptQP64Ww6A8&ved=0ahUKEwjT487Et-v7AhXmj4kEHesCDP0Q4dUDCBA&uact=5&oq=nickle+band+yard+party+video&gs%5Flcp=Cgxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAQAzIHCCEQoAEQCjIHCCEQoAEQCjoKCAAQRxDWBBCwA0oECEEYAEoECEYYAFCVAlicBWCiB2gBcAF4AIABgQGIAfoBkgEDMC4ymAEAoAEByAEIwAEB&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&ref=danielkherndon.com#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:e3918ff5,vid:YbP1K-bQB6g)). They're just too nice to be from the states. To pay my penance, I subjected myself to four hours of Nickleback's B-sides. Following a joke about Nickleback, I broke the news of the death of Christine McVie, the lesser-known female member of the 70s rock sensation Fleetwood Mac. Everything I said in the Take was true, with the exception of one thing. McVie did not write or sing the song Rhiannon. Stevie Nicks wrote and sang lead in the song. Once again, getting all of the attention. To be expected. Several readers thought it was a clever joke about Stevie's attention-grabbing history. A few of you chuckled. Some of you cleared your throat. One reader made sure to send me a message immediately and correct me. Thank you, Rob. Just like the time that I ostensibly [killed Betty White](https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-how-i-killed-betty-white/) by featuring her life in a Take titled "Betty White Won't Die" only for her to join our dearly departed moments after the email was sent, Christine McVie did nothing to deserve this. To refocus and emotionally connect with the late Christine McVie, I listened to [Song Bird](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTi19MPOvDw&ref=danielkherndon.com) on repeat while choking back tears. Frequently, I wake on Friday morning anxious, worried I made a mistake in the morning dispatch. An incomplete sentence. A copy and paste error. A broken link. Last week, instead, I woke with a sinking feeling in my gut. My vow to you is that I will continue to take my place in your inbox so seriously that I will continue to lose sleep. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 49 of 2022` ### Brittney Griner I'm pleased to inform you all that the infamous arms dealer Victor Bout (pronounced *"boot"* like "What are you talking a-*boot?"*) has been released, and that means WNBA star Britany Griner has been released from Russian Prison. Griner's wife said she was "overwhelmed with emotions" as she thanked the Biden Administration for their work in negotiating Griner's release. Biden said he has continued in his effort to release another unjustly imprisoned American, Paul Whelan, a case he says Russia is treating very differently. Britany was arrested for carrying cannabis oil [weighing](https://honestcoffeeguide.com/tools/whole-bean-to-ground-coffee-ratio/?ref=danielkherndon.com) less than eight coffee beans and sentenced to nine years in prison. In the USA, there were 542,502 people [incarcerated](https://www.lastprisonerproject.org/cannabis-prisoner-scale?ref=danielkherndon.com) in local and county jails for cannabis-related crimes in 2019\. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/2022/12/08/brittney-griner-released-russia-after-prisoner-swap-viktor-bout/10857599002/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Criminal Minds The January 6th Committee said this week they expect to make criminal referrals following their investigation of the January 6th insurrection. They say they have not decided, but according to insiders, the name that keeps coming up rhymes with bonald dump (sources refused to provide more details). According to Committee members, they are meeting daily to work through the details and plan to have a final report on December 21st as a Christmas present. In addition to potential charges against Trump or his allies, Trump's company this week was found guilty of tax fraud for providing lavish tax-free compensation to key employees. The penalties of $1.62 million won't be much of a burden for Trump's company, but the blow to his ego will. Trump had a lot to say on Truth Social, which he posted in [ALL CAPS](https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/109469895918419179?ref=danielkherndon.com) so that we could hear him better. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/jan-6-committee-plans-issue-criminal-referrals-part-final-report-rcna60541?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Warnock knock knockin' on Walker's Door The Georgia Senate runoff election took place this past Tuesday, and incumbent Raphael Warnock retained his seat. In his victory speech, he said to Georgia, "whether you voted for me or not, I will work every day for you," which is exactly how an elected position works. For Herschel Walker's part, after losing his erection, his concession speech was, "I'd like a burger, large fries, and a coke" ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2022-election/turbulent-doomed-campaign-herschel-walker-rcna60565?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Twitter Files Last Friday evening, Twitter released a thread of Tweets exposing that Twitter executives had intentionally suppressed the spread of a New York Post article about Hunter Biden and accusations of him conducting questionable business deals with a Ukraine energy company in an effort to get access to then Vice President Biden. The most striking thing about the story was how hard it was to read on Twitter because threads are just so inefficient. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/12/08/twitter-files-hunter-biden-laptop-00072919?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Iran Shuts Down Morality Police Iran's Morality Police was basically a whole country-wide militia equivalent of [Mister Strickland](https://backtothefuture.fandom.com/wiki/Stanford%5FS.%5FStrickland?ref=danielkherndon.com) from Back To The Future, basically bitching at people for not following rules. After detaining a woman for not wearing a headscarf lead to her death, the country erupted with protests. Well, the Morality Police has been decommissioned, so instead, the Iranian Government is just executing protesters including by hanging. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/iran-crime-tehran-59d4b028bbd402a642b83fdddc35fdc8?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Counter Attack Ukraine has not publicly taken credit, but we all know it was them who have completed drone strikes on Russian targets near Moscow. They hit two military bases, effectively escalating the war Russia has raged in Ukraine. In other news, here's a video of [Drunk Putin](https://au.finance.yahoo.com/video/drunk-putin-lashes-ukraine-started-001434415.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) saying, "they started it" ([more](https://apnews.com/article/russia-ukraine-kyiv-europe-8ade16c890a92e353f11cae01a01e498?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Fried Green Tomatoes Go Blue The Democratic National Committee’s Rules and Bylaws panel on Friday voted to adopt President Joe Biden’s plan to move the South Carolina primary to the front of the party’s presidential nomination calendar, which takes away the leading positions of Iowa’s long-influential caucus —followed by New Hampshire, Nevada, Georgia, and Michigan. The change impacts the beginning of a Democratic campaign and, most of all gives candidates an excuse to go to [all of these](https://localadventurer.com/best-places-to-eat-in-charleston-sc-food-bucket-list/?ref=danielkherndon.com) amazing places for food. ([more](https://thehill.com/opinion/campaign/3763766-democrats-had-a-reason-for-choosing-south-carolina/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/SLUG/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## I Mentioned The Bisque `The Gist` This week's article is about nothing. But in case you think I yad yada'd over the best part, let me explain the back story. I wrote the original draft of this article on a notepad while in bed one night. A lot of times, I write in bed, and I have to turn and lean on my elbow to make the pen work, but my astronaut pen (a gift) is able to write upside down. BUT, I had trouble finishing the draft because Jack Klompus took the pen back. I eventually finished the piece. This article, a commentary on a Supreme Court Case about nothing, is half humor, half politics, half trivia. How can you go wrong? Bonus points if you can give me the count of Seinfeld references. [A Case About NothingA Colorado website designer picks a fight with people she’s never met, objecting to a nonexistent wedding. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/12/70-Seinfeld.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/a-case-about-nothing/) [Leave A Comment](https://danielkherndon.com/SLUG/#ghost-comments) That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, for sharing, and most of all, for trusting me with a moment in your inbox. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🖤 **Invest**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or $50/year, or just [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### A Case About Nothing URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-case-about-nothing/ Last updated: 2023-06-30T13:29:31.000Z **Hey Daniel, What's the deal with this Colorado website maker's supreme court case? It really has befuddled me, and it seems like it may befuddle the Supreme Court as well. Since you are a marketing guy, I'm wondering what you think. Does her case have merit?** **Sincerely, Cakelessly Coupled in Colorado** --- Well Cakelessly, this is an excellent question. I've thought about this more than you know, and I'm on no sleep. No sleep. For those who aren't following, a web designer in Colorado is trying to use the ole "It's not you, it's me" when it comes to providing websites for same-sex weddings, and the case has reached the Supreme Court. You can [read about it here](https://www.scotusblog.com/2022/12/conservative-justices-seem-poised-to-side-with-web-designer-who-opposes-same-sex-marriage/?ref=danielkherndon.com). As you may know, I've been a marketing consultant and website builder for almost two decades, and I once read a book with a forward written by a lawyer so I'm pretty much the perfect person to ask about any Supreme Court case on the subject. The Supremes have been tapped before concerning a Colorado law intended to protect people from discrimination on the basis of their sexual preferences. Consider the [Gay Wedding Cake](https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/04/politics/masterpiece-colorado-gay-marriage-cake-supreme-court/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) case of 2018\. The case brought up countless challenging questions, like does one's professional service equal first amendment speech? Are corporations people? Are cakes afforded first amendment rights? And we may be asking similar questions about websites. Cake, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but websites, that’s heavy. I may be a website guy, but I am not a cake guy personally. I once told a woman I don't eat cake because it goes straight to my thighs. But to answer your question about building custom websites and the matter of free speech, I have to go back in time to the broader themes of my life's work. I've spent the majority of my life dedicated to basically nothing. I don't mean not dedicated to anything. I mean affirmatively, nothing. As a kid, I would spend countless hours doing literally nothing, in part because, kids can only really do things that their parents pay for. This afforded me a lot of time to think, which doesn't get expensive until later in life. For the most part, my conversations were more or less about nothing as well. It became my preference. In some cases, I would fake my way through real conversations, because sometimes it's enough already and I just want to get some sleep. Even holidays were a chance to talk about as little as possible. Although traditionally we would gather around to tell each other all the ways we have disappointed each other over the past year, if I could help it, we would keep the conversation as meaningless as possible. In 1989 my life was changed because nothing became the subject of an entire TV show. It was incredible. This treasure of the silver screen validated me. Literally, everything became worthy of a conversation. Unlike Twitter, NBC, with the Must See TV line up figured out how to monetize my entire life. Then, life became about one thing. Nothing. But in a good way. Commenting on literally anything, without any central point or substance had become the meaning of life. I saw this fact as an opportunity worthy of my attention. Sponge worthy, if you will. But as much as I tried to lean into it, my journey through life lead me to other places, and doing nothing didn't pan out quite how I had hoped. I realized there’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations. I determined that if every instinct I've had is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. So I got into marketing, which, it turns out, is essentially the same thing. Taking nothing and making an entire story about it, complete with a value proposition, reasons to believe, and a call to action (known as a CTAs in the industry). The trick to a successful career in marketing is to be annoyed as much as possible because when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy. It's a rewarding field, because where else can you sell something you don't actually believe exists (and in the case of some tech startups, actually doesn't)? Another marketing person and the Supreme Court are getting involved in nothing as well. In fact, they're literally talking about nothing. Lorie Smith, who owns [303 Creative](https://303creative.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in Colorado is presenting to the courts her objections to a Colorado law that protects people, including gay people, from being discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation. Smith has never been asked by any customer to create any websites for any weddings, ever, much less a gay one. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But the Supreme Court is hearing her case against ever doing it anyway. She hasn't launched the service yet, and, to be fair, is at this point fairly well marketed as an unlikely choice for gay people seeking websites or other design services for any reason. Getting clients that you like is hard enough. Getting them to like you, well that's even harder. Countless times, I've met with a client, we ordered a coffee, we talk about pricing, and yada yada yada, I never heard from him again. Traditionally, you have to appeal to the client in some way. Whether it's the working relationship, the specialized expertise, or company values. It's fairly common that when a would-be client considers you a bigot, they don't hire you. It's much less common for someone seeking a website, customized to their needs and specially provided for their very important day, to hire you under duress just to prove a point. At least, not unless they are as shallow and vindictive as Lorie Smith herself. Generally speaking, people don’t turn down money. It’s what separates us from the animals. But I can understand why Lorie Smith would want to avoid providing services promoting something in conflict with her values. Lorie is defending herself from a client that doesn't exist, to create zero websites for a wedding that is not happening. And in defense of her rights, she is bringing her case all the way to the Supreme Court, instead of simply saying "[I'm not the one going to hell.](https://www.google.com/search?q=I%27m+not+the+one+going+to+hell.&oq=I%27m+not+the+one+going+to+hell.&aqs=chrome..69i57j33i22i29i30.163j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ref=danielkherndon.com#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:aed6860f,vid:TyFsaVJ8UVQ)" When you create a website for a client, you start with their goals, collect their content, design to their creative preferences, and put their name on it. It's their voice, their brand, their story. How many websites have I made that contained something I disagreed with? All of them. Like an old man trying to send soup back in a deli, Lorie Smith is angry. Angry that she might have a customer ask her to provide consulting based on their own specifications – standard procedure in the design business. She's angry that she'll one day she'll be asked to an appointment and the customers will show up. I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up. I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs. But Lorie Smith on the other hand. She wants to criticize as many people as possible to avoid the risk that someone might insist she get paid to create a website. Serenity now. LGBTQ people have endured more than their fair share of discrimination. And now Lorie Smith is the plaintiff in a case about nothing, so she can torment them even more. ...that's a shame. [Leave a Comment](https://danielkherndon.com/a-case-about-nothing/#ghost-comments) --- **Editors Note:* Have a question about anything? Ask Wikipedia. Have a question about Nothing? Ask The Lorem Ipsum. Send me your questions and you or someone like you might be featured in a future issue.* ### Say Nothing URL: https://danielkherndon.com/say-nothing/ Last updated: 2022-12-02T11:30:14.000Z Hey Friends, Congratulations to the USA for beating Iran in the World Cup and advancing to the Round of 16\. Iran, on the other hand, faced political backlash from their country. Reports say that the players' families were threatened with violence to dissuade them from protesting by refusing to sing the national anthem. Meanwhile, in China, citizens are protesting Covid lockdowns that have lasted for three years, preventing people from going to movies, or even leaving their homes for basic supplies in some cases. And they are being arrested for speaking out against the Chinese Government, so some are holding up blank sheets of paper - to say nothing, loudly. Listen. There is no Chinese The Lorem Ipsum. I mean there is Chinese lorem ipsum text, which is something like 敏捷的棕色狐狸跳過了懶狗, but there is no *The Lorem Ipsum, China Bureau*. We're truly fortunate to live somewhere where we can have a The Lorem Ipsum – that is, a place where we have the freedom to speak out when the spirit moves us. I'll talk a little more about free speech in a moment. But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- [Leave A Tip ❤️](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/plink%5F1LpYcECTnjCvnTwiFmbWQtbe?ref=danielkherndon.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0STBdUH9GUWtvRnNrUXJsR2dkVXFcQlJ9Z0dDZ2RCQkpdYVRTb2p2YHdmM0Fyf2wzY0ByPDNsUTZKdTUwVlJyaGs9aHc8Rl1UdER%2FUH1qPVFIUUpUc312NTVQSWdBNTY2UycpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nNTViM3VCYW9rN1VsZl1GZkhIJ3gl) ## Hot Takes `Week 48 of 2022` ### Biden Meats Macron That's not a typo, because Biden literally fed so much lobster to Emmanuel Macron that they had to invite their wives and 296 friends to help eat the meat. The French President paid a visit to the White House for a diplomatic dinner and a conversation with President Biden, to discuss among other things, their careful approach to their combovers. More importantly, the conversation in front of reporters hovered around the two countries' partnership on climate change and their support for Ukraine. A formal dinner serving about 300 took place last night at The White House, an event featuring 200 Maine lobsters and a dining hall decorated with the colors of each country's flag. The hall is also donning a large backdrop of the Statue of Liberty, to which Emmanuel said "remember that time when we gave you that statue?". Throughout their conversations, the two seemed largely in agreement until a discussion about which country made better wine, something the French have always had an opinion about. The Bidens attempted to persuade the Macrons with Napa Valley Chardonnay and cheeses from Oregon and Wisconsin. The Macrons greeted the Bidens with traditional kisses which in American English is actually sexual harassment. The Bidens didn't take it that way though, as they presented Emmanuel and Brigitte Macron with gifts including a custom mirror made of fallen wood from the White House grounds and a custom vinyl record collection of great American musicians which rumor has it may or may not have included Nickleback. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/state-visit-biden-macron-face-dispute-over-american-subsidies-2022-12-01/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Oath Kept Stewart Rhodes, the leader of the Oath Keepers organization was convicted of seditious conspiracy, along with five other of his top lieutenants in the same trial. Rhodes, who wears an eye patch, was blinded in one eye when he dropped a loaded gun that shot him in the face. This has nothing to do with his actual case, but we thought it was more interesting so here's [more about the eye patch](https://www.thefocus.news/culture/stewart-rhodes-eye-patch/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Rail Strike Congress passed legislation to avoid a rail strike to avoid US supply chain issues. The President warned that a rail strike could devastate the economy but assured his dinner guests Thursday night that the lobster that came from Maine was flown in by Plane. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/01/politics/senate-rail-vote/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Fed Said Evidently, inflation is starting to get under control, to the point where the fed expects to raise interest rates another time, but this time only about 0.25%, much less than the .75% points we've seen most recently. The market liked this and climbed by 3% in response.([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/11/30/fed-chair-jerome-powell-says-smaller-rate-hikes-could-come-in-december.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Kayne Test The Rapper and all-around trash person Kanye West was on the show Infowars with Alex Jones where we shared how much he loves Nazis and Hitler in particular. The statement was evidently so bad that even the GOP House Judiciary Committee even decided to delete the tweet "Kanye. Elon. Trump.". Most normal people had already deleted their tweets praising him. ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/house-judiciary-republicans-delete-kanye-elon-trump-tweet-rapper-prais-rcna59654?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### From Fleetwood Mac I'm sad to say that Christine McVie, the other woman in Fleetwood Mac, has died at 79\. She sang such songs as Rumors and Rhiannon and other songs that Stevie Nicks didn't sing. Ironically, while writing this Take, a Fleetwood Mac song came on randomly, but it happens to be a Stevie Nicks song. I'm actually not sure why Stevie gets more attention. Stevie, herself even said she didn't know her "best friend" Christine was sick until just a couple of days before her death. RIP Stevie Nicks but first Christine McVie. ([more](https://www.insider.com/stevie-nicks-fleetwood-mac-best-friend-christine-mcvie-ill-2022-11?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Historic Hakeem Rep. Hakeem Jeffries of New York will succeed Nancy Pelosi as leader of the Democratic Caucus – taking the position of House Minority Leader in the new Congress. Hakeem makes history, as the first person of color to take the leading position in either chamber. Pelosi reportedly told him to get ready to put his investment portfolio in overdrive. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/hakeem-jeffries-makes-history-1st-black-leader-party/story?id=94207164&ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/say-nothing/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## The War on Oreos `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/12/Small-Tweet.png) The Oreo is the best-selling cookie on earth and the second most popular type of cookie overall, and it has been around since 1912\. But with cookie crumbs darkening Elon's teeth, he appears to be waging a war against the creamy center for not advertising on his website. But I say, Oreo has a user group so active, Twitter should be advertising on it. Here's the whole article: [The War on OreosHow in the world could one ever think that they could go to war with Oreos and win?![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/11/69-Oreo-Twitter.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-oreos/) [Leave me your feedback.](https://danielkherndon.com/say-nothing/#ghost-comments) --- ### Thanks for reading The Lorem Ipsum. Writing The Lorem Ipsum is hard, and you're the one who keeps it alive. If you like my work, take a moment to consider becoming a Founder. For $5 per month or $50 per year, you'll be supporting independent journalism and investing in healthier inboxes for people all over the world. Thanks to those who have become paid subscribers. You mean a lot to me. **Ask:** What keeps you up at night? Remember you can always Ask The Lorem Ipsum. If you would like an answer in Mandarin, ask our China Bureau Chief. Questions are featured in the Newsletter, and you can ask me anything. **Made From Leftovers:** More chapters of my unpublished book are coming soon, for paid subscribers only. The first chapter can be read [here](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/). **Share:** The easiest thing you can do to help keep me going is to share with friends. Thanks to those of you who do. That's it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Links to Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) (for $5 per month or $50 per year) ♥️ **Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### The War on Oreos URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-war-on-oreos/ Last updated: 2025-08-21T11:48:25.000Z The best things come to those who wait. Except when it comes to cookies. Cookies wait for no one. And people are not good at waiting for cookies either. If you've ever seen a piping hot oatmeal raisin sitting on the table, you know the person who waits on them to cool is the person who ends up waiting for nothing at all (I for one have a sensitive mouth which has always vexed me when the cookie getting is good). When it comes to cookies made in a factory, they come with the added benefit of millions of dollars in brand advertising, to make up for the missing grandma baking them (although it is understood that Nabisco and Company is an equal-opportunity employer). One of the most advertised cookies is Oreos, unquestionably delicious and addictive. The only premade cookie that [comes with directions](https://www.tasteofhome.com/article/how-to-eat-an-oreo/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Here's%20the%20answer%3A%20The%20%E2%80%9Ctwist,what%20the%20brand%20swears%20by.), as if you didn't already know how to eat them in three easy steps. The Oreo is the best-selling cookie on earth and the second most popular type of cookie overall. But Elon Musk has waged a gruesome war against his foes, and Oreo is in the crosshairs. Far be it from me to discriminate against someone on non-merited characteristics but Elon Musk is clearly lacking merit as an advertising executive, although if he could, he'd fire me for saying so for lack of loyalty. The multi-billionaire who works 120 hours per week and still manages to find time to impregnate a variety of women, has recently purchased his main distraction. What are his plans? To make Twitter worth at least half of the purchase price. Twitter, despite never attaining success as a business (with 2018 and 2019 being the only years it reported a net profit since its founding in 2007), has become the default platform for real-time information, and because of that, its the social media home of journalists, entrepreneurs, and other people who don't want to make reels because they are too busy. But the company has never really been able to monetize its users, or in other words, advertising doesn't do that well on Twitter. As of last report from a reliable source (Twitter), Twitter has been shrinking. Active users are becoming less active, advertising is disappointing advertisers and profits have been scarce since the company started. But the moment its new owner carried a sink in the door, Musk, who also serves at Twitter's entire marketing department and their only PR rep, claims Twitter is now seeing record activity on the platform. Which, if you ask me, is sort of like bragging about the bathroom traffic at a [Five Guys](https://www.fiveguys.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com), but I can appreciate the stats either way. The newfound traffic may not be sustainable, and neither is it sustainable to live on Five Guys burgers, but I assure you, the burgers taste good. Twitter on the other hand has left a bad taste in many mouths. Full disclosure: I am a member of Twitter. I joined in 2008 and since then have tweeted roughly 17,300 times, amounting to an average of 3.4 times per day – or the equivalent of 1.7 Five Guys burger patties (which is 2.55 bathroom visits). This week, Elon and his Twitter have decided to go to war with one big, and apparently former, Twitter advertiser: Apple. Whatever Apple did to crack his iPhone must have really gotten under his skin, because Musk, on Monday swiftly posts a string of tweets taking aim directly at Apple, tagging Tim Cook in at least one. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/11/Screenshot-2022-11-28-at-4.58.52-PM.png)](https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1597285572699074560?s=20&t=gtabXg7tnp38fccb16C-hw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Elon is not good at selling advertising. But to be fair, he's not really good at selling subscription services either. I suspect he has a lot of great qualities that have nothing to do with these things, like hair plugs for example, but when it comes to things like comedy, fathering children, or selling ads, his acumen is lacking. And since Musk took over the product, and tweeted his first conspiracy theory as Chief Twit, [advertisers have dropped](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/04/technology/twitter-advertisers.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) from 3900 to 2300 in a week, and I would suspect that trend has continued. Musk doesn't know much about free speech either. Clearly, he failed to realize that free speech is not just something that can happen on Twitter, but also something that can happen literally anywhere else in the world (with a special exception for China). Yes. Even Apple benefits from free speech. But since Musk and his fans don't like that particular version of the popular freedom, one weekend Elon Musk's friend, Mike Davis sought to build a coalition of people boycotting the companies who have chosen not to advertise on Twitter. Musk agreed and said that some "thermonuclear naming and shaming" would be taking place (Musk is using a pun that means "being a dick that is not good at selling advertising"). Of note: Advertising costs money, so as a technicality it is not free. But it is free to decide where advertising will yield the greatest benefit for your company - this includes speculative choice. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/11/Screen-Shot-2022-11-05-at-11.28.27-AM.png)](https://twitter.com/mrddmia/status/1588557835792953345?s=20&t=STqneUZ%5FI98qLo77W98YWA&ref=danielkherndon.com) To follow up on the thermonuclear plans, Mike and a number of Mike-like Twitter users have begun the name-shame process by highlighting what brands to ban. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/11/Screenshot-2022-11-28-at-4.56.15-PM.png)](https://twitter.com/kylenabecker/status/1588589641396994048?s=20&t=STqneUZ%5FI98qLo77W98YWA&ref=danielkherndon.com) Of course, Pfizer being one of them, I can understand why someone could forgo a lifesaving medicine because they believe the advertiser is not spending enough money advertising their product on Twitter. But Oreos!? Don't you dare encroach on my cookie crunch! Don't mess with my creamy middle. Don't touch my Oreos. How in the world could one ever think that they could go to war with Oreos and win? Jenny Craig, Slim Fast, and nearly everyone on the Atkins diet knows this is a battle that will be lost. Just like resisting the warm chocolate morsels of a toll house, evading the world's most dippable two-sided cream-filled cookie is a fool's errand. Since the Oreo Cookie was created in 1912, countless case studies have been written on the process of dipping the world's most commercially viable cookie. The Oreo is so popular, the internet should be advertising on *them*. But when the news broke of job cuts at Twitter, various publishers reported that the flow of information is facing peril – that elections are in danger, public safety is at risk and free speech is distorted. All because Twitter may have a new boss and fewer professionals fact-checking tweets. How will the world ever work without the wonderful employees of Old Twitter here to protect every single person ever with their website? I have a hunch based on over 100 years of history... Oreos are sticking around – and I think we'll be fine without Twitter. ### Let's Celebrate Octogenarians URL: https://danielkherndon.com/lets-celebrate-octogenarians/ Last updated: 2022-11-25T11:30:27.000Z Hey friends, Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving weekend to those of you reading in the USA. To readers outside of the states, which is about 10-15% of you, I hope you're enjoying this very regular weekend. Speaking of being regular, today, the day after Thanksgiving is the busiest day of the year for plumbers, which is a reminder to get avoid pouring cooking oil down the drain and also to get a lot of fiber. Today is no different for The Lorem Ipsum, except that I am spending parts of this weekend preparing the release of three new chapters of Made From Leftovers, my story about the misunderstood facts about escaping poverty. I've since made the first chapter, [*Cereal and Ivy League*](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/)*,* open to all members now **for free.** If you haven't read it, you should.You'll have to log in with your email to access the full chapter. Future chapters will be for paying subscribers, and I promise they are coming soon. Hopefully yesterday, and for many of you all weekend, you had good conversations with your family about politics and religion. After all, I would argue that it's one of the best topics to talk about with your family over a holiday meal. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- [Leave A Tip ❤️](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/plink%5F1LpYcECTnjCvnTwiFmbWQtbe?ref=danielkherndon.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0STBdUH9GUWtvRnNrUXJsR2dkVXFcQlJ9Z0dDZ2RCQkpdYVRTb2p2YHdmM0Fyf2wzY0ByPDNsUTZKdTUwVlJyaGs9aHc8Rl1UdER%2FUH1qPVFIUUpUc312NTVQSWdBNTY2UycpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nNTViM3VCYW9rN1VsZl1GZkhIJ3gl) ## Hot Takes `Thanks Giving Weeked of 2022` ### President Biden Celebrates His 80th Birthday On Sunday, President Biden celebrated his 80th birthday, which makes him the only sitting president ever to reach the milestone age while in office. Before that, he served as Vice President for 8 years and in the Senate for 36 years. He was elected at 29 putting him among the youngest ever elected as a US Senator. Biden is also known as the oldest President ever not to be able to reduce record inflation. He's the first President for whom the daily brief includes mentions of bowel movements, which is reported to be one of the more detailed topics discussed in the highly classified meetings which take place shortly after his morning coffee. Republicans have repeatedly referred to this next two years as a "lame duck session" and in light of his age, it's unclear if they are referring to politics. But to be sure, the President is still very active physically. His physician shared that Biden takes a spin almost daily on his walker. After the surprising performance of his party in the Mid Term Elections, reporters have asked the President if he'll seek another term in the oval office, to which he responded "could I just go month to month?". ([more](https://nypost.com/2022/11/20/president-joe-biden-celebrates-his-80th-birthday/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **In related news...** President Biden started the week by pardoning turkeys Chocolate and Chip. Purportedly several turkeys are loyal to Biden, although it wasn't stated overtly that Chocolate and Chip were among them. Some consider these "crony pardons" an abuse of power. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/biden-turkey-pardons-chocolate-chip-thanksgiving/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Appointing a Special Counsel The Justice Department is seeking to question Mike Pence in the January 6th investigation. Pence is prayerfully considering whether to comply with the request and if subpoenaed, the former Vice President is expected to pray harder. Attorney General Merrick Garland appointed a special counsel to take over the DOJ's Trump investigations, as the Orange Party Leader launches his third Presidential campaign. Republicans responded with "nana. nana. boo. boo." citing the incoming takeover of the House of Representatives in which case they intend to initiate investigations against President Biden and his administration (I covered these investigations in this week's article). In other investigation-related news, The Supreme Court said Trump's tax returns will need to be released, ending a 3 years battle between him and the Democratic lead Ways and Means Committee investigating the former President. According to a person familiar with the matter who asked not to be named in order to speak freely, The Committee is believed to be seeking Trump's tax returns because they wanted to see how much of write off his hair care really was but also related to tax laws and potential conflicts of interest related to then President Trump. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/11/22/supreme-court-rules-on-trump-tax-records-being-given-to-congress.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **And also...** Elon Musk reinstated Donald Trump on Twitter after a democratic vote. Some Twitter users citing fraud reported officials hauling boxes of tweets, but Democrats, to send a message, accepted the results anyway. ### Three High-Profile Mass Shootings Over the course of the last week, three mass shootings resulted in 14 deaths and dozens injured. First, on Sunday, a UVA student killed three classmates after returning from a field trip. The Suspect, Christopher Jones is in custody and has been [denied](https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/16/us/university-of-virginia-shooting-wednesday?ref=danielkherndon.com) bail. In Colorado, there was a shooting on [Monday night](https://apnews.com/article/shootings-colorado-gun-politics-springs-7f079c7feebc32cc8ad46f2724844c18?ref=danielkherndon.com) at a gay bar in Colorado Springs killing 5 people and injuring 25 more. The incident was stopped by the quick action of an Army veteran who jumped on top of the suspect, grabbed the gun, and beat the individual over the head. The perpetrator is facing murder and bias crime charges. Then on Tuesday, another shooting by a long-time night manager [in a Walmart](https://abcnews.go.com/US/live-updates/virginia-walmart-shooting/?id=93848263&ref=danielkherndon.com) in Chesapeake Bay, Virginia kills 6 including a 16-year-old. Reports say that man came in on Tuesday night just after 10:00\. He walked into a break room and without a word, began shooting. The only joke here is the lack of effort from state and federal elected officials to reduce these types of incidences with proven gun safety measures. [Here's an explanation](https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/07/world/americas/mass-shootings-us-international.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Effed-TX Assets Lawyers for the Cryptocurrency exchange that collapsed overnight say many of the company's assets have been either lost or stolen, making for an awkward bankruptcy hearing. According to reports, $740 million worth of the $8 billion has been recovered so far, which is roughly equivalent to recovering a Foot-Long from a Subway Sandwich shop. The firms found SBF (also known as Sam Bankman-Fried) may have to use his hair as collateral. ([more](https://fortune.com/2022/11/23/ftx-collapse-assets-customers-crypto-bitcoin-ethereum-solana-bitgo/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Empty World Cup This week, the World Cup kicked off (no pun intended) in Qatar, but the country, at the last minute decided it was a cup without beer in it. Football fans (pronounced "soccer" in the USA) who are usually a rowdy bunch were seen practicing unusually good judgment. Some fans were seen wishing opposing fans good luck, eating healthier food, and at times, reading a book. The games end tomorrow. ([more](https://www.cbssports.com/soccer/news/world-cup-standings-2022-qatar-group-stage-table-schedule-tiebreakers-as-brazils-tournament-begins/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/lets-celebrate-octogenarians/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## The Laptop is Back `The Gist` This week I published a post about Thanksgiving, but it's not about gratitude. Also making an appearance in this article: Kari Lake's Glamour Shots and Hunter Biden's laptop, and my [Old Fashioned Recipe](https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/) which some of you will need this weekend. Read the whole article here: [Returning to The LaptopAnd returning to our families for a Holiday weekend.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/11/68-Notepad.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/returning-to-the-laptop/) That's it for this dispatch. ***I hope you have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) (for $5 per month or $50 per year) ♥️ **Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Returning to The Laptop URL: https://danielkherndon.com/returning-to-the-laptop/ Last updated: 2024-03-22T03:28:16.000Z Even though tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I'm not going to fill this post with the usual bloat that is expected of me, like gratitude. Because why bother talking about what you're thankful for when you could bitch about having to hop from house to house to make everyone happy, even though you'd much rather be doing something else? At the Herndon house, we don't go anywhere. Instead, we let anyone who wishes come to us. Usually, the types that don't have a better place to go. Sometimes those that definitely have a worse place to go first, and our house is the respite from their taxing day of eating at their respective families' houses, as an exercise in acting like they like each other whether or not they do. Some years it's one or two people. In other years it's a small handful. Traditionally, it's a time for us to crack wise on people who aren't in the room, drink good beverages, and debate whether we will be going for another round of mashed potatoes, except this time, I'll have a whiskey in my hand while I do. Most people say not to mix family holidays and politics, but I say an [old fashioned](https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned) calls for bitters and sugar because together they really make something special if you stir it enough and if the portions are correct. But if you don't follow directions, it could end up causing a hangover instead. So let's be mindful to do the holidays right. Don't take the advice of those who think surface relationships are better than real ones. Take the advice of someone you can trust, who happens to be me. Politics. Religion. Controversy in general. We all need to talk about these things, and it's far better to be a person with thoughts and feelings than an AI bot that's just going through the motions. So let's go into this holiday, clear-headed and ready to spar, while also showing ourselves thankful that we can do so – by listening. This year, we're already teed up for a healthy conversation with the recent elections (which include a number of races not yet finalized). So let's go with gusto, but let's not let the week go by without a Kari Lake joke or two because after all, she won't let it go either. Of course, we're all thankful that we got through the election, even if by the skin of our teeth, but Kari Lake, who I believe had her campaign makeover done by Glamour Shots for $29.95, doesn't agree. In fact, she believes that, even though she lost by 17,428 votes, there must be 17,429 votes that were not counted – presumably all of them for her. Her investigation (and Glamour Shots membership) is ongoing. To everyone else, election season is over, and we get to spend the rest of the year avoiding our families – or spending time with them if you are no longer running for office (unlike Kari Lake). But that's enough Kari Lake jokes. Let's take a minute to talk about more important matters, like who ended up with control of Congress. The short answer is no one, but the less short but not very long one is Kevin McCarthy. With Democrats holding a slim majority in the Senate and possibly picking up a seat, pending whether Herschel Walker is caught having another kid or not, the Democrats will continue to enjoy the gridlock they have had over the last two years. In the House, the majority is ceded to the Republicans, and McCarthy holds the gavel (likely with two hands, considering how hard he's fought to get it and keep it), and as we've seen recently with Joe Manchin in the Senate, holding the tie-breaker votes can be as good as being in charge. McCarthy has both in his stead. Republicans, with their sliver majority, are thankful that they now have time to focus on the business of governing, which of course means bringing investigations against The Biden administration. The first order of business is to reboot the Hunter Biden investigation, the non-President, along with his famous laptop. This happens to be the easiest path to target the actual President, his dad. But Joe Biden, who's hardly a laptop expert would more likely call the Whitehouse IT department to reboot his own laptop – which I've heard is just a notebook made of actual paper, which opens to a drawing of a keyboard (Sorry, he's still getting used to this newfangled technology. We're trying to make it easy for him). The Republicans have a number of other [investigations planned](https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/18/politics/house-republican-investigations-biden/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), occasionally invoking the word "impeachment" – if for PR or planning, who knows? Of course, if you can't oust a liar for criminal activity, presumably it is difficult to oust a grandpa for taking too long to finish a sentence or even for having a son who may have done questionable business deals. In an effort to find impeachment opportunities, or at least scare tactics thereof, the investigations docket is packed. They've slated investigations into the origin of Covid 19, the withdrawal from Afghanistan, activities at the southern border, and more. To top it all off, they'll be investigating the department of justice's investigation into alleged crimes committed by Donald Trump. That is, they're investigating the investigation. So while President Biden's pretend laptop may not be the subject of the investigation, The President is. The Republicans are going to investigate their partisan disputes while ignoring mounting evidence against their party boss. And the hope is that these investigations take a lot of time. For the Republican House majority, their legislative focus is to stop Democrats from being able to have a legislative focus. This is the downfall of a two-party system, and the same phenomenon is at play in your Thanksgiving tour of avoiding conflict. In two-party politics, you're either winning, or you're losing. And if all else fails, you're assuring there is gridlock. The focus is on campaigning, and winning majorities where any one legislator added to the docket means very little for results after a majority is achieved. The real issues can't be discussed, and those who aren't on your side are iced out. There are plenty of [arguments](https://www.britannica.com/topic/two-party-system?ref=danielkherndon.com) for and against two-party systems, and I can't say that I don't find merit in them both when presented with competence. But one thing is true, the public has an increasing sense of [frustration](https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2022/08/09/as-partisan-hostility-grows-signs-of-frustration-with-the-two-party-system/?ref=danielkherndon.com) with the two-party system. To put it lightly, we all think the people in the other party are trash people (a polite way of saying assholes who are trying to destroy democracy, take our guns and our uteruses and let small children in need of healthcare rot in the streets). Meanwhile, both parties are trying to win some group of people known as independents, which might be you and me, but since we're not allowed to talk about politics or any other issue that matters, we wouldn't know. So we vote on one side or the other. And because of that, voting is broken. Maybe ranked-choice voting is the solution. Because after all, it was clearly a way for Sarah Palin to lose an election in Alaska, which means its working. (And actually, she also lost because she's a nerd, but that hasn't always been a deal breaker, even for her). Ranked-choice voting allows candidates to be chosen based on something other than being the lesser of two evils, but rather a descending order of evils, with the least evil on top and the most on the bottom, with everyone else in between. Sounds much better, if you ask me. Fair Vote [would argue](https://fairvote.org/our-reforms/ranked-choice-voting/?ref=danielkherndon.com) that ranked-choice voting better represents the views of the voters by increasing the chance that someone you like ends up in office, even if they weren't your first choice, at least they were your second. Statistically speaking of course. But as humans, we tend to gravitate towards binary choices. We like to have a single Heaven to choose from and a single Hell to see our enemies cast into. We want green bean casserole to be gross or incredible. But we forget to ask who's making it first, whether they used canned green beans or fresh, and if they used enough salt, or figured out how to get that perfect crunch on the stuff sprinkled on top that I've never really figured out what it was made of. As humans, we want to know what domesticated animal we like best and why is it dogs, but life is not that simple, and neither are any of us (again, with the exception of Kari Lake). So as we enter into Thanksgiving, let's remember that our family members are just as nuanced as we are. It's okay to have a conversation about politics if you agree to hear each other. It's okay to take a moment to understand each other's differing views about religion if you can respect that there is a lot you do not know. It's actually not okay to use that scratchy blanket when you take a nap after a large meal at grandma's house. That blanket sucks and should have been replaced a long time ago, but it's her's and she likes it, and that's okay. So I recommend you take this Thanksgiving week and bring curiosity instead of contempt. So while you are spending time with your family around a large turkey, perhaps a vegan turkey if you must, you should be willing to listen to that opposing point of view of a loved one, if you feel safe enough, maybe even give your weird uncle a listen, since you have to sit next to him anyway. If you listen, without being defensive, maybe your point of view will change. And maybe theirs will too. ### Make Penitentiary Great Again URL: https://danielkherndon.com/make-penitentiary-great-again/ Last updated: 2022-11-18T11:30:52.000Z Hey friends, I'd just like to take a minute to congratulate Donald J. Trump on his decision to run for President. What a big announcement. Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't also congratulate him on eleven ongoing criminal and civil investigations soon to include criminal indictments embellished by his two impeachments–more than any President ever. Very inspiring. Let's just get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 45 of 2022` ### Orange is the New Black 2024 As noted above, on Tuesday, Trump announced that he would run for President, which was the only true thing he said in his announcement speech. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/15/politics/fact-check-trump-announcement-speech-2024/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Elections are Over-ish After a tight race, it's been determined that the Democrats will control the Senate and Republicans will control the house, both by a narrow majority. Some districts still remain too close to call as of Thursday night, including in Colorado where Lauren Boebert leads against Adam Frisch by 668 [votes](https://www.google.com/search?cs=0&q=Adam+Frisch&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAOMwUeLVT9c3NCwuTy6rNM%5FOesRowS3w8sc9YSn9SWtOXmPU5OIKzsgvd80rySypFJLmYoOyBKX4uVB18ixi5XZMScxVcCvKLE7OAAD8Tr6wWgAAAA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiP-MC0nLb7AhXZkIkEHVHgDq4QwawEKAF6BQgBEJIB&biw=1388&bih=1247&dpr=1&ref=danielkherndon.com) and is heading for a recount. Experts say to expect lunch orders to be more complicated with the near-even divide between people in congress who want onions and people who don't. The same is believed to be true when it comes to legislation, except instead of onions, the toppings will be voting rights or funding for climate change initiatives. ([more](https://www.politico.com/2022-election/results/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Related:** Currently, Kari Lake is promoting election fraud claims on her [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KariLake/status/1593347781422301186?ref=danielkherndon.com) account. There's also a conspiracy about Kari Lake's photos and videos going around accompanies by the hashtag #nofilter but anyone who is paying attention knows this is completely false. [Here's proof](https://twitter.com/KariLake/status/1593251949201084423?s=20&t=cAWCo8gDFOue026WG6UpHA&ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Hanging up the Dentures Speaker of the house, Nancy Pelosi announced she will not seek reelection as speaker in the new Congress but will continue to serve as a representative for her district in San Francisco. Nancy is best known for saying that she wanted to [punch Donald Trump](https://youtu.be/kwqFYvCQBAk?t=213&ref=danielkherndon.com), saying (and I quote) "I'm going to punch him out, I'm going to go to jail, and I'm going to be happy". Perhaps also notable is that Nancy was the first woman speaker of the House of Representatives, noting that when she joined, there were 12 Democratic women (there were 11 Republican). The change brings Democrats in the House younger leadership and better positions Nancy to punch Donald Trump. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/nancy-pelosi-announcement-house-democrats/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### New Missile Who Dis? A missile slipped into Poland's DMs killing at least two people earlier this week, sparking alarm in NATO territory. Initial reports stated that the bomb was intentional and of Russian origin. After further investigation, it was determined to be a sort of military butt dial, from Ukraine's attempt to shoot down Russian missiles. Ultimately, NATO still believes Russia is to blame for the accident. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/11/16/russia-ukraine-live-updates.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Student Loan Debt A federal judge in Texas ruled that President Biden's plan to erase student loan debt was unlawful, throwing its future into question. The education department is suspending student debt relief applications until further notice. The Biden administration continues to defend the measure and may see it end up in the Supreme Court at some point. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/education/2022/11/17/student-loan-forgiveness-isnt-dead-heres-narrow-path-forward/10712059002/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Biden: That's What Xi Said US President Joe Biden met with Chinese President Xi Jinping in Bali on Monday and had a cordial conversation, acknowledging their competition while affirming their intent to do so without conflict. The two also mentioned Taiwan, Xi stating that they hold a firm line, and agreeing on the topic may be hard – to which Biden said "that's what Xi said!" ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/ahead-tense-g20-summit-biden-xi-meet-talks-2022-11-14/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### FTX-ed Out of Existence Investors in FTX are picking up the imaginary pieces after the cryptocurrency trading company has ostensibly evaporated almost as fast as Twitter's employee headcount over the last couple of weeks. The crash has cost hundreds of thousands of investors their savings and shed new light on the challenges of the scarcely regulated investment instrument. Analysts have been examining the downfall of the leading crypto platform and have determined its value, previously in the billions, now rivals that of cryptocurrency itself at less than zero. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/17/business/ftx-bankruptcy.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### To the Moon and Back NASA launched its first Artemis mission, an unmanned spacecraft on a journey to the moon, which will make it back here in under a month on December 11th. The last mission to the moon was in 1972, using the equivalent of an Erickson cell phone from 1996 that was the size of a brick outhouse built in the late 1800s. Today's technology brings us iPhones and the ability to add a substantial number of steps to buy concert tickets–offering reassurance to the crew in the promise of a successful mission. The team celebrated with the tradition of cutting of the end of their neckties. ([more](https://www.space.com/nasa-celebrates-artemis-1-launch-success?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/make-penitentiary-great-again/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## It Sucks Being a Swinger `The Gist` Since launching the Lorem Ipsum, I've enjoyed being the only one with an opinion, and we never seem to disagree with us. However, this week, I invited a friend, Alison Dagnes, Professor of Political Science at Shippensburg University, to offer her take. She covers how many ways there are to say Soda while not exposing her own, but she does expose a number of other very interesting points. [It Sucks Being a SwingerNo matter how attractive you are (as a voter) if you’re not in one of 12 states, you may never see a Presidential candidate.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/11/67-Penn.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/i-thought-being-a-swinger-would-be-more-fun/) That's it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) (for $5 per month or $50 per year) ♥️ **Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### It Sucks Being a Swinger URL: https://danielkherndon.com/i-thought-being-a-swinger-would-be-more-fun/ Last updated: 2023-10-24T13:33:47.000Z *Editors Note: Since launching the Lorem Ipsum, I've enjoyed being the only one with an opinion, and we never seem to disagree with us. However, this week, I invited a friend, Alison Dagnes, to contribute her thoughts on some of the dynamics we face in politics in light of the narrowly contested midterm elections. When I asked her to write a piece for the publication, she requested that I use Times New Roman, to which I said no, because I have to draw the line somewhere.* *Alison is a Professor of Political Science at Shippensburg University. She's authored* [*books on the topic*](https://www.amazon.com/Super-Mad-Everything-All-Time/dp/3030061302/ref=mp%5Fs%5Fa%5F1%5F1?crid=1UVDQTHP95E4Q&keywords=alison+dagnes&qid=1668464105&sprefix=alison+dagnes%2Caps%2C183&sr=8-1&ref=danielkherndon.com) *and hosted countless watch parties on election day(s), although I get the impression she kicks everyone out before it reaches day five.* --- ## I Thought Being a Swinger Would Be More Fun `By: Alison Dagnes` You may not think of Pennsylvania as a hotbed for swingers, but here in my home state, we’re all into it. Or at least 60% of us are, last I heard. It sounds hot, but it gets complicated during election season. Pennsylvania is not only politically divided but evenly split, and so we are considered a “swing state,” which turns out to be suitably sexy only for a middle-aged political science professor slinging democracy for a living. This is to say: not so sexy unless you like a nice pair of glasses drifting down on one's nose. How disappointing. And yet, at election time, we swinging states are the most popular girls at the dance because there are so few states swinging. Most states are reliably Red or Blue, politically predictable, and electorally uninteresting, which is why people ask me about Pennsylvania with a combination of confusion, prurient interest, and horror. I blame the Founders. We have 50 states, five regions, and a dozen different ways to say “soda,” but thanks to the political system that the Founding Fathers created, America has only two political parties and the Electoral College, which put together forces us into a Red and Blue division that political scientists call “[polarization](https://www.prri.org/spotlight/the-impact-of-deepening-political-polarization-on-american-democracy/?ref=danielkherndon.com).” We have grown so polarized in the past six years we separate ourselves not just by our politics but by the [things we buy](https://www.ama.org/how-politics-shapes-consumption-behavior/?ref=danielkherndon.com), [the places we eat](https://modernrestaurantmanagement.com/the-connection-between-food-and-politics-how-diners-vote-with-their-plate/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and [where we live.](http://www.thebigsort.com/home.php?ref=danielkherndon.com) This is a problem because we increasingly surround ourselves with people who look, act, and think just like us, and as a result, Americans have sorted ourselves into areas that are distinctly Red or conspicuously Blue. Check out the [Electoral College maps](https://www.270towin.com/historical-presidential-elections/?ref=danielkherndon.com) from the last several decades, and you’ll begin to see some patterns. The Southeast is a reliably Republican region, the Northeast dependably Democratic. The left coast is liberal, the Midwest is mostly conservative, and the Southwest seems to be having an identity crisis. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, and in political science, we call these exceptions “battleground states” because these are the states where presidential candidates battle for the Electoral College vote of a state that has an equal population of D’s and R’s. These are the states, like Pennsylvania, that swing back and forth from party to party. See? “Swing” states. It sounds like sexy fun to me! What’s up with Pennsylvania? We have 9 million registered voters, and Donald Trump won PA in 2016 by [44,292 votes](https://www.nytimes.com/elections/2016/results/pennsylvania?ref=danielkherndon.com) and lost in 2020 by [81,660 votes](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/11/03/us/elections/results-pennsylvania.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), no matter what Rudy Giuliani said at the [Four Seasons Total Landscape](https://www.npr.org/2020/11/11/933635970/from-obscure-to-sold-out-the-story-of-four-seasons-total-landscaping-in-just-4-d?ref=danielkherndon.com) company. Pennsylvania is a state that James Carville once described as “Philadelphia on one side, Pittsburgh on the other, and Alabama in the middle,” meaning we have two major cities on either side of the state that is majorly Democratic, with a big swath of rural conservatism in between them. My congressional district is so Republican we [didn’t even have a Democrat run](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/11/08/us/elections/results-pennsylvania-us-house-district-13.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in this year’s midterm election. At the same time, my sister lives outside of Philadelphia and never sees a Trump sign until she comes to my house for Thanksgiving. Our statewide elections are, as Dan Rather would say, as tight as a tick which means every two years, someone on NPR declares in somber tones: “all eyes are on Pennsylvania this election.” Oh please. When *aren’t* all eyes on us? You’d think that out of 50 states, America would have a wide variety of battleground states, and presidential candidates would rack up the frequent flier miles by traipsing around the country. Sad to say, that’s not the case. In fact, in the 2020 general election (those sweet three months in between Labor Day and Election Day when most normal people begin to pay attention to politics), there [were campaign events in only 12 (!) states.](https://www.nationalpopularvote.com/map-general-election-campaign-events-and-tv-ad-spending-2020-presidential-candidates?ref=danielkherndon.com) Similar numbers went for ad spending: only six (!) states received the vast majority of the ad buys. That’s a great deal of interest paid to a select group of Americans, and this kind of concentrated notice can make some middle-aged professors toss their hair, check their nails, and feel good as hell. And yet, as a resident of one of these hot, spicy swing states, I would like to go on the record and say that all of this attention comes with some drawbacks. Sure, we get [visits from POTUS](https://cnycentral.com/news/nation-world/presidents-sweep-pennsylvania-in-closing-stretch-of-tight-senate-race-democrat-john-fetterman-republican-mehmet-oz-joe-biden-donald-trump-barack-obama-midterm-election?ref=danielkherndon.com) past and present who court my vote or campaign as surrogates for others, but the ad drops alone are enough to make someone want to cut the cord and turn it into a truss. Our recent U.S. Senate race was the nation’s most expensive, with more than [$300 million spent on ads](https://about.bgov.com/news/pennsylvania-senate-maine-house-races-led-2022-ad-spending/?ref=danielkherndon.com) for that election alone (we’re #1!). Do you have *any* idea how many ads that is? I became afraid to go to the bathroom because Mehmet Oz might be hiding in my toilet. I knew John Fetterman wasn’t in there – he certainly couldn’t fit. And yes, the races are interesting to watch, but there is such as thing as being *too* interesting. These close elections take up so much space in my brain. They’re all I think about. My daughter asked me what was for dinner last week, and I told her I had to go onto the 538 websites to find out. These close elections take up so much attention in the national media, they’re all anyone wants to talk about with me. I called my father to ask how he was feeling after a recent surgery, and he responded: “Who cares? Is Oz really going to win there?” It’s nerve-wracking, and I walk around with a jar of Tums in my bag at all times. It’s exhausting, and it makes me cranky to think about politics all the time. By the time Election Day arrives, I start yelling at people who ask me for predictions: “WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, THE AMAZING CARNAC?” People stop inviting me to gatherings. It’s a problem. So, while being an election swinger briefs well, in reality, it would be nice to share the wealth of this political eroticism with a few more states. The bad news is that Americans continue our political polarization and separate ourselves so that the battleground states stay fighting. Even worse, the battles are going to last longer, and the way things are looking, my swinger status will no longer be an episodic problem. The campaigning will just continue forever in an endless loop. I just read that Donald Trump may be announcing his candidacy for president soon. Please pass the Tums. ### The Final Cut URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-final-cut/ Last updated: 2022-11-12T00:46:23.000Z Hey friends, Good morning, especially to all of our Veterans out there. Thank you all for serving your country, some of you at a great cost. This week, I cut my grass for the last time of the year. Hopefully. In all, this year I've spent 152 hours cutting and managing grass. Or, in other words, I've spent four weeks' worth of business hours cutting grass. I've spent at least twice that avoiding dirty looks from neighbors for not spending enough time on my lawn. I've also spent hundreds of dollars buying seed to give it a boost, chemicals because it wasn't good enough on its own, I've maintained a lawn mower, bought gas to run it, and have cancer from all the toxins of all the above. Listen, I don't actually have cancer, but I am bitter, and bitterness is a cancer. What next? Do I have to bag up the leaves? Well, I have a lot to say about that. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- [Leave A Tip ❤️](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/plink%5F1LpYcECTnjCvnTwiFmbWQtbe?ref=danielkherndon.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0STBdUH9GUWtvRnNrUXJsR2dkVXFcQlJ9Z0dDZ2RCQkpdYVRTb2p2YHdmM0Fyf2wzY0ByPDNsUTZKdTUwVlJyaGs9aHc8Rl1UdER%2FUH1qPVFIUUpUc312NTVQSWdBNTY2UycpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nNTViM3VCYW9rN1VsZl1GZkhIJ3gl) ## Hot Takes `Week 45 of 2022` ## On My Own Mid-Terms The US mid-term elections were exactly as expected, which is to say unexpected. As of this writing, several key races have not been called yet, including notably Senate races in Nevada, Arizona, and Georgia. The Red Wave turned out to be more like Republicans splashing a little wine on Democrats' white shirts, but control of The House and Senate both remain undetermined. Election night (which for the record is currently at least four days long) was filled with oohs and ahhs as one Trumplican after the other lost their bids for election. You can Bing literally any word and find takes on the elections, so I'll focus on the topics people aren't covering enough. Here are some of MY highlights from election night: Kari Lake, the candidate for Governor in Arizona who is trailing narrowly behind Kati Hobbs has announced new policies regarding updates to her latest headshots. She said she expected to continue using a soft focus. Herschel Walker, who will face Raphael Warnock in a runoff election in December released a statement on election night, but no one actually understood what he was saying, but he did point at the end. Pollsters said the race was so close, it will likely come down to whether Walker's children vote for him or not. Desantis, who won Florida by 20 points in his acceptance speech said he promises to pass Disney's taxes on to the middle class. Beto O'rourke, who lost his bid for Governor in Texas after losing a bid for President just prior, announces he will consider his next candidacy. He reminds his supporters "we've got so much to lose" to which his record has proven. And finally, JD Vance, after winning his election for Senator in Ohio announced that he decided to accept the election results after all. (And here's the [real coverage](https://www.politico.com/news/2022-elections?ref=danielkherndon.com) from Politico if you want to find out where the races stand right now) ### Meta lays of 11,000 Facebook's parent company has laid off what is virtually a whole town's worth of people. And I do realize how meta it is to say virtually since Meta is focused on Virtual Reality these days and some say that is a part of what has led to the layoffs. More than that, declining ad revenues are to blame, but also hiring people to create something that currently is more similar to a dream in REM sleep than an actual product. In the following link, you'll see a leaked video of Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg announcing the layoffs, however, just a warning that due to his pale skin, he is nearly impossible to distinguish from the bright background. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/11/09/video-mark-zuckerberg-addresses-employees-after-massive-meta-layoffs.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Russia pulls out of Kherson The city Russia previously annexed and claimed was part of Russia "forever" is now a place Russia's army is fleeing. Perhaps they're trying the rhythm method but based on a sample size of one invasion, it doesn't seem to be working. Russia has sustained countless setbacks which they celebrate on Russian TV by saying they are achieving their goals and that they did it "on purpose!" ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-63573387?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Octupunishment? Researchers observed octopuses deliberately throwing stuff at each other, including silt from the bottom of the sea. Just to be clear, scientists believe the act may be social, but warn that the cephalopods are armed. Six arms to be exact. ([here's a video](https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-03592-w?utm%5Fsource=join1440&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fplacement=newsletter)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/the-final-cut/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Here's why you're crazy if you bag your leaves. `The Gist` There. I said it. I'm going to keep this one simple. This brief read is something I've wanted to share for a while, and I released it to readers of our [Long Reads](https://danielkherndon.com/heres-why-youre-an-idiot-for-bagging-your-leaves/#/portal/account) list last night. [Here’s why you’re crazy if you bag your leaves.After months of studying, countless reports have told us this.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/11/66-Reading-The-Leaves.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/heres-why-youre-an-idiot-for-bagging-your-leaves/) After a fine week of talking about the elections, I'll leave you with this: While election deniers dropped like flies falling from [Mike Pence's hair](https://danielkherndon.com/pence-is-making-old-things-new/), I wrote the following thread on why I will work hard to remove every single one of them. > I’m completely non-partisan, even anti-partisan > > Here’s why I absolutely will not vote Republican > 🧵 > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [November 9, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1590156533698289664?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) That's it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) for $5 per month or $50 per year ♥️ **Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Here's why you're crazy if you bag your leaves. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/heres-why-youre-an-idiot-for-bagging-your-leaves/ Last updated: 2022-11-11T19:45:11.000Z As an experiment, I've paid attention to the studies over the past eight weeks. After reviewing countless reports, I've found that it's pretty clear – that this article is not even kind of about bagging leaves. Reading them? Maybe. Ha! You didn't know that I would go in that direction. I like to keep you guessing by setting your expectations, and then just as you get to a point where you're ready to cope with them, I crush them like Fetterman sitting down abruptly on a carton of eggs. It seems like that's been a theme this week. Having followed the coverage of expert pollsters over the last eight weeks you would think we would have any sense of how the elections would turn out, but like a stroke, we didn't see that coming. As I've written in the past in my article titled [does this marketing research make me look fat?](https://danielkherndon.com/does-this-market-research-make-me-look-fat/), "The biggest problem with research is that people draw conclusions from the research." The polls failed us in 2016, and since then, pollsters have been frantically looking for methods to control for something known as "Trumpers who don't respond to polls", which of course is likely due to their lack of opposable thumbs, or the bias against answering a phone that doesn't have a Big Mac on it (placed strategically as bait). It's been reported that pollsters have tried adding a large Diet Coke and in some cases a $5 bill to bribe people into responding to polls, but have found that even with the incentive method, polls have yielded questionable findings, including a lack of demographic representation in some categories and increased risk of ketchup stains. Despite researchers adjusting their approach, conclusions were still pretty wrong. Or they were right, but no one really believed them, so they interpreted them wrong. Meaning, both Republicans and Democrats were shocked when things turned out differently than expected. In fact, they were so wrong that most Democrats didn't even buy plates for the cake at their election watch parties, resulting in egg-based frosting on their faces when they found out they won the election. An election they previously thought they were running to ceremonially concede just to make a statement that elections should go to their winners (a novel idea voters seem to be big fans of). I would plan on 2024 coming with similar issues. Unpredictable election results, failed voter polls, and bad cake. But the trust in the polls doesn't appear the have an effect on our desire to obsess about them. Polls offer two valuable things during an election season. A rough idea of what to talk about, and a job for the pollsters. But it may be the case that they're also introducing a new set of troubles as well. Roughly 63% of voters turned out for the last presidential elections, and that's if people are hot and bothered – and not suppressed by the various [factors that dampen voter turnout](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-rock-the-vote-even-harder/). Polls, and how they are reported [can have an effect on voting behavior](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/19401612221087181?ref=danielkherndon.com) – and they tend to have a specific emphasis on the candidate and less on the issues. They tell us who has the ability to win, and who is the underdog. But being the underdog doesn't make your policies any better. Frankly, the party flag you fly won't make your policies any better than your New Jersey address makes you a better Senator for Pennsylvania. If you ask me, focusing on the issues would be the better strategy. Like Ron Desantis does. Of course, to him, the issues are anyone who's not an old spray-tanned Republican, or if their pronouns don't match his plans for them. In this year's election, those issues didn't get in the way of him winning by a landslide. To, Lauren Boebert, the issue is that she carries more rounds between those in her purse and those loaded into her open carry than the spread of votes between her and her democrat challenger – as of this writing, we're still waiting to see who gets the last few, and who will be taking a bullet (if you ask me, the Republican party has been taking a bullet by putting up with people like Boebert as one of their headline grabbers). But if you take Colorado's stand-up comedian out of the conversation, the bigger issues are the ones we should be talking about. To most of us, those issues are democracy, abortion rights, crime, and inflation – and those issues don't have an underdog. Maybe next time, we should put less weight on the polls. And no. [You should not bag your leaves](https://www.npr.org/2022/10/25/1131114849/leaves-fall-autumn-compost-mulch-grass-lawn-nutrients?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### But of Course, You Should URL: https://danielkherndon.com/but-of-course-you-should/ Last updated: 2026-05-21T11:36:54.000Z --- I've attempted to write something of use for you for the better part of an hour, but I've frequently hit a wall. All I can think about is whether anything I say will matter between now and the moment that you walk up to a voting booth and express yourself by filling in small ovals with a short, blunt pencil. I'd rather not tell you who to vote for, but just know that this decision is more important than whether you decide to remain a member of Twitter, or whether or not your friend on a Catalina dressing bender needs an intervention. This choice is a domino that will tip many others depending on which one you tick. If you've ever had a hangover and morning-after regret at the same time, then you were probably one of the people who voted in the 2020 election. When 63% of us turned out on foot and by mail, it was considered a record. Maybe because we all could feel how much it mattered. Maybe because we made voting possible for those who hadn't been able to before. The good news is you can expect another dose of it tomorrow, but Democracy is so fragile that you can literally vote away your own choice. In Iran, Women are fighting for the right to choose their own clothing. In Ukraine, men are choosing to lay down their own lives to continue to have a choice. In China, your choice is already made for you. But you. In the USA. You still have the right to choose. You have the right to have a say in your own Government – and to have a say in whether you will have a say ever again. Make the choice, and then tell someone else they should too. For those of you in Pennsylvania, put on your hoodies and go to the polls. For those of you in Arizona, maybe you've already voted, go ahead and vote again. For you in Georgia, I need you to find 11,780 more votes, but this time let's find them *before* the election. For the men in the back, you've been voting since the 1800s, let's keep the tradition alive and invite our friends this time. For you ladies, this is one of the few choices you still have, and it's your choice and yours alone. We've got work to do, and it's going to take all of us. Let's get out there and let's vote. Please share with a friend. --- [Leave a Comment](https://danielkherndon.com/but-of-course-you-should/#ghost-comments) #### Share This Post: 👉 **Share links**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?url=www.danielkherndon.com/but-of-course-you-should/&text=Please%20read%20this%20post!&ref=danielkherndon.com) | [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=www.danielkherndon.com/but-of-course-you-should/) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com/but-of-course-you-should/&ref=danielkherndon.com) ### I'll Be Swift URL: https://danielkherndon.com/ill-be-swift/ Last updated: 2022-11-04T18:16:16.000Z Hey friends, Good morning to everyone, especially if you are Taylor Swift. Taylor is the only artist to have a song in the [Billboard Top 10](https://www.billboard.com/charts/hot-100/?ref=danielkherndon.com) this week – actually 10 songs, the first time anyone has ever done so. Swift not only holds all 10 of the top 10 spots, but she also holds the 13th, 14th, 15th, 20th, 21st, 32nd, 33rd, 41st, and 45th spots. For those of you who aren't charting a song on the Top 10 list this week, thanks for joining me to read The Lorem Ipsum Weekly this morning. We have a lot to cover. ### Trick or Treat This week was Halloween, and I still to this day have never been trick-or-treating. Here's an article that I wrote last year about the subject. [I’ve never been Trick or Treating. Here’s why I always will from now on.Every year on October 31st, scores of children fill the neighborhoods with activity. They’ll run the streets (looking both ways) creatively dressed to impress, scare or invite a laugh. Their cheaply made costumes are designed to look like recent television or movie characters, or more traditionally,…![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/05/10-Helloween.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/ive-never-been-trick-or-treating-heres-why-i-always-will-from-now-on/) But this year, I did at least wear a costume. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- [Leave A Tip ❤️](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/plink%5F1LpYcECTnjCvnTwiFmbWQtbe?ref=danielkherndon.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0STBdUH9GUWtvRnNrUXJsR2dkVXFcQlJ9Z0dDZ2RCQkpdYVRTb2p2YHdmM0Fyf2wzY0ByPDNsUTZKdTUwVlJyaGs9aHc8Rl1UdER%2FUH1qPVFIUUpUc312NTVQSWdBNTY2UycpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nNTViM3VCYW9rN1VsZl1GZkhIJ3gl) ## Hot Takes `Week 44 of 2022` ### The Mid Terms Just a note about the United States elections for those of you reading here in the States. This email marks four days until the elections, and you should vote. Vote your conscience, or vote mine if you must, but whatever you do – **VOTE**. ### Nancy Pelosi's Husband Attacked in His Home Last week an intrusion took place at what was believed to be a nursing home – but was actually Paul and Nancy Pelosi's home in San Francisco. Nancy, the Speaker of the House was in Washington when 82-year-old Paul Pelosi found himself under attack by 42-year-old intruder David DePape who said "Where's Nancy?". A lot of conspiracy theories have risen since the attack, including theories like that the intrusion was actually a drunken fight between Mr. Pelosi and a male prostitute, that Pelosi wears tightie whities, and that the attack was not politically motivated, and finally, that DePape discovered that the Pelosi's had been hoarding gallons of milk, given their inside knowledge that the cost of groceries would be increasing. DePape had the book thrown at him – by Mr. Pelosi, in self-defense. After the police arrived and DePape was booked, he was indicted on a litany of charges including attempted murder. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/03/politics/paul-pelosi-out-of-hospital/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Elon Musk Cleans Up His Twitter I'm not referring to his actual posts, but the entire Twitter company which is now his, after closing last Thursday night. Upon entering the company as its owner, he walked in carrying a sink, saying "let that sink in" (influencers will do anything for content – he was wearing too much makeup too, by the way). Musk immediately fired the top four executives at the company including CEO Parag Agrawal and proposed countless strategies ranging from bringing back the video feature known as "Vines" all the way to bringing back "profits" a feature where a business makes money above its expenses – something Twitter hasn't had for 8 of the last 10 years. Twitter announced it will be exercising [layoffs](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/03/technology/twitter-layoffs-elon-musk.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) across its global workforce today in an announcement sent to employees last night. I discuss the topic more in this week's feature article and here's [more](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/03/technology/elon-musk-twitter-money-finances.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) from the New York Times on the story, but also literally everyone else has written about Elon Musk and Twitter including one I recommend [from Matt Labash](https://mattlabash.substack.com/p/the-twidiot-in-chief), even if he has a bad attitude. ### Affirmative Action The Supreme Court heard oral arguments on the use of race as a factor in college admissions. The two cases, lawsuits against Harvard and U.N.C. Chapel Hill, were brought by Students for Fair Admissions, a group opposing racial preferences in college [admissions](https://www.bestcolleges.com/news/analysis/supreme-court-separates-harvard-unc-affirmative-action-cases/?ref=danielkherndon.com) negatively impacting Asian applicants who tend to receive higher test scores. Based on the line of questioning and the known position of some of the conservative justices, it appears likely the court will overrule affirmative action, the law designed to alter the negative trajectory of Black students set in motion by slavery in the 1800s and reinforced by various admissions policies today. College attainment remains behind for Black students compared to others with 29% of Black people having a college [degree](https://pnpi.org/black-students/?ref=danielkherndon.com) compared to 45% of whites. This is not funny. ### Bummed but Not Busted Tech giants, formerly known as the world's fastest-growing companies might be picking up a side gig (I'd suggest cleaning virtual houses in the metaverse). I already mentioned that Twitter doesn't print money, but Alphabet, Amazon, Microsoft, and Meta shares have all lost value and are seeing decreasing revenues. Most Americans, when asked to comment said "poor baby" or "same". ([more](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-10-28/big-tech-stocks-lose-400-billion-yet-somehow-remain-expensive?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### And Quickly - **God Rest Their Seoul.** An urban celebration in Seoul Korea lead to the collapse of a suspension bridge [resulting](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/oct/29/dozens-of-people-crushed-by-large-crowd-at-halloween-festivities-in-south-korea?ref=danielkherndon.com) in at least 150 deaths. - **Who has a combover and just won reelection?** Benjamin Netanyahu was elected president of Israel once again, moving its government [to the right](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2022/11/02/benjamin-netanyahu-israeli-election/10650849002/?ref=danielkherndon.com). - **Brazil doesn't call it a comeback.** Jair Bolsonaro, the Brazillian Trump lost his reelection bid hesitantly agreed to transition out of office. Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva or "Lula" [returns](https://www.economist.com/leaders/2022/10/31/lula-will-be-brazils-next-president-now-for-the-hard-part?ref=danielkherndon.com) after serving from 2002 to 2006 and then spending over 580 days in jail afterward for fraud which he has been acquitted of. [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/SLUG/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## The Digital Town Square `The Gist` For Halloween this week I went as a Twitter user. The costume was simple because Twitter users look just like you and me, except 69% of them are democrats, half of them are bots, and the Balance of them are Ted Cruz. But then after that, I found myself awash in news about Elon Musk's Twitter takeover. So if I Musk, here are my thoughts on the power dynamics of information, and those who control it. [Only If I MuskThe most powerful people have been controlling the distribution of information since well before the printing press. It’s not reasonable to expect them to distribute that power equitably.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/11/65-Twitter-2.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/only-if-i-musk/) [What do you think?](https://danielkherndon.com/SLUG/#ghost-comments) That's it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ### An Invitation: *We're living in a world where people are no longer fighting over whether Chipotle or Qdoba is better, but one where we create enemies because we know for a fact that it's Chipotle. In America, we need not only to hear reasoned arguments from both sides, but we also need to be able to make fun of how greasy Ted Cruz's hair is. On a serious note, we need to have tough conversations without it being about party or ideology, but the truth.* *The Lorem Ipsum has grown steadily since I launched it over a year ago. At the moment, I am just one guy and one set of pronouns, but with your help, we can make the world a better place by having reasonable conversations, and not demonizing each other. We can take important issues seriously without taking ourselves too seriously.* *That's why I created this publication. But it exists only because you do – and it keeps growing because of you. Please consider supporting the mission of The Lorem Ipsum by becoming a founder, or sharing the publication with others. Preferably both.* *Thank you.* #### How To Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) (for $5 per month or $50 per year) ♥️ **Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Only If I Musk URL: https://danielkherndon.com/only-if-i-musk/ Last updated: 2023-02-10T13:02:30.000Z For Halloween this week I went as a Twitter user. The costume was simple because Twitter users look just like you and me, except 69% of them are democrats, half of them are bots, and the Balance of them are Ted Cruz because Trump and Marjorie Taylor Green have both been kicked off the platform. When it comes to costumes, the details matter, so as an accessory I walked around the neighborhood shouting short hot takes and one-liners to myself. Occasionally another trick-or-treater passing by would love something I said, but surprisingly most people just ignored me. In the aftermath along with a Halloween hangover, I'm surrounded by news that is almost exclusively about Elon Musk now owning Twitter. Ideally, I'd celebrate by not caring, and finishing the last episode of [The Watcher](https://variety.com/2022/tv/global/the-watcher-netflix-uk-tv-ratings-1235420854/?ref=danielkherndon.com) on Netflix, but then again, I've never been good at taking vacations. If you're a regular here, you know I don't always weigh in on every topic of pop culture drama, especially when everyone else has already filled their corner of the internet with their take on issues that are better off blocked from our feeds. I try to wait for the good stuff so I can reserve precious column inches for important issues, like [why I'm afraid of cold butter](https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter/) or talking about a [circus act](https://danielkherndon.com/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/) that used to be a political party. Suffice it to say I usually focus on the issues that matter to us all the most, and if that isn't enough, I narrow in on the ones that matter to me, since I am the only decider here. But now that all my content can be written by AI, I can weigh in by using a third-party app, without having to think, say or do anything other than click the space bar every now and then. This new tech allows me to drop opinions on even more meaningless issues than ever, like whether or not Sarah Palin can spell Lauren Boebert's name correctly on a Tweet thanking her for her endorsement (the answer: [no she can't](https://twitter.com/davramdavram/status/1587533991543980033?ref=danielkherndon.com)). My first experience with artificial intelligence was with Grammarly, a tool designed to tell me what words to hyphenate. But as the tech industry advances, although currently not in the form of profits, artificial intelligence is now using machine learning to shove ads at me that claim that it (if that really is their pronoun) can write my entire independent publication. I think this demonstrates it/its failure to recognize that The Lorem Ipsum has not missed a week since its birth, even if some issues have been submitted by phone, the device that knows me best. They say AI and the Metaverse will change the way we do everything, and so far they are correct in my case – I avoid Facebook whenever I get the chance, and I do it more efficiently than ever. When it comes to artificial intelligence, I’m more apprehensive than excited. I don't mean that I'm concerned about my own job as a crafty writer. I'll let an artificially intelligent bot do that worrying for me. I'm talking about Ye, the artificially intelligent rapper and presidential candidate. Ye has made headlines for his attempt to buy Parler, the haven for roughly thirty bitter people who think that running a social media company is about free speech. It's not machine learning that concerns me. It's the outsized impact someone like Ye has on what happens in American Politics. Ye (The Artist Formerly Known as Prince's [favored hip hop muse](https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/prince-final-interview-kanye-west-kendrick-lamar/?ref=danielkherndon.com), the artist formerly known as Kanye West) has become a sort of "how to" source for a variety of things, like 'How to be a worse person than Donald Trump without being Vladimir Putin', and 'How to have a brand worth billions one day and drop billions in value the next'. These are incredible accomplishments in their own respect, but Ye is accomplished in more conventionally enviable ways too. Ye's net worth is [at least $400 million](https://www.complex.com/music/diddy-replaces-kanye-west-2022-wealthiest-hip-hop-artists-list?ref=danielkherndon.com), despite the loss of standing with Adidas and other companies that have dropped him as a partner in business ventures. He continues to own the Yeezy brand and owns shares in Kim Kardashian's shapewear line. He still remains streaming on Spotify and Apple Music, and some of his better songs remain in my own Apple Music library. All these amounts to consistent earnings and influence. Kanye has been removed from partnerships with Balenciaga, Vogue, a documentary production company MRC, his agent CAA, Gap, and Adidas. And although he is back on Twitter, that is not the only place where Kanye West has a character limit. Ye has no trouble getting an audience. ## The Power of Influence I think Ye should probably continue to get paid for the earnings of his music, even if he is banned from ever performing at the Grammys. I for one will continue to listen to his songs like "Gold Digger", "Made In America", "Jesus Walks" or "Runaway" because after all, a lot of musicians are dicks, and listening to music because someone is nice gets old when it sucks. Despite having been banned from Twitter [and later restored](https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/1578620714000605184?s=20&t=xQ7cMfF7lZ3P98z4PBqo6A&ref=danielkherndon.com), Ye still continues to have a voice loud enough to inspire people to spread his gospel in under 280 characters, even if it's on sheets hanging from highway overpasses or spray painted on [football stadiums](https://www.winknews.com/2022/11/01/antisemitic-messages-shown-on-jacksonville-stadium-highway-overpass/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Ye's die-hard fans will go out of their way to defend his antisemitic claims, saying "Kanye is right about the Jews". Elon Musk, who can bend the stock market with a single tweet, says he "Talked to ye today & expressed my concerns about his recent tweet, which I think he took to heart". That's so wonderful and really makes me feel pretty great that he may now be almost as polite as my children were as toddlers, now that Elon had a little chat with him. This brings me to the bigger matter on my mind. Some of the most powerful communications platforms, whether it is the portable platform of fame and influence or tangible platforms like Twitter or the much less useful Truth Social, leave us subject to the interests and rhetoric of a select few. And some of the few are dicks. Some of the many are too, as we see in the last few elections. Some dicks get followed. And some followers will commit a mass shooting in a Synagogue like what happened in the Pittsburg Tree of Life Synagogue shooting [four years ago](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pittsburgh%5Fsynagogue%5Fshooting?ref=danielkherndon.com). It would take more than a few Yeets (Ye Tweets) to turn me into an anti-Jew mass murderer, but ironically, it only takes a handful of dicks to shift the center of public sentiment by 3 percent and increase the likelihood that someone else will be a dick too. If you want a more comprehensive analysis of how this works, here's a year-long examination of Trump's rhetoric and [the swelling of violence](https://www.justsecurity.org/74138/incitement-timeline-year-of-trumps-actions-leading-to-the-attack-on-the-capitol/?ref=danielkherndon.com) from his followers. Elon Musk believes the internet needs to be a more democratic space (understandable since he is the richest person on earth), and that the world needs a digital public scare where absolute free speech is a virtue. Musk tweeted [Power to the people!](https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1587498907336118274?s=20&t=pf3hIv1zmHSKIvlcmAH-Ng&ref=danielkherndon.com) this week. He happens to be one of the most powerful and richest people on earth and has used that leverage to gain control of one of the most powerful communication platforms on earth. ## Power To The People The most powerful people have been controlling the distribution of information since well before the printing press. It's not reasonable to expect them to distribute that power equitably. After all, one of them did buy Twitter for 44 billion dollars because he wanted to. When it comes to the control of information, the only people that rise to the top are the ones we let rise to the top, by investing in their power. Once someone is on top, it's virtually impossible to unseat them. And the people on the top have the power to shift the narrative in their favor. I'm happy for Elon Musk and his new toy, but it won't make the world a better place. It certainly won't make information more democratic. Trump has been banned from Twitter, and he has found a way to congregate with his most extreme followers on his own platform. Ye is having no trouble connecting with his anti-Jew followers and plans to own a social media platform of his own. Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post. Marc Benioff owns TIMES. Rupert Murdock owns several right-leaning news platforms like Fox News and The New York Post. Michael Bloomberg owns Bloomberg News. Google is the largest funder of Wikipedia. And, to be fair, I own The Lorem Ipsum. We choose to give the power of information to those who we wish, and we should be careful to give it to those who can be trusted with it. ### 468 More Weeklies URL: https://danielkherndon.com/468-weeklies/ Last updated: 2022-11-02T21:05:00.000Z Hey friends, Good morning to most of you and good afternoon to Brittany Griner who will be in a Russian penal colony for the next 468 Lorem Ipsum Weeklies. Approximately. Evidently in Russia, even celebrities can go to prison when they break the law. Of course, Brittany's sentence is much longer than the typical sentence of a Russian convict but that is understandable when you take into account that a Russian prisoner can't be traded for a weapons trafficker in a US prison. More on prison life in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- [Love The Lorem Ipsum? ❤️](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/plink%5F1LpYcECTnjCvnTwiFmbWQtbe?ref=danielkherndon.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0STBdUH9GUWtvRnNrUXJsR2dkVXFcQlJ9Z0dDZ2RCQkpdYVRTb2p2YHdmM0Fyf2wzY0ByPDNsUTZKdTUwVlJyaGs9aHc8Rl1UdER%2FUH1qPVFIUUpUc312NTVQSWdBNTY2UycpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nNTViM3VCYW9rN1VsZl1GZkhIJ3gl) ## Hot Takes `Week 43 of 2022` ### Okay for Ye but not for They I had always thought that the 90s would be the only time I would have to use the term "The Artist Formerly Known As..." as a proper noun, but post-pandemic life is weird. Ye – The Artist Formerly Known As Kanye West is in the news, mostly for hating Jews (rhyme not intended). The rapper, fashion designer, and political candidate will need to take it Yeezy if he wants the Yecosystem to be Yeconomically viable. Ye, who does know how to read, claims he has read "Mein Kampf" and brags about his ability to get away with saying anti-Semitic things. He's partly correct based on sales of his products, except that in the last week he's been dropped more times than critical words in a John Fetterman speech. Addidas took a minute to decide whether or not they preferred the $250 million in profits but eventually decided they didn't want to be associated with Nazis like they [literally were](https://time.com/6224899/adidas-kanye-west-antisemitism-nazis/?ref=danielkherndon.com) back in 1933\. In addition to the anti-Semitic comments, Adidas executives said they also felt like his gold teeth looked dumb too, and probably were going to cancel him anyway. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/27/entertainment/kanye-west-hitler-album/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Clarence Thomas Blocks Lindsey Graham's Testimony The husband of Ginny Thomas, the least prosecuted insurrectionist, has blocked Graham's testimony in an investigation into Trump's attempt to overturn the 2020 election results in Georgia, at least temporarily protecting the former President. Lindsey stated in his emergency request, which he filed last Friday that he wanted to make it clear that "Lindsey" is a unisex name – He also argued that his post-election efforts in Georgia were legislative activity – two details that are currently in dispute. ([more](https://www.axios.com/2022/10/24/lindsey-graham-subpoena-jan-6?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Johnson is out. Sunak is in. In an announcement poised for a LinkedIn update, Rishi Sunak said he was "Humbled and honored" when he accepted the position as Prime Minister. His victory was already likely but was secured all the more when Boris Johnson dropped out of the race due to the fact that he was "There is a very good chance" he would win the election. Sunak announced that his first order of business would be running the government, something his predecessors were never able to get around to. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/10/24/rishi-sunak-closes-in-on-downing-street-after-boris-johnson-pulls-out.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Isn't Xi Lovely Xi Jinping has made it official. He is President of China again. It's really not cool that I'm making puns out of Xi's name, but if he can appoint himself as President of the largest country on earth, I believe I can appoint myself as responsible for making fun of him on an email I am the editor of. He's also appointed his best four buds to consolidate power beyond what we've seen in decades. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/22/china/china-party-congress-xi-jinping-leadership-lineup-revealed-intl-hnk?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Leslie Jordon The man who got us through the pandemic with his heartwarming and funny videos died in a car crash, but conspiracy theorists believe he only died with a car crash. Leslie was known for shows like Will & Grace, Boston Legal, and numerous cameos where he played a character so unique and charming that every role after that was identical. At 67, Leslie's life was short, and at 4 foot, 11 inches, so was he. Leslie will always be remembered for his witty personality which can be enjoyed anytime [right here on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CkDnb4%5FAYUt/?hl=en&ref=danielkherndon.com). [What's Your Take?](https://danielkherndon.com/468-weeklies/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's a **reader** ***question***. ## The Ice Box `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` > Hey Daniel, I've been in prison for the last 3 years or so, and to my suprise, I'm starting to enjoy cream of wheat and I can't believe it's not butter****™**. With the exception of people like Britany Griner, I'm wondering if putting people on ice makes a difference. I'd rather be committing crimes TBH. So... Does prison even work even? > > Sincerely, Counting The Days Recently, I was faced with the challenge of making a dip for my chips (specifically the potato variety, but if you're Dan Quale, the proper spelling is potatoe). The chips certainly needed something to soften their journey into my mouth, not to mention to make them more enticing for yours truly, and I'm guessing better for my health. I reached into the fridge, and couldn't help but notice how miraculous it was that the very delicate sour cream I own has managed to stay fresh and safe for consumption for as long as it has. Anytime you want to keep something fresh, we all know the best thing to do is to put it on ice. This is also how we refer to the act of storing away a pair of shoes when you buy two identical pairs, knowing you soon won't be able to find that style or size again. The scenario plays out somewhat like this. You: "Nice shoes Bob!" Them: "Thanks. I like 'em so much, I picked me up a second pair. I got them boys *on ice!*" Finding the right shoes can be tricky, but to look on the bright side, in modern times, we don't have to rely on the life span of a block of ice to keep things cool, but we also can make and keep actual ice using the magic of refrigeration. If you want a dip for your potato chips or you need to keep your meat from going rancid before you eat it as people did in the early 1900s, you can always use a fridge. Not only will the device keep your meat in edible shape, but it also allows you to maintain a more substantial food supply. The same is not true for people. Unfortunately, storing people doesn't work the same as storing cold meat or a pair of sneakers. Putting people on ice doesn't keep them from going bad. According to the Sentencing Project, in the US, we have had a [500% increase in incarcerated people](https://www.sentencingproject.org/research/?ref=danielkherndon.com) over the last twenty years without a similar decrease in crime. In fact, the US has the highest prison rate in the entire world. Many operate under the belief that locking up criminals decreases crime by essentially incapacitating the perpetrator, but following that logic would then tell us to lock up any male in a family [with an income under the poverty line](https://www.brookings.edu/blog/the-avenue/2021/11/02/dramatically-increasing-incarceration-is-the-wrong-response-to-the-recent-uptick-in-homicides-and-violent-crime/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Obviously this is inconvenient because we have to wait until a crime is committed before locking them up. Odds are if I have one chip dipped in a homemade dip, I'm going to want another one. Similarly, once someone is in the cottage industry known as the prison system, they have a [high likelihood](https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/recidivism-rates-by-state?ref=danielkherndon.com) of taking another dip too. According to the Pew Charitable Trust, some experts say "[it's complicated](https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/articles/2014/09/weighing-imprisonment-and-crime?ref=danielkherndon.com)" when asked if incarceration decreases crime. Most would conclude that locking people up does have an impact on crime, but generally speaking, it doesn't reduce crime by solving a problem. In fact, expanding the reasons to be put on ice has increasingly incarcerates the populations who are less criminal overall, and greatly favors the poor (hint: crime also favors the poor). What seems to be clear, if you put something on ice, you might cool it off, but after a while, it starts to get rancid. The only life a young prisoner knows is that of a criminal, and we're running out of space in the fridge. [What do you think?](https://danielkherndon.com/468-weeklies/#ghost-comments) Thats it for this week. ***Enjoy your weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ♥️ **Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### It’s A Roast URL: https://danielkherndon.com/its-a-roast/ Last updated: 2024-03-22T03:29:11.000Z Hey friends, Last Week, if I heard you say, "Truss Falls" I would have thought you were talking about a team-building exercise and not yesterday's events at 10 Downing Street. I'll have an update in a moment. Now, a correction. For everyone who read an excerpt about my vasectomy last week, it created an embarrassing moment for me. The tweet embedded in the issue which was a reply did not display the full context in email form, leaving my tender advice falling flat. The [full thread](https://danielkherndon.com/crimea-river/) appears properly on the web. Vasectomies out of context are never good. Liz Truss and I are not the only ones getting roasted today. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- [Love the Loren? Leave A Tip ❤️](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/plink%5F1LpYcECTnjCvnTwiFmbWQtbe?ref=danielkherndon.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0STBdUH9GUWtvRnNrUXJsR2dkVXFcQlJ9Z0dDZ2RCQkpdYVRTb2p2YHdmM0Fyf2wzY0ByPDNsUTZKdTUwVlJyaGs9aHc8Rl1UdER%2FUH1qPVFIUUpUc312NTVQSWdBNTY2UycpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nNTViM3VCYW9rN1VsZl1GZkhIJ3gl) ## Hot Takes `Week 42 of 2022` ## Liz Truss Quits. Wilts Like a Head of Lettuce. Alright, lettuce talk about what's happened here. British Prime Minister Liz Truss was elected by the British Conservative Party as Prime Minister, and resigned after 44 days, following a revolt against her domestic economic policies. Included was a substantial tax-cutting agenda, benefiting the rich. The mere mention of it sent the value of the British pound so low, it could hardly pay for a Boris Johnson haircut. The pundits were left making guesses as to whether she would last longer than a head of lettuce, as [the Economist](https://www.economist.com/leaders/2022/10/11/liz-truss-has-made-britain-a-riskier-bet-for-bond-investors?utm%5Fmedium=affiliates.content.pd&utm%5Fsource=Skimbit%20Ltd.&utm%5Fcampaign=16002&utm%5Fcontent=Online%20Tracking%20Link&channel=Impact&irclickid=zja3GewbGz82RwrwGfVpqTOvUkDVsUXhw2beTI0&irgwc=1) states in their now viral and paywalled article. Waning public support had put a wedge between Truss and her party, however, advisors caution against using the term wedge, given the viral produce reference. The opposing Labour Party said her failures are only the tip of the iceberg. On Wednesday, Liz declared to Parliament "I am not a quitter", and promptly resigned the next day. In her brief speech announcing her resignation, she went on to list her accomplishments which included getting elected and then resigning. Among the candidates who may be selected for the position is Boris Johnson who was recently removed under tenuous circumstances. Despite the lack of support from many British citizens, the party has fared well with grocers who are used to turning inventory quickly and can relate. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/10/20/world/liz-truss-news?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Elon's Hotspot Do you ever get frustrated when you're sharing your hotspot and some "friend" decides to start watching videos or something? Well, that's what is happening to Elon Musk in Ukraine except instead of a feature on a cellphone, it's a network of satellites, and instead of videos, it's the communications network for an entire army – understandably this still can be frustrating. Late last week, Musk said he would not be able to fund the internet access in Ukraine via [Starlink](https://www.starlink.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com), his satellite internet service – only to reverse his position to say he would continue funding the service, which was not asked for but has become critical. The EU has since begun weighing whether it would fund the service. ([more](https://www.politico.eu/article/eu-consider-pay-elon-musk-starlink-spacex-internet-ukraine/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Related:** Elon Musk's deal with Twitter seems to be getting closer to a close. He said he wanted to reduce the staff by [as much as 75%](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/oct/20/elon-musk-twitter-staff-layoff-takeover?ref=danielkherndon.com), claiming that some of the employees may actually be bots like many of the site's user profiles. ### How To Plan a Press Conference Governor Ron Desantis called a press conference to announce his crackdown on voter fraud hours after arresting people completely unaware they had committed any such fraud. Police body cam footage shows that neither the police officers nor those being handcuffed understood why they were being arrested, but sources say that immigrants located in Martha's Vineyard know exactly why. ([more](https://www.tampabay.com/news/florida-politics/2022/10/18/body-camera-video-police-voter-fraud-desantis-arrests/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Double You Ex Why Xi? Xi Jinping, President of China may have a chip on his shoulder but America won't be buying it. Xi is happy to announce on Linkedin that he has accepted the position of President for a third term, a position which he was humbled and honored to offer himself this week. His Communist Party is focused on building up the military, having no cases of Covid, and being mad at the USA for banning the production of Chinese chips (computer, not potato). ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/china-xi-jinping-communist-party-congress-rcna51814?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Who is Marshall? In Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin is conducting a simple, yet special, military operation that he says is not a war. In that "not-war" on Wednesday he declared martial law, and citizens of the area are being evacuated in anticipation of significant combat. The measure gives Putin legal cover for certain actions he may take because being on the up and up is important to him. Over the last week, Kyiv was sprinkled with targeted attacks from Kamikaze drones, provided to Russia by Iran, in addition to shelling to attack Ukraine's energy infrastructure. The attack was an indication of fading military resources and is the equivalent of a Facebook update that says "Is in a relationship with Iran". Last night, US intelligence announced that it believes Iranian soldiers may have engaged in combat directly in Crimea. ([more](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/iranian-troops-ukraine-crimea-russia-drone-strikes/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Ye Olde Social Media App Kanye West, who still can't get his mother to agree to call him Ye, just agreed to buy Parler so that he can continue to be the rapper version of Donald Trump. Elon Musk celebrated the deal by [deleting](https://www.thedailybeast.com/elon-musk-deletes-tweet-teasing-kanye-west-collab-as-rapper-buys-parler-after-antisemitic-meltdown?ref=danielkherndon.com) a tweet about them joining forces. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/10/17/kanye-west-is-buying-conservative-social-media-platform-parler-company-says.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Not Interested Rates The rates are bumping up another 0.75% once again. In the US, September inflation rates came in at 8.2%, and across the world, prices have inflated for items like bread which normally cause me to be the one that inflates. It's a hard time for baguettes. ([more](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-finance/inflation-update-september/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/its-a-roast/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## If We Don't Save Coffee, We're Roasted `The Gist` This week's Long Read has created a lot of buzz. Having been a coffee drinker since the day I first had to wake up for work every morning, this article covers a matter that is important to me, but more importantly, to all of humanity. If dinosaurs had coffee, we might be having a very different conversation today. Read the article. [Coffee To The End of The EarthHow we’re destroying the world and our morning routines.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/10/Coffee.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/roasting-coffee-to-the-ends-of-the-earth/) --- Thanks for reading. That's it for this week's issue. If you need someone to commiserate with you, email Liss Truss. If you need to get answers to your toughest questions, email me. Reply here, and your question may be used in a future issue of The Weekly. [Leave A Comment On This Post](https://danielkherndon.com/its-a-roast/#ghost-comments) ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 ****Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 ****Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ♥️ ****Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Coffee To The End of The Earth URL: https://danielkherndon.com/roasting-coffee-to-the-ends-of-the-earth/ Last updated: 2024-12-26T22:36:33.000Z According to Bobby Vee, livin' ain't easy. It seems like he's right, too, but if you ask me lovin's twice as tough. He didn't ask me, though, and I understand because it was 1967, and a twinkle in my father's eye might have cramped his style, which was plentiful at the time. I can only speculate if he knew how hard we'd be trying today to do just that. Life is hard enough as we worry about things like whether Liz Truss will be able to make up her mind about economic policy or if Alex Jones will pay up on his billion dollars of damages. It could be worse, though. All of Pakistan could be flooded right now. Instead, it's only a third. Or the bottom half of Florida could be wiped off the map, getting all their electoral votes wet before they can bring them to Washington to dispute in front of Congress. Despite these hardships, we're getting by. We're stayin' alive, as they say. Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive. When it comes to staying alive, there are a few things that are vital for all of humanity. Food for energy and nutrition, shelter to protect us from the elements, and a social safety net so we can thrive through cooperation. And for everything else, you're going to need coffee – if for nothing else, for the antioxidants, which I'm told are essential to removing damaging oxidizing agents in people like us. In short, they prevent things like cancer and heart disease. I'm no Juan Valdez, but I know what's good for me, and that's why I drink coffee every day without exception. To not get cancer. But also because I am completely unwilling to see what happens if I don't drink coffee. Regardless, it's a bucket list item for me to not get cancer, and the simplest way to prevent it happens to taste good and help wake me up in the morning. Not everyone likes coffee, though, and that's okay. There are alternatives for those of you who avoid the daily grind, but options seem scarce when you consider none of them are coffee. In the same way that Meta provides a means for a social connection, despite it causing neck pain, chaffing, and needing to be charged every two hours, coffee also has its surrogates, like tea or dirty water and herbs like matcha. In either case, it's a disappointing option that seems to yield only a fraction of the results. However you find it, we need the healing power of the antioxidants in coffee. Get enough, and you've just dropped dying down a few notches on Fate's to-do list for your life. No guarantees, of course, because we've all known a coffee drinker or two to die. (My grandfather in particular didn't die "of coffee", he died "with coffee" – which is the way I want to go too, to be honest). Okay, I'm being a little hard on you Snapple drinkers, but it's not without reason. Studies continue to remind us that antioxidants are critical for maintaining one's health, even preventing aging. According to [Healthline](https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/coffee-worlds-biggest-source-of-antioxidants?ref=danielkherndon.com#antioxidants), coffee is one of the largest sources of antioxidants in the Human diet. And that's just the low-hanging fruit on the Coffea Arabica plant. Coffee's health benefits are far and wide, but the headline is this. We need coffee to minimize dying, or at a minimum, to delay it and look better on our way. Coffee is critical for the survival of the human species. If dinosaurs had coffee, we might be having a very different conversation today. In other coffee news, it was announced this week in my hometown of Indianapolis that a flagship Starbucks location is vacating its longstanding hot spot on Monument Circle in the center of downtown. The location used to be buzzing with lines out the door seeking their first joe of the day, but over the last two years, the lines of coffee drinkers have converted to lines of coke, and joe is the name that an unhoused resident calls everyone that walks by when he asks them for money. The increased homeless population, often people with mental illnesses and drug abuse problems, finds themselves lining the entryways to every public place, often in hopes of capturing the spare change of a selfless passerby or the whiff of a lady's perfume, or Elon Musk's for those who prefer the [scent of burnt hair](https://www.cnn.com/style/article/elon-musk-burnt-hair-perfume-trnd/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Starbucks cited safety issues for its employees when it shuttered its doors on The Circle. But with the above-described health benefits of coffee, I'd say it's a safety issue that they are not there. This is hopefully a need that will be met by someone with a more savory offering, like the fine folks of Indianapolis-based Calvin Fletcher, who not only offer better coffee but also better company, especially if you happen to be down on your luck (including being without a home). I recommend you [buy a bag here](http://www.cfcoffeecompany.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) immediately, if not sooner, simply to ensure they can keep doing just that. I won't miss the Starbucks location on The Circle, mostly because I don't like the taste of burnt rubber and cheap cigars. But there's a bigger issue when it comes to coffee these days, and it's not just that pumpkin spice [has no pumpkin in it](https://danielkherndon.com/pumpkin-spice-wars). The real issue is that coffee consumption continues to go up, but production has shrunk. According to [CoffeeAffection.com](https://coffeeaffection.com/coffee-consumption-statistics/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=2.-,66%25%20of%20Americans%20drink%20coffee%20every%20day%2C%20which,is%20more%20than%20tap%20water.&text=In%202022%2C%20the%20number%20of,increase%20since%20January%20of%202021.), 66% of Americans drink coffee every day. That's more than tap water, something we couldn't live without before 1994 and now something we won't be caught dead drinking any longer. My wife, for one thinks tap water tastes like lead, however, personally, I've always thought it was the other way around. Nonetheless, we're a reverse osmosis house here, no tap, even in our coffee. Our coffee intake has held steady, but what we're noticing is that if you can put enough sugar and milk in something, you can get anyone to drink it, and that's why coffee sales are going up. For the rest of the world, consumption has increased by 3.3 percent over the last year, following steady increases over the last few decades. Coffee production, however, decreased by 2.1 percent last year. Because the causes of farming loss vary and can include labor and supply chain issues, production may improve next year from its most recent downturn, but still, coffee farming continues to get more complicated. The [Inter-American Development Bank](https://www.iadb.org/en/improvinglives/most-unexpected-effect-climate-change?ref=danielkherndon.com) points out that global rising temperatures have gradually reduced the land area where coffee can be grown. In fact, [one Swiss study](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0261976&ref=danielkherndon.com) calculates that the viable coffee farming land in Brazil will decrease by about 79% by 2050 as the altitude favorable for growing coffee continues to change over time. Changes in temperature have already shifted the locations of coffee farms, and this has a considerable cost. Not just groggy mornings and cancer but also the jobs for a country like Brazil, which produces the most coffee in the world and depends on beans as its biggest export. If coffee production decreases by 2 percent each year, as some have calculated, you'll more than likely be dead before coffee becomes as scarce as a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle. Your children's children may not remain unscathed. They don't need a bottle of Pappy as much as they need to prevent cancer. I know I sound like a real buzz kill, but this is an important issue. Each year marks more undeniable evidence of climate change, with waning coffee farming land only being the most depressing. When it comes to the climate, fossil fuels like coal, oil, and gas [have the biggest negative impact on our climate](https://www.un.org/en/climatechange/science/causes-effects-climate-change?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Fossil%20fuels%20%E2%80%93%20coal%2C%20oil%20and,they%20trap%20the%20sun's%20heat.). The increases in greenhouse gasses caused by emissions result in [greater swings in weather](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/31/business/coffee-climate-change.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), lending to more damage to crops and in recent years, catastrophic losses of crops across coffee-producing countries. If the future of the earth is a future without coffee, I've not quite decided if I want to live in such a world, but I assure you, it will be a big adjustment for me. Climate change is a complex issue. One minute we're talking about cow flatulence, and the next, we're trying to figure out whether solar power [works in the dark](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka6Qpd27Qgw&ref=danielkherndon.com). But one thing is true, the scale of the issue will take substantial action, a level that can only be achieved with [significant government policy](https://environment.yale.edu/news/article/building-public-and-political-will-for-climate-change-action?ref=danielkherndon.com). Far be it from me to ruin every Libertarian's day, but our great-grandchildren will be falling asleep at their desks without decisive strategies from every major government in the world. More importantly, I don't want to lose my buzz or youthful good looks. Let's take a moment to see if we can figure out a solution. I'm guessing there's a cheaper option than colonizing mars, but we're going to need to do something quickly. My crow's feet are depending on you all to help me figure this out. ### Crimea River URL: https://danielkherndon.com/crimea-river/ Last updated: 2022-10-14T10:30:48.000Z Hey friends, Good morning to everyone except Alex Jones. This Tuesday marked four weeks until the midterm elections across the US, and I'm still hoping *The Lorem Ipsum* gets a few write-in votes. (By the way, if you do, please use italics). This week I published an article summarizing the major races for this midterm election, mostly making fun of candidates, but I'm confident you’ll also find useful information. As a reminder, if you want to receive articles in your inbox, you can add Long Reads to your preferences [here](https://danielkherndon.com/crimea-river/#/portal/account/). We can talk about the election in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- **On The Internet:** For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you know I frequently provide helpful advice on a variety of topics. Here's an example from this week. Ian is one serious dad. > Probably should have soft tacos. > > Trust me. I had a vasectomy 20 years ago. > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [October 11, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1579925037049860096?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) ## Hot Takes `Week 41 of 2022` #### Crimea River The bridge connecting the Crimean peninsula to Russia was damaged by an explosion conducted by unconfirmed perpetrators. Ukraine has yet to claim responsibility but US intelligence believes whoever carried out the operation may have been upset about something. After the attack, Russia responded with missile strikes on civilian targets in 11 cities, killing around 19 and injuring 100 according to reports. The strikes demonstrate Putin's shrewdness in waging war, resulting in an average of 1.7 people killed per $10 million missile strike while adding roughly zero military advantages. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/russias-ria-state-agency-reports-fuel-tank-fire-kerch-bridge-crimea-2022-10-08/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Movement at Mar-a-Lago Breaking: Donald Trump may have lied to the F.B.I. In reports released on Wednesday, a Trump aide was recorded on security footage moving boxes out of storage, even after a subpoena was issued. According to contacts familiar with the matter, moving the files was a matter of obstruction. Meaning they were obstructing access to Trump's golf clubs in the storage room. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/12/us/politics/trump-mar-a-lago-walt-nauta.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Last Night's Bombshell January 6th Committee Hearing In addition to seventeen thousand other things in the news about Trump's legal troubles, the January 6th Committee aired what might be its last public hearing yesterday afternoon. In the hearing, the committee presented a summation of its case and bombshell new video evidence of events that occurred on January 6th. One segment which was supposed to be included was never before seen slow-motion video footage of the ketchup being splashed against the white house walls while Cassidy Hutchinson yells in a low slo-mo voice "NOOOOOO!!!!", a video that appears to have been cut from the proceeding. The Committee voted unanimously live in the broadcast at 3:30 to subpoena Donald Trump to testify before the committee. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/10/13/jan-6-committee-trump-threat-00061454?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Losing the Infowar Alex Jones, host of the conspiracy theory internet show Infowars was ordered to pay just shy of 1 billion dollars to 15 families that were subject to threats and harassment due to his false claims that the Sandy Hook school shooting was a hoax and they were crisis actors working for the government. Alex, who doesn't have a billion dollars, says he faces financial ruin, which was the whole point. ([more](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/alex-jones-net-worth-1-billion-sandy-hook-b2201784.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Counselors Under Fire After leaked audio revealed three Los Angeles City Counselors sharing laughs and racist remarks, Biden has called for their resignation and the California Attorney General has initiated an investigation regarding how redistricting is conducted under the Counsel's watch. The bulk of the comments came from L.A. City Council President Nury Martinez in a 2021 meeting. According to the L.A. Times, Martinez made "openly racist remarks, derided some of her council colleagues, and spoke in unusually crass terms about how the city should be carved up politically." And this is why we can't have nice things. ([more](https://abc7.com/california-attorney-general-la-city-council-investigation-redistricting-process/12320451/https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-10-09/city-council-leaked-audio-nury-martinez-kevin-de-leon-gil-cedillo?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Old Age She Wrote Angela Landsbury acclaimed actress of “Murder she wrote” died on Tuesday. At the age of 96, the singing and dancing actress was a tale as old as time. She was known for her role as the murder mystery writer Jessica Fletcher, who had a knack for finding herself around actual murders, which she inevitably solves. With over 80 years in the acting business, Landsbury didn't just play people. She also voiced the role of the teapot "Mrs. Potts" in Disney's Beauty and The Beast. You can read a summary of her life and career right [here](https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-19884667?ref=danielkherndon.com). [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/crimea-river/#ghost-comments) That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. --- **Quick Note:** Covering the news is hard. Especially when you realize 500 words into a really great article that your caps lock was on the whole time. But that's what editors are for I guess. If you want to support the hard work of *The Lorem Ipsum,* but you can't bear to add one more subscription that costs you less than a Bud Light at Applebee's, you can leave a one-time tip right here. [Leave A Tip ❤️](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/plink%5F1LpYcECTnjCvnTwiFmbWQtbe?ref=danielkherndon.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0STBdUH9GUWtvRnNrUXJsR2dkVXFcQlJ9Z0dDZ2RCQkpdYVRTb2p2YHdmM0Fyf2wzY0ByPDNsUTZKdTUwVlJyaGs9aHc8Rl1UdER%2FUH1qPVFIUUpUc312NTVQSWdBNTY2UycpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nNTViM3VCYW9rN1VsZl1GZkhIJ3gl) --- ## Four Weeks `The Gist` As we approach election day on November 8th, here at The Lorem Ipsum, we understand that you need to know who's running and what to vote for. I can't help you with that. I can give you a summary of the issues at hand in the major races and highlight some of the ways that candidates are excoriating each other. Read the article: [Four Weeks. A Guide to the Midterms.We’ve prepared a convenient guide to the Midterms including all the scandals.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/10/Vote-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/four-weeks/) --- That's it for this week's issue of The Weekly. As always, send me your feedback and your questions. You can reply to this email, or drop a note in the comments. ***Have a great weekend!*** [Leave a Comment](https://danielkherndon.com/crimea-river/#ghost-comments) #### How To Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ♥️ **Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Four Weeks. A Guide to the Midterms. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/four-weeks/ Last updated: 2022-11-02T21:05:12.000Z Predicting the future is hard. But we should give it a try anyway. That's what you can expect from us pundit types - ranging from bloggers to TV personalities. With only four short weeks until the midterms come to a close, we'll spend the entire time trying to predict how it will end. Despite being within arm's length of the real outcome, the opiner and opine-y alike get more out of talking about the future than we get out of reporting the past. The TV variety of opinion slingers will hone in on the polls, and statistical data and propose potential outcomes right up to the last five minutes of the election, rather than putting their writers out to a smoke break so they can, instead, report what actually happened over the last five minutes. TV news is a tough medium, and it makes a monster out of you. What else could you expect from an industry that assigns only two jobs to its weathermen–to stand in front of a green screen to tell you what might happen, or stand in the middle of a hurricane to show it to you while it is happening? It's also the case when covering politics. They need thy sky to fall, or else they're going to have to talk about what might happen if it does, with ample commercial breaks. That's why I've prepared this convenient guide to the midterms. As a favor to you. I've going to help you identify what races to watch and highlight the sideshow you need to be aware of. If you want just the facts, without the fluff, Politico has provided this helpful guide to [Midterm Election predictions](https://www.politico.com/2022-election/race-forecasts-ratings-and-predictions/?ref=danielkherndon.com). If you want the fluff and a helpful summary, I'm here for you. You, political junkies, have come to the right place. For the rest of you, please hit the back button and try your search query one more time, and make sure you're spelling "Brandon" correctly. The important question on everyone's mind is of course, who will control the House and Senate. In addition to the obvious, people are wondering whether Herschel Walker will be asking any more of his flings to have an abortion, or whether or not Dr. Oz will be able to pull together enough cash to have crudité at his acceptance speech (or concession speech). Readers want to know, so I've decided to write a full article to give you the high points. I'm going to keep it clean. None of the scandals, unless we're talking about J.D. Vance performing anilingus on any leading presidential candidates to get an endorsement. To get to it, we'll start with the easy question. Will the Democrats make any gains in their majority position? It's hard to say. At least it will be for the President, given his tendency to stutter. And if they do make any gains, in either chamber, who knows if he will even notice. Not just because it's not on a teleprompter, but most days he can't even remember what he had for breakfast. His aides more than likely are responding with "Mr. President, you are eating breakfast right now, and it's oatmeal because you said it doesn't hurt your teeth.". For The Lorem Ipsum analysis, we've reviewed the latest surveys to provide you with the results based on comprehensive polling data. Taking into account an average of the last several major polls, including Gallup, FiveThirtyEight, New York Times/Siena College, Fox News, and Pew Research, over the last three weeks, we find that with a margin of error of about 3 percentage points, no one actually knows what's going to happen. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/10/unnamed.gif) Current polling data. Courtesy The New York Times. As the results show us, Biden's approval rating is really excellent due to his recent pardoning of 6,500 people convicted of marijuana possession and for extending student loan forgiveness to millions. But he's also faced low approval ratings because of inflation in the number of people that are stoned and no one actually receiving student loan forgiveness. With Biden's approval rating almost as high as inflation, Democrats hope he garners favor for the party, but history tells us that the President's party most often does poorly in the midterms. So let's talk about the big races, and what to expect. ## The Senate #### Oz vs. Fetterman In Pennsylvania, running for Senate, we have Republican Dr. Oz who says this election is a referendum on the price of carrots and pre-made guacamole. I understand why Oz is so worked up about soaring vegetable prices at the made-up supermarket Wegners. After all, he's running against a guy in a hoodie with a 1990's goatee so he has to have a platform if he's going to have competition that stiff (referring mostly to his opponent's posture, and not necessarily his ability to win). In Fetterman's case, he has a lock on the 1990s goth rocker constituency, who have a voter turnout of roughly 9 – Inch Nails that is. But Fetterman's recent stroke has given him setbacks in his ability to wage his campaign for Senate. He effectively spins the story in an interview with NBC news by explaining (while struggling to say empathetic or apathetic) that the challenges from his stroke help him to better understand the [struggles that Americans face](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2022-election/fetterman-says-stroke-recovery-changes-everything-s-fit-serve-senator-rcna51498?ref=danielkherndon.com) every day. #### Green vs. Flowers Marjorie Taylor Green is up for reelection as well. Marjorie is known for promoting family values, including allowing children at insurrections. In recent weeks, she's been able to get rid of her husband, who kept getting in the way, although reportedly not as often getting in the way of her illicit affairs, but rather blocking her from her preferred machine at the CrossFit gym which Green owned. Her Democrat challenger Marcus Flowers has managed to reap a massive [10.8 million dollars in campaign funding](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/oct/08/campaign-millions-maga-extremist-marjorie-taylor-greene-marcus-flowers?ref=danielkherndon.com), but it's not all roses. The Democrat challenger is believed to be a long-shot candidate against the MAGA incumbent in a very republican district. Flowers is known for sporting the exterior of a normal person along with a cowboy hat. Attire that Green would never wear. #### Warnock vs. Walker In the Georgia Senate race, Raphael Warnock holds office and is running for reelection. Herschel Walker, the former NFL football player turned chicken salesman is the mullet of republicans; He's Pro-Life up front – but he pays for abortions in the back. Meanwhile, the baby mama drama may be helping Warnock who is edging [slightly ahead](https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/3681309-warnock-pulls-slightly-ahead-of-walker-in-georgia-senate-race-poll/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of Walker, who has had any abortions even though he is not against abortion. #### Kelly vs. Masters Running [for reelection in Arizona,](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mark-kelly-opinion-poll-arizona-senate-economy-abortion-immigration-2022-10-05/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Incumbent Senator Mark Kelly is a former NASA astronaut, but many of his allies say he's down to earth. His opponent, Republican Blake Masters brings a degree from which he has derived his last name. Masters is a former venture capital investor working for Theil Capital and The Theil Foundation. Masters is backed by Trump and Theil which as much as 15 million being donated to his campaign. ## The House #### Peltola vs. Palin vs. Begich 2022 brings the first year for ranked-choice [voting in Alaska,](https://alaskapublic.org/2022/10/10/palin-and-begich-both-say-rank-the-red-while-diverging-in-style/?ref=danielkherndon.com) one of only two states that use the method during the congressional election, the other being Maine. Palin, whose hope is that she can win based on her choice of eyeglasses, remains in the race despite abysmal polling and lacking votes in the primaries. The favored candidate, Mary Peltola, was recently elected in a special election after Congressman Don Young died. She was the first Democrat to win a congressional seat in Alaska in over 50 years. #### O'Halleren vs. Crane In [Arizona's 2nd Congressional District](https://azdailysun.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/elections/former-republican-tom-ohalleran-faces-conservative-warrior-eli-crane-in-race-for-congress/article%5Fdb4a636a-40e6-11ed-a263-ab9136500534.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) which includes Flagstaff, Tom O'Halleran is a former Republican running as a Democrat. He left the party in 2014 presumably because he didn't like the snacks at the convention, and evidently, he cares a lot about the water options as well, as he openly cited Republican policies on water as one of his leading reasons for leaving the party. O'Halleran's challenger Eli Crane is more of a Dasani guy. He runs as a candidate who is still a Republican, which means he prefers to pour cold water on voters, citing election integrity as his bigger issue of focus. One of his chief concerns is restoring "election day" voting to ensure that people that can't afford to take a day off work can't vote. #### Golden vs. Poliquin vs. Bond Jared Golden currently serves as the Congressman for [Maine's 2nd Congressional District](https://www.newscentermaine.com/article/news/politics/voice-of-the-voter/voice-of-the-voter-candidates-for-maines-2nd-congressional-district-face-off-in-debate/97-683a5473-0ac3-47a7-b7b9-6f8137f292d9?ref=danielkherndon.com) and brings experience. Specifically the experience of talking to President Biden once. Donning a flannel and jeans, he debated Republican Bruce Poliquin and Independent Tiffany Bond, two people dressed in professional attire. Abortion seems to be taking the lead in Maine where voters will use ranked-choice voting to select their next congressman. Bond, who doesn't have a high school diploma, practices law, and also uses the words willy-nilly, yahoo, and harlot, two of which were part of her answer to questions about her stance on abortion. Poliquin, on the other hand, prefers words like "proud" which his PR team warns him may be too close to "pride" since he is known to have [opposed legislation](https://www.mainepublic.org/politics/2016-05-19/lgbt-advocates-disappointed-bruce-poliquin-switched-vote?ref=danielkherndon.com) for a measure designed to ban discrimination against LGBTQ people back in 2016, a vote flip which seems to have lots him reelection after that term. #### Davids vs. Adkins Abortion becomes the topic of focus for Kansas with [two women on the ballot](https://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/meetthepressblog/abortion-becomes-flashpoint-key-kansas-race-democrat-launches-six-figu-rcna49237?ref=danielkherndon.com), Democrat Incumbent Representative Sharice Davids against Republican Amanda Adkins. This race comes on the heels of a referendum on whether an abortion ban should be added to the state constitution, a poll that attracted record turnout to the August primaries. The two are up against a stuffed animal, which isn't expected to win, but it is expected to do better than the Libertarian candidate Steve Hohe who also didn't win in 2016\. ## Gubernatorial Races #### Hobbs vs. Lake In the Governor's race for Arizona, Katie Hobbs refused to debate Kari Lake. Instead of a face-to-face debate, a town hall event was planned where each candidate would respond to questions separately. Kari, a former middle school student, sat directly in front of her opponent during her opportunity to be on the stage, a tactic that is against the rules, so meh. The requirement to remain in a holding room was addressed by the facilitators of the event, but it wasn't until after a little heckling and drama after which Kari Lake was [kicked out of the town hall](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2022-election/kari-lake-was-booted-arizona-town-hall-audience-hobbs-took-stage-rcna51347?ref=danielkherndon.com) event for being disruptive. Katie Hobbs has created a little drama herself, by faking an election, as Secretary of State. Investigators found that the method she used was to count and certify the actual votes of the citizens of the state, which resulted in an electoral win for Joe Biden in the state. #### Evers vs. Michels One of the closes races is the [race for Governor in Wisconsin](https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/3680295-new-poll-finds-deadlocked-race-for-wisconsin-governor/?ref=danielkherndon.com) where Democrat Tony Evers and Republican Tim Michels both poll at 50% of likely voters. Analysts have called the race a coin flip, but most voter advocates say the people should decide. Tim Michels agrees that a coin flip is not the better method unless he and other members of his party can pick the side it lands on. Tony Evers, who is the incumbent mayor of Wisconsin is [advocating for a repeal](https://captimes.com/news/government/tony-evers-doubles-down-on-opposition-to-wisconsin-s-1849-abortion-ban/article%5Ff1aae462-6e71-5ce9-b36d-71a691c4269b.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) of a law banning abortion which was passed in 1849, just a few years after his own birth and, notably not an aborted one. Michels, who supports the law says he would be willing to sign a law that added exceptions for rape and incest. #### Abrams Vs Kemp Many are paying close attention to Georgia. Stacy Abrams, who is running once again after losing her prior election bid, thinks Black people should be allowed to vote. She narrowly lost in a state where Donald Trump tried to "find" enough votes to turn the election. Stacy has since created a documentary about the history of voting rights for the black community to explain how elections have favored the white people [that controlled them](https://www.npr.org/2022/10/04/1126745000/stacey-abrams-wants-to-be-more-than-just-first?ref=danielkherndon.com). I also wrote a [complete history of voting laws](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-rock-the-vote-even-harder/) myself, and I tend to agree with Stacy on who should be allowed to vote – everyone. #### Crist vs. DeSantis Perhaps garnering a little more attention in the gubernatorial category is the race for Florida. For the record, the median age in Florida is 42.2 years old. It's not the highest in the country, but it is number five. That means that the main reason why Desantis is not a relatable candidate is because of how much hair he has. (My apologies to old people and bald people alike). He is relatable in that he was willing to take federal assistance to help the people in his state impacted by a major hurricane. He's also relatable in that he pays more attention to who is on a school board than how well schools and their students are doing. But I get it. People like getting their way more than they like getting results, and Desantis is the king of not getting results if his ending of the state-benefitting Disney tax district is any indication. Crist, who is running against Desantis is famous for not being Ron Desantis, but also he's been Governor in the past. He's really the pick for any party because he's been a part of all of them, having begun his career as a Republican, but finding his way to independence before joining the Democrat party in 2012 (just in time to avoid any alignment with Trump). He's also doing find in the hair department, albeit entirely gray, and that is a good thing, because he can relate to old people, and people with hair (a demo that sometimes overlaps as we can see in the case of both candidates), but he can also relate to all the people that can't make up their mind. I've heard his campaign slogan is "I can't decide 2022". It's unclear if the rumors are true that he'll be switching parties after the elections this year as well. Stay tuned here for updates. ## Go and Vote The mid-terms are like a playoff season for me, with a super bowl to look forward to in the following election season. (Note: I've spelled the name of the "Big Game" generically to avoid brand infringement without properly licensing the rights to reference the NFL's Superbowl). It's a referendum on the President's performance but it's also a temperature of the whole United States voting constituency. It's like sticking a thermometer under our tongue to see how we're feeling and whether we should stay home from school or suck it up and stop faking. It's also several other metaphors that I will reserve for future articles. But what it is not, is something to skip. Get out there and vote. Vote for someone, but if you are looking to me for advice, vote for someone who believes your vote should be counted. ### Time for some eggs URL: https://danielkherndon.com/time-for-some-eggs/ Last updated: 2022-10-07T10:30:49.000Z Hey friends, Good morning to you all, and welcome to The Weekly. If you're reading this from jail, I have some good news for some of you. If you're locked up on federal weed charges, you'll soon be reading The Lorem Ipsum from a more comfortable setting. President Biden [pardoned](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/10/06/biden-to-pardon-all-prior-federal-offenses-of-simple-marijuana-possession-.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) everyone convicted of marijuana possession under U.S. law. The news broke yesterday at about 4:20 PM and was followed by loved ones of those incarcerated celebrating with brownies, nachos, and taking a nap. #### Anyway... That's not the only dope being smoked right now. The other dope is Vladimir Putin. And he's being smoked by Ukraine. Moments after Putin signed papers annexing areas in Ukraine they did not control, Ukraine liberated the very areas Russia was celebrating, chasing Russian soldiers out of town, and [continued](https://www.cnn.com/europe/live-news/russia-ukraine-war-news-10-06-22/h%5F16e04011f551ac81b17b8455ae4ba01e?ref=danielkherndon.com) that process all week. I have to say, I love a good egg. Especially an easy egg over a savory breakfast hash. But my favorite is seeing egg on Putin's face. And Ukraine definitely made it look easy. I mentioned eggs in this week's Long Read as well, but not in the way you might think. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** 🔥 **In case you missed it:** I released the first chapter of my book *Made From Leftovers*, my memoir which examines poverty without being too sad or elegy-y. Read more about that in [last week's issue.](https://danielkherndon.com/made-from-leftovers/) --- [Love The Lorem Ipsum? Leave A Tip ❤️](https://checkout.stripe.com/c/pay/plink%5F1LpYcECTnjCvnTwiFmbWQtbe?ref=danielkherndon.com#fidkdWxOYHwnPyd1blppbHNgWjA0STBdUH9GUWtvRnNrUXJsR2dkVXFcQlJ9Z0dDZ2RCQkpdYVRTb2p2YHdmM0Fyf2wzY0ByPDNsUTZKdTUwVlJyaGs9aHc8Rl1UdER%2FUH1qPVFIUUpUc312NTVQSWdBNTY2UycpJ3VpbGtuQH11anZgYUxhJz8nNTViM3VCYW9rN1VsZl1GZkhIJ3gl) ## Hot Takes `Week 40 of 2022` #### US Court Supreme Put some sour cream on that, because I like my courts supreme. The new session started this week with some pretty crunchy topics. Notably, the Wedding Cake case is being reincarnated as the Supreme Court takes up the case of a web designer who [won't work with same-sex couples.](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/supreme-court-to-hear-case-of-designer-refusing-to-offer-wedding-websites-for-gay-couples?ref=danielkherndon.com) Evidently, building websites is against her religion based on the pictures it contains and Justice Thomas is on the case. Also, the long-standing precedent on affirmative action has been around longer than the Chalupa, but it's being tested in this session in cases concerning how universities like Harvard account for race on their application. The case was spearheaded by conservative activist [Edwin Blum,](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/03/politics/affirmative-action-supreme-court-harvard-north-carolina/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) who thinks rich white kids just aren't getting a fair shake in this country. Speaking of race, before the Court closes the docket like the fold of a crunch wrap supreme, they'll also be considering cases on voting laws, for example, whether it is legal to limit the power of black people's votes in Alabama [with gerrymandering](https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2022/politics/us-redistricting/alabama-redistricting-map/?ref=danielkherndon.com). After decades of improved voting access, it seems like Republican-leaning Alabama is getting stingy with the hot sauce packets. [Here's a summary of cases the courts will hear](https://www.npr.org/2022/10/03/1126041958/supreme-court-new-term?ref=danielkherndon.com) #### Only if I Musk Turns out Twitter purchase agreements don't have an edit button either. After months of debate, and trying to get out of the deal, Elon Musk suggested possibly if it would be okay to just go with the original plan to buy Twitter for 45 billion. Twitter accepted the offer once again but might continue with its lawsuit for the trouble. ([more](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-10-04/musk-proposes-to-proceed-with-twitter-deal-at-54-20-a-share?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### It Wasn't Me US intelligence has revealed it believes the assassination of Russian activist Darya Dugina might have been authorized by members of the government in Ukraine. Currently, it's unclear if Russia will take a break from committing mass genocide so they can retaliate against them for the alleged offense. ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/us-believes-ukrainians-behind-killing-dugina-russia-nyt-says-2022-10-06/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### When The Rust Settles This was one of those scenarios where guns killed people but people didn't kill people. This week, the studio and producers of Rust, along with Alec Baldwin reached a settlement with the family of Haley Hutchins who was killed by a projectile coming out of a prop gun that was in Alec Balwin's hand. Haley's husband Matthew is now an executive producer of the movie, which resumes filming in January. ([more](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general-news/rust-movie-shooting-halyna-hutchins-family-settles-wrongful-death-lawsuit-2-1235233791/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Injunction Junction What's Your Function? Trump is trying to get the Supreme Court to intervene in his classified-documents+special-master+DOJ+Mar-A-Lago thing, and it's really confusing. If you still want to understand it, you can watch [this interview](https://www.msnbc.com/alex-wagner-tonight/watch/trump-doj-each-propose-two-potential-special-master-candidates-for-mar-a-lago-documents-148123717522?ref=danielkherndon.com), but I'd recommend you just [read this article](https://danielkherndon.com/maybe-you-should-have-a-drink/) that I wrote about the topic titled '*Maybe You Should Have a Drink'*. [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/time-for-some-eggs/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## The Game of Democracy `The Gist` For the record, I like SPAM sliders, fried and slapped on a Hawaiian bun with pickled red onion and mayonnaise but that’s not what this article is about. It's a part of our latest *Serial,* "Generational Change", from *The Lorem Ipsum.* In this article, in addition to comparing email to a monstrous plant, I also cover how democracy across the world has found itself on life support. [Generational Change: The Game of DemocracyDemocracy is not being tested. It’s not on trial by fire. It is gasping for air and it’s on life support because democracy is actually in danger.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/10/Spam.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/generational-change-the-game-of-democracy/) ## Hurricane Memories `Bonus Content` Last week, when a life-changing hurricane hit Florida I was reminded of the one I crossed paths with several years ago in Louisiana. During Hurricane Katrina, I was in a traveling rock band, scheduled for a full week of tour dates in Baton Rouge and New Orleans the week after the storm hit. After the storm made landfall, every show started dropping one after the other, as we toiled with whether to cancel the entire trip. We didn't have other jobs, and every dollar mattered so we decided we would call everyone we know and collect donations that we could bring down to help out. Large gallons of water, or one man's ill-fitting jeans that might fit another just fine over his prosthetic leg. Anything that we could collect that – word on the street said – would be a worthy offering. So we packed our trailer to the gills (no pun intended), stuffed our instruments where our bed was in the back of our van, squeezed in, and set sail down there from Indianapolis. We played every show that remained standing and found a shelter that accepted and distributed our donations, while we sat and ate with people that were just trying to figure out what to do next. In Baton Rouge where most people were just fine, I met a young musician named Josh who felt generous and bought us all dinner – all of us struggling in one way or another. He and I kept in touch, and l later produced a demo album for Josh and his band. I was sure this song '*Coming Home*' was going to pay my mortgage one day. It's about a young man, presumably the writer, who could not keep his life straight, but always tried, through dark times. Through it all, his mother always welcomed him back. The band failed for those very reasons and eventually, mine ended too, but this song (attached) still sticks with me digitally and in my heart. And now I'm sharing it with you. Enjoy *Coming Home* from Evangelina. 03 Coming Home 0:00 /4:23 1× [Leave A Comment](https://danielkherndon.com/time-for-some-eggs/#ghost-comments) That's it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ♥️ **Tips:** Support our mission and [leave a tip](https://donate.stripe.com/00g6pGdjn2PicXCcMM?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Generational Change: The Game of Democracy URL: https://danielkherndon.com/generational-change-the-game-of-democracy/ Last updated: 2024-12-06T00:44:38.000Z *Editors note: This article is part of a Serial for members only, "How Generational Change is Changing America." You can read the original post "Is It Really Okay Boomer?"* [*here*](https://danielkherndon.com/is-it-really-okay-boomer/)*.* --- I entered into political journalism back in the late 80s, which I guess makes this the fifth decade for me in the field. I started by writing a local newspaper covering the issues that mattered to any bratty little kid playing tag through the neighborhood. It was only distributed to like ten 8-year-old neighbors, but it was one of my first steps in thought-provoking journalism. Even then, I knew the pen was mightier than the sword, as was the dot matrix printer I used mightier than the projectile balls of dirt piled in my dug-out fort. I don't know if Edward Bulwer-Lytton thought about dot matrix printers when he coined the famous phrase, but he would have agreed. I was politically active off of the page, too. I was a likely ring leader among my neighborhood friends and siblings, so if I wanted to make the rules for our dirt ball war games, I could. But I knew that I needed to consider what every other kid wanted. Not only because I would have to face them every day but because our games were far more fun when everyone compromised enough to agree on what the game was and a basic set of rules. It was our little form of democracy, and we liked it for the most part because even if everyone didn't get their way, we all had a voice in the outcome. For most generations in living memory, this philosophy has been the prevailing idea. In the 90s, Generation X lifted up democracy by creating entire music festivals and TV marathons where everyone lauded the fact that the power of one's vote mattered. To Gen Xers, democracy was celebrated like the life-changing innovation of email, something you would go out of your way to get 180 hours of access to, or at least to the mailbox every couple of weeks. Email at the time may have only been an easier way to turn a business rival into an online romance, a la *You've Got Mail*, but we all knew it would become something we couldn't live without. Your voice mattered whether it was expressed in an AOL chat room or through the chads on a voter ballot, hanging or otherwise. To the Boomer generation, Democracy was so popular it was as ubiquitous as SPAM in everyday life. The two were nearly synonymous. One had a shelf life of hundreds of years, and the other was bursting in flavor thanks in part to salt. Either way, we knew we would never starve in the event of a nuclear disaster if we stocked up on both, and we were certain that should that day come, we would do whatever it takes to keep both in supply. The Greatest Generation knew what it was like to fight for SPAM and democracy. The USA, in the era of World War II, presented itself as the [Arsenal of Democracy](https://www.americanheritagemuseum.org/exhibits/world-war-ii/arsenal-of-democracy/?ref=danielkherndon.com), arming those fighting for the same. Eventually, while hesitant, America supplied its soldiers with the "Special Army Meat" and joined the world war. We joined for the sole purpose of defending the ideal of democracy or removing those from power who wanted to destroy it. Democracy wasn't just a game played among kids any more than SPAM was ham that didn't pass its physical. It was our whole economic focus, and it was life or death. Times have changed. Today, email has turned into the giant plant from Little Shop of Horrors and is screaming, "feed me!". We're approaching it every day, with full intent to walk away from it for the weekend, only to find out it just keeps getting bigger. And SPAM has turned into more emails, never satisfying the salty cravings of our inboxes. ## Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. Democracy is experiencing some of the same troubles. We use the word as an assumed characteristic of our system of government, but it doesn't have the luster that minced meats had in the 40s and 50s, and we're not checking it every five minutes to see if the girl you met at some retail store decided to write you back. But we *are* checking it every five minutes. What you are checking for may depend on your views, but I'd say that most of us want to make sure Democracy is still something that comes along with citizenship – at no extra charge. And when we go into the voting booth come November, we would like to know that it was worth our time, and everyone on the receiving end will feel the same. That doesn't seem to be the case. Today, stolen elections are being predicted by candidates who want to make sure they have an alternative if following the rules doesn't give them the results they want. Others are trying to change the rules, some to make it harder to vote, some to make it harder to delete someone's vote. Democracy is not being tested. It's not on trial by fire. It is gasping for air, and it's on life support. Democracy is actually in danger. Perhaps it's more exact to say it is just not as popular as it has been in the past. Should the prevailing opinions of the people determine who their government is anymore? It seems there are a large number of people who are leaning against it, at least in practice. Someone taking this approach in my childhood games would have been called a bully. Today, we call them politicians. Many of them, still playing games. Some, not playing by the rules. ## Playing By The Rules Here in the states, democracies' health problems showed up most prominently after the landslide loss of Donald Trump in his reelection campaign when he attempted to overthrow the election while marching his armed supporters to the Capitol. But his antics go way back to his days on The Apprentice. Back in April of 2016, Trump began hatching his [rigged election claims](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/timeline-donald-trumps-election-denial-claims-republican-politicians/story?id=89168408&ref=danielkherndon.com) before he landed the Republican nomination. Ted Cruz, the greasy candidate running against him in the primaries at the time, criticized Trump sharply for his election denialism in a conversation with Glenn Beck. But as always, things change when someone wins the election. I would have assumed that Ted liked a southern scramble, but now we see he's a bigger fan of the huevos of Goldilox himself, those which, after a landslide loss for reelection, seem to be easier to find in Ted's mouth when they're not being re-truthed on Truth Social. Ted has since become the [subject of a lawsuit](https://www.texastribune.org/2022/05/18/ted-cruz-donald-trump-complaint-texas-bar/?ref=danielkherndon.com) (he's in good company with his papaw Trump) aimed at those who played a leading role in attempts to overturn the 2020 election. Ted may be a ringleader, but he is hardly alone. Today, 1 in 3 Republican candidates [support claims](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/nearly-1-in-3-republican-candidates-for-statewide-office-support-false-election-claims?ref=danielkherndon.com) of election fraud, and to see in great detail, Bloomberg highlights [257 candidates](https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/us-election-risk-index/all-election-denier-officials/?ref=danielkherndon.com) who supported Trump's false election claims, complete with receipts. It's easier to find a republican flaunting disproven election lies than it is to find a conservative one. This isn't a problem with American Politics. This is a political opportunity. One that the global right has acted on across the world. ## Democracy Across The World From the borders of Russia to the elections of South America, liberal democracy is in question. In Brazil, the current President, Jair Bolsonaro, is using the [same playbook](https://news.yahoo.com/hottest-american-export-election-denial-173800036.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) as his mentor did in the USA to retain his power. Ironically, the fuel enabling corrupt politicians to deploy their undermining tactics comes from their voters. Bolsonaro, who lost a first-round election by 6 million votes, has claimed election fraud. It is ironic to vote for a candidate whose goal is to erase the power of your vote, but the rise of support aids in propping up the lies with information campaigns to maintain momentum. Despite Bolsonaro's unfounded claims of election rigging, he still has a substantial following, not enough to win an election, but enough to deny its legitimacy. Support for democracy has declined by ten percentage points since 2004 across the Americas, according to a study by [The Conversation](https://theconversation.com/support-for-democracy-is-waning-across-the-americas-174992?ref=danielkherndon.com). Meanwhile, authoritarian figures are gaining support, like those seen in Peru, El Salvador, and the recent election in Brazil. And, of course, the United States. According to the report, "A growing number of people view their elections, and their elected representatives, as flawed and untrustworthy." As I explained in an article from last week, "[Maybe You Should Have a Drink](https://danielkherndon.com/maybe-you-should-have-a-drink/)," people will believe whatever you tell them if it supports their worldview. This distrust grants power-hungry predators the means to erode democracy itself. As Freedom House [studies the topic of liberal democracy,](https://freedomhouse.org/report/freedom-world/2022/global-expansion-authoritarian-rule?ref=danielkherndon.com) they say that in recent years, "authoritarian regimes have become more effective at co-opting or circumventing the norms and institutions meant to support basic liberties, and at providing aid to others who wish to do the same." They find democratic countries like the USA in steady decline in their rankings as a democracy over the last 16 years. But this is just a longstanding problem rearing its head in the mainstream. As Putin invades sovereign countries to take land and conducts sham elections at gunpoint to create a false narrative of public support, constituencies across the world support him – or are slow to act. I've argued for [more and not less action against Putin](https://danielkherndon.com/the-case-for-putin-putin-in-his-place/). As the New York Times [has reported in detail](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/democracy-politics-news?ref=danielkherndon.com), efforts to discredit elections or avoid them with armed conflict have been showing up across the world and have been embraced by the global right. I'll provide an excerpt here: > Soon after the F.B.I. searched Donald J. Trump’s home in Florida for classified documents, online researchers zeroed in on a worrying trend. > > Posts on Twitter that mentioned “civil war” had soared nearly 3,000 percent in just a few hours as Mr. Trump’s supporters blasted the action as a provocation. Similar spikes followed, including on Facebook, Reddit, Telegram, Parler, Gab and Truth Social, Mr. Trump’s social media platform. Mentions of the phrase more than doubled on radio programs and podcasts, as measured by Critical Mention, a media-tracking firm. > > Posts mentioning “civil war” jumped again a few weeks later, after [President Biden branded Mr. Trump and “MAGA Republicans”](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/01/us/politics/biden-speech-trump-maga.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) a threat to “the very foundations of our republic” in a speech on democracy in Philadelphia. > > Now experts are bracing for renewed discussions of civil war, as the Nov. 8 midterm elections approach and political talk grows more urgent and heated. > > More than a century and a half after the actual Civil War, the deadliest war in U.S. history, “civil war” references have become increasingly commonplace on the right. While in many cases the term is used only loosely — shorthand for the nation’s intensifying partisan divisions — observers note that the phrase, for some, is far more than a metaphor. > > Polling, social media studies and a rise in threats suggest that a growing number of Americans are anticipating, or even welcoming, the possibility of sustained political violence, researchers studying extremism say. What was once the subject of serious discussion only on the political periphery has migrated closer to the mainstream. > > But while that trend is clear, there is far less agreement among experts about what it means. But what it does mean is that the main street talk about civil war is no longer a casual reference. Perhaps the original Civil War started similarly, much like the January 6th riots, which were found to have started as casual online banter. So, what came first? The Chicken or the Eggs? Sorry to call Ted Cruz a chicken, but his flip from rebuking false election claims to promoting the idea as leverage reaks of sulfur and poultry droppings. Our generation has elected him and others like him. A generation much different than those before it. I'd like to say our generation still wants democracy, but we have forgotten what it looks like. My suggestion is if you hear messages from those who would attack the institution simply to have their way with it, it's time to mark them as SPAM. ### Cereal and Ivy League URL: https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/ Last updated: 2025-05-02T02:40:15.000Z It's April Fool's Day, 1995, but this is not a joke. I'm 15 years old. A tall, lanky kid with hair gel running through spikey blonde locks. Kinda funny, maybe cocky. My jeans are actually women's jeans, but I didn't know it for the first few weeks after buying them from the cheap fashion store, sort of an afterlife for rejected clothing. Initially, I wondered why they didn't fit well in the butt. In fact, they drooped like the skin of an elephant. A few hand-sewn stitches in the crotch solved the problem, so long as they don't bust open in the middle of church or something. The flannel was my first crack at a collection, with new editions hopefully coming soon when the Salvation Army replenishes their inventory, and if I'm lucky. The corroded cinder block walls and bare wood ceiling are not enough to block the screaming. What's happening two stories up sounds gruesome. This has been going on all day, but it's getting worse as we get closer to midnight. My bedroom is in our wet basement, which is also our laundry room and the drain for the house. I'm listening to the situation taking place in the bathroom above, worried this time that it's really bad. I feel like I'm old enough to fill in as the man of the house while Dad's preoccupied, leaning over the bathtub, hoping things don't get worse. The house is dark, and we're all supposed to be in bed, but of course, I'm not. Sarah's not. The younger ones are undoubtedly awake too. The drafty basement walls always seeped with moisture from the rain. It's usually wet for days after a good rain and worse when the rain really pours. The carpet smelled like an old warehouse, with wet cardboard and stale cat urine. I wear shoes all day to protect my feet from the dirty floors or the splinters from the planks of the staircase leading out of the basement. The shag carpeting in my room has started to dry, so it feels more crusty than soaking wet under my worn-out tennis shoes. I clenched my sweaty hands as I paced the room, praying for a breakthrough. Unfortunately, the screaming never seemed to end, it just got worse as the day went on, except for a moment at a time when Mom paused from exhaustion. Honestly, she sounds like she’s barely hanging on, and I'm trying not to think about that, but I can hear the alarm in Dad’s voice. I've not really heard such desperation before. “Come on, stay with me!”. He’d quickly transition into an angry preacher voice, filled with panic, “No! Wake up! She will not die! Death cannot have her!” I spent most of my time back and forth, quietly sneaking up to the main floor, the halfway point between my bedroom and my parents, so I could hear what was going on. I'm a night owl, but who could sleep through this? Pacing back and forth keeps me occupied and allows me to keep track of what's happening. My sister's intermittent updates are good. I feel less helpless if I know what's going on. Her bedroom is upstairs, so she can't get away from the sound of the screaming and labored breathing. She's in and out helping as needed, but there isn’t much she can do. Earlier in the night, I'd creep toward the stairs as she crept down to tell me the latest. “Nothing yet,” she told me. It had been all day with this and, to some degree, all week. But now it's bad. Real bad. Dad's determined to save Mom's life, and the baby’s too, but the baby's not breathing, and Mom's gone pale, barely responding, Sarah says. She actually doesn't seem that worried. Maybe she's naive, or maybe she's just holding herself together. I never show emotion, so maybe she's thinking the same thing about me. Mom was lying in the tub, stripped naked, losing blood, and the baby was not yet through the birth canal. Her moans of agony sounded like something I had never heard before, or after, for that matter. I'm not supposed to come upstairs, but it isn't a good scene to walk into anyway. I've seen some version of this already. They've had ten other kids at home, with me, the second oldest, being the only exception born in a hospital. I’ve actually watched several of those births. Don’t worry, we're all fine. Sure, there were many scary moments, but all of us, up to this point, had survived. Something about this particular time seemed a lot worse. Worse than the breech birth and worse than the twins. Dad's voice was different. Mom sounded weak, more like talking in her sleep, if she spoke at all. I'm starting to realize that she and the baby may both die from this much blood loss and the baby’s lack of oxygen. All without medical help. So far, I'm the only one with any medical records at all, which is a record of my birth in the hospital. My hospital birth was due to some complications, but not because my parents would have chosen it. After that, I would never see a doctor again as a kid. The rest of my siblings had never even been to a doctor’s office. My parents' faith is important to them, and they would never compromise it by putting their trust in a doctor instead of trusting in God. This was what we’d always been taught. As the second oldest of 11 siblings, and one on the way, my sister Sarah and I helped with the duties of raising the kids, and eventually, some of them were old enough to help raise the younger ones. Today, things just got harder. ## Always Cold. Never Christmas. The twelve of us were born over the course of 17 years to the same two parents (people always ask). My parents are former hippie types. Not so much the drugs and laissez-faire sex type of people (obviously they did like having sex, though), but the version they call *Jesus Freaks*, coming of age in the *Jesus Movement*, a religious counterpart to the Woodstock types from the 70s. My parents and their community embraced a very tight-knit church life and sometimes extreme charismatic beliefs. They tended to be anti-establishment, avoiding doctors, government intervention, and for a large part of my life, even holidays like Christmas. They didn’t trust the public schools either, so education was also something they took on for themselves. We were homeschooled because our parents wanted to protect us. To keep us sheltered from harmful teachings and the influence of the world. Mom and Dad didn’t love us. Just kidding. Maybe they did. They didn’t really tell us they loved us, but I’m sure they probably would say it if you asked. One of the ways you would know is that they put themselves through hell to provide for us while putting us through hell to make sure we didn’t become worldly. I just wanted to get the chance to do something outside the house to experience life. We could rarely go to a sleepover at Grandpa's house or a friend's house. We weren’t allowed to get jobs, driver's licenses, or go to most events or outings. Even events put on by the church youth group, sometimes, if our behavior that week wasn't good enough. You know, it really doesn’t matter if they told us they loved us or not. When they called us names, left marks from spankings, or made us skip meals as a punishment, they did it for our own good and told us we'd thank them one day. I don’t totally understand their parenting decisions. All I can say is that they did not express their feelings of love or pride, but they did express their disappointment. They did what they felt was best. I did my best not to feel at all. I got pretty good at not feeling. I listened to music and sat in the basement with the lights dim or went on long walks in the neighborhood, talking to myself or whatever I thought God was at the time. This coping mechanism became useful in adulthood, but the negative side is that I was numb. Speaking as a numb person, this is also a positive. Everything feels much better when you don't give a shit. It feels like nothing. I went through meaningful life events, knowing I should feel something, but I just didn’t. It seems like most of my siblings had a period of time when they contemplated suicide; at least the ones who would open up to me said so. I never did, though. I always knew tomorrow was coming soon, and I looked forward to tomorrow for all of 18 years. When it finally came, I seized it. Sure, every kid has an emo stage where the whole world sucks, and no one gets them. But not every kid has to potty train their brother while going through puberty. I potty trained two brothers, starting when I was as young as ten. I did all the other stuff, too: bathing, feeding, changing diapers, and so on. I managed to get out of having to help with my youngest brother, and I don’t know how. I never asked why, for the same reason I never asked why one year we suddenly started celebrating Christmas. I didn’t want to ruin it. My parents did eventually tell me that they loved me, by the way. Several times, actually. This was usually in a chat message on my birthday or something, but this was after they had banned me from the house, so the message comes across a little differently. Alright, the kicking me out thing is not fair without context. First, it started with me having to throw out my water bed because it caught on fire. Then I had to sleep on the couch. Then, in a moment of frustration, they threw away their couch to spite me. So then I slept on chair cushions for a couple of days and moved out on my own, and *then,* when I was visiting, they kicked me out, banning me from the house for months. ## About This Very True Story As you can tell so far, this story recalls a lot of my childhood, and it’s going to take some explaining, so it all makes sense. So please bear with me. It took me some time to make sense of it all, too. For the record, everything in this book is true. That is, except for the dialogue I made up because I couldn’t remember exactly how someone said something that was otherwise an important conversation to me. Oh, and also the kind of but also kind of not embellishing of events, which I’ve included to help you understand how it felt to be in that moment. When you understand how memory works, you’ll find that humans do a really bad job of remembering facts and details, like the dialogue in a conversation. You’ll also find that humans do a really good job of remembering feelings and emotionally impactful events. One more thing, if anything in this book makes someone look bad, their version is probably more true than mine, but I’m not going to provide you with their contact information to get their side of the story. I'm also not going to use their real names out of respect. To hear the more true version, you’ll have to wait for the apology in my follow-up book, “*A Better Life Had No One*,” subtitled “The true story behind all the not very favorable things that were said in a previous book that was just MADE UP”. The summary on the inner jacket will say, “‘*A Better Life Had No One*’ *is the tell-all (again) book about the life of Daniel Herndon, the very normal person who had a very, very good life. In this story, he recalls in better, more accurate detail all the ways that life was very positive, and he felt fine the entire time in spite of the reflections of his previous book.*” I originally had no intention of writing this book. For the most part, I tended to think of my life as pretty ordinary. To me, it was not exactly a campfire story to talk about the time when one sister sliced her leg open, with muscles pouring out, after which the only treatment was clear packing tape holding it together (pictures of the scars are available in the follow-up book). The period of time when I routinely snuck into the kitchen and stole raisins out of the economy-size box didn’t seem like enough of an addiction to join an AA meeting. It didn’t even seem like something to talk about in therapy, either. The raisin thing did end up coming up in therapy, though. Like any good therapist, mine simply said, “Tell me more about that?” with a curious voice. I assumed that she was trying to probe to identify how this raisin obsession was alluding to some kind of life metaphor about my desire for a deep relationship where blood was thicker than water, which of course, is silly. I think I was just trying to talk about my feelings about having to steal food to get enough nutrition. I must have been low on iron. 🦶 ****Footnote**: Some people think that raisins basically taste like blood because of their iron content, or more pessimistically, like scabs–both factors which aid in life metaphor development. With that said, it’s true that raisins are a good source of iron. Expect lots of great research like this throughout the book. My exposure to the outside world, while it was tightly controlled, was still pretty diverse. How else would you cast demons out of a schizophrenic homeless guy if you were sheltered? Later in this book, I will provide you with a detailed lesson on how to cast out demons should you be faced with a demon-possessed person at some point in your life journey. Anyway, this brings me to my point. It’s not that I was sheltered. It was more like selectively sheltered. I was sheltered from things like formal education while being exposed to things like semi-homeless people having seizures in your house while they are ordering a cup of coffee from your nonfood-safe kitchen concession stand. I was exposed to plenty of traveling preachers who called each other “brother” and lots of Christian music concerts, but I was not exposed to things like, say, medicine or steak. 🦶 ****Footnote**: The seizure guy was not the same guy as the demon-possessed guy. The mentally unstable visitors came in a certain phase of life from the early 80s to about 94, when we lived at the Sonshine Inn, the Christian Coffeehouse (lots more on that later). To give you some context for the phases in this book, I’ll separate them by the places that I lived, which are as follows: - **Three Fountains East.** Characterized by brown carpet, free HBO, and neighbors with stringy hair. This was mostly during my toddler years. I remember a lot about this place, which includes eating what I thought was a cookie, but it was actually a piece of solid dirt. - **The Sonshine Inn.** This was a big blue house that was also a coffeehouse and an inner city mission with a pun for a name. My parents volunteered to run the coffeehouse in exchange for free rent. It was fun living here except when the possum died in the crawl space, then again when the furnace went out in the winter, and also several other times. - **Colorado Avenue.** This was my teenage years. If we kids ended up committing any crimes, it would have been during this time, and this was a great neighborhood to commit a crime in, but for now, I won’t give away the whole book. Life wasn’t just about demon possession and co-parenting siblings after literally watching them be born. It was also about the struggle to have enough. Enough food, enough clothing, and enough opportunities to find my way out of poverty. For nearly eighteen years, I was bored. In an effort to address my boredom, I trespassed on private property to build clubhouses, and I invented games to play with the neighbors, like one called P.O.W., which stands for ‘prisoners of war' – an acronym I made up. I later learned this acronym already existed in real life, and the game was exactly like a game that also existed called capture the flag. The point is that most of the time, to have fun, we have to create it. On a rare occasion, I might get the opportunity to stay the night at a rich friend's house (that is, someone whose household income is over $35,000 per year), usually because of some kind of emergency that had taken place at our house. I’d get to do stuff that rich people do, like eat cereal or go to restaurants that aren’t buffets (or ones that are, which is fun and lavish too). All my friends were rich, actually. They had VCRs, they had name-brand shoes, and their cars had working radios and air conditioning. And cereal – they ate cereal every day. Not just any cereal. I’m talking about cereal with colorful marshmallows in it, frosting, or maybe two scoops of raisins. This was not your basic toasty o’s or generic flakes. And this was not a treat. It was any time they wanted to eat it, as far as I could tell. When my friends weren’t having cereal, they did other interesting things. Some were involved in sports teams like “Little League,” and some had SEGA or Nintendo game machines – or both. Another thing I noticed about these wealthier kids is that they showered every day and brushed their teeth, sometimes as much as twice a day. For a time, I thought it was pretentious, but eventually, I figured out that this was actually pretty normal. Although if I tried to take a shower every day, I probably could have gotten away with it, I just never thought of it. The only person in our house who showered every day was Dad, and that was because he came home from work dirty and smelly, with pit stains and grime in his work uniform. The only thing I can figure is that my parents didn’t want us to catch on to the idea of daily bathing for fear it would impact water bills, supplies of soap, and possibly the wait time for our one whole bath. Daily bathing was a different lifestyle. The people who showered daily were, in most cases, the same people who would use fabric softener in their laundry, and as I’ve already mentioned before, they brushed their teeth twice per day. I found it intriguing, but also, frankly, I found it unnecessary. It wasn’t that I was against it. I just thought it was excessive. I’ll admit I was at least a little bit fascinated by the lifestyle of my friends. While my friends did invite me over from time to time, I think my parents were testing themselves for how many times they could tell us ‘no.’ No, you can’t get a job. No, you can’t get a driver’s license. No, you can’t eat breakfast. No, you can’t go to a church youth group canoeing event at 17 years old because you are too young in spite of being the oldest student in the youth group. In a moment of weakness, they would occasionally say yes, in which case our friends would have to pay for everything. I once went to an Indiana Pacers game and didn’t bring a dime for food. I enjoyed what seemed like an unlimited supply of lavish foods provided generously by my friend’s parents. It didn’t once cross my mind that I could have been taking advantage of them. You can’t get away with that every time, though. I joined an outing with other kids my age once, in which case I was required to bring a sack lunch. Mom prepared lunch for my sister and me for this field trip to a museum with other homeschooled kids, wealthier than us. Mom prepared the following: - One wedge of red cabbage - One wedge of white cabbage - Two whole carrots - Two apples My friends thought this was weird, which sort of embarrassed me a little bit, but not really until they made a comment about us being rabbits. I played it off as though it was normal, and I was cool with it, and they didn’t know what they were missing. To be fair, I thought they were weird for having packaged goods like “Oreos” and “Doritos” with their nicely prepared sandwiches with the crust cut off. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted those Doritos, but I knew that they were pretentious for insisting on extravagant things, and we were normal and more down-to-earth. Our typical daily meals at home had a sense of glamour as well. We would make dinners that involved ingredients that you could buy in bulk and then cook in a giant pot. The goal was to make way too much of something with as much filler as possible and eat the leftovers for the coming days. Common meals for our family included the following: - Goulash - Sauerkraut and Sausage - Spaghetti and tomato sauce - Green Beans and Rice - Vegetable soup (add water to reach volume requirements) My parents were great at branding these meals to make them seem more enticing than they were. Step one was not to let us go to other people’s houses very much so that we didn’t have a point of comparison. Then they would say stuff like “It’s Spaghetti Monday!” a declaration that made the idea of having canned tomato sauce on plain pasta something you would anticipate all week long, even though we never added any kind of protein. Going back even further, Mom would offer me some “ice cold powdered milk,” which is another way of saying “powdered milk,” which is another way of saying “the milk you can afford”. That practice of creative names for meal experiences was my first lesson in branding. It’s great because it makes someone whose life is absolutely miserable think that it’s actually pretty cool. Even the name goulash is a marketing term; macaroni with canned beans, ground chuck, and tomato juice could be called lots of things, but when you call it goulash, to a young, sheltered child, it sounds like something you would have on a royal cruise. If I’m being honest, for the first twelve years, this menu tasted pretty good, but over time, the likability degraded. Breakfast was another story. Well, actually, it was the same story, reheated in the microwave. We didn’t really *do* breakfast. We called it breakfast, but it was not until about 11:00 AM that we were allowed to start eating. Our morning routine was to wake up at about 8:00 or 9:00\. Dad left for work before we ever woke. All the siblings would then wait in our rooms and the adjacent hallway, waiting to see when Mom got out of bed. After about three hours of passing the time, she would emerge without a word and go watch daytime television shows. Once Mom came out from her dark bedroom, we were then allowed to go downstairs and prepare our first meal of the day, generally the leftovers from dinner the prior evening. Occasionally, leftovers from so many days would accumulate that we would play “restaurant” and have a buffet of meals to choose from. There were things like “sauerkraut with no more sausage” or “spaghetti without sauce” and occasionally a fully intact meal that held up in the fridge after a day or two. We had ways to make these meals more desirable to us, but not to our friends. They could not be pleased by humble things like leftovers because they were pretentious rich kids having cereal and orange juice every day. ## Boy Tries to Meet World. Because of my parents' lack of funds to buy a curriculum, I never completed high school. In an effort to check the box for my junior and senior years, I was given free rein each day to select any article from our old hand-me-down encyclopedia set from the 60s, after which I would briefly rewrite the article in my own words. Learning about the vibrant USSR, reading about the popular use of iron lungs, and the recent medical advancement known as open heart surgery was interesting, but this only went so far in preparing me for the modern world. 🦶 ****Footnote**: Although Dr. Daniel Hale Williams was the first to perform open heart surgery in 1893, it was still a very novel procedure until after World War II. 🦶 ****Footnote**: The USSR collapsed in 1991\. Also, the Beatles have a really great song about the USSR. I used to think Ringo was the singer, but it was actually Paul. 🦶 ****Footnote**: People don’t really use iron lungs anymore. I’ve never been good at complying with requirements or rules that didn’t make sense to me, so on my 18th birthday, I just stopped doing those reports. The timing was arbitrary, but it was the month of May, so since there was no such thing as a final or graduation, it was as good a time as any to be done with school. After my sleeping surfaces were all thrown out, I went ahead and moved out just four months after my 18th birthday. Crashing at a friend’s parents' house worked for a little while, but doing chores to offset the rent felt like trading one set of parents for another. I stayed until I could pull together enough money for a security deposit on an apartment. I worked full-time, making $7 per hour, and lived in a studio apartment in downtown Indianapolis. After my first car’s engine locked up on the highway, I drove a Honda CRX with a broken side-rear window. That brought on a little ridicule from my coworkers, but I was living on my own, and I was getting by. Growing up in poverty, with a stunted high school education, can stall someone’s potential, but since entering my young adult years, I managed to find my way to opportunity. In my college years, I went to Yale University. This was right after a stint at the Big 10 school, the University of Connecticut. I really enjoyed my time at both universities, but it was hard work, and it was a week of my life that I will never get back. Oh, no, I never enrolled or attended classes. I visited the Yale University campus to sell and then again to deliver dorm furniture for a 200-student dorm and at UConn, a 400-student dorm. I can also add Cornell, Brown, and many other very nice schools to this list that I did not attend. And, of course, as much time as I spent on college campuses, I never completed a college application, much less attended a class. I did, however, get turned away when I attempted to apply for classes at a state school. Generally, I would keep this kind of detail vague since most people like to hire people who have graduated from something. It was clear to me that this was not the kind of story one expects to hear from a successful entrepreneur, especially if they’re considering hiring their marketing company for specialized services (pricing and contact information is in the follow-up book too, plus also Google). On the rare occasion that someone asked me directly, I would spin the story in an attempt to make myself sound better, like “I was already deep into the start of a great career,” which, if I am being honest with you, is bullshit. The truth is, I didn’t have the money, and I didn’t know how to get it. Furthermore, I didn’t even know how to fill out the application. When I met with the admissions director at a very well-known, unnamed college, I was turned away. They told me that before they could process an application, I first needed to bring “transcripts” of my schooling. Since I didn’t know what that was, I figured my parents didn’t have them. Of course, if by transcripts we mean records of my schooling, the answer is pretty clear. Those do not exist. I didn’t get into a lot of detail explaining this to the admissions advisor. The main reason is that I was already removed from his office and assured that he appreciated my time. He said he was looking forward to me reaching back out when I had more information to share with him, and since there was no such information, I figured it made sense to go ahead and never reach out again. Since my attempt at getting into college was not much of a success, I figured it would be a good idea to keep the whole high school dropout thing under wraps for a bit. That is, unless I was at a party and needed to keep people’s attention for longer periods of time. It works best if you present your story as if you are trying to “one-up” another person, except that they are talking about actual academic achievements, and I have none. Instead of making me seem like an idiot for not finishing basic schooling, I come across as some kind of prodigy because I managed to get invited to a party with a bunch of college graduates. Our society is built around the assumption that successful people and most other people went to college (invariably after finishing high school). National income statistics will back up that you need to go to college to move away from the block I grew up on. The first line on every job description is “Bachelor's Degree Required,” and it’s likely to be the first question in many interviews. An employer once told me that they look at a degree as a way to demonstrate that you have finished something. I see it as a way to confirm that you had school transcripts. Some would consider my brief pursuit of higher education a failure, but you have to look at the bright side. To get into college, you may have to have a high school diploma and some sort of records showing your academic performance, but you also have to have time. You have to have a place to live. You’ll need time to take classes, study, and the ability to take time off work consistently over the course of years while still maintaining housing, food, and transportation. By this point, my parents weren’t providing this to me, so I had to take it all on my own. By giving up, I saved myself a world of stress, debt, and the risk of having to drop out just to make ends meet. Going to college seems to be working out well for a lot of other people. College graduates get more interviews, and studies show that they make about twice as much as people who don’t. But the ticket price is pretty big, and it would have required a lot more than a full ride to make it happen. This whole book isn’t just about surviving on reheated food and poor schooling; it’s about a culture that eschews the other half. In a culture that is overlooked by society, receiving whatever is left over after the best is all taken by the better off. ## The Leftovers. A common thread you see with the poor is malnutrition. Another is the lack of access to better education. For the culture that I was raised in, which I highlight in this book, poverty was not just our lot, it was one that was accepted as just the way it is. My family often refused opportunities to better their lives, shamed those who were of means, and embraced religion above responsibility, leaving an uphill battle for their children. It’s common to see that people in the grip of poverty may not know how to take advantage of the resources that are offered to them, which can aid in lifting them out of poverty. Furthermore, we see that there is a certain bias against the poor, creating further roadblocks should one take it upon themselves to better their lives. Still, for some religiously principled poor, those government resources are an intrusion that is imposed upon them, forcing them to live the way the government demands of them. Sending their kids to government schools to indoctrinate them, submitting to government compliance, and being logged on the government grid – this is all a risk. I’d like to invite you to take a look with me at another side of society. Through my story, we’ll examine what perpetuates traumatic poverty and what it means for the rest of us. Life is hard for those in abject poverty, and the path out of it is even harder. But it is due to a complex combination of internal and external forces. Those chosen and those that are imposed upon them by natural laws or man-made laws. The lack of opportunity, the biases of the privileged, and the inability to take one's attention off their short-term survival to do anything about it. As a result, the only thing left for them is not much more than leftovers. In our society, they are The Leftovers. --- **Read Chapter 2:** [Six Stitches](https://danielkherndon.com/six-stitches/) 📖 ****Thanks for reading the first chapter.** Additional chapters of **Made From Leftovers* are available to paid members. You can upgrade for $5 a month to get access [right here](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/#/portal/account/plans). ### Made From Leftovers URL: https://danielkherndon.com/made-from-announcement/ Last updated: 2022-12-25T20:36:22.000Z Hey friends, Good morning to everyone except Ginni Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas. Welcome to another episode of The Weekly, your Friday inbox candy from The Lorem Ipsum. If I look like I've dropped a few pounds, that's really just the British economy crashing, leaving the British Pound at a record low value compared to the Dollar. Thanks for noticing. The other thing that is dropping in the next few days is the first chapter of my book **Made From Leftovers.** Through the 80s and 90s, I was taken away by child protective services, faced starvation, exorcised a demon-possessed man, had to wear an eye patch, and watched a home birth nearly end in death. I also stole lots of raisins. So I wrote some 75,000 words about it all, and I'll be releasing the first 5,500 right here, with more to follow. Everyone will get a preview, but the full chapter will be available to paying members only. I'll tell you more about that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 39 of 2022` #### Hurricane Ian Hurricane Ian made landfall on Wednesday, pummeling southwest Florida, and knocking out power for millions. In Tampa Bay, cycling winds have sucked waters away from the shore, uncovering areas normally underwater. Needless to say, locals observing the phenomenon were blown away. The hurricane plowed across every midwesterner's spring breaks spanning Tampa, Miami, and Orlando, and returned to hurricane strength by Thursday afternoon as it entered waters on the eastern side of the state. The impact of the storm is so great, even Governor Ron Desantis took on a serious tone, as he spoke of the rescue efforts for those stranded on Sanibel Island after the bridge to the mainland was destroyed. Ocean waters have overwhelmed Orlando and areas on the south with flooding, perhaps the only time we'll see the red state turn this blue. President Biden described early reports of what might be substantial loss of life as rescue workers work non- stop rescuing hundreds trapped flooding. Ian is projected to hit Charleston today by 2:00 in the afternoon, and could possibly strengthen once again before it make landfall. #### This is Not Coolio Today, I am sad to say one, two, three, fo, – Rest in peace, Coolio. He was 59, ever would he live to see 64? Well, the way things is going, I'd say no. Coolio, also named Artis Leon Ivey Jr. was at a friends house on Wednesday, when he was found unresponsive on the bathroom floor. Coolio was known for the ways his unique sound shaped rap music in the 90s, with songs like Gangstas Paradise, featured in the movie Dangerous Minds. ([more](https://slate.com/culture/2022/09/coolio-rapper-dead-gangstas-paradise-fantastic-voyage.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Isn't it Iran-ic? Iran has been oppressing women for a long time, but things have gotten worse when the Morality Police (a real thing) arrested Mahsa Amini (22) accusing her of wearing her hijab wrong. She later died in custody. Across the country protests have erupted, largely consisting of Women who say "we have nothing to lose" – except their headdress of course, as many have ripped their oppressive gear off, to give the authorities a piece of their no-longer-covered minds. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-63073148?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### We Should Probably Get Three Quotes Since we found out this week that Biden's student loan forgiveness is likely going to cost us about $420 billion, we're in a better position to plan for other future expenses, like possibly the costs of avoiding a government shutdown ([already spent](https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/29/politics/senate-vote-government-funding/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)). At least one guy is bothered enough by the legislation to file a lawsuit, since it will cost him about $1,000 in taxes to have the debt taken away. Frank, the plaintiff is an Indiana Attorney who took a job with The Pacific Legal Foundation to file the suit. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2022/09/27/lawsuit-may-block-bidens-power-play-cancelling-student-loan-debt/8122883001/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Vote 4 Pedro The other day, Russian soldiers in ski masks administered a referendum in Ukraine. When Summer Wheatly, in the movie Napolean Dynamite, said in her campaign speech "Do you really want to eat chimichangas for lunch every day?", I was today years old when I picked up on that as an intentionally racist remark. I guess I'm always growing and learning. The Russian leadership on the other hand is not. Putin has initiated plans to annex the region, despite not controlling the land. ([more](#https://www.politico.com/news/2022/09/29/putin-russia-annexation-ukraine-00059545)) #### Russia is Getting Snowden And I'm not talking about the weather. Edward Snowden, the NSA contractor turned bean spiller sought asylum in Russia back in 2013 to avoid prosecution by the US for leaking highly classified information. Honestly, he has leaked so much explosive information, he is basically the Nord Stream pipeline of computer nerds. Well, this week he was granted Russian citizenship. Hopefully, soon he will be conscripted into their army because everyone else is trying to dodge the draft. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/26/europe/edward-snowden-russian-citizenship-putin-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/made-from-leftovers/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Long Reads `The Gist` In this most recent article, I explain how drinking makes you more productive, but after more than a couple shots, I devolve to a list of Trump's legal battles and how he is one yellow clown hair away from being our next president. A big university agrees; people will believe whatever you tell them. ###### Read the article here: [Maybe You Should Have a DrinkThis little-known fact will change your creative process forever. A closer look at data proves... basically whatever I want it to.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/Maralargo_Docs.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/maybe-you-should-have-a-drink/) 📢 **Reminder:** You can get all articles when they are posted by clicking [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account) and turning on Long Reads on your email preferences. ## A Special Release `Made From Leftovers` When people ask you where you grew up, they are usually just making conversation to identify ways to relate or determine if they are better than you. For me, those conversations usually end with someone feeling stressed, telling me "you should write a book" after which they quickly light a cigarette. I've ignored these suggestions for the most part, but eventually, enough people wore me down. I started writing my personal memoir a few years ago. I've completed nearly all of the book, but I've put it on hold to prepare for proper publishing support. This week, I'm releasing the first chapter, with more to follow. Growing up in a very poor family with 12 children, I lived on a steady diet of sarcasm and meals consisting largely of leftovers. Lucky breaks and a sense of humor have helped me to overcome my lack of basic education and become a successful entrepreneur. I've examined poverty through the lens of my experience and studied the topic extensively. In **Made From Leftovers**, I'll tell you why I never finished high school, what it's like to carry a plastic sheet filled with blood out to a dumpster, and how disappointing it is to eat two wedges of raw cabbage for lunch on a field trip as a teenager. I'll also explore the impact of poverty, and why it should matter to the rest of us. Reply here to let me know you're looking for it. Until then, thanks for reading this week's issue. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Introduction: Made From Leftovers URL: https://danielkherndon.com/made-from-leftovers/ Last updated: 2024-08-31T14:27:03.000Z ****Made From Leftovers**To access the book, log in with your email [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signin). You can read the first chapter [here](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/) for free. Future chapters will be available to paying members. Some of the best memoirs come from rich venture capitalists who grew up on a country road amongst homely people with missing teeth. The hero of the story will eventually pull himself up by his bootstraps, graduate from an ivy league school and one day become a Senator or VP candidate who "understands what it's like" for people who struggle and have to attend a regular state college. This story is not like that. I don't even own a pair of bootstraps (Chelsea boots don't usually have the kind of straps one typically uses to pull themselves out of poverty). Besides, I'm more likely to wear oxfords or a pair of slim-profile sneakers with slim-fitting selvage jeans – neither of which are known to help one transition social class. 🦶 ****Footnote:** It's a matter of debate as to whether Chelsea boots or selvage jeans have an impact on one's social class. I guess I would also add this point. People don't pull themselves out of poverty. They get lucky, and they use that luck. But many simply don't know how to use their luck, so their opportunities remain invisible to them. Some never get the luck, to begin with. So what does that mean for the rest of us? That's what we'll explore in Made From Leftovers. There were many times when someone suggested I write a book. In fact, the number of times it was suggested was probably only outnumbered by the number of times people asked if I played basketball (I didn't) and the number of times people said that it must have been really fun growing up in a big family (it could have been if we were at least playing basketball). It was a suggestion I simply shrugged off. One day at a fundraiser for a non-profit whose board I served on, I struck up a conversation with a fellow member of the board. Someone I'd known for a while but hadn't gotten many opportunities to have a longer conversation with. We asked each other questions about our backgrounds and how we became involved in the organization that served the poor in the inner city neighborhood I grew up in. My friend and his wife, who joined our conversation, stood across from me with their jaws down as I explained my background, each question coming with an answer that needed an explanation. "Where did you go to school?" "I was home-schooled," followed by, "Well, I never finished high school," and "No, I didn't go to college." I'd answer, not immediately getting into the details about my parents shrugging off public schools or leaving us to read old encyclopedias because they couldn't afford a curriculum and didn't have the energy to teach 12 children all in different grades. The conversation eventually transitioned to talking about watching sibling births in our inner city home, delivered by my dad, who was not exactly a delivery nurse but more of a delivery truck driver. When people ask you where you grew up, they are usually just making conversation or looking for ways to relate. Sometimes it's a way of identifying one's social class. When they can't place you on their social map, it changes the course of the conversation. "You should write a book" was the common statement I'd hear from people. I took it as a polite exchange. This time my friends insisted, "No, really. I'd read it." they both insisted, "you really should." At that moment, I took their suggestion seriously and decided to go for it. I started writing my personal memoir a few years ago, going through phases of pause, sometimes it was a lack of interest, other times to cope with the realization that I was abused, traumatized by poverty, and hurt by my parents, who I'm still sure only did what they believe was their best. Growing up in an extremely poor family with 12 children, I lived on a steady diet of sarcasm and meals consisting largely of leftovers. Lucky breaks and a sense of humor helped me to overcome my lack of basic education and become a success in business. My memoir is a better lesson or a filter than it is a story. In this book, I examine poverty through the lens of my experience, and I've since studied the topic extensively. Through the 80s and 90s, I was taken away by child protective services, faced starvation, exorcised a demon-possessed man, had to wear an eye patch as a home remedy (for a fake health problem), and watched a home birth nearly end in death. I also stole lots of raisins. In ***Made From Leftovers***, I'll tell you why I never finished high school, what it's like to carry a plastic sheet filled with blood out to a dumpster, and how disappointing it is to eat two wedges of raw cabbage for lunch on a field trip as a teenager. ***Made From Leftovers*** is the story of the kid in “that weird family” who people are nice to — out of pity — but talk about behind their backs. My escape from poverty and abuse leads me through pain, hard knocks lessons, ironic life choices, and 10 cringe-worthy at-home births. Through this memoir, I examine my life as the second oldest of twelve kids in a poor religious family that didn’t fit in society. I explore the causes of poverty and what it means for the rest of us. I'll add depth by helping you understand the impact of poverty on the poor and on the world around them. I'll offer a thought-provoking dialogue on why the poor often remain poor and why it may not be something to ignore. The title of this book alludes to my diet of leftovers, a choice that came from scarcity, but it also refers to the many ways the abjectly poor are the leftovers of society. “The Leftovers” squandered what little opportunity they had, shamed those who were of means, and embraced their pride and their religion above responsibility. Of course, being malnourished can have an impact on one’s health, but the foundation of the impoverished lifestyle is even more oppressive. As a sheltered kid who didn’t celebrate Christmas, I didn’t know my lack of education or nutrition was abuse, nor did I consider my oppressive religion anything but the way things ought to be. Thirty years later, as a high school dropout running a marketing agency, I began to realize what I had come out of. A trap. ## About This Book I've released this on my website in single chapters. Over the course of time, I will release the whole book. Whether I will publish in the traditional way remains to be seen. It takes a lot of money, paper, and time to do so, and that is why I've decided to start here exclusively until a worthwhile publishing agreement presents itself. To read, you'll need to be logged in. You can do that [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signin) by entering your email to receive a link. The first chapter is available to free subscribers. Future chapters are for [paying subscribers](https://danielkherndon.com/made-from-leftovers/#/portal/signup) only. ### Start here: **Chapter 1:** [Cereal and Ivy League](https://danielkherndon.com/cereal-and-ivy-league/). **Chapter 2:** [Six Stitches](https://danielkherndon.com/six-stitches/) **Chapter 3:** [Arsenal](https://danielkherndon.com/arsenal/) **Chapter 4:** [Business Owners](https://danielkherndon.com/business-owners/) ### Maybe You Should Have a Drink URL: https://danielkherndon.com/maybe-you-should-have-a-drink/ Last updated: 2024-11-27T22:17:32.000Z Every time I sit down to write the next article for The Lorem Ipsum I have a big juicy burger, prepared All-The-Way, add grilled jalapeños, lettuce wrapped, and three fingers of whiskey (poured separately into a glass). You'll find me typing away with one hand while my greasy burger sits in the other hand, dripping grease onto the keyboard. Intermittently I take breaks to sip my bourbon, which keeps me in the zone, even if burger wrangling threatens to take me out of it. Okay fine, none of that is true except for the whiskey part, and I definitely take my Five Guys burgers that way, and also I type all of these articles with one hand. I have to, in order to slow things down. I've been known to be an overachiever. Thanks to generous readers like you, writing this newsletter certainly supports my Five Guys habit, but it hasn't quite overtaken my bourbon habit just yet (upgrade [here](https://danielkherndon.com/maybe-you-should-have-a-drink/#/portal/account/plans) and get a free tasting if you are ever in Indianapolis!) – it would take several of my first jobs put together to support the excess of that habit, so as to keep my barrel aged shelves stocked, I have to rely on my primary living: the advertising business. Being an Ad Man is harder than it looks. Especially when you've been drinking all day. And when you haven't had a drop, it's even harder. I've always said, "this business would be great if it weren't for the clients." But we all know, without the clients, we'd just be like Congresspeople – those who somehow got their jobs by a stroke of luck, only to focus on [lining their own pockets](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/09/13/us/politics/congress-stock-trading-investigation.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), without accountability. Honestly, I value every client I work with, usually more than they do, and I take the work I do for them very seriously. That's why I adhere to the golden rule, cherishing it as gospel at every moment of the day. Although it feels like a golden rule, I'm not referring to the little-known tagline I came up with on a nighttime suburban driveway consumption experience where I uttered the timely phrase "When it's Gold it's Cold". This refers to Miller Lite's missing branding element, seeing as light beers are using the elements of their can to indicate its temperature, just in case you can't tell that a beer is cold simply by feeling it. For the record, I developed the line without getting paid a single dime for it, thus the copyright disclosure on the footer of my blog (Hey Miller, call me!). 🦶 **A Footnote*: I think the Miller Lite was provided at no charge by my neighbor so we can call that a win, technically.* As far as golden rules go, I'm also not referring to the slightly more popular "Do unto others..." golden rule because I don't want anyone to do unto me, to begin with. Not because I'm not a hugger. I am if you are. I'm just trying to avoid the #metoo list. The rule I'm talking about is THE most golden of golden rules. To me, anyway. It was bestowed on me by a client many years ago right before I made [this commercial](https://www.youtube.com/watch?time%5Fcontinue=1&v=Z23jvKj-fTk&feature=emb%5Flogo&ref=danielkherndon.com), but right after he and I trekked through the snow in an urban setting (on a whim) looking for the secret catacombs of Indianapolis, and stumbling into a group of urbanites building an igloo while sharing their Grand Marnier with us out of a flask. These were pre-covid days, so get grossed out that we also shook hands without squirming. We never found the catacombs and I've been low-key on a quest since then. When we were out on our journey through snowed-in neighborhoods and random alleys on foot, we talked about life, family, and our drinking strategies. It was an important conversation at the time, and after we left the city and my client and friend returned me to my car, he stopped me, looked me in the eye, and said this: > Don't drink too much. But drink enough. That's why, in July of 2016, I wrote this post, and sent it out to my email list. A list that looks much like this one, although many of you were not here yet (thank you to those who still are). This week, I reached down deep into the archives, plucked a cluster of them out, divide them asunder, and pulled up this gem. It spoke to me, yea even as it did the day I wrote it. So I asked Grammarly for her approval and then plopped the results right here to share with you today. Enjoy it nearly in its original form, and I'll be back for some follow-up comments after that. ## You should have a drink > How do you get work done? > Personally, I have a couple of different methods that help me be more effective, but my favorite is to grab a drink. > That’s right. I like to pour an adult beverage. When I write, especially long-form writing, I like to have a glass of red wine. Why? Because I am convinced it enhances focus, creativity, and problem-solving. I’ve tested this idea several times. In fact, according to one study from [one credible source](https://www.medicaldaily.com/drinking-alcohol-may-significantly-enhance-problem-solving-skills-240105?ref=danielkherndon.com), I’m right. > The explanation—albeit a contested one—is that having a little bit to drink slows you down. As a result, you are numb to distractions and your mind is less likely to wander. This means that you’re more able to focus on your project at hand. > The side of me that likes to imbibe believes this report wholeheartedly. The various dissenters are not convincing to me because I’ve tried it myself, and my results agree. > I mean, the balanced thinker in me wants to point out that while one drink may lead to enhanced focus, the second drink seems to have the opposite effect. > Either way, I think it’s clear that if you really want to get something done, you should probably pour yourself a drink. A big university said it worked. And casual drinkers and brand managers alike agree, if you publish something people like to hear, they’re most likely going to go with it. ## Fin Since I originally penned this note, I've switched from red wine to bourbon. It's not because red wine is not one of the healthier things you can drink (because it is), it's simply because I don't have to get up quite as often for refills. And besides, we all know tastes change as you discover new things. Discovering rare and premium whiskeys was a game changer for me. The focus of my comments were primarily on marketing. Coors Light says on the can “When the mountain turns blue, it's as cold as the Rockies.”. Miller Lite says "When it's gold it's cold", or at least they will as soon as they pay me for the line. The message doesn't need to be true, you simply need to want it to be true, and that is enough to believe it. In all my years, I've never googled the temperature of the Rockies. I've just trusted the process. Because after all, it helps me keep the world that I like best intact. As I read this old snippet just a week ago (A week and two hours ago by the time you read this), I realized that there was a very important lesson embedded in this brief email. I thought so when I wrote it too, which is why I sent it, but I chose not to make it explicit (I think I was always a "[hide the medicine](www.danielkherndon.com/post-100/)" kinda guy). While pulling this out of the archives, I was reminded of our friendly neighborhood Feds who pried confidential files out of the archives of Trump's closet, and/or Milania's underwear drawer. The National Archives and Federal agents retrieved some 300 documents from Trump's possession, many of them classified. Although according to Trump, he can declassify White House documents [just by thinking about it](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/09/21/trump-i-could-declassify-documents-by-thinking-about-it-00058212?ref=danielkherndon.com), his thought didn't manage to get to the log books of the National Archives. If he would have changed ownership of the documents just by thinking about it, he might have avoided the mess he finds himself in today (a mess I'm convinced he enjoys being in for the publicity), but alas, Trump is in the crosshairs of an investigation by the Justice Department for mishandling the recovered files. Trump's scrutiny is far and wide. He's also being investigated by Federal prosecutors for the January 6th riots, by the D.C. attorney general over financial fraud, by the Fulton County Georgia, district attorney over election interference, by the Securities and Exchange Commission, and by the Congressional House Select Committee of January 6th. Plus he has been banned by Twitter. These are all separate legal issues. All, of course, wiped out by Trump in his mind, and if that wasn't enough, him calling it a witch hunt should suffice. Yet, despite his legal complications in a simulated election, [the polls](https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-general/?ref=danielkherndon.com) put Trump not a scrode hair away from winning the presidency one more time. ## The Trump Lie We're talking about the man who drained the swamp by putting his own children and business partners in high-security positions as white house aids and pardoned people that aided him in his personal pursuits including his election fraud claims. This is also, the guy who has converted lying from a politician's table stakes to an entire social media platform (ironically named Truth), which he owns and controls entirely. Yet it's a more trustworthy source than a platform not owned by the politicians posting on it? People will believe whatever you publish, which we see across the whole United States as leading election deniers take their message [on tour](https://www.npr.org/2022/06/30/1107868327/trump-election-fraud-jan-6?ref=danielkherndon.com), and Trump himself continues to foster the claim that he is the rightful President, two years after losing by a long shot. The Trump Lie is easy to debunk but a big University and Trump supporters agree, that people will believe whatever you tell them if it props up their worldview. Observing Trump's supporters, especially on January 6, I can hardly believe my eyes, but it's clear they are yielding trust to their stomachs. They believe the Trump Lie, because they want to believe it. Not checking their sources, because it keeps the world they like best intact. A close look at the data tells me their eyes are bigger than their stomachs. My personal experience validates my view, but as much as I want to believe what I think is true, I've ended this article drunk. ### Steering clear of the Monarchy URL: https://danielkherndon.com/steering-clear-of-the-monarchy/ Last updated: 2023-08-08T14:12:02.000Z Hey friends, In the last few days, I've heard from a few readers, asking if I would be addressing the Monarchy, perhaps critically. And I have to say, I'm not sure I can. I've never become a billionaire simply by being born, so far, so I'm just not sure I'm qualified to comment on something I know almost nothing about. It's a tough topic for me because I've never had a job that was merely symbolic, that pays in the millions of dollars (or pounds for that matter) where I could not be fired by the people I work for. I've really never been treated as a deity. Not by a large group of people anyway. Nor have I had any jobs where the qualifications were simply to have a specific father and for him to die. So I'm just not sure I'm qualified to comment on this topic. So for the time being, I will not be criticizing the very outdated, seemingly pointless institution of the Monarchy. (If you missed it, however, I wrote a glowing eulogy of The Queen when she passed away [two weeks ago](https://danielkherndon.com/dark-brandon)). Anyway, I am qualified to comment on the subject of social media. I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's look at ***The News.*** --- 👉 ***First, a little announcement.*** Next week, I'll be posting the first chapter of my yet to be released book *"Made From Leftovers"*. It's an extremely true story of a weird home-schooled kid (me) and his adventurous escape from poverty. The chapter will be available for [paying members](https://danielkherndon.com/steering-clear-of-the-monarchy/#/portal/upgrade/) only. ## Hot Takes `Week 38 of 2022` #### P-Mobile On Wednesday, Russian President Putin announced he would mobilize 300k more soldiers by instituting a draft, which began immediately. Since then, Vladimir Putin's dinner plans were canceled by a guest with nothing more than a text "brb, fleeing the country!" Across the country, protests broke out against the war, resulting in at least 1300 people being detained. Russia is swiftly seeing widespread panic, men fleeing, traffic jams, and plane ticket prices skyrocketing because of the mass exodus. In the meantime, Putin is beginning the process of referendums in occupied Ukrainian territory to vote to join Russia. Rumors circulated that Vladimir Putin winked at Donald Trump just before he said he will support the people's decision. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/22/world/europe/russian-men-draft.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### House Rules The House passed a bill to reform the Electoral Count Act, in order to prevent an election nightmare like the one we had on January 6th. The bill, as well as a Senate negotiated version ensures election certifications reflect the will of the voters and are basically boring. This might be why the only Republicans who supported the bill were those who were already leaving or voted out of Congress – because democracy has lost popularity. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2022/12/22/1139951463/electoral-count-act-reform-passes?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Power to the Puerto Ricans Power went out for the whole state, or I mean the territory of Puerto Rico after Hurricane Fiona took its toll on the infrastructure. When I told them to call their representatives in Congress, I was quickly reminded they don't have any. But don't worry, President Biden has authorized financial support to get things back online. Despite the severity of the storm, it has been less deadly than what they have seen in the past. ([more](https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/23362974/puerto-rico-fiona-blackout-outage-power-electricity?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Spill the Tea President Joe Biden showed up on 60 minutes to talk, but it ended up taking more like an hour. Biden announced he would step up to help the Puerto Ricans, he said we would back up Taiwan against a Chinese invasion and he declared the Pandemic was over. ([more](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/09/18/joe-biden-pandemic-60-minutes-00057423?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### I Just Shipt Migrants In an attempt to troll Democrats, Ron Desantis shipped several immigrants and shipped them to Martha's Vineyard. Since he didn't have his own immigrants for his human trafficking plan, he sent a bus into Texas and bribed them to hop on a bus to complete the prank, only to find out later that the joke was on him because the destination turned out to be nicer than where they came from – including in hospitality. A Sheriff in Texas opened a criminal investigation into the flights, and a class action lawsuit was filed on behalf of the group of migrants saying they were deceived. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2022/09/20/1124160949/migrants-lawsuit-ron-desantis-marthas-vineyard?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Serial Bowl Podcasts are having a great week, and Adnan Syed is having an even better one since his sentence was vacated after spending 23 years in prison for a murder he maintains he did not commit. His story was made famous by the podcast Serial which also made podcasting mainstream, and True Crime as one of its top categories, just shy of the category "Joe Rogan". According to an updated episode of the 2o14 season, Adnan's case was thrown out because of the dicks that ran the case (dicks meaning detectives). Apparently, the case was handled so badly it took them 23 years to figure it out. ([here's the Serial episode with a summary and updates](https://serialpodcast.org/season-one/13/adnan-is-out?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Interest Rates When it comes to interest rates, I'm not interested at all and my rate is F, but still, the feds are using what happens to be the biggest tool in their toolbelt (at least if you account for inflation) to continue cooling the economy. The fed increased rates again by 3/4ths of a percent. ([more](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/09/21/fed-rate-hike-september-2022-.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/steering-clear-of-the-monarchy/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Working for The Algorithm `The Gist` An essay about how sound bites win over sound thinking, and end up shaping our beliefs. Here's a preview. Every Sunday morning, I wake up gently, without a care, other than the want for coffee, and some serenity. I find myself making my way out to the back patio, after preparing a pour-over, freshly ground, easy to sip on, hard to prove your tasting note accuracy. The flavors cascade through its dynamic character traits as every drop in temperature represents one degree of change. The morning fog seems as if it's still until you see it has fallen to the leaves where it sparkles, attaching itself to some kind of texture on every leaf, that can only be seen when you are still enough to see it, and the dew features it for you, illuminated by the wash of sun at just the right angle that the morning offers you. The only person moving quickly is every other sucker in the world, out of my sight–definitely out of my mind. Hurried to get to work, church, or some family occasion. And the dog, who uses this time to fetch whatever ball is his newest inanimate friend, an activity that he takes pride in like his own little version of CrossFit, where he is both expending energy, and connecting socially while killing time and building a little street cred. He struts, to show his glutes if dogs have glutes, and if they do he's definitely going to lick them next. I would do the same if I were him. Strutting that is. Okay and the licking because that's what dogs do. Before you know it, my serene morning will be interrupted by the noise of the jungle. [Read The Article](https://danielkherndon.com/working-for-the-algorithm/) ## Pandemic's end `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` > Hey Daniel, > > I'm living in a bubble, with nothing more than regular deliveries of this newsletter updating me on the outside world. I was hoping you could bring me up to speed on one thing that I heard from Joe B., since his approval rating is making me wonder if I can rely on him for the facts. The other night he said the pandemic was over!? Did he stutter? > > Stay safe, – A. Hermit First of all, if you are reading this email, without wearing a mask, please use a screen protector and wipe down all your emails before opening them to ensure that they didn't carry any viruses with them. They say that coronavirus can live on surfaces like groceries for several hours and it's even longer on spam! Look, there are still about 59,000 people a day being diagnosed with Covid, and about 400-500 of them die each day. There's still a risk of getting sick and ending up in the new Hocus Pocus [movie](https://www.disneyplus.com/movies/hocus-pocus-2/4Q5cWHlnVCun?ref=danielkherndon.com). If you do end up in a grave, there's not much we can do, but leading up to that, we have a lot of options. First of all, there are treatments for Covid that have proven successful if the disease is caught early, and the success rate is even higher if you get vaccinated, a protocol that the numbers prove is about the most successful medical advancement there is, and is safer and less invasive than getting a tattoo. But that won't make you invincible (the vaccine, not the tattoos) but it could make you look tough (the tattoos, not the vaccine). What doesn't look tough is a mask. That doesn't mean it doesn't aid in reducing transmission, it just means you have to make a cost-benefit analysis on the results of a mask versus your looks. Here's where my math brings me – I want to be able to look myself in the mirror... and I can't do that with a mask covering me up. Between my vanity and the above treatment options, it feels pretty safe to live a normal life. So is the pandemic over? Well, there's some stage where diseases become outbreaks and [outbreaks become pandemics](https://www.cdc.gov/outbreaks/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), then pandemics become endemics and endemics become a way of life. The thing about pandemics is that they never really start or end, we just get tired of talking about them. [What do you think?](https://danielkherndon.com/steering-clear-of-the-monarchy/#ghost-comments) Folks, that’s it for this week's issue. **Have a great weekend!** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Working for The Algorithm URL: https://danielkherndon.com/working-for-the-algorithm/ Last updated: 2022-09-30T01:57:33.000Z Every Sunday morning, I wake up gently, without a care, other than the want for coffee, and some serenity. I find myself making my way out to the back patio, after preparing a pour-over, freshly ground, easy to sip on, hard to prove your tasting note accuracy. The flavors cascade through its dynamic character traits as every drop in temperature represents one degree of change. The morning fog seems as if it's still until you see it has fallen to the leaves where it sparkles, attaching itself to some kind of texture on every leaf, that can only be seen when you are still enough to see it, and the dew features it for you, illuminated by the wash of sun at just the right angle that the morning offers you. The only person moving quickly is every other sucker in the world, out of my sight–definitely out of my mind. Hurried to get to work, church, or some family occasion. And the dog, who uses this time to fetch whatever ball is his newest inanimate friend, an activity that he takes pride in like his own little version of CrossFit, where he is both expending energy, and connecting socially while killing time and building a little street cred. He struts, to show his glutes if dogs have glutes, and if they do he's definitely going to lick them next. I would do the same if I were him. Strutting that is. Okay and the licking because that's what dogs do. Before you know it, my serene morning will be interrupted by bacon and eggs, which is a good interruption, compliments to the chef whose real name is my wife of two decades. But I also get another interruption. One that is less tasty and way saltier. That is – the noise of the jungle. Not the concrete one with traffic and briefcases. Not the Amazon Jungle either, unless for some reason I determine I need to buy coffee filters right away. I'm talking about the social media jungle. The realm of the internet where you find a steaming pile of reductive political memes, and curated life stories of perfection, along with photos of food and pets. I scroll through some, comment on some, like some, but mostly hate it all. As I sit on the patio, distracted, the dog has grown weary of fetching, or had his fill, and decides to just bathe in the sun. He's not holding a phone, the latest model or otherwise. There are no megapixels capturing the scenery. No algorithms are deciding what he will watch and whether he'll reshare it. He's just soaking up the limited resource that is the moment. Asher is not a person, although he thinks he is one, and I don't mind letting him keep up the illusion, so long as he keeps letting me dry my hands off on his fur from time to time. Unlike a person, when Asher is done fetching, he doesn't share his peloton rankings on social media. He doesn't take pictures of his dog food or post about how hashtag-blessed he is, and how much he loves the smell of neighbor-dog butts in the morning. He just participates in it. You see Asher likes people more than algorithms. Unless an algorithm can give him an extra piece of bacon he won't pay much attention to it. Asher pays more attention to his people than anyone on the internet ever will. It doesn't matter how many likes you get, he's just going to be your best friend. Technically, social media sucks. No offense to Mark, or the person who decided to favor inspirational posts on LinkedIn, but your platforms are not good. Big tech likes to claim they are creating something for the greater good, and I would agree if we think the world needs more tripping hazards and ocular degeneration. Otherwise, I'm not sure it's that much greater. Let me take you back to my social media origin story. I'm no stranger to the feed. Back before Kylie Jenner was a wealthy socialite celebrity (when she was merely a wealthy six-year-old who wet her bed covered in golden 800 thread count bedsheets) I joined Myspace. I did it willingly, even after a bad experience with AOL chatrooms (a story for another paragraph). By this point, [The Drudge Report](https://www.drudgereport.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) was no longer the only thing you could get in your email, and people had switched from yearning for the "You've Got Mail" announcement to focusing on who to put in their "Top 8" friends list that week–something we call dynamic friend ranking based on the latest favors and injustices. For many, the platform became an intermittent tool to promote a band or a porn site, which felt awkward with the Tom guy looking over his shoulder at you from his Compaq computer. Personally, I used social media to find music and to convince people to find mine. One needs only a simple script (now known as bots and now found mostly on Twitter or at most networking events) to add countless friends across the internet. The metrics were incredible. The burnout was real. The tangible results were not very good. I became progressively disinterested, mostly after measuring my output compared to my effort (administrating bot automation is hard work!). I mellowed my Myspace use and shifted my focus to a more Kiersten Sinema-style approach of not giving a shit about results. Before Long, Facebook would eclipse Myspace yet I would shrug it off, disinterested in the effort of a new platform, until one day, a profile was created for me by an insistent Facebook friend, who, as it were, is now in jail (for something other than forcing people to join him on Facebook but you're getting warmer). I ended up diving in nonetheless and it was only a matter of time before I would be asked to write a book about the topic – not predatory Facebooking, but a book about using Facebook in general. Facebook All-In-One For Dummies, 553 pages, half of which I wrote, and all of which can be found [here](https://www.wiley.com/en-us/Facebook+All+in+One+For+Dummies-p-9781118171080?ref=danielkherndon.com). Little did I know, the book would make me famous (actually no it wouldn't) and it would also burn me out on social media in general (it definitely did that) despite the hundreds of people that would pay me to help them use social media before and after, the platform delivered little more than vanity metrics. 'Not zero' was the official business result if I'm being conservative. Social media can make some people money, and it can help some people to keep in touch, but the dogs don't lick you or fetch. It merely simulates it with pictures and videos, making you wish you were there, playing fetch – happy to take either role – dog or person. "But I have to use social media for my job," they say. Maybe you're right. Social media is, after all, an essential business department, consisting of hundreds of very special marketing roles that are A/B testing, tracking engagement, reach, and identifying the next algorithm update to make sure all those things achieve peak performance. I know exactly how to use it, and I know exactly what the Mark Z's of this world want from you. They want you to like dogs online more than you like your own dog. They want you to follow The Rock on Instagram instead of following your loved ones to the shore to collect rocks far more unique albeit less famous. They want more incels and fewer nomads. More people working an algorithm than people knowing how to work a room. They want more people wishing they were there than people actually being there. The Algorithm, as I lovingly call him, has taken a front seat in our lives, and whether you are planning an anniversary or an insurrection, it requires you to consult it first. Some know that a little skin gets a lot of likes. Some are merely a victim of its power over them. The Algorithm knows you can't help it. But it may not help you do your job as much as you might think it does. It certainly helps you wish you were doing as well as the other brands whose stats seem to dominate. It certainly helps you wish you were here but it may not get you here any quicker. The Algorithm is not a person, although we seem to think he is one, and I'll let it keep up the illusion as long as it allows me to wash my hands of its vibes. Social media is not an unuseful tool. But if you get sucked in too much, you could, yourself, become a tool. Specifically, a tool of The Algorithm, to achieve its desires, with a morsel of mammon shared with the select few to ensure they keep doing its bidding. To make sure they keep influencing people to buy something here or there, but more importantly, to make sure people keep clicking, commenting, sharing, and liking, even if on the inside it makes them hate themselves. The Algorithm does not work for its people. It exists to hack every human impulse to work for The Algorithm. I recently stumbled upon an article by Trung Phan, [Why is LinkedIn so Cringe](https://trungphan.substack.com/p/why-is-linkedin-so-cringe)? Trung explains in great detail how LinkedIn is rife with features that encourage people to interact in unrealistic ways, boosting the things that make people more LinkedIn flavored. The LinkedIn flavor is something we all become if we spend too much time on LinkedIn because the incentive structure leaves us no other choice. Before you know it, we start every sentence by informing people that we are humbled and honored to announce it. The Algorithm does not want you to speak to your audience. The Algorithm wants you to speak to itself, and then it will decide if you can have an audience. It will ensure you are on one side or the other, by presenting the illusion that there are two sides. When it comes to creating sides, the next victim is the incoming elections, or more colloquially stated - us. Election interference is not only a pastime for Russians vacationing in Crimea, it's also an unmanned organic feature of bite-size conversation, and algorithmic incentives. By nature when engagement is rewarded with more visibility, most newsfeeds will be populated with things people interact with, that which echos our own point of view, or drives you to rage. As Kevin D. Williams of [The Dispatch](https://thedispatch.com/p/why-im-at-the-dispatch-ea7?ref=danielkherndon.com) says "Rage drives clicks. Quality drives subscriptions." Sound bites win over sound thinking. The Algorithm shapes our very beliefs, and if we're not careful, we're a product for the highest bidder. Far be it for me to prefer a narrative controlled by Russians, bot or otherwise, but I don't find it much better than the Tweet size [politics of Ron Desantis](https://danielkherndon.com/rons-math-doesnt-add-up/) or turning public health into our public enemy while missing out on long-form journalism, dinner table conversations, and a quiet Sunday in your back yard. Making life-sized decisions based on memes and whatever gets boosted in our feeds result in a community of people fighting like a family on Thanksgiving. Well, I guess that really is a good point, then isn't it? Division is as old as Christmas. People have been at each other's giblets over holiday meals since the Pilgrims and Indians tried to make nice before slashing each other's throats over who was there first and who was white. It seems like some things never change. Maybe The Algorithm is a rough version of the human condition we've always been living with. Where what is socially rewarded is taking sides and getting likes, when what we really need are more Sundays when we can enjoy the sunshine and a game of fetch. It's not lost on me that this writing is on the internet, and many have discovered it by the hand of the very source I decry in this post. Just the same, I have made some very good lifelong friends who I first discovered on the internet. But I look at it this way. A discovery is something to be sought, while the algorithm is something to be fought. ### Well Isn't That Special Master? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/special-master/ Last updated: 2022-09-17T18:14:09.000Z Hey friends, Good morning and welcome to *The Weekly* by The Lorem Ipsum. If you're new here, this is where I give you a brief update on the week's news, but not in a very professional way. Usually, I imagine Norm MacDonald's voice while I write the news, but occasionally, I imagine Dana Carvey *doing* [Norm MacDonald](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgnCYty-koI&ref=danielkherndon.com). 👉 The Lorem Ipsum also consists of long-form articles about 1-2 times a week. You can turn those into emails with a simple toggle button [here](https://danielkherndon.com/special-master/#/portal/newsletters/). #### Also, I've recently discovered a new line of work. While I am satisfied with my role as Email Writer and Marketing Doer, I am thinking about adding Special Master to my repertoire as well. Maybe a side hustle. Think about it. Specials Master (pluralized in the manner of "Secretaries of State" or "Eggs Benedict") are hired to basically just "go through things". So you copy & paste athing, delete *this*, burn *that*. Sounds easy, right? So, the qualifications are as follows : - Go through stuff - Get paid by the taxpayers - Be very special #### Me. Me. Me also. I'm really close on this one. If you need a Special Master, I'm available to go through almost anything. I can even go through all your Trump related Hot Takes if needed. I'll go through your emails, go through a rough patch for ya. Pretty much anything you need to go through. What do you need a Special Master to do? Let me know in the [comments](https://danielkherndon.com/special-master/#ghost-comments). Now, let's go through ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 37 of 2022` #### Ukraine Passes Go If it looks like Ukraine is grinning right now, it's because they managed to take a bunch of ground back from Russian occupiers, accounting for as much as [6,000 square kilometers](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-62884668?ref=danielkherndon.com). Ukraine, with a few tricks up its sleeve, showed up in some of the northeastern towns by surprise, and successfully ran off scores of Russian soldiers, who were in such a hurry to flee they left their tanks and other war equipment behind (not sure if they remembered to leave the keys). Putin, receiving criticism from popular Russian bloggers, jumped over to see Chinese President Xi Jinping, but couldn't quite land his support either, as Xi had "questions and concerns" about the Ukraine invasion. Since then, even the Pope said it was totally a good idea to give weapons to Ukraine to fight Russia, so even God doesn't like Vladimir. The good news is that since most Russian media is controlled by Putin himself, he is still a winner in their book, even if that's the only thing he wins. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/15/asia/xi-putin-meeting-main-bar-intl-hnk/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Graham Crackers Senator Lindsey Graham unveiled a little snack for the midterms to attract some voting energy by proposing federal legislation to ban abortions after 15 weeks of pregnancy. Graham paid several women to stand behind him when he announced the plan but didn't let them speak for obvious reasons. After the announcement, the rest of the Republican Party took the morning-after pill because they evidently did not consent to his plan to reflect the Party. ([more](https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2022/9/13/23351590/national-abortion-ban-bill-lindsey-graham-republican?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### MyCellphone At least 60 subpoenas and the MyPillow guy's cell phone have been confiscated. Mr. Pillow, whose actual last name is Lindell, was in a drive-through at a fast food restaurant (surprisingly a Hardees) when he was surrounded by federal agents and forced to hand over his phone. While they were exercising a search warrant related to possible fraud related to Trump's stolen election claims, the feds also discovered countless pictures of naked pillows. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/sep/14/my-pillow-ceo-mike-lindell-phone-fbi?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Inflation is still inflating Inflation is so bad that even inflation itself is inflating. I was going to make a joke about how inflation would have been 7.61% if it were not for inflation -- but suffice it to say that 8.3% is not that great and people don't like math jokes. Especially in this economy. The stock market didn't like that joke either, and in response, it took a dump – the largest since 2020\. Not everything stinks though. Unemployment is low and job growth is still in a good place. Here's more about the economy. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/09/13/business/economy/us-economy.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Biden is fighting cancer President Biden has made it a national purpose to fight cancer. It's called a "Cancer Moonshot" which is a play on words referring to Kennedy's "Moonshot" a national purpose of going to the moon, and also to "Moonpies" because they supposedly contain ingredients that [cause cancer](https://www.p65warnings.ca.gov/fact-sheets/foods?ref=danielkherndon.com). ([more](https://time.com/6212966/biden-cancer-moonshot-us/?utm%5Fsource=ground.news&utm%5Fmedium=referral)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/special-master/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## More than just donating `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/Twin-Towers-1.jpg) #### Should we take more action than we already are in the Russian war in Ukraine? I rarely if ever write blogs about assassination, and this isn't one either, I promise. But let's say hypothetically we classified Putin as a terrorist like we did Osama Bin Laden (who happened to kill far fewer civilians on foreign soil). I don't know who gets the honors, but it could be a great resume builder for an aspiring ex-military professional turned solo mercenary. A Jack Baur type perhaps looking for a special military operation to take on. What I'm asking is, should we follow the advice of ['The Bobs'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUE0PPQI3is&ref=danielkherndon.com) and "fix the glitch"? I'll go into detail in this week's long form. I also take a moment to remember when I was in New York City, on September 11th. [Read the Article](https://danielkherndon.com/the-case-for-putin-putin-in-his-place/) That's it for this week, except for this one very important question: > If you didn’t drink a lite beer after, did you really even cut the grass? > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [September 15, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1570203518220263425?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) As for you, if you want professionally cut grass, ask an expert. If you want someone to talk about professionally cut grass, ask The Lorem Ipsum. Hit reply, or hit the [comments](https://danielkherndon.com/special-master/#ghost-comments). > ***Have a great weekend!*** #### Help Support The Lorem Ipsum: 🚀 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 🎉 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Putin His Place. A Case For Action. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-case-for-putin-putin-in-his-place/ Last updated: 2026-09-10T21:12:11.000Z Very rarely do I ever write blogs about assassination. Technically, I'd say this one is only passive-aggressively about it, as I don't want to rule out any viable options, including old-fashioned flogging, tar and feathering, or simply doxing on the internet. Maybe it's not quite qualified for the unpopular opinion category, but I think we should consider doing something about President Vladimir Putin. What I mean, is that there is a glitch in the world domination industry right now and as ['The Bobs' would say](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUE0PPQI3is&ref=danielkherndon.com), maybe we should... "fix the glitch". I don't know who gets the honors, but it could be a great resume builder for an aspiring serial killer, or a former Navy Seal turned specialized solo mercenary. A Jack Baur type perhaps looking for a special military operation to take on. I realize it could be a messy project, but I have a hunch it would pay off in the end, and I'd like to take the rest of this article to explain why. ## Fixing The Glitch Today marks the day after the 21st anniversary of the September 11th attacks. On this day in 2001, we were still catching our breath after getting the wind knocked out of us, yesterday morning when planes crashed into the Twin Towers in Manhattan. There are a number of things I'll never forget. I'll never forget the Super Bowl where Janet Jackson had a wardrobe malfunction. I'll never forget the time I peed my pants when I was 14 because I was in an inconvenient place where I just couldn't hold it anymore. And I'll never forget the attack on the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001. Most of us remember where we were that day. You probably remember exactly what you were doing. We always say, "Never Forget" and I certainly won't. The day before, on the 10th, I was being yelled at by a hardware store manager in New York City because (if you can believe it) I asked him to repeat himself when I didn't hear his directions to the supplies I was looking for in his store. "IT'S. IN. THE. BACK." he said. I took no offense. The following day, on the 11th, I remember the smell of scorched steel, the sight of the rising smoke, and shell-shocked people. People who felt a sense of kinship with anyone they crossed paths with, for whom they wouldn’t have had time for the day before. No one was abrupt, except for the hundreds of handlebar-mustached firefighters working all hours to save who they could, and recover the remains of those they could not. I thought about my abrupt friend at the hardware store. Not for long, but I did. “Quick, turn on the news. I’m okay.” I left a message on our answering machine in Indianapolis where my wife held our youngest daughter in her arms. I had very little cell coverage. A handful of guys put in notice at their jobs to make time to steal some planes, and turn them into giant weapons, without regard for human life. Or you might say with regard because they believed it was the noble thing to do. For a time after that, we were suspicious of anyone of middle eastern descent, which wasn't fair to most of a world full of innocent people. The term racial profiling became a household discussion, while we feared another attack from people who looked a certain way. Some things changed after that day. Government surveillance by the NSA was a reality we debated, and commercial air flight was messed up for good. Also, the premise of the show 24 ended up working out better than expected, given its release just two months after America became acutely aware of its subject matter. Terrorism. Time has passed and now 24 is outdone by the cinema quality shows on streaming platforms. My daughter is now drinking (legally) and doesn't remember the Twin Towers. The headache of air travel to her is just air travel. The World Trade Center attack has always been history to her. To us, it was “the news”, except it was life-changing. We took it personally, as a nation. We decided the people that architected this attack needed to pay. Suddenly, going to war was unanimous, with a handful of people who will remind you they were "always against it". For the sake of almost four thousand innocent people, we wished we could have done something much sooner. Waiting ten years would have to do. After years of war, Osama Bin Laden was killed at the order of President Barack Obama. Bin Laden's second in command and his successor Ayman al-Zawahiri would make it [another eleven years](https://www.npr.org/2022/08/01/1115035763/al-zawahiri-killed-biden-raid-afghanistan?ref=danielkherndon.com), but we got him too. But our families had already been killed. It's too bad we didn't see it coming. In 2020 The US [killed](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-50979463?ref=danielkherndon.com) Qasem Soleimani, a military leader the US called the world's number one terrorist, ordered by President Donald Trump. This one's subject to some debate, and the UN said his killing violated international law. But we believed he was a threat to the world including to the United States. So we took him out. Having targeted no less than three political leaders for overseeing violence against the United States, we’ve already developed a precedent for what qualifies for assassination. (1) Being a total dick and (2) Killing (or threatening to kill) our people. There's probably a lot more nuance to making the final call, but as far as we know outside of the government intelligence community, it seems like keeping our people alive is a big part of the equation. We fixed the glitch. But does that mean we need to intervene militarily for Ukraine? At this point, Ukraine has reached the age of consent, they have flown the coop as a sovereign nation and need to clean their own toilets and pay their own bills. I suspect we can't do everything for them, but there's nothing wrong with lending a hand. At this point, the US has spent [$15.2 billion in aid to Ukraine](https://media.defense.gov/2022/Sep/08/2003072446/-1/-1/0/UKRAINE-FACT-SHEET-SEPT-8-2022.PDF?ref=danielkherndon.com). Russia has cost the world much more aside, due to food and energy disruption. And that's only one reason why Putin is not just a danger to Ukraine. He’s a danger to the whole world. For the USA, he has cited the US in speeches with a threatening tone multiple times. Sure, the odds are, he'll never attack us directly, he would lose everything. The odds were against there ever being an attack on the World Trade Center too. The fact is, Putin's overreach by way of aggression is growing by inches. It seems inevitable that he'll continue to expand the power of his empire, or he'll be stopped. ## Putin has threatened the world Repeatedly, Putin has [warned of his willingness](https://www.npr.org/2022/03/08/1085248170/putin-has-threatened-to-use-his-nuclear-arsenal-heres-what-its-actually-capable-https://theconversation.com/are-vladimir-putins-nuclear-threats-a-bluff-in-a-word-probably-187689?ref=danielkherndon.com) to use nuclear weapons under various circumstances and at various times. He's already [killed thousands](https://reliefweb.int/report/ukraine/ukraine-civilian-casualties-2400-21-august-2022-enruuk?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Attachments&text=From%2024%20February%202022%2C%20when,5%2C587%20killed%20and%207%2C890%20injured.) of civilians in the recent conflict in Ukraine alone. Similar to the way I threaten to add more salt to my gourmet steak, you can't demand I adhere to a low sodium diet and trust me with a salt shaker. Nor can you trust Putin with the capacity to destroy countries and economies. It starts with a little shake here or there and ends in high blood pressure. In most cases, his comments are an attempt to instill fear and deter actions like Ukraine defending Crimea or any nation for that matter, getting in the way of his efforts at conquest. Although it may be vibrato, even the threat is a problem. Putin surely knows the power of his demands and his threats. Similar to an insurrectionists of January 6th, [Russian-backed separatists](https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/2/4/ukraine-crisis-who-are-the-russia-backed-separatists?ref=danielkherndon.com) such as those in the Donbas region are empowered by their support from Putin. Besides the actions of fringe military groups, Putin's threats, even if purportedly empty, shift the weight of the Russian government (specifically when in the form of lethal threats) to force their way with foreign policy. Putin has used military threats as a tool for all of his career. ## Putin clearly wants global dominance Putin likes to play with dolls. Specifically, ones that sport tiny little mustaches and ancient knickers from the late 1600s. Putin's favorite doll of Peter The Great sits in a cabinet over his ceremonial desk, a Russian monarch and warlord to which Putin compares himself. Peter The Great (also known as Peter the Not So Great) is known for expanding the Russian Empire through conquest and for crushing any uprising that disagreed with his policies (plans, schemes). Peter waged war to expand Russia's reach, and take seaports from other nations such as Sweden. Putin believes it is incumbent upon him to do the same today. Besides Putin's constant talk about a greater Russia, he also seems to present a sense of entitlement for more land mass, and greater dominance in the world order [based on his view of ancient history](https://www.atlanticcouncil.org/blogs/ukrainealert/putin-admits-ukraine-invasion-is-an-imperial-war-to-return-russian-land/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Perhaps hoping he will later be memorialized over the shoulder of a future dictator. With a window into his thinking and his overt behavior, it's clear that Putin poses a danger to the entire world, as long as he is in power. ## Putin has acted on his ambitions repeatedly Much like Peter, Putin wants to be great, and he's bitter about the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, where he served as a KGB agent. He has acted on his ambitions to rebuild the empire through military aggression and is known to disregard innocent civilians. It was 2008 when on false claims of genocide, Russia invaded Georgia, another former Soviet constituent republic, attacking the surrounding nation in an effort to weaken their independence and take more power into Russia's hands. Like now, the rest of the world was reticent to do anything. Understandably, foreign policy designees feel the need to keep stable relations with Russia to address other stuff in the world. So Russia got what it wanted. And the rest of us could be next one piece at a time. How far will he go? The answer is also a question. How far will the world let him? The Committee on Foreign Affairs of the European Parliament [said in 2015](https://www.europarl.europa.eu/doceo/document/A-8-2015-0171%5FEN.html?redirect&ref=danielkherndon.com) that "The reaction of the EU to Russia’s aggression towards, and violation of the territorial integrity of, Georgia in 2008 may have encouraged Russia to act in a similar way in Ukraine." referring of course to the Russian annexation of Ukrainian territory, Crimea. And clearly, Russia continued its campaign in Ukraine, again on false claims. And it's costing the whole world. Should we stop the bleeding? Or will we wait until it gets worse? ### The Queen and Dark Brandon URL: https://danielkherndon.com/dark-brandon/ Last updated: 2022-09-20T02:12:44.000Z Hey friends, Good morning to all of you, especially if you just became king of a country, but also I'm sorry for your loss. This week marks the unofficial launch of the midterm campaign season. Sometimes known as pumpkin spice season! A perfect time to do your best speeches, flanked by military personnel and ominous lighting. We were previously expecting a red wave in the elections this year, but a sudden shift in the political landscape after Roe was overturned had analysts thinking we should expect more like a purple spume. Now, Trump's legal issues are swelling, and have us expecting more like a blue twirling wine glass (my apologies to wine since it's also red). For the critics deploying the "Let's Go Brandon" moniker – the memes on them now. Brandon supporters have started putting the Dark Brandon messaging to better use. What does all this have to do with pumpkin spice? I'll get to that in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 36 of 2022` #### London Bridge Has Fallen Queen Elizabeth II was under medical watch for at least the II time this year, not counting a bout with Covid that resulted in missing some Jubilee events (for US readers, those are events where people are jubilant). Her Majesty died yesterday at 96 years old which happens to be the same age as my great grandma Josephine, and my grandmother-in-law Frankie, two people who are royalty in my book. I've never lived in a monarchy, myself, but I think most of us can agree that no matter how far away we are from The Queen, she has impacted us all in some way. Some of us have been moved by her infectious smile, others are enamored with her striking gowns. Personally, I want to know how she got her job, and if they are hiring. I think I'd be willing to relocate but it depends on the benefits. As I understand it, they offer a steady paycheck and have the best retirement plan of any employer on earth, to employ your kids for eternity, as long as they don't move to Canada. Lilibet (The Queen's childhood nickname) was known for her ability to keep a straight face when she needed to, with just enough of a smile for you to like her, but not enough for you to know why. Because of this, she filled the role of being the person on earth that literally everyone loved. She was sometimes called boring (but given that she remained married to Prince Philip for 74 years, I'd suspect she was good in the sack), however boring is perhaps not the right word. A better one may be alluring. Alluring because you wanted to know what she thought about the issues, but rarely did you ever. She served through some major political change, and even sometimes turmoil like the very public [balding](https://people.com/royals/prince-william-hair-timeline/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of her grandson Prince William, or the resignation of Prime Minister Boris Johnson due to a string of controversies – there is little debate about which loss is worse. Throughout it, and nearly 70 years in all, Lilibet kept her composure, did not offer a divisive opinion, but held herself up high as unwavering, as she would portray the Kingdom in which she served as the longest-standing Monarch in its history. The early years of her reign were the beginning of decolonization, having taken the throne just after India and Pakistan became independent, soon to be followed by Africa. While the shrinking of the empire was long in the works, whether or not she was conflicted, she supported the process and supported the free countries of the Commonwealth even to this day. This change is to be celebrated, and she deserves credit for her part in it. Even at a young age, she kept a box where she saved ribbons and wrapping paper to be used rather than tossed, because, it seems that even though she had the most expensive wrapping paper on earth, she did not take her privilege for granted. She considered it something to be valued and protected. And that is how she held her country and her role as Queen. May she rest in peace. ([Here's more](https://people.com/royals/queen-elizabeth-dead-british-monarch-age-96/https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-61585886?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Circle of Truss Related... The Conservative party in Great Brittain said "Truss Me" and this week, The Queen did the same as Liz Truss was appointed as Prime Minister, following Borexit and immediately preceding the queen's death. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/05/uk/new-british-prime-minister-liz-truss-intl-gbr/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Nuclear war games Over the last week or so, experts from the UN have visited the Zaporizhzhia nuclear plant, where shelling has taken place, even shutting down power to the plant. As an aside, you care about this, because such an outage risks causing a meltdown that could literally impact the entire earth. Despite calls to create a no-fire zone around the plant, Putin has not called off his troops who are occupying the plant but I did hear that he fired a staff chef for burning his blini wheat pancakes (although I'm still trying to confirm that). ([more](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/ukraine-military-chief-limited-nuclear-war-cannot-be-ruled-out-2022-09-07/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Losing at Jenga The CFO of Bed Bath and Beyond jumped off the Jenga tower in New York City, falling to his death on Sunday. This happened days after announcing the closing of 150 stores and laying off 20% of its workforce. Sales of the Jenga game remain unchanged after the incident. ([more](#https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/ny-bed-bath-beyond-executive-gustavo-arnal-suicide-jenga-building-tribeca-20220904-tkm4x4ryrfhohldomo6xmfpvji-story.html)) #### Special Master Trump's request to have a special master review the confiscated files was granted, which stalls the investigation until that review is complete. So while investigators are waiting, they're shifting focus to another investigation into Trump since he is now being subpoenaed for records related to possible campaign finance fraud. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/judge-grants-donald-trumps-request-special-master-halts/story?id=89361883https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/3634297-doj-investigating-trump-super-pac-reports/&ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### On an iSland Apple launched the new iPhone, and as always, mine will not be put in a case. The new Pro model has a 48,000,000,000 miligigapixel camera and the camera bump also serves as a kickstand. In the past, people didn't like the black tab at the top that interrupted the screen, but this model has introduced the "Dynamic Island", convincing you a black spot on a screen is something you want to have. ([more](https://www.apple.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/dark-brandon/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Pumpkin Spice Wars `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/57-Pumpkin_Spice.jpg) With all that we are dealing with in the world these days, there's only one thing more alarming than the threat of a nuclear disaster in Ukraine, and that's the abrupt and untimely return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte. This should go without saying, but I'm afraid I have to say it anyway. I don't want your pumpkin spice Pringles. I don't want an Oreo that tastes like the world's worst candle – also I never wanted to taste a candle, to begin with. What do I really want? I want someone who will work on developing policies that will work *for* us and won't eventually give us diabetes. I go into more detail in the article. [Read the Article](https://danielkherndon.com/pumpkin-spice-wars/) #### That's it for this week **Remember**: If you're looking for help finding a lost pet, you should probably ask your neighbor, but if you want to unpack matters of politics or get advice on how to deal with the owner of an unruly dog next door, you might want to keep the peace and just Ask The Lorem Ipsum. Reply to this email to submit your questions. ***Have a great weekend*** **!** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Pumpkin Spice Wars URL: https://danielkherndon.com/pumpkin-spice-wars/ Last updated: 2022-09-08T12:47:30.000Z With all that we are dealing with in the world these days, there's only one thing more alarming than the threat of a nuclear disaster in Ukraine, and that's the abrupt and untimely return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Every year, it seems like retail stores are decorating for pumpkin spice season earlier than ever. As if it's not enough that the last quarter of the year is already packed with major holidays. Black Friday is now five days long, the first of which is a 36-hour day, followed by other categories of black days ranging from an Amazon day to a small business day, just to make sure everyone gets their chance at our wallets. We cap it off with Giving Tuesday, the day we give the leftovers, if there are any, to our favorite charity to make us feel better for wasteful spending. All this with a latte in hand, bursting with sweet and cozy notes of cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove (of course made with almond milk, so it's a healthy drink that cancels out all the sugar). It seems like pumpkin spice is everywhere these days, from our chips to our avocado toast. Pumpkin Spice is not only taking over our calendar, and all of our hot beverages and pastries. It's taking over our whole body, [including](https://www.wideopeneats.com/15-ridiculous-pumpkin-season-products/?ref=danielkherndon.com) our deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo, and beard oil. We have pumpkin spice butter and pumpkin spice butter for humans (or as I like to call it, lotion). You can expect pumpkin spice flavored bar and chain oil to release later this fall to keep your yard equipment running through the end of the year since the warming climate has elongated the lawn maintenance season. Every fast food chain and packaged food manufacturer is preparing their version of the fall flavor to appease you and signal that they are as festive as you want to be, to remind you 'tis the season to pick up some of their product. This should go without saying, but I'm afraid I have to say it anyway. I don't want your pumpkin spice Pringles. I don't want an Oreo that tastes like the world's worst candle – also I never wanted to taste a candle, to begin with. I just want a cup of coffee. That's really it. No, I don't want any cream in it and you can save the stirring spoon for the next guy investing in the future of the insulin industry. I'd rather just have a lightly roasted cup of coffee, pour-over brewed at a perfect ratio of 15 millimeters of water heated to 203 degrees for every gram of coarsely ground coffee beans, and served in a bone-colored ceramic mug. You know – something simple. As far as I'm concerned, black coffee is about the best drink you can find. Get creative if it floats your boat, but I'd prefer to focus on the fundamentals. I've said it a million times if I've said it once. You know what's better than bourbon-infused coffee? Coffee. That's what's better. Or bourbon, if you like. But the return on over-processing flavors, because the name of the flavor gets clicks, is just not worth the investment. Are we even really tasting a pumpkin in the first place? No. As it turns out, the only place pumpkin shows up in pumpkin spice is in the [name](https://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/pumpkin-spice-everything-nice-love-brain-science?ref=danielkherndon.com). Yet, droves of people line up to buy it, imagining they are buying a celebratory fall pumpkin in a paper cup. Big Coffee knows our weaknesses, and we fall for it every year. ## We're Impressionable It's because we're moved by ideas, brand names, flavors and smells that draw on our emotions. We believe we're detecting pumpkins because we are impressionable. To many of us, the release of pumpkin spice products signals that fall is coming, and fall is followed by Christmas, the perfect time to celebrate life by buying things that will get lost in a closet, and that is something we can't resist. This makes us think of good times – not as much the closet inventory, but the memories of fall and entering into the holidays. There is a pumpkin spice war and we are the ones being invaded. Our impressionable nature is used against us time and time again, starting with deceptively named flavors, and in turn with deceptive political strategies, designed to make you think an irresistible ingredient exists, even when it shows up nowhere in the juice. Some flavors you may recognize are Critical Race Theory, Election Fraud, and others. They signal that the midterms are coming, and you need to get crunk and get to the polls. In Florida, Ron Desantis has started a culture war around social issues like abortion access, the content of education regarding race history, or topics relating to the gay and transgender members of our community. Just a couple of weeks ago ' his Lt. Governor [says](https://www.tallahassee.com/story/news/politics/elections/2022/09/06/florida-lgbtq-advocates-fight-governor-ron-desantis-election-2022-dont-say-gay/7929542001/https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/28/briefing/ron-desantis-florida.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) "Our students should go to school to learn their ABC's, not their LGBT’s,". The truth is, they need to learn the entire alphabet to operate in the real world. Across the country, politicians are peddling election fraud. [Bloomberg compiled](https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/us-election-risk-index/all-election-denier-officials/?ref=danielkherndon.com) a list of at least 254 political leaders including 20 Governors and 18 Senators who publicly backed Trump's claims of election fraud or made their own, yet for some strange reason, they were able to get elected themselves without disputing the results. On the opposing side, Biden said [in his recent prime-time speech](https://www.nationalreview.com/2022/09/joe-biden-cant-decide-what-maga-republican-means/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to the nation said that the “Republican Party today is dominated, driven and intimidated by Donald Trump and the MAGA Republicans. And that is a threat to this country.” without noting that a "MAGA Republican" is not clearly defined except as something that polls well. Although it could probably be reasonable to assume that they have oversized white polos and red hats on, "Orange" is just not a clear enough description, even if it helps you pick them out of a crowd. But the statement triggers images of what we believe a MAGA republican is, and drives feet to the voting booth. ## It Polls Well. The flavor profile that does well in the polls and stirs up the most anger is the feature flavor of each stump speech and campaign commercial. We can't resist it, but on the inside, we all know we would prefer to have just a good cup of black coffee. One that gets the job done. A flavor that is good all year. But the politicians know they can't get us to vote for them unless they can get us to vote against someone else. By marketing an ingredient, in their enemies, that we will go to war against, and in them, one that will deliver us from evil, while reminding us of the good times. But what we really need is someone who will go into public service, and work with others in public service while working *for* the people that put them in office. Someone who will make sure our policies serve the most people, protect the most rights, and create the most economic opportunity. We want someone who will work on developing policies that will work for us and won't eventually give us diabetes. ### Redacted URL: https://danielkherndon.com/redacted/ Last updated: 2022-09-08T14:16:34.000Z Hey friends, This week I am writing you from a vacation with the lovely Mrs. Lorem Ipsum. We've spent the week up in Traverse City, MI (down for you if you're Malcolm Gladwell or any other Canadian. Otherwise your direction may vary). We've been hiking through cliffs, as well as wineries, both of which are not as good as in California, but still truly underrated. The coast of Lake Michigan is pretty amazing, because to the naked eye, it looks like an ocean without sharks, and since I have an irrational fear of sharks, it's perfect for me. I do not, however, have an irrational fear of wineries, where I feel very very safe. #### Happy Labor Day Weekend This week, I took it slow and delayed my writing schedule. To tide you over, I've highlighted some of my favorite articles over the last year. Articles I think you should read if you have the time. I'll get to those in a minute... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 35 of 2022` #### The Affidavit Released The Justice Department released the affidavit leading to Trump's house being raided and it says ️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️◼️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️,◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️,◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️!◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️ ◼️️◼️️ ◼️️◼️️◼️️️️️️️️️️◼️️️️️️️️️️, which is why you always leave a note. This saga may be just the beginning of criminal charges, but that is to be determined. In Tangle, the daily newsletter covering both sides of the issues, Isaac Saul [explains](https://www.readtangle.com/mar-a-lago-search-affidavit/?ref=danielkherndon.com) the details behind the affidavit and the raid earlier this week with sources from the left and the right. ([here's more](https://www.readtangle.com/mar-a-lago-search-affidavit/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Tuesday night, the DOJ filed court documents claiming that Trump intentionally concealed and removed documents in order to [obstruct](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/30/politics/mar-a-lago-justice-department-response/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) the FBI investigation. To represent Trump in the legal aftermath, Trump has struggled to find attorneys to represent him, because half of them, he'd already stiffed, and the other half have an ethical obligation to follow the law. They did manage to find one guy licensed in Florida who will be conducting depositions and court appearances in swim trunks, a linen shirt, and flip-flops. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/30/us/politics/trump-lawyer-florida-christopher-kise.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **More quick notes:** - Newt Gingerich has been called to testify before the January 6th Committee. ([Newt Flash](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/jan-committee-requests-information-records-newt-gingrich/story?id=89188557&utm%5Fsource=ground.news&utm%5Fmedium=referral)) - Trump, in a speech, says he'll favor pardoning January 6th rioters if elected ([Pardon me?](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-will-look-very-favorably-pardons-capitol-rioters-2022-09-01/?utm%5Fsource=ground.news&utm%5Fmedium=referral)) #### So Spaced Out No, we did not go to the moon this week, and while I'm not crying you're crying, you can bet your bottom billionth dollar we sure as heck will make it up there soon (starting with our robots). The Artemis Mission, initially scheduled for Monday was canceled due to a failed sensor. It was moved to today, which was later scrubbed due to bad weather. Currently, the launch is scheduled for tomorrow, but so is my latest FedEx delivery, so we'll see. Fortunately, this email has had very few complications preventing it from being launched to the dark side of your inbox. We'll watch closely to see if NASA will send a rocket to the moon, or if it will be marked as spam. ([more](https://abcnews.go.com/Technology/live-updates/artemis-1-launch/?id=88941570&ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Palin Comparison Sarah Palin has lost a special election for the Alaska seat in Congress to Mary Peltola. What we've found is that the ranked-choice election ended up favoring voters rather than individual candidates running for office. Analysts also suggest that Alaska voters (many of them, no longer related to her after her divorce) don't like that she uses the term "okie dokie". ([more](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2022-election/democrat-mary-peltola-defeats-sarah-palin-special-election-become-firs-rcna45756?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Historic Flooding in Pakistan Pakistan is under a flooding disaster beyond anything ever seen in history, which has affected 33 million people and covered one-third of the country. I'm sharing this as a heads up, because Pakistan, which contributes 1% of the world's emissions, may be sending us a bill for the damages. ([more](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/pakistan-u-n-seek-international-aid-amid-catastrophic-flooding-that-displaced-millions?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Mikhail Gorbachev The leader overseeing the ending of the cold war and the dismantling of the Soviet Union died. This was shocking to many of us worldwide, mostly because we thought he was already dead. Good news for his family that he wasn't, but now, having passed away at 91 years old, he will be remembered with a monument shaped like the grape juice stain on his forehead. ([more](https://apnews.com/article/mikhail-gorbachev-world-leaders-react-8c11998dcfe20b8928e15644ce935c8d?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Newsroom Drama While The Lorem Ipsum thrives, the Washington Post is facing job cuts amid financial losses. Their CEO Fred Ryan, upon pulling records of Zoom meetings has determined they don't have enough meetings [on Fridays](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/30/business/media/washington-post-jeff-bezos-revenue.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) (probably busy reading this newsletter, and who can blame 'em) . On the other hand, Fox News appears to be pretty popular, [leading](https://thehill.com/homenews/media/3621377-fox-news-tops-august-cable-ratings/?utm%5Fsource=ground.news&utm%5Fmedium=referral) the cable news category including among young people. The Lorem Ipsum still trails behind Fox, at least until you share it. (Here's how on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free), [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com), and [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com)). #### Alien Technology An astronomer thinks alien tech could be on the ocean floor, referring to a meteor that entered the atmosphere eight years ago. It could also be a rock, so naturally, he's going to spend 1.5 million dollars to find out. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2022/08/31/1119941103/astronomer-searches-ocean-extraterrestrial-meteor-alien-life-avi-loeb?ref=danielkherndon.com)) [Add Your Take](https://danielkherndon.com/redacted/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Extra Credit `The Gist` Here are my latest feature articles, including the first installment of *Generational Change*, the first *Serial* from The Lorem Ipsum. [When Being Non-Partisan Leans LeftBeing non-partisan is a tough job. One of the things we can be sure of, there aren’t very many good politicians. But no party has an exclusive on good ideas or dumb statements.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/Lean_Left.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/when-non-partisan-leans-left/) [Generational Change: A War On WomenOnly forty years ago, women were not able to get business loans without a man’s signature. Today, Women have achieved full access, but our system engineers them into the sidelines.It’s part of our Serial: How generational change is changing America.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/Women-Running.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/generational-change-a-war-on-women/) These articles are slathered with comedy, but in one article's case, also butter. [When is ‘Too Soon’?About the ongoing struggle of those who make people laugh For no less than four decades, I’ve been doing my best to put my money where my mouth is. Unfortunately, sometimes that can mean I need to wrap my money around my foot. Not because of any bad nail![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/05/29-Standup.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/when-is-too-soon/) [Why I am afraid of cold butterHow the boogieman became fat when fat became the boogieman. I always get nostalgic during this time of year as we enter into the Holiday season. I begin to get a tingling feeling in my belly that I call anticipation. Anticipation for perhaps the most precious thing in our lives.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/05/12-Butter-II.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter/) Finally, an article that is perhaps most poignant, is about how I failed to get into college. [Hey, Your College Degree is Blocking My View.First of all, before I get too far, I would like to say congratulations to you on your college degree. I’m proud of you for preparing for, applying to, getting accepted, attending, and completing – college. Your degree is definitely worthy of space on your wall and I think you should![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/08/Icon-1.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/Degree.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/hey-your-college-degree-is-blocking-my-view/) ## You Owe Us `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` > Hey Daniel, I feel like I'm taking advantage of my fellow Americans. Do you think it's because I'm getting a portion of my student loan canceled by the Government? Am I a freeloader even though I likely work harder than most of my rich friends? > > Trusting you for an answer – Middle Class Margot I'll admit that I made up this question. I don't know anyone named Margot, except for [Margot & The Nuclear So And So's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDdtGXwSevo&ref=danielkherndon.com) (for your bonus listening pleasure), but I'm sure there are many Margots out there. That is, those who are Margot in spirit. Yes. You should always pay your bills. That's the whole reason you exist. To borrow money from large institutions and then pay it back for the rest of your life, making every remaining life decision based on your ability to make the payment – and then to pay taxes on every dollar you make for the rest of your life. That is unless you are in the top 5% of Americans, especially the ones who are their own boss. You see, running a business is awesome (except when it's not). I've done this for just shy of two decades, and have enjoyed the tax avoidance tools that come with wrapping your finances up in a business. The Government supports these tax structures by intentionally reducing its income, benefitting the person that has the means to navigate it. The tools are called tax incentives, tax deductions, and tax credits, where, as Kramer put it, you just "[write it off](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEL65gywwHQ&ref=danielkherndon.com)". Lots of these write-offs are necessary to one guy, and "loopholes" to the guy running against him. Either way, they exist, and the rich and self-employed get to benefit from them the most. Meanwhile, common Americans don't have as much flexibility. For most, to make a middle-class income statistically [requires a degree](https://www.statista.com/statistics/233301/median-household-income-in-the-united-states-by-education/?ref=danielkherndon.com). And most can only attend college if they get loans. In the worst-case scenario, those loans can't be bankrupted. It's true that there are workarounds (as you'll see in my above [article](https://danielkherndon.com/hey-your-college-degree-is-blocking-my-view/)), but it seems like for most, you can't avoid the loans, and you can't escape them. Whether student loan forgiveness is a good thing or a bad thing is a matter for economists. It's unclear if student loan forgiveness under the HEROES Act is even [proper use of the law](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/09/01/republicans-may-try-to-block-student-loan-forgiveness.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). I'll leave that to the courts. But it is not "unfair" or "irresponsible" for someone receiving the benefit. This is simply a tax credit for Margot, someone who usually doesn't get one. [What do you think?](https://danielkherndon.com/redacted/#ghost-comments) #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### How to get your $10k URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-get-your-10k/ Last updated: 2023-06-08T11:41:03.000Z Hey friends, Good morning. Especially to those of you who may have recently had any student loans. The Biden administration is canceling $10,000 of student loan debt for households making less than $125,000 a year. Also, sales of gas-guzzling cars are being canceled in California by 2035. Similarly, I'm being canceled for what a reader says was a partisan comment. I'll get to that in a second... But first, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Real Quick `Sappy Upgrade Pitch` *This is a reader-supported publication, and you're the one that keeps it going. I want to talk to you for a second about why The Lorem Ipsum is here. In this world, we have wealthy business moguls and media platforms influencing the elections, while people like AOC can't even afford the letters to spell their entire name (I think it's a licensing issue, but that is beside the point).* *Honest conversation that moves hearts and minds is what this site is all about. Without shutting down another point of view. It's also about making fun of AOC when the opportunity is there.* *I always hope this email is entertaining, but I also hope that it inspires thought and conversation. I do it because I am passionate about it, and for those of you who enjoy it, I consider it an honor that you would make room in your inbox for me. My mission is to make people laugh while making them think. This newsletter is free. It costs me a little money and a lot of time, but I write because I believe it matters.* *If you enjoy The Lorem Ipsum, consider keeping it going by sharing it with friends or upgrading to a paid subscription.--> Become a [Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans/).* *Founders will be the first ones to get access to my full-length memoir 'Made From Leftovers' which is currently sitting, in waiting, casually searching for representation. Founders will get access to articles I gave up evenings to research and weekends to write. Founders will be able to make fun of me without me getting offended (mostly anyone can do that actually).* *Some people just can't add another subscription service. Others have forgotten they have a subscription to Stars. But for those who cannot afford it, email me directly to tell me and I will gift you a subscription for free on the honor system.* *Become a [Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans/). Founders are allowing me to walk alongside them to make the world a better place, through friendly conversations about serious topics.* *Thank you for joining me.* ## Hot Takes `Week 34 of 2022` #### Student Debt Cancelled I guess student debt must have said something politically incorrect because it has been canceled. But seriously Biden announced loan forgiveness of up to $10,000 (and $20,000 for those with Pell grants). Students can get their money by being American and paying taxes, but first, they have to wait in line for millionaires to first get the benefit of tax reductions and credits while claiming that it is "not fair". The response from one reader: "My mortgage identifies as a student loan." The Lorem Ipsum's take: tax credits are tax credits, no matter where you get them. ([more](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2022/08/24/fact-sheet-president-biden-announces-student-loan-relief-for-borrowers-who-need-it-most/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Putin His Place. Someone close to Vladimir Putin was killed earlier in the week, but as they say, not close enough – it happened to be Daria Dugina, the outspoken daughter of an outspoken activist Alexander Dugin who Putin is believed to follow (possibly even on Tvitter). Russia is blaming Ukraine's government, but they say they're not in the business of killing civilians like Russia who bombed a Ukrainian train station on Wednesday. Early that day, in an Independence Day speech, President Zelenski did some Head of State level trolling. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2022/08/24/1119039271/russia-ukraine-putin-daria-dugina-alexander-dugin-car-bombing?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Twistle Blower Twitter is back in the news after its head of security blew the whistle on the company. Peiter Zatko, in so many characters (but more than 280) said the company lied to the public about security practices and to Elon Musk about spam bots. He DM'd the Securities and Exchange Commission. Obviously, Musk retweeted the complaint. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/23/technology/twitter-whistleblower-security.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### A Very Special Master Trump's legal team has asked for a "special master" to review Mar-a-lago search evidence. The request is essentially baiting the courts with claims Trump's constitutional rights were violated when more than 300 classified government documents were taken from his home. This master baiter (Trump's legal team) is going to face a stiff battle, since they tried to beat the courts, ignoring prior issues risen by the feds. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/22/politics/donald-trump-special-master-request/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) #### Farewell Fauci. Anthony Fauci put in his notice, and at 81 years old is looking for his next gig, which won't be retirement, he says. Ron Desantis, who is very credible, is not happy about that, calling him a "[little elf](https://www.foxnews.com/politics/desantis-blasts-little-elf-fauci-chuck-him-across-potomac?ref=danielkherndon.com)" who should be chucked across the Potomac. ([more](https://slate.com/technology/2022/08/fauci-trusted-doctor-retirement-pandemic.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### A Colorado State Senator is Trans In the Colorado state senate, Kevin Priola is transitioning (parties) citing discomfort with the Republican Party embracing election denial and complicity in the January 6 Insurrection. While I personally identify as they/them when it comes to politics, Priola now identifies as a Democrat, and that is his truth and we should respect that. ([more](https://www.axios.com/2022/08/22/colorado-lawmaker-leaves-gop-jan-6-attack-trump?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/Ad-Banner-Upgrade.png)](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-get-your-10k/#/portal/signup) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## When Partisan Leans Left `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/54-Lean_Left-1.jpg) Out of 330 million people in the United States, there are only about 542 that get elected to a federal job. By my math, these elite positions represent only 0.0003% of the population of the united states. That is like three 10,000th of a percent if I know anything about the Arabic Decimal system (and if I'm wrong just correct me in the comments). And yet, we live in a country where Marjorie Taylor Green is one of those elected officials. Is it partisan to criticize the criminal or the foolish? --> **[Read The Article.](https://danielkherndon.com/when-non-partisan-leans-left/)** --- ## Prime Members `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` I receive questions from readers just like you all the time, and on rare occasions, those questions make sense. Well, this one is one of them. Here's our latest of the intermittently included segment *Ask The Lorem Ipsum.* > Hey Daniel, I'm new to the Worldwide Web. How do I send the emails? What is Amazon? I’m a subscriber to your mailer so I demand service now! > > With love, Tim and a Series of Tubes Hi Tim. You're not the first person to have trouble with email. It was only a couple of weeks ago that someone said on a Facebook post that they didn't want to sign up for the newsletter "if it was Yahoo! mail!" (last exclamation point mine). I kindly told our friend that he or she did not need to sign up at all. ((s)he didn't). The more important point you've brought up, besides the demand for service as a paying customer of The Lorem Ipsum is your questions about Amazon. What is Amazon, you ask? The answer is clear – and no, it's not one of the largest channels of water distribution in South America, but it may be the largest in the entire world. They sell it in bottles [on palettes](https://www.amazon.com/Nestle-Purified-Bottled-Water-Pallet/dp/B007ST19OW/ref=asc%5Fdf%5FB007ST19OW/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312252971714&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12504641718773830308&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9016171&hvtargid=pla-569110023839&psc=1&ref=danielkherndon.com), by [the jug](https://www.amazon.com/Nestle-Waters-Natural-Spring-Water/dp/B09FN4WLQX/ref=sr%5F1%5F1%5Fsspa?keywords=water+jugs&qid=1661033471&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExT0VXVkVSV0tER0pRJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMzkyNDQxUTlBTlpISVNJVTJOJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA1Mjc1MzExUVJWNlZZREZESDg0JndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==&ref=danielkherndon.com), and in cans of [Liquid Death](https://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Death-Mountain-Tallboys-12-Pack/dp/B07G3G3F53/ref=sr%5F1%5F11?crid=29YNVJJQS0FV0&keywords=water&qid=1660947677&sprefix=wa%2Caps%2C233&sr=8-11&ref=danielkherndon.com). But besides the literal answer, what about the philosophical one? (If you're like my wife, you hate that I always ask philosophical questions like 'what do you mean by "what do you mean?"?', and you also hate when I don't make the bed when I am the last one up but I digress). What is Amazon? It's exactly what every disruptive startup founder wants. A disruptive startup. It's also what every disruptive startup founder hates. A disruptive startup when it starts making a profit. What happens when breakout companies become successful, is they start to take control of their profits by negotiating with the market. They stop living on investment and they become The Investors. Then suddenly the bleeding heart entrepreneurs start to get butt hurt. Suddenly, the Dan Prices of this world no longer pay their employees based on headlines in Entrepreneur Magazine, they pay based on keeping the business alive and growing. Hopefully still a fair wage, but maybe one that faces the challenges of competition and has to face a P&L statement every month. That doesn't mean the corporations shouldn't be more responsible. But try to tell Jeff to stop squashing product prices when his customers keep buying them because of the competitive pricing and amazing return policy. They have a formula that works, and they will keep gaining power so long as we keep paying them to do so. If you'd like to see things be different, you should make something different, write something different and buy something different. But people have to like it. I guess what I'm saying (even though you didn't really ask for this much detail, and I'm not even sure this is what you were looking for) is that Amazon is what we make it. We are the big evil corporation, and whether we know it or not, we like it that way, despite our comments to the contrary. Amazon is our wishes when they come true. And you know what they say – be careful what you wish for, because you might get it. It's not evil to buy from Amazon. But it is good to invest in your neighborhood. [Leave a Comment.](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-get-your-10k/#ghost-comments/) --- Thanks for reading and believing in The Lorem Ipsum. Here are some quick links: #### Sharing this with friends: - Share: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) - Support: [Upgrade](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-get-your-10k/#/portal/signup) **Have a great weekend!** ### When Being Non-Partisan Leans Left URL: https://danielkherndon.com/when-non-partisan-leans-left/ Last updated: 2022-09-08T14:16:43.000Z Out of 330 million people in the United States, there are only about 542 that get elected to a federal job. Of course, there are several elected positions at each state-level office, fifty of which are governors and maybe 7,000 legislators. This doesn't count the elected positions that may be someone's dream job but still fall into more obscure categories like [coroners](https://www.wupr.org/2016/12/18/coronership-americas-strangest-elected-office/?ref=danielkherndon.com) – which is an elected position responsible for representing all the dead people (although ironically only alive people vote for them). With those, we're still under 10,000 people for the really important positions. I'm graciously counting the coroners as important positions because as you get older, you really start to appreciate that when you cross over to the other side, the person who is going to be the steward over your secrets regarding undergarments or birthmarks is going to be someone with integrity. The truth is, whether they are welcoming a pair of undies into retirement or signing off on the next major legislation that decides how much carbon we're going to pour into the earth, these elite positions represent only 0.0003% of the population of the united states. That is like three 10,000ths of a percent if I know anything about the Arabic Decimal system (and if I'm wrong just correct me in the [comments](https://danielkherndon.com/when-non-partisan-leans-left/#ghost-comments/)). It really doesn't matter what the decimal terminologies are, being an elected official is a very special position and it's a very hard job to get. Especially considering that normally, to get the job, you have to do more than simply buy a suit for the interview or demonstrate that you have the right enneagram profile for the job. You actually have to raise money and follow rules on how much of it can come from any one person, and then you have to be interviewed by thousands of people – at least 33,000 on average based on the above figures. And yet, we live in a country where Marjorie Taylor Green is one of those elected officials. Yeah, Marjory the Christian Nationalist (although I believe that politics should start local, so I'd suggest trying Christian HOA-ism). It's relatively confusing to see someone like Marge get such a select job. She didn't just win a primary or get appointed to a partisan position after the death of a duly elected predecessor. No, she ran an election and won based on actual votes. Maybe straight-ticket voters were her biggest supporters, but it is still astounding to see someone as intellectually lacking as her find her way into the Capitol (but to be fair, on January 6th of 2020, there were a lot of her type in the Capitol). Marjory started in the business world, and as we know, sometimes business can win you the trust of the voters. Specifically, her last job before world renowned policy maker was CrossFit gym owner. Marjory's CrossFit gym appeals to meatheads and political science majors alike, but it was not her long-term plan. It was only a strategic stepping stone to congress, designed to shift her image from "conspiracy theorist" to "politically engaged entrepreneur and conspiracy theorist". This allowed her to relate to more voters, recognizing that while some conspiracy theorists have strange newspaper clippings pasted all over a wall in a dark room, some of them are just regular people who do tree removal or sell pillows. In her case, someone who teaches people to lift large objects and sweat out their politically charged aggression with a group of friends. The newspaper clippings are optional since the internet has made the whole process of conspiracy documentation far more simple. And then she ran for office. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/Ad-Banner---The-Weekly.png)](https://danielkherndon.com/when-non-partisan-leans-left/#/portal/account/free) To give credit for where credit is due, Marge did work hard to get votes – by switching districts until one fit. I imagine it was no easy feat to change districts twice and even move eventually to ensure she had a sure shot at getting into office. Having first announced her campaign for the 7th district in Georgia, she promptly began her campaign for the 6th district (where she lived) only to switch it to the 14th district when the friendly incumbent announced he would not run for reelection. Fortunately for her, 74.7% of the voters favored her ticket, amounting to about 229,827 that voted for her. Perhaps she should thank her lucky gerrymanderers for making it possible. But maybe she is smart. Maybe she was being strategic by waiting for the sure shot. After all, she is a business person. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not trying to suggest that Marjorie is not smart. I'm trying to say it quite blatantly. Marjorie is the gal that said we don't want to move toward solar power because we [don't want the lights to go off when the sun goes down](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH%5FYVLmTSdc&ref=danielkherndon.com), which is topped by her claims that the 9/11 attacks and Sandy Hook shooting were [faked attacks](https://www.mediamatters.org/false-flag-conspiracy-theory/facebook-2018-rep-marjorie-taylor-greene-endorsed-conspiracy-theories?ref=danielkherndon.com). The dumbest thing that Marjorie believes is that disagreeing with her point of view is an act of partisanship. For example, a couple of weeks ago, MTG filed [articles of impeachment](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/3599038-marjorie-taylor-greene-filed-articles-of-impeachment-against-garland/?ref=danielkherndon.com) against Merrick Garland. She claimed that the attorney general was using his position to persecute a political opponent – by that she means that when Donald Trump broke the law, did not comply with a subpoena, and then lied about it to the federal government, it was unreasonable to blame him for it. Just a couple of weeks ago, I received a similar comment from a reader named Leigh (who immediately entered into retirement via the unsubscribe button). In response to [The Weekly](https://danielkherndon.com/tag/the-weekly/), I see a comment: *"You lost me at the comments about DTrump. I thought this was a non-partisan site."* Welp, thanks for the comment, Leigh. I truly enjoy the engagement – Leigh then left us. Here was my response: *"It is indeed, Leigh. That means I can take a jab at anyone who earns it.".* What I'm saying is that regardless of party affiliation, if you have it coming, you have it coming. Being non-partisan is a tough job. One of the things we can be sure of, there aren't very many good politicians. Perhaps even our beloved grandmothers are tainted by the yoke of office (Nancy Pelosi, at 82 is someone's grandmother and for my money, I'd say she's not the only one). Upon getting into politics, the most innocent of elders go from someone who needs your help crossing the street, to someone who should watch their back. Much like in-laws, good people become bad when they take on the title and they deserve to be cursed for destroying our nation (seriously, would you vote for your mother with that mouth?). But not every idea is a bad one, no matter how far it leans to the left (or the right for that matter). No party has an exclusive on good ideas or dumb statements. So if criticizing someone for using public office to commit crimes and then attempting to fraudulently overturn an election to retain their power sounds partisan then the only "sides" we are talking about are *good* and *evil*. ### Don't you mean veggie tray? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/dont-you-mean-veggie-tray/ Last updated: 2022-08-19T10:30:17.000Z Hey friends, Good morning to all of you, likely including Doctor Oz, who may have enjoyed a nourishing crudité last night – that is, if he could afford it with these gas prices. Oz, who is running for a Pennsylvania Senate seat, knows what everyday Americans are worried about these days. The cost of crudité. So he hopped on Twitter to show that he can relate to the everyday people of Pennsylvania. This has become an important topic this week, so let's talk this out. How do you refer to your decorative vegetable trays? What language do you speak when you refer to raw cruciferous plant-based platters? Do you buy pre-made guacamole, or do you have your personal chef smash and salt the avocados for you? Drop your response in the comments. [Don't be crudité. Leave a comment.](https://danielkherndon.com/dont-you-mean-veggie-tray/#ghost-comments) Since Dr. Oz got a little raw over the price of vegetables, this week the internet decided to roast him, and dip him in guacamole. Here's more, including the fake grocery that is trolling him. > That's like 3 crudités worth of carrots for the price of a gallon of gas! > > What a deal. [https://t.co/TxUh7i2FHh](https://t.co/TxUh7i2FHh?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [August 17, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1559937260497391616?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) The Doctor is not the only one stuck in the kitchen this week. Let's see what else is cooking in ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 32 of 2022` ### Partisan Witch Hunting. This week, Trump has found his way into a whole lot of news stories, an impressive feat for a person who most people would agree is no longer the President. I'll run through them quickly. **Merrick Garland** who signed on the effort to raid Trump's home has petitioned to release the affidavit but the justice dept said no – unless it's redacted because it would compromise the investigation and some of the witness's safety. In response, Mike Pence, who said the FBI was out of line, told the GOP to [stop saying](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/mike-pence-tells-gop-to-stop-lashing-out-at-fbi-over-mar-a-lago-search?ref=danielkherndon.com) the FBI was out of line. On Friday last week, Marjorie Taylor Greene [filed articles of impeachment](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/3599038-marjorie-taylor-greene-filed-articles-of-impeachment-against-garland/?ref=danielkherndon.com) against Garland, which is good, because he was following the law and we can't have people in public office doing that sort of thing. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/mar-a-lago-fbi-search-warrant-hearing/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Allen Weisselberg,** Trump's CFO has pleaded guilty for his role in a 15-year-long tax fraud scheme and has agreed to testify against Trump's company at trial. His plea was part of a deal to avoid what could have been 15 years in prison, but instead, he'll pay back taxes, spend 100 days in prison and the rest of his life on Trump's naughty list, which could end up being scratched into the wall of a prison cell depending on how things shake out. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/18/politics/allen-weisselberg-pleads-guilty/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Rudy Giuliani** is subject to a criminal investigation related to Trump's election subversion. He testified before a Grand Jury in Atlanta on Wednesday for about 6 hours, and as I understand it, he took a combined total of 5.5 hours worth of bathroom breaks and about a half hour of pleading the fifth (of vodka) ([More](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/17/politics/rudy-giuliani-grand-jury-georgia/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### In Sports The Cleveland Browns QB Deshaun Watson was accused of sexual misconduct by at least 24 massage therapists (sorry if that rubs you wrong). Deshaun claims he is innocent because he is more believable than 2 dozen women. The NFL and Players Association have been fighting over how to handle the situation, with the NFL wanting a more strict treatment. Watson will be suspended for 11 games and fined 5 million dollars. He will likely still hold the title of richest sexual predator in professional sports. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/18/sport/deshaun-watson-suspension-fine-spt-intl/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### She Gone Liz Cheney is playing [Hall & Oats](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Cos7id7HtE&ref=danielkherndon.com) after accepted defeat this week in the primaries, but don't let this Hot Take hit her in the rear. Liz voted to impeach Donald Trump just after the January 6th Insurrection, and as a result, has lost the party's support and lost the primary election to Harriet Hageman. Harriet, who was endorsed by Trump, is best known for not being Liz Cheney, and not serving on the January 6th Commission. ([More](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/17/politics/why-liz-cheney-lost/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### Sal Bass **Salman Rushdi,** author of The Satanic Verses was attacked on stage last week in New York by an Islamice extremist who didn't like the message of his 1988 book about the life of Islamic prophet Muhamad. Salman survived critical injuries which have now been called "life changing". The attacker said he "only read a couple pages" of Salman's book but most Facebook arguments are started on way less information. Hat tip to Seinfeld for this headline by the way. ([more](https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-62588666?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### In Celebrity News **Anne Heche** (formerly of Ellen Degeneres and Anne Heche) recently drove really fast near her home and eventually plowed into a neighbor's house. The house went up in flames and Anne was extracted from the vehicle and found to have fatal injuries. She was taken off life support on Sunday. ([more](https://people.com/tv/anne-heche-death-ruled-an-accident-died-from-smoke-inhalation-thermal-injuries/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Michelle Branch,** the romantic pop singer finally got to sing "Goodbye to You" to her husband Patrick Carney who happens to be from the Indie alternative band The Black Keys. I do truly wish them both the best, but their music landed in such diverse genres that I would call irreconcilable differences. ([more](https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/michelle-branch-files-for-divorce-from-patrick-carney/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/53-Women-Running.jpg) ## A War On Women `The Gist` This is the second installment of *"Generational Change" the latest* ***Serial***from The Lorem Ipsum. This issue covers the ways women's equality has both advanced and regressed in America. It was only forty years ago that women were not able to get business loans without a man's signature in many states. Today, Women have achieved full access, but our system engineers them into the sidelines. Most historians would agree that women were invented somewhere around 1890 when the first non-male humanoid became a part of the workforce, a trend that slowly increased over time – perhaps the result of billions of years of evolution. Before that most men were unfamiliar with women in the sense that we know today. They only knew of "wives" and "mothers", which were sources of food and copulation, because science was just not there yet. But seriously, how has generational change changed things for gender equity? [**Read The Article.**](https://danielkherndon.com/generational-change-a-war-on-women/) [Leave a Comment.](https://danielkherndon.com/dont-you-mean-veggie-tray/#ghost-comments) --- That's it for today. Thanks for reading, but special thanks to the people that succumbed to my public preview in the latest long form article. You are welcome here. If you can't get enough, and you want to help keep me in loafers then you can become a Founder for $5 per month or $50 per year. [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans) **Have a great weekend!** ### Generational Change: A War On Women URL: https://danielkherndon.com/generational-change-a-war-on-women/ Last updated: 2023-11-04T21:16:31.000Z *Editors note: This article is part of a Serial for members only, "How Generational Change is Changing America." You can read the original post "Is It Really Okay, Boomer?" [here](https://danielkherndon.com/is-it-really-okay-boomer/).* --- I grew up in a family of twelve in the inner city, where basketball hoops were made from milk crates with the bottom punched out, and tetanus was a common hazard of playing outside. Gravel parking lots inside rusty fences lined our block, along with an industrial factory as close as the rest of our neighbors and probably filled with kinder people with the same amount of teeth. Toys (or books, for that matter) were in short supply, so we played on the street, our version of baseball, capture the flag, and other competitive games. Reading wasn't really much of a thing back then, anyway, as that was normally associated with education. I'm not currently a woman, but having played my fair share of street ball with my seven sisters, many of whom are women, I've learned that women can catch a ball just as well as I can if they choose to pick up the skill. It seemed without question in our games of tag that the girls could almost always keep up with the boys, catching their male opponents without trying any harder than anyone else. But one thing, however, that women can't seem to catch is a break. Most historians would report that women were invented somewhere around 1890 when the first non-male humanoid became a part of the workforce, a trend that slowly increased over time – perhaps the result of billions of years of evolution. Before that, most men were unfamiliar with women in the sense that we know today. They only knew of wives and mothers. Sources of food and copulation, because science was just not there yet. By the 1930s, due to scientific advances (and social uprisings, I guess), women were able to pursue a career, although it was assumed to be a short one accounting for their higher-earning primate husbands, not to mention the limited options that women had in the workforce due to the lack of education (I guess you would probably call that permission to be educated). Typically, women were expected to leave their careers after marriage and stay home, tending to children and casserole dishes, preferably dressed in high heels. Women developed their speed in swiftly cleaning up the house for their husbands after gabbing with their gal pals at the market. ## How Work Changed The Second World War had a dramatic effect on women's work life. Unexpectedly, women spent more time in the workforce than expected, resulting in a change in generational expectations when it came to women in the economy. ## Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. _This post is for subscribers only._ ### Raiding Your Inbox URL: https://danielkherndon.com/raiding-your-inbox/ Last updated: 2022-08-22T13:57:49.000Z Hey friends, Good morning, and welcome to yet another issue of The Weekly – reliably delivered each Friday at about 6:30 AM eastern since August of 2021 – without missing a single week. That's right. This email raids your inbox like a federal agent raids a resort in Mar-a-Lago. You can rest assured that this newsletter has never pleaded the fifth. And it never will. Probably. For those of you who have been here all along, you already know this. For those of you who are new, welcome. This is the 51st issue. The 52nd if you count one correction on Halloween weekend, in the year of our Lord, two thousand and twenty-one. Next week marks one year of me sending this message. Here are some quick program updates: - **This email shows up on Friday morning.** I'll break down the top headlines of the week and highlight a feature article. Maybe more. All sarcasm should be fact-checked. - **Reply anytime**. You can also [comment](https://danielkherndon.com/raiding-your-inbox/#cove) below. Your thoughts are important to me and I always tell my friends how proud I am of you. You're so smart. - **What you're missing.** I also send out each long-form article by email. About 10% of you have signed up for that. You can select your newsletter preferences [here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/) if you need more inbox candy. - **I'm launching *Serials*.** These are article series diving into topics. The first examines how generational change is changing America. They'll be for paid subscribers, however, this first series is free to all members. I may launch this on its own newsletter someday. - **Support the Mission.** You can [upgrade your membership here](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans), for $5 monthly or $50 yearly. Literally cheaper than a half-price app at TGI Fridays each month, a restaurant that is not a sponsor. Loiterers are still welcome since I am an extrovert. That's it for our progress at *The Lorem Ipsum HQ*. Now to plan for retirement. I'll get to that in a minute. But first, let's get to **The News.** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 32 of 2022` ### An Invasion The big story this week is on all of our minds and you knew it would be our top feature this week. It happened Monday morning, and as much as we may have seen it coming, we were still shocked to see what transpired. Not just hypothetical, but *Physical*. That this would occur in someone's home is staggering, especially someone who had reached such influence, no matter how controversial they may have been. I personally got chills and they're multiplying. Of course, I'm referring to the sad loss of Olivia Newton-John. She had been battling breast cancer for 30 years and died at her home on August 8th. Her husband John Easterling [has more to say](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/olivia-newton-john-john-easterling-tribute-grease-actress/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Trump Cowers It's not just cancer that is invading people's homes this week, but also federal agents in Trump's Florida home. Although it is worth noting that many would say that Trump was the cancer in this case. A warrant was approved by Judge Bruce Reinhart, who was evidently appointed by Donald Trump himself in 2018\. Although it's not public knowledge what the feds were searching for, we have it on good authority that they were searching for at minimum classified materials that trump stole from the Whitehouse and possibly more, including Hunter Biden's laptop and Hillary Clinton's deleted emails. A.G. Merrick Garland announced that he approved seeking the warrant and has moved to make the details public. Several boxes of findings were taken from the house. It's hard to say whether the raid was successful but evidently, the safe which was broken into contained little more than an open packet of jolly ranchers and some extra ketchup packets. ([Merrick's statement](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/11/us/politics/garland-fbi-trump-transcript.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Since Trump has more lawsuits than oversized Italian suits, he was also deposed under oath this week by the New York Attorney General's office where he was able to invoke the fifth amendment hundreds of times. His most devoted followers see his response as a sign of strength and resolve in the face of a partisan attack. Literally, no one else with more than one news channel thinks that. (Here's [more on the questioning under oath](https://www.npr.org/2022/08/10/1116714746/trump-testimony-deposition-new-york?ref=danielkherndon.com)). ### Climate Inflation It's perhaps not the best name, but it's definitely the best bill that was passed by the Senate this week (it's also the only one). The bill does more to address the climate through incentives for businesses and individuals to move away from fossil fuels. The Congressional Budget Office has determined the bill will lower inflation by %0.1 unless it raises it by %o.1% – but it's not clear if the nonpartisan team was actually referring to Joe Manchin's campaign donations or his income from the fossil fuel industry. On the subject, Manchin is touting the bill as a victory because it doesn't fix the climate "too much". ([Here's more on the bill)](https://www.npr.org/2022/08/11/1116229743/inflation-reduction-act-questions-answered?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### IN the News The news out of Indiana has been explosive as of late and this week it happens to be an actual explosion – a home in the southern Indiana city of Evansville blew up on Wednesday. Three died in the blast, and more than 30 nearby homes were damaged in some way. Officials assured the community that the explosion was not related to locals using the term "pop" instead of "soda" ([More on the Explosion](https://abcnews.go.com/US/people-dead-home-explodes-indiana-officials-investigation/story?id=88214348&ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- That's it for the news this week. Now here's a brief ***Ask TLI***. ## How to plan for retirement `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` > *Hey Daniel, I've been trying to develop my retirement strategy, and I'm wondering if a newsletter is the way to go, or if I should just invest in Web 3\. On the other hand, is it smarter for me to just work as hard as possible and wait until I'm almost dead to start living? I could use your help working through this. – Johnny "Has Been" Good* This is an excellent question, and I love that you feel comfortable asking this question in such a public forum, completely anonymously. It's clear to me that you are thinking about the future, and I'm certain you've done what most Americans have done to prepare for it – and by that, I mean paying into the flagship savings plan known as Social Security. There are different schools of thought on retirement and the prequel known as life. Some are of the mindset that you should work at breakneck speeds until somewhere in your mid-70s when you will get the hardest and most demanding job in the world and stay there until you get fired or you die (hat tip to Joe B. for suggesting this plan). Others think you should spend approximately zero of your dollars aside from what is necessary to cover the cost of your cold-cut ham and cheese lunch sandwiches, with the goal of saving an enormous amount until a scheduled point in time when you can stop working and start spending your money on insulin, Hardee's coffee, and a couple trips to Disney. Everyone needs to decide what's best for themselves, but ultimately there's a flaw with both of these options. First, getting the hardest job in the world might not work for everyone since this type of job only comes up every four years or so. Second, Hardee's coffee is actually really terrible – especially out of a styrofoam cup. The third reason? I think the whole concept of retirement is an upside-down way of thinking about life. For many, when they have the most life in them, they live it the least – then they start living when it's time to start winding things down. This reminds me of how we think about health. We would rather spend thousands on healthcare and save money on cheaper, mass-produced food, rather than the other way around. (Pro tip: a fresh tomato with salt and pepper tastes better than blood pressure medicine with Ranch dressing). Another thing you might want to let yourself taste is life. For example, if working 90 hours a week is necessary to meet your life goals, it's possible that no one is actually living that life while you're focusing on the goals. This upside-down thinking is all the more evident when we (at least in America) introduce ourselves by saying "what do you do for a living?" It seems like we define ourselves by our work, while our personal lives are on hold or just plain boring. I once wrote an article about switching to a [four-day workweek](https://danielkherndon.com/should-we-switch-to-a-four-day-workweek/). And I recommend it (both the schedule and the article). I believe we should engineer our work around the life we want to live instead of the other way around. Each person's personal access to wealth might call for a unique approach, but the point is not to be unrealistic. No matter how much you love your work (and I am one of those people who does), the goal is to put living and happiness first. You work for a living. You don't live for a working. What do you think? [Share your thoughts in the comments.](https://danielkherndon.com/raiding-your-inbox/#cove) --- *Do you have a question about how to set up your financial future so that you can buy billions of shares in companies from your suburban home when you're 91? Ask Warren Buffet. Have other questions? Ask The Lorem Ipsum. Just reply to this email. (I'll probably reword your question and change your name for protection.)* Until next time. **Have a great weekend!** --- `Very special links` #### Sharing this post with friends. - [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) - [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) #### Supporting my work. Upgrade and only sacrifice one scone per month. [Upgrade Your Plan To Get More](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans) ### Nancy The Diplomask URL: https://danielkherndon.com/nancy-the-diplomask/ Last updated: 2022-09-07T00:50:04.000Z Hey friends, Good morning to everyone except for Donald Trump's legal team. I've got a lot of news for you this week, so I'm going to have to refrain from sharing the latest suburban tropes about lawncare or run-ins with HOAs. Obviously, those things are important, but we have other matters to cover. This week's issue of The Weekly is as full as my yard is full of crabgrass. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 31 of 2022` **Hey Daniel, I was trying to load up CNN's website and after the three minutes it took for the site to load (because ads are high maintenance) I gave up. I noticed Nancy Pelosi was in the news. I know she is not just a fashion icon, but a champion for human rights, diplomacy, buying large amounts of stock in tech companies, being rich, and tearing up important papers at the State of The Union.** ***I'm not sure I'd give her or CNN a fist bump, TBH. Basically, I'm looking for the dirt. What else is she up to these days?*** **–Josh H. from Missouri** Well, Josh... Nancy has indeed been up to something this week. It's actually almost totally clear what she is doing and why – at least when it comes to color coordination. Her official diplomatic visits are less coordinated – at least with The Whitehouse. Let's take a look in the first of this week's Hot Takes. **Nancy and the Diplomasks.** Nancy Pelosi visited Taiwan this week in a symbolic visit and the first of its kind in 25 years. The matching turquoise masks made the photo op with all the diplomatic designees really pop. The main reason for the visit was to celebrate Taiwan as a sovereign democracy situated next to totalitarian China – a place that is more like being at a church camp where there are all kinds of fun things you would like to do, but your youth leaders are making you participate in worship services. Except the religion is Chinese economic communism and the youth leaders are all Kim Jong-un. While un's hairdo makes him the subject of countless jokes, he considers it a symbol of power, and as a youth group member, you have none. Pelosi didn't say anything about religion unless the religion is actually American-style democracy (the previous version from the early-mid 2000s where you would get to vote for your government officials). The Biden administration has refrained from endorsing her trip and says her running an errand says nothing about US foreign policy. It's clear that China didn't appreciate Pelosi's diplomatic visit, given that they want to return their relationship with the island to the prior parent-child state, regardless of their people's desires (not to mention having aged out of the youth group stage). To respond, China has conducted military drills near the island, with Chinese missiles hitting on all sides of their land and too close to Japan for comfort. Japanese officials described China's missiles hitting their "economic zone" as "concerning". Essentially, Japan feels like they were just minding their own business in the bathroom and China barged in and said it wasn't just their space. Analysts look at the visit as a threat of escalation, especially in light of the nearby-ish Russian invasion of Ukraine, and Russia's alignment with China. ([Here's more on the explosive trip](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/03/economy/china-suspends-imports-taiwan-products-intl-hnk/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Swirling Subpoenas.** The Department of Justice has finally circled Ex-President Donald Trump and is now engaged directly with his attorneys, and it appears Trump's legal team has been preparing a legal defense, warning him that charges could be filed. According to sources who commented on the condition of anonymity, Fox News plans to react to the story by posting unflattering pictures of Joe Biden. ([The story is developing](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/04/politics/trump-justice-department-january-6-criminal-investigation/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Who Does Number Two Work For?** Osama's Number 2 was killed by the USA in a drone strike ordered by President Biden since it was his turn and each president gets at least one. Number Two, who is also known as Ayman al-Zawahiri is the current al-Qaeda leader known to have architected the 9-11 attacks after he decided to leave his career in the medical field. Although the education to become a doctor may be more extensive, becoming an international terrorist requires a little more than a technical degree. Afghanistan has claimed we violated their ([This story drones on here](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/us-taliban-trade-accusations-drone-strike-al-zawahiri/story?id=87827346&ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Ron a Mission.** Florida Governor Ron Desantis suspended Tampa's elected prosecutor, Andrew Warren, for pledging not to prosecute people who seek and provide abortions or doctors that provide gender care to transgender people. Ron's proudest moment was not that he was able to address two of his three pet issues in one statement, but rather that he was able to undermine the votes of the people of his state, likely practicing for a future run for President. ([The details on the vendetta](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/04/politics/desantis-suspends-prosecutor/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)). **Alex Jones is Fake.** Alex Jones is on Trial for defamation. He's the Infowars guy credited with spreading the conspiracy theory that the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting was fake, however, we're not sure if Alex actually exists in real life. Have you ever seen him and the moose head January 6th guy in the same room at the same time? Exactly. Anyway, the parents of a Sandy Hook victim are demanding 150 million in their lawsuit, however, Alex also claims that his money does not exist as well. The Jury decided on [Thursday](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/04/media/alex-jones-trial-sandy-hook-decision/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) he will have to come up with $4 million to compensate the family for damages. ([More un-fake news](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/jan-6-panel-asked-alex-jones-texts-sandy-hook-attorney-says-rcna41578?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **And Your Little Dog Too.** Kansas state voters considered a constitutional amendment in their primary election which would ban abortion entirely, however voters said they wanted to abort the amendment, and their babies if they so choose. ([More on the choice](https://www.cnn.com/2022/08/03/politics/kansas-abortion-turnout-democrats-midterms/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Cleared after 329 Years.** Speaking of women's rights, it's been determined that the last person convicted in the Salem Witch Trials was not actually a witch. That's really it! That's the whole Take! ([Witch Story?](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/31/us/elizabeth-johnson-witchcraft-exoneration.html?referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com)) **Real quick:** Representative Jackie Walorski (R-IN) died in a tragic car accident, along with two of her aides who were both under 30 years old. ([More on that here](https://www.southbendtribune.com/story/news/local/2022/08/04/us-rep-jackie-walorski-car-crossed-center-line-police-now-say/65391954007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) As always, don't forget to let me know your thoughts. We need your voice. [Leave a Comment.](https://danielkherndon.com/nancy-the-diplomask/#:~:text=We%20need%20to%20hear%20what%20you%20think.) --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## Is It Really Okay Boomer? `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/08/52-Pancakes-5.jpg) My Grandfather Bob was born at a major time of change in the world and in particular, America. Unlike his parent's generation, he didn't think much about depression, because he never lived through one. And unlike his children's generation, to him, A.D.D. was a subject in school and not an excuse to go to the nurse's office. Generational Change is Changing America. As a result of generational shifts, the world may be facing a new challenge that we haven't previously encountered, and it is reshaping American life. This is the first Serial from The Lorem Ipsum, a series of articles diving into a subject. In the coming weeks, I'll dive into each one of these topics individually. - Gender Equality - Financial Mobility - Climate Change - Democracy The first issue is open to the public. Future issues will be available to subscribers, both free and paid. [Read The Article](https://danielkherndon.com/is-it-really-okay-boomer/) --- ***Editors note:*** *I work hard to provide great content to you. If you believe that what I am doing is valuable and you want to support my work, you can become a founder [here](https://danielkherndon.com/nancy-the-diplomask/#/portal/account/plans).* *The Weekly will always be free, and I'll never judge you for enjoying it.* Thanks for reading. And as always, please share far and wide. You just might save the world. ***Have a great weekend!*** [Leave a Comment.](https://danielkherndon.com/nancy-the-diplomask/#:~:text=We%20need%20to%20hear%20what%20you%20think.) ### Generational Change: Is It Really Okay Boomer? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/is-it-really-okay-boomer/ Last updated: 2023-11-04T21:24:16.000Z Somewhere around 1931, in the midst of the great depression, my grandfather Bob was born. He was the son of The Greatest Generation. He was a funny guy and a musician, a little rascal, of course, but you'd enjoy being around him because he was not crippled by crashing stocks or the prohibition of alcohol. He'd never had to stand in a bread line. His generation didn't think much about depression because he never lived through one. To him, A.D.D. was a subject in school and not an excuse to go to the nurse's office. Unlike his parents, who got a raw deal, he got a *New* one. As a result, he decided to have a gaggle of children. Seven, to be exact. ## Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. As a Grandfather, I remember him as a generous guy. He was the kind of guy that would insist you put extra syrup on your pancakes. He would give you whatever you needed, fix whatever you broke, and tell you a joke while he was at it, most likely one you've already heard, although you wanted to listen anyway. He lived so bountifully within his middle-income lifestyle because he wasn't burdened by the kinds of money fears of the prior generation. His parents, on the other hand, were the most frugal generation because they had to be. The mattresses that used to store their tightly protected savings in cash, to my Grandpa became a place to store all his kids. On bunk beds, which have since been outlawed just like sharp corners and choking hazards formerly known as toys. Bob started having children at 20 years old, and he wasn't strange for doing so. One of his offspring was my Dad. The Baby Boomer generation. They're the folks who were basically overtaking the earth, microwaving their food, and taking for granted that they could complete high school and immediately enter the workforce at median income levels. They lived it up, because they weren't outnumbered by anyone. They worked hard and could say anything they wanted without getting canceled. And while they weren't too busy trying to get a man on the moon, they kicked off the civil rights movement while dodging the draft and discovering that sex was fun and not just a means of procreation. And then they had Generation X. Generation X knew exactly what gender you were, and they probably even had an idea what kind of underwear you wore. If they didn't, they asked on live television, especially if you were running for President. Generation X couldn't be bothered with your suits – or clean laundry for that matter. They created grunge, which was not just music but also their laundry and hair. The world had a hard time getting along with them at first, but that's okay because Generation X themselves had an even harder time since they invented political correctness and made sure you knew when you weren't. They never walked uphill both ways anywhere; they just drove cars and had two TVs and plastic containers for food made of similar ingredients. It took a village to raise them, but once they were raised, they had the Millenial generation. When we got Millenials, we realized that Gen X wasn't all that bad. They just wouldn't stop talking about music and whether or not watching it on television was a right or a privilege. Then millennials came in and ruined it all, just like every generation before them, except they went to therapy afterward. Until recently, they never lived in a world where women didn't choose when and how they had kids like their predecessors. They decided they wanted to be two-income households when and if they got married at all. They decided they wanted to wait until they were 30 to have kids. Maybe even 36\. They wanted to have honeymoons for five to ten years, most likely followed by a babymoon. And after twenty years of taking birth control medicine, along with the natural decline in fertility that comes with age, getting pregnant got harder, obviously. Or at least it's obvious to anyone who thinks it through (or reads the first FAQ at [this link](https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-age-35-how-aging-affects-fertility-and-pregnancy?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=By%20age%2030%2C%20fertility%20%28the,is%20unlikely%20for%20most%20women.)). As a result, Millennials are spending [billions](https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20220125005994/en/Global-Fertility-Treatments-Market-Research-Report-2021-Market-is-Expected-to-Reach-21.7-Billion-in-2025-at-a-CAGR-of-8---Long-term-Forecast-to-2030---ResearchAndMarkets.com?ref=danielkherndon.com) of dollars on fertility treatments, and they just can't seem to get their birth rates up. Boomers are retiring now. This is good for Boomers, but it could be a new challenge for our nation's economy. Some would even say impending doom because, for the first time ever, retirees will come close to overtaking people who are still in the workforce. The median age of Americans is rising and has been steadily for years due to the fact that we have a large retiring population paired with a low birth rate. In 2020, we saw not only one of the biggest labor shortages but also the least amount of babies born since the 1960s, meaning that labor shortage may be here to stay as Boomers retire. As much as we complain about not having music videos on MTV, we know that is not the greatest problem in society, although it's perhaps surprising that some people believe that the growing immigrant population is the bigger problem in America, despite our birth slowed rates, and disinterest in manufacturing jobs. Some fear immigrants will become citizens and vote. Some fear they will vote regardless. Some fear we'll lose our national identity, and suddenly, we'll be faced with changing family values ranging from marriage to abortion to how people cut their grass (one of the most revered of family values). These complex social issues loom over us regular people while we enjoy blissful social distance from our airconditioned homes with robust market values. By 2030, we may not be able to ignore them. The costs may be higher than we think, not just in the burden of managing a retiring generation or an increasingly changing electorate but in managing the burdens of large-scale changes in the demographics of the United States. We'll see it in matters of public funding and taxes, pressures on democracy, gender-based equity, poverty, and climate change. Why? Because our society's collective needs, struggles, and traumas affect our lives, how we see the world, and how we vote. My grandfather took care of everyone in his family, but in turn, he had seven children to hold him up. As we move forward in a society with a changing demographic, who will hold us up? In the coming weeks, I'll dive into each one of these topics individually. Available for subscribers only. - Gender Equality - Democracy - Financial Mobility - Climate Change ### How Generational Change is Changing America. To get access to this series for free, sign up here: [Sign Up Free](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free) ### Lawn Force One URL: https://danielkherndon.com/lawn-force-one/ Last updated: 2023-10-24T13:42:20.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning, expecially (sp?) to the people that signed up to become a Founder of The Lorem Ipsum. This week, I bought a new-to-me lawn mower with the money I made from this publication. I've dubbed her Lawn Force One, AKA "The Beast". ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/LawnForceOne.jpg) She's a beauty. Smokes when you start her up. Cuts through weeds like a machete through cold butter, and she's not intimidated by the dog's leave-behinds. Thank you for your support of The Lorem Ipsum and by extension, my fleet of lawn care vehicles. ### I'm glad you signed up. I'm not a good salesperson, because ultimately, everything I am producing is completely free. As a Forever Free member (that's probably you if you are getting this email) you get access to all free content from The Lorem Ipsum. As a Founder, the only thing you get access to that Forever Free members do not get is thoughts and prayers. But that is changing. Slightly. Next week, I am beginning the release of the first of The Lorem Ipsum Serials. Serials are a deep dive into a topic across a series of articles. For now, this first Serial is going to be available to subscribers only (including Forever Free subscribers) so you have to log into the site to get access to the full article. At some undisclosed time in the future, Serials will be for paid members only. The Weekly will always be free, thus the name Forever Free. Thanks for joining me. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 30 of 2022` - **Joe Manchin Has Struck a Deal.** In a last-minute turnaround, it looks like Senator Joe Manchin is going to support a [$369 billion package](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/07/27/schumer-manchin-reconciliation-bill-climate-change-provisions.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) that targets climate issues and taxes. According to unconfirmed reports, even Manchin was surprised he supported it since he "generally doesn't support anything his party does." According to reality, climate change is costly, and spending $369 billion might be the cheap option compared to doing nothing. Here's an article I wrote [on the topic](https://danielkherndon.com/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke/) almost a year ago. - **Opening up some space.** Currently, the only place Russia is not invading at the moment is Outer Space, since this week they said they are [withdrawing](https://www.reuters.com/business/aerospace-defense/russia-nasa-sticking-with-space-station-until-least-2028-2022-07-27/?ref=danielkherndon.com) from the International Space Station. The collaboration goes back decades but has been called into question since the Russians invaded Ukraine. - **Working with monkeys.** The latest craze in international disease is not the latest variant of coronavirus. Now Monkeypox is making news, and according to the [World Health Organization](https://www.npr.org/2022/07/24/1113197119/monkeypox-symptoms-prevention-vaccines-what-to-know?ref=danielkherndon.com), it's bananas. Their tip to prevent spreading it? Limit your sexual encounters only to your partner, because that's one of the ways it spreads. My sources say one of the bigger super spreaders may be Representative Matt Gaetz. - **Standing for Trump and The Constitution.** Steve Bannon was [found guilty](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-07-27/bannon-judge-wants-to-hear-more-about-request-to-dismiss-case?ref=danielkherndon.com) of two counts of contempt of court this week, a verdict that drew a smirk from him. Each count could come with between 30 days and a year in jail. Bannon is expected to be wearing two jumpsuits in jail, similar to his civilian attire, but prison guards are unlikely to let him have three pens clipped into his collar. In a speech outside the courthouse, Steve said he stood for "Trump and The Constitution" two things which are not possible to do at the same time. - **That was some good peein'**. This week, Prime Video announced that they remade the hit movie, A League of Their Own as a series, [launching on August 12th](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/league-own-trailer-abbi-jacobson-144544577.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Evidently in the 2022 version, there actually is crying in baseball and a 45-minute therapy session available to the players. - **Interest rates are up again.** The Fed is doing everything it can to decrease in inflation which seems like just one thing. Raising interest rates. Well, this week [they did it again](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/07/27/how-federal-reserves-75-basis-point-interest-rate-hike-impacts-you.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), boosting rates by another 0.75%. - **Leave it to Publicists.** Leave it to Beaver star Tony Dow did not die this week on Tuesday, but then he did on Wednesday. Unfortunately, his publicist got the wrong day, releasing the news a day early. Tony did die as planned [on Wednesday](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/tony-dow-wally-cleaver-leave-it-to-beaver-1235186418/?ref=danielkherndon.com). --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## It's Beer Thirty `The Gist` This week's article covers the outcome of the eight January 6th Committee Hearings. After the completion of the last hearing, here's what the Republicans are doing in response. I cover Representative Lauren Boebert's WWJD moments, and a look at whether Senator Josh Hawley is better as a track star or an H&M model. [Like A Beer in the HeadlightsAfter the completion of the 8th January 6th Commission hearing, here’s what the Republicans are doing in response.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/size/w256h256/2022/05/Asset-129.png)The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel HerndonDaniel Herndon![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/51-Beer-Headlights-1.jpg)](https://danielkherndon.com/like-a-beer-in-the-headlights/) ### Next Week: I've begun examining how generational change is changing America. Next week's article will launch our first Serial, available only to subscribers – both free and paid. --- Thanks for reading. Please photocopy this email and post the issue on a bulletin board with several tear-off tabs at the bottom containing the web address. Consider coffee shops or pizza parlors. Check back every so often to replace the sheet of paper with a further degraded photocopy when the tabs have all been torn off. Or you can just share it online. Try [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) or [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com). Don't forget to leave a comment. For example, what did you name your lawn fleet? **Have a great weekend!** ### Like A Beer in the Headlights URL: https://danielkherndon.com/like-a-beer-in-the-headlights/ Last updated: 2022-08-01T02:24:41.000Z If you’re like me, you’ve been keeping up with every key moment of the January 6th commission hearings. At this point, you're probably having dreams where Liz Cheney is lecturing you in a steady tone about a big lie, while flanked by Representatives Elaine Luria and Adam Kinzinger saying "DERELICTION OF DUTY..." on repeat. If you're not careful, Nancy Pelosi might show up in your dreams, and let's just say she's not that great in dreams. Liz on the other hand is a dream come true for the conservative movement. I've [celebrated Liz on this blog](https://danielkherndon.com/death-by-herd-mentality/) and for the record, my invitation to do a bourbon tasting with her still stands. After the completion of the 8th hearing, it’s fascinating to watch what the Republicans are doing in response. Nothing. The elected officials on the right are doing nothing to shore up the image of their Party. They're barely defending or disputing the Committee's claims on Trump's actions. With the exception of the Republicans who sit on the Committee, Republicans are basically doing nothing. That is unless you want to call “calling the Presidential actions a sham” a sham is doing something. Because this is one thing the right is doing when they find a moment in their schedule for the biggest matter concerning government today; its existence. It's evident that the Republicans are playing their cards right too. A [recent poll](https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/republicans-are-defining-the-jan-6-hearings/?ref=danielkherndon.com) finds that 61% of republicans feel that Donald Trump's actions were appropriate during the events of January 6th. Some might say throwing ketchup on the Whitehouse walls is careless and inevitably costs taxpayers money in cleaning supplies and paint, but throwing a kid's meal at the wall doesn't make you a bad president. It just makes you a child. Most Republican voters aren't concerned about the ketchup, much less the clear effort to overthrow an election he lost. Or perhaps they don't even know. I can understand why the Republican Establishment is trying to avoid the topic of January 6th though. It's because the evidence of corruption is not just against Trump. It points at many in the Republican Party. I watch a lot of political news and commentary, but I don't watch sports. Especially track & field or running sports of any kind. It's because I get enough running by watching Senator Josh Hawley running for his life through the Capitol, with his fist bump still ready to be pumped, should the violent mob request it one more time. It is precisely because I don't watch running sports that I didn't know that Josh had bad form when running through federal buildings in leather-soled shoes and a suit. But a runner wearing a slim-fitting suit is not the only thing that didn't fit the moment. It was also the counter-democratic strategy pervading Congress and the Whitehouse that also seem unfitting for a Senator, a job reserved for no more than 100 people in the entire country. It was stated best by my favorite writer, independent journalist Matt Labash (sorry Rachel Hollis, maybe try a book called *"Girl Don't Wash Your Jeans"* or something?). Matt said, of Josh, the would-be H&M model made Senator from Missouri in the subtitle of his [recent article](https://mattlabash.substack.com/p/runnin-with-the-devil) “Josh Hawley outran the January 6 mob, but can he outrun his karma?” The obvious answer is 'who knows' because as long as he stays within the republican party it's unclear if integrity will ever be a prerequisite for getting elected – Labash, a Conservative writer, is routinely critical of the likes of Josh, his preferred boss, Trump, and other election deniers, and circus professionals like Lauren Boebert. I would imagine, it's probably because he likes being conservative, and possibly enjoys the Constitution and the benefits of voting. He likes criticizing gender fluidity and disputing Al Gore's position as the creator of the internet and doesn't like Bernie Sanders' mittens. To be honest, to be so pure in conservatism sounds appealing, with or without knitted winter attire. Matt Labash is one of the good ones, and whether she is the daughter of Darth Vader or not, Liz is one of the good ones too. To be fair, integrity has always been a hindrance to holding public office. Although as I understand it Richard Nixon has mixed feelings on this toward the end of his life, being an honest man is not a recipe for staying in office. For Josh Hawley, his saving grace is to have an electorate that is only watching Fox News, and attending Turning Point conferences, not tainted by the basic news often referred to as "information" by its fans or the boredom of major congressional hearings. At said conferences, Ted Cruise is a rock star, a status he earns from a room full of people in blue suits with red ties, and Lauren Boebert flows seamlessly between trashing people to citing scripture (WWJD ammiright?!). Matt Gaetz, between child sex trafficking activities, spoke at the same conference. He managed to inspire the crowd by saying that people that attend a Pro-Choice rally are "just disgusting" and have "the least likelihood of getting pregnant". Gaetz was applauded for shaming pro-choice rallies attendees when he said they look "like a thumb". It's obvious that thumbs are not Matt's type, unless they're attached to an underage girl texting him. We know he prefers his illegitimate sexual partners to be young and generally unpregnant, at least to start off. All this has very little to do with the January 6th Hearings. And of course, that is the point. In the same way that Matt Gaetz is trying to draw attention away from the fact that he is being investigated for child sex trafficking, that is exactly the way that the Republican Party is responding to the January 6th Committee hearings. By directing people's attention anywhere else. The Republican Party has said to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, so they can put all their effort to stay in power, at the cost of America. The typical conservative American is sitting, staring in their beer, oblivious to the actions their own party is taking against them. They have been distracted by single-issue voting strategies while they ignore the ways that their own voting power in a citizen-run nation is being taken from them. The Republican agenda is to reclaim power not just from the Democratic party, but away from the Conservatives who put them in office, to begin with. That is the most undemocratic thing I can think of. ### A State That Works URL: https://danielkherndon.com/a-state-that-works/ Last updated: 2022-08-15T17:57:20.000Z Good morning friends, Indiana is doing great this week... At getting in the news, that is. The Lorem Ipsum's home state was able to make top headlines for two really big stories in the same week. One for a [mass shooting](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/19/us/armed-bystander-indiana-mall-shooting.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in a mall in Greenwood, an Indianapolis suburb. The other is for our beloved State Attorney General who misrepresented facts and [put lives in danger](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/07/19/indiana-doctor-ag-10-year-old-abortion-00046543?ref=danielkherndon.com) in exchange for a spot [Fox News](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29zEqoBfGHM&ref=danielkherndon.com). Indiana can sometimes be like that kid that is looking for his moment in the spotlight in school, but instead of a winning touchdown, he trips on the field and his pants rip down the seam. Ripped pants are not a good look. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 29 of 2022` - **A Shooting** in [Greenwood, IN](https://www.wthr.com/article/news/special-reports/greenwood-mall-mass-shooting/good-samaritan-identified-in-greenwood-park-mall-shooting-called-hero-by-his-girlfriends-family-indiana-suspect-shooter-victim/531-fb83dc76-24c2-4e72-b5fb-573be0e589ef?ref=danielkherndon.com) was ended by a 22-year-old bystander who was packing a Constitutional Carry. Out of over 356 recorded mass shootings in the USA, this one went well, not counting the first 15 seconds which resulted in three deaths and two injuries. Elisjsha Dicken, the bystander who killed the shooter is being lauded as a "Good Samaritan" not necessarily because he nursed a dying man back to life, but rather the opposite. Last week, I published a long article diving into gun regulations (among others). It's about the need to recognize the constant factor within a problem (America's love for guns) and look at the problem using [mathematical thinking](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/). - **Rokita** is in the [news](https://www.npr.org/2022/07/19/1112246418/indianas-ag-could-face-a-lawsuit-by-the-abortion-provider-for-10-year-old-rape-v?ref=danielkherndon.com). And I should say, "First of all, congrats" because that was his goal all along, regardless of what his job title says. By the way, Todd, the form you were wondering about? [It's right here](https://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000181-fed3-d06c-afbb-ffd385170003&ref=danielkherndon.com). If The Lorem Ipsum can find it, you probably can too. Here's my [article](https://danielkherndon.com/eyes-on-indiana/) for this week which is about this story. - **Keeping it Positive.** President Joe Biden was positive for Covid-19 Thursday morning which is actually negative. Jovid if you will. The President has mild symptoms and we're pretty sure he got it from Mohammed bin Salman despite offering a [fist bump](https://news.northeastern.edu/2022/07/20/biden-saudi-arabia-trip/?ref=danielkherndon.com) (ahem... not socially distanced enough). - **It's Getting Hot in Here.** Nelly would suggest you take off all your clothes in Europe this week, due to [unusual temperatures](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2022/07/19/europe-heatwave-uk-temperature-record-broken/10094289002/?ref=danielkherndon.com) the region is not prepared for. The result is a combination of forest fires that are out of control and fewer croissants and baklava because the oven just heats up the house too much. - **The House** passed a bill recognizing [same-sex marriage](https://www.cnn.com/2022/07/20/politics/gop-senators-same-sex-marriage/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) with 47 republicans joining democrats. Some think the bill should've been sponsored by one Democrat and one Republican, but others say it could be two Democrats because when it comes to bills in congress, you love who you love. - **Also, Pills and Rubbers.** The House passed another bill ensuring a right to contraception which [passed along party lines](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/21/us/politics/house-contraception.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). The Senate Republicans are trying the rhythm method to avoid getting forced to deal with this bill because they're just not ready yet, but if it doesn't work, they will probably still abort it. That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. --- ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/Bombs-1-1.jpg) ## Eyes on Indiana `The Gist` Since the Dobbs ruling resulted in the overturning of Roe, it seems every red state has started the process of making its redness as apparent as possible. They've gone from bright tomato red to a deep artificially flavored cherry candy. Tod Rokita is one of the latest of them. ### He's Protecting The People If by protecting, you mean putting lives in danger, Rokita is definitely succeeding. I'll explain here: **[Read The Article.](https://danielkherndon.com/eyes-on-indiana/)** --- Every time you read this email I shed a single tear. Thank you for your hard work. You can support my work, and keep The Lorem Ipsum alive by becoming a Founder. [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans) Being a Founder means you enjoy this periodical regularly, and believe in the mission of The Lorem Ipsum, *to make people laugh while making them think*. It could also mean that you somehow signed up by accident, but that seems unlikely and I am thankful regardless. I also very much enjoy your feedback so let me hear from you. I respond to every email, listen to every opinion and usually print them out and take them to bed with me for comfort. ***Until next time...*** ***Have a great weekend!*** ### Eyes on Pro-Life Indiana. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/eyes-on-indiana/ Last updated: 2022-08-07T15:15:11.000Z Since the Dobbs ruling resulted in the overturning of Roe, it seems every red state has started the process of making its redness as apparent as possible. They've gone from bright tomato red to a deep artificially flavored cherry candy. Every legislator walking out of the statehouse has that candy red tongue from sucking on the sweets of their ilk, mostly to get a taste of the spotlight. In an effort to protect life, Indiana Attorney General, Todd Rokita has decided to engage in a little political suckling himself, under the facade of watching out for the public. It's been reported that a 10-year-old victim of sexual assault became pregnant and traveled to Indiana to receive medical care – an Indiana physician performed an abortion. After the story went viral, Rokita had to get his candied nuts into the mix (I'm picturing the red pistachios, but it's just a metaphor so give me some slack). He decided he didn't like Indiana being presented as a haven for the abortion seekers coming from Ohio, which has already achieved much redder abortion and other uterus-related laws. So he's decided to put a doctor's job and life at risk (despite proof to the contrary of what he is accusing her of). He's also perhaps putting the 10-year-old assault victim life at risk, who rightfully has not been identified. Without question, he's putting future children at risk for what amounts to emergency surgery for a life-threatening circumstance. His reason? To provide legal protections to the people of Indiana. Rokita, a pro-life politician, does not favor life. He favors political points. He favors ideology at the *cost* of lives. > The Indiana AG wants to prosecute the doctor who provided legal healthcare to a 10-year-old rape victim from Ohio. [https://t.co/If58vMy9BB](https://t.co/If58vMy9BB?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — A Shady Dame From Seville (@SorayaMcDonald) [July 14, 2022](https://twitter.com/SorayaMcDonald/status/1547371526797856773?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) He's not alone. The Indiana Legislature has scheduled a special session where the GOP is poised to consider acting to ban abortions. It remains to be seen how far they will stoop – I mean go – with their legislation. Seeing how rosy red Indiana's political cheeks have been since the supreme court provided an opening to restrict access to abortion, it would be reasonable to expect some kind of legislation to be passed. In the meantime, Rokita plans to persecute doctors by smearing them in the media, to intimidate them into ending their practice, despite the lives of victims such as this 10-year-old girl whose life is at risk because she is not equipped to deliver a child at such an undeveloped physical age. It would be easier to be sympathetic to a so-called "pro-life" stance if it held up to scrutiny but in this case, it looks more like a vendetta, at the cost of lives. `Source` [Indiana AG eyes criminal prosecution of 10-year-old rape victim’s abortion doc“Certainly, it’s an intimidation tactic,” said Fabiola Carrión, the director of reproductive and sexual health at the National Health Law Program.![](https://www.politico.com/android-chrome-192x192.png)POLITICOAlice Miranda Ollstein![](https://static.politico.com/5d/d8/d5ee97fe4f318f330f8a1ce5329b/election-2020-indiana-attorney-general-83515.jpg)](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/07/14/indiana-abortion-rape-ohio-00045899?fbclid=IwAR1zDFkVwcpfHphqvtlKSR084sxkXe4RDNPg0ufcKDRTmjhEVf%5FIYEtZfEY&ref=danielkherndon.com) [Indiana doc who performed abortion for 10-year-old tells AG to cease and desistThe doctor at the center of a firestorm over abortion rights sent a cease and desist letter to Indiana Attorney General Todd Rokita on Friday.![](https://www.politico.com/android-chrome-192x192.png)POLITICOAlice Miranda Ollstein![](https://static.politico.com/d2/b1/ed8c63b143fdae70de160bf61c18/abortion-restrictions-indiana-04767.jpg)](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/07/15/indiana-doc-abortion-10-year-old-ag-cease-and-desist-00046156?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### How to Get a Better President URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-get-a-better-president/ Last updated: 2022-08-15T17:57:37.000Z Good morning friends, I'd like to welcome more than 50 new subscribers this week. I'm glad you are here. Repeat the line. I am glad you have welcomed me into your inbox. And to those of you who became a founder by signing up for a premium membership, I owe you, but not until your payment clears. Give it 3 to 5 business days and then, I will truly owe you. You keep the [mission](https://danielkherndon.com/post-100/) of The Lorem Ipsum alive. Thank you. ## What Happened This Week? This week, our President stood before us at his executive podium to provide us with very important presidential talking points. A QUOTUS, if you will. As you know, one of the key roles of the POTUS is to set the tone for the nation, and our public discourse. President Joe Biden has clearly done that. His message to the American People was concise and clear, and I wanted to share it right here. "End of Quote." - Joe Biden Thank you, Mister President. You can find a larger version of his speech [here](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10995925/White-House-rejects-GOP-strategist-comparing-Biden-Ron-Burgundy-Anchorman.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Let's get to the rest of ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 28 of 2022` - **Shinzo Abe** was [assassinated](https://www.npr.org/2022/07/09/1110674313/japan-shinzo-abe-assassination-what-we-know?ref=danielkherndon.com) in one of the only countries where gun laws actually work. The former Prime Minister of Japan was shot by Tetsuya Yamagami with a homemade plastic gun. Yamagami thought Abe was part of a "certain group" which he held a grudge against. In backlash, plastic gun advocates have drawn criticism from their opponents who are calling for a ban on petrochemical-derived materials. - **Inflation** continues to climb, with the [latest report](https://apnews.com/article/financial-markets-updates-62971c7874df93471d2bc6a081b2b15b?ref=danielkherndon.com) coming in at 9.1% year over year. This is affecting almost all sub shops, who are saying that if you buy 10 subs, you actually get another sub at full price if you bring your completed punch card. - **State abortion restrictions** [are being passed](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/14/us/texas-biden-administration-abortion-lawsuit.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), and it is a race to the bottom, not only of uteruses but also of policy-making, with laws that in many cases are oppressive but likely not effective. You can see the latest results of abortion bans on the Netflix show Handmaid's Tale. - **The January 6 Commission** has [completed another hearing](https://www.cnn.com/2022/07/12/politics/january-6-hearing-day-7-takeaways/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), featuring Trump's attorney, and is scheduled to interview Steve Bannon as well. Now having aired seven hearings with some of the most damming evidence against Trump and his administration, Republicans are beginning to question Hunter Biden's laptop and Hillary Clinton's emails. - **Most people want a different president.** With 64% of Democratic voters saying they want someone besides President Biden to run for president in 2024 assuming he can complete a sentence at that time. A recent poll shows Biden has only a [marginal lead](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/11/us/politics/biden-approval-polling-2024.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) in a hypothetical match against Trump. Political analysts are expecting the competition between the two of them, should it take place, to be similar to the battle between Superman and Zod in the 1980 version of [Superman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4DcKX%5FXRA8&ref=danielkherndon.com), a movie that came out when Biden was 38. - **Elon Musk** doesn't want to [buy Twitter anymore](https://www.google.com/search?q=twitter+sues+elon&rlz=1C5CHFA%5FenUS890US891&oq=twitter+sues+el&aqs=chrome.0.0i131i433i512j69i57j0i3j0i131i433i512j0i22i30j0i390j69i60l2.5197j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&ref=danielkherndon.com). Since backing out, Twitter has sued Musk, to hold him to the deal, or otherwise a $1 billion breakup fee. Musk claims the site has a spam bot problem, a problem so big, that it eclipses the difficulty of putting humans on Mars. - **Speaking of Space**, we've just received [new images](https://www.space.com/james-webb-space-telescope-first-images-explained?ref=danielkherndon.com) of deep space from the innovative Webb Telescope, which uses infrared technology. The problem is that they're already dated since it took 13.8 billion years for the light from distant galaxies to even make it to us, so scientists' moms hope to get updated pictures soon. And that is it for the news this week. Now for **The Gist**. --- This week's article dives into the topic of complex issues, specifically gun violence. ## Arming America `The Gist` When it comes to gun safety or the lack thereof, we are all but at an impasse in the United States. We have a tough choice. Do we outlaw guns entirely or do we pass them out in schools? Sure, nothing stops a bad 18-year-old with a gun like a good 4th grader with a gun, but in practice, American gun violence is more complicated. ### Everything is Math When it comes down to it, I think we're dealing with a mathematical problem, but we tend to talk about it like a binary issue. The power of rhetoric may be more powerful than reason, but gun violence like almost all problems is a mathematical one and will require a more nuanced approach. Can high school math help us solve this problem? **[Read The Article.](https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/)** --- ### Ask The Lorem Ipsum Do you have questions about how to restore a crashed computer, website, or Toyota Prius? Ask your insurance agent. If you have other questions, you can ask The Lorem Ipsum, and I'll consider them for a future issue of The Lorem Ipsum. Remember to share widely. Comment liberally. Love passionately. Talk to you soon. **Have a great weekend!** ### Arming America (With Information) URL: https://danielkherndon.com/arming-america-with-information/ Last updated: 2025-06-11T01:15:21.000Z As an engaged citizen, I've had several conversations regarding gun control, and if you're anything other than a sheltered homeschooler, you probably have too. The latest run of mass shootings and the gun safety bill that Congress [recently passed](https://www.npr.org/2022/06/25/1107626030/biden-signs-gun-safety-law?ref=danielkherndon.com) have made the American Pastime of gun violence the topic of conversation once again. As much as I relish the depth of conversation one may have with a shrewdness of apes; generally, I find myself with common Americans. As usual, I take a both-side-ism approach where my answer to almost any policy question is, "Well it depends." This makes it hard to win an argument, although I'm up for the challenge. More importantly, it makes it impossible to lose one – because everything always depends. At least half of these conversations have been heated. I just mean because I'm having these conversations with myself in a hot shower as well, a perfect place to work out all of life's kinks. Suffice it to say, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I agree that we have a problem, but we haven't quite managed to get much in the way of a leading solution. At least not one that will have much impact, given that we're too busy complaining about inflation to be bothered with reducing human suffering or deaths. And why would you, if that means giving up your guns? Without an armed public, you run the risk of the government deciding to declare martial law so they can take away all of our rights while preventing us from hunting for wild bore with our machine gun. (Or, for some people, hunting for Mike Pence if in season). When it comes to gun safety or the lack thereof, we are all but at an impasse in the United States. We have a tough choice. Do we outlaw guns entirely or do we pass them out in schools? Nothing stops a bad 18-year-old with a gun like a good 4th grader with a gun, but it's been hard to get enough guns into the hands of good primary schoolers – what with our recent supply chain woes. Besides, we'd have to reformat their Osh-Kosh bib overalls to conceal their personal protection properly and make sure the weapon is easy to access in the likely event of a school shooting. With that said, it seems like the far side of the liberal viewpoint would have you believe that even the police shouldn't have a gun of their own (and who knows, they can't seem to keep from shooting the wrong guy in traffic stops these days, so it's hard to say whether our officers in blue need to be in timeout anyway). While there are nuanced voices in the conversation (usually at some institute of very important studies) the bar-top conversations tend to be much more simple, often focusing on binary terms. On the one hand, we need to end school shootings by getting rid of big guns. On the other, we need to protect the rights of citizens so they can invade the Capitol in case of emergencies. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/48-Light-Switch-1.jpg) When it comes down to it, I think we're dealing with a mathematical problem, and while apes don't tend to be good at math, common Americans usually are familiar with the subject. I'd say our gun debate is more like one of those word problems where two trains are colliding toward each other at different speeds from opposite directions, but we tend to talk about it like it is a problem with two options. It goes like this. - Side A says that Z results in K so we should X out all the Zs. - Side B says if you're going to X,... Y 'Z' if Z is our right? We'd rather X 'U'. To translate, the movement acting to address gun violence (normally pronounced "liberals") presents a narrative that paints guns as our enemy and suggests outlawing assault rifles and high-capacity magazines – and they impose a litany of other hoops to gun access normally reserved for voter suppression and the BMV. But they fail to address the additional problems that come as a result. Of course, the rhetoric inflames the pro-gun constituency, rendering the 40,000 gun deaths per year as the collateral damage of protecting the second amendment. As a result, gun sales spike. So if we assume Z is a constant, does Z + X = (-*K)?* Worse yet, what if Z + X = some decrease in Kbut an increase in C*?* Countless researchers have studied this topic, and the results are pretty conclusive. We can all make up our own stories about gun violence. We do have some useful data, but it can get murky. We all told our teachers we would never use algebra ever, and I'm sure we all meant it, but problems like this have forced our hands. Let's dive in. To understand the problem we are dealing with, we have to remove our emotional response associated with the components of the problem. For starters, some people love guns, but some find them terrifying. Some people are Ted Cruz, and everything they say will be dismissed out of hand, while others will change the subject and say "But what about Hunter Biden's laptop". As you may recall, when you studied math in high school, there were only two things that engaged your emotions, with one being the frustration that you have to do math at all, knowing you're never going to use algebra ever, and the other is that tingly feeling you got from your high school sweetheart across the classroom. You were never a partisan hack. As adults in Congress (if we can call people in Congress adults), it is unlikely the Democrats and Republicans are arguing about whether or not E actually equals MC squared or not. They just kind of accept it for what it is, and instead argue about whether or not someone should have consequences for breaking the law while President. We need a clean slate to truly review the problem. Here's the ingredients. - Z is a useful thing that has some risks. - X is some kind of regulation or law, draconian or otherwise. - Kis the undesirable outcome like gun killings (+ for more or - for less) - Finally, *C* is the unintended consequence (also +/-). ## Automobile deaths Every year, we have about 40,000 deaths in motor vehicle accidents. That means vehicles are dangerous. Should we make cars illegal? Well as a math issue, the answer is "it depends". Here's why. Because Z + X = -*K* without question but it also means *+C.* If we have more access to Z, we'll end up with a lot of K, but no C. If we don't have enough access to Z, then we'll have too much C and no K, both of which are bad. That's because this is not a binary solution, so we need to look at X as a continuum on a bell curve. It looks somewhat like this. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/The_Z_Problem-1.jpg) But X is not just an on or an off switch. It's a continuum. Furthermore, X can come in different forms, like Xa, Xb, and Xj, representing differing specific areas where X is focused. No cars at all would result in limits on our access to opportunity (Ca), shipping food and other essential goods would be harder to come by (Cb), and I'd be late getting home pretty much always because of travel time (Cjkl). Clearly, C (no transportation) is not good, but neither is K (vehicle deaths), so we're going to have to look at this with more nuance to get the best results. Studies show us that seatbelt use (Xb) results in fewer vehicle deaths, even if they result in a little bit of chafing in certain accidents (Cy). Let's look at this on a graph. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/The_Z_Problem--automobile-.jpg) As you can see, if you don't have enough X, you have problems. If you have too much X you end up with another kind of problem. Finding the right balance of X is where the best outcomes are, keeping in mind that Xn may be the best version of X or a combination of multiple approaches to X. Put another way, should we make cars illegal, or should we just require manufacturers to make your vehicle beep until it breaks you of your will to exercise your right as a private citizen to not buckle your seatbelt, ultimately saving lives? According to studies on seatbelt use and effectiveness, the [beeping is working](https://www.nhtsa.gov/risky-driving/seat-belts?ref=danielkherndon.com). ## Alcohol and Prohibition We've tested the draconian approach as well, landing all the way on the right side of the bell curve. One of the better examples of this was the era of prohibition under the Volstead Act in 1920 (X) which prohibited the production, use, and sale of alcohol (Z). Famously, it didn’t go very well, despite the great storylines for television. The blue laws, I could do without. What we found as a nation is that with too much X, people wanted Z anyway, and it resulted in a black market and crime rings (Murderers, thugs, really fast gangster cars. Basically a lot of C). When we wised up as a nation, we repealed the amendment creating a more nuanced form of X, but specifically Xa and Xb laws such as regulating the production and safety of products and taxing the sale. We still see a little bit of K, but we can accept it because we have plenty of good results and relatively little C. It usually takes a little politics to get there, which usually involves compromise, and usually less-than-perfect results. That looks about like this: ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/07/The_Z_Problem.jpg) ## The Tyrannical Government Problem Part of the looming worry of gun rights activists is the concern that we citizens will be at risk of being taken over by a tyrannical government. Setting aside how implausible that is, we obviously don't want to risk the Government declaring marshall law and taking away all of our rights, forcing us to live in concentration camps on a steady diet of government cheese. Fortunately, just like our prior examples, being tyrannical is not that simple either. To engage in tyranny as a leader of a government, you will have to take into consideration the very same mathematical considerations that we've been talking about. If Z is citizens having liberty, and X is the scale of tyrannicalness, then both K and C outcomes are at play. Whether or not citizens have amassed guns will not be the only factor (assuming enough of them made it out of school alive, to begin with). This was demonstrated by our most recent uprising against our government, where social media, large crowds, and moose horn headdresses were also a factor, not to mention voting. But before we worry too much about this, perhaps we citizens should do some thinking of our own and identify what an actual tyrannical government looks like. Since this currently sounds like a cartoon (and many would agree that our tyrannical head of state during the January 6th protest was one), we need to find a little bit more clarity on what makes a tyrannical government and whether guns will matter in that scenario. In other words, the revolutionary will need to consider their K and C outcomes as well. ## Everything is Math The public side of politics would have you think that it’s our side against theirs (and mostly it is), but you can’t make a pie out of salt – and you don’t want a pie without some. If Z equals salt, and X is your measure, getting X right allows for the most flavor and enjoyment. The same is true for gun regulation. Gun advocates want gun access to be unencumbered as a right. Gun safety advocates look to ban some or, in some cases, all guns. While this is far easier to fit into a stump speech, I think this is the wrong approach in practice. The bigger problem is the level to which most people are blind to the nuances of the other side of the argument, resulting in an impasse. All of our controversial issues are just like this. A math problem that has been trapped in partisan binaries. Prohibition does not work. Neither do laissez faire policies. It's simply not worth the suffering that comes from unregulated access, but the unintended consequences of pure prohibition will be just as undesirable. We can see that "Z" is a constant in our scenario as it stands today. The solution is somewhere in between. --- `Sources` [Analysis of Evidence for the Effects of Gun Policies on OutcomesOur systematic review of 18 broad classes of gun policy assessed the best available scientific evidence for their effects on eight important outcomes.![](https://www.rand.org/etc/rand/designs/common/images/xfavicon.png.pagespeed.ic.z-tYQoqKiO.png)Objective Analysis. Effective Solutions.![](https://wwwassets.rand.org/content/rand/research/gun-policy/analysis/jcr:content/par/teaser.aspectfit.0x1200.png/1587561434586.png)](https://www.rand.org/research/gun-policy/analysis.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) [Why Conservatives Support the Second Amendment and Oppose Gun ControlRead about conservative perspectives on the second amendment and understand why conservatives oppose gun control legislation.![](https://www.thoughtco.com/static/3.107.0/icons/favicons/mstile-310x310.png)ThoughtCoEditorial Process![](https://www.thoughtco.com/thmb/-Ameg98svmKAlEHLMDVOuelRyXU=/1280x847/filters:fill(auto,1)/200190505-001-56a9a5df3df78cf772a934f6.jpg)](https://www.thoughtco.com/why-conservatives-support-the-second-amendment-3303448?ref=danielkherndon.com) [Newly Released Estimates Show Traffic Fatalities Reached a 16-Year High in 2021 | NHTSANHTSA projects an estimated 42,915 people died in traffic crashes in 2021, a 10.5% increase from 2020\. The projection is the highest since 2005.![](https://www.nhtsa.gov/favicon.ico)NHTSANHTSA Media![](https://www.nhtsa.gov/files/nhtsalogopng)](https://www.nhtsa.gov/press-releases/early-estimate-2021-traffic-fatalities?ref=danielkherndon.com) [FACT SHEET: California’s Gun Safety Policies Save Lives, Provide Model for a Nation Seeking Solutions | California GovernorWith the country still reeling from the mass shooting in Uvalde, Texas that left 19 children and two teachers dead last week, California’s nation-leading record on gun safety provides a…![](https://www.gov.ca.gov/wp-content/themes/CAWeb/images/system/apple-touch-icon-192x192.png)California Governor![](https://www.gov.ca.gov/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/brady-chart.png?emrc=62d706bb9bfd4)](https://www.gov.ca.gov/2022/06/02/fact-sheet-californias-gun-safety-policies-save-lives-provide-model-for-a-nation-seeking-solutions/?ref=danielkherndon.com) [Did the assault weapons ban of 1994 bring down mass shootings? Here’s what the data tells us • Ohio Capital JournalResearchers have calculated that the risk of a person in the U.S. dying in a mass shooting was 70% lower during the period in which the 1994 to 2004 national assault weapons ban was active.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/icon/cropped-Asset-6-270x270.jpg)Ohio Capital JournalMichael J. Klein![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/thumbnail/guy-with-rifle.jpg)](https://ohiocapitaljournal.com/2022/06/15/did-the-assault-weapons-ban-of-1994-bring-down-mass-shootings-heres-what-the-data-tells-us/?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### The 100th Publishing URL: https://danielkherndon.com/post-100/ Last updated: 2022-08-15T17:58:01.000Z Good Morning, Friends. This week, we celebrated Independence Day in the USA. We do this by drinking cheap American beer that flows like the blood of British soldiers, watered down by the tears of King George III. Much like Puerto Rico [today](https://www.pr51st.com/taxation-without-representation-in-puerto-rico/?ref=danielkherndon.com), we were once under the thumb of a powerful empire that taxed us without giving us a voice in our Government. But now, we're a free nation. When we say let freedom ring, we're not just talking about the ringing people in Chicago are hearing in their ears following a mass shooting at an Independence day festival. We're also referring to the bell our side rang after winning our independence by revolting against the government and killing 25,000 British soldiers, and again after killing 258,000 Confederate soldiers to keep it that way. That's the sound of a well-regulated militia if I ever heard one, for all you second amendment fans out there. And it calls for a hot dog. --- ## 100 Posts ### And Something New ### Happy Independence Day week. This is the 100th post from The Lorem Ipsum. Welcome both new and old subscribers. Thank you for allowing me into your inbox (and for some of you, your promotions tab). I feel privileged every week that you would read my work. A friend once asked, "Why do you write a newsletter, Daniel?". My response? "Do we have to call it a newsletter?" Upon reflection, I decided that was a good question, so I took the time to process how to articulate the mission of The Lorem Ipsum. ### The Mission To make you laugh while making you think. I'm reminded of a line from Doug Renetti, one of the lead characters in the HBO show *[Minx](https://www.hbomax.com/series/urn:hbo:series:GYiSBwQfVTLurwgEAAAAX?ref=danielkherndon.com)* where Doug (played by Jake Johnson) is the proprietor of a studio producing a series of trashy magazines. One single line hooked me on this show. And no, it wasn't "Like A Shvantz Right In The Face". He said: "You gotta hide the medicine." The show follows the fictional story of a 1970s writer and feminist activist Joyce Prigger, played by Ophelia Lovibond, whose first comment after you meet her at a cocktail party is "yes, they're real" – referring of course to her first and last name which is convenient and catchy if not poetic. As she fails to get her activist magazine picked up by her first choice publishers, she finds herself faced with her last – a sleazy man sporting a hairy chest and a gold chain necklace who publishes a repertoire of porn magazines. He offers her the big break she wants, but he insists there will need to be some male nudes to appeal to the empowered women she wants to reach. She says she wants to offer more depth to her readers. "You gotta hide the medicine." [Renetti tells her](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTc5I86to%5F8&ref=danielkherndon.com), "It's like when you give a dog a pill, you dip it in peanut butter first." In a world so divided, we have either Facebook friends or enemies and I couldn't agree more. Here's how I put it in "[When Is Too Soon?](https://danielkherndon.com/when-is-too-soon/)", an 1100 word piece I wrote back in March when I was forced to make light of a very tough topic. > I believe we need good medicine, and some medicine is hard to swallow, but we need to take it nonetheless. Laughter, however, is the best medicine and that makes the former go down better. That's why I launched The Lorem Ipsum. I was initially going to call it "chicken soup for the soul", but after learning that name had already been taken and has had some success already, I had to change direction. Naturally, I put lorem ipsum in as a placeholder as all good marketers and design typesetters do. Eventually, I decided that was going to be the actual name, and I hit send on the first email. I put thought and research into every email and every long-form article. I don't expect to be right about everything. I don't expect to change your mind on anything. I do expect to make you think. And every once in a while, if the writing gods smile upon us both, I may even make you laugh in the process. ### That sounds great! How do I support you? If you want to support my work, you can. Today, I am launching a premium membership for founding members. It's a completely optional way to support the mission of The Lorem Ipsum. The Weekly you receive on Fridays will always be offered as a free subscription. There will always be articles available to the public, who can choose never to identify themselves with an email, even if we recognize the smell of their musk. Soon, there will be more coming from The Lorem Ipsum, including content available only to paying subscribers. Expect to see work from some contributing writers who will provide expert opinions and first-hand perspectives. Expect to see more content, some new formats, and more. But I don't want to do anything if I can't produce it thoughtfully and with excellence. I need your support to do that. Founders will be the first to receive that content. [Become a Founder Today](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/account/plans) I don't know whether I will get one subscriber or one thousand. But to all of you, thank you for reading, and thank you for thinking with me. Here's ***The News***. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 27 of 2022` --- - **"Them's The Breaks"** is what UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson said as he was delivering his resignation speech to the public. A Cabinet revolt brought multiple resignations, forcing his *Borexit*. Boris is known for his untucked shirts and his disheveled hair. His Conservative Party colleagues have claimed he is toxic, not just because he comes off as a clown, but because he has convinced them he is one. Unfortunately, attempts to occasionally clasp his belt properly were not enough to overcome his party's lack of confidence. - **A Grand Jury in Georgia** has subpoenaed several in a criminal investigation including Rudy Giuliani, Lindsey Graham, John Eastman and several others in the former president’s orbit. Giuliani's attorney says he has "no current comment" but is expected to show up drunk. Graham has said he will cooperate with the investigation and also that he [won't cooperate](https://rollcall.com/2022/07/06/sen-lindsey-graham-plans-to-fight-georgia-subpoena/?ref=danielkherndon.com). - **TEMPLATE TAKE.** This week, there was a mass shooting in `town or city` at a `safe public location`, killing `number` innocent victims, reminding us of a gun culture problem that is uniquely American. This week you can insert "Highland Park, Chicago" and "crowded July 4th parade" and "6" into the template, except when referring to the 14 other mass shootings that also [took place this week,](https://www.gunviolencearchive.org/reports/mass-shooting?ref=danielkherndon.com) including 9 that same day. - **A State of Emergency.** Akron, Ohio, declared a state of emergency after protests broke out over the fatal police shooting of Jayland Walker (no relation to the minor misdemeanor "jay walking" found under section 4511.50 of Ohio Law). Jayland was pulled over for a minor traffic violation, which escalated into a traffic pursuit and an alleged firing of a gun from Jayland's car, resulting in him being shot, over 60 times. The timeline and footage released by Akron Police can be seen [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zckut1RTtgg&ref=danielkherndon.com). - **Filibusted.** President Biden said he supports an exception to the filibuster rules in order to codify abortion protections into law, despite not being able to say filibuster if put on the spot. Senators Manchin and Sinema oppose the filibuster, each saying the word three times fast. - **Biden with the Assist.** WNBA star Brittney Griner is in Russian prison for drug possession and faces 10 years. She recently sent a letter to President Joe Biden pleading for help to be released from a prison in Russia. President Biden said he would pursue every avenue for her release. - **Caan't Believe It**. Actor James Caan has [died](https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/movies/james-caan-made-bones-tough-guy-was-game-play-type-rcna37160?ref=danielkherndon.com) at the age of 82\. That's the guy from The Godfather, which for many of you is a movie that stars the dad from Elf. His death leaves his biggest fans in Misery (like the actor himself [was in 1990](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HU-RfV7QA0&ref=danielkherndon.com)). - **Theranos Executive, Sunny Balwani** was found guilty of fraud on 12 counts, leaving us fewer opportunities to say such a soothing name. Sunny will need up to 20 years worth of lotion for each count of fraud, depending on his sentence. - **Quickly.** Former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe collapsed after an apparent gunshot and was hospitalized. This is a [developing story](https://www.cnn.com/asia/live-news/shinzo-abe-japan-pm-collapses-nara-07-08-22-intl-hnk/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). That wraps up the news this week, and this 100th publishing. ***Enjoy your weekend!*** ### Party like it's 1969 URL: https://danielkherndon.com/party-like-its-1969/ Last updated: 2023-08-08T14:00:38.000Z Good morning friends, This week, we've been celebrating the rare milestone of going back in time. As you likely know, the Supreme Court has reversed a watershed ruling, turning the clocks back to 1973. I'm not sure I have ever known what it's like to live in a world where there were no Chip Gaineses or Ryan Seacrests, and while that does sound appealing, I'm not sure I would be as thrilled to live in a world where there aren't any Leonardo DiCaprios. Or Alanis Morisettes for that matter. Don't even get me started on Christian Bales or Sarah Paulsons. Because see, this world was not intended to not have a Christian Bale. We belong in a world where there is a Nelly because this world knew that it needed a Nelly. Because we are living in a Nelly world and I am a Nelly girl – or rather – email writer. You may disagree with me, and that's okay, so long as you realize the onus is on you to make this a world where not having a Christian Bale can actually be a good thing. A world where Christian Bale is not needed or missed. It's hard to imagine, but I think if you really are a Christian Bale Abolitionist, you should apply your abolitionist views with consistency. I'll get into that in a moment, but first I'd like to offer you some congratulations. This is ***the 99th publishing*** of The Lorem Ipsum, inclusive of all articles published on [the website](https://danielkherndon.com/) and issues of [The Weekly](https://danielkherndon.com/the-weekly). That means that next week's email is the 100th release from this publisher known as The Lorem Ipsum, at a URL bearing the moniker of its author. Next week, I'll have something very special for you in celebration of the centenarian release. Until then, let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## *Sign up to get your own.* *The Lorem Ipsum is a funny email about serious topics, and you don't want to miss it.* Get the weekend news update and a summary of recent articles each Friday. [Sign me up!](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup/free) --- ## Hot Takes `Week 26 of 2022` - **The USA is Panicking** because Roe v Wade has been overturned this past week as part of the Dobbs v Jackson ruling. While some women are doubling their doses of birth control, others are investing in expansion projects at their daycare facilities. Meanwhile, a flurry of new or [pre-installed State laws](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/roe-v-wade-overturn-trigger-laws-supreme-court-abortion-states-rights/?ref=danielkherndon.com) are being enacted or debated across the country right now, including bans in roughly half of the States. This week's [article](https://danielkherndon.com/burned-at-the-stake/) is about the subject. The flip side: the abortion clinic picketers are all looking for jobs now. Everyone else is turning to [Plan B](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2022/06/29/plan-b-roe-wade-supreme-court/7683413001/?gnt-cfr=1&ref=danielkherndon.com). - **The January 6 Committee** on Tuesday abruptly [scheduled a hearing](https://january6th.house.gov/legislation/hearings?ref=danielkherndon.com) with the testimony of a surprise witness White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson. Her testimony and the actions of the committee are suggesting criminal charges may be coming, just as Federal Agents with a search warrant seized Trump advisor John Eastman's phone and have subpoenaed Pat Cipollone, White House attorney under former President Donald Trump. What we're hearing at The Lorem Ipsum is that there may have been Netflix password sharing within the Whitehouse [which is a federal crime](https://decider.com/2022/01/04/is-it-federal-crime-to-share-netflix-password/?ref=danielkherndon.com). In addition, Trump allegedly became irate within his motorcade, once grabbing the steering wheel of the Presidential Limousine, and lunging at a secret service agent. In another incident, Trump threw his Happy Meal in the Whitehouse smearing ketchup on the wall. It also seems clear Trump knew the crowd had weapons and were planning violence, but The Lorem Ipsum is less concerned about these details because something like trying to overturn the US Government, currently is not considered a crime by many Congressmen. - **Can you complete this sentence?** This week Ghislaine Maxwell was [sentenced to 20 years](https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2022/06/ghislaine-maxwell-sentencing?ref=danielkherndon.com) for her part in a sex trafficking scandal, and while it's not a contest, R. Kelly was [sentenced this week to 30 years](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/r-kelly-sentenced-30-years-sex-trafficking-case-rcna35832?ref=danielkherndon.com). At the sentencing, the judge reportedly said to R. that while he may not have a complete first name, he will get a complete sentence. According to The Lorem Ipsum's sources, Maxwell's lawyers are already preparing an exquisite reception for her return to prison. Maxwell is reported to be wearing an orange Gucci v-neck jumpsuit and crocs. - **Pre-NATO-care.** Congratulations to Vladimir Putin for this unrelenting dedication to dampening the expansion of the NATO military alliance, which has resulted in the opposite. As a result of his war against NATO expansion, there has been more, previously unplanned, NATO expansion. The alliance has begun the process of accepting Finland and Sweden after receiving Turkey's support. They've also laid the groundwork for a stronger military posture toward the east (finger points to Russia). Russia has warned that there [will be consequences](https://www.newsweek.com/russia-warns-consequences-turkey-backing-nato-expansion-finland-sweden-1720449?ref=danielkherndon.com) if they still have any soldiers left. - **American Idiot.** Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day is [taking a *Dookie* on the US](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/billie-joe-armstrong-green-day-renounces-citizenship-abortion-supreme-court-170138117.html?ncid=facebook%5Fyahoomainf%5Fjs3jgx0vd5k&fbclid=IwAR1TW8L-wXyexhT9vu6kPZTKseQ7PMnSp%5FWPBVr032qyRN4byEqLOt9y4%5F0&ref=danielkherndon.com) by saying *Good Riddance.* He says he's leaving the USA to live in the UK. Even if we wake him up *When September Ends* I doubt there will be a reprieve from his *Boulevard of Broken Roe vs Wade Dreams*. --- Well, that is all I have for this week's news. As if that isn't enough, here's ***The Gist***. ## All Life is Precious `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/46-burned-at-stake-4.jpg) It’s only maybe a couple of times inside of a decade that I decide to take an issue with someone to the point where I will cut them off from the fellowship of the internet. Given my temper, my approach is usually to print their name out on actual paper so I can light it on fire and hold it over an ashtray, and burn it down to my thick fingers before blowing and cursing them out. But honestly, I'll never cut anyone off for a different point of view. I get it. You're standing up for the rights of those who are not yet born. Or perhaps I should say until they are born. **[Read The Article.](https://danielkherndon.com/burned-at-the-stake/)** --- Thanks for reading. The most valuable thing you can do without taking out a loan is to share your point of view in the [comments section](https://danielkherndon.com/party-like-its-1969/). What do you think about our Supreme Court's latest move? ‌‌How will you celebrate the 100th release from The Lorem Ipsum? What are your plans now that your abortion has been canceled? Share your thoughts. Until next time. **Have a great weekend!** ### Burned at the Stake URL: https://danielkherndon.com/burned-at-the-stake/ Last updated: 2023-03-27T17:54:07.000Z It’s only maybe a couple of times inside of a decade that I decide to take an issue with someone to the point where I will cut them off from the fellowship of the internet. Given my temper, my approach is usually to print their name out on actual paper so I can light it on fire and hold it over an ashtray, and burn it down to my thick fingers before blowing and cursing them out. I’m talking about people I know personally (or I guess you could include digitally). I'm not talking about public figures, like for example, Matt Gaetz, whose done such horrible things he had to ask for a presidential pardon. Public figures are just our shared points of reference to express our opinions without directing our anger at our cousins and coworkers. Family are those you tolerate spending time with. Friends are people to break up with because you were offended that they signed on to a viewpoint you've made very clear on your newsfeed that you disagree with. I don’t know about you (unless you’re the one who made your position very clear on Facebook this week), but I’m very forgiving when it comes to people who don’t have the same beliefs as me. You’re welcome to believe whatever you want. At least I know that I know the truth. But more than anything, I value a contrarian. It’s the contrarians in my life who’ve helped make me into one myself (that and an ingrained sense of believing I am always right. Is it nature or is it nurture? We’ll let my mom decide). On the nurture side, it’s the conversations I’ve had over the years that have shaped me into who I am today. Some, by having heard them say something so incredulous, I had to find a way to have the opposite view of them. Others because they’ve been persuasive enough to bring me closer to their perspective. I'll never be one to cut someone off because we don't share views. Even if you think your view is settled science when I believe it's [not that simple](https://theconversation.com/what-is-personhood-the-ethics-question-that-needs-a-closer-look-in-abortion-debates-182745?ref=danielkherndon.com). Even if you think your religion knows better when most of you [don't know](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Samuel%2015:2-4&version=KJ21&ref=danielkherndon.com) much about your own religion. I'll even embrace those of you who ignore the data that demonstrates the [traumatic](https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.adc9968?ref=danielkherndon.com) impacts of your views on women, especially the most vulnerable. But for the record, you should take a look at that data. But people aren’t persuaded by data. People connect with stories. Here are some of those stories. It was only 1920 that women were given a Constitutional right to vote. It was Margaret Newburgh of South St. Paul, MN, who cast the first vote under the 19th amendment. She was the first woman to help shape her government and the first to have influence over the shape of the Supreme Court with her vote. Margaret would be 124 years old today. BessieHendricks, America's oldest woman, is older than the Constitutional right to vote. Carrie Underwood is older than the day it was ratified in Mississippi, the home of Dobbs v Jackson. Starting only fifty years ago, Noel Bairey and Laura Silvieus were the first two women to receive academic sports scholarships. Under Title IX, women were able to access the same sort of opportunities to further their education and careers, just as men always have. It was 1981, the year the Millennial Generation was being conceived, when Sandra Day O'Connor became the very first woman sworn in to serve on the Supreme Court. Janet Reno, the first female Attorney General, was appointed by Bill Clinton in 1993, the year Ariana Grande was born. Clinton then signed the Violence Against Women Act the following year, to address domestic and sexual violence. The same President nominated the first female secretary of state, Madeleine Albright. A daughter born that year may just now be graduating from law school. The first female Speaker of the House was Nancy Pelosi, only 15 years ago. Our first female Presidential nomination was Hillary Clinton in 2016, and in 2021 Kamala Harris became the first woman to become Vice President in History, all within the lifetime of a high school freshman. All of these achievements for women have been hard-fought, and full participation in the American Dream has not come easy. At times it hasn't come with the support of her Government. These specific women may have had more access at their fingertips than some, not the least of which is the right to vote and other freedoms that have always been afforded to men, but also income and family connections. The point is that they needed those unfair advantages just to make it as far as they did. The person most happy about the Dobbs ruling might be Donald Trump, so he can redirect the headlines. Oh, and also all the evangelicals who believe that guns are a constitutional right but healthcare access and privacy are not. I get it. You're standing up for the rights of those who are not yet born. Or perhaps I should say until they are born. We’re all entitled to our opinions on Roe, especially us men, but one thing is clear. This topic has divided America for fifty years. It’s divided us into people who can achieve the American dream and people for whom life is a gamble that they won’t get knocked up. We're divided into men that have the power to abandon a child and women who may be faced with one of life's toughest choices, and the only option is poverty and struggle. We're divided into free Americans and those who wish freedom would lean their way for more than a moment. All life is precious. Unless you're black, gay, or on the other side of someone else's constitutional right to own a gun. Yes, I know. All life is precious unless you're a woman. For those who hold a different view, the onus is on you to solve the problems you've assured us. That will take very aggressive policies that help the vulnerable, out-helping the way you have hurt them. Perhaps you should focus on fighting for policies that protect the rights of women, minorities, and the poor instead of simply reducing those rights. Because the impact on these people can not be separated from the impact of repealing Roe. ### Breathing New Life URL: https://danielkherndon.com/breathing-new-life/ Last updated: 2022-06-24T02:30:22.000Z Good morning friends, I hope you enjoyed your Summer Solstice this week. We've been watering our garden here at The Lorem Ipsum HQ. This year, I decided it was time to stop buying a new water nozzle each year. So I invested in something that looked like it would last forever. Here it is. Take a look. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Spray-Hose.png) It's pretty much the Otter Box of water hose nozzles. Incredibly ugly, but incredibly durable. It can take a licking and keep on sprinkling. It will probably last longer, specifically because of how undecorative it is. It looks more like a military weapon than the tool of choice for a gardener whose trying to grow a few heads of lettuce and some cucumbers. And no. This is not a sponsorship. This is real life, and I wanted to share it with you. I bought this garden hose contraption, I guess because I was tired of disposing of old tools that have seen better days. ### Speaking of Old Tools No one has been harmed in the making of this newsletter, but that is more than I can say for a dinner out this past week. One of the patrons at the bar had an apparent near-death experience. His eyes were open. His skin was pale, and he was completely unresponsive. I realized at this moment while I was attempting to attempt to save his life, that I do not know how to do CPR. My barside neighbor came back to life, fortunately, but his brush with extinction made me think about other things that need new life breathed into them, lest they die. Specifically, I was reminded of former Vice President, Mike Pence's career. So I decided to write about it. I'll get into that in a minute, but first... Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 25 of 2022` - **Elon is Being Sued.** Possibly by everyone, including but not limited to his 18-year-old [child](https://www.reuters.com/world/elon-musks-child-seeks-name-change-sever-ties-with-father-2022-06-21/?ref=danielkherndon.com), who doesn't want to be related to him anymore.Additionally,In a class-action lawsuit, he's being accused of leading a [Dogecoin Ponzi Scheme](https://www.reuters.com/legal/transactional/elon-musk-sued-258-billion-over-alleged-dogecoin-pyramid-scheme-2022-06-16/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Lastly, at least for now, he's being sued by a [Tesla investor](https://www.reuters.com/business/finance/tesla-investor-sues-musk-board-over-accusation-workplace-discrimination-2022-06-17/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Solomon Chau on complaints that workplace harassment has damaged the company's reputation and his investment. As CEO of Trolling People Online, Elon's response was to tweet a bunch of nonsense like "The sheer variety of cheese is amazing.". Currently, the Dairy industry is considering a lawsuit for negatively impacting the value of cheese with this tweet. - **We're Gunning for You.** The Senate has managed to clear a hurdle in preliminary voting for a new gun safety bill. More than likely, [that bill](https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/23/politics/senate-bipartisan-gun-bill/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) will be passed before you read this email. The bill includes provisions for millions of mental health, school safety, and crisis intervention programs as well as changes to the ways people below the drinking age can acquire a gun. The only thing not included in the bill is a way to blame an opposing party for the law since it's been sponsored by Democratic and Republican lawmakers. To celebrate the bipartisan success, the Supreme Court on Thursday, struck down a different Gun Safety law in the State of New York [limiting guns in public](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/06/23/us/gun-control-senate-supreme-court?ref=danielkherndon.com). - **The January 6 Trials have come to an end.** As far as which hunts go, the One6 Commish trials have been excellent. If you haven't already binged the series, I'll summarize. While little new information has come out, some layers of color and [quotes](https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/13/politics/january-6-committee-donald-trump/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) have come to the surface like "The mayor \[Rudy Gulianni\] was definitely intoxicated." and "I didn't mind being considered part of Team Normal." Ultimately, the trials offered a chance to see and hear the whole story all at once rather than in bits as individual headlines, painting a picture of how Trump attempted to manipulate the law to stay in power. Republican media contacts have hinted that a reboot of the series may be greenlit soon, with Ron Desantis playing The President in the new version. - **Get Down to Brass Gas Tax.** Biden is proposing that the [federal gas tax](https://nypost.com/2022/06/23/cnn-panel-slams-joe-biden-after-gas-tax-holiday-underwhelms-top-democrats/?ref=danielkherndon.com) be suspended temporarily, which will save Americans like $27 dollars. With inflation impacting food prices this is equivalent to about one sandwich. Some say the plan [has problems](https://finance.yahoo.com/news/bidens-gas-tax-holiday-has-4-big-problems-153002072.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). > If President Biden suspends the federal gas tax today for three months, it will save Americans $26.50 over that timeframe (1,200/month and 25 mpg). 😐 > > — Peter Dunn (@PeteThePlanner) [June 22, 2022](https://twitter.com/PeteThePlanner/status/1539553223123632128?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) --- That's it for the news. Here's ***The Gist***. ## Can He Make Old Things New? `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/45-Pence-2.jpg) Much like the flies that seem to stick to Mike's head, the stench of his former boss seems to be doing the same, despite that nothing sticks to Trump himself except for his hairdo. Today, Mike's career is gasping for air. Mike isn't denouncing his former boss nor is he standing by him, and as a result, he lacks a base strong enough to lift a sail. If I was giving Mike Pence advice right now, I’d tell him to start doing reels, because that’s what I’m hearing is the best way to build a following even if they have nothing to do with the thing you’re trying to promote. Other than the fly meme, is Mike's career a branding failure? **[Read The Article.](https://danielkherndon.com/pence-is-making-old-things-new/)** --- ### The Brand Manager's Toolkit For those of you looking for bonus content, when I'm not writing the Lorem ipsum, I write internal chat messages to employees, text messages to my wife, and strategic marketing content for people like you. Take a look at this new resource that I just launched along with the team over at Matchbook. This totally free tool is for every marketer at every professional level, and it's completely free. No lead forms. No cookies. Just Insights. Make sure you get your copy! [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Blog-Graphic_Banner_v2.jpeg)](https://mtchbk.com/resources/what-every-brand-manager-needs-in-their-toolbelt?ref=danielkherndon.com) In this resource, find key concepts every marketer needs to know. Apply it to your brand. Download the resource today. That's it for this issue of *The Weekly. *Have a great weekend!** ### Pence: Can He Make Old Things New? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/pence-is-making-old-things-new/ Last updated: 2023-10-25T16:03:59.000Z Many of you know that I have my eyes on the Oval Office. I have for years, although I'm beginning to doubt my prospects. Specifically because I believe that the content of this publication will likely be the very thing that keeps me from said Oval. Alas, I'm happy to stay here on the internet to express my thoughts freely. You know that too because you get me. This is what makes Lorem Ipsum readers so great. (don't forget to sign up for the newsletter if we must call it that). One guy who wants to be President more than I do is Mike Pence. To pursue those goals, Mike has been playing his hand one card at a time to position himself for the job. Unfortunately, his strategy may have been a branding failure, perhaps guaranteeing he'll never be the Commander in Chief. Playing second fiddle is not a good look for a presidential wannabe. What's worse is when the phallic instrument you have to play is Donald Trump's. Mike Pence, of my home state of Indiana, first made a name for himself as host of his radio show, The Mike Pence Show, from which he launched a political career leading to the Trump Whitehouse by way of rural Indiana. I imagine it’s tough not being known as someone presidential but now as the guy whose head is frequently examined to see if the infamous fly is still there. Like most talk radio hosts, he had very little content but lots of commercials, call-in listeners, and plenty of opportunities to repeat himself. In this [raw footage](https://www.politico.com/video/2016/07/mike-pence-radio-show-full-raw-059928?ref=danielkherndon.com) of Mike broadcasting in 1997, he's expressing his annoyance about a woman in the military discharged with little punishment for an affair with the husband of one of her subordinates. Mike was fudging mad (to use a Mike Pence approach to cursing) that she was not "dishonorably discharged," so he made a show of it. For the record, no insects were harmed in the making of the above video; although it's true that you catch more flies with honey, this was before they were as drawn to him as much as they seem to be today. His denunciation of adultery, a Trump pastime, is a part of his persona. Mike is known for his chaperoned lunches with female colleagues, his clean-cut exterior, and his traditional Christian values. He's known for being not too mean as long as you're straight and don't believe in global warming. Much like the insects on Mike's head, the stench of his former boss seems to be sticking to him as well, even though nothing sticks to Donald Trump himself – except his hairdo, thanks to a six-figure, top-secret hair care routine. Mike learned the art of candy coating to get his political career off the ground, through his stint in radio, with listenership largely in rural Indiana. Later, as Governor, he had to candy coat the unpopular RFRA law on national television, which seemed to favor discrimination against gays as a religious right. The intense backlash didn't keep him from getting invited to be the Vice Presidential Nominee under Trump, though, with Trump sporting a love for infamy. After Trump asked him to join his ticket, Mike said let's grab 'em by the ballot after a quick prayer to make sure God wanted him to accept a shot at more fame and the biggest job he'd ever had. Today, Mike's career is gasping for air. Mike isn't denouncing his former boss nor standing by him; as a result, he lacks a base strong enough to lift a sail. Most Republicans either want to hang him, or they are just plain bored. He's found himself in a land of political irrelevance outside of memes. He's a supporting character inextricably tied to the Trump brand. But not in a good way. It sucks when the only thing you can say is either (1) I was suckling on the teet of an empowered madman, and I like the taste of it, and so should you. Or (2) I was wrong, and now that my career is on life support, I see that the political vaccination would have saved me. Can I take it now? I would’ve liked to have been a fly on Pence's head when Trump was chewing him out, calling him a p\*s\*y for not accepting [fake electors](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/06/21/jan-6-panel-trump-overturn-2020-election-00040816?ref=danielkherndon.com) or overturning the electoral votes presented to Congress. I picture it this way; when Trump hung up on him, Mike continued to act as though they were ending the call cordially. "Yeah, um, uh... okay. Yes, well, I better let you go then, Mr. President. Yeah...Okay, thank you, Sir. \[hangs up\] – He's doing great; he just had to go to –another meeting." But that call didn't end well. Trump has not talked to Mike much, if at all, since. After the call ended, Trump tweeted that “Mike Pence didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done.” and said in a speech this week that Mike "[had a chance to be great](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw2SuN6RXNI&ref=danielkherndon.com)." Then President Trump's followers were outside the capital, erecting a gallows while chanting "Hang Mike Pence." Mike, on the other hand, has soft-stepped the issues of his former boss, hesitating to admit there was ever a problem, while Trump continues to tear him down in public. Although in February, Pence said, "President Trump is wrong. I had no right to overturn the election," his tune, more consistently is to sell the success of the Trump-Pence administration as heard in his [Juneteenth speech](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/amid-jan-hearings-praising-pence-talks-past-tragic/story?id=85534979&ref=danielkherndon.com) like "Jan. 6 was a tragic day, and I know we did our duty. But I will always be proud of our record,". Mike Pence's climb to fame reminds me of an influencer spending their days doing reels, hopeful of finding a way to climb to relevance by playing the game by the rules set by the algorithm – even if it requires them to stray from their own brand. Pence has certainly played by the rules set by the algorithm. Even those in conflict with his own. It's going to be hard for him to achieve much after aligning himself with the Trump brand, a brand strongly contrary to his brand as the evangelical Mr. Right, who won't eat lunch with a woman if his wife is not there to block her advances. But he'll share a table with the CEO of Adultery Against Wives and Countries. And Mike expects us to continue viewing him as a man of integrity because he is proud of their record. I don't think so, Mike. This brings me back to the topic of reels. Often people build their brand by doing strange performative activities or lip-syncing to someone else's dialogue in an attempt to go viral. Only to find that their message doesn't resonate with their brand image. While they've built the brand awareness they've been seeking, unfortunately, it's too common for the viral sensation to learn that they are known for the wrong things and fall short of their goals. As a marketing consultant, my advice to Pence is far too late, but it is this. Be careful which rising star you hitch your wagon to and whose brand you align yours with. ### The Search for Sriracha URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-search-for-sriracha/ Last updated: 2022-06-17T10:00:25.000Z Good morning friends, If you're wondering why I look so distraught, it's probably because there is a Sriracha shortage. This could be a devastating turn of events for me, and almost all of my avocado toast with eggs. I'm also dealing with inflation. Specifically inflation of the quantity of clover in my yard. My lawn is experiencing 8.6% year-over-year clover after we've infused trillions of seeds to stimulate growth. In the news, that's not the only thing that is inflating. I'll get to that in a moment. But first, ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 24 of 2022` - **Breaking: Senators from different parties work together.** Congress managed to come up with a [bipartisan deal](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/12/us/politics/senator-gun-safety-deal.html?referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com) regarding gun regulations, in hopes of addressing the USA's unique gun violence problem. In other news, Hell is actually freezing over, which experts claimed would never happen. - **Hipsters Face Bland Brunches.** Broken yolks over avocado toast and hash bowls everywhere will be dangerously ordinary, due to a shortage of Sriracha. The producer of the hipster condiment of choice is faced with a shortage in the supply of chilis, causing shelves to be found empty worldwide. The availability of the equivalent of baby formula for people with tattoos and nose piercings will hopefully be recovered after the summer. Although not the case with Hell freezing over, this shortage is being blamed on [climate change](https://www.nbcnews.com/business/consumer/sriracha-hot-sauce-chili-pepper-shortage-rcna32742?ref=danielkherndon.com). - **Bear With Us.** We've officially entered into the bear market [territory](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/s-p-500-threatens-to-open-in-bear-market-territory-what-investors-need-to-know-11655121858?mod=home-page&ref=danielkherndon.com). Luckily, half of the analysts out there had predicted this so some people already knew this. The other half, however, predicted something much different. The Lorem Ipsum stresses that it is not a financial advisor but suggests that you sell everything right away. - **Crypto Crash.** Fake money is looking unstable at the moment, to the point where crypto companies have announced layoffs. This is mainly because they pay their employees with traditional money. As of this writing, Bitcoin is valued at around $20,000 US dollars, a steep drop from $30,000 a month earlier. - **The Fed told us to take a hike.** An interest rate [hike](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/06/15/fed-hikes-its-benchmark-interest-rate-by-three-quarters-of-a-point-the-biggest-increase-since-1994.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) that is. And the largest one since 1994, increasing rates by three-quarters of a percent. For those of you who are looking at your credit card's minimum payments going up – that means it's working. - **The Musk Caucus**. Elon Musk, a person whose vote matters, has said he'd support Ron DeSantis for [President](https://www.cnn.com/videos/business/2022/06/16/ron-desantis-elon-musk-endorsement-ebof-vpx.cnn?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the next Presidential elections. DeSantis responded by welcoming the support of African Americans – presumably, based on his record, especially rich white ones. - **The Debate of Personhood.** According to a [judge](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/happy-the-elephant-is-not-a-person-new-yorks-highest-court-rules?ref=danielkherndon.com), elephants are not people. So what's next? Monkeys can't run for office? --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## How to Navigate Inflation `The Gist` When it comes to finances, it's easy to give advice. It's a lot harder to put that advice to good use, even when you're the holier than thou in the ivory financial advice tower. We all have to navigate the world of milk prices, but what do you do when you're not the average welfare recipient who can just get their money from the Government? ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/44-golf-money.jpg) ### Do this one thing, immediately. To navigate the world of inflation, I have some advice for you. Before I begin, I should mention that I am not a professional financial advisor, so take my advice as that of a blogger. Like all blogs, I'm on the internet and we all know based on the existence of The Proud Boys, that the internet can deceive us. Here's my advice in **[The Article.](https://danielkherndon.com/the-homesteaders-guide-to-inflation/)** --- For those of you who read [last week's issue](https://danielkherndon.com/for-the-costco-person/), congratulations, you broke a record! The rest of you still have work to do. Do you enjoy The Lorem Ipsum? It survives because you share it, so share this one. Talk to you soon. ***Have a great weekend!*** ### The Homesteader's Guide to Inflation URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-homesteaders-guide-to-inflation/ Last updated: 2022-06-17T04:21:05.000Z When it comes to finances, it's easy to give advice. It's a lot harder to put that advice to good use, even when you're the holier than thou in the ivory financial advice tower. We all have to navigate the world of milk prices, but what do you do when you're not the average welfare recipient who can just get their money from the Government? You have to deal with realities on the ground – you know – making and spending money, and not falling behind on your social class warfare goals. Today, we're facing crushing inflation, with historic rates swelling like a hot air balloon from the 80s (piloted by anyone other than Paul Volcker Jr.). Pretty soon a dollar isn't going to be worth much more than a slice of wonder bread. To navigate the world of inflation, I have some advice for you. Before I begin, I should mention that I am not a professional financial advisor, so take my advice as that of a blogger. Like all blogs, I'm on the internet and we all know based on the existence of The Proud Boys, that the internet can deceive us. Nonetheless, here's what I suggest you do to protect yourself from inflation. BORROW MONEY RIGHT NOW AND SPEND IT ALL ON SOMETHING YOU WANT AND DON'T SAVE ANY MONEY AT ALL!!!!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! For now, let's just consider this a starting point, and not a comprehensive solution. I'm not trying to Dave Ramsey you in one article, but I do want to provide actionable insights. I guess if I was going to break it down to something very concise, I would summarize it this way: buy assets that appreciate and get rid of the liabilities that are rapidly decreasing in value. For example, buy gas and copious amounts of groceries, and get rid of all forms of money as quickly as possible. While I'm sure many of my readers will be able to put this advice to good use, we all know that our financial lives are much more complicated, and navigating the difficult issues of economic turmoil can be daunting. All you can do is take things day by day and do what you can. How do you fill up a gas tank? One gallon at a time. When it comes down to it, to develop a solution, you really need to understand the problem. Let's take a step back and look at inflation. ### What Causes Inflation? There are several contributing factors when it comes to a bloated GDP, but if you are a minority member of Congress or you work at Fox News, the short answer is Joe Biden. But economics is rarely simple, even if Joe Biden is. Here are the commonly understood causes of inflation: - Rising incomes - Rising demand - Limited production - Limited supply Unfortunately, I wasn't able to verify if stuttering or wanting to destroy America has been identified as a potential cause for inflation, so casting the blame on one of the few most recent Presidents may not be an option. What we do see here are four occurrences that have taken place in recent memory. Let's talk about each briefly. ### Rising Incomes Several stimulus bills signed in response to COVID introduced more money into the US economy increasing the income going to businesses and individuals. Trump signed bills accounting for about 3 trillion of those dollars and Biden signed in about 2 trillion. Since 2020 the nominal wages have [increased](https://www.piie.com/blogs/realtime-economic-issues-watch/us-wages-grew-fastest-pace-decades-2021-prices-grew-even-more?ref=danielkherndon.com) by about 4.4%, the fastest rate since the early 80s. ### Rising demand Increased income results in higher [demand](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/11/business/economy/april-2022-cpi.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), because we all will add extra guac if money is no object. But demand changed for many when baby boomers and their aging children were all buying houses at the same time, in unprecedented numbers. At the same time lifestyles were suddenly changing due to business closures and remote working, causing supply needs to change too. Suddenly, everyone is repairing their homes to sell them or updating them so they can stand to be in them all day, causing shortages of construction materials. Meanwhile, whatever money people had left went to Amazon to ship everything so they didn't have to get sneezed on by the cashier at Ace Hardware. This is not to mention to the sudden demand for masks and medical supplies, and gas for companies that ship skincare products. ### Limited Production No sooner than you could place your one-click order for pork rinds, meat packing plants in the early 2020s were shutting down to mitigate the spread of disease, but so did countless other businesses. When you get a taste of remote work paired with an extra 30 minutes of sleep, some people will decide it's time for a career change. And if the cost of childcare continues to prove unsustainable, a few will decide that career change is to stop careering altogether, and this no doubt happened. The [great resignation](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2022/03/09/majority-of-workers-who-quit-a-job-in-2021-cite-low-pay-no-opportunities-for-advancement-feeling-disrespected/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20COVID%2D19%20pandemic%20set,20%2Dyear%20high%20last%20November.) was not just childcare (although half the time that was a reason). It was also people just realizing they weren't happy. That has created a hiring challenge for many employers, especially the ones that can't compete on some of the benefits of flexible work. ### Limited Supply Not only do all the above things cause supply to be strained, but additionally shipping has become increasingly costly because of the pressure on worldwide logistics due to moving [shipping containers](https://www.vox.com/recode/22832884/shipping-containers-amazon-supply-chain?ref=danielkherndon.com) all over the world to deliver vaccines, despite the difficulty in getting those containers sent back to be used again. The issue we're facing at this time is that all of these things have happened all at once, some feeding the other. While there are close to 8 billion people on earth, it seems intuitive that a single person is to blame for the entirety of this inflated mess. Democrats would tell you it's [corporate greed](https://www.vox.com/23163167/democrats-biden-enemy-inflation-corporate-greed-price-gouging?ref=danielkherndon.com) that is causing inflation, which has already been dismissed out of hand by Biden's own appointee, Janet Yellen. On the flip side, a simple review of a calendar might make it hard to blame everything on the current administration, or the prior but politics isn't based on reason or data. Blaming your political opponent might get you through the night, but it won't solve the problem any more than it will get you reelected in the midterms. What we need to do is navigate the problem, and respond where we can. The headlines would have to believe that winter is coming and we need to rush to buy bread and overpriced milk ASAP. Most people are responding by panicking and taking a picture of their gas pumps while they drive greedily to Sam's Club for more beef. But overall, the economy is doing pretty good (please don't look at the stock market while reading this message, that's not my point). My point is that talent is in high demand, incomes are up and most people have more wealth than ever through their homes. Those who are affected by inflation most are those who don't have a college degree and can't compete for leading incomes and rent because they can't afford the premium cost of buying a home. Inflation is not affecting most of us directly as much as we may think – regardless of how we feel when we see the pump. It is, however, affecting the bottom earners more than others. Inflation is in fact higher for the poor than it is for the average American. For the renter who has always wanted a home, but cannot save or otherwise build equity, inflation will affect them for generations. So what do we do about inflation? I think we do this. First, we admit that the economy is doing [pretty well](https://www.thebalance.com/how-is-the-economy-doing-3306046?ref=danielkherndon.com). Then, we navigate it, prioritizing those investments that benefit low-income families. It's on us to make sure the burden doesn't fall on the poor. Let the Fed do what they do. In due time, we'll be able to correct course, resolving the detour that no one person caused, and likely no one could have prevented. ### The Town Square URL: https://danielkherndon.com/for-the-costco-person/ Last updated: 2023-08-08T14:17:36.000Z Good morning friends, I'm not sure if you're a Costco person, but I am, and I seem to run into people I know all the time there. Do you? It’s truly the town square of the suburbs, and the natives are out in full force this time of year. This week we ran into our wine club proprietor although he didn’t immediately recognize us with an economy-size box of gluten-free crackers and a shi\*\*er of whiskey. After some polite conversation, I snapped a picture of some NAAN and bought a folding table I will literally never use. Hey, it was a good deal. Another good deal is some very important celebrations. Junior Lorem Ipsum I and II had their back-to-back birthdays this week. To determine birthday plans, I took a look at historic galas of the past. To celebrate their birthdays, we decided to deluge their stomach with a quart of food soaked in butter, cheese of the fattest kind, slices of salt or hung beef, ham, and a mixture of beef puddings, turnips, and potatoes that swim in hog lard, all on Mrs. Lorem Ipsum and I. It was a wonderful experience! Corinne and Kaija – Happy Birthday to you. I love you both. But enough about you. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 23 of 2022` - **One-6 Commish.** The Senate Hearingstook place this week, and were broadcast live on nearly every news network, but were not streamed on [entertainment networks](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/07/business/media/fox-jan-6-hearings.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) like Nickelodeon, Food Network, The Hallmark Channel, and Fox News. As a result, Donald Trump did not see the broadcast. For some highlights of the hearing: Turns out the election conspiracy was made up. - **He's Partied Out.** A vote of [no confidence](https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-61701064?ref=danielkherndon.com) for the British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson took place this week, but the shaggy politician was able to squeak by and keep his locks from being ousted. While he lives to [Partygate](https://www.vox.com/2022/6/6/23156337/boris-johnson-no-confidence-vote-uk-prime-minister?ref=danielkherndon.com) another day, experts say this weakens his place in office and marks the [beginning of the end.](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/07/opinion/boris-johnson-confidence-vote.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) - **Uno Mas Shootings.** A Philadelphia [shooting](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/05/us/philadelphia-shooting.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) was one of the dozens overlooked by congress last week. Fortunately, there is a bill being discussed that could expand background checks and red flag laws, but a two-party system won't allow "common sense" to determine policy. Instead, political strategists have selected the [actor](https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/07/politics/matthew-mcconaughey-white-house/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) Matthew McConaughey to appeal to Lawmakers. He said "\[Alright alright alright\] We got to take a sober, humble, and honest look in the mirror and rebrand ourselves based on what we truly value." ('Alright-alright-alright'-s mine). - **Covid in the Cabinet.** Secretary Pete, among five US cabinet members, has [tested positive](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/06/us/politics/pete-buttigieg-covid-positive.html?smtyp=cur&smid=tw-nytimes&ref=danielkherndon.com) for Covid, indicating that the latest virus surge is on The Hill. Secretary Pete expressed how thankful he was to be vaccinated, boosted, socially distanced, masked, tested, and part of the Presidential Cabinet, ensuring his experience with Covid was relatively mild. - **It's budget time** in Washington and Janet is not the only one Yellen. This week [she took a grilling](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/07/us/politics/inflation-yellen.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) as lawmakers looked for someone to blame for inflation other than war, covid, and other logistical nightmares. She defended her federal financial decisions but said she wouldn't have done a 10-year mortgage if she know how things would've turned out. Yellen apologized for not accurately predicting the future, saying she was "wrong" about how inflation would have turned out. - **Gerber Babies.** The original Gerber baby, now a Gerber senior citizen [died last week](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/original-gerber-baby-ann-turner-cook-dies-95-rcna31990?ref=danielkherndon.com) at 95 just in time to make room for a new Gerber baby [selected](https://www.today.com/parents/parents/new-gerber-baby-today-show-rcna27193?ref=danielkherndon.com) through a nationwide photo contest. The new cutie (whose face could be featured on the label of baby food and the tag of those [plastic pants](https://www.gerberchildrenswear.com/products/8pack-white-waterproof-pants-1047?variant=31371125489742&gclid=CjwKCAjwtIaVBhBkEiwAsr7-c-fuOLqzaH4hKKFb0uxF9D8II3q%5Fss4beeYHFsJER8XN-kS%5FtXc%5FbBoCx9UQAvD%5FBwE&ref=danielkherndon.com) for those of you who still use cloth diapers \[seriously guys?\]) happens to have been born without a femur. --- Okay, folks, that's it for the news. Now here's **The Gist**. ## In Defense of The U.S. Holy Writ. `The Gist` It's easy to look at our national treasures as antiquated, and irrelevant. I can understand why someone would believe such a thing if they're looking at the country through the lens of a single issue. This is why I wanted to take a moment to address an ongoing discussion regarding the Constitution of the United States of America. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/43-Constitution-1.jpg) The question is this: Is the Constitution still relevant today? Does it still hold the power it did at its framing? **[Read The Article.](https://danielkherndon.com/in-defense-of-the-constitution/)** --- You may now delete this message, and thanks for reading as always. Please consider the environment before printing this email. If you have questions and you don't know where to put them, consider putting them in a reply to this email or in the comments section for safekeeping. I'll use your questions anonymously in a future episode of the newsletter. Talk to you soon. ***Have a Great Weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### In Defense of the Constitution URL: https://danielkherndon.com/in-defense-of-the-constitution/ Last updated: 2023-08-08T14:07:07.000Z It's easy to look at our national treasures as antiquated and irrelevant. I can understand why someone would believe such a thing if they're looking at the country through the lens of a single issue. When we do this, it leads people to devolve into activism and even protests regarding the hot-button issues of the day – whether it be how elections work or whether someone has the right to open carry a White Claw before the age of 21\. Kids these days (and also adults these days) don't appreciate the trouble their forefathers went through to establish the rules of our Union, protect our rights, and make sure they laid a foundation that would serve us even today. Thanks to Lin-Manuel Miranda, our generation has a renewed love for the United States Constitution and American History in general. The laborious process Hamilton and his fellow framers went through, even up to the point of being shot and never getting to be President (perhaps worse than being shot, in my estimation) has yielded much for our generation. I'd contend that the framers of the constitution, including Hamilton himself, deserve the emoluments of a king, regardless of how archaic the word emolument may be or how unconstitutional it is to accept emoluments from a king – according to Article I, Section 9\. With that being said, the Gentlemen have done The Lord's work and deserve nothing less than honor. This is why I wanted to take a moment to address an ongoing discussion regarding the Constitution of the United States of America. The question is this: Is the Constitution still relevant today? Does it still hold the power it did at its framing? Personally, I chuse to honor the constitution (in fact, I say "chuse" out of respect, since that's the language in the very document I am chusing to discuss in this article). But some would say that it has failed us - and Grammarly is among them. If history is any indicator, we'll probably forget ours and be condemned to repeat it, so I suggest that we take a moment to reflect on the background of our founding documents, and if the ink isn't smudged too much in the scanned version, take our time to understand it in its purest form. Of course, we'll need to decide the mode by which we interpret our nation's holy writ, with common approaches including textualism, judicial precedent, original meaning, pragmatism, national identity, moral reasoning, structuralism or historical practices, but regardless it's a straightforward process when you have the arduous work of the four fathers already done for you. I say *four* fathers because I'm referring to James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, John Jay, and Alexander Hamilton, but that's not to cast any shadow on the 70 individuals known as The Framers and ultimately 39 that ended up signing the final document, representing 12 states. The Constitution was written mostly by James Madison. The help of the alliterative founding father, John Jay, was surely valuable as well and ultimately gained him a Supreme [Court](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jay%5FCourt?ref=danielkherndon.com), a treaty, and eventually a [school](https://www.jjay.cuny.edu/?ref=danielkherndon.com) or two to be named after him. The completion and ratification of the Constitution took 10 months from the time it was written, signed by Constitutional Delegates, and then ratified by 9 states, making it the defining document of our government and the law of the land for the fifty states and fourteen Territories we have today. Blood, sweat, and the ink of about 85 articles were poured into producing and promoting the Constitution. The 85 Articles, known as The Federalist Papers, were published anonymously in The Independent Journal and The New York Packet in an effort to influence public perception and create a case for the document's ratification. Many constituencies were resistant to the ratification, resulting in compromises like counting slaves as three-fifths that of other citizens, among other incongruences. Mostly, people were afraid that a stronger Federal Government would overpower the sovereignty of states while taxing them, like what we impost on Puerto Rico today. The Anti-federalists didn't manage to block the Constitution, but their resistance led to the Bill of Rights. When the Constitution was completed, Alexander Hamilton and Arron Burr said it best, at least in the musical version of their real-life conversation. > Burr: The *constitution’s a mess* > Hamilton: *So it needs amendments* > Burr: *It’s full of contradictions* > Hamilton: *So is independence, we have to start somewhere* A professor of constitutional law at Cornell University, Aziz Rana, said, “We have an amendment process that’s the hardest in the world to enact.” I'm not sure whether to agree with him on this view or not, but considering that Congress is having good luck if they can even pass a bill, I suppose ratifying a structural change to government is at least a little more than difficult, what with the 3/4ths majority of all red, blue and purple states having to agree on such a change. Considering the odds of 12,000 amendments proposed, 27 being adopted puts amendments at a track record of about a 0.00225% win rate. As I sit, here, I'm watching the first of a series of hearings from the January 6th Senate Committee. I see 9 members of Congress fighting to uphold the Constitution. They're vocally defending the Constitution and grasping at straws to uphold its power. The Constitution is a valuable document, and it meant a lot to the people that dedicated their lives to creating it. It meant a lot to Hamilton and the 39 people that signed it. It meant a lot to the generations of lawmakers and justices who defended it. It must have had very personal meaning to the people that formed the original United States Government. Some put everything into the Constitutional Convention. Some gave their lives. We're still disputing its meaning, with no less than eight methods of interpretation. But beyond the words, it doesn't mean the same to us today as it did back in 1788\. Even our divided Supreme Court disagrees on its meaning. It’s full of contradictions, but so is independence. The Constitution’s a mess, so it needs amendments. ### Welcome to a new us. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/when-youve-heard-enough/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:10:59.000Z Good morning friends, This week, I migrated The Lorem Ipsum to a new platform. From now on, my long form articles and weekly newsletter will all be contained on the same platform. The platform, called *[Ghost](https://ghost.org/?via=daniel71&ref=danielkherndon.com)*, will also be the home of all other content, including the podcast that [doesn't exist](https://danielkherndon.com/doesnt-have-a-podcast-2/). Commenting is enabled on the online version of newsletters, and there is a new email smell. I hope these changes make you feel welcome. This is basically like the front porch of news content. A place where we can all hang out, probably drink beer, definitely laugh a little, but we'll likely end with a heavy topic that makes us all feel just a little bit awkward. This update has been a lot of work, and like most things, it's not done yet. Perfect is not the enemy of good this week – broken links are. For those of you that have previously seen my messages go to spam, well, thanks for caring enough to dig me out. From here on out, you'll be able to find everything right here. Newsletters will be found here as well eventually (all past issues which are still [here](https://www.getrevue.co/profile/danielherndon?ref=danielkherndon.com) for the moment). Welcome to The Lorem Ipsum. **In this week's release:** This week's biggest story is the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard libel case. The verdict is in! But I'll get to that in a minute. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 22 of 2022` - **Butts in Seats.** Tesla CEO Elon Musk has [insisted](https://www.npr.org/2022/06/01/1102513281/elon-musk-tesla-return-to-work?ref=danielkherndon.com) they're not doing any more remote work. He said to come into the office for 40 hours or quit. Regarding his [stalled purchase,](https://slate.com/business/2022/06/elon-musk-twitter-stock-deal-wall-street.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) Twitter's board has told Elon the very same thing. - **Gas prices are higher than ever.** In fact, they're [so high](https://www.eia.gov/dnav/pet/hist/LeafHandler.ashx?n=pet&s=emm%5Fepm0%5Fpte%5Fnus%5Fdpg&f=m&ref=danielkherndon.com) they are starting the get the munchies. If we don't pass the Doritos soon, we might be paying to go to work. - **In the Depp v Heard libel case,** both were found guilty, but Heard was slapped with a much [bigger penalty](https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/01/entertainment/johnny-depp-amber-heard-verdict/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Heard was charged with $15 million and Depp will have to give $2 million right back, making Johnny the winner technically, unless losing a finger tip and having to buy new sheets negates the value of his legal winnings. - **Another mass shooting** took place, this time in Tulsa at a [medical building](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/06/01/us/tulsa-shooting-oklahoma-news?ref=danielkherndon.com). Critics against gun reform have suggested they should have locked the doors. Lawmakers still plan to do nothing. Here's what expert tweet writer Michale Estrin said this week: > Another day, another mass shooting in America. I doubt anything will change, but I’m sending thoughts and prayers that the ghosts of gun victims haunt the politicians, lobbyists, and people who perpetuate this horror show. > > — Michael Estrin (@slacker\_noir) [June 2, 2022](https://twitter.com/slacker%5Fnoir/status/1532174207542435840?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) - **Predicting the Weather.** Experts are expecting another [economic hurricane](https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/01/economy/jamie-dimon-jpmorgan-chase-economy/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Specifically, JP Morgan Chase CEO, Jamie Dimon, who, like a weather man, could be wrong and still keep his job. Dimon says the war in Ukraine and inflation are mucking up our economic experience. He also said "Wars go bad" so we're thinking he's pretty smart. - **In Ukraine.** Ukraine continues to be bombarded by Russia. Yesterday, Ukrainian President Zelensky said that 20% of their land is controlled by the Russian occupiers. While Zelensky has always been positive, this statement sounds more like a "glass one fifth empty" kind of attitude. - **Leaning Out.** Facebooks COO and author of *Lean In*, Cheryl Sandberg will be *leaning out*. The famous exec [announced](https://abcnews.go.com/Business/facebook-coo-sheryl-sandberg-stepping/story?id=85112554&ref=danielkherndon.com) her departure this week. For the record, most of us wish we could leave Facebook too. --- That's it for the news. Now here's ***The Gist***. ## We're Engrossed `The Gist` The moment Amber Heard managed to convince us that pooping in a bed is a reasonable approach to revenge, we’ve been riveted. We’re engrossed like a king on his porcelain throne, deliberating as he issues his edict. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Depp-Heard-2.jpg) I guess things have changed since the good ole days of the Honeymooners when one could threaten to hit one’s spouse right in the kisser, getting a laugh but never taking a swing. Now we’re captured by episodic cross-examinations about the aftermath of such kisser hittings being carried out. What happens when domestic and sexual violence becomes our entertainment? [Read the Article](https://danielkherndon.com/when-domestic-and-sexual-violence-becomes-entertainment/) --- Thanks for reading the all new version of The Lorem Ipsum. Reply anytime with comments, questions, corrections and basically anything that begins with "actually...". Talk to you soon. ***Have a great Weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### When Domestic and Sexual Violence Becomes Entertainment URL: https://danielkherndon.com/when-domestic-and-sexual-violence-becomes-entertainment/ Last updated: 2023-08-08T14:02:04.000Z Since the moment Amber Heard managed to convince us that pooping in a bed is a reasonable approach to revenge, we’ve been riveted. We’re engrossed like a king on his porcelain throne, deliberating as he issues his edict. I guess things have changed since the good ole days of the Honeymooners when one could threaten to hit one’s spouse (pow) right in the kisser, getting a laugh but never taking a swing. Now we’re captured by episodic cross-examinations about the aftermath of such kisser hittings being carried out. If you’ve ever walked past a train wreck or an unsightly wardrobe malfunction, I get it; you have to look—and I’m not faulting us for that. We’re human. But things are starting to get weird. Not just between Amber and Johnny but for all of us. The jury is in, and they have a verdict. And that verdict? The jury finds this trial has been one of the [most popular topics on the internet](https://www.cnet.com/culture/why-johnny-depp-vs-amber-heard-dominated-the-internet/?ref=danielkherndon.com), thanks to non-stop reels on multiple social media platforms. The verdict is "guilty" because our guilty pleasure has been looking at domestic and sexual violence and calling it great television. I don't know how algorithms work, but I do know a little about incentives and basic math. We get more of what we click on, and we've clicked on every hot moment in the trial that lasted seven weeks, even if it felt like seven months. The trial has gone from a dark topic to a dark comedy, with courtroom soundbites wrapped in sound effects and motion graphics. The abuse that took place between Johnny and Amber was a shame, it was also an op-ed and an opportunity to sell ads – and probably movies. The internet is not the only place where domestic violence has become popular. It's actually become quite popular in real life, unfortunately. We can talk about domestic and sexual violence, which has not always been the case. That's a step forward. By some measures, we've taken a step back. Since the onset of the pandemic in 2020, incidences of violence in the home have increased dramatically. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has posted a disclaimer [on their website home page](https://www.thehotline.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com) warning of their unusually high call volume. Have we regressed? And if so, why? Is it because we have an increasing wealth inequality? Maybe it's because many lost the respite of their jobs outside of the house. Could it be because gender-based rights are being besieged to exert control over others? Perhaps it's because politicians are not even held accountable by their own constituency for their sexual violence. Or is it because bystanders don't see it as their problem but rather as their entertainment? When you hear about the latest outlandish episode, it's time to say something other than "No kidding?" It's time we say [NO MORE](http://nomore.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### Only In America URL: https://danielkherndon.com/only-in-america-2/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:09:24.000Z Hey Friends, Last week, I spent most of the week in New York City. I built a trip around my annual board meeting for [The NO MORE Foundation](https://nomore.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com), a worldwide initiative to address domestic and sexual violence. Outside of that, Mrs Lorem Ipsum and I enjoyed the city. On Twitter, I provided in depth reviews of my experience in and around Manhattan. I'll share a few of those here. *After that, we'll get to* ***The News***. > Review of the Sicilian pizza place in NYC tonight: > > “They didn’t have ranch.” > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [May 21, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1528123406742339585?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) > Review for last night’s restaurant: > > “The cankerworm never touched the main course.” > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [May 20, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1527585164846583808?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) > Review of the cab ride to the airport: > > “We’re glad nobody was hurt.” > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [May 21, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1528147369304510464?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) If you don’t find these reviews helpful, consider just using Google, but I’ll always be here to help how I can. Now, let’s see what happened in the headlines this week. ## Hot Takes *`Week 21 of 2022`* ****This Week in Uvalde, Texas,** Salvador Ramos purchased an assault rifle legally, just after his 18th birthday, and then shot [at least 21 people](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/05/26/us/texas-elementary-school-shooting?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). By law, he could not purchase a beer, but he could purchase an AR15. Today, Texas Senator Ted Cruz and Governor Greg Abbott are scheduled to speak at the [National Rifle Association’s annual meeting](https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/25/politics/national-rifle-association-annual-meeting-what-to-know/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) in Houston. Today, I’ll dedicate a section of the newsletter to reactions to this week’s biggest story. ****The Southern Baptist church** denomination is in hot water and it’s not because someone drank alcohol. Recent reports have exposed allegations of sexual assault against leaders which were [covered up](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/24/us/southern-baptist-sexual-abuse.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) or mishandled by the organization. Leaders in the Convention announced Tuesday the release of a secretly maintained list of hundreds of ministers and church workers they say are credibly accused of sexual abuse.For some background, when it comes to Church History, The Catholics and the Baptists disagree on who was first in the lineage of Christianity. Baptists say they came first, but everyone [agrees](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-44209971?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) the Catholics were caught first. ****Johnny Depp took the witness stand *again*** in his libel case against Amber Heard. He referred to her [abuse claims](https://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory/kate-moss-denies-depp-pushed-staircase-84965000?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) as “Ridiculous, humiliating, ludicrous, painful, savage, unbelievably brutal, cruel, and all false,” which was also a review of the last [Pirates of The Caribbean movie](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/pirates%5Fof%5Fthe%5Fcaribbean%5Fdead%5Fmen%5Ftell%5Fno%5Ftales?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Kevin Spacey has been charged** with four counts of sexual assault [in the UK](https://people.com/tv/kevin-spacey-charged-four-counts-sexual-assault-united-kingdom/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), allegations which have caused his House of Cards to tumble. ****Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian** got [married](https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/pictures/kourtney-kardashian-travis-barkers-italian-wedding-photos/traditional-travis/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) this past Sunday in the trashiest Italian wedding I’ve ever seen. Here’s to the happy couple. That’s it for the news this week. Here’s the latest from ***Ask The Lorem Ipsum***. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/6-Gun-sales.jpg) ## Praise for the Gun Lobby `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` ***Hey Daniel, It seems like there’s been a lot of mass shootings in schools lately. Should we just go ahead and make guns illegal? If not, what should we do and why is it ‘shut down all schools permanently’?*** ***Sincerely, A.R. Vivteen*** ***—*** Great ideas A.R.! Thanks for the question! I want to start by pointing out that guns are very useful. They’re good for killing animals for food, great for looking like a tough guy in a Costco and they’re an excellent way to break skeet clays into smaller pieces so they are easier to dispose of – and this is just the beginning. You’re not the first one that has suggested we make guns more like meth – illegal so people don’t use them anymore. As you know, it’s a constitutional right to own guns. James Madison made that very clear back in the late 1700s when he wrote the Second Amendment between team building meetings with the slaves on his plantation. I don’t have the timeline perfect, but I think it was ratified somewhere around the time he was slaughtering Indians and taking their lands, but I’m not good with dates. Anyway, in order to address this topic, I wanted to have some feedback from the experts, so I reached out to my good friend Raio Krishnayya. He’s a former cop, and now an attorney who founded a non-profit organization called the [Center for Victim and Human Rights](https://cvhr.org/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). His response has been edited for length and clarity which is a me problem and not a Raio problem, but you can always trust Raio to provide extra content when you need it. Here’s what Raio had to say: – > *I don’t think we look at the issue the right way. I think it is a bit reductive to see people as pro-Second Amendment or anti. I don’t think anyone thinks like that.* > *I would argue that we need a two-pronged approach. The first is the Switzerland approach. Switzerland has a very high rate of gun ownership, but very low occurrences of mass shooter events. I would argue that a central reason for that is that gun ownership is treated very much like owning and driving a car. In order to own a gun in Switzerland, there is a basic fitness (including psychologically) requirement and a proficiency requirement, i.e., training. It’s akin to the fact \[in the US\] law enforcement officers must qualify with their weapons, at least once per year and usually more often than that.* > *The second would be to actually enforce some of the laws that we have now. Under federal law there are a myriad of reasons why someone would be prohibited from owning or possessing a firearm. One of those reasons I see often is through the issuance of a protection order. A lot of these mass shooters have prior domestic violence incidents. Unfortunately, the most likely time (and I’m speaking anecdotally, I don’t know the stats) for that to be enforced is either a traffic stop, which is a very dangerous moment for police and the person being stopped, or a new domestic violence run.* > *Proof of fitness and training and enforcement of current laws I think is a good start.* *–* Raio provides a good starting point when it comes to policy on public safety, but there’s a bigger problem. None of the policy ideas matter. We don’t actually care enough to do anything about it. The USA is an outlier when it comes to gun related deaths. It is painfully obvious how to reduce gun deaths. It’s well documented [here](https://www.preventioninstitute.org/focus-areas/preventing-violence-and-reducing-injury/preventing-violence-advocacy?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), [here](https://www.amnesty.org/en/what-we-do/arms-control/gun-violence/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), [here](https://www.apa.org/pubs/reports/gun-violence-prevention?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), [here](https://www.americanprogress.org/series/6-ways-to-reduce-gun-violence-in-america/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and [here](https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1619896114?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). And for those who want me to cite more than one source, just check [here](https://www.google.com/search?aqs=chrome.0.0i512j69i57j0i22i30l2j0i390l3j69i64.5383j0j7&ie=UTF-8&oq=how%20to%20reduce%20gun%20dea&q=how%20to%20reduce%20gun%20deaths&rlz=1C5CHFA%5FenUS890US891&sourceid=chrome&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) for more. To see how extreme the US gun problem is compared to other countries, [here](https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/26/world/us-gun-culture-world-comparison-intl-cmd/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and [here](https://messaging-custom-newsletters.nytimes.com/template/oakv2?campaign%5Fid=9&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20220526&instance%5Fid=62410&nl=the-morning&productCode=NN®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=93383&te=1&uri=nyt%3A%2F%2Fnewsletter%2F6d636340-080c-5111-8269-9a16073f3344&user%5Fid=e67dd907953f3325ee3de791f376e404&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) are some charts that explain how our “personal protection” isn’t actually protecting us at all. Owning guns is fun. But learning that your child has been killed by one isn’t. Until all of America is fed up with the outsized power of the gun lobby enough to vote its politicians out of office, the policies won’t matter. The thoughts and prayers won’t work until they work on you, and the way you vote. Until we are willing to reckon with reality, the violence will continue. – **Here are two articles I wrote that address this topic:** - ****[The Fact is People Don’t Like Facts. But They Sure Do Love Their Guns.](https://danielkherndon.com/the-fact-is-people-dont-like-facts-but-they-sure-do-love-their-guns/)** - ****[With our 3.5 Trillion Dollars, Should We Fight Crime or Poverty?](https://danielkherndon.com/with-our-3-5-trillion-dollars-should-we-fight-crime-or-poverty/)** — **Thank you for trying The Lorem Ipsum.** If you experience symptoms of itching, swelling, a sharp pain in your bowels, call your doctor. If you experience joy, intrigue or bouts of critical thinking, please share this newsletter with a friend. As always, reply here anytime, and ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Activating The Queen's Gambit URL: https://danielkherndon.com/activating-the-queens-gambit/ Last updated: 2022-06-02T13:38:50.000Z Hey Friends, Welcome to another week of this penned magniloquent nourishment. Consider this email the baby formula of the news, except there doesn’t seem to be a shortage of news at the moment. At least not yet. But as far as The Lorem Ipsum goes, if the real thing is not your thing, or you’re allergic to it, just consider me your supply. I’ll be here every Friday morning to provide you with sustenance that is easy to digest, as long as supplies last. Today I am writing from New York City, one of my favorite places in the world. This week, I’ve eaten at least one world class meal, one disappointing piece of New York style pizza, and I’ve been preached to on the Subway (as I understand it, the end is near, which is probably a relief for some). Personally, I’m looking forward to the end of the midterm elections being near. I’ve been thinking about what platforms the two parties will be running on. I’ll get into that in a moment. But first, here’s ***The News***. ## Hot Takes `Week 20 of 2022` **The MidTerm Primaries** took place in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Oregon, Idaho and Kentucky this week. For the Senate race in Pennsylvania, Doctor Mehemet Oz is facing margins as thin as the blade of a scalpel against David McCormick. It still [remains to be seen who](https://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/decision-2022/2022-pa-primary-who-won-what-races-havent-been-called/3243494/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) is making the cut. In North Carolina, Madison Cawthorn will be wheeling himself out of Washington after being run over by Chuck Edwards. Most candidates seem to be seeking Trump’s endorsement. As far as a potential bid for President from Donald Trump himself in 2 years, we still don’t know, but The Lorem Ipsum has been told that he is testing the slogan “Make America Impeach Me Again” or MAIMA. **In a Supermarket in Buffalo** Payton S. Gendron went to pick up eggs and milk and kill ten innocent people. His massacre was an intentional act of white supremacy which he had been [planning for quite some time](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/05/17/nyregion/buffalo-shooting?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Gendron won’t be on Tucker Carlson anytime soon, but his ideas, such as “[Great Replacement Theory](https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/fox-news-tucker-carlson-heat-190754819.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)” have been promoted on the show. Here are the [names of the victims](https://www.npr.org/2022/05/16/1099124755/buffalo-shooting-victims-names?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) of this senseless act of violence. **On A Lighter Note,** Elon Musk paused his plans to [purchase Twitter](https://www.reuters.com/technology/musk-says-44-billion-twitter-deal-hold-2022-05-13/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) last Friday. No one knows if the deal is going to come together after all. They just know this is a lighter note. Musk says he’s still [committed](https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/19/tech/twitter-elon-musk-problems/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to buying Twitter, but he says the bots are a problem. **The Defense Production** Act has been [invoked](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/05/18/biden-invokes-defense-production-act-to-address-infant-formula-shortage.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) by President Biden to increase the supply of baby formula. Half of the people on Facebook have also worked toward a solution by saying “just breastfeed.” **Deadpan comedian** Norm Macdonald, my biggest inspiration for the content of this newsletter, recorded a comedy special which [will be released](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/norm-macdonald-netflix-special-1235145692/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) posthumously on Netflix. Netflix subscribers have been dying off, so the company believes their remaining subscribers would like their comedy special stars to be dead too. **The Depp-Heard trial** is in its [final stretch,](https://nypost.com/2022/05/16/johnny-depp-vs-amber-heard-trial-live-updates/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and on the subject, Chris Rock offered advice for us all regarding women who bring forth allegations of sexual assault. [Chris said](https://variety.com/2022/film/news/chris-rock-depp-heard-trial-believe-women-amber-1235268125/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) “Believe all women,… believe all women except Amber Heard.” Amber is credited as starting the **#MePoo** movement. That’s it for the news. Here’s ***The Gist***. ### The Queen's Midterm `The Gist` Not long ago, after bingeing the hit Netflix series The Queen’s Gambit, I picked up a new chess board. It appears I’m in good company, because sales of chess boards doubled a few months after the release of the show, demonstrating how much influence pop culture television can have on our society. Related, I’m still waiting to see if porn finally catches on after the HBO show Minx launched, featuring a feminist female magazine writer turned smut zine slinger filled with male nudes. We’ll keep our eyes on things, no pun intended. ### Politics and Omelet Making My draw to the game is because of the exercise in strategic thinking. I’m one that realizes that to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs, and to win a chess game you have to lose some pawns. Winning isn’t about getting your way. It’s about getting what you really want in the end, which is your opponent’s king, and a hearty breakfast to go with it. [Read The Article](https://danielkherndon.com/the-midterms-and-the-queens-gambit/) --- That completes this week’s issue. Thank you for reading. Are you tired of trying to come up with engaging content for your social media activity? Try sharing The Lorem Ipsum. Looking for valuable content for your coffee table? Try printing this email out in color on 18"x12" paper. As always, reply here anytime, and ***Have a great weekend!*** ### The Midterms and The Queen’s Gambit URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-midterms-and-the-queens-gambit/ Last updated: 2022-06-02T13:38:38.000Z Not long ago, after bingeing the hit Netflix series [The Queen's Gambit](https://www.netflix.com/title/80234304?ref=danielkherndon.com), I picked up a new chess board. It appears I’m in good company, because [sales of chess boards doubled](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/23/arts/television/chess-set-board-sales.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) a few months after the release of the show, demonstrating how much influence pop culture television can have on our society. Related, I’m still waiting to see if porn finally catches on after the [HBO show Minx](https://www.hbomax.com/series/urn:hbo:series:GYiSBwQfVTLurwgEAAAAX?ref=danielkherndon.com) launched, featuring a feminist female magazine writer turned slinger of a smut zine filled with male nudes. We’ll keep our eyes on things, no pun intended. The reason why I like chess has very little, if anything, to do with nudity. Especially male nudity, although there’s a chess board theme for any player’s interest ranging from Harry Potter to Hairy anything else. I tend to prefer my ivory to be dressed in medieval business casual. My draw to the game is because of the exercise in strategic thinking. I’m one that realizes that to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs, and to win a chess game you have to lose some pawns. Winning isn’t about getting your way. It’s about getting what you really want in the end, which is your opponent's king, and a hearty breakfast to go with it. This is how I think of politics, policy making and of course omelet making. For example, we probably all agree that murder should be illegal, but making it illegal doesn’t stop it from happening. I would venture to guess that the law saves fewer lives than one of a dozen policies focused on reducing poverty or adding street lights. I could care less whether you think murder is wrong or a personal choice. I’m more interested in whether you want to commit one or not. In chess you have pieces of different ranks. You have pawns, rooks, bishops, knights and your two most valuable, the queen and the king. In politics, similar factors are at play. There are individual policies, and then there is the greater agenda. When it comes to the midterms this year, if we were to focus on the murder rates, the goal is not to pass a law outlawing murder, it’s to reduce the body count. My vote will go to the candidate who can reduce murders by addressing the conditions that make murder more likely. A moral stance on murder is a pawn I’ll sacrifice first, in favor of keeping my queen. Murder rates may come up in a local election, but on the national conversation, the topics are more likely to be about murdering democracy or murdering babies, but whatever birds are being killed will need to be hit with one stone. Every election season, each party chooses a platform, a central theme for their campaign. They think a few moves ahead and identify their strategy to keep kings, capture queens, knowing they will lose some pawns along the way. According to the poles, and the opinions of most political analysts, the Republicans have a strong chance at gaining a majority in Congress. More than likely, the Democrats are going to lose their narrow majority, but that doesn’t mean their candidates shouldn’t run the race to win. To be successful, they’ll need to have a platform that appeals to voters enough to overcome the low approval rating of the Party’s leader. The Democrats may have to lose some pawns to capture the opponent's queen, and retain their king. Each party has chosen their gambit, an opening tactic with a degree of risk. In the case of the Republican party, it seems to me they have decided to risk integrity to get leverage. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to bring myself to vote for a Republican because of this – this doesn’t count our recent neighborhood HOA board elections, although I can’t say for sure because most candidates don’t disclose their party affiliation. I would guess it was the Green Party that swept the election season this year because our president and his constituency seem hyper focused on the quality of people's lawns. The broader Republican Party prioritizes a number of policies that are receiving outsized attention. Here are a few for reference. - The [content of school books](https://danielkherndon.com/2022/04/rons-math-doesnt-add-up/) related to social and emotional learning. - Whether or not something called [CRT](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/07/critical-race-theory-dont-drink-the-water/) is taught outside of law school. - Restricting [voting](https://danielkherndon.com/2022/01/how-to-rock-the-vote-even-harder/) access based on claims elections are stolen. - Addressing whether or not a trans person plays school sports. - Exerting state control over [what a woman does with her body](https://danielkherndon.com/2022/05/who-wins-if-roe-v-wade-falls/). - Building walls along the southern border of our country. - Discussing the size of a Presidential candidate’s hands, and its correlation to other parts of the male anatomy. When it comes to campaigning, rhetoric is more important than policy, and many of the Republican candidates' campaign messaging is focused on how “Trump” they can be. Surprisingly, when you get into the numbers, [53% of the candidates](https://www.brookings.edu/blog/fixgov/2022/05/19/just-how-trumpy-is-the-republican-party-lessons-from-republican-primaries-so-far/?ref=danielkherndon.com) running right now are straying away from Trump or Trumpism in their message, but on the national level, the party seems aligned to Trump’s platform, and dependent on the Trump base to win. With Biden’s low approval ratings, and continued inflation, what should the Democrat party focus on in their messaging? I’d say they should deploy the Queen’s Gambit. This is a strategy by which you will put your pawn at risk in order to control the center of the board. I believe the Democrats should accept the loss of a pawn due to being blamed for inflation. They should accept that they will be blamed for gas prices. They should accept that some people don’t agree with their fiscal policy. In this midterm election, the Democrat party should focus on two key pieces. - Integrity of Leadership. - Democracy for Everyone. They should focus on these values that all of us Americans deserve, and most of us believe in. Not because their way is the best way, but they should campaign on these values because we all know the Republican party won’t be. ### Doesn't have a podcast. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/doesnt-have-a-podcast/ Last updated: 2025-11-06T14:40:51.000Z Hey Friends, This week, I didn’t launch a podcast. I received zero downloads and didn’t reach any levels on exactly no charts. I announced it this earlier this week, and I made sure to make a big splash. Let’s take a look. Here’s how I broke the news. I made a tweet so that all of my followers, and anyone on the internet doing a Google search for “podcasts” would know. > Hello everyone. > > My name is Daniel, and I do not have a podcast. > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [May 10, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1524062470666653696?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Because Twitter is fleeting, I was very intentional about making sure the word got out by tweeting a second time on the following day. If you’re taking notes, this is good marketing advice that I’m giving you right now. Frequency is key. Write that down. > Bio: Doesn't have a podcast. > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [May 11, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1524431137103392768?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) By the way, I also added it to my bio (as you can see here). I did get some feedback from a few friends on Twitter. Much like the political analysis I’ll be doing this mid term election season, several Twitter users responded with their take, except these pundits are probably offering more insight than anything I’ll have to say. > Yet > > — Henry Kurkowski (@henryindy) [May 10, 2022](https://twitter.com/henryindy/status/1524108891734392832?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) > \*yet > > — Michael Kelly (@michael\_d\_kelly) [May 10, 2022](https://twitter.com/michael%5Fd%5Fkelly/status/1524172521892945922?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) > Yet > > — Chris Fredericks (@esopchris) [May 10, 2022](https://twitter.com/esopchris/status/1524070200596967425?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) > Don’t have a podcast…yet. > > — Doug Kramer (@dougkramer29) [May 11, 2022](https://twitter.com/dougkramer29/status/1524201587345924097?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) > This is the opening tagline to your podcast, isn’t it… > > — Joe Garrison (@JoeGGarrison) [May 10, 2022](https://twitter.com/JoeGGarrison/status/1524087071517913088?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) I’m not the only one who has not launched a podcast. Actually neither has this guy who responded with the story of his own achievement. > text this morning from someone i hadn’t heard from since Nov… [https://t.co/o6MEW1X8Ub](https://t.co/o6MEW1X8Ub?ref=danielkherndon.com) [pic.twitter.com/S3HHBzUYOt](https://t.co/S3HHBzUYOt?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Tracy Forner (@tracy\_forner) [May 11, 2022](https://twitter.com/tracy%5Fforner/status/1524431945937174528?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Ultimately, not launching a podcast was something I had promised myself I would accomplish by no particular birthday. So of course, I had to not achieve this goal within this calendar week because it was indeed my birthday, (thank you) the deadline I had set to do basically nothing. > Happy belated Birthday. > > You wanna start a podcast? > > — Andrew Griswold (@the\_gris) [May 10, 2022](https://twitter.com/the%5Fgris/status/1524064522520121345?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) > Happy belated birthday! Are you starting a podcast? > > — Nicki L (@yogaconnicki) [May 10, 2022](https://twitter.com/yogaconnicki/status/1524072281093386243?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) In 2020, I set out with the goal of having exactly no goals, and I must say, I have been very successful at that. I accomplished literally nothing in 2020 exactly as intended. In that same time, almost no one in the world has accomplished anything also. There are a few exceptions like, say, Elon Musk and anyone who has bought or sold a house anywhere in the USA. Aside, almost nothing has been accomplished. Let’s make a quick list: - The President - Congress - Vladamir Putin - All the people that are suing Donald Trump See anyone here that has accomplished something in the last couple years? Nope. At least, that’s what revisionist history would seem to say. Perhaps we humans have a tendency to be just a little pessimistic when we talk about the world around us. We look at the world around us with a focus on the negative. Do you think things in this world, and in your country are perhaps moving in the right direction, or is everything on fire? I’ll dive into to that in a minute. But first, let’s see what happened in the headlines this week. Here’s ***The News.*** ## Hot Takes `Week 19 of 2022` **The Senate has voted** on [an abortion rights bill](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/05/11/us/abortion-roe-v-wade-senate-vote?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), which definitely did not pass. “I was really surprised it didn’t pass”, said no one ever. Much like you see in [this Facebook conversation](https://www.facebook.com/danielherndon/posts/pfbid04i64oquc2vJXPGshfRtVxnCP5LRWTRY8eEh3M2QAUFhHhoyMsFjbK5xiMi24iZ8fl?comment%5Fid=1538903746512365¬if%5Fid=1651963053468817¬if%5Ft=feed%5Fcomment&ref=notif&reply%5Fcomment%5Fid=711188500074395&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) last week, we’re divided on this topic, but we all seem to agree that the new Batman movie was too long, so we’ll always have that. We don’t however agree on when a bat becomes a man. **What did pass** the day before is a [40 billion package](https://www.npr.org/2022/05/10/1097929509/ukraine-aid-congress-democrats-covid-19-response?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to help abort the Russian war in Ukraine. It passed the house with large bipartisan support. This is an abortion most Americans favor, but the swift passage could face challenges with [getting things done quickly](https://rollcall.com/2022/05/11/ukraine-aid-bill-faces-familiar-senate-procedural-obstacles/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) if Rand Paul has anything to say about it. **Trump’s contempt** has been [dropped](https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/11/politics/donald-trump-new-york-judge-civil-contempt/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), at least for the moment, but only if he pays his fines and explains how he uses Post-it notes. Some of Trump’s aids explained that for Trump, Post-it notes are the closest thing to Twitter once he was kicked off the platform, so it scratches an itch. **Related**, Elon Musk, who is set to buy Twitter, said he would end Trump’s [lifelong ban](https://www.npr.org/2022/05/10/1097942860/elon-musk-reverse-donald-trump-twitter-ban?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) from the platform. Trump has already said he won’t be coming back. He’ll be sticking to Post-it notes and his not so sticky Truth Social. **They say Evansville Indiana is a great place to escape to,** and that proved to be the case for prison escapee Casey White and his prison security guard lover Vicky White who fled an Alabama prison where Vicky worked (they weren’t related, but they did consider that a sign). The two ended up in a [police chase](https://thegist.danielkherndon.com/issues/doesn-t-have-a-podcast-1171578?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=up%20in%20a-,police%20chase,-that%20ended%20on) that ended on Monday, with Vicky White ending her life with a self inflicted gunshot wound. No word on if the Evansville Convention & Visitors Bureau will be working the great escape into their marketing campaigns. **Putin Celebrated Victory Day** this week, marking the day Russia [defeated the German Nazis.](https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/11/politics/putin-biden-jfk-russia-ukraine/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) As a part of the celebration, the authoritarian leader has been conducting a celebratory invasion of a neighboring country, and killing people of different ethnic groups indiscriminately. As part of the celebration, to mirror Hitler, he is losing the Special Military Operation. **Yesterday, Finland announced** its [intention](https://apnews.com/article/sweden-finland-sauli-niinisto-4ede1942b679dd15bd3021f9b194cbec?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to join NATO, the opposite of what Putin was hoping for. Moscow said it will take “retaliatory steps” in response. Finnish Prime Minister, Sanna Marin says to Russia (and this is not a joke) “Look in the mirror”. Finland’s eastern border represents the longest border along the western side of Russia, AKA the “Finnish Line”. **A couple quick interesting stories:** - Grass is Illegal. It’s awesome lawn season, except in Las Vegas where a plush lawn has been [outlawed](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/03/climate/las-vegas-lawn-grass-ban.html?referringSource=articleShare&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). - James Cromwell superglued his hand to a counter [at a Starbucks](https://www.npr.org/2022/05/11/1098162254/succession-actor-james-cromwell-glues-hand-starbucks-counter-protest?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), to protest their extra charge for plant based milk. A spokesperson for the Coffee Chain said “Pricing varies market by market.” - We finally got a picture of the blackhole at the center of the Milky Way, and as expected, it looks [like a donut.](https://www.npr.org/2022/05/12/1098472567/image-black-hole-milky-way?fbclid=IwAR1jYEV%5FfNxEfI13l-QZFn-HA5tlRtMsmREyqnraYDSwxSdZke0H1OLHc60&utm%5Fcampaign=npr&utm%5Fmedium=social&utm%5Fsource=facebook.com&utm%5Fterm=nprnews) That’s it for the news. Here’s ***The Gist***. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/39-Daisy.jpg) ## For Better or Worse? `The Gist` After a quick search through LinkedIn, and a cross check on Facebook, I’ve confirmed that I know exactly ten Debbies. I wouldn’t say that I’m a Debbie expert but I believe I can tell you from experience that these Debbies that I know are among the best Debbies the world has to offer.But not all Debbie’s are made equal, and that’s why I want to ask some of you this question:Why are some of you being such Debbie Downers? ### Looking up We tend to be pessimistic when we talk about the world around us, but the stats seem to say things are looking up. Here’s a run down… The last one really pulls them all together. [Read The Article](https://danielkherndon.com/is-the-world-getting-better-or-worse/) \-- That’s it for this week. I hope you enjoy reading the Lorem Ipsum. If you enjoy the newsletter, or would like to flood someone’s inbox for spite, please consider forwarding this newsletter, or sharing on the internet. If you would like to ask interesting questions, give me a substantial book advance, or complain about a relative, please reply to this email. ***Have a great weekend!*** ### Is the world getting better or worse? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/is-the-world-getting-better-or-worse/ Last updated: 2022-06-02T13:53:34.000Z After a quick search through LinkedIn, and a cross check on Facebook, I’ve confirmed that I know exactly ten Debbies. I wouldn’t say that I’m a Debbie expert, and I’ve never done a formal Debbie audit, but I believe I can tell you from experience that these Debbies are among the best Debbies the world has to offer. They are kind, bright and optimistic. You know who you are, Debbie – (Can I call you “Deb”?) – You’re doing great, I appreciate you. But not all Debbie’s are made equal, and that’s why I want to ask some of you this question: Why are you being such a Debbie Downer? No offense to the Nancy’s of the world including my mother in law, but the notion that we have been negative ones is not a matter of dispute. Being negative is what we do. I wrote an essay about the human condition once, and the thing that I love about the concept of this condition is that every problem in this world can be attributed to this obscure disorder that all humans are subject to (thus the name). If I was to summarize the affliction of being human, there are four main features: - Survival instinct - Self centeredness - Negativity bias - Several other things Sounds like a mess doesn’t it? Well if you said yes, that simply proves bullet point number three. We always seem to default to the negative. Have you ever had your child come home from school with a report card that looks just shy of perfect? Perhaps you said, “Great job on all these A’s but why did you get a B in history?” We’re hardwired to give more weight to negative things and as a result, we remember them more. In other words, your kid may have gone to bed thinking they failed. ## **Being negative is what we do** This pessimistic tendency shows up when we talk about the world around us. I don’t know about you, but I grew up with people reminding me that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. In fact, it was once suggested in my hyper-evangelical upbringing that we go door to door handing out hand baskets, solely (no pun intended) for the purposes of offering provisions for the people who reject our thinking (which we knew for certain were better than theirs). Alas, the evangelicals are not alone. We also have Congress, who’s members are so cynical of each other that they have to sit on opposite sides of the room. Their constituents can confirm, the people on the other side of the room are destroying America. Then there’s the insurrectionists party. Optimist that I am, I initially expected the large crowd closing in on the Capitol on January 6th to be marching in solidarity with their fellow Americans to celebrate our Union, despite our differences at the voting booth. Unfortunately, it was a swath of the alternative form of Debbies looking to De-Nancify the Capitol. ## Negativity is not good for us Bitter neighbors and insurrectionists don’t live as long as they might prefer (and I think the stress makes their brains smaller too, although I’m not sure). Negativity can increase feelings of depression and stress, which impacts our health. But being positive [makes life better](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950?ref=danielkherndon.com) inside and out. People that are more positive enjoy better health and live longer lives, so it’s time to cheer up and celebrate the A’s over the B’s. ## **Things are looking up** Far be it from me to judge any Nancy or Debbie unfairly. In fact I think it’s the pessimist in us that suggested you two were anything but positive people. From now on, we’ll call you Optimistic Opal, because the stats are promising. Let’s take a look. #### **People are living longer.** For most of human history, life expectancy hasn’t been much more than 30, but life expectancy has [consistently gone up](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1040079/life-expectancy-united-states-all-time/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Over%20the%20past%20160%20years,to%2078.9%20years%20in%202020.) over the last couple centuries (with small drops happening during the 1918 and 2020 pandemic). Today, humans enjoy a life expectancy over 70 worldwide and more in developed nations. #### **Violence is down**. Since humans respond most to the negative, the news makes this the focus of their content. While the headlines seem to tell a different story, history tells us violence has been going down for [centuries](https://slides.ourworldindata.org/war-and-violence/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/title-slide). This includes a steady decrease in murders and the frequency of wars. #### **Literacy rates are increasing.** The same report highlighted above points out that [literacy has increased](https://slides.ourworldindata.org/war-and-violence/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/7) steadily alongside the decrease in violence. Additionally, democratic governments create these positive conditions and reduce the occurrences of wars between countries. #### **Health related mortality is down**. As sickness that leads to death for a young person was common even a couple years ago, but now with the advancements of healthcare and public health mortality rates related to health related issues for all ages [is going down](https://www.healthsystemtracker.org/chart-collection/how-has-the-quality-of-the-u-s-healthcare-system-changed-over-time/?ref=danielkherndon.com#Percent%20of%20inpatient%20readmissions%20within%2030%20days%20of%20an%20acute%20hospital%20stay,%20among%20Medicare%20beneficiaries%2065%20and%20older,%202007-2017). #### **Even abortions are decreasing.** Americans are divided on the subject of abortion, but most would agree, fewer pregnancies ending in abortion is not a bad thing. Since Roe Vs Wade in 1973, abortion [has decreased steadily](https://www.guttmacher.org/gpr/2019/09/us-abortion-rate-continues-drop-once-again-state-abortion-restrictions-are-not-main?ref=danielkherndon.com). #### **Fewer people are facing poverty.** Poverty has a major impact on human thriving, crime and more. Extreme poverty has been in [decline](https://ourworldindata.org/extreme-poverty?ref=danielkherndon.com). Even as recently as 1990, the world had 1.9 billion people in extreme poverty. We’ve already more than cut that in half, and projections looking to 2030 estimate we’ll get under 500 million people in extreme poverty. #### **Technology is improving our lives**. Since the Industrial Revolution, and the more recent Dot Com boom, advancements in technology have [provided greater access](https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-technology-has-made-an-impact-in-making-our-lives-better/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to jobs, education and communication, directly improving lives. #### **Democracy**. Seemingly, one of the greatest factors to improve human thriving comes from the environment created by democracy, reducing wars, creating economic growth and improving human rights. Despite some setbacks, [democracy has spread](https://ourworldindata.org/democracy?ref=danielkherndon.com), above autocracy and dictatorships. Today, half of the world’s countries are a democracy. Despite all the problems in the world, by most measures, the world seems to be making progress. So, as you look at the world around you, even while you may see troubles, you should be reminded that we actually have it pretty good. ### One thing leaks to another. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/one-thing-leaks-to-another/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:06:41.000Z Hey Friends, I’m happy to report that I do not have to pay a water and gas bill through this entire summer. This all started with a shocking bill a while back. It was astronomically high on the water portion of the combined bills. The steep number became our new “budget plan” payment amount. An amount which we paid for well over 18 months until we discovered an enormous credit. The cause? A Leaky toilet in Junior Lorem Ipsum’s bedroom. The water leak turned into a leak of funds. That’s not the only leak to talk about this week. I’ll get into that topic in a moment. But first, ***The News***. Here’s what happened in the headlines this week. ## Hot Takes `Week 18 of 2022` **The Primary Elections took place in Ohio and Indiana** this past week, and on the Republican side, all candidates are looking for the Party Boss to support their campaigns. Trump endorsed [J.D. Mandel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter&v=s16b3YEqAxE), who was not a candidate at all, but happened to be a name combo of two candidates. According to Trumps spokesperson, he prefers to make up his own candidates, because real people “are just not that great”. Trump said “We’re going to make our own candidates, and they’re going to be the best candidates, like you’ve never seen before.” J.D. Vance won the nomination for Republican for Senate, in Ohio ahead of Josh Mandel and Matt Dolan. **What Precedent?** You may have heard about a SCOTUS leaked draft majority opinion [overturning](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/05/02/supreme-court-abortion-draft-opinion-00029473?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) Roe V. Wade. The draft came out ahead of a likely June ruling, meaning it definitely saw its shadow. Sorry guys, six more weeks of winter. Following the news, shares rose sharply for wire hangers. I’ll have more on this later. **Have you Heard?** Johnny Depp and ex wife Amber Heard are in a [vicious court battle](https://www.thecut.com/2022/05/amber-heard-and-johnny-depp-defamation-suit-what-to-know.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) this week, where Depp has accused Heard of such violence as cutting off his finger tip and pooping on his side of the bed. Heard has said Depp abused her for years, including a moment where she feared for her life when he threw an iPhone at her head. A Psychologist testifying in the case on behalf of Heard said Johnny Depp has bad tattoos. No word yet on whether any “Heard” puns have come into play in the trial. **In case you’re Interest-ed.** The Fed raised interest rates once again, this time by 50 basis points. Following the news, the Dow got a workout by surging on Wednesday [only to be wiped](https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/05/investing/dow-stock-market-news-today/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) out on Thursday, losing more than 1,000 points. Representatives of the Fed say that in addition to raising interest rates, to fight inflation, the economy is trying to exercise more. **Some More News, Quickly:** - **Naomi Judd** has [died by suicide](https://people.com/country/country-legend-naomi-judd-died-by-suicide-sources/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). She battled mental health challenges since before people realized mental health was actually just health. - **Russian oil** will soon be the Cuban cigar of the east. The European Union issued a [total ban](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/live-blog/russia-ukraine-war-live-updates-eu-proposes-russian-oil-ban-rcna27238?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) on imports. - **Dave Chapelle** was attacked on stage during a performance in Hollywood on Tuesday night, but [he was fine](https://thegist.danielkherndon.com/issues/one-thing-leaks-to-another-1162150?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Tuesday%20night%2C%20but-,he%20was%20fine,-.). That’s it for the news. Here’s **The Gist**. --- ## What if Roe v Wade Falls? `The Gist` The discourse on abortion is everywhere right now. Even LinkedIn has people sending Mrs Lorem Ipsum messages saying they have similar ovarian profiles and would like to join her uterus on LinkedIn. Seinfeld’s Elaine Benes made it very clear. If you don’t share someone’s views on abortion, you can’t date anymore. Everyone has a take. What most people don’t have is a clear-eyed view––present company excluded of course. ## Who Wins? Critics of Row really earned a mark on the board for this swing, even though they haven’t quite caught flesh yet. I’m all for a moral victory when I can get one, but I’ve learned some hard lessons over the years in pursuit of them. Here’s one of the biggest––sometimes being right is not what you actually wanted. **[Read The Article](https://danielkherndon.com/who-wins-if-roe-v-wade-falls/)** — That’s it for this week. Have a great weekend! --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Who Wins if Roe v Wade Falls? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/who-wins-if-roe-v-wade-falls/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:22:38.000Z Unlike the toilet that ran for a year in an auxiliary bedroom without me paying much attention, this week’s leak doesn’t allow as much of a passive reaction. When it comes to abortion, Seinfeld's Elaine Benes already [made it very clear,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lXjA7lxj%5FE&ref=danielkherndon.com) if you don’t share someone’s views on abortion, you can’t date anymore. But just like the water bill I ended up with thanks to crumbling infrastructure in my lavatory, this topic is one I can't escape. The discourse is everywhere. Every community. Any web space. Even LinkedIn has people sending Mrs. Lorem Ipsum messages saying they have similar ovarian profiles and would like to join her uterus on LinkedIn. It's everywhere and everyone has a take. What most people don't have is a clear eyed view (present company excluded). Roe v Wade, upheld by the scaffolding of the 14th amendment’s “right to privacy” sounds plausible, if not a little rickety. Of course, a ruling that agrees with you is a good thing no matter how you get there. Let’s just hope the topic of [vaccine mandates](https://danielkherndon.com/does-the-biden-vaccine-mandate-go-too-far/) doesn’t come up, because I’d hate for anyone to have to apply logic consistently across topics at the expense of their own preferences. ## **The Constitution and Consistency** It’s been half a century since the Supreme Court ruled on Roe v Wade. It’s been only 2 years since a Supreme Court nominee said in their confirmation hearing that Roe is settled precedent. The time before that was 4 years ago, then 5, then 16 years ago. Each justice who said Roe had been challenged and affirmed, are now poised to strike it down. Sure, I think the Bible says something against abortion somewhere in Fallopians 13, while command it in [Numbers 5](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Numbers%205%3A11-31&version=NIV&ref=danielkherndon.com), but we can’t even interpret the Constitution so let’s not add anything else to the mix just yet. Perhaps we should just accept that our founding documents are not perfect, and sometimes, they may not even useful. ## **The Ruling and The Wrong** I’d be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Republicans and evangelicals on a PR victory (I'm staunchly independent if it matters). They really earned a mark on the board for this swing, even though they haven't quite caught flesh yet. I’m all for a moral victory when I can get one, but I’ve learned some hard lessons over the years in pursuit of them. Here’s one of the biggest––sometimes being right is not what you actually wanted. Imagine a world where the whole Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches agree (at least officially) that it's illegal to end the life of an unborn in the womb. What happens next? Well, if the age of Prohibition is any example, we know people who are thirsty will still drink. And some of them will die trying. And yet others will turn it into a black market. If you want to celebrate moral superiority, then congratulations on a big win. If, on the other hand you want to stop abortions, heads up because you’re aiming in the wrong direction. Saving lives is an unlikely result of the fall of Roe. The bigger issue we have at hand is that there are battles to be fought, and [poverty](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/crossing-the-chasm-the-impossible-escape-from-poverty/) is a bigger one. The main reason [why women choose to have an abortion](https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/psrh/2005/reasons-us-women-have-abortions-quantitative-and-qualitative-perspectives?ref=danielkherndon.com) is because they were unable to care for a child. Financial constraints and lack of partner support were often factors, and it was almost always multiple reasons. It’s of note that poverty rates are similar across genders during childhood, but during childbearing years, rates increase substantially for [women](https://www.americanprogress.org/article/basic-facts-women-poverty/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Roughly double the poverty rate of men. Be assured, the drive to survive is more likely to lead to an abortion decision than any law or court ruling. People are suffering, and the unborn are a convenient scapegoat to distract us all. It seems some would rather millions of the living face their death, or sink deep into poverty, rather than concede that they are wrong. ### Holding my lawn in contempt URL: https://danielkherndon.com/holding-my-lawn-in-contempt/ Last updated: 2023-10-24T13:40:55.000Z Hey Friends, Here in the USA, GDPR shrank by 0.4% during this first quarter. Despite this fact, my lawn is having a bull market with double digit growth. Unfortunately, dandelions are up by a staggering 3%, a report that comes on the heels of me bending over to pick out every single one by hand (I had my back adjusted for inflation). Most weeds and bare spots are down two tenths of a percent after last years seed investment and larger overall spending on watering the lawn. I guess what I’m really saying is. It’s Spring! ***Anyway***. Much like my lawn, and the economy, everything in life incorporates math and our emotional intelligence to navigate it. I’ll talk about that more in a moment. But first, ***The News.*** --- Here’s what happened in the headlines this week. ## Hot Takes `Week 17 of 2022` How Much Is It? Evidently, the price was right, because Elon Musk’s offer to buy [Twitter](https://www.reuters.com/technology/exclusive-twitter-set-accept-musks-best-final-offer-sources-2022-04-25/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) was accepted by the board. The left is crying and the right is celebrating. Normal people are still tweeting aimlessly into the air and non partisan marketers are still creating threads that tell you how they went from zero to a million in 6 tweets. So is Elon Musk’s soon to be ownership of Twitter a danger to society or a boon for free speech? Here’s a short thread I posted on the matter. Click to read the whole thing. > All businesses are owned by someone. The businesses that attract the most value will be owned by rich people. > > What is the alternative, Rob? [https://t.co/cQ72sx3ej0](https://t.co/cQ72sx3ej0?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [April 27, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1519332099542732802?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) **Playing Two Suited.** Donald Trump was held in [Contempt of Court](https://abcnews.go.com/US/trump-held-contempt-court-failure-comply-york-ags/story?id=84298011&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), which would be big news if Elon Musk hadn’t bought Twitter. Donald will be charged $10,000 per day that he does not comply with subpoenas issued by the NY Attorney General’s office. What does history tells us about holding an ex-president in contempt of court? Nothing. Trump is the first ever. Trump has appealed the order, but, to use a Euchre term, that might be reneging. We’ll see how this trick plays out over the coming days. **A Few Points Below Prime.** Amazon Had a $4 billion loss for the [first quarter](https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/28/tech/amazon-earnings-loss/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) of the year, but it wasn’t for lack of trying since my Prime membership pricing went up. Amazon CEO, Andy Jassy, when he delivered the less than rosy report turned around, took a picture of it, and sent an email asking investors “How was your report?” It was great! 👍 –– Not so great. 👎 **Don’t Pay That Yet.** I hope you still owe on your student loans because those may or may not be cancelled soon. Biden is in a [teetering](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/26/business/biden-student-loans.html?referringSource=articleShare&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) spot on the issue right now, but he said it’s [not going to be as high](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/04/28/biden-says-hes-not-considering-50000-in-student-loan-forgiveness-.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) as some have proposed. Critics of the measure have said they would prefer to give their tax breaks to billionaires and large businesses, and not regular people. Here’s another [thread](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1519431554614841346?s=20&t=s6ss4xFk6tBedyRL6LNLYw&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) from me on the topic. **Regular or Menthol?** The FDA is proposing [banning menthol cigarettes](https://abcnews.go.com/Health/fda-announces-proposed-ban-menthol-flavored-cigarettes/story?id=84326517&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), and flavored cigars mostly because they taste better than regular cigarettes – which is how many start smoking. The FDA says it will solicit comments from the public before finalizing a decision, but isn’t sure how many smokers will live long enough to give their opinion. [According to the CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/resources/data/cigarette-smoking-in-united-states.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter#:~:text=Cigarette%20smoking%20remains%20the%20leading,than%20480%2C000%20Americans%20each%20year.), 480,000 people die each year, and the rest of us are stuck with a $300 billion bill. **Don’t say Disney.** Speaking of… Disney may no longer have to pay their [own taxes](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/what-is-special-tax-designation-disney-might-lose-2022-04-22/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) after DeSantis got involved, eliminating the parks dedicated tax district. This was so obviously a retaliation for the mouse’s response to his bill affectionately referred to as “Don’t say Gay”. Another thing DeSantis is not saying is the $1 billion cost this puts on Floridians. I covered this in [this week’s article](https://danielkherndon.com/rons-math-doesnt-add-up/), which I will get to right now. Here’s ***The Gist***. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/37-Chalkboard-2.jpg) ## Ron's Math Doesn't Add Up `The Gist` This week, Governor Ron DeSantis is trying to tell me the way I learn is irresponsible.Not only does science support my tactile learning style, but so do gender stereotypes. It’s also a gender stereotype to avoid one’s feeling(s) because it doesn’t seem “manly” enough. (“manly” can present as an austere personality, lots of throat clearing and a general lack of feelings other than anger). ### How does that make you feel? Governor DeSantis, while banning books that have too many trigger words in them, says “Math is about getting the right answer…It’s not about how you feel about the problem.”But how does Ron feel about decades of research and hundreds of studies from education researchers? [***Read The Article***](https://danielkherndon.com/rons-math-doesnt-add-up/) --- That’s it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** ### Ron’s Math Doesn’t Add Up URL: https://danielkherndon.com/rons-math-doesnt-add-up/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T23:19:16.000Z ## **Ron DeSantis says he is working to make education work for students but he’s getting it all wrong.** Last week I dispensed a story of my experience learning how to build a grill. It’s all documented [here](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2022/04/this-is-why-i-never-read-the-instructions/?ref=danielkherndon.com), but to give you a brief summary, I was lamenting how bad the experience was, while highlighting the way hands on learning resulted in a new skill (unlike reading instructions). Assembling a new grill is not just the planning stages of a cookout. It’s an emotional experience. This week, Ron DeSantis is trying to tell me the way I learn is irresponsible. I think this is unfair because not only does science support my tactile learning style, but so do gender stereotypes. We all know men hate reading instructions, and would rather figure things out on their own. In fact, a retro gender stereotype expands on men’s problems with taking instruction. As it goes, men refuse to stop and ask for directions when lost, aggravating their generally female significant others beyond all get out. Thankfully, the type has been retired with the rise of “smart” phones, removing the risk of us male types fearing that we’ll seem otherwise if we have to ask a question of anyone other than Siri. Well it’s also a gender stereotype to avoid one’s feeling(s) because it doesn’t seem “manly” enough. Of course one of the greatest fears of Floridian Governors (or anyone dealing with toxic masculinity) is to seem like something other than “manly” (which can present as an austere personality, lots of throat clearing and a general lack of feelings other than anger). Manliness, while popular amongst some groups of men, can have a tendency to backfire in a number of ways. For example, manliness sometimes comes with a bad sense of fashion, but also (and more importantly) the inability to manage one's emotions. It’s most often presented as bouts of uncontrollable anger like road rage, or being easily triggered by certain words. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has been showing signs of manli-nitis as of late. It is certainly a paradoxical disease because the fear of emotional vulnerability comes from underdeveloped emotional intelligence and as a result, it rears its ugly head in the form of uncontrolled and sometimes extreme emotions. This past week, Florida was in the news for its government banning certain math books because they incorporated elements of Social and Emotional Learning (let’s call this SEL from here on out). SEL is a well researched model for learning that is described as an integral part of education and human development by CASEL, a network that brings together educators and researchers who study SEL. The SEL approach recognizes that learning involves not just solutions to problems, but the context in which people navigate them, which require interpersonal (social and emotional) skills, and learning happens within the context of someone’s life as well. ![Illustration of a chalkboard](https://www.danielkherndon.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/37-Chalkboard-1024x524.jpg) Ron expressed a disdain for SEL and any suggestion of incorporating emotional awareness into education. The recent ban of books (many on the subject of math) was based on Ron and his administration’s criticism of the apparent presence of SEL in the selection of books they banned. On the subject, Ron says the following. “Math is about getting the right answer,” he said. “And we want kids to learn to think so they get the right answer. It’s not about how you feel about the problem.” But math isn’t just about getting the right answer. It’s also about understanding how to use that answer. I don’t even think Ron believes his own comment deep down. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I think Ron is simply triggered by words like “feelings” or “social” and “emotional” – especially when the latter two are used together. Like you said Ron, it’s not about how you feel about the problem. To Ron’s point, the way he feels about decades of research or hundreds of studies won’t change the findings. Voters want their elected officials to think so they can get the right answer, and according to the experts, incorporating the principles of SEL lead to [more effective learning for students](https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel/what-does-the-research-say/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Here’s was CASEL says on their website: *...* *The benefits of social and emotional learning (SEL) are well-researched, with evidence demonstrating that an education that promotes SEL yields positive results for students, adults, and school communities.* *SEL has a powerful combination of evidence and support. The findings below come from multiple fields and sources and include analyses of hundreds of studies that show SEL leads to beneficial outcomes related to: social and emotional skills; attitudes about self, school, and civic engagement; social behaviors; conduct problems; emotional distress; and academic performance.* *In addition, the surveys published below by CASEL and partners show teachers, principals, parents, and students agree: SEL is essential.* ... Honestly, regardless of what the experts have concluded, we may need to rethink the way we speak to Ron because it might make him feel bad. It’s obvious that a mathematical truth can trigger some manly extreme right governors. DeSantis himself was a [schoolteacher](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron%5FDeSantis?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=After%20spending%20a%20year%20as%20a%20history%20teacher%20at%20the), a history teacher specifically, although that only lasted for a year. One can only assume why the education field was not a fit for him, but naturally I suspect that politics was a better fit because in politics you can ignore history and math is easier because you get to make up your own numbers. I picture him spending most of his class time yelling to the students “LEARN TO THINK! GET THE RIGHT ANSWER” at the top of his lungs, which is not too far off from the methods he’s recommending to the schools of Florida. Timothy Dohrer, director of teacher leadership at Northwestern University [described this](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/22/us/florida-rejected-textbooks.html?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=%E2%80%9CIf%20you%20asked%20100%20C.E.O.s%20what%20skills%20they%20want%20in%20a%20new%20hire%2C%20the%20top%20five%20skills%20are%20going%20to%20be%20about%20social%2Demotional%20learning%20%E2%80%94%20not%20algebra%2C%E2%80%9D%20he%20said.) as shortsighted, saying “If you asked 100 C.E.O.s what skills they want in a new hire, the top five skills are going to be about social-emotional learning — not algebra,” ## **Trigger Words** The benefits of SEL are obvious, because those that don’t have such developmental opportunities could turn out like Ron, where proven frameworks cause an emotional reaction, and as we know, that can put a damper on someone’s learning. Ron’s math might be an example of this. After passing the famously criticized "Parental Rights in Education" bill (also known by its critics as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill), Disney, who initially remained quiet, decided to speak out against it. Ron, in another emotionally triggered moment, threw a fit and retaliated by revoking the tax status that designates Disney’s 38 square mile land area as a dedicated tax district for infrastructure reasons. Here’s where the math gets bad. According to the [Orange County tax collector](https://twitter.com/ElectRandolph/status/1516739411555278850?s=20&t=iG668ywYMYK-MhAK1kqZTw&ref=danielkherndon.com), this change reduces Disney’s taxes and [permanently deletes some of the county revenues](https://www.advocate.com/politics/2022/4/25/florida-taxes-desantis-disney-reedy-creek-improvement-district-explainer?ref=danielkherndon.com), and ultimately costs the State $1 billion [to pay off debts](https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/27/us/reedy-creek-disney-florida/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) otherwise paid by Disney. To be fair, as a person who’s dabbled in teaching history, DeSantis is not expected to be good at math, and neither is a state governor, but he sure showed them didn’t he? If you spend much time on the internet, you might see people saying that free speech is at risk. DeSantis himself celebrated Elon Musk buying Twitter as a win for free speech (despite Twitter not being the Government which is what the First Amendment refers to). If the First Amendment is at risk, it’s because of people like Ron Desantis who will ban books because he feels threatened by their content. It’s because of bills like the “Don’t Say Gay” bill which aim at the rights of teachers, and more importantly the rights of real children and real families with LGBTQ family members who are not going away. Could it be Ron’s lack of emotional development that’s caused him to react this way? I would suspect that Ron could have benefited from a little social and emotional learning himself. So are Ron’s executive actions the right answer, or is it just how he feels about the problem? ### I miss spelling URL: https://danielkherndon.com/i-miss-spelling/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:05:17.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning and welcome to a really great email if you like to find typos like Easter eggs. Sometimes they are obvious. Sometimes they are buried in the weeds. Regardless, they are always a treat. Except to me. I lose sleep when I discover I left behind a typo. For every mistyped or omitted word, I lose one hour of sleep. An extra space may only cause a sudden hypnagogic jerk, but a stray letter will give me the night sweats. It‘s the constant edits right up to the last minute that causes this problem. You deserve up to date news and I have counted the cost of delivering it. And sometimes there are casualties. In this next phase of the newsletter, I will do my best to be more focused, and hopefully minimize solecisms and slip ups. Some could blame my blights on my lack of education, but I disagree. I learn more from doing than from lectures or reading instructions. I’ll talk more about that in a second, but first The News. ## Hot Takes `Week 16 of 2022` CDC mask mandates are no longer in effect on airline flights after a federal judge ruled the measure was unconstitutional. When asked, President Biden said people should decide for themselves whether or not they wear a mask on a plane, but his justice department is currently appealing to reinstate the mandate. The response from the left: “How do we protect ourselves if the vaccines, boosters, treatment options and decreasing case loads doesn’t work?” Response from the right: \[clears throat\] More Aid. The US is sending more weapons to Ukraine. Biden announced yesterday his plan to send $500 million for government operations and $800 million in military aid. Around the same time, Putin made his own big reveal by showing the world his rocket which is nicknamed lil’ “Satan” (I added the lil’ part). And some Russian soldiers are being accused of, among other atrocities, stealing a man’s AirPods. A Hostile Takeover. Elon Musk is aiming for Twitter, suggesting he may buy out the company, and take control. After submitting an offer filed with the SEC, Musk presented his plan and potential changes. Known for his big, world changing innovations, Musk’s ideas for Twitter include bringing tweeting to offline life. This includes requiring people to communicate in shorter sentences all at the same time, but directing their communications to no one in particular. Similar to Twitter online, there will be no edit button to real life. The Gospel According to Ron. Governor Desantis says 54 Math books contained Critical Race Theory amongst a list of books to review for banning. Proponents say the decision to ban access to information is \[quote\] not like communism. When asked to explain how he has determined CRT is found in a math book, a spokesperson for the administration said “We just know.” Also, Ron D. is trying to attack the Big D - Disney, by threatening to unravel the Disney only tax district formed in 1967\. It seems Ron is retaliating for their opposition to his “Don’t Say Gay” bill. Disney has not commented on this development yet, but history tells us, The Mouse get’s the cheese. We interrupt this informative email to talk about how Netflix considering adding commercials to their platform. The warning came after the streaming service disclosed a loss of 200,000 subscribers, partly due to pulling out of Russia in response to the invasion of Ukraine, but also due to you people who share your login with your friends. To improve revenues, Netflix is also expected to consider things like having better shows. **Quickly:** - Bill Murray was accused of sexual assault, halting production of Aziz Ansari’s directorial debut project. The investigation is ongoing but don’t make a Groundhog day joke here. - Mike Tyson was filmed beating up a guy on a plane, but the guy had it coming. You should have seen Mike’s hand though. - Mortgage rates just hit a 10 year high, averaging 5.11%, more than 2 points above this time last year, so homeowners, you might want to stay put. That’s it for the news this week. Now here’s ***The Gist.*** ## Never Read the Instructions `The Gist` Grill Buying Season is Coming Two seasons ago, I purchased one that sang to me from its perch in the store. The note that caught my attention the most was the price. The big box store I bought it from was able to provide a very affordable price for an attractive yard appliance. In addition to using sheet metal that wouldn’t stop a bullet if you gently tossed it toward the hood, one way the manufacturer is able to keep the price down is by shipping the product completely unassembled. Is Acquiring a Degree Learning? When engage directly with a problem, you have the opportunity to see details, notice patterns, Imagine solutions and explore them until an aha moment is reached. But what about our approach education? Do we have classrooms backwards? [**Read the article.**](https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-why-i-never-read-the-instructions/) — `The End` This concludes this week’s email. Thanks for reading! Give the gift of The Lorem Ipsum. Direct your family, friends, clients and prospective clients to danielkherndon.com, and you’ll finally have something in common with them to incorporate into your small talk. ***Have a great weekend!*** — `Editors note:` `Do you hate the answers you're getting from people that study a topic for a living? Stop asking the experts. Ask The Lorem Ipsum.` `Occasionally, I'll feature a question in the Newsletter. I promise the answers won't solve your problems, but they might make you laugh. They'll definitely make you think.` `Reply here anytime.` --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### This is Why I Never Read the Instructions URL: https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-why-i-never-read-the-instructions/ Last updated: 2025-11-26T19:52:25.000Z We’re approaching summer, and I can’t help but think about the mistakes of the spring seasons of old that I made time and time again in anticipation of outdoor cooking weather. Purchasing a brand new grill that cost me something under one thousand dollars. Two seasons ago, I purchased one that sang to me from its perch in the store. The note that caught my attention the most was the price. The big box store I bought it from was able to provide a very affordable price for an attractive yard appliance. In addition to using sheet metal that wouldn’t stop a bullet if you gently tossed it toward the hood, one way the manufacturer is able to keep the price down is by shipping the product completely unassembled. Putting together your grill requires you to have light electrical skills, knowledge of how to plumb gas lines, and very small fingers. Open the box, and you’ll find, wrapped in tape and enough styrofoam to build a small fort, hundreds of pieces, including every little bolt and wingnut required to create your very own grill. I thought I ordered an appliance that completes backyard parties and easy weekday burgers on the porch, when in fact, I actually ordered an erector set. I feel like the kid (that was never me, of course) who had that LEGO set with which he could build literally anything he wanted, as long as it was a Star Wars X Wing Fighter. Or in this case, a cheap grill. It looked great in the store, decorated in those shiny stainless steel features and a clearance sticker. I’ve determined I made a mistake. But I'd better get to work, because now I have to make a grill. I began to panic as I realized the situation I was in. So naturally, I did what any smart modern man thinking on his feet would do. I grabbed my phone, took a picture, and tweeted about it. > This is my new grill. [#fml](https://twitter.com/hashtag/fml?src=hash&ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) [pic.twitter.com/AR039pe7uv](https://t.co/AR039pe7uv?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [May 3, 2020](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1256958060041510912?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) I got no support on Twitter. I explained to my wife that I was in deep squash and didn’t know how I was going to solve this problem. This grill is far too complicated, my fingers are too big and I’m worried I'm going to end up causing a propane gas leak that will blow up our backyard if I do something wrong. “Did you read the instructions?” she said. Of course I didn’t. For one thing, all the pictures were in black and white. Also, it had too many steps (the first of which was the most boring one). And I never really found the section written in my native tongue anyway. My wife of course drew on her years of studying emotional health by expressing her understanding, acknowledging how hard this must be for me, after which she left me to assemble the grill on my own. Eventually, I completed this small manufacturing project and cooked a meal, but I’m going to have to do this whole thing again this season, because a common grill is not designed to last (this is on [purpose](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/)). I learned a lot. Not only did I learn about every component of a grill and how to build one, but I also learned about the whole “buy cheap, buy twice” factor. I learned about the value of time, and I learned how to cut my own butterfly bandage. Learning is not a linear process that consists of knowledge input followed by life application output. But this is how we have constructed most of our expectations when it comes to education. Take a trip with me back in time to your own school experience. Picture this: you’re midway through your freshman year, preparing for another boring math class. You walk in, sit down, and stifle a yawn as the teacher begins reading instructions. She ends class by giving you an assignment. You walked out of the classroom, making jokes with your classmates, you complained about doing homework, and swore you would never use algebra, ever. If you’ve ever taken a classic cocktail and modified the recipe to create your own twist, you’ve used algebra. I use algebra every day (although I intend to cut back to about four days a week). Now, imagine sitting in a classroom today, and the instructor reads the entire contents of the instruction manual to build a hypothetical grill, reading from front to back. After a quick test, you’re sent home with a grill assembly diploma, and the expectation that you have gained the competency to build a grill in real life, should the opportunity present itself. Simply receiving new information is not learning. The motivation to learn comes from an experiential interaction with a challenge. Having the problem in your hands, waiting to be solved. To really learn something involves many steps. There’s data, mapping that data, testing it, reflecting on the test, retesting, solving, and applying. All this is before a connection is made. It's that moment of connection, the aha moment, when you have actually learned something, and that is almost always experiential. In fact, studies suggest that [students learn thinking skills better](https://www.edutopia.org/blog/how-people-learn-evidence-based-paul-bruno?ref=danielkherndon.com) when they fully understand the problem they are solving and its context. In other words, it’s easier to learn how to make a cocktail with precise measurements than it is to learn algebra (Note: please math responsibly). This is why diplomas and [degrees](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/hey-your-college-degree-is-blocking-my-view/) can be a difficult way to qualify someone for adult life. They often come out of a set of instructions that don’t prepare you for their real-life application. As valuable as it can be, acquiring a degree is not learning. It simply catalogs a set of competencies based on data. When you hold a problem in your hands, you have the opportunity to see details, notice patterns, imagine solutions, and explore them until an aha moment is reached. As a business owner, I’ve learned about business structure, marketing strategy, taxes, business law, construction, leadership, finance, and so many other things (none of which I learned in school) because I’ve had my hands directly addressing each challenge. Learning is not linear; it is immersive, and this is why we need to rethink how we educate our children and prepare them for the real world. Studies [demonstrate](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2019/09/study-shows-that-students-learn-more-when-taking-part-in-classrooms-that-employ-active-learning-strategies/?ref=danielkherndon.com) that students feel like they are learning something when they sit in a lecture. When asked, they will credit the lecture environment higher in terms of how much they believe they have learned. But the results show that learning outcomes are far greater in an active learning environment. Despite enormous advancements in technology, digital media communications, and brain science, education and corporate hiring standards remain largely the same. Technology innovation is moving fast. School is not. Corporate job requirements are moving slowly at best. Hiring managers are [biased toward academic achievement](https://www.fastcompany.com/3060544/despite-evidence-hiring-managers-are-biased-towards-graduates-from-top-colleges?ref=danielkherndon.com), especially from top-rated colleges. This form of bias becomes even more impactful when you introduce [bias related to race](https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2017/01/study-examines-how-bias-affects-hiring-practices?ref=danielkherndon.com) or family pedigree–a bias most people don’t realize they are subject to. Students are convinced they learn more from lectures; evidently, so do employers. Perhaps school should look more like a theater class with the teacher in the seats and the students acting out the lesson. Maybe, we’ve got the classroom backwards. Judging by the way people get hired, I’d say maybe we have a lot of things backwards. ### Yes, you are wrong. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/yes-you-are-wrong/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:04:29.000Z Hey Friends, Happy tax day, and welcome to another The Lorem Ipsum, which charges you no dollars and no cents of your income. You know, every single day this week, I thought it was a different day. Sometimes it was the day I wished it was, instead of the day I thought it was. Other times it was the other way around. Is it tomorrow? Is it today? The only reason I know what day today is, is because, as ever, The Lorem Ipsum is right on time. Anyway, It’s sort of like when you forget someone’s name. I usually just call them ‘hey!’ or I find clever ways to avoid saying their name altogether for fear of calling them “Amanda” when I should know their name is Meghan or something like that. Do you ever worry about being wrong? I’ll get to that in a moment, but first, let’s look at The News. ## Hot Takes `Week 15 of 2022` **Boris is getting a bill.** UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is getting fined for his garden parties that broke covid lock down rules. Boris now makes the first Prime Minister to break the law while wearing the hairdo of a 10-year-old boy, and the first in a long time with any [hairdo](https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/12/uk/boris-johnson-uk-pm-coronavirus-fine-intl-gbr/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). **Actor and comedian Gilbert Gottfried** [passed away](https://people.com/movies/gilbert-gottfried-dead-at-67-after-long-illness/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) on Tuesday after battling a long illness. While he wanted to be known for the role he played in Hollywood Squares, he’s better remembered as the voice of Lago in the cartoon Aladdin. Perhaps the only thing more memorable than his exaggerated voice is not at all the name of the disease he died from. His cause of death was Recurrent Ventricular Tachycardia due to Myotonic Dystrophy type II (a.k.a. human body failure). **Safer Than a Sub-Way.** A Shooting took place on board a [subway train](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/04/12/nyregion/brooklyn-subway-shooting?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) in New York City, injuring 23 passengers, some by gunshot, and none deadly. It was perpetrated by a man wearing a gas mask and workers vest. It was, for this reason, investigators suspected the perpetrator had some sort of job. After he opened a canister filling the subway with smoke he fired several rounds. A 62 years old man with bad aim is the prime suspect and has been arrested. To comfort Subway Passengers, experts offer updating a mathematical equation to explain how unlikely you are to be one of the people to be shot. Calculations find that riding the NYC subway is still safer than eating a Sub-Way sandwich. **Lots of states are not saying gay right now.** After Florida passed the restrictive bill that was likely written in the 80s, more than a [dozen states](https://www.npr.org/2022/04/10/1091543359/15-states-dont-say-gay-anti-transgender-bills?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) followed. The bill restricts classroom instruction about sexual identity, a form of curriculum that doesn’t exist. Some of the same states have also endeavored to ban other topics such as Critical Race Theory. In an effort to ban other topics not taught in schools, some have suggested banning teaching about clowns, Area 52 and how to fill out any government form. **Spears is ‘Xpecting.** A baby that is. The former pop singer is [procreating](https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a39713477/britney-spears-shows-off-baby-bump-video-pregnant/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) some more, and is showing off her [baby bump.](https://www.instagram.com/p/CcQ-WiIDvs6/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) On a lighter note, she is no longer locked in the conservatorship that had her subject to abusive control by her father for several years. So that will conclude this week’s news. Here’s The Gist. ## How to Not Be Wrong `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/35-RoseColoredGlasses-1.jpg) If I had a dollar for every word I wrote each week, I’d have a living wage, a decent retirement plan, and most likely, a little bit left in the budget to go out to eat. As a writer thrusting content onto the internet, rife with opinions, advice and try-hard punchlines, the most challenging part of the job is not editing or proofreading (although I do have a verry good editor). No. The hardest part of the job is being right. All the time. ### Change The Conversation What I’m hoping to provide here in this article is a poor man’s approach to not being wrong so that this is something that we can all apply at some point. Don Draper of Mad Men said “If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.” Advice that is considered brilliant in the advertising industry, and considered a Monday in politics. But when is changing the conversation a problem? **[Read The Article](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-never-be-wrong/)** — All the best to you this week! Have a great weekend! ### How to Never Be Wrong URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-never-be-wrong/ Last updated: 2022-06-02T13:25:52.000Z Looking back, I’ve written a lot of content. I’ve been letting my fingers do the walking on this blog since the glorious days of last June. This doesn’t count the countless articles, [brand strategies](http://mtchbk.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com), “For Dummies” books (available on [Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Daniel-Herndon/e/B008CHOH7U?ref=sr%5Fntt%5Fsrch%5Flnk%5F3&qid=1649886593&sr=8-3)) and a manuscript in a Google Doc that would reach halfway across a football field (For the record, that manuscript will be converted into a memoir, available for you when I decided the time is right). Most of these writings contain an overwhelming supply of opinions, something my critics say I’ve had no short supply of since birth. Opinions have their place, but they are not regarded as highly as their kissing cousin, facts, especially if they are going to be written down for future criticism. If I had a dollar for every word I wrote each week, I’d have a living wage, a decent retirement plan, and most likely, a little bit left in the budget to go out to eat. As a writer thrusting content onto the internet, rife with opinions, advice and try-hard punchlines, the most challenging part of the job is not editing or proofreading (although I do have a verry good editor). Having fresh topics isn’t tricky either thanks to the politicians goading the news cycle to capture a few headlines. No. The hardest part of the job is being right. All the time. If you measure my years in inches, my time invested in the pursuit of correct dissemination might amount to the height of a small clown. But as much effort as I have put in, I’ve not likely managed to hold a record of never being wrong. While my valiant effort could have earned me an extra sprint around the playground at recess, it might not get me to graduation. There’s no doubt of the obstacles. I’ve been faced with moving targets, shifting narratives and a plethora of new data from the CDC. Heck, I’ve written an essay clocking in at a Bison’s weight in words, offering an analysis of entire countries and their respective histories only to be rendered fully irrelevant because a leader among those countries made a decision that changed all of the world's plans, including my publishing schedule. ## **Being right is hard.** But as I’ve mentioned, I committed a complete Ninja Turtles set worth of decades to the craft of not being wrong, and I’m convinced that there is an objective approach and some mathematical equation that can guide the process. But like rocket science, it’s complicated and you probably need a really big chalkboard. What I’m hoping to provide here in this article is a poor man’s approach to not being wrong so that this is something that we can all apply at some point. Don Draper of Mad Men said *“If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.”* Advice that is considered brilliant in the advertising industry, and considered a Monday in politics. Russia’s President, Valdimir Putin has been able to successfully change the conversation, of course with a little of his own flair. He started by first isolating himself from the rest of the world, perhaps for fear of catching an illness, and subsequently being dislodged as one of the most powerful people in the world–but also out of paranoia. He’s managed to reduce his circle of trusted advisors, firing anyone that disagreed with him. Outside of his chambers, he’s made it illegal to report anything contrary to his narrative in Russia’s public media. Ultimately, if there’s no one to disagree with you, there’s no way to be wrong. This formula is what I’ll call isolationism, and has ultimately benefited Putin, by inflicting a point of view on the population of his country with success. ## **Being Isolated from Being Wrong** Imagine walking into a coffee shop and talking about how evil Ukrainians are, and how brave the special military operation is as Putin liberates the country’s people–and imagine everyone in that coffee shop agrees with you. Who would tell you you’re wrong? The consensus seems to support your thinking. This is what appears to be the case in Russia, according to recent polls which say its citizens support Putin and the [war in Ukraine](https://www.rferl.org/a/russia-support-ukraine-war-polls-putin/31791423.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) by a landslide. Putin’s support has been surging in recent days. Putin himself, after a couple months of sitting at a giant conference table with “yes men” may even believe his own false claims. It only takes a handful of positive reports and a decent infographic to assure you that you’re winning a war and that your motives if you never hear anything to the contrary. Meanwhile out here in Western Society, most of us think this is ridiculous, based on scenes of bombed residential neighborhoods and detailed reports of war crimes. Since Putin has changed the conversation, the whole Russian society is largely isolated from this news, by intentional omission, with little, if any exposure to an alternative to Putin’s narrative. Perhaps this is worth looking at as analogous to the isolation we bring on ourselves. Join a political party where you are removed if you dissent, a civic or religious group that demonizes questions or alternative views. Or simply live in a suburb where the inconvenient truths happening on the other side of the tracks are conveniently removed from your matrix of facts. A recent study by David Broockman of the University of California at Berkeley and Joshua Kalla of Yale [found isolating people from narratives has powerful results](https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/what-if-fox-news-viewers-watched-cnn-instead/2022/04/04/28d7b976-b441-11ec-8358-20aa16355fb4%5Fstory.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). The two political scientists paid regular Fox News viewers to watch CNN instead for a period of time. Naturally, the candidates had to be paid to abandon their source of Truth from Tucker Carlson, but assessments before and after the experiment showed notable shifts in their views on prominent public issues. The fact is, the media we consume and the people we hang out with have a clear impact on what we believe to be true. So long as you are safe in that social setting, there is no reason to question the truth claims. By nature, we will find ourselves believing what we hear most often, and what protects our social acceptance. Of course, when everyone around you agrees, it boosts your confidence in how right you are about your views. It’s not surprising that [voting trends](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/07/why-yes-i-do-disagree-with-you-hold-my-beer/) have a geographical concentration, with large urban settings likely to lean left and rural and suburban areas likely to lean right. ## **Being right is easy**. That is, if you practice isolation, you can be confident that your alternate reality and social network will keep you in a blissful delusion that your beliefs are correct. A reader recently wrote to me to comment on some of the week's material. He said “I seriously do enjoy your stuff. I don't agree with all of your stances, but that doesn't stop me from appreciating your writing and sense of humor.” After my blushing, he said “Please don't tell anyone I said that because I don't think it's legal anymore to associate with anyone who doesn't agree with you 100% of the time.” I get it! I don’t even agree with myself 100% of the time! But I’d still hang out with me if I were you (you on the other hand will have to decide that for yourself). Another method of never being wrong is to never use numbers, unlike the above reader who’s made a numerical claim of absolutes. If you avoid the objective and measurable, you always have plausible deniability of any precise meaning of what you were saying, should someone differ with you. For example, my age, height or the length of any manuscripts I might have, not considering font size. Don’t mention this to my attorney though, who turns a conversation over a beer into a book with more contingencies and definitions than a weatherman with a dictionary. The practice of being a lawyer is to examine a situation between two parties (which hereafter will be referred to as The Situation) and identify every possible unexpected outcome and write a comprehensive passage to navigate The Situation and ensure The Parties have an instrument for every dispute. That’s much different than the Putin approach of changing the conversation. Changing the conversation can be sinister, especially when the other side of the story is labeled a threat. Sometimes, changing the conversation is necessary. Perhaps it is the side you have been missing. In fact, it might be the case that the conversation that you’ve been avoiding is the very one you need to talk about. Perhaps it makes you uncomfortable. But sickness comes from avoiding the conversation entirely. From banning the books that feature important history, or banning conversations about real people with real families, and covering up the story that is taking place on the ground. Perhaps you need to hear that side of the story that you are not so sure you agree with. Maybe my attorney brings up a good point. There are countless things we can’t be certain of. The only way we can really ever be right is when we have the humility to admit that we just don’t know everything. Maybe it’s time to listen. ### Bedazzled by Crypto URL: https://danielkherndon.com/bedazzled-by-crypto/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:02:54.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning. Did you know that I have never owned a pair of those bedazzled jeans? That’s right. I stick with the classics. This week I picked up a quality pair of selvedge denim jeans. The kind that last. That might be the only thing I accomplished this week, and as it turns out, I didn’t really have anything to write about for this week’s release. I ended up spending a couple days by myself when Mrs. Lorem Ipsum was out of town on a visit with a friend. I thought I would get a lot done, but ultimately I accomplished nothing. As it turns out, taking care of me takes a lot of work. I folded laundry, cooked a meal and decided when to go to bed on my own. It was exhausting. As a result, I had nothing to write about. I know you tend to expect me to write something of substance, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I did the opposite and wrote about cryptocurrency. I’ll expand on that sooner than you can spell Bitcoin in ones and zeros. And I’ll talk about bedazzled jeans too. But first, ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 14 of 2022` **The Grammys are Safer.** The Grammy’s took place last [Sunday](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/04/03/arts/grammy-awards?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Silk Sonic won record of the year. Comedian Nate Bargatze came wearing a helmet for his own safety, considering the dangers of award shows these days. President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine who appeared briefly in a prerecorded message, won best Wartime President. Putin said to keep his name out of his bleeping mouth. **Justice Confirmed**. Ketanji Brown Jackson was [confirmed](https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/ketanji-brown-jackson-senate-confirmation-vote/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) for her supreme court seat yesterday. It was a moment of “bright lights” in Dark times, as Senator Chuck Schumer said of nominating the first Black woman to the Supreme Court. I agree according to [this article](https://danielkherndon.com/taking-action-or-taking-resumes/) I wrote. Senator Mitch McConnell said it was a radical pick and that Biden “let the radicals run the show” by nominating her. As proof, he pointed out she was not a white male. **Elon Musk bought some Twitter.** Nearly one out of every ten of my tweets is essentially owned by Elon Musk now. Twitter happens to own the platform for this newsletter so I guess that means he owns a good chunk of this email too. After buying 9.1% of TWTR, he ended up joining the board of the company and also gaining 1 billion dollars in value [on his stock purchase](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/elon-musk-has-already-made-more-than-1-billion-on-his-twitter-stock-11649259505?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Given his late night tweeting, Musk made the move mostly just to get an edit button added to the platform, which evidently is actually in the works <—funny but [slightly true](https://www.theverge.com/2022/4/5/23011327/twitter-edit-button-blue-test?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). **One Dog. Two Dongs.** A dog born with a bunch of extra parts including six legs and two penises ends up living, but not the way you’re thinking–the extra wiener had to come off, along with some of his other [spare parts](https://www.indystar.com/story/news/2022/04/07/dog-extra-limbs-extra-penis-survives-after-veterinary-surgery/7248542001/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). That’s all the news for now. Here’s ***The Gist.*** --- ## Some Introspection `The Gist` This week, I wrote two brief essays about a couple things I had been thinking about. They are only published here, and may become larger articles at some point. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/TrueCoinJeans34-1.jpg) ## You’re in Eff Tea If you’re looking for a get-rich-quick scheme, there are countless options. Act now, and you could be on the ground floor of something really big, but the catch is knowing just what the next big thing actually is. The next big thing is quite possibly nothing, and if you’re of the mindset that crypto is the thing, then we might agree. The next big thing is, in fact, nothing. As I’ve been thinking about cryptocurrency lately, I’ve come to be of the opinion that cryptocurrency is nothing more than a solution that is looking for a problem. In brief, for the new kids sitting in the back, cryptocurrency is a form of electronic money. Each unit has a unique “serial number,” like a dollar bill, but unlike the US dollar, there is no central bank managing it. Instead, there is a network of independent computers (and their owners) verifying transactions one by one – this is called “Blockchain.” They call it mining because if they do it enough, they may strike gold. Well, a sort of crypto gold. NFTs works the same way by assigning a serial number to a specific file (like an image). Some people think it’s cool to have an NFT, and I am happy for them. It’s a lot of work and costs a lot of money to participate. Why is it appealing? Because there is no leading figure or government calling the shots. And free men like to live by their own rules. I dabbled in crypto a bit. I treated it like a video game, and let me tell you, it was addicting. But similar to a video game, at some point, I had to get up and go to the bathroom. Decentralized currency sounds like a powerful thing, but it’s no newer than trading wheat or oil – except that wheat and oil have a use beyond “having wheat and oil.” Cryptocurrency mostly has no use other than possession for possession's sake. With all free market environments, eventually, someone rises to power and becomes the oligarch that controls the system, either by influence or by force. When oligarchs hold power, they pull the strings. Just consider how a single tweet from Elon Musk can shift the position of your entire portfolio. Ultimately, the democratic appeal is lost if a few people control the fate of everyone else holding a small fraction of currency. To the NFT and crypto evangelists who say I’m a lemming with no foresight, I say thank you and understood. But Ponzi schemes have been around for a long time, just like trading goods and services. Also, I can’t eat a Bitcoin, so we’ve still got a long way to go. Completing transactions and mining cryptocurrency is still far less efficient than spending government cheese, and it would take a coalition of forces to get it to the point where it is – you know, like a central bank. And all this is for a currency that you still can’t buy stuff with. ## Fasting Fast Fashion As I purchased a pair of quality jeans from a friend and boutique retailer, Tommy of the store [James Dant,](https://jamesdant.com/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) we had a discussion about quality. We covered natural merino wool fibers, premium craftsmanship, reducing waste, and more. This conversation got me thinking about our traditional approach to fashion. I have a penchant for fashionable attire, but I’m not going to chase every fleeting trend. For example, I’ve managed to avoid buying a pair of bedazzled jeans up to this point. To be honest, I am happy about that, because while they had their moment, it was not a very good moment. To those currently wearing a pair or eagerly awaiting their emergence from the dryer, please don’t take offense. I think fashion, or the lack thereof, is a very personal thing, and what I like isn’t the only option just because I have better taste. I bring this up because, much like buying the dip of cryptocurrency, bedazzled jeans are out of style. They are expensive, they are mostly worn out for you before you get them, and now have largely narrowed their appearances to Luke Bryan concerts. Unlike the classics made of quality material, their life of usefulness between the rack and the landfill is short. There’s nothing wrong with a rhinestone or two, but what I want to comment on is disposable clothing. Clothing has shifted (well before my lifetime) to emphasize quick turn of inventory and low prices, and trends that change in moments. Don’t worry about that new fabric print going out of style, though, because it will start to unravel soon anyway because quality goods have become rare in fashion. That means that we toss clothes in the trash all the time by way of a thrift shop for those of us who want to ease our guilt. Well, I would like to stop buying clothes that don’t last as long as a stick of deodorant. I have wardrobe staples, and I have investment pieces, but I also have every color of mass-produced socks you can imagine. I admit I am still on a path of repentance. Consider joining me in investing in things you will keep, made out of fibers that last longer, made by craftspeople who love what they do and get paid a fair wage to do it. Thanks for reading. ***Have a great weekend!*** `Editors note: are you asking Alexa questions she just can't answer? Don't waste your time with a voice activated butler. You have the internet––ask The Lorem Ipsum! Reply here with your questions.` --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Not an April Fools Joke URL: https://danielkherndon.com/not-an-april-fools-joke/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:01:59.000Z Hey Friends Good morning. If this is your first time receiving this email, it is not an April Fool’s joke. This is a real email that several people read, on purpose. For the rest of you, thank you for checking your spam folder. Also, thanks for reading, sharing and signing your friends up without their consent. Surely they know that was your doing. The Oscars took place this week, and I have to say, it felt like a slap in the face to be snubbed yet another year. I’ve frequently said that The Oscars should add a “Best Newsletter Writer” category or something. Or perhaps “Lowest Blow” – however I admit that while a nomination would be cool, it’s unlikely I would have beat the competition this year (as some do). Like almost all of you (except maybe 15 million of you), I didn’t watch the broadcast. I have however heard some chatter about the show. If you’re wanting an update to the Oscars, look no further. Here’s who won: No one. Anyway, I’m looking forward to next year! This week, I wrote about domestic violence. I’ll get to that in a minute. First, let’s get to ***The News.*** --- Here’s what you need to know about Week 13\. As always, I link to a more credible source if my embellishments need a good fact checking. ## Hot Takes `Week 13 of 2022` **That Kinda Slaps Tho** Okay, so we know that Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. I told Chris not to worry about it because the same thing happens to me every time I send out an email. Word has it Will’s mama got scared, so he is being sent to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air. After the incident Will attempted to erase everyone’s memory of the occurrence with a flashlight, but since Twitter exists now, (and has no edit button) there was no way to remove it from our collective consciousness. To see a breakdown of who won Oscars, [click here](https://lmgtfy.app/?q=who%20won%20the%20oscars%202022&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). At the afterparty critics voted Zendaya best dressed. Beyonce won best [undressed](https://www.instagram.com/p/CbuHHu2u4YL/?ig%5Frid=efc5a7f1-5717-43a6-852b-1bd72f34d707&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fembed). **Most Likely Sir** A federal judge says Trump most likely committed [crimes](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/28/us/politics/trump-election-crimes.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). This comes on the heels of literally everyone else saying that since July of 2019\. White House records of Trump’s January 6th phone logs have a [7 hour gap](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-calls-seven-hour-gap-january-6/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) adding to the suspicions he used burner phones. Trump issued a statement saying “It’s 100% true”… …that he hit a [hole in one](https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/golf/2022/03/29/donald-trump-hits-hole-one-florida-golf-club-issues-statement/7201409001/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) at his golf course. **Supreme Co-hort** Subpoenaed records of messages leading up to the January 6th attack on the Capitol show Ginni Thomas (wife to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas) sent text [messages](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/600246-ginni-thomas-texts-leave-gop-lawmakers-scrambling?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to Trump’s chief of staff urging action to keep Trump in office. Some Democrats have called for Clarence Thomas to [resign](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/rep-alexandria-ocasio-cortez-calls-justice-clarence-thomas/story?id=83740300&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), citing his conflict of interest since his wife tried to overthrow the US Government. Clarence’s response: “Overruled”. Related: The One-6 Commish is [widening it’s inquiry](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/30/us/politics/justice-dept-widens-jan-6-inquiry.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). **Unbreakable** Actor Bruce Willis was [diagnosed](https://people.com/health/bruce-willis-has-aphasia-stepping-away-from-acting/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) with Afasia, which affects cognitive functions related to communication (reading, writing, speaking). His family posted an update announcing the diagnosis. Despite the setback in his health, I’m still confident he will Die Hard. **SPECIAL NOTE:** I should mention that I have not added anything to the Newsletter about Russia this week, because I did not know what to Putin. That’s it for the news. Now here’s ***The Gist.*** ## The Impact of Slap `The Gist` When I was a kid, we were so poor we couldn’t even afford real cuss words. In times of aggression, we would call each other “meanofatguy”, a single word insult with power so destructive, so fiery, it was more ruinous than the blazes of hell and damnation itself, and it’s very utterance would crush even the strongest of strongmen. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/33-Gloves-Off.jpg) In the fifties, you couldn’t talk about it. In 2022, you can’t escape it. Sometimes airing out dirty laundry is the only way to remind someone it needs cleaning. Warning. This article is about domestic violence and sexual assault. **[Read The Whole Thing.](https://danielkherndon.com/whats-worse-than-a-slap-in-the-face/)** And lastly… ## The Capital T `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` Occasionally, my inbox is visited by a question from a reader. From time to time, I’ll answer them here. ***Hey Daniel,*** ***I am hopeful that the Lorem Ipsum will provide a commentary on “truth” in a future issue. Regardless, I am enjoying the propaganda. Cheers!*** ***In your service, Dr Flossy, DDS*** Well Dr Flossy, I initially thought you were asking me to provide commentary on the “tooth”, but I see now I was just thrown off by your (pseudo?)name. My initial thoughts were to cover whether there is such a thing as absolute Tooth, and I mean capital “T” Tooth, not just a statement made in the game “tooth or dare”. But tooth be told, I see you were actually asking me to comment on “Truth”. Truth is funny, true as it may be. Like the social media site named after it–TRUTH SOCIAL–it doesn’t always work as well as you would like it to. Truth often comes wrapped in language and language stems from culture and culture is a collection of personal experiences and how one perceives them. You see, I believe in Truth, and I love Truth more than I love my right lateral incisor. The problem we face as a community is that we can only know Truth if we know the facts, and then only if we agree on what we mean by facts. When it comes to facts, one man’s war is another man’s special military operation, but does the difference of language make it not true if the definition of genocide and the name of a military procedure are exactly the same? Some say the devil is a liar, yet another says the devil wears Prada. I say the devil is in the details. What are your thoughts? Here’s [an article](https://danielkherndon.com/is-there-such-a-thing-as-absolute-truth/) I wrote on this topic originally back in 2014. — That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading and for sharing across the world. ***Have A Great Weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### What’s Worse Than A Slap In The Face? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/whats-worse-than-a-slap-in-the-face/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:38:30.000Z When I was a kid, we were so poor we couldn’t even afford real cuss words. In times of aggression, we would call each other “meanofatguy”, a single word insult with power so destructive, so fiery, it was more ruinous than the blazes of hell and damnation itself, and it's very utterance would crush even the strongest of strongmen. That is, if the strongman knew what “meanofatguy” actually meant. The desired effect was less powerful on my neighbors than it was on my siblings, so I found it was most effective to turn to comedy for verbal aggression. Of course our neighbors who we considered unsavory types used insults that were more conventional, but not those anymore associated with more educated speech than ours. Theirs were words that you couldn’t use on television at the time, because the FCC would issue a fine for every occurrence and the perpetrators would of course risk being damned to hell (obviously). Since we were sheltered, (think homeschooled and kept in a social bubble) we didn’t initially know the most popular curse words. That is, until we were fortunate enough to get our hands on a subscription to Cinemax (or as some called it Skin-emax). The premium cable channel, when paired with a VCR, equipped us to discover and implement all sorts of new vocabulary words and cultural practices your typical sheltered kid with eleven siblings was asked not to ever know about. Inevitably, we learned about them all and if deemed appropriate, put them to use when our parents weren’t looking. Most of what we implemented was removed from our school curriculum (the presumed reason we were homeschooled), but we were privileged enough to discover it all anyway, despite the internet not being very useful for the majority of my childhood. Cinemax had plenty to offer if by plenty you mean a maximum of 24 hours of curated content aired in real time over the course of 36 hours and then repeated through the week. We didn’t need its help with violence though. The violence on TV never really seemed real. The A Team had punching sounds that sounded more like smashing tomatoes against a wall than it did like a strike to the face, and impressively, Hannibal, Face and Mr T were able to have machine gun shootouts without anyone that wasn’t an extra ever getting shot. As for violence, we were able to find plenty of that in real life. We knew how to hit people because not only did our neighbors occasionally start a classic middle school street fight, we were also quite familiar with corporal punishment inside the house. TV feeds us entertainment, but it’s also presenting a character of what we accept as normal. By that I mean that the Cosby Show wouldn’t depict a Dad drugging young women to coax them into sex, because that wouldn’t be accepted as normal. No, those things will happen behind closed doors and in the case of Cosby himself, accusations run as far back as the 1960s and number over 60 women. In the 50s, Lucy and Desi were sleeping in separate beds on a black and white television to be modest, however real life was far more colorful. Scandals about Desi Arnaz being caught with [prostitutes](https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2020/08/the-legendary-marriage-of-lucille-ball-and-desi-arnaz?ref=danielkherndon.com) plagued their real life marriage. Although I doubt that he would have been taken seriously if he ‘splained to Luci that their twin beds were two feet apart the whole time. The show protected their image as a hilarious loving couple. Today, it’s more normal to see any couple sharing the same bed on TV, but the producers, like Harvey Weinstein, prefered to keep their improprieties behind closed office doors. Of course this is a trend he did not start, considering the founder of MGM, Louis Mayer was known for his sexual advances in exchange for career favors even in the 1920s. It was nearly a century before the #metoo movement would expose this all too common occurrence in Hollywood. In the fifties, you couldn’t talk about sexual assault. In 2022, you can’t escape it. To be sure, “escaping” isn’t the desired result of the voices of the #metoo movement. The target is to expose the guilty, and disempower a culture of abuse that is hidden in private audition rooms and back offices. Bringing it out into the open was the only way to exert power over the strongman. Sometimes airing out dirty laundry is the only way to remind someone it needs cleaning. But airing and cleaning are separate steps. Cultural norms only change when culture itself changes. The voices of the #metoo movement did their part and now it’s our turn to do ours. Sexual assault has become a topic of widespread conversation, but domestic violence still remains in the closet despite measures indicating that it has increased. The pandemic is blamed for a lot of it, with more people stuck at home and communities having less to offer in terms of intervention support, shelters or other services. However, violence and abuse has become more public. What was once a dirty little secret is in some cases, normalized on prime time television. Today, not only do we have social media for our own problems, now we have Kanye West tweeting his complaints about his ex-wife’s boyfriend while he’s picking up his kids from school. It’s easy to look at Kanye West as some sort of idiot savant. It’s not like he made a living and earned multiple major awards by being smart, kind, and professional like some of our more revered role models. But he did start a new club as I recall. The club of stars who have come up on stage at a nationally televised award show and abruptly interrupted the live broadcast to make a scene because they were upset because something did not go their way. As of last check, there are two members in the club. The key criteria to club membership includes being incredibly rich, very famous, receiving some of the most prestigious awards on earth, and still complaining about what happens on stage. Being in this club will not disqualify you from winning an award though, so members should plan their acceptance speech. Acceptance speeches are often filled with statements of activism and moral superiority. Statements meant to motivate social change while placing oneself on a pedestal. But now, you can also slap someone in the face on live television. And get an award. In a world where our role models attack people in front of millions of viewers, it’s no wonder we still have a problem with domestic violence. ### Is this Propaganda? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/is-this-propaganda/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T23:00:49.000Z Hey Friends, Do you think this email is propaganda? I mean let’s think about it. - I’ve pushed influential content on you to normalize driving gloves. - I’ve provided deceptive information like when I explained how I killed Betty White. - I’ve even pushed a biased narrative about which is better between cats and dogs. It sounds like propaganda to me. Even Ted Cruz explained that Big Bird has turned into a yellow propaganda puppet, by promoting vaccines to kids. I mentioned it in the newsletter and wrote a whole article about it. Well, I think it’s time for The Lorem Ipsum to do some self-reflection. I’ll get to that in a second. But first ***The News.*** --- In week 12, we’ve seen some action on the streets. First of all, we’ve seen countless potholes fixed due to my exposé on [who to blame](https://danielkherndon.com/who-do-we-blame-for-all-these-potholes/) for them. Only to be replaced by shootings. We’ve also seen the opposite in Ukraine, as Russia has used hypersonic missiles leaving craters we wouldn’t drive a jeep over. Here’s this week’s news. ## Hot Takes `Week 12 of 2022` First, a quick rundown of the war in Ukraine. While Putin’s army has used over 1200 missiles on Ukraine, the Ukrainians have still put a dent in Russia’s army. Russian media published but then deleted a report disclosing staggering losses of nearly 10,000 Russian troops dead and thousands more injured. High profile Russian journalists are quitting their jobs, protesting the invasion and the falsehoods the news is required to report. Biden has traveled to Europe to rally NATO leaders while pushing to remove Russia from the G20 global economic counsel. Amidst the smoke, here’s what has happened this week. **Catching Ketanji.** The Senate has been probing Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson at her confirmation hearing this week. The event was able to double as a mid term campaign speech for Republicans who painted her as a CRT zealot who is soft on child abuse crimes. Other substantive questions were on how religious she was on a scale from 1 to 10 and if she thought babies were racist. Ketanji said “no” by the way and declined to pick a number. **The Senate floor is not the only place of violence this week**. We’ve also seen mass shootings across the country this week including one of the largest shootings in recent months in Dumas, AR. To address this rising problem, at least seven states have introduced or passed “constitutional carry” bills removing permit requirements for carrying a gun, including laws passed in Ohio and Indiana. Here’s the data on the subject they didn’t read. **Madeleine Albright,** the first Woman in Government to use the word “cojones” in an official capacity (it’s Spanish for testicles) has died at 84\. She was also the first woman to serve as US Secretary of State, having served in Bill Clinton’s administration. **James Bond is a Prime Member**. Amazon just made a one-click order for 8.5 billion to purchase MGM, the studio that produces the 007 franchise. Along with free shipping on all those fancy spy tools, Bond will be able to schedule an automatically recurring order of martini olives. **Finally, someone who will fire Vladimir.** Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams hinted of a bid to run for President of Earth by making a cameo appearance as such in Star Trek Discovery. Currently, the polls in Georgia show Stacey in a dead heat with her opponent David Perdue. **Quickly**, Some Other News: - In China a commercial plane took a near vertical nose dive with 132 passengers on board. - The E.U. is moving to regulate tech in an effort to create room for more competition. - New Orleans was just blasted by tornados on Tuesday while they still work to recover from Hurricanes last year. --- ## Do we cross the line? `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/32-Propaganda.jpg) I’ve been thinking of the topic of propaganda lately. When do news, marketing, and commentary cross the line? When does it become something insidious, like what we imagine when we think of propaganda? Does the Lorem Ipsum cross the line? Let’s take a look. Read the article. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this newsletter, please know that I made zero dollars and zero cents in making it. ***Have a great weekend!*** `Editor’s Note:` *Do you want propaganda, or do you want the truth? Or do you just want to ask The Lorem Ipsum?* *Each question is painstakingly reviewed by members of an independently elected editorial board without any conflicts of interest but is ultimately chosen entirely by me. Reply to this email to submit a topic.* --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Is This Propaganda? Let’s Take a Look. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/is-this-propaganda-lets-take-a-look/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:37:23.000Z Everybody has gotta work. We all have to eat and if you’re like me you want to wear a nice shirt while you’re doing it. So we have to do something to make money. If you’re lucky, you get to do something you believe in. We all want to do something we believe is a noble deed. Something that will add a little back to the world we’re taking so much out of. Something that allows us to sleep at night (assuming your noble deeds are not up against a deadline). I’m a propagandist, in the literal sense of the word. That is, I’m in marketing. But I’ve never thought of myself as akin to a member of the marketing team in Nazi Germany. If anyone compared my work to that of Kremlin Creative Services, I would be surprised. Besides, I’m not sure Putin pays enough, considering the value of the ruble right now. But I am trying to persuade you. So is everyone else. Typically, journalists pursue their line of work because they feel like they can make a difference. Exposing hidden corruption, raising the profile of important issues, and telling powerful stories. Marketers often have bleeding hearts for matters of social justice, or if nothing else, at least adopting pets. In either case, their job is to change your mind. In order to establish some definitions, let’s talk about 4 kinds of content: - News: Content designed to equip you to think - Marketing: Content designed to influence what you think - Commentary: Content designed to challenge how you think - Propaganda: Content designed to disrupt your thinking We’ll skip over entertainment content for now, but just note that it can overlap with all of the above – and all of the above can overlap with one another. I’d also like to ask for your forgiveness for not using the dictionary today. For the sake of this article, I’m attempting to apply a definition based on a popular cultural understanding of these words as individual categories rather than splitting hairs. How do you know when something fits into the propaganda definition? Well the first thing to do is check to see if it is Tucker Carlson. If not, you’ll need to look a little bit deeper. ## **When Narrative Trumps Truth** In America, we have a negative view of the word Propaganda. You might recall memories from the World War II era when we saw cartoon style poster ads promoting the agenda’s of their governments. We usually think of information that is designed to distract us from the truth, and push a narrative more preferable to those in power. Let’s talk about some of the characteristics that make up propaganda. [This article](https://www.technologyreview.com/2018/01/22/146087/the-tricks-propagandists-use-to-beat-science?ref=danielkherndon.com), published by MIT before the pandemic, before Trump’s purported fraudulent election and before Putin’s beloved Special Military Operation in Ukraine explains examples of propaganda in application. In 1952, reader's digest published an article called “Cancer by the Carton”, exposing a growing body of evidence that smoking causes cancer. The article describes how the tobacco industry introduced conspiracies and conflicting data using information overload to sow doubt in the claims about smoking and cancer. The industry’s effort continued for decades, until lawsuits and major regulations put a damper on their efforts to deceive the public. Today, there is overwhelming consensus that smoking and cancer are linked. The tobacco industry did not care if this was true. They wanted to push a narrative above truth. So what makes marketing NOT propaganda? As a marketer, I have to defend my kind. As I advise my clients, marketing can be aspirational, but it must be backed up by truth, or it will not resonate with your customers. Or it will leave them disappointed in the end. The tobacco industry was willing to leave their customers disappointed. While advertising says “it’s toasted” focusing on an appealing positive spin, behind it was a PR campaign of misinformation designed to obscure the truth. So what is news? I am of the opinion that all news is biased. Bias in news is not bad, but news must be honest. News presents both sides of the story, and equips its readers to be informed and form their own analysis. This does not mean that news outlets won’t put more emphasis on things their editorial team consider a priority, but a good news outlet will have depth and prioritize honesty, even when the truth is not the preferred. What about commentary? The Lorem Ipsum is commentary, designed to challenge how you think, and hopefully offer some levity in its delivery. I endeavor to be truthful, but sometimes offer hyperbole to make the medicine go down better. Is the Lorem Ipsum propaganda? I always believe the truth is more important than what I believe. But what do you think? ### Somebody fix these potholes! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/somebody-fix-these-potholes/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:59:22.000Z Hey Friends, If you’re wondering why this email feels an hour earlier, it’s because we just sprung forward on Sunday, and you haven’t adjusted yet. Losing an hour has put me just a little bit behind, but as usual, The Lorem Ipsum has been delivered on time. I’m sorry that I’m not mentioning sports this week. I know this week is really important for a lot of you, and I don’t take it for granted. To clarify, I do take it for granted that it’s important to you. I just don’t take this week for granted. I hope you enjoy your sports. In other news, while public discourse has been crowded with war, people have still managed to cut through the clutter to complain about gas prices and potholes. I’ll talk more about that in a minute. But first, ***The News.*** – **Editor’s Note**: *Are you too shy to utter an audible question on a Zoom call? Has Ask Jeeves failed to give you useful answers as of late?* *Quit asking cartoon butlers and start asking The Lorem Ipsum. Send an email to HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com and your question will be considered for a future issue.* --- What happened this week? - A Russian TV Professional jumped into a [live broadcast](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/mar/14/russian-tv-employee-interrupts-news-broadcast-marina-ovsyannikova?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to warn viewers that Russia is lying to them. - Zelensky [spoke](https://www.axios.com/zelensky-congress-address-ba4fb223-7df5-47ed-aa3b-097c21cb1eae.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to US Congress to garner support. - Biden called Putin a war criminal, pure thug and [murderous dictator.](https://www.cnn.com/2022/03/17/politics/biden-putin-pure-thug/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) - The Kremlin’s [response](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/kremlin-tells-biden-us-has-no-right-lecture-russia-war-crimes-2022-03-17/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) was “I know you are but what am I?” Week 11 has been a big week. Let’s get to the news. ## Hot Takes `Week 11 of 2022` **We could be one hour closer to the midterm elections.** The Senate this week [unanimously](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-senate-approves-bill-that-would-make-daylight-savings-time-permanent-2023-2022-03-15/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) approved a bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent. Some liberal pundits said it was the first time they saw Republicans approve a bill that didn’t turn the clock back. For Democrat support, it was determined that by removing one more hour from their days in office (which are numbered) they would also be taking one more hour of earnings from the rich, so overall it was a no brainer. **Fist Bump The Fed.** Jerome Powell, Federal Reserve Chairman announced an increase of interest rates by 0.25%, and hinted at [6 more](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/fed-raises-rates-and-plots-strategy-of-steady-further-increases-11647453994?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) increases this year. He gave a detailed press conference after the announcement. When asked who was to blame, the Fed said they didn’t know, explaining that the experts tend to be average Americans who post their analysis on social media. **Hunting Hunter.** Hunter Biden (who happens to be the President’s son) is subject to an [inquiry](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/16/us/politics/hunter-biden-tax-bill-investigation.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) related to his tax affairs and overseas business dealings. He ended up paying off the tax bill but whether he should have registered as a foreign agent is still being reviewed. And also Breaking: In an upset to Republicans, it has been determined that Hunter is not the President at this time. **The Cowboy Politician.** The New Mexico elected official who formed Cowboys for Trump is [going on trial](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/cowboy-politician-2nd-person-trial-jan-riot-83508377?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) for the January 6th Riot. In protest, he claims he is going to show up to court on a horseback (LOL). For the record, I didn’t add any embellishments to this story except the LOLs. **It’s Alive!** Omicron is mutating and [spreading in Europe](https://news.yahoo.com/fresh-covid-wave-expected-hit-185252287.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) among other places, but for the most part I think we would prefer to ignore that and move on. So I made this the last Take, because it’s not that Hot. That’s the news for this week. Now for ***The Gist.*** --- ## When are they going to fix all these potholes? `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/31-Pothole-2.jpg) I’ve spent the better part of the last month distracted and I’m sure I’m not alone. After all it is Tax season, and seeing red is incredibly distracting. For me, the bigger distraction has been the extra focus on the roads in an effort to avoid potholes, when I should be looking straight ahead into the great wide open. I know who we can blame for all of this. I’ll talk about this and other problems we face in [**this week’s article.**](https://danielkherndon.com/who-do-we-blame-for-all-these-potholes/) --- ## Homeless in a Cashless Society `Ask The Lorem Ipsum` **Hey Daniel,** **The other day, I was asked for money by an apparent homeless person, but I didn’t have any cash. He said he accepted Venmo and Cash App. What do we do about beggars in a cashless society?** **John B., Atlanta, GA** Well, first of all John, you have to realize that this guy called your bluff. It’s okay, they call mine too. It’s not that we are not charitable, maybe we just don’t want to give our private information to complete strangers, no matter where they live. Perhaps you’re strict with your budget categories and he caught you on the wrong day for donations. You could have a bunch of white envelopes a-la Dave Ramsey to put every bit of cash into very controlled budgetary segments, except instead of white envelopes, it’s a series of colorful apps on your iPhone (you seem like an iPhone guy to me John). Perhaps there’s a deeper layer, though. Maybe you would like to focus on solving a bigger problem. One thing you’ve probably noticed about the petitioners is that they are not only more sophisticated, there are also more of them. That’s because, over the course of 2020, poverty has increased. In fact, average annual household incomes have gone down–from $69,560 in 2019 to $67,521 in 2020\. That’s not because of the stock market or home values (which have skyrocketed) but because those that don’t have stocks or their own homes have actually been pushed down despite wealth increases for people with assets and especially billionaires. You know what else went up? Crime. That’s right. Crime and poverty are buddies because desperate people do desperate things. That means poverty is costly for the poor, but it’s also costly for everyone else. I’m not saying I’m going to be scanning cash apps downtown to send strangers money. I’m just saying the real question is “what do we do about poverty?” Because avoiding it is bad for all of us. \-D `Are you stumped about something? Do you want to stump me? hit me up at HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com` --- That’s it for this week’s issue. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Who do we blame for all these potholes? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/who-do-we-blame-for-all-these-potholes/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:35:24.000Z I’ve spent the better part of the last month distracted and I’m sure I’m not alone. After all it is Tax season, and seeing red is incredibly distracting. Taxes are never fun, and seeing that you have a balance due is usually a recipe for a bad day, or at least a bad few minutes, a mood scaled proportional to the balance itself. For me, the bigger distraction has been the extra focus on the roads in an effort to avoid potholes, when I should be looking straight ahead into the great wide open. Unfortunately, my attention is fixed on what might only be a few feet ahead of me, occasionally making a quick Mario Kart move to evade the crater. Comin’ in hot at 22 inches at its widest point, it’s just waiting to take a bite of my 18 inch aluminum wheels, and more than likely, the aggressor pothole is positioned just inches beyond the moment that my road hazard warranty runs out. I usually find myself driving home after a nice dinner, replaying my conversations to try to determine all the times I might have offended my fellow diners, only to find that my language processing function in my brain is in direct conflict with the part of the brain that pays absolute unbroken attention to the condition of the asphalt mere feet in front of me. Spotting the hazard on the way to dinner and promising not to get caught by it on my return trip doesn’t work any more than an electric shaver delivers a close shave. No sooner than I can calculate my next year's tax plan with mental math, I’m greeted by the spring time enemy of the state. The second I spot it, it’s too late for me to react without hitting a car in the oncoming traffic, but it is not too late for me to flinch as if I’m attempting to use my telekinesis powers to levitate the vehicle over the hole. But it does nothing but prepare me to hear and feel the impact and grind my teeth in perfect step. Boom! It’s like getting hit in the head by a hard object. In an instant I’m mad at everyone, everywhere for everything all at once. So naturally I curse the Mayor’s name and wish dishonor on his whole family and his dog. Believe me, the Governor is not exempt, and I can’t promise my congressman won’t get a call as well. What’s more frustrating is that for the following days, I notice every slight pull or wobble of my car as I drive–and I wonder if I should submit a damage report to the Mayor's Action Center. The convenience of having elected officials in a democracy is that we citizens have the opportunity to blame someone for every problem we have. This is pretty much how it goes for everything. Wages, the price of gas, water pressure. Someone needs to be held accountable, and blamed for things not working out, and there is little that is more American than to blame the Executive Branch for anything from potholes to gas prices. Speaking of gas prices, thousands of people are dying in Ukraine right now at the behest of a petulant dictator and we’re on a razor's edge of a nuclear world war. So gas prices are higher than usual. Hopefully, by using every tool at our disposal to cripple the economy of the aggressor, a larger scale war won’t happen. One of those tools is tightening our supply of oil causing our fuel supply to become complicated, and therefore costly. Can you believe it? We’re at risk of nuclear war, countries are being taken over by conquest AND gas prices are up? I blame the President of course. Just like my wife blames me for the inequitable boob-to-dong ratio in the shows we watch on streaming services–especially the first episode of a series. I didn’t even write the script, much less produce the show. How am I supposed to take the blame for the first episode, and if I’m lucky, every other episode after that because they forgot to put sausage on our pizza? It’s not like my measly $9.99 (formerly known as $8.99) is going to give me the leverage to change a casting lineup or wardrobe choices in every episode. But let’s step back for a second. We really shouldn't be worrying about the small stuff. We’re too busy complaining about paying taxes and trying to eventually get an accurate count of our streaming services. The other thing we should be counting is the $15 dollars total–or in other words, one and a half streaming services–that will crush our budget for the two to four times a month that the average person fills up their tank. We’re perhaps less focused on nuclear war though. And why is that? When I could be focusing on the road ahead, enjoying the open road and hopefully seeing hazards well in advance. Perhaps I should celebrate that I can afford to spend more on streaming services than I will pay in increased gas prices, and be thankful that I can take on that cost to help reduce the powers of evil in this world, which could become far more dangerous if they are left to their own devices with impunity. Perhaps I could swallow my pride for a moment and pay my taxes, and be thankful that our democratic system has resulted in one of the greatest (but not THE greatest) interstate transportation systems in the world. Maybe we should just look at the open road ahead of us, keep an eye out for hazards, and be thankful that if our eyes are open, we have the capacity to avoid them. ### Better than Britannica URL: https://danielkherndon.com/better-than-britannica/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:57:58.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning to literally everyone who is not a dictator of a country blocking access to free press. The Lorem Ipsum will always fight for freedom, as much as an email can. To that end, to ensure that the Lorem Ipsum is always the people’s email, I’m opening up an ask me anything segment intermittently within issues of The Lorem Ipsum Weekly. Do you have a question that your World Book Encyclopedia set printed in the 1960s doesn’t yet have the answer to? Are you tired of the hasty shallow answers from the likes of Google? Ask The Lorem Ipsum. Email HeyDaniel@DanielKHerndon.com and your question will be considered for a future issue. For now, let’s get to ***The News***. --- This week Ukraine still tops the headlines, however social media posts are predominantly pictures of gas pump meters. To keep you informed I pledge that The Lorem Ipsum will continue to follow mainstream news sources, local Ukrainian journalists on twitter, and social media users who lack an understanding of gas prices. More to come on that topic. What else happened this week? ## Hot Takes `Week 10 of 2022` **I’m not going to not not talk about gas prices.** If you want to donate to Ukraine, one indirect way to do so is by getting a tank of gas. For every tank, about 7% or more of the proceeds do not go to Russia, because Biden [banned](https://www.cbsnews.com/live-updates/biden-russia-oil-gas-ban-imports-ukraine/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) the importing of Russian oil. In a press briefing on Tuesday, President Biden explained how the oil economics work as part of an international network not priced by the president. Republican critics responded “Let’s Go Brandon”. **What are we truthing about?** Truth Social launched February 20th but has pretty much just [bombed](https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-furious-about-floundering-truth-social-app-daily-beast-2022-3?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and its founder and chairman has been cussing ever since. Evidence suggests its failure is due to a combination of Russian bots and cyber attackers being preoccupied with other projects along with a lot of Trump things failing in general (see TRUMP Steaks). **Need directions to your next abortion?** If you’re currently looking for an abortion, I can give you directions to any state other than Texas. Evidently, that’s what people actually in Texas are doing too. The law, meant to benefit unborn children has actually benefited the oil industry more in fill-ups on the way [out of state](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/06/upshot/texas-abortion-women-data.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). **Tis is not actually the season.** Tornados have invaded Iowa earlier in the year than normal, with [135 mph winds](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/05/us/iowa-tornado-deaths.html?campaign%5Fid=9&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20220307&instance%5Fid=55061&nl=the-morning®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=84835&te=1&user%5Fid=e67dd907953f3325ee3de791f376e404&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) treating the Hawkeye State like Putin would treat an apartment in Kyiv. Related, the winds reached my home in Indianapolis and knocked over my grill, but I didn’t really like it anyway. **Masking the problems.** We’ve forgotten the Pandemic, but also many of the Covid-related measures are being [dropped](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/02/25/world/covid-19-tests-cases-vaccine?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) including mask mandates. A local citizen asked to comment said “Oh, we stopped wearing those a long time ago.” In other Covid news, pay no attention to that science behind the curtain, because Florida’s Surgeon General [urges parents](https://www.cnn.com/2022/03/07/health/florida-covid-19-vaccine-recommendation/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) not to get their kids vaccinated, despite the mathematical findings favoring it. Thats it for the new, now for ***The Gist***. --- ## How do gas prices work, if at all? `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/30-GasPump-1.jpg) *Hey Daniel,* *What’s up with gas prices these days? And why isn’t ya boy doing anything about it? I just spent over a hundy filling up my dually truck!* *Sincerely (as always) Ted C., from Texas.* — Well first of all Ted, I’ve already explained that Joe is not “ma boy” and for the record, please show some respect. It’s President Ya Boy. Okay? Gas prices are complicated. One thing you may have heard about gas prices is that The President alone controls them entirely. If a President wants to overwhelm your budget but only whelm your gas tank, all they need to do is get elected, and be in a party you don’t like. Still, prices ebb and flow no matter who is in office. Today they are what we call “higher than they ever were, as long as we don’t account for inflation.” This of course brings me to the topic of inflation. What causes that? Well, Ted, it’s caused by there being more money than there are things to buy. This can sometimes happen when you print lots of money. For example, in 2020, The US ran its biggest deficit [since 1945](https://bipartisanpolicy.org/report/deficit-tracker/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and had to somehow pay those bills. Making new money seemed like the best approach. A similar budget just [slightly less](https://datalab.usaspending.gov/americas-finance-guide/deficit/trends/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) was passed by the same president to pay the bills in 2021 as well. The next President came in to take the blame but didn’t get to pass his own budget until the end of the year in 2021. Based on what I’m seeing on social media, we have some guy named “Brandon” to thank for all this. Of course, this doesn’t answer your question about gas prices, but inflation is not entirely irrelevant, because inflation does lead to increased prices. It would be fun to blame it on a President and some do, but unfortunately, the only one to blame is a tiny microscopic beast that reproduces like someone from the Dugger family and devolves almost as quickly. I’m talking about Coronavirus and its many variants. If you remember, in March of 2020, we were fed the line “15 days to slow the spread”. For two weeks, the nation (and nations across the world) banded together to “flatten the curve” by closing businesses, wiping down our groceries, and if possible working from home. This obviously didn’t work, but it did result in people driving much less. This is where the gas part starts coming in. Demand for gas plummeted just like people’s interest in working a regular job did. Production of gas plummeted too. So while some of us were working from home, others were trying to keep up with our surging Amazon ordering habits while fewer people were producing the products we were buying. Basically, the whole market got yanked back and forth for a few months, and the curve didn’t flatten for a full two years and neither did gas prices. So as we can see, high gas prices were [caused](https://www.forbes.com/sites/rrapier/2021/10/22/the-us-oil-supply-is-still-out-of-balance/?sh=5840ab6c7ec3&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) by thinking that we could stop a virus with only two weeks of effort, but it actually took two years and trillions of dollars. As far as we know, no one named Brandon was involved. Thanks for your question, Ted. I hope you continue to enjoy the oil coming to your state through the Keystone pipeline that has been flowing since 2014! Cheers! 🍻 — That’s it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Too Soon? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/too-soon/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:57:07.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning. Last week I took immediate action and sent you an email summarizing some of the events taking place in Ukraine. I also made jokes. The reviews were mixed. Here are some actual quotes - “Good writers take risks. You are a good writer.” - “Honestly, I think we need more funny.“ And the best of them all - “You’re not funny.” **So I’d like to ask the obvious question:** When is ‘too soon’? I’ll get to that in just a moment, but first, ***The News***. --- ## Welcome to Week 9 of 2022 This week has been grueling in so many ways, and it has weighed on me very heavily. For example, the back porch has been covered in ice and the dog is afraid to go outside to pee. Also, my wife has rearranged our bedroom and I can’t find my nightstand. And lastly, my HOA sent out another bill immediately after I criticized them in an [article](https://danielkherndon.com/invasions-insurrections-and-indictments/). Oh, and Vladimir Putin ordered an invasion of Ukraine, attacking an innocent and free country for his own gain. While the impact has been tragic, the resolve of the Ukrainians has been inspiring. Ukraine and Russia are at war, but so is the rest of the world as a result. The war is also an [information war](https://taskandpurpose.com/news/ukraine-russia-information-war/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), and Ukraine is excelling. As one reporter from Ukraine [put it](https://twitter.com/IAPonomarenko/status/1499120888846901252?s=20&t=W%5F-AKcY0mvkeRDn0UEsM1Q&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), “The Truth is our Business and Business is Good.” Despite the civilian casualties, countless regular citizens have joined the battlefield, defending themselves from unlawful attacks, slowing the advance of the Russian military. Countries across the world have taken action to rebuke and sanction Russia and provide aid to Ukraine. While this week has been a tough one, in Ukraine, we see a resonance of hope. ***Glory to Ukraine!*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 9 of 2022` **Biden delivered the State of The Union Address this Tuesday.** After watching the speech and seeing the responses, here’s my takeaway. **Here are some of the highlights.** For the first time in history, The President stood with two women sitting behind him, his VP Kamala Harris and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Biden’s speech consisted of 7.5% bigger promises. As stated in his speech, he’s created more jobs in a year than anyone in history but most of the people working in those jobs don’t approve of him. In the Republican response, they expressed criticism that in 13 months, Biden has not solved all of the world’s problems but has managed to cause all of them, and the prior administration had nothing to do with any of them. Republican Senator Marco Rubio wasn’t able to join because he was [too busy](https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/596236-rubio-skipping-bidens-state-of-the-union-over-covid-testing-mandate-i-dont?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to get the required Covid test since they take a matter of minutes. When asked for the real reason, a person close to Rubio who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak on the matter, said “I don’t know”. Lauren Boebert was heard [heckling](https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2022/03/02/lauren-boebert-interrupts-biden-state-of-the-union/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) the President as he made reverent remarks about fallen troops, including his son Beau. Some thought she was out of line, until they realized she was on the Republican side of the chamber where rules of decorum no longer apply. **Seriously Though**. A bipartisan moment in keeping with his character, Biden closed with: “The State of our Union is strong because you, the American People, are strong.” **The Previous President’s name came up yesterday.** Commissh-One-6 says they have enough evidence to recommend [criminal charges](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/02/us/politics/trump-criminal-charges-jan-6.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) for Donald Trump. Should the DOJ decide to proceed with charges, it’s reported that Trump is looking into building ‘Trump Penitentiary’, one of his few yet untouched entrepreneurial investments after pursuits ranging from hotels to reality TV (referring to his presidency). **One last thing.** The President has announced his Supreme Court [nominee](https://www.whitehouse.gov/kbj/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson. Recently I wrote an article about why it is vital that we must have a [black female Supreme Court Justice](https://danielkherndon.com/taking-action-or-taking-resumes/). --- ## When is 'Too Soon'? `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/29-Standup-1.jpg) This week’s article is about the ongoing struggle of those who make people laugh. Timing is everything, and I can assure you that if I know the iron is hot, it’s my policy to strike immediately. But when the iron is a terrible tragedy, and striking is a humorous piece of oral literature punctuated by a punch line… Well, that timely joke could be subject to severe sanctions. ## Isn't it Ironic? So is it too soon? I mean, after all, one of the world’s most evil people has enacted some of the most evil acts on innocent people. But we can talk about Donald Trump another time. First, let’s focus on Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. With treachery like this taking place, is it really time to be making jokes? let’s examine that. [Read the rest of the story here.](https://danielkherndon.com/when-is-too-soon/) That’s it for this week. ***Enjoy Your Weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### When is 'Too Soon'? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/when-is-too-soon/ Last updated: 2025-01-02T23:09:19.000Z For no less than four decades, I’ve been doing my best to put my money where my mouth is. Unfortunately, sometimes that can mean I need to wrap my money around my foot. Not because of any bad nail-biting habits or strange fetishes, but because I pair frank speech with candy-coated commentary to deliver a meaningful message. Timing is everything, and I can assure you that if I know the iron is hot, it’s my policy to strike immediately. But when the iron is a terrible tragedy, and striking is a humorous piece of oral literature punctuated by a punch line–well, that timely joke could be subject to severe sanctions. I’ve been in plenty-a-business meeting and plopped a one-liner just as everyone was starting to feel awkward. I’ve shifted the mood with a little irony at funerals and festivals alike. I’ve set ‘em up, and I’ve knocked ‘em down. Since the beginning, I found that a merry heart does good, and listeners listen better when listening is fun. You can pluck weeds and plant seeds, but it’s a lot easier after softening the ground. Life can be funny, though. Sometimes you’re the joker, and sometimes you’re the joke. I’ve been on the receiving end of my fair share of ridicule as well, but it hasn’t phased me too much because you can’t dupe the duper anymore than you can cape the caper. And while you can jest the jester just as much as the next guy, I’m no stranger to a jolt of reality. My catch has been 22’d, and my quag has been mired as much as anyone's. But such is life. That’s why Alanis Morissette said, and I quote, “Isn’t it ironic?”. She knew that life is filled with enough negativity as it is, and we should take that as a given. As Cary Elwes said in The Princess Bride when he was playing Westley, who was playing The Man In Black: “*Life is Pain. Anyone who says any differently is selling something.”* Despite the great wisdom of the ‘not left-handed either’ swordsman, many refuse to accept the reality of the situation that is life, avoiding the truth to hold on to an imagined happiness. We can think of pain as anguish in which to wallow, or we can think of pain as simply the irony of life. Something to be laughed at, then faced head-on. You see, everyone is looking for happiness, but most people will only find what their itching eyes will let them see. But the thing is, in life, it's a lot like looking for your phone. Most of the time, it’s in your hand. Me, I’m more a fan of the Dave Chapelles of the world. Those who, despite attempts to cancel him, continue to thrive. The type who if you pull your hand away from the cancel button long enough to hear his full message, proves to be better advocates for the cause of his critics than the critics are for their own. I’m a fan of telling the truth in a way that people can stomach. I like getting into the weeds but asking you to pull my finger while we’re at it. Let me expand on this with a personal story. Apparently, someone who has been subscribed to my content for a period of months has never been a fan of me. I’ll share with you they/their comments (removing all gender identifiers to protect the innocent/guilty). After sending an email featuring content addressing the war in Ukraine, rife with predictable humor, a reader responded with a chiding remark, and I quote: *“You’re not funny.”* Obviously, you could say that was a low blow, but I didn’t take it that way. I took it as welcomed feedback. I said, “I take your point as friendly criticism and worthy of reflection.” I’ve never been a fan of taking things so seriously that content is more politically correct than it is factually correct. I’ve also never been much of a fan of satire, that is, fake news that is intended to be fake, despite my appreciation for its usefulness in ridiculing the completely ridiculous while entertaining the reader. This was not the only comment I received. I also received several others, including people using phrases like “thought provoking”, “good writers take risks”, and “thank you for this”. One of these comments was paired with the phrase (stated rather politely) “too soon?”. Well, that is a good question. Is it too soon? I mean, after all, one of the world's most evil people has enacted some of the evilest acts on innocent people. But we can talk about Donald Trump another time. First, let’s focus on Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. With treachery like this taking place, is it really time to be making jokes? No. It is not. In fact, it’s always time to be making jokes. Because life is pain, and just like the great people of Ukraine, we will not let pain take from us our freedom. The fact that the world's greatest hero for this moment in time is a comedian should tell you something about our collective need. I can tell you with confidence that the world needs more people like President Volodymyr Zelensky. People who will stay put when things get tough despite grave loss and personal risk. People who will sit and laugh with their countrymen in a bunker rather than on the other end of a 60-foot [table](https://twitter.com/grudkev/status/1498403042303086605?s=21&ref=danielkherndon.com). We need people who will put on an army green T-shirt and a helmet when it suits the situation better than a black suit and a comb-over. We need people that will [lob a joke](https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/1571967/ukraine-savages-Italy-cancelled-call-russia-invasion-Volodymyr-Zelenskyy-Mario-Draghi?ref=danielkherndon.com) at the President of the European Central Bank [on Twitter](https://twitter.com/ZelenskyyUa/status/1497173609957236738?s=20&t=36LbF7iDK46pmPqe0J0kog&ref=danielkherndon.com), scoffing at him for the apparent inconveniences of his busy schedule fighting a war. We need people who will keep our spirits up when times are tough. And we need them to remind us that life is pain, and we can laugh it off while shouting expletives at our enemies. When it comes to the content here on The Lorem Ipsum, I always think twice about whether I am making light of something that is very dark and deserves to be referenced with sobriety. When I reflect on this, I usually land in a similar place. I believe we need good medicine, and some medicine is hard to swallow, but we need to take it nonetheless. Laughter, however, is the best medicine, and that makes the former go down better. ### The British Invasion was better URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-british-invasion-was-better/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:55:23.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning, and welcome to another great Friday. If you’re reading this email, it’s because a Russian cyber attack can’t take down The Lorem Ipsum. Welcome to the 28th issue during this 8th week of 2022. Speaking of attacks, for those of you who have been reading since the beginning, you know The Lorem Ipsum will not stand idly by when neighbors go on the offensive. I’ve taken decisive action this week. It was swift and severe. **I’ve just imposed sanctions on every neighbor in my HOA.** That’s because folks seem to be favoring an offensive approach instead of simply sharing a beverage. But that’s not just happening in the suburbs. It’s happening all over the world. I’ll get into that topic in just a minute. But first, let’s take a look at **The News.** --- We’ve seen a historic invasion this week. While I much prefer the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and the Who invading the US, Vladimir prefers to take the more medieval approach: conquest. One commentator provided the following groundbreaking analysis. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Screen-Shot-2022-06-12-at-8.28.25-PM.png) Let’s get to ***The News***. *“So this is how you welcome your guests – with bombs!” - Franz Ferdinand* ## Hot Takes `Week 8 of 2022` **Does he eat dogs?** Putin gives a history lesson and then invades Ukraine. Here’s how people reacted. - **Latvia’s Prime Minister says** the invasion of Ukraine matters to the world [referring to Putin](https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/23/europe/russian-troops-donbas-latvian-pm/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter): “If he says this about Ukraine, he’s saying this about any other country.” - **Donald Trump** thinks he is [brilliant](https://news.yahoo.com/trump-praises-putins-genius-incursion-into-ukraine-234001858.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), and we should enact similar measures on our southern border in the USA. - **President Joe Biden** says “Putin chose this war, and now he and his country will bear the consequences” - **Sean Penn** said ‘let’s make a [documentary](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/sean-penn-ukraine-russia-invasion-201207160.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter).’ - **Tucker Carlson**, a Fox News personality [says](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1496873366334156802?s=20&t=ZCx57Gq7ZDqFeCpvcOZ4YQ&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter): “You must ask yourself, why do I hate Putin so much? Has Putin ever called me a racist? …Has he threatened to get me fired for disagreeing with him?… Does he eat [dogs](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1496873366334156802?s=20&t=ZCx57Gq7ZDqFeCpvcOZ4YQ&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)?” — (The Lorem Ipsum has not received a response from Russian Officials confirming whether or not Putin eats dogs). - Here are the [reactions](https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2022/02/24/reactions-a76572?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) of officials of various countries. To get a sense of the shock and awe, here is a visual of the situation in Ukraine: > This is happening right now. [pic.twitter.com/jrT6pEwuZm](https://t.co/jrT6pEwuZm?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [February 24, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1496871002579550213?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) ## What else happened this week? **A Bigger Story** this week is the discovery that we’ve been [mispronouncing](https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/24/entertainment/lindsay-lohan-name-pronunciation/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) Lindsay Lohan’s name since she rose to fame as a child star. Thankfully the has-been star joined TikTok in an effort to recapture our hearts. With this new story going viral, “Lo-wen” is apologizing for overshadowing what some say are more important matters. **The ‘Freedom Convoy’,** the Canadian truckers blocking the Capitol in Ottawa have [moved on](https://www.npr.org/2022/02/23/1082637172/trudeau-revokes-emergency-powers-after-canada-blockades-end?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) from their blockades, and a small fraction of them are heading to [Washington D.C.](https://www.npr.org/2022/02/23/1082484747/national-guard-to-help-d-c-control-traffic-for-truck-convoys?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), protesting what appears to be a different country’s government than the first one. Those who did not join the second leg of the convoy have decided to join the circus instead. **Save A Tree, Ban a Book.** Rich from the country duo Big & Rich, who famously wrote “Save a horse, ride a cowboy,” is now [saying](https://www.yahoo.com/news/country-star-compares-teachers-pedophiles-182054576.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), “Save a kid, ban a book” in a speech where he likens teachers and librarians to pedophiles. **I Am Your Father**. A man in Carmel, IN, who killed his father claimed [he was Trump](https://www.wthr.com/article/news/crime/carmel-murder-court-documents-christopher-claerbout-david-marcia-rolling-springs-drive-february-21/531-6c3d2013-913a-4c5c-9f5b-d3127e790039?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and his parents were Bill and Hillary Clinton. That’s it for the news this week. Now on to ***The Gist***. --- ## Invasions instead of Invitations. `The Gist` Based on history alone, it appears it is much better to be the leader of a totalitarian government than it is to be, say, a homeowner. The difference is astounding. When you invade a country, you’re deemed a hero and a powerful strategist, if not an evil leader. The same is not true with homeownership. At least not in the suburbs. When you extend your fence beyond the surveyed property lines or perhaps annex a part of the driveway entrance by parking your car in front of it, you’re not considered a hero. You’re just considered a dick. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/28-Tank-2.jpg) ## The Cost of Being Right When people have disagreements, too often, they go straight for offensive actions, but hindsight is twenty-fifteen(?). The way I see it, it only takes one Franz Ferdinand assassination to start a World War, a war that costs 40 million lives. I explain more in the article. **[Read it here](https://danielkherndon.com/invasions-insurrections-and-indictments/)**. – That’s it for this week. ***Enjoy your weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Invasions, Insurrections and Indictments URL: https://danielkherndon.com/invasions-insurrections-and-indictments/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:32:30.000Z ## ****We’re resorting to invasions instead of invitations.** Based on history alone, it appears it is much better to be the leader of a totalitarian government than it is to be, say, a homeowner. The difference is astounding. When you invade a country, you’re deemed a hero and a powerful strategist if not also an evil leader. The same is not true with homeownership. At least not in the suburbs. When you extend your fence beyond the surveyed property lines, or perhaps annex a part of the driveway entrance by parking your car in front of it, you’re not considered a hero or a dictator. You’re just considered a dick. For those of you evaluating your future career options, including taking a role as a dictator, perhaps one of the biggest considerations is that if you are a traditional suburbanite, you can’t assassinate your neighbor for not properly caring for their lawn the way you think they should, but as the leader of a powerful country, you can do so, seemingly with impunity. Nonetheless, people are taking to invasions before diplomacy these days, not just in the suburbs, but across the world. ## **A you a Leader or a Dictator?** Let’s say that your HOA has a rule against storing toilets in the backyard of one’s private property after uninstalling them. It seems more common for HOA leadership to forgo community improvements and snow removal in exchange for suing the homeowner with a shitter in their yard–instead of just having a cup of coffee and a conversation with them to propose a plan on how they can live in peace. Now, I can’t say if this is based on a true story, but you suburbanites–you know what I’m talking about. Sooner than anyone would have a friendly conversation with a neighbor, they’ll serve papers (and I’m not talking about toilet paper). So as the duly elected official who gets the benefit of not only tendering the most votes, but also receiving the most votes, you have the opportunity to exercise your power over the person who has to do his own plumbing between work days to make ends meet. It must be nice to be a dictator. Listen, sometimes swift and decisive action needs to be taken. From time to time, you may need to drive your semi-truck to the capital to make a point, and if there is enough funding, you might need to set up camp for several weeks. Maybe even with a professional sound system and hired speakers to rally a crowd. Taking the offensive strategy makes sense to the person who’s angry, but before you know it, the offensive strategy may cost you more than the original infraction you are complaining about. Just ask the three guys sentenced to life in prison for killing Aumad Arbury for jogging in a white neighborhood. Hindsight is twenty-fifteen. I only say that because over the last several decades, I’ve had nearly perfect (or slightly better than perfect) vision, and plan on it never degrading. But when I look back on life and examine the ways I did what I believed I needed to do to make a point, or the times I made an example out of someone, no matter how right I was, it usually did nothing to solve the problem. In so many cases, when I could see the details more clearly with twenty fifteen vision, it would have been better to have a beverage with the person I was at odds with. Much like the [beer summit](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2021/07/why-yes-i-do-disagree-with-you-hold-my-beer/?ref=danielkherndon.com) of 2009\. Despite then Vice President Joe Biden drinking a non-alcoholic beer, the gesture diffused what could have been a major dispute based on matters of race and jurisdiction. Unfortunately, the race riots of 2020 were an example of things going in a much different direction. 2020 saw too much of this sentiment, only to be capped off with an invasion of the US capital. ## **Swallowing your pride is hard to do.** On the 28th of June in 1914, the Archduke of Austria, Franz Ferdinand was pursued by members of Young Bosnia, a revolutionary movement. After attempting to bomb the Archduke and his wife on a drive to the Governors house, the grenade lunged at them leading to unsuspecting people nearby being injured instead. When the two went to visit the injured in the hospital a Young Bosnian assassin, Gavrilo Princip came upon them and took his opportunity. He shot the Archduke's wife in the abdomen, followed by the Archduke himself in the neck. The two died shortly after, igniting World War I which killed 40 million people. I don’t know what this tells you about running an HOA or Canadian trucking company. Or your dictatorship for that matter. I’m simply saying it is worthy of reflection to determine if the cost of making a point through offensive tactics is worth the price. And is it necessary? It only takes one Franz Ferdinand assassination to start a World War, but it takes less than two non alcoholic beers to end one. ### Explain Russia To Me URL: https://danielkherndon.com/explain-russia-to-me/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:31:24.000Z I want to start by answering your burning questions. Readers are asking “Hey Daniel, what’s going on with Russia? This situation has been keeping me up at night. It’s the only thing I can focus on between Anti-Vaccine Mandate and CRT protests!” So I decided to oblige and give you a brief summary about what the pravda is going on with Russia, Ukraine and this international crisis. ## **Sources:** I’ve not only been paying attention to the news, I’ve also been watching The Americans, where Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys play Russian spies living as normal Americans in the 80s. So I’m up on my history. Allow me to explain what’s going on. I also drank two White Russian cocktails this week, so you can trust the quality of my explanation. ## **Background:** Basically, Russia is sort of like the kid who was the second tallest person in middle school, only to get to high school and discover they are the eleventh tallest, and only the top ten show up on the rankings. At 5’7”, Putin is not happy with that. Because of that absence from the list of world powers, they’ve had to assert their dominance by making noise in order to be noticed. Russia thinks their way of doing things is better, unlike the humility of American Exceptionalism, and of course who wouldn’t rather live in a dictatorship? In November, 75 million people voted for one here in the US, outnumbering the 80 million who voted against it. ![](https://www.danielkherndon.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/27-Russia-v-World-1024x470.jpg) ## What’s The Beef? Some countries disagreed with their assessment, and Russia is expressing that bitterness (sorry that was an autocorrect. It was supposed to say “better-ness”) by surrounding Ukraine on nearly all sides of their border with something like 150,000 troops complete with tanks. Not just because Ukraine used to be part of the Soviet Union (Russia’s former heavyweight wrestling title), but because they don’t want the world alliance known as NATO to permit Ukraine to join. Of course Russia says the US and other NATO members are breaking promises by expanding NATO to begin with. Based on what? Well, back in the 80s when all restaurants were Ponderosa and Cattle Company, some guy representing the United States who was barely above an intern (okay it was U.S. Secretary of State James Baker) was sitting in a casual dining setting with then Soviet Leader Mikhail Gorbachev and said that NATO won’t expand “one inch to the east”. The problem is that he was misunderstood. He meant to say his mashed potatoes won’t expand one inch to the beef, referring to his buffet selections for what was likely plate #2 (I guess he didn’t like his food to touch). ## Fast Forward to Today Well, NATO has expanded over the years, and Putin doesn’t like that, mostly because it accentuates how short he looks, standing just a border away from NATO missile defense systems. Based on almost nothing, Russia is expressing security concerns over the possibility of Ukraine joining NATO, a plan that is not in the works at all. Because of that they are doing “military exercises” and the US has screenshots of Putin saying they are not planning on invading Ukraine (LOL). What do these military exercises look like? We’ll picture an exercise class (also in the 80s) with Keri Russell (from the Americans) wearing typical 80s leg warmers except instead of Keri Russell, it’s a bunch of whites guys eating Borscht out of a can and instead of leg warmers they’re wearing boots made out of Soviet rubber. It only takes a few scrolls through Tick Tok to see what’s going on at the Ukrainian border. And it would seem threatening to anyone–except Ukraine of course (also LOL) who is pretending that they don’t mind in an effort to avoid panic. Like any bully, Putin is telling us he’s our friend when it suits him and telling us we’re chumps the rest of the time. As of now, the US strategy death by press release, frequently publishing their suspicions and warning of the threat level. Russia’s strategy is to Tonya Harding Ukraine by knee capping them while Ukraine screams in shock, and Russia claims it is someone else’s fault even though it was their plan all along. I assure you, this isn’t about Ukraine or Nancy Kerrigan. They’re playing the World Games and going for Gold. This week, Russia claimed to have drawn down troops, but these matches say you’re lying. ![](https://www.danielkherndon.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/img_4375.jpg) ***Editors note:*** *Do you have questions that you just can’t rely on the internet to answer for you without trying to sell you something? Politics? Religion? String Theory? Ask me anything. Send questions to HeyDaniel@danielkherndon.com!* ### What the Pravda!? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/what-the-pravda/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:54:08.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning and welcome to an email coming out of the cold cold Midwest. I don’t enjoy the cold, and while the only reason I live in the Midwest is because of systemic oppression (also the economic opportunity, cost of living benefits, and being born here!), I have grown to accept that every winter, I will fail to climatize to the change in temperature. I’ve also learned that the older I get, the dryer I feel in the winter. This is why people die. Because they eventually dry out. Anyway, the good news is, I’m probably not going to die in a war against Russia. But I don’t know if that’s the case for everyone right now. Let’s get to ***The News***. --- ## What’s Up With Russia? I want to start by answering your burning questions. Readers are asking “Hey Daniel, what’s going on with Russia? This situation has been keeping me up at night. It’s the only thing I can focus on between Anti-Vaccine Mandate and CRT protests!” So I decided to oblige and give you a brief summary about what the pravda is going on with Russia, Ukraine and this international crisis. **Sources:** I’ve not only been paying attention to the news, I’ve also been watching The Americans, where Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys play Russian spies living as normal Americans in the 80s. So I’m up on my history. Allow me to explain what’s going on. I also drank two White Russian cocktails this week, so you can trust the quality of my explanation. **Background**: Basically, Russia is sort of like the kid who was the second tallest person in middle school, only to get to high school and discover they are the eleventh tallest, and only the top ten show up on the rankings. At 5’7”, Putin is not happy with that. Because of that absence from the list of world powers, they’ve had to assert their dominance by making noise in order to be noticed. Russia thinks their way of doing things is better, unlike the humility of American Exceptionalism, and of course who wouldn’t rather live in a dictatorship? In November, 75 million people voted for one here in the US, outnumbering the 80 million who voted against it. --- ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/27-Russia-v-World.jpeg) ## What’s The Beef? Some countries disagreed with their assessment, and Russia is expressing that bitterness (sorry that was an autocorrect. It was supposed to say “better-ness”) by surrounding Ukraine on nearly all sides of their border with something like 150,000 troops complete with tanks. Not just because Ukraine used to be part of the Soviet Union (Russia’s former heavyweight wrestling title), but because they don’t want the world alliance known as NATO to permit Ukraine to join. Of course Russia says the US and other NATO members are breaking promises by expanding NATO to begin with. Based on what? Well, back in the 80s when all restaurants were Ponderosa and Cattle Company, some guy representing the United States who was barely above an intern (okay it was U.S. Secretary of State James Baker) was sitting in a casual dining setting with then Soviet Leader Mikhail Gorbachev and said that NATO won’t expand “one inch to the east”. The problem is that he was misunderstood. He meant to say his mashed potatoes won’t expand one inch to the beef, referring to his buffet selections for what was likely plate #2 (I guess he didn’t like his food to touch). ## Fast Forward to Today Well, NATO has expanded over the years, and Putin doesn’t like that, mostly because it accentuates how short he looks, standing just a border away from NATO missile defense systems. Based on almost nothing, Russia is expressing security concerns over the possibility of Ukraine joining NATO, a plan that is not in the works at all. Because of that they are doing “military exercises” and the US has screenshots of Putin saying they are not planning on invading Ukraine (LOL). What do these military exercises look like? We’ll picture an exercise class (also in the 80s) with Keri Russell (from the Americans) wearing typical 80s leg warmers except instead of Keri Russell, it’s a bunch of whites guys eating Borscht out of a can and instead of leg warmers they’re wearing boots made out of Soviet rubber. It only takes a few scrolls through Tick Tok to see what’s going on at the Ukrainian border. And it would seem threatening to anyone–except Ukraine of course (also LOL) who is pretending that they don’t mind in an effort to avoid panic. Like any bully, Putin is telling us he’s our friend when it suits him and telling us we’re chumps the rest of the time. As of now, the US strategy death by press release, frequently publishing their suspicions and warning of the threat level. Russia’s strategy is to Tonya Harding Ukraine by knee capping them while Ukraine screams in shock, and Russia claims it is someone else’s fault even though it was their plan all along. I assure you, this isn’t about Ukraine or Nancy Kerrigan. They’re playing the World Games and going for Gold. This week, Russia claimed to have drawn down troops, but these matches say you’re lying. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/oGEoeg3.jpeg) As a hat tip to Putin for giving us a busy news week, here’s a recipe for [Puttanesca](http://shapewellness.co/recipes/puttanesca/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) from Mrs. Lorem Ipsum’s Shape Wellness. *Editors note:* *Do you have questions that you just can’t rely on the internet to answer for you without trying to sell you something? Politics? Religion? String Theory?* *Ask me anything. Send questions to Daniel@danielkherndon.com!* Let’s see what else happened this week. ## Hot Takes `Week 7 of 2022` **Copious Evidence.** I checked in on Trump, and he’s actually doing great. Yeah, this week a judge ordered him and his kids to testify [under oath](https://www.npr.org/2022/02/17/1081426859/ny-supreme-court-justice-orders-the-trumps-to-testify-under-oath?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) regarding the tax fraud indictment that came back in July. Also, earlier this week, Trump’s longtime accounting firm Mazars USA fired him as a client and retracted a decade of financial statements. In response, with a toilet flushing sound in the background, Trump changed the subject to [Hillary Clinton](https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-bftrqz2yzp1588?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). **But Her Emails.** On [Twitter](https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/1492149960929861634?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1492149960929861634%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1%5Fc10&ref%5Furl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Fhillary-clinton-donald-trump-shredded-documents-but-her-emails-cap%5Fn%5F62084df0e4b083bd1cbf8cf1&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), Hillary Clinton ripped on Trump to [sell hats](https://www.yahoo.com/news/hillary-clinton-debuts-hat-mock-022614696.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). She was making fun of how his credibility is in the toilet. I mean literally. Evidently, many of his Presidential records ended up being flushed down the toilet. **Aiming at Gun Laws.** The folks at Everytown For Gun Safety (which is located in only one town) are shooting it to us straight. Their recent study shows a connection between weaker gun laws and more gun violence. Here’s the ranking of [each state](https://everytownresearch.org/rankings/?%5Fgl=1%2Awwxcib%2A%5Fga%2ANjkxMzIwNDI1LjE2NDUxMTE5MDQ.%2A%5Fga%5FLT0FWV3EK3%2AMTY0NTExOTcxNS4zLjEuMTY0NTExOTc3OC4w&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). The study has gun rights activists up in arms. **Related**, Sandy Hook school shooting victims’ families have reached a multi-million dollar [settlement](https://abcnews.go.com/US/sandy-hook-families-settle-remington-marking-1st-time/story?id=82881639&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) with gun manufacturers, despite the [conspiracy theory](https://www.npr.org/2021/10/01/1042423742/alex-jones-sandy-hook-hoax-conspiracy?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) that the event never happened. **The Oscars** announced their [hosts](https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/15/entertainment/oscars-hosts/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), Wanda Sykes, Amy Schumer, and Regina Hall. While there are three hosts, this year the audience may outnumber the hosts with easing covid [restrictions](https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/movies/story/2022-02-10/oscars-film-academy-covid-19-vaccination-proof?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). **Thousands of Catholics** are going to hell, despite their effort to get [baptized](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/catholic-priest-andres-arango-baptisms-invalid-phoenix-church/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), because a priest rendered their baptisms invalid by using one wrong word (“we” instead of “I”). The Baptists Convention responded by saying their baptisms weren’t valid to begin with. **Speaking of going to hell,** Prince Andrew has recently settled a [lawsuit](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/prince-andrew-settles-sex-abuse-lawsuit-virginia-giuffre-rcna16308?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) over sex abuse allegations. That’s it for the news, I have one more thing for you. ## A Fairytale `Recent Articles` Recently, friend and reader [Ryan Puckett](https://www.facebook.com/rmpuckett/posts/10159896585954530?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) shared the following story he wrote, inspired by an article about expertise, and I wanted you to enjoy it as much as I did. > Once upon a time, a gardener decided he needed a place to store his tools and asked a carpenter to show him some options and what it would cost. “You need a shed,” said the carpenter. The gardener recognized that the carpenter was considered an expert in his field and had completed a long apprenticeship with his father. > After listening to the carpenter and receiving a quote, the gardener grew skeptical. He thought to himself, “Of course that’s his recommendation! He’s only motivated by money and what he’s proposing will likely fall to the ground and I’ll just have to pay him again to fix it. I’m not following for this scam!” > The gardener then said to the carpenter, “No thanks, Jesus. I’m gonna do my own research on design plus I already have my own hands and tools. I’ll build this ‘shed’ \[gesticulating with air quotes\] myself!” —— > I was inspired to create this fairy tale by my friend [Daniel Herndon](https://twitter.com/danielherndon?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) who has a clever blog: [I’m Doing My Own Research.](https://danielkherndon.com/im-doing-my-own-research/) — That’s it for this week. ***Have a great weekend! Cheers!*** > The dude would be proud man. [pic.twitter.com/B8RUsjeDJX](https://t.co/B8RUsjeDJX?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [December 4, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1466943853932564482?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Welcome to you both! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/welcome-to-you-both/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:52:53.000Z Good morning, I’d like to take a moment to welcome Liz Cheney as a new subscriber. Although I guess it’s possible that “censured4good66@\*\*\*\*\*.com” could arguably be someone else’s email, but it seems pretty obvious it’s her. I’ve been thinking about her and Adam Kinzinger this week ever since their own party decided to censure them both for investigating the Capitol Riots of January 6th, which of course are now properly titled “legitimate political discourse”. Also, we can’t call the attendees “Capitol Insurrectionists” anymore but rather “ordinary citizens”, and their military-like outfits are no longer “fatigues” but rather “sturdy pajamas that have several pockets”. Anyway, welcome Liz and welcome all new subscribers! I wrote [this article](https://danielkherndon.com/2022/01/death-by-herd-mentality/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) about you not long ago (referring to Liz, not the rest of you). I hope you enjoy it! **Moving Along**. So what happened this week? Week six of 2022 may have seen events of Olympic proportions, however, the Beijing Olympics themselves were not one of them. Rumor has it Russia has more tanks and fighter jets at the Ukraine Border than there were spectators at the opening ceremony in Beijing. Beyond the Olympics, Democrats are tossing their masks and Republicans are tossing each other. Let’s get to ***The News.*** ## Hot Takes `Week 6 of 2022` **Blue Face Coverings are Out.** By the way, we’re not doing masks anymore. Kind of. While the Omicron wave is waving goodbye, it's waving more like Miss America on the back of a pace car in a parade. That’s fine though because most people are done with coronavirus even if it’s not done with us. The more cautious (pronounced “democrat lead”) states are dropping mask mandates, so their kids can return to their previously scheduled programming of being kids. Some don’t agree that it’s good timing, like for example the CDC. If you want to know who’s right in this case, the 2023 me will probably write a blog about this, but the 2022 me is in favor of looking for the ROI of masking kids and at the moment, I don’t see it (source: science). **Republican Whiplash is Wild**. This week’s GOP Olympics include more childish games like “(Trump) loves me, he loves me not” followed by “red rover, red rover send Cheney right over”. The games are designed to win back the majority in the next election cycle, which might work because there is a voter base that loves games (a.k.a. insurrections). Dean of students, Mitch McConnell responded to Party hijinks sharply with comments about January 6th being a “violent insurrection for the purpose of trying to prevent a peaceful transfer of power after a legitimately certified election from one administration to the next.“. This matches up perfectly with his acquittal of Trump following the same events. And also criticizing Trump. And also supporting Trump. **Don’t Tell Biden**. Inflation is actually worse than we thought. Of course everyone buying a bag of individually wrapped cheese sticks already noticed when they got to the checkout, but CPI is inflating faster than The Lorem Ipsum’s click rates. **The 2022 Oscar Nominations** are in and we’re seeing some picks breaking records for most times nominated, like Denzel Washington and Steven Spielberg. On the other hand, once again, I was snubbed for "Best Writer of a Hot Take”. To see who wasn’t snubbed, look here. **Lastly:** **Hyundai and Kia tell owners of nearly 500,000 vehicles** to park outside due to a fire risk. But honestly, if I owned 500,000 vehicles, I think it would probably be something other than a Hyundai or Kia. That’s it for the news this week. Now for The Gist. ## Should we Take Action or Resumes? `The Gist` This week I wanted to comment on the incoming Supreme Court pick and maybe a little bit about how people are selected for their jobs. As you likely noticed, the job market has been getting a little complicated lately. The so-called “great resignation” has been vexing employers ranging from schools to meat packing plants. Well if you watch the news, you’ll see the NFL and the Supreme Court have their challenges too, but they’re just a little different. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/26-Justice.jpeg) ## What Didn’t Happen When it comes to resumes, they are intended to show one’s qualifications. Unfortunately, they are interpreted through the lens of “survivor bias”. Resumes show us someone’s qualifications, but they also show us what didn’t happen. How does this relate to the Supreme Court? I discuss in the article whether we should expand the field, or expand the perspective. Read on. I hope you enjoy! Don’t forget to share with your loved ones. In the meantime, here’s what you missed last week. ## Isn't She Lovely? #### The Miss Information Beauty Pageant What do image competitions, banned books, and Joe Rogan have in common? **[Read it here](https://danielkherndon.com/the-miss-information-beauty-pageant/)**. --- That’s it for now. ***Enjoy your weekend!*** ### Taking Action or Taking Resumes URL: https://danielkherndon.com/taking-action-or-taking-resumes/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:29:38.000Z ## Why it is vital we have a Black Woman on the US Supreme Court. As you likely noticed, the job market has been getting a little complicated lately. The so-called “great resignation” has been vexing employers ranging from schools to meat packing plants. If you want something done right, you’re going to have to schedule multiple interviews and hastily extend offers to the first candidate that shows up, before realizing you’re gonna have to do it yourself. In some cases, workers appear to have more leverage than ever, so any schlupp wanting a job can walk into the meat packing facility of their choice and start immediately, after which they’ll take an extra fifteen minutes on their lunch without permission or regard for the people around them, and eventually walk off the job. The issues may look different between industries, but nearly everyone is dealing with personnel related complications. The NFL and the Supreme Court are no exception. Although I haven’t heard that people are quitting without notice or ghosting their scheduled interviews, it's complicated nonetheless. By the way, I’m sorry to refer to The Supreme Court as a meat packing plant. The only reason I said that is because they’ve been stuffing the bench with old white men to interpret our laws and [shape legal precedent since 1789](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2022/01/how-to-rock-the-vote-even-harder/?ref=danielkherndon.com) with only a few exceptions (7 exceptions actually). It seems like even dudes accused of sexual assault can still snag a placed on the bench where they’ll decide the fate of women and children for the rest of their working life. Of course a hiring 101 professor would tell you that selecting a candidate should be a matter of identifying the one with the greatest qualifications for the job. And let’s be fair, if the term “qualifications” is synonymous with “the other white meat” then the Supreme Court is doing great. But when it comes to shaping the law through rigorous review, qualifications aren't just about pedigree, they’re also about perspective. Perspective comes not just from sitting on the bench, but also spending time on the field. Take football for example. My children could draw Xs and Os by the time they were four, but converting those Xs and Os to banging heads against each other usually ended with one person being put down for a nap and another one pulling out the debit card to replace the dishes that were broken in the process. Of course the NFL isn’t worried about a broken dish any more than a broken promise. That is, promises regarding considering diverse candidates. It’s known as the Rooney Rule, requiring teams to interview at least two external minority candidates for head coaching positions. It’s worth pointing out that Black players have an advantage on the field, currently at about 58 percent. It doesn’t seem that advantage has extended to the coaching department though, a cut that dangles at around 35 percent–despite their clear strength in field experience, and the [record on the field](https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/01/11/sports/expectations-black-nfl-coaches-continue-be-higher-leash-shorter/?ref=danielkherndon.com). NFL Coach Brian Flores noticed this, but he didn’t bring it up until Bill Belichick sent him texts congratulating him on getting the job three days before he had his interview. It turns out, the text message was meant for his competition who is also named Brian. While I don’t begrudge any Brian for acquiring a job, and I assume Brian would say the same, from one Brian to another. It’s the Brian’s that never got a chance that concerns me. Despite the clear evidence of the *Brianominon* on the field (definition: the Phenomenon of Exceptional Brians) or the *Brianistics* (definition: The Statistical Analysis of Brians). ## **What didn’t happen** Qualifications can come from field experience or bench experience, but regardless, somewhere in history, experience came from getting that first shot. The first shot is when employers and coaches take a chance on someone based on something other than a resume. In the ancient language of the Pawnee, the word for resume is literally translated “a pile of embellishments” or in a more literal, literal interpretation “bullshit”. It’s also known as “the original LinkedIn” which of course didn’t include the automated messages. My greater point is that resumes tell you one thing very clearly. Resumes tell you what didn’t happen. Our Professor of HR at Prestige U. is not wrong when he advises you to hire someone based on their objective qualifications. But there is a narrow scope being taken into consideration. Often people look to statistics and resumes to show us about someone's experience. That is, what ***did*** happen and ***for how long***, but this method is limited by “survivor bias.” What is survivor bias? Let's say you have a private high school with a 99% graduation rate. It’s located in a public school district that has a 85% high school graduation rate. The statistics on marketing materials may say that the private school’s graduation rate is almost perfect. But the private school has a more strict enrollment process, which means that they only let in the students that already have good grades and presumably stable homes. Their graduation rate may not be any better. In fact it could be worse. They just limit their admission to students that are likely to graduate regardless. The students that don’t get accepted aren't counted in their figures. It’s no wonder those student’s leave school without a resume. The school that could help them, didn’t help them. It never happened. With a deeper reading, resumes show you who never got called back. The team she didn’t get picked for, the school that didn’t accept her and the job for which she didn't get a call back. ## **Expand the conversation.** President Joe Biden has vowed to select a Black Woman for the next supreme court pick. Of course we’re talking about people that have already achieved a lot in their lives. People that are already trained in the law. By the sounds of it, he’s not considering the person with the best resume or the strongest record if they are not also a female African American candidate. Oh no! What is he doing!? Biden’s critics, namely Ted Cruz, have said this decision is “offensive” and an insult to Black Americans. That we should consider all qualified candidates and “choose the best option”. Well this is a pile of embellishments. A Pile from which we have already selected 108 justices. Justices who have not faced court affirmed voter suppression, or other constitutional abridgements. So should we expand the field or expand our perspective? If we expand the field, we’ll be taking resumes. If we expand our perspective, we’ll capture the expertise of a vital point of view in America. When perspective is a priority, it narrows our focus to what our team needs. It’s true that coaching skills and playing football may not always be talents that are graced upon the same person. But making a decision on the bench is going to require the voices of those with the perspective that comes from a first hand view of the field. And this is why we absolutely must have the perspective of a Black Woman on the Supreme Court. Immediately, if not sooner. ### Who is Miss Information? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/who-is-miss-information/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:51:52.000Z Hey Friends, This week, the Groundhog definitely saw his [shadow](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2022/02/02/groundhog-day-punxsutawney-phil-sees-shadow/9303576002/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), and they say that means we’ll have six more weeks of winter. But is that really true? To be honest, I’m not sure if I can trust Punxsutawney Phil. As his critics have pointed out, he has been found to spread misinformation in the past, so I think we should cancel him. You know, people really have been doing a lot of canceling lately. Canceling books, canceling podcasts, canceling music. I’m going to talk about that in a minute. But first, The News. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 5 of 2022` **The Year of the Tiger.** The Bengals and the Rams are playing the Super Bowl together. The Bengals are heading to The Ram’s home stadium in [Los Angeles](https://www.nfl.com/news/bengals-not-rams-are-official-home-team-for-super-bowl-lvi-at-sofi-stadium?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) so I hope they start the long drive soon. Since the Bengals haven’t played a Bowl (at least not a Super one) since the 80s, fans are hoping the Chinese calendar animal is serendipitous. **Meta sneezed and all of tech felt obligated to say ‘bless you’.** What I mean is that the Facebook parent company announced a loss and their stock took a nose dive. Then so did lots of other tech companies. It’s mainly just because they [can’t track](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/03/business/stock-market-today.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) your every move though, so fine. **Depends on what the meaning of ISIS.** The US conducted a raid in Syria, killing the [leader of ISIS](https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/03/world/syria-us-special-forces-raid-intl-hnk/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Last time the US did a raid in Syria it was to kill the previous leader in 2019, so I guess we’ll see you in three years. Also, get this. Critics pointed out that some of the special forces were not wearing N95 masks, can you believe that? Ugh. **Ripped Up.** Trump’s team drafted two executive orders to seize [voting machines](https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/01/politics/donald-trump-capitol-insurrection-house-committee-mike-pence/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) in his effort to mark the election as fraudulent. Other documents which had been turned over were found [torn up](https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/31/politics/trump-torn-documents/index.html?bt%5Fee=E2ZMI9yCQsXBQGH3mMaeh2YdK0jxj51XTm1foULJfNxi23LY2OdRc6ZewOdrsSOH&bt%5Fts=1643715454388&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=cnn%5FFive%20Things%20for%20Tuesday%2C%20February%201%2C%202022&utm%5Fterm=1643715454386773327f95ad4) by President Trump. If the Trump administration had ever heard of a shredder, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. **Putin is Tootin’.** Basically, Vlad is saying “it’s not me, it’s you” to the US. He thinks Washington is the one [igniting tensions](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/02/03/world/ukraine-russia-news?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) between Russia and Ukraine–obviously not because of Russia’s large mobilization of troops toward the Ukrainian borders. Putin has also admitted he’s been getting cute with China lately, to which most analysts recite the K.I.S.S.I.N.G. song. **Ship or get off the pot.** Canadian Truckers have been [occupying Ottowa](https://www.foxnews.com/world/canada-trucker-freedom-protests-peaceful-joy-love-protesters?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) since Saturday in a protest aboot vaccine mandates. It’s still going, but the total numbers have waned (I guess some of them had loads to deliver). Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is claiming that the protesters are dropping loads (yes poop, but also mostly racism-related symbols) on some of the property in the Capitol city including graffiti and confederate flags. **The Steaks are Low.** As in there is a steak shortage at a Golden Corral that leads to a brawl between two groups of guests. The winners will need to use those steaks to treat their black eyes because it got pretty rough. The following video shows guests [throwing high chairs](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/watch-40-person-brawl-breaks-out-in-golden-corral-over-reported-steak-shortage-11643732458?siteid=yhoof2&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) at each other in front of a backdrop of unlimited instant mashed potatoes. The guests did not leave a tip for the staff either, BTW. That’s it for the news this week. Here’s ***The Gist.*** ## Miss Information `The Gist` Who is this “Miss Information” people keep talking about? It seems like there’s been a competition over who’s information is better and who’s should be on the banned list. I feel like everyone thinks their information is more beautiful than anyone else’s. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/25-Pageant.jpeg) ### Warning Labels and Banning Laws With pomp and circumstance, politically charged voices so often shut down the opposing view, distracting us from its merits. But that just means that we miss that the people we want to disagree with might just have a point. So should we be banning books and podcasts? **[Read The Article Here.](https://danielkherndon.com/the-miss-information-beauty-pageant/)** #### As for you and me… I will always listen to your point of view, even if we don’t agree. Reply with your feedback and thoughts anytime. For now, that’s all I have. ***Have a great week!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### The Miss Information Beauty Pageant URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-miss-information-beauty-pageant/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:28:42.000Z The classic beauty pageant has served as a popular pastime for spectators as long as I can remember. Before the Bachelor(ette), it might have been the best TV had to offer as far as ocular experiences are concerned. Few competitions are more addictive, stealing the attention of even the strongest willed among us. There’s nothing better than parading across a stage in a revealing outfit, while the audience with a drooling gaze judges your value as a human in a format so shallow it fits on a punch card. Of course, I’m talking about the coming midterm election season. This is when elected and want-to-be elected officials will prance across our screens, social media included, presenting themselves as idealistic versions of us, with a nice set of virtue signals, and of course our best interests in mind. Of course, politics is not much with the punditry that takes place on the various virtual stages. Sometimes we get the two mixed up, mistaking the message of the liberal media for the message of the liberal elite. Journalists in my view are dedicated to bungling and boiling down messaging into a series of headlines and soundbites. Enough of these sound bites, and the general public is left confused on which point was the message of the politician and which was the conjecture of a journalist. You might call this the swimsuit competition because this is where everyone’s personal matters get exposed and criticized unfairly. ## **Word travels fast these days** It seems like the memes and reels are driving the news cycle as much as the news itself and it appears to be shaping worldviews as well, but information is information in whatever form you get it. I totally understand the modern day need to scan and move on because there’s just so much to process. That’s why *“Let’s Go Brandon”* is a more effective message than, say *“Let’s go economic liberalism, and the championing of laissez-faire markets!”* It really is a privilege to live in a time when information travels as fast as it does. What I feel less privileged about is the part that isn’t traveling far. Instead of listening to what someone has to say, someone’s already strutting with pomp and circumstance to shut down the opposing view and distract us from its merits. Case in point, while we have been talking about the doom befalling Ukraine, the Ukrainian President has been telling us to back off so he can get his red carpet pictures taken with his completely relaxed troops. Meanwhile Russia says “pay no attention to the 100,000 troops we’ve just mobilized” while claiming the US is the one igniting tensions with Ukraine. The message sways from "war is imminent" to "You're overreacting. Leave us alone while we hack some elections." This could be a more important matter to us here in the US if we weren’t facing more pressing issues at home. We’ve got music playlists to rebuild. Our Canadian rock idol of the 70s, mister stick-it-to-the-man himself, Neil Young has yanked his music off of Spotify because he insists they cancel Joe Rogan. He's insisting that the Spotify cannot have Neil Young if they are also going to continue having the Dark Web podcaster Joe Rogan publishing conversations with doctors that push an anti-the-man narrative. Translation "you can't keep on rockin in the free world that particular way". Neil Young's fit throwing didn't force their hand, but [James Blunt](https://twitter.com/JamesBlunt/status/1487364023003844610?s=20&t=vAMlECo0Q5CN2a3qb524Yw&ref=danielkherndon.com) did. The singer of “You are Beautiful” fame threatened to release more music onto Spotify if they don’t act swiftly to take Joe Rogan down. The threat of another James Blunt song endlessly streaming itself onto our every playlist has finally gotten Spotify to act. Their response was swift and decisive. They’ve published a policy and a warning label. Spotify didn't yank Rogan's opinion podcast, so Neil is out, and so are a chunk of their customers. Customers with better opinions evidently. On the topic of school children being used as pawns for political jockeying, a lot more is being yanked. And that’s any book with the word “damn” in it, or something that could possibly contain any American History about race. Obviously, for fear it might make a kid cry under their mask (that is, if it’s even legal to require someone to wear a mask, especially while crying). Not only are books being banned from schools, but laws are being written and discussed in State Houses across the country (and most concentrated in the bible belt) to block such books legally. Because It’s an understandable fear that things could get out of hand if teachers try to pull a fast one and [teach a kid about history](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2021/07/critical-race-theory-dont-drink-the-water/?ref=danielkherndon.com). As we all know, knowledge is dangerous. If they’re smart, they’ll block the internet next, which is even easier to use than a book. ## Pageantry instead of honest debate What we’re seeing here is a ceremonial display of “my information is better than your information, so take down your information or I’ll tag you with a warning label and a state law.” The protocol is to present your idea and criticism as publicly as possible to ensure that everyone knows how much more righteous you are, and how dangerous opposing ideas are to our safety. I'm not going to say "China much?" but I have seen this kind of censorship somewhere else. We just happen to have two sides vying for the crown. Each side is parading across a proverbial stage, claiming to be more virtuous, and more beautiful, but on the inside, they’re all ugly. The judges are you and me, and while we’re hoping their answers to our toughest questions are "work to bring about world peace”. Unfortunately, the answers to the really important questions tend to be abysmal, and unless we're looking for good television, it doesn’t look like we’re getting the answer we were hoping for. Because of that, we’re all going to vote. And by “all” I mean, all of us whose vote isn’t conveniently carved out by a novel election law implemented just in time to lower turnout. And when we vote, we’re going to vote our conscience. And by “conscience” I mean whatever inspires us coming from the voices we trust. If the critics are shutting down the voices they don't trust, it will serve to only increase the distrust in return. The real story sometimes tells us that the people we don’t want to agree with actually have a point. So when we find out who wins this year's Miss Information USA, let’s hope we are comfortable with our choices for the next few years. Here’s to honest debate and a happy mid-term election. ### White skin and tan teeth. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/white-skin-and-tan-teeth/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:50:46.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning. I managed to make it to the dentist's last week. It had only been ~~two~~ four(+) years since my last cleaning, it was 2017\. The visit was part of an effort at refurbishing a decades-old front tooth crown. I recall getting the color correct on the fake tooth material was pretty challenging. When I suggested he could soak the tooth in coffee for 25 years, the dentist declined. I guess he wanted that final payment sooner. Needless to say, he had some tricks up his sleeve when it came to tooth coloring so we eventually got it right. Anyway, I was so satisfied with his expertise that I didn’t come back until 2022 when an appointment suddenly appeared on my calendar. Thank God for wives keeping us alive! Anyway, this makes me think about the benefits of tapping into my dentist’s expertise, versus doing my own dental research. I’ll get into that topic in a second. But first, ***The News.*** --- #### Personal update: I’m keeping my eyes open for a position as a supreme court justice if you know of any openings. I’m hoping for the following qualities in a job: - Little to no oversight - Life long job security - Working with a small diverse team Has anyone heard of anything? As a side note, I heard that [Justice Steven Breyer](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/justice-stephen-breyer-retire-supreme-court-paving-way-biden-appointment-n1288042?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) is getting out of the business. > Is the difference between a regular court and a supreme court just the addition of sour cream? > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [January 27, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1486820165820071939?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Here’s the rest of the news: ## Hot Takes `Week 4 of 2022` **We’re gearing up for a WW3** and I don’t mean the third rebrand of [weight watchers](https://www.weightwatchers.com/us/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Just about all countries including the US are mobilizing troops in light of Russia’s blustering toward Ukraine. Russia has built up troops [near the Ukraine border](https://www.cnn.com/europe/live-news/ukraine-russia-news-01-27-22/h%5F45ba1c453968437bbe9ce4306bbe62f8?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) even in the last day. I could really use some decent World War quality [propaganda](https://www.google.com/search?bih=1134&biw=1534&dpr=1.1&q=world%20war%20propaganda&rlz=1C5CHFA%5FenUS890US891&sa=X&source=lnms&sqi=2&tbm=isch&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter&ved=2ahUKEwiMkbCN9dL1AhVWZt4KHfDCAI0Q%5FAUoAXoECAEQAw) right now. **Neal Young would rather NOT keep on rocking in a free world**. He pressured Spotify to [remove his music](https://www.wsj.com/articles/neil-youngs-music-is-being-taken-down-by-spotify-after-ultimatum-over-joe-rogan-11643230104?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) if they don’t do something about the alleged [misinformation](https://www.wsj.com/articles/neil-youngs-music-is-being-taken-down-by-spotify-after-ultimatum-over-joe-rogan-11643230104?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) coming from Joe Rogan’s podcast. Spotify did the math and decided to keep on rockin’ with Joe. **Interest Rates Are Up!** Psyche! Not really. The Fed met for a couple of days only to come out and say “we decided rates are staying the same [for now](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/01/26/the-fed-sets-the-stage-for-a-rate-hike-heres-what-that-means-for-you.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)". Don’t blink though. They’re still singing, and people get ready because a rate hike will come like a thief in the night. **Lately, the US economy has been sticking out like a sore thumb**, because while it was throbbing from inflation, the GDP was also swelling in an attempt to offset the appearance of Biden’s shrinking approval rating. 2021 marked some serious [economic growth](https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/us-economy-grew-57-2021-rebound-2020-recession-82507751?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). The most since 1984. **Meanwhile, over at Partygate.** British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is [under scrutiny](https://www.businessinsider.com/hes-not-robbed-a-bank-johnsons-supporters-excuses-for-partygate-2022-1?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), not for a terrible haircut this time, but for having garden parties in direct violation of the rules his administration imposed on the population. Don’t worry, [he said sorry](https://apnews.com/article/coronavirus-pandemic-boris-johnson-health-business-london-75fb04edd2fb45483f5276bd1fe05079?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). **Swans ruin everything.** London Underground trains were delayed because one stubborn swan was blocking [the tracks](https://www.upi.com/Odd%5FNews/2022/01/25/London-Underground/4371643145224/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). As a result, fourteen trains ended up flocking toward cancellation. The London Underground director was quoted as saying “ugh”. **Lastly, About Wine.** I’m using this newsletter to prove that your way of opening wine is wrong. Here’s a [better way](https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/the-best-corkscrew/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) according to not only the experts but also The Lorem Ipsum. Enjoy. That’s it for the news. Now here’s ***The Gist.*** ## Doing My Own Research `The Gist` I used to cut my own hair, which I’m okay at, but I once hit reboot on my whole head of hair because of a guard mistake. I’ll explain what I learned from this grooming disaster in this week’s [article](https://danielkherndon.com/im-doing-my-own-research/). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/24-Research-1.jpeg) ## A Conflict of Interest When it comes to things like politics, freedom, and coronavirus which at the moment are all exactly the same thing, people have decided that their expertise and google results are far more valid than that of the people who devote their whole life to the very topic they are googling. That applies to both ***liberal*** and ***conservative*** internet users (by that I mean people who don’t keep their opinions to themselves, e.g. me). But, I’m an optimist, and I have a simple solution. **[Read The Article Here.](https://danielkherndon.com/im-doing-my-own-research/)** Well, folks, that’s it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### I’m Doing My Own Research URL: https://danielkherndon.com/im-doing-my-own-research/ Last updated: 2026-05-07T18:10:42.000Z I’ve gotten pretty good at cutting my own hair. I’ve been getting haircuts for my entire life, and (fingers crossed) hope to for many years to come. Additionally, having watched haircuts taking place albeit through a mirror, I’ve gathered quite a bit about the process. I’ve even taken the finished product home with me in most cases, and examined it in detail. I can tell the difference between a good cut and a bad one. They say you can’t see the forest through the trees, especially in the midst of a densely populated one. It’s not much different with a hairdo, densely populated or not. But this doesn’t mean I don’t chop down a tree or two of my own from time to time if I need to. If I do decide to dive into the pruning process, it’s usually because of scheduling issues, sudden geographical inconveniences or in a rare occasion, cancer. I often get passable results, all things considered. That is, except for the time I made a trimmer guard related miscalculation and literally hit reboot on my entire head of hair. Those scenarios are very rare and so far only add up to one. It’s reasons like this and other less regretful reasons that I generally get someone else to cut my hair. Someone who devotes their whole professional life to the craft. There is something about having the training, tools and the practice that tends to end in better results. Over the years, Gina, Kira and Maria have provided high quality work, excellent results and great conversation. I’ve been able to tell them what I want, and they’ve been able to help me get the best results based on their proven expertise. Perhaps I’ve been writing myself into a corner here, because after all, I know my hair better than anyone, but it’s true that I do not have the expertise of a barber. I’ve been on the other side of the chair as well. I’m in the branding and marketing business. I’ve spent countless hours studying the topic, I test myself constantly and I’ve worked with a vast number of clients to consult them on brand decisions or the development of [marketing campaigns](https://danielkherndon.com/why-we-dont-trust-advertisers-and-politicians/). I’ve been on the outside of the woods on behalf of a forest dwelling client, and it looks different from out here. It just does. I’ve had my fair share of people pay me to give them expert advice, but respond by doing something different, if possible in direct conflict with my [recommendations](https://danielkherndon.com/does-this-market-research-make-me-look-fat/). I don’t know their business as well as they do, they’ve been running it for many years. I do have the training, the tools and the proven experience in regards to the profession in which I practice. When it comes to things like politics, freedom and coronavirus which at the moment are all exactly the same thing, people have decided that their expertise and google results are far more valid than the people who devote their whole life to the very topic they are googling. As a result, the question “What is a coronavirus?” has become so politically charged it might as well be on the ballot as a referendum. Strangely, questions like “how does a lightbulb work” aren’t receiving the same scrutiny in the public discourse but instead are still being left to electricians. With the exception of electrical work, it seems that if someone is an expert, we officially don’t trust them. We cast doubts on their expertise because they might get paid $34,312 more than the President, motivating them to lie to the nation in order to turn us into helpless lemmings that will put intimate garment fabric over our faces as an act of submission. If someone benefits financially from their expertise, we must know they are corrupt people with nefarious motives. It’s striking that the very people making these claims, in most cases, get paid to do something as well (source, the unemployment rate compared to the number of people saying things). Clearly, Mr. Carpenter, you cannot be trusted to give me advice on how to build things, because it benefits you, so get your hands off of my wooden shelves. Conflicts of interest have existed as long as history, and so has making a living using one’s skills. It seems to me that making a living is itself a conflict of interest, but I suppose we accept the good with the bad in order to keep the politicians from making all the decisions on their own. Thanks to almost every study ever done recently, it’s clear that people who identify as democrats overestimate pandemic dangers and those who align themselves with republicans tend to underestimate the risks. The line “follow the science” or “my body my choice” only pops up when it serves as a convenient jab. The rest of the time we’re doing our own research to find ways to validate our point of view, while conveniently avoiding the things that discredit it. Despite the experts that are making [data](https://covid19.trackvaccines.org/trials-vaccine-testing/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and [detailed studies](https://covid19.trackvaccines.org/trials-vaccine-testing/?ref=danielkherndon.com) available, explaining what vaccines do and what they don’t do (or insert your topic here). The claims we see being made are so incredulous, it’s clear that people jump to the conclusions their one dimensional ideology leads them to, without considering factors published in peer-reviewed journals and large numbers of statistical proofs. This proves that whatever you currently believe, you are probably overreacting. It’s not that our contribution to the national conversation is not valid, It’s just that we’re telling teachers how to teach, marketers how to market and immunologists how to immunologize. Instead we should be treating their advice as the best foundation of knowledge we have to work with at this time, rather than shoot the messenger because we’re not getting the answer we want. I get it. It feels threatening to have your deeply held beliefs called into question. Sometimes people don’t want to learn too much more, because it feels unsafe to shake their worldview, and possibly have to admit when they’re wrong. The optimist that I am, I believe there is a solution for this human centered problem. Although the pessimist in me keeps reminding the other me of the above concerns, I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I didn’t believe it mattered and that change at least for a select few was possible. The solution is quite simple. Let a professional cut your hair or get used to having a bad haircut. ### New CDC Updates URL: https://danielkherndon.com/new-cdc-updates/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:49:31.000Z Hey Friends, Good Morning. Unless you work at the CDC, of course, because you’ll probably change your mind soon. Who knows? Maybe mornings will be shortened by half. Perhaps we’ll learn that consumer-grade mornings are not as good as medical-grade mornings. Anyway, let’s see what happened this week. --- Well, this week I have been basking in the afterglow of Martin Luther King day. Especially because it reminds me of the national debt. I’ll explain. The national debt taken out by our grandparents in the 50s is something we are paying for today. The same is true when it comes to the damages that have impacted marginalized people groups. I’m talking about voting rights. I’ll go deep in this week’s article. But First, ***The News***. ## Hot Takes `Week 3 of 2022` **Russia has not threatened nuclear war.** But they have not not threatened to use nuclear weapons if the US gets involved in their tensions with Ukraine. Currently, this conflict is still in the swipe left or swipe right phase. The US is going to get coffee with Russia to see if they are chill with a little diplomacy. **The CDC Says** prior infection with the Delta variant was very effective at providing immunity. The news has gone viral on Parlor. **A Texas Rabbi Throws a Chair.** That’s how he and two other hostages escaped a gunman that held them for 11 hours on Saturday–using the Bobby Knight Method. The Gunman was killed in the standoff according to Police, but we’ve heard reports that the chair is in stable condition. **About The Earth Farting.** A Volcano Eruption Near Tonga in the ocean caused Tsunamis to hit New Zealand, Australia, Hawaii, and California. To explain, this was sort of like farting in the tub, but the flatulent offender was earth instead of a person reading a book and drinking red wine. **We were surprised** to find out that NY AG has uncovered “significant evidence” of fraud from the Trump organization. VERY Surprised. While the details of the fraud allegations have not been disclosed, it appears that Trump’s hair care and spray tans written off as “marketing expenses” is actually legitimate. Related: The Supreme Court also said that Trump’s records related to January 6th cannot be withheld under Executive Privilege. **It’s cool that Biden is sending us free tests!** Free masks and tests are on their way but since Omicron seems to be retreating, I’m not sure I’ll use them, but thanks for thinking of me!!! Welp… That’s it for the news this week. Now here’s ***The Gist.*** --- ## Rock The Vote Harder `The Gist` Should we make it easier to vote or harder to cheat? This week, I’ve heard answers ranging from “it’s too hard already” to “it’s too easy as it is” The answer, you might say, depends on what the meaning of the word “is” is. [In this week’s article](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-rock-the-vote-even-harder/), I go into painstaking effort to capture the whole history of the American right to vote since 1776\. And it is very revealing when you see the whole picture. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/23-Vote.jpeg) ### Hard to Cheat People are talking about election fraud these days, and enacting laws to address it. This week, I’ll show you evidence confirming that elections have been stolen many times. But it’s not what you’re thinking. **[Read more here.](https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-rock-the-vote-even-harder/)** That’s all I have for this week. Thanks for reading and sharing with a friend. See you next Friday. ***Have a great weekend!*** --- #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### How to Rock The Vote Even Harder URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-rock-the-vote-even-harder/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:26:45.000Z The first time I ever voted was when I was about eight years old. My vote didn’t count, but it meant a lot to me. It was during an election day marathon on Nickelodeon. A young TV personality invited us kids to call in by phone (with our voices) to vote for our favorite candidate. We were selecting between George Bush The Elder and his opponent then Governor of Massachusetts, Michael Dukakis. Even though the 700 club host Pat Robertson didn’t quite clinch the nomination during that election primary, I still had strong feelings about who would lead the most free country next, and so did many other viewers of Inspector Gadget and Family Double Dare. Bush won a decisive victory in the Nickelodeon election. It was revealed in the late afternoon spelled out in pepperoni on a made for TV Pizza. Interestingly, this outcome foreshadowed the soon to be actual landslide victory of President Bush. Not because of the pizza part, but because the kids got it right. Footnote: Actually the President would [host a dinner](https://www.whitehousehistory.org/press-room/press-timelines/italian-state-dinners-at-the-white-house?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=President%20George%20H,and%20jalapeno%20gnocchi.) for Italian President Francesco Cossiga in his first year in office, but I don’t know for sure if they ate Pizza. Bush slid into office with 4 out of 5 electoral votes or 53% of the actual votes which by any measure is a clear win. Still, 4 out of 5 is a landslide. Fifty-three percent is more of a tilt. Setting aside the notion that perhaps many of us were simply parroting what we had been hearing our parents parroting from Rush Limbaugh, we felt like our voices were heard and it made our mouths water. For the 1988 elections, over 90 million Americans voted, not counting the juvenile constituency that voted through a children’s cable network. For the next ten years, I would be craving another crack at that vote and a slice of that pizza that spelled out my candidate’s name in salty red letters. The next most memorable election for me was in 2000, just shortly after the world didn’t actually shut down due to the apocalyptic “[Y2K Bug](https://www.nationalgeographic.org/encyclopedia/Y2K-bug/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Encyclopedic%20Entry%20Vocabulary-,The%20Y2K%20bug%20was%20a%20computer%20flaw%2C%20or%20bug%2C%20that,dates%20beyond%20December%2031%2C%201999.&text=As%20the%20year%202000%20approached%2C%20computer%20programmers%20realized%20that%20computers,as%202000%2C%20but%20as%201900.)”. George Bush The Younger was running against the former Vice President Al Gore. During this election, I was camped out in a hotel room with two other coworkers on a business trip, so I had to vote by absentee. I had a brush with Italian cuisine as a part of this election as well but this time the pizza was more of a kinetic experience rather than a victory signal on television. My fellow civically engaged coworkers and I decided to watch the new coverage. The energy in the room matched that of a major sporting event, complete with nail biting moments and low quality beer. If you were a voter at this time, you probably remember the edge of your seat victory of George Bush. As for Al Gore, besides inventing the internet and fabricating the whole inconvenient truth of Global Warming, Al had accomplished almost nothing, so naturally the WhiteHouse was decorated with another Bush. More specifically, George Bush won the election with electoral votes of 271 to Gore’s 266\. Bush had received 47.9% of the votes to Gore’s 48.4%. In the last moments of the elections, the country learned the term “hanging chads” with Florida dealing with razor thin margins and trouble counting every single vote with accuracy. Rumor has it that the humidity played a role in the improper puncturing of the punch card ballots. The huge number of retired people doing a manual count didn’t aid in a quick solution, but nonetheless, the count was completed in just a few days after election night. The difference preventing Gore from winning the election was a margin of 537 votes that would have swung the Electoral College his way. The law required it be recounted and Bush asked the supreme court to stop it. In the end, after a brief legal battle over a recount and it’s methods, the state was declared for Bush, securing his Presidency. I was thankful that I didn’t have to miss work to vote, and that I had beer and pizza during a historic election. ## **The Right to Vote** Today, there’s so much talk about elections being stolen. Some candidates are even suggesting that the election which hasn’t even happened yet may be stolen as well. Meanwhile, most voters are just trying to be able to pay their bills and vote at the same time. And that’s been the issue since 1776. Of course voting is pretty easy for most people with a flexible job and cable, but who am I to talk? I’ve been taking the right to vote for granted since I was eight years old. A cursory look at the history of voting rights is telling. Especially if you look at today’s voting culture in the context of the whole timeline. We’re not busy, so let's take a peek right now. In June of 1788, just a couple years after the original performance of the Hamilton musical, The Constitution was adopted and in the process it granted the states the right to make laws regarding voting. Of course, like you and I do, each state made rules that made sense to them, which naturally meant that only men could vote and then only if they were at least 21 years old and owned land. Oh, and if they were white. The whites that were in power at the time didn’t see eye to eye when it came to electing a President. Some wanted Congress to pick the President. Others wanted a democratic popular vote, but then there’s a risk of everyone’s vote mattering, so as a compromise, they developed The Electoral College. It was another 80 years later in 1868 when it was finally determined that we should prohibit [slavery](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2021/07/critical-race-theory-dont-drink-the-water/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and even longer to end it. Since some people didn’t like the news rules, they called it fake news, and kept Black citizens from accessing things that could further their wellbeing. Because of that, in 1870, Congress went ahead and said out loud that Black men should have the right to vote, passing the 15th amendment. Still, states had constitutional authority to control their own voting laws so many states implemented new regulations to keep the Blacks from voting like charging a tax to vote or requiring literacy tests, especially in southern states where Blacks weren’t given access to schools. In 1920 women got their chance to be heard, but not until decades of ignored. The 19th amendment secured women voting rights. Again, states exercised their power to regulate voting and managed to block women from voting if they were among minorities or happened to be married to the wrong kind of immigrant husband. Next in line were the Native Americans, even though they were originally first in line. In 1924, they were granted citizenship, which means voting rights. Still, states controlled the voting laws and some continued to block the votes of Native Americans. In 1943, the USA was wrapping up World War II which had brought a lot of Chinese immigrants to the States. Since 1882 it had been illegal for Chinese people to become citizens of the US, but the law was repealed, allowing Chinese immigrants and their family members born in the USA the right to vote. It was 1961 when the 23rd amendment was ratified, giving Washington DC residents the right to vote for President and Vice President, and not just local elections only. In 1964, the 24th amendment banned poll taxes, and Lyndon Johnson declared that there should be “no one too poor to vote”. While that law has been celebrated, the poor (disproportionately Black people) were still impacted by states that exercised their power to limit times and places to vote, burdening those who were used to being burdened. In 1965, Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act, banning literacy tests and enforcing the 15th amendment. The state’s still retained constitutional power to manage voting laws and some continued to create means to block Black voters during the civil rights movement. The law required new state laws to receive federal preclearance in order to protect voters from discriminatory outcomes. The Voting Rights Act had provisions that required jurisdictions with a history of voter suppression to provide greater access to voter registration and voting opportunities to boost the count among minorities. It was a watershed moment for voters, especially those for whom the right had been blocked. ## **Easier To Vote** The subsequent laws were primarily focused on removing logistical barriers that could prevent people from gaining access to their right to vote. In 1971 the rights were expanded when Nixon signed a bill changing the voting age from 21 to 18 years old. This was in response to the age at which someone could be forced to be sent to war, even before they could vote for the candidate sending them. In 1975 Gerald Ford signed a bill requiring provisions for non-english speaking citizens when voting. In 1984, Reagan signed a law requiring polling locations to be accessible to disabled citizens. In 1993 voters were able to register to vote at the DMV and the motor vehicle agency was then required to keep record of voter registrations. In 2002 the younger George Bush signed a bill to systematize voting across states when it comes to voting machines, vote certification, national registration and more. Of course it wasn’t my intention to create a glossary of sorts for the history of voting laws. I’ve painstakingly collected all of these mile markers so that you could look at the history of the struggle for voting rights in context. ## **Harder To Cheat** In 2013, the Supreme Court struck down section 4b of the 1965 voting rights act. The very language that was designed to prevent voting suppression was called “outdated”. Immediately after being passed, states took actions ranging from stricter ID requirements to purging voter registrations. The measure was struck down along ideological lines with a 5 to 4 vote, and a strong statement of dissent from Ruth Bader Ginsburg. What followed in subsequent elections were closures of polling locations, reduced windows of time to vote, additional voter ID laws, manipulative redistricting and “at-large voting” which advantages majorities by enabling them to crowd out minority voters in local elections. It was a bipartisan commission that identified this outcome, not a partisan opinion. Since then, the racial voter [turnout gap grew](https://www.brennancenter.org/our-work/research-reports/racial-turnout-gap-grew-jurisdictions-previously-covered-voting-rights?ref=danielkherndon.com), with a decrease of voter participation in communities of color. Communities that had nearly achieved parity just before the ruling. But don’t we want to make sure it is hard to cheat? You know, to prevent people from stealing elections by voting 7 million times. Personally I don’t want to wait in line more than once. And while I sure do love getting the coveted “I Voted” sticker, I don’t think I have room on my laptop for 7 million stickers. Still, If someone took the time to vote 7,052,771 times, I think they've earned the stickers, not to mention the jail time. They’ve probably also earned the carpal tunnel in their hand for signing their name as many times. Why not require a government issued Photo ID though? I mean you have to show your ID to buy alcohol or hop on a plane, right? Well, unlike buying alcohol or flying on a plane, voting is a constitutional right. It’s spelled out specifically multiple times. It required no less than 15 acts of congress and at least 4 Constitutional amendments to ensure that everyone had that right. That means that even people that do not have a driver's license or passport also have the right to vote. A birth certificate or a social security card is a legal form of ID. You can use it to file taxes — but in some states, not to vote. It’s easy to get a photo ID if you have money, transportation, time, and the stomach to spend hours waiting in line at the BMV. But that means it’s not easy for everyone. But what about ballot harvesting? What do we do about that? Well if by ballot harvesting you mean that my grandma was willing to drop off my ballot at the drop box because I’m on a business trip, or I was willing to drop hers off because she has mobility issues, then yes. Yes we do have a problem. And It’s that reducing early voting is narrowing the window of time I have to solve this problem. The issue at hand is that we don’t trust elections. And it’s because people have been trying to steal them since 1776 and have been successful for almost all of that time. It took 189 years to get a comprehensive voting rights bill enacted and then another 48 years to undo it. I’ve never had a problem voting. Not once. To me voting has been one of the easiest ways to participate in the direction of my Government that I can imagine. But a reader named Lori reached out to me last week in response to The Lorem Ipsum and said this: *“I see the behaviors of those that view voting rights as a BIG LIE and people of color fighting for that right a non deserving group”* I see that too, Lori. They’ve been fighting since 1776, and it’s time we let them win. So that we all win. **Sources** [https://ballotpedia.org/Arguments\_for\_and\_against\_voter\_identification\_laws#:\~:text=Claim%3A%20Voter%20identification%20laws%20are,expensive%20to%20come%20by.%5B5%5D ](https://ballotpedia.org/Arguments%5Ffor%5Fand%5Fagainst%5Fvoter%5Fidentification%5Flaws?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Claim%3A%20Voter%20identification%20laws%20are,expensive%20to%20come%20by.%5B5%5D)[https://www.reuters.com/article/factcheck-hr1-missingcontext/fact-check-delving-into-social-media-claims-about-h-r-1-idUSL1N2M139F#:\~:text=Twenty%2Dsix%20states,2)%20(A)%20here) ](https://www.reuters.com/article/factcheck-hr1-missingcontext/fact-check-delving-into-social-media-claims-about-h-r-1-idUSL1N2M139F?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Twenty%2Dsix%20states,2%29%20%28A%29%20here%29)[https://www.politifact.com/factchecks/2021/mar/31/instagram-posts/hr-1-does-not-give-immigrants-illegally-country-ri/ ](https://www.politifact.com/factchecks/2021/mar/31/instagram-posts/hr-1-does-not-give-immigrants-illegally-country-ri/?ref=danielkherndon.com)[https://about.bgov.com/news/democrats-bill-offer-5-million-per-candidate-bonanza/ ](https://about.bgov.com/news/democrats-bill-offer-5-million-per-candidate-bonanza/?ref=danielkherndon.com)[https://www.ncsl.org/research/elections-and-campaigns/then-and-now-election-policies-in-2000-and-2020-magazine2021.aspx](https://www.ncsl.org/research/elections-and-campaigns/then-and-now-election-policies-in-2000-and-2020-magazine2021.aspx?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### I feel attacked. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/i-feel-attacked/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:47:58.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning. The Lorem Ipsum is already being used against me. Just this week, I was pressured to try things I was normally uncomfortable or uninterested in. Like exercise for example. Why would I practice lifting something while I am laying down? I may never do that in real life. And why would I run on a treadmill when I can run to get the mail?\* Well… A “friend” pressured me to ride on a Peloton by using my own words in [last week's article](https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/) against me. An article about being willing to accept other perspectives. It didn’t go well because I am out of shape and at the time also mildly inebriated. Needless to say, I’ll never work out again. \[\*Footnote: I also never get the mail.\] Enough about personal attacks against me. Let’s get to ***The News.*** --- #### What happened this week? Well, Omicron has been infecting basically everyone, packing [understaffed hospitals](https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/11/health/us-coronavirus-tuesday/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter#:~:text=Between%20April%20and%20July%202021%2C%20before%20the%20emergence%20of%20the%20Omicron%20variant%2C%20more%20than%2090%25%20of%20Covid%2D19%20hospitalizations%20were%20among%20people%20who%20were%20either%20unvaccinated%20or%20partially%20vaccinated%2C%20according%20to%20a%20study%20published%20by%20the%20CDC). Studies show most hospitalizations are people who have done their own research. Unrelated, in my regular poker game this past Sunday, multiple hands were won by players getting a full house ([what’s poker?](https://www.partypoker.com/en/how-to-play/texas-holdem?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)). Everyone at the table was perplexed. Suddenly, my wife rushes into the room to inform us that Bob Saget, famous for the comedy show *Full House* had died – the only thing that could have explained the strange luck. [Here’s more about Bob’s death](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/bob-saget-dies-age-65-florida/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Let’s see what else happened this week. ## Hot Takes `Week 2 of 2022` ****Climate Change is expensive like the liberal agenda.** I’m talking about the onethat flirts with socialismand saddles our grandchildren with debt. Well 2021 had 20 weather events that cost over 1 billion dollars. Here’s a [story](https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2022/jan/11/us-hit-by-20-separate-billion-dollar-climate-disasters-in-2021-noaa-report-says?CMP=oth%5Fb-aplnews%5Fd-1&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) explaining that, and here’s [another one](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/10/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) I wrote back in October. ****Voting rights/fraud.** Depending on what side you are on, you describe voter policies differently. Georgia lawmakers [passed a bill](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/02/us/politics/georgia-voting-law-annotated.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) saying voters should have less time and fewer locations to vote. President Joe Biden thinks that in a democracy, we should [remove barriers](https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/biden-speech-backing-voting-rights-bill-what-activists-needed-why-ncna1287337?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) so everyone can vote. ****Death to Dollar Stores.** The cost of goods and services is swelling like my hands are from typing yet another Take. We’re looking at increases of 7% in December. As a result, the ‘80s called saying they wanted their [inflation rates back](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2022/01/12/business/inflation-stock-market-economy-news?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Tragic Winter Fires.** Early this week, an apartment fire in the Bronx, [New York](https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/10/us/nyc-bronx-apartment-fire-monday/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), sparked by a space heater, killed 17 people. Last week a similar fire in [Philadelphia](https://www.inquirer.com/news/live/fire-philadelphia-fairmount-deaths-poplar-street-updates-20220105.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) killed 12 including children.Just a few weeks prior, Taco Bell [announced](https://www.sacbee.com/news/nation-world/national/article254105363.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) it was experiencing shortages of its popular “fire sauce”. *Coincidence*? ****Two Quick Ones** - Vaccine mandates [were shot down](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/13/us/politics/supreme-court-biden-vaccine-mandate.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) by the supreme court. - 1-six-commish [indicted](https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/13/politics/oath-keepers-sedition-takeaways/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) the Oath Keepers and leader Stewart Rhodes. That’s it for the news. Here’s ***The Gist*** --- ## Death by Herd Mentality `The Gist` Sometimes celebrities can sell you expensive bourbon at a premium price that’s really not that good. Similarly, swindlers can sell an emperor imaginary clothes, and everyone is afraid to point it out for fear of getting unfriended. Well Liz Cheney doesn’t do that. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/21-sheep.jpeg) ## The Emperors New Bourbon Herd Mentality leads to death, not to mention the plight of paying a lot for bourbon that doesn’t live up to it’s hype. Liz has pushed against that. So I’d like to do a bourbon tasting with her. **[Read the whole article.](https://danielkherndon.com/death-by-herd-mentality/)** ## An Anonymous Tip This is the best text I received this week. What was yours? Reply to send me a screenshot and I might include an anonymous version of it in a future issue. > Recent text. > > Just warning you guys as a public service. [pic.twitter.com/pLYZU9AhJf](https://t.co/pLYZU9AhJf?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [January 11, 2022](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1480934366637445122?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading and thanks for sharing. ***Have a great weekend!*** #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Death by Herd Mentality URL: https://danielkherndon.com/death-by-herd-mentality/ Last updated: 2023-11-09T00:44:01.000Z I like to taste bourbon. I also like expensive stuff, especially if it’s bourbon. If it’s hard to find, I like it even more. Bourbon is best enjoyed with company. When you have the added benefit of being the curator of the selection, you can win countless points with your friends by influencing the tasting experience. For example, when you tell your friends how rare something is, they are more likely to tell you how good it tastes. Scarcity has a striking impact on the flavor. In fact, my recommendation is that before you pour your latest select bottle for a guest, you follow a couple of procedures to enhance the experience. The steps are as follows. 1. First, explain that you bought this bottle through one of your “sources”. If it’s from a store, it's important to say the first name of the person you deal with who owns or works at that establishment. For example, if you are buying something from a major chain retailer, get the name of someone, even if they are simply stocking shelves and say you got it from “ over at ”. This gives the appearance that you have an inside track for the best selections. 2. Next, be sure to say the bottle is normally more expensive but you were able to get it for a deal (you don’t have to say the price, but it helps as long as it is more than the cost of a tank of gas). Be sure to say it was “one of” the last ones they had. The higher the cost, the more important it is that you talk about it. 3. Now, talk about how hard these particular bottles are to come by. It's good to say “these are very hard to find” or “you just can’t get these anywhere unless you know someone.” Be sure to note something unique like a slightly different label or something suggesting this bottle is especially unique any time you can. 4. After talking about the bottle's scarcity, now start associating it with some kind of celebrity that was behind its production. If your bottle is “’s bourbon” it will reflect favorably on the tasters perceptions of the quality, especially if it is a newer brand. It helps if it’s a winning athlete, rather than not. If there were no celebrities to associate with the product, knowing the long history behind it works too as long as you know the first name of the person the product was named after. 5. Finally after your guest is served the bourbon, set the bottle in front of them so they can look at it. Tell them “it’s okay, you can hold it for a couple minutes if you want.” This makes your guest feel special, so don’t forget this part. 6. Bonus points is you can tell something about how the bourbon is made, especially if you refer to the original product as “the juice”. When your guests taste your bourbon, they will most certainly find it to be one of the most delicious things they’ve tasted. In most cases, they will say something like “Wow! That’s really smooth!” which doesn’t actually mean a whole lot when it comes to bourbon, but people say it all the time. By the way, this works for more than just bourbon. While the protocol might be slightly different, you can use this approach for other beverages as well, especially wine. But what about tasting blind? I usually don’t recommend people do this, because it tends to result in people being honest. Usually, people are afraid they will reveal that they don’t know anything about tasting bourbon (which is embarrassing). As a result, they might make tasting “faces” that are indistinguishable from one reaction to the next to signal that they are really noticing something about the product. Some people will just mirror your reactions, occasionally dropping tasting notes like “vanilla” and “caramel” to sound like a more sophisticated taster. But if a taste is truly blind, the truth tends to come out. You want to be careful to put sufficient social pressure on your guests in advance because if not, someone might just say “The bourbon has no flavor!” ## **The Emperor's New Bourbon** Certain products have earned themselves the cache of being “rare” and “hard to find” and that’s why people love them. They buy them at a premium price and sometimes resell them for an even higher price on the secondary market. Some pricy products are just smoke and mirrors and really aren't that good, but people won't stop talking about them nonetheless. This response is because people are tribal and follow their peers in order to be accepted. This happens to all people in all age groups but we see this behavior more clearly in our children when they try to fit in with their peers. When I was a kid, my parents said to me in frustration for my crowd following bad behavior “If your friends were drinking Eagle Rare on a bridge, would you do that too?” Of course, the answer is yes, and I’ll pay extra for it. People like rare bourbon because someone said it was rare or tasty and now as a result, it’s both. This is called Herd Mentality, and it reminds me of the fable of [The Emperor's New Clothes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The%5FEmperor%27s%5FNew%5FClothes?ref=danielkherndon.com). **Here’s the plot:** *Two swindlers arrive at the capital city of an emperor who spends lavishly on clothing at the expense of state matters. Posing as weavers, they offer to supply him with magnificent clothes that are invisible to those who are stupid or incompetent. The emperor hires them, and they set up looms and go to work.* The Emperor basically walked around naked, fooled by the swindlers who sold him imaginary clothing. At first, no one would admit they couldn’t see them for fear it would expose their social deficiencies so everyone went along with the ruse to protect themselves. It took a completely naive child to blurt out that the Emperor was wearing no clothes. We all have a tendency to do that which results in social acceptance, and we get a little nervous about doing something that will get us shamed or kicked out of the cool kids club. It’s kind of like a militant attack on the United States Capitol. On January 6th, droves of people walked from a [Trump speech](https://www.npr.org/2021/02/10/966396848/read-trumps-jan-6-speech-a-key-part-of-impeachment-trial?ref=danielkherndon.com) where he said *“I know that everyone here will soon be marching over to the Capitol building…”* and *“And we fight. We fight like hell. And if you don't fight like hell, you're not going to have a country anymore.”* After a substantial frothing of the crowd, they charge toward and into the Capitol. It ended up being a violent event and resulted in many injuries and a handful of deaths. But that “insurrection” characterization might be a little unfair. Some of them carried weapons, spread feces or screamed “hang Mike Pence” as a peaceful demonstration. While I doubt that most of those folks were drinking [Eagle Rare](https://eaglerare.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com), I don’t doubt that some of them were drinking some sort of strong drink, with the obvious exception of the vegan straight edge shaman with a moosehorn headcovering. It’s no doubt that the horde of patriots were under the influence, but the influence may have been more nefarious while also more nebulous than inebriation. Consider the story of Robert Reeder, who is facing charges for entering the Capitol on January 6th along with scores of others. He describes himself as a single dad, a registered Democrat, and not a Trump supporter. He’s involved in his church and not particularly politically active. He explained that he came to the event out of curiosity more than anything. Moments later, he finds himself in hand-to-hand combat with a Capitol Police officer, entering the Capitol building with a crowd of others, and later sentenced to 3 months in prison for his actions. If all of your friends stormed the Capitol, would you do that too? Well. They did. ## **How Did We Get Here?** To understand how we got here, we have to look at how we got there. And by “there” I mean the place where we find a significant consortium of people believing that a Presidential election was stolen, and our Union is at risk of disintegration because of left-wing corruption. People tend to favor the flavor of the month that is presented to them by the leader that they feel aligns with their tribe. It’s called Herd Mentality. Listen, I like a good Roswell UFO Crash story as much as the next guy. In the 90s, I was a faithful viewer of the X-Files since its first episode, and I viewed the reboot in 2016 faster than you can say streaming. The difference is that I don’t take up arms based on something Agent Fox Mulder says when he’s strung out from a long stakeout trying to chase down some coverup Deep Throat presided over. I suppose if 75 million of my friends said I was either “with them or against them”, Mulder’s conspiracy theories might get the best of me and get me to take some unwarranted actions against a government-appointed official. But Mulder is a fictional character talking about fictional evidence of fictional conspiracies. In the case of the January 6th attack on the Capitol, the fictional character was also the President. Several of his party compatriots and Fox News allies were critical of the occurrences and Trump's actions before and after it, but it only took a news cycle to shift to a new narrative, minimizing the event and Trump’s role in it, if any. ## **Liz Cheney Declines To Jump Off a Bridge** So now the January 6th Commission is faced with investigating a historic attack on our Capitol without cooperation from the former President’s tribe. Democracy is on trial as states pass or introduces laws to [rein in access to voting](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/02/us/politics/georgia-voting-law-annotated.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Instead of defending democracy, they adopt the shock jock antics of their former and likely current leader to get news and rile up their audiences. Countless elected officials are[ jumping off a bridge](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/12/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/) to protect their place in the party. Liz Cheney on the other hand has declined. I imagine Dick and Lynne probably said to Liz as a teenager “Liz If all your friends jumped off a fiscal cliff would you?” It looks like the Cheney family has raised their Congresswoman daughter well. Liz, who serves on the January 6th Commission, says *“We can either be loyal to Donald Trump or we can be loyal to the Constitution, but we cannot be both."* She explains that if Trump is not held accountable for his role on January 6th, “that could be the end of our democracy.” All this while holding to conservative policy values of fiscal policy, gun rights, abortion, and so on. She’s being ostracized for it, removed from her role as Conference Chair and she has been publicly criticized by her party for her criticism of Trump. It’s not easy to be the first one that points out that the expensive bourbon has no flavor, but it sure makes a difference. Maybe we can stop wasting our time buying something that is no better than a clever label, in exchange for more reasonable options. I don’t know if Liz Cheney drinks bourbon or anything at all, but I suspect she is the type of person that just calls it like it is. I expect her to point it out when a bourbon tastes like green peppers and probably isn’t worth drinking unless it’s mixed with something to dilute its power. I don’t think she’d try to sell me a cheap whiskey with an inflated price point. I’d have a blind tasting with her anytime because I know she’d be honest, respectful, and conduct herself with integrity. For the sake of our Democracy, I sure hope she gets reelected. ### This is how I killed Betty White URL: https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-how-i-killed-betty-white/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:46:32.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except me, because I think I killed Betty White. It wasn’t intentional. Last week I provided you with a recap of the news as always, which ended with a story of Betty White. This email was finalized in the late evening hours of Thursday night, December 30th, and delivered at 5:00 am on Friday Morning December 31st. Here’s what I said: > ****Betty White won’t die.** And we don’t want her to either because she’s America’s favorite grandma. She’s turning 100 in a couple weeks. Her secret? [Don’t eat anything green](https://www.yahoo.com/news/99-old-betty-white-says-201610521.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Little did I know, I would be scooped by her actually dying. The only reasonable explanation: The Lorem Ipsum must have had something to do with it. The smoking gun here is the headline, paired with the timing of the email itself. The suspicious responses came pouring in immediately. Betty was as healthy as I am (I’ll be careful not to write a similar Hot Take about myself). In fact, on December 29th, she told Entertainment Tonight “…I’m the luckiest broad on two feet to be as healthy as I am and to feel as good as I do!” So in the interest of coming clean, and respecting a comedy and kindness legend, I am going rewrite my Hot Take on Betty right here: > ****Betty White won’t die.** That’s because Betty will always be in our memories, television and movie archives as one of the most hilarious and most adored performers on earth. A documentary of her life and career is set to take be released [on her 100th birthday](https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/movies/story/2022-01-02/betty-white-death-documentary-100th-birthday-theaters?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Long Live Betty. --- ****Good morning** and welcome to the first issue of 2022. Things are looking good so far for this year. We’ve got a middle aged [Beavis and Butt-Head](https://www.ign.com/articles/mike-judge-reveals-middle-aged-beavis-and-butt-head-to-the-world?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) movie in the works, Omicron turns out to be [less severe](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/01/05/fauci-says-multiple-preliminary-studies-find-omicron-is-less-severe-than-delta.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) than other variants and we have a Republican ([Liz Cheney](https://www.courant.com/opinion/op-ed/hc-op-liz-cheney-defends-democracy-20220104-jcfl26cfffcnxlfanrqk56zuua-story.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) who is making headlines for her defense of democracy (which used to be normal). It’s going to be a good year! I’ll talk about that in this week’s very brief article. For now, Here’s ***The News**. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 1 of 2022` ****Breaking: You can’t date AOC.** Specifically if you are republican or wearing shoes that cover your feet. The very junior congresswoman made this clear in a response to a tweet that was [not even kind of related to sex](https://twitter.com/AOC/status/1477000469318885385?s=20&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) where she called republicans sexually frustrated, signing off with the common congressional salutation “ya creepy weirdos”. Also Breaking: The Lorem Ipsum knows its sexy as well and takes every opportunity to mention it. Also, the Lorem Ipsum is pale and thinks it is rude to make fun of its feet. ****Elizabeth Holmes** is [convicted](https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-elizabeth-holmes-verdict-theranos-founder-is-guilty-on-four-of-11-charges-in-fraud-trial-11641255705?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) on 4 of 11 counts of fraud, having defrauded investors of millions of dollars. As a result, her Steve Jobs style turtleneck is going to be striped. ****Trump Cancelled His January 6th speech** thanks to a press advisor who noticed he had no clear message. As a result, instead of getting bad press about doing the speech, he’s getting bad press about how he would have gotten bad press for a speech he was going to give but [cancelled](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/01/04/trump-cancels-event-planned-for-anniversary-of-jan-6-capitol-riot.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****The French Seem Rude,** and their President is no exception. This week he said their approach to coronavirus is to “piss off” the unvaccinated minority and [make their lives harder](http://is%20to%20%22piss%20off%22/). Since shaming people is working so well in the USA The Lorem Ipsum is wishing them luck. ****Our previous worst president** (Jimmy Carter) wrote an op ed about how he [fears for our democracy](https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/05/opinion/jan-6-jimmy-carter.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). He’s got a point.He also had a [siamese cat](https://www.presidentialpetmuseum.com/pets/misty-malarky-ying-yang/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) named *Misty Malarky Ying Yang* which is not related to this Take but I thought it was interesting. ****A Reality star who sold farts in a jar** is now [in the hospital](https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/reality-star-stephanie-matto-selling-farts-in-jar-hospital-severe-gas?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) due to severe gas. There are no embellishments to this Take. That’s it for the news this week! Here’s ***The Gist*** --- ## This is why we can't have nice things. `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Broken_Toys.jpeg) I’ve been thinking about what’s important and what I should write about in 2022\. Here is a brief essay about my plans for the year and [an invitation to you](https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/). Thank you for reading. Have feedback? Strange questions about Jimmy Carter’s pets? Hit reply! ***Have a great week!*** ### This is why we can’t have nice things. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/ Last updated: 2022-08-07T15:30:03.000Z Over the course of last year, I’ve been thinking deeply about what I consider to be very important topics. Like whether I should add cheese, sour cream and guacamole all in the same burrito bowl despite their similarities in texture and flavor profile–not to mention added fat. Or if I should run a new water vessel through the dishwasher before I ever use it even though it looks perfectly clean to me. I’ve also been thinking about more pointless things as well. Things that don’t matter, like whether democracy should be defended, and to what lengths we should go to defend it. Or what opponents of Critical Race Theory are opposing since they don’t usually know what it is. Naturally, I’m avoiding topics too. You know, like whether it is productive to try to convince a flat-earth-er their arguments don’t hold water or whether I should exercise. At all. The thing is, if we want to have a better world, and stronger communities, we need to talk about all these things except for me exercising. We need to get into tough conversations with people who oppose our view. And we *need* to listen. The lack of listening is causing problems. Problems like these: - [Democracy](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/12/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/) is dying - Our [climate](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/10/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke/) is climbing - Warfare is worshiped - [Critical](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/07/critical-race-theory-dont-drink-the-water/) thinking is in critical condition - Bodily rights are being debated - The cost of [healthcare](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/) is high - The [wealth](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/hey-your-college-degree-is-blocking-my-view/) gap is wider - [Crime](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/with-our-3-5-trillion-dollars-should-we-fight-crime-or-poverty/) is up and it's killing us - Inflation and national debt is too. But we can’t even have a serious talk about it without canceling someone. This is why we can’t have nice things. Because it requires us to work together, and we can't afford not to. Let’s do that. Right here. For 2022, I’ll be diving into important topics and engaging with your feedback. If you want to be a part of the solution instead of a political party, join me on The Lorem Ipsum. This site is about my opinions and my jokes, but I’ll be incorporating yours in this year's content as well. I look forward to it. ### This is the last one. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/this-is-the-last-one/ Last updated: 2022-06-13T03:06:25.000Z Hey Friends, This is the last day of the year, as far as we know. I say that with some skepticism because we said the same thing last year this time, but that ended up not being the case. Instead, 2020 was the year that lasted forever. Covid cases are at record-breaking levels with hospitalizations surging, notably for children. Ideally, we’ll just ignore this information and start talking about some concept called herd immunity. As we wrap up the first year of The Lorem Ipsum (and this 20th time I’ve sent you an email) I’d like to reflect on something that is very important to me, that I hope is important to you as well. No Show Socks Like every year, this year I received socks for Christmas. This year it was specifically no-show socks. > No show socks don’t work. > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [December 28, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1475878385721262082?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) --- For years, I’ve been hunting for the perfect no-show sock, and part of the requirement is that they “work”. That is, they don’t slip off with normal use. I still haven’t found them. I hope the person that is proofreading this email and is also the gift giver does not edit out this story. (Seriously though. Thank you). Here’s to a New Year. But before the countdown, here’s ***The News***. --- ## Hot Takes `Final Week of 2021` ****In Pandemic news,** ****the CDC has shortened isolation** recommendations for people infected to five days because taking people out of productive life has caused [too many problems.](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/27/health/omicron-cdc.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) Covid was asked directly for its reaction and responded with “That’s convenient”. The White House is struggling with what [actions to take](https://www.cnn.com/2021/12/30/politics/biden-administration-shifting-covid-guidance/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****As the World Burns.** The world may be on fire in a lot of ways. In the case of Colorado, it is literal fire. The rare December wildfires were said to be the state’s [most destructive](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2021/12/30/boulder-wildfires-thousands-ordered-flee-their-homes-colorado/9057234002/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Have you been paying attention to what’s going on in Russia?** Russian President Vladamir Putin (Pronounced “Poo + 10”) has been getting their military dusted off as if perhaps to be put it to use. The Kremlin has also funded a “patriotic education” program which includes building a uniformed [youth army](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/21/world/europe/russia-military-putin-kremlin.html?campaign%5Fid=9&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20211222&instance%5Fid=48424&nl=the-morning®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=77626&te=1&user%5Fid=e67dd907953f3325ee3de791f376e404&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Foreign policy leaders are concerned because the Russian public could begin glorifying the military and favoring the idea of war… …you know, like the USA. ****2021 wins awards for most expensive weather** with over 18 events costing more than a billion dollars each in [damage](https://www.washingtonpost.com/weather/2021/12/27/2021-weather-records/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Not taking substantial actions on climate change is starting to sound expensive. ****John Madden died, but his pixelated image will live on forever** in old video games that are nothing like playing football. NFL games will hold a [moment of silence](https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/%5F/id/32963266/nfl-honor-john-madden-moment-silence-all-week-17-games?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Ghislaine Maxwell was found guilty of sex trafficking** on [Wednesday](https://abcnews.go.com/US/ghislaine-maxwells-conviction-tremendous-relief-accuser/story?id=82001052&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and will face 65 years in prison, a vacation compared to the trauma she caused others in partnership with Jeffery Epstein. ****Betty White won’t die.** And we don’t want her to either because she’s America’s favorite grandma. She’s turning 100 in a couple of weeks. Her secret? [Don’t eat anything green](https://www.yahoo.com/news/99-old-betty-white-says-201610521.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). That’s it for the news. Here’s a brief recap of the year. --- ## The Year Of The Ox `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Year_in_Review_Illustrations.png) In the [Year of The Ox](https://www.chinahighlights.com/travelguide/chinese-zodiac/ox.htm?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), *The* *Lorem Ipsum* has provided you 31 articles, 40 hand-drawn illustrations using only 1 color, 19 email issues, 1 bonus correction email, and 108 Hot Takes. And today, I’m giving you my wishes for a *Happy New Year* **.** Thank you for reading. ***See you in 2022!*** ### The truth about Santa URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-truth-about-santa/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:44:41.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning, and Happy Christmas. This week I tried to do a lot of not working, but that only went so far. Lots of people needed help with their marketing and not all heroes wear capes, so I came to the rescue. I’m excited for tonight’s holiday cheer but not because of anything happening in or around my chimney. Here’s why: I’ve never actually believed in Santa. `(SPOILER WARNING)` One of the reasons is because he is not real, and I’ve always been one to verify my claims and cite my sources. But the other is because my parents deprived me of the joys of the Christmas spirit and I will never forgive them for it. Of course I’m joking. I will probably forgive them some day. It is true though that I have not believed in Santa – not even for five minutes of my childhood. I have a whole heartwarming story about this below. But first, ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 51 of 2021` ****The Omicron Variant is ruining Holidays for almost everyone**. For some, it’s because of the incessant news coverage. For the few, it’s because they are spending time socially or in some cases anti-socially distant. Some are relieved to lose taste and smell when it comes to Aunt Margret’s casserole. The least lucky among us may be spending time in the hospital. If this is you or your family, my thoughts and emails are with you. National data shows hospitalizations are as high as they were in 2020, and where vaccine status is available, hospitalization is 5x higher and deaths are 13x higher for the unvaccinated. President Biden is mobilizing military to help hospitals and ship tests and [other resources](https://abcnews.go.com/Health/live-updates/coronavirus/?id=81852482&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) in response. If we don’t get this coronavirus thing tamped down soon, next year is going to be renamed from twenty-twenty-two to twenty-twenty-also. Here’s the [data break down on Covid 19](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/us/covid-cases.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Biden’s Build Back Better almost got another B for Busted**. This is compliments of Democrat Senator Joe Manchin. The largest coal miners union [released a statement](https://umwa.org/news-media/press/umwa-statement-on-build-back-better-legislation/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) saying “Remember how much money you’ve made thanks to us Mister Joe ”*Mansion"*? We really wish you would help get this passed.“ – This is of course paraphrased, but it’s basically what they said. I referenced Senator Manchin in an October article about why we don’t trust advertisers and politicians. [Read it here](https://danielkherndon.com/why-we-dont-trust-advertisers-and-politicians/) ****What direction is Chris North?** The actor known for his role as Mr. Big on Sex and the City was accused of "me too-ing” at least three women. Word on the street is he is not known as Mr. Big in real life. Mr Average [denies the allegations](https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/celebrity/sarah-jessica-parker-kristin-davis-cynthia-nixon-break-silence-accusat-rcna9452?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Well I’m pretty sure Kim Potter is going to jail.** She shot Daunte Wright when he tried to flee a traffic stop. She thought she was grabbing her taser but obviously didn’t since he died of gunshot wounds. She was found guilty yesterday and is likely going to face a 6-8 year prison sentence. ****Don’t laugh if you’re in North Korea.** The 10th anniversary of Kim Jong Il’s death comes with a state required [mourning period](https://news.yahoo.com/north-korea-bans-laughing-drinking-185544410.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), imposed by the late supreme leader’s son Kim Jong Un. North Koreans are not allowed to laugh, drink or have fun. Experts offering advice on how to keep from laughing have suggested to Koreans “Don’t look at Kim Jong Un’s haircut. That should help.” That’s it for the news this week. Now for ***The Gist*** --- ## So What About Santa Claus? ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Santa.jpeg) We never participated in the whole Santa thing. Before I was eleven, we didn’t even participate in Christmas. It’s not that my parents were against the idea of a former priest asking little kids to sit on his lap, spying on them all year and then intruding into their houses while they are sleeping. Enforcing slave labor on certain ethnically short people isn’t the prevailing concern either. There was simply a cloud of suspicion on the character himself, and perhaps the entire pagan holiday he represents. It’s worth noting that a rearranged version of his name spells Satan. Think about that for a second. Perhaps the only gift the magical bearded fat man can give you is a curse. When I had children of my own, I didn’t teach them that there was any such thing as Santa either. Mainly just because I wanted the credit for the gifts I had purchased, but not just that. I also didn’t want to have an awkward conversation when they start probing a little bit more. I imagine I’d be saying “Okay fine, you’re right, there’s no Santa, but don’t worry, I promise I wasn’t lying about all the other things, like God, the importance of learning algebra and that swallowing gum takes seven years to digest.” While I haven’t participated in traditional holiday fantasies myself, they are still filled with glee. That’s because we wait all year to give graciously to that very special someone – the random coworker in the office that you get in the drawing for the gift exchange. It’s a really tender moment when you are able to lift someone’s spirit by giving a gift they will always remember (but please stay under a maximum budget of $25). This year, like ever before, I was ready for yet another Christmas, without any magic and without any Santa. Then this week, I was greeted by a comment in my inbox on an article I wrote about making [the perfect old fashioned cocktail](https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/). > Thanks for sharing your writing. You were recommended by the Bloggess (Jenny) Lawson. Keep it coming. > Love the old fashioned recipe. I was not put off by the gentle scolding tone. Never had one. Some family members drink these. I will pass your instructions on. > I wish I had money to send to pay you for your work. I will continue to tip heavily to people I meet in person in your honor…wait staff, artists, musicians. > Enjoy your holiday. > – Mary My heart was immediately warmed. Actually, since I was drinking an old fashioned at that very time, my entire body felt kind of warm. I was especially moved by the comment about not being offended by my chiding tone. It’s nice to be identified as ‘offensive, but not to me’ from time to time. I responded that same day with the following comment. > Mary, > Thank you so much for reading and sharing! The tone was only meant to communicate how seriously I take the process of making an old fashioned. Thank you for understanding! 🙂 > Don’t worry about sending me money, although I do enjoy money when I’m able to get my hands on some. If you’d like to support me, consider signing up for my newsletter, which is 100% free. Still do please tip your wait staff, musicians and artists as much as you feel comfortable parting with. I know they will appreciate being recognized for the ways they enrich our lives with their work. > Have a great week! Mary had the right idea. She wanted to honor work that she appreciated, but in the absence of a way to pay for it directly, she decided to pass it on to others. I thought, if only for the next couple of weeks while Mary remembers that she posted this comment, she will be giving the gift of financial recognition to people that provide some of the things that make our lives full. In a way, I just tipped some street corner guitar player in Cleveland or wherever Mary is from. This is when I realized – there is in fact a Santa Clause, and it is you and me. Every time we give somebody the gift of recognition, an act of kindness, or a little cash to say “thanks for the work you do” we are sharing the Christmas Spirit. This is truly the memory of Old Saint Nick, even the fantasies that come with it coming alive in our everyday lives. If only we could all have just a little bit more Mary. If only we could BE a little more Mary. If you’ve received a gift of someone giving you their best; art, a great story, thoughtful customer service, whatever it may be, be like Mary. Be your own Mary incarnate. Thank you everyone for reading and sharing. Please pass on the kindness. Give the gift of a Mary Christmas. ***Happy Holidays to everyone.*** ## Bonus: How to Make Things Worse. My home state of Indiana has earned the rank of “worst” when it comes to Covid. Indiana’s Vaccine rates are among the lowest and hospitalizations are among the highest. Meanwhile, the local government is considering blocking employers from vaccine mandates because they are great at timing. Local lung doctor Gabriel Bosslet testified at the State Capitol and was later interviewed on the Rachel Maddow Show. Here’s the video of the interview. [![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/maxresdefault.jpeg)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter&v=1oXhZn6c5Bw) Struggling Hospitals Despair At Prospect Of Omicron Wave ### Is that from a bourbon bottle? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/is-that-from-a-bourbon-bottle/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:42:58.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning to most of you, except if you work in R&D for an appliance company. If you are a long-time reader of The Lorem Ipsum, you know I am appliance challenged. I’ve written about it [here](https://danielkherndon.com/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/). For example, the handle broke off of our microwave and I replaced it with a cork from a bourbon bottle. Take a look. Are you impressed? > My microwave has a Bardstown Bourbon cork as the handle. > > Not impressed? [pic.twitter.com/S3FpA2QmcF](https://t.co/S3FpA2QmcF?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [December 14, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1470888620710109186?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) I don’t know if any visitors have noticed it yet, but I hope not because it looks terrible. It’s not even straight. It’s probably the worst interior design decision I’ve ever made. This topic has become top of mind this week because, after eight years of glaciation bliss, we discovered the cooling feature on our fridge was not operating. This was unfortunate timing because there is no good time to lose your primary cold storage for your food supply. After a swift purchase of a new one, we learned about a discreet button on the panel that turns off the cooling feature when you lean on it during a conversation for more than three seconds. This feature is there in case you want to keep your fridge’s power on, but make sure it’s not working. Make sense? So now we have even more perfectly fine refrigerators. On that note, let’s get to ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 50 of 2021` ****Deadly in December.** A large system of tornados plowed through four states [last Saturday](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/12/11/us/tornado-maps-damage.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). The largest one traveled the length of Taiwan and had a funnel the width of that little piece of Massachusetts that sticks out in the water. It plowed across Arkansas and through Kentucky but dissipated before arriving at fossil fuel-loving West Virginia Democrat Senator Joe Manchin’s house. The storm ranks as the worst on record, especially for December. We don’t tend to name tornadoes like hurricanes, but some weather enthusiasts suggest the name Marjorie Taylor Green, although Georgia seems to be intact, she’s still ruining things for the rest of us. ****Cuss Words in Congress.** Trump’s Chief of Staff Mark Meadows was found in [contempt late Tuesday](https://www.npr.org/2021/12/14/1064068696/the-house-votes-to-hold-mark-meadows-in-contempt-sending-a-criminal-referral-to-?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) but it’s not like he did something wrong. It’s just that he was subpoenaed by Congress and blew it off. The committee read his text messages (which would irritate me too). It seems that on January 6th, his phone was blowing up with people telling him to get Trump to do something to stop the Capitol attack, and I suspect he’s the kind of guy that doesn’t clear out his notification bubbles. Liz Cheney’s dramatic reading included the ***S*** word at least twice. ****Clandestine and Clerical.** In bookkeeping news, a federal judge said Trump is no longer allowed to block Congress from seeing his tax returns. Supposedly the documents reveal how much of a tax write-off he’s been taking for spray tans and hair coifing. Trump is being [investigated for fraud](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/14/nyregion/trump-fraud-inquiry.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) in his home state of New York. ****Breaking up with Baboons.** Do you need tips on how to break up with someone?Well, it looks like baboons have the answer. If you’re trying to figure out how to separate from a friend group, look no further than primates. Maybe when everyone grabs bananas, just say “I’m just going to lay here and scratch various body parts.” We know some people pattern their life after monkeys, but this [study is particularly insightful](https://www.npr.org/2021/12/14/1064090184/need-to-break-up-with-someone-baboons-have-found-a-good-way-to-do-it-study-finds?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). --- ## Survival of the Toastiest. In honor of my new fridge, and the old one that now goes in the garage, and the garage one that now goes in the bar, and the bar one that now is for sale, I thought I’d highlight an old article where my now demoted fridge made an appearance. I’m saving some articles that are in the works for future issues. The article: “[When was the last time you threw out a toaster?](https://danielkherndon.com/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/)" ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Toaster.jpeg) Out of respect for you as a reader, I’ve updated the article with a new illustration (replacing the free stock image that I used several months ago). I hope you enjoy it and learn something from my disquisition. As a spoiler, this article is actually about wastefulness. Why do we design stuff to be thrown away, especially when it’s the size of a fridge? It might not be better for business next month, but it would be better for us all in a generation if we could stop eroding our wealth by replacing stuff that should’ve lasted longer. **[Read the article.](https://danielkherndon.com/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/)** That’s it for this week. I hope you have a great week of Christmas shopping for more things to throw away. **Have a great weekend!** ### Which is Better? Cats or Dogs? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/which-is-better-cats-or-dogs/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:39:46.000Z Hey Friends, Veep Kamala Harris uses wired headphones. This means mostly nothing of course, but that didn’t stop her from making headlines for it this week. Personally, I now list my age as “unable to hold a phone to my ear”. But unlike Kamala, I am neither paranoid about Bluetooth, nor am I a vice president of a country. Of course, that’s not the biggest news this week, but her judgment of Bluetooth technology as un-secure reminds me how often we jump to conclusions, ignoring the data right in front of us. I’ll dive into that topic in a minute. **Welcome, New Friends!** I’d like to warmly welcome new subscribers to ***The Lorem Ipsum.*** You and I both get paid the same amount for this newsletter and enjoy its weekly morsels as a labor of love. I promise to always do my part to make it worth your time. Thank you for joining and for sharing with friends. --- We’re running out of weeks this year, but I won’t leave you uninformed, nor will I refrain from expressing opinions backed by doing my own research. My opinion about cats and dogs is coming up. But first, ***The News***. ## Hot Takes `Week 49 of 2021` ****Hey Biden, U & Putin texting?** Actually after calling because it was “too much to type” they spent like 2 hours on the phone chatting. [President Biden told Russia’s President Vladimir Putin](https://www.reuters.com/markets/currencies/biden-putin-set-crucial-call-over-ukraine-2021-12-07/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) that he better not invade Ukraine or the USA might unfollow Russia and stop buying their Svedka. Russia and Ukraine have been at odds since they broke up in 1991\. Putin is currently trolling them by positioning [troops at their border](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-59567377?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****It sucks to be a Cuomo right now.** Specifically a Chris Cuomo who got fired this past weekend from CNN shortly after being suspended, and then accused of sexual assault. Chris suggested that CNN pay the remaining $18 million of his contract. Execs at CNN said ‘nah, we’re good’. Since then, his publisher has canceled his book deal. ****The Crummy Crumbley’s defense is crumbling.** The mounting material evidence including social media posts, texts, and more confirms that they are [not very good at being criminals](https://nypost.com/2021/12/07/accused-michigan-school-shooter-gets-court-appointed-lawyer/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Ethan Crumbly’s parents bought him a handgun, and posted about it. Ethan brought it to school and shot people, killing four and injuring several. His parents are now facing criminal charges in addition to his. In other news, the NRA says our gun rights are under attack, and House Reps. [Boebert](https://twitter.com/laurenboebert/status/1468411381653323777?s=20&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and [Massie](https://twitter.com/RepThomasMassie/status/1467197523127422979?s=20&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) are tweeting pictures of them and their kids with assault rifles in front of their Christmas trees. ****Meet The Duggars in Prison.** Josh Duggar [has been found guilty](https://www.cnn.com/2021/12/09/us/josh-duggar-child-pornography/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) of child pornography. Despite investigators saying “this is the worse we’ve seen.” Josh said “It wasn’t me”, and will be singing that tune for up to 20 years in prison. ****Keeping War Funded.** The House [passed a defense bill](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/07/us/politics/defense-budget-democrats-biden.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) on Tuesday to make sure we keep our defense budget in first place worldwide in terms of total spending and 3x that of second-place China. Also in the House, raising the debt ceiling is [in play](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/07/us/politics/debt-ceiling-deal-congress.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). It looks like we’re going to avoid a default just like we always do. ****Lady Breastfeeds Cat on a plane.** That’s it! That’s the take! But if you don’t believe me, just read [this article to see that I’m not kitten](https://nypost.com/2021/12/02/woman-caught-breastfeeding-her-hairless-cat-on-a-delta-flight/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Oh, and the former Kansas Senator Bob Dole Died.** He was 98 years old. source: > “Bob Dole has died at 98 years old.” \~ Bob Dole > > — Joe Garrison (@JoeGGarrison) [December 5, 2021](https://twitter.com/JoeGGarrison/status/1467629005193068550?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) That’s all I have for news. A lot has happened this week, so why don’t you tell me what I’m missing. What would you like to hear more about on The Lorem Ipsum? Hit reply! Now here’s ***The Gist.*** --- ## Why Do We Ignore the Facts? `The Gist` Do we care about the facts and data when we make important decisions? Or are we focused on emotions only? Consider some of the topics finding their way into our national discourse. Right now, we are arguing about gun laws, healthcare, abortion, vaccines, and bodily rights. This is nothing new. It’s an ever-evolving list. We tend to take the side of an issue based on what we are motivated to believe, rather than what the facts tell us. For example. When it comes to cats and dogs, how do we decide which pet species is better than the other and why is it dogs? ****[Read The Article](https://danielkherndon.com/why-dont-we-consider-the-facts/)** ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Cat_Dog.jpeg) ## On The Topic of Following the Facts I posted the following thread this week (I expand on this [in this week’s article](https://danielkherndon.com/why-dont-we-consider-the-facts/)). It shows how we ignore the facts, in favor of what our feelings motivate us to believe. What are your thoughts? Drop me a reply! > I thought this was pretty wild. > > Only The USA and a few Third World Nations in Africa are smart enough NOT to have universal healthcare? > > Crazy! [pic.twitter.com/TPj8yswgaq](https://t.co/TPj8yswgaq?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [December 6, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1467944014406164481?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) That’s it for this week. Now off to planning tonight’s dinner party at my house. I’ll be preparing the perfect Old Fashioned. Here’s my [recipe](https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/). ***Have a great weekend!*** ### Why Don’t We Consider the Facts? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/why-dont-we-consider-the-facts/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:17:57.000Z ## **When it comes to everything, feelings matter more.** At the Herndon household, we’ve always operated at a high level of optimization. Maximizing our time is important to us and sometimes that means you need to divide and conquer. That’s why when my wife decides we need something from the grocery while she is preparing food for our weekend dinner party, she gives me a list, grabs her keys and says we are going together. Obviously she doesn’t want to be alone, which presents a great opportunity to spend time together and catch up on the things we didn’t talk about while we both worked from home. Clearly this tactic does not ensure that we aren’t rushing to get everything just perfect. Just as people show up to the door with subpar bottles of wine, we stand with sweat dripping down our faces acting as if we’ve been waiting for them to arrive. It’s anything but efficient, but these sorts of decisions are not based on logic or mathematical party planning optimization. They are based on emotion. I’m reminded of the many times I’ve told my now adult daughter(s) to fold their clothes or make their bed. Let’s take bed making as an example. Occasionally I would need to harp on them (And yes, I mean you young lady. Thanks for reading daddy’s articles!). If needed, I would ground them from things until the pressure of no access to gaming machines (or in their case books) would cause them to succumb to my wishes. In one case, as the pressure to tuck and fold the sheets mounted, I was stopped dead in my tracks as one unnamed daughter asked a question. ![Cat and Dog](https://www.danielkherndon.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Cat-Dog-1024x503.jpg) ## **But why, Dad?** I didn’t know the answer. So I panicked and said “Because I said!” which probably should be phrased more like “Because I said?”. But with kids, you can’t show weakness, or they will exploit it for their gain in future situations. (Girls, obviously you know I’m kidding. Daddy’s doing work. You can go back to bed now). Anyway, my point is this, I could not produce a meaningful reason why they should have made their bed. If I did, it would have been something made up like “people with consistent bed making practices sleep 30% better” or perhaps the more popularly “cleanliness is close to godliness.” The honest truth is that I wanted to demand this rule because of my own feelings. I wanted the house to look nice even in the rooms that no one could see. Even rooms that I never entered. If we’re really honest with ourselves, we would have to acknowledge that there really is not a good reason to make your bed, ever. If there is a reason, it is nothing more than the way aesthetics affects the way we feel. There is a branch of philosophy after that name that deals with the matters of artistic taste and the principals of beauty. It considers what happens in our minds when we engage with aesthetic objects or environments such as viewing visual art, listening to music, reading poetry, experiencing a play, or exploring nature. The only argument for making one’s bed could be something emotional such as “it makes me feel better knowing that your bed is made”. I promise that I would never say that as a parent. I’d rather say something that defends the reasoning as if it was a superior option to not making one's bed, therefore, my younglings should oblige. If they are lucky enough to gain the wisdom I have, they will soon understand and agree with my superior way of seeing things. Obviously that was not a statute based on reason. It is just what I wanted, emotionally. The data would tell me otherwise. I haven’t studied bed making, but on the surface, intuitively we can see that making your bed takes more time, and is seen by few if anyone, and will simply be undone the moment you go back to your bedroom to sleep. This seems to be the case with just about everything we do. We take the side of an issue based on how we feel and then we look for ways to justify it. For example, why do we drive on the right side of the road? Why do we do daylight savings time? Why three meals a day instead of 6 or 1? When it comes to cats and dogs, how do we decide which pet species is better than the other and why is it obviously dogs? More importantly (besides the dog thing), consider some of the topics finding their way into our national discourse. Right now, the nation is arguing about gun laws, healthcare, abortion, vaccines and bodily rights, and an ever evolving list. The topics tend to be distilled down to black and white criteria. Should we spend more or less public funds (should we take more or less through taxation)? Should we have more rights or less rights for the individual? Do those rights harm the collective, and does it matter if it does? In short, there is the “conservative” or the “liberal” option. A binary decision. If you are of a liberal persuasion, you like the liberal candidate and the approach that fits within the liberal brand. The same is true for all four corners of the political map. Ronald Reagan rose to political prominence because of his pragmatic activism, including the release of a recording warning of the dangers of [socialized medicine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYrlDlrLDSQ&ref=danielkherndon.com). His message was inspiring, articulate, and if you were even leaning a single point in his favor, you would probably be inspired to agree with him. By the time he ran for President, he received 489 of the 538 total electoral votes, a landslide victory. An emotional decision, not one based on the data. Reagan cut taxes in 1981 by a lot, a conservative approach that came to be known as Reaganomics, but he raised them by even more than the cuts in the following years (a more liberal approach). His message against socialized healthcare continues to resonate as does his conservative taxation. He may have been correct on both of these points, but only the data can tell you. I’ll focus on healthcare. This week I posted a twitter thread about Universal Healthcare. https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1467944014406164481?s=20 I reference an article I wrote some time ago about [healthcare in the United States](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2021/09/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Inspired by the warnings in Reagan’s speech. America remains very resistant to healthcare that is transparently funded through a government program. But the data tells us that our current system is not performing well either and has not been for decades. The data can also point to approaches that are getting better results in other developed countries (if health outcomes is the criteria by which we should grade a healthcare system). Do we care about the data? Or just our emotional aversion to a certain type of change? It’s the idea of “socialized medicine” that people are opposed to. But in practice, we accept it as necessary. In fact through medicare and medicaid we already have socialized medicine for 36% of the nation. It’s just not available to the majority of the population. What about gun laws? The right to own and carry guns is one of the most celebrated and defended rights in the USA. Yet, while we have some of the worst stats regarding gun violence, those stats won’t trump the emotional feeling that we ought to have a right. Even if it comes at a cost. Rights often come with a cost to others, not always a bad one, but there is a cost. In the USA, the cost of easy access to guns includes more gun deaths, including increased successful suicides and unjustified deaths. We have not made significant changes in the nation's gun laws for many reasons. One of those reasons is the fear that gun rights for law abiding citizens are at risk. The facts would tell you they aren’t. But people don’t like facts, as I wrote in an article a few months back. [People like guns](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2021/06/the-fact-is-people-dont-like-facts-but-they-sure-do-love-their-guns/?ref=danielkherndon.com). That emotional motivation to believe in the right to guns is enough to accept the risks that come with a society where easy access to guns increases deaths. Vaccine Mandates and Abortion Rights have come to a crossroads recently. Vaccine mandates have existed for many years, as has a women’s right to choose whether she is to complete a pregnancy. But whatever side you are one, most people pay closer attention to their motivation to believe a certain way than they do the facts. It’s ironic that the same political group who is advocating for bodily autonomy when it comes to abortion rights is the same group who is advocating for quite the opposite when it comes to vaccine mandates. Similarly, pro life groups demonize abortion advocates, but borrow their argument in an effort to block vaccine mandates. The data, and in this case, even the principals are not the basis of the decision, but the emotions of the issue. Either bodily autonomy is a right, or it is not. It’s because the reality at hand takes a back seat to our emotional entanglement in the issues that matter to us. We want low taxes, but a booming economy in the greatest country in the world. We want personal freedoms, but we’ll vote the politician out of office if they don’t get the results we want to see. We consider some of our animals a member of the family (dogs), and others a future meal (cats?). How do we address this? I’m convinced that we don’t address these issues with data. As much as I enjoy testable data, people are moved by stories that deliver an emotion. For those that choose to be an advocate, I would implore you to understand the data, but tell a story that illustrates your message and brings others along. I guess the real question is why *are* dogs better than cats? Because I said?! ### Good Morning, It's The Weekly Variant. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/good-morning-its-the-weekly-variant/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:38:25.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning. The omicron variant has been vexing us this week. For example, there are two instances of it in the United States. That is 0.0000000060606% of the population (approximately), so be careful. You could be next. I think we’re all most done with Covid news. That’s why I decided to write about clowns and politics this week, something that most of us never get tired of. I’ll get to that in a moment. First, let’s get to ***The News.*** --- ## Good Tweets Don’t you love technology? I had a tech win this week and this is me celebrating online. > Technology is so much better now than it was when I was a kid. > > I just took a photo of a piece of paper with words on it and copied all the text off of it in one snap. > > ✔️No rebooting. > ✔️No weird dos commands. > ✔️No blowing on any cartridges. > > It’s just worked! > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [December 2, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1466231620902526976?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) ## Hot Takes `Week 48 of 2021` ****Omicron is [all over the place](https://www.cnn.com/2021/12/01/health/us-omicron-variant-confirmed-case/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)**, but just barely. There’s only been a couple of cases in the US, but we’re still pretty worked up about it. Perhaps our best move is to make sure we don’t get vaccinated since there are plenty of experimental medications and untested treatments to try. Just ask Aaron Rogers. Currently, the greatest country in the world (USA) is holding at 59% fully vaccinated as the virus continues its mutation spree. ****Jack Dorsey, has quit his CEO job at Twitter**. The CTO is taking over. You don’t need to worry about what he’s going to do to make a living through, because he still has a job as CEO of Square, and is also a billionaire. ****Ghislaine Maxwell’s job on Wikipedia is listed as “Socialite”** not to be confused with Jack Dorsey’s old job in “social media”. As part of her job, she assisted Jeffery Epstein in manipulating people and ruining their lives (although she denies it). She’s on trial right now for sex trafficking and has [taken the stand this week](https://nypost.com/2021/11/27/ghislaine-maxwell-ready-to-take-stand-to-defend-herself-at-sex-trafficking-trial/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Chris Cuomo is suspended from CNN** because he was using his media access to [help his brother Andrew Cuomo](https://apnews.com/article/business-lifestyle-arts-and-entertainment-new-york-andrew-cuomo-5776cda3c14f1c6ed290c1783b06d903?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) who is facing charges of sexual assault. Honestly, I didn’t know they were brothers until recently, but I definitely see the family resemblance, and it has cost them both their jobs. ****A bunch of people have announced a run for office** this week. One of the most notable is Dr. Oz [who seeks a Pennsylvania Senate seat](https://www.npr.org/2021/11/30/1060185002/tvs-dr-oz-enters-pennsylvanias-crucial-senate-race-on-the-gop-side?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). He believes there is no place like Washington, but his critics say his policies are a billowing bale of bovine fodder. Pay attention to that man behind the curtain… or behind the scrubs I guess. ****The Supreme court is reviewing a Mississippi abortion law** which bans the operation [after 15 weeks](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/01/us/politics/supreme-court-mississippi-abortion-law.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), challenging the 50 year old precedent. If the review goes to full term, the gestation period of a ruling is likely to have a late June due date at the soonest, whether they like it or not. The people who knocked up the case to begin with are free either way. That’s it for the news this week! #### Okay, so what else do we have? Well, for my article this week, I drew a picture of a clown. If that doesn’t scare you, some of the things that have been happening in Washington these days might. I’ll explain. Here’s ***The Gist.*** --- ## A Party or a Circus? Some people in Congress seem to be changing the shape of Government. We’re seeing an increasing presence of what seems more like satire from our elected leaders, Like Congresswoman Boebert’s standup routine filled with hate speech, or Congressman Gosar’s cartoon killing of AOC. ****[What’s going on there?](https://danielkherndon.com/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/)** ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Clown_2.jpeg) #### They’re Fighting for the Spotlight This is what seems to be happening in Congress right now, especially among the GOP. It may get you fired from a TJ Maxx, but in Congress, it gets you headlines. And if notoriety is the goal, it seems to be working. I cover this as well as the fear of clowns, [****in this week’s article**](https://danielkherndon.com/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/). ***See you next week!*** #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Has the GOP turned from a Party to a Circus? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/has-the-gop-turned-from-a-party-to-a-circus/ Last updated: 2023-09-28T22:02:42.000Z I've gotta be honest; I'm afraid of clowns. I realize that clowns, in most cases, are simply people with colored wigs and strange makeup. But how creepy is it to see someone staring you directly in the eyes, with a painted silly grin on their face, while they twist a balloon into the shape of a dog? The fear of clowns is not really an uncommon thing. Everyone from [Kramer](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/daf77740-9898-4122-8b46-e29feb51354b?ref=danielkherndon.com) to Ohio State fans has been known to come down with a case of [coulrophobia](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21835-coulrophobia-fear-of-clowns?ref=danielkherndon.com). It’s been estimated that about one in every ten people is afflicted with the fear of clowns. It’s not just the big red nose and artificially curly hair that causes people to tremble. Even an anthropomorphic buckeye nut can introduce unwanted irrational reactions to the presence of a creature not found in nature. According to the [Cleveland Clinic](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21835-coulrophobia-fear-of-clowns?ref=danielkherndon.com), people “may be reacting to a clown’s colorful makeup. This disguise hides a clown’s facial features and distorts facial expressions, creating feelings of distrust.” Symptoms can include increased heart rate, feelings of terror, pale skin, and profuse sweating. My first experience at a circus involved a pit show where a small, rickety car with a sputtering engine was stuffed full of clowns. As more clowns entered the ring, they continued to fill the car, cramming it until they spilled out. They fought for the audience's attention as they did one crazy antic after another. I don’t know any clowns personally, but when I was a kid, there was a whole troupe of clowns that came to my home (a coffeehouse and music venue). They came to perform a comedy variety show act. I both loved it and hated it. The midget that was married to a traditional heighted person was the most interesting to me. When he was not in costume, he still seemed like a clown. He had short fingers, told strange jokes, and pretended to steal my nose. He also ate cookies stacked one on top of the other like a sandwich rather than one cookie at a time. Obviously, this is strange behavior, but it’s mild in comparison to some clowns. The 1980s movie [Killer Klowns from Outer Space](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095444/?ref=danielkherndon.com) was an even more disturbing example of clown culture. These alien clowns not only startled you as they showed up suddenly in dark spaces, they also killed people in an attempt to terrorize a small town. Clown terror is a spectrum. Coulrophobia is a real concern. For some people, it can be crippling, and I can totally understand why this is a serious public health issue. In most cases, we don’t need to reshape our entire lives around this fear. It’s not like these people are running for an elected office. At least they didn’t used to. ## Fighting for the Spotlight Currently, the House and Senate are stuffed with characters that are bending into un-human-like political positions to get into Congress and shape the future of public policy. More than anything, they seem to be performing to get headlines. Take the freshman congresswoman from Colorado, Representative Lauren Boebert. Just this week, she proved that women don’t have to sexualize themselves to succeed in business. They can also carry guns on their hip like cowboys and make jokes attacking their female and gay coworkers. Lauren was captured on video doing a speech to some supporters where she was critical of her peers in Washington. She said that Secretary Pete Buttigieg didn’t show up to work because he was too busy trying to “figure out how to chest feed.” Pete and Chastain just adopted twins, and Lauren is calling attention to the lack of mammaries in male parents. She followed her homophobic comments with a dose of Islamophobia by suggesting Representative Ilhan Omar was a terrorist. Ilhan happens to be a Muslim and wears a head covering, which not only gets people searched at an airport but it also garners threatening accusations in congressional elevators. Lauren’s comment was, “I look to my left, and there she is: Ilhan Omar. And I said, ‘well, she doesn't have a backpack, we should be fine.’” Comedian Boebert was met with a mix of groans and cheers in the crowded bar. She delivered the punchline, “Oh, look, the jihad squad decided to show up for work today.” Following the backlash, Representative Boebert issued an apology to any Muslim who may have been offended. Later, she got into a fight with Representative Omar on the phone, where Omar hung up on her and issued a statement saying that the conversation had become unproductive. I get that our founding fathers, Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton, got in an argument, as depicted in the wildly successful hip-hop Broadway play Hamilton. Sure. The argument ended in a duel. Okay, so one of them died. And not to ruin the ending of the historic play, but it also led to the downfall of Hamilton’s Federalist Party and disgrace and exile for Burr. But that was 1804\. I’m having a hard time picturing Ronald Reagan and Tip O'neill getting in a shootout. I’m no historian, but even engaging in hate speech seems out of character for those two. This kind of behavior feels like a new act in Washington. The spotlights came on under the big top first just a few years ago. It was an orange-faced character with strange fluffy hair. He had a big nose and made bizarre facial expressions. He said goofy and sometimes shocking things. Obviously, I’m talking about President Donald Trump. He won the presidency by talking about his dick size and issuing below-the-belt insults to his colleagues. He made wild claims about how Mexico would pay for our border wall or that he would pass a 2 trillion dollar infrastructure bill\*. \*Okay, that last one was actually not as far-fetched for a normal President, but he didn’t end up getting it done because he was too busy being impeached twice. President Joe Biden did [pass a similar bill](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/11/bidens-infrastructure-bill-a-conservative-win/) in his first year in office. It would take philosophical gymnastics to call Trump a champion of conservative family values or the Constitution, but he did lower taxes for the wealthy so who cares, right? Since Trump paved the way, the party has become more like a performance than a group of lawmakers holding a highly regarded elected office. I’m not much of an HR expert, but I know that hate speech will get you fired from most jobs. But it’s become acceptable and part of the job for certain people in Congress. The examples are plentiful. **Congressman Paul Gosar** shared an anime cartoon of him killing Representative Alexandria Ocasia-Cortez. When the House voted along party lines to censure him for it, he shared it yet again within minutes. His colleagues stood behind him. **Congressman** **Ronny Jackson**, who is also a former White House physician, claimed the Omicron variant is a [Democratic ploy to cheat in elections](https://twitter.com/RonnyJacksonTX/status/1464697497042006024?ref=danielkherndon.com). He had previously backed Trump’s debunked claims of voter fraud after the last election. **Congressmen Matt Gaetz,**, who is currently under investigation on sex trafficking allegations, has offered Kyle Rittenhouse an internship, not because of his qualifications, but for the headlines it got him – since he was acquitted of murder in a controversial case that effectively pitted BLM advocates against gun rights activists. **Senator Ted Cruz** is calling Big Bird’s [promotion of vaccines propaganda](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/11/why-cant-big-bird-be-our-friend-anymore/) and posting satirical tweets about it. Meanwhile, **Senator Rand Paul [has said that](https://thehill.com/changing-america/well-being/prevention-cures/564803-rand-paul-sends-official-criminal-referral-on?ref=danielkherndon.com)** Anthony Fauci needs to be prosecuted for causing the pandemic. **Congresswoman Majorie Taylor Green** has gained notoriety for her viral shouting matches, starting when she [accosted](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2021/05/14/rep-marjorie-taylor-greene-here-what-happened-week/5095632001/?ref=danielkherndon.com) Alexandria Occasio-Cortez in the halls of Congress. She later yelled at Liz Cheney, calling her [a joke](https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2021/10/22/marjorie-taylor-greene-liz-cheney-house-floor-confrontation-raskin-intv-keilar-newday-vpx.cnn?ref=danielkherndon.com) for criticizing Trump for inciting the violence on January 6th. This week, Majorie picked another fight, saying Representative Nancy Mace is “the trash in the GOP conference" [because Mace rebuked Boebert](https://nypost.com/2021/11/30/gop-reps-greene-mace-battle-on-twitter-over-omar-jab/?ref=danielkherndon.com) for her inflammatory comments. Within the Republican party, you're allowed to do and say things that would get you fired from a TJ Maxx and most other companies. However, you are not allowed to vote your conscience if it goes against the party line. So what is the Republican Party’s leadership supposed to do? Well, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy is handling it. If by handling it, you mean asking Lauren to “talk” to Ilhan. He’s not pushing hard, though, because he needs each of the Republican Congressional Members’ votes to hold onto his role in Congress as a minority leader and speaker of the House if Republicans gain a majority in the mid-term election. To be fair, the Democrats aren’t spotless. For example, President Joe Biden stutters. That's right, he stutters. It makes him sound absent-minded sometimes. He is not a good orator. Perhaps there are many other things to criticize, like how much money he is trying to spend right now. But he is not a circus clown, and I am afraid of clowns. ### All I want for inflation is you and some leftovers. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/all-i-want-for-inflation-is-you-and-some-leftovers/ Last updated: 2022-06-13T03:56:07.000Z Hey Friends,Good morning and happy Leftovers Day. I’ve eaten a lot of food so far this week and I feel very [#Thankful](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Thankful?src=hashtag%5Fclick&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). There are two things that are inflating right now. Me, And the Consumer Price Index. I don’t think President Biden is thankful for this kind of inflation anymore than I am of the recent 6% inflation of my waist since his approval rating has melted away like butter on a warm roll. Even a turkey dinner on Thanksgiving Day is [about 14%](https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/money/food/2021/11/19/thanksgiving-turkey-2021-prices-inflation/8625624002/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) more expensive than it was last year. #### Are there any leftovers? Yes. There are plenty of Leftovers to share in The Lorem Ipsum this week. I did not post any articles on my website, because I wanted to give you something that is just for you and not for Google or Bing to find in a random search result for “placeholder text” or “examples of misusing commas,”. No, this is for subscribers only. And let’s be honest, the news is low on our list today, so it is low on this email too. For now, I’d like to share my Thanksgiving reflections. --- ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Turkey.jpeg) ## Soaking Up the Moment ...and the Gravy. Every year, during this time, I sit by the fire enjoying my first cup of coffee and I take the time to do something very special to me. I close every tab that is opened in my browser. It’s surely a weight lifted off my shoulders and even more so my computer’s processor. Other than a little me time, my wife and I have developed some precious traditions after two decades of being together as well. Of course, like most families, many of them involve cooking. And like most families they involve me asking if this is enough potatoes, and her telling me no and reminding me that she meant it when she said she wanted the whole fifteen-pound bag to be peeled. Thanksgiving is an important holiday to me. It is times like these when we are able to be together and take stock of what we’ve gained over the year. This is when we sit together as a family and stare at our phones and unsubscribe from all the email lists we’ve discovered we are on. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I’m thankful for all the people in my life. Not just those who are trying to sell me something on the only day I am not buying anything, while also pretending that I am not checking my email. But also for all the people that will randomly text me to tell me Happy Thanksgiving out of the blue. This includes the people who I may have to ask “who dis” and it also includes all the people that have decided to put me on a group text filled with at least a dozen people who will reply to that group text with their own holiday greetings in return. Connecting with people I care for is what today is all about. To that end, if you want to include me in your holiday text list, you can. My number is (317) 655-5740 and if at any point I reply “this is chad” or “STOP” just know that it is classic me and you can keep texting me, please. Any time of day. It really means a lot to me. The last thing that means a lot to me is celebrating the Thanksgiving leftovers. If I’m being honest, I like a good feast to be right out of the oven, but the secondary meal deserves recognition too. That’s why I celebrate today as leftovers day. It’s also known as Native American Heritage Day, a holiday we mostly ignore. It is not lost on me that the Native Americans themselves received the leftovers of their own land while the Pilgrims took the first and best. There’s no need to worry, though because we won’t have to do anything to pay that back since it was not our generation’s fault, just like we won’t have to pay back the national debt that was taken out by our ancestors as well. We should all be hashtag thankful. On another note, I’ve shared here before that I have written a book that is currently unpublished. Since today is a day we all eat leftovers, I’ve decided to share some previews of MADE FROM LEFTOVERS, right here and only here on The Lorem Ipsum Weekly. While I’m currently seeking publishing for the book, you’re getting an exclusive sneak peek. Enjoy. ## A Buffet of Leftovers Bed Bath and Beyond Lucky > Speaking of Privilege, I had a waterbed. In a moment of home furnishing weakness, someone chose to get rid of a perfectly good one, and undoubtedly regretted it. After I got my hands on that piece of merchandise, my room was set. It had everything you would want in a floating sleeping surface except for zebra printed bedsheets. A Blood Bath > My sister and I carried the plastic sheet filled with curdled blood, fluids and gauze out to the dumpster in the alley of our inner city home. It did cross our mind that there might be some questions if someone were to see us, so we kept a low profile. Living on the Wedge > I went on a field trip with other homeschooled kids once, in which case I was required to bring a sack lunch. Mom prepared the following: > – One wedge of red cabbage > – One wedge of white cabbage > – Two whole carrots > – Two apples Yale You > In my college years I went to Yale University. This was right after a stint at the Big 10 school, University of Connecticut. I enjoyed my time at both universities, but it was hard work and it was a week of my life that I will never get back. What is Dolomite Anyway? > There is nothing in life that is more important than your own health, and my parents knew this as much as anyone. That’s why they made certain we had plenty of dolomite and peroxide on hand so we had what it takes to address any ailment one could be faced with. Differently Financed > Poor people love their TV, a lot. What they don’t love is the term poor, so please keep this comment between us. All The News That Is News. > When I started my first business, I was about ten years old. It was a local newspaper called Arsenal News. The slogan for the paper was “All the news that is new on Arsenal Avenue”. Our target market was all of my brothers and sisters, the demographic being ‘Herndon’s, aged 7-13’. The circulation was about 5 which was close to a 50% market share. Revenues were right around fifty cents. --- Apparently, some things never change. I hope you feel sufficiently teased. MADE FROM LEFTOVERS is about *The Adventurous Escape from Poverty.* Through this comical memoir, I examine its causes, the impact on people and communities, and why it should matter to the rest of us. **What do you think so far?** Your feedback really helps. Reply here to ask questions or to share your thoughts. But before I send you off, here’s ***The News.*** ## Microwaved Warm Takes `Week 47 of 2021` Three high profile trials have been in the news this week. ****The Killers of Ahmaud Arbery.** First, the three men in Georgia who chased down Ahmaud Arbery ultimately killing him with a shotgun were found guilty of murder. After chasing the unarmed jogger in a pickup truck, blocking his path as much as five times, the men claimed they killed Arbery in self defense. No one agreed with them [including the jury](https://www.npr.org/2021/11/24/1058240388/ahmaud-arbery-murder-trial-verdict-travis-greg-mcmichael?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****The Vigilante Kyle Rittenhouse.** Kyle agrees with the Jury in his case. On Friday, he was [acquitted](https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/11/19/kyle-rittenhouse-acquitted-all-counts-polarizing-kenosha-homicide-trial/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) of all charges stemming from the altercation at a Black Lives Matter protest where he ended up killing two people. Since then, there’s been talk of him getting offered internships working for politicians, but it’s unclear which party would fit him best. ****The Silicon Valley Mogul Elizabeth Holmes** of the now defunct startup Theranos took the stand in her fraud trial. Journalists covering the case say that on the stand Holmes was as cool as leftover Turkey, and as stiff as that canned cranberry sauce. It would usually be advised against by a defense lawyer, because now, Elizabeth will be back after the weekend for [cross examination](https://abcnews.go.com/US/theranos-founder-elizabeth-holmes-owns-key-allegations-testimony/story?id=81368572&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****In Other News.** President Biden is famous right now, not just for being President, but also for his poor [approval ratings](https://www.npr.org/2021/11/24/1058739328/biden-hits-a-new-low-in-the-npr-marist-poll-as-inflation-concerns-rise?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) which have garnered lots of coverage. Most analysts blame his approval rating on inflation (or gas prices for the single issue voter). As a result, his ego is not inflating, but he is trying to win you back with some touting of economic positives. ****For example, jobless rates seem good.** They ended up being lower last week than anytime [since 1969](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/24/business/economy/jobless-unemployment-claims.html'?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) dude. It’s important to note that an expert at Oxford Economics thinks it’s fake news because the seasonal adjustments kinda muck up the numbers when measuring them in a short window of time. That’s it for the news for today. That’s it for this week. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. ***Have a great rest of the weekend!*** ### Would you rather fund the roads or get hit by a bus? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/would-you-rather-fund-the-roads-or-get-hit-by-a-bus/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:36:13.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning. I had a good week on Twitter talking about driving gloves. What do you think? My hands were warm and my grip was secure. > Driving gloves: > > Acceptable or should the internet make fun of me? [pic.twitter.com/DSgHgjpMtp](https://t.co/DSgHgjpMtp?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [November 14, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1459903292885065737?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) #### Anyway - New Subject: I always want to make it clear that I am not in the political party you think I am. My political pronouns are *they* and *them*. Of course, I didn’t do a very good job dispelling doubt in this week’s article, but… oh well. Cancel me, I guess. But first, take a look at ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 46 of 2021` ****Bad news:** Malcolm X has been murdered. However, that was like 56 years ago. The good news: the guys who were falsely convicted of his murder were exonerated, even though [they served decades in prison](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/17/nyregion/malcolm-x-killing-exonerated.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Remember the beastly QAnon guy?** I’m talking about Jacob Chansley, who terrorized the Capital along with a bunch of other Patriots. The guy with the moose lodge hat is [going to jail](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/qanon-shaman-key-figure-jan-attack-sentenced-wednesday/story?id=81203981&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) for 41 months now. Fortunately for him, he was able to plea bargain to get organic foods during his stay. ****Apple will start letting you** [fix your own](https://www.theverge.com/2021/11/17/22787144/apple-home-repair-iphone-mac-parts-tools-instructions?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) phone now. Similarly, [Mcdonald's](https://www.businessinsider.com/mcdonalds-kiosk-vs-cashiers-photos-2018-3?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter#the-chambers-street-mcdonalds-near-our-office-in-new-york-citys-financial-district-now-has-kiosks-and-mobile-ordering-after-undergoing-an-extensive-renovation-there-by-the-grace-of-the-hamburglar-go-i-1) lets you do your own customer service, and based on my rare McD’s experience earlier this week, it sucks. Apple’s results may vary. Oh and this just in. The new Apple M1 chips do not have built-in support for 2 external monitors if they are not $5,000 Apple monitors. Not bitter. ****Washington D.C.yberbully.** Looks like threatening a congressperson’s life with a cartoon has consequences. GOP Representative Paul Gosar of Arizona [is being censured](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/house-plans-vote-wednesday-censure-gop-rep-gosar/story?id=81212617&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) which means he is kicked off of some committees. Paul still denies his anime threat was something to be criticized, so he decided to share the video again just a few minutes after the vote to censure him. ****No Juice for You.** The Catholic church has been the communion nazi as of late when it comes to President Biden taking the sacraments. Since being denied in South Carolina, some [bishops voted](https://time.com/6121050/catholic-bishops-joe-biden-communion/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) on what to do from now on. My recommendation to Joe is just do what we all do – don’t ask don’t tell. ****Record Highs.** No pun intended of course, but last year, drug [overdoses](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/17/health/drug-overdoses-covid.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) were higher than ever. This shows us more about the true impact of the pandemic including the role poverty and joblessness can play in public health issues. It also illustrates the difficult job public health officials have in a society that sometimes values liberty over life. ****Lastly.** We’re waiting on a verdict in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial. The jury has been [deliberating](http://the%20jury%20has%20been%20deliberating%20for%203%20days/) for 3 days, and I think his ugly cry worked. Welp. *(slaps knees)* That’s it for the news! Here’s ***The Gist!** --- ## A Win For Conservatives `The Gist` ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Metro_Bus-1.jpeg) Sometimes policies are more liberal or more conservative. Think “Lefty-Loosie, Righty-Tighty”. Biden’s bipartisan infrastructure bill has received some support from Republicans, but more were against it. Is it too loose? Personally, I don’t consider myself particularly conservative or liberal, regardless of where you peg me. To me, today’s conservatism (as we see in the public discourse) seems laughable & not very conservative. Just [take a look](https://danielkherndon.com/bidens-infrastructure-bill-a-conservative-win/) at the background of this bill. #### Some Would Rather Lose Than Be Wrong In the case of the Infrastructure Bill, ****[here’s why I think Republicans should be celebrating](https://danielkherndon.com/bidens-infrastructure-bill-a-conservative-win/)** if it weren’t about winning elections. I go into more in the article of the week, which you can read ****[here](https://danielkherndon.com/bidens-infrastructure-bill-a-conservative-win/)**. What do you think? Reply to this email to comment. --- That’s it for today. ***Enjoy your week!*** ### Biden’s Infrastructure Bill. A Conservative Win. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/bidens-infrastructure-bill-a-conservative-win/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:18:11.000Z In 1993, a comedian came to prominent attention with his unique and very relatable approach. Jeff Foxworthy released the comedy album titled “You Might Be a Redneck If…”. His signature bit was packed with jokes like “If when you cut your grass you find a car… you might be a redneck.”. By appealing to blue collar workers, and those who make fun of them, he was able to reach multi-platinum status and later receive a Grammy for best spoken comedy album. His approach was a method of reduction to the ridiculous. Talking about rednecks in cartoon-ish descriptions of who they seem to be. It’s funny because it’s true, even if the truth is stretched a little. We need Jeff Foxworthy now to tell us what it means to be a conservative. Maybe a Netflix or something, because at this point, the term has devolved into little more than a joke. ![](https://www.danielkherndon.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Metro-Bus-1024x567.jpg) ## **Infrastructure Week** Back in early 2020 (that wasn't a dream, it was last year) then President Donald Trump [proposed](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/trump-approach-trillion-infrastructure-plan-69125618?ref=danielkherndon.com) a $1 trillion infrastructure bill. It included investments in roads, bridges, waterways, telecommunications, etc. Trump couldn’t get the bill passed. At the time, he was single handedly shutting down the Pandemic by preventing visitors from China, and while that didn’t work, I can see why his administration may have been busy. Trump himself was too busy being Trump, which is why referencing “Infrastructure week” has become a [running joke](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/22/us/politics/trump-infrastructure-week.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). If Trump would have passed the infrastructure bill, it wasn't clear how it would be paid. One of the biggest regulatory changes Trump did pass was the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act. This was the largest tax reform in 30 years which reduced taxes especially for wealthy investors and corporations. In an unfortunate turnabout this week, President Joe Biden signed a bill with similar provisions to Trump’s infrastructure bill with a similar trillion dollar price tag. It was touted as a bipartisan bill, but only a fraction of the Republican Party supported the bill with their vote. It feels good to win if you get the credit. When you don’t, some would rather lose. In some cases, rivals will take the lemons generously handed to them by the other party, and make stump speech lemonade. Republican US Representative from Alabama, Gary Palmer who voted against the bill is [now posturing](https://thehill.com/policy/finance/581934-alabama-republican-touts-provision-in-infrastructure-bill-he-voted-against?ref=danielkherndon.com) to gain credit, “This is the opportunity we have been working for as a region and a state." Palmer is bragging about the $369 million that his state will receive over five years to complete a project known as the Northern Beltline. He says "Now is the time for us to take advantage of it and complete the work by finishing the Northern Beltline and building a better future for the Birmingham metro area and central Alabama.” Well that’s not very conservative of him is it? Supporting wreckless government spending? Perhaps embarrassing to other Republicans, Senator Mitch McConnell is actually expressing [how proud he is](https://www.newsweek.com/mcconnell-proud-his-infrastructure-vote-republicans-who-supported-bill-face-backlash-1649969?ref=danielkherndon.com) of his vote in favor of the infrastructure bill, despite the ridicule he is receiving from Trump for backing a bill similar to the one the former President tried to pass in his time in office. Is Mitch being a conservative? He may be, but he is not being a Republican, if being a Republican is being against a Democrat, as has been the case in recent memory. ## **A Conservative Success.** I think honest conservatives should be thrilled with the passing of the infrastructure bill. Here’s why. To start, this bill is a conservative success because the spending is modest. The bill is marketed as a $1 trillion package, but the provisions only include $550 billion in new spending. The rest is coming from existing funds that have not been used including some unspent pandemic relief funding. What is more conservative than that? As I noted before, conservatives in Congress along with a conservative President have tried to pass infrastructure bills to improve the condition of important assets in the Country before. Much like replacing your roof after it has outlived its useful life, it is neither conservative nor liberal to replace it. It is good stewardship. Similarly, if you save money from other budgets to invest in essential needs for the integrity of your home, it is nothing other than conservative. A few Republicans are trying to grab credit for the Infrastructure bill because it is a conservative win. Investments in cities, transportation and internet resources will create jobs immediately, as federal workers and contractors are hired to complete the work. Then it will be followed by businesses creating jobs and individuals investing by living and working in the areas that benefit from these investments. And all while spending less than planned by the previous administration. Like Eisenhower is known for developing our [Interstate Highways](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstate%5FHighway%5FSystem?ref=danielkherndon.com), every President would love to be known for advancements that create lasting improvements to our country. It would be a conservative success to cause businesses to boom, creating new jobs and economic opportunity. This brings us to the only reason this is not a win for Conservatives. They don't get to take credit for it. Even though a small handful voted with integrity, it is not credited to the Republican claims. Will this infrastructure investment result in something as memorable as Interstates? I don’t know, but whatever is remembered, it will have President Joe Biden’s signature on it. ## **It’s Cool to be Conservative** Some people think it is conservative to be in the Republican party, but Republicans, who are *not* conservatives when it comes to spending, have not managed to reduce the budget’s deficit. In fact, [this statistical analysis](https://towardsdatascience.com/which-party-adds-more-to-deficits-a6422c6b00d7?ref=danielkherndon.com) demonstrates that Republicans are conservative when it comes to taxation, but do not decrease spending. Historically, this has increased to the deficit. A very simple historic snapshot will show you that spending has not decreased under [any president](https://www.self.inc/info/us-debt-by-president/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and only Bill Clinton has had a balanced budget likely because he benefited from a booming economy. We all like tax cuts, but they don't pay for themselves. It has proved to be a fantasy although a popular one to believe. On the other hand, every party has wanted the systems of a developed nation, supporting international commerce, job creation and more. As it stands now, there is no Libertarian who is Libertarian enough to take this infrastructure development off of our collective shoulders as an investor. That means we have to pay for it through federal investment of our taxes. We have all benefited from our country's infrastructure, and if we are going to compete internationally, we’ll need to maintain those assets and improve them. So is that a liberal agenda? Well, if you vote to have your tax-cut cake and eat the economic infrastructure too... you might be a conservative. ### Our greatest enemy is Big Bird. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/our-greatest-enemy-is-big-bird/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:34:03.000Z Hey Everyone, Good morning to several new subscribers this week. The Lorem Ipsum continues to thrive, keeping your inboxes warm while we sink into the colder temperatures and earlier sunsets. Also good morning to Elon Musk who probably needs it since he just had to pay a big tax bill. This has been a big news week! Thankfully, The Lorem Ipsum has wrapped it up in a nice bow known as the HTML that holds this email together. Today, I’ll talk a little bit about “expert advice”, which is now known as “propaganda”. But first, The News. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 45 of 2021` ****It’s Infrastructure Week.** President Biden has signed a 1.2 trillion dollar plan to build a bunch of stuff modernizing the USA (I’m thinking roads, transit, and internet, but not sure if Comcast’s customer service will improve). The bill is similar in size to Donald Trump’s bill that he was unsuccessful in passing. Unlike Trump’s plan, this one is a socialist takeover since a Democrat is in the White House. ****Secretary Pete explains How Roads are Racist**. It’s silly to call a road racist, but it’s not silly to point out the way roads, highways, and bridges were designed to intentionally divide predominantly black and white neighborhoods. Pete was explaining this to a reporter who was trying to be a trickster. Later, Ted Cruz mocked him [on Twitter](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1457792590573490180?s=20&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) showing that he doesn’t really understand the issues, since it doesn’t help him get elected. ****Turns out Big Bird is a Communist**. Big Bird has been pushing [vaccine propaganda](https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/08/politics/covid-vaccine-debate-what-matters/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) as a Government puppet (like actually a puppet). Ted Cruz decided to add his 2 cents and call out the Bird [on Twitter](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1457108504498642953?s=20&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Meanwhile, *the people in your neighborhood* are still sitting at about 58% fully vaccinated. > I got the COVID-19 vaccine today! My wing is feeling a little sore, but it'll give my body an extra protective boost that keeps me and others healthy. > > Ms. [@EricaRHill](https://twitter.com/EricaRHill?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) even said I’ve been getting vaccines since I was a little bird. I had no idea! > > — Big Bird (@BigBird) [November 6, 2021](https://twitter.com/BigBird/status/1456971880666046465?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) ****Elon Musk** has sold his stock as he promised he would after conducting a [poll on Twitter](https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1457064697782489088?s=20&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to ask the opinion of 63.3 million expert followers and financial advisors. Elon said he would be using the money to [pay taxes](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/10/business/elon-musk-tesla-stock-sale.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and maybe go out for a nice dinner or something. ****Meanwhile, at** ****Astroworld**, rapper, Travis Scott’s Concert turned into a [deadly stampede](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/least-8-dead-many-injured-texas-music-festival-media-2021-11-06/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Related, Travis Scott’s following has skyrocketed since the event, which is why they say “no publicity is bad publicity”. ****Inflation** is out of control. It’s at its [fastest pace in 31 years](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/10/business/economy/consumer-price-inflation-october.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) actually, which means we’re all thinking about the cost of milk. You might want to get on the front end of it and ask your boss for a raise. Biden says he [has a plan](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/11/business/economy/biden-inflation.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) called ‘pass all my other spending bills’. ****The** ****Murder Trial** of Kyle Rittenhouse [is happening right now](https://www.foxnews.com/live-news/kyle-rittenhouse-trial?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and besides killing some protesters, Kyle is now famous for his “ugly cry” face. The Jury was asked not to account for that when considering whether or not to convict him of murder or accept his claims that it was self-defense. ****Commish One Six** (my name for the January 6th Commission that theoretically would shorten this entry) has subpoenaed some more Trump allies [including](https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/09/politics/january-6-subpoenas-stephen-miller/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) people like Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany and Chief of Staff Christopher Liddell. The Committee wants to pull back the curtains and if possible Kayleigh’s makeup to find out what happened leading up to the events that took place at the Capitol on January 6th. ****The NFL is Irritated** with Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rogers since he said he was “immunized” against Covid-19 which worked [until he got Covid](https://www.nfl.com/news/packers-aaron-rodgers-could-face-fines-but-no-suspension-if-covid-violations-are?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and word got out that he was referring to a months-long treatment that has no history of success. Turns out he was not vaccinated. The one person who was not irritated with Aaron was Jordan Love who got to play as starting quarterback for the first time since joining the team. That’s it for the news, now here’s ***The Gist* *.*** --- ## Is Big Bird a Bad Guy? `The Gist` Why can’t we trust those who we as a nation have trusted for so long? We used to look to medical professionals for advice regarding health and we would trust Sesame Street to help teach our kids [positive values](https://danielkherndon.com/why-cant-big-bird-be-our-friend-anymore/). Now that’s being called “propaganda”. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Sesame.jpg) ## Big Bird for Adults Anthony Fauci is our Big Bird. I write about both of them, and how the perpetually campaigning politicians seem to think we should trust them, instead of the experts. ****[Read more](https://danielkherndon.com/why-cant-big-bird-be-our-friend-anymore/)**. That's it for this week. ***Have a great weekend!*** ### Why can't Big Bird be our friend anymore? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/why-cant-big-bird-be-our-friend-anymore/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:18:18.000Z Boys and girls, have you been seeing Big Bird in the news lately? Big Bird recently shared on Twitter that he had gotten the Covid 19 vaccine. > I got the COVID-19 vaccine today! My wing is feeling a little sore, but it'll give my body an extra protective boost that keeps me and others healthy. > > Ms. [@EricaRHill](https://twitter.com/EricaRHill?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) even said I’ve been getting vaccines since I was a little bird. I had no idea! > > — Big Bird (@BigBird) [November 6, 2021](https://twitter.com/BigBird/status/1456971880666046465?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Since then, some media outlets, and at least one vaccinated politician responded, saying bad things about Big Bird’s positive message. They’re saying that our neighborhood friend has become a puppet of the Government (he also is an actual puppet). They say that his tweet is “government propaganda for your five year old”. It was our very trustworthy Senator Ted Cruz who said the following when he responded to Big Bird. > Government propaganda…for your 5 year old! [https://t.co/lKUlomnpq1](https://t.co/lKUlomnpq1?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) [November 6, 2021](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1457108504498642953?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Since the internet has taken interest in his response, Senator Cruz has made it a point to [stoke](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1458145053243809802?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com) the [fire](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1457498055427690497?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com) and soak in the [attention](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1458116327273639938?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com). Thank you “Ted Cruz for Texas” for pointing out the ways we are being controlled by the Government through an educational kid’s show. The forever six year old enormous bird is now being accused of being more similar to a puppet messenger of a Nazi regime rather than an actual puppet who is promoting family and educational values. Kids, you’ve trusted Big Bird for years to teach you your ABCs and to share positive morals. Even when you may have thought he was a female character as a kid, you considered him a kind and honest character. Big Bird was someone you looked up to, both because of his height and his positive educational messages. But now that Big Bird has tweeted about being vaccinated, we’re alerted to a new message. Big Bird is a communist. Can you say communist? Big Bird is being accused of trying to poison your mind at a young age. We’re being told that he wants to convince you to do things you never thought you would do. Like getting a vaccination against coronavirus. To be honest, we’ve known this about Big Bird for a long time because Big Bird has been sharing messaging around Government initiatives since the Nixon administration when he was promoting measles vaccinations. Just look at this ["propaganda" from 1972](https://twitter.com/MuppetWiki/status/1457121825746526211?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com). > Big Bird gets vaccinated, 1972 [pic.twitter.com/M2mdmmjZ0N](https://t.co/M2mdmmjZ0N?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Muppet Wiki (@MuppetWiki) [November 6, 2021](https://twitter.com/MuppetWiki/status/1457121825746526211?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Sesame Street has taught kids about real life before. Including helping kids understand death, racism and the events of 9/11, as well as the vaccine initiative I shared with you a moment ago. They have a history of bringing prominent, important and unavoidable issues to our children, at their level, removing fear and introducing comfort. When the internet took interest in his response, Senator Cruz has made it a point to [stoke](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1458145053243809802?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com) the [fire](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1457498055427690497?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com) and soak in the [attention](https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1458116327273639938?s=20&ref=danielkherndon.com). Thank you “Ted Cruz for Texas” for pointing out the ways we are being controlled by the Government through an educational kid’s show. ## **Who’s the Big Bird for adults?** Us grownups have a Big Bird of sorts too. His name is Dr. Anthony Fauci. His title is “Chief Medical Advisor to the President of the United States.”. Is that a big title? I think it is. His job has a bigger name than “Big” himself. Some people think that Dr. Fauci is not a safe person. The medical watchdog, Senator Rand Paul has made this very clear for us. Senator Paul says that Dr. Fauci should claim responsibility for the 2020 Pandemic, suggesting he is experimenting with the lives of our citizens. Senator Paul has shared this on his highly trusted site “Rand Paul For Senate” where it says “[Fire Fauci](https://meet.google.com/hji-yzxf-mvr?authuser=1&ref=danielkherndon.com)” featuring the doctor's picture prominently. Senator Paul was very mean to Dr. Fauci, and he said that he should have to leave his job. This is where he makes money to pay his bills, just like your Daddy or Mommy might go to a job to make money to buy food and clothes for you. It used to be that doctors were the people we would go to for the best available medical advice there is. We would trust medical scientists to provide the things that medical science has learned through research. Research is just like when you do homework. When you spend a lot of time on something, you get a lot better at it. That means that you can get good grades and sometimes you know the answers to tough questions people ask. Perhaps it’s not safe to trust Big Bird, and it’s not safe to trust the scores of scientists, researchers and immunologists. Unfortunately, in today’s world, some politicians have made it their job to discredit the experts, and tell you to trust them instead. Why would you trust the most qualified people in the world when you can trust a Senator who is always campaigning for his reelection? For our children, we were able to trust Big Bird and the rest of the Sesame Street cast to help them process every day ideas, and process them at their level. Not to manipulate them. To help them. To remove fear, and bring comfort with the things which can sometimes be hard for us. In the past, information provided by an expert was called “information”. Now it is called “propaganda”. Thank goodness we have the campaigning of Ted Cruz for Texas and Rand Paul for Senate to protect us from the experts. If Mommy or Daddy are not there to help you, who would you trust to give you important medical advice? ### Do you have any strange phobias? Here's mine. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/do-you-have-any-strange-phobias-heres-mine/ Last updated: 2023-10-13T15:34:42.000Z Hey Everyone, This week I found myself repeating the phrase “I’m not getting sick” over and over, only to find that the actual repetition made my voice hurt, resulting in a sore throat. In this new world we live in, getting sick is not something to ignore anymore, because even a simple throat clear in the grocery causes people to step back like you’re a leper in The Year of Our Lord AD 30 when lepers were basically outcasts from society told to “do their own research” on how to overcome their disease. Alas, I think I’m going to be fine, because we’re not only entering flu season, we are also entering the Holiday Season. That means I get to talk about the real reason for the season… Food. This ****[week’s article](https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter/)** is about a very big fear of mine that has stuck with me (and my arteries) for the last (~~redacted age~~) years. I’ll get into that in a second. But first, ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 44 of 2021` ****The climate is doing okay I guess.** The world’s biggest photo opp took place in [Glasgow](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/11/01/climate/paris-pledges-tracker-cop-26.html?campaign%5Fid=9&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20211101&instance%5Fid=44300&nl=the-morning®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=73206&te=1&user%5Fid=e67dd907953f3325ee3de791f376e404&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) earlier this week, consisting of a choir of world leaders preaching to each other about how bad Earth is getting. Private jet setting Presidents and delegates spent time making promises and snapping a few Instagram pics (except the “filters” are just the natural smog in the air from carbon emissions at this point). Anyway, Big Science says we are [doing things but not enough of them](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/10/25/climate/world-climate-pledges-cop26.html?campaign%5Fid=9&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20211101&instance%5Fid=44300&nl=the-morning®i%5Fid=121690001&segment%5Fid=73206&te=1&user%5Fid=e67dd907953f3325ee3de791f376e404&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****I didn’t vote but some people did.** People all over the country are wearing their “I would have voted” sticker except in a handful of states where there actually was an election on Tuesday. This includes gubernatorial races in Virginia which went ****red** and New Jersey which stayed ****blue.** There were a few mayoral and state legislator elections which seemed to favor Republicans enough that Biden took notice. The prevailing messaging was that voters want leaders to ease COVID 19 restrictions, rid schools of Critical Race Theory (whatever that is) and also as Biden [acknowledged](https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2021/11/03/biden-sot-democrats-election-pass-spending-infrastructure-bill-lead-vpx.cnn?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) “do something”. ****Felonious Congressman?** In south Florida, Republican congressional candidate [Jason Mariner](https://www.yahoo.com/news/republican-primary-winner-ex-felon-183457535.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) won his party’s nomination, despite being a felon. People surprised that one could hold office after committing a felony are reminded that our previous President held office for four years. ****I think Hollywood is is gonna need a tetanus shot due to “Rust”.** The latest news regarding the accidental killing of Halyna Hutchins, while filming “Rust” a movie about an accidental killing, is that the staff may have been infected with a real life bad guy. The Armorer said she’s sure she [loaded the gun with dummy rounds](https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/03/entertainment/rust-set-safety/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Her attorney’s are suggesting that someone may have sabotaged the set with a live rounds in with the blanks. ****For you “I’m not an anti-vaxxer but…” types.** Two thirds of us will be either vaccinated or picketing by January 4th with Biden’s deadline now in place (which covers roughly [2/3rds of the US workforce](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/white-house-sets-early-january-deadline-private-sector-comply-new-n1283166?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)). An unofficial spokesperson for unvaccinated voters said “we were going to get vaccinated, but then you told us we had to.” Governors like Indiana’s Eric Holcomb say “I think we should get vaxed but still, we’ll [see you in court](https://www.wthr.com/article/news/health/coronavirus/gov-holcomb-announces-opposition-to-federal-covid-19-vaccine-mandate-biden-administration-coronavirus/531-aaee58db-bfa7-430e-820b-4ff3de8a778e?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter).” Anyway, that’s the news. Now for a very viscous version of ***The Gist.*** --- ## Cold butter makes me... uncomfortable `The Gist` Since we’re entering the Holidays, I started thinking about food. I’m also coming to terms with the fact that I am what’s called ****p*olysaturated-unctuous* *hypothermiaphobic*** (that is, I have a fear of cold butter). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Butter_II.jpg) This week’s article is about how the boogieman became fat when fat became the boogieman. Read about [why I am afraid of cold butter](https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter/), some observation about fat-free foods in the 90s, and finally, how I overcame my fear of fat. ****[Read the article here.](https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter/)** ### Why I am afraid of cold butter URL: https://danielkherndon.com/why-i-am-afraid-of-cold-butter/ Last updated: 2026-09-10T21:48:09.000Z I always get nostalgic during this time of year as we enter into the Holiday season. I begin to get a tingling feeling in my belly that I call anticipation. Anticipation for perhaps the most precious thing in our lives. Butter. For me, the Holidays are about food. It’s about spending time with the people you love the most, celebrating the real reason for the season. Eating foods with a high amount of butter in them. It’s not surprising that people start the year off with “new-year-new-me” goals to exercise more, eat better, and reduce their body fat. It’s also not surprising that people refuse to start pursuing those goals before first completing the food consumption marathons of the Holidays. Probably because butter is incredible. Even more so when it is in mashed potatoes AND in an apple pie, then mashed potatoes again. The holidays were not always this positive for me. You see, I used to be afraid of butter. Specifically cold butter. Cold butter is a lot different than melted butter. Melter butter will strike fear in a lobster, foreshadowing its ultimate demise, but cold butter says, “I’m just not ready yet.” While the cockroach of the sea and other bottom feeders may not be afraid of cold butter, I would find myself trembling. The reason is that I had a bad experience with cold butter. My Dad really knows his way around butter. By that, I don’t mean that he is a butter science expert, but he knows when to eat butter, and he knows how much to eat. But it did not always sit well with me. Especially when it was at sub-room temperatures. Seeing him spread hardened butter onto his bread would vex me as I watched him handling those solid waxy squares. Each nearly an inch thick, he’d spread across his slice of enriched white-ish sweet bread, with his knife scraping roughly. Two swipes barely spread the thick pad of saturated fat across his loaf, tearing holes into the slice. As he took his first bite, I’d leer at the teeth marks in the yellow fat firmly pressed into the bread and think to myself, “That’s pure fat,” as my stomach turned. Back in the 80s, and likely before that, we had determined that our health was in jeopardy because of fat. We began to notice that people were experiencing health issues related to things like heart attacks and vision problems (that is, vision being obstructed and not being able to see one’s feet over their belly). Even scientists and departments of agriculture found themselves saying, “People are overweight and unhealthy, and fat is the problem.” By the early 90s, fat began to be engineered out of our diets. Suddenly, every food item made in a factory was wrapped in a plastic advertisement that proclaimed “low fat” or even “fat-free.” Lays launched the ‘WOW’ chip line with Olestra for ‘fat-free’ and guilt-free snacking. Snackwells boasted healthy treats in the form of its ‘fat-free’ devil's food cookies which could be consumed with impunity. America was engaged in the War on Fat, with each one of us enlisted. It was in 1992 when the US Department of Agriculture endorsed the food pyramid created in the 70s, with fats in the smallest category and bread and pasta in the largest. By 1996 the FDA approved olestra as a food additive, and fat-free was on labels across supermarket shelves. The War on Fat yielded mixed results, including bad ones and worse ones. WOW, potato chips blocked its consumers' biological ability to absorb nutrients, causing gas, loose bowels, and embarrassment. Snackwells proved to be snacking unwell if nothing more than because a single cookie was never satisfying, consisting of more air and sugar than actual flavor. Basically, not having fat sucked. Cold butter switched to cold margarine, which people could not believe was not butter. Margarine tasted better or worse than butter, depending on which one you were most used to, but the ironic twist was that the spreadableness of it meant it was usually stored in plastic containers, rumored to be made of a nearly identical substance to the spread itself. Regardless of the truthfulness of this claim, for me, in its cold state, it still caused terror because I was afraid of fat. It turned out the food pyramid was the opposite of what it should have been and the FDA was wrong about olestra. Eventually, the food industry wised up. I’m picturing it taking place in a highrise with a “Big Food” exec in the bathroom lamenting, “What have I done!”. Today, olestra is nowhere to be found, and fat-free foods are less popular than in their glory days. My fear of cold butter persisted into my early adulthood. The bread was required to be heated to a temperature that would melt the product to a lobster-taunting state and ideally be absorbed into any food it is added to, concealing its fatness. But fat was never the problem. It was insulin resistance that we should have been afraid of. The excess of glucose blocks nutritional absorption. Medical News Today says that “[Insulin resistance](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/305567?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Insulin%20resistance%20occurs%20when%20excess%20glucose%20in%20the%20blood%20reduces%20the%20ability%20of%20the%20cells%20to%20absorb%20and%20use%20blood%20sugar%20for%20energy)” occurs when excess glucose in the blood reduces the ability of the cells to absorb and use blood sugar for energy.” The CDC finds that 1 in 3 people are insulin resistant, a disease also known as pre-diabetes, distressing the [US healthcare system.](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/) The result: cutting out fat basically had the opposite effect of what was desired. I’ve gotten over my fear of fat in the form of cold butter, but also in other forms as well. I now know that fat is an essential nutrient for a healthy body and a natural part of most whole foods. I can’t promise that I won’t eat too much of a good thing this Holiday season, but I can promise you I will have my fair share. Here’s to facing our fears. ### I'm passing out Halloween candy (to you). URL: https://danielkherndon.com/im-passing-out-halloween-candy-to-you/ Last updated: 2023-06-01T16:29:09.000Z Hey Friends, It’s Halloween, and I’m passing out candy. This is a milestone week with ****issue #10 of The Lorem Ipsum weekly!** To celebrate the *Decennial* of *The Lorem Ipsum*, I’m going to send 10 of you my favorite gummy bears from [Albanese Candy](https://www.albanesecandy.com/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) (They are amazing. [You can tell](https://www.instagram.com/p/BzfyssOgaKz/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)). ****Trick or Treat?** Just ****reply to this email** and share with me what you enjoy about *The Lorem Ipsum,* along with where to send your treat and I’ll mail it right to your door. ****Speaking of Trick or Treating.** Did you know I’ve never been trick or treating in my entire life? This week’s article is very personal. First, let’s get to the news. ****What happened this week?** It’s been a very spooky week👻 . Facebook is haunted by Frances Haugen, A couple senators have spooked the Biden Agenda and Democrats are talking about taxing phantom earnings. Here’s ***The News*** --- ## Hot (scary) Takes `Week 43 of 2021` ****Tax Bills for Billionaires.** If you are rich, you could be [paying taxes](https://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory/stupid-insane-billionaires-vent-tax-plan-80839248?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) soon. Obviously it sucks, but don’t worry. Members of congress with billionaire campaign donors likely won’t vote to support the bill, or in Kyrsten Sinema’s case, won’t do anything else either. When asked to quote on the billionaire tax, #2 billionaire Jeff Bezos said this: “🦗 🦗 🦗”. ****Speaking of Billionaires.** Elon Musk, has become the #1 [richest person](https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/26/elon-musk-is-poised-to-become-the-first-person-worth-300-billion-dollars.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) on earth (and as far as we know, in space). On last look he was worth 282 billion which is 276 billion more than fictional billionaire Bruce Wayne and 272 billion more than Daddy Warbucks. Elon’s reaction: “Wild $T1mes!” ****BONUS**: Here’s more about the debate on [taxing billionaires](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/28/briefing/wealth-tax-spending-bill-manchin.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). ****Now More Savings!** Biden just announced a new spending plan half the size of his most recent 3.5 trillion dollar plan. It includes, uhhh, you know, the thing. Actually, you can find out what it includes without the Biden grandpa brain fart [right here](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2021/10/28/us/biden-spending-bill-deal?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****Mikey Likes Getting Vaxed.** Now, our little lab rats are ready to [get their shots](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/fda-advisory-panel-oks-pfizer-vaccine-kids-5-11-rcna3726?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) too! One FDA official said we’ll learn how safe it is after we start giving it to our kids. Cross your fingers! ****Choosey Mom’s Choose mRNA.** Parents are also participating by getting boosters (shots, not seats), and they can mix & match if they want to make it interesting. The FDA and CDC have provided [scientific peer reviewed guidance](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/27/well/live/covid-booster-shot-mix-and-match.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) regarding boosters by saying “hey, do whatever you want! :)” A Twitter friend, April says this: > My child is not a lab rat nor a lab beagle for that matter. [https://t.co/9XkeRdH8We](https://t.co/9XkeRdH8We?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — April Gregory (@aprildgregory) [October 27, 2021](https://twitter.com/aprildgregory/status/1453339173281308673?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) ****About Facebook.** According to the news, Facebook is in crisis 🤬 🔥, but earnings calls said Facebook is doing great 📈 💰, showing an increase of 19% over last year. The now-famous whistle-blower [Frances Haugen has been on tour](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/26/technology/facebook-sec-complaints.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to testify to various governments about the [recently renamed company](https://www.theverge.com/2021/10/28/22745234/facebook-new-name-meta-metaverse-zuckerberg-rebrand?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) prioritizing profit like literally all other corporations. Frances, can you say “book deal!!”? > THE NEWS: Facebook is NOT doing fine. > > FACEBOOK: We’re doing fine! 📈 > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [October 26, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1452981419064668167?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) ## I've never been trick or treating `The Gist` Until recent years, I haven’t [participated in Halloween festivities](https://danielkherndon.com/ive-never-been-trick-or-treating-heres-why-i-always-will-from-now-on/). This latest article is a personal story and contains excerpts from my book, MADE FROM LEFTOVERS which is being shopped for publishing. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Helloween.jpg) While I never celebrated Halloween as a kid, I explain why I always will from here on out. ****[Read the article](https://danielkherndon.com/ive-never-been-trick-or-treating-heres-why-i-always-will-from-now-on/)**. That’s a wrap for week 43\. ***Have a Happy Halloween!*** ### I've never been Trick or Treating. Here’s why I always will from now on. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/ive-never-been-trick-or-treating-heres-why-i-always-will-from-now-on/ Last updated: 2022-10-31T20:27:34.000Z Every year on October 31st, scores of children fill the neighborhoods with activity. They’ll run the streets (looking both ways) creatively dressed to impress, scare or invite a laugh. Their cheaply made costumes are designed to look like recent television or movie characters, or more traditionally, to depict some otherworldly character or a ghoul from beyond the grave if not from Hell itself. If one is lucky, this costume came complete with some potable but not desirable jelly-like substance, which one would smear along the side of his mouth depicting the blood or jelly sandwich which he must have eaten without cleaning up afterward. Everyone in the neighborhood would participate. Except me. That is me and my large number of siblings. If you’re thinking it’s because I grew up in Kenya or Germany, I’ll tell you right now that is not it. The reasons were both clear and unclear, but suffice it to say that we didn’t want to go to Hell. We thought participation in Halloween was a precursor to that, so we passionately disavowed it, mourning the futures of those blinded by its lies. Trick-or-treaters came to our door like they did everyone else's. If we could help it, we would avoid answering the door. You can picture a large family hiding in the back of their house, hoping the little tikes will get the point after one or two knocks that we’re not going to answer. One year, we answered every time, shooing kids away with disappointment as we told them with our noses up that we did *not* celebrate Halloween. Another year, turning off the porch light was sufficient deterrence, which was perhaps something we should have tried all along. The next day, I would usually gather with my neighborhood friends, as they sifted through their treasure trove of candy, assessing their gains. I was a little jealous, but also a little afraid to accept any candy for fear it was cursed. I was at risk of being exposed to such a curse, should I partake. I did test the cursed waters once, and it goes without saying that I did not (at least so far) end up in hell for it. In fact, nothing happened at all, except of course that I ruined my dinner. Looking back on these days, as we often do when we age, I’ve gained some new perspectives. While my siblings and I did eventually get the opportunity to celebrate Christmas, we never did knock on doors and sing in off-key unison “trick or treat” or anything that resembled that. We did however have the religious replacement for Halloween. Many anti-Halloween churches have something called “Hallelujah Night” the “much better but still a knockoff alternative to Halloween”. Hallelujah night took place on church soil, often with costumes most likely resembling Bible characters. These costumes were mostly made out of sheets, or bathrobes paired with fake beards drawn on with markers and perhaps a large walking stick. There was a variety of harvest season homemade carnival-like games designed to make kids work for their candy. And while we would abruptly turn away our neighbors in an instant if they came to our door, we would most certainly tell them they were invited to join us in OUR celebration, on our terms, and on our turf. Our neighbors were highly unlikely to come, and who can blame them? Our costumes were stupid, our candy acquisition process was too complicated and it was likely that they would get negative stares for dressing like a witch, not to mention being a heathen. Besides the fact that I glossed over the not celebrating Christmas topic, I want to draw your attention to something very important. We were outsiders, by choice. And we made sure as hell (sorry for the pun) that people around us were told they were outsiders to us. We didn’t inspire anyone to be like us, because if I’m being honest, they all thought trick or treating was fun, and couldn’t seem to come up with a reason not to participate. What they did do by participating in "Satan’s holiday" (*<---perfect opportunity for scare quotes*) is come up with a way to connect briefly with the people that live around them. They made friends, they celebrated community, and maybe some of the teenagers damaged a little property, but for the most part, the result was the neighborhoods were more connected, more hospitable, and safer. I believe that Neighborhoods are healthier when people are acquainted and engaged with each other. Halloween presents just such an opportunity to induce more of that. Being outside and being connected to your local living community is something I believe strongly in. That’s why I think that a return to the standard of homes with front [porches contributes to a healthier planet](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/how-the-front-porch-will-save-the-world/) as I explained in a prior article. So this weekend, I will be gathering with several families in the neighborhood, creating a welcoming atmosphere with a bonfire, handing out full-size candy bars, surrounded by decorations of the human skeletal system. We’ll be sharing food and drink, meeting new people, and creating community while perhaps telling a scary story or two. Halloween has its roots in [ancient mythology](https://www.history.com/topics/halloween/history-of-halloween?ref=danielkherndon.com). The objections that some religious people have to do as well. If there is a hell, I assure you it is not lined with people who are there because they participated in community with their neighbors on October 31st. But it might be lined with people that turned their neighbors away for no good reason. --- *This article is a personal memoir that includes excerpts from my book MADE FROM LEFTOVERS. It is currently being shopped for publishing. To receive updates and previews of MADE FROM LEFTOVERS, sign up for my newsletter.* ### Pinky swear protection + Why you can't trust advertising. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/pinky-swear-protection-why-you-cant-trust-advertising/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:29:49.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Senator Joe Manchin. I decided I was going to slack off this week without writing a full article. So I pulled one from the archives, and ended up rewriting some of it, resulting in about 1,200 words (about 1,100 of them not included in the original article). The article is about marketing and advertising. And politicians. You can’t trust any of them. More on that later, but first ***The News.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 42 of 2021` ****Protecting Insurrection Pinky Swears.** Former President Donald Trump is suing the January 6th Commission to keep records during his presidency secret. And folks, let’s be honest, I think we can all agree that Trump is entitled to his privacy, especially if he is committing treason. Here’s [more about this from CNN](https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/18/politics/trump-white-house-records/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fcontent=2021-10-18T20%3A40%3A50&utm%5Fmedium=social&utm%5Fsource=twcnnbrk&utm%5Fterm=link). ****Bannon Found in Contempt.** Trump’s buddy Steve Bannon blew off a subpoena from “commish one six” (you’re welcome team) and the house last night voted to refer him to the justice department for criminal contempt. Specifically, one of the most egregious charges is related to claims that Bannon wore two collared shirts at the same time. You can get the real details [from ABC News](https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/garland-doj-follow-facts-law-bannon-contempt-referral/story?id=80705342&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****China Does Not Want to Add You to Their Professional Network**. LinkedIn told China they were looking to expand their network, but it seems like China has marked it as spam. The LinkedIn team has been getting tired of all the burdensome Chinese rules sliding into their regulatory compliance DMs so they decided to pull out. The BBC [has more](https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-58911297?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****The Economic Rebound is Waiting on Workers.** The puzzler of the month is the perplexing labor shortage. The biggest concern according to economists is the number of Starbucks which are closed, ruining coffee meetings and commutes to work. One theory: The Pandemic highlighted the ways people were selling their soul for work. The NY Times [goes into detail](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/19/business/economy/us-economy.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****We’re All Waiting on Joe Manchin.** Currently, Joe is pretending to be in one party while helping the other. Evidence suggests he is actually bought by Big Coal (and he also IS big coal) since his state is one of only a couple that still depend on coal for energy. I cover this topic [in this week’s article](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/10/why-we-dont-trust-advertisers-and-politicians/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and CNN [has more on this too](https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/19/politics/west-virginia-coal-rates-manchin-climate/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ****In the Category of “These Jokes Write Themselves”** Prince William and Kate recycle outfits to highlight climate impact of fashion. Twitter sounded off. One Twitter user (okay it was me) [said this](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1450232292799127559?s=20&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter): *“How to save the world with a £14,000 jacket… Hint: wear it twice!”* > Prince William and Kate recycle outfits to highlight climate impact of fashion [https://t.co/H5og46tJhf](https://t.co/H5og46tJhf?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) [October 18, 2021](https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/1450140715971981318?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) ****BREAKING** - In a tragic accident on the set of Rust, Alec Baldwin [fired a prop gun](https://variety.com/2021/film/news/alec-baldwin-rust-incident-santa-fe-1235094931/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), causing the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins and wounding director Joel Souza. - Former President Donald Trump has announced he is creating a social media platform [truthsocial.com](https://truthsocial.com/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) because he’s not allowed on the others. That’s it for the news, but reply to this email to let me know what else you would like to see me cover. Until then, ****The Gist** asks who can you trust? --- ## Can you trust advertisers and politicians? `The Gist` Studies repeatedly remind us that most of us don’t trust politicians and advertisers, but how do we fix that? As one of my ad industry colleagues Jennifer Denney says “You have to start with the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality from the consumer’s perspective.” ([full article](https://danielkherndon.com/why-we-dont-trust-advertisers-and-politicians/)) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Mouse_Trap.jpg) Indeed, the question is “what’s in it for me”. But the natural question is to ask “what’s in it for *them*?” It’s hard to trust someone who is selling something. When it comes to politicians, they are trying to sell something too. Consider Senator Joe Manchin, the obstacle to the Biden Agenda right now. It seems like we’re watching a tale of two Joe’s. Joe #1 wants to do something about climate change with urgency. Joe #2 wants us to stop bothering the fossil fuel industry. Manchin’s personal net worth and campaign funds come largely from the fossil fuel industry. His concerns with the bill are related to taxes on fossil fuels, which ultimately means his pocketbook. Can we trust him or is he doing the right thing? What does this have to do with advertising? I go into greater detail in this week’s article. ****[Read it here](https://danielkherndon.com/why-we-dont-trust-advertisers-and-politicians/)**. #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Why we don’t trust advertisers and politicians URL: https://danielkherndon.com/why-we-dont-trust-advertisers-and-politicians/ Last updated: 2025-08-21T11:48:12.000Z As marketers, we’re constantly pondering the form of that perfect message to generate allure and persuade customers to purchase our product. We create clever branding statements and advertisements often overstating the advantages of our product while avoiding any mention of its weaknesses. The pattern is like this. Create ads, make promises, get sales, repeat. Advertisers tell you what you want to hear until they sway you into doing what they want you to do. A study by [the University of Massachusetts](http://mentalfloss.com/article/30609/60-people-cant-go-10-minutes-without-lying?ref=danielkherndon.com) found that 60% of people can’t hold down a conversation without lying at least once. Every person who has ever been asked if a dress makes someone look fat knows that people are not always honest. It seems almost natural that people lie every day, embellishing or speaking untruths, telling a listener what they want to hear, or perhaps attempting to make oneself look better. And we expect customers to trust us when we say our laundry stick will remove any stain without impacting the color in a shirt? When it comes to people in government, it’s a similar pattern. Run for office, make promises, get donors, make more promises, get votes, and repeat. Politicians tell you what you want to hear until you do what they want you to do. It’s hard to trust someone who is selling something. ## Selling from inside the Beltway Today, Congress is trying to keep some promises by addressing climate change, but they're trying to keep some donors, too. The Biden administration is currently focused on a large [reconciliation bill of 3.5 trillion dollars](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/budget-reconciliation-bill-build-back-better-act/?ref=danielkherndon.com) over 10 years. It’s designed to slow climate change by addressing energy production, with taxes and incentives particularly targeted at coal and natural gas, which are the second-highest source of carbon emissions following cars. In addition, it has investments in education and social safety. The President has sold the plan as something that will be paid for by taxes focused on the wealthiest Americans. Advocates for the plan claim it will also help pay for itself by reducing [climate-related costs](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2021/10/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and building the tax base through education policies that build the workforce. It is Biden’s own party that is preventing the bill from being passed. In particular, one now famous Senior Senator from West Virginia, Joe Manchin. The lack of agreement has become a big sticking point for getting the reconciliation bill passed, considering Democrats hold a razor-thin margin. It’s a tale of two Joe’s fighting for their agenda, with Manchin holding all the leverage, because Manchin is the party’s holdout vote. The Democrats are vexed by the power that Senator Manchin is exercising, rendering the party’s majority practically useless. The West Virginia Senator is from a coal state. His personal net worth substantially comes from the coal and natural gas energy industry, and many of his campaign donations are from the energy industry as well. His concerns with the bill are related to how it impacts the energy industry. Last year, Pew Research found that only 20% of [people trust the Government](https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2020/09/14/americans-views-of-government-low-trust-but-some-positive-performance-ratings/?ref=danielkherndon.com), a number that changes based on when and how you ask the question. Nonetheless, that rate has been declining since being in the range of 70% in the late 50s. Even recent studies from Gallup indicate that [Americans' trust in elected officials](https://news.gallup.com/poll/355430/trust-politicians-voters-continues-ebb.aspx?ref=danielkherndon.com) (or people running for office) is bouncing around its historic lows of 42%. Again, while the findings are telling, the specific number is only as reliable as the context of the question and how you define *trust*. ## **Trust is complicated** Trusting an ad, a politician, or perhaps a business partnership is not just about whether they tell the truth or not. It’s also about whether their motives lead them to exploit the person to whom they are trying to sell something. Studies have consistently indicated that distrust of advertisements is to be expected, but it is not always the case. When advertisers focus their message on consumer concerns rather than making bold claims about their product, they connect more with what is important to the customer. “When the consumer sees any marketing, their natural instinct is to think of themselves.” Jennifer Denney of [Elevated Marketing Solutions](https://www.elevatedmarketing.solutions/?ref=danielkherndon.com) shared on a Facebook thread. “So you have to start with the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality from the consumer's perspective.” She explains that the key to successful advertising is to recognize this mentality about customers and shape your message around them. With advertising, the incentives are based around telling a customer what you want them to hear, to get them to do what you want them to do. Customers intuitively see through that, and that’s why [people don’t trust advertising](http://adage.com/article/cmo-strategy/marketers-consumers-trust-ads/292591/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Indeed, the question is “what’s in it for me”. But distrust comes from the tendency to be skeptical of one’s motives, where the natural question is to ask “what’s in it for *them*?” ## **What’s in it for them?** We’re all selling something. In the case of Joe Manchin, he is selling fossil fuels. In fact, the company he founded in 1988, Enersystems, has earned him well over 5 million dollars in dividends between 2011 and 2020, according to the available data from his Senate disclosures. Today, as a Senator, Joe is selling the idea that taking action to slow climate change is “very, very disturbing” when it involves substantially addressing our use of and dependency on fossil fuels, where he makes his money. Joe is not the only one selling fossil fuels. His largest donors are, too. Tellurian Inc. is listed as his [largest donor](https://www.opensecrets.org/members-of-congress/joe-manchin/summary?cid=N00032838&ref=danielkherndon.com) in the period of 2017-2022 on OpenSecrets.org. Tellurian advertises itself as “Of the Earth, For the Earth” on its website, touting its commitment to the environment, including reducing carbon emissions by using natural gas instead of coal. While it’s true that natural gas emits less carbon than coal, the [Union of Concerned Scientists](https://www.ucsusa.org/resources/environmental-impacts-natural-gas?ref=danielkherndon.com#references) disputes whether it is an environmentally sustainable solution, and claims that it would take new policies and investments to ensure it is a net improvement. Most climate initiatives, including the current bill in Congress, are aimed at eliminating both over time in exchange for solar, wind, and nuclear power. Senator Manchin says we should let the market work itself out. Joe Manchin is not lying, but his motives are clearly aligned with protecting the fossil fuel industry in spite of the urgent need to reduce its carbon emissions. Everyone is selling something at least some of the time. After decades of being in the business of marketing things, I’ve learned a very important principle. > The person who is most trustworthy is the person who is not selling something. @danielherndon > [Tweet](http://twitter.com/share?&text=The%20person%20who%20is%20most%20trustworthy%20is%20the%20person%20who%20is%20not%20selling%20something.%20%40danielherndon%3Cbr%3E%3Ca%20href%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Fshare%3F%26amp%3Btext%3D%253Cp%253EThe%2520person%2520who%2520is%2520most%2520trustworthy%2520is%2520the%2520person%2520who%2520is%2520not%2520selling%2520something.%253C%252Fp%253E%26amp%3Burl%3D%5Bpost%5Fpermalink%5D%22%20target%3D%22%5Fblank%22%20rel%3D%22noreferrer%20noopener%22%3E%3C%2Fa%3E&url=[post%5Fpermalink]&ref=danielkherndon.com) ## **Advertising is aspirational** It is worth mentioning that advertising, whether a website headline or a stump speech, is aspirational. Some statements project the vision more than the literal outcomes, because when you get down to business, it gets complicated. But there’s a difference between a bold statement and a bold-faced lie. Marketers present the message that will sell their product. Politicians push the narrative that will get them elected. And we have trouble trusting them all–because people can see through their disingenuous messaging, and understandably question motives. To all of you who are selling something, take a moment to ask “what’s in it for my customer?” because your constituent is asking the same question about you. ### Ted Lasso, Captain Kirk + Do you want hotter takes? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/ted-lasso-captain-kirk-do-you-want-hotter-takes/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:28:10.000Z Hey Friends, Season two of Ted Lasso is over and summer is coming to a close, but The Lorem Ipsum weekly has no end in sight. No matter how backed up our national supply chain may be, this weekly respite from traditional news is in no short supply. ***Welcome to the 8th issue of the Lorem Ipsum Weekly.*** Over the next few weeks, expect more of the news to be interrupted by holiday feel-good stories, jokes about bloated commercialism, and some congressional tension regarding fiscal cliffs to offset the Holiday Spirit. But I want to hear from you. What do ***you** want from The Lorem Ipsum? ****[Give me some feedback](https://danielkherndon.com/ted-lasso-captain-kirk-do-you-want-hotter-takes/#ghost-comments)** to help me improve what I deliver to you each week. Thanks for reading! Now, here’s ***the news* *.*** --- Here’s the week’s most important news. I’ll link you to “accurate” info from actual journalists. - ****The Final-ish Frontier.** Bill Shatner(Can I call you Bill?) has *Boldly Gone*somewhere no one other than billionaires and their friends have gone before. He flew up into space on a Blue Origin flight, lasting a total of 11 minutes, which is considered sufficient time for Captain Kirk to find someone to *womanize*. ([here’s an article](https://www.space.com/news/live/blue-origin-william-shatner-launch-updates?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and a video of the flight [can be found here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter&v=YgdoeXnbDXc)). - ****Okay, Boosters.** The very popular Covid booster shot is making Covid vaccination even less popular among the vaccine uninterested. 71% said this tells them the vaccine obviously doesn’t work. The survey did not ask questions regarding ivermectin. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/11/health/covid-boosters-unvaccinated.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - ****Sinking cities**. If you thought production costs for the climate change dystopia movie [Waterworld](https://www.yahoo.com/now/waterworld-kevin-costner-steven-spielberg-most-expensive-movie-063006359.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) were expensive, wait until you see how much these cities will have to spend to combat rising sea levels. A Climate Central report shows images of what cities may be facing if we don’t make changes. I discuss [rising sea levels](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/10/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) in an article this week as well. Regarding the report, here’s [more](https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/12/world/3-degrees-sea-level-rise-climate-central/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). - ****The Trump Card.** Ex-President Donald Trump has urged Republicans not to vote, which is not actually a valid form of democracy. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/14/politics/donald-trump-2022-mitch-mcconnell-kevin-mccarthy/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter#:~:text=%22If%20we%20don%27t%20solve%20the%20Presidential%20Election%20Fraud%20of%202020%20%28which%20we%20have%20thoroughly%20and%20conclusively%20documented%29%2C%20Republicans%20will%20not%20be%20voting%20in%20%2722%20or%20%2724.%20It%20is%20the%20single%20most%20important%20thing%20for%20Republicans%20to%20do.%22)) - ****Americans are Quitting.** A record number of Americans are telling their bosses they can take this job and shove it. Labor experts explain by saying [it's complicated](https://time.com/6106322/the-great-resignation-jobs/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) which is helpful. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/12/economy/jolts-job-openings/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - ****And the Supply Chain.** As an ironic follow-up, President Biden is taking a stab at fixing our supply chain issues by asking the major shipping ports to work more hours. [IMPORTANTVILLE’s](https://importantville.substack.com/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) Adam Wren has a solution as well. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Screen-Shot-2022-06-13-at-10.38.41-AM.png) - ****Hello?** Everyone is making fun of Adele *from the other side* of her very awkward Instagram Live. After briefly streaming a snippet of a new song soon to be released, she responded with confusion to strange fan questions like what her “body count” is. The PR ridicule is well on its way to pushing the new album to gold status. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/11/entertainment/adele-instagram-new-song/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) That’s it for the news. Here’s ***The Gist.** --- ## Hey Nelly, it's getting hot in here. `The Gist` Nelly said it best. Temps have been rising dramatically since we started tracking it, and it will eventually lead to a massive extinction event. Specifically of climate change deniers, because it was so much easier to deny global warming in the 90s than it is today, now that people who were born in the 90s can vote and drink. ****About 70% of Americans acknowledge climate change** and think the Feds should do something about it. Boomers are the group with the highest percentage of deniers, while Millennials are getting louder on the topic due to the aforementioned voting (and probably the drinking too). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Hot_World.jpg) ### Too rich for our blood. Just yesterday, President Biden announced plans to develop wind energy. This and other climate change proposals ask for a lot of federal budgets. Because we are living in a material world and climate change is a… very expensive problem to solve. Most budgets get shot down because “our kids will be paying for it for generations.” But the costs of climate-related disasters cost us billions every year and the costs keep going up, as the temperatures rise. So we’re already paying for it now. If we don’t act now on climate change, we’ll go broke. [I explain more here](https://danielkherndon.com/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke/). --- ****Thanks for reading!** #### Support The Lorem Ipsum: 👉 **Share**: [Twitter](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Guys,%20you%20have%20to%20sign%20up%20to%20this%20newsletter!&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free) | [Facebook](http://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=https://www.danielkherndon.com) | [Linkedin](https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.danielkherndon.com%2F&ref=danielkherndon.com) 💡 **Upgrade**: [Become a Founder](https://danielkherndon.com/#/portal/signup) ### Climate Change. If we don't act now, we'll go broke. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/climate-change-if-we-dont-act-now-well-go-broke/ Last updated: 2023-12-27T22:49:31.000Z At the risk of sounding like I am in a Nelly song, I just want to point out it’s getting hot in here. And while people are not on the brink of extinction yet (with a world population of almost 8 billion of us right now), climate change deniers are an endangered species. The truth is, it was so much easier to deny global warming in the '90s than it is today, now that people who were born in the '90s can vote, drink, and have kids. In fact, we mostly ditched the term global warming specifically because every winter, some skeptic would play the old “so much for global warming” card to smack in the face of the scientists and liberal politicians who were willing to say there was a problem. As it turns out, people don’t live forever, and just like the second season of Ted Lasso, everything comes to an end. The deniers are dying off. What we’re seeing now is not a literal extinction of people because of some great flood or an outbreak of disease specifically killing off climate change deniers. Actually, it’s just that the new blood is becoming louder due to the aforementioned voting (and probably the drinking too). Millennials have become a firebrand when it comes to certain social issues, which of course has resulted in sweeping changes in a variety of policies, such as gay marriage, racial equity and other things many of their grandparents never saw coming. Speaking of fire, loud, grown-up children are not the only ones screaming at us. We’re also hearing the screams of people in California and perhaps Australia from time to time because of the millions of acres of land that are burning up, followed by the firefighters producing t-shirts memorializing their involvement in the career-making event [producing t-shirts](https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/08/26/california-wildfire-t-shirts-for-firefighters-a-souvenir-of-pride-tragedy/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Wildfires in the last couple of years have surpassed previous years for all of recorded history, with this year winning more world records than The Crown winning Emmys. While wildfires cause [more than 33,000 deaths per year](https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2021-09-09/wildfires-cause-more-than-33-000-deaths-globally-each-year?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Wildfires%20Cause%20More%20Than%2033%2C000%20Deaths%20Globally%20Each%20Year,-Sept.) on average, this too is not the cause of the impending extinction of climate change deniers. The reason is that frankly, it’s just getting so much harder to ignore what is taking place all around us. We all agree that ignorance is bliss (If you don’t actually feel that way, I’d rather you didn’t tell me), but we’ve arrived at a point in world history where the decisions we make regarding the climate will actually directly impact our children. Our babies are being born with microplastics in their bodies and growing up on a planet with less forestation, less topsoil, more hurricane damage, and more floods, and pretty soon, we’re going to have to change our story about good ole’ Saint Nick because the polar ice caps are melting too. Still, even with our dire circumstances, most people don’t really want to do anything about climate change. The arguments range from “You can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” to “Well, to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs” and the occasional “Meh.” The translations are as follows: 1. It’s too expensive to address climate change right now, and if the solution is more painful than the problem, then the problem is the leftist agenda that is destroying America. 2. Global warming reductions will send American jobs to countries that aren’t even reducing their emissions anyway. We’re better off staying the course and growing our economy and our industry. 3. I’m not really worried about it. The climate has been changing forever. While the above arguments all come from a place of acknowledgment of climate change being a problem (sometimes), there is still a remaining minority that does not even believe such a crisis exists. Among [Boomers](https://www.pewresearch.org/science/2019/11/25/u-s-public-views-on-climate-and-energy/?ref=danielkherndon.com), there are more non-believers than other groups on earth. Climate change denying also happens to be more prevalent amongst those who vote [Republican](https://www.pewresearch.org/science/2019/11/25/u-s-public-views-on-climate-and-energy/?ref=danielkherndon.com), versus Democrat. Still, if you look at these same stats over time, the gap continues to narrow. This means that while climate change is still highly controversial, its politically charged power is, perhaps, waning. ## **Climate change is real, and it is here.** The non-profit research group, Climate Central completed a study about [rising sea levels](https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/12/world/3-degrees-sea-level-rise-climate-central/index.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), reporting that several, mostly coastal cities, will have to implement extreme measures to address the changes in where the beach starts if temperatures reaches 3 degrees celsius above pre-industrial levels (that’s about 5.4 degrees in Fahrenheit). We’re more than a third of the way there, currently at 1.2 degrees celsius above pre-industrial levels. Their report depicts scientific projections of [water invaded cities](https://picturing.climatecentral.org/?ref=danielkherndon.com) if we stay on our current path. That small jump (add scare quotes here) has given us 10 of the hottest years on record in the last 16 years. In fact, [2020 was tied as the hottest year ever](https://www.nasa.gov/press-release/2020-tied-for-warmest-year-on-record-nasa-analysis-shows/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Globally%2C%202020%20was%20the%20hottest,degrees%20Fahrenheit%20since%20the%201880s.) so far. And if you want me to be more precise, we are precisely screwed if we don’t take action. ## **Why is this?** Emissions of carbon dioxide have been increasing dramatically since the invention of the car. Carbon dioxide is absorbed by greenery though photosynthesis, the only science word most of us remember from middle school, right? Yes Timmy, that is correct, but just as fast as cars and other carbondioxide producing machines are increasing, the [forests and green spaces are decreasing](https://www.fao.org/state-of-forests/en/?ref=danielkherndon.com), with most deforestation being the result of [agricultural expansion](https://www.fao.org/state-of-forests/en/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Agricultural%20expansion%20continues%20to%20be%20the%20main%20driver%20of%20deforestation%20and%20forest%20degradation%20and%20the%20associated%20loss%20of%20forest%20biodiversity). This leaves us with less oxygen to breathe and brings on more of those temperature fluctuations that are ruining our weather. Basically, what I am trying to say is that [we are causing climate change](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/how-the-front-porch-will-save-the-world/). ## Climate Change Causes Natural Disasters If you don’t mind referring back to your grade school years for one more second, you may recall that weather is largely caused by air temperatures trying to even out (source, middle school, but I was homeschooled, so don’t trust me. Read [here](https://www.dkfindout.com/us/earth/weather/what-causes-weather/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to check my facts.). Because of the increase in temperatures, flooding, hurricanes, and wildfires have increased in intensity. NASA has been saying this [since at least 2005](https://earthobservatory.nasa.gov/features/RisingCost/rising%5Fcost5.php?ref=danielkherndon.com), if not longer, but since it’s run by the Government, much like Anthony Fauci, people don’t trust the source when they go against their bias, no matter how credible they are. The facts have been there all along, though. In 2020, we’ve had the most billion-dollar disasters in history, and that number, like the oceans, continues to rise. Natural disasters [have been increasing](https://www.climate.gov/news-features/blogs/beyond-data/2020-us-billion-dollar-weather-and-climate-disasters-historical?ref=danielkherndon.com) year after year as the temperatures increase and polar ice caps melt. Most of us have taken note of changes in weather patterns in our own lived experiences. And they are getting harder and harder to ignore. ## **Climate Change is Costly** If you’ve made it to this part of the article, you are one of a very short list of people (I’ll be home soon, honey). This is the part where I’ve pulled together all the verbose things I’ve said throughout the article and somehow wrapped it into a point that you will share as a quote in a pithy tweet. That tweet would say something like, “Natural disasters cost us $95 billion per year, but we’re worried about something called a filibuster,” or perhaps it would be a more motivational quote like, “Most Americans believe the government is not doing enough to address climate change. *What will you do*?” although I can’t see myself saying that particular line. Unfortunately, I also can’t see the US Government taking the action it needs to take either. There still remains a vocal opposition from people who watched Mork and Mindy, but if we’re honest, according to [Robby Slaughter](https://robbyslaughter.com/no-money-means-more-people/?ref=danielkherndon.com), an independent candidate for Congress in Indiana, what public opinion says does not carry as much weight as the desires of the very few largest donors who ultimately have a controlling influence on politics. If the majority of Americans believe the Government should do more, why are we not? Budget. Referring to a previously mentioned excuse about not addressing climate change, the cost tends to be one of the biggest barriers to taking meaningful action. Since our reactive costs are going up, it seems our federal budget savings are simply cutting off our noses to spite our faces. As an important side note, it’s easy to overlook if you are a gainfully employed homeowner, but climate change-related [natural disasters impact the poor substantially more](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/hurricane-ida-is-a-disaster-it-gets-worse/) than anyone else, forcing them deeper into poverty and creating an additional public cost for everyone who pays taxes. These costs will continue to go up until we deploy drastic measures to change them. That means public sector investment and regulation because the private sector is not going to lead the way (and we can no longer wait on all you libertarians, either). It’s time to take action, even if it hurts, and the scale (and budget) needs to be big. There is not enough money and human capital to solve our climate crisis unless it is a global effort, and without overwhelming public support, we just aren’t doing enough. If we don't do something big, it will cost a lot. --- *Here are The 17 Sustainable Development Goals, the blueprint to achieve a better and more sustainable future for all, produced by the United Nations. https://www.un.org/sustainabledevelopment/* *Footnote: Natural disasters have been getting more and more frequent and costs are going up as a result.* [*https://www.climate.gov/news-features/blogs/beyond-data/2020-us-billion-dollar-weather-and-climate-disasters-historical*](https://www.climate.gov/news-features/blogs/beyond-data/2020-us-billion-dollar-weather-and-climate-disasters-historical?ref=danielkherndon.com) *Footnote: Temperatures have been increasing over time. Here’s the data since 1880:* [*https://www.climate.gov/news-features/understanding-climate/climate-change-global-temperature*](https://www.climate.gov/news-features/understanding-climate/climate-change-global-temperature?ref=danielkherndon.com) ### How to crash Facebook, and make the perfect Old Fashioned. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-to-crash-facebook-and-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/ Last updated: 2023-07-12T17:37:32.000Z Hey Friends, I took a couple of days off and went to Bourbon Country this week, so since I’ve got whiskey on my mind, I’d like to teach you how to make [the perfect Old Fashioned](https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/). I’ve illustrated each step to help you out. ****What else happened this week?** The debt ceiling went up and Facebook went down. If you’re in marketing, like me, Facebook’s blackout probably disrupted your workflow so you [live-tweeted](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1445120439500611597?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) Facebook’s downtime. There’s more about this in ***the news***. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/IMG_2082.JPG) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/IMG_2083.jpg) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/07/IMG_2863.JPG) --- ## Hot Takes `Week 40 of 2021` The week’s most important news and links to a “reputable” source. - ****Facebook crashed.** Along with its properties like Instagram and WhatsApp, the social giant became socially distant on Monday. CEO, Mark Zuckerberg was already under pressure due to the anti-trust lawsuit against them. During the brief outage, it was reported that Facebook employees were relegated to communicating by email, phone, and various forms of talking in person. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2021/10/04/facebook-instagram-outage-whatsapp-down-october-2021/5991289001/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - ****Then there was the Whistleblower.** Unfriended Facebook employee Frances Haugen testified before Congress on Tuesday that Facebook does cyber bad things for “astronomical profit”. In her testimony, she briefly mentions the outage, tagging Facebook for dramatic effect. Congress *liked* her comment. ([more](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/oct/05/facebook-whistleblower-hearing-key-takeaways-france-haugen?CMP=oth%5Fb-aplnews%5Fd-1&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - ****We’re pausing abortion lawsuits for now.** A federal judge has blocked the Texas Abortion law on Wednesday, saying this argument is getting old. The law will still have to work its way through the courts to see if 2021 is [the new 1971](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roe%5Fv.%5FWade?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). ([more](https://www.npr.org/2021/10/06/1040221171/a-u-s-judge-blocks-enforcement-of-texas-controversial-new-abortion-law?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - ****Pfizer dropped off some news**. Studies have confirmed recipients of the Pfizer vaccine show waning immunity over time, even though it still prevents major infections and death. Vaccine-hesitant activists are quoted as saying “see!”. Vaccine advocates are quoted as changing the subject. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/06/health/pfizer-vaccine-waning-immunity/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - ****The Debt Ceiling is up-ish**. Dems and Repubs agreed to raise the roof just a little so that they could bump their arguments out to a December 3rd deadline. The money chat, likely taking place this Thanksgiving over turkey and mashed potatoes, positions both parties with an excuse for not coming to family gatherings. ([more](https://www.foxnews.com/live-news/infrastructure-debt-ceiling?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) That’s it for the news. Here’s ****The Gist** --- ## The Perfect Old Fashioned Cocktail `The Gist` If you are one to imbibe, with a penchant for spirit-forward beverages, you’ve undoubtedly heard of this drink. In this week’s article, I explain how to make the perfect Old Fashioned. I include tips on tools, preferred ingredients, and step-by-step instructions complete with illustrations. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/15_OF_Finito.jpg) ## How to prepare for the weekend The basics are this: - Use quality tools and ingredients. - Use my time-tested 3-3-3 recipe (bitters, sugar, and rye whiskey). - Don’t muddle fruit. Don’t shake it. Do stir. - Use big ice cubes to stir and bigger ice to serve. You can [read the whole article here](https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/). --- **Thanks, everyone. See you next week!** I’ve worked hard to provide you with this completely free content. If you like it, please share it with a friend to say thanks. You can share on Facebook and Twitter. Hit reply to give me your thoughts. ***Thanks for reading!*** ### Everything they don't tell you about how to make the perfect old fashioned URL: https://danielkherndon.com/everything-they-dont-tell-you-about-how-to-make-the-perfect-old-fashioned/ Last updated: 2023-07-12T17:48:42.000Z In 1880, a decade marked by economic prosperity and innovation, James E. Pepper changed the world, perhaps forever. It was at [The Pendennis Club](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pendennis%5FClub?ref=danielkherndon.com) in Louisville, KY where it happened. Pepper took a lump of sugar, Angostura bitters, and some whiskey and created The Old Fashioned Cocktail, hereafter known as an old fashioned. If you are one to imbibe, with a penchant for spirit-forward beverages, you've undoubtedly heard of this drink and likely had an excellent one at a favored cocktail bar. No sooner than your next outing, you've probably had a bad one, and perhaps it looks completely different, for some reason, pink in color with pulp floating in it. Sure, you're not one to complain, but you know that you deserve better. Well, I am here to give you what you deserve in perpetuity. I am going to teach you how to make the perfect old fashioned. I share with you the details that make an old fashioned incredible. I explain all of what those fancy cocktail recipe websites don't tell you. Please pay attention, and follow every step closely. Each step matters and I won't waste your time with minutia if it does not add something to the finished product. If you would like to cut to the chase, you can go to liquor dot com or many other places on the internet, but if you want to know how to impress every tailored suit-clad businessman that ever sets foot in striking distance of your bar cart, stay put, and keep your eyes on this screen. Take notes, and bookmark this page if you need to. I've fully illustrated the process for greater clarity and bartending accuracy. Here we go. The first thing you need to do is have the right tools. No matter how thirsty you are right now (thirsty for a first-class cocktail experience \[1\]). A quality axe cuts a better log and barmanship is no different. Please budget for premium results. You'll need the following items: **A Mixing Glass.** Contrary to popular belief, a shaker is not going to come in handy for this spirit-lead beverage. You'll need a 24-ounce tempered stirring glass with a spout poised for smooth dispensation of your mixed drink. These can be difficult to find at traditional department stores. Pull out the credit card and visit a place that can provide you with top-notch kitchen and barware or find [quality mixing glasses online](https://www.amazon.com/Hiware-Cocktail-Mixing-Glass-Strainer/dp/B07MKMGLZR/ref=sr%5F1%5F6?dchild=1&keywords=horiko+mixing+glass&qid=1633613383&s=home-garden&sr=1-6&ref=danielkherndon.com). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-8-OF-Glass.jpg) **A Bar Spoon.** It's easy to come by a bad bar spoon, just as it's easy to find a bad bartender. What you're looking for is a [stainless steel spoon](https://www.amazon.com/Mixing-Cocktail-Stainless-Spiral-Pattern/dp/B085GCFX8Y/ref=sr%5F1%5F11?dchild=1&keywords=horiko+bar+spoon&qid=1633613203&s=home-garden&sr=1-11&ref=danielkherndon.com) that has some weight to it, not sheet metal that has been stamped out. The best quality spoons will have a small scoop, a twist pattern to the handle, and a little extra weight at the top. This helps with the comfort and efficiency of the stirring process. **A Jigger.** Accurate measures are essential in bartending, and the industry forefathers have created a measuring device specifically for their line of work. A jigger has two cone or semi-spherical cups on top and bottom measuring one ounce for one and two ounces for the other. With proper foresight in your investment, you can acquire a jigger with additional markings for fractional measurements. I like the [Leopold Jigger](https://www.amazon.com/Cocktail-Kingdom-Leopold-Jigger-METRIC/dp/B09HL53B43/ref=sr%5F1%5F4?dchild=1&keywords=leopold+jigger&qid=1633612738&s=home-garden&sr=1-4&ref=danielkherndon.com) but the more cone-shaped [Japanese Jigger](https://www.amazon.com/Cocktail-Kingdom-Japanese-Style-Jigger/dp/B008XPFQJ4?ref=danielkherndon.com) is best for most users not comfortable with the metric system. I'll base the directions on this measuring system. **A Strainer.** In an attempt to maintain the purity of one's libation, a strainer is a must-have tool to ensure you get all of your beverage in the glass and none of the refuse obtained from the production of the drink. A quality strainer looks somewhat like a metallic paddle with slots through which liquid can flow, and a spring on the underside to aid in straining out impurities. The [Hawthorne strainer made by Koriko](https://www.amazon.com/Cocktail-Kingdom-Koriko-Hawthorne-Strainer/dp/B01HSMCSK2?ref=danielkherndon.com) is excellent for large mixing glasses. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-7-1-OF-Tools.jpg) **A Double Old Fashioned Glass.** Glassware is as important to any drink as the very ingredients within it. The old fashioned is chic and exudes a fashion-forward attitude. Serving your drink in a rocks glass enhances the enjoyment by allowing the beverage to deliver its premium experience, and have room for the drink, the garnish, and a large base of ice. You'll want a tempered glass or crystal glasses, 12-13.5 ounces. There are countless options but do not get a glass with a trendy shape. Just get a classic [round plain glass](https://www.amazon.com/JBHO-Crystal-Fashioned-Cocktail-Whiskey/dp/B0875X45NR/ref=sr%5F1%5F27?crid=NCXC55Q6WEV0&dchild=1&keywords=double+old+fashioned+glass&qid=1633612796&s=home-garden&sprefix=double+old+fashioned+%2Cgarden%2C179&sr=1-27&ref=danielkherndon.com) or [etched crystal](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08FY4XLRM/ref=redir%5Fmobile%5Fdesktop?%5Fencoding=UTF8&aaxitk=7d254b6d02a3b1bd2f3558579f5cd997&hsa%5Fcr%5Fid=6367821650901&pd%5Frd%5Fplhdr=t&pd%5Frd%5Fr=19299c5c-0ed7-4801-8885-a1ecea3605db&pd%5Frd%5Fw=ya5yR&pd%5Frd%5Fwg=GaC38&ref%5F=sbx%5Fbe%5Fs%5Fsparkle%5Flsi4d%5Fasin%5F2%5Fimg&ref=danielkherndon.com). **You will not need a muddler.** Muddling fruit in an old fashioned is a tradition, but it is the wrong tradition. It introduces a significant amount of juice and pulp into the drink, takes extra time, and does not look as good in the glass. When you introduce juice, shaking is required, which introduces air and increases the melting of the ice. You do not want this for the perfect old fashioned. This is not a tiki drink, it is a bold, boozy, spirit-first drink. \[1\] Cocktails don't quench your thirst except perhaps psychologically. If you need hydration, use water. Always drink water with all alcoholic beverages, allowing water intake to outpace and outweigh your fermented or distilled beverages. Next, you have to have the right ingredients. I'm not going to be able to provide you a comprehensive list of acceptable brands for your old fashioned. There are many acceptable ryes and bourbons, and some which are less desirable. Let me just put it this way, if your back hurts from grabbing your whiskey, you've bent down too far. Pick up some quality supplies. Do not spend top dollar, but do not spend bottom dollar either! Here are the items you'll need to have on the bar table. **Aromatic Bitters.** There is one brand that has led the pack for generations. [Angostura](https://angosturabitters.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) bitters are in the original recipe and as far as I'm concerned, they are unmatched to date. There are many options for bitters that are acceptable as a stand-in, or if you are looking for a different flavor profile, but there is not a better one. Bitters add depth, balance, spice, and color to your drink. **Simple Syrup**. Make this at home. Do not buy this at the store. Doing so would be lazy, result in you paying multiple times the cost, and ultimately give you a less pure product because store-bought simple syrup typically has additives to make it shelf stable. To make your own, start with equal parts water and [Demerara sugar](https://www.finedininglovers.com/article/what-is-demerara-sugar?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Demerara%20sugar%20is%20a%20light,it%20undergoes%20only%20minimal%20processing.) (raw sugar) measured by volume. Cook it slowly in a small pot over medium heat, stirring the water and sugar together until dissolved. Let it cool and you are ready. Doing this yourself is easy, and it is worth it. **Quality Whiskey (rye or bourbon but probably rye).** According to tradition, rye was often preferred over bourbon, but the drink was first invented in bourbon town and was likely made with bourbon. Both are acceptable. The key is to have a flavor profile that is not too much bite, and not too sweet, most times, you'll depend on your product being aged at least four years in new oak barrels. A 90-proof whiskey (or maybe slightly higher). Usually, something made with a high corn presence for a sweet buttery flavor, and rye for spice and fruit notes. My personal preference is rye. A good starting point is [Bulleit Rye](https://www.bulleit.com/whiskeys/bulleit-rye/?ref=danielkherndon.com) as a representative quality and flavor profile. **A Fresh Orange.** While you're out and about, be sure to grab the freshest orange you can. This will be used for garnishing the drink, and if fresh will add flavor, and aroma and enhance the presentation of the drink. Look for deep texture on the rind, and bright, glossy color. An orange without character may not introduce the character you want it to bring to your drink. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-2-OF-Ingredients.jpg) ![](https://danielkherndon.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/2-OF-Ingredients-1024x567.jpg) So let's get started. We're going to use the 3-3-3 recipe. This is my tried and true recipe designed to give you enough drink to satisfy you, but impress enough to leave guests eager to find out what's next. It all starts with an empty mixing glass and your bottle of bitters. ## Preparing your Old Fashioned Cocktail **Three shakes of aromatic bitters.** Let me tell you what not to do. (1) Don't use the *big* bottle, until you are more experienced. Economy-sized bottles of bitters deliver more juice per shake, which may end up being too much. (2) Don't shake angry. Shaking too hard will overpower the drink and mess up your evening. (3) Don't shake scared. If you are unsure of yourself, you will produce an underdeveloped drink and shame your whole family. Shake with confidence. Shake three times. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-3-OF-Bitters.jpg) **Three-quarter ounces of simple syrup.** Next up we have sugar, also known in this context as simple syrup. There is a lot of opportunity at this stage. Opportunity to impress your guests, or an opportunity to wish you could switch to beer. Volume is everything here, and it's very specific. You will be measuring your simple syrup in the one-ounce side of your jigger with a 3/4 ounce mark on it. Don't measure each quarter ounce separately. Measure them all at once. When you measure, measure just under the line. That is "leave the line". Put another way, when you measure your simple syrup, I want you to get as close to the 3/4 ounce measurement mark as you can, without getting it wet. Do not measure more. If you're making two drinks in the same mixing glass, measure each drink separately. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-4-OF-Sugar.jpg) **Three ounces of whiskey.** Your spirit is ready to be added. Start by measuring the first ounce in the one-ounce side of the jigger. Since you've measured simple syrup, there is a trace amount left in there. I want you to use the wash of the whiskey to draw the balance of the sugar out of the jigger. Fill the jigger up to the brim, nearly if not literally overflowing. This is known as a convex fill. concave is a fill that reaches the top, but just shy of passing the brim of the jigger. Let the surface tension of the whiskey show, and then pour it directly into your mixing glass. This is important for optimal ratios and flavor profiles. As you've let the whiskey drain from the jigger, you'll see it is flipped to the two-ounce side. Fill it up–convex again. You might make a little mess doing this. Don't worry about that. Grab a towel and clean up after yourself, but don't be afraid to do this right. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-5-OF-Rye.jpg) **1x1 inch purified water ice cubes.** Now that your ingredients are in the mixing glass, it's time for ice. Ice is often an overlooked ingredient. This is not wise. By volume, ice is the main ingredient in your cocktail, so skimping on quality is not advisable. What you want is clear ice when possible. At a minimum, purified water (not distilled) frozen into cubes roughly 1 inch by 1 inch squared. This is not elitist. It is important. Every bit of surface will melt and introduce water into your drink. You want this, but you want it to be right. Introducing water blends the flavors and allows them to bloom. 1-inch squared ice melts at the proper rate and meets your cooling and serving needs. You can find appropriate [ice molds from Peak](https://www.amazon.com/WP-ICE-ED-GR-Everyday-Silicone-Dishwasher-Charcoal/dp/B01EKCNHCQ/ref=sr%5F1%5F1%5Fsspa?crid=3E18CF4WRV3GE&dchild=1&keywords=peak+ice+cube+tray&qid=1633625582&sprefix=peak+ic%2Caps%2C216&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyTlFVVEQ1QlNDNDUwJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwODU4MTM4Mlo1OE5ZRklKM0dRQiZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNDM4NDQzQTIzUVJURDI0TkxEJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==&ref=danielkherndon.com). Fill the mixing glass up with ice. Fill it full, well above the height of the ingredients. The ice should heap over the liquid ingredients by about double if possible. Overfilling the container with ice is not something to be overlooked. I want the ice to be heaping. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-6-OF-Ice-1.jpg) **Stir 48 revolutions.** With the generous level of ice, your drink will now start to cool and dilute. The dilution adds a desirable smoothness to the drink while allowing the spirit to remain strong and provide a distinguished flavor, thanks to the hearty cubes of ice. With your weighted bar spoon, stir the ice around inside the liquid 48 times. This ensures proper dilution levels and provides you with a crisp, ice-cold drink. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-7-OF-Stir.jpg) **Prepare your double old fashioned glass.** Grab your double old fashioned glass. Placing it in a fridge or freezer to frost the glass is ideal but not necessary. Set the empty glass near your ingredients, but do not pour yet. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-8-OF-Glass-1.jpg) **One big rock.** Next, you will need a big ice cube. The optimal size is about 2 to 2.5 inches squared. You can get silicone ice molds for [2.25-inch ice cubes from Peak](https://www.amazon.com/WP-ICE-KC-GR-Works-Silicone-Dishwasher-Charcoal/dp/B01FV1D3X8/ref=sr%5F1%5F1%5Fsspa?dchild=1&keywords=peak%2Bice%2Bcube%2Btray%2Blarge&qid=1633625656&sr=8-1-spons&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzRTFGQTNPWjU1WTYmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA5NDgwNTZGUVZUSUFBTUFOTTEmZW5jcnlwdGVkQWRJZD1BMDY2OTMwODFNQU1ZSDk2TVlEQUcmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&th=1https://www.amazon.com/WP-ICE-KC-GR-Works-Silicone-Dishwasher-Charcoal/dp/B07XYMVDJX/ref=sr%5F1%5F1%5Fsspa?dchild=1&keywords=peak%2Bice%2Bcube%2Btray%2Blarge&qid=1633625656&sr=8-1-spons&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzRTFGQTNPWjU1WTYmZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTA5NDgwNTZGUVZUSUFBTUFOTTEmZW5jcnlwdGVkQWRJZD1BMDY2OTMwODFNQU1ZSDk2TVlEQUcmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&th=1&ref=danielkherndon.com) as well. Spherical ice cubes are desirable as well, as they provide the least surface area in contact with the bourbon, so they last longer. This ice should be made from the same purified water that you used to make the smaller cubes, but this is where clear ice is all the more desirable. Place the purified rock in the empty glass in preparation for receiving the outpouring of the spirit. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-9-OF-Big-Rock.jpg) **Prepare to strain.** Place your strain over the top of your mixing glass. Hold the strainer firmly, pressing forward gently. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-10-OF-Strain.jpg) **Strain** **over ice.** Pour the drink directly over the large ice cube. The strainer prevents any small amounts of ice from escaping the mixing glass as your drink is poured over a fresh block of ice. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-11-OF-Pour-1.jpg) **Rest.** Your drink should pour to just below the depth of the ice cube or just a little above, depending on the dimensions of your double old fashioned glass. Your drink is ready to be garnished. It's okay for it to rest and breathe while you prepare your garnish. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-12-OF-Ready.jpg) **Swath of Orange Peel.** Take your fresh orange, and peel a single swath of substantial girth from the top of the orange to the bottom. The swath of orange rind should be thin enough to manipulate but not too thin to be firm. Hold the orange rind just over the top of your drink with the outside of the peel facing the beverage. With your fingers in both hands, pinch the peel allowing the oils within the rind to express the essence overtop of the drink. Caress the top rim of the glass with the rind to introduce some aroma to the rim, and then place the rind gently into the drink vertically, with a portion of the peel exposed and a portion buried under the ice. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-13-OF-Swath.jpg) **Done**. You just made the perfect old fashioned. Please relax and enjoy. **To Cherry Debate.** Although the maraschino cherry is not a part of the original tradition, it is okay to add a cherry if that is your preference, but underinvesting in cherries would be a mistake. Make sure you buy the best of the best if you're going to disrupt the perfect drink with additional fruit. The only cherries worthy of the old fashioned are the [Luxardo Maraschino cherries](https://www.amazon.com/Luxardo-Maraschino-Cherries-418-mL/dp/B00AQB146W/ref=asc%5Fdf%5FB00AQB146W/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312177194396&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9586577559596501062&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9016137&hvtargid=pla-492678928450&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=61726420523&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312177194396&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9586577559596501062&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9016137&hvtargid=pla-492678928450). They are not cheap, but if you wish to change the profile of your perfect old fashioned, it better be worth it. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-14-OF-Finished.jpg) ## Enjoy Your drink is now complete. You're now prepared to have literally any conversation you may need to have if it doesn't require legal representation or the operation of any heavy machinery. The old fashioned is best enjoyed as an after-dinner drink. Enjoy with friends or a loved one. Cheers ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/7-15-OF-Finito.jpg) ### Biden boosters, MacGyver moments, and a 3.5 trillion dollar idea! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/biden-boosters-macgyver-moments-and-a-3-5-trillion-dollar-idea/ Last updated: 2023-12-27T22:25:35.000Z Hey Friends, What do a physician, candy-coated chocolates, and a dog have in common? I don’t know, but we’ll find out at the Super Bowl when Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog, and Eminem perform the halftime show. It was announced [yesterday](https://www.nfl.com/news/dr-dre-snoop-dogg-eminem-mary-j-blige-kendrick-lamar-to-perform-at-pepsi-super-b?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) evening. If you’re a government employee and reading this right now on your work computer, congratulations! You did not get shut down (although it was a close one). I talk about the government shutting down traditions in this week’s article, which I’ll get back to in a moment. But first, ***the news***. --- ## Hot Takes `Week 39 of 2021` Here’s the week’s most important news. I’ll link you to more information from a “reputable” news source if you don’t trust me. - **The Government did NOT shut down**, but they made a big deal about it. Fortunately for “slow news December” I’ll be able to revisit this topic before the end of the year since the funding bill that passed last night was only a short-term *snooze button*. - **Aaaand… the debt ceiling** issue is still looming with an October 18 deadline. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen is “Yellen” at Congress that missing this deadline is catastrophic in late payments and collection calls. That sounds bad, but I feel like this is the end of a [MacGyver](http://click.revue.email/ss/c/XN2t88CAhalHja1RClwc6pfjakVap186AH3NzFQpVNmOI%5FkfnvX4hnnPrcM6PwyViMyNtpNzn1CfJiQzj2FHLQgUbqny0PA97I3VweJp9YtG2lvS90Yb2dBsxd1JvCj52UqRhm3Sl2fCdPyrGSkvueUjswr2sfm3j-T0RPkUpzfjVsTzdm-dS1cuaxFKPIgt/3fs/HQCmQcnZSAqBn9v53dwcLA/h3/vlYoi7xqYtaq1LvsYY8XRhPLLiWjbTi%5FcPGZsL1MXKE?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) episode where it seems like we’re toast but after the commercial, they’ll have a breakthrough and everything will be fine. ([more](http://click.revue.email/ss/c/XN2t88CAhalHja1RClwc6lIazZSgv%5FQdAucoPIY5s-hUG-vlfsEKNdQvUBPNlwIhQ1RyX128wF%5F7TLXfEVWomdUl3x9W6UrIfpi3IO2eV3R9IKCZa9mhXmeDOiTKI6KfstRdPxfMRIP9tuGO-8bK1Ao8UzozvwsVouAzNAO0hDHs1fghKT%5FBQCCqMt3keV8PbE2rrc%5F2BqqJdwYN7c6LDMcOLpCVB6FFLHmln3%5Flywo/3fs/HQCmQcnZSAqBn9v53dwcLA/h4/Gx0uPXTOA7f8dcmI9WpkQsiypXIvRANKEdvKUAiXApo?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - **President Biden received his Covid booster shot** on Monday. I know because he added a sticker about it to his profile picture on Facebook. ([more](http://click.revue.email/ss/c/XN2t88CAhalHja1RClwc6gQk4hQcF89ayfTpmmcyIkEdudzsWAKD1jl0S3pVL7RRxRI9ur%5Fi5TZBFfGr7L0dVyqjKgCx2aHryCVNWjhbztLx-hmEmHuULM6E-dF%5FchKcP4fxr6EygO522rOKU43VyZA5arTbd%5FIn0zN3NZAQditN-pXayxWNS4knS%5FP-k-WofCc1d1Jxpobqs6Xp1xO9FKz5fGZ5IuCqADQ5itpBRi8/3fs/HQCmQcnZSAqBn9v53dwcLA/h5/Ad6A23kbt7Cn9zhqyOq38vl-8w-w9W3boiSmAQI9gGA?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - **Oops, the Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Did It Again**. Brittany Spears’ father Jamie has been removed as conservator of her estate. In August Jamie said his daughter is *craaa-zy*, but the judge said he’s *not that innocent*. The honorable Brenda Penny ruled the current arrangement is *toxic*. If the [#FreeBritney](http://click.revue.email/ss/c/OvZMTmFNG%5Fogo9mVNMFA31O2n5fT6oA4r7cnEnEVLImG6AybLY5zKDZgCjJV-pY3QBhxV7hjc6XxCeJOY8dY%5F5ArxmU6TxkHwqy10r0ADDWukvj-6wH%5Ft5G5ycfzhH2mrBCEle2KbkXMxoHlNnRvenAdRXZJYXXH5ZlohC%5FeS3I3V%5F-qAfWoYtlLQ3Wl%5FVnHJOF2vzfUKp9MoDzE%5FuqfbA/3fs/HQCmQcnZSAqBn9v53dwcLA/h6/uWO81HZvKR2plW6loySszg8DXeClsIZ3k-mQpIh2cug?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) movement is successful, a plan to end the conservatorship will be approved in November. ([more](http://click.revue.email/ss/c/Z6lvKPdivgSSTzrLauU5W9LJFfCOtoZHy2O25zZc9hHmQC-R91bOCpTktCWlTwp0MOfp2pbZDODI52yM9WbkIZ2TIbJ1HesykHwkLDM2Xpv4wFLTUPLlSEPrO2XNYR7HgfTUuR4Dkm18SIbSqnjJ5K4UPvcl3eLBOsgfzorMzLHOuLeLhw689xMDJPwD3iV-GgfiFKHXYWumEPvJzAf693WFuVSEx%5Fd1EKGgZhhGfI7CzesR3qIiMD4TmyzRcgo%5F/3fs/HQCmQcnZSAqBn9v53dwcLA/h7/9I3oexZ-cyu69xIE4Jd9GDstGed%5FoThC%5FbT2%5FB52wzw?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - **Employees are playing chicken** with their bosses as vaccine mandates have become the new [TPS Report Cover Sheet](http://click.revue.email/ss/c/XN2t88CAhalHja1RClwc6pfjakVap186AH3NzFQpVNmOI%5FkfnvX4hnnPrcM6PwyViMyNtpNzn1CfJiQzj2FHLQgUbqny0PA97I3VweJp9YtG2lvS90Yb2dBsxd1JvCj52UqRhm3Sl2fCdPyrGSkvucYrfgsmb5t5wisUrSNVWncPfn9P4NrQMy%5FCZJsjJZCU/3fs/HQCmQcnZSAqBn9v53dwcLA/h8/qD9t2blzis9VTJEPaPuHosat4q9QDKCkZxBUUg7WsB4?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). Some holdouts have caved, boosting overall vaccine rates, while others like teachers in New York are going to the national HR manager, the Supreme Court. ([more](http://click.revue.email/ss/c/XN2t88CAhalHja1RClwc6gQk4hQcF89ayfTpmmcyIkEKS9-xnvz4sRP8CrcG5LO1pGckBI-7DI0YFVctsRxfF5v6wxLCEl1ErIXTm4N1eBOWjM6O-S4pTG3PxpqIQJg1je8DSmslrZsH%5FpYVwptm1GW7DTY4RkpwLcEwD8KKK0yi9mM%5F72jWEpSi7B-zEDOf7VkFUm8gcWLbQAGFABdpXvoWPM-FFczdKVjYWIL0jFQ/3fs/HQCmQcnZSAqBn9v53dwcLA/h9/uXC%5FreLyCIeRlW6pFFWe-ImH5aKD19ZbmO6Bk98fzmk?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - **R Kelly has been** convicted of sex trafficking, and his song ‘Trapped in the Closet’ is no longer a joke, but the rest of his career is. He is currently facing the potential of life in prison, minus a few months because sentencing is set for next spring. ([more](http://click.revue.email/ss/c/XN2t88CAhalHja1RClwc6gQk4hQcF89ayfTpmmcyIkHvsDnT0m2jcwoS8jdYbAMQ21nxMep-khy%5Fwtht-i%5Fiwo3-RgX8%5Fz1Bi4MxTygf69WZcKfFU0xpjdlW0S9uI6kajtimM9UvuetM1ECmjroHH8i6wKYhVmiseV66KXy-%5F020b3CUqaOiV2RiOIrn2ePjjmw1ioyW9Adw5TZDOf5sQA/3fs/HQCmQcnZSAqBn9v53dwcLA/h10/1Oc5j78byQoImiGUu4Hh5Q6G1l1CdKPRUuRdH10BIbE?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) ***IMPORTANT**: If you or someone you know needs confidential help relating to relationship or sexual violence, please visit [****NO MORE**](https://nomore.org/need-immediate-help/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) to find help anywhere. That’s it for the news. Here’s **The Gist** ## What $hould we do with all our money!? `The Gist` In 2020 we had a 30% increase in murders, a sharp climb above 2019 numbers. What happened? Well, we had a painful increase in poverty due to the coronavirus pandemic. According to the Census Bureau, poverty had increased for the first time following a five-year decline. As an aside, the wealthy have gotten wealthier. Billionaires in particular, have increased their net worth by 60%. ### Maybe we need to help a brother out. Studies and common sense point out to us that poverty and crime are bedfellows. Although it is an oversimplification that poverty causes crime, an increase in poverty means an increase in crime. I should note that gun sales are up big time. Ignoring the fact that gun sales increased by 40% last year would be silly. That’s because the US has the most guns in the world and for some reason, we also rank among the highest for gun violence per capita compared to other nations. But the gun debate and regulations to fight crime are complicated. So how do we solve this murder problem? And in honor of congress talking about spending bills: *What do we do with all our money?* Studies indicate that reducing poverty reduces crime. So should we be fighting crime or poverty? [Read the whole article here](https://danielkherndon.com/with-our-3-5-trillion-dollars-should-we-fight-crime-or-poverty/) ### Thanks, everyone. See you next week! ### With our 3.5 Trillion Dollars, Should We Fight Crime or Poverty? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/with-our-3-5-trillion-dollars-should-we-fight-crime-or-poverty/ Last updated: 2023-12-27T22:33:05.000Z ## What should we do with all of our **money?** There are two big things in the news right now. First, the Republicans and the Democrats are having a friendly discussion about how to spend all of our money. This includes Biden’s Build Back Better agenda with a 3.5 trillion dollar spending bill at hand. As is the American tradition, the opposing party is creating roadblocks to raising the debt ceiling in an effort to retain leverage. As far as the other topic goes, I don’t remember what it was except that I understand that there is maybe some virus on the loose or something. (JK) One story of lower billing is about recently released reports from the FBI. The agency is reporting that [2020 homicides increased by nearly 30%](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2021/09/27/fbi-reports-2020-murder-surge-biggest-single-year-jump/5886792001/?ref=danielkherndon.com) over 2019 numbers, the largest jump we’ve seen since the 60s. Those totals are rivaled by the violence of the 90s, but at least we had grunge music to fall back on when the world was on fire. \[1\] \[1\] Disruptive footnote: Billy Joel said we didn’t start the fire, but he might need to revise his position since climate change evidence demonstrates overwhelmingly that we actually did. This significant increase in murders is jarring, and of course, the pundits are going to blame whatever or whoever are their sworn enemies. Some will blame the war on drugs, while others say we are not policing enough. Everyone will blame Caronavirus, and why wouldn’t you? Covid-19 is not running for office in 2024 so it serves as a great fall guy. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/6-Murder-Gun.jpg) The great year of 2020 was supposed to be an amazing year for most of us. Unfortunately, it turned out differently than most people expected. Besides murder, we had wide swings in other stats as well. We had big gains in the stock market, people getting rich on cryptocurrency, intense racial activism, and significant unemployment rate swings to name a few. If you’re reading this, I have good news. You were not murdered last year. Because of that, it is easy to put this stat in the out-of-sight, out-of-mind category. Murder may be the canary in the coal mine that points to other issues. It would be intellectually dishonest not to examine other swings and consider whether they impacted what is hopefully an anomaly. I’ll start with three of them. ## **We’ve had an increase in poverty.**, According to the Census Bureau, [poverty has climbed](https://www.census.gov/library/publications/2021/demo/p60-273.html?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Poverty%20rates%20for%20people%20under,to%2010.4%20percent%20in%202020.) for the first time following a five-year decline. If you’re not poor (and you’re probably not), you may think this is not your problem, but like that dead canary I mentioned earlier, you’re not going to be able to ignore it for too long. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/6-Poverty.jpg) In 2020, there were about 3.3 million more people in poverty compared to 2019 data. The number of children living in poverty grew substantially. During the heat of the pandemic, poverty was at its worst, at least temporarily with [unemployment hitting as high as 14.8 percent](https://www.thebalance.com/current-u-s-unemployment-rate-statistics-and-news-3305733?ref=danielkherndon.com) at its peak, wiping out job gains that Trump has bragged about delivering even if most of them happened before he was in office. The current rates of unemployment have recovered much of that loss. At just over 5 percent while I am writing this article, that’s still 2% worse than January 2020 rates. While 2020 was on tilt, racial tension flared up following the murder of George Floyd at the hands of police officers. This incited riots against police brutality all over the country, which of course resulted in some crime in the process. For a while, the subject of [race and racism in America](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/07/critical-race-theory-dont-drink-the-water/) was the only break from media coverage about Coronavirus. Since the rate of poverty amongst black people is substantially higher than that of whites, we can’t set this aside as a separate topic. Poverty is often a trap for those inflicted by it, and the instability of [poverty can actually cause trauma](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/crossing-the-chasm-the-impossible-escape-from-poverty/) affecting people’s health. Despite the number of times, the well-off suggest working hard or pulling up one’s bootstraps, exiting poverty can be one of the most difficult economic achievements due to the inherent limits on the poor, especially those subject to racial inequities. ### **We also had increases in wealth.** Some people were sharing memes about 2020, but on the inside, they were saying thank you because they got to work from home, their 401K increased, and home values increased substantially. The wealthy are doing especially well because they had a prime opportunity to acquire assets while others struggled to keep theirs. The wealthy have grown their wealth by large margins. The BBC pointed out that over [5 million people](https://www.bbc.com/news/business-57575077?ref=danielkherndon.com) across the world became millionaires during 2020\. This is encouraging for the wealthy but less so for the poor, who have become poorer during the pandemic, with the total number of people added to the poor list in the US alone at over 3 million. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/6-New-Money.jpg) Billionaires have seen some of the most notable gains, amounting to [62% increases in wealth](https://ips-dc.org/u-s-billionaires-62-percent-richer-during-pandemic/?ref=danielkherndon.com). That increase of about 1.8 trillion dollars. What makes wealth great is that you can avoid taxes a lot easier while enjoying the buying power you are afforded through the instruments of your wealth. The ultra-wealthy keep most of their wealth in stocks and often borrow against their wealth to avoid triggering a taxable event (sort of like living on a home equity loan). This means that billionaires are able to legally reduce their taxes and pay a lower effective tax rate than the average American with a job. I saw one comment on Twitter “Unrealized capital gains is not income.” and this is a point well taken, but I won’t dive into this in detail in this article. The truth is, when you control the private jets, corporate meals, asset acquisition and fringe benefits of companies you own stock in, you don’t need to realize gains to benefit from them. Before you place me on whatever far end of a political spectrum, it is not my intention to address or debate a policy about taxes on capital gains. My point is simply this: The poor are poorer, and the very rich are now very *very* rich. ## **Gun sales are on the rise.** In 2020, [gun sales rose by 40%](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2021/02/10/this-is-how-many-guns-were-sold-in-all-50-states/43371461/?ref=danielkherndon.com), equaling about 40 million guns bought legally. This is about one new gun for every five adults in the United States. This trend has continued into 2021, with all-time record-setting sales. This isn’t an anomaly, though, as gun sales have been rising since the FBI began keeping records in 1998\. Still, perhaps civil unrest has encouraged more gun sales. It should go without saying that [guns don’t kill people; people kill people](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/the-fact-is-people-dont-like-facts-but-they-sure-do-love-their-guns/), but it should also go without saying that a comment like that is naive. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2023/12/6-Gun-sales.jpg) The United States is the [country with the most guns in the hands of its citizens](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/gun-ownership-by-country?ref=danielkherndon.com). We happen to be in second place for [most gun deaths by country](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/gun-deaths-by-country?ref=danielkherndon.com) (and [9th place in the world](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List%5Fof%5Fcountries%5Fby%5Ffirearm-related%5Fdeath%5Frate?ref=danielkherndon.com) if you adjust for population). Gun deaths increase dramatically with easy access to guns, including completed suicides and accidents. When it comes to 2020 murders, about 77% of them are gun killings. When it comes to gun crime, anyone could become a victim. The [most likely victims](https://www.arcgis.com/apps/MapJournal/index.html?appid=5508484140a84023a1e2d8b080e14d0a&ref=danielkherndon.com) of crime are people with incomes below the poverty line and those who live in impoverished neighborhoods where crime is rampant. Studies have been conducted to see whether citizens are safer when they carry guns for personal safety, and the findings between two landmark studies show conflicting results, seemingly aligned with the ideology of the agency commissioning the study. The answer to the gun crime debate is a complicated one. While there are [several policies](https://www.apa.org/pubs/reports/gun-violence-prevention?ref=danielkherndon.com) that have been shown to reduce gun violence and, in particular, deaths, it’s hard to identify what law will prevent murders when murders are already disregarding the law. The best way to reduce something is to make it unpopular or unnecessary. ## **Crime and poverty are bedfellows.** While the large majority of murders in 2020 were gun murders, removing guns just makes murder more difficult but does not address the actual problem at hand. Guns are only a single factor in the [steep increase in murders last year](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/27/us/fbi-murders-2020-cities.html?searchResultPosition=2&ref=danielkherndon.com). When a murder is committed, there are many more things taking place, and gun regulation is not a silver bullet (sorry) to reduce murders. In fact, it’s hard to see what consistently reduces crime when [increasing policing can sometimes backfire](https://now.tufts.edu/articles/how-racial-segregation-and-policing-intersect-america?ref=danielkherndon.com), and have a negative impact instead. Some claim that the [criminal justice system fuels crime](https://www.hrw.org/news/2018/06/21/us-criminal-justice-system-fuels-poverty-cycle?ref=danielkherndon.com), and that makes sense, but evidence also shows that [policing is essential](https://www.npr.org/sections/money/2021/04/20/988769793/when-you-add-more-police-to-a-city-what-happens?ref=danielkherndon.com) for addressing and reducing crime even if it’s a complicated balance. Fortunately, murders have not continued at the same pace in 2021 as last year's 21,500 victims. This is not the case for cities like Albuquerque, Des Moines, Indianapolis, Memphis, Milwaukee and Syracuse who recorded their highest homicides ever, but nationally, numbers are down from last year. One thing that we always see alongside crime is poverty. Crime of all types is highest in the poorest of neighborhoods, and most incarcerated people come from impoverished lifestyles. ## **Addressing poverty is addressing crime.** There is usually a link between poverty and crime. [One report](https://www.arcgis.com/apps/MapJournal/index.html?appid=5508484140a84023a1e2d8b080e14d0a&ref=danielkherndon.com) studying Arlington, VA and Garland, TX concluded that “raising the income levels will lead to positive changes in crime and result in a lower crime rate” and [multiple](https://blogs.worldbank.org/sustainablecities/how-reducing-inequality-will-make-our-cities-safer?ref=danielkherndon.com) [credible](https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/poverty/news/2016/08/04/139649/infographic-how-could-boosting-wages-reduce-crime/?ref=danielkherndon.com) [studies](https://www.nber.org/system/files/working%5Fpapers/w25647/w25647.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com) posit something similar. So policing is necessary, but it doesn’t have the impact that raising incomes does. Even if it did, it would be at the risk of the officer's lives, and at times, they may be too late. Police department funding is generally [the largest share of the budget](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2020/06/26/how-much-money-goes-to-police-departments-in-americas-largest-cities/112004904?ref=danielkherndon.com) in 35 of the 50 largest cities, not counting the rest of the criminal justice system. So, are we spending our money wisely?[ ](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2020/06/26/how-much-money-goes-to-police-departments-in-americas-largest-cities/112004904?ref=danielkherndon.com)How would you rather spend your money? - Militia? - Prison? - Housing? - Education? - Income assistance? - Increasing minimum wages? What we know is that the economic stress of 2020 has calmed, and many poor and middle-income families have received funds back from the Government aiding their financial stability. Crime levels have followed suit. Studies seem to show that raising incomes and reducing inequities reduce crime. This would mean that we would have to give out “free money” to people who have “not earned it” (pardon the square quotes). If it reduces crime, it will benefit the economy, which might be worth it to all of us. The billionaires who have worked “so hard” for their money will in turn benefit from it as well. Currently, as the Government is trying to figure out how to spend all our money, perhaps we should look at the long-term outcome of our investments in the economy, not just for our wealthy donors. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is singing “Tax The Rich”. Some would say that taxing successful people even more than they already are would be a crime. So, what do you think? Should we fight crime or poverty? ### How bad is our healthcare? Waynes World memes and more. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-bad-is-our-healthcare-waynes-world-memes-and-more/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:23:43.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning and happy gerrymandering week. Since we’re finally through the pandemic (LOL), I’ve prepared an in-depth article about the [American healthcare system](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) which is not awesome. More on that later. But first, ***the news***. Do you like that this content is free? Please ****[share](https://danielkherndon.com/) to say thanks!** You can always reply here to give me your thoughts. Thanks for reading! --- ## Hot Takes `Week 38 of 2021` Here, I’ll give you the week’s most important news and link you to more information from a “reputable” news source.This is what’s up this week. - The first subpoenas have been issued to Trump aids and loyalists relating to the January 6th insurrection. Unrelated, Shaggy’s song “It Wasn’t Me” was released this time 21 years ago. This story is [breaking news](https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/23/politics/january-6-subpoenas-trump-loyalists/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). - The UN General Assembly took place on Tuesday. The Taliban looked like Wayne and Garth showing off their backstage passes only to get “[*denied*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter&v=OcUZ9Yi5sgU)”. - Anyway: In his speech, Biden informed the world leaders that “Bombs and bullets cannot defend against Covid-19 or its future variants.”. Attendees nodded their heads in agreement. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/live/2021/09/21/world/un-general-assembly?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - The Debt Ceiling is the topic of conversation in Congress right now. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer clashed with republicans, saying that the goal is to continue increasing the debt so often, the American People forget how much we really owe (paraphrased). ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2021/09/20/congressional-clash-increasing-debt-limit/5789047001/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - The Emmy’s were earlier this week. Now everyone knows they need to watch Ted Lasso and Mrs Lorem Ipsum can quit telling them. The Emmy’s also reminded us that the computer(?) manufacturer Apple is the biggest company in the world. ([more](https://www.apple.com/newsroom/2021/09/apples-global-hit-comedy-series-ted-lasso-sweeps-the-2021-primetime-emmy-awards-scoring-history-making-win-for-outstanding-comedy-series/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - The Covid-19 Pandemic has killed more than the last major pandemic in 1918 in spite of our advancements in technology and medical care. On the bright side, it’s because we have more freedom than ever, evidenced by the US ranking #1 for the most unused vaccines. Experts suspect that we’ll be fine since the population is much higher now than it was in 2018 and 1918\. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/20/health/us-covid-deaths-surpass-1918-pandemic/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - Gabby Petito’s murder has been followed by the world on social media. Her now ex-boyfriend Brian Laundrie (who is sorry for speeding) has a federal warrant out for his arrest as the prime suspect. The lesson Instagram influencers have learned: choose a [good font](https://www.instagram.com/gabby.petito/?hl=en&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) for your tragic disappearances. ([****more**](https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/21/us/gabby-petito-brian-laundrie-update-tuesday/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) That’s it for the news. Here’s ****The Gist.** --- ## US Healthcare is The Worst! `The Gist` Your view of the [American healthcare system](https://danielkherndon.com/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/) is probably relative to your current personal experience. This includes your means to pay for healthcare, but also your specific healthcare needs. For example, if you have reasonable health insurance, no outstanding bills and your teeth are relatively straight, you may have a more rosie view than someone with an overbite that is filing bankruptcy due to overwhelming medical debt. The data tells us the USA is not doing very well on the national stage. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Asset_30.jpg) #### We’re taking a lot of cakes, no pun intended. According to The Peterson Center on Healthcare, The Kaiser Family Foundation, The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, and an S ton of other data sources, we win the following awards: - Most spending on healthcare - Lowest life expectancy - Highest suicide rates - Highest chronic disease burden - Highest rate of obesity - And more! So, while that may not alone determine our worst-ness, it is damning evidence. Perhaps the solution is the one that has been tested and proven over and over. Or perhaps you’d prefer an idealistic solution that has yet to work? [More on that here.](https://danielkherndon.com/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/) ***Thanks, everyone. See you next week!** ### The United States Has The Worst Healthcare in the World URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-united-states-has-the-worst-healthcare-in-the-world/ Last updated: 2026-07-10T02:59:42.000Z Since we’re finally through the pandemic (LOL), I suppose it’s time to talk about our healthcare system more broadly. In an effort to understand views about our healthcare system, I conducted a non-scientific survey on social media. I was able to confirm that this is indeed a very controversial topic, but unable to determine almost anything else. That’s the problem with any topic that is political, isn’t it? Everyone judges the whole program based on their own limited perspective. Your view of the American healthcare system is probably relative to your current personal experience. This includes your means to pay for healthcare, but also your specific healthcare needs. For example, if you have reasonable health insurance, no outstanding bills, and your teeth are relatively straight, you may have a rosier view than someone with an overbite who is filing bankruptcy due to overwhelming medical debt. If you’re one of those people with a mysterious chronic illness you’ve been trying to resolve for years, your opinion is probably skewed negatively, even if it's unreasonable. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/5-Chronic-Disease.jpg) I remember a conversation with a colleague about the problems with our healthcare system. This was in the heat of the debate about the Affordable Care Act before it had been passed (now affectionately known as Obamacare). My friend said, “I don’t care what other countries are doing. We can do something more innovative.” In other words, we can create something new that, much like everything else that our Country has done, is much better than everything else. It’s popular to feel strongly about how we do [healthcare in the United States](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/does-the-biden-vaccine-mandate-go-too-far/), but it’s not popular to change it. Some say our healthcare system is the envy of the rest of the world. Some claim we need to convert to Socialism (a curse word in the United States). As it stands, we have a highly regulated system, designed to protect patients and ensure coverage. Meanwhile, that system has resulted in limited free market competition, which tends to drive up costs and stifle innovation. When the market was more competitive, there were millions of people who could not access healthcare for various reasons. As Obamacare swooped in, another 18 million people were able to get health insurance. Are we better off now? If the answer to our woes is “having health insurance,” then maybe. But the data tells us we are not better off.\* Here’s why. Footnote: All this data is referencing developed countries. ## **We spend more on health care than any other country.** The cost of healthcare has been increasing since the 1980s, but so has the cost of a [postage stamp](https://www.johnstonsarchive.net/other/postage.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). Unlike stamps, the increase in healthcare costs has outpaced the growth of the economy. Also, the demand for healthcare has gone up, while I’m not sure the demand for stamps has. As of 2019 data, we spend 16.9 percent of GDP, which is about $10,966 per person annually. Second in line is Switzerland at $7,732, and the United Kingdom lands at about $4,653 annually. What’s worse is that our public programs (Medicare, Medicaid, etc.) equal roughly what the UK spends in total per capita. We’re all thankful that another 18 million people were able to acquire health insurance; however, health insurance is not healthcare. It is an undesirable middleman that adds additional costs and red tape to the healthcare process. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/5-Spending-Graph-1.jpg) So let me break this down for you. We are spending double the average of the other 11 countries in the top 12\. At the bottom of that list is the third-world country known as the United Kingdom. If we’re spending 235% of what the English are spending, does that mean that we have 235% better healthcare? No. It doesn’t. Here’s why. ## **We have the worst chronic disease** When we become adults, our bodies start to break down. Of course, we accept that, but we may have accepted too much. Over 28% of adults report being diagnosed with a chronic disease like heart disease, diabetes, or arthritis, well ahead of Canada in second place at 22%. All other developed countries are under 20%, with the UK and the Netherlands at 14%. Our Healthcare system addresses this by treating these chronic conditions with pills that may neutralize the symptoms. In the case of diabetes and arthritis, most patients take a drug for the rest of their lives with their burgers and fries. One of the [leading causes of muscle and joint](https://www.caryortho.com/avoid-5-inflammatory-foods-ease-joint-pain/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Unfortunately%2C%20sugar%20is%20on%20top,further%20inflammation%20in%20the%20joints.) inflammation is sugar. You know where to find sugar? Ketchup. They say the average American consumes 152 pounds of sugar in a year. That's 3 pounds per week–the size of a bag of apples. Sugar is hidden in everything. Not just ketchup, but bacon, sausage, yogurt, most sauces, salad dressings, and almost all packaged foods. We're probably not going to change our chronic health issues before we change that. Notably, certain foods linked to cancer are [illegal in European countries](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/28/well/eat/food-additives-banned-europe-united-states.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), where health outcomes are better. Meanwhile, the US [subsidizes crops like grains](https://www.thebalance.com/farm-subsidies-4173885?ref=danielkherndon.com), resulting in a harmful imbalance in foods that are available, making low-quality grains more accessible than fruits and vegetables. This plays out in the American diet. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/5-Outcomes-Graph.jpg) ## **We’re not preventing the preventable diseases** Because we are front-loading our food supply with sugars and highly processed grain foods, we’re not only tolerating disease, we’re increasing its prevalence. The US is among those with the highest rates of hospitalizations from preventable causes like diabetes and hypertension. We lead other countries by about 50%. Currently, a doctor’s job is to clean up the mess you’ve made. What if they started with nutritional coaching? Imagine a system where a healthcare worker’s goal was to reduce your need for their services, by helping you prevent disease–notably, the opposite of the standard for profit goal. On the contrary, we have a rate of about 800% more hypertension than the best-performing countries. We lead the world in avoidable deaths, from causes such as chronic diseases and cancer, a damning result on the metric used to evaluate the performance of a country’s healthcare system. ### **We have the worst life expectancy** Many of the increases in the cost of healthcare are credited to advancements in technology. The advancements of technology have benefited the entire industry. That is, they have benefited everyone except the patient. We can tell by the results. For example, the US has the lowest life expectancy among the developed countries. COVID didn’t help us with our stats, resulting in a [decrease in average life expectancy](https://www.pnas.org/content/118/5/e2014746118?ref=danielkherndon.com), but neither did the amount of sugar we consume. Because we accumulate chronic diseases caused by poor diet and failed approaches to treatment, our life expectancy is lower than that of other developed countries. The USA sits at about 78 years, beaten out by most countries, including the UK and Germany at 81 years, and Switzerland leading at almost 84 years. ## **We have the worst suicide rates** Anxiety, depression, and other [mental health issues have skyrocketed](https://mhanational.org/issues/state-mental-health-america?ref=danielkherndon.com) in recent years. It’s unclear whether part of the statistics is due to an increase in diagnosis, but mental health issues, including suicidal ideation, [have been on the rise](https://mhanational.org/issues/state-mental-health-america?ref=danielkherndon.com). Mental health, like many other illnesses, is a disease that is the result of multiple factors, including [nutrition](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33456419/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and quality of healthcare. While most health insurance plans are [required to cover mental health](https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/health-insurance?ref=danielkherndon.com) and substance use disorder services, rarely do we look at mental health or any other health category as part of a whole person. If we did, we might address more health needs holistically, rather than narrowly focused on treatments that address single symptoms. *According to* [*“This is Your Brain on Food”*](https://book.umanaidoomd.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) *by Harvard-trained psychiatrist and nutrition expert Dr. Uma Naidoo, a 2019* cross-sectional research initiative found correlations between diet and depression. The study found that, among people dealing with chronic depression, *30.3% ate fried foods, 49% drank sweetened soda, and 51.8 percent ate sugary foods 3-7 times per week.* Sugar contributes to depression and makes it worse or more likely to recur. Yet we start our treatment of mental health issues, socially by shaming them (because it’s not cool to go to therapy) and medically, with pharmaceuticals, but Dr. Uma says that is not effective. *“There are several approaches to treating anxiety. Only 50-60% of people respond to medication and psychotherapy, and only a quarter of patients have complete resolution of their symptoms. A crucial part of battling anxiety is making sure your diet is full of foods that are calming and free of foods that put you on edge.”* ## **We have the worst rates of obesity** This is the topic we’re not supposed to be talking about, because it’s personal and uncomfortable. The United States is united in leading the world in obesity. This is both the cause and the result–our healthcare system treats symptoms, and ignores prevention, and as a result, diseases burden the system. Obesity is, in essence, chronic inflammation. The Cleveland Clinic published an article that talks about inflammation and [the science of obesity](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/why-you-should-pay-attention-to-chronic-inflammation/?ref=danielkherndon.com). *“The science of obesity offers an example. We’re learning more about how obesity triggers a cascade of inflammation that leads to metabolic conditions such as insulin resistance. Understanding exactly how that cascade works could lead to treatments for such conditions.”* I’ll simplify this to make a point. - Inflammation is your body fighting toxins. - Toxins cause inflammation. - Constant inflammation causes plaque, a toxin. - More toxins cause more inflammation. When your body is focused on fighting toxins, it is not focused on processing nutrition, resulting in diseases including obesity. Inflammation is the cause or a major factor of all diseases. ## **Medical debt is the cause of most Bankruptcies** Over 91% of Americans have health insurance. Still, at least[ 40% of bankruptcies are due largely to medical bills](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1127305/?ref=danielkherndon.com). These personal bankruptcies are mostly middle-class families, too. For many more, medical debt is a burden, not to mention the burden of paying for the health insurance plan, or staying at a job based on access to an employer based plan. Ronald Reagan released an LP in 1961, speaking out against the evils of “[socialized medicine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYrlDlrLDSQ&ref=danielkherndon.com)”. His 11-minute and 46-second speech was compelling and moved his supporters, laying the groundwork for his presidential win in 1980\. Socialized medicine has been demonized, yet ironically, the manifestation of it is taken for granted as senior citizens have access to Medicare as a right of their citizenship. In other countries, a similar service is universal, costs are lower, and statistical outcomes are better. So if our costs are the highest, our outcomes are the worst, and many citizens are oppressed by the costs of their “Affordable” healthcare, how can we, in any context, claim superiority over the healthcare of other nations? ## **So what do we do?** The immediate argument against a public health coverage program is always going to be to demonize it by using the word “socialism” to draw a negative response from liberals and conservatives alike. People will talk about patients waiting in line for months or years for life-saving surgery while they bleed to death. They’ll talk of death panels deciding who gets what treatment, and who gets to die. They’ll talk about people traveling to the USA to get treatment, and overlook Americans traveling away from the USA for the same. They will simply claim we are the envy of the world, a shining city on a hill. No matter what we tell ourselves, the facts are not on our side. Our healthcare system, from end to end, has failed us. **Sure, we’re a shining city on a hill, but there are a lot of sick people up here.** The data tells us how we're doing. While many bloggers have opinions proposing idealistic solutions, a truly plausible solution is yet to be identified. Politics and public opinion seem to tell us the only proven solution is evil. We’ve already got the template, the testing, and the resources to implement that solution. Are we too proud to see it? \--- *Carrie Herndon, a Nutritional Therapist, contributed to this article. She is married to the author. You can find more information about her practice at* [*https://shapewellness.co/*](https://shapewellness.co/?ref=danielkherndon.com)*.* *Data not already linked in this article is sourced from* [*The Commonwealth Fund*](https://www.commonwealthfund.org/publications/issue-briefs/2020/jan/us-health-care-global-perspective-2019?ref=danielkherndon.com) *and* [*Health Systems Tracker*](https://www.healthsystemtracker.org/chart-collection/health-spending-u-s-compare-countries/?ref=danielkherndon.com#item-spendingcomparison%5Fgdp-per-capita-and-health-consumption-spending-per-capita-2019)*.* ### What do we do about Biden's vax mandate? And more Hot Takes! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/what-do-we-do-about-bidens-vax-mandate-and-more-hot-takes/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:22:23.000Z Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for the NBC exec who canceled Norm MacDonald from Weekend Update in 1998\. Sadly, Norm [died of cancer](https://variety.com/2021/tv/news/norm-macdonald-dead-dies-snl-1235064570/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) on Tuesday at age 61. This week, I’ve updated the format just a little. Thanks for your feedback and thanks for reading and sharing with friends. Anyway, ***here’s the news.*** --- ## Hot Takes `Week 37 of 2021` This is where I’ll give you the week’s most important news and link you to more information from a “reputable” news source. So what happened this week? - Vaccine mandates are still hot news. Conservatives are saying the right to make their own healthcare choices is under attack. In other news: In Texas, Liberals–especially women are saying “that makes two of us”. ([more](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/12/world/republican-governors-vaccine-biden.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) \+ [more](https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/09/12/texas-abortion-law-tech-workers-reconsidering-relocation/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - Speaking of not getting vaccinated, New York Hospital announced they are “pausing” baby deliveries after some have resigned over the vaccine mandate. Hospital officials are asking parents nearing their due date to “just wait”. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2021/09/13/1036521499/covid-workers-resign-new-york-hospital-stops-baby-delivery?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - The Met Gala took place on Monday featuring the latest fashion to be found at KOHLS next month. A highlight was AOC’s dress which featured her net worth (spelled “TAX THE RICH”) in graffiti lettering. ([more](https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/met-gala-2021-red-carpet-live-celebrity-fashion?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - In California, the results are in for the recall election of Democrat Governor Gavin Newsom. Republican challenger Larry Elder claimed voter fraud would be the reason the Governor would win an election for a term in office that he had already won previously. Fortunately that fraud plus real votes secured Newsom a landslide win. ([More](https://apnews.com/article/california-recall-elections-california-election-2020-recall-elections-4a135cc452bf758a2206d3632e597102?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - Looks like Donald Trump will be back in office soon too. It’s unclear whether this will be in 2024 or in the next couple weeks due to election fraud evidence yet to be identified. When asked about his plans, he said “I think you are going to be happy, let me put it that way.” ([more](https://www.foxnews.com/politics/will-trump-run-president-2024?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) - This week, financial software firm Intuit announced it was buying the email marketing platform Mailchimp for 12 billion dollars. The company says the only thing it’s struggling with is how to actually log this transaction in Quickbooks without messing something up. ([more](https://techcrunch.com/2021/09/13/intuit-confirms-12b-deal-to-buy-mailchimp/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) That’s it for the news. This week my article addresses Joe Biden’s vaccine mandate, and asks some tough questions. It’s one of my [most read articles yet](https://danielkherndon.com/does-the-biden-vaccine-mandate-go-too-far/). Here’s ****The Gist.** --- ## Does Biden's vaccine mandate go too far? `The Gist` Last week President Biden told us we are not free to inflict health risks on other people anymore. Vaccine and vaccine mandates have caused some division and tough questions about freedom as a result, including from [Nicki Minaj](https://twitter.com/NICKIMINAJ/status/1438248319650656256?s=20&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) yesterday. How should we address sweeping orders regarding someone’s personal health decision? Where’s my personal freedom? ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/Asset_22.jpg) #### Vaccine mandates and other public health things. Currently, every state has other types of [vaccine mandates in place](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/12/us/politics/vaccine-mandates-republicans.html?referringSource=articleShare&utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter), but many of those states and their citizens are still questioning if the Government should mandate personal healthcare decisions. Somewhere there is a line between the Government’s responsibility to protect its population (we’re not “exceptional” on the [worldwide charts](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/world/covid-cases.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)) and leaving their liberties intact. The Democrats and Republicans will pick and choose where they think the Government should regulate people’s behavior and safety (while neither seems consistent with their logic). For the Libertarians, the demand is to “Live free or die” (but they tend to remain silent when they are the benefactor). So is Biden’s move to issue vaccine mandates legally sound? Supreme Court history does seem to have a precedent. ****[Read the whole article here](https://danielkherndon.com/does-the-biden-vaccine-mandate-go-too-far/)** Stay safe out there! ***Thanks, everyone. See you next week!*** ### Does the Biden vaccine mandate go too far? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/does-the-biden-vaccine-mandate-go-too-far/ Last updated: 2023-12-27T22:40:00.000Z Before this week, most people were able to remain friends. Friendships were propped up by a blissful ambiguity between what you believed and what your friend believed. If those beliefs were different, it didn’t matter because you thought of them as people as long as you didn’t talk about abortion or the NAACP.\* \* **Footnote**: *And also CRT, which lives matter, funding or defunding the police, anything else about race, President Trump, President Obama, other Presidents, climate change, freedom of speech, gun rights, gun control, the death penalty, social security, healthcare funding models, stem cell research, women’s rights, religious freedom, minimum wage, labor unions, the electoral college, nuclear energy, public school funding, and which is better between Chipotle or Qdoba.* Simple days are long gone. Even a little jab in the shoulder (or two) divides friends, communities, and our Country. You need not look any further than Facebook to see the clear wedge between who is on your side and who is attacking your views via newsfeed. They say a crisis reveals one's true character, and a Pandemic is certainly revealing all of ours. ## Taking a Side Perhaps adding fuel to the fire, The Whitehouse delivered an edict just a week ago. President Joe Biden issued vaccine mandates to fight the spread of Covid 19, starting first with a requirement for all federal workers and all those who receive funding from the federal government. Undoubtedly, the most divisive matter was that he expanded on this by requiring vaccinations (or otherwise weekly testing) for workers at all businesses with more than 100 employees. He has shown his character quite clearly. He is taking a side. I imagine the conversation went like this. **Presidential Aid**: “Hey Mr President, we’re falling behind almost every country on vaccination rates. [We’re in like 43rd place ](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/world/covid-vaccinations-tracker.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)which makes us look kinda bad." **POTUS**: “Look, this is a bunch of stuff, you stupid bastards. We need all men and women to get.. by the.. go.. you know, the thing!” **Presidential Aid: “**But you previously said you were not a fan of issuing a mandate?” **POTUS:** “Hold my non-alcoholic beer.” Next thing you know, the President announces the requirements with frustration in his voice. But does he go too far? With the exception of the [Presidential stutter](https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/article/bidens-stutter-how-a-childhood-battle-shaped-his-approach-to-life-and-politics/?ref=danielkherndon.com), there is no better queue to start opening fire (so to speak!) criticizing the President. After all, we have personal liberty, don’t we? I should be able to make my own health decisions. If I want to take horse medicine or get vaccinated, that’s up to me. Isn’t it? Well, I suspect few would disagree on the surface that for our bodies, it should be our choice.\* In practice, few would apply this logic universally. Few, if any, would want the FDA to go away entirely. In fact, many vaccine-hesitants cited the previously not-yet-obtained FDA approval as a reason not to receive the vaccine. Yet, unvetted use of ivermectin is up by 2,344%, despite [no evidence it treats Covid 19](https://www.fda.gov/consumers/consumer-updates/why-you-should-not-use-ivermectin-treat-or-prevent-covid-19?ref=danielkherndon.com), not to mention FDA warnings it can be unsafe when used incorrectly. \* **Footnote**: *Intentionally glossing over women’s reproductive rights.* ## **Personal Exceptionalism** Americans love being free. More accurately, Americans love [the illusion of being free](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/07/critical-race-theory-dont-drink-the-water/). Like other rights, being Libertarian is a right, but no one has yet experienced true libertarianism, and most wouldn’t want it. Currently, it is the law to wash your hands if you are working in a business such as food service or medical services. Does the Government have the right to tell us to wash our hands? On the other hand, do you have a right to expect the Government to defend your safety?\* \* **Footnote:** This includes both onshore and offshore. Businesses have many requirements to maintain a safe workplace. Businesses are subject to inspections and fines if precautions are not maintained. Examples include fire preparedness, handrails by steps, rugs at entryways, and hazard prevention galore. The Government is indeed infringing on our personal rights. But it saves lives. Every day, 16,438 car accidents take place, and an average of 104 people die–each day. That’s based on about 38,000 per year. Every day, those people expect emergency services to come to their aid to rescue them and clean up the mess afterward. And every day, the government is investing in reducing that number by posting speed limits, requiring seat belts, imposing regulations on professional drivers and their employers, imposing regulations on manufacturers, and issuing fines to people who violate these laws. We [argued about the seatbelt laws too](https://www.history.com/news/seat-belt-laws-resistance?ref=danielkherndon.com), but deaths per 100,000 people have gone down by [about half](https://www.iihs.org/topics/fatality-statistics/detail/yearly-snapshot?ref=danielkherndon.com) since the mid-70s. People’s hesitancy with COVID-19 vaccines isn’t about the risks, the data, or what the FDA says. It isn’t about their own safety or the safety of others. [Given our cases and death rates](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/world/covid-cases.html?ref=danielkherndon.com), It certainly isn’t about American Exceptionalism. It’s about personal exceptionalism. It’s about telling everyone around them to get the hell off their lawn. The disruption to personal choice for many will be the reason they choose otherwise. At the root of it all, our freedom AND our lack of freedom is an illusion. In the case of a functional society, freedom only exists in one place by encroaching on it in another. ## **Supreme Court Opinion** In an article written before the latest actions by the President, the National Constitution Center examined The Government’s power to issue vaccination mandates in an effort to protect the public. It was a Supreme Court ruling in 1905 that found that [state and local governments could issue vaccine mandates](https://constitutioncenter.org/blog/current-constitutional-issues-related-to-vaccine-mandates?ref=danielkherndon.com) or impose a penalty. Similarly, in 1922, an opinion was issued regarding San Antonio, Texas which excluded students from public and private schools who were not vaccinated for smallpox. It seems reasonable to bring up that these opinions both addressed the state’s right to issue mandates ([all 50 states have mandates for other vaccines](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/12/us/politics/vaccine-mandates-republicans.html?referringSource=articleShare&ref=danielkherndon.com)). But they are referring to state jurisdictions, just as OSHA and Federal Agencies fall under Federal jurisdiction. ## **Government Reach and Responsibility** What is the responsibility of the Government? The Democrats and Republicans pick and choose where the Government regulates people’s behavior and safety. For the Libertarian, the demand is to "[Live free or die](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Live%5FFree%5For%5FDie?ref=danielkherndon.com)." So where is the line when it comes to the Government’s responsibility to protect its population but leave our liberties intact? And can we be logically consistent? My guess is that it is asking a lot. ### Should we switch to a four-day workweek? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/should-we-switch-to-a-four-day-workweek/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:21:05.000Z *Hey Friends,* I hope you had a great Labor Day. When I was a kid, Labor Day meant the last day of summer vacation. While it was a nice day of “not working”, it was also a day of dread, knowing that the freedom of summer was coming to an end. That’s definitely the case for [women in Afghanistan](https://www.aljazeera.com/gallery/2021/9/8/photos-afghans-protest-fearing-curbs-on-women-rights-free-speech?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) this week, as the Taliban on Tuesday announced their formal interim government, and have already started forcefully cracking down on protests for women’s rights and free speech. Summer vacation might be over in Texas as well, since Governor Greg Abbott signed bills putting restrictions on [voting](https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/07/politics/texas-greg-abbott-voting-bill/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) and [abortion](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/01/health/texas-abortion-law-facts.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) access, an effort sure to protect their red state status. Speaking of things you have to do when you go back to school, Biden [announced](https://www.cnn.com/2021/09/09/politics/joe-biden-covid-speech/index.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter) sweeping vaccine mandates yesterday, [an American tradition](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/09/us/politics/vaccine-mandates-history.html?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). In line with that tradition, lots of people are mad. For me, Labor Day is just an extra Sunday with more food preparation. Fortunately, I’ve had no additional[ ](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter)appliances break this week ([as the industry intends](https://danielkherndon.com/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/)), but I can’t say that’s the case for a reader replying to last week’s issue sharing his appliance experience. > *Great stuff man, and like you I only had my toaster from when we got married. That was until late last year when it finally gave up the ghost and died (probably Covid related). My wife bought a new toaster that has lots of buttons, and we have already begun having problems with it. Maybe the real enemy is buttons. There’s probably some kind of golden ratio metric for deciding how many buttons is too many, and our new toaster has already reached that point. Have a great weekend! Sincerely,* ***Toil with Technology*** Obviously, he and I both needed a day off. In honor of Labor Day this week I only worked ***four days***. Last week I only worked ***three***. And guess what… ***I got the same amount of work done.*** I may have even been a little bit *more* productive. Should we do this every week? Let me share a story. --- ## Jeans on Friday My first job was an incredible job. One of the best jobs I could have had at that point in my life. It was a professional environment. People came in at 8:00, stayed until 5:00, and opened messages with phrases like “Per your request” and ended them with “regards”. In addition to these rules, we also had a dress code. From Monday through Thursday we had to wear ties. Our standard was to wear khakis or some form of cotton twill slacks with oxford shoes and a button down shirt, with a strip of fabric tied around one’s neck. This was a very important rule. It portrayed a professional image to our customers. It demonstrated that we were team players, and that we took our work seriously. But on Friday, we got to wear jeans. No tie was required. Tennis shoes often replaced the oxfords. Friday was great. On Friday, the very important rules were no longer important. ### But does that really make sense? I would venture to guess that if the rules didn’t matter on Friday, they probably didn’t any other time either. Once I determined that dress code didn’t matter, I wondered about everything else. Job descriptions, titles, long reports, work hours. I’ve especially wondered about the standard work schedule. Why do we work five 8 hour days? Why not 6? Why not 4? Maybe we’re just used to it, so we accept it. How often do we accept something without reason, other than because everyone else does too? ### The answer is ‘Everyday’ Every day, we hold to norms that we accept simply because it is the prevailing standard. Anything different feels incorrect or strange. Is it time to revisit the standards we’ve been taking for granted? In the case of work hours, should we judge people by the work they deliver or the temperature of their Herman Miller chair? ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/06/pexels-tima-miroshnichenko-5717262-scaled-1.jpg) In my article this week, I talk about how Scotland is trying a 4 day workweek and Iceland already has. Iceland’s research results have been positive. People are reporting less burnout and better work-life balance. Companies reported the same or better productivity. But this isn’t a new topic. This was a vision cast by the President of the United States, decades ago. Why did this idea end up in the burn pile? [Read the full article here to find out.](https://danielkherndon.com/should-we-switch-to-a-four-day-workweek/) ### Speaking of Research Almost two years ago, I wrote an article to this very email list titled *[Does this research make me look fat?](https://danielkherndon.com/does-this-market-research-make-me-look-fat/)*. Often, research falls into the trappings of *survivorship bias,* where people only use the evidence that comes out the rear end of their study. Survivorship bias is a term I learned from Jordan Ellenberg’s [*How To Not Be Wrong*](https://www.jordanellenberg.com/how-not-to-be-wrong/?utm%5Fcampaign=The%20Lorem%20Ipsum&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fsource=Revue%20newsletter). I like the book, because, while it is not important to me to be right, I do want to know who is wrong. Read the article [here](https://danielkherndon.com/does-this-market-research-make-me-look-fat/). ***I’ll talk to you next week!*** **P.S.** Do you have any feedback for me? I’d love to hear from you, and might share it in a future article. Also, it would mean a lot to me if you would consider sharing this with friends! ### Bonus: a thread about how bad RFPs are. > Has anyone ever thought about disrupting the RFP process? It really needs to be revisited. [#tweet100](https://twitter.com/hashtag/tweet100?src=hash&ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) \~thread\~ > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [September 1, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1433110823728304140?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) **Thanks for reading! -Daniel** ### Should we make every week a four day workweek? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/should-we-make-every-week-a-four-day-workweek/ Last updated: 2024-06-01T13:07:37.000Z In 1999, Bill Lumbergh granted his office filled with indifferent employees the perk of a lifetime. He announced Friday is [Hawaiian shirt day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p8Ni1sXBLk&ref=danielkherndon.com). That means that on Friday, you can feel free to come into work in a Hawaiian shirt, and Jeans. The classic movie, [Office Space](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0151804/?ref=danielkherndon.com) pokes fun at many of the common standards of workplace culture, and dress code was an easy target. During the year the movie was released, I worked in a traditional office setting myself. It was a professional environment, which was demonstrated by the staff arriving at 8:00, staying until 5:00 or a little later, and composing emails and fax cover sheets with phrases like "Per your request" and ending with "regards". The staff clocked in and out on time, without fail, even if they had to stall to make it to five o'clock. A key standard we held to is our dress code. From Monday through Thursday men wore ties. Standard attire included khakis or some form of medium weight cotton twill slacks with oxford shoes and a button down shirt. It was the strip of fabric tied around your neck that best communicated that you were a professional, and you took your job seriously. Women's attire was a little harder to define. Shorts were not allowed, but you could wear a skirt of the same length, or full length slacks. Tops that were permitted were defined by their fabric. A sleeveless blouse made of satin was acceptable, but a tank top made of cotton was not. The rules were extremely important. It said that we were a real company that took work seriously. It portrayed a professional image to our customers. It demonstrated that we were team players. It mattered. Until Friday. On Friday, we enjoyed the ritual known as Casual Friday. Jeans day, some called it. On Friday, no tie was required. Tennis shoes sometimes replaced the oxfords. The top button on the collared shirt was undone. On Friday, the very important rules were no longer important. We still met with vendors and customers just as much as ever. Really, everything was the same, except people were more comfortable. It seems to me that if the rules didn’t matter on Friday, they probably didn’t matter any other time either. This calls into question all the other rules. Personally, I wondered about job descriptions, titles, long reports and work hours. In 2020, because of concerns related to COVID 19, many businesses began requiring their employees to work from home. Some companies needed to upgrade technology, or make other adjustments to accommodate changes in workflow. Some feared productivity would go down, or that people would feel isolated. Bosses were concerned about the ability to collaborate with their teams. But most of all, how will executives manage their employees? #### **How we manage productivity** ![](https://danielkherndon.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/pexels-tima-miroshnichenko-5717262-1024x407.jpg) Should we judge people by the work they deliver or the temperature of their Herman Miller chair? Just a couple weeks ago, Scotland announced that they would[ trial a four day workweek, without a pay decrease for workers](https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-scotland-business-58403087?ref=danielkherndon.com). The timing coincides with worker hesitancy to return to an office where they would be forced to spend all day in enclosed spaces. Iceland preceded Scotland in reducing the workweek. Between 2015 and 2019, the National Government led trials where hours were reduced without reducing worker pay. The trials resulted in a 20% increase in performance productivity per hour and workers feeling less stressed, or at risk of burnout. Some of the benefits employees were able to report included better work-life-balance, more time with family, and the ability to tend to chores. #### **Four day workweek in the US** In July California Congressman Mark Takano [Introduced legislation](https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2021/07/29/california-congressman-mark-takano-introduced-legislation-for-a-four-day-workweek/?sh=2fcfe640279d&ref=danielkherndon.com) to formally change the US standard to a four-day workweek, or 32 hours. In addition to the benefits reported in Iceland, Takano says “Shorter workweeks have also been shown to further reduce healthcare premiums for employers, lower operational costs…” and more. A coalition of business leaders, thought leaders and advocacy groups have [launched a campaign](https://www.4dayweek.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to move to a four day standard. This proposed legislation has been presented this year, but the four day week is not a new idea. The notion of a four day workweek is something that has been under consideration by thought leaders for a long time. As Vice President of the United States, Richard Nixon cast this vision of a four day workweek as early as [September of 1956](https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1956/09/23/95810374.html?pageNumber=1&ref=danielkherndon.com), in a campaign speech to reelect President Eisenhower. He envisioned a fuller family life for every American as a part of the economic policies he expected the administration to carry out. He later walked his proposal back when asked about it in 1960, still as Vice President. He said that “[we can’t have it now](https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2017/04/cant-shorter-workweek.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)” because such a change would require more automation, ensuring our economic production is not reduced. Nixon later became President and resigned amid the Watergate scandal. As a result, NIxon’s ideas are *Nixon Ideas*, which means they are likely going to be tossed in the burn pile as the junk ideas from a corrupt President. Of course automation has indeed advanced. Communication is faster, being at an office in person is no longer essential, and manufacturing has more automation. At least compared to 1956 anyway. Currently, in America, our way of life is selling our time for money. The fast paced tech companies and “startup culture” glorify hustle and not surprisingly, are plagued with stress and burnout. In most families, both parents work full time, while they pay for daycare so other people can care for their children. We work hard, sacrificing life for money and [consumerism](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/09/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/) so that we can retire one day and finally start living. That is, if we still have the physical ability to do so. The true price of anything is the amount of life you sold to get it. #### **Job burnout causes depression and anxiety** According to a meta-analysis published in the National Institute of Health, there is a [significant association between burnout and depression or anxiety](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6424886/?ref=danielkherndon.com). The research shows that “burnout is related to reduced performance in the workplace often leading to several forms of withdrawal, such as absenteeism and intention to leave the job.” Ironically, in our culture, healthcare is one of our most expensive necessities if you include insurance coverage, often costing more than a mortgage. We go to work, depend on our companies to provide access to healthcare and sometimes even choose jobs based on gaining that plan. Yet, work [burnout can be the cause](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642?ref=danielkherndon.com) or contributing factor to many of our health issues. Burnout is costing employers in more ways than is obvious. First workplace productivity, employee turnover, and eventually a contributor to the cost of healthcare. A pandemic has changed the way many companies look at office time. Many are adopting hybrid schedules where people work remotely more often, or permanently, reducing overhead invested in real estate. This has employees commuting less and potentially sleeping more, and surveys show that [workers prefer the experience of working remotely](https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/hr-topics/technology/pages/teleworkers-more-productive-even-when-sick.aspx?ref=danielkherndon.com) when it’s an option. Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of the book “[Shorter](https://www.amazon.com/Shorter-Work-Better-Smarter-Heres/dp/1541730712?tag=teco06-20&geniuslink=true&ref=danielkherndon.com)”, describes [the issues faced by countries like Japan and Korea](https://ideas.ted.com/case-for-4-day-workweek/?ref=danielkherndon.com) who after years of grueling schedules have moved to shorter workweeks nationally, including four day weeks or six hour days. Their workforce health (including increased death by suicide or other causes) have demonstrated that they need to “change or die”. While the four day workweek is gaining increasing interest in the US, it is still a fringe idea that most people see as a fantasy, or not practical. But how often do we just accept something because it has long been the prevailing opinion? The answer is *Everyday*. ### Does This Market Research Make Me Look Fat? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/does-this-market-research-make-me-look-fat/ Last updated: 2022-11-09T22:41:48.000Z The following article is one I wrote about three years ago, when I was focused on the complications of market research. One of the things I had taken notice of was that "the biggest problem with research is that people draw conclusions from research". That is to say, people draw conclusions based on a linear set of findings. Answers to their questions, in spite of any questions they failed to ask. When gathering info the in the form of surveys like for elections or marketing research, you find that the way people answer questions has a lot to do with when and who asked the question, and in what setting. And you're only asking people who show up to the focus group meeting, subjecting the researchers to survivor bias, and [confirmation bias.](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/07/why-yes-i-do-disagree-with-you-hold-my-beer/) I'll present the article as it was sent via my [email newsletter](http://thegist.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com) in 2018. \================================================ Hi Friend, As you develop your communications platform or [marketing campaigns](http://matchbookcreative.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com), should you spend any time on research or should you skip it and go with your gut? I would consider this the area of marketing that is the most under-invested in by one half of the market, and over-invested in by the other half with very little in the middle. To be clear, I did not do any formal research for this email, so that is an anecdotal conclusion, but since I am an expert, I feel pretty confident in it (note that tongue is in cheek). Confidence is the problem though. Most marketers say they know their customers, they know what they like and want, and they know that their product sells itself. However, this is almost never true. When marketers have too much confidence and skip research, they hurt themselves. While most brand managers and product marketers know their customers better than any agency will, they still have blind spots because they are operating on lagging indicators. What I mean is they know insight about the people that are already customers after they become customers. Asking your customers if (and why) they like your product is like asking a spouse if an outfit makes you look fat. It’s not a good route toward getting the truth (you always look great by the way). Even if you are interested in expanding market share inside an industry, knowing why someone may choose NOT to buy your product could give you insight into how to market better. Too much confidence in your knowledge of the market can make you blind to the roadblocks. This could be a good opportunity to invest in deeper market research. The rest of the world is spending too much time on research, and not enough on executing. To be fair to the over-confident crowd, one of the ways to know more about your market is to sell stuff to them. Seeing what promotions work and which don’t. Which products take off and which ones result in anemic sales? Which marketing statement resonates and what falls flat? Marketing itself is market research, and it happens to generate revenue in most cases too. Some organizations spend so much time trying to validate their message in a lab, when real life results are always more nuanced. When someone knows they are responding to a survey or are in a focus group session, they respond to questions within that context. Buying a pair of shoes while scrolling through Instagram doesn’t require the same kind of analysis as rationalizing an answer to a researcher's pointed questions. This might be an opportunity to pause your research and go ahead and execute to get some real data. The biggest problem with research is that people draw conclusions from the research. It’s good to base your strategy on data, but the data is biased, and so is the interpreter. When you ask a customer “why do you like our product better than the other brand?” you get a different answer than if you ask “why do you like the other brand’s product less than ours?”. Most research is leading, and all research is built with prejudice. We’re fooling ourselves if we think that our research is not biased (including independent third party research). The truth is, we can [validate anything we want](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/07/why-yes-i-do-disagree-with-you-hold-my-beer/) if we are clever enough. We’re always better off knowing that research is necessary, but it can only go so far. To be clear, my recommendation is to know the risks of either approach and develop a plan that fits the occasion. ### Why do your appliances break? I figured it out! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/why-do-your-appliances-break-i-figured-it-out/ Last updated: 2023-05-30T22:18:29.000Z Hey Friends. Welcome to the first *real* episode of ****The Lorem Ipsum**. Earlier this week, Ida made landfall and ****it didn’t turn out that great**. All of New Orleans has been without power and residents are struggling to get water because the system is *effed*. New York City got some hurricane leftovers, which have caused flash floods and some deaths. On the bright side, I was able to text my lawn care guy here in Indiana (listed on my phone as “Jason M Grass”) telling him I’m ready for him to come back this week after calling him off for the last couple dry weeks. This makes me think of two things: 1. People in the suburbs HATE when you don’t water your brown grass. 2. Natural disasters are especially devastating for the poor. Read ****[here](https://danielkherndon.com/hurricane-ida-is-a-disaster-it-gets-worse/)** for more (serious ) thoughts on hurricanes. Here’s to hoping hurricanes don’t have a delta variant. *Speaking of running water…* #### Recently, while washing the dishes–by hand no less, I heard a little bit of a trickling sound behind me. I stopped cold in my tracks and turned my head, only to find that my wife, who was there just seconds ago, had disappeared! I heard some rustling around while I scanned the room for her like a lost kid. Suddenly, I heard: ***“Awe, sh\*\*\*!”*** All I had to do was look down to see her crawling into the bottom of our roll-out freezer drawer, right at my feet. Water was steadily trickling across the room, kindly destroying our flooring over time. Then I realize, she has a knife, and she was stabbing at the bottom interior of the freezer! Large sheets of ice, as thick as drywall and as dry as… soaked drywall came sliding onto the floor, like a Costco size package of peanut brittle had been spilled along with the glass of milk intended to wash it down. Basically, our fridge is about to be in timeout. It was then that I realized: ### They don’t make ‘em like they used to. In this week’s article “When was the last time you threw away a toaster.” I explain why that is. ***Spoiler:*** It goes back to WWII, and it is intentional! ***[Click here to read the article.](https://danielkherndon.com/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/)*** Thanks for subscribing! I like feedback, questions and fresh jokes so just reply here if you have any of those. ****See you next week!** --- ## Wait! Want to read a kind-of-oldie-but goodie? #### The Human Condition and The Opposable Thumb. The actual title is “The Human Condition and The Magnification of the Opposable Thumb.” It may be a long title, but trust me the article is longer. If you have A.D.D. like me, it will take three tries to read all the way through. ###### This piece points out how our own self-importance can block progress. In this article, the tongue is so firmly planted in the cheek that this reads like the writing of a tormented artist. The importance we seem to put on ourselves is not limited to bragging about having opposable thumbs (unlike man’s best friend, ha!). The gist is that we make an art form of highlighting “the human condition”, the symptoms of which are being a human and acting like one. I wrap up the article by explaining that the actual human condition is our tendency to think we are more important than we are–especially if we get the chance to compare ourselves to something (or someone) else. ### [Read the Article](https://danielkherndon.com/the-human-condition-and-the-constant-reference-to-the-opposable-thumb/) ### When was the last time you threw away a toaster? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/when-was-the-last-time-you-threw-away-a-toaster/ Last updated: 2022-05-30T20:19:59.000Z #### Why they don’t make ‘em like they used to. It was about 8 years ago when my wife and I moved into our house. It didn't come with appliances, which we initially saw as an inconvenience. After thinking about it, we determined this as a perfect opportunity to buy all new appliances that matched and were of the quality we expected. So obviously, we bought the best of the best.\* Everything we selected was stainless steel, and trimmed in black, as was the leading aesthetic of the time. First, we bought a new fridge. It was so advanced, it could tell us how many ounces of water we dispensed from the door. It was pretty impressive, because you could set any glass under the spout, select 12 ounces and then after it overflowed the 10 ounce glass, you would spend precious seconds searching for the button to stop the water from flowing. While this is supposed to measure how much water we're drinking, we ended up doing more measuring of how much water we were throwing away trying to figure out the optimal fill level for our various cup sizes. We selected the top washer and dryer set. It was a matching front loader, cutting edge brand with smart features that practically do the laundry for you. The washer has some way of sensing the amount of dirty clothes you just shoved in it and is able to determine all the settings for you. Washing a small load? She'll only fill up halfway. Need another rinse cycle? She's got you covered. Want to wash in hot water? There's probably a setting for that somewhere too. The dryer could even sense the wetness of your clothes. When it decided your clothes were optimal for wearing, it stopped for you, no matter how long you wanted it to run. It even played a song for you that was sort of like a ringtone you bought for a flip phone. It played the whole song every time, there was no option to turn it off. The oven was an upgrade for us too. It came with a convection feature which my wife can explain better than I can. It also was equipped with a number of buttons that add several new steps to turning the oven "on" but are nonetheless an advancement in technology over "knobs". We purchased a matching microwave which hung above it, complete with hood. Of course it had everybody's favorite button to initiate the "popcorn" setting (a feature now considered ubiquitous). It also had a little light in case you needed 3% more light below your microwave. Lastly, we bought the greatest vacuum cleaner you can imagine.\*\* It had all the attachments, weird joints and pivot points that allow you to reach into tiny places, vacuum furniture, and more. What we didn't buy is a toaster. We didn’t need one. We’ve had the same trash toaster since we got married. Let me tell you about it’s features: It toasts bread. It has two settings. --On-- & --Not on-- Okay, so what if out of the blue, we decided we wanted darker toast than every other piece of bread we’ve ever toasted? -- Yeah, there’s a dial. It can make it darker if you want. Want it even darker? Plunk it down again. Done. #### So now that we're living the good life, what can go wrong? *I'll tell you.* About two years later, the fancy washer dies. Classically, it gave up the ghost when the least amount of clean laundry was available. It acted confused for a while, making bad laundry decisions, and then eventually just quit. The repairman said the circuit board went bad, and would cost almost as much as the washer itself to repair. Don’t worry, we still have the dryer and we still have that *effing* song to give us a heads up about the dryer finishing. Next, the fridge starts to break. It still runs and keeps things cold, but it has some kind of leak that fills the bottom of the unit where the freezer is, forming a sheet of ice that eventually overwhelms the machine and starts leaking out. Okay fine, the fridge still works but now our new bi-weekly ritual is for my wife to climb underneath the pull out freezer drawer, stabbing at the floorboard of the freezer with our cheapest knife to break out sheets of ice while I do literally *anything* else. Then one day the convection oven starts playing games with us. It still has the on feature, but it's just a regular oven with inaccurate temperature settings and uneven heating. For some reason it will fake like it still works fully for awhile, but most of the time the convection feature just doesn’t convecktch (sp?). And yes, the dryer did decide to join its partner in appliance purgatory. Don’t misunderstand me. The ring tone didn’t stop working at all. In fact it started working *MORE*. The dryer flat out quit drying, but the machine would do us the courtesy of running for a minute or two and then singing a song to us to claim it was done, having accomplished nothing. That expensive vacuum? It died, but there is whole tweet thread on that one. And then the microwave takes a piss. Of course it still microwaves things just fine, but you can’t open it unless you have strong fingernails. When the handle broke off, I tried to glue on a new handle, only to find the stainless steel covering started peeling off too. We're left with a nice microwave and hood hanging above the stove in our kitchen that has a sheet of steel flapping at you. So what happened to the toaster? It still works. Perfectly. In fact, we’ve had it so long that we gave it away out of guilt because we’d never had anything last that long ever. We’ve literally replaced every other appliance or at least played chicken with them to see who gives up first. #### They don’t make ‘em like they used to. See, here’s the thing. When we were kids, our parents invested in things they would keep forever. Scratch that. Our grandparents. A craftsman had a set of tools that lasted him for life and he drove his truck until it exploded which was probably a generation later. They would put plastic over their furniture to make sure it lasted. Heck, my grandma would even put plastic over her head to protect her curls. Not only do our appliances and other products not last anymore, we've developed a culture that expects to upgrade things with the latest version. This whole situation was intentional. It started with the automobile industry in 1924\. As cars became more and more common, unit sales began to drop because of market saturation. Alfred Sloan, an executive at General Motors introduced the idea of model years with design changes. At the Ford Motor Company, Henry was resistant to this idea, as it was contrary to his engineering mindset. His original philosophy in launching the company was making products consistently to support mass production, and reduce costs–the reason why car ownership had become so widespread in the first place. Ford had a hard time embracing design changes, and in 1931 GM outsold Ford for the first time, putting them in the leading role among car makers, which they've been able to maintain to this day. #### Planned Obsolescence All of this was happening in the early stages of The Great Depression. During this time, many economists and politicians were trying to figure out how to get the economy back on track when[ Bernard London](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernard%5FLondon?ref=danielkherndon.com) introduced a concept called[ planned obsolescence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planned%5Fobsolescence?ref=danielkherndon.com). It was about 1932 when he wrote a pamphlet (kids, this would be sort of like a blog of the 1930s) called "*Ending the Depression Through Planned Obsolescence*". His concept was to introduce Government imposed legal obsolescence on personal use items. He posits that the end of life for goods would increase purchasing habits and boost the economy. This all sounds great when you think about what this does for investors and perhaps it creates jobs, but is this better for the economy as a whole? If we think bigger than just today's profits and jobs, there may be a worthy debate to be had about how this impacts us over generations. If we create jobs, but purchasing burdens are higher, do we have a net gain? Today, there's a Texas-sized[ floating heap of trash in the ocean](https://www.nationalgeographic.org/encyclopedia/great-pacific-garbage-patch/?ref=danielkherndon.com). It's actually two of them, all caught in an oceanic vortex known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. While it's mostly microplastics, it's certainly worrisome that pretty soon, my fridge is going to be floating (or sinking) out somewhere between California and Japan, broken down into parts and I'll have a new one with a dozen new features (the ice machine still won't work right though). Shortly after, my microwave, and my vacuum will join them on the never ending journey in the sea, only to be met by the next appliance after that. I'll still have my toaster though, because it just makes toast. No popcorn button, no clock to reset, no ring tone. Just toast. Why can't we make more things like toasters and less things like smart fridges? [Things we can keep](https://www.danielkherndon.com/2021/08/you-should-stop-washing-your-jeans/?ref=danielkherndon.com)? BTW, I have a college dorm size fridge in my garage that is filled with nothing but Coors Lite. It has zero fancy features. It's only feature is "on", and it has cost me almost nothing. It is literally the oldest refrigeration unit I have ever owned. My message to makers: make something we want to keep. \* *Footnote: We did not buy the best of the best but we bought nice stuff that we found good deals on.* *\*\*I might have imagined this part.* ### Hurricane Ida is a Disaster. It Gets Worse. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/hurricane-ida-is-a-disaster-it-gets-worse/ Last updated: 2023-08-08T14:22:11.000Z ### Natural disasters are most devastating for the poor, but it doesn't end there. About 13 years ago, I was on a business trip to New Orleans, Louisiana. The evening before our meetings, my team and I wandered the streets of New Orleans, checking out the area. It was three years after Hurricane Katrina. As it turns out, it had been about 3 years since I had last been there, by happenstance just as Hurricane Rita made landfall two weeks after Katrina hit the same area. The streets were dirty, as always, but this time there was a noticeable dinge on the buildings which displayed the water level from the incoming floods after the levees broke. Buildings in some cases were still boarded up, or windows missing. Those buildings which were intact had noticeable damage to the facade, showcasing the beating they had endured. As we walked the neighborhood, we crossed paths with a local that we greeted. He was in his 60s, a black man, walking with a crutch. In his face, he looked tired, but friendly. We asked him where was a good place to eat that was not for tourists, but a place locals would eat. He suggested a run down pub just around the corner. I asked him if I could buy him dinner. He joined us at his chosen restaurant. We sat, enjoying a meal, and a beer or two, as we asked him to tell us his story. He spoke of Katrina as though she was a ghost that haunted the city. I asked him about the recovery. “It’s still hard. In many ways we have never recovered.” He stared out the window, nursing his last bite from his burger. His weaker leg, stretched out at length. “You know, a lot of people don’t have steady jobs still, and some of us have been struggling.” He talked about local ethnic groups that were in many cases on hard times to begin with, and now facing more setbacks. The Associated Press published an article[ telling the s](https://apnews.com/article/health-coronavirus-pandemic-fd9f51a8921d24b5f1c82146e524940d?ref=danielkherndon.com)[tory of Robert Owens](https://www.denverpost.com/2021/08/29/hurricane-ida-no-money-evacuate/?ref=danielkherndon.com), who found himself stranded in his own city this past week, waiting on Hurricane Ida to make landfall as he watched scores of cars evacuate the city. “Our bank account is empty – we can’t afford to leave,” he said. He described his low income neighborhood and the many residents who were in the same predicament as him. Due to loss of homes and personal property, even jobs, the poor might be impacted more than most. In many cases they might lack the financial means to wait out the storm safely. In addition, poor people are more likely to lack a social network to rely on for a place of escape from the storm. Recovery is an even bigger investment beyond their normal expenses. The Brookings Institute did an [analysis of New Orleans ten years after the Hurricane](https://www.brookings.edu/blog/the-avenue/2015/08/27/concentrated-poverty-in-new-orleans-10-years-after-katrina/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and showed the poverty rates remained the same, although the numbers went down because of a reduction in population across the board. Markedly, some neighborhoods that were impacted the worst were neighborhoods that had a concentration of families with incomes below the poverty line. The silver lining in their analysis (the linked report is from about 6 years ago) is that poverty rates have improved in certain neighborhoods, which benefits the city's stats to a degree, but this is only with displacement of population, increasing poverty in other surrounding areas. Hurricane Ida is not only a disaster for the poor and the local economy, it is an economic disaster for America. Axios explains that the economic impact of Hurricane Ida is estimated to cause a O.2% drag on GDP. They also note that futures for natural gas as is used for providing electricity have gone up, potentially increasing the cost of energy. The good news is that it seems that Hurricane Ida so far has been much less deadly and less costly than Katrina, in spite of being a similar and perhaps stronger storm. This means that investments in readiness for this storm paid off, even if only as a response to significant loss. The point I want you to consider is this. Storms are getting worse, and the facts show it is objectively clear that storms including [hurricanes are worsening because of climate change](https://www.npr.org/2021/08/30/1032442544/how-climate-change-is-fueling-hurricanes-like-ida?ref=danielkherndon.com). Climate change is probably the most expensive thing to address in our lifetime. It’s also the most expensive mistake we could make to ignore it. We owe it to our less economically fortunate neighbors. Poverty isn’t just [bad for the poor](https://danielkherndon.com/crossing-the-chasm-the-impossible-escape-from-poverty/) though. It’s bad for all of us, considering its[ impact on the economy](https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/poverty/reports/2007/01/24/2450/the-economic-costs-of-poverty/?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=More%20specifically%2C%20we%20estimate%20that,by%201.2%20percent%20of%20GDP.). We were prepared for Ida, but not before we had a major disaster first. Will we soon start [taking climate change more seriously](https://danielkherndon.com/how-the-front-porch-will-save-the-world/)? Or will we wait for a major disaster to happen first? ### Long time, no talk. I'm launching something! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/long-time-no-talk-im-launching-something/ Last updated: 2024-10-09T02:53:18.000Z Hey Friend, We haven’t talked for a while! I’ve been busy, but now I’m committed to keeping in touch with worthy dialogue. You’ve likely subscribed via my marketing agency website, or recently through social posts. Either way, I appreciate you being here. ### What’s New? I’m in the final phases of writing a book about abject entrepreneurship and the adventurous escape from poverty. I’ll share more on that soon. For years–but especially the last couple months–I’ve written thought provoking articles on important topics, drenched in humor and irony. Sometimes about marketing (my line of work), but not usually. ### Today, I’m launching The Lorem Ipsum. This email is designed to share big ideas. It will include summaries of stuff like my article about why ‘You should stop washing your jeans’, and another one about what we’re seeing in Afghanistan these days, originally posted at DanielKHerndon.com. In The Lorem Ipsum, I’ll give you the gist so you can skip the long version and only read the ones you want. Now, I don’t want to be the clutter in your inbox, so if you don’t want to receive my emails, go ahead and unsubscribe. I’m not offended! For the rest of you, I promise I’ll provide something that is worth your time. Make sure to reply and give me feedback. The first *official* issue will come out next week. See you then! ### You should stop washing your jeans. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/you-should-stop-washing-your-jeans/ Last updated: 2023-03-31T21:11:23.000Z ## Saving Your Jeans. Saving The World. As a teenager, I had a penchant for fashion. I sought out the perfect flannel where the pattern of colors blended together nicely. I searched for the shoe with the slim silhouette that the cuff of my pants landed on just right. And I loved a good pair of jeans. When I was 13, my favorite pair of jeans was a nicely fitted medium blue pair of jeans. The length was perfect. They fit comfortably. The denim was thick and they always had that nice starch to them. They really were a perfect pair of jeans. They were the first pair that I would wear when they came out of the laundry. I selected them for my most important occasions, and if I wanted to impress someone, these were part of my go-to gear. They only had one problem. There was a hole in the seat. Disposable income was a foreign concept in my house, so we had to rely on the inventory of second-hand stores where their inventory was the donated goods retiring from another person's wardrobe. To the donor, it wasn't even something worth selling for some spending cash at a consignment store. The second-hand store was basically a place to put your trash without feeling guilty. For the customer, the inventory was what you had to work with, and if you found something good, you snagged it. If you ended up with some slacks with an ass hole that were otherwise pristine, you dealt with it. I could accept the blemish. I didn't want to flash my underwear to my colleagues and neighbors, but these jeans were ideal otherwise, so I figured out a solution. I cut out a small patch of scrap denim inconspicuously located inside the pocket, I placed it over the exposed hole from the inside, and I duct taped the piss out of it to hold it there. It solved my indecent exposure issues and kept me in a decent pair of pants. There was one problem, though. Every time I washed these Jeans, the tape would get wet and loosen, and the patch would have to be redone. It doesn't really matter that I could have sewn this all along. I didn't really have the skill or the resources of a seamstress, and I'm pretty sure my parents were either unaware or thinking about something else. I might have to write a totally different article (or perhaps a whole book) about why I wasn't able to find a way to sew the patch on permanently so that I could wear the pants without all the extra workload. The point is, I was affixing this patch of denim again every week on laundry day. If only I had known what I know today, I would have saved myself some time and frustration, not to mention my parent's supply of duct tape. At some point in my life, I began to evaluate why I believed what I believed and why I do what I do. ## Evaluating your life. Finding your truth. As you begin to take stock of life, important factors like daily and weekly habits need to be considered. Why do you eat bread? Why do you shower daily? Why do we use fabric softener? Why is it that there is a five-second rule for dropping food, but if you spill the cotton swabs on the floor, you have to immediately throw them all away? Lastly, why *do* you wash your jeans? We can't address all of these questions in one article, but what we can do as planned is address the laundering of denim. I have become somewhat of an aficionado of denim over the last few years. I've learned a lot about the history of denim, the manufacturing process, and the subculture that worships its glory. For this subculture known as [denim heads](https://www.heddels.com/2013/08/11-denim-heads-to-follow-on-instagram/?ref=danielkherndon.com), washing jeans is not a given. Denim heads are (you might say) enlightened in a sense. The denim enlightened has determined that clothing should not be disposable, and it should last for a long time. They believe that it is a worthy choice to invest in craftsmanship. Furthermore, the lover of fine wares knows that washing your jeans after every use is ludicrous, but even a weekly wash is not necessary. If you respect your jeans, washing them is more like a ceremony. It is done with care, and it happens somewhere between once or twice per year, and not until you have worn them for at least a few months after purchase. After you get over the cringe factor, take a moment to think about why you wash your jeans. Let's talk through each one of the common reasons, and I will effortlessly debunk them one by one (on a site where I am the moderator and owner of all content). ### Reason number 1 - "Because I might get dirt on my jeans." Oh no! You might get dirt on them?! If we are honest with ourselves, we all know we try to avoid getting dirt on our clothes. That means that you are already practicing care without thinking about it. When you do get a spot or two on our pants, since you practiced caution, it is likely that the mess is small. The best thing you can do is address the problem and only the problem. Much like a jacket, you can't place it in the washer every time you wear it, do you? No. You spot clean it carefully, and then you move on. ### Reason number 2 - "Because I sweat in my jeans!" You are correct about this. When you wear jeans, you do sweat. Do you know another time when you sweat? You sweat when you are not wearing jeans. Also, you sweat all other times. Sweating is a vital function of a healthy body. If you did not sweat, [you would die](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anhidrosis/symptoms-causes/syc-20369400?ref=danielkherndon.com). Since sweating is table stakes for personal vitality, that means that you are also sweating on other things that you are not washing. I've noticed you have not replaced your couch or shampooed it weekly, like you do your jeans, even though you sweat on it constantly with daily use. Perhaps you can overlook trace amounts of your humanity, since it is part of your lived experience 100% of your life, no matter what. The good news is, you [will not accumulate any increase in bacteria](https://www.businessinsider.com/how-often-you-should-wash-your-jeans-2016-7?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20student%2Dteacher%20team%20was,worn%20for%20another%2013%20days.&text=The%20bacteria%20load%20from%20the,were%20pretty%20much%20the%20same.%22) or other human byproducts by wearing your jeans without washing them. ### Reason number 3 - "Because my jeans might start to stink." This sounds like a reasonable concern to me. I know you don't want to walk around smelling gross or be the butt of a joke to your acquaintances with more frequent laundry campaign schedules. I have a solution. Walk over to a chair in your home that you use often (open this article on your phone to make it portable), find stable footing standing next to the chair, lower your nose to the seat, and take a deep sniff. What do you notice? I'll tell you what you notice. You look like an idiot! That's the same thing people will think when your colleague at work leans in to take a snort of your fancy right-hand twill denims! Do not hang around people that do this. You can rest assured that a good friend will respect your personal space. As a result, any aroma if there is one to begin with, will not be noticed by them, or you for that matter. ### Reason number 4 - "My jeans get stretched out when I wear them." Well, your problem is not that your jeans stretch. It's that your jeans don't fit. It is true that all denim stretches with wear, and shrinks with washing. Buy a pair of jeans that fit. This means if you want some loose-fitting jeans, you'll need to buy some that are "kind of" loose. If you want slim-fitting jeans, you may need to [take a queue from Kramer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQuuvtOuVLE&ref=danielkherndon.com) for a day or two and stretch them to a comfortable state. You know what works for you, so this is a journey you are going to have to navigate. ## The lifestyle of a good pair of jeans. So now that you know that your reasons for frequent washing are moot, let’s talk about the alternative. What are the reasons NOT to wash your jeans? An everyday department store pair might be everyday replaceable. The fact is, that day will come sooner the more you wash them. But for something that many of us wear every day, why not consider an investment in longevity? I’ll explain. The fabric for the best jeans is made on [shuttle looms](https://www.heddels.com/2014/10/shuttle-vs-projectile-looms-whats-the-difference/?ref=danielkherndon.com). A Shuttle loom is a vintage loom that is smaller and less efficient than the industrial looms of today. The machines are in limited supply due to "fast fashion", the industry efficiency practice that leads to the disposable nature of clothing. These early looms produce a fabric that has a finished edge, known as a "self-edge" or "selvage," as opposed to the frayed cut edges of fabric from higher volume production. Because the product is made in smaller quantities, it is valued by people that are interested in producing a high-quality, lower-volume product that will last. The wearer seeks the mark of quality that is displayed in the selvage showcased at the cuff of the jeans. The best thing about buying a more select pair of jeans is buying them raw. This means that you are buying jeans before they have been washed or pre-faded for you. The fading and creative lines that are found on your typical fashion store jeans are a manufactured version of what happens naturally, essentially wearing out your jeans before you ever purchase them. Do you know what made this aesthetic popular? People wear their jeans from raw to faded, sometimes for months without a traditional machine wash. Eventually, in the eighties and nineties, [it became popular to produce wear patterns and fade jeans](https://denimhunters.com/history-of-pre-washed-jeans-tonello/?ref=danielkherndon.com) using stones, washing machines, and robots. This reduces the usable life of your jeans. When you buy a raw pair of jeans, you are creating something that expresses you, and only you and no one is using up some of the life of your jeans for you before you get them. Every fade, every crease, every [whisker](https://www.google.com/search?q=denim+whiskers&rlz=1C5CHFA%5FenUS890US891&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi2tYjkoL7yAhUGbc0KHU4ABAgQ%5FAUoAnoECAEQBA&biw=1440&bih=707), every [honeycomb](https://www.google.com/search?q=denim+honeycomb&rlz=1C5CHFA%5FenUS890US891&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj3lrvnoL7yAhWhds0KHR%5FeAukQ%5FAUoAnoECAEQBA&biw=1440&bih=707) is produced by yours truly (or mine truly, as it were). Because of this, you are personalizing your slacks to match your own unique personality and lived experience. The denim devotee is invested in seasoning their quality denims. The journey toward earning some [sick fades](https://www.heddels.com/fades/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is one that completes the experience of owning quality crafted jeans. To top it all off, by buying a lasting product and caring for it; you are reducing your carbon footprint by getting the full life out of your denim. This means you keep clothing longer. If you are truly committed, you will repair them to extend the life of your jeans even longer. Not only are you saving money, but you may be [saving the world](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/how-the-front-porch-will-save-the-world/). Enjoy your jeans. And if you are interested, enjoy a feature story about mine on Heddels [at this link](https://www.heddels.com/2017/09/fade-day-williamsburg-grand-street-stretch-selvedge-1-5-years-4-washes-1-soak/?ref=danielkherndon.com). ### The USA thanks you for your opinion on Afghanistan URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-usa-thanks-you-for-your-opinion-on-afghanistan/ Last updated: 2026-09-10T21:48:13.000Z Most of you have heard that Afghanistan has fallen into the hands of the Taliban. If you've paid any attention to user-generated content on the internet, you've probably heard varying perspectives on the U.S. decision to withdraw, as well as how that was conducted in the final months of the process. Notably, Taliban forces took control, seemingly overnight (it was about 10 days), despite their army being [dwarfed by the Afghan forces](https://www.dw.com/en/why-the-afghan-army-folded-to-the-taliban/a-58889507?ref=danielkherndon.com). Unlike some of you (but a lot like the rest of you), I was alive when the USA got involved in the activities over there. I sat in my Irvington Bungalow watching a tube television as President Bush began to talk about our glorious democracy while decrying the dangers of terrorism. I looked at a newspaper printed on actual paper that talked about the beginning days of the war in Afghanistan. I watched journalists brag about the new technology our military had that allowed soldiers to digitally aim at things they wanted to blow up. They played the video of just such an explosion as repeating b-roll throughout a story about how skilled we are at killing people, and if not, at least blowing up their stuff. I supported the decision to attack the nation. Most of us were. Somewhere around [88% of Americans supported military action in Afghanistan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International%5Fpublic%5Fopinion%5Fon%5Fthe%5Fwar%5Fin%5FAfghanistan?ref=danielkherndon.com) in October of 2001\. Why wouldn't we? We had just watched the Twin Towers fall right before our eyes, paired with coordinated attacks on the Pentagon, and another plane that was courageously taken down by civilian passengers who overtook the men who had hijacked the plane. Most of us remember where we were that day. Personally, I was in New York City when it happened. I had just left a job site in Brooklyn for an appointment outside of the city. At my meeting, we were interrupted with the news. Bridges were closed. The whole city was in disarray. Traffic had a feeling of confusion, unlike normal New York City traffic, which is very self-assured and decisive. It was like driving on a roundabout in Greenwood, Indiana. Everyone was stunned and did not know what to do. The whole country shared this confusion. People left work, children in schools were shaken, even reporters were in shock as they shared the story. I immediately headed back to my team. I was staring at the burning buildings, minutes after the second tower collapsed. I called my wife and left her a message after the beep on a classic answering machine. "Turn on the news, right now! I'm okay." I was stuck in NYC for a few days. Rental cars were hard to come by; bus stations, train stations, and airports were flooded with people trying to find their way out of the city. For days, the smell of the burning rubble filled the air. Even more palpable was the shock that filled the air. As I walked the streets, passing people by, it was as if I was passing zombies. Nobody felt okay. Nothing was business as usual. For the ensuing months, America demanded answers and demanded that someone be held accountable for the damage and the lives lost. President Bush was in a school classroom sitting in front of second-grade students when Andrew H. Card Jr. His chief of staff informed him, "A second plane hit the second tower. America is under attack." The President held his composure in front of the class and continued his visit, although everyone in the room noticed the sudden change in his countenance. Within 30 minutes, President George W. Bush was delivering remarks to the nation. The message from POTUS on live television was "terrorism against the United States will not stand". It seems to me that the country had never been more unified than it was at this time. Here in America, we are proud of our military. We're proud of our western democracy, and we push our will on other countries. Our policies allow us to direct much of the economic and geopolitical activity around the world. Our military [has significant military bases stationed in no less than 30 countries](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United%5FStates%5Fmilitary%5Fdeployments?ref=danielkherndon.com) around the world with a named base, and more if we count ad hoc deployments. We provide [over $47 billion of financial aid to other countries. ](https://www.concernusa.org/story/foreign-aid-by-country/?ref=danielkherndon.com)In the case of Afghanistan, 57% of that aid is earmarked for military aid. It's not as common for foreign militaries to be on U.S. soil, although we have a small number of training exercises being conducted by foreign armies on our military bases. We have perhaps [more military-based influence over the world than any empire in history.](https://www.thenation.com/article/archive/the-united-states-probably-has-more-foreign-military-bases-than-any-other-people-nation-or-empire-in-history/?ref=danielkherndon.com) The United States happens to be one of the most powerful countries in the world, even if only a few hundred years old. People were attracted to that freedom in the beginning because it was in contrast to the power that had been exercised over them in other countries. We, in turn, have exercised power over others and called it peacekeeping. Does it make sense for us to have the military spending of 740 billion dollars–one out of every 6 dollars in the budget? Does it make sense that our military spending is 39% of what the whole world spends, outspending China by 3.5 times? On the other hand, does it make sense to let terrorism thrive in any place? Should we turn a blind eye and say "it's not my business" when we see [women's rights yanked from them by force](https://apnews.com/article/religion-taliban-7ab054c063e4ea1c14be9e4811f42982?ref=danielkherndon.com)? As the Taliban began its descent, the Afghan Army conceded despite outnumbering the Taliban by far; President Ashraf Ghani fled the country, and the Capitol was handed over swiftly. Are we to continue our effort to make Afghanistan the country we want it to be if its own citizens, including their army, and President [don't know the country they want to be](https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/18/afghan-president-ashraf-ghani-is-in-uae-after-fleeing-afghanistan.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)? What move should we have taken? Could any strategy have been successful in Afghanistan?" What is clear is that we were as unified as we have ever been as a nation to intervene in the first place. If [public discourse is any indication](https://danielkherndon.com/why-yes-i-do-disagree-with-you-hold-my-beer/), we are as divided as we have ever been on it today. But thank you for sharing your opinions. ### Why you can't trust Big Pharma URL: https://danielkherndon.com/why-you-cant-trust-big-pharma/ Last updated: 2022-06-13T13:42:44.000Z In the 1970s, a growing number of reports began circulating about a virus that was largely unknown prior and caused a severe immunodeficiency in those infected by it. The disease, which is believed to have originated in the Democratic Republic of Congo as long ago as the 1920s, had taken until 1980 to reach five continents. Concerns began rising in 1981 when reports of other diseases such as cancer and lung disease began to rise, particularly among otherwise healthy men. Specifically, gay men. Before the end of the year, 270 gay men reported severe immunodeficiency, and 121 of them died. ## The mystery cancer HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) attacks the immune system and can lead to AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome) which can lead to death, usually because of a failed immune system leaving opportunity for other diseases. This became a hot button issue through the eighties, and one of the main topics of the socially relevant, not very funny moments in various sitcoms or teen dramas. By some it was described as the "Gay Cancer" including by Tom Hanks' coworkers and bosses in the hit movie Philadelphia. The association with a type of person who people did not understand lead to crushing stigmas, and falsities about HIV caused harm as well. ## AIDS is in every home It was 1990 when a young kid from Indiana named Ryan White died of AIDS due to contracting HIV from a blood transfusion. His story was in every home; on every TV and in countless magazine articles. The late 80s and 90s was fraught with misinformation and the fight for the humane treatment of HIV victims, including for Ryan's right to go to School without being shamed or shunned. By 1995 the FDA had approved a treatment known as a highly active antiviral treatment or HAART. This treatment brought a decline of upwards of 60% of the hospitalizations and deaths. Two years later, the FDA approved an even more manageable treatment in the form of a basic pill. In 2000, the prices were able to be lowered to benefit poorer nations dealing with AIDS epidemics. Unless you are reading this blog on a printout, delivered to your remote village by special courier, you certainly know that we have recently encountered a global pandemic, much greater in scale than the HIV epidemic. As you dredge through all the recent slog about healthcare treatments, vaccines, efficacy and many other big words, it is likely that you will fall into bouts of skepticism, anger and a general distaste for the people in power in our society. We all know you cannot trust "the man". While we don't know who he is, we know he has created vaccines. Roughly 51% of the United States has not been vaccinated for Covid 19, largely because [many do not trust Big Pharma](https://thewire.in/the-sciences/many-anti-vaxxers-dont-trust-big-pharma-theres-a-reason-for-that?ref=danielkherndon.com). There is a particular distrust in vaccines in general, but especially the COVID vaccines. Why is this? Lots of reasons. And yes, Mr or Mrs. Vaccine Advocate, there are many good reasons. ## The power of incentives Consider this. People are largely motivated by incentives. If you are able to make a living, you are able to keep doing something, but if there is an opportunity for profit, you can invest even more into the opportunity at hand. This is of course the case for businesses like pharmaceutical companies. Profit opportunities allow investors to build businesses with jobs, contractors, suppliers, a lengthy P&L sheet and ultimately bonuses for the shareholders. This is a key feature of capitalism. Businesses do what makes money. It is challenging to do what does not make money. It's not surprising that people lack trust in Big Pharma. The pharmaceutical industry is [the most loathed industry](https://www.acsh.org/news/2019/09/09/why-americans-hate-big-pharma-more-ever-14275?ref=danielkherndon.com) in the country. It costs billions of dollars to create new drugs and therapeutics, and meanwhile [heart disease and diabetes are on the rise](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3709222/?ref=danielkherndon.com). It's the pharmaceutical companies are making a lot of money off of it by providing lifelong treatments for chronic disease. There is no incentive to invest in changing that. No incentive to cure or prevent chronic disease. The reason you cannot trust Big Pharma is because of capitalism. Definition: *Capitalism is an economic and political system in which a country's trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than by the state.* Capitalism allows companies the freedom to invest in what brings the greatest return. It incentivizes them to invest in those things that create profit. It disincentivizes investment in those things which may decrease their profit, like preventing disease. You have reason to be skeptical of Big Pharma, because they exist to make a profit. The "Big Eff" will do what makes them the most money. Of course that doesn't mean that there are not many good things that have come from for profit enterprise, including the pharmaceutical industry. Most of us benefit from its advancements every day. According to health studies, many of us use NSAIDs (like ibuprofen) over the counter in addition to prescription forms of the drug. It also happens to be common to use [more than the recommended dose](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16265706/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and largely, people consider them safe. With that said, the [known side affects of oral ibuprofen](https://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-5166-9368/ibuprofen-oral/ibuprofen-oral/details?ref=danielkherndon.com) are upset stomach, nausea, vomiting, headache, diarrhea, constipation, dizziness, drowsiness, easy bruising or bleeding, hearing changes, mental or mood changes, unexplained stiff neck, signs of kidney problems, vision changes, symptoms of heart failure, unusual tiredness, and sudden weight gain. I can understand if someone was concerned to take a medicine with those sorts of risks. The vaccines developed to address Covid 19, based on mRNA are often met with criticism for the speed at which they have come to market, however the technology is not new, rushed, or untested medical intervention. The [mRNA technology is 30 years in the making](https://www.statnews.com/2020/11/10/the-story-of-mrna-how-a-once-dismissed-idea-became-a-leading-technology-in-the-covid-vaccine-race/?ref=danielkherndon.com), but the funding for the additional studies and testing was frequently shut down, in trade for something more profitable. Katalin Karikó, the Hungarian born scientist behind a key mRNA discovery faced rejection after rejection when she was trying to bring the innovation to fore to fight disease. The Pandemic has breathed new life into mRNA and opened up funding opportunities, and international urgency to fund the final development of the Covid 19 vaccines. The statistics tell us they have already saved millions of lives. The technology may help prevent far more than Covid 19, because of the [innovative technology](https://www.pennmedicine.org/news/news-blog/2021/april/how-mrna-vaccines-could-prevent-or-eliminate-infectious-diseases-beyond-covid19?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20vaccine%20uses%20messenger%20RNA,should%20the%20body%20become%20exposed.) upon which it is based. In fact, I highly recommend you [watch this video about it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCf%5FoTBXpvk&ref=danielkherndon.com). It is of note that the biggest advocates for capitalism are sometimes the loudest voices against its outcomes. This is at least the case when it comes to Covid 19 Vaccinations, where [vaccination rates fall along party lines](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/29/opinion/covid-vaccinations-republicans.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage&ref=danielkherndon.com) (by a [large margin](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/17/us/politics/coronavirus-vaccines-republicans.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)). ## The perfect partnership In a perfect world, the capitalist private sector and the socially funded public sector, and the charitably funded non-profit sector will work together to solve big problems. This is why nonprofits and government funding are created – to fund those things which are challenging to fund with pure capitalism. This creates a mutually beneficial, but mutually accountable position where one party is driving profit and efficiency, and another is driving a mission of public good, and hopefully outcomes. Today, access to treatments for HIV has become widespread, to the point where 59% of those living with HIV are virally suppressed, meaning they are healthy and unlikely to spread the virus. So also has the stigma associated with the disease decreased because of public education, and countless grainy commercials in the 80s and 90s. This is thanks to the partnerships between public, private and charitable organizations, including commitments from pharmaceutical companies, The World Health Organization and many governments including [the largest Government funder](https://www.kff.org/global-health-policy/fact-sheet/the-global-hivaids-epidemic/?ref=danielkherndon.com), the USA. This is also what has happened in response to a global pandemic in 2020. ### On Becoming an Astronaut URL: https://danielkherndon.com/on-becoming-an-astronaut-why-being-an-adult-is-so-much-better-than-being-a-kid/ Last updated: 2023-03-31T21:16:57.000Z Imagine you sit in a plastic high chair, fastened in with a seatbelt and a locked table surface, with cold carrots and bland peas strewn about, and a sealed sippy cup filled with lukewarm milk sitting in front of you. As you sip the milk, with every labored breath, you try to extract more than the last time, with little success. People are surrounding you, all faces you recognize, but as far as you can tell, they don't know you are there. Perhaps they've forgotten you. You are merely there. You look across the room to see your favorite toy, just a few steps away, but it may as well be lightyears. In sight, but out of reach. All you want is to grab it and embrace it, but your reach is not enough. You feel sadness, you feel lost, alone, like you could be so much more. Just as you begin to cry quietly, a lyric plays in the background. You don't understand why, but it soothes your mood. It doesn't make you feel better; it simply makes you feel. For some reason, you can relate. *And I think it's gonna be a long, long time* *'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find* *I'm not the man they think I am at home* *Oh, no, no, no* After very little time, you've forgotten this altogether because you've gotten over it, and you're on to the next thing. Pooping your pants. Do you do it because you don't know better, or do you do it to get attention? If we're honest, you don't know, but either way, it is working. Your parents, who had their attention on something else, are now attending to you, and you now have what you wanted all along. For someone to see you. Being a kid is a series and wishing you could do something you can't, wishing you could be something you are not, and crying out for attention. Most of being a child is a series of fantasies about being something you are not. Maybe a fireman, a policeman, a doctor. Most children want to be an astronaut at some point. Who can blame them, you get to reach things few reach, see things few see. You wear that cool uniform. You wear the helmet with the mirrored glass. Being a kid is hard. Every day someone is telling you what you can't do. And it's year after year. You can't stay up past nine until you are 13\. You can't drive until you are 16\. You have to observe a curfew until you are 18\. You can't drink until you are 21\. But at some point, that all changes. At some point, for all of us, we become something. An adult. And now, if you so choose, you can be an astronaut. You can go to space. You can be a Rocket Man. As an adult, you decide your entire destiny from here on out. You can eat as much as you want, drink as you please, stay out as late as you want, and become anything you can imagine. Imagine this: Imagine you sit in a nylon polymer adjustable chair, fastened in with a schedule behind a hard plastic table surface, with cold emails and bland documents strewn about, and a sealed-to-go cup filled with lukewarm coffee sitting in front of you. With every labored task, you sip the coffee, wishing you could get just a little bit more out of life than you have before, with little success. People are surrounding you, all faces you recognize, you see them every day, but as far as you can tell, they don't really know you or care much about you. They are not your friends or family. You are not important to them. You are merely there. You gaze across the room, imagining your dreams, those things you wanted to be as a kid. They seem only a few steps away, but it might as well be lightyears. In sight, but out of reach. All you want to do is grab that dream, or at least that feeling of accomplishment, to embrace it, but your reach is nowhere near enough. You feel sadness, you feel lost, alone, like you could be so much more. Just as you begin to cry, quietly, on the inside. At that very moment, the "listen at work station" begins to play a lyric in the background. *And I think it's gonna be a long, long time* *'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find* *I'm not the man they think I am at home* *Oh, no, no, no* Even before your day is over, you've forgotten this longing moment altogether because you've gotten over it, and you're on to the next thing. The Pursuit of Happiness. But you are an adult now. You can do whatever you want. Be whoever you want. You can be an astronaut. You can go to space. You can be a Rocket Man. If you are a billionaire. Do you do this because you don't know better, or do you do it to get attention? If we're honest, you don't know, but either way, it is working. ### Why yes, I do disagree with you. Hold my beer. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/why-yes-i-do-disagree-with-you-hold-my-beer/ Last updated: 2024-11-27T21:18:11.000Z If you've been on the internet recently, you've probably seen some stark disagreements. You've likely noticed that while there is a wide array of views on any given topic, those views tend to fall on one side of a fence, separating everyone into binary options, for or against something, no matter how nuanced the topic is. Perhaps you've even been a part of one, heroically convincing the free world of your superior views simply by posting a meme. While you may get fatigued with the lack of font choices, the recycled satirical images mocking an opposing view are more than effective at uplifting yours. One thing is for certain: Your opinion is completely correct, and everyone else is a garbage person. Unless we're referring to an inspiring story about (or a picture of) a puppy, people can not find merit in the opposing view, so the most appropriate action is to make fun of it. Trust me. I know how the internet works. When Facebook was first invented, it was created as a place to connect with friends. While it was successful for a period of time, the new media marketers got involved and started teaching people, explaining how to be an effective user of the internet. They did talks, online videos, and daily blogs, talking to people about being authentic and telling businesses that if they did not join the internet, they would disappear in a matter of months, abandoned by their human customers who have chosen to live their lives online. These marketers implored people to be active on social media so they could become the target of an advertising campaign. Eventually, everyone was on social media, creating more division than ever before. Because of that, we can now separate everyone into two groups of people like never in history: (1) Those who believe that their point of view is more sensible than anyone else's. and (2) Those who believe everyone in the world can be divided into two groups. The internet is a great place to insult people. Perhaps the best thing to happen to animosity since the middle finger is a tiny profile pic of you with a clever "@" handle telling someone to go off themselves for having a different opinion. Insulting someone becomes so much easier when there is a barrier between you and your opponent's personhood. Before the internet, people had yards, dinner tables, town squares, and taverns. These were known as social centers where people would connect, share beers and ideas with one another, and, of course, as a way of connecting personally. While some families say that the only things not on the Thanksgiving dinner table are politics and religion, two things that are in abundant supply are gravy and building a friendship. It is in such settings that people have built towns, formed governments, gained rides to the airport, and helped families in need. People love a communal experience, and it is an essential part of daily life. This is the primary reason people spend time at restaurants. I once went to Lamberts in Alabama, "[the home of the throwed rolls](https://throwedrolls.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com)." At lamberts, the food was acceptable but not notable. What was notable is that fresh bread rolls the size of a softball were delivered frequently throughout your meal. Rather than hand them to you with tongues, they would toss them across the room by hand to each table, daring you to eat yet another, along with bottomless barbecue-style side dishes. The restaurant was full, and people interacted with laughter and conversation. They connected with those seated near them as they ensured no roll would hit the floor. The entire dining room enjoyed a community experience, building camaraderie with each other and especially the staff. Bars, even more so, have long been a place where communities gather. It's one place where you may end up sitting next to a stranger in one of your most open moments. The history of the American tavern is important when it comes to community development and political ideas. According to a Smithsonian Magazine article by Rebecca Dalzell, the [Taverns were an important part of the early colonies in America](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-spirited-history-of-the-american-bar-42912195/?ref=danielkherndon.com). "Without them, I don’t think you would have had exactly the same political landscape." she explains, because "In taverns, people could mix together." No one can deny that President Barack Obama (emeritus) understands that sharing a beer is a worthy way for minds to meet. He once famously calmed down a national argument over [beers in the rose garden](https://www.politico.com/story/2009/07/beer-summit-a-time-for-cheers-025654?ref=danielkherndon.com). Sgt. James Crowley and Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. had a brief disagreement when the Cambridge police officer arrested the professor in his own home, because he matched the description of an alleged perpetrator of a break in–that he is a "black, male". The internet lit up with activists arguing about whether the cop was doing his job, or just being racist. The President knew that mansplaining on social media wasn't going to be an effective way to mend fences. Sure, he got himself into a little bit of PR trouble for saying the police "acted stupidly" when asked to comment about the incident, but he was smart enough to follow it up with a "beer summit" where the two, along with the President and the Vice President, sat down to clear the air and discuss ways to solve these sorts of issues in the future. If it didn't actually solve any disputes, it nevertheless ended the argument between these two gentleman, even if only by shifting the media conversation to making fun of a staged "guys night" as a photo op complete with clinking glasses. Even though it was ridiculed, and VP Joe Biden's\* beer was non-alcoholic, it still has value as it highlights the power of sitting face to face with someone and taking the opportunity to connect with the human on the other side of a difference of views. \* **Update*: Vice President Joe Biden is the President of the United States now, as of the writing of this text.* No word on whether he still drinks non-alcoholic beer. Crowley and Gates have cleared the air, but the rest of us are still debating issues on the internet and talking about how we could never be friends with someone with views that oppose our values. This presents a problem. The problem is that people are going to hang out with other people who are pretty much just like them. People choose where to live based on what best suits their views; they join clubs where they can find like-minded peers and go to churches that share their values (or don't go to church at all for similar reasons). This creates an insulation of views, limiting the exposure to new information or alternative viewpoints. Furthermore, it separates us from the human nature of those who have those opposing views. The only place you hear any alternative view is in the form of criticism or rhetoric on TV and social media sites. This is mostly useless for bringing change or accepting the influence of a compelling thought. Because instead of throwing rolls, they're throwing words. People are incited by words, and it seems that people are just as emotionally aroused by the words as they may be by other stimuli like images and sounds. According to a study published in the peer-reviewed journal PLOS One on [the emotional content of discourse](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0033718&ref=danielkherndon.com), "Indeed, several lines of evidence support the possibility that language comprehension can be affected by emotional states." That means that your [choice of words](https://danielkherndon.com/strong-words-on-why-you-should-definitely-curse/) has an impact on what people hear, especially in matters held closely as part of one's identity. So when someone says "them's fightin' words," it's because the way you communicate may have as much firepower as anything. When language points a finger at a person's identity, the gloves are up. The listener will no longer be able to process what you believe to be a convincing, logical argument if their defenses are up. All too common, the self-enlightenment will go to the extremes by calling their dissenters names. You can imagine when you call someone a lib-tard or a re-dump-can, you are not only ensuring they remain an enemy to you, but you're also inducing an emotional response that may cause them to wax more defensive of the views you are criticizing and block their ability to hear your ideas. Look at a map on election night. You'll see that the rural areas vote red, and the metropolitan areas vote blue. This is not surprising for many reasons, but the simplest reason is that people who live further from their neighbors are more likely to take an interest in political views that favor self-reliance and personal liberties. People who live in more concentrated, urban settings are surrounded by more diversity and favor policies associated with a sense of social support. In the inner city, you are almost certain to live next to and shop with someone far poorer or far richer than you. In the suburbs, the communities are more likely to be homogenous. Someone I don't know, named Kwame Anthony Appiah said it best: "[Identity precedes ideology"](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/22/magazine/conservative-friends.html?ref=danielkherndon.com). That is, who you are, where you grow up, and who you spend time with are better predictors of what you believe than anything – including your depth of research, deep thinking, and the identified merits of the belief. We all share a human feature known as "confirmation bias," which shows us that even rigorous research can lead us to the conclusions we already want or those that will protect our place within our social network (offline versions especially). Debating the facts in a simple forum will not change someone's views in most cases, if ever. People are unlikely to be changed by way of being convinced because the truth is that [facts don't change our minds.](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/02/27/why-facts-dont-change-our-minds?ref=danielkherndon.com) People tend to accept information that supports their existing views and reject the information that does not. This is because protecting one's current beliefs, [especially those that become a part of our identity](https://danielkherndon.com/are-you-open-minded-take-the-test), helps us feel comfortable, protecting our status in our tribe. There is no doubt we like to spend time with people who share our values, and that seems reasonable. [Study finds our desire for 'like-minded others' is hard-wired](https://news.ku.edu/2016/02/19/new-study-finds-our-desire-minded-others-hard-wired-controls-friend-and-partner?ref=danielkherndon.com). Being attracted to similarity helps us ensure acceptance in a tribe and, therefore, ensures greater success in life. Tribe mentality has been studied extensively by evolutionary psychologists, but regardless of their findings, we see it every day in our lives and the lives of those around us. People protect their tribe and are prone to respond to language that demeans their tribal identity with defense. As is apparent with voting trends, it's hard to see the other side unless you know the human first. That's why being around someone who has a different perspective is critical to growth. If nothing else, it may add credibility to your own beliefs and move the needle for the other. When you have a friend with a different point of view, your understanding of their character helps you understand their view better, even if you don't share it and never do. No longer are they the (anonymous nasty word), but they are your friend, and they come by their views honestly. The opportunity to sit with those of differing views, not across the aisle but face to face, should be cherished. For every one of us humans, the connection to other people is essential. As people have increased their time on social media and, in many cases, decreased their time interacting with people in real life, loneliness is on the rise. Loneliness is dangerous for our health. In fact, [loneliness can be more dangerous for your health than obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure](https://cmha.ca/blogs/the-importance-of-human-connection?ref=danielkherndon.com). On the other hand, when beers are shared, people connect and listen to each other. But even if juicy topics never come up, the [dopamine juices do](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/02/160211144057.htm?ref=danielkherndon.com). A shared beer creates more of a human connection than you will ever get from a digital meme. A disagreement with respect and empathy ultimately enriches your views. And if you're lucky, some of them will change along the way. ### Critical Race Theory: Don't drink the water. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/critical-race-theory-dont-drink-the-water/ Last updated: 2023-06-04T03:08:25.000Z For the last two hundred and fifty years or so, in the United States of America, everything has been going mostly... fine. The United States has been known as the land of opportunity. We're the land of the free and the home of the brave. Americans have freedom beyond that of any other nation (well, besides New Zealand, Switzerland, ([formerly](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/05/technology/hong-kong-doxxing-national-security-law.html?ref=danielkherndon.com)) Hong Kong, Canada, Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg, Germany, Finland, Ireland, Netherlands, Sweden, Austria, and the United Kingdom based on the[ Human Freedom Index](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/freest-countries?ref=danielkherndon.com)). But you get it. We're doing pretty good. Around here, you can chase your dreams, own land, start a business, be treated with dignity no matter who you are, and stay or leave the country freely if you choose, etc. At least, that's supposed to be the case. In the past, this has not been the case for the[ Native American Indians](about:blank) who were forcefully removed from their homes to make way for European settlers. It also has not been the case for[ Black Americans who were enslaved](https://www.history.com/topics/black-history/slavery?ref=danielkherndon.com) (after being imported from their homes and sold as property to Colonists settling the New World). To date, some of the most economically disadvantaged are the descendants of those people groups. Unfortunately, the impact of the dark history of the American Experiment didn't end with a proclamation (such as[ this one](https://www.archives.gov/exhibits/featured-documents/emancipation-proclamation?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=President%20Abraham%20Lincoln%20issued%20the,and%20henceforward%20shall%20be%20free.%22) or[ this one](https://www.history.com/topics/native-american-history/1763-proclamation-of?ref=danielkherndon.com)). Some of you older folks may remember that things were pretty bad in the 60s for Black Americans–only sixty years ago. You economy buffs may realize that[ unemployment rates hover around double for Black Americans](https://www.macrotrends.net/2508/unemployment-rate-by-race?ref=danielkherndon.com) what they are for White Americans, and [college admission rates for Blacks](https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2020/06/black-high-school-attainment-nearly-on-par-with-national-average.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) still trail behind national averages. Some people may have noticed that African Americans are incarcerated in state prisons across the country at[ more than five times the rate of whites](https://www.sentencingproject.org/publications/color-of-justice-racial-and-ethnic-disparity-in-state-prisons/?ref=danielkherndon.com), and more in some states. [Homeownership for Black Americans is at its lowest level since the 1960s](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/most-black-americans-arent-homeowners-how-can-we-change-that-11615431459?ref=danielkherndon.com), and there has never been a time when a majority of Black people owned a home. [Poverty rates for the American Indians](https://ncrc.org/the-economic-reality-of-native-americans-and-the-need-for-immediate-repair/?ref=danielkherndon.com) (the original land owners) is three times that of whites, and the education attainments of Native Americans are the worst of any ethnic group in the country. To say these trends are not related to history is to ignore them. But you're not ready to learn about all this. You're too young, and frankly, I'm afraid it will make you feel bad about what happened in our history. I'm afraid it will make you feel guilty. Like you have to apologize for something you did not do. I'm also afraid it will ruin the majority's standing in society from guaranteed opportunity to guaranteed opportunity alongside a little more competition. You see, we are in a culture war right now (I plan on using this line every year for the rest of my life, BTW). At any point in time, any one of our children could be the unsuspecting victim of too much education. Although unlikely, it is possible that a graduate-level academic theory that has been reviewed, discussed and rigorously debated over the last 35 years might be taught in elementary schools, and our kids might feel bad about the factual history about overt racism and genocide. Our students may even learn more true things about American History that sours their opinion on a historic figure, or worse yet, changes the way they view and vote on economic policies. We can't have that. While I understand that history is an important part of a fully rounded education, still, examining laws and their social outcomes is something we've buried long ago and shouldn't have to spend any more time dredging it up again. The Liberal elites who are trying to poison our young minds by introducing an academic examination of history should be squashed, if nothing else, to save our consciences. I'm talking about Critical Race Theory (which we will also call CRT sometimes). As you'll see on the internet: "[Critical Race Theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical%5Frace%5Ftheory?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Critical%20race%20theory%20%28CRT%29%20is,liberal%20approaches%20to%20racial%20justice.) is an academic movement of civil-rights scholars and activists in the United States who seek to critically examine U.S. law as it intersects with issues of race in the U.S. and to challenge mainstream American liberal approaches to racial justice." CRT is not taught in schools actually, but that doesn't matter. CRT is a movement which studies social outcomes, so anything that looks like it, that is, the study of race related issues, needs to be demonized. If too much time goes by before we put a stop to this madness, before you know it, we will be studying American History in its entirety, and no longer be focused on preferred narratives that uplift us as the greatest nation in the world, iconizing the aryan. In all of this struggle for social stability, there is nobody in more danger than a white person right now. The whites have worked hard, their ancestors have stolen land fair and square, their grandparents had segregated schools, and we people currently known as the majority are successfully controlling the direction of the country and in most cases, the world. Why would you want that to change? We don't want that to change. We've built a significant military to make sure of it. We've [compelled our schools to pledge allegiance to the flag](https://danielkherndon.com/2021/06/the-pledge-of-allegiance-feels-funny/), not to truth, so let's root out any resemblance of it if it is uncomfortable. We're the land of the brave, and we have laws, local policing and prisons to punish those that don't comply with the rules. The liberal left is trying to take it all away from you. For someone to take your standing in society as the dominant power is not something you should stand for. Even Mike Pence knows to be critical of Critical Race Theory. The[ former Vice President spoke on the topic of CRT](https://www.newsweek.com/mike-pence-gop-critical-race-theory-state-sanctioned-racism-1604033?ref=danielkherndon.com) in a speech in New Hampshire in June, 2021\. He stated that "America is not a racist nation", which is evidenced by 246 years of legal slavery and founding governing policies such as the three fifths compromise, by [redlining](https://www.npr.org/2017/05/03/526655831/a-forgotten-history-of-how-the-u-s-government-segregated-america?ref=danielkherndon.com) and by Jim Crow laws. Pence said "we must eliminate Critical Race Theory at every level." and warned us of its dangers as the "full-throated assault aimed at the heart of the American experiment." The American Experiment has been underway for many years now, and there is much to learn from its findings, including about [the oppression of poverty](https://danielkherndon.com/crossing-the-chasm-the-impossible-escape-from-poverty/). But rest assured, we will not subject you to these findings because we don't want to upset the apple cart when everything is going so well for you. The risks of our students learning about CRT are far reaching. To date, critics of CRT consist of leaders in land ownership, voting access, employment, and wealth in general. It's a real risk that the water may be poisoned against these people in power, lowering their status in society. It's not unlikely that our brothers and sisters of European descent may now face hardship because of no longer having the leverage of being a majority in power. In 1998, [Dave Matthews released a song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psIuidkkLjI&ref=danielkherndon.com) about Colonists settling a land, forcing Natives off of their homeland by slaughtering them. The closing lyrics allude to the lasting impact of the conflict by warning of the blood tainted water from the slaughter of the Natives. Don't drink the water. There's blood in the water. ### Strong words on why you should definitely curse URL: https://danielkherndon.com/strong-words-on-why-you-should-definitely-curse/ Last updated: 2024-11-11T17:49:03.000Z I grew up pretty staunchy, which of course, isn't a word, and that furthermore demonstrates just how staunchy I and my contemporaries actually were when I was young. Even if it's not a word, if you know, you know. So you know what I mean. I was buttoned up from a behavior standpoint. I'm talking about being so stuck up, so pious, and well-behaved that it was a burden. I was so devout I walked down the street with cheeks clenched so tight, quarters melted, and crispy one-dollar bills had permanent creases in them. My well-behavedness gave me a sense of pride. At about the age of 16, a friend of mine said, "Daniel, sometimes you act like an adult, and I really hate it." I loved it. I was proud of my tightly controlled persona and my well-manicured moral behavior. I was proud that I raised money for a homeless shelter. I bragged that I never did any illegal drugs and that I never snuck out of the house to hang out with friends without my parent's permission (unless they were close by!). I always did my school on time, did my own laundry, and was never the instigator of anything bad that I did with friends (if ever). I was a very polished and very well-behaved kid, and I knew it showed. I might as well have been a priest, and the risk of becoming one was there. Even with all of that, every now and then, and only in a safe, quiet place... I would... maybe... eke out. A cuss word. The temptation to let my hair down and loosen up just a little was always appealing. It was so taboo, but it just felt so freeing to say it. I know you're thinking it right now yourself. To me, in my non-denominational, evangelical, fundamentalist, Pentecostal, religious upbringing, cussing was such a taboo subject. There were certain words you could not utter. It was understood that, at times, you had to talk about bodily functions, you may have a need to express your frustration about someone, and when you hit your finger with a hammer, you might need to react in some way using an alternative to an expletive. There were certain vocabulary words that just were not an acceptable form of expression. But I admit I would let one slip every now and then. Now, for me, like everything else I did, they were very controlled. I knew the right time and place. Like when there were no parents or clergymen around and certainly no one from the Federal Communications Commission. Each word would be uttered, either under my breath or with another curse-consenting friend. It felt really good. Eventually, I learned to use this skill more frequently. I still felt compelled to keep my potty mouth in check among certain friends, but the frequency became more regular, the choice words became more veritable, and the comfort in mixed company became, well, more mixed. I began to process whether it was acceptable or whether I could build any argument against my use of dirty language. It's important to check and double-check your beliefs, so I did. According to Discover Magazine, [cursing can relieve stress](https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/worried-about-your-foul-mouth-swearing-could-actually-be-good-for-you?ref=danielkherndon.com), build camaraderie, and be a sign of a more open and honest person. Would you rather have a conversation with a liar using a made-for-TV vocabulary or honest Abe dropping an eff bomb? What's your vice of choice when stubbing your toe? –Ibuprofen or "Ay Caramba!"? According to James V O'Connor, [cursing is a sign of a limited vocabulary](https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=jZnopRxVzsAC&oi=fnd&pg=PR8&dq=Cuss+Control:+the+Complete+Book+on+How+to+Curb+Your+Cursing&ots=CY%5FosOXTcD&sig=up4ho8P5PUEiQrEfBqkzjPy1gHs&ref=danielkherndon.com#v=onepage&q=Cuss%20Control%3A%20the%20Complete%20Book%20on%20How%20to%20Curb%20Your%20Cursing&f=false), based on his [“poverty-of-vocabulary” hypothesis](https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=jZnopRxVzsAC&oi=fnd&pg=PR8&dq=Cuss+Control:+the+Complete+Book+on+How+to+Curb+Your+Cursing&ots=CY%5FosOXTcD&sig=up4ho8P5PUEiQrEfBqkzjPy1gHs&ref=danielkherndon.com#v=onepage&q=Cuss%20Control%3A%20the%20Complete%20Book%20on%20How%20to%20Curb%20Your%20Cursing&f=false). In actuality, this is not borne out in the data. According to Scientific American, the swearing fluent are often found to be eloquent in general and often skilled with language beyond the [seven dirty words you can't say on television](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven%5Fdirty%5Fwords?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20seven%20dirty%20words%20are,%22%2C%20and%20%22tits%22.). Furthermore, studies suggest that those who are exceptionally vulgar may even be exceptionally intelligent. Congratulations to Samuel L. Jackson, who has outshined us all while talking about [burgers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pkq%5FeBHXJ4&ref=danielkherndon.com) and putting our [kids to bed](https://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/145584165X?ref=danielkherndon.com). This is an excellent finding for many of us because it has been found that the taboo on swearing has [decreased](https://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2016-10-11/do-we-swear-too-much?ref=danielkherndon.com) since this time last century. A study published in 2006 says that 74% of us encounter [swearing in public](https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna12063093?ref=danielkherndon.com), and about 63 percent of respondents in a 2018 study cited [swearing as a way to cope with pain](https://www.usnews.com/news/health-care-news/articles/2018-04-19/study-cursing-is-the-most-common-way-americans-deal-with-frustrations?ref=danielkherndon.com), frustration, or stress. Swearing can help you with more than just stress. The Great Sam L. (aforementioned) claimed on the Howard Stern Show that his potty mouth methods actually [helped him overcome a speech impediment](http://www.mtv.com/news/2722635/samuel-l-jackson-cursing/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Swearing helps people to let their guard down, which in sales conversations has been found to help salespeople [close more deals](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/startling-truth-how-cursing-impacts-sales-devin-reed/?ref=danielkherndon.com). What more could you ask of a bad word? So, I think it's time we let go of the stigma ." language. I'm reminded of a time when I was young, and I sought some productive language for my own vocabulary. Under strict direction from my parents and church youth leaders, in order to avoid using the phrase "this sucks" to refer to something that was disappointing, I switched to the phrase "this blows". Well, unfortunately,... that got me in a *hell* of a lot more trouble. My takeaway? They are all just words. Use them well. ### The Front Porch Will Save The World URL: https://danielkherndon.com/how-the-front-porch-will-save-the-world/ Last updated: 2022-09-16T15:10:46.000Z I realize that sometimes article titles have a tendency to be reductive, not fully communicating the meat and potatoes of the script it sits above. This one is no exception, as planet-saving is no small feat. Perhaps this particular title is not only reductive but even clickbait-y, and if so, accept my humble apologies along with my thanks. My goal is neither to mislead you nor to sell you a bill of goods but to capture something that is quite complicated, and demonstrate how it is, in fact, quite simple. In marketing, it's understood that you have to say something novel or bold if you are going to capture your audience's attention and persuade them to take action. It’s also important that your message doesn’t require the audience to process and retain too much detail. People are more likely to forget or not absorb the concept. The key is to have simple messaging that narrows in on a minimal point that sticks so that the audience has something with which to associate any other details. Obviously, the United Dairy Farmers Association is not naive to this fact. In the 80s, when they wanted to convince people to consume more dairy, they didn’t spend too much time talking about all the health benefits in great detail which may be over one’s head, or perhaps not particularly meaningful to many. They didn’t talk much about various ways that dairy products can be added into one’s diet, such as through yogurt, cheeses, and so on. They focused on one product and one simple message: *“[Milk. It does a body good.](https://www.verygoodcopy.com/verygoodcopy-blog-4/truth-about-advertising?ref=danielkherndon.com)”* Everything that surrounded this formed the guts of the message, but it was summarized into something very simple–Milk is essential for your health. That simple message helped people to act, even though [the validity of the milk message is highly debated](https://milk.procon.org/top-10-pro-con-arguments/?ref=danielkherndon.com). Through frequency and consistency of messaging interrupting every episode of Matlock or reruns of the Munsters, the dairy industry was able to convince us that if we didn’t drown kids in milk from an early age, that their bones would just crumble the minute they look cross-eyed at a skateboard. People who already drank milk were convinced that it was essential for children to drink milk in large quantities, as though it was the only dietary source for enough calcium to meet a child’s developmental needs. If you didn’t get your kids enough milk, they would more likely be kidnapped, and the milk carton alerted you of that concern too. You were either going to consume what’s in a milk carton or you were going to be on a milk carton. It was these marketing principles that came to mind when I was thinking about how to solve our global climate change crisis. Climate change is a real issue, but it is also a complex one. It took Al Gore a whole [1 hour and 36 minute documentary](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0497116/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to explain climate change to Rush Limbaugh in the mid 90s and he still didn’t get it. Even convincing a few people he invented the internet was more successful than that. Global warming (which is now called climate change to throw its critics off in the wintertime) is far more complex, and widespread than probably any challenge humanity has yet faced. While the problem is no doubt, very complicated, the most effective solution is the one that focuses on a very simple idea. Let's think about the challenge of climate change for a moment. Here’s the problem we have at hand: 1. The average temperature of the earth is increasing. 2. Human actions are a significant cause. 3. The data on this is objective and reliable. 4. Some people still don’t believe in climate change. Unlike the dairy industry's claim about the health benefits of drinking milk, climate change scientists have [volumes of data](https://climate.nasa.gov/?ref=danielkherndon.com) to back up theirs. To share only a couple of the data points, over the last 140 years, [the earth's average temperature has been steadily increasing](https://www.climate.gov/news-features/climate-qa/what-evidence-exists-earth-warming-and-humans-are-main-cause?ref=danielkherndon.com), alongside the increase of atmospheric carbon dioxide. In fact, this increase aligns with a steady and unprecedented spike in human-induced carbon emissions since the Industrial Revolution. ![Annual CO2 emissions](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/Annual-CO2-Emissions.png) ![Atmospheric carbon dioxide and earth surface temperature.](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/Carbon_Dioxide_surface-temps.png) Yet, climate change deniers are not in short supply. It's even more unfortunate that climate change becomes a matter of identity politics. For some reason, it’s not cool to support conservative economic policies, be pro-life and also believe in the reality of climate change at the same time. The status of our surroundings and the well-being of our land is subject to us versus their political ideologies. Cable news networks stoke the flames of the disputes between the two major points of view, pushing a zero-sum narrative. As a result, problems don’t get solved. Climate implications are at play in more ways than we tend to recognize. I’ll mention just a few. TLDR? Feel free to skip ahead to [**child-rearing**](#child-Rearing). ## Transportation: In the early years of climate change being a public topic, and not just a hypothesis discussed amongst scientists, what most people talked about is the impact that the exhaust from our cars has on the air we breathe. In the USA, most families have two cars, and it is a right of passage to get your license at 16 years old, and get a car of your own, so families have a car for each adult individual in the family. We drive everywhere. Over the last 20 years, the number of cars on the road has increased dramatically. Cars are better than they were 20 years ago, but they still predominantly run on gas, and as with every fuel that is burned, they release carbon into the air. ## Land Development: There are several species of creatures on the earth that develop land and build structures. Beavers build structures to create a shelter out of founding lumber which they have hewn into shapes with their teeth. Ants work in large groups to build large mounds with sophisticated tunnels. Then there are humans. We dig big holes in the ground, pour concrete, build wood frames, and slap bricks on one side and drywall on the other to form large shelters capable of holding all our stuff. We’re certain to surround these shelters with lots of grass so we can cut it weekly, and then we add pools and fire pits and dedicated furniture to make it more fun to stare at the grass we just cut. Also, it is likely that every time someone grows up, they will probably build or buy one of these shelters and immediately start painting it. In our structures, we’ve added an extension to hold our cars, so that we can shelter those as well. ## Industrial Investments: Because of all the space in our homes, we want to put lots of stuff in them, so we sign up for an Amazon Prime membership so we can ship lots of stuff to our homes some of which we keep, and some of which we throw away in large trash cans because someone will come and take it to a dump for us, seemingly in perpetuity. Since we have such nice homes and have to buy lots of stuff, we have to make sure we get good jobs, most likely a ways away from our homes because there are no good jobs close by. Because of this, businesses need to keep expanding to produce more products and shelter all the drivers that drive there to work. ## Agriculture: People love eating things that make them happy or at least full, and of course, this includes meat. To eat meat you have to hunt an animal in the wild. If that is not an option or is impractical, you will need to have some land to farm raise, feed, slaughter, and butcher the animal and possibly package and ship it to various people willing to drive to a job in order to pay you for this meat. Because so many people love meat (obvi vegans don’t count here), more and more people means more and more meat, and that means more and more farmland, and the tax policy and other costs mean more and more efficiency is being sought which in some cases means maximizing the meat output per square foot of land by packing what would normally be a grazing animal into a small area with the cheapest feed dosed to them. Modern agriculture has migrated away from healthy animal and land ecosystems, toward more industrial methods for maximum output. ## Tax Policy: Taxes exist to fund governments, which in some cases is funding services like building roads, prosecuting people who possess marijuana and managing a foster program for their displaced children. That’s not a comprehensive list of course, but you get it. Governments need to collect taxes to fund all of these things, and ultimately, people and businesses are making decisions that are most advantageous to them, which involves a certain amount of avoiding taxes. For this reason, the government is able to create tax policies that incentivize certain activities like investing in job creation, building buildings that attract people with cars to drive into a certain area to buy products, or creating new ways to improve the environment. When it comes to climate change, policies have the potential of encouraging people to do something like make and drive more cars and discourage people to do something like using different forms of energy or establishing more sustainable farm practices. Incentives will never go away. It is simply where the incentives are placed that matters. ## Child Rearing: When two people love each other, they seem to want to make another person. Some people would like to make two or three more persons. In some more rare cases, people will make upwards of 12 kids (as was the case for my parents and more for the Duggars). This has a few implications, the first of which is that those parents' lives are going to be centered around their kids for 18 years and the second is that each one of those people is most likely going to be driving a car at some point, but also they will be eating steak, buying a home (cutting grass), buying products from industry, arguing about taxes, and so on. About on hundred years ago, there were about 2 billion people on the earth, and today there are close to 8 billion. Take a look at this illustration of the population growth of the earth over time**.** ![](https://danielkherndon.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Annual-World-Population-since-10-thousand-BCE-for-OWID-1024x638.png) ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2022/09/Annual-World-Population-since-10-thousand-BCE-1536x1080.png) The population of the earth has just hockey sticked (hockey stuck?) in the last century. Because of all the above-mentioned factors, we are consuming more energy, digging up more land, and releasing more gas than ever before. We’re cutting down more of what feeds the air, and creating more of what burns the air. Our consumption habits including the number of cars per household have changed substantially. One of the things that you will notice that has changed over time is the way homes are built. The typical 1920s home might have been a bungalow with a big porch swing, and not much in the way of parking. The 1960s had a modern ranch with a garage or carport and a nice stretch of sitting space on the front. Through time, houses have evolved the meet the demands and preferences of people as tastes have changed. Today, we have a lot of cars, and our lives are often built around driving places. Driving to work, driving to the mall, driving to meet a friend for coffee, driving to the grocery, driving to go out to dinner, and so on. We also work more hours to buy more things and accumulate material possessions. Also, getting free delivery is an important pastime. We now have bigger homes with larger garages and to accommodate those changes, we have fewer front porches. For the average middle-class home, the most prominent feature is the garage, and the trade-off is often little or no front porch. The typical behavior in the suburbs is to drive cars, push a button to open the garage door, park and then push the button again to close the door, go inside and watch TV to unwind from the stress of the long work day, and connect with friends virtually through social media. Because of that, it is common that we are less connected physically, including to our own local community. In the 20s, people would sit on their porches and congregate with the people in their neighborhood. This meant less driving, more trust amongst local people, and less need for extra products to keep us entertained. Here’s an anecdote: Before the pandemic, we knew none of our neighbors well, and certainly didn’t spend any time with them on a regular basis. When COVID concerns began to rise, and more people were staying home, people began to spend more time outside because they were not getting out as much by going to restaurants or working at an office. At some point, people started saying hello to each other. People were talking more, and ultimately we saw a group of close friends formed. As a result, we are going to fewer restaurants, we are driving less, spending more time borrowing each other’s resources, and experiencing more social connectedness. The reason why this didn’t happen before is mostly because of natural occurrences. We live in a modern neighborhood where there are few front porches, and where there are some, they are very small. When people do sit outdoors, they sit in the back, where people are unlikely to run into each other. People are busy working out of the home enough, for long hours at high-demand jobs, so there is little reason to change that. The Pandemic has forced change. To cope with the isolation or to mitigate risks, lots of people have changed their behaviors to being outdoors more, staying more local, and sitting on their driveways. I have heard several stories about people increasing their connection to their immediate community, and connecting more with their neighbors. Since March of last year, [the measurable carbon emissions have decreased](https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-00090-3?ref=danielkherndon.com). Admittedly, this is like losing weight by getting sick–it's not a solution, but we can learn from it. Because people are interacting with each other, and building community. A byproduct is better mental health, more eating at home, and therefore a likelihood of healthier foods resulting in better overall physical wellness, and a lower carbon footprint. If you don’t know your neighbors now, after the life changes that many experienced during the Covid-19 pandemic, you probably won’t. There are too many things making it easier not to talk to them, and for that reason, you are spending more time hanging out elsewhere. If we build more front porches, it will create opportunities to connect with people, invite people in, cook for them and share a beverage in the evening. This culture of sitting on the front porch will only grow in demand in larger areas as more people know each other. Communities will become more knit together through those connections, and there will be more gatherings in neighborhoods or town centers for reasons other than just dining out, or watching movies. People will connect with each other and feel safer. People will build playgrounds and parks instead of garages. They will share ideas, hear other points of view and develop solutions to various social issues, or maybe they will help a neighbor out when needed. If we build more front porches, people will sit together. And that may be good for the planet, but I'm sure it good for the people that live on it. ### The Human Condition and The Magnification of the Opposable Thumb. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-human-condition-and-the-constant-reference-to-the-opposable-thumb/ Last updated: 2024-11-11T17:44:32.000Z If you ever watch an awards show for the movies, you'll almost certainly hear someone talking about how important their work is to society. Because they made a movie (for which they have likely made millions of dollars) the earth spins more smoothly. They emphasize their contribution to society as the people who are creating a better world by making such movies (and millions of dollars), imploring you to express your gratitude by viewing their movies in the most profitable medium available. It's common to hear movie producers and actors let their contemplative, poetic side come out as they talk about how their movies are about "The Human Condition". They speak as though it is burdensome and morose to be Homo Sapiens. These actors, as they receive rewards for their advancement of society through film, will then take the opportunity to make sure to push their views upon you, and shame those who disagree with the accepted viewpoint. They attract applause for their brave statements as though they are the hero, leading us all out of this regressed societal state where a certain view is not fully embraced by all people. For those who are wondering what "The Human Condition" is, it can be identified and carefully diagnosed by the following symptoms: - Being a human - Acting like a human - Having human biological properties - Doing human, or human like things Basically, The Human Condition is to experience those things commonly experienced while being human. Joy, pain, victory, defeat, love, desire, etc. Hollywood actors have a penchant for the dramatic. They present themselves as very erudite by using words like erudite, and wax poetic about their line of work, filled with pomp and self importance. When they focus on The Human Condition, it comes across as though they are trying to explain in dramatic detail why we are different from animals. To the Hollywood Erudite, it is through the making of films that tell stories about The Human Condition that we know we are not wild beasts. Others may feel that the opposable thumb is our differentiator. I'm not sure I can disagree, because I can attest that my dog has not gripped a hammer, a cell phone, or a movie camera in his paws, as he can't with his rudimentary beastly digits. The opposable thumb has provided a significant advantage to humans for quite some time. We've been able to use this distinct advantage to increase efficiency and perform daily tasks in very sophisticated ways. Notable examples include grabbing power tools, buttering bread (also holding bread to be buttered), pressing two keys on a keyboard at the same time to perform such tasks as 'copy and paste', just to name a few tasks that you would not see a beast performing. It's fair to say that the opposable thumb has been a key human asset for the creation of movies–yes, because of copy and past when it comes to [common movie plots](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The%5FSeven%5FBasic%5FPlots?ref=danielkherndon.com) and certain [predictable dialogue](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/35-most-overused-lines-in%5Fb%5F9500594?ref=danielkherndon.com)–but also because of the way we are able to demonstrate The Human Condition in ways that are not limited to simply finding food, having sex and surviving an attack from predators, as is the life of a wild animal. [The opposable thumb](https://www.resilience.org/stories/2018-10-11/our-opposable-thumb/?ref=danielkherndon.com) is a stand out feature, and it's clear why this makes us humans unique, showcasing our importance in this Universe. Opposable thumbs also makes all of the following animals unique as well. - Gorillas - Chimpanzees - Orangutans - Other variants of apes - Certain frogs - Koalas - Pandas - Possums (and opossums) - Many birds - Many dinosaurs (extinct) Humans basking in their exceptionalism is seen in all kinds of social contexts. Back in the 1600s or so, [Galileo Galilei](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galileo%5FGalilei?ref=danielkherndon.com) got in a fight with the Catholic Church more or less, because he posed the idea that the earth was not the center of the Universe. This pushed back on the Church's accepted view which was known as Ptolemaic geocentrism. The thinking goes like this: *Earth is the center of the Universe, and that helps explain our worldview and support our teaching about our group being extremely important. This gives us a means of control, and anyone who observes any data that gives them a reason to suggest otherwise is a threat and should be stopped.* Imagine the idea that your planet, your civilization, your religion, and you personally are not the central figure in the Universe. Galileo suggested this. He wrote a book called [The Assayer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The%5FAssayer?ref=danielkherndon.com) which basically means 'the analyst'. The book talks about a method of analyzing data, using math and basing one's conclusion on the testing of that data. His book is regarded as one of the pioneering works on the scientific method. Using this method of testing data to verify or falsify a conclusion, Galileo was able to provide testable proof that the earth revolved around the sun rather than the other way around, as was popularly accepted based on biblical interpretations. His writings on this topic drew substantial criticism from the religious community, and the dispute continued for many years until, at some point, he was convicted of heresy. His writings were banned, and he was sentenced to prison, which was later commuted to house arrest, where he remained for the rest of his life. Obviously, the opposable thumb didn't give him an advantage in this case, not to say that it didn't come in handy while writing his later banned books. What ultimately was his greatest strength was also that which provided him a great disadvantage–the willingness to test his own ideas and form his beliefs not based on what was popular but on what could be tested and demonstrated to be true. No, sir, this sound and reasoned thinking did not give him any advantage but rather earned him his final years in confinement. The Human Condition, in this case, took precedence, and his opposers did everything they could to shut him down. By blocking him and his writings from public view, those with the most influence were sure to thrust their views on all those who would listen, and shame and punish those who do not embrace the accepted way of thinking. Much like our pride in the opposable thumb, we see ourselves as unique and advantaged, and therefore, we must be of exceptional importance. However, simply taking a moment to review the data may show us that the pedestal on which we position ourselves in our view of the Universe is not quite squared up with reality. The Human Condition is to have a propensity toward self-importance, a lack of intellectual humility, and an unwillingness to listen to those who have reason to disagree with us. My advice: Do your part to keep The Human Condition in check. ### Hey, Your College Degree is Blocking My View. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/hey-your-college-degree-is-blocking-my-view/ Last updated: 2022-09-01T23:26:44.000Z First of all, before I get too far, I would like to say congratulations to you on your college degree. I'm proud of you for preparing for, applying to, getting accepted, attending, and completing – college. Your degree is definitely worthy of space on your wall and I think you should definitely get it framed nicely. And please check for a stud in the wall, because that thing is *substantial*. When you applied for a job, and presented your resume to me not long ago (which for some reason you provided in an editable Microsoft Word Document format rather than a PDF) I was very impressed with your degree and the fact that you majored in a really great subject and graduated 'magna something loud'. Quite some time ago I was on the job hunt as well. I had a different experience than you did. I applied for a job and had to say that I was able to acquire a G.E.D., which is a degree from a high school equivalency program that the state provides to people who don't complete high school the traditional route. I took notice of the requirements in the job post I applied for, and the very first bullet point in the requirements said "Bachelor’s degree is required. Marketing, advertising, or business degree preferred." Of course, I didn't have one of those, but I applied anyway, thinking that perhaps because I meet all the other criteria perfectly, I may be able to earn an interview and have a conversation with the hiring manager. I figured I could discuss my skills and demonstrate how I can be a great fit for the position. The only requirement I lacked is the one that won't have an effect on my ability to do the job. ## **I did not get an interview.** It's okay that I was not called back. I realize that when you have several candidates and one, submitting a PDF about their accomplishments and proven work ethic may not be as qualified as the other who is able to present a shiny degree from a private college, and some kind of experience in academic sports. I'm okay with all of this now because since then I have been able to find steady work by creating my own job. Since I was not able to get an interview because of my lack of a degree, in order to gain experience, I went ahead and started my own company. I hustled to get clients and eventually was able to hire several of candidates with degrees to expand my practice. Ironically, in many (but not all) cases, I trained the college graduates on how to do the work they had a degree in. Some of them were great at it, and some of them were not. Among some of the best people I have ever hired, were two people who did not have any degree. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that so I was not able to hold that against them. I simply judged them by their performance. ## College and Job Preparedness I've hired many people for skilled, white collar office work. When hiring for a position where experience is required, candidates almost invariably have college degrees, with the few exceptions I alluded to above. It would actually be a feat to find a candidate without a degree in my line of work. In your case, if for any reason I passed on your resume, I just want to make it clear that it was not because you had the wrong major or anything else about your education credentials. It was because you submitted your resume in the form of a Word document, and I was worried that my training program would not be enough to teach you the basics of sending final documents to people that you interact with in a business setting. College has become vital for anyone that is going to succeed in life. According to Indeed, and the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the[ income of the average college grad](https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/pay-salary/average-salary-with-college-degree-vs-without?ref=danielkherndon.com) is about $60,996, while that of a high school graduate is only $37,024\. If someone takes some college classes but does not get a bachelor's degree, they will at least earn a few percent more at an average of $40,248\. For some, this might seem like a strong and clear case for going to college. In one-dimensional thinking, it probably is. But we don't live in a one-dimensional world. There is a lot more to consider when it comes to life decisions than how much money you make living them out, and we need to look at those factors because as you may know, it costs money and time to go to college, and not going is mostly free. Let's take a look. ## The Cost of College The [average cost of going to college](https://www.collegedata.com/resources/pay-your-way/whats-the-price-tag-for-a-college-education?ref=danielkherndon.com) is about $26,820 per year for in-state students at public colleges (this is low compared to an even saltier $54,880 for a private college). This is not tuition alone, as that would not account for the true cost of going to college. This includes tuition, room and board, books, supplies, and other expenses. That means that over the course of a four-year degree, the average student will spend about $107,280 to acquire their lucrative degree at a public in-state college. While tuition is only $10,560 of that average yearly total, there are certainly more costs involved even for a frugal attendee who is living at home and biking to class, not to mention the opportunity cost of not being able to work at full capacity for four years. ## The Cost of Not Being Lucky Since most people get their qualifications for their work through on the job work experience, you might say that the six figure investment of college is simply the cost of admission to an interview, and having a chance in hell at landing on the short list of candidates. This brings us to the bigger cost of college. The cost imposed upon those who were not lucky enough to have the means to get into college. The cost of not being able to earn as much as their educated counterparts for the rest of their life. For most middle and upper income families, college is a given, thanks to government lending programs making it easier to get access to some form of higher learning. But for the unlucky, even if you can get a loan, that does not mean you can afford to cover all the costs of the college years while having limited capacity to work in the process. It doesn't guarantee admission either. While need based scholarships may open up doors for someone who would not be able to acquire a loan based on the ability to pay, the higher likelihood of a lower GPA may be an obstacle. In a study published by The Fordham Institute, it found that [affluent students are more likely to have their grades inflated](http://Affluent students have major advantages when it comes to K-12 education: Among them, better teachers, more access to advanced courses, resources for counselors and a variety of extracurricular activities, which when combined can lead to higher high school graduation and college-going rates than their poorer peers.) while the less affluent students endure more scrutiny. This is in addition to the uneven playing field to begin with. As explained in a US News Article by [Lauren Camera](https://www.usnews.com/news/education-news/articles/2018-09-19/the-gpa-gap-rich-students-have-grades-inflated-more-often-than-poor-students?ref=danielkherndon.com), students from affluent families "have major advantages when it comes to K-12 education: Among them, better teachers, more access to advanced or specialized courses, resources for counselors, and a variety of extracurricular activities, which when combined can lead to higher high school graduation and college-going rates than their poorer peers." This phenomenon ensures that fewer poor people will go to college, and further, ensures lower incomes by removing one key factor from someone's ability to be considered for even an entry-level position. The bachelor's degree is effectively a guarantee that we keep our businesses filled with pedigree, ensuring the poor stay poor. College requirement becomes a barrier, preventing otherwise capable people from getting a job that allows them to improve their socioeconomic status. ## The Cost to Society Imagine if the only thing between you and a better life is one bullet point "Bachelors Degree Required", It's only one hundred grand, and four years of hard work. In spite of the fact that it does not ready you for the position. What does this say about employers and job posts? Or perhaps our society at large. [The Harvard Business Review](https://hbr.org/2019/01/does-higher-education-still-prepare-people-for-jobs?ref=danielkherndon.com) points out that "College degrees are also confounded with social class and play a part in reducing social mobility and augmenting inequality." What that means is that requiring college, even for jobs where the degree is not relevant, is an investment in restricting people to a social class. It's proactively segregating society while reducing the candidate pool. It makes sense that surgeons should not be operating without significant training. But what about a digital media manager, or a customer service representative? College is not preparing them for this job anyway. The outcome of [low-wage earners has a real cost on the economy](https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/poverty/reports/2007/01/24/2450/the-economic-costs-of-poverty/?ref=danielkherndon.com), to the tune of about 4% of GDP. Specifically, costs come in the form of reduced economic productivity, increased public healthcare costs, and increased crime. This doesn't even begin to address issues of diversity, and how that can benefit society. So when you are done hanging your degree on the wall – can we talk about how we write job posts? ### The Pledge of Allegiance Feels Funny URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-pledge-of-allegiance-feels-funny/ Last updated: 2024-11-11T17:46:38.000Z It’s interesting the things we accept without understanding their foundation. For example, the fact that women are basically required to wear makeup (speaking of foundation), while men are prohibited from wearing makeup unless they are on television. I don’t know how this practice started, and I'm not going to dive into that at this time, but I do know that there are more than a few people that could benefit from a little cover-up to even out their skin tone from time to time, and it wouldn’t hurt to put a little color in those cheeks too. When social conventions are accepted as a ubiquitous standard procedure, people look at you funny when you don’t follow them. The suburbs in the midwest are a great example of this, as we have entire entities called HOAs, which are custom designed specifically to get people to act with conformity. For example, In a suburban housing addition, you can get funny looks when you don’t care for your grass properly or use the wrong tool to do some yard work. If you didn’t pick up your dog’s fecal matter, you would be the subject of shame in backbiting conversations by your neighbors as they pass by the chat with one another on neighborhood walks. You’ll likely get a passive-aggressive note asking you to change at some point too. Some even more unconventional choices may draw even more than just funny looks and dirty letters. Like parking on your grass or not waving at someone driving through the neighborhood. You can be excommunicated from the neighborhood text groups for that kind of behavior. The suburbs are not the only place we see social expectations arising. We see them everywhere. As the practice becomes accepted as normal, in some cases, it becomes decorum, and you are ostracized if you do not accept and follow the standard. Consider the office setting for white-collar jobs. When you go to work on Monday, you are expected to ask people how their weekend was. When in meetings, If you meet with someone you don’t see every day, you’re supposed to shake their hand at the beginning and end of your meeting. What about other areas of life? In the shopping setting, if you see a window washer cleaning the glass at a retail establishment, it is customary to tell this window washer that he missed a spot and then awkwardly laugh to signal that it was a joke and they should think it is funny. If you are at a red light and are caught staring at another driver, it’s appreciated if you give them a quick nod with a closed-mouth grin to demonstrate that you are polite and were not strange for staring at them. Social conventions get even more weighty when you get into certain chapters of life, such as college, career, and raising kids, but very little could be more impactful to one’s life than pledging your undying commitment to a 10-inch by 19-inch piece of cloth. Perhaps it made sense in the 1890s when the socialist (yet Baptist) preacher Francis Bellamy penned [the original version of the Pledge of Allegiance](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/pledge-allegiance-pr-gimmick-patriotic-vow-180956332/?ref=danielkherndon.com). It was a method of marketing the magazine “The Youth’s Companion,” which he wrote for, presenting his ideas of racism and other political theories promoted within the publication. Thankfully, he and the magazine only marketed to children, so their ideas were contained to a relatively small audience. The magazine, the largest circulated publication at the time, offered flags to readers who sold subscriptions, and promoting the idea of saluting those flags with an oath was a nice enhancement. By World War II, [Congress had adopted the pledge](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge%5Fof%5FAllegiance?ref=danielkherndon.com) as an official invocation of the state and made it a law for schools to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in class. If it perhaps has concerned you that the history of the pledge of allegiance may have a checkered past, there’s no need for worry because they added the words “under God.” This served as an effort to differentiate us from Nazi Germany, which was also very proud of its flag at this time and of [pledging oaths of allegiance to their divine](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitler%5FOath?ref=danielkherndon.com) no matter what they may direct their people to do. This addition of a religious element proved effective at whitewashing the propaganda and created room to sufficiently shame everyone who chose not to participate in reciting the oath. The lack of conformity makes people uncomfortable. Even today, people in the suburbs look at you funny if your hand is not on your heart while it is being recited. To this day, it is required by 47 states to make time for the pledge in all public schools. It’s not brainwashing, of course. It’s patriotism and a commitment to textiles. If you still have concerns, here is a Tweet from Senator Ted Cruz standing before a flag in his office on Flag Day, looking completely normal, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag for publicity. > This didn’t use to be controversial. [#flagday](https://twitter.com/hashtag/flagday?src=hash&ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) [pic.twitter.com/azsUwItMGp](https://t.co/azsUwItMGp?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Senator Ted Cruz (@SenTedCruz) [June 14, 2021](https://twitter.com/SenTedCruz/status/1404564419229724676?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) ### Crossing the Chasm. The Impossible Escape from Poverty. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/crossing-the-chasm-the-impossible-escape-from-poverty/ Last updated: 2022-06-13T14:01:30.000Z The main thing I remember from being a kid was people always asking me what my favorite color was. I just don't understand what this obsession is with favorite colors. It seemed like everyone wanted to know what color I wanted every gift I was ever given to be. At one point when I will a little kid, my mom reminded me that my favorite color was green, perhaps because of something I must have said when I was younger that I don't remember. At the time, I was thinking "I really kind of like blue", but she said my favorite color was green so I just went with it. The notion of having a favorite color was something I just accepted at the time. A helpful reminder was the one inch of green stitching that was added into some pants for fun so that every time I went to the bathroom I would be able to enjoy a small sample of what I supposedly considered the best color there is. They were my favorite pants at the time. Ironically, if memory serves, these pants were blue. I do remember other things, like eating raw cabbage because that was basically the only option to have any food in the middle of the day, since we didn't really eat lunch when I was a kid. The cabbage I ate was also not green. The most distinctive memory was the rare field trip my sister and I were able to go on with a group of kids who were homeschooled like us. During the lunch break that was built into our trip, my sister and I opened the lunch bag that Mom prepared for us. We found the following: 1. One wedge of red cabbage 2. One wedge of white cabbage 3. Two whole carrots 4. Two apples My friends thought this was weird, which sort of embarrassed me a little bit, but not really until they made a comment about us eating like rabbits as I watched my sister chomp down on the corner of the wedge of cabbage. To be fair, I thought they were weird for having packaged goods like “Oreos” and “Doritos” with their nicely prepared sandwiches cut at an angle from corner to corner. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted those Doritos, I just simply knew that they were pretentious for insisting on extravagant things and we were normal and down to earth. At the time I thought out standards were decidedly different than others, but I know now that we were just poor. ## **It's actually pretty bad being poor.** When you're a kid, to you, your life is always normal. That is all you know. For me, I thought the way we ate was normal. I thought it was normal to never ever go to a doctor. Not celebrating Christmas didn't seem weird to me. It was a strange realization when I finally noticed that our car was the only one with rust amongst other people we were acquainted with. It didn't even occur to me that for most people, eating lunch every day was a given. I didn't know any different. So there's this tradition where people raise their kids, put them through college, pay for their wedding, buy them a dining set, and then surprise them a few years later with money they saved for their grandchildren. Our tradition was to help our parents pay the bills with money we made babysitting or cutting lawns. I'm not convinced the poor have a chance in most cases. The leap between poverty and financial security is not big in terms of a number of dollars. It's big in other ways. Here's why. ## **Poverty is a trap.** [Investopedia](https://www.investopedia.com/terms/p/poverty-trap.asp?ref=danielkherndon.com) describes the poverty trap as follows. A poverty trap is a mechanism that makes it very difficult for people to escape poverty. A poverty trap is created when an economic system requires a significant amount of capital in order to earn enough to escape poverty. You have to have money to invest in any form or wealth building. Buying a home, furniture, secondary education, licenses and tools for any trade occupation, a reliable vehicle, etc. When I started my own lawn care business, I saved up a $2 per week allowance until I had $24 dollars which I used to go get a lawn mower from a second hand store after which I went door to door to get customers that would pay me 10 dollars to cut their grass every week. That money was financed by my dad, and I used it wisely, but 100% of my income was disposable. Imagine if you are barely making ends meet as it is. For many, $2 per week is not all of their inheritance. For my Dad, it was a sacrifice. ## You have to have money to get money. As with my case, a loan can open up possibilities to start a business, buy a car or become a homeowner. But loans require credit, and income history. Especially loans that can have a meaningful impact on someone's financial security. In the current housing market, people with means are selling their homes with significant gains, and are able to roll that equity into their next home or other investments. Some have done this several times over the last 13 years, and improved their economic situation dramatically. For the poor, this is far more difficult. Lacking, not only good credit, but the income history to required to secure the loan keeps people from improving their housing situation, which keeps them from gaining equity. Even for two individuals who earn the same income, the financial help with college, or help buying furniture for a first home can give someone a head start in life. Without it, financial independence is much further from reach. What's more, rich people's neighbors are rich people, and poor people's neighbors are poor people. People tend to spend the bulk of their time with other people in their class for various reasons, reinforcing their position in society as well as the divide between them and other classes of people. This helps to maintain lucrative connections for the wealthy and the opposite for the poor. Those connection matter too. Parents who are connected because of their line of work or status in the community are able to open doors for their children when they are young and as they enter into adulthood. This means opportunities for jobs, mentors, college admission, credit for loans, or even just increasing their chances of making it on the sports teams which can add value to someones education and create opportunities to gain scholarships. Often, pedigree matters when you are interviewing for a job, or prospecting for new clients, which increase someone's opportunity of advancing in their career. The connections and startup capital that parents of even modest means are able to invest in their children makes a big difference in their child's life into adulthood. ## Even free education is not free. Maybe everyone doesn't need to go to college, but at least basic education is free, right? With the help of government funded schools, everyone is guaranteed an education. If you work hard enough, you can get ahead, right? It sounds nice, but it's not that simple. Look at any job post for occupations providing a living wage, and growth opportunity. Most jobs require that you have a high school diploma, but furthermore a college degree (often one you likely will not use within your job). Employers will also conduct background checks to look for a criminal record prioritize candidates that are more favorable, keeping the poor out of more advancing workforce. While public schools are free, there is a cost to every education to the family. This comes in the form of transportation, costs for participating in supplemental programs like sports or field trips, clothing, backpacks and lunch, after school care, and so on. With public schools predominantly being location based, you have to live in a "good" neighborhood to go to a school that is well financed, and therefore, the biggest costs is the aforementioned cost of housing just to be able to go to the school where you can get a good education. Poor neighborhoods often have poor performing schools because of the capacity of the families to be involved in their child's education. When parents are in more challenging income situations, it's common that they cannot spend as much time helping their child with their education, and that means that schools in poor neighborhoods are more likely to have lower graduation rates. When you have more students who are not performing well, you often have a revolving door of teachers and administrative staff too. The logistics of escaping poverty is multi-faceted. Absent a stroke of luck or charity, it becomes logistically difficult and for some, even impossible to exit poverty, but the problem is more than just logistics. ## **Poverty causes trauma** All my life, I've heard people say that they worked hard, and made something of themselves and you can too if you just think smart and put in the effort. This sounds simple, but for the reasons above, it is not. Even more so, when you are raised in poverty during your formative years (specifically while your brain is still developing) your worldview, habits and subconscious behaviors are developing as well. To this day, I cannot seem to slow down my eating, because I had developed a subconscious habit to eat swiftly, in order to get more calories into my body. We all have countless habits that determine how we act in an interview, how we respond to difficult situations, how we handle money or whether we upgrade our beverages to a large size. The effects of living in poverty, especially where there is any form of insecurity, is damaging. Poverty can bring on a sustained form of stress which can be toxic to brain function, even if the child does not know any difference, or display it in their emotions. According to the [Borgen project](https://borgenproject.org/poverty-and-ptsd?ref=danielkherndon.com), a global campaign aimed at making poverty a focus of U.S. foreign policy, poverty acts as a traumatic experience in many people’s lives, causing post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The impact can reach the point where difficulties can persist even if someone is able to graduate into a higher class in society. Studies which find a link between [poverty and PTSD](https://ourworldindata.org/mental-health?ref=danielkherndon.com) show that poverty contributes to the majority of anxiety disorders. The How Movement [explains many of the specific causes of PTSD](http://www.howmovement.org/ptsd-and-the-poverty-centers-of-the-brain/?ref=danielkherndon.com) and their connection to poverty. Neglect or abandonment, sexual assault, repeated exposure to life threatening events, all occurrences that are more likely to take place in impoverished settings. People who live in poverty are [more likely to be a victim of a crime](https://www.arcgis.com/apps/MapJournal/index.html?appid=5508484140a84023a1e2d8b080e14d0a&ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=The%20level%20of%20poverty%20in,in%20a%20lower%20crime%20rate.), and more likely to commit a crime as well. Criminal convictions can sometimes keep people from getting jobs, and set people on a path of more trouble. So, should people just pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and make smarter life choices? ## **Some don't even have boot straps.** When I was a kid, I had two pair of shoes. My sneakers, and my church shoes. Church shoes are essentially dress shoes that you only wear on Sunday morning when you go to church, taken off right after you return home. My sneakers, typically a discount brand tennis shoe were worn every day with every outfit for all reasons, until I grew out of them or they had holes in the bottom. Typically, my shoes were "talking" before they were replaced as the sole peeled away from the upper. A pair of boots would have been a luxury. And the parabolic boots may also be hard to come by. The direction, in essence "make better decisions" does not recognize the obstacles that are in front of someone. Making better decisions is difficult when you don’t have the emotional capacity to do so. In fact, [poverty has an impact on decision making](https://www.lse.ac.uk/business-and-consultancy/consulting/assets/documents/how-poverty-affects-peoples-decision-making-processes.pdf?ref=danielkherndon.com), but also on key thinking processes, as it relates to focus on goal oriented activities and resisting distracting alternatives that can derail one’s performance in life. The question at hand is not “What do we do about the poor?” It is “what do we do about us?” The worst place society can be is at a place where people experiencing poverty are an “other”. Malcolm Gladwell demonstrates well in Outliers how the difference between Bill Gates and an unknown poor person is mostly circumstances–that is to say, luck. With that said, the poor and the rich are not separate. They depend on each other. Unfortunately, their dependence on one another is that of a rather unhealthy relationship. The rich need people of economic need to take low paying jobs in order to produce cheap, profitable goods and services to get more rich. The poor depend on the rich to keep them alive with scraps even while the rich do their best to manage wage growth so that goods and services can still remain cheap and profitable. It’s ironic that one of the worst economic scenarios, the COVID-19 Pandemic has affected the poor in dramatic ways in terms of net worth and steady work. But this has made the rich far richer at the same time, even while they chagrin the difficulty in hiring labor. The credit of the rich, and their ability to hold assets has allowed them to amass greater wealth while more people are desperate to sell what little assets they had to make ends meet. Poverty and wealth to a degree are natural occurrences. Uneven outcomes are a force of nature, and perhaps to be accepted. But poverty is a problem. It’s not their problem. It’s our problem. ### The Fact is People Don't Like Facts. But They Sure Do Love Their Guns. URL: https://danielkherndon.com/the-fact-is-people-dont-like-facts-but-they-sure-do-love-their-guns/ Last updated: 2024-11-11T17:48:40.000Z It's true. Most people don't like facts as much as they like ideologies. There's probably some kind of explanation for this rooted in tribalism. Whether we do it consciously or not, we all want to be a part of a group, and we think, speak, act, and eat like the other people in the group that we're in so that we can fit in and keep getting invited to parties. Tribalism is kind of an old-time-y way of talking about things like the suburbs and housing additions and Jeep owners. It's where people come together around some shared behaviors, preferences, or values, which are held with a strong sense of loyalty. When you become a part of a tribe, you end up putting bumper stickers on your car and referring to yourself as a "proud *blank*" (with blank being replaced with the name of the tribe). In the case of Jeep owners, I think they even have a secret wave for when you pass each other on the street, but I don't know this for sure because I am not a Jeep owner, and as of this writing, I don't foresee becoming one just to be clued in on this alleged wave, solely so I can complete the content of this article. What happens is that tribal membership is associated with one's identity. You ARE a Jeep owner, rather than you own a Jeep. You ARE a vegan, rather than you like to eat that dense bread stuff posing as meat. You ARE a Democrat or Republican rather than you vote Democrat or Republican (or Libertarian, I guess). Often, when someone holds to a thought process or vehicle preference as a part of their identity, the sharing of those values within a tribal community is gratifying. It is a kind of positive reinforcement when others around you share the same values, making it more likely you will adopt those values if you haven't and hold more tightly to them. When someone criticizes your tribally shared views, they are essentially criticizing you personally and all of your friends (and your kids too). That's why fights break out at sporting events because people don't just enjoy watching their preferred team, but their team is a part of their identity, and the other teams are the enemy. This creates a kind of blindness where you favor your team and disfavor the other. Besides the bumper stickers, people will say things like "not my president" to be sure that you know that they are not to be mistaken as part of the *other* tribe. They will edit the names of the leaders of the enemy tribes to position them as a deplorable person from whom no good idea can ever come. Think about yourself in this scenario. Have you ever defended your kid because they were your kids? Yes. You have. Because that's your tribe, and we stick together. What about trusting something your friend said and being skeptical of something your worst enemy says? We've all done that. That is known as source bias, where any idea coming from a particular source is presumed bad or untrustworthy, and any idea coming from my tribe is surely good or at least worth discussion. The other day I retweeted something from someone named Peter Boghossian. It went as follows. > It’s a rare person that loves truth more than their ideology. [https://t.co/awmgOC3GeY](https://t.co/awmgOC3GeY?ref=danielkherndon.com) > > — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) [June 9, 2021](https://twitter.com/DanielHerndon/status/1402447659873546241?ref%5Fsrc=twsrc%5Etfw&ref=danielkherndon.com) Now, if I'm being honest, I don't know who this guy is or what he was talking about. I just see that what he is saying has merit. The responses, on the other hand, showed that people loved their tribe (or party aisle side) at the cost of loving any principal that may have been the impetus to form that tribe. Boghossian presented a truth about truth, and I thought it was true. The source of a statement has no bearing on its truthfulness. We often hold onto our beliefs very tightly when they come from a place of identity, like being a Colts fan and thinking that Tom Brady is a trash person. Nothing has a tighter grip than belonging to a tribe. Every idea or belief that is associated with your tribe is associated with who you are, and any challenge of that is an attack on your very own identity. So this can play out in some bad ways, but also in some that are more positive. For example, perhaps it is a part of your identity that you are a cancer survivor (check Twitter to look at bio). I can imagine you may be able to offer a lot of hope to others that face cancer. When it comes to football, it is acceptable to make fun of Patriots fans if you are a Colts fan. It's also okay to make fun of Colts fans if you basically always win. But what about the forbidden topic? Politics. Let's start with our beloved rights. The Right the Bear Arms. Now, I am going to admit that I typed the word "bear" several different ways, and this sent me on a tangent. First, I pictured a small man with the arms of a large grizzly. Next, I pictured a fully dressed man with scrawny unclothed arms. Eventually, I Googled to make sure I was spelling things correctly. Anyway... Consider this example. Many people are pro-gun because they are pro-gun. Not because there is something better or more sound about that position. Not because it makes a better world, makes them safer, makes their pants fit better, or anything else. It is simply a part of their identity as a Texan, an American or a Republican or something else. When people build their ideological position on ideology alone, you may catch them using some kind of logic to justify their position, like “it makes people safer” or “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.”. It positions gun ownership as important or even virtuous. This is much [like what Ted Cruz did on April 28th](https://www.cruz.senate.gov/?p=press%5Frelease&id=5790&ref=danielkherndon.com). He said, "*But one thing is abundantly clear - if the objective is to stop violent crime, restricting the rights of law-abiding citizens doesn't work. In fact, it typically makes crime worse because when you disarm law-abiding citizens, you make them more likely to be victims.*" This is pretty goofy logic, considering that it's clear that [the data](https://usafacts.org/articles/federal-data-available-active-shooter-incidents-mass-killings-and-domestic-terrorism/?ref=danielkherndon.com) doesn't support Ted's claims. As a matter of fact, The United States has the 32nd highest gun deaths. The facts do not matter to Senator Cruz. The ideology does. To be fair, there may be many good reasons to be pro-gun, but those reasons are not the ones Ted says. Once you look at the data on the subject, you find that his claims are not based on reality. Recently, I found [this daily email](https://messaging-custom-newsletters.nytimes.com/template/oakv2?uri=nyt://newsletter/c2eb47f2-84dd-5ecc-96f6-a6eff658b693&productCode=NN&abVariantId=1&te=1&nl=the-morning&emc=edit%5Fnn%5F20210325&ref=danielkherndon.com) from New York Times quite interesting. The conclusion is obvious, though. People are not safer because law-abiding citizens have guns (because [we have a lot of them](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estimated%5Fnumber%5Fof%5Fcivilian%5Fguns%5Fper%5Fcapita%5Fby%5Fcountry?ref=danielkherndon.com)). That doesn't mean Ted or anyone else shouldn't be pro-gun. It just means that they are basing their position on a feculent tale. Senator Cruz is pro-gun in spite of the facts and claiming otherwise to rationalize his ideology, and his constituents are following along because it is part of their identity. We are a tribe, and we stick together. It's okay to be pro-gun, but you should probably be honest with yourself and others about why. You should also know that the US is among the top 10 nations for the volume of gun deaths and is in the top 3rd of nations for murders in general -- trailing behind most developed and democratic nations. Facts aside, it is your right, and facts are not a good enough reason to change your ideology. ### Is There Such a Thing as Absolute Truth? URL: https://danielkherndon.com/is-there-such-a-thing-as-absolute-truth/ Last updated: 2023-10-07T16:54:48.000Z ## **Americans and Addictions** Nothing is more American than addictions. Think about it. If you've ever known an American or by chance are one, you may have noticed this. People are almost always addicted to something. Alcohol consumption in the USA rivals that of the Irish, not just because it makes us feel good, but because we are still bitter about the US Government making it illegal, or our parents and church youth leaders telling us it is a sin. Those who aren't addicted to alcohol are addicted to coffee, evidenced by our prevalence of brown teeth. Ironically, alcoholics anonymous meetings serve coffee by the ton. They trade one beverage addiction for another that might affect your sleep in the opposite direction. The most ironic addiction is that of the coffee drinker who drinks decaf and is addicted to telling you he is addicted to nothing, and that he drinks decaf because he just likes coffee *that much*. ## **Addicted to Freedom, Drugs and Punishment** For a more controversial form of addiction, consider illegal drugs, also known as narcotics. Drug rates are higher in the United States than many other countries, and even those who have never tried an illicit drug are addicted to our drug problems by being addicted to being superior and belittling those who get addicted, placing them in prison at higher rates than any other country and at a higher cost to the public than the cost of drug treatment and rehabilitation. Hey, you voted for it. Speaking of voting, no addiction is more American than the right to vote, and telling people that we or one of our relatives joined the military, say, in the early 2000s, roughly 213 years after the right to vote became a thing, so they could protect our right to vote by policing countries overseas for economic leverage. We're addicted to arguing about who to vote for, and who is completely correct and who else is completely incorrect. It's either the "Yes we can!" guy or the "No they won't" guy. One is going to take all of your guns away and the other is going to make sure every preschool teacher is packing heat. One is going to kill all the babies and the other is going to make you drink bleach to cure you from coronavirus. ## **The Greatest Addiction** For Americans, it is always binary thinking, with no in between and no room for discussion. If possible, we want to shut down new information and call anyone presenting it some kind of mean name to make sure we protect ourselves from hearing a new perspective. This brings me to the most wide spread addiction of them all. If we aren't at least addicted to having a piece of bread on both sides of our meat, or blaming the French for our very American fried starches, we are most definitely addicted to certainty. The addiction to certainty is perhaps the reason why we vote the way we do. We have to be 100% for everything that someone stands for and be completely sure that all of their policies, their intentions and their oval office meetings with interns are completely and 100% righteous. At a minimum, they are definitely better than the other guy (which by the way could be a girl too!). ## **People enjoy being right, but mostly, hate being wrong.** When it comes to certainty, it's not so much the addiction to knowing something, but the addiction to the idea that there is something to be known, with no nuance or gray area. Of course philosophers and stoners argue all the time about whether truth can be absolute or not. The everyday Joe or Jane, on the other hand is more reckless about the notion of absolute truth. You've seen the type. They are those who assume there is such a thing "just because" and don't even take the time to examine their own foundation of knowledge. This is because finding out you are wrong is more deflating than not being right. Certainty usually depends on matters of numeric value, like measuring the exact length of a hot dog. The problem is that the hot dog is made of compressed meat particles, and it may expand when cooked and further expand in your stomach. That expansion is not limited to the digestion process though. Everything in[ the Universe is constantly expanding](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expansion%5Fof%5Fthe%5Funiverse?ref=danielkherndon.com#:~:text=Based%20on%20large%20quantities%20of,known%20as%20%22metric%20expansion%22.), including your nutritious hotdog. ## **Truth Depends on Clarity** Truth does not exist if we don’t know what it means. Truth depends on clarity. Most of all it depends on us to work from the same understood definitions. In order to agree on what we mean by absolute truth, I'd like to unpack the concept a little. First, when we say 'absolute', we mean firm and precise. I'm not talking about looking at a stadium and saying "oh, there's about 30,000 fans there!" No. I mean when you count the jellybeans in the jar, you not only get it correct that there are 736 jellybeans, but you also include an asterisk explaining that one of the jellybeans was cracked and remains only a portion of a jellybean, which means the absolute number is actually 735.333 jellybeans. So when I say absolute, I mean to be accurate like the way a hipster measures the ground bean-to-water ratio in his pour over coffee. Second, 'truth' obviously means that the thing that is being called true is not false, but in this context we want to be a little more clear than that. Truth in this context means that one point of view has an exclusive on trueness. This means that not only is a particular claim itself true, but so is the perspective or intellectual framework from which that trueness has been identified. Furthermore, any statement that differs from the thing which is true would be, without question, not true. Okay, so now that we have that clarified, we can get to the topic at hands. Yes, I said hands plural, because this topic is so big that it requires both. ## **Truth is in Language** It goes without saying that truth comes only in the form of language, which means that it actually does NOT go without saying. The point is, if you want to identify something's truth-fullness, it has to actually come in the form of words and specifically within a given language, and language is where this all gets complicated. So let's say I wrote down a true statement (and for the sake of this article, I want you to just trust me that it is true). The statement might be something like the following: "This room is cool" Okay, now let's say that I wrote this down in the 1930s, but someone reads it in like 1996\. It may be that what I said was true, but what was I actually saying? Was I referring to the temperature of the room or was I referring to how intensely good the fashionable decor in the room was? Furthermore, since you don't know what I looked like in the 1930s (I looked awesome), you don't know whether I was of thicker or thinner skin, so you don't know at what point I would identify a temperature as "cool" or cold or hot or comfortable or something else. I know this is not a perfect example. I’m sure you've caught an obvious problem with this example though. The word "cool" does not have a numeric value. I know this. And this truth was not lost on me when I began using this example. Cool is not "when the temperature in the room is 56 jellybeans". When it comes to coolness as an expression for style, it is not something that can be captured in an equation such as "long beard + tattoos + 36 grams of single origin coffee beans = cool". ## **Coolness is Whatever You Think It Is** This is the problem with language. Everything someone says is first a thought, it is then stated, then heard and then interpreted in another thought. Even the numeric concepts have problems, because who's to say which jellybean brand is the proper measure of the finite mass of a jellybean? We all know that there is one brand that while they have many flavors, they are very small, and you need two matching ones to appreciate any given flavor. And what about the broken one in the bottom? At what point does the partial jellybean lose its jellybean essence? Or how about when all the ingredients of a jellybean are in a jar, in exact portions but they are not mixed to create a jellybean form? Are there no jellybeans in this case? Or is this a scenario where the plural is like the plural of fungus and sounds more like jellybai, sort of indicating volume instead of a count of individual items? The point is, language is complicated, and language changes over time, beginning with the first time someone interprets the true statement. ## **The Conclusion** So is there such a thing as Absolute Truth? Basically, my conclusion is "I don't know". It may be possible that there is such a thing as absolute truth, but in all actuality, it doesn't really matter. There's no doubt that absolute truth would be convenient for some. For many. The thing is, we don't have such a thing. I don't mean that it doesn't exist, I just mean that no matter how much we want it, it is *almost* inaccessible. Even the precise length of an uncooked hotdog has an asterisk next to it because the Universe and everything in it is constantly expanding. In those scenarios where you think you've identified an absolute, I suggest you enjoy it, because it is fleeting. Enjoy the journey. ### Are You Open Minded? Take the Test! URL: https://danielkherndon.com/are-you-open-minded-take-the-test/ Last updated: 2023-12-06T18:14:36.000Z People love to brag about being open-minded, but I would argue that most people are not. Not at all. It may go without saying no one would ever claim to be closed-minded. For some, being open-minded is actually a part of one's identity. The person who fancies himself as an open-minded type' is sure to tell you he is, almost as sure as vegans and cross-fitters will identify themselves. The truth is, most people's minds are so closed they can't even consider an idea they don't already believe in. I'll take it one step further. If someone ever tells you they are a "really open-minded person," I suspect they are even more rigid in their thinking than most people. In my junk science research on open-mindedness, it has seemed to me that the idea of being open-minded is most often associated with the acceptance of modern or progressive viewpoints. This is a flawed way to think of open-ness, whether minded or otherwise because the viewpoint itself is theoretically conclusive rather than open. What you find is that once one accepts one's progressive position, one is as rigid in their right-ness and, therefore, just as closed as their alleged closed-minded philosophical opponent. Having an open mind does not mean one is aligned to a certain ideology in particular. Quite the opposite, actually. While you may hold to certain views, to be open-minded, you must be willing to revise your views based on new information. This is why things like science, healthcare, civil rights, and how to respond to a pandemic is a moving target. Because the person with an open mind is learning from new data as it becomes available. This is difficult to do, especially for someone whose ideologies are tied to one's identity. We all experience this in some way in our lives. This is why policies, especially social policies, divide people. Because people's minds are closed to the things that they identify with personally, blocking them from hearing any new information. When someone has an open mind, they are curious. They no longer have an addiction to certainty but to the journey of discovery. They value the truth more than they value their own position. They want to learn more about the foundation of their own views rather than take them for granted. They hold not to ideologies but to their principles. Their views are always evolving because they are always learning. And that is who I am writing this blog for. ## Sign up for The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon A Funny Email About Serious Topics Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.