> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://danielkherndon.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Mackleroni and Cheese - URL: https://danielkherndon.com/mackleroni-and-cheese/ - Published: 2026-09-18T10:30:15.000Z - Updated: 2026-09-18T10:30:14.000Z - Description: And Mitch McConnell shows signs of life, but just barely. - Author: Daniel Herndon - Tags: Articles **You're reading The Lorem Ipsum by Daniel Herndon. A Funny Email About Serious Topics. Make sure your inbox isn't left out.* ***Sign up** [***here**](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup/free)***.** --- Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Mike Johnson and all of the House of Representatives, who are going on recess until after the midterms. This week, I've found myself in Nashville, where bachelorette parties ruin everything. Currently, I'm wearing daisy dukes and white cowgirl boots, and stuffing my cheek with tobacco just to fit in. Still, there's a lot to cover. I have a few quick hits, and one longer piece today. Let's get to ***The News.*** --- ### Twitch McConnell Mitch is back! But just barely. A Mitch-like figure showed up to Congress this week, with a permanent smile melted into his face. His appearance shared an uncanny resemblance to the Russian guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark when he looked directly at the Ark of the Covenant. After months of trying on coffins, Mitch has returned to Congress, ready to join his colleagues in keeping the country going, even if he can barely keep himself going. This time around, Mitch came to work in a wheelchair, which means not only will he not be standing up to Trump, he won’t even be standing up to get a Coke out of the Capitol vending machine. It has been said that this year, every vegetable has been recalled except Mitch. And thanks to Mitch for giving us lots of material. It’s nice to know we have a few good men in Congress, even if they don’t know where they are. ([more](https://www.thedailybeast.com/confused-mitch-mcconnell-84-has-to-be-told-how-to-vote/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Trump Nixon Kennedy Center Trump announced this week that he might be demolishing the Kennedy Center, if nothing else, partly because the marble construction is no longer stable, according to an architect named Art Vandelay, who happens to write crib notes on his hand to keep track of how to service Melania Trump. Its board voted this week to close for renovations so dangerous and so complicated that they couldn’t open the place up without renaming it. The new version of the Kennedy Center will serve McDonald's quarter pounders with cheese and host WWF exhibition matches. While a judge ordered the Trump administration to report all changes, whether demolition or renovation, at least two weeks in advance, we're learning it's hard to unfry these fries, and they don't taste good cold. ([more](https://www.npr.org/2026/09/17/nx-s1-5973036/trump-threat-tear-down-kennedy-center?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Beast In Me (Or Vice Versa) Under past administrations, if someone was caught pole vaulting a raccoon, it was an automatic disqualifier to serve in the FBI, although not necessarily a hard no for HUD or VA positions. But things are changing. Kash Patel is making changes for the mammal meat packers. For those of you who find yourself among those who have participated in bestiality, whether as the beast or as the person (you know who you are), you can rest assured, your career is not over, as long as someone made you do it. For example, let’s say someone showed you a picture of a naked boar with really big snout horns, and then you just happened to get hard enough to go ham on this meat bag, only to find that your FBI dreams were crushed by a pass with future cured meat. Why should you be kept from the law enforcement career of your dreams? Not to worry. Even if Kash wakes up from a drunken haze to find he's poking a lamb, he can still be the lion we've always needed, except not that way. You’re not out of the game if you were forced into it, with or without proper lubricant. We see you, Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. Thank you, Kash. I promise to be a vegetarian from now on, but not too much of one. ([more](https://www.cnn.com/2026/09/15/politics/kash-patel-hiring-bestiality?ref=danielkherndon.com)) ### The Competition Was a Wash In my gym, we’re all expected to wipe down our machines after use. But if you poop your entire brains out, sometimes that Windex and tiny little wet wipe isn’t enough. That’s what happened to an athlete this week who was competing in a major competition, when the whole game went to shit. We've all enjoyed a rogue fart at a Hobby Lobby. But what about during a multi-stage indoor athletic competition called Hyrox in Beijing? Fewer of us make this list. According to reports, Joanna Wietrzyk didn’t just [poop on herself](https://www.buzzfeed.com/remytepner/hyrox-poop-incident?ref=danielkherndon.com); she pooped on everyone else too, with cream found on workout stations being traced back to her from across the gym. Her competitors say she should have been [disqualified](https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2026/sep/15/hyrox-changes-rules-apology-australian-woman-joanna-wietrzyk-soils-herself-mid-race-beijing?ref=danielkherndon.com) for pooping the course. To give you a picture of how severe the storm was, pick your nearest Mexican restaurant, bring every single friend you have, order an extra side of beans for each person at the table, then put it in a long tube and squirt it everywhere, with a nice, healthy swath down your leg. Then, cap it off by winning the competition and don’t say you’re sorry. That’s a real athlete. ### Barely Breathing It was announced last night that singer Duncan Sheik is in critical but stable condition. ([more](https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2026/09/17/duncan-sheik-health-singer-critical-condition-barely-breathing/91805426007/?ref=danielkherndon.com)) --- ### Macklemore Than You Can Handle As though a ceasefire isn't enough, we can't stop talking about Palestine. This week a major pop tour is in shambles because of it. In the 90s, attacks across the border into Israel were rampant. One of the purveyors was Hamas, a Palestinian organization who would recruit the young and passionately religious to give up their lives to take others with them. There were so many suicide bombers that Israel decided they had to tighten their borders to protect people who didn't consent to being killed with them. Construction of a substantial border wall started in 2002, after a wave of bombings made it bloody and intolerable to leave borders unguarded. Four years later, in 2006, the Palestinian Legislative Council voted Hamas into power. Since then, they've been [documented](https://www.cfr.org/articles/amnesty-international-human-rights-watch-and-question-hamas-gaza-and-israel?ref=danielkherndon.com) committing various human rights violations, including abducting their own civilians, torturing them, and using police to penalize women in "virtue" campaigns where women were punished for not wearing a hijab or disobeying their husbands. This week, the Ed Sheeran tour faced controversy over the topic. Macklemore, who is scheduled as an opening act on several dates, turned his stage time into a rally of sorts for the Palestinian cause. He spent ample time declaring "Free Palestine" and performed a song with Palestinian propaganda on the big screen throughout. He accused Israel of committing a genocide but promised that he was not antisemitic. Noted. But some Jews didn't agree. Robert Kraft, CEO of Kraft Foods, was one of them. Kraft owns Gillette Stadium, where the tour was set to stop this Saturday, and he said the show couldn't take place at his venue if Macklemore was on the ticket. He followed up to get several venues to join him in a pressure campaign. As a result, Macklemore was removed from the tour. Ed Sheeran insisted on remaining neutral, and as of this writing, plans to perform tomorrow. I can understand how Macklemore sees this issue. "Free Palestine" is a great slogan, and Palestinians are great at marketing. Even some Israelis are tempted to suggest that the borders be open – especially those who were born less than 30 years ago, when Palestinian attacks, overseen by Hamas, were a regular segment of the news. Palestine has since upped its marketing game, by placing their own women and children in the midst of military targets, using them as human shields. As a branding guy, I can tell you that "using children as human shields" is not a good brand position for Palestine, but "Israel killing babies" is, so the branding team frames it accordingly. But who can blame Macklemore? He is remarkably consistent with his activism. According to my sources inside, he isn't stopping at Palestine-focused songs. He may even be creating a setlist that has songs and imagery about the genocide in Sudan, the genocide of Yezidis in Iraq, the genocide of Uyghurs in China, the genocide of healthy relationships on Hinge, and the genocide of critical thinking caused by short-form social media content. Soon, maybe he'll even call on Hamas to free the Palestinian people? Maybe — after he is done with Israel. After the debacle over the Ed Sheeran tour, the left side of culture has turned it into a loyalty test. Shout "Free Palestine" at a minimum of 103 decibels, or be canceled. The left, bless their hearts, have chosen to boycott Ed Sheeran, while they eat their Kraft-made BOCA burgers and vegan macaroni and cheese. Unfortunately, the argument is plant-based, just like their nutrition. There's plenty to chew on, but no meat. In solidarity with Macklemore, other artists and musicians have left the tour, either to make a statement or to avoid being canceled for not making one. Finneas, who was also on the tour, made a statement on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/DdUdYF1zZ4d/?ref=danielkherndon.com), totaling 32 words, which closed with "I stand with Palestine and its people." It wasn't clear whether he meant he stands with them for years of suicide bombings, or in support of them [cutting off women's breasts](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/28/world/middleeast/oct-7-attacks-hamas-israel-sexual-violence.html?ref=danielkherndon.com) and waving them in the air while posting it on social media, or if he simply believes that the people of Palestine should be freed from the leaders they voted into office who oppress them. Or maybe it's Israel's fault. As I said, It's unclear. Pink was pulled into the boycott when she [shared a post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1w8tyx0/pink%5Fshared%5Fa%5Fstory%5Fthat%5Fsaid%5Fed%5Fsheeran%5Fshould/?ref=danielkherndon.com#lightbox) from the account Stop Antisemitism which said, in summary, "stop antisemitism." Since she is a Jew, that makes her complicit in the controversy and in the killing of children, despite neither saying nor sharing anything of the sort. After a week of backlash, she eventually posted a [statement](https://www.instagram.com/p/DdKPJsVTvtl/?hl=en&ref=danielkherndon.com) explaining her actual position, but that hardly matters when people would rather cancel her for someone else's. Meanwhile, Ed Sheeran did his best to build bridges between all involved. In his [statement](https://www.instagram.com/p/DdT-6KGAtuI/?utm%5Fsource=ig%5Fweb%5Fcopy%5Flink&stkn=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==), he says it wasn't his choice to remove Ben from the tour, nor was Macklemore's contract with him, but with the venue. Still, he is remaining politically neutral, which is a crime in 21 states. How dare he. Because he didn’t cancel his tour, and make proper political statements as prescribed, public figures like AOC are [changing the channel](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/h4dGSY4NYsY?ref=danielkherndon.com) on Ed. No longer will Alexandria endure the timeless romantic song "Perfect" if Ed doesn't make it perfectly clear who he stands with, and why it's Hamas. It doesn't matter that he is not from Israel, and is not from the USA; he failed the test and should be canceled. Maybe it doesn't matter that Ed is not sufficiently educated on military tactics or the history of the conflict between Israel and Palestine. It doesn't matter that he doesn't know whether a "Diaspora" is a hand cream, a bowel disease, or an apartheid foisted on indigenous people. The loyalty test is the only thing that matters, because this is the music business, where nuance and third-party neutrality are simply unacceptable. According to the critics, because he didn’t want to play politics, Ed Sheeran may as well have ended the ceasefire that commenced in October of 2025\. The generations long tension in the Middle East is complicated. Of course, reasonable people can see the conflict between Israel and Palestine differently. But only unreasonable people demand loyalty to a viewpoint on a topic they know nothing about. --- That's it for this week. ***Remember***: The Lorem Ipsum does not condone animal cruelty, but it does condone sharing a copy with your closest mammal friends. Pass it along! ***Have a great weekend!*** --- ❤️ If you want to support my work, consider [becoming a Founder](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/signup) for $5/mo or just leave a [tip](https://www.danielkherndon.com/?ref=danielkherndon.com#/portal/support). ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/06/12/06129303-38fb-4088-8aa2-412bc3b2598c/content/images/2025/11/HRNDN-Banner-Ad.png) Supported by ****HRNDN Brand Agency**. Brand Strategy. Marketing Leadership.