The Weekly

Bullet Points

Just a brief summary to validate my value to the Federal Government, my subscribers, and the world.

Daniel Herndon

28 Feb 2025 • 4 min read

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Hey Friends,

President Musk has asked us to update him on what we have done this week.

For you Subscribers, I’m always On The Bubble,™️ so it's reasonable to ask what have I done for you lately.

That's why I've prepared my five bullet points to summarize my work.

I made a deal with my wife regarding mineral rights, but those minerals come in the form of fluoride and sulfur. Here's a breakdown of the deal. Fluoride: My wife has the right to ask me to use this mineral before our special time to invite optimal enjoyment. Sulfur: It is my right to distribute this mineral when I hotbox the bed; however, when I do that, I must remember that it is best timed separately from the terms of the other mineral mentioned here. Also, Zelenski of Ukraine made a mineral rights deal with Trump of The Apprentice this week as well, but the terms of their deal are unknown.
I watched as Elon Musk ran the first Cabinet meeting of his new administration before allowing Donald Trump to say a few words in the meeting as well. Since he was wearing a "Tech Support" shirt underneath a blazer, I was able to confirm that we have entered the Pique Nerd era, where even the most important professions in the world are now filled by complete dorks who have little idea how to run a basic neighborhood yard sale, but in this nerd era, luck would have it that those people are actually running the country, although some would argue, into the ground.
I was inspired to buy a chainsaw.
As an advertiser, I was also inspired by the ad created by a group of creatives in East London about "Tesla, the Swasticar", which bears the headline "Goes from 0 to 1939 in 3 seconds." As an advertising nerd and copywriter, I celebrate great work published in a great place (like a bus stop in East London), even when it's technically trolling – because as I always say, "Comedy Before Kindness".
I've spent four years straight reviewing and curating the news to provide summaries of the most important stories of the week. The summaries, which I call "Hot Takes," pair pinpoint accurate detail with entirely fabricated secondary details that I call "punch lines," which only land when I don't have copy and paste errors resulting in broken thoughts and incomplete — My ironic angles and snarky bear poking payoffs admittedly push opinions, but still more balanced than The Washington Post, although in some cases, are less of an opinion, but just low hanging fruit that couldn't be passed up. But to be clear, if you're talking about this week, I did none of that. I only had time for these bullet points.

Anyway, so, hopefully, this is enough to justify my value. Working here is not easy, but I'm willing to keep doing it if you'll have me.

Also, here are three old articles that made more sense than anything Elon Musk did this week:

That's it for this week.

Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is usually more than five bullet points. But it's never more than you can handle. Please share with friends.

Have a great weekend!

❤️

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