Don't you mean veggie tray?

Hey friends,

Good morning to all of you, likely including Doctor Oz, who may have enjoyed a nourishing crudité last night – that is, if he could afford it with these gas prices.

Oz, who is running for a Pennsylvania Senate seat, knows what everyday Americans are worried about these days.

The cost of crudité.

So he hopped on Twitter to show that he can relate to the everyday people of Pennsylvania.

This has become an important topic this week, so let's talk this out. How do you refer to your decorative vegetable trays? What language do you speak when you refer to raw cruciferous plant-based platters? Do you buy pre-made guacamole, or do you have your personal chef smash and salt the avocados for you? Drop your response in the comments.

Since Dr. Oz got a little raw over the price of vegetables, this week the internet decided to roast him, and dip him in guacamole. Here's more, including the fake grocery that is trolling him.

The Doctor is not the only one stuck in the kitchen this week.

Let's see what else is cooking in The News.

Hot Takes

Week 32 of 2022

Partisan Witch Hunting.

This week, Trump has found his way into a whole lot of news stories, an impressive feat for a person who most people would agree is no longer the President. I'll run through them quickly.

Merrick Garland who signed on the effort to raid Trump's home has petitioned to release the affidavit but the justice dept said no – unless it's redacted because it would compromise the investigation and some of the witness's safety. In response, Mike Pence, who said the FBI was out of line, told the GOP to stop saying the FBI was out of line.

On Friday last week, Marjorie Taylor Greene filed articles of impeachment against Garland, which is good, because he was following the law and we can't have people in public office doing that sort of thing. (more)

Allen Weisselberg, Trump's CFO has pleaded guilty for his role in a 15-year-long tax fraud scheme and has agreed to testify against Trump's company at trial. His plea was part of a deal to avoid what could have been 15 years in prison, but instead, he'll pay back taxes, spend 100 days in prison and the rest of his life on Trump's naughty list, which could end up being scratched into the wall of a prison cell depending on how things shake out. (more)

Rudy Giuliani is subject to a criminal investigation related to Trump's election subversion. He testified before a Grand Jury in Atlanta on Wednesday for about 6 hours, and as I understand it, he took a combined total of 5.5 hours worth of bathroom breaks and about a half hour of pleading the fifth (of vodka) (More)

In Sports

The Cleveland Browns QB Deshaun Watson was accused of sexual misconduct by at least 24 massage therapists (sorry if that rubs you wrong). Deshaun claims he is innocent because he is more believable than 2 dozen women. The NFL and Players Association have been fighting over how to handle the situation, with the NFL wanting a more strict treatment. Watson will be suspended for 11 games and fined 5 million dollars. He will likely still hold the title of richest sexual predator in professional sports. (more)

She Gone

Liz Cheney is playing Hall & Oats after accepted defeat this week in the primaries, but don't let this Hot Take hit her in the rear. Liz voted to impeach Donald Trump just after the January 6th Insurrection, and as a result, has lost the party's support and lost the primary election to Harriet Hageman. Harriet, who was endorsed by Trump, is best known for not being Liz Cheney, and not serving on the January 6th Commission. (More)

Sal Bass

Salman Rushdi, author of  The Satanic Verses was attacked on stage last week in New York by an Islamice extremist who didn't like the message of his 1988 book about the life of Islamic prophet Muhamad. Salman survived critical injuries which have now been called "life changing". The attacker said he "only read a couple pages" of Salman's book but most Facebook arguments are started on way less information. Hat tip to Seinfeld for this headline by the way. (more)

In Celebrity News

Anne Heche (formerly of Ellen Degeneres and Anne Heche) recently drove really fast near her home and eventually plowed into a neighbor's house. The house went up in flames and Anne was extracted from the vehicle and found to have fatal injuries. She was taken off life support on Sunday. (more)

Michelle Branch, the romantic pop singer finally got to sing "Goodbye to You" to her husband Patrick Carney who happens to be from the Indie alternative band The Black Keys. I do truly wish them both the best, but their music landed in such diverse genres that I would call irreconcilable differences. (more)

That's it for the news. Now here's The Gist.

A War On Women

The Gist

This is the second installment of "Generational Change" the latest Serial from The Lorem Ipsum. This issue covers the ways women's equality has both advanced and regressed in America.

It was only forty years ago that women were not able to get business loans without a man's signature in many states. Today, Women have achieved full access, but our system engineers them into the sidelines.

Most historians would agree that women were invented somewhere around 1890 when the first non-male humanoid became a part of the workforce, a trend that slowly increased over time – perhaps the result of billions of years of evolution. Before that most men were unfamiliar with women in the sense that we know today. They only knew of "wives" and "mothers", which were sources of food and copulation, because science was just not there yet.

But seriously, how has generational change changed things for gender equity?

Read The Article.

That's it for today.

Thanks for reading, but special thanks to the people that succumbed to my public preview in the latest long form article. You are welcome here.  

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Have a great weekend!