Free Speech Week

Hey Friends,

In honor of the first week of free speech being restored, I write with confidence, knowing I can say nearly anything I wish. Yet, what is there to talk about?

Since it’s a slow news week, I decided I would briefly cover the rapidly spreading wildfires, which Democratic leaders are trying and failing to put out. and of course, by that, I'm referring to the induction of Donald Trump as US President.

He was the first felon to take charge of Washington, not counting those who breached the Capitol in the January 6th riots. Instead of horns, this one enters with a scepter and crown and a flowing mane of gold made from the bristly stuffing from the guts of a mattress of 1973.

A big theme of his agenda is the end of the American decline and the return of free speech, which he enforces by issuing an executive order to protect American's from censorship, and by suing multiple news organizations for criticizing him. As sure as Baron Trump is taller than him, he promises if anyone issues a poll that doesn't favor him or even hints of bigger crowd sizes than him, they’ll be prosecuted for libel – again, to protect free speech.

The inauguration ceremony was a celebration of freed slaves and enslaved enemies and a boon for brands that bend the knee across America, companies not limited to burgers, ketchup, the company that makes red dye 40, and for the social media platforms of suckers and spies.

D.E.I. is out, and drill baby drill is in. America is back, and it's at least 0.5% microplastics by weight.

Attending the inauguration was a murderers' row of influential figures like Jeff Bezos of Amazon, Mark Zuckerberg of Meta, and Tim Cook of Apple to name only a few.

At the inauguration, Melania Trump came with a hat that not only preserved her reputation as a fashion icon but protected her from having to look anyone in the eyes. When she walked onto the Dias, she sang, "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down." That medicine was an air kiss from King Trump himself, and the spoonful of sugar was her blessed son, Baron.

At the inaugural dinner, we all learned that Mark Zuckerberg wants to be a Prime member, as evidenced by a sly peek down the provocatively opened shirt of Jeff Bezos's wife. She offers free shipping and one-click ordering together in one chest, with an outfit that gives “Sue Ellen, it’s not a top” vibes.

As part of the day's festivities, Trump issued several executive orders, many symbolic and many of them, a sort of triple dog dare to anyone who would get in his way. According to at least one Judge, the Constitution will get in the way of one, narrowing the definition of birthright citizenship. He also issued orders renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, ending government D.E.I. programs, and declaring national emergencies of energy and the southern border.

To honor his place of leadership in the party of law and order, Trump has pardoned all January 6th protestors, including those who backed the blue into a corner to beat the shit out of them. Trump, who denies responsibility for the attacks, took responsibility for the attackers, freeing those convicted of violence based on video evidence.

To kick off his agenda, Trump started the process of deporting illegal immigrants. He soft-launched it by evicting Vivek Ramaswamy, who was kicked out of the Mar a Lago Lover Boy Billionaire League for being too irritating. His next step is to run for governor of Ohio while his political career still has a chance, and if he sticks to his message that 9/11 was an inside job, he might just be able to keep the interest of the people.

I'm of the opinion that good ideas can come from anywhere. That's why we hire interns in the marketing business. Even the worst administration can stumble upon good outcomes. It takes special glasses to filter out the truth when we hate the truth-teller — or the truth itself if it pushes against our view of the world. Unfortunately, most people wear those glasses.

I urge you to take them off.

For some of you, it's with hope that you see that despite your political goals, Donald Trump does not care about you, the law, your freedom, or your right to vote. He cares about his own gain, and of that outcome, we are assured.

For the rest of you, despite not getting your choice in the White House, I hope you will see that some things will continue to be just fine. I hope you see that despite D.E.I.'s noble goals, many programs have not worked, and sometimes, have caused more damage. Despite your hope for the Paris Accord, it has only seen marginal success, and it is, without question, not the only way to achieve the goals of slowing climate change. Regardless of how you feel about our southern border, illegal immigration has been unsustainably high in recent years, and early signs suggest this might not age well but doing nothing is not an option.

So, whatever we are expecting out of this administration, public opinion and political engagement is up to us and it still matters. The next four years will only be as bad as an idle bystander allows it to be. And when it doesn't go the way we expect it, we should acknowledge that and do something about it.

That's it for this week.

Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is better the second time. Be sure to share and repeat.

Have a great weekend!