I Am Your Father

Hey Friends,

I've been using this very subject line on my children since they were little skywalkers (and even skycrawlers, for that matter). But it hits different when you've grown up on a steady diet of CGI wonders on every screen in sight. Star Wars is not as novel to the young.

Still, it was a sad day when we learned that James Earl Jones, the voice of Darth Vader, died at 93. He was a cultural icon, a varied performing artist on the stage, on screen, and behind the screen as a voice actor. He knew how to shake us with his distinctive voice, and he certainly knew that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

Speaking of the Force

With the debates airing this week, I thought this newsletter would write itself, but the Force had other plans.

I would have preferred to watch a debate between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker than Trump and Harris, but I think it's fair to say we don't know the power of the Dark Side.

Some would argue the dark side is darker in Trump's corner, and he did his best to darken it further. First with the new splash of gray in his hair, and second with his fits of rage, with which he moved to destroy his opponent, Kamala Harris, for the Force is strong with this one.

Harris did her best to make the debate about Trump, teasing him through the whole exchange, and because of that, Trump found himself on his heels, with nothing left to do but grumble.

The debate took place this Tuesday, and since then, you have all surely endured countless takeaways since then. You probably don't need more of the same, even if watching two politicians roll around in the mud for two hours is good TV. We don't need endless takes to remind us Trump is a liar whose bucket list includes swindling as much of America as he can and fucking everyone he ever works with (most likely including JD Vance, unless the sofa gets to him first).

Trump played his usual cards. Anger, hate, lies, thick eyebrows, small hands. If you’re blindly partisan, you probably thought he won, but literally everyone else, including moderate republicans knew he was digging his own grave. Despite his tired tricks, His strategy still seems to be working with enough voters to make this a competitive race.

He spent an unfair amount of time spreading wild claims about Haitian migrants eating pets – clearly, this is disrespectful to the migrants. I like to call my lunch "a chicken sandwich." Certainly not "a pet chicken sandwich." I'm sure your average Haitian would feel the same. Besides, the term "pet dog sandwich" is not an accepted culinary term.

When the moderators fact-checked his claims, finding them to be false, Trump insisted that he "saw it on television," which should give most of his voters reassurance that he gets his facts the same way they do. It is staggering how many are still convinced he is the guy to run America.

Of course, Kamala made some wild claims of her own. For example, she talked about something she called a "policy platform," something she's been trumpeting for weeks, yet she's managed to keep it from surfacing in the public.

It's understandable if her policy platform is half-baked. She's barely been in the race long enough for her Gen Z staffers to finish asking for their first and second promotions, so we should give her another week or two. But I am not concerned about what her policies are. I'm not concerned about any candidate's "policies" – all of those change the moment you are face to face with Congress and the inevitabilities of real life.

When I choose a candidate, I look for their values. Like for example do they have any at all? Do they believe that the earth is useful enough to attempt to keep it intact slightly longer? Do they think citizens should have a say over their future government, and maybe even their own healthcare? It their message about me or about them?

We can have a pretty good debate about tariffs, healthcare, immigration and capital gains taxes but only if we have civil people on both sides of the conversation. If the one in charge is not that, we’re sunk no matter what his policies are. He’ll do whatever benefits him, no matter what it costs us.

As I said in another issue on the heels of the last debate:

I tuned in to see two US Presidents debating each other. Instead, I feel like I've just watched the scene in Weekend At Bernie's where Richard and Larry walk off for something, and Bernie Lomax flies over the edge of a balcony. The good news is he was completely unaware, so it was painless.

Most of us could have slept better, having missed the debates and never heard the throat clearing, the mud-slinging, the disputes over golf handicaps, or having had to ask if this is the best we can do.

I'm not one for hyperbole, except of course when I am, but with all the above said, I think we'd be better off with a rag doll in the White House than another term with Trump.

Unlike the last presidential debate, Trump did not win. He may have occupied most of the airtime, but by my estimate, it didn’t help. He was frequently given leeway to interrupt questioning, but at one point, ABC's David Muir cut him off abruptly, saying bluntly, "I want to move on."

Trust me. We all do.

That's it for this week.

Remember: Much like the debates, The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. Except with this newsletter, we all win. Share a copy with your best of friends and your worst of enemies.

Have a great weekend!