Ideas for Halloween Shopping
Washington has gone vacant for the time being, but someone might fill it in.
Hey Friends,
The Federal Government remains shut down, and business could not be better.
According to our local sources in Washington, the Capitol building, since having been vacated on October 1st, has been converted into a Spirit Halloween. This year's inventory highlights include ghoulish creatures like Dan Bongino and a Vice President JD Vance costume that comes with extra dark eyeliner.
Critics have complained about some costumes being distasteful. For example, some have suggested that the Kash Patel mask have an age warning to protect minors because its bulging eyes are more terrifying than those on typical kid-friendly costumes, like those of demons or Freddy Krueger. One of the most popular costumes this year for the ladies is a sexy Pam Bondi, which says on the label, "I'll do anything for the right price."
Spirit Halloween is known for its ability to make the most out of its inventory and keep up with the times. One repurposed costume this year is a Mike Johnson costume, which comes with a wig and glasses, previously labeled as a Harry Potter costume. Spirit Halloween, known for pushing the envelope, has converted the included orange-toned wand into a phallic symbol that little Mike Johnsons can carry around and enjoy as a "treat," or wave at people whenever being asked a question by someone dressed up as a member of the media.
The Grim Reaper has been replaced this year by a costume of Elon Musk, which comes with a black "MAGA" hat and a bottle of fake A.D.D. medication. Optional upgrades include a sleeping bag with the White House seal on it, a ketamine drip IV bag, and a stand.
The good news is revenues are up in D.C., with wealthy top earners paying more for costumes than they pay in taxes. The Internal Revenue Service expects record revenue receipts by October 31st, according to an anonymous source. However, the individual who shared the information feared the department would not have the capacity to provide a final count of the funds collected, as the department is "a graveyard" amid mass firings and the government shutdown.
As always, Trump costumes are among the most popular. The costume design reuses the Umpa Lumpa costume from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but adds an extra long tie and inflatable pants to mimic Tump's chronic venous insufficiency.
I'm looking forward to seeing who comes to my door this year. So far, the administration has already focused on "Tricks" and has come to the doors of John Bolton, Letitia James, James Comey, and, soon, John Smith.
Trick-or-treat!
And, A Rerun
If you want to know what I'm doing for Halloween, here's an article I wrote in the early days of this blog, about my religious upbringing, where Halloween was forbidden. Read it Here
Daniel Herndon
That's it for this week.
Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is always a treat. Share some inbox candy with friends!
Have a great weekend!
