I'm Just a Bill

Hey Friends,

Happy Fourth of July to those who celebrate. No offense to my British readers, especially those who still feel a little sensitive about past offenses.

Today I'll be celebrating my independence by eating meat, with the key criteria being (1) that it is encased in a tube, and (2) that the makings of which are a mystery, so long as it is legal to call it "meat." It is only because of our independence that we can live by such rules. Namely, our own.

The latest of those rules was passed through the House yesterday before the close of business. The Senate had previously passed its version of the Big Beautiful Bill on Tuesday, just moments after finishing a 65-year run of claiming to be conservative. The House passed it before bedtime.

This issue is not a call to my readers named Bill, of whom I know there are at least a few. This is for the Big Beautiful Ones, but again, not to single out any readers who may be big or beautiful, but to call out the legislative kinds of bills running through Washington, which is more of one than the other.

The USA is now on track to spend $1 trillion in interest payments next year. More than we spend on Medicaid, so thank God and the Government that we are culling the population and their benefits to make room.

The bill is packed with great stuff, and people are sending me emails asking what's in it. Well, you are in luck. Today, to celebrate Diddy's near miss of a life sentencing conviction, and nearly evading the risk of being held accountable for some of his actions, I'm going to break down a few key items in the bill so you know what to expect for the next 9,802,464 years while we pay it off.

Let's get to The News.

Big Beautiful Takes

Week 27 of 2025

This Bill Doesn't See Color

First of all, it's important to note that the bill is color blind from the standpoint of social justice for the BIPOC community, which stands for Bills Irregardless of Pigment Or Color. To help some folks out, I'll point out the color. Red. In accounting terms, this bill is incredibly red. It saves an enormous amount of money, but only after costing five enormous amounts more. In accounting, that means you're in the red.

In total, the bill costs more than $3.4 trillion, which has caused some people to mistake it for a Democrat bill, until they realized that Donald Trump holds the record for the largest average deficits per year, ahead of all presidents. It's not without a good explanation, I'm sure. However, the Republican Party is objectively not the party of fiscal responsibility.

Letting Them Eat Cake

Now that Trump has increased the bar to get Medicaid, finally, we're going to be able to kick all of the poor (pronounced lāy-ZEE) people off the teats of the federal government. That means if you are below the poverty level, you don't work, or you are a "serial entrepreneur" who goes out of business just as often as you go into it, you might not have healthcare coverage soon. Judging by the number of people who opt to upgrade to a paid subscription, I'd say that's most of you. So from now on, since you can't get healthcare, you are allowed to have as much cake as you want, because there is no longer a reason to try to be healthy. Just enjoy life until it's over! Even if it's sooner.

No Tips on Tax

If you're rich, this provision is for you. From now on, you won't need to give your tax man a tip to bribe him to lower your tax liability. That means now, all of you have to do to get a break is hold up a photo of Donald Trump, and he will immediately wink and say "I gotchu" and start writing on his clipboard. For those looking to take the legitimate route, there are several breaks designed for you (and me) in the bill. The current version of the bill includes at least 30 changes to the tax code, most of which reduce taxes, especially for people who stand a chance of paying them. That's you!

Additionally, there is a provision to exempt tips from tax as well. Popular among all the restaurant workers making $300,000 (or less).

Marginal Tax Rapes

The Trump tax cuts will be made permanent. This means that if you earn under $48,475 as an individual, you will only pay 12% instead of 15%. Most people say this will "largely benefit the rich," and this is both a lie and true. $20 a week to an impoverished single mom is much more than a 2.6% tax reduction to a billionaire. So by sheer math, small pieces of bigger pies is a bigger piece of pie, but any amount of pie is great if you're starving. Let's get slightly technical for a minute.

There is a 3% tax rate savings that applies to everyone from $0 to $103,351. Then 4% for earnings from $103,351 to $197,300. For the larger income earners, the rate changes are more modest, at 1% for the next tier and 0% for the one after that, but then 2.6% savings for the highest tax bracket. There are seven brackets, with the lowest rate at 10% and the highest at 37%, increasing for each dollar you earn in the higher brackets. The highest rate before the Trump cuts was 39.6%. This doesn't account for all the tax credits designed to incentivize activity (like investing in green energy or business interest deductions.

Currently, the top 1% of earners pay 40.4% of all federal income taxes. The top 20% pay 87% of the taxes. The bottom 50% of earners pay 3% of all the taxes. Obviously, we want rich people to pay their "fair share". But since we don't know what that is, we will never achieve that.

Opportunity Zone Defense

A program called "opportunity zones," for communities where help from the government is needed most, was expanded and made permanent. This gives investors tax incentives to encourage development in places where communities need resources and jobs. This might include blighted and poor neighborhoods, but the biggest opportunity zone of them all is in Mar A Lago, where Trump will give you a tax incentive, and a pardon from prison if you invest in a membership at his club and purchase one of several rubber chicken dinners for a very affordable $1 million. Give him a $400 million jet, and maybe he'll throw in some tariff relief too!

Immigration

The last provision I'll highlight in the bill is immigration. Some people, because of their dissatisfaction with Trump, are immigrating to anywhere else. Official data from the United Kingdom, Ireland, and Canada show a surge in the number of Americans applying to become citizens in recent months. Trump's solution? Everyone needs to have way more kids. (more)

Here's the best breakdown I've found of the bill, without spin.

That's it for this week.

Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is like fireworks in your inbox. Be safe and enjoy it with friends.

Have a Happy 4th of July!