Let's Pope For The Best

Hey Friends,

Something is going around.

Even the holiest among us are at risk.

The Pope is in the hospital with bilateral pneumonia. I fear doing a genuflection and sign of the cross spreads more than it absolves. Hopefully, the Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church covers his mouth and not just our sins.

The Vatican said Francis was thankful for the "closeness he feels at this moment," which, as a celibate, is probably much needed.

Holy medical experts suspect he may have caught something from one of his Cardinals, opening up rumors that his ailment may be the bird flu. The Vatican said his health “continued to present a complex picture,” which means to keep praying because I think we can all agree we really need it right now.

But if God doesn't heal Pope Francis, he probably won't heal anyone. (more)

Let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

Week 8 of 2025

I See Ukraine

Trump and Putin had a call this week to discuss a number of items. First, they talked about how great it was when our two countries worked together during World War II, and then they discussed their plans for Ukraine, a country neither of them is the president of.

In a press briefing, when asked by reporters about whether Ukraine should have been invited to the discussion of its future, Trump said they should have done that a long time ago and that they should never have started the war, to begin with. That's right, Russia invaded Ukraine, and Trump said, "[she] started it."

It's not the first time Trump has uttered these words, but to be fair, he could have a point. What was Ukraine wearing? Don't you think that by showing a little Crimea, they were basically asking for it? The question we should ask is, when it comes to invasions, does "no" really mean "no," or is it just a flirty invitation for a special military operation?

Having Russia as a national friend can bring some cognitive dissonance, when for the last 40 years, Hollywood has built entire films around Russian villains. When asked to comment, Tom Cruise said, “This is a blow to the Mission Impossible Franchise that middle-class writing staff have worked hard to develop.” As far as Ukraine's place in Hollywood, so far they have declined to be the Screech Powers of our pop culture, but then nobody really asked them. (more)

Adamant Adams

Eric Adams, while facing corruption charges for accepting bribes, is running the New York City government with a skeleton crew. Trump-appointed officials have asked him to take one more bribe – cooperate with Trump's agenda, and we'll get your charges dropped. And amongst the quid pro quo, Adam's staff began resigning. If you're wondering what I would do, yes, I will accept a free calzone to overlook an unpaid toll, but if you really want to know my threshold, you'll have to keep trying me.

In Adam's case, accepting a bribe is difficult when you can't get anyone to execute the plan. Since Emil Bove at the DOJ asked prosecutors to withdraw the case, some eight people have resigned in protest, separate from Adam's key staffers.

The most epic resignation letter comes from Hagan Scotten, a federal prosecutor who said, "I expect you will eventually find someone who is enough of a fool, or enough of a coward, to file your motion. But it was never going to be me." They did find that fool. (more)

Judge Kids On The Block

A Judge declined to decline a ruling regarding Elon Musk's actions in Government. This situation is that Elon Musk has gained access to platforms within the government, which may include access to all of our social security information and tax information, to which I explained that the bounce house I rented around the same time as my kid's 12th birthday was definitely for business.

The presiding judge insisted that the 14 states that sued him must explain what "irreparable harm" means in their complaint. And I can help with that. Irreparable harm means telling me I need a receipt for every write-off. It's bad enough I can't keep writing off $29,200 worth of Goodwill donations – or can I?

But the biggest write-off of the year was from Elon himself when he wrote off good advice and fired some important nuclear weapons staff "by mistake." He canned a real-life Homer Simpson and left a key department with no one to push a big button – at least, no one with the proper training. This is almost as bad as firing the guy in charge of changing the federal toilet paper – only to have the acting toilet paper changer put all the rolls on facing the wrong way. I know the government is inefficient, but it's little things like this that kill us. (more)

The Worst Amendment

Remember the before times when free speech was a Constitutional right? Things are different now. Like last week, The Associated Press was been banned from White House press events because they called the Gulf of America by its deadname. This week, over 400 major news outlets urged the White House to relent. (more)

Delta Flip

I've always preferred American Airlines. Not because Delta Airlines had a plane flip over with 80 passengers aboard this week, but it didn't help.

What I hate most is when airlines squeeze me for more money at every turn, right down to seat selection. That includes turning me upside down to shake the loose change out of my pockets. In Delta's case, it was unintentional, citing bad weather and strong winds, but it's not lost on me that this flight probably didn't have free Wifi. Every passenger is expected to survive the crash, but dozens were injured, and driving is starting to sound like a better way to travel. (more)

That's it for this week.

Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is not a holy newsletter, but many readers choose to evangelize anyway. Please share the good news with friends.

Have a great weekend!