Melania Mania
The years greatest smash hit.
Hey Homemakers,
Today's newsletter is about another homemaker just like you, albeit one with five-inch heels and a full-time staff.
Taking on a big home improvement project is challenging. It takes a ton of time and can cause miscellaneous injuries, including sometimes to my ego, when I realize I have to read the directions. But one of my favorite things ever is when a home improvement project is done. It is satisfaction at its most palpable. I feel accomplished, more attractive, and I want to send pictures to everyone I know.
My second favorite thing ever is when a project hasn't been started to begin with. Doing nothing is bliss. When you could be working, there's no better way to use your time. For maximum enjoyment, I will literally procrastinate a project for years just to relish the process.
But for my His-and-Hers closets, this didn't work. When I started the project, I dived in. I bought plenty of material, gutted both closets, and completed closet number one. Then I took a break.
That break has lasted now for a full year. Right now, I have one his closet, which by the way is also hers for now.
The stages of homemaking are as follows. Procrastinate, dive in, obsess, take a break, move on. Somewhere in there, new tools are acquired. At another point, a place to store them.
Maybe this was the idea with the Melania movie. They had, for years, imagined producing a high-quality documentary about the glamorous first lady with impeccable broken English skills, only to push it off to a second term. Because the only thing better than making a movie about your life is not making one, right behind already having one.
But they finally got it done. Even if it is 108 minutes of her sitting in cars and changing rooms.
Melania said, ready to get moving, said "Let's make documentary." She called up the nearest Hollywood sex offender and put him to work. Before you knew it, she had a feature-length film covering a full 20 days of her life.
Melania, the movie, says, "This is what life is like in high heels." Subtitle: "On being the immigrant wife of a president who hates immigrants."
During those three weeks, she moved into the White House, read highlights of the Epstein files, patted Baron on the head once, and greeted the help zero times. They say it’s even more riveting on the big screen.
Melania is this year's biggest smash hit, if by smashed you mean by rotten tomatoes, earning 5% from critics. On the contrary, the movie is celebrated by its viewers, who give it a popcorn rating of 99%. Melania is performing amazingly compared to other horror films.
Meanwhile, this week, Trump has made his rounds proposing that State elections be nationalized. A perfect strategy to enrage the media enough to distract them from his additionally released appearances in the Epstein files.
The directive to hand elections to states is in the very first article of the Constitution, a document that some extremists consider the founding document that defines the makeup of our nation. However as moderates know, it's basically a meaningless document, one step above an email pulled from the Epstein files.
Trump was elected by voters who were ready for a president who would protect their liberties, and finally defend the Constitution. He has convince his supporters he is that president, a patriot who has their best interests in mind. He should have no problem convincing them to go see Melania.
That's it for this week.
Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is a smash hit to your inbox. Give friends the opportunity to enjoy it as well by sharing it.
Have a great weekend!
Truthache
This week, we spoke with Alex Holt about Karaoke, being fired, starting a studio, our thoughts about protesting, politics, and faith.
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