One Giant Leap

Hey Friends,

Good morning to everyone except for Julius Caesar, the guy who decided we needed a leap year.

In 2023, this email would have been to you tomorrow, March 2nd. Which means I would have had one more day to get it done.

Despite all of the chaos around the sun, I still met the deadline, as always...

It's Friday, and welcome to The Weekly.

Let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

Week 09 of 2024

Frozen in Time

On Wednesday, Mitch McConnel announced he would step down as party leader at the end of the year. He said in a speech on the Senate floor that one underappreciated talent of the job was to know when it was time to move on to life's next chapter – and I couldn't agree more. Here's hoping the next guy brings such skill.

Mitch will step down in January, although some have recommended a wax figure could take the role sooner if preferred and could arguably do a similar job.

It's often the case that good leaders in Congress are propped up by key staff members, who do much of the heavy lifting, and Mitch is no exception. In a recent visit to the Capitol, I captured a candid picture of Mitch with some of his Congressional aides, as you can see here.

To say farewell, the 39-year veteran gave a speech before the Senate — At least, we think so, unless he was just choking on his cream of wheat, it was hard to tell for sure. Either way, he is fine now and expects to phase out with the next election. With no intention to flush him out, three Johns are lined up seeking the j0b — that is, Thune, Cornyn, and Barrasso. (more)

Trumpdates

There are few stories in politics these days that don't feature our newest shoe salesman. Ever since Trump Steaks and his real estate business have come on hard times, he's had to shift to selling spray-painted shoes and authoritarianism. Of course anything helps when you’ve got half a billion in bills from lost cases alone. He may also need some cash for his commissary account if the subsequent cases go bad too. Let’s go over the highlights of this week’s updates.

In the Michigan primaries, Trump won a decisive victory, giving Nikki Haley one more reason to want to beat him while knocking down her chances even more. The Heeled Hero took a noticeable percentage, so even though she is losing, she's done a very impressive job doing so. Personally, I think her concession speech party is going to be one of the best in politics, a perfect way to spend down her massive fundraising.

Meanwhile, Trump is best known for his legal troubles. This week, the Manhattan DA in his hush-money case asked for a gag order, adding to a collection. If we get enough of them, perhaps the only thing he will be able to talk about is the defunct Trump Steaks since Trump Sneakers may show up in a campaign finance lawsuit. This is not an actual legal analysis, so we'll just have to wait and see.

In Illinois, County Circuit Judge Tracie Porter ruled that Trump disqualified himself from the Illinois Primary ballot – although she paused her own ruling pending the Supreme Court ruling on the matter.

In another case, the Supreme Court agreed on Wednesday to hear Trump's immunity claims on a rushed schedule on April 22nd, bringing a win for Trump's strategy to delay. But while delays help him in one case, in another, they cost him. A judge denied Trump's request to skimp on filing a bond to cover the $454 million judgment in his real estate business case, and now every day costs him $114,000 until he does.

A Has-Been Has Been Born

In another case, it has of late felt like the prosecutor was the one on trial. Fani Willis and her hired gun prosecutor Nathan Wade have been discussing their propensity to have intercourse on the stand as Trump's defense team tries to find her disqualified for wanting a piece of ass. In this case, when the ass was actually acquired is in question. If Willis hired Wade after the ass, it indicates a conflict of interest when she named Wade a Special Prosecutor. If the horizontal refreshments happened after Wade was appointed, it's an ordinary episode of Suits.

To litigate the issue, Trump's team brought in a former star witness, Terrence Bradley. But he is now a B-list witness at best because he can't really recall when Fani had taken a lover. It may have no effect on the case, but it surely aligns with the traditional delay strategy. (more)

An Uncommitted Ceasefire

Hamas rejected a ceasefire deal, saying Israel's offer hadn’t met their demands. This came just after Biden expressed optimism that a deal would be reached by Monday. (Narrator: it wasn't)

In the Michigan primary, one faction of voters — the dissatis-faction ticked "uncommitted" on the ballot in a campaign to send a message to Biden for not doing enough for a ceasefire. Despite the protest, he still won the state primary handily against (checks notes) – no one. (more)

Not Far From The Tree

Apple, which was once one of the biggest companies in the world, is now one of the biggest companies in the world, but without an electric car in the works. This week, it was revealed that they killed an electric car project after 10 years of secret research and development, and I’m devastated. I want a car that responds every time I accidentally say something that rhymes with “Hey Siri.” I need that fancy noise cancellation on my car door, and I can’t wait until my daily ride comes with only one button and no huge instruction booklet. Alas, it looks like we will have to settle for a simulation in $3500 goggles. (more)

That's it for this week.

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Have a great weekend!

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