The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon (Page 10)

Sign in Subscribe

White skin and tan teeth.

White skin and tan teeth.

Hey Friends, Good morning. I managed to make it to the dentist's last week. It had only been two four(+) years since my last cleaning, it was 2017. The visit was part of an effort at refurbishing a decades-old front tooth crown. I recall getting the color correct

I’m Doing My Own Research

I’m Doing My Own Research

I’ve gotten pretty good at cutting my own hair. I’ve been getting haircuts for my entire life, and (fingers crossed) hope to for many years to come. Additionally, having watched haircuts taking place albeit through a mirror, I’ve gathered quite a bit about the process. I’ve

New CDC Updates

New CDC Updates

Hey Friends, Good Morning. Unless you work at the CDC, of course, because you’ll probably change your mind soon. Who knows? Maybe mornings will be shortened by half. Perhaps we’ll learn that consumer-grade mornings are not as good as medical-grade mornings. Anyway, let’s see what happened this

How to Rock The Vote Even Harder

How to Rock The Vote Even Harder

The first time I ever voted was when I was about eight years old. My vote didn’t count, but it meant a lot to me. It was during an election day marathon on Nickelodeon. A young TV personality invited us kids to call in by phone (with our voices)

I feel attacked.

I feel attacked.

Hey Friends, Good morning. The Lorem Ipsum is already being used against me. Just this week, I was pressured to try things I was normally uncomfortable or uninterested in. Like exercise for example. Why would I practice lifting something while I am laying down? I may never do that in

Death by Herd Mentality

Death by Herd Mentality

We are basically just pretending to like things because the crowd likes them too.

This is how I killed Betty White

This is how I killed Betty White

Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except me, because I think I killed Betty White. It wasn’t intentional. Last week I provided you with a recap of the news as always, which ended with a story of Betty White. This email was finalized in the late evening hours of

This is why we can’t have nice things.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

Over the course of last year, I’ve been thinking deeply about what I consider to be very important topics. Like whether I should add cheese, sour cream and guacamole all in the same burrito bowl despite their similarities in texture and flavor profile–not to mention added fat. Or

This is the last one.

This is the last one.

Hey Friends, This is the last day of the year, as far as we know. I say that with some skepticism because we said the same thing last year this time, but that ended up not being the case. Instead, 2020 was the year that lasted forever. Covid cases are

The truth about Santa

The truth about Santa

Hey Friends, Good morning, and Happy Christmas. This week I tried to do a lot of not working, but that only went so far. Lots of people needed help with their marketing and not all heroes wear capes, so I came to the rescue. I’m excited for tonight’s

Is that from a bourbon bottle?

Is that from a bourbon bottle?

Hey Friends, Good morning to most of you, except if you work in R&D for an appliance company. If you are a long-time reader of The Lorem Ipsum, you know I am appliance challenged. I’ve written about it here. For example, the handle broke off of our

Which is Better? Cats or Dogs?

Which is Better? Cats or Dogs?

Hey Friends, Veep Kamala Harris uses wired headphones. This means mostly nothing of course, but that didn’t stop her from making headlines for it this week. Personally, I now list my age as “unable to hold a phone to my ear”. But unlike Kamala, I am neither paranoid about

Why Don’t We Consider the Facts?

Why Don’t We Consider the Facts?

When it comes to everything, feelings matter more. At the Herndon household, we’ve always operated at a high level of optimization. Maximizing our time is important to us and sometimes that means you need to divide and conquer. That’s why when my wife decides we need something from

Good Morning, It's The Weekly Variant.

Good Morning, It's The Weekly Variant.

Hey Friends, Good morning. The omicron variant has been vexing us this week. For example, there are two instances of it in the United States. That is 0.0000000060606% of the population (approximately), so be careful. You could be next. I think we’re all most done with Covid news.

Has the GOP turned from a Party to a Circus?

Has the GOP turned from a Party to a Circus?

I've gotta be honest; I'm afraid of clowns. I realize that clowns, in most cases, are simply people with colored wigs and strange makeup. But how creepy is it to see someone staring you directly in the eyes, with a painted silly grin on their face,

All I want for inflation is you and some leftovers.

All I want for inflation is you and some leftovers.

Hey Friends,Good morning and happy Leftovers Day. I’ve eaten a lot of food so far this week and I feel very #Thankful. There are two things that are inflating right now. Me, And the Consumer Price Index. I don’t think President Biden is thankful for this kind

Would you rather fund the roads or get hit by a bus?

Would you rather fund the roads or get hit by a bus?

Hey Friends, Good morning. I had a good week on Twitter talking about driving gloves. What do you think? My hands were warm and my grip was secure. Driving gloves: Acceptable or should the internet make fun of me? pic.twitter.com/DSgHgjpMtp — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) November 14, 2021 Anyway

Biden’s Infrastructure Bill. A Conservative Win.

Biden’s Infrastructure Bill. A Conservative Win.

In 1993, a comedian came to prominent attention with his unique and very relatable approach. Jeff Foxworthy released the comedy album titled “You Might Be a Redneck If…”. His signature bit was packed with jokes like “If when you cut your grass you find a car… you might be a

Our greatest enemy is Big Bird.

Our greatest enemy is Big Bird.

Hey Everyone, Good morning to several new subscribers this week. The Lorem Ipsum continues to thrive, keeping your inboxes warm while we sink into the colder temperatures and earlier sunsets. Also good morning to Elon Musk who probably needs it since he just had to pay a big tax bill.

Why can't Big Bird be our friend anymore?

Why can't Big Bird be our friend anymore?

Boys and girls, have you been seeing Big Bird in the news lately? Big Bird recently shared on Twitter that he had gotten the Covid 19 vaccine. I got the COVID-19 vaccine today! My wing is feeling a little sore, but it'll give my body an extra protective

Do you have any strange phobias? Here's mine.

Do you have any strange phobias? Here's mine.

Hey Everyone, This week I found myself repeating the phrase “I’m not getting sick” over and over, only to find that the actual repetition made my voice hurt, resulting in a sore throat. In this new world we live in, getting sick is not something to ignore anymore, because

Why I am afraid of cold butter

Why I am afraid of cold butter

How the boogieman became fat when fat became the boogieman. I always get nostalgic during this time of year as we enter into the Holiday season. I begin to get a tingling feeling in my belly that I call anticipation. Anticipation for perhaps the most precious thing in our lives.

I'm passing out Halloween candy (to you).

I'm passing out Halloween candy (to you).

While I never celebrated Halloween as a kid, I explain why I always will from here on out.

I've never been Trick or Treating. Here’s why I always will from now on.

I've never been Trick or Treating. Here’s why I always will from now on.

Every year on October 31st, scores of children fill the neighborhoods with activity. They’ll run the streets (looking both ways) creatively dressed to impress, scare or invite a laugh. Their cheaply made costumes are designed to look like recent television or movie characters, or more traditionally, to depict some

Pinky swear protection + Why you can't trust advertising.

Pinky swear protection + Why you can't trust advertising.

Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Senator Joe Manchin. I decided I was going to slack off this week without writing a full article. So I pulled one from the archives, and ended up rewriting some of it, resulting in about 1,200 words (about 1,100 of