The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon (Page 10)

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This is why we can’t have nice things.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

Over the course of last year, I’ve been thinking deeply about what I consider to be very important topics. Like whether I should add cheese, sour cream and guacamole all in the same burrito bowl despite their similarities in texture and flavor profile–not to mention added fat. Or

This is the last one.

This is the last one.

Hey Friends, This is the last day of the year, as far as we know. I say that with some skepticism because we said the same thing last year this time, but that ended up not being the case. Instead, 2020 was the year that lasted forever. Covid cases are

The truth about Santa

The truth about Santa

Hey Friends, Good morning, and Happy Christmas. This week I tried to do a lot of not working, but that only went so far. Lots of people needed help with their marketing and not all heroes wear capes, so I came to the rescue. I’m excited for tonight’s

Is that from a bourbon bottle?

Is that from a bourbon bottle?

Hey Friends, Good morning to most of you, except if you work in R&D for an appliance company. If you are a long-time reader of The Lorem Ipsum, you know I am appliance challenged. I’ve written about it here. For example, the handle broke off of our

Which is Better? Cats or Dogs?

Which is Better? Cats or Dogs?

Hey Friends, Veep Kamala Harris uses wired headphones. This means mostly nothing of course, but that didn’t stop her from making headlines for it this week. Personally, I now list my age as “unable to hold a phone to my ear”. But unlike Kamala, I am neither paranoid about

Why Don’t We Consider the Facts?

Why Don’t We Consider the Facts?

When it comes to everything, feelings matter more. At the Herndon household, we’ve always operated at a high level of optimization. Maximizing our time is important to us and sometimes that means you need to divide and conquer. That’s why when my wife decides we need something from

Good Morning, It's The Weekly Variant.

Good Morning, It's The Weekly Variant.

Hey Friends, Good morning. The omicron variant has been vexing us this week. For example, there are two instances of it in the United States. That is 0.0000000060606% of the population (approximately), so be careful. You could be next. I think we’re all most done with Covid news.

Has the GOP turned from a Party to a Circus?

Has the GOP turned from a Party to a Circus?

I've gotta be honest; I'm afraid of clowns. I realize that clowns, in most cases, are simply people with colored wigs and strange makeup. But how creepy is it to see someone staring you directly in the eyes, with a painted silly grin on their face,

All I want for inflation is you and some leftovers.

All I want for inflation is you and some leftovers.

Hey Friends,Good morning and happy Leftovers Day. I’ve eaten a lot of food so far this week and I feel very #Thankful. There are two things that are inflating right now. Me, And the Consumer Price Index. I don’t think President Biden is thankful for this kind

Would you rather fund the roads or get hit by a bus?

Would you rather fund the roads or get hit by a bus?

Hey Friends, Good morning. I had a good week on Twitter talking about driving gloves. What do you think? My hands were warm and my grip was secure. Driving gloves: Acceptable or should the internet make fun of me? pic.twitter.com/DSgHgjpMtp — Daniel Herndon (@DanielHerndon) November 14, 2021 Anyway

Biden’s Infrastructure Bill. A Conservative Win.

Biden’s Infrastructure Bill. A Conservative Win.

In 1993, a comedian came to prominent attention with his unique and very relatable approach. Jeff Foxworthy released the comedy album titled “You Might Be a Redneck If…”. His signature bit was packed with jokes like “If when you cut your grass you find a car… you might be a

Our greatest enemy is Big Bird.

Our greatest enemy is Big Bird.

Hey Everyone, Good morning to several new subscribers this week. The Lorem Ipsum continues to thrive, keeping your inboxes warm while we sink into the colder temperatures and earlier sunsets. Also good morning to Elon Musk who probably needs it since he just had to pay a big tax bill.

Why can't Big Bird be our friend anymore?

Why can't Big Bird be our friend anymore?

Boys and girls, have you been seeing Big Bird in the news lately? Big Bird recently shared on Twitter that he had gotten the Covid 19 vaccine. I got the COVID-19 vaccine today! My wing is feeling a little sore, but it'll give my body an extra protective

Do you have any strange phobias? Here's mine.

Do you have any strange phobias? Here's mine.

Hey Everyone, This week I found myself repeating the phrase “I’m not getting sick” over and over, only to find that the actual repetition made my voice hurt, resulting in a sore throat. In this new world we live in, getting sick is not something to ignore anymore, because

Why I am afraid of cold butter

Why I am afraid of cold butter

How the boogieman became fat when fat became the boogieman. I always get nostalgic during this time of year as we enter into the Holiday season. I begin to get a tingling feeling in my belly that I call anticipation. Anticipation for perhaps the most precious thing in our lives.

I'm passing out Halloween candy (to you).

I'm passing out Halloween candy (to you).

While I never celebrated Halloween as a kid, I explain why I always will from here on out.

I've never been Trick or Treating. Here’s why I always will from now on.

I've never been Trick or Treating. Here’s why I always will from now on.

Every year on October 31st, scores of children fill the neighborhoods with activity. They’ll run the streets (looking both ways) creatively dressed to impress, scare or invite a laugh. Their cheaply made costumes are designed to look like recent television or movie characters, or more traditionally, to depict some

Pinky swear protection + Why you can't trust advertising.

Pinky swear protection + Why you can't trust advertising.

Hey Friends, Good morning to everyone except for Senator Joe Manchin. I decided I was going to slack off this week without writing a full article. So I pulled one from the archives, and ended up rewriting some of it, resulting in about 1,200 words (about 1,100 of

Why we don’t trust advertisers and politicians

Why we don’t trust advertisers and politicians

As marketers, we’re constantly pondering the form of that perfect message to generate allure and persuade customers to purchase our product. We create clever branding statements and advertisements often overstating the advantages of our product while avoiding any mention of its weaknesses. The pattern is like this. Create ads,

Ted Lasso, Captain Kirk + Do you want hotter takes?

Ted Lasso, Captain Kirk + Do you want hotter takes?

Hey Friends, Season two of Ted Lasso is over and summer is coming to a close, but The Lorem Ipsum weekly has no end in sight. No matter how backed up our national supply chain may be, this weekly respite from traditional news is in no short supply. Welcome to

Climate Change. If we don't act now, we'll go broke.

Climate Change. If we don't act now, we'll go broke.

At the risk of sounding like I am in a Nelly song, I just want to point out it’s getting hot in here. And while people are not on the brink of extinction yet (with a world population of almost 8 billion of us right now), climate change deniers

How to crash Facebook, and make the perfect Old Fashioned.

How to crash Facebook, and make the perfect Old Fashioned.

Hey Friends, I took a couple of days off and went to Bourbon Country this week, so since I’ve got whiskey on my mind, I’d like to teach you how to make the perfect Old Fashioned. I’ve illustrated each step to help you out. What else happened

Everything they don't tell you about how to make the perfect old fashioned

Everything they don't tell you about how to make the perfect old fashioned

In 1880, a decade marked by economic prosperity and innovation, James E. Pepper changed the world, perhaps forever when he created The Old Fashioned Cocktail.

Biden boosters, MacGyver moments, and a 3.5 trillion dollar idea!

Biden boosters, MacGyver moments, and a 3.5 trillion dollar idea!

Hey Friends, What do a physician, candy-coated chocolates, and a dog have in common? I don’t know, but we’ll find out at the Super Bowl when Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog, and Eminem perform the halftime show. It was announced yesterday evening. If you’re a government employee and

With our 3.5 Trillion Dollars, Should We Fight Crime or Poverty?

With our 3.5 Trillion Dollars, Should We Fight Crime or Poverty?

What should we do with all of our money? There are two big things in the news right now. First, the Republicans and the Democrats are having a friendly discussion about how to spend all of our money. This includes Biden’s Build Back Better agenda with a 3.5