Power and The People
The people in charge and the Ghost who leads them. Plus, this week’s news.
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Hey Friends,
It seems like the Ozone layer is getting better.
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad the 80s are over, even if it means we don't have much A-ha or Cyndi Lauper because of it. With my complexion, I wouldn't have made it to 2024 if we didn't render chlorofluorocarbons basically illegal back in 1988. The unanimous Senate resolution saved countless lives and, as a byproduct, this very newsletter.
Today's Congress is another story. I'll get to that in a minute...
First, let's get to The News.
Hot Takes
Week 02 of 2023
The President and The Papers
Biden's staff discovered classified documents in the Biden vice presidential office at the Penn Biden Center for Diplomacy and Global Engagement in Washington. The President said, "hmm, that's strange." which has led to criticism from Republicans ranging from side eyes to all-out clinking champagne glasses in their oversight committee meetings. Since the news broke (which, to be clear, is not just on the conservative Fox News or One America Network, but also CBS news, NBC news, and front page news on the New York Times), more classified documents have been discovered at another undisclosed location. Attorney General Merrick Garland has appointed a Special Counsel to probe the matter.
President Biden, who is currently not Hunter Biden, is already under investigation by the new Congressional Oversight Committee for being Hunter Biden's dad. The new revelations will aid the Republicans by giving them legitimate claims against their foe who, until now, has mostly been guilty of little more than simply being a grandpa. (more)
California Casualties
Central and Southern California has been hit with storms and rain of epic proportions resulting in an extensive displacement of residents and at least 18 known deaths so far. According to the typically least credible news source, the weatherman, more are on the way – referring to storms, but hopefully not deaths. The uncommonly severe storms, coming after years of drought, have resulted in significant flooding, landslides, sinkholes, and more liberal elites blogging about climate change. (more)
Brazillian Boycott
Thousands of protesters in Brazil did an impression of thousands of Americans storming their capitol. With the exception of having a Moose Head Guy, it looked a lot like January 6th in the USA, although I'm not sure how common it is to refer to our former President as a Moose Head. Brazil's former President, who is blamed for fostering the uprising, was miles away in Florida at the time, which is the same state where his US counterpart lives. Coincidence? (more)
Biden to the Border
President Biden visited the border this week to walk along the border wall for a photo which took longer than expected due to how slow Biden shuffles in his old age. During his Sunday visit, he announced plans to address the United States southern border crisis, including increasing the number of people that will be accepted legally from southern countries and providing better snacks for immigrants waiting in lines at the border (kidding about the snacks – that's just wishful thinking on my part because I like a good single serving pack of trail mix, and I'm sure many Latin Americans seeking asylum would be glad to accept a fruit and nut mix while they wait on the overloaded judges to hear their case).
The right is critical of his plan because he is part of a different party. On the flip side, the left is critical of his plan because it's really not that good of a plan until the capacity to process migrants is addressed. (more)
George Santos Generating Suspicion
The new representative from New York is no longer needed for a speaker vote, so some of his Republican colleagues are now calling for his resignation. George was caught not only with mysterious campaign finance practices but also not being the George Santos you were looking for. In fact, it seems his name may be the only thing he didn't fabricate. (more)
A 6-year-old and a 6-Shooter
I don't actually believe the gun was a six-shooter, but does it really matter? Whatever it was, it was bought legally by the child's mom and then brought to school by the 6-year-old student in his backpack and used to shoot a 25-year-old first-grade teacher, Abby Zwerner. The student did not get a good grade in the class. (more)
Floundering For Flights
The FAA had to reboot their computers and, according to a source who asked not to be named because they were not authorized to speak publicly, they were behind on their updates, resulting in a really long install that said "9 minutes remaining" for a really long time. Here's an actual quote: “It was an honest mistake that cost the country millions,” – the mistake which involved an incorrect file replacing another grounded thousands of flights for a part of Wednesday morning. (more)
Quickly
- Deadly storms hit Alabama last night leaving six counties in a state of emergency.
- Lisa Marie Presley has left the building.
That's it for the news. Now here's The Gist.
Power Broker
The Gist
Somehow, we've become a country where men in suits and sneakers run the place. Or at least they pretend to.
McCarthy, who made it in by a shoelace, called it "learning how to govern" when it took 15 votes to get a gavel in his hand. The Representatives new to their job were perhaps hoping to learn how to make payroll – before the January 13th payday.
They made it.
They made as much history as they did deals, but while they were giving their sneakers a workout, someone in a white polo and a red hat seemed to be calling the shots.
Regardless of the number of people standing in the room, whether or not their sneakers held up for the night, one man still wields outsized power over its operation. As illustrated by this picture of Marjorie Taylor Green handing her phone to a fellow lawmaker, with someone logged to her contacts as "DT" on the line, the GOP can't act without the approval or cajoling of the bearer of this monogram.
Even this newsletter can't seem to send a release without at least one line, critical or at least derogatory of the former executive leader, now likely a criminal, and without question, challenging our feelings about the color orange.
After the 118th congress managed to get underway, one of the first orders of business was a party-line vote to investigate the weaponization of government against conservatives, including the orange party leader. The leader who has not been in office for years and no longer seems to win enough votes to get there.
It seems a faction of the government is run by a ghost.
That's it for this week.
Thanks for taking a moment to read The Lorem Ipsum, also known as "not just politics in a serifed font."
Have a great weekend!