The Biden Bubble

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I am in an all-out (automated) war against weeds in my yard this week. My sprinkler system is autonomously watering my lawn daily to ensure it is grass that dominates. The internet-connected system saves me on water when, and only when, Hurricane Beryl ushers in more than an inch of rain in a day. If the newsletter is late, it's because I'm cutting the grass twice.

Let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

This 28th Week of 2024

Bursting the Bubble

Last night, Presidential aides brought their notes and a defibrillator to prepare President Biden for a press conference after the NATO summit. For 50 minutes, the President spoke on foreign policy and other topics. It was clear he had a grasp of what he was talking about. It was just as clear he was ready for bed.

Joe Biden has the skills to govern, but it is questionable whether he is the right man for the next four years.

They say, ask not what you can do for your country, but ask what your country will have to do for you as you age. If it includes helping you conduct proper bathroom time, it's probably time for you to retire from serving your country and instead start serving cake. Someone who has reached octogenarian status should be relaxing, enjoying saying whatever is on their mind, and eating whatever they want because "What are they going to do? Fire me?"

This week, Joe Biden's fitness for office is the primary topic of conversation.

Biden's accomplishments include the first meaningful gun safety bill in 3o years, historic student debt relief, and the most comprehensive climate change bill in history, not to mention infrastructure bills, the CHIPS act, and more. In 2020, the Democratic Party told us that Biden is the future of America, but the future has seen more of the past than any president in history.

Biden started his first presidential campaign in 1987, before the rise of the ThighMaster, which Suzanne Sommers introduced to us in 1990. At the time, the sitcom puppet alien Alf had a better chance of winning the presidency than he did, but Joe believed he was one of the most important men in America anyway, even at 44 years old.

He wouldn't take no for an answer. In fact, he didn't take no for an answer at least twice since he ran again in 2008, but instead of a win, he was offered the vice presidency in the Obama administration. He ran again for President in 2020 on the notion that the republic is in peril and he alone can save it.

Now he runs for the 4th time, 37 years after the first. His opponent looks basically the same if you were to put Alf in a blue suit. Except this time, his wisecracks are mocking the rule of law and anyone not bending the knee. Yet his poll numbers continue to show he leads over Biden. And for good reason. He can capture an audience. So, key Democrats ask Joe one more time.

This week, Nancy Pelosi, herself a historical artifact of Government, suggested Biden should think long and hard about his campaign. Democratic calls to step down only increased this week, but not without Joe insisting, time and again, he'll stay in the race, his opportunity is bright, and his support is wide, as the New York Times explains.

Before Biden's failed debate, his age was a punchline, and his gaffs were fodder for the right. The left largely kept quiet on the matter, overlooking his shortfalls, or clinching their teeth for the sake of democracy. Now it's an emergency room issue, and even television ER doctor George Clooney wrote an op-ed to urge Biden to step out of the race. Many Democrats feel the same, but the bold few have said so in public.

No one wants to hang up the dentures when they think they can have another bite. The stigma of being a one-term president is a lot like failing the written test at the BMV; there may not be a penalty, but no one wants to be that guy.

When we age, we all become less concerned with superficial things, and that is a good thing. But that can also mean we are less self-aware. When you wave to what you think is an adoring crowd only to find out they are giggling at that hanging skin on your arms that swings back and forth as you are waving, that may be an indication that you're misreading the signals. The world, despite your optimism, may not be as you see it.

Biden enjoys being surrounded by people whose job it is to say ‘yes, sir,’ give him credit for every good thing that happens, and corral fans to cheer at his rallies. What we're facing is a president in a bubble—one who is enjoying the facts he likes and ignoring the facts that he doesn't.

If the data tells us anything, Biden's chances of winning are bleak historically. But if the party descends into chaos because they do not support his decision to run, Donald Trump has a strong chance of winning. If the party supports him, Biden has a strong chance of losing. If he does not bless the next candidate in line, they will likely lose as well. So it is in his hands, no matter what.

We have a president who can't tell the difference between his ambitions and his patriotism. But he is correct about one thing. He alone can save us.

Platform the Truths

The Republican party released their new platform, and never mind everything they've always said about abortion because maybe it was a little too harsh. All lives don’t actually matter, especially if they’re in vitro, and we can’t even tell what gender they are yet or if they will wear a mask during a pandemic. The text comes with huge statements, vaguely defined goals, and EGREGIOUS capitalization.

Within the platform are 20 promises. Among them, the document calls for the end to the weaponization of government against Americans, except those Trump wants to weaponize the full power of the government against. Critics say the platform's shift for the party doesn't do enough to protect unborn babies or enough to harm illegal immigrants.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, and by that I mean self-evident that the content came directly from Truth Social, where Donald has been workshopping his platform since Twitter kicked him off theirs. (more)

Shaking off the Rust

Imagine if you go to make coffee for a guest, and your wife swears this unmarked container of coffee is decaf. Next thing you know, your guest is jittery and doesn't like any of your jokes. This happens to me all the time. Should I be blamed for the stimulants inflicted on an unsuspecting victim who has trouble sleeping as it is? What about the jokes? Do I at least get a courtesy laugh?

This is what is happening to Alec Baldwin this week, except for the jokes, as he faces trial for firing the gun that killed his cinematographer, Halyna Hutchins, on the set of a movie that may never be completed. Baldwin faces involuntary manslaughter charges after the young armorer, Hannah Gutierrez who handed him the gun was convicted and sent to prison for the same event. Gutierrez was sentenced to 18 months in prison, the maximum. It sounds like the blink of an eye, but even more like a movie deal and a spot on a reality TV show for her after she is released.

The whole event is a tragic accident, and that's why the district attorney propped up their campaign for reelection by suing the privileged and famous white guy who once yelled at someone on a plane. He was promised this coffee was decaf, but being tough on crime is not enough. We also need to be tough on accidents. (more)

That's it for this week.

Remember: If your friends say the news leaves a bad taste in their mouth, offer them a taste of The Lorem Ipsum. Remember to share far and wide.

Have a great weekend!

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