The British Invasion was better

Hey Friends,

Good morning, and welcome to another great Friday. If you’re reading this email, it’s because a Russian cyber attack can’t take down The Lorem Ipsum. Welcome to the 28th issue during this 8th week of 2022.

Speaking of attacks, for those of you who have been reading since the beginning, you know The Lorem Ipsum will not stand idly by when neighbors go on the offensive. I’ve taken decisive action this week. It was swift and severe.

I’ve just imposed sanctions on every neighbor in my HOA.

That’s because folks seem to be favoring an offensive approach instead of simply sharing a beverage.

But that’s not just happening in the suburbs. It’s happening all over the world. I’ll get into that topic in just a minute.

But first, let’s take a look at The News.

We’ve seen a historic invasion this week. While I much prefer the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and the Who invading the US, Vladimir prefers to take the more medieval approach: conquest.

One commentator provided the following groundbreaking analysis.

Let’s get to The News.

“So this is how you welcome your guests – with bombs!” - Franz Ferdinand

Hot Takes

Week 8 of 2022

Does he eat dogs?

Putin gives a history lesson and then invades Ukraine. Here’s how people reacted.

• Latvia’s Prime Minister says the invasion of Ukraine matters to the world referring to Putin: “If he says this about Ukraine, he’s saying this about any other country.”
• Donald Trump thinks he is brilliant, and we should enact similar measures on our southern border in the USA.
• President Joe Biden says “Putin chose this war, and now he and his country will bear the consequences”
• Sean Penn said ‘let’s make a documentary.’
• Tucker Carlson, a Fox News personality says: “You must ask yourself, why do I hate Putin so much? Has Putin ever called me a racist? …Has he threatened to get me fired for disagreeing with him?… Does he eat dogs?” — (The Lorem Ipsum has not received a response from Russian Officials confirming whether or not Putin eats dogs).
• Here are the reactions of officials of various countries.

To get a sense of the shock and awe, here is a visual of the situation in Ukraine:

What else happened this week?

A Bigger Story this week is the discovery that we’ve been mispronouncing Lindsay Lohan’s name since she rose to fame as a child star. Thankfully the has-been star joined TikTok in an effort to recapture our hearts. With this new story going viral, “Lo-wen” is apologizing for overshadowing what some say are more important matters.

The ‘Freedom Convoy’, the Canadian truckers blocking the Capitol in Ottawa have moved on from their blockades, and a small fraction of them are heading to Washington D.C., protesting what appears to be a different country’s government than the first one. Those who did not join the second leg of the convoy have decided to join the circus instead.

Save A Tree, Ban a Book. Rich from the country duo Big & Rich, who famously wrote “Save a horse, ride a cowboy,” is now saying, “Save a kid, ban a book” in a speech where he likens teachers and librarians to pedophiles.

I Am Your Father. A man in Carmel, IN, who killed his father claimed he was Trump and his parents were Bill and Hillary Clinton.

That’s it for the news this week. Now on to The Gist.

Invasions instead of Invitations.

The Gist

Based on history alone, it appears it is much better to be the leader of a totalitarian government than it is to be, say, a homeowner. The difference is astounding. When you invade a country, you’re deemed a hero and a powerful strategist, if not an evil leader. The same is not true with homeownership. At least not in the suburbs. When you extend your fence beyond the surveyed property lines or perhaps annex a part of the driveway entrance by parking your car in front of it, you’re not considered a hero. You’re just considered a dick.

The Cost of Being Right

When people have disagreements, too often, they go straight for offensive actions, but hindsight is twenty-fifteen(?). The way I see it, it only takes one Franz Ferdinand assassination to start a World War, a war that costs 40 million lives. I explain more in the article. Read it here.

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That’s it for this week. Enjoy your weekend!

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