The Final Battle
Boebert does some damage and Hegseth does the Lords work.
Hey Friends,
Good morning to everyone, including Lauren Boebert. It's tough out there, but all is not lost. It’s encouraging that you don’t have to be the smartest person in the country to get a decent job. Because the Gun Packin' Granny Boebert is the stupidest person in Congress, and she’s got a full-time job in Congress, no less. It truly is a testament to the American dream.
Although fully employed, her brain was on break when she participated in a deposition with Hillary Clinton, where she, against the rules, published a picture of the former First Lady, and spent time asking her incoherent questions about the "Pizzagate" scandal, which to date is based on close to zero evidence, if not even less. It was a moment of pride to know that, while embarrassing, even those with the greatest limits can achieve big things. I won't miss her when she loses her seat in Congress, but I will miss the easy targets, and I will miss writing about her.
It's Friday morning. Welcome to another issue of The Lorem Ipsum.
Nice Noem You
Kristi Noem was fired yesterday. Not for shooting her dog, although we think she should be held accountable, but for "a culmination of her many unfortunate leadership failures," which includes an ad campaign that featured her too prominently. But don't worry. I've fixed it.
Oops, I DUI'd It Again
Brittany Spears was arrested this week on suspicion of doing one of her Instagram posts while driving. If you've seen her content lately, it's not great, and not sober. I'd like to say congratulations to Brittany for finding a way to, once again, have something in common with Justin Timberlake, besides 50 shades of denim, since they both have had recent DUI arrests.
Don't Want To Miss A Thing
If you hear me singing the Aerosmith song "I don't want to miss a thing," it's because I have Armageddon on the mind. I picture Liv Tyler and Ben Aflec being replaced by Tulsi Gabbard and Pete Hegseth.
This week, independent journalist Jonathan Larsen reported on complaints lodged by soldiers, saying that combat leaders told officers in a briefing that the Iran War was a part of God's Plan. And for the record, I've read the entire Bible multiple times, and I think he's correct.
Because God said, let there be light, and there was light. Who's to say that light wasn't a long range tomahawk land attack missile? The scripture is very clear: "Love your neighbor as yourself, bless those who persecute you, and to those who you don't like the way they run their country, blow them up with the full force of thine military, even if you don't have the legal authority."
I believe it was in the book of Philippians where it says, "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus, but seriously let's rain terror on our enemies day and night with Epic Fury." (New IpsumNational Version).
Many people believe that Jesus will return for a thousand-year reign on earth, but only after a great battle of Good and Evil. With the Good being the most powerful people who leverage government power for their own wealth and to escape from accountability. Obviously, the Evil is still to be determined, but surprisingly, Vladimir Putin isn't on the list.
That's it for this week.
Remember: Based on history alone, it seems that The Lorem Ipsum will still be sent each Friday, even at the end of the earth. If you want your friends to be there with you, please share this email with them.
Have a great weekend!
