The Gravy Tax

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Full On Gravy

I ate a substantial serving of biscuits and gravy this week, and I don't feel guilty for it. But I probably would if it were a sandwich.

If I were to put a single sausage patty on a single biscuit and put a modest spread of buttery gravy-like sauce on the sandwich, I'd most certainly consider it an appropriate portion. More than likely, I'd eat it, be merry, and move on.

If I had two, I'd likely do it in secret to avoid judgment.

The moment the identical ingredients are placed on a plate, chopped and stewed, I find I'm incensed if there is only one biscuit. How can you call it biscuits and gravy if there's no more than a singular biscuit?

The gravy should be slathering. The bread, billowing. The easy egg must be the easiest.

The sausage is treated as a seasoning, rather than a hidden secret of a fat kid or the bragging rights of a Crossfitter.

If gravy is, in effect, sauce, then I've never eaten so much sauce in my life, except when the sauce is the main ingredient. A bowl of spaghetti sauce is weird. Tomato bisque is sensible.

With Bs & Gs, I'm buried in sauce and wouldn't have it any other way. So long as there are biscuits to sop it up, while making it both socially acceptable and higher in refined carbohydrates and sugars.

I once ate a series of oatmeal raisin cookies, and lamented that the social taboos of the cookie volume would evaporate if I called it a bowl of oatmeal – one of the most effective ways to eat brown sugar for breakfast and pretend like it's healthy. Eating the same meal at night as a stack of baked discs doesn't get the same regard. It's incredible, the more you think about it. Somehow, cake is junk food, but pancakes are breakfast.

Presentation changes everything.

It reminds me of fascism. You might say it's the gravy of political science. A little bit goes a long way, but we'll more than likely insist on an inexhaustible portion, because it just looks better in the bowl. Biscuits are the crony capitalism of this scenario. Getting things done, hereafter referred to as biscuits, really is a delicious notion, but too many of them, and your muffin tops become a key feature of the bodily economy.

It's the illusion that plagues us all. Context changes our view on almost everything.

Consider this: MAGA hates fascism, but likes everything about fascism if it has the Trump name on it. Western conservative Christians favor helping the poor as a doctrine, but embraces politics that say they should figure it out for themselves. We can help those in need as long as we don't have to part with our FICA to do it, and let's be sure the poors aren't here illegally.

Socialism has its hypocrites as well. Since the first Red Scare in 1919 and '20, the concept has been synonymous with farting in public. But people love many of its ideals even if it smells bad by name. According to polls, today 57% of Americans view "socialism" negatively, the best image it’s had in decades.

On the flip side, 77% view Medicare favorably, with 59% favoring "Medicare for All." People generally accept the idea of universal public education, and 84% of parents are satisfied with it. We also really like public roads, libraries, emergency services, and insist on unemployment benefits if we lose our jobs. Next week, New York City will likely elect a socialist to be the mayor, so long as we don’t call him one.

The problem is that most of the beliefs we hold, and the decisions we make, are based on matters of identity ("no socialism") rather than our values ("access to education").

Those things that we consider distasteful might not be that bad after all, and those things that half the country voted for might also be what they voted against. Most people choose their candidate based on what they believe will make the country safer, economically stronger, and freer. We pick the package that looks most like that to us. Rarely do we consider what's inside.

If we get what we asked for, we might get cancelled food stamps for needy Americans instead of a more stable economy. We might get trade wars, a weakened Congress, universities, tech companies, the media, and law firms under the cudgel of the Government. We may have militarized cities instead of a nation that's more free. Some of us – we might want those things. But most of us don't want to live somewhere where one man gets to decide if we do.

We should weigh our choices against our values, not the labels. Then maybe we won't eat so much gravy.

That's it for this week.

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