The Hypocrites and Hipsters

Hey Friends,

Good morning to everyone except for those who live in Portland, Oregon, and maybe also Chicago.

After a week of "low energy" protests, the president is sending troops into Portland to put a stop to three unemployed fixed-gear bikers who canceled their tattoo sessions to protest at the ICE facility. According to reports, one group of troops in riot gear had an altercation with some locals over damage to a plate of avocado toast. ICE agents threatened to deport the avocados, on the assumption that they were from Mexico.

In Portland, everyone looks like Benson Boone without a Grammy (which is also how Benson Boone looks, having never won a Grammy). Troops have been asked to look for anyone doing back flips or having a tiny little mustache, and to charge them as being a public nuisance. And so as not to be rude, I should mention that Benson is from Monroe, Washington, and not Portland. I shouldn't be so disparaging to Portland.

While protests continued throughout the week, authorities have described altercations with protestors, with one stating that he sprayed a man with pepper spray because he was reading a book "a little too aggressively." According to one source with knowledge of the incident, the troops' actions were justified because the book had an LGBTQ character in it who used they/them pronouns.

According to the New York Times, and I'm not making this part up, one protestor was caught listening to loud music, while another was "flipping a bird." Perhaps even a greater concern, one woman wrote on a wall with chalk, which is known to carry a punishment of "time out" in some preschools.

Thankfully, the United States Army is equipped with tanks, automatic rifles, and battle training sufficient to address unrest of this nature. While the Government is shut down, the Army is not, so they can ensure that freedom of speech is shut down too.

Trump explained his goal this week when he commented on the events in Portland and Chicago, and signed an executive order directing the attorney general to investigate anyone who burns a flag.

Trump made it clear what he wants to do.

Or did he? Perhaps clear is not the right word in this case, but thankfully, no matter what side you take, you'll be able to find a way through his meandering to make this statement fit your beliefs. Here's a video with the full context.

To be fair to Trump, his goal is to put an end to riots, no matter how small, so long as they aren't riots that favor him (see January 6th). He doesn't want to take away your freedom of speech, but he does want to take away your freedom if he doesn't like your speech. That's why he says he'll put anyone who burns a flag in jail, despite the Supreme Court precedent; that burning flags is a protected form of speech, but using an unregistered butane lighter may not be.

We're ten days into the government shutdown, and things in Washington have never been quieter. The air is getting so thin that Marjorie Taylor Greene is starting to make sense. Doctors are concerned, not just about government-funded healthcare payments, but also about Marjorie's well-being. It's like when you get a colonoscopy and start saying crazy stuff on the gas, except in Marjorie's case, her version of crazy suddenly sounds like someone with a clear head. Let's hope she never wakes up.

The government shutdown still has no end in sight. Since the closures, staff furloughs have been so widespread that Mike Johnson has had to clean his own toilet, which, as far as I can tell, is currently cleaner than his conscience. The Southern Baptist Christian minister and speaker of the House has been lying on behalf of the Republican Party about the reasons for the shutdown, and it's not just spin; it's actual bullshit. For those who aren't familiar with Johnson's faith, he considers lying a sin, except when it serves the mission of his faithful Lord and Savior, Donald Trump.

Here's his story.

Here are the facts.

GOP Falsely Ties Shutdown to Democrats’ Alleged Drive To Give All Immigrants Health Care - KFF Health News

Immigrants living in the U.S. without legal status are generally ineligible for federally funded health care programs. Democrats’ funding proposal would restore access to Medicaid and the Affordable Care Act marketplace for legal immigrants who will lose access once certain provisions of the Republicans’ tax and spending law take effect.

KFF Health NewsMaria Ramirez Uribe, PolitiFact

For what it's worth, this and all the supporting documents were not hard to find. I reviewed the official Democratic proposal right here, and before I could finish my bowl of granola with dried fruit in it, I had already confirmed that there is nothing in it about funding illegal aliens' healthcare. Not that granola makes me any smarter than anyone else. It just takes such little effort to show the untruthfulness of this lie that his pastor should have needed no more than the energy of a communion wafer to find this to be untrue.

For the record, illegal immigrants can't get coverage on the ACA, now and never have been able to. Here's the actual healthcare.gov page that says it. To quote JD Vance, "It's not something that we made up. It's not a talking point. It is in the text of the bill that they initially gave to us to reopen the government," which is roughly translated as "This is just a talking point we made up."

But Johnson says, "Republicans are the ones in Congress working to improve healthcare access, quality, and make it cheaper." However, the only proposals offered by Republicans are to do what the Democrats have asked for: extending ACA premium tax credits to keep insurance costs stable. But these proposals aren't getting enough Republican support to move forward.

It's easy to find a hypocrite in Congress, but when he's not on the news, you'll find this one in Church, until someone tells him it's okay to make sure people can still get reasonable healthcare.

That's it for this week.

Remember: Here at The Lorem Ipsum, we tell the truth, even if we have to make it up. Remember to share it with friends.

Have a great weekend!