The Left Coast

Hey Friends,

I'm not covering the news today. I decided to turn this newsletter into a travel magazine this week.

I travel regularly, so I've learned a lot of travel hacks over the years. It occurred to me that you might benefit from them as well. It's content like this that might push many of you over the edge to upgrade to becoming a paying subscriber.

I'm traveling to Los Angeles next week, so here are some tips for any of you who might be heading there as well.

Remember

First and foremost, make sure you bring your tea tree oil. This will be an important health remedy. Better than all the treatments like antibiotics, supposedly validated by "science." I also like essential oils and any holistic supplement. This will be important when you're having your sound baths, because since Mercury is currently in retrograde, you might need some aromatherapy to help you remain grounded.

When You Land

I don't know if you've been to LA recently, but things have changed that you'll need to be ready for. When you arrive at LAX, they immediately inject you with Botox. It's actually similar to arriving in Hawaii, where a welcoming committee will place a lei around your neck. It's just a way they make you feel welcome with a bit of local culture. Nothing makes you feel welcome like looking young and getting lei'd.

Food

Pack lots of Kind bars and extra green juice. This is because when you are stuck on the highway for several hours, you'll probably get hungry, so it's good to bring something to keep you going. Also, if you're an avocado toast person like me, don't worry about bringing any avocados or toast. They have a lot of that already. In fact, I think they invented it. Make sure to bring as much money as possible, because avocado toast starts at about $15 per slice.

Yoga Pants

When I travel, I like to be comfortable. That's why I want some pants that say "this guy is seriously relaxed and doesn't give a fuck about anything except maybe the environment and whether or not a pair of sandals are made of vegan leather." I also like to save money, so I buy these yoga pants from Amazon. They're completely organic, and I know that no animals were harmed in the making of these pants because I asked, and reminded several entry-level Amazon employees how important it is.

Local Therapists

If you're traveling for a while, you're going to need a local therapist. Someone who will validate your feelings and make sure you can dwell on them effectively. A good therapist will give you some tools you can use while you're on your trip. For example, if someone near you uses a microaggression, they'll help you identify some ways to tell your aggressor that you are triggered and how to talk with them about how their actions are crossing your boundaries, are making you feel like you are not in a safe space, and that their microagression was gaslighting, and not helpful to your healing journey. It should be pretty easy to find a good therapist. Just go to any coffee bar or Sweetgreen and ask someone behind the counter. Many of the staff are also therapists, if they're not in the film business (and also if they are). Those who aren't already therapist are going to their next session right after their shift, so you should be able to find one.

Cardboard Signs

As soon as you get off the plane, you're going to want to grab the first piece of cardboard you find. This way, you can start making your protest sign right away. If it's not protest season, feel free to create a "Need bus fare, anything helps" sign, since you're probably not going to California to work. An empty coffee can will usually work fine for accepting tips. Heads up! You may need to buy the coffee yourself, but as we all know, it takes money to make money.

Pepper Spray

You won't need any pepper spray. The spray will find you, but if you want to have some just in case, this isn't something you can bring on the plane. You'll have to pick some up locally. More than likely, you'll be the one getting sprayed, in which case you'll need to make sure you grab some milk. I recommend raw, whole milk from grass-fed cows that graze on biodynamic pastures. I like to make sure my milk has the proper enzyme profile, and I want it to be rich in probiotics. There are some great sources for that, and here's a list to start with. Anyway, you'll want to pour this in your eyes to relieve the sting of the pepper spray.

Masks

I always travel with a mask. That way, when I'm standing up for what I believe in, no one knows it's me. Just grab a black handkerchief big enough to obscure your identity. Bonus! This also protects you from the germs of conservative voters, although you won't run into many of those, but it's good to be prepared.

Rubber Bullet Protection

It's important to be prepared in case you get shot by a rubber bullet. That's why I like to grab the biggest piece of cardboard I can, for protection. But in the event that you are hit, the best thing you can do is take a picture and post it on social media with a long self-righteous diatribe about things you would like defunded. The wound will heal pretty quickly, so be sure to take the picture as soon as possible.

Anyway, I hope we both have a good trip!

That's it for this week.

Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is the avocado toast of newsletters. It's a premium product, and you look trendy when you consume it. Make sure to mention it to friends, too!

Have a great weekend!