The Orange Indictment

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Hey Everyone,

Good morning to everyone except Donald Trump, the former President of the United States and the first to be (presumptively) indicted for a felony. This morning, I am listening to Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" because you can't start a fire without a spark.

I want to take this moment to thank the people of the Manhattan Grand Jury for taking action on a Thursday evening – rather than Friday morning, the kind of breaking news that can render this newsletter irrelevant to your morning.

The historical news on Thursday evening led to striking front-page features on many sites. I'll share a few.

First, here's the front page of the New York Times

The home page of NYTimes.com and the paper version that many of your mothers read before that has been the public log for historical moments for generations. Let's look at another.

Here's the front page of the cable news channel CNN.

CNN's reporters claimed that when reaching out for comment, the reporters were actually told Trump's staff were still trying to take in the news themselves and knew no more than the reporters did.

The staff of CNN said they had to have their web development team install a new font to accommodate the size of the headline for this particular notice. Let's look at one more.

Here's the front page of Bed, Bath & Beyond. The popular retail store for housing goods.

Here we see a notice to save up to 25% off of spring essentials. Needless to say, as we come into spring, there's a lot to look forward to. Let's take a moment and see what we can get for 25% off.

It could be any of the following:

• KitchenAid® Artisan® Series 5 qt. Tilt-Head Stand Mixer
• Dyson V8 Cordless Stick Vacuum in Silver/Nickel
• A Prison sentence that is fulfilled in a cell with a one-piece sink/toilet constructed of welded, putatively stainless steel bars or a small safety glass window and, often, a metal flap that can be opened to serve meals.

Donald Trump was first criminally investigated in the 1970s. Since he launched his presidential campaign in 2015, he has been accused of 56 criminal offenses. His business enterprise has been charged and convicted of criminal tax fraud, and now he himself will face criminal charges, having been taken down by a stripper, and now he'll be stripped and clothed in orange – which some experts say could be hard to distinguish from his skin.

This may be the beginning of several criminal charges, considering multiple investigations and at least one grand jury that is reviewing testimony right now, including from his administration's vice president, Mike Pence.

The former Porn Star exploitation specialist is expected to turn himself in on Tuesday. This could shift his favor for his presidential bid in 2024 (I would assume).

In his now questionable run for president, Trump is up against a candidate who won't aid in his extradition, but still, a candidate who brings the beef.

I'll get to that in a minute...

But first, let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

Week 13 of 2023

Pence Testify

Former VP Mike Pence was ordered by a judge to testify before a grand jury. Pence is best known for having a fly on his head and being the only VP in the 21st century whose boss tried to have him hanged. When he testifies, he'll be forced to answer questions under oath about Trump's action on January 6th, like did he say, "I know you are, but what am I" when Trump called Pence a "pu$$y" on the phone? Mike Pence, a religious man clearly lead by his convictions (LOL), is expected to say "the 'P' word" rather than uttering the actual word. (more)

Adnan Syed

The former prison inmate who was the subject of the Podcast "Serial" had his conviction vacated due to shoddy police work and lack of evidence. Because the victim's brother, Young Lee, couldn't make it in person to a key hearing regarding Syed's release. Because of this, the courts vacated his vacation and reinstated his conviction, ordering a new trial to take place. Legal analysts say family members of the victims are not granted standing in a case, so Syed, the court proceeding is expected to be procedural, and according to experts, the Young family will most likely be sitting. (more)

School(s) Shooting

In Nashville, a shooter entered a small Christian school with an assault rifle and then shot and killed three 9-year-old students and three staff members before being shot by police. In response to the tragedy, some people are seeking solutions such as thoughts and prayers or sending edible arrangements. Still, others are considering public policy changes that have been shown to reduce the prevalence of gun violence. It's unclear which solution will be most helpful, so Republicans who control the House have proposed doing nothing. (more)

Approved Narcan

The FDA has approved Narcan for over-the-counter purchase, a drug used to reverse the effects of a drug overdose. Last year, the US recorded 101,750 deaths from overdoses which primarily includes opioids. (more)

Ski Daddle

Gwyneth Paltrow has won the case brought against her from a ski slope collision. The jury awarded her $1, saying she was not liable for the accident, which was brought against her by a retired optometrist, a guy whose eyesight is not as good as you would have hoped. (more)

That's it for the news. Now here's The Gist.

Walt Desantis

The Gist

Ron Desantis, known by Donald Trump as "Meatball Ron," has had an ongoing feud with Disney for some time now. It's kind of confusing, but I'm going to try to explain it in simple terms. Early in 2022, Ron introduced an education bill that regulates the content of 3rd-grade classes and below. A bill popularly known as the "Don't Say Gay" bill. The goal of the bill was to make sure schools didn't talk about sexual orientation or gender identity and made it possible to sue teachers if parents believe they are doing so, like, for example, if a teacher lets 8-year-olds watch an episode of Barney. Instead, Ron would rather train kids to watch things like Fox News, where executives can sexually assault women and threaten their careers.

Disney's CEO, after some shoe tapping, eventually opposed Ron's bill publicly on behalf of the company. The Gubernatorial Hair King decided he didn't like that, so he decided he would play hard meatball by removing their special tax district. Disney's special district exists because Disney owns and operates on more than 25,000 acres, making their property a county of its own. Their tax status requires them to cover public service costs and gives them control over property development decisions. Taking it away gives Ron front-page news and a reputation for being tough on corporations pushing woke ideology.

Both of Ron's bills passed, and later that year, Ron won the election by a landslide, ushering in four more years of meatballs in the Florida Governor's office. While the Legislature was on board with Ron's vendetta, when they found out it actually costs the taxpayers more money otherwise paid by Disney, they backed off.

While that was all going on, Disney worked through another plan that gave them what was most important to them – the control over development planning on their property. The special tax district has an oversight board that was controlled by Disney but would be replaced by people handpicked by Desantis devotees. Just before the prior board was disbanded, and the new Desantites inducted, the board did their final act under their purview, which was to establish an agreement with Disney, granting it the power to control its own development decision for the coming decades, rendering Desantis' plan completely ineffective.

This is the second time in this saga that Desantis has had egg on his face because his strategy backfired, all because instead of doing what is best for Floridians, he's doing what is best for headlines. Ron leads in the polls behind Trump, and I suspect he'll get a boost soon, but his fools' errand to attack Disney for a mere statement has me saying, "where's the beef?"

That's it for this week.

Thanks for joining me here this week and for sharing far and wide.

Have a great weekend!

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