The Souper Bowl
We're covering what's Swifter, faster, and cooler. It's Sup Season. Here's this week's news.
Hey Friends,
Last week, the Taylor Swift TV special resulted in several appearances from footballers and ended with the Chiefs (and Taylor's boyfriend Travis) securing a spot in the big game – what people who aren't afraid of copyright infringement call The Super Bowl.
The Chiefs face the San Francisco 49ers on February 11th in Las Vegas.
Taylor starts the Japan leg of her Eras tour just before that and will be flying in from Tokyo after a Saturday night show to attend the game. The billionaire pop star will presumably be in business class. Will she make it?
In related news, a guy I know is dating this chick from McDonald’s and will have to pick her up from work so they can watch the Big Game at his apartment.
Speaking of Swift, I'll do my best to be just that in this week's dispatch.
Let's get to The News.
Hot Takes
Week 04 of 2024
UN-cool
The cool thing about working for a peacekeeping organization is the convenient cover when you do exactly the opposite. Over the last week, reporting has come out about several UN workers (specifically the UNRWA division) who were accused of participating in the raid of Israel on October 7th, including participating in violence or the kidnapping of hostages. This has resulted in several countries, including the US, pulling their funding until further notice. In response to the accusations, a group of Harvard students went back to class. (more)
This comes out the same week that the UN provided a provisional ruling urging Israel to prevent genocide in Gaza – and just 35 years after Hamas established genocide as their core doctrine.
Iran Backed + Backed Out.
Three soldiers were killed and at least 34 wounded in a drone strike by Iran-backed militia, Kata’ib Hezbollah, which is different than the regular Hezbollah – their shared name means "the Party of God." a franchise that resembles a Do It Best Hardware store when it comes to the naming convention or a Chick-fil-a when it comes to religion. I'm still looking for a franchise comparison in regard to destruction. Taco Bell, maybe? The group, after critical pressure from Iraq, said they would end their military attacks to avoid "embarrassing the Iraqi government" and support Gaza in other ways. (more)
E. Jean is not my lover
Trump is ordered to pay almost $83.3 million to E. Jean Carroll for defamation, but he still claims she is not his type. In protest against the ruling, Trump's attorney, Alina Habba, suggested there was an egregious conflict of interest in the ruling because the prosecutor and judge once worked at the same major firm where they "overlapped for less than two years in the early 1990s." Similarly, it's also been suggested that one of the court's clerks used to work at a Starbucks, the supplier of Judge Kaplan's coffee, which no doubt calls the whole case into question. (more)
Thinner
They say, 'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,' but have they tried cake? Or even a smoked ribeye? It doesn't seem like it because that tastes and feels pretty good. Regardless, being thin is not as desirable when it's your majority in Congress. Today, Speaker Johnson's lead is smaller than his heart and thinner than any House majority in history. The narrow lead pushes the House to focus on bipartisan bills if they get too bored with gamesmanship, and that must have happened this week because they passed a bill that enhances the Child Tax Credit and restores R&D deductions and low-income housing tax credits. Next, we'll see if the Senate likes the plan enough to send it to the White House. (more)
Big Tech-bacco
Several tech executives testified before Congress on the ills of social media and its harms on children. A doom scroll through the highlight reel reveals a bunch of tech moguls not sure they haven’t already done enough, except for Zuckerberg. With his hair disheveled and the indentations of his virtual reality headset still showing, he was pressured to stand up and turn to apologize to families whose children had been harmed. He would have looked less awkward with the headset on. It was clear that he didn't know what to do with his hands, and it was obvious that his apology was not enough to placate moms whose children had been traumatized online.
My suggestion to save kids? Pick up smoking fast. Get those little rascals outdoors, with their fingers occupied with the flicking of ashes instead of reels and stories, because this new media hazard seems worse. (more)
Even Littler John
Charles Littlejohn probably feels a lot smaller now that he's been sentenced to five years in prison. As an IRS employee, he stole and then leaked Trump's tax records during his term in office. (more)
Impeach Pit
A House committee approved impeachment charges against Alejandro N. Mayorkas, the homeland security secretary, for not addressing the border crisis – while also ensuring the administration cannot address the border crisis. (more)
That's it for this week.
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Have a great weekend!
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