The Tax Man's Christmas
The real reason for the season and why we'll never be rid of the IRS.
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Hey Friends,
Happy Tax Day Week to all of us.
This week BuzzFeed News closed its doors, and the internet roasted them! Here are 17 reasons why BuzzFeed is done for. (Number 7 is epic!)
Just kidding.
But it is true that the listicle kings are soon to be no longer. It's a tough break for BuzzFeed, but in this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes – and Buzz was bitten by them both.
More on taxes in a minute...
But first, let's get to The News.
Hot Takes
Week 16 of 2023
Settling for Fox
On Sunday night, just as Dominion Voting Systems lawyers were laying out their clothes for the next morning, Fox News lawyers called to initiate a settlement. The trial, scheduled for Monday morning, was abruptly canceled until Tuesday when Dominion lawyers announced a settlement agreement had been reached with Fox News paying Dominion $787.5 million. For context, the settlement amount of $787,500,000 is the largest known settlement amount for a defamation case in the US and is slightly more than the revenues from paying readers of The Lorem Ipsum. Domion considers this settlement "Accountability" for Fox News, and founder and Fox Chairman Rupert Murdoch considers it "only 4%" of his net worth. (more)
Wrong Address
This week, the 84-year-old homeowner who shot the 16-year-old Ralph Yarl for ringing his doorbell turned himself in after being charged with assault. Similarly, a 65 year old man shot a 20 year old Kaylin Gillis after she mistakenly pulled into the wrong driveway. Both suspects claim the incidents were accidents that occurred when they feared for their lives and may be using a "no soliciting" sign as an exhibit in their cases. When asked for comment, The United States Postal Service says it expects to skip both of these houses when it delivers things to the wrong address "as a precaution." (more)
Supreme Court Pause
I don't know your weekend plans but don't cancel your abortions just yet. The Supreme Court extended the pause of a ruling overturning the FDA approval of mifepristone, which means the drug remains available legally while the courts consider the case. The Supreme Court, in its brief, said it was "pregnant with anticipation" of how the case would transpire and that it didn't think it "had a choice" but to consider this case. (more)
Shaking the Rust Off
The charges against Alec Baldwin for involuntary manslaughter have been dropped. The charges were brought after the accidental death of a cinematographer on the set of his movie Rust from a gun Alec was holding. The film that is set in the wild west is expected to resume filming, but according to reports, all the guns will now be neon-colored plastic squirt guns as a safety measure. (more)
Starship X
Space X's Starship, the most powerful rocket ever, was thrust into the sky yesterday, but it didn't last very long. Just after takeoff, the rocket exploded, which most people would consider a disappointment, but Space X still got what it wanted out of it (as usual). According to reports, the team behind the rocket said it still felt good to get it up from the launch pad even though it ended too soon. The Starship was an unmanned test to develop a rocket that can orbit the Earth and ferry humans to the moon. For the crowd of spectators on the ground, it was quite a sight, being one of the largest rockets in history. Some also thought the 4/20 liftoff date was pretty dope. (more)
That's it for the news. Now here's The Gist.
Is the IRS Naughty or Nice?
The Gist
Tax time is like Christmas for the Federal Government. A day when everyone gets mad, and no one really gets to do what they want to do. We spend the day airing our grievances from the year, and if we're not careful, things could erupt in a fight. If it's too much to handle, we kick the can until later in the year without solving a thing. The holidays really are a wonderful time.
The difference between Tax Day (earlier this week on April 18th) and actual Christmas (December 25th) is that instead of getting presents from Santa, we're all saving up all year long to give presents to Government Santa.
For most, the IRS is no Santa Claus and doesn't have enough cake to be a grandma. Many want to choke off the agency's funding (like the majority of Congresspeople in the US House of Representatives), and some think the IRS should be shut down entirely. If you have a loved one who agrees, this Christmas set is a perfect gift to make merry this next Holiday season with your most bitter family and friends who harbor enough resentment toward the Tax Collector that they would lobby that the holidays be canceled and grandma's house be burned down.
The IRS has earned its bad reputation, of course. We all hate when "I.R.S." shows up on our caller ID, and more than likely, we'll offer a beep to leave a message after, preferably where the sun don't shine. It's not just that they take a portion of all of our incomes, spending it unwisely, which we are more than capable of doing on our own. It's because the agency has been weaponized by the political side of the government more often than the IRS-PR department would like to admit. The first, as far as we know, was during Franklin D. Roosevelt's administration. As President, FDR wielded the power of the IRS to confound his political enemies, beginning first with one running against him. The story is that FDR ordered the IRS to conduct an investigation into Huey Long's finances in an effort to discredit him and weaken his support. He's known to have used the agency against others as well.
In 2013 Tea Party organizations were targeted by the IRS under the Obama administration, although Obama denied knowing about it beforehand. The agency used the Tea Party naming convention to select organizations for audits. In May 2013, the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration released an audit report confirming that the IRS used inappropriate criteria to identify potential political cases, including organizations with Tea Party in their names. According to experts, they were "asking for it" by naming themselves after the most famous tax protest in history, but still, targeting organizations based on their politics is outrageous, and that's exactly what President Obama said too. We can all agree, whether you’re a Democrat, a Republican, or an independent, we want to be confident that the IRS will screw us all just as badly as the next guy.
Senator Ted Cruz believes we should abolish the IRS because it is "corrupt," and he believes we can do so by making the tax code simpler. Hypothetically, this could work, but in order to keep the federal mailbox from piling up, we'll need someone to account for and cash all our checks. Options include having the military take over collections, given that they have a large budget and plenty of guns. Or we could have the Medicare division open a new program called the "Sminternal Revenue Cervix," which is in no way the IRS or anything like it.
Ted's call to abolish the IRS obviously sounds very, very good as sound bites and does a great job of building enthusiasm among Ted's base. But the IRS is not going anywhere. Just like my HOA, someone needs to remind you that living in a community is not free, and that person appears to have some serious opinions about lawn maintenance. Well, I have opinions about whether or not the pond has been treated, so that must mean we're stuck in this together. So long as we wish to live in a society, abolishing the taxman is a dream that will never come true. Someone's going to need to cash those checks, and whether you like the checks to be smaller or not, there's no world power that doesn't need to collect them.
Happy Holidays.
That's it for this week. Have a great weekend!