The Word Of The Year
I created a new tool for readers wanting to assess their cultural age. Plus, it's this week's news.
Hey Friends,
As we age, it's sometimes hard to tell when we reach the point where we are considered "old" and "out of touch."
It's not a comfortable feeling.
So, I've created a calculator in order to help people just like you and me identify when we reach the dreaded milestone. It's called the Ipsum Age-o-metric, and it's completely free right here.
For a little background, the biggest measurement of age is the use of modern slang. Young people all say the coolest words. Old people use pretty much no cool words. While we're all on a spectrum, the line between "in touch" and "outta touch" is pretty clear. You know you're old and out of touch when the first time you hear the word of the year is when it is announced as the word of the year. Here it is.
Word of the year: Rizz, slang for "Carisma."
Example
"In this interview, Imma rizz up Mister Big!!"
Translation
"In my interview for this job opportunity, I will be doing my best to build rapport and leave a good impression with the leadership."
So here's the calculator. Please print this email out to use it, and feel free to share a photocopy with others!
Did you know the word of the year before this article?
[ ] Yes [ ] No
If yes, do you actually even use words like this?
[ ] Yes [ ] No
If no, will you use it next year?
[ ] Yes [ ] No
Answer key:
If Yes/Yes, your age is "Still young and hot!🔥"
If Yes/No, your age is "Uses TikTok but doesn't post much."
If No/Yes, your age is "Has teenage children, but wears pleated khakis."
If No/No, your age is "Reads newsletters" or, in some cases, "Writes The Lorem Ipsum, by Daniel Herndon."
Now that we know where we stand...
Let's get to The News.
Hot Takes
Week 49 of 2023
McCarthy Matters
Kevin McCarthy announced this week that he would leave Congress at the end of the year, which has many questioning if Matt Gaetz will essentially cease to exist without an antagonist for the next year of his term. Kevin hasn't mentioned whether he will be getting back into the sandwich business, but he still has a Canva account where he can update the menu, which promises options like sauerkraut, extra cheese, and other ingredients he already sold out of. For his going away gift, The Lorem Ipsum is planning to give him a life-size statue of George Santos, Marjorie Taylor Green, and Lauren Boehbert's vape cartridge to commemorate what he created. Oh, and a bust of Matt Gaetz because that's what his Speakership was. A bust. (more)
The Surge
Nikki Haley is having a moment. Although her surge over the past week has been measured with a pair of tweezers, the media coverage has been massive. Since last week, after the Koch political organization endorsed Nikki Haley, she has surged by nearly one whole point or 1.6% of the leading candidate's polling position. Nikki also shared on LinkedIn that she was humbled and honored to share that she received a hefty donation from LinkedIn cofounder Reid Hoffman. On Wednesday, in the fourth Republican debate, aired on News Nation, the Kirkland brand of news networks (it's supposedly just as good as the brand name stuff), Desantis and Ramiswami focused their attacks on Haley. (more)
Tubular Tommy
Tommy Tuberville is known for blocking all military nominations and promotions, a normally routine bipartisan thing, in an effort to pressure for change in defense department abortion policy, a mostly unrelated thing. This week, he gave up the hold of hundreds of promotions, saying, "We didn't get as much out of it as we wanted, but we saw some success," which can be roughly translated as "We got literally nothing and saw no success at all, and by 'we' I mean just me." Most of the pending promotions were completed in a matter of minutes. (more)
Harris Teeter
It's a grocery store chain founded in North Carolina, and also the name of this Take because Kamala Harris has once again cast a tie-breaking vote when the house was teetering on the fence. She has now done so much more than any other vice president in history, a sign that our Congress is more divided than a bag of Starbursts between Kevin McCarthy and a visit to Mar a Lago. (more)
Southern Sortie
The Israeli ground invasion of Gaza has commenced, apparently focusing on the southern part of the enclave, after the cease-fire unraveled last weekend. Israel has dropped countless leaflets warning Gazans to flee once again further south, with many left with no place to go. This week, in a show of support for Israel, the US House of Representatives issued a resolution condemning antisemitism and said anti-Zionism, a political movement, is antisemitism. The resolution didn't say anything about excessive Christmas music in early December, but personally, I think that's pushing it. (more)
Blurred Lines
Speaker Johnson said he's releasing all of the 44,000 hours of video footage of the events on January 6th at the Capitol, but it's going to take longer than expected because they are blurring the faces of people who participated to make sure the DOJ doesn't charge them. ⚡Flashback to last week⚡ Johnson said in a Biden impeachment inquiry meeting, "We are the rule of law team," and then literally chuckled when he said it because he knew he was going to blur the images of people in security footage to keep them from facing charges. (more)
Golden Bachelor
Whatever happened to the days when you could find love just by getting on a dating app, chatting with seven people at a time, mostly late at night, then scheduling in-person dates at various locations until one of them seemed normal enough to talk to a second time? Now, you have to go on a national TV series, fight for one man, nipping at him like piranha in cocktail dresses, and you have no way of knowing if the guy is a total scam artist! The news is this: The Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner, may have lied about his back story when it was discovered that he actually did date someone after the death of his wife of forty years. You think you're getting a one-owner vehicle, but you're actually getting a road hog's retired rig that has had more asses on its cracked leather seats than you want to know. (Here's more on his checkered past).
That's it for the news. Now, here's a quick update on what you missed this week.
Quickly
- Hunter Biden was indicted again.
Inconvenient Truth
Feature Story
This past week, I published an article about the truth we ignore because it undermines our beliefs. Published for our paid subscribers. You can read the article or a free preview right here.
Daniel Herndon
That's it for this week.
Remember: Every kiss begins with The Lorem Ipsum. Share your copy with someone you love. ❤️
Have a great weekend!