Tornado Season
As much as we might like less disturbance in the media, we can't control the weather. Or the news cycle.
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Hey Friends,
We've had a lot of "tornados" this week. Let's take a look.
- Hundreds of funnel clouds touched down, plowing through several states.
- Finland joined NATO, which serendipitously rhymes with 'tornado.'
- And Trump delivered a campaign speech shortly after his arraignment.
As much as we might like less perturbation in the media, we can't control the weather. Or the news cycle.
These aren't the only disturbances this week. For this week's news, we have what you might call a "Stormy Sandwich." You'll see what I mean in a moment.
So on that note...
Let's get to The News.
Hot Takes
Week 14 of 2023
Two Timer – The Perp Walk
Donald Trump was charged with 34 felonies on Tuesday. His Perp Walk was the shortest thing on TV, but it took up the most air time. The arrest for the criminal defendant and former president Donald J. Trump was only a brief break from his grifting so he could be presented with the charges for false records related to money he paid to porn star, Stormy Daniels. The Manhattan DA claims that Trump violated election and tax laws by falsifying his records. After the arraignment, Trump flew back to his resort home in Mar-a-Lago, where several people were waiting to cheer him while he said everyone else was wrong.
The case against Trump faces significant criticism because even his critics on the right and even some on the left consider the case to be relatively trivial and on weak legal grounds. Some claim that tax fraud claims and election fraud claims disproportionately affect rich politicians and especially Trump himself. Trump suggests Alvin Bragg is a "criminal" and that he should be focusing his efforts on discriminating against minorities and the poor. (more)
First Timer – Virgin Bankruptcy
Richard Branson's space program, Virgin Orbit, has filed for bankruptcy protection. Branson, who also has other companies under the name Virgin says this isn't his first time. (Branson's Airline was thrust into similar financial turmoil in 2020). The major setback was caused by a rocket that didn't quite get up, costing the company substantially and leading to the decision to lay off most of its employees. (more)
New Timer – Finland in NATO
Finland has become a part of the NATO alliance, which is nothing short of a gift middle finger to Vladimir Putin, doubling the NATO border on the western flank of Russia. He has cited NATO expansion as a threat prompting his aggression. This demonstrates that Putin has achieved more or less the opposite of what he wanted out of his invasion of Ukraine when you take into consideration that he's managed to take control of an extremely small amount of Ukrainian territory. One woman familiar with the matter says that Putin should be used to controlling "small territory" at home as well. (more)
Blue Timer – Wisconsin Supreme Court
Wisconsin's Supreme Court elected a tie-breaking seat and, against the gerrymandered odds, went Blue in this week's election. But only sort off since judges are not technically considered partisan, even though they obviously are in practice. Judge Protasiewicz (sp?) ran overtly on her stance on abortion and the "rigged" district maps, which seems to have paid off. We'll have to leave it at that because, for a Wisconsin-related Take, I promised not to make any cheezy jokes. (more)
Reverse Timer – Stormy Fees
While Trump was facing a judge in an unofficially related case, Stormy Daniels lost a defamation suit she brought against Donald Trump and has been ordered to pay attorneys fees of $120,000, amounting to almost $600k that she owes, including prior damages orders. The order came while Trump was facing criminal charges related to their sexual encounter, which basically means they both got screwed. (more)
That's it for the news. Now here's The Gist.
On Becoming An Astronaut
The Gist
Editors note: Back in July of 2021, I wrote a timely article inspired by the billionaire astronauts of our time. This piece exhibits a poetic and reflective tone rather than funny, analytical, or snarky, as you might most often see from me.
With hopes Mr. Branson is able to pull through, I'm rerunning this article which will be new to most of you.
I'd love your feedback in the comments. Enjoy.
Daniel Herndon
Imagine you sit in a plastic high chair, fastened in with a seatbelt and a locked table surface, with cold carrots and bland peas strewn about, and a sealed sippy cup filled with lukewarm milk sitting in front of you. As you sip the milk, with every labored breath, you try to extract more than the last time, with little success. People are surrounding you, all faces you recognize, but as far as you can tell, they don't know you are there. Perhaps they've forgotten you. You are merely there. You look across the room to see your favorite toy, just a few steps away, but it may as well be lightyears. In sight, but out of reach. All you want is to grab it and embrace it, but your reach is not enough. You feel sadness, you feel lost, alone, like you could be so much more. Just as you begin to cry quietly, a lyric plays in the background. You don't understand why, but it soothes your mood. It doesn't make you feel better; it simply makes you feel. For some reason, you can relate.
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no
After very little time, you've forgotten this altogether because you've gotten over it, and you're on to the next thing. Pooping your pants. Do you do it because you don't know better, or do you do it to get attention? If we're honest, you don't know, but either way, it is working. Your parents, who had their attention on something else, are now attending to you, and you now have what you wanted all along. For someone to see you.
Being a kid is a series and wishing you could do something you can't, wishing you could be something you are not, and crying out for attention. Most of being a child is a series of fantasies about being something you are not. Maybe a fireman, a policeman, a doctor. Most children want to be an astronaut at some point. Who can blame them, you get to reach things few reach, see things few see. You wear that cool uniform. You wear the helmet with the mirrored glass.
Being a kid is hard. Every day someone is telling you what you can't do. And it's year after year. You can't stay up past nine until you are 13. You can't drive until you are 16. You have to observe a curfew until you are 18. You can't drink until you are 21. But at some point, that all changes. At some point, for all of us, we become something. An adult. And now, if you so choose, you can be an astronaut. You can go to space. You can be a Rocket Man.
As an adult, you decide your entire destiny from here on out. You can eat as much as you want, drink as you please, stay out as late as you want, and become anything you can imagine.
Imagine this:
Imagine you sit in a nylon polymer adjustable chair, fastened in with a schedule behind a hard plastic table surface, with cold emails and bland documents strewn about, and a sealed-to-go cup filled with lukewarm coffee sitting in front of you. With every labored task, you sip the coffee, wishing you could get just a little bit more out of life than you have before, with little success. People are surrounding you, all faces you recognize, you see them every day, but as far as you can tell, they don't really know you or care much about you. They are not your friends or family. You are not important to them. You are merely there. You gaze across the room, imagining your dreams, those things you wanted to be as a kid. They seem only a few steps away, but it might as well be lightyears. In sight, but out of reach. All you want to do is grab that dream, or at least that feeling of accomplishment, to embrace it, but your reach is nowhere near enough. You feel sadness, you feel lost, alone, like you could be so much more. Just as you begin to cry, quietly, on the inside. At that very moment, the "listen at work station" begins to play a lyric in the background.
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no
Even before your day is over, you've forgotten this longing moment altogether because you've gotten over it, and you're on to the next thing. The Pursuit of Happiness. But you are an adult now. You can do whatever you want. Be whoever you want. You can be an astronaut. You can go to space. You can be a Rocket Man.
If you are a billionaire.
Do you do this because you don't know better, or do you do it to get attention? If we're honest, you don't know, but either way, it is working.
That's it for this week. Thanks for being here, subscribing, and sharing wherever you share.
Have a great weekend!