Troubled Waters

Hey Friends,

It's grass cutting season, and we're just getting started.

Over the past several weeks, time has gotten the best of me. Some weeks, I don't even have time to check the calendar to see whether or not I've actually missed the week altogether.

Because of that, you have not received your latest long-form article. But trust me, it's coming. As I told my HOA when asked about my payment–it's in the mail.

Let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

Week 13 of 2024

Depends on what the meaning of ISIS

To start, the headline for this Take ties to a Bill Clinton-ism that was, to me, irresistible, but it doesn't really change the story. Let's talk about what ISIS or The Islamic State is up to.

A terrorist attack in Russia killed over 130 people at a concert hall, and the Islamic State took responsibility for the attack (and I intentionally did not capitalize the word "The" in "the Islamic State" because I think they are the kind of proper noun that should be belittled. In response to the attacks, Americans, in a show of solidarity, said of Russia, "I had no idea you even had concerts and other creature comforts, until Tucker Carlson showed us a loaf of stale bread to show how living in Russia is better than the US."

The killings were senseless, as most activities from ISIS are. The terrorists indiscriminately attacked innocent people just for the PR, perhaps under the belief that it builds a case for their cause across the world, not to mention dropping more virgins in the afterlife bank.

The civilized world is not used to seeing the likes of such barbarism, with the exception of Putin's unprovoked invasions and perhaps Marjorie Taylor Greene, anytime a camera is pointed in her direction – but I guess I did say "civilized," and these two are perhaps not part of that group. The citizens of Russia, however, are, and they did not deserve this. (more)

Coming to a Complete Stop

Boeing's CEO will be taking off, hopefully with a softer landing than a Boeing 737 Max 8. According to people familiar with the matter, it's been recommended that he keep his seatbelt fastened and his seatback and tray table in the upright and locked position because people are still mad about the side of a plane blowing off a few months back. This is not to mention flights that crashed, where hundreds died. The most recent incident, which involved only minor injuries, is now being investigated as a criminal incident, so I think we can expect some turbulence.

It was recently reported by The Free Press that the whistleblower who attempted to pressure Boeing to address safety issues was found dead of an apparent suicide after a family member said he said, “I ain’t scared, but if anything happens to me, it’s not suicide.” (more)

A Puff Piece

P. Diddy didn’t do it diddy? We don’t know, but we do know that the FBI raided his home, presumably related to sex trafficking accusations. Investigators found several pairs of extremely dark sunglasses, some not very dark sunglasses, and a Polaroid of J.Lo that said “the one that got away,” perhaps alluding to the end of their love affair after they both spent a night in jail. It’s unclear if the raid turned up anything incriminating, though. Puffy's supporters have told him they believe that memories can give him the "strengf" he needs to proceed in this dark time, as he fights the charges, for which he maintains he is innocent. (more)

"Like" a Bridge

This week, a major bridge in Baltimore collapsed. Simon and Garfunkle would be rolling in their graves, which would be a strange occurrence since they are both alive and well-ish at 82 years old each. The bridge that this jarring incident was "like" is the Francais Scott Key Bridge over the Port of Baltimore, where troubled waters swallowed the structure after a shipping boat rammed into a pylon. For some families, they expect a pylon of grief after the loss of six construction workers who are now missing after the bridge collapsed. As of yesterday, the crew in the boat remains on board. Engineers are now examining the design of the bridge to determine a more sound solution as the bridge is rebuilt. But they won't be listening to the works of Paul or Art. After a tragedy like this, I'd expect they'll be listening to the sound of silence. (more)

Only 175 Million Dollars!

The only time anyone has ever celebrated a $175 million bill is when it is 38% of what the bill used to be. Donald Trump, who I'll point out has been relegated to nearly the lowest position in this list of Takes, received a lifeline this week when a panel of judges relieved him of the need to secure a bond the size of his ego (or $454 million for those who need help with the math). The lower burden buys him time to appeal his case and determine if his charges will be reduced or removed altogether, in which case Alina Habba will be able to mock the judge as a part of her professional expertise.

Soon, Trump may be able to pay those bills as Trump Social, also known as Truth Social went public this week after a merger placed the brand in meme stock status. The value fluctuated like Trump’s weight, with his current share value at $3 billion before adjusting for Trumpflation. (more)

Cry Pillow

Mike Lindell has nothing soft to land on after his conspiracy theories have caused him to wake up with less money and a crick in his neck. He’s been facing a defamation lawsuit for months and is now facing an eviction notice from his warehouse where he operates his polyfoam empire. (more)

Sam Bankman Not Freed

The Crypto Criminal was sentenced to 25 years in prison for his fraud conviction, but fortunately time, just like money, is all just something somebody made up. (more)

That's it for this week.

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Have a great weekend!

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