Welcome to a new us.

Good morning friends,

This week, I migrated The Lorem Ipsum to a new platform. From now on, my long form articles and weekly newsletter will all be contained on the same platform. The platform, called Ghost, will also be the home of all other content, including the podcast that doesn't exist. Commenting is enabled on the online version of newsletters, and there is a new email smell.

I hope these changes make you feel welcome. This is basically like the front porch of news content. A place where we can all hang out, probably drink beer, definitely laugh a little, but we'll likely end with a heavy topic that makes us all feel just a little bit awkward.

This update has been a lot of work, and like most things, it's not done yet. Perfect is not the enemy of good this week – broken links are.

For those of you that have previously seen my messages go to spam, well, thanks for caring enough to dig me out. From here on out, you'll be able to find everything right here. Newsletters will be found here as well eventually (all past issues which are still here for the moment).

Welcome to The Lorem Ipsum.

In this week's release:
This week's biggest story is the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard libel case. The verdict is in! But I'll get to that in a minute.

Let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

Week 22 of 2022

• Butts in Seats. Tesla CEO Elon Musk has insisted they're not doing any more remote work. He said to come into the office for 40 hours or quit. Regarding his stalled purchase, Twitter's board has told Elon the very same thing.
• Gas prices are higher than ever. In fact, they're so high they are starting the get the munchies. If we don't pass the Doritos soon, we might be paying to go to work.
• In the Depp v Heard libel case, both were found guilty, but Heard was slapped with a much bigger penalty. Heard was charged with $15 million and Depp will have to give $2 million right back, making Johnny the winner technically, unless losing a finger tip and having to buy new sheets negates the value of his legal winnings.
• Another mass shooting took place, this time in Tulsa at a medical building. Critics against gun reform have suggested they should have locked the doors. Lawmakers still plan to do nothing.
  
  Here's what expert tweet writer Michale Estrin said this week:

• Predicting the Weather. Experts are expecting another economic hurricane. Specifically, JP Morgan Chase CEO, Jamie Dimon, who, like a weather man, could be wrong and still keep his job. Dimon says the war in Ukraine and inflation are mucking up our economic experience. He also said "Wars go bad" so we're thinking he's pretty smart.
• In Ukraine. Ukraine continues to be bombarded by Russia. Yesterday, Ukrainian President Zelensky said that 20% of their land is controlled by the Russian occupiers. While Zelensky has always been positive, this statement sounds more like a "glass one fifth empty" kind of attitude.
• Leaning Out. Facebooks COO and author of Lean In, Cheryl Sandberg will be leaning out. The famous exec announced her departure this week.
  
  For the record, most of us wish we could leave Facebook too.

That's it for the news. Now here's The Gist.

We're Engrossed

The Gist

The moment Amber Heard managed to convince us that pooping in a bed is a reasonable approach to revenge, we’ve been riveted. We’re engrossed like a king on his porcelain throne, deliberating as he issues his edict.

I guess things have changed since the good ole days of the Honeymooners when one could threaten to hit one’s spouse right in the kisser, getting a laugh but never taking a swing. Now we’re captured by episodic cross-examinations about the aftermath of such kisser hittings being carried out.

What happens when domestic and sexual violence becomes our entertainment?

Thanks for reading the all new version of The Lorem Ipsum. Reply anytime with comments, questions, corrections and basically anything that begins with "actually...".

Talk to you soon.

Have a great Weekend!

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