Newsletter Stacking

Trying to cut back on reading? Skip to Election Results

Hey Friends,

Someone is trying to create copycat newsletters to siphon off my supporters.

When winning is simply losing the least, not losing becomes even more important than ever.

Think of it this way. When there's only a total of 1.5 billion English-speaking people to read a newsletter, every member counts. If email reading is a zero-sum endeavor, then every newsletter read by any one of those readers is one less who is reading this one.

An investigative report on the matter has revealed a conspiracy so big and widespread, the likes of which have not been seen other than when the Democrats tried to stack the ballot in Alaska.

And let's not be fooled. The inbox world is coming after me, which means they are coming after you.

Not only are other publications trying to weasel you away, but one has even taken on a similar name. A Lorem Ipsum, which appears to be located here, even purports to go by the same name as this one.

What's worse, it claims to have conspired against me and us, since as far back as 2015, well before June of 2021 when this site was launched.

Further investigation revealed there are even Lorem Ipsum generators found here, here, and here – an apparent plot to trick readers like you into selecting the wrong candidate, instead of the incumbent.

But even a false prophet or doppelganger of prose is no match for the real thing. For lorem ipsum is dummy text. Our name is unique: first name The, last name Ipsum. There can be only one.

If it doesn't bear the seal, with the capitalized The, it is nothing but a placeholder.

Welcome to the real thing.

Let's get to The News.

Your Midterminal

The Midterm elections take place next Tuesday, and the House and Senate both remain in the balance. Pollsters say gas prices are the biggest factor in the race, and in the Oval Office, Trump's gas during working naps is the price the White House Press Corps pays.

In the House, every seat is up for election, and about 17 seats are a toss-up; the odds show a likely Democrat flip of the majority. The Senate is more competitive than it's been in a long time, with seven seats in a toss-up, and most polls forecast in favor of a slim Democrat majority takeover. With the help of my assistant, Claude (who's really more of a friend), I built a dashboard to keep track of the race, and I'm sharing it with you here. The dashboard updates on a regular schedule and helps you see how things are going.

Also included with this email is a blunt object that can be used to bludgeon yourself. Simply grab one while you are reading this email, and slam it repeatedly against your head, although it may be worth it to keep an eye on the count to see if your side wins, to make your final decision on whether to use this feature.

This resource reminds you that this newsletter is really the only one worth paying for. If you appreciate this and want to help me do more of this, you can upgrade by becoming one of our founders, you can leave a tip, or you can hope enough others do in your place, so you don't have to.

Enjoy.

Election Results

Serious Topics. Live Updates.

Bibi Boom

Israel had its latest election as Netanyahu seeks to clinch another term as Prime Minister of Israel and director of the US Department of War. While neither Netanyahu nor his challenger won, neither lost either, leading some to call the Prime Minister a political escape artist after years of opposition. For analysis on Benjamin's performance, we reached out to David Blaine for comment; however, he seems to have disappeared.

Public Stealth

Kennedy moved toward allowing patients access to peptides, injected treatments that have not yet cleared FDA approval for efficacy or safety. Anti-vaccine advocates and supporters of Kennedy were quoted as saying nothing.

A Byte of the Apple

Apple unveiled a laptop with a touchscreen, and a tech writer who came from 2001 to review it called it "the greatest advancement in computer technology since Windows 95." Apple's new CEO, John Ternus, says that after years of designers trying to get people to stop touching their screens, they decided to make it more tempting and ensure that they will not only get fingerprints on it, but also mess up the thing they're working on.

Britches

The Fed held interest rates, only temporarily, as inflation stays the course. Meanwhile, inflation is not only affecting our pocketbooks. It's affecting Trump's actual pockets.

That's it for this week.

Remember: There are a lot of newsletters, but only one 'The Lorem Ipsum' so far. Share this publication with friends before too many people start copying it.

Have a great weekend!