Mitch Cream Sandwich
It's stiff competition out there.
Hey Friends,
If you're frozen stiff, I hope you're also drizzled in caramel.
Otherwise, you might be Mitch McConnell-ing, a verb that refers to what the Senior United States senator from Kentucky is doing right now. Last week, emergency personnel were dispatched to Mitch's address, where one person reportedly administered CPR.
Since his sudden disappearance from the public eye, his staffers have received countless emails from other senators asking about his bourbon collection. In fact, according to one source, Mike Crapo (R-Idaho), Mike Lee (R-Utah), and John Curtis (R-Utah), all members of the Mormon church, are the only ones who haven't expressed an interest. Mitch's bourbon collection is rumored to be so big that only Pete Hegseth could finish it.
Mitch's condition has been in question all week. Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear called on the senator to give an update on his condition. Apparently, amid the speculation that he might even be dead, the famed film director, Guillermo del Toro, released an image of Senator McConnell, which may shed light on his current condition. I'll share a before-and-after image right here. I'll let you be the judge of his condition.
But I understand McConnell. As we age, we all experience more health issues, and it ends up becoming our life. To be honest, I'm starting to like it. I'd almost rather talk about a blood test or the doctor telling me to eat more salt than any business accomplishment I've achieved over the last 30 years.
Mitch is in good hands, though. Because, as a member of Congress, he has the best healthcare in the world. The rest of us? We get something else. That reminds me of one of my favorite pieces of all time. I wrote it back in September of 2021, back when my resting heart rate and a little muscle weakness reminded me to get more potassium.
I wasn't as smart five years ago, and some of the cited data has changed, but I still stand by the core message of this article. We spend more time focusing on managing sick people in a costly system than improving health enough to make life affordable. I'll rewrite it for the modern age. Until then, enjoy the original version.
Daniel Herndon
That's it for this week.
Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is having a bit of a cough right now, but it doesn't feel sick. If you feel comfortable, share a copy with friends, and feel free to wear a mask while you are reading if you are one of those people.
Have a great weekend!
