"Turning Black" (and Never Going Back)

Hey Friends,

Good morning to everyone except me and the people who are taking my labs this morning after several hours of fasting.

At the age of “please also check my cholesterol” years old, all I can think about is burgers and coffee.

Let's get this over with.

But before I pass out, let's get to The News.

Hot Takes

This 31st Week of 2024

Project Twenty Twenty dive

If you think 2,025 projects is a whole lot of projects, try starting a newsletter with a deadline, or worse yet, try doing one project that makes Trump look bad. The odds are that you’ll have to fall on your sword for the cause in either example.

In summary, the Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 is a vision for a complete overhaul of the federal government. Project director Paul Dans (no relation) stepped down Tuesday after blowback from Donald Trump’s campaign.

Fortunately, projects that are complete no longer need directors. But this gives Trump the opportunity to talk about how extreme and terrible the plan is and then come up with his own plan, which is not the same plan but a totally different one where all the ideas are identical, but some phrases are written in ALL CAPS. (more)

The Veeps Veep

Don’t sleep on this heap because it is a steep creep to go beep beep and get the veep or otherwise not hear a peep. At least that's the song Buteigege is singing right now, as he appears to be everywhere, perhaps in a media blitz attempt to get a notice for the Top spot underneath the number two who is running for number one. Or could it be the swing state Governor, Josh Shapiro, in Pennsylvania where the Harris campaign plans to make the VP announcement? All we know is that the race for VP is heating up, and it will take more than a Dr. Kamala Seuss word salad to satisfy her appetite. Mamala Kamala wants to know how your light shines in the halls of Shambala. Kamala says she’ll announce her running mate on Tuesday. (more)

Pot Versus Kettle

And in related news, Donald Trump sat for an interview with the National Association of Black Journalists (some of whom, he says, are black). In a contentious exchange, Trump said that Kamala "just turned into a black person." Well, I need to correct the record on this one. When Donald suddenly showed up to the debates with bronzer on, no one said “he just turned into a tan person.” We knew he had been airbrushed. The ghostly pale circles on his eyes and the note that says “enlarged to show texture” gave it away. It’s just as clear with Kamala. She has been consistently black all along, and everyone knows it. Her Father is black. 2 out of 10 of her pants suits are black. And once you go black, you never go back.

Irregular Eleciones

In Venezuela, which I personally pronounce as "Ben-es-sway-lah¡" with a Hilaria Baldwin-sounding accent, the government run by President Nicolás Maduro has determined that President Nicolás Maduro has won the election, despite 70% of the votes showing up as, “Edmundo González“, the exact same name as his opponent.

In a speech this week, Maduro urged citizens to report anyone who protests his government. So if you will, please tell him that the USA recognized Edmundo González as the legitimate winner.

Tell me if you recognize this. Back in the 80s, Hugo Chavez took over the Venezuelan government running on a populist message, presenting himself as the savior of the people. He built a huge following on a cult of personality, then weakened all the other government institutions, bending them to his will. Then he left only by dying. Now, the government doesn't even have the power to hold the current president accountable for the election results of the office he currently holds. This, my friends, is how democracies fall. (more)

Hamas Ask You A Question

Earlier this week, a clandestine assassination took place in Iran. A bomb smuggled into a guest room months ago killed a key Hamas leader, Ismail Haniyeh when he was visiting for the Presidential nomination. Hezbollah confirmed that one of its senior commanders, Fuad Shukr, had been killed as well, in an Israeli strike on Beirut. A third kill of Hamas leader, Muhammad Deif, was confirmed yesterday. Many believe this will stoke a bigger war, which Iran has been provoking for months. This may Escalate into a bigger war, where Iran is pulling the strings. (more)

Kari Fake News

In Arizona, Kari Lake put her helmet hair to the test, and the people said yes. She won the Senate primaries this week, which has prompted her to pivot to the novel strategy of accepting the results of the election. Lake still hasn't conceded the gubernatorial election from a couple of years back, which means she may soon be a governor and a senator at the same time despite another candidate's votes adding up to a higher number in one of those cases. The win makes her the leading candidate against Democratic Rep. Ruben Gallego. She tells her base that "This is not a battle between Democrats and Republicans but between good and evil." which is translated as a candidate behind a soft focus lens with TV news anchor makeup against someone with policy making experience who has not switched parties three times like her and has raised more money than her. I can understand why she’s so repulsed. (more)

Gershkovich Release

The reporter, Evan Gershkovich, who was trying to take down the Russian government by enjoying their low-priced cabbage, will now be released in a prisoner swap with the US. President Biden announced Evan and three other Amercian's release from unjust imprisonment yesterday. Evan was convicted of espionage after he was caught being an American in Russia. (more)

Bite Size

• Simone Biles became the most decorated gymnast, starting first with her diamond-encrusted teeth, and then by adding to her gold medal wins.

That's it for this week.

Remember: The Lorem Ipsum is better with friends. Although sometimes, it depends on the friends. Choose wisely who you share with.

Have a great weekend!